The knowledge of who started an idiotic idea is of no use to the general population, there are idiots and dumb ideas coming around by the millions every day. It only takes a moment’s time in a general user forum to see how ignorant or completely retarded people might be. The United State of America has given all of those retarded people a chance at a voice even, no matter the stupidity it might spout.

While learning about the wonder of today’s ignorance, Retard News came upon a petition for the Obama administration to Eliminate armed guards for the President, Vice-President, and their families, and establish Gun Free Zones around them. If you actually don’t understand how retarded this is then it’s totally understandable that you are at Retard News for helping to break it down into the most simplistic way possible.

Imagine the President of the United States of America without a single person to help protect against anything and everything. Not a bodyguard, not even someone within arm’s distance that has the ability to offer protection. That’s what is being “asked” by some people, though I question how American the people might actually be.

When reading further, the paragraph supporting the petition is extremely weak and worthless in it’s support:
Gun Free Zones are supposed to protect our children, and some politicians wish to strip us of our right to keep and bear arms. Those same politicians and their families are currently under the protection of armed Secret Service agents. If Gun Free Zones are sufficient protection for our children, then Gun Free Zones should be good enough for politicians.

As of Monday, 28 January 2013 there were over 29,000 signatures, most likely all electronic signatures of people that are really ignorant or just stupid.

Wanna prove your stupidity, sign up!

Since there’s not really a way to know when someone within the government will realize the wasted petition and remove it, here’s a partial screen shot for your viewing pleasure:

The post Petition to make the President unsafe appeared first on Retard News.

This of course happened in Chicago, where violent crime is higher than anywhere at anytime has been in recent history.

Thankfully there is a little action still in progress with the CVS manager killing the homeless shoplifter. A U.S. Congressman has taken a defensive stance and wants some answers.

Anthony Kyser was a 35-year old homeless man who had a family, and that family is seeking some justice.

Anthony’s mother, Ann Marie Kyser, filed a lawsuit claiming the store manager committed battery and that CVS is liable. That case is still pending in Cook County Circuit Court, with an outcome not likely to make anyone happy.

The grainy surveillance video from the alley near the Little Village CVS was obtained from a source by DNAinfo.com Chicago. That video shows Kyser being surrounded by more than just the CVS manager, it also shows that people helping the manager were complete bullies and were hitting, kicking, and or piling on top of the already subdued man. The manager of CVS, Pedro Villanova, swears he was punched in the face. Unfortunately there is no video of that taking place.

Pedro Villanova is choking and killing a man in the video. Charges were never brought up against Pedro as the police originally stated, “The video was reviewed by detectives as part of their investigation at the time,” Chicago Police Department spokeswoman Lt. Maureen Biggane said. “It was determined that criminal charges were not warranted.”

Hmmm… a man steals a tube of toothpaste, he’s killed, and that doesn’t warrant further investigation or charges?

Through his attorney, Villanova acknowledges he “held onto Anthony Kyser on the ground while defending himself after being struck,” according to court records. The video shows no strike to Pedro.

In court filings, Villanova acknowledges his “arm came into contact with decedent Anthony Kyser’s throat” and he heard Kyser say “I can’t breathe.”

Why stop at that point?

Soon after Kyser’s death, an outraged U.S. Rep. Bobby Rush, a Chicago Democrat, sent a letter to Cook County State’s Attorney Anita Alvarez demanding action for the “brutality visited upon a homeless man.”

At least Bobby Rush is standing up for people when police that don’t care refuse to.

The post CVS kills the homeless appeared first on Retard News.

What Richard has that most criminals lack is the stupidity to believe that he’ll be alright when he starts the action of being a criminal.

Richard knew about the security cameras and precautions taken at Kenney’s Seafood because he had worked there, so intelligently Richard decided to hide his face (and most of his head) from the security cameras… unfortunately his new bucket hat didn’t keep his face hidden the entire time he was at the restaurant, allowing police a glimpse at his face which was enough for current employees to recognize him.

Before giving up and heading home to smoke a joint and call it a thieving day, young Mr. Boudreaux decided to hit a pawn shop for some protection. Attempting to break into Jerry’s Buy and Sell pawn shop proved too difficult, thus Richard headed home after a tiring day of burglaries.

When investigators looking at video and restaurant personnel realized who was in the video of the robbery, they quickly set out to arrest the not-so-masterful thief.

After being picked up by the police Richard admitted to stealing money from the seafood restaurant because he needed money and had “bad blood” with ownership, as for confessing on the pawn shop… Richard, likely higher than a kite, admitted to the police that he had also attempted to break into the pawn shop in order to steal guns because of the future gun control laws.

The “future gun control laws” Richard was speaking of didn’t included stealing guns instead of buying them.

Read more about Richard “Bucket Head” Boudreaux.

The post Dual robbery brings dual failure appeared first on Retard News.

Does that mean that babies won’t be made or delivered? Probably not (no promises on that). The details behind the story actually make for more logical of a story, but the logic isn’t fun.

So while 60 miles east of Pittsburgh won’t have a hospital to delivery babies, there are more hospitals that will continue to serve the communities (commute times may vary).

The hospital in Windber, Windber Medical Center, will be losing obstetricians due to refocusing on practices of the doctors or because of a move into a more gynecology-related practice. Though there might be doctors available to take their spaces, the hospital does not believe that the need in their location for baby-delivery-docs is important or warranted enough to work on hiring replacement doctors.

Hospital officials say the population of women of child-bearing age is dropping and that the number of births the hospital would be asked to perform is not enough to provide the service in the face of lower reimbursements under the federal Affordable Care Act.

You can search online for more news stories about this or check it out on Fox news.

The post Obama healthcare stopping baby deliveries appeared first on Retard News.

When the problem is against the law of the country in which you reside, it’s never a good idea to try and do whatever the illegal action would be, but when your illegal instance is not harming the living, there should be a little leeway.

In issuing its ruling on Monday, the Gothenburg District Court also convicted the woman of weapons crimes, sentencing her to probation and ordering that she undergo treatment for addiction and psychiatric problems.

The woman has continually denied committing any crimes, telling the local newspaper that while she may be an “odd bird” that she is “not sexually interested in necrophilia”.

She had argued that she acquired the skeletons legally and that she handled the bones in a respectful manner and that her actions weren’t covered by Sweden’s laws against disturbing the peace of the dead. The woman was found to have kept some bones scattered on the floor in her home, stored skulls in plastic bags, and to have sold some bones to other people. So I guess when you aren’t suppose to be handling the deceased’s bones, you probably shouldn’t be selling them either.

“Criminal protection starts when a person dies, and the protection remains as long as there are remains of the deceased,” the court wrote in a statement. “The fact that the woman had moved bones constitutes a crime because she was unauthorized to do so, just as it’s a crime to put together a skeleton and have it lying on the floor, to have bones in plastic bags, and to sell them.”

According to the court, the 37-year-old handled the human bones “ignominiously”, something which is prohibited by Sweden’s laws against disturbing the peace of the dead.

The court added that the woman didn’t need to be aware that her actions were criminal in order to be convicted, which is a shame as in America there wouldn’t be a single guilty party if that were the way to measure illegal activity.

“It’s enough that she knew that she was handling human bones,” the court said, explaining there was no doubt she was acting with intent. The court threw out a charge stemming from allegations that she had stored human skulls in her freezer and used human bones for sexual purposes. Though the pictures would support a case against her, it seems that maybe getting help would be enough and not require further court punishments.

While the 37-year-old was facing up to two years in prison, the court ruled that her lack of criminal record and the nature of her crimes meant she should not be jailed, but instead be sentenced to probation.

The woman, who has continually denied any wrongdoing, was arrested in September when police arrived at her flat and found human skeletons and knives after responding to a call about gunfire coming from the apartment.

The post The quieter the skeleton the better appeared first on Retard News.

Along with the shooting at movie theaters, in schools, and even when walking home from the local park, there has been a new line of bullet proofing or resistance ready clothing and accessories. From the vest to the backpack, there’s never been a better time to play on people’s fears and hope for acceptance.

Introducing the bullet proof backpack. Known as the “ballistic backpack” this marvel of nature allows your children or neighbor’s kids to be shot with the ability to survive the shooting.

So instead of trying to get guns from being used in schools or other areas, it’s better to buy bullet resistant items like a backpack.

Do you want to block a .357 Magnum shot? How about a .45 or 9mm? Then you want a Level II from Amendment II, an American combat apparel company.

If you want your child to withstand a .44 Magnum or a .357 SIG, then you need to get the Level IIIA for protection.

Thanks to the apparel company Amendment II for developing great merchandise in which they can profit… I really enjoyed reading about their 100% money back guarantee, but I wonder if someone who lost a child due to their backpack not blocking the bullets aimed at their head if the company would still offer money back.

What if you don’t want your kid to be shot?

The post Bullet proofing the kids appeared first on Retard News.

In San Francisco, California, a company that has it’s roots in making pornography is now offering classes as educational material, in pornography.

Well, not really within a porn movie, but classes that will show live demonstrations which will be carried out by porn actors and actresses. Porn star Rain DeGrey told SFist, “They have to sit through a lecture before we get to the good stuff. We do techniques, physical response and have a question and answer period before moving on to the demonstrations.”

While this may be just another way for Kink.com to get their name out in front of the public, but it is a smart way. As with the edgy San Francisco and their limit pushing boundaries, it seems like the likely place for something this ingenious to begin.

San Francisco was not under the recent voting ban that limits pornography within Los Angeles County in Southern California, this could be a way to get more of the companies and filming into Northern California.

As for the general public, though it’s not been told if the classes will be as big of a success as planned, it wouldn’t be unlikely for it to become more mainstream because of the limit pushing company. And receiving an education about sex from people that perform for a living seems like an intelligent location to hone and perfect the craft.

If only the class could be fast forwarded to the good parts.

The post More free porn only now in person appeared first on Retard News.

On eBay there are only a few items that can’t and/or haven’t been sold, this might not be the first piece of cardboard (shaped like another object) but this is the first piece of cardboard that has a current bid price of over $350,000.

Yes, that is a piece of cardboard, and while the amount being bid is in British pounds it all is money and money seems to be really useless in purchasing iPhone shaped cardboard.

When momentum enters into an online auction, there is very little that seems impossible. While the auction was started on November 6th it won’t end until November 14th which allows is 8 more days to make incredible uphill progress. Or maybe get yanked from eBay.

While a video game (Air Raid for Atari 2600 sells for $33,433.30) might sell for a lot of money, there’s little doubt that cardboard is more valuable.

When Retard News first noticed the auction it was already over $150,000 and the budget for cardboard at Retard News is only $125,000 so though the bid has been monitored, there’s no chance for participation.

The auction got some attention when it was posted on the following sites: 4chan, reddit, twitter. When others got wind of the auction the bidding started to increase, quickly. And when the bids were from real looking accounts, the question became if there would eventually be someone willing and able to pay hundreds of thousands of British pounds or US dollars just for a piece of cardboard.

Check out the eBay auction of the most expensive cardboard ever.

The post Cardboard value increases exponentially on eBay appeared first on Retard News.

In a nice quietish town of Piedmont, Oklahoma, there was a boy named Dillan. Dillan was a happy and well adjusted child that had perhaps a little too much to drink and too much playtime might have let him get distracted from the less vital at the time, needing to relieve himself. So as a growing three year old boy may due from time to time, Dillan found that the need to go potty was upon him.

So within the confines of his parent’s property, in his front lawn, Dillan dropped trow and started to pee. It was just inopportune timing, as a policeman was driving near their house when this occurred. The cop pulled up to the house, spoke with Dillan’s mom, Ashely, and calmly requested her driver’s license in order to write up a ticket for public urination.

The argument of Dillan peeing outdoors is not too simple, as there would be no exceptions granted to adults who committed the same act, and were caught.

Jennifer Warden, the grandmother to Dillan, seemed to believe that peeing in public, as long as it’s on your own land, is totally acceptable. Of course, it may be, after all the location is Piedmont.

The Wardens live on 2.5 acres of property and though no neighbors saw the act, the cop did. And because the cop saw it and chose to, there is a ticket written that the Wardens don’t believe they should be responsible to pay. The official written complaint from the Warden family to the police department did not garner any additional assistance so the Warden family will have their day in court.

Will Dillan be asked to reproduce the action in question like on the TV shows?

The Warden’s defense calls for fighting it on the basis that the action was never completed… does that mean that there’s a future for people that start to kill but don’t totally kill? How about cheating on your taxes, but only a little bit? Here’s a chance for a mother to defend her son’s right to use their own property, and the defense is going to be “he pinched it off before completing”.

The post Peeing in public comes with $2,500 fine for child appeared first on Retard News.

Jeremy Owens was arrested for flashing his breast implants. Without knowing too much more, can you imagine what it would look like if you encountered a man who flashed his breast implants at you? I started an Internet search for men with breasts and the results were terrifying.

Men, don’t get breast implants please!

After being cuffed and placed into the police car, Jeremy decided to use his head to test the cop car restraint system, and after cutting his head or mouth, Jeremy was able to spit blood at the officers.

Now I’m totally, totally confused here and need some more information… is Jeremy, who likes to be called “Jamie”, a man with breast implants or a vampire?

Jamie, wait no it’s Jeremy, I mean Jamie (from this point forward when you see Jamie, just read it as Jeremy)… try #2: Jamie was jailed for aggravated assault, drug possession, making terroristic threats — HOLD ON AGAIN… WTF? Now the man with breasts is a terrorist? Maybe the boobies are bombs?

Jamie was arrested for a slew of charges, which look like an add-on to previous arrests and charges. Jamie isn’t a good person, Jamie just likes to share.

Jamie shared his breasts with fellow Walmart shoppers, shared his blood with police, and shared his charges with the public. Last March Jamie was picked up for disturbance reasons while at a local doughnut shop. After that Jamie was arrested for lying to police about a purported knifepoint abduction.

Jeremy Jamie Owen, age 23, better start picking up the crime spree pace or he/she will never make it to better sites then Retard News.

The post Man flashes breasts at Walmart shoppers appeared first on Retard News.