Retrospace

Comic Books #37: Horny Archie Comics

2012-01-26T07:30:00.001-06:00

I know, I know. I probably publish more than my share of Archie posts..... but I just can't get enough of them. They are the cowbell to my inner Bruce Dickinson. In many ways, Archie comics are the ultimate resource for that retro flavor. The fashions, the attitudes, the pop culture references - they're cocaine infused candy for the retro-obsessed.

One aspect of the teenage life that was perfectly captured in these Archie comics was the blinding slap-happy horniness of adolescence. A common thread throughout the decades was that the boys of Riverdale High are straight-up 'unzipped' - i.e. when a pretty girl crosses their line of sight, the wheels come off...

So, anyway, I thought I'd share with you some of my favorite panels of Archie et. al. coming unhinged Tex Avery style by the sight of a hot chick. They weren't hard to find, that I can assure you.

Archie Andrews is a sucker for a pair of go-go boots and hot pants. Can't say as I blame him.

A micro-mini is always guaranteed to get a whistle in Archie comics.... even from two guys who are obviously gay.

Of all the guys associated with Archie, Jughead was the most reserved in his horniness. Perhaps it was the weed that killed his sex drive. I don't know. But he still had his moments.

Veronica's rich dad wasn't immune, either. A long legged secretary was all it took for his glasses to pop off his head, and become completely unglued.

Cripes! these guys are literally standing by this woman sweating and panting. I wonder what we'd see if we could zoom out to get the whole picture and catch a glimpse of what's going on with these two perverts. Synchronized public masturbation is wrong, folks. Keep our beaches clean.

I include these just to demonstrate that it wasn't always the guys that got thunderstruck by hormones. It was much less frequent, but B&V weren't always all about Archie.

Archie was a kid in a candy store at the beach. Not only did he have B&V both vying his attention, he had gorgeous babes at every turn. Lucky bastard. Which brings me to my next point...

How, for the love all that is holy, did he get away with it? Week after week, B&V are clawing each other's eyes out to get a piece of Archie; meanwhile, he's takin' it for granted and ogling every chick that passes by. It wasn't always that way though - especially when dirty ol' Reggie became a bigger part of the love triangle.

This scene looks fairly benign in a comic book, but I'd imagine it would be pretty scary in real life. These males are just closing in on this woman. Nothing good can come of this.

Notice the legs turning to Jell-O. Men in Rivedale quite literally have immediate debilitating physical reactions at the sight of a pretty girl. They lose all motor skills and cannot so much as walk without falling apart at the seams.

This is without question my all time favorite. Regie and Archie check out B&V and instantly become shockingly erect. There can be no other interpretation.

Archie and Reggie are smitten by the baton twirlers.... understandable. Reggie watching them intently shouting "OOOO! EEEEE! AAAAH!".... not so understandable. A little disturbing, actually.

This one's interesting because Veronica actually says "lover". Horny exclamations are okay in Archie comics, but throwing out the term "lover" was verboten.

Mr. Lodge had no silly hang-ups about age. So what if these girls were the same age as his daughter... this is the seventies, man!

Ever once and a while, Veronica would insert 'women's lib' into the discussion, but Archie would have none of that.

This panel is from one of those Archie comic 'Hostess Fruit Pie' ads that were so common back in the day. I like it not just for the ridiculously overt "WOW!", but I think the "Don't bruise that body" is a particularly nice touch.

These next four panels are just examples insane declarations of horniness - my favorite being "Hi-Yi-Yi-Yi!"

I've been proclaiming the power and the glory of the miniskirt every Monday here on Retrospace. Let it be known that this is effect it has on men - you ladies do what you will with this information.

You've got to hand it to B&V. They were smart liberated chicks, but they weren't afraid to work it when the need arose.

THE END

Vintage Men's Mags #22: The Swinger's Alphabet

2012-01-25T08:34:00.000-06:00

As of this writing, I've been posting at Retrospace for about three and a half years. I'd guess about 80 percent of my posts dwell in the seventies. However, I also have a love for the Mad Men era, the days of Hi-Fi's and Hi-Balls; the primetime of the swingin' bachelor and the Brylcreamed dad forever holding his Scotch and water.

Granted, I didn't live through these days, so I don't have the advantage of recollection, as I do with the seventies. However, I do possess an awful lot of paper materials from this period. Subsequently, I feel I'm best able to reach out and touch this era via Vintage Men's Mags posts.

A 1956 issue Escapade (v01 n06) contained this little alphabet from sent straight from Coolsville. I wish they'd gone all the way to Z; but, I guess that'd be too much of a good thing.

A is for Amour

What some maidens give their all for

And a salmon leaps a fall for.

At sweet sixteen it's so demure,

Then later on becomes mature.

The years pass by and it gets fewer

Until it's really quite obscure.

B is for Bachelor

The bane of predatory females,

The envy of all married he-males.

A man who looks but does not leap;

Who knows that two can't live as cheap.

His life expectancy is shorter

From doing things he hadn't orter.

C is for Cocktail

An appetizer, drink or party

The latter sometimes very arty;

The refuge of the glum escapist

And of the lublimated rapist.

The drinb and canapes they garnish

WIth somethlng I'm quite lure is varnish.

D is for Dame

Such things are said about her frame as:

"There's nothing in the world the same as."

She's called contrary through the ages;

Perverse and worse by scribes and sages.

We've found, in spite of hot dispute,

No satisfactory substitute.

E is for Eve

The first, so says that ancient story

To fit the last named category.

Amanuensis first to Adam -

Her loose leaf system finally had him

A sense of humor, that's no fibbing

She gave that man an awful ribbing.

Retrospace Mix Tape #21: Sci-Fi Soundtracks

2012-01-24T07:28:00.001-06:00

Is this the greatest science fiction compilation of all time? Well, it's got three songs from The Ice Pirates and one from Gremlins 2 (which is not even science fiction). So, I think we can safely say it's not the greatest.... or even halfway good by anybody's standards.

However, if you're a fan of Retrospace, you're a fan of things a tad off the beaten path. I'd, personally, rather have 3 songs from The Ice Pirates than another tired Star Wars theme. So, I think you'll enjoy this collection of odd stuff from old science fiction soundtracks. Enjoy.

DOWNLOAD

Main Theme from Joe 90
The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai - Opening Theme Reprise
Silent Running - Rejoice in the Sun
The Ice Pirates - Unicorn Attack
The Black Hole - Main Title
Battle for the Planet of the Apes - Main Title
Gremlins 2: The New Batch - End Title
Logan's Run - Love Theme from 'Logan's Run'
Theme from Stingray
Heavy Metal - Heavy Metal
Moon Zero Two Theme
Electric Dreams Theme
Mad Max 2 - Journey Over The Mountain
The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai - Team Banzai Theme
Escape From The Planet Of The Apes - The Gorilla Attack
Logan's Run - End of the City
The Black Hole - Cygnus Floating
The Philadelphia Experiment - Main Title
The Ice Pirates - Omega Robot/Take Care
Theme from Supercar
Silent Running Theme
King Kong Escapes - The Hypnosis Machine
Electric Dreams - The Dream

Mini Skirt Monday #101: The Modniks Mini Revolt

2012-01-23T07:47:00.000-06:00

The "Mini Revolt" story in Modniks No.2 (1970) definitely qualifies as one of the great moments in miniskirt history. The story goes something like this: Miniskirts are outlawed at Surfside High (gasp!), resulting in a protest and a TV debate. Predictably, the mini triumphs and the principal is disgraced for his Puritanical thinking. In the end, even the principal's wife and the PTA start hiking up their hemlines. Stand in the way of the miniskirt and you just might get burned.

click on pages to enlarge

Occult #12: Mixology

2012-01-21T08:59:00.002-06:00

Yes, I know. Zodiac themed bartending isn't exactly demonology; however, astrology I think qualifies as occult related, even if it is pretty lightweight. I'll refer you to a previous post on these Southern Comfort sponsored magazine inserts. This time I've scanned a different Mixology leaflet (this one is from 1973), and this time it's the whole shebang (i.e. I wasn't lazy this time, and decided to scan every page).

Download the twelve page PDF
Below are a couple sample pages.

Decade of Decadence #12: Countdown to Pancakes

2012-01-19T08:14:00.001-06:00

3 minutes from pancakes

I don't want to use the actual word (rhymes with "corn", begins with "p") because this post is liable to get tons of traffic from those looking for rather unwholesome entertainment. Not that there's anything wrong with it; however, that's not what this post is about, and there's no sense in disappointing tens of thousands of people, right? So, I'll use a random code word as a catch-all - how about "pancake"?

Ever get the feeling, when looking at old pictures from around the 70s, that the people in the photographs are about ten seconds from making pancakes? It was the sexual revolution, Boomers are in their prime, and social/moral constraints were kicked to the curb.... it was prime time to have sex without regard for consequence. In other words, there's a damn good reason you get that uneasy feeling looking at these pictures, life itself was always within minutes of becoming a giant pancake.

Those who've done time in prison can attest to the all encompassing feeling that, at any given second, things could erupt into violence. Those who've been on the front lines in the military can verify that there is an unabating feeling that, at any second, you could be under attack. And those that lived in the seventies can attest to the fact that, at any given moment, things could erupt into pancakes.

Like England Dan and John Ford Coley would say, "I'm not talking about moving in, and I don't want to change your life. But there's a warm wind blowing, the stars are out and I'd really love to see you tonight." In other words, forget commitment, let's screw.

Let's take a look at some pictures that appear to have been taken only moments before making pancakes. Discerning readers will note that many come from pancake magazines; however, many do not - and I'll not tell which is which. Suffice it to say, the entire decade was essentially one big pancake magazine.

An innocent cup of tea shared among too friends?.... or an appetizer before pancakes.

There's simply too much liquor on the table for this to lead anywhere but pancakes.

Gladys and Larry show the Johnston's their (A) 8mm film of their trip to Bermuda or (B) homemade pancakes?

Want some whiskey in your water
Sugar in your tea
What's all these crazy questions they askin' me
This is the craziest party there could ever be
Don't turn on the lights, 'cause I don't want to see

- Mama Told Me Not To Come by Three Dog Night

Jack captures a sweet peck on the cheek from Gary's girlfriend - a photograph the couple will treasure as they get older..... or, perhaps, it's just a prelude to pancakes.

A nice little party winds down.... or seconds before there's some serious pancake batter all over that nice shag?

It's only a matter of time before this pitiful little game of putt-putt becomes nothing but a big sweaty pancake.

These young adults are just having some harmless fun playing with little race cars.... and yet my Spidey Sense is still tingling, telling me pancakes are in their near future.

This appears to be a harmless meeting between a trio of young hip kids.... but something tells me that, by the eighth frame, it'll be nothing but pancakes.

Why am I getting the sneaking suspicion that the only things these ladies are interested in buying are pancakes?

At first glance, this looks like an ordinary day at the Regal Beagle... but then you notice the chick on the right isn't wearing pants. That's what you wear when you've got a hankering for pancakes.

You know what would go good with that lemonade?.......... pancakes.

The House Special tonight.... pancakes.

Sweet Lord. If this doesn't lead to pancakes, then nothing will.

Well, that's all for now. I think we've successfully diverted those seeking an x rated post; however, I can't help but feel sorry for all those led here looking for actual pancake recipes. To those people, I offer my sincere apologies.

Gilligan's Instant Queue #3

2012-01-18T08:57:00.000-06:00

Bedazzled (1967): A total loser makes a deal with the devil to get his dream girl. Agreements between to man and Satan typically don't go so well, and this is no exception with Dudley Moore winding up worse for wear.

Star Quotient = 6
Peter Cook, Dudley Moore, and Raquel Welch - sounds just about perfect, but Welch's part is woefully short

Badassitude = 6
Cook is the Prince of Darkness with a wry devilish wit; makes Pacino (The Devil's Advocate) and DeNiro (as Luis Cypher - worst devil name in history BTW - in Angel Heart) seem boring.

Action Fraction =0
British wit aplenty, but alas not a car chase to be found

Laughtermath = 8
This brand of humor is so brilliant, it takes a minute to acclimate. In fact, if you watch a full episode of How I Met Your Mother (utter shit), and then watch this, your head will implode upon itself.

Sexitivity = 7
Raquel delivers the goods, but it's from behind an annoying mesh curtain, and her scene is over way too soon. Eleanor Bron is in a miniskirt throughout.... you could do a lot worse.

Disturbulence = 1
It's not exactly upbeat; the comedy can be pretty dark. But, nothing too traumatizing here.

Frighteousness= 0
Turner and Hooch was scarier than this.

Storytelling = 7
Masterful - keeps you involved at every step.... unlike that Brendan Frazier train wreck that came out in 2000. What a godawful mess.

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Billy Jack (1971)

Billy Jack is the ultimate hero - part Native American, part ball busting Marine.... and he's got a school full of hippie children to protect from close minded rednecks. When the hicks step over the line, Billy must put away his peace-loving principles, and beat some redneck ass!

Star Quotient = 2

Tom Laughlin and Delores Taylor aren't exactly Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, but who gives a shit. Am I right?

Badassitude = 9

Billy Jack would be a perfect 10, if he didn't try to be such a hippie. This is the most conflicted movie ever made: On the one hand, Billy Jack is an ex Marine that totally whoops ass - this is where the movie shines. Yet, it also tries to be a pro peace film (?) I understand violence is sometimes necessary, even for the biggest pacifist, but this movie, at times, relishes the shit-kicking.

Action Fraction = 7

Although the action is sparse, it's a matter of quality over quantity. The scene where Billy confronts the redneck sheriff douche-bag is absolutely iconic. "I'm gonna take this right foot.... and I'm gonna whop you on that side of your face... and you wanna know somethin'?... there's not a damn thing you're gonna be able to do about it."

Laughtermath = 0

I would love to give this a negative number simply because of Howard Hessman's horribly awkward comedy routines. They last forever, are not remotely funny, and are gut-wrenchingly embarrassing. Perhaps hippies found these routines funny at the time, but they are an absolute clusterfuck now. Hessman, thankfully, got a lot funnier on WKRP.

Sexitivity = 0

Disturbulence = 5

The whole story is fairly contrived, so it's hard to be disturbed by the tragedies that ensue. However, Delores is raped towards the end of the film, and it's pretty awful. Remember how you felt when Edith Bunker got raped? (Holy shit that was a horrible episode) This is probably along those lines.

Frighteousness= 0

Storytelling = 5

The story is pretty predictable; however, Laughlin is so engaging as the conflicted Billy Jack, you can't look away.

Magazines #31: Sharity Time

2012-01-17T11:12:00.000-06:00

You're welcome, you're welcome... please stop - your thanks and praise embarrass me. No, really, the only reward I need is knowing I'm making you happy (that, and generous donations in the tip jar to the right).

In all seriousness, I do enjoy keeping these old rags alive. Download 'em and spread 'em around. These are cultural relics inscribed on perishable pulp, unlike the pre-digitized mags of today. Get them before they are lost to the sands of time, and keep them in existence. To download, simply click on the magazine title. Enjoy!

Hit Parader (1973)

Space Wars 1978

Let the Star Wars imitations begin!

Starlog 1982

William Katt in 3D!

Videogaming and Computergaming Illustrated 1983

On censoring video games twenty or so years before we were dealing drugs and mowing down whores in Grand Theft Auto.

Werewolves and Vampires 1962

Sorry, kids. This is not a Twilight fan magazine. Thank God.

Mini Skirt Monday #100

2012-01-16T10:28:00.000-06:00

I'm going to try and resist the temptation of turning this into an achievement bigger than it really is. It's just the 100th Mini Skirt Monday post, that's all. Nothing to write home about.

That being said.... HOLY SHIT! WE'VE DONE ONE HUNDRED OF THESE MOTHERF***ERS! Basically, since February 2009, I've been delivering vintage minis to the masses, and the response has been good. Truth be told, the response has been too good..... Mini Skirt Monday posts typically outperform any other posts I come up with, which can sometimes be a little disheartening. Week after week, I'll labor for hours over well thought out posts, and they do not hold a candle to a Mini Skirt Monday post I threw together in ten minutes. In terms of ad revenue and page impressions, these posts can't be beat - the idea of just doing Miniskirt posts exclusively has crossed my mind on more than one occasion. I suppose it would get old, eventually. But, then again, we're in post one-hundred and it still seems fresh and fun.

Since it is the 100th post, I'll allow myself to wax philosophical about the miniskirt for a moment. What was so damn great about these miniskirts, anyway? I think the answer is a bit more complex than just "it showed a lot of leg". It was a statement - a rebellion against being sexually/physically repressed. This isn't Afghanistan where it's a crime to show the slightest glimpse of female skin - this is America dammit.

Obviously, the fashion didn't start in The States, but rather on Carnaby Street. And I thank that touches on another reason why we love the mini - it's groovy, baby. It's shagadelic fun. There's something about it that not only makes the guys drool, but also makes everyone in its presence a little bit happier and loose. Perhaps, it's because of what it represents (a middle finger to repression); whatever the subconscious reason, it definitely provides a positive vibe to those in its presence.

The Miniskirt Monday posts most certainly benefit from the positive energy of the miniskirt; but, I think there's also there's also the pleasant feeling of seeing females looking 'healthy and real'. In other words, they're not twig thin and they don't have fake tans and breasts. Mini Skirt Monday is not only a time to ogle over a nice set of gams, it's also a breath of fresh air from a time women looked like women, and not like emaciated plastic dolls.

Which brings me to my final point which is: miniskirts were as much about the women as they were about the men. The guys certainly benefited from the pretty scenery, but this was a symbol of liberation. When I first started these Miniskirt Monday posts, I spent a lot of time bemoaning their absence - how sad that such a perfect symbol of feminine liberation was gone. How very sad that we appeared to be stuck in a rut, where minis somehow indicated the wearer was less than 'pure'. Had conservatism penetrated our country's psyche so bad that the mini was forever lost?

Well, I am pleased to say that it appears to be back on the radar. After an almost complete absence in the 1990s and 2000s, it is making a comeback on college campuses and non-Bible Belt cities across the country. It will never be as omnipresent as it was in the early seventies - that I am certain. However, it does go to show that you cannot keep the mini down for long.

And maybe, just maybe, Retrospace had a small part to play in its comeback. Oh, I'm not foolish enough to believe this little blog caused any vast fashion trend - but we're all familiar with the butterfly effect, right? You never know. Maybe a Miniskirt Monday post struck a chord with someone out there and she started wearing minis, and it started to catch on at her school (like the Patrick Dempsey dance in Can't Buy Me Love), which led to it catching on at surrounding schools.... and before you know it, the mini is back! You never know.

Well, to wrap it up, I thought I'd give you 100 miniskirts from previous episodes of Mini Skirt Monday, with a few new ones thrown in. Enjoy!

#1- I thought it would be appropriate to begin with the very first mini I posted on the Internets, of Frisbee inventor Fred Morrison promoting Wham-O's new product. [Source: Wham-O Super-Book by Tim Walsh (2008)]. Enjoy the next 99!

#2-5

#6-17

#18-19

#20-21

#22 - From The Pat Paulsen Half Hour Comedy Hour.

#23- You remember Emmy Jo on the New Zoo Revue, right? M'lady Emily wore a mini skirt every single show. For that, she deserves some sort of honor here at Retrospace.

#24-26 - I love discovering old promotional material from tech industries. There's something about the groovy color schemes mixed with odd looking electronics that really does my heart good. One thing these dusty brochures and flyers were never shy to do was stick a pretty girl (often in a miniskirt) somewhere in the photo. I don't care if it's a 1976 Data General microprocessor or a 1965 TTL Quad Gate, there's going to be a pretty baby somewhere in that brochure, guaranteed.

#27- The mini skirt trend had faded by the time Buck Rogers in the 25th Century came out in the late seventies. Fortunately, it was set far in the future, presumably to a time where mini-skirts are back in vogue. Gene Roddenberry would be proud.

#28-29 - Did these guys ever think to themselves "Thank God I'm in my prime during the glory days of the miniskirt"? Or did they take it for granted, and assumed it would always sustain this popularity? Either way, they were lucky dogs - by the time I came of age, the trend had gone bye-bye. I was born perhaps 7 years too late. All that was left of the mini were some Polaroids of days gone by.

#30-34

#35-38

#39=40

#41

#42-45

#46-47

#48-51

#52-53

#54-57

#58-60

#61-63

#64-65

#66-69

#70-74

#75-80

#81-84

#85- From the Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Hour

#86-87

#88-89

#90-91

#92-93 (in case you're counting, one's coverd by a suitcase, so it doesn't count)

#94-96

#97-98

#99-100

Hooray! Looking forward to one hundred more!

Vintage Wheels #14: The Top 20 Sexually Suggestive Auto Ads

2012-01-13T08:03:00.000-06:00

The time-honored connection between cars and sex has been well tended by Madison Avenue. There's always been a not-so-subtle link in auto advertising, but the advent of the Sexual Revolution brought a whole new meaning to the "sex sells" approach.

Here are my top twenty sexually suggestive auto ads. Please note: (1) these include auto equipment ads, and (2) by "top 20" I mean "my favorite 20" - this isn't an objective process, folks. This is one man's opinion - I'd love to hear yours.

#20

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#19

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#18
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#17
God only knows what's going on here. I can only assume "car napped" is a play on the word "kidnapped". So, not only do we have a car named Magnum (a word that oozes masculinity), but we have a gentelman creeping up behind a lady asking her if she wants to be carnapped. "How intriguing", she whispers back. (gag)

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#16
This is a poorly done advertisement from an old newspaper. I wouldn't have included it on the list if it wasn't for the fact that it is so incredibly suggestive. This is innuendo taken to the limit - I mean, for God's sake the converter is basically made into a vagina!
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#15
It doesn't get much more direct than this, folks. In fact, it almost doesn't seem right to call it "suggestive" as there is nothing being suggested here - they are straight up saying it, no subtext allowed.
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#14
Daisy Dukes and Farrah hair = keys to automatic inclusion in this list.
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#13
"Get Blown"... really? Wow. If this wasn't such a poor newspaper copy, it'd be much higher on the list. If anyone knows of a color magazine version of this ad, send me a link.

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#12

Get it? Car Pet versus Carpet? (Yeesh. Tough crowd)

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#11
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#10
I found this in an old newspaper. Holy crap. It took me a minute to even realize they were referring to convertables.
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#9
This one earns a place for its not-so-subtle tag line... which Pro-Trac was evidently quite proud of, because they used it repeatedly.

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#8
There is absolutely no reason for this chick to be wearing a bikini. This is completely gratuitous sexploitation to sell a product.... and I like it.
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#7
Close your eyes, kids. Don't let the balloons fool you - this muffler ad is adults only.
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#6
A Spanish ad for the TR7. My understanding is that the auto ended up a flop due to quality control issues; however, this ad is anything but. A pure win in my book... if only the car had lived up to its advertising.
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#5

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#4
Pan's People appeared in a number of Multi Glide adverts. For those not familiar with this group of ladies, this would be the equivalent of having the Solid Gold Dancers do a Valvoline ad. Click the images below to view full sized.

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#3
One of the most gorgeous women in history in a sexy scuba outfit? This is a no brainer - move to the front of the line.
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#2
This ad has been covered before on Retrospace. Let me just sum it up: you could write an entire PhD dissertation and barely graze the surface of the number of male fantasies in this one single advertisement. Hotpants, trucks, motorcycles, girls running, girls making out, men watching, trucks spewing smoke, etc., etc.

Detail from the advertisement. Click to enlarge

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#1
The ultimate in explicit auto advertising. First of all, it's expertly done from a first person perspective - as if you are the proud owner of this chick magnet. Second, the ad copy at the top lets you know right off the bat that this ain't no wood paneled metallic pea station wagon.

And then there's the high beams. The boobs in this ad are legendary. If memory serves, this ad only appeared in adult publications such as Esquire, Cosmo and Playboy; but, I could be mistaken. Either way, this is a bold ad - just try and look away from those breasts, you can't.

Cover Gallery #14: Espionage & Action Paperbacks

2012-01-10T19:42:00.000-06:00

The entire allure of the espionage novel is to escape from your humdrum world and live vicariously through a suave badass as he kills bad guys and beds women. The storylines are spiced with a modicum of violence; however, for the most part, the reader is there to just to watch him work his magic.

The lead character has its origins in shady gumshoes from the likes of Spillane and from film noir private dicks. They are every bit the anti-heroes - their ultimate aim is to do good; however, their humanity often gets in the way. Whether it's sexual urges or just arrogance (I'm talkin' to you, Bond!), things often get complicated in their pursuit for truth and justice.

Naturally, when a convention of the genre happens to be shagging hotties, you're going to get some wonderfully risque cover art. These covers make it abundantly clear: this is not a stuffy Hercule Poirot mystery - there's going to be a generous helping of sex involved. Miss Marple would not be pleased.

So, here's a few covers from the late sixties and seventies. By this time, paperbacks had largely moved away from the beautifully painted pulps that we are all probably familiar with, and moved on to poorly conceived photographs. They're not nearly as good a quality, but still a part of the history of espionage/action fiction nonetheless. Enjoy.

Note: Last 9 images taken from a Flickr photoset

Comic Books #36: Lois Lane

2012-01-09T23:13:00.001-06:00

Lois Lane was never the sharpest tool in the shed - reading these old comics, one starts to wonder if she has a mental disability of some kind. But, to be fair, you have to take these old comics in context - women in general weren't exactly portrayed equitably back then. However, it's still a lot of fun to look at these old Superman comics - especially the surprisingly long running Superman's Girlfried: Lois Lane comics. Every issue is literally about (1) Lois' undying devotion to her Man of Steel and (2) her retarded choices. Take for instance....

Really, Lois? You're going to sign a scroll witnessed by "Satan, Prince of Darkness"? I have a nasty feeling this isn't the smartest thing you've done all day.

But far be it from me to lay all the stupidity Lois' way - the entire comic is cover to cover inanity. Naturally, this makes for some fun filled reading. Take for instance Lois' bathtub scenes...

Great Scot! What other devices did her "Super Hubby" build to provide Lois with her so-called "feminine occupations"? Only Miss Jingles knows for sure.

.... and speaking of Lois Lane bathtub scenes - Great Caesar's Ghost! The picture below looks absolutely profane.

...blecch! Let's move on and take a break from her sickening bathtub rituals...

She's new at this. So, I can understand maybe getting knocked by a tree branch, or maybe a low flying bird or something... but a giant stone model of Earth? Damn. That's gonna smart. (And what exactly is Supes doing with this giant stone model of Earth in the first place?)

His superhuman senses detect 'serious commitment' and 'long term relationship'.... time to get the f**k out of Dodge!

I'm used to the Superman movies where he would give his left nut to get with Lois. In these old comics, the roles are reversed. Lois will stop at nothing to get the Man of Steel to be her husband.... whereas, as the panel above indicates, Supes wants none of that commitment stuff.

I can only assume Lois is referring to boobs and ass here.

This is one of my favorite Lois stories. She starts to freak out and have nightmares about a world where the ideal figure is skinny, and voluptuous chicks like Lois are considered fat. Oh, Lois. If you could only see the future - you ain't seen nothin' yet, babe.

(You can find this story in Superman's Girlfriend: Lois Lane No. 79, November 1967)

Lest you think that Lois is some sort of spineless pushover, check this panel out. After a catfight between Lana and Lois simmers down, Lois is still ready to straight up murder her ass.

Wait a minute... "I'm always bawling you out"? Basically, Supes doesn't care for Lois' shenanegans and is prone to put this chick in her place. Damn. I always pictured him more as a softy.

Easy does it, Lois. All he said is he wants a signal; you're reading way too much into this.

As you might have guessed, that button triggers the ejection seat. One wonders how long this woman would've lived were she not associated with Superman. The Man of Steel interceded for Lois in many a potential Darwinian fatality.... perhaps, just once, he should have let Nature take its course.

Mini Skirt Monday #99: Minis on Stage

2012-01-09T07:46:00.000-06:00

Shakespeare and Moliere are great and all, but you know what would make 'em better? (I'll give you a minute to think.......) Answer: Miniskirts

Whether it was a local talent show, the school play, or choir recital, you couldn't always depend on it being a good performance, but back in the early seventies you could always depend on there being lots and lots of miniskirts. So, perhaps the recital was painfully off-key, and maybe the actors and actresses flubbed their lines in the play - the plethora of high hemlines made it all okay for the young lads (and dare I say dads) in attendance.

My job, as proprietor of Retrospace, is to resurrect these old minis every Monday and, thankfully, plenty of proud parents and local newspapers caught some of the acts on film. Enjoy.

.... and let's not forget the gals backstage! THE END

Appearing at the Holiday Inn #3

2012-01-07T13:29:00.000-06:00

Recognize the ladies pictured above? Probably not. They're a singing group called Unusual Me - one of the many lounge acts that played in hotels across our great land in the 1970s. I've bemoaned the loss of the lounge many times on Retrospace, so I won't waste your time with another grouchy complaint. Suffice it to say, there was a particular magic in these darkened smoke filled lounges. Call them cheesy if you want; I say Ho Jo lost its mojo when it converted their lounges to business conference rooms.

So, enjoy another round of publicity shots of lounge acts (and other small venue performers). If you're interested in more of the same, check out my previous post on the topic. Enjoy.

The Brothers & Sisters seem more like a cult than a musical group. Judging by the men's ascots, their cult leader must be Mr. Furley.

It looks like one member of Shimmer is a young totally stoned Christopher Knight. And, is that Gary Sinise in the back? The dude on the left has to be wearing a fake Castro beard. No way that's real.

Alvino Rey & The King Sisters

Karen Karsh

Bamboo

Better Than Ever

Vintage Men's Mags #21: The Island of Unsatisfied Women

2012-01-06T11:12:00.000-06:00

Over the years, I've given you plenty of eye candy when it comes to vintage men's magazines. However, I think it's time we actually sat down and read one of these beautiful pulp rags. The covers and titles are lurid and titillating, but aren't you even a bit curious to read some of the stories? As an avid reader and an obsessive trash lover, I can't help but swallow up some of these wonderfully horrible adventure tales.

So, I've taken the time to scan a particularly gritty tale from a 1967 issue of True Adventures magazine entitled "Island of Unsatisfied Women" by Dick Revenaugh. I hope you enjoy it.

DOWNLOAD PDF

Decade of Decadence #11: Pick Up Lines

2012-01-05T12:32:00.000-06:00

The pick-up line was an integral part of the vast semen drenched spawning that was the 1970s. In the days before World of Warcraft and HDTV, young adults by the tens of millions flooded local bars to perform a mating ritual that preceded a night of recreational sex. The pick-up line: cheesy by today's jaded and cynical standards, a harbinger of sweaty loveless fornication to the 1970s Boomer on the make.

So, without further ado, here's some great seventies pick up lines with accompanying photos. Enjoy.
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You’re once, twice, three times a lady.

Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.

Nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?

I hope you know CPR, baby, because you take my breath away.

Is that a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them.

Would you mind loaning me a quarter? [What for?] I want to call my mother and tell her I just met the woman of my dreams.

I think there's something wrong with my eyes...I can't take them off of you.

Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call 'FINE PRINT'!

Can I take your picture? [Why?] Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas

Do you like to bake? [Yes.] I’d love to feel your hot-cross buns.

Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin’.

I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?

How was heaven when you left it?

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

Your name must be Lucky Charms because you’re magically delicious!

Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night.

Do you know what has 142 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? [What?] My zipper.

Baby, baby, I’m fallin’ in love, fallin’ in love again.

Are you made of apples, cause you look sweet as pie.

"Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" [No] Then wink.

Do you have a Band-Aid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.

If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

You got something on your chest: my eyes

I've been wondering, do your lips taste as good as they look?

My watch says you're not wearing pants. [Uh, yeah I am?] Oh sorry, my watch must be 10 minutes fast.

You must be a parking ticket because you've got "FINE" written all over you.

Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!

Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? [Pull your pockets inside out] Would you like to?

You’ve got a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

That’s a beautiful dress. It would look great crumpled up next to my bed.

Hey, can I borrow a map? I keep on getting lost in your eyes.

Did you fart, 'cause you just blew me away.

Sorry lady, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.

[Look at the tag in her shirt] I just wanted to see if you were really made in heaven.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.

Comic Books #35: Betty & Veronica Fashions

2012-01-04T10:09:00.001-06:00

I'm a big fan of Archie comics; I've been reading them for nearly forty years. Recently, I got a hold of a bunch of Archie's Girls: Betty & Veronica comics. What leapt out at me was how wonderfully in tune with teen culture they were - specifically the fashion and styles of the day. Bell bottoms, platform shoes, hot pants, Mork suspenders... they were all in Betty & Veronica comics.

Take a look at these "pin up/fashion" pages which were a regular feature in the comic during the late sixties and seventies..

Magazines #30: Going Steady - When Is It Immoral

2012-01-03T15:54:00.000-06:00

An article in the August 1957 issue of People Today caught my eye, and I just had to share. 'Going Steady' When Is It Immoral? is a real eye opener as to how far we've come (either backward or forward, depending on your perspective) as far as what's acceptable and unacceptable in teenage relationships. I think you'll find it both amusing and horrifying. Enjoy.

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'GOING STEADY' WHEN IS IT IMMORAL?
People Today (August 1957)

"Each time we start to neck it gets harder to stop." This dilemma of teenage "steadies" has caused many parents, psychiatrists and clergymen to regard the practice of going steady as an open invitation to immorality.

If a boy and girl see each other constantly, they are likely to become more physically involved than either of them bargained for-which may be one reason why the median age of brides and grooms has dropped
nearly two years in only a decade (to 20 and 23), and why the mothers of 30 per cent of the current crop
of first babies are girls who average approximately nineteen years of age.

Going steady is simply a verbal agreement between a boy and girl that they will date only each other. So long as they do, they're going steady. Then where does the danger lie? When it comes to sex, one thing leads to another and going steady becomes immoral. Catholic theologians regard the practice as an almost inevitable cause of sin. They contend that a boy and girl who are going steady (without planning to marry within a few months) can be compared to a would-be-reformed alcoholic who gets a job as a bartender. In Lynn, Mass., the Right Rev. Monsignor Joseph McGlinchey banned going steady for students of coed St. Mary's Parochial High school with this comment: "Going steady is a menace to the purity of our youth."

Another Roman Catholic clergyman, the Right- Rev. Irving A. De Blanc, Director of the Family Life Bureau of the National Catholic Welfare Conference, contended: "The habit of going steady must be stopped if the Christian concept of marriage is to be saved."

Psychiatrists approach the problem of going steady from another viewpoint. Those who oppose it do so on the grounds of damage to mental health, rather than imminence of sin. One prominent psychiatrist feel that going steady leads to sexual experiences at an age when most boys and girls are neither physically
nor psychologically ready for them. Sex, even in the guise of light necking, often gives rise to feelings of guilt, fear and anxiety which may harm sexual development.

Parents see the problem from a third angle - they worry because "Janie never wants to go out with anybody but Bill. Surely there must be a number of other nice boys around. When I was her age I had lots of admirers. Isn't she missing out on a lot of fun?"

Today's steady dating teenagers seemingly are more interested in gaining the feeling of security that comes from dating just one person, and always being sure of a date, than in just having "fun." And many authorities are in favor of going steady for just that reason. One spokesman for this point of view is Rabbi Joel S. Geffen, Director of the Department of Field Activities and Community Education of the
Jewish Theological Seminary of America: "Going steady is nothing more than the old seeking for companionship. There's nothing terribly harmful in it unless they take it too seriously."

How do the young people themselves feel? PEOPLE TODAY polled a number of them, got these answers:

"A boy who goes steady with a girl doesn't have to spend as much money on her as he would if he had to impress a new girl on each date."

"Girls who go steady don't have to worry about being left out of thing - they've always got a fellow to go
with."

"The best way to get to know a person is to go out with him steadily. That way you find out whether you
really like him."

A major worry of those who "view with alarm" this practice is that the participants seem to start at an incredibly early age. Even 12 year-old girls can be seen wearing a boy's ring or identification bracelet.
But many experts refuse to set up a hue and cry about going steady; they even see many good things about it.

The Rev. Dr. Randolph Ray of N.Y.'s "Little Church around the Corner" believes many youngsters who "go steady" aren't really limiting their dating drastically. "A lot of them go from one to the other. They really haven't made up their minds and are ready to rock and roll with anybody that comes along."

Famed anthropologist Dr. Margaret Mead calls going steady a 'great teen-age experiment'. She says: "Youngsters today get bored with dating by the ninth grade, so they start going steady. In effect, a boy of 14 says to himself, 'I might a well get it settled, then I won't have to think about who to take to the basketball game Saturday night.' . . . The 14 year-old and his girl grow into each other, almost as if
they were members of the same family from birth. When they get married, their marriage is bound to be more stable - they have no grounds for comparison."

She concludes: "It is inevitable that after four years of sitting on the couch, a couple gets married."

Mini Skirt Monday #98: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

2012-01-02T23:13:00.000-06:00

The New Year is here and, as we all recover from our hangovers and the year that was 2011 (Christ, I hope this one's better), I thought I'd celebrate the date with a festive themed Miniskirt Monday post.

This one's got bunches of vintage pictures of girls in minis at parties, clowning around, and just having fun. Let's recall that the miniskirt, back then, was just as much (if not more) about the the girls as it was the boys. It was the perfect display of liberation, youth, and general freedom of a new generation of female youth. Sure, the guys loved it, but it was a statement, baby. It was a statement about casting aside old hang-ups and semi-puritanical constraints.

In other words, the mini was about letting your hair down and having a good time - a middle finger to the discretion of their parent's generation. Enjoy!

THE END

Retrospace Podcast #24

2012-01-01T10:05:00.000-06:00

It's time for another twenty or so minutes of audio gold from Retrospace. For those of you unfamiliar, it's just a combination of songs and sounds from yesteryear; no talking, just sonic grooves for your aural pleasure.

Those who want something with actual content (i.e. an audio version of Retrospace), stay tuned. A new type of podcast is in the works. Until then, here's episode twenty four.

LISTEN

Track Listing

Mick Jagger interview
"Stronger than Dirt" by Soul Inc.
Fire and Ice movie trailer
Five Easy Pieces scene
"A Rose for Emily" by The Zombies
TV promos
"Fundamentally Yours" by Stackridge
Billy Murray motivational speach from Meatballs
"Leave It" by Mike McGear and Paul McCartney
Energy crisis PSA
Star Wars Snow Speeder toy commercial
"When Will I See You Again" by The Three Degrees

Vintage Wheels #14: Chick Magnets

2011-12-29T11:13:00.000-06:00

As far as inanimate mechanical objects go, the car has got to be in the top ten when it comes to being associated with coolness (i.e. verility, youth, sexiness, etc.). Perhaps, only the electric guitar and motorcycle can top it. Sure, you've got your "chick repellents" like the Brady Bunch station wagons and AMC Pacers; however, these are easily countered by a 1966 Pontiac GTO or James Bond's Alpha Romeo GTV6, which literally do not need gas to run, but rather are powered by their own raw sexual energy.

This is especially true for the muscle car. Harken back to your high school days: even the goofiest guy could get the grooviest chicks if he drove a badass Plymouth Barracuda. Indeed, the sexual power inherent in these vehicles is so intense that some say that if a hybrid minivan comes into contact with a 70s muscle car, it will have a matter-antimatter reaction, creating a tear in the universe. Don't try this experiment at home, kids.

Like I said, even the lamest dudes had no problems with the ladies, as long as their ride was lookin' good.
Listen to an awesome quote via Wooderson about his muscle car Melba Toast (from Dazed and Confused),

Let me tell ya what Melba Toast is packin'. 411 positrack out back, 750 double pumper, Edelbroc intakes, 11 to 1 pop up pistons, Turbo jet 390 horsepower... some f***in' muscle!

As a commentor on my Flickr page said in response to this picture: "Good drugs, short skirts, fast cars, low prices...and you think people have it good now?" I couldn't have said it any better.

Okay, this car may be a bit old-timey to have any bearing on why Mr. Mooney ended up "most handsome"; however I'm pretty sure his bitchin' car had a role to play. There's simply no other way to explain this otherwise irreconcilable pair.

This car cutie is a triumph! (Heh, heh... you see what I did there with the play on words with "triumph". There's plenty more where that came from, folks)

This guy is exhibiting what is commonly referred to as the "slasher smile" (see A Clockwork Orange every time Alex gets ready for a bit of 'ultraviolence', or Count Dooku before he beats Obi-Wan's ass). This girl is obviously going to die shortly after this picture was taken... but it never would've happened had he not lured her in with his chick magnet (i.e. truck magnet).

It's one thing to own a cool car, it's altogether another to drive that sonuvabitch really, really fast. Speed kills, but it will also get you laid; so, basically it's a trade-off. Steve McQueen and James Dean both raced with the devil, and it eventually caught up with them.... but not before they banged tons of chicks.

Guess how much a brand new Maverick Grabber cost in 1970. This will make you absolutely sick - are you ready? Base Price: $1995. Adjusted for inflation that equals just $11074.92. WTF? No wonder everyone is in debt up to their eyeballs. [Click here to see an ad]

Nice headlights. (Get it? I told you I had a million of these.) For a while there in the late sixties, Dodge had cornered the market on sexually suggestive advertising. The Charger was hyped as the ultimate in macho-mobiles, the irreproachable zenith in manly machines - if this doesn't get you laid, nothing will. Stories are told of gimp legged dwarf burn victims having no problem picking up chicks with this fine automobile.

There's dozens of "top ten chick magnet cars" lists on the interwebs with varying opinions on what cars deserve top ranking; however, there's certain cars that seem to keep popping up, no matter what list you're looking at:

1962-1968 Shelby Cobra
1963-1965 Aston Martin DB5
1968-1982 Chevy Corvette
1970-1971 Plymouth Hemi ‘Cuda Convertible
1981-1982 DeLorean DMC-12
1984-1996 Ferrari Testarossa

My heart goes to the 1968 AMX. There's something about that design - even when it's sitting in a parking lot, it looks like it's hauling ass at 100 mph. The starting factory price for a 1968 AMX was $3,245.00. I'd love to own one of these bad boys.

Sweet Lord. What it is about an automobile that makes women want to drape themselves all over it? Chicks are like metal shavings attracted to the unseen force of the vehicle (hence the term "chick magnet"). For you physicists out there: you've heard of the strong and weak nuclear force, gravity and electromagetism - well there's also a lesser known force known as the Vehicular Feminine Pull. Perhaps, when the Swiss discover the Higgs Boson, this will all be explained.

Although highly unusual, males have also been known to drape themselves on automobiles as well. Needless to say, the sight of a young man spread out atop an Oldsmobile Cutlass isn't exactly pleasing to the eye.

Okay, if this schlub can attract Sibyl Danning with his Datsun 280Z, then we finally have definitive proof that sports cars do possess magic powers. Any doubts at this point are unfounded, all arguments are hereby invalid. We can all go home now.

THE END

Catalogs #17: Montgomery Ward 1978

2011-12-28T07:22:00.000-06:00

I'm actually glad they don't sell couches like this anymore. If they did, I'd probably lose my job - I would never leave the couch EVER. I would miss holiday gatherings, I'd miss my children's sporting events, I'd miss out on everything... and the worst of it is, I wouldn't even freaking care. I'd be too busy rolling around in comfy splendor.

You want to end all wars? Put one of these in every home on the planet. Who wants to fight when you've got one of these bad boys in your living room? Even the 72 virgins thing can't compete with this slice of couch potato Paradise.

Yeah, that's right. I said it. Upholstered modular furniture is the solution to World Peace. Now, let's see what else is in this 1978 Montgomery Ward Winter Sale Catalog.

While modular furniture is the answer to World Peace, acrylic V-neck sweaters, however, are an Abomination from the 7th Abyss of Hell.

Just for future reference, that man in the white turtleneck is the coolest human being who has ever lived.

Note to guy on treadmill: Six Million Dollar Man you are not. It looks less like an exercise machine than it does an elderly person's walker.

In today's dollars, that's about $1,400. Now, you can buy a microwave at Walmart for $45. Of course, the Walmart microwaves are built in Tae Kwang Vina sweatshops. So, there's a slight give and take.

Bad Songs #12: Euro-Awfulness

2011-12-27T07:38:00.000-06:00

One reason for having post subjects numbered (i.e. bad songs #12) is so that I don't have to re-explain myself every time. Sadly, I end up re-explaining myself every time anyway. (sigh)

Anyway, let me restate what I am considering a "bad song". It is a song that is fun to listen to for its inherent horribleness. In contrast, a song by Nickleback, Jay-Z, or an American Idol winner is going to be horrible but NOT fun to listen to . Does this make any sense?

To use movies as an analogy: Plan 9 from Outer Space (to use a tired example) is bad.... but painfully wicked fun to watch. Whereas, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (2010) is also bad, but essentially impossible to watch.

Got it? Good. Let's move on...

Amanda Lear - Follow Me (1978)

Sounds like: A David Lynch soundtrack sung by a chain smoking heroine addict.

Amanda Lear was actually a super hot model who dated Brian Jones, appeared on a Roxy Music album cover, and served as Salvador Dali's muse. She was quite the disco queen in the seventies, and, believe it or not, this song was a fairly successful hit. Suffice it to say, they were doing a lot of drugs back then.

ABBA - King Kong Song

Sounds like: The Partridge Family bus had a horrible accident, and now it's up to Chris Partridge to take the lead and (worst of all) Reuben begins composing the music.

ABBA was always hit or miss for me. Some of their music is so brilliantly melodic that it's almost transcendent.... meanwhile, others are just embarrassing stinkers.

Buffoons - It's the End (1968)

Sounds like: Tiny Tim singing like Roy Orbison while crying

Truth be told, this wouldn't be such a bad song if the singer didn't ruin it with his shrill warbling.

Boney M - Daddy Cool (1976)

Sounds like: If a gun was pressed against Leonard Cohen's temple and he was forced to record a disco album.

It's actually pretty catchy. There's a very real danger that you'll start liking this song before your cerebral cortex can remind you of how awful it is.

Herman van Veen - Opzij

Sounds like: Jim Nabors' Dutch paranoid schizophrenic identical twin .

Enjoy.

Mini Skirt Monday #97: Group Photos

2011-12-26T07:50:00.000-06:00

The omnipresence of the mini during the early seventies is perhaps best illustrated by group photos. Maybe, after this post, you will begin to fathom the ubiquity of the early-70s miniskirt. Questions will be raised: "Did guys back then appreciate what they had, or was this a case of too much of a good thing?" In other words, chocolate is nice as a dessert once and a while; but, if I'm eating chocolate morning, noon and night, does the chocolate lose its mojo? Can there be such a thing as a miniskirt overload?

It is the official opinion of Retrospace that there can never be too many minis; all arguments to the contrary are invalid. There are only a three things in the universe that cannot reach a limit of overload, which will always remain good and pure no matter the quantity: (1) Love, (2) Miniskirts, and (3) the elvish bread Lembas. It's true - look it up. Now enjoy the minis.

Note: I tried to set a general ground rule that "group photo" should include at least 8 people, and does not appear to be a "family photo". Click on images to view full size.

Found Photos #9: Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T09:10:00.000-06:00

I'd love to make a snarky comment about this picture - about their clothes and hair. But guess what, folks? We all looked like this back then. All 200 million of us. So, rather than condescendingly smirk, let's embrace the beautiful "seventies-ness" of it all as we take a tour down Christmas Past and have a little fun with some old photographs.

"I find tinsel distracting!" - Mr. Costanza (Seinfeld)

No one freaking uses tinsel anymore - everyone uses the more respectable garland. I say bring back the tinsel. The sad little tree above could do with a little more, don't you think?

This is not a Mini-Skirt Monday post, but it's an unavoidable fact that, when you have old photos from the early seventies, you're pictures are going to be totally photobombed by minis. Nothing distracts and chews up the scenery like a miniskirt.

Merry Flocking Christmas, Everybody! My Christmas trees growing up were always flocked; nostalgia aside, I actually think it's actually a nice look. The picture above is perhaps an example of excessive flocking.... and I think that may have been the ultimate reason for the ultimate downfall of the flocked tree. Indeed, in 1976 everything got flocked - trees, wreaths, windows, stockings, mantles, bushes, etc. Like everything else in the seventies, it got a bit overboard... and by the eighties, there were no more flockers. (If you haven't noticed, I flocking love that word).

In the spirit of Christmas, somebody please give that smoker a bigger chair!

This is obviously the worst Santa ever. I wouldn't say he looks creepy; he just looks embarrassed or disinterested. He must be a teenager - teenagers know only three states of being: embarrassed, horny or disinterested. This Santa may be all three.

Like I said, it's hard to find early seventies Christmas photos without the distracting presence of the mini. My apologies.... and apologies in advance for the next two...

Okay, this last one technically doesn't fall under the "found photo" category, since it's a scan from an old magazine. But, dear God, this picture had to be shared. Merry Christmas everyone!