Fitness is Life

My tryst with affirmations

2011-05-07T11:45:00.014+05:30

We all know what affirmations are. We all know how they work and we all practice them, from time to time in our day to day life situations.

The first time I came to know about affirmations was through a radio show where the RJ was a colour therapist and advised listeners to practice affirmations along with some colour therapy techniques. My curiosity was piqued and I was intrigued. It was just a notion, something new and enticing and I was not convinced. It was much later on, when I first read “THE SECRET” by Rhonda Byrne that I decided to give them a shot. So, I started dabbling in them, not so religiously, on and off, for things small and big. And to my huge delight and utter amazement it yielded results.

Affirmations affect our thoughts. Our thoughts shape our beliefs and our beliefs create our reality. My usual practice is to write or verbally repeat my goal, dream or desire 15-20 times a day in present tense. I try to visualize and concentrate on what I really want and let go of all my anxieties and tensions while affirming. It's a fun filled experience where I set my imagination free. Affirmation equips me with wings to reach out to my wishful thinking. They make me focus on my goal and turn it into something more attainable. Nowadays, I am also using a free cosmic ordering service (http://thecosmicorderingsite.com/) as a tool for practising affirmations.

My tryst with affirmations has been sweet for the most part. Affirmations have really metamorphosed the way I think and believe. They have been instrumental in injecting a fresh stream of positive energy in my life. They have helped in revamping my negative thought-process and harmonizing my gloomy ruminations time and again. Through them I have managed to reprogram my self-talk that constantly runs amok in my mind. A harbinger of HOPE!

You might ask do they really work? Are they a mere piece of trickery? Wishful imagery? Do they encourage day dreaming? A designer of illusions? Does the curtain of positivity really hides the grotesque? Do we just view life with rose tinted glasses? A bulwark between outlook and reality?

It doesn’t matter! I don’t care. I am not bothered about their behind the scene intricacies and functional mechanics.I find them magical. Something wonderful yet inexplicable. Fascinating and yet puzzling. In a way they are a form of prayer where I ask for what I want not from any deity but from supreme divinity – the cosmos itself! And I am living my dreams through them!!

You can also read more about them on: http://www.successconsciousness.com/index_00000a.htm

Nothingness

2011-05-03T11:46:00.000+05:30

Into the depths of this dark night I lay,
its realms unfolding beneath my eyes,

each matching the darkness of my life,

side by side...step by step.

There is a glimmer of moon behind the clouds,

it's rays like droplets on my parched lips.

My thirsty soul bleating with pain...reaching out, seeking, searching.

Alas into nothingness..............

(A short poem penned down by me a couple of years back when I was going through a rough patch in my life.)

Plight of women

2011-05-02T13:02:00.002+05:30

My heart cringes at the injustice of it all. Am I destined to a life like that? Are women everywhere destined to a life like that?

I always heard my mom speaking about it while I was growing up. I saw it happening all around me in each and every household. But I never quite related to it. I was a detached audience. Never believed that one day I would be going through the same machinations. Rather it would be expected of me.

That as a bride and a wife I should abide and follow all decisions taken in the household unquestioningly. Irrespective of the fact that they may be right or wrong. Irrespective of my happiness quotient involved. I should consider myself beneath my male counterparts and my only aim in life should be to serve them. I do not have a right to speak my mind. I should accept chauvinism as my second skin. I should sacrifice and surrender at each point of my life. I should suffer in silence. And even after doing all this I should be prepared to be treated as an outsider all my life. Coming last after everybody else!!!

Where is my home then? Surely not at my parent's! And if it's here in my new home then why my integrity, my priorities and my judgment are examined. I will do it all, willingly if I want to, for the betterment and growth of the family, out of my love and care. So why does it has to be poured down my throat life this!

Why are we educated then? Why are we told we are equals? This would have been far easier on me if I would have been told to shut off my free thinking equally intelligent mind. I reckon it must be easy for those women who have not known otherwise or who have been brought up for a similar role.

The double standards and hypocrisy of it all sickens me! This is a social malice. This is how society functions. But I refuse to be part of it. I refuse to be trodden all my lifetime.

I don’t think I am a feminist. I have never thought about women empowerment and gender equality. Neither am I preaching anything here. My issue is more basic. It's about me as an individual. It’s about my right to make my own personal choices and decisions. It’s about my self-respect. It’s about my survival. Surely I can be trusted with my own life!

Am I asking for too much? Am I selfish? Am I too liberated? Or is each one of us in the same predicament.

If only............

2011-04-30T12:16:00.000+05:30

One of the recurring phrases in my thoughts is IF ONLY....

If only I was rich...If only I had more time.......

The desires are endless and dreams illimitable. Every day, every night and with every passing moment I thirst for my unsated fantasies. I want to explore untrodden avenues. Something more challenging. Something more intriguing. The deep corners of my mind beckon me time and again. Dreams, fantasies and desires knock on my mind's window intermittently. Figments of my imagination, fabrication of my creativity, my very own fairyland. Oh so very alluring........

If only I could enjoy long solitary walks in warm summer afternoons. Smell musty yellow pages of leather bound classics in some old time ravaged library. Breathe in the intoxicating fragrance of wet soil. Rejoice in the sensation of cold fat rain droplets on warm sweat drenched skin. Feel the warmth seeping into my hands from a cup of tea on chilly winter mornings. Read mounds of books. Travel to exotic destinations. Cook to my heart's content. Bake crispy cookies and scrumptious cakes. Dance, sing and shout without a worry in the world. Sleep, eat and drink life.

No run of the mill job. No fake appearances. No social obligations. No procrastination. No stress.

How enthralled I would be? How delightful it would be? To subjugate to my whims and fancies without a second thought. To indulge to my heart's content. To pander my urges. Bewitched like a child. Beguiled like a stranger. Unencumbered, uncluttered, free.

Some day....One day........

My unspoken promise to myself!!!

Managing time....

2011-04-27T17:26:00.001+05:30

I wish if I only had another couple of hours extra each day. There so much I could accomplish. But time seems to fly, days blurring into weeks and weeks into months. I have been lazy and laid back my entire life. I love day dreaming and making castles in the air. But now in retrospect, when I look back and ponder, I realize I wasted a huge chunk of my life. I could have achieved so much. I could have learnt so much. I could have scored better marks in school. I could have been a different person altogether! Maybe I wouldn't have been feeling, the way I have been feeling lately!

A 6-days working schedule where I am out of the house for more than 12 hours doesn't leave me much time for myself. Also, being married entails shouldering responsibilities of running a home smoothly which demands a lot of my attention. But taking out some "ME" time is a prerequisite fo me now. I want to do things which are intrinsic to my happiness and fulfill my basal needs. Apart from being an employee and a housewife...I want to be Kavya as well....if only for a little while. Time when I can recharge my batteries and feed my hungry soul. Time when I can love myself.

So, managing my time judiciously is the second thing on my list which I have planned to tackle early on (the first being my 30 days off Facebook about which I will write later after it's completion ). I hope lessons learnt during the coming month would put me in a good stead while pursuing other items on my list.

For this, I have made a time table for myself where I have tried to include all activities which I usually do or like to do. I have kept Saturdays evenings and Sundays free from it. My aim in doing this is not to make my life mechanical, nor to bound myself in some way. Rather I want to do certain things from day to day basis which otherwise frustrate me a lot when left undone. Non-essential tasks would not be able to eat into my schedule. What spurred me on was the realization that I have been putting off exercising and dancing because of this time warp I have been living in. So when I jotted it all down I was able to include everything along with some spare time left to pursue my hobbies and other leisure activities. In foresight, from now on I would not be able to procrastinate about my exercise routine or complain about lack of sufficient time. This has eased my stress to a great extent.

I have never led such a disciplined life. Nor I have ever put any restrictions on my time. But strangely enough, my new time schedule looks promising, interesting and challenging to me. There is so much I could get accomplished. So why not try something different? At least by the end of it all I would surely discover something more about myself. So I am all set to roll....

The 30 Day challenges

2011-04-22T16:19:00.001+05:30

Something always keeps gnawing at me no matter how well I spend my days. In those few coherent moments when I lie down on bed to sleep at night my heart keeps trying to convey something to me. There is this feeling of dissatisfaction...of incompleteness....something missing...like a piece of some jigsaw puzzle. Why does my life feels stunted...limited....restricted...bounded. As if something is holding me back! I would like to clarify that there are no boundations on me and I lead a perfectly liberated life. Maybe it's my own FEAR......

So one day I sat down and started to wonder what it was? Why am I dissatisfied? I have my dream job and I am married to the person I love. So what next??

There are a multitude of things in and around me that entice me..beckon me..keep tugging at my heartstrings. Those are the things which I perhaps want to do or experience in this lifetime. I want to widen my horizons, sprout wings and fly headlong into them. I want to develop a taste, sharpen my senses and hone my skills. I want to feel more human. I want to GROW!

So today I wrote them down in a list. To my amazement my list grew longer and longer with each passing moment (And before you say it I want to let you know that it's not a Dasvidaniya effect! It has been years since I last saw that movie.) My list stems from the fact that now when I have started giving importance to my own self, I would like to learn, and experience a plethora of things which can help in reinforcing my positive self image and contribute towards my personal development.

The idea how to do it and fit it in...with my day to day schedule already choc-a-bloc....came from an article by American personality development guru Steve Pavlina. While browsing through his blog I came across his 30 day challenge theory. And it totally bowled me OUT.

Doing something for only one to half an hour each day only for 30 days doesn't sounds too intimidating. It's only when we think about doing it for a long we loose our momentum in the beginning itself. So I have decided to pick one item from my list and do it religiously for 30 days. By the end of which I would have learnt something new and will feel much better about myself.

I would off course describe my monthly endeavours, trials & tribulations in my future posts and thus document and share my unique journey.

My journey of self-discovery......

2011-04-21T14:26:00.002+05:30

Then……

I was not happy! Rather I was really unhappy!

After much soul searching (and a lot of googling), I found the source of all my problems.....my emotional dependence on my husband (who is also my best friend, guide and support system). ). I had nurtured my relationship for 4 years and invested much of my time and emotions into it, almost to the point that I lost my sense of SELF!

The only way to get back all what I had lost was to resurrect myself as an individual. For that I needed to redevelop my worth and self esteem in my own eyes.

Hence, I embarked on this new journey, RESURRECTING my life, hoping to turn my life around. But most importantly I decided to fall in LOVE with myself…..

Now….

Its been two months since I embarked on this journey of self-discovery. My quest to discover my worth, confidence and love for myself. And like any other journey it had its own share of ups and downs, highs and lows. It was long time overdue and it took me a while to warm up to it. But it was totally WORTH IT!!!

Taking out time for myself, a little here and a little there. Stealing those precious few moments every now and then. Listening to music, pampering myself, striving to looking good all the time, watching comedy shows and cartoons, connecting with friends, socially on Facebook and calling up old pals and schoolmates, cooking to my heart's content. Embracing spirituality including a daily pooja routine to make me feel more earthed and at peace with myself. Reading self help articles on net incessantly. Doing conscious efforts to SMILE a lot. All this and lot more...a few baby steps in the beginning have now made a tremendous impact on how I perceive my life and my self.

To become strong and independent…more so emotionally... is not as easy task. The changes are daunting and scary. You question yourself each day and it’s difficult to keep up the momentum. Old habits are hard to break and they keep pulling you back. And you are forever haunted by the fear of loosing on to the love of the person from whom you are trying to get emotionally independent. It doesn’t happen overnight…..it’s a constant process…a struggle….and we learn from our experiences and grow stronger with each passing day.

My turbulent journey these past two months was also fraught with moments when I was so frustrated that I just wanted to yell and some weak moments when I just gave in and cried my heart out. But the best part is that these episodes were very few and far between and short-lived. This time I was ready to bounce back with renewed vigor and energy.

For me LIFE HAS JUST BEGUN!!!! And I am loving every moment of it.