Yeah, I've been lurking more than I should, but work at Legume's is taking more of my time and that's a good thing! The powers-that-be have increased my hours, so that means mo' money, mo' money, MO' money!

I'm going to take Freddie's advice about keeping work rants on the down-low, because I really like this job.

Buuuuuuut, something happened recently that I just have to share with y'all...

Just yesterday, two 60-ish Asian women were browsing the shoe department. After some minor language-barrier problems, I brought out several pairs of our lightweight hiking boots.

That's when the older of the two ladies took off her shoes and socks and I saw that the tips of her toes were black! (and not with dirt!)

She said something to her companion and the companion asked me, "What cause's that?"

In my head, I scrolled down the list of possible responses:

("Diabetes")

("Wearing shoes that are too tight")

("Long periods of inactivity")

("Frostbite")

and

("EEEWWWWW!")

But I settled on: "Ma'am, I'm not a doctor, but I think your friend should get that checked out...soon!"

She relayed that info, they both nodded and took their purchases up to the registers. Meanwhile, I'm thinking "Why would you POSSIBLY let a condition like that just slide? And why ask a shoe salesman for a medical diagnosis?"

I'm still shaking my head over that one.

...and the dance goes on.

Peace.

--Joe the Cigar Guy

For those that don't know Free People is an actual clothing line.

From Bitterbookaddict:

ME: Hi, how are you.

CRUSTY: I’M ONLY LOOKING!

(I know you’re only looking but I’m only being polite, please be polite back)

*    *    *

ME: Hi, how are you?

CRUSTY: (doesn’t even acknowledge my existence)

*    *    *

(This happens all the time when I’ve been super nice to a crusty that comes in needing some random book desperately and they need it NOW. I’ve looked everywhere, called other stores, checked online sites and even called publishers)

ME: I’m afraid it seems that we don’t have it at the moment at this location but you can try to.......

CRUSTY: (interrupts me) Oh, don’t worry about it, I’m not in that much of a hurry.

(Could have fooled me, WTF?!?!?!?)

*    *    *

(There used to be a restaurant on the level above that closed recently so this has happened at least 5 times a shift)

I’m in the middle of serving someone else when somebody yells at me from the door.

CRUSTY: Is the restaurant up stairs really closed??

(No, we’re just kidding, GOT YA........ The elevator is not only not active there are two racks of postcards and books in front of it, same goes for every staircase in the building)

ME: (I have to be rude to the customer I’m already serving and deal with the yeller) Yes, it moved to *other location*

CRUSTY: Where is that?

(Seriously, I’m helping someone else, be polite and wait for fu***** 5 seconds)

ME: It’s next door to *well known local place*

CRUSTY: Where is that?

ME: Do you know where *bar* used to be?

CRUSTY: Yeah

ME: It’s there.

CRUSTY: (walks away without saying thank you or anything)(or says, I’m sorry I’m from out of town)

*    *    *

There is a Tourist information centre on the second floor in the summer but the sign hangs on the house all year. So when tourists come in and ask for the tourist centre and get mad at me for deceiving them. I don’t own the store, I want the sign down but it’s not my decision. I get really tired of telling people where to eat dinner or lunch or giving directions to sights around the city.

*    *    *

CRUSTY: Hi, I’m looking for a book written by some guy.....

(No shit Sherlock, this is a bookstore could you narrow it down a bit??)

ME: Ok, do you have the title of the book or the authors’ name?

CRUSTY: No, can’t you look it up in your computer.

ME: not without a title or authors’ name. Do you know if it’s new and what genre it’s in?

CRUSTY: No, you guys don’t anything!!

(Gets mad at me for not knowing anything and being stupid)

 *    *    *

Another version of this is:

CRUSTY: I’m looking for the book that was on *local TV show about books*

ME: Do you remember the name of the book or author?

CRUSTY: No, it was on about 30min. Ago didn’t you see it?

(No I didn’t see it I was working)

ME: no I’m afraid I didn’t, do you remember anything about the book?

CRUSTY: (gets mad at me because I don’t watch TV at work)

*    *    *

CRUSTY: walks to the register while on the phone, doesn’t engage me just keeps talking on the phone.

ME: (I have the rule that if someone is on the phone I don’t talk to him and if there are other people waiting I serve them before the talker)

I handle the transaction as no one was waiting.

CRUSTY: gets his product, receipt and everything in a bag. Still stands there talking on the phone not moving, 5 minutes later he ask if I put a gift sticker on his book.

ME: no, you didn’t ask for one.

CRUSTY: You’re supposed to offer, I shouldn’t have to ask.

ME: (I put a gift sticker on the book) Well even if i had you were on the phone and according to company rules I should have waited until the call was over to serve you.

(He still got mad at me for not offering him a gift sticker, he didn’t hear me when I tried because he was on the phone but it’s still my fault)

*    *    *

ME: Would you like to keep the receipt?

CRUSTY: Sorry???

ME: would you ..........

CRUSTY: yes. (stares at it for a few seconds, can you throw this away for me/ leaves it on the counter)

ME: (STOP WASTING PAPER!!!!)

*    *    *

(where I’m from we use Good day and not Hi, how are you to greet people)

ME: Good day

CRUSTY: Good EVENING!!

*    *    *

(I work inside, it’s always bright for me and I know social conventions say that after 6 we change from good day to good evening but as I say; I’m inside and I don’t have my eye on the clock)

CRUSTY: Is this marked down?

ME: No, I’m afraid not

(if it doesn’t have a sticker on it advertising a lower price then no, it isn’t marked down!!)

--Bitterbookaddict

From Zombrarian:

I was in a major chain pet store buying aquarium chemicals and tried to use my "rewards" card at the checkout.

The cashier kept scanning it and scanning it, but it wouldn't go through. I turn it over, it's for a major pet store chain, but apparently a different one.
 
I say, "This isn't PetXXXt??", still looking at the card.

"No, ma'am, it's PetYYY."

I actually said to him, "Are you sure???"

I slowly look up at him, with a "OMG did I just really say that??" look on my face.

He is looking at me with a "WTF, did you really just say that" look on HIS face, and a smirk. 

I just filled out for a new card for that store, and proceeded to apologize for my senior moment. We shared a sympathy laugh, and I went on my merry way. 

I knew he was going to share this with his co-workers when I left, and hopefully they'd have a good laugh and at least be glad I apologized and realized my own mistake. Gads, I'm a dolt sometimes. But it was early and I hadn't had enough caffeine yet.

--Zombrarian

From Yahoo:

This comically tragic story was the first of its kind at the restaurant, whose slogan ‘Taste Worth Dying for’ might need to be rethought after the man was taken out of the eatery by paramedics. Thankfully, he survived.

The infamous American eatery unapologetically serves up calorie-rich and fat-laden food. The burger in question costs £7 ($11.10) and contains a 1.5 pound beef burger served with several slices of processed cheese and the option of 15 slices of bacon for an extra £1. 76 ($2.77).

Shockingly, this isn’t even the unhealthiest item on the menu. The Quadruple Bypass Burger features two pounds of meat, processed cheese and 20 bacon slices for an extra £2.35 ($3.69). Other items on the menu include the butterfat milkshakes, ‘flatliner’ chips fried in pure lard, non-filtered cigarettes and ‘Fat Bastard’ brand wine. 

The staff members at the Heart Attack Grill are given fake medical names to tie in with the theme of the restaurant

‘Nurse’ Bridgett, who was working at the restaurant when the incident occurred, told Fox5 News: "He was having the sweats and shaking.”

The owner of the restaurant, ‘Doctor’ Jon Basso, was shocked by the incident.

The man’s name is being kept private but he is recovering from the heart attack.

This incident might be a wake-up call to an establishment that lets diners over 25 stone eat for free and that features a sign at the door stating that the offered dining fare is a health risk.

Maybe they were just being proactive?

Do think this theme restaurant is funny, or an affront to good health?

via uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com

RHU welcomes an LOL animated mini series called Adventures in Retail by Suzy Berhow. I will post new ones as she makes them!

From Desk Jockey:

I'm a desk jockey now (damn economy...), but I spent a few years working retail - first in a big box store, now famous for its cheap designer clothing (that vultures snap up and hawk on eBay), then in a Game Store that shared floor space with a Video Chain (now bankrupt, thank god).  Honestly?  I loved working retail.  Maybe it was sheer luck, but I had tons of sweet customers and only a few bad bosses along the way.  I ended being fired from my last stint with the game store, but through no fault of my own.  If it paid living wages ($50 to $60k a year), I'd go back without a second thought, I really would. 

Today's story is "Racist District Managers from Hell (And Chicago)"!

This story takes place during the middle of my tenure with the Game Store Chain, after I'd settled into a familiar groove of thirteen to fifteen hour shifts, six days a week (Also known as "Absentee coworker syndrome").    

I'd also gotten a chance to get to know all the regular customers, which was important since this was the only game store in the absolute worst neighborhood in the city (the kind of place cops only show up to check out long-dead murder victims), and the difference between success and robbery was knowing the community.  

Anyway, one of my regulars is in the store checking on the stock of our Nintendo Wii units, wanting to know when we'll get more, etc.  The guy easily drops $300 a week in my store and has two adorable, well behaved kids, so we're on fantastic terms.

Unfortunately, our District Manager is visiting our store (she's just across the state border in Illinois), and brought her Chicago DM friend with her for advice on how to run our store.

It's worth noting one more fact.  I am the sole white employee at this store.  The neighborhood in question is predominantly filled with those of darker complexion than myself (African, Latino, etc).  Both of the DMs in my store are, you guessed it, whiter than Jim Gaffigan.

Anyway, I'm chatting up my regular when I get pulled over by the District Managers to a corner out of earshot, where the following exchange takes place.

District Manager: What the hell do you think you're doing?!

Me: Uhm, my job?  What do you mean, did I do something wrong?  He already has the Premium Membership card...

Chicago DM: Not that.  Why'd you tell him when you're getting more Wii consoles?

Me: Because he asked?  I don't get it.

DM: We don't give that information out to people like that!

CDM: Exactly. When you give them that kind of information, you either get robbed, or you get more of them.  That's not the image we're trying to culti

vate here.

DM: Yeah, we're trying to bring in more..."profitable" clientele.

Me: I don't...I don't understand.  What do you mean, "them"?

DM, CDM in unison: Blacks.  

CDM: We want bleach-white soccer moms, not a bunch of sooty street rats.

My eyes must've popped out of their sockets in horror at what they just said, because my DM immediately began trying to backpeddle.

DM: What he means, is that middle class people tend to spend more money...

The incredibly racist conversation continues for a few minutes, before I promptly excuse myself back to my store and help my customers.  Still, that little bit pretty much eroded any respect I had for Senior Management.  Luckily, the parent company (which controlled two video chains and my game chain) went belly-up post-Christmas, and both District Managers lost their jobs overnight.

Me?  I went on to a Data Center Internship that paid more, and was a ton of fun.

I still miss my custy's, though

--Desk Jockey

From Huff Po:

EXTON, Pa. -- A hefty southeastern Pennsylvania man is behind bars after police say he walked naked into a Walmart and stole a pair of socks.

Thirty-two-year-old Verdon Lamont Taylor was arrested Wednesday night after police say he stripped off his clothes in the parking lot of the Exton store and went inside.

Police say surveillance footage shows the 6-foot-4, 300-pound Downingtown man walking around the store. Authorities say they used a stun gun to subdue him after he refused to comply with officers' orders.

Taylor was arraigned on charges including aggravated assault and indecent exposure. He's being held on $50,000 bail at Chester County Prison.

Online court records do not list an attorney for Taylor.

via www.huffingtonpost.com

Soft Ice Girl gets a Retail Balls Award for putting a rude student in his place:

Good day, fellow RHU-ers!

I am out ouf retail for a while now, yet I had a recent crusty encounter- I work as a tutor for research methods in psychology, for the fourth year now, and I must say that I absolutely adore my job!

If I didn´t have to get up so early for it (8 am class, urgh), I would do it for free.

The class works like this: The students come over, we hand them work sheets and they solve the problems in there. If they have questions, they can ask one of us.

Normally the students are super nice, thankful for the help, and sweet (as they are in the first semester, so they ask cute little newbie-questions), but a few weeks ago, I had my first crusty encounter EVER!

I was sitting on my bench, scanning the class for raised hands, and this stupid fuck snaps his fingers, whistles, and as I look at him in disbelief, he waves at me in this "Italian mafioso" manner- outstretched arm, chin raised, hand does not move, only the fingers do a "come here" motion.

Really, he did all the disrespectful "calling someone" behaviours at once. Do there exist any more? I think there would be only shouting "garcon!!" left to be more of an asshole.

My boss was sitting right next to me and all she did was raise an eyebrow.

I went over there, ready to rumble.

Stupid fuck: Yeah, I don´t know how to solve this problem, can´t find the approach.

Me: Ok, if you have a question, I am happy to help you. You can raise your hand, or call my name, just like the other students do. What you cannot do to call me, is snap your fingers, whistle or gesture like a mafioso.

Stupid fuck: What? Why?

Me: Because I am not a dog.

Stupid fuck: Oh, come on. It´s not such a big deal.

Me: Well, you heard me. If you want help, call one of us in an appropriate manner or noone will react.

With these words, I turned around and went back to bench, where my boss was still sitting. I told her what hat happened and luckily, she approved.

The stupid fuck sat there for a while, stared at his paper, then packed his things and went home. I think that he learned his lesson as last week, he raised his hand when he had a question.

--Soft Ice Girl