Key findings

• One in five (18%) women surveyed aged over 50 reported not having a single close friend they can lean on for help, and almost half of women over fifty (48%) feel that they have no one they can talk to, despite having friends. 

• Married women over 50 seem to struggle the most when it comes to friendships, with 31% admitting they don’t have any friends to lean on, compared to those who are single or divorced (23% respectively). 

• When feeling lonely, one in two respondents (50%) “muddle through” on their own rather than reaching out to a friend, partner, or colleague.

• As the respondent categories aged, the less likely they were to rely on healthcare professionals

• 10% of women surveyed aged 42-49’s would seek support from a GP, but only 3.9% of  women surveyed aged 67+ would seek help from a healthcare professional.  

• Similarly, 9.5% of 42-49’s would get support from a therapist, but only 1% of women 67+ report doing so.

Why are women struggling with friendships after 40?

According to Phoebe Adams, co-founder of Connected Women, there are several factors at play. “As women, we invest so much of our lives into our romantic relationships, our children, our careers, and our ageing parents,” she says. “When we finally have time to invest in ourselves, we often feel those friendships have dwindled or disappeared.”

Additionally, despite looking and feeling younger than ever before, we may have forgotten how to build new friendships. “Unlike other times in our lives, where friendship is built on shared experiences – like school, university, work, or chats at the school gate, forming adult friendships can become more elusive the older we get,” explains Phoebe.

Phoebe’s tips for making new friends and expanding your support network as an adult

Seek out enriching communities 

“The secret to making new friends is to put yourself in a situation where you’ll repeatedly have contact with others,” explains Phoebe. “Something like Connected Women, a safe space for women to connect both online and in the real world, provides a relaxed and comfortable environment where everyone is there for the same sole purpose – meaningful connections and long-term friendships.” 

Build a routine

“The more you throw yourself out there, the more comfortable you will get approaching new groups of people and starting conversations,” explains Phoebe. “Whether joining a walking group or book club, consistency in showing up and getting familiar with others in the group is a sure-fire way to establish strong relationships. It’s important to remember that friendships take time, so being consistent and sticking to a routine will help to push things along.” 

Embrace your passions

“Whether you’re an avid reader but have never joined a book club or are a passionate hiker but always go it alone, finding something new within an area of interest to throw yourself into will immediately connect you with others who enjoy similar things as yourself,” Phoebe explains. 

Be vulnerable 

Finally, Phoebe says, it’s OK to be vulnerable. “Setting your intention to make new friendships and sharing this with the people you love will help to foster a supportive community of individuals who will undoubtedly encourage you on your journey.” 

“Maintaining a positive self-image and quiet confidence is essential for midlife women who seek meaningful connections with others. Self-image refers to the beliefs and feelings we hold about ourselves, including our worth and value as individuals. Research has shown that women in this stage of life often desire more friendships but can struggle to know where to begin; that’s why it’s crucial to embrace our individuality when meeting new people. By valuing ourselves and consciously nurturing a positive self-image, we inevitably become more attractive to others – which, of course, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy! It’s never too late to prioritise self-care and establish new and valuable connections.”

The post New Research Reveals Insights into Adult Female Friendships appeared first on Ageless Radiance Club.

Got a friend with benefits you’d rather do without?  Lady Friday’s got all you need to know.

image via pinterest

So let’s say you’ve gone this route, and it’s worked out spectacularly. Good for you, you empowered modern woman. But now – something happens.

Let’s say you meet a person you’d like to be monogamous with. Or you decide to be celibate and devote time to knitting and updating your blog about Kylie Minogue. Or you’re moving to Byron Bay and starting an organic tofu business. Whatever.

It’s time for the bedroom buddy to go bye-bye – but how?

Number one tip: be honest.

Don’t be the girl who just stops answering phone calls and booty texts. Sure, it’s an easy way around the problem, but it’s also kind of cowardly.

Respect in all things, ladies. Even if the gentleman or lady in question was only between the sheets rather than escorting you to the movies, they still need to be treated with integrity.

Call them up. Yes, use the phone. Yes, that thing with buttons your mother uses to harass you. No, not a text. No, not email either, and particularly not Twitter or Texts From Last Night.

The conversation will probably be awkward, so catch them at a time when they’re not going to be surrounded by workmates, friends, colleagues or perhaps some other person they’re romancing.

Be straightforward and tactful. A simple ‘The situation has changed, and I simply can’t see you any more’ is fine. If your friend with benefits is equally possessing in tact, they won’t demand an explanation, but if they do, tell the truth.

No, really. It’ll hurt their feelings much less than if you say you ‘just need to focus on re-aligning your chakras right now’, and then three days later they see you making out with your new partner at a restaurant.

Hopefully you can leave it without acrimony, pain or damaged egos. The one exception to the tell-the-truth rule is if they’d started turning you off in bed. I’ll leave that one to your individual etiquette judgement – but telling somebody they’ve evolved into the bedroom equivalent of a sprained ankle is usually the domain of Serious Girlfriends.

The next step: if you’ve cut them off, hold to that decision. Even if drunk. Even if bored. Don’t get back into a friends-with-benefits situation unless you’re all clear in every other relationship department.

Should you stay friends? Up to you. If you liked hanging out with them and they actually happened to be a decent friend without the benefits attached, give it a go – but if it’s all going to be too ‘I’ve seen you naked’ awkward, be gracious, let it go and move on.

And if they’ve developed feelings for you which they choose to confess – a polite variation of ‘sorry, but tough luck’ is all you need.

Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…

The post Breaking It Off With Your Friend With Benefits appeared first on Ageless Radiance Club.

Pressure and first date anxiety be gone! You can be yourself from the get-go and know that the person you’re connecting with is doing the same. So, when you do meet over that pimped up granola or a walk in the park, or any dry activity you choose, you can be confident, real and build a quality relationship without the boozy regret.

About Megan Luscombe

 Megan Luscombe is a certified Australian life and relationship coach, assisting individuals, couples, and corporates to navigate the complexities of self and love. Megan’s areas of expertise include dating, relationships (platonic/romantic), confidence, communication, and boundaries.

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And if you’re looking to meet someone while sober, avoiding booze-filled scenes altogether, dating apps like the new Hello Tiger allow you to soberly connect with like-minded individuals from the comfort of your own home. With no areas of potential trickery or profile deception thanks to their unique video chat function, daters have a higher chance of authentic conversation and crafting genuine connections.

Pressure and first date anxiety be gone! You can be yourself from the get-go and know that the person you’re connecting with is doing the same. So, when you do meet over that pimped up granola or a walk in the park, or any dry activity you choose, you can be confident, real and build a quality relationship without the boozy regret.

About Megan Luscombe

 Megan Luscombe is a certified Australian life and relationship coach, assisting individuals, couples, and corporates to navigate the complexities of self and love. Megan’s areas of expertise include dating, relationships (platonic/romantic), confidence, communication, and boundaries.

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 And here’s the other thing, it’s easier and not as scary as you might think. In fact, forgoing the alcohol, in many cases, can take a lot of the pressure off being physical on a first date. It also means you can get inventive with your dates, opting for activities outside of a loud, crowded bar where you can actually talk and create a quality connection. Does it mean all your dates need to take place over breakfast or in the park? No way. Bars and restaurants alike are recognising the surge in sober patrons and are creating non-alcoholic cocktails that don’t taste like fruit punch (praise the lord). We’re starting to see exclusively sober bars pop up too. Yes, actual bars that don’t serve alcohol such as Brunswick Aces Bar, Australia’s first non-alcoholic bar based in Melbourne where more than 100 non-alcoholic beers, wines, and cocktails are served up to people who love the idea of going out without the pressure of drinking.

And if you’re looking to meet someone while sober, avoiding booze-filled scenes altogether, dating apps like the new Hello Tiger allow you to soberly connect with like-minded individuals from the comfort of your own home. With no areas of potential trickery or profile deception thanks to their unique video chat function, daters have a higher chance of authentic conversation and crafting genuine connections.

Pressure and first date anxiety be gone! You can be yourself from the get-go and know that the person you’re connecting with is doing the same. So, when you do meet over that pimped up granola or a walk in the park, or any dry activity you choose, you can be confident, real and build a quality relationship without the boozy regret.

About Megan Luscombe

 Megan Luscombe is a certified Australian life and relationship coach, assisting individuals, couples, and corporates to navigate the complexities of self and love. Megan’s areas of expertise include dating, relationships (platonic/romantic), confidence, communication, and boundaries.

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Here’s the thing, tequila bravado aside, deep down we all know that alcohol isn’t necessary when it comes to getting to know someone, but for ages it’s been used as a social crutch to relax us, boost our confidence, and take the edge of that first date anxiety.

 And here’s the other thing, it’s easier and not as scary as you might think. In fact, forgoing the alcohol, in many cases, can take a lot of the pressure off being physical on a first date. It also means you can get inventive with your dates, opting for activities outside of a loud, crowded bar where you can actually talk and create a quality connection. Does it mean all your dates need to take place over breakfast or in the park? No way. Bars and restaurants alike are recognising the surge in sober patrons and are creating non-alcoholic cocktails that don’t taste like fruit punch (praise the lord). We’re starting to see exclusively sober bars pop up too. Yes, actual bars that don’t serve alcohol such as Brunswick Aces Bar, Australia’s first non-alcoholic bar based in Melbourne where more than 100 non-alcoholic beers, wines, and cocktails are served up to people who love the idea of going out without the pressure of drinking.

And if you’re looking to meet someone while sober, avoiding booze-filled scenes altogether, dating apps like the new Hello Tiger allow you to soberly connect with like-minded individuals from the comfort of your own home. With no areas of potential trickery or profile deception thanks to their unique video chat function, daters have a higher chance of authentic conversation and crafting genuine connections.

Pressure and first date anxiety be gone! You can be yourself from the get-go and know that the person you’re connecting with is doing the same. So, when you do meet over that pimped up granola or a walk in the park, or any dry activity you choose, you can be confident, real and build a quality relationship without the boozy regret.

About Megan Luscombe

 Megan Luscombe is a certified Australian life and relationship coach, assisting individuals, couples, and corporates to navigate the complexities of self and love. Megan’s areas of expertise include dating, relationships (platonic/romantic), confidence, communication, and boundaries.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Here’s the thing, tequila bravado aside, deep down we all know that alcohol isn’t necessary when it comes to getting to know someone, but for ages it’s been used as a social crutch to relax us, boost our confidence, and take the edge of that first date anxiety.

 And here’s the other thing, it’s easier and not as scary as you might think. In fact, forgoing the alcohol, in many cases, can take a lot of the pressure off being physical on a first date. It also means you can get inventive with your dates, opting for activities outside of a loud, crowded bar where you can actually talk and create a quality connection. Does it mean all your dates need to take place over breakfast or in the park? No way. Bars and restaurants alike are recognising the surge in sober patrons and are creating non-alcoholic cocktails that don’t taste like fruit punch (praise the lord). We’re starting to see exclusively sober bars pop up too. Yes, actual bars that don’t serve alcohol such as Brunswick Aces Bar, Australia’s first non-alcoholic bar based in Melbourne where more than 100 non-alcoholic beers, wines, and cocktails are served up to people who love the idea of going out without the pressure of drinking.

And if you’re looking to meet someone while sober, avoiding booze-filled scenes altogether, dating apps like the new Hello Tiger allow you to soberly connect with like-minded individuals from the comfort of your own home. With no areas of potential trickery or profile deception thanks to their unique video chat function, daters have a higher chance of authentic conversation and crafting genuine connections.

Pressure and first date anxiety be gone! You can be yourself from the get-go and know that the person you’re connecting with is doing the same. So, when you do meet over that pimped up granola or a walk in the park, or any dry activity you choose, you can be confident, real and build a quality relationship without the boozy regret.

About Megan Luscombe

 Megan Luscombe is a certified Australian life and relationship coach, assisting individuals, couples, and corporates to navigate the complexities of self and love. Megan’s areas of expertise include dating, relationships (platonic/romantic), confidence, communication, and boundaries.

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Sound intimidating? That’s natural. Picture this, you’re meeting someone for the first time at a cafe and no, you’re not there for the bottomless brunch mimosas, you’re there for the caffeine, pimped up granola, and the potential to start something new and exciting with a stranger who could become more.

Dry dating is surging in popularity, particularly post-pandemic, and here’s why. During lockdowns, many people found themselves drinking far more than they had previously, for others, lockdowns caused them to re-evaluate their priorities. Either way, more than ever, people are overly conscious of their health and alcohol consumption., For those used to meeting new people in bars, nightclubs, parties or anywhere alcohol is served, this brings about a whole new frontier of ‘sober’ dating.

Here’s the thing, tequila bravado aside, deep down we all know that alcohol isn’t necessary when it comes to getting to know someone, but for ages it’s been used as a social crutch to relax us, boost our confidence, and take the edge of that first date anxiety.

 And here’s the other thing, it’s easier and not as scary as you might think. In fact, forgoing the alcohol, in many cases, can take a lot of the pressure off being physical on a first date. It also means you can get inventive with your dates, opting for activities outside of a loud, crowded bar where you can actually talk and create a quality connection. Does it mean all your dates need to take place over breakfast or in the park? No way. Bars and restaurants alike are recognising the surge in sober patrons and are creating non-alcoholic cocktails that don’t taste like fruit punch (praise the lord). We’re starting to see exclusively sober bars pop up too. Yes, actual bars that don’t serve alcohol such as Brunswick Aces Bar, Australia’s first non-alcoholic bar based in Melbourne where more than 100 non-alcoholic beers, wines, and cocktails are served up to people who love the idea of going out without the pressure of drinking.

And if you’re looking to meet someone while sober, avoiding booze-filled scenes altogether, dating apps like the new Hello Tiger allow you to soberly connect with like-minded individuals from the comfort of your own home. With no areas of potential trickery or profile deception thanks to their unique video chat function, daters have a higher chance of authentic conversation and crafting genuine connections.

Pressure and first date anxiety be gone! You can be yourself from the get-go and know that the person you’re connecting with is doing the same. So, when you do meet over that pimped up granola or a walk in the park, or any dry activity you choose, you can be confident, real and build a quality relationship without the boozy regret.

About Megan Luscombe

 Megan Luscombe is a certified Australian life and relationship coach, assisting individuals, couples, and corporates to navigate the complexities of self and love. Megan’s areas of expertise include dating, relationships (platonic/romantic), confidence, communication, and boundaries.

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Megan Luscombe, Hello Tiger Relationship Expert

Perhaps it’s the newest buzzword in dating, perhaps you’ve been doing it long before it was a dating term, but whether you’ve ditched alcohol or you’re living sober for religious or health reasons, singles have been giving up liquid courage in favour of making more meaningful romantic connections. Offering the opportunity to meet and connect with someone minus the foggy beer glasses or dreaded hangovers, dry dating is all about getting to know your date without the addition (or regret) of alcohol and I’m totally here for it.

Sound intimidating? That’s natural. Picture this, you’re meeting someone for the first time at a cafe and no, you’re not there for the bottomless brunch mimosas, you’re there for the caffeine, pimped up granola, and the potential to start something new and exciting with a stranger who could become more.

Dry dating is surging in popularity, particularly post-pandemic, and here’s why. During lockdowns, many people found themselves drinking far more than they had previously, for others, lockdowns caused them to re-evaluate their priorities. Either way, more than ever, people are overly conscious of their health and alcohol consumption., For those used to meeting new people in bars, nightclubs, parties or anywhere alcohol is served, this brings about a whole new frontier of ‘sober’ dating.

Here’s the thing, tequila bravado aside, deep down we all know that alcohol isn’t necessary when it comes to getting to know someone, but for ages it’s been used as a social crutch to relax us, boost our confidence, and take the edge of that first date anxiety.

 And here’s the other thing, it’s easier and not as scary as you might think. In fact, forgoing the alcohol, in many cases, can take a lot of the pressure off being physical on a first date. It also means you can get inventive with your dates, opting for activities outside of a loud, crowded bar where you can actually talk and create a quality connection. Does it mean all your dates need to take place over breakfast or in the park? No way. Bars and restaurants alike are recognising the surge in sober patrons and are creating non-alcoholic cocktails that don’t taste like fruit punch (praise the lord). We’re starting to see exclusively sober bars pop up too. Yes, actual bars that don’t serve alcohol such as Brunswick Aces Bar, Australia’s first non-alcoholic bar based in Melbourne where more than 100 non-alcoholic beers, wines, and cocktails are served up to people who love the idea of going out without the pressure of drinking.

And if you’re looking to meet someone while sober, avoiding booze-filled scenes altogether, dating apps like the new Hello Tiger allow you to soberly connect with like-minded individuals from the comfort of your own home. With no areas of potential trickery or profile deception thanks to their unique video chat function, daters have a higher chance of authentic conversation and crafting genuine connections.

Pressure and first date anxiety be gone! You can be yourself from the get-go and know that the person you’re connecting with is doing the same. So, when you do meet over that pimped up granola or a walk in the park, or any dry activity you choose, you can be confident, real and build a quality relationship without the boozy regret.

About Megan Luscombe

 Megan Luscombe is a certified Australian life and relationship coach, assisting individuals, couples, and corporates to navigate the complexities of self and love. Megan’s areas of expertise include dating, relationships (platonic/romantic), confidence, communication, and boundaries.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Megan Luscombe, Hello Tiger Relationship Expert

Perhaps it’s the newest buzzword in dating, perhaps you’ve been doing it long before it was a dating term, but whether you’ve ditched alcohol or you’re living sober for religious or health reasons, singles have been giving up liquid courage in favour of making more meaningful romantic connections. Offering the opportunity to meet and connect with someone minus the foggy beer glasses or dreaded hangovers, dry dating is all about getting to know your date without the addition (or regret) of alcohol and I’m totally here for it.

Sound intimidating? That’s natural. Picture this, you’re meeting someone for the first time at a cafe and no, you’re not there for the bottomless brunch mimosas, you’re there for the caffeine, pimped up granola, and the potential to start something new and exciting with a stranger who could become more.

Dry dating is surging in popularity, particularly post-pandemic, and here’s why. During lockdowns, many people found themselves drinking far more than they had previously, for others, lockdowns caused them to re-evaluate their priorities. Either way, more than ever, people are overly conscious of their health and alcohol consumption., For those used to meeting new people in bars, nightclubs, parties or anywhere alcohol is served, this brings about a whole new frontier of ‘sober’ dating.

Here’s the thing, tequila bravado aside, deep down we all know that alcohol isn’t necessary when it comes to getting to know someone, but for ages it’s been used as a social crutch to relax us, boost our confidence, and take the edge of that first date anxiety.

 And here’s the other thing, it’s easier and not as scary as you might think. In fact, forgoing the alcohol, in many cases, can take a lot of the pressure off being physical on a first date. It also means you can get inventive with your dates, opting for activities outside of a loud, crowded bar where you can actually talk and create a quality connection. Does it mean all your dates need to take place over breakfast or in the park? No way. Bars and restaurants alike are recognising the surge in sober patrons and are creating non-alcoholic cocktails that don’t taste like fruit punch (praise the lord). We’re starting to see exclusively sober bars pop up too. Yes, actual bars that don’t serve alcohol such as Brunswick Aces Bar, Australia’s first non-alcoholic bar based in Melbourne where more than 100 non-alcoholic beers, wines, and cocktails are served up to people who love the idea of going out without the pressure of drinking.

And if you’re looking to meet someone while sober, avoiding booze-filled scenes altogether, dating apps like the new Hello Tiger allow you to soberly connect with like-minded individuals from the comfort of your own home. With no areas of potential trickery or profile deception thanks to their unique video chat function, daters have a higher chance of authentic conversation and crafting genuine connections.

Pressure and first date anxiety be gone! You can be yourself from the get-go and know that the person you’re connecting with is doing the same. So, when you do meet over that pimped up granola or a walk in the park, or any dry activity you choose, you can be confident, real and build a quality relationship without the boozy regret.

About Megan Luscombe

 Megan Luscombe is a certified Australian life and relationship coach, assisting individuals, couples, and corporates to navigate the complexities of self and love. Megan’s areas of expertise include dating, relationships (platonic/romantic), confidence, communication, and boundaries.

The post Dry Dating: Why It’s Trending and What it Means for Your First Date appeared first on Ageless Radiance Club.

Whether you are filling out your resolutions list with diet, finance, or personal goals, the New Year is a great opportunity to reflect on your life and your goals for the year ahead. An important and often neglected area to focus on is intimacy. With this list of 7 bedroom resolutions for the New Year, you can make sure that this year is the best one yet in every area of your life – including the more private side!

Image Via Pinterest

Here are RESCU’s top suggestions for bedroom resolutions this year. Put them on your list as things to try – or just note them down as good ideas — and improve intimacy in 2022.

I will not be afraid to try new things.

Always wanted to get that toy, try that position, venture into that power dynamic or explore that sexual arena? Don’t hold back. Explore wisely, safely and with consent and respect.

I will listen to my partner.

Sometimes people worry so much about whether they’re good enough in bed/the right shape/flexible/able to juggle three tomatoes and a goose that they stop listening to their bedmates. Bad sign.
It doesn’t have to be obeying when they say ‘Stop’ or ‘I don’t want to’. Tune into your partner’s sexual frequency, and respond to their unspoken directives. Listen with your body as well as your ears (I promise it’s less airy-fairy mystical than it sounds).

I will break out of my rut.

Only have a certain variety of positions? Have sex on Wednesdays, Fridays and the select Sunday when there isn’t a game? Spontaneity isn’t a pressure device (a lot of women report feeling strained in their attempts to ‘mix it up’), but do try something a little different.
Go back to things you first did when entering a relationship. Spend more time pleasuring yourself on your own. Wear your partner’s shirt, reinstate lingerie you haven’t worn for a while, or just be extra affectionate. Move from there.

I will get tested.

Even if you’ve been in a relationship for god knows how many years – or just have been comfortably monogamous for a while, even with yourself – it’s wise to get tested. Sexual health is important, and you could be a carrier of something without displaying symptoms.
If it’s been less than six months since your last check-up, you’re probably fine. If not, get it done – it’s generally free, painless and takes a weight off your mind. Also, if you don’t have a birth control regimen set in place, nail that down.

I will feel comfortable with my body.

Surprise – you have stretch marks, cellulite, saggy bits, wobbly bits, bruised bits, bits that don’t exactly fall symmetrically, and hair in odd places. Congratulations! You’re a woman!
Letting go of your body hang-ups can sometimes be as simple as finding a bedroom partner or two who adore everything with which you present them – but it’s got to start with you. Hang around naked. Try on tight clothes. You’re a lovely being, so shut up with the self-deprecation and put on a corset.

I will spoil myself, but not need fancy toys or lingerie to have a good time.

Women of quality (which you are) deserve a little pampering now and then, but we also don’t need expensive things to make us feel like sexual beings.
Indulge wisely, safely and with discretion and restraint. (Mind you, I say this as a person who has so much lingerie I may need to buy another chest of drawers.) By all means, buy the Coco De Mer beauties or the Maison Close delectables – but always feel good just in your own naked skin, too.

I will have fun.

What with all the self-help manuals, columns (sorry), quizzes and frantic advertisements hitting us all in the face, it seems like sex can be less fun and more of a chore. Guess what? It’s one of the silliest things adults do. 
For god’s sake, find somebody who thinks the whole sex thing as ridiculous and light-hearted and charming as you do – and lighten up. You’re rolling around in sheets, not plotting a Mars mission.

Happy New Year!

The post 7 Bedroom Resolutions For The New Year appeared first on Ageless Radiance Club.

We all know that men and women are inherently different, especially when it comes to relationships. One common difference that can cause strain in any relationship is that men often ask for space, which can be unnerving for women as we are left wondering “What is on his mind?” To help us navigate this uncertain situation, speaker and facilitator of consciousness and change, Dr Dain Heer, shares three tips for giving a man space.

    Image Via Pinterest

Most women desire to talk a lot more than men, especially if they have stress or a problem going on in their life. They like to discuss in depth and express what is going on for them, and this allows them to get more clarity and ease with the things that they are dealing with.

Men are often very different from women. When a man has something going on in his life, a problem or something on his mind, he requires space. He requires time alone in his cave.

Men tend to withdraw or become preoccupied. They often need to shut out everybody else in order to figure things out. In fact, until the problem is figured out in their head, they don’t often feel like they can let anybody else in to talk about it.

This is when women tend to take it personally, or take it as a sign that their partner doesn’t care about them. Let me assure you, this is not what is going on.

When you see a man retreat, please don’t mistake this to mean that your partner doesn’t care about you, or that there is a problem in the relationship, or that you somehow are a part of the problem.

What if you aren’t wrong? What if your partner isn’t wrong and you are just seeing your difference at play here? What if giving your man space could be a good thing?

Here are 3 tips for giving your man space:

1. Don’t take it personally.

Please know, it isn’t about you! Even if you think it’s about you. Even if your partner snaps at you, it’s not about you. Please don’t judge yourself, and don’t judge your partner.

It can be difficult for a man to be close and loving with those he cares about when he has something going on that he has not yet figured out how to handle. Historically, men have been expected to be the problems solvers in life, so they believe that is what their job is and can take it very seriously.

Please realise that from his point of view, he is trying to do his job, and you aren’t doing anything wrong.

2. Give him the space he needs for as long as he needs it.

If you are willing to allow a man the space he needs at times of stress, he will come back to you and when does, he will be more loving with you than ever. When a man needs to withdraw, it does not mean your relationship is getting worse! If you give a man space to work out his issues and not require him to talk to you about it, especially if talking things out is not comfortable for him to do, the relationship will ultimately get better and he will know that you love him more than any woman he has ever met.

3. Get what you need from those who are able and willing to provide it.

Women are taught that the best thing to do is talk about everything, which is why they love to get together with friends and family and have long, intense conversations. Women feel better when they can off-load it all!   If you need to talk and your man is not talkative – take the burden off him (remember, he thinks if you come to him with a problem, he has to solve it!) and off of you by having some really good girlfriends, or close people that you can talk with and get support the way that works for you.

We all have differences, and we all benefit from having multiple sources of support and nurturance in our lives. Not expecting yourself to fulfil all of your partner’s needs, not expecting your partner to fulfil all of yours and not making either one of you wrong for your differences frees up both of you to just be yourselves and enjoy each other! When stress or problems come up in your relationship, what if it didn’t have to mean that your relationship was getting worse? What if it just was an indication that things were changing? What if that change, if you allow the space for it, could lead to a greater relationship than you could ever imagine?

Want to respark your Relationship? RescuMe Academy’s Reignite Your Relationship with Relationship Therapist, Annie Gurton will reconnect you and your partner on a whole new level.

Watch what you will learn from the course below.

The post Giving A Man Space In Your Relationship appeared first on Ageless Radiance Club.

Boundaries are beneficial in everyone’s lives; they help define you. They specify what you like and what you don’t like, and how close people can approach you at a physical level. At an emotional level, they separate your feelings from another’s feelings. Now more than ever, it is important to set boundaries while we continue to work from home and our children learn remotely, days can become stressful, and you might need a five-minute break. We understand the importance of boundaries more than ever; that’s why we have come up with four steps to setting boundaries.  

Looking at that list, where do you think you find it difficult to set boundaries? And where do you think you might challenge other people’s boundaries? At a physical level, some people just come too close, but that’s usually not an issue for your partner and kids.  With our immediate family, we usually like and encourage closeness, and boundaries are not usually required.

On a personal level, you are probably happy to discuss most things except the most intimate with your children, and your partner probably knows as much about you as you do yourself.

The challenge usually comes in the sphere of emotional boundaries.  How much responsibility to take for others (with kids it very age-dependent), and how far do we sacrifice our own needs to enable others to get their needs met (again, with children, it depends on their ages).

It’s also hard if we have a partner whose respect of boundaries does not match our own.  You might think it’s normal and courteous to knock on the bathroom door when your partner is in there, but they might think its fine to come right in without knocking when you feel you need and expect privacy.  

Some partners want more connected time than we do.  Or yours might want less than you do.  It’s a fine balance to find – lots of time hugging, kissing and touching, versus individual time reading, relaxing, or working.  Or just thinking.  Some of us need time in the day just to daydream, and it can be unsettling if you find your partner wants every spare moment to be used connecting, eye-gazing or cuddling.

Kids naturally have a completely different idea of boundaries – or to be more precise, no boundaries at all. From when they are little they assume that our time is their time and that we are constantly interested and fascinated by them. If, even for a moment, they realise that their adult caregivers do not prioritise them they can feel hurt and neglected. It’s a big responsibility that parents have, to ensure that their children feel attended to because it means that we have to hide our boundaries and needs. On the other hand, teaching children resilience involves teaching them that the adults around them are not interested in them every moment, and that’s OK.

Some people are taught that putting the needs of others above their own is an important way to be in the world. They learn to get their self worth by reflecting themselves in the lives of others. When this doesn’t always work out, and they find that others are not interested in them, or being a super-carer doesn’t deliver the feel-good they expect, they can end up in the therapy room describing themselves as having low self-worth, useless and without friends.

Rather than find our self worth from our relationships with others, we need to find value in who we are. Rather than seeking to feel good in relation to our partners and kids, we need to be able to feel good by knowing that we are behaving in accordance with our own true self and authentic being.  This means being able to look after our children without feeling that we are failing them or us, and we can live with our partner without sacrificing an authentic sense of ourselves.  It means knowing that you are good enough and that you are entitled to feel, think, and be an independent person in the world.

Setting boundaries is not always easy. We need to have parents who demonstrated how good and healthy boundaries are defined and maintained. Not everyone has that. Often we are left feeling frustrated and confused when we try to set boundaries with our partners and children, and they are not respected.  It’s important to be able to tell someone that they have crossed a line – not to do so will lead to resentment on your part, and confusion on theirs. So clarity is important, trying to avoid mixed messages. 

The only way to set better boundaries is by practising how to tell someone that they have crossed yours.

Examples of Boundaries:

– I’m cool with us all following each other on social media, but not with sharing passwords

– I need quiet time to myself every day

– I want the kids around me, but I also need time to myself

– I want the family to be relaxed but we also need to be respectful and polite to each other

– Everyone needs to take responsibility for some household chores – I am not going to do everything

Four Steps to Setting Boundaries

1. Become aware and define your rights. 

You are entitled to have your own thoughts, feelings, space, friends, and beliefs, and to have your own opinions, time and money. Be aware of your:

– Intellectual worth and boundaries (you are entitled to your own thoughts and opinions, as are others)

– Emotional worth and boundaries (you are entitled to your own feelings and views to a given situation, as are others)

– Physical worth and boundaries (you are entitled to your space, however wide it may be, as are others)

– Social worth and boundaries (you are entitled to your own friends and to pursuing your own social activities, as are others)

– Spiritual worth and boundaries (you are entitled to your own spiritual beliefs, as are others)

2. Know your edges

Know how far others can go before you begin to feel uncomfortable, and define them.  Notice them, and be specific in what you are comfortable with, and what makes you feel uncomfortable.   The boundary definitions will change over time, so be prepared to amend them.

3. Be assertive.  

Creating and stating boundaries is great, but it’s the follow-through that counts. The only way to truly alert others that your boundaries have been crossed is to be direct with them. Being assertive, particularly if you are unaccustomed to doing so, can be scary.

Start small with something manageable and build up your assertive skill to larger tasks like these:

– Is your partner asking you to do something that you really don’t want to do?  Tell them calmly and firmly that you don’t want to do it, and are not going to do it.

– Is your partner pushing his or her domestic chores onto you? Remind them that you are busy with your own work, and suggest that the two of you are working as a team and that means both pulling their weight equally.

– Did a teenager do or say something to hurt you? Explain why their words or actions hurt you, and suggest the way you’d like things to be between you.

– Does a child want you to continue to read to them long after you want to stop and have a glass of wine?  Be firm about Mummy’s need for her own time, and encourage them to be self-soothing.

– Does your partner want to have sex and you just don’t feel like it?  Be firm about your need to be engaged and willing, and say its OK to say No sometimes.  (If they sulk, that may require professional intervention.)

– Does your partner want you to be ready to talk to them all the time, regardless of what you are doing?  Be firm in explaining that you are not always available for them, but will be available at such-and-such a time. 

4. Persist and grow stronger.  

It’s not easy to change your ways and do something and be in the world in a way that is utterly alien to the way you have been taught to be, or have learned to be. It takes small steps, low expectations, and the ability to persevere. There will be knock-backs and times when you feel overwhelmed because your boundaries have once more been invaded, but aim to bounce back and continue being assertive in quiet ways. You need to be resilient in creating and holding firm to your boundaries.

By affirming your boundaries means that you value yourself, your needs, and your feelings more than the thoughts and opinions of others. Being assertive does not mean that you are unkind, it only means that you are being fair and honest with them (and, thus, kind to them in the long run), while maintaining your peace, dignity, and self-respect.

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Being in lockdown can be a difficult time already for some without any added pressure, but when you’re with someone 24/7, this can heighten some emotions. Many people are finding that their relationships are at some breaking point, but we are here to offer strategies on how you can deal with arguments in close spaces.

In normal circumstances, one or both go to work and works acts as a circuit breaker in conflicts.  In the past when a disagreement started to arise, one or the other left the house for 7 or 8 hours or more, and when they come back together the heat is gone from the rupture. Then, usually, the couple is able to talk calmly. Not any more. There is no place to hide, no place to go, and your beloved’s smallest habits become highly irritating.  Suddenly, the way they eat, the way they drink, even the way they breathe, can become things that drive you crazy.

It’s a normal response.  For the most amiable among us, these are testing times.  And for many, there are new, added stressors like worries about whether you even have a job, whether you’re going to run out of money and not be able to pay the rent — big things which are major concerns.  Having these on top of being irritated by the other’s existence leads to a volatile and unpredictable time.

Rescu. Me Academy’s Reignite Your Relationship Course is here to help. Click here to start now.

The worrying thing though is incidents of that domestic violence and abuse have risen sharply since the pandemic began. For some, it is an escalation of abuse that has been going on for a while, for others it is something new.  Most often domestic abuse is subtle and comes in the form of criticism, blaming, shaming or humiliation.  Sometimes it is ‘stonewalling’ or giving the ‘silent treatment’ which affects people differently.  For some, the silent treatment is quite alarming and reminds them of childhood feelings of abandonment or bullying.  In the confined space of a unit or house, being subjected to these abusive behaviours can feel overwhelming.  I am hearing of couples who are arguing like never before.

I have to assume that the couple is reasonably mature and want the situation to change. They have to want to start to do things differently and be willing to back off for a time. Within 24 hours maximum, the couple can begin to discuss things again.

Strategies for dealing with an argument in a close space:

1.         Agree on a code of behaviour.  When a safe place is employed, the argument needs to stop.  You should also have a hand signal, like a ‘time-out’ sign, which means that both stop.  No talking, no shouting, all of the argument goes on hold.  Take time to calm down.

2.         Designate safe areas to each other.  The first thing to do is to assign safe areas of the home to each other so that you each have a space they can go to where you can trust the other not to invade or attack them.  For as much as we are social creatures, we also need privacy and safety; if we don’t have those two things we will feel more hurt and vulnerable.

You need to agree that when the other is in the bedroom, living room, or on a certain chair or space, they are safe and protected against an ongoing conflict.  At the same time, the one who retreats to that space can’t continue an argument or lob grenades at the other.   

3.         Recognise emotion. As you calm down, try to recognise the other’s emotions at this time.  Try and cross an imaginary bridge into their world, and think what has upset them.  Recognising this does not minimise or diminish your hurt or frustration.

4.         Set a time when the discussion will re-start. When that time comes, sit so that you can look each other in the eye.  Standing feels unsafe because the other can leave at any time, and avoiding eye contact does not feel safe either. It’s important to make and hold eye contact.

5.         Decide who will go first in expressing themselves.  This person is the ‘sender’ and the other the ‘receiver’ for about 10 minutes.  The receiver needs to simply mirror what they hear the sender say.  The sender ‘sends’ in short bursts of information – we have an 8-second short term memory, so don’t overload the receiver with too many words.  Just say what is upsetting you, stop and allow the receiver to mirror.  Keep to one subject at a time.   Then the receiver will summarise the essence of what they have heard, and ask if they’ve heard correctly.  Then the receiver will say what makes sense to them in that.  Saying what makes sense to them doesn’t mean that they agree with it, or that they don’t have a different point of view.  The receiver shows empathy for the sender’s point of view.

6.         Remember that quality trumps quantity.  So when you are spending all your time in the same home, set aside quality time to be with your partner and nurture your relationship.  You may not be able to go out on dates but you have the opportunity to learn more about what your partner is like, their history and backstory, and get creative –  dress up for dinner, play board games or do jigsaws together, watch movies together, do online yoga, and if you can get out of the house to exercise, go on walks together.

7.         Take time apart.  It’s important to have private time, and ideally have private space in the home.  Take time in the bathroom, use a headset to listen to podcasts or talk to friends online, alone.   Some couples find that having a designated timetable for ‘alone time’ and ‘shared time’ works well, partly because it replaces the structure that works brings with a new pattern.

8.          Establish a routine.  We are creatures of habit and one of the disconcerting things about this current isolation is the loss of routine.  Have a timetable that includes meals (this also helps stop the tendency to snack more than usual).

9.        Be kind to each other.  Recognise that this is an unusual and difficult circumstance, and it will pass.  Try and be the best and sweetest version of yourself, and Remember:  You can be right, or you can be in a relationship!

Annie was recently featured in a Manly Social video interview on surviving lockdown with your partner. Watch the video below to get her expert advice.

Rescu. Me Academy’s Reignite Your Relationship Course is here to help. Click here to start now. 

Annie Gurton is available for online couples sessions.  Book yourself in through her online booking system at www.anniegurton.com   

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We all know someone, possibly yourself even, who has stayed in a relationship far longer than was healthy and in time looked back and thought, ‘what was I thinking?’

Some people also leave relationships perhaps too hastily and regret it later, and think, ‘That person was so lovely, and the relationship had so many upsides, why did I let it go?’

Knowing when to stay in a relationship and when to go is often a difficult decision to make. There are a number of issues that, while serious, can be overcome and allow your relationship to continue to grow in a healthy way. However, there are also situations which are absolute no-brainers, where it would be foolish and self-destructive to stay with your partner.

When to let go

The first, and most important reason to leave, is abuse. As anyone who has been in an abusive relationship will testify, abuse often starts slowly, almost invisibly.  Its like you are a frog in a pot of water set to boil. As first it feels uncomfortable, and looking back you can see some warning signs, but before you know it you are unhappy, feeling like rubbish and still making excuses or thinking that things will change.  

Abuse comes in many forms.  In some ways physical abuse is easier to deal with because you can see the bruises, bashes and black eyes.  Its all too clear, and family and friends can see them too.

But the more subtle forms of abuse are equally painful and humiliating.  The control, the financial or emotional bullying and the constant undermining may be invisible, but they are just as corrosive and toxic.

It’s a question people often think:  ‘Why does she stay with him?’ (although there are female perpetrators too) and the answer is complex.  Often it just boils down to the fact that she has love for her partner. But the damage is long term and often is an echo of what was experienced in childhood – therefore it is familiar, and the idea of giving up on him is unconscionable. But if you are in a relationship where you are not respected, you don’t feel loved and you are not honoured, you should be seriously thinking about leaving.

When to consider your options

For many, one of the top reasons to leave a relationship is infidelity.  There are some basic agreements in most relationships and sexual loyalty is usually right up there as a deal-breaker.  Especially if it is not the first time, and it comes with secrecy and humiliation. Sometimes a partner is unfaithful because they are unhappy in the relationship and doesn’t know how to express it.  They are afraid of starting that conversation and don’t know how to get the love they want.

Paradoxically, if the couple is able to talk about things and deep, permanent changes can be made, the couple can embark on a new version of their relationship.  I have seen many couples who have recovered after an affair and found their relationship stronger and more connected than ever. But, for many couples, knowing that their partner has been unfaithful is the end of the story.  It’s a break of trust, a collapse of what kept them together, a rupture in their connection, or too much to navigate. It’s often the time to leave, although I am always keen to see couples who want to make their relationship stronger after an affair and don’t necessarily see it as the end.

Similarly, addiction and substance abuse is usually a reason to think about leaving.  If your partner has started gambling, using class one drugs, drinking to excess, or has started engaging in behaviours which are alien to your values and beliefs and they show no signs of wanting to stop, then your only course is to end the relationship.  If they are not willing to change or they cannot change, you don’t have to feel sorry for them. You are in a relationship to be someone’s partner, not to be their therapist. Maybe you leaving will force them to realise it’s time to make some serious adjustments in their life.  

If that sounds harsh – think about the times when it feels like there are three in this relationship – you, your partner and the addiction. The addiction, whatever it may be, becomes such a powerful and overwhelming personality that it can take over and the relationship loses its power and connection. It’s not a time for shame, blame or criticism, but a time to really reflect on what the relationship has become. Ask yourself, is this really what you want?

If your partner sincerely wants to change, then make sure they are seeing a therapist and they are trying their hardest to reform.  However, like with infidelity, when a partner’s addiction begins during a relationship it may be because they are unhappy and are not getting their needs met. They are usually unable to see that and use the addiction as a cry for help. So, as with infidelity, it may be worth giving them the benefit of the doubt and a chance to change before calling it a day.

Overcoming your relationship problems

Just as each of those three examples – abuse, infidelity and addiction –  can be reasons to leave a relationship, they are also all things that can be overcome, and the relationship can go on to be better and stronger than ever before.  We all know couples whose relationships have survived these crises, or others such as drifting apart, not feeling the love anymore, being criticised and disrespected, deception, or there’s no connection or communication is poor.  These are all issues that manifest in my therapy room.

Sometimes, if there are children or other factors for trying really hard to get the relationship back into the loving zone, its worth overcoming an initial feeling that this relationship is over for one last effort with a therapist, but only do that if you are committed to making changes.  Don’t bother to go to a therapist if, in your heart of hearts, you know its already over and you are already halfway out of the door.

If the couple wants to do the work, nothing is insurmountable, but it requires acceptance that there is a problem and a commitment to doing the work and changing.  Often that’s a painful process with hard work involved, requiring a look at some parts of your history that you hoped you’d never have to go to again. It may involve uncovering things that you didn’t even realise were there and still affecting you.  

But, as you move from an Unconscious to a Conscious Relationship, you will learn more about your partner and yourself, learn what motivates them, and what parts of them have been hidden since they were children.  The result is a stronger connection, better communication, and a joyous aliveness which will make you both laugh, smile and feel happy. What more could anyone ask?

Annie Gurton has created a powerful course specifically to help heal broken relationships and to give you the tools to reignite the passion that is now replaced by anger, jealousy, arguments and distance.  Take her powerful love quiz now to see where you are in your relationship. Find out more on how you can Reignite Your Relationship with Annie Gurton here.

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Self-love, as the polite term goes, is one of the healthiest sexual acts on the planet. By really getting to know your body and your libido in your own time and space, you can understand what turns you on.

However, some women feel a bit uncomfortable or strange without a partner to help them along, or you may be in the habit of rushing through the experience of pleasuring yourself, rather than savouring it. If that’s you, it’s time to re-discover the art of self-love with these tips and tricks for making pleasuring yourself a fun, sexy experience.

Image VIA Pinterest

Set the scene.

If you’re just lying in bed in your cotton pyjamas with the noise of traffic, no wonder it’s difficult to feel sexy. The mood is important whether or not you’re with a partner. Make it a special occasion – pretty lingerie, nice sheets, a glass of wine. Treating yourself right should be the most fundamental part of your sexual practice.

Focus using sound.

Silence can be helpful for meditation, but for women, who are especially sensitive to their surroundings, it can make self-pleasuring slightly more awkward. Put on music you find inspires sensual thoughts (I know I sound like a New Age lunatic but bear with me).

Goldfrapp’s soothing vibe, pounding techno, jazz standards – whatever puts you in a slightly more slinky frame of mind. There’s no absolute standard of taste, though if you don’t live alone, try to keep your Sexy Music down.

Go underwater.

There are brilliant sex toys for bathtime and warm water is soothing and lubricating, making it the perfect time to play with the shower massage or your favourite waterproof toy, and reach an earth-shattering orgasm on your own.

Use a toy or two.

Speaking of toys – if you’re just not getting there using your hands, integrate some other materials. You’re a grown-up now and no longer need to hump pillows, either. The range of vibrators on the market is truly staggering, ranging from a tiny lipstick-sized number to take to work to a G-spot version.

And then, of course, there’s the famous dual-stimulation Rabbit, if you know exactly what you want and don’t want any messing around. Experiment and invest.

Find your G-spot.

If you don’t know where it is, one: seriously? and two: do some research and locate it. (It’s easily found if you crook your finger inside yourself as if you’re beckoning something – a soft pad under your fingertip filled with nerve endings). Believe me, you’ll really, really benefit.

Alternate.

If you’re always doing the same thing, stop! Work out a combination that really works for you – fingers, toys, inside, outside, rhythm, lube – but always keep experimenting. You never know, you might find something truly spectacular just around the bend. And the good thing about being on your own – no judgement from anybody.

One word: beads.

Mardi Gras beads, that necklace you never use – they have a purpose you may not have thought of before. Rub them up and down – slowly, and with lube – and enjoy the ride. Maybe keep your Bvlgari in the safe for this one, though.

Don’t feel pressured.

If you honestly don’t have much of a sex drive outside of partnered sex, and you still have plenty of fun, don’t feel like masturbation is an obligation. It’s only to satisfy an urge, after all. You’re not a freak if you just don’t feel like it.

Lady Friday xx
Taking pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…

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