This incident at the Hunt Valley Swim Club is the latest to spark a race-related debate. Earlier this month the club rescinded the invitation as well as refunded the money of an inner city summer camp prohibiting them from swimming at the pool for the remainder of the summer. Many of the children from the camp are African American or Latino.

Although the club has denied this was a case of racism, insisting instead, it was a space issue in the pool, the comments made on television by John Duesler the swim club president seem to prove otherwise:

“There is a lot of concern that a lot of kids would change the complexion . . . and the atmosphere of the club.”

Whether you think this was an act of racism, as the camp alleges or not, as the swim club asserts, I hope we can all appreciate the wisdom and insight spoken from one of the kids involved:

“I didn’t understand because we’re all the same. We’re just a different color,” said 9-year-old camper Kevina Day Morris.

1. A quick but sloppy response: an accurate perception is sacrificed for speed. Speed is what makes our emotions so helpful at protecting us from danger, and so harmful (when the danger is imagined).

2. Feelings come first: then we realize what happened. Our feelings seem to happen to us. We can practice ways of intervening but strong feelings have biological pathways that will always precede thought.

3. Our emotions often have a childlike logic and can contain symbolic meanings. This is why it is impossible to argue with someone “possessed” by an emotion. It is also why deciphering the meaning of an emotion can be so difficult.

4. Strong feelings are often a reaction to past events– not present realities. Taking time to understand these emotions can help us identify the unconscious thoughts (from the past) that are still driving our behavior (and reactions).

5. Our perception of reality is based on the emotion we are feeling. Even our memories can shift as we seek “proof” and “justification” for our reactions. Even though we may be very wrong in our assessments, strong feelings can leave us convinced of their accuracy.

How would you describe the experience of being overtaken by an emotion?

Laura Lewis-Barr is a Development Dimensions International Certified trainer and a Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence Certified trainer. Laura has been teaching communication skills for over 15 years. Her specialties include: dynamic presentation skills, emotional intelligence, time management, conflict resolution, and customer service.

Zappos an electronic commerce company and online retailer specializing in footwear is such a company. Their goal is to offer the best customer service in the industry. CEO Tony Hsieh knows that the way to achieve that objective is to focus on core values and company culture. Clearly he is on to something. Zappos grossed $1 billion in 2008, up from $1.6 million in 2000, the year Hsieh became CEO. 

Zappos has 10 stated core values. The word respect does not appear in any of them. From my perspective that is not what is important. What matters is whether or not their business practices demonstrate respect and there is no doubt in my mind that they do.

Tony Hsieh describes Zappos as a culture that is “driven by the employees, not by me”. Their core philosophy is summed up by a simple phrase that flows from a respectful perspective. “People may not remember exactly what you did or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.” The desired outcome is happy customers and happy employees, and there is no doubt that disrespectful behaviour will not produce that outcome. 

The culture at Zappos is designed to build empowerment and trust. Employees decide what will make them happy at work, and can do whatever it takes to make their customers happy as well. They are trained to show customers that they genuinely care about them and are empowered to do whatever it takes to ensure that happens. If an employee decides that to make a customer happy, he or she should send them flowers, they can go ahead and do that.

Trust develops through business practices that model transparency and openness. Hsieh works in a cubicle.  His thinking was that if he truly wanted employees to know that he embraced the idea of an open door policy, it would be simpler to just get rid of the doors and work among the employees and be part of the conversations on a daily basis. His yearly salary is $36,000.

Each year the company puts out a culture book intended to give employees the opportunity to express what the corporate culture means to them. Other than spelling mistakes, the book is completely unedited. It is a public document.  Anyone that wants a copy of the book can simply ask for one. Prospective employees receive a copy so that they can decide if the culture will be a good fit for them.

While Zappos has a very distinct corporate culture, their philosophy and business practices are consistent with those embraced by companies like Four Seasons Hotels, one of the employers of choice featured in my book Road to Respect: Path to Profit. Four Seasons is a company whose culture is based on the Golden Rule – treat others as you would like to be treated. Founder Issy Sharp embraced respect as a core value to create a culture where employees would feel as valued as the guests they served.

As the old saying goes, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.  At Zappos they don’t talk about respect but they sure act respectfully. And that is all that matters in my book. 

Erica Pinsky, B.A., M.Sc, CHRP, is an engaging and inspirational speaker, author and consultant working with organizations to build respectful and inclusive workplace cultures that attract and retain quality employees. Creative, dynamic and results oriented,  Erica is passionate about promoting workplace cultures where employees feel engaged, comfortable and focused on their jobs in an environment free from discrimination, harassment, bullying and destructive conflict. Erica’s new book, Road to Respect, Path to Profit gives companies a road map to success in today’s challenging business climate.

Earlier this year Paul was interviewed for a story in Inside Business magazine about how to respectfully lay off employees.

His latest article as a featured expert on respectful layoffs appeared in the business section of the Cleveland Plain Dealer on Sunday, June 21, 2009.

The Difficult and Delicate Job of Laying Off Employees: Though Workers are Most Affected, Managers, Company Feel Impact
By Marcia Pledger

When Lloyd Buckwell accepted a new job last year, he knew he would have to lay people off.

Knowing it didn’t make it any easier.

“You’re trying to build and right-size an organization so it will survive, but at the same time, you’re dealing with people’s lives,” said Buckwell, who was involved in about 1,000 layoffs as director of human resources for Wastequip Inc., in Beachwood.

“It’s always personal,” Buckwell said. “I’ve had to be in the room as people are calling their spouses saying, I just lost my job. I’m coming home.’ ”

As the recession has lingered, hundreds of bosses like Buckwell have found themselves in the uncomfortable position of telling employees they’re losing their jobs.

How they handle the task could be one of the most important decisions they make in their working lives. It obviously has the most effect on the laid-off employee, but it also carries implications for remaining workers, the company’s reputation and the manager’s own emotional well-being.

And there’s no good way to do it. But some ways are better than others.

(Read the Entire Article)

According to Michelle Bender, Adam’s mother:

“Adam has helped other kids see that a person with a disability can be fun to hang out with, and play with, and they can still be a part of a community or part of a team. It’s developed the kids’ compassion, and if he can inspire even one family to allow their kid to try something they normally might not try, that’s great.”

Watch Adam playing baseball.

1. Respect Starts At The Top
A company’s culture is one of its most important assets. Culture plays a role in helping to attract the best talent and it is absolutely vital to engaging, developing and retaining that talent.

2. Rules for Respectful Engagement
At the beginning of each Respectful Workplace program we lead, we ask participants to agree to 10 “Rules of Engagement”.

3. Multiple Generations Working Together
Last week we had a lively blog discussion on generational differences. With four generations (Traditionalists, Baby Boomers, Gen Xers, Millennials) currently in the workforce, each group brings their own set of attitudes and values based on their generation’s experience.

4. The Art of Being Wrong
Every day brings a myriad of opportunities to increase our awareness, wisdom and, ultimately, effectiveness. The problem is that most of us walk right past these opportunities because of a little glitch in our mental “software.”

5. What a Respectful Workplace Looks Like
So how do we know what respect in the workplace should look like? During our facilitated respect workshops, one of the first activities we ask participants to complete is to explore how they perceive respect.

Tell us which one of our posts from last year was your favorite? Why?

What’s the Value of Diversity?       

Of course, we can all agree that having people from different races and genders is supposed to be a good thing. Isn’t that what companies on the diversity bandwagon are after?  But why is there such a focus on only race and gender?

Is it the easiest, or just the most salient? And if difference is a good thing, then how do you (or rather we) explain why these diversity initiatives often fizzle out, defy a positive ROI, or even worse – are the cause of interpersonal conflict and tension at work?

I believe it’s because we don’t understand the true value of diversity. Think for a moment about how we define diversity – it’s about all the ways we’re different. So is difference good or bad? Well, difference must be good because diversity is good. But wait! Do you really like difference? If you’re a meat and potatoes person, do you really want to eat sushi? If you’re a PC person, do you even want to think about using a Mac? No!! Generally, human beings don’t like difference. It’s work to deal with difference. So then why is it valuable?

If you can deal with difference and be comfortable with it, then you’re more competent, whether you’re an individual or an organization. Imagine you’re a CEO planning to enter a new market. Would you rather have one unchallenged idea, or multiple (diverse) perspectives that take into account the pros and cons of all the strategies? Sure it’s more work to think through all the pros and cons, but isn’t it worth it in the end? Difference becomes valuable when we can deal with the differences and they no longer scare us. Once we can work a PC and a Mac, we are that much more adept. Once we’ve considered all the strengths and flaws of our plan, we are more successful. Once race, gender, age, etc. are non-issues and no longer scare or distract us, we are more capable - and most importantly, we’re free to seek out additional differences to diversify our information base. 

Now let’s take this a step further. What if an entire organization was made up of people who not only appreciated, but sought out diverse opinions? The CEO would consistently ask the senior leadership team their advice even though they saw things differently or disagreed with the CEO; the mailroom staff member would be invited to offer reactions to the new product prototype; the manager who says “we’ve always done it this way” would instead ask about what ideas we have to make it better.

To appreciate diversity, the question becomes how do we get ourselves to the point where we:

1. Are comfortable with difference.
2. Seek out difference.
3. Know what to do with it when we find it.

Chetan Borkhetaria is an Organizational Development & Learning Consultant with experience in healthcare and retail, based in Chicago, IL. His roles include coach, instructional designer, facilitator, and devil’s advocate. Chetan’s areas of interest include systemic change, emotional intelligence, strengths-based leadership, communication efficacy, process improvement, and interpersonal dynamics. He has a BA in Psychology & Economics from Indiana University and a MBA from Case Western Reserve University. Connect with him on LinkedIn.

My question is:  what comes after “diversity”?

I encourage readers to go back to elementary school and recall when your teacher taught you about nouns and verbs.  As I recall, nouns are words that name persons, places, things or ideas.  A verb is a word that usually denotes an action, it’s a doing word.  So what does this have to do with diversity?  I would argue that in order for an organization to be effective with their diversity initiatives, diversity has to become a verb.  I would like to introduce the concept of inclusion.  In my words, inclusion is about our individual behaviors that foster respect, appreciation and a value of all persons.

Often times, organizations spend an immense amount of resources attempting to become more ‘diverse’ and then cannot understand why their initiatives tend to fizzle out.  Many organizations call this the “revolving door” syndrome.  Organizations are able to hire diverse candidates but cannot retain them for a substantial amount of time. I believe that in many cases it is because the culture of the organization cannot sustain these diversity initiatives.  The organizational culture is not inclusive. 

Often times, organizations spend much of their time on the organizational level of system and do not focus on the individual or group levels of system.  As an organization, it is important that your marketing represents a global workforce that your website speaks to the diversity initiatives, that your vendors are diverse, and that your organization participates in diversity surveys and conferences.  However what happens when an individual starts to actually work in the organization?  Does the manager and team support inclusion?  Does the individual feel that they can be their authentic self regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, etc. and bring their ‘whole’ self to the workplace?  It is only when organizations can foster an inclusive work environment that they will begin to really maximize an individual’s optimal performance.   

Think about it.  You do your best and you are at your best when you feel that your ideas are valued, appreciated and respected.  You feel confident to present innovative ideas, solutions and services when you know that they are welcomed and acknowledged.  You feel empowered to go to the next level in your career when your manager and team members support you.

So my question to you is what stops us from getting to place where we can foster inclusive work environments? 

Inclusion is respecting, appreciating and valuing others.  Regardless of your beliefs, culture, socioeconomic status, educational background, city in which you grew up in, I respect you.  I respect you because at the end of the day, we are not so different after all.  At the end of the day, I still work with you.  At the end of the day, we are here because we care about the mission of the organization or because we want a better future for our children.  Whatever the reason, at the end of the day, we have something in common and if I respect that part of myself, then I must respect, appreciate and value you too.

Ruth E. Ramos is a partner and a consultant of Compass Consulting Services, LLC, an organizational development firm based in Cleveland, Ohio that helps companies meet their optimal performance by maximizing employee relationships and fostering inclusive work environments.  Ruth’s areas of expertise are diversity and inclusion management, communication, conflict management, team building and leadership. She also has experience in diversity sourcing, recruiting and retention.  For more information, please go to www.compassconsultingservices.com.

This last article seems to have touched a nerve.  A veritable frenzy of tweets and re-tweets about the subject appeared on Twitter. Journalists and bloggers in both the US and Canada picked up on the story and ran subsequent features.

From my perspective all of this publicity is great. It is crucial to raise awareness about the prevalence of workplace bullying. My consulting work has unfortunately afforded me numerous opportunities to witness the devastation that often results when women bully other women at work. Both careers and personal lives can be ruined when bullying is allowed to continue unchecked.

Why do women do it? For the same reason that men do - because they can. Women can only bully others at work if the workplace culture condones, encourages or turns a blind eye to disrespectful behaviour like bullying and harassment.

In my book Road to Respect: Path to Profit I feature 5 “employers of choice” who embrace respect as a core organizational value. I asked each of the individuals I spoke to from those companies whether or not they kept statistics on complaints of harassment and bullying.  Inevitably I heard a variation of this response from Val Duffey, HR Director at KPMG Canada. “What people are accountable for is respectful, tolerant, diverse behaviour, and we measure that in the environment. They (bullying and harassment) don’t happen because they are at odds with the culture. It just wouldn’t be tolerated.”

If a workplace culture promotes an attitude of cutthroat competition for opportunities that encourages divisiveness and mistrust among employees. If it focuses on bottom line at the expense of workplace relationships, that erodes collaboration and teamwork. If it fosters the traditional command and control managerial model, that facilitates workplace bullying.  Culture shapes behaviour, and behaviour affects workplace relationships, performance and profitability.

Bullying is by definition disrespectful behaviour. Whether it is women targeting women, or men targeting women, or women targeting men, bottom line is that it is destructive and costly behaviour that does not belong in any workplace. In a respectful workplace culture, all workplace practices and behaviours mirror the core value of respect. As a result, the behavioural norm for everyone, women and men alike, becomes one of respectful interactions, respectful communication, and respectful relationships. The result is a workplace community where being respectful is just “way it is around here”.

Sounds like the kind of community most people, regardless of gender, would want to be working in. What about you?

Erica Pinsky, B.A., M.Sc, CHRP, is an engaging and inspirational speaker, author and consultant working with organizations to build respectful and inclusive workplace cultures that attract and retain quality employees. Creative, dynamic and results oriented,  Erica is passionate about promoting workplace cultures where employees feel engaged, comfortable and focused on their jobs in an environment free from discrimination, harassment, bullying and destructive conflict. Erica’s new book, Road to Respect, Path to Profit gives companies a road map to success in today’s challenging business climate.

Corporate trainer and brain science enthusiast Laura Lewis-Barr is our latest guest blogger. Below she shares her insights into mirror neurons, empathy and what this all means for creating more respect in the workplace.

Empathy and Mirror Neurons

I’m not a brain scientist, but I’ve been thinking about mirror neurons after seeing a wonderful video on them. These specialized brain cells help us relate to our surroundings and other people. Mirror cells build empathy and connection. They are activated every time we see or hear.

The video suggested that mirror neurons function even more profoundly when we witness an emotion or activity that we ourselves have experienced. This explains why my husband can feel intensely involved when simply watching a football game and I am unmoved. This also explains why emotional literacy is so vital in helping us develop empathy. Our mirror neurons link our past emotional memories and compare them to what we witness in another. We can then have a sense of how the other person feels-i.e. we can feel empathy.

I recently met a manager who was supervising a team of eight women. “Tom’s” struggle to relate to his team compelled him to attend one of my EI seminars. Tom confessed that he wasn’t comfortable expressing emotions. He also acknowledged that the women on his team seemed like an alien species. If Tom isn’t emotionally literate, does this mean that his mirror neurons aren’t able to help him relate to the “emotional” women at work?

Learning about brain structure continues to help me understand how emotional intelligence offers practical assistance in daily life. In this case, I see the benefit of constantly developing our awareness of our own emotional states. For Tom, recognizing his own fears and angers could help his mirror neurons fulfill their function, helping Tom empathize with his team.

Laura Lewis-Barr is a Development Dimensions International Certified trainer and a Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence Certified trainer. Laura has been teaching communication skills for over 15 years. Her specialties include: dynamic presentation skills, emotional intelligence, time management, conflict resolution, and customer service. More information about Laura can be found at www.training4breakthroughs.com