Photo courtesy of SirMitchell

I should be occupying my bed right now instead of writing this post.

Over these last few weeks, I’ve been paying close attention to the whole “Occupy Wall Street” movement, and personally I’m rather torn on the issue. I’ve stayed out of the various online debates I’ve seen, mainly because 140 characters isn’t the place to articulate something as nuanced as this. But more importantly, I really don’t have a solid opinion on the matter. I’m certainly not part of the 1%, but am I really in the 99% either? Or the 53%?

As I said, I’m torn. First off, I’m on pace to make more money (legally) this year than I ever have in my entire life. Have I worked my ass off? Damn right I have. I was putting in 100+ hour weeks for most of this year. But is my hard work the only reason I’ve been successful? Hardly. To start, I was fortunate to have parents that thought that education and technology was important, and made sure we (my brother, sister, and myself) had access to it, even though we weren’t wealthy. Also, I was lucky enough to have fallen into a field that is in very high demand right now, with no signs of slowing down. And, to top it off, I seem to have a gift for this nerd stuff. I actually enjoy doing it, and it didn’t take me $50,000 or more in college debt to prove I could do it. And I simply cannot ignore the fact that I am a middle class white male, born and raised in the US. I’ve got opportunities afforded to me that other people simply do not get, and I’m allowed to make mistakes without penalty that others simply cannot. If you don’t believe that, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn you might be interested in purchasing. No money down!

With all that said, I know first hand the damage student loan debt can cause a person. I’m fully convinced that my ex-wife’s massive law school debt (upwards of $170,000) was a large contributing factor to the breakdown of our relationship and eventual divorce. While not the only cause, it didn’t make matters any easier. That debt is something she is going to have to deal with for the next 15-20 years. It was recently reported that the total student loan debt in this country has now passed credit card debt. That’s fucked up, esp since there aren’t many jobs to be had.

But overall, the biggest thing that I keep coming back to is watching folks demonize those who are involved. Not just calling them names, but marginalizing their sheer existence as though they are an overwhelming burden on our society. Sorry folks, but like it or not we made this shitpile and we’ve gotta sit in it. Doesn’t matter what side of the street you’re on, its all our problem now. We’ve allowed ourselves to be run into the ground, and no soapbox rants about “My taxes pay for that!” or “I worked my way through school, so can you!” is gonna change that.I think it would be helpful if we would all acknowledge that even when we work hard, we don’t do it in a vacuum and that we have all benefited from a variety of public policies. This is not to say that these policies are always ideal or efficient, but we can’t have a debate about things like taxes, spending, and regulation unless we start from a place of reality (and that applies to the pie in the sky claims of many of the 99% types as well). No man is an island.

But really. I should probably get some sleep.

I’ve always considered death to be the great equalizer. Regardless of who you are, your background, income, social status, etc. you will eventually die. This morning, one of those people was my grandfather Norman. While I usually use this blog as a forum to piss and rant about things that, while interesting, aren’t really relevant in the grand scheme of things. So bear with me.

Death is a funny thing. Just about everyone will handle it slightly different, especially when it is someone close to them. Some shut down, others get highly emotional, and still others detach. Many drink, most cry, and all feel something. I’ve never been one to mourn death. And although my grandfather and I were very close, I am not mourning this either. I’ve always chosen to celebrate life, look back on the positive things, and move on with life knowing that’s what the person would want. And Gramps was no different.

Sarcasm runs deep in the Norcross DNA, and he was a shining example of that. A few years ago, when purchasing a new mattress, the salesman included a pitch about the lifetime warranty. His response? “Who’s lifetime? Mine or yours? Because I’ll be honest, my remaining lifetime isn’t a selling point.” In the first day he was in Hospice care, when they asked him if he wanted something to drink, without thinking he replied, “double bourbon with ice.”  That’s just the kind of guy he was.

Gramps was one hell of a fighter. A WWII vet, he raised 6 kids while managing to keep his sanity and sense of humor. At the age of 50, he had a grapefruit sized tumor in his stomach that was removed. He was “forced” to retire, so he and my grandmother moved down to Florida. When we arrived in 1986, they were here to greet us. I spent a lot of time with him growing up, since we were fortunate to live 15 minutes away. We built furniture to stay active. A few weeks after I quit drinking back in 2003, he had half of a lung removed due to cancer. After that he cut his daily beach walking down to 3 miles a day from his usual 7. He had to take it easy, of course. He still managed to build me a kitchen table for my first house, and other pieces of furniture. I’ve still got the desk he built when I was a teenager, and that will be my son’s desk.

He’s been in failing health the last few years, although you’d never know it. Another Norcross male trait is to minimize the appearance of any pain, either physical or emotional. His concern was for his family, and in specific my grandmother with whom he recently celebrated 65 years of marriage. Even in the end, his concern was to make sure she was going to be OK, since he’s in the early stages of dementia. They had just sold their house and was preparing to move into an ALF. He wanted to make sure she would be taken care of. His body must have known, since he went into the hospital the day after they signed the paperwork.

Gramps, I’m going to miss you. No two ways about it. But here’s to a great life. May you finally be at peace, and hopefully I can become half the man you always were.

You’ll notice I’ve closed comments on this post. While I do appreciate everyone’s well wishes, instead of a comment I am asking that you make a donation to the Suncoast Hospice Foundation. They took care of him at the final stages, and for that I am extremely grateful.

Click Here To Make a Donation

To many people, the whole idea of ‘lifestyle design’ seems absurd. And not for the reason many people in that community think. It’s not because of the ideas behind it, rather, it’s many of the people promoting it. Now, not all of them are bad. I’ve personally worked with, met and spent time with a few folks, and they all seemed (at least to me) to be genuine people who truly believed in what they were doing. But it’s a trend (and let’s face it, LD is a trend. Whether or not it’ll sustain is another story). And a few folks like Adam Baker I really respect for detailing what he did, bringing his wife and young child along. To me, that’s a hell of a lot more valid than a 22 year old guy living on the beach. I’ve done that. It was called “homeless”.

I get the appeal (to some). You’ve got a shitty job you hate, bored as hell with life and have no clue what you’re doing next. Then you read a few blog posts and maybe an ebook (shit, does EVERYONE have an ebook now?) and wonder why YOU aren’t living that life. You get sad. Then you rush out and start blogging, connecting all over the social media sphere, and even selling your shit to hit the road. And maybe that works for you. Or, maybe you end up spending money to match the lifestyle they have only to be in the same spot you were.

Here’s where I see the problem:

• Your gurus are assholes: Let’s face it, Tim Ferris walks and talks like a complete tool. He brags about cheating to win a kickboxing title. He doesn’t refer to anything he enjoys doing “work” (hence the 4 Hour Work Week title). And let’s not forget the fact that his previous company was suspected of fraud. While he isn’t the only one, he’s certainly the most well known offender.
• Your (over)use of buzzwords: I’m sorry, but if no one is getting shot at, it isn’t a revolution. Not everything is epic, thrilling, or awesome.
• A “one size fits all” mentality: This is a big one. Nick Reese and I had a good conversation the other day about this. The conclusion he and I came up with (and he wrote up here) is that the ‘sell your shit, travel the world’ dream isn’t for everyone. But looking at a lot of folks in the LD community, you’d think that was all there was to it. News flash: a lot of folks are HAPPY with their desk jobs living in suburbia. And there is nothing wrong with that.
• The appearance of arrogance: Looking down on people who don’t share your dream is…well…being a dick. Just because I enjoy living in the same place every month  and owning more than 3 shirts doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with me, that I’m less ambitious, or that I don’t have “guts”. It means that I am content with where my life is, and that my priorities are different than yours.

One of the reasons I’ve even connected with any of these folks is because I work with WordPress. They use WordPress. It’s a natural fit. So yes, I make money from the house I leave perhaps once a day (twice if need be) fixing the venue they use to promote living / doing anywhere (yes, it’s ironic. And yes, I think it’s fucking hilarious). So not one to simply be an asshole, here’s a few things (in my opinion) that could be done to help the perception:

• Stop the endless (and at times shameless) self promotion: We all need to make a buck, whether it’s globetrotting or in your office. But quit telling me my life is shit because I am not doing what you’re doing. That’s what sleazy salespeople and infomercials do.
• Own your failures: If you read over some (again, not all) of the major sites, you’d think these folks never failed, that every product they launched was a success, and they swim in a minimalist pool of money. Face it, they don’t. TELL ME how you’ve failed, what when wrong, and what you’ve learned. Show some fucking growth.
• Use regular English: drop the buzzwords and speak to me like a regular human being. If every 3rd sentence is telling me how EPIC THIS IS then you’re missing the point.
• Connect outside your bubble: Many of them simply don’t talk to people who aren’t in the same LD world. Why? What is there to be gained by living in an echo chamber? I work with the tech world, but connect with more people outside of it than within. Maybe it’s my personality, but I want friends / connections that do something I don’t do, not something I am doing.

So what say you? Am I just a cranky old fuck, Am I jealous?

As I was avoiding some of my work the other day, I came across this post over at Scary Mommy. The gist of it was a mother (a guest post) explaining why she wasn’t OK with her child’s 4th grade teacher being “openly” gay. (As opposed to being “closed” which means…????). I left a long-winded comment, but it got my mind thinking.

How am I raising my child?

As some of you might already be aware, my wife and I are in the process of an amicable divorce. No fighting, nothing bitter or whatnot. (We actually get along great. Just wasn’t meant to be married anymore I guess.) But as littleman grows up, we will be faced with a lot of choices and issues surrounding him. As it stands now, Mamma and I are pretty much on the same page. But he’s only 3, so there haven’t been many things to really deal with. But they’ll come soon enough.

The author of that post said something that just struck a chord with me: “As I raise my children, I want to surround them with people who are like-minded with us.” Am I in the minority of people who DON’T want that for their children? After all, it’s his life to live, not mine. I believe that it’s my responsibility as a parent to instill values, a sense of right and wrong. But I’m also aware that what I think is right and wrong may not be correct, or appropriate for everyone else. (If that weren’t the case, we’d all be pretty messed up.). But in the end, I want my son to have his own experience, his own live, his own story. Not one I made up for him.

I know the day will come when I need to have the talk with him about drugs and alcohol. This is one of those things that Mamma and I will probably disagree on, to some point. After all, I’m the drunkard, not her. So we clearly have different views. And while I won’t allow him to drink underage in the home (or “allow” him to do it outside), I’m also not stupid and know it’ll happen, so I plan on making sure he knows that if he’s drunk, he either needs to sleep it off there or call me and I’ll come get him, no questions asked. Buy beyond that, I don’t see much in the way of issues that I have a firm stance on that I feel he “must” follow. I’m not religious. I’m liberal, but not a zealot. I’m a nerd, and I’m pretty sure that’ll rub off on him. But after that? Sky’s the limit.

What say you?

So 9/11 came and went. Again. I saw a lot of folks tweeting various things about the event, memories, and the popular #wherewereyou hashtag. I abstained from it. Why? Because while I’m pretty open online, I rarely discuss politics. Online OR in real life. Much like religion (something else I don’t discuss much) it’s a very personal thing for me and not one I feel warrants a discussion. Also, my 9/11 story is uneventful to say the least.

If you’re wondering, here is why I don’t think much about where I was:

I was driving to work that morning, hung over from the night before. I threw up twice on a copy of the Wall Street Journal in my car at two red lights (sadly, this was not the first time that happened, nor would it be the last. I kept the WSJ in my car for that very reason). I was an hour late to work, and this particular hangover was so bad that I lasted 45 minutes at my desk before I called it quits and went home. I was so out of it, I didn’t even notice people listening to the radio and talking about what was going on. If my memory serves me correctly, the first plane had just hit when I showed up to work. The 2nd hit as I was leaving. When I got in my car, I put on some music and drove home. My brother called me and asked if I had seen what had happened. I replied “Umm…some dumbass crashed a plane in New York, right?”. Then he told me what happened. I felt….nothing. Nada. Maybe I was still drunk, I don’t know. But I went home and proceeded to get stoned out of my skull and watch the CNN loop of people running around and shit on fire. Well, that and cartoons. I switched back and forth.

So there ya have it. My amazing 9/11 story. Pretty inspiring, isn’t it? I didn’t write this to take anything away from what happened that day. It was a fucking horrible event and I feel for those who lost loved ones. But this isn’t about 9/11.

So why do I rarely write / tweet about politics? A few reasons.

• I think the entire system is fucked
• I believe most people are set in their beliefs and aren’t looking to be persuaded otherwise, rather, just want to argue
• Most people look for information that validates what they already believe, not the other way around
• It does nothing beneficial for me

For the most part, I’ve stopped following politics completely. It makes me visibly angry at times, and generally frustrated all the of the time. As sad as it may sound, I simply don’t care anymore. Yes, I still pay attention to issues. I still vote. And I still care about the country. But I don’t care about politics, and I have no interest in furthering the divide. Talk to me about WordPress (except the GPL issue, which has become political). Wanna chat about music? Fuck yeah, bring it on. How about weird shit? I’m game. But I don’t give a shit about what John Boehner said about anything. Nor do I care what Harry Reid thinks. I just don’t. Just today, some random person tweeted me saying I was a ‘moron liberal’ for no reason whatsoever. I responded by telling them to die in a fire. Just seemed appropriate.

Maybe it’s the summer heat, I don’t know. But lately I’ve seen a lot of posts regarding drinking, drug use, addiction issues, and the like. The folks at The Next Great Generation did a whole ‘drug week’ series. Jolie O’Dell recently wrote a post about her experiences with being newly sober (again). And there have been others in the past who have been pretty open about their experiences with drugs and alcohol.

I have not one of those people. Well, I guess not until now.

While I’ve made minor mentions of it here and there, and most people who know me personally know, I am not cavalier about my own personal situation. So let’s just get it out in the open. I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Have been for quite some time. In fact, I will be  celebrating 7 years sober on Sunday. (August 1st). For those scoring at home, I got sober before I turned 23. Which means my drinking and drug abuse got so bad that at the ripe old age of 22, something needed to change. And change it did.

Here is the quick synopsis:

• Age 10: Began smoking cigarettes
• Age 13: Began smoking week
• Age 15: LSD, Xanax, various other pills
• Age 16: Booze
• Age 19: Cocaine

Those were the main ones, mind you. As far as drug use goes, there isn’t a single drug that was available at the time that I didn’t do at least twice. Yes, that includes heroin and crack. (Meth hadn’t reached Florida yet, but I’m sure I would have done it if given the opportunity).

So why am I writing this? Why now? Why at all? Gonna be honest here, I’m not too sure. It isn’t as though I need to ‘announce’ it at all. Nor am I trying to warn anyone. I assume all of you reading this are adults and can make decisions for yourself. And my own personal experience doesn’t really mean jack shit to your life. Maybe I just wanna give you all some background into why I am the way I am. Why am I considered ‘no bullshit’? Because I can be. How is it that nothing seems to bother me? Because I’ve already been through hell. Literally. There is a lot to this story that I have left out, because frankly its none of your fucking business.

Ehh. Here’s to 7 years.

Quick! Tell me if you’ve heard about this recently:

• Apple put out a new version of the iPhone, and apparently people were a bit upset about a few things.
• Today (July 5th) was the day that Doc set on the Delorean to ‘25 years in the future’ (for the record, it isn’t).
• Steve Jobs wrote something about Flash to Adobe.
• A goal was scored in the World Cup.
• Someone’s giving away some shit.
• Twilight. Enough said.
• The guy from Zappos wrote an article about selling his company.
• …the list goes on…

Of course, I’m talking about twitter. It seems lately whenever something hits the ol’ Twit with a modicum of interest, the RTs begin in earnest. One or two trickle in , then the wave begins. 10 at a time. Then 10 or 20 more.

So I have to ask: Has twitter become the new email forward?

I sure as shit hope not. I like twitter. It’s amusing, I’m able to have conversations with people, and I even get some work out of it (quite a bit, actually). But between the recent outages, the reply spam, and now seeing the same article / link 30 times in a day, it’s beginning to wear thin. It’s noise. You aren’t contributing. For all the talk about community and connections, it’s one step above fucking spam. Yes, I’m all for sharing information. That’s the point. But is there any benefit to perpetuating this? Am I wrong here? By all means, correct me if that’s the case.

Folks wear their jobs as a badge of honor. How many hours they put in. How much of their lives they set to a single goal / task and claim it loud and proud. Their start-up is their entire life, blah blah blah. Hell, I’ve even made reference to the fact that for quite a while, I got 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night. But that was more out of habit and lack of focus than anything else.

This isn’t about them, though. It’s not about me, either. This is about someone who actually has done things worth mentioning.

Ladies and gentleman, I present Theodore Roosevelt, our 26th President.

• In 1912, he was shot in the chest during a speech. So like any normal person, he proceeded to deliver the speech with the bullet still in him. He left the bullet in his body until his death seven years later. He knew that since he wasn’t coughing up blood, the bullet hadn’t penetrated his lungs. Which means, for those scoring at home, he thought about it and MADE A DECISION about a bullet in his chest.
• As governor of New York, he boxed with sparring partners several times a week, a practice he regularly continued as President until one blow detached his left retina, leaving him blind in that eye (a fact not made public until many years later).
• As police chief of New York City, he would often walk the officer’s late night beats just to see if they were indeed working
• Created the Meat Inspection Act and Pure Food and Drug Act (basically, you can’t sell poison or spoiled meat. Yes, that used to be legal)

There are quite a few other things. He was pretty famous. People knew him. So the next time you read a self-serving blog post about someone who thinks they are hardcore, remember this: they aren’t working with a bullet in their chest.

You all know I’m a serious guy. A serious guy who talks about serious things. Important life issues, and pressing matters that affect today’s common man (or woman). So I want to tell you a story about Taco Bell.

I don’t eat a lot of fast food. But when I do, I usually choose two places: Arbys or Taco Bell. Usually depends on which one is on the side of the road I am on. Since I’m already busy (or lazy) enough at that point to get fast food, clearly I can’t be bothered by making a left turn. So the other day I’m running some errands, and decide that a Chalupa would be awesome. Having a few extra minutes than I planned on, I decided to just park and go into the fine establishment. I wait in line, and get up to place my order (a number 6, no tomatoes, the taco soft, and a Mountain Dew if you were wondering). As I’m ordering, I decide that while I do want all that gut-busting food, I don’t want the 32oz beverage that comes with it. Call me crazy, but I don’t need a quart of soda. So I made what I thought was a simple request. I asked to have a smaller soda size. Now, the look on the gal’s face was akin to showing a dog a card trick. Confusion. Then she said: "ahhhh, we can’t do that sir.” It was as if I asked her to explain Newton’s law of universal gravitation. Apparently, the keypad on the cash register didn’t include an option to have a smaller soda. So after a few moments, I simply told her to charge me the normal price, and just give me a smaller cup. The look of relief on her face was as though I was a cop and let her go with a warning instead of a ticket. It got me thinking. The whole process of ordering (selecting a number, choosing a few variables, pressing corresponding buttons, etc) is extremely efficient. But have we become TOO efficient?

Think of it with other purchases. Macs come in two colors, white and black. A package not on a car physically in the lot at the dealership involves a lengthy wait process and usually a LOT of extra money. Hell, even most newer neighborhoods offer 3 or 4 models with a handful of color schemes. There is an over-efficiency problem to the extent that institutions offer you only a limited set of choices and what results is a subtle determinism of your behavior. I believe that this isn’t what people really want. They want to be more free. They want to exercise their freedom of choice. Do you remember the old marketing slogan of Burger King? "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don’t upset us. Today, special orders might not upset them, they just short-circuit their brain synapses. The "Have it your way" mentality of the past is no longer valid. Today, virtually all of the fast food chains are saying "Have it our way". You are not free to choose. And this is a serious issue.

So it’s been about two weeks since I ditched Facebook. And surprise, my life hasn’t gone into the gutter, people are still able to get a hold of me, and things are pretty much the same as they were, albeit with a bit less noise. Since that point, a few more things have come out to further muddle the issue of what (if any) privacy exists on Facebook. To quickly outline:

• Their privacy policy is longer than the US Constitution.
• To manage your privacy on Facebook, you will need to navigate through 50 settings with more than 170 options.
• The NY Times had to do an infographic to explain the myriad of options (check it out here).
• Mark Zuckerberg has basically been accused of everything from being an amoral sociopath to not giving a shit (not that he really should).

But this isn’t about all that. I’ve said my peace on the topic, and I deleted my profile. So it’s done. HOWEVER, I’ve had a few interesting discussions with folks online as information has come out. And that’s what has troubled me. Not what Facebook is doing, rather, what people’s reactions have been. More so, people’s response to my desire to have some privacy online. Or, more importantly, the desire to control what information is made public by any of the web services I use. Some of the comments I was given were:

• No one cares what I am doing
• If you want privacy, you must have something to hide
• People will make judgments about me regardless of what info is available
• If you don’t want it public, don’t put it online (no shit)
• It’s a voluntary service (again, no shit)
• Privacy is a myth

Think of it this way: your bank has a ‘social graph’ about you that makes the one Facebook has put together look like a bathroom wall scribbling. Think about all the places you use a debit card in a given day. Your bank has records of where you shop, what you eat, how much you drive, and when you do all these things. They have years worth of data, could pinpoint things such as when you begin dating, the birth of a child, or just about anything money related (which is, to say, just about everything you do). Now, imagine if they decided to write an API to allow companies to use this information to market products and services to you. Pretty creepy, eh? Well, don’t worry about it, because they won’t. In fact, they can’t. It’s illegal.

Now I’m not saying that banking is the same as using a social network online. They aren’t. But the fact remains that my desire to have some part of my life private is not anyone’s business but my own. And this coming from someone who is pretty open online. I tweet a lot, put photos up on Picasa and twitpic, maintain a blog, and even have my phone number on my portfolio site. So I’m clearly not ‘off the grid’. But there are a few things in my life that I don’t share. The reasons for which frankly aren’t any of your business.

Over the weekend, I did what some would consider social media suicide. I deleted Facebook. You know, the place where EVERYONE is and EVERYONE needs to be. That one. Gone. Deleted. Goodbye. And not simply deactivating, but actually deleting the damn thing. It took a while to actually find how to do it, since they don’t make it obvious. So why did I commit seppuku to my online life?

It stopped serving a purpose. One could argue it never did.

Now a bit of background: I didn’t go to a college that had email for a while. It was a junior college, so they didn’t roll out email as soon as others. So inherently, I never had access to Facebook during the run-up with the college crowd. Also, I didn’t really attend college on a regular basis. Once on my way to class I stopped off to have a beer, and didn’t go back for 3 years. So there’s that. I was on the MySpace bandwagon pretty early on, and I held on to that for longer than most. But that’s gone, too.

A friend Ruth summarized her feelings on it pretty well, and coming from a different perspective. And that’s cool, it serves a purpose for her. But it doesn’t for me.

And then there is the privacy stuff.

Now I’m not some tinfoil hat person who thinks everyone is out to get me. Nor do I think that I have any real privacy online. Yes, it’s an illusion. But at what point is it just ridiculous? I understand that when I sign up for a website service, I’m giving them something of mine. Usually my data and some personal information. And I also know that’s probably gonna be used to market something to me. Again, I get it. Although some folks may not agree, the internet doesn’t run on rainbows and hugs. But when Facebook up and decides to give away my personal information to anyone who asks? That’s just a bit too much for me. It’s one thing for me to give away my information. It’s another for someone like Facebook to whore it out like a lonely girl with daddy issues.

Will I fall off the digital map? Doubtful. I use twitter, I have email, and even a *gasp* phone number. Crazy, eh? So I’ll see you around the ‘tubes. Don’t mess up the place while I’m gone.

Like a lot of folks, I’m finally recovering from attending the South by Southwest Interactive conference. It was great to finally meet a lot of the folks that I’ve gotten to know on-line over the last few years in person, and meet a few more folks that I seem to have a lot in common with. And, without trying, I managed to generate some work for my freelance WordPress design business. I had a blast.

But I noticed something else. In these conversations, the names of a few people kept popping up with less than flattering opinions and statements made about them. One person in particular (name not required) came up over and over in a very negative light. Yet, of all the people who made these statements and shared their own negative experiences, only 2 of them had actually SAID anything to this person. They simply ignored them, or worse still passively communicated with them. A few folks actually told how they had been ‘bullied’ by this person when they attempted to ‘break’ their social media bonds.

This is sad on so many levels.

What happened to all the self-respect we talk so much about? Passion, personal goals, and all that jazz. Yet, when faced with a clear load of bullshit, we back down? Allow someone to speak FOR you, ABOUT you, and INSTEAD of you? What happened to this ‘voice’ we all had now?

You were taught better than this

Face it. You know that back when you were wee little ones, you were taught right from wrong, and how to stand up for yourself. It’s a worthy trait to have, self-respect. And I’m also guessing that you don’t enjoy dealing with douchebags and could do something better with your time. So I’ll make you a deal: cut the ties. If you think you’re missing out after 30 days, I’m sure they’ll still be there. But, will they even miss you?

Coming in under the wire, this is my contribution to Holly’s Mentor Roundtables post

Have you failed in life? No? Then you have nothing to teach me. It’s just that simple. In my life and my career, the biggest gains in my life have come from the result of a huge, drastic failure. Failure to finish college. Failure to manage my vices. Failure at my first stab at a career. All of these things were monumental failures. And you know what? I learned more from those than anything else. And that’s what I have to offer. My failure. My experience.

So what do you have to offer? What have you failed at? Because if you haven’t failed, you haven’t been tested. It’s easy to give mentoring advice when you don’t know what happens when the shit hits the fan. How’d you deal with it? What was the fallout? How did you grow?

Because that’s what I would want. Pain is learning.

So stop writing like you are.

We’ve all seen the posts. A list for this, a top-ten for that, a how-to about everything and anything. You’ll usually get some comments saying how great the advice is, or how it’s timely to that person’s situation at that given moment, or maybe it reminds them of something that happened in their life a while back.

And it’s all bullshit. So stop it.

I’m not here to say that you shouldn’t write about personal experience. Most bloggers do. Hell, it’s the most honest thing you can write about (assuming you’re telling the truth, but that’s another post for another day). But please, after you have shared, stop typing and hit publish. Leave out that last paragraph where you’re telling me how that translates into something I am supposed to do with my life. Because you know what? It doesn’t.

Here’s the thing: my life is not your life. There’s a distinct possibility that, while there may be similarities, we have way more differences about us. And that is a GOOD thing. It’s what makes the world worth living. After all, if we were all alike, we’d probably have killed off the human race out of sheer boredom.

But here is where it gets interesting. There are now bloggers out there making a name for themselves handing out advice that they have no fucking business giving. At all. Been freelancing for a month? Don’t tell me how to run a successful business. Been married for a year? The advice better stop at 365 days worth of experience. Think having a dog gives you the wisdom to tell me about my son? Go die in a fire instead.

People have the need to feel important. I get that. But stick to what you know. There’s a reason I don’t answer questions about things I don’t know. I know a little about a lot, a lot about a few things, and everything about nothing whatsoever. And that doesn’t make me less of a person. It makes me a bit more normal.

Put down the Kool-Aid. You’re embarrassing yourself.

Community is big right now, isn’t it. It seems everywhere you turn, there is a new ‘community’ popping up. I bet you’re in a few. Hell, you probably read this blog because you know me from one. I belong to a few. I’ve been a member of a few in the past that I no longer affiliate with, and I’m sure there are a few down the road that I’ll join.

There is nothing wrong with that. But here’s the thing about community. If you aren’t careful, you stop remembering why you are there, and just begin to listen to whatever the leader says. No more thinking, no more analysis. Just following. Blind.

There was a reason you joined in the first place. Maybe you liked the topic. Or perhaps the people involved. You read and enjoyed the content, shared it with your friends and followers on places like Twitter and Facebook. You added the RSS, were eager to press that retweet button when a new post came out. It was exciting. You were a part of something good.

Then something happened. There were a lot of new people that don’t share the views you thought the community held. What used to be a fresh perspective was becoming stale. Repetitive. Recycled. But the leader still had that ‘something’ you liked in the beginning. So you continue to read, comment, and share. You’re still participating. You’re invested. And just like a junkie wishing to get the feeling back from that first time, you keep on jamming that needle in, hoping that perhaps, this time it’ll be better.

It won’t.  

For all the talk about how Gen-Y is independent, self-willed, etc we sure as hell follow a lot. We do something because other people are doing it. You want to get on-board in the beginning. Be a thought leader amongst your online crew. Pride and ego are a sonofabitch, isn’t it?

It’s time to stop. Stop following. Quit ignoring the signs. Question your leaders. ALL of them. If it’s a shitty post, say so. If the leader is wrong, make sure you share that just as loud as you did with the good stuff. If they’re a fraud, SCREAM IT. Better to be a loud asshole who’s right than a quiet one.

Remember, some people may be following you the same way you are to others. If you don’t say something, you’re just as bad.

In digging through some old archives of my previous blog, I found this:

After the events of this week, I remember now why I was always hesitant about working for myself: stability. It started on Sunday, where the person I was rebuilding a massive website (800+ pages) for decided he “couldn’t afford it” and canceled the whole thing. All the time I spent (including 7 hours straight on Sunday…I was in the zone) went wasted. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. Here’s a brief rundown of how it went:

Him: I can’t do the site anymore. People owe me money, I am still paying for someone to build the ecommerce store, blah blah blah. Also, your proposed setup (using a site structure) is too detailed. I’m not a “path” person.

Me: I understand. Money’s tight for everyone.

Him: I still need you to set up my Dreamweaver installation so I can edit the site myself

Me: I’ve done that already. The problem is your code has no standard structure to it. Your code needs to be set to point to the location of the image.

Him: I CAN SEE THE FILE ON MY MACHINE! WHY WON’T DREAMWEAVER WORK!!! (He’s now very upset)

Me: Because your server files are a mess. And you code looks like someone ate a website, partially digested it, then vomited the code back on to the page.

Him: I’M NOT A PATH PERSON!

Me: That may be, but servers and HTML code depend on them. I can make Dreamweaver upload the files to Burt Reynold’s personal website if I wanted to, but that won’t matter because you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. I can’t make Dreamweaver adjust to your inability to understand and use basic syntax.

And that was that.

“When we look at modern man, we have to face the fact that modern man suffers from a kind of poverty of the spirit, which stands in glaring contrast with a scientific and technological abundance. We’ve learned to fly the air as birds, we’ve learned to swim the seas as fish, yet we haven’t learned to walk the Earth as brothers and sisters.”

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

As of this posting, there are 11 days left in the year.

A bunch of stuff happened. Most of it awesome.

But not nearly as awesome as this

But here’s a thought to consider:

Just a few centuries ago, the smartest humans alive were dead wrong about damn near everything. They were wrong about gods. Wrong about astronomy. Wrong about disease. Wrong about heredity. Wrong about physics. Wrong about racism, sexism, nationalism, governance, and many other moral issues. Wrong about geology. Wrong about cosmology. Wrong about chemistry. Wrong about evolution. Wrong about nearly every subject imaginable.

The other night, I had a plan. A good plan. A productive plan. After my AA meeting, I was going to go downtown, fire up the laptop, finish a blog post I’ve been working on, tweak a few things on my laptop, set up some FTP access for a friend, and maybe catch some football on TV. But I did none of that. Instead, I had a cigar and enjoyed the football game with the other patrons. And in doing so, I came to a realization that had been gnawing at me for a while.

You need to turn ‘off’ the multi-tasking and networking from time to time.

Smoking cigars is something I do to relax and unwind. It’s somewhat of a carryover from the 15 years I smoked cigarettes (yes, I started smoking at age 10, and even worse I began again a few months ago.), some of it is tied to my father’s own cigar smoking, but mostly it’s a reason to sit down and decompress. Given that it takes a good 45 minutes to an hour to smoke a cigar, it’s almost as though I am mandating relaxation to myself.

So why do I want to include other work in it? I don’t, and I shouldn’t. While it’s OK to do something else from time to time, there’s a reason I need to relax in the first place. If I begin to incorporate other tasks into it, the meaning and purpose is gone.

There is always the push to always be ‘productive’. Whether it’s the non-stop data feeds of RSS and email, the numerous GTD posts, blogs, gurus, or just the fact that there are more things to do than time to do them, we often lose sight of relaxation. Relaxation IS productive, probably more so than half the things I do to ‘stay on top of things’. When I am in a situation that is calming and relaxing, I have a better chance of seeing through the problems and issues I may be facing at that time. I can allow all the half-thoughts to either complete themselves or filter there way out.

And most importantly, I can watch football.

Note: this post is not addressed at any one person or group of people. Just an observation. But if you’re taking it personally, well, then….

Well, is it?

We all know that social media is great. It brings people together and helps businesses (and individuals) market themselves with extremely low barriers to entry. But is it making us dumb?

I’ve noticed a trend lately of folks either on twitter or other channels asking questions. No big deal. But these questions aren’t detailed or complex. No, they are ones that either could be solved with a 10 second Google search or looking at the settings page of whatever the program is. So why spend the time to ask a random group of people and wait for the answer?

I’ve always prided myself on having some pretty good critical thinking and problem solving skills. My parents told me it was important, that I needed to be able to solve whatever problems were thrown my way. It has translated well into my work, both corporate and freelance. That ability has enamored me to employers and co-workers when my somewhat surly attitude otherwise wouldn’t. Basically, I’m the ‘fix it’ person when it otherwise fails.

So why the crowdsourcing hate? What’s the difference between asking twitter and asking the person next to you in class? Simple: you don’t learn. Having the answers given to you at any sign of confusion does absolutely nothing to solve the problem. It’s easy to pass it off as something you ‘don’t need to know’, but the skills are just the same. Either you can figure things out or you can’t. Which kind of person do you want to be?

There are a lot of reasons why I work for a large company, as opposed to a start up or myself. And it isn’t because I enjoy falling in line with the company “vision”, or enjoy dealing with people I otherwise wouldn’t associate with. The main reason is this: Stability. Recently I got a flu shot provided by my employer, and it made me sick. Or, at least lowered my immune system to allow something else to make me sick. Either way, I’m still feeling somewhat crap-tastic. And I haven’t gone to the doctor, since I know what’s wrong. But I could if I wanted to, since I have insurance. It’s that little card glistening in my wallet telling me everything is going to be ok. Here’s a rundown of how it has single-handedly saved me from bankruptcy (and possibly alcoholism):

Instead of railing against something I’m pissed off about, I thought I’d rather just quickly leave a description of one of my favorite local bands Nessie.

How they describe their music:

That feeling you get when, after stopping off for one cold beer after work, you suddenly realize you’re on your sixth cold beer and you haven’t eaten and it’s dark outside and the people you were going to meet out later are here because it IS later, and the band is starting to set up. That feeling you get right before you shrug, smile and order Lucky Number Seven.

So the voters in Maine repealed the same sex marriage law. This isn’t the first time a state has either banned gay marriage, or repealed a law on the books. I am serious when I say that I feel ashamed for my fellow man. The fact that people will make the effort to deny others the joy (and frustration) of being with the person they love, in a relationship ‘approved’ by the state is just mind boggling.

This evening I had a conversation on twitter with Lance Haun, who didn’t see it the same way. Not the issue, but the fact that I felt shame over it. After all, I don’t live in Maine, and I certainly didn’t vote to repeal the law, so why should I care? Lance put forth a call to action, to work on improving the human condition instead of feeling shame. I plan on doing both.

Now to be perfectly honest, I don’t know why I care. I’m a middle-class white guy married to a beautiful woman, and have a great son. No one is attempting to remove any of my rights at all. Consider this, however. My wife is part Cuban, so in the past our marriage would have been viewed in a negative light. Her grandmother was disowned for marrying her grandfather (from Cuba), so we aren’t all that far away from that.

Personally, I think NO marriage should be recognized by the state. At all. After all, I do agree with the argument that marriage is defined as a man and a woman. However, that definition comes from the Bible, a book that I don’t give any credence to. I’m not Christian, so the implied morals and rules that come along with it aren’t relevant to me. So if your faith doesn’t agree with the idea of two men or two women getting ‘married’, fine. The states should strictly issue civil unions, and afford all the rights (property, tax, and otherwise) that comes with what we currently attribute to marriage. Then, if your particular faith involves a marriage ceremony, have at it. My ceremony was done on the beach, with family, and no bible was involved.

At the end of the day, I see it as a matter of rights. Rights that voters have said aren’t the same for everyone. I don’t feel OK with the fact that those people share the same blood and soil that I do.

I was reading some blog archives, and came across a post about friendship and how it relates to a career. I thought about it. And I came to the conclusion that my friends have helped me immensely, but not in the ways most people would imagine. I came the following conclusions, and have found them to be crucial for me, both in my career and in my life.

My friends couldn’t care less about what I do for a living

At first glance, that would appear to be a negative thing. But is it? My friends don’t look at me as another reference or networking tool. While we certainly all do that for each other (I’ve gotten a few people jobs at the firm I work for), it’s the the purpose. A good friend of mine and I get together at least once a week in my “cigar club” (my garage) and talk about everything from the latest Hot Water Music release to the proper way to set up a 4 port router to the latest in our social lives (I should say HIS social life. That cigar room IS my social life these days). I have numerous friends who are the same way. While we all could benefit from our individual connections, we’d rather just hang out and enjoy each other’s company.

They know where I came from, and where I could go

While I won’t go into the details, many of my friends know what I was like in my darkest times. We’ve all picked each other up off the floor (literally and figuratively), helped clean up the blood & broken glass, and in some cases even bailed each other out of jail. I know there’s still a video of me with a green mohawk throwing cans of beer at people in the streets of Savannah, GA one St. Patrick’s Day. No corner office will ever change that.

We were friends before anything else mattered

Now this isn’t the case for everyone. Since I’ve basically lived in the same county since I was 6, I am fortunate enough to have many friends that I’ve had for 10+ years, some even more. One good friend of mine recently graduated from pharmacy school, and is looking at a 6 figure income from the gate. We’ve been friends since 1st grade. We watch baseball, get lunch together when possible, and we’re planning on going to see a Yankee’s game this summer in NYC (finances permitting). Is that a pharmacist and an investment professional networking? No. It’s two lifelong friends enjoying baseball.

My friends certainly keep me grounded in my life. They help me have fun, shed the office mentality for a little while, and look back to time where none of that stuff really mattered. Adulthood is here to say, but with good friends, it’s bearable. In the words of Ferris Bueller, “If you have the means, I highly recommend it”.

Not a day goes by where I don’t see some mention of how companies are blocking access to sites like twitter and facebook. THE HORROR! Social media evangelists will cry out how this is backwards thinking, how these sites are crutial for career management, that it’s a lack of trust, or just downright unfair. But they’re wrong. It’s the fault of both the employees and management themselves. Not some damn website.

In addition to the various web development / WordPress ninja freelance work I do, I’ve also developed somewhat of a niche of doing IT consulting for attorneys. And lately, it’s been the same story. Employees are spending too much time on-line, can I block their access? The answer is yes, and I’m happy to do it. Because it’s not a matter of these companies standing in the way of employee development. They’re attempting to fix a problem. The employees aren’t working. Think about it: if the work was getting done, there’d be no issue. But there’s a breakdown somewhere.

Here’s the dirty secret: the same employees who are on facebook and twitter all day are the ones who used to be on other sites all day, and before that were emailing people all day, and before that chatting on the phone. You see, the employee hasn’t changed at all, just the methods and technologies they use. And for every 1 employee who is using these tools in a productive manner, there are 100 who are filling out useless surveys about their survival chances in a zombie attack or playing Scrabble.

Here’s the other dirty secret: managers are ill-equipped to deal with this. It used to be that they’d just fire the person. But now that’s not all that easy. And many of them now manage people who act the same way they did when they were regular employees. So how do you discipline someone? I certainly don’t have the answer for that. There’s a reason I don’t manage more than 1 person other than myself.

The bottom line? It’s not a technology problem. It’s a human resources problem.

So the heath care debate rages on. While the bullshit about death panels and other nonsense seems to have faded into the background (where it belongs), there still remains one argument that I see repeated over and over again:

“We have the best healthcare in the world”.

Am I the only one who sees the utter fallacy in this argument? If we’ve got the best, then the rest of the world must be damn-near dead. Considering that I don’t know many people who even have a frame of reference, it’s a spotty argument at best.

Some proof? Let me relay a story from today and then ask me how government would make this ‘great’ system worse.

Backstory

My primary care physician (PCP) recently retired, due to having a newborn child. I’ve had a great relationship with this doctor since I started seeing him 3+ years ago, and I was honestly saddened to see him leave. But having a 2 year-old myself, I can understand. So, I jumped through the hoops, found a list of doctors that were (a) on my insurance and (b) taking new patients. Then I asked my son’s pediatrician (whom I trust) for some recommendations, since picking a doctor off a list isn’t the brightest idea. So I got a name, called, and made an appointment. Today was that appointment.

I have a pretty detailed medical history, including some major bone surgeries from my early 20’s that now require a daily NSAID. I also take a medication for my stomach, since I have a family history of acid reflux, and OTC medications don’t work for me (anymore). And, to top it off, I take a medication for ADD. While I’ve had ADD since I was a kid, I didn’t start addressing it until my son was born. I was concerned about being able to focus and pay attention to important things, like feeding schedules, a child running around, etc. Also, I had basically lost the ability to read for anymore than 5 minutes at a time. After that, the words would literally begin to swirl. Certainly not a good thing for one planning on returning to school.

Today’s Visit

So I leave work early so I can get to the doctor’s appt, since this was the earliest time they could see me. I bring the three meds I take with me, so I don’t come across as some random guy begging for pills. Once I fill out the paperwork (one page for medical history, 5 for insurance-related info), I sit. And wait. Almost an hour later, I see the doctor. A nice guy, no problem there. We go over my medical history, then he gives me a short physical. Again, no issue. Then we discuss my medications. Come to find out, he’s not comfortable writing the script for my ADD meds without me having a psychological exam. Mind you, I’ve been on this for over a year. But again, I can understand his situation. What I take (Adderall XR) is considered a controlled substance, so just handing it out to people who ask is a quick way to lose your medical license. So he indicates that once we get that squared away, he’ll determine whether or not to write the prescription. He’s completely within his rights to do so. While annoying, I understand and agree to go through the hoops. Now here comes the frustration.

The Call

Since I’ve never had a psych evaluation, both my new doctor and I aren’t sure how exactly to go about it. So he has one of the nurses place a call to my insurance company. After 25 minutes, 2 hang-ups, and a rude person on the other line, we determine that I need to call a special ‘psychology’ number. So I take the number and go home.

When I get home, I grab the phone, a notepad, and my insurance card. I call and speak to a woman who proceeds to do the following:

1. Explain to me the difference between a doctor and a psychiatrist
2. Why it’s in my best interest to see a psychiatrist on a monthly basis for my ADD meds
3. How my PCP isn’t really qualified to prescribe the meds I’ve been taking

Now I’m a reasonable guy. And I understand rules and protocols. But this is ridiculous. I now have to make an appointment with ANOTHER new doctor, go over my history again, to receive a medication I’m already on. And the kicker? Once I get an appointment, I have to call them back to have them authorize it. Yes, the people who told me I have to go get an appointment have to authorize it after I make one.

Since I’m almost 800 words in, I’ll cut this short. The long and short of it is that my new doctor agreed to write me a one-month script, since the med in question cannot be refilled, and requires a paper prescription from the doctor. This will give me time to go see a shrink, let them evaluate me to again prove that I have ADD, then I can go about my business.

And on a side note, my wife went in and out of the DMV last week in 10 minutes to renew the tags on her car. So the DMV did in 10 minutes what my doctor, a call center, and the ‘best system in the world’ couldn’t do in 3+ hours.

Bring on the socialism.

Back a few weeks ago, I was approached by Rebecca Thorman about a new idea she was starting, the Monthly Goal Meet-Up. Seemed easy enough, right? Set some goals and complete them. I get a lot of shit done, so this should be straight forward. Right? Not so much. To recap, here’s the 3 goals I set out to complete in September:

September Career/Life Goals

1. Finish 3 more pieces for online portfolio
2. Set up separate savings account for return to full-time school
3. Set up DBA for consulting / IT business

So how am I looking? Not bad, but not fantastic. Let’s lay them out one by one.

Portfolio Pieces

I’m almost here on that one. I have 1 completed, and two that should be done by the end of the week. So there’s a good chance that this one will be done without fail. For those asking, my personal portfolio site can be found here. And if you’re looking for WP-related work, feel free to ask.

Savings Account

My wife and I have a savings account that we don’t use. So I kind of cheated on this one. But have I actually put any money into it? No. And I’m not sure I will before the month is through. I can say that I’ve made a decent amount of side money freelancing to pay off some outstanding bills, so it’s a start.

Set up DBA

I completed this one completely, and then some. In addition to setting up my DBA (which mean ‘doing business as’, or a sole proprietorship) with the state of Florida, I also got the business tax receipt for the city I live in. So I’m legal. I then went and opened a separate business account in the name of my ‘company’, so I can begin to track income and expenses separately. Now don’t pat me on the back just yet: I did this because someone paid me with a check in the name of the company I set up. Since I hadn’t done any of this yet, I couldn’t cash the check. So this was more of necessity. I had been meaning to do this for over a year.

So after all is said and done, I have done OK. Not great, but OK. I’m actually looking forward to see how this progresses, with everything coming my way in the next few months.

We’re all goal-oriented, even if we don’t realized. It’s just that some of us don’t have goals that really matter, or they are so far-reaching and ambiguous that there is nothing to hold them up against. I’ve been guilty of doing that as much as anybody. So when Rebecca Thorman IM’d me about a new project she’s started, the Monthly Goal Meet-Up, it caught my attention. With my pending return to full-time academia and all that comes with it, I think it would be a worthwhile venture. So here goes.

September Career/Life Goals

1. Finish 3 more pieces for online portfolio
2. Set up separate savings account for return to full-time school
3. Set up DBA for consulting / IT business

So let’s see what happens.

Recently, I started noticing a few billboards on the interstate near my house. One of those “black background / white letters” signs, which we’ve got quite of a few of here in the great progressive state of Florida. So at first, I didn’t pay much attention to them. Then I was sitting in traffic and actually took a moment and read one. I saw this:

Yep. A George Washington quote alluding to the long-held conservative belief that the US is indeed a Christian nation. As a former atheist (not anymore, but that’s another story for another day), seeing this immediately made me clench my jaw. The group, NoSeparation.org, is voicing their disapproval about the ‘lie’ of the separation of church and state, the ‘war on God in America’, and other neocon bullshit that I am forced to deal with on a daily basis.

Here are two fine examples of their ‘campaign’. Now, those quotes would be all well and good if they were, you know, factual or accurate.

The first quote was never said in any printed material by Washington (if you can prove otherwise, by all means let me know).

And according to Wikipedia, the second quote was an excerpt taken from this complete quote:

The central support for the Court’s ultimate conclusion that Congress did not intend the law to cover Christian ministers is its lengthy review of the "mass of organic utterances" establishing that "this is a Christian nation," and which were taken to prove that it could not "be believed that a Congress of the United States intended to make it a misdemeanor for a church of this country to contract for the services of a Christian minister residing in another nation.

But clearly I am biased (and in their eyes, doomed to hell) so I asked someone who I thought could bring some more clarity to the situation: my father.

Why ask my dad? Well, for starters, he’s an ordained minister. Not one of the internet types, but the real deal (so yes, that makes me a preacher’s kid. Queue the stereotypes), been in the God business for over 30 years. He’s also an ethics teacher and an unabashed liberal. Which makes for interesting commentary, to say the least.

I’ll spare you the details of the conversation, if for no other reason that half of it involved either my son or baseball. But what I took away most of all was this: “Faith is critical, but don’t take this religion stuff too seriously.”

Am I going to give them much more thought? No. And I respect their right to say it, as incorrect as it may be. And thanks to Cooper over at Wonderland or Not, I leave you with this Kiekegaard quote:

“People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.

I can safely assume that a good number of you who read this blog know about Brazen Careerist. So I don’t need to tell you that they’ve re-launched the site, moving away from a blog-focused site into a robust social networking tool for career-minded Millennials to advance, promote, and further themselves in an ever-tighting job market. (If you don’t know about it…well…now you do. So get on it.) Being on the older side of the “Gen-Y” spectrum, I’ve seen an evolution in how folks get hired, fired, and advanced within a company. Lance Haun over at YourHRGuy.com did a fantastic post on it, so I won’t waste anyone’s time. Considering I started my corporate career over 10 years ago, it’s safe to say that a lot of my youthful transgressions that would have otherwise kept me from being employable were fortunately done before everyone’s life was on-line.

So what’s it all about, then? Why bother connecting with folks when I’ve got a job? Simple. There is nothing static about your career anymore. Not yours, not mine. Take my own path for example.

Intern → Accountant → Chef → Accountant → Money Manager → ???

I put the ??? at the end of that because I have no idea what’s coming next. As some of you may know, I am leaving my position (and the salary) at the end of the year to go back to school full-time and finish my degree. My goal? Information Systems Management. In other words, something completely unrelated to any of my previous jobs.

So what does Brazen Careerist have to do with this? Everything. I’ve been doing quite a bit of freelance work in the last few months, with the intention of having that supplement my lack of income once I am back in school. I figured it would take 6-12 months to build up some steady business. How long did it take? 4 weeks. Why? Because of places like Brazen Careerist, I was able to connect with people that I otherwise wouldn’t have had the pleasure (or disdain) to meet. It’s been a melting pot of politics, technology, honest debate, and forward-looking people. People that are not easily found.

And seeing many of their success stories, I can be confident in leaving one career to start on another.

I’ve done my best to stay out of the current debate regarding health care reform. Although I’ve tweeted a few things and made some comments on other people’s blogs, I’ve remained relatively silent. In part because I don’t have the time to argue, and also because all the arguments boil down to one specific idea: is universal access to health care, regardless of age / income / race / class, a right? Personally, I say yes, it should be. If we are consider ourselves the leaders of the ‘modern’ world, then we should be more than willing to take care of our citizens, and it not be based on the ‘free market’ or competition. End of story.

I know this isn’t the only issue regarding the debate (if you mention ‘death panels’, I’ll punch you in the throat. Seriously), but it seems to me that at the core, this is what it comes down to. Yes, people make valid claims on both sides regarding how different states have different regulatory setups, making it a nightmare to get a standard setup. And there’s also the little fact about how most of the big insurance companies have 1 or more members of Congress in their respective lobbyist’s pockets. It’s a mess, a broken system that is getting worse.

The American Prospect recently posted an article titled “The 10 Dumbest Arguments Against Health-Care Reform”. It’s a good read, and one that I would suggest folks on both sides of the debate read.

And then ask yourself. Do you think it is a right, or not?

We all talk about how independent journalism is very important to ward off the MSM bullshit. Well, that goes for music writing just as much (if not more) than everything else. Now, maybe YOU really love to listen to what Top-40 radio says is good, but I’d rather have other sources.

Sources like REAX Magazine. And they need some help. So why not pitch in a few bucks?

Hey folks, just wanted to let you all know a few things. First off, this blog has a new co-author, one I think you’ll all enjoy. My good buddy Matt has been gracious enough to get on board, so let’s all give him a good hello. His first post is below.

Also, I’ve updated the feeds accordingly. Here’s the breakdown:

The entire blog – http://feeds.feedburner.com/RestlessLikeMe

Norcross – http://feeds.feedburner.com/RestlessLikeNorcross
Matt – http://feeds.feedburner.com/RestlessLikeMatt

• RT @dekkerd: "High-ranking insurance PR flack defects, explains dirty tricks used to fight universal healthcare http://ff.im/-597Dj" in reply to dekkerd #
• out of all the alarm clocks that I own and use, @MammaEsq is the best. she knows my "5 more minutes" request is complete bullshit #
• I am hoping that forwarding my phone + my strongly worded out of office email response helped #

While I am classified as being in Gen-Y (I was born in 1980), I tend to ride the fence in terms of my perceptions vs. the general sentiment of bloggers out there. One thing I’ve noticed lately is many folks giving advice (which is really closer to their opinions) on what it takes to transition into the workforce. And most of it is bullshit. But as I see it being spewn about the internet, I can’t help but remember seeing the same thing happen to me when my son was born. So how is starting a career like being a new parent?

My son will be 2 years old in August, and it’s been a non-stop learning experience since the beginning, as both my wife and I were first-time parents. Once we announced to our friends and family that we were having a baby, the floodgates opened, and out poured more useless and unsolicited advice than you could imagine. The types of advice that we received can be categorized as follows:

General Advice

This kind is pretty harmless. Most likely, these folks are just passing on some bit of experience that they’ve acquired over time, and it’s broad enough so that, while not being very helpful, certainly isn’t bad.

Outdated

I’m not saying that there aren’t things to learn from older generations. Actually, I’m a big fan of that. However, when it comes to a lot of things about raising a kid, the world has changed from when you did it 50 years ago. The technologies and education environments (not to mention medical advancements) have changed the way a lot of things are done, and for the better.

Irrelevant

I have a boy who loves to smile, wants to watch baseball before cartoons, and hates (beyond belief) getting his hair wet in the shower. So please stop telling me how ‘such and such product / service / idea’ worked for your 5 year old girl. It’s not helping. And esp. since you don’t know a thing about me or my family, what makes your believe that what you have to say makes a difference at all?

So was there anything actually useful? You bet. And interestingly enough, it came from a friend of mine who (at the time) had a 1 year old. Their experience was relevant, timely, and proved to be valuable. She told me this:

“Over everything else, never ever let the child turn you two against each other”.

She was right.

While I could certainly say a lot about my opinions regarding Sarah Palin’s abrupt resignation, I’ll keep it to myself. However, my friend Matt said something that I feel needs to be shared:

Also, I just want to make a point about her crazy speech about quitting. She made an analogy about being like a point guard who knows when to pass the ball, instead of trying to always score, which is why she’s quitting. Um, as a very big basketball fan and someone who’s taken and passed a few college Literature classes, I really resent the analogy. If she really were the point guard, which you could argue as governor is the case, then the issue of passing the ball or scoring yourself is not comparable to quitting your job. If you pass the ball, you’re still in the game. Taking yourself out of a game is not being an effective point guard, that’s being an asshole.

Well said my friend.

If you’re somewhat active on Twitter, I’m sure you’ve seen the constant updates regarding the issue in Iran (for those that aren’t aware…well…look it up. It’s kinda big). You also may have noticed that many of the user avatars having a nice green overlay to them. It’s to support democracy in Iran, or so I’ve heard. While the gesture is nice, I think people are missing the point. Whether it’s green icons, a ribbon sticker on your car, or any other adoption of a cause, the simple acts people take do not give it any more credence.

I love sarcastic comedy, that’s not a secret. And when I say this twitter update from Michael Ian Black regarding Iran, I couldn’t help but laugh.

The point is this: if you want to make a difference, then do it. I highly doubt that any of the current leaders in Iran noticed the sea of green avatars and decided to change their views on democracy. I also didn’t see the issue (as of yet) get resolved in the way many folks were clammoring for. Greg Graffin put it well back in December 1998 in an essay titled “Web-Surdites” (original link not available, fan page listed here). In short,

The internet is so anonymous, and such a poor gauge of the emotional status of its users, that it is hard to verify if the words and pictures you are seeing were even generated by a human being at all.

Let us not blunder and assume that behaviors such as protest marches, sit-ins, benefit concerts, lectures, and other social gatherings can be reduced to electronic media that effectively filter out all human emotional connections. How do we measure the seriousness of a cause? We see it and experience it with our senses.

It was correct in 1998, and it’s still correct now. There are many people out there that are actively involved in a cause that they believe in, both foreign and domestic. But to do some small gesture electronically, then go about your day, seems to be a bit empty.

I admit, this blog has been somewhat quiet as of late. I’ve got a few drafts in the works, but they just aren’t quite ready for prime-time yet. Also, I’ve been gearing up for a big change that’s on the horizon (more information to come). In addition, I’ve been working behind the scenes with Jun Loayza and the Viralogy.com team on their new project: Viralogy Themes.

You can read all about it here.

(So does this mean I’m also “living the start-up life”?)

This is from one of my favorite writers, Tim Weaver, who writes at (among other places) at his blog Not So Subtle:

When you start taking care of your minority populations (France) and stop pretending to be anything more than a totalitarian dystopia (Russia) then maybe you can come down to our doorstep and tell us how to run our fucked up, egomaniacal, self-centered, self-gratifying, violent, depraved, hypocritical country. Until then, take that freshly printed newspaper, turn it sideways, and ram it right up your candy ass.

From the recent post “Really Russia? 4 Reals?”

That’s a level of anger and sarcasm I can get behind. Bravo, sir.

If you listen to some people, you’d think that social media is the elixir that’ll save the world, or at least corporate America. It’s also the A-#1 place to “brand” yourself and network, haven’t you heard? Forget the old ideas like “meeting people” and “talking to work associates”, just hop on-line, throw a few interests up, connect with the Chris Brogans of the world, get a nice head shot, and viola! your brand is complete!

Companies that “get it” allow and encourage things like Facebook at the office. Twitter is replacing email and other mediums as the go-to source for news and information. Sure it is. It’s also some of the dumbest, intellectually devoid garbage you’ll see in your life.

Facebook has become the place to find out how your friend from college grades out in the “What Jellybean Flavor Am I"?” quiz, their top 5 alcoholic beverages, and that they’re a fan of “Sleeping In”. And twitter? Some recent trending topics were such gems as  “#3wordsaftersex”, “#liesboystell”, and the ever important “#jonaswebcast”. Very critical information. Things I certainly want to share with my ‘network’. And let’s not forget about the also-rans such as Friendster, MySpace (still alive, but certainly not ‘cool’ anymore), Orkut, and a bunch of others you only hear about on TechCrunch and the like.

There are a lot of different social media sites on the web. Each have their own niche (or at least make the attempt), and some do it better than others. Facebook IS a good place to keep up with a wide scope of friends and family across the globe. Twitter is fantastic for getting quick answers, and helping out others. I’ll be the first to admit that twitter has been great for me, having been able to develop some pretty awesome relationships, lined up some freelance tech work, and given me an outlet for the random things that come out of my mind. And Facebook has been a godsend since my son was born, given that my available time has been greatly diminished. And yes, I still have (and use) MySpace, as it’s a great place to find new music. (I also met my wife there in 2004, but that’s another story altogether).

So what’s the point of all this? Whenever a new tool or medium comes out, people are quick to anoint it the new “[insert currently popular service here]” or “[widely used service]” – killer. Well, phones aren’t dead, email is still alive, and nothing replaces the real-deal human contact. So the next time someone tries to convince you that you’re screwed without the next latest and greatest thing, show them a LOLcat.

I promise I’m not dead, nor have I given up on this blog. Just been quite busy as of late, and writing has taken a back seat to things like “work” and “family”. There will be new posts soon, I promise.

I was recently interviewed by the very Jun Loayza as part of the Awesome Bloggers series he’s doing over at Viralogy. I definitely have a face for radio, that’s for sure.

You can check out the original here.

I’ve come to the time in my life where more and more of my friends are getting married. Good for them. As one who has gone through it myself, I’m a big fan. However, once the conversation moves to the planning portion, I’m at a loss. Once they start talking about the various hardships involved with choosing napkins, locations, etc. I can’t help but laugh quietly to myself. Then I think of this video, and laugh even harder.

So here’s my little secret: I planned my entire wedding, and I did it exactly how my wife and I wanted, for less than $1,000 (rings included). So for those who think a wedding is impossible for under $30,000, ditch the magazines. They’re lying to you.

So how did I do it? Here’s a quick breakdown.

• Got married on a public beach (free)
• Purchased inexpensive rings
• Purchased a very nice dress that wasn’t a “wedding” dress.
  • Bonus: it can be worn again!
• Had my father (a minister) do the service
• Had only immediate family at the service
• Had 4 separate receptions*
  • One for our friends at a local bar the night of the wedding.
  • One for my side of the family the following day (hosted by my parents)
  • One for my wife’s father’s side 2 weeks later
  • One for my wife’s mother’s side a few months later (planned around people coming in town)

Now, I understand that my experience can’t translate completely to you. But think these few things over.

• Decide EXACTLY what you and your spouse want first

Sounds easy enough, right? But remember, everyone else is going to have ideas for you. My wife and I decided what we wanted our wedding to be, before anyone else had a chance. Once we knew that, we could go ahead with the rest of the planning.

• Spend your own money whenever possible

There’s a reason for this. My wife and I didn’t have much money at all (still don’t, in fact) when we got married. She was still in law school, I had only recently began working a job that paid decently, and we were planning on purchasing a home. So every penny that went towards the wedding was money that couldn’t go towards the house or something more important, like student loan payments. Also, if someone else is footing the bill, they’ve got the (somewhat) justified reason to request that the wedding have / do certain things. Which leads me to my next point…

• Tell your family to (politely) butt out

You’ll have everyone tell you it’s “your day”. Then, they’ll proceed to tell you exactly what they think “your day” should be. Ignore them. You want to get married in a big church? Go for it. Want to get married in Vegas by a drive-thru Elvis? Rock on, do it. Don’t think that just because your mother wants something, you have to do it. Unless that’s what you’ve done your entire life. Which in that case…well…good luck.

• Pull favors and cut corners wherever you can, with one exception

As you can see above, we didn’t spend a lot of money on things that are traditionally expensive. In my opinion, the only thing worth the money is getting a good photographer. After all, the pictures are the only thing you’re really going to remember years down the road. And if it ends in divorce, you’ve got something tangible to burn.

When I was young, my father told me a few things. One of them was to be careful about offering unsolicited advice, since often times I won’t know the whole story. And that’s been true to this day.

Recently, there was a dust-up over a post regarding leaving a job and “burning bridges”. One post spawned numerous others. And I did my part, commenting on a few with my experience regarding the situation. As it often times happens, people disagreed, and thus ensued a back and forth of right and wrong, proper blogging etiquette, and so on. Granted, none of that really matters to me, as I feel people are allowed to do whatever they want with their lives, both on-line and off. And deal with the rewards or consequences that come along with it. Such is life. But another underlying theme arose: what responsibility does one have when giving advice? That thought gave me a “lightbulb” moment, in regards to my writing. While I have a good amount of experience or advice, I’m not really comfortable just putting it out there at will. Why? Because you didn’t ask.

I’ve developed somewhat of a reputation as a “Personal Google” amongst some people I’ve become friends with via places like Twitter and Brazen Careerist. Unlike MySpace and Facebook, these people never knew me beforehand, and only know what they’ve read or seen in a profile page. But as they’d ask a question, I’d give an answer. Mostly tech-related, but also other topics. I’ve also had personal, private conversations with folks who were going through something I had experience with. But those were one-on-one conversations, where my experience or advice was tailored to their specific issue. When I didn’t have an answer, I didn’t respond, or tried to connect them with someone who did. But do I just broadcast out how I think the world should be? No. Think of these scenarios:

• I have experience with Microsoft Windows, but you own a Mac.
• I have experience with managing assets held in a trust, but you don’t have a trust.
• I have experience with owning a home that had a sinkhole in Florida, but you rent an apartment in Chicago
• I have experience dealing with alcoholism and drug abuse, but you’ve never had more than 2 drinks in your life

The list could go on and on. In my 28.5 years on this planet, I’ve experienced a lot of things and met a lot of people. And I’ve always been keen on helping others out when I have the right tools to do it. But beyond that, it simply isn’t my place. That is, unless you ask.

Recently, I was involved in a brief conversation on Twitter with Jamie Varon, Andy Drish, and Nisha Chittal about using Twitter for accountability amongst each other. While it’s not a bad idea on face value, there are some fallacies that lie with most attempts at fostering some accountability.

1. You don’t want to do the task / job at all
2. You don’t have someone to call you on your failings
3. There are no consequences

Who in your life keeps you accountable? Is it a spouse / significant other, a parent, a close friend, an employer? There isn’t anything wrong with having these people in your life keep you accountable, assuming you’re actually doing what you’re supposed to do, any maybe only need some nudging along the way. The problem comes, however, when you fail. Or worse yet, when you never tried at all.

We all have responsibilities for things we’d rather not do. It’s called being a functioning member of society. Whether it’s childhood chores around the house, studying for an exam on a Saturday night in college, or balancing your checkbook as an adult, life is filled with boring, mundane tasks that no one wants to do. But it’s life. So we do them.

But what about the other stuff? You know, the thing that matter. You can’t be accountable to someone if they’re not willing to be the enemy, or you’re not willing to allow it. Most people don’t want to be the bad guy, at least not to someone they like. And for most family and friends, they can’t be impartial towards the situation. While I’d love for my wife and I to hold each other accountable when it comes to our household finances, at the end of the day we have to live with each other, and we’d rather not cause a fight.

If you really need to be accountable for something, you need an enemy. An asshole. Someone who really gets under your skin. Think about it. If the options are (a) do the task or (b) deal with an insufferable jerk, you’ll probably get whatever it is done, just to avoid the consequence of interacting with that person. It may sound counter-intuitive, but give it a try. You might be surprised at how much more eager you become. Either that, or just come to terms that you’re in the wrong situation and that task shouldn’t be on your plate to begin with.

Work / Life balance. It’s a popular topic these days, with some people saying it’s impossible, while others saying it’s a matter of priorities. While they have a point, in my experience they’re missing the big picture. Everyone has balance. Because everything has weight. So while it may seem like your life is in complete disarray, it is balanced in the way you decided it should be. Don’t like it? Then change it.

Does you life feel like this? At times, mine does. Between working a full time job, going to school part-time at night, doing freelance computer work, having a 20 month old son, and being married, there are times where I feel that there is way more on my shoulders than the ground underneath can hold. Yet the ground is still holding strong. So why the worry? For me, it means that I’ve given the wrong amount of weight to the wrong things in my life. When that happens, I have to reallocate. Things that were important one day aren’t the next. They can change weekly, daily, or even hourly.

For example: a few weeks ago I got a call from daycare that my son was sick. I had a meeting in an hour, and a lot of work to get done that afternoon. What did I do? I went and got my son. Now, it’s easier to do that when it comes to you kids. But I’ve done the same thing with work issues, family, and friends. To have a balance you’re comfortable with, you have to be OK with changing the weight of everything around you. I’ve got a simple order of things:

1. My son
2. My wife
3. Immediate family / Close friends
4. Work / Career
5. Me
6. School
7. Freelancing
8. Networking

Keep in mind one important thing: my priorities are NOT created equal. It isn’t about giving everything to everyone. Doing that just makes it worse. While I certainly know my career is important, I still leave the office at 5pm sharp to get my son from daycare. He’s simply more important. And if my brother calls me needing immediate help, then I won’t be making it to class that night. And note that I included myself on that list, albeit not at the top. I am not the most important thing in my life, as much as I’d like to be sometimes.

It’s just that simple. But only if you’re willing to make sacrifices. With the items of lower importance, people could perceive me any number of ways. But it is more important that I can live with my life than they can.

I had an eye-opening experience this evening. It wasn’t a new networking software or a panel of influential blogger. No, it was much simpler than that. I had dinner with a work colleague of mine and his wife. He’s the head of the new business (read: sales) of my firm, and has been in the business for a long time. He’s in his mid 60’s, and was close to retirement until the market tanked. He invited me over for dinner with he and his wife. And I must say, I learned more about networking and business practices tonight than I ever have before. If tonight was any indication, Gen-Y shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss the Boomers, but rather look to learn from their wealth of experience.

My colleague came and picked me up from my hotel, and we started having a conversation on the way there, discussing the day’s events in the market, news with our firm, real estate, and other random topics. Once we got to his home, he gave me the tour, and we watched some NCAA basketball while his wife finished dinner, with her joining us for conversation as the food cooked.

The whole evening was somewhat surreal. In the 3 hours from pick-up to drop off, I caught a glimpse of how business was done prior to the ease of digital tools we used. People actually KNEW each other for more than an avatar or screen name. He talked about business friends that he had from his days in the Navy and at previous firms over his 40+ year career. About how he taught himself how he bought his first laptop in 1990 and learned how to create a electronic slide show, and how it blew away the CEO and helped land a very large account. And how technology has evolved.

But I got something else from the conversations. In hearing his stories, I could relate many of them to my own. So things, while advancing at a rapid pace, still haven’t really changed much. Friends are still friends, networking is still empty if not cultivated and given the proper energy, family still matters, and hard work still gets the job done. So as we go marching into the workforce, let’s put down the pitchforks for a moment and see what experience is out there to learn.

Last weekend, I went to the Harvest of Hope Fest in St. Augustine, Florida. While I am still physically in pain, mentally I returned refreshed, recharged, and in an overall better mood. (I also came back having picked up smoking again, but that’s not important here).

Now, as a good geek and internet junkie, I brought both my smartphone and my netbook, along with all the chords and chargers to make sure I stayed connected. Did I? No. But not for the reasons you think. I got a good signal, was able to connect, and do whatever I needed to. But, unbeknownst to me, I went “off the grid”. And it was fantastic.

I kept my phone off and in my truck, only to turn it on when I called my wife. I fired up the netbook and uploaded each day’s pictures before I went to sleep, but that was mainly to keep the space free on my SD card. I barely checked Twitter, and I never once loaded Facebook or my Google reader. I had no desire to, really. Why? I was there with both old friends and new faces, enjoying what was going on around me. There was music, laughter, debauchery, and a little bit of insanity. And I loved every minute of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I think social media is great. I’ve made some great connections, and met a few people I truly consider friends that I otherwise would have never known. And it’s been a great way to keep up with people, esp. given my rather hectic life. I love using Twitter to both keep a quick check on what’s going on, and also to help people with computer issues (which is something I truly enjoy). Hell, I met my wife on MySpace, so I don’t have an ill word towards any of it. But I’ve noticed that more and more, social media and networking is replacing actual human interaction. If your first thought to any interaction or thought is to blog, facebook, or tweet about it, maybe you should look around and see if there is something missing. Why not have that conversation with someone else? So that person that you keep saying you’re going to get together with? Don’t send them a message on MySpace or write on their Facebook wall. Call them. On the phone. And go out and have lunch, or a cup of coffee. You’ll be surprised to see what a difference the real human interaction will make.

It’s always nice to get a raise. It’s even nicer to get a raise without, you know, actually getting a raise. When my wife began her career as a prosecutor for the state attorney’s office, I immediately got a $300 dollar raise. Now, I’m not a lawyer, nor do I work for the state. So why did I get a raise?

Heath insurance. Hers is free for the family, whereas mine was $300 a month. I am a real fortunate guy. For starters, the $300 a month was lower
than many people I know in the area, so I was already ahead to begin
with. And heck, I actually had a job that offered it, so I was golden. As I said, I’m fortunate.

My friend Kimi isn’t so fortunate.

You can read Part I here and Part II here

Now you’re probably reading this thinking that I want government to come in and save the day. Hardly. Most of the time, government can’t get out of its own way. And the current political landscape is so divided that no one in Washington will risk doing what’s right by sacrificing their political careers, as evidenced by the recent vote in the House on the financial bailout package. (And the pork that was added really upset me, but that’s another issue for another day) But I’m not a conservative who thinks that business will correct itself, either. Complete free markets, when left unchecked, will self destruct. Because all free market theories forget one basic principal: there are people involved. Emotions and greed negate most logical and rational theories. ]]>

Now back to the market itself*. There are many,
many issues at hand, and they’re all inter-related. The ‘biggest single point
drop ever’ that happened on Monday was actually the 17% largest in history. To
match the drop in 1987, it would have to have been 3x larger. And the Dow
itself isn’t the best indicator of the US market. It’s only 30 companies,
and it’s price-weighted, so a dollar gain in a lower priced company (which
would be a larger percentage) would be negated by a dollar drop in a higher
priced company. So while it’s a widely accepted barometer of the US stock
market, it’s not the end-all answer to what’s going on. Look at the S&P
500, or the Wiltshire 5000 to get a better perspective. And while you’re at it,
include the 10 year bond yield, the FTSE (London
exchange) and the MSCI EAFE (a broad European and Asian index) for
good measure. And let’s not forget the CDS (Credit Default Swap) market, which
is a $46 trillion (with a T) dollar unregulated market (in contrast, the NYSE
is $25 trillion). In other words, market analysis is a full time job, not
reading a headline. ]]>

Well, it seems that everyone has an opinion regarding the
recent financial mess. That’s to be expected, considering that this has a very
far-reaching effect on way more than just the Dow Jones Industrial Average. But
after reading various news reports, blogs, op-ed pieces, forwarded emails,
tweets, and everything in between, I’ve come to a realization: most people are
idiots, and shouldn’t be listened to.

Last night, I celebrated

It is undeniable that the ability to network is a great skill. With the right connections, careers are launched, deals are sold, and problems are solved. Whether the network has been developed on-line or in the local community (hopefully both), these folks can make or break a situation. You read articles on an almost daily basis about how to grow and use your network to your advantage, say when you’re job hunting. However, what are YOU doing for people in YOUR network?

I’ve got a nice little Saturday planned. The brief outline:

• Setting up a wireless network
• Replacing a hard drive and installing RAM on a laptop
• Reviewing mortgage paperwork and
  

  
  

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  Brazen Careerist. Then there is Second Life, which I know almost nothing about. Include places like flickr, twitter, and numerous other niche sites, blogs, and forums, and you’ve got a lot of choices to throw in your time, efforts, and opinions. But what to all of these virutal communities lack?
  ]]>

  
  

  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/n-i-m-b-y/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/n-i-m-b-y/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RestlessLikeNorcross/~3/22yzjQL4VhQ/ http://restlesslikeme.com/its-coming-right-for-us/#comments Mon, 18 Aug 2008 16:21:17 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/08/its-coming-right-for-us.html

  
  

  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/its-coming-right-for-us/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/its-coming-right-for-us/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RestlessLikeNorcross/~3/NYdlFAqw9DE/ http://restlesslikeme.com/film-noir/#comments Fri, 15 Aug 2008 02:18:36 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/08/film-noir.html

  living up to your ‘potential’, and how it was complete BS. I couldn’t agree more. Who’s deciding this potential? Is is an expectation due to my surroundings? Family? What else?

  What I find funny about that ‘potential’ that some people accuse others of not reaching is that, it’s always the potential for good. What about my potential for negative things? Self Destruction? Because I’ve shown more people that potential than anything else.
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  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/film-noir/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/film-noir/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RestlessLikeNorcross/~3/IIvnN-LXcxo/ http://restlesslikeme.com/save-your-generation/#comments Thu, 14 Aug 2008 07:50:58 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/08/save-your-generation.html

  I’ve been reading a lot on how my generation (I’m on the cusp of X and Y, according to people who decide such things) makes less than their parents, and how we’re not able to save for retirement and whatnot. Also, there is a movement to make salaries transparent. Funny, but I am not really a part of either. I currently make more than my mother or father do. Yet, they’re much better off than I am. So what gives?

  Lifestyle. Plain and simple.

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  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/save-your-generation/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/save-your-generation/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RestlessLikeNorcross/~3/jUv5jsAimS4/ http://restlesslikeme.com/more-de-palma-less-fellini/#comments Mon, 28 Jul 2008 03:38:00 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/07/more-de-palma-less-fellini.html

  (First off, my apologizes for the lack of posting. For what it’s worth, I do have a few drafts written up. Life has been hectic, what can I say)

  
  Recently, I’ve been interviewing people (along with my boss) for the second Investment Officer position in my department. Since the gal we hired decided to leave (blamed commute and gas prices), we’re back to where we were 6 months ago. Which, all in all, isn’t that big of a deal. But the big part for me has been learning how to interview, and getting feedback from my boss about questions, responses, etc. It’s been quite the experience, to say the least. Given that my boss and I have more of a friendship / mentor relationship that an employer / employee relationship, I really do value his opinions and feedback.

  Holly over at WorkLoveLife has begun to blog about being accountable in the various aspects of her life. It’s quite an ambitious goal, given the transparency that the internet can either give, or hide. But I admire it.

  For me, I have quite a few people I’m held accountable to. As a former boss put it, I have a “board of directors” in my life. Every successful business has one, why not a successful life? Here’s mine:

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  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/more-de-palma-less-fellini/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/more-de-palma-less-fellini/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RestlessLikeNorcross/~3/wezCrRSKSvc/ http://restlesslikeme.com/heresy-hypocrisy-and-revenge/#comments Sun, 29 Jun 2008 00:27:41 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/06/heresy-hypocrisy-and-revenge.html

  most recent tattoo last week. It’s a big one. It’s my 7th. I started getting tattoo’d when I was 20, and I’ve never really looked back. I’ve had pieces in magazines, placed in contests, and had internationally known artists work on me.

  Then I read this article. Basically, according to Mr. Carpenter, I am a subhuman freak. On par with prostitutes, pimps, people with mental illness, and ancient tribal people. Frankly, I was offended by what he said. And I’m not offended very easily. While I understand everyone doesn’t appreciate or agree with my choices of self-expression (my parents being in that category), it certainly isn’t mutilation. And putting the artists in quotes, as to infer that they aren’t indeed talented artists? I’d like to see him attempt to draw something with a vibrating pen on a squirming person.

  But he can’t. But he’s too busy making broad judgments. Like assuming that Mike Tyson’s face has anything to do with my ink (it doesn’t) or that, in his own words, “No one can deny that the heaviest concentrations of tattoos occur in
  the lowest segments of society — prostitutes, pimps, pugs, prison
  inmates, Ku Klux Klansmen and the members of street and motorcycle
  gangs.” (they don’t).

  So basically, in Mr. Carpenter’s world, I’m a freak. And yet, on any given day, Mr. Carpenter would have no idea I’m the kind of person he knows nothing about, yet feels the need to chastise. Heck, he may even think I’m a nice family man. As stated by one of my favorite bands, Good Riddance, “hatred is the stillborn child of ignorance and boredom”. Sounds like Mr. Carpenter has too much time on his hands.
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  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/heresy-hypocrisy-and-revenge/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/heresy-hypocrisy-and-revenge/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RestlessLikeNorcross/~3/5MHnlc3C3OM/ http://restlesslikeme.com/spring-break-1899/#comments Wed, 18 Jun 2008 03:53:22 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/06/spring-break-1899.html

  It’s annual review time again! Like every year before this, I struggled to fill out my portion of the review. It used to be an issue of an inability to (a) remember what the hell I did the last year, (b) not focus on my failings, and (c) not come across as an arrogant asshole. Now, there’s still the issue of remembering what I did, but I find myself walking the thin line of honesty and self-promotion. I’ve never been a self-promoter. Not my style. But over the last year, I’ve worked towards being able to allow myself to take credit for my success, and also take accountability for my mistakes. And doing so, I’ve made very few mistakes.

  Isn’t that where it’s at? I mean, no one likes to admit they’re wrong. But if you don’t ever do it, you’ll never see why you’re making mistakes, and you’ll never correct the behavior to move forward.

  Each of my reviews I’ve had since taking my current position have gone really well. This one is no different. The raises have been sizable (esp. considering the current market), and more importantly, the feedback and communication has been transparent. I know where I am, I know what my boss thinks of me, and we are working together. It’s a good feeling to know that we’re all on the same page.
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  ]]> http://restlesslikeme.com/spring-break-1899/feed/ 0 http://restlesslikeme.com/spring-break-1899/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RestlessLikeNorcross/~3/WgEt65diFcQ/ http://restlesslikeme.com/another-state-of-mind/#comments Fri, 06 Jun 2008 01:57:48 +0000 Norcross http://www.restlesslikeme.com/2008/06/another-state-of-mind.html

  
  

  This originally appears as a guest post at the Home Office Warrior.
  

  
  

  In walking to the parking
  garage with a co-worker recently, the conversation turned to telecommuters. At
  some point, the mention of the “office camaraderie” and friends at the office
  was mentioned, and how those working from home were missing out. In my usual
  fashion, I made a sarcastic comment, “I’d like to think that I am more
  qualified and better at choosing my friends than HR. Furthermore, I’d hope that
  HR has the job description in mind more than my preferences on music and
  cigars.” We got to our respective vehicles, and went about our lives. But the
  conversation still stuck in my head. Where did the idea of the “office friend”
  come from? Why do people think it is so important?

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