Return Of Barnitude

If Skynet is still out there... Job's cannot die!

noreply@blogger.com (ADK) — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 00:08:00 -0800

My Twitter Handle: @ReturnBarnitude

I know, you are surprised that I am not talking about boobs or women or ways to get there. But this is a serious issue to the awesome community.

Before the Turtle neck come along! He used to Suit up!

Mr. Jobs (RESPECT) is the (co-)founder of Apple or Pixar (or so you would want to think) Legendary people very well know it is not Apple that is Steve's biggest achievement. It is the much bigger than just an iPod or iPhone... He created an illusion; No a World and a need. That still is seen around the globe! An easy job? Hardly!

Get this you have the biggest and brightest developers working for you. With you telling them what to do, a college drop-out at the fore-front of innovating and designing. That requires a clear-cut picture (a visionary) or maybe just a star-wars fan!

Here is a challenge: Try convincing your maid to work 2 hours more and you'll know how miserable you are! Jobs has created something Wikipedia likes to call Reality distortion field! He convinces people to buy things they did not even know they would want until that 'moment!' If he were a Casanova he would have been getting laid every other minute.

When I was starting out... I worked with an awesome boss and he said to me, "You are what you are, but how about you tell them what you are? It is not okay that you just work, but tell the right people how you work. You my boy, are you're own spokesperson!"

Banished from the company he established, started a new company, innovation galore and such a rude shock!

Though this may sound to you fella's as an obit, all I want to say is, 'Steve was and is the guy to make humanity see communication and telephone since Alexander Graham Bell! (Read TechStreme Comics on him here)

Normally I do not ask the universe for anything today I ask of you, 'One final keynote and then let your will be!'

You need to watch:

P.S. If you want to get laid easy... you must have 1% charisma and convincing power of Mr. Jobs! True Story!

Aditya kshirsagar

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 03:32:00 -0800

Aditya kshirsagar: "I connected Blogger to my http://flavors.me page - http://flavors.me/adkshirsagar"

Bro code is a sham! I propose a more contemproary theory.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 2 Jan 2011 02:07:00 -0800

Applause

Thank you, thank you! I have missed this feeling. Ah! The true joy of writing and meaning every single word of it. People reading the awesomeness that is Barnitude in my words.... What more can a person ask for? Just one thing, to perfect the theories 'laid' down by the greatness of the fictional Barney Stinson.

No, no... my only reader -- the one who ends up here everytime -- I write. Do not express your joy in those happy tears... I think I am back for good and this time to stay. Now, you may cry.

I have realised over the last year (an excruciating one year) in which I did not date -- due to lapse of judgement on my part. (More on that later) I, today propose a better theory than the bro code that will prevent any such lapse of judgements in the future.

I do not know – how many of you know, Fleming's rule?

Oh! Two of you! Nice.

To those who do not know Fleming, he was an awesome physics dude. He determined the flow of current and the effects that it has on the particles around.

My number two fan (Wiping her tears) Why are we talking about this?

Good question, my number two fan...

I saw the diagrams closely and it seems like a normal diagram with lots of boring equations and basic bulls*it but on a closer inspection, revelation!

Now, this is the basic diagram of Fleming's rule. Seems stupid right?

Let me put it into perspective....

Consider the flow of current (the UP arrow) as the woman you are d(oing)ating or want to d(o)ate (the basic flow)... The flow around around the current, represented in red and marked as B is the world she creates around you -- that includes her bff's (AAAAAAAAAA!) *Shudders* The shout that can scare me to oblivion! If her BFF's are there, take your bro along yea?

What it means for the Bro Code?

The flow of chicks is the motion,
Current is the current chick you are dating and
Field is the Field with other chicks that are the closest to the current.

Now, see the two fingers that Fleming smartly folded in? Those are your Bro's who do not give a damn whom you're dating as long as you don't get on our nerve's.

To define what I am saying:
A chick passes through a street/college/bar/chat-room, resulting in a pick-up line/attempt. When you wrap your right hand around the universe around her with your fingers in the direction of the single chicks, your thumb points in the direction of getting laid.

Now, the probability increases if we follow the secret message in the Fleming's rule of Two Folded Fingers:
Two roots of all evil -- Conscious and Guilt. Two things that ruined a whole fuck*ng year of mine!

The new Flemings rule should be used in situations in which an ordered operation must be performed by two vectors a (you) and b (her) that has a result which is a result c perpendicular to both a and b.

What is C? Its the probability of how much further will you and your close friends get laid, if this shit does wrong with the current chick.

How does one achieve it, you ask?

Do not conceal all the chicks for 'future needs!' Yes, reserves are necessary but get this -- more chicks you meet, more your close friends meet, and very simply put -- the CROSS PRODUCT C goes way farther than you can imagine.

You need proof?

Here is a Chinese man with a successful Fleming Rule implementation:

Say Baddi Baadi Bang Bang, WANG!!

What they say is true, Bitches be crazy.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 00:51:00 -0800

In the past few months of not blogging, I learnt a few new things:
Never sleep on a mat with an A/C going full blast and
its never too late to grow back balls.

But the most thing I learnt, though I wish it was untrue, women are dumb. There is something wrong with their basic brain chemistry that makes them wet for the wrong things.

“What does that mean?” Random guy, who still reads my blog and is my number one fan! What I mean is very simple, appreciating them gets you nowhere. Period.

“So, what is so new about that, you jackass!” Frustrated number one fan, what's new in that is that women are just not evolving.

Simply put, be a jerk. A jerk does not necessarily mean physical abuse. Rather physical abuse does not make you macho.

Why I wrote this blog in the first place:

On some random nights out on the street, I have seen women being dragged by their hair (metaphorically). One such event that horrified me was when a guy was actually was abusing a woman physically and verbally. The woman just stood there taking it, making sure no-one was looking at that. I and my photographer friend Pratik Desai, thought we should be helping... As weird as it may seem when the woman saw us approach, she left. That struck us like a bolt of lightning, especially me, I wondered sleepless that night, Why do women like abusive relationship?

This incident fucked me up, big time!

Since, that day I decided to change my attitude towards women. I was nicer, not as rude as I used to be, more understanding to their feelings(sensitive), attentive (torturous [My dad bla, my bro bla and my ex don't get me started] she did start on it) and everything gay. Not surprisingly, it has come back to bite me!

It got me f*cking nowhere. Rather, I became like a punching bag. I used to be dominant; in the quest of being nicer I lost that. Expressing your real feelings, gives women a superiority orgasm, avoid doing it. No matter how good she looks... You seen better. Even better, there is one right on the next table.

I am not advocating physical or verbal abuse, never. Just that if you don't keep them on their toes or they shoot you in your face.

I thought understanding them is all I need, after I understanding them, I know they are just plain crazy. A dear friend (who is a woman) has agreed with a grin.

My Twitter handle is here, if you don't like what I say or need to rectify me. Feel free to contact me on Twitter.

Autocratic society, Democracy is a sham

noreply@blogger.com (ADK) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 00:45:00 -0700

I am a proud Indian. I love India. I listen to one patriotic song every-day just to remind myself… India is awesome. However, it has been getting harder for me. I think the freedom fighters of our nation were democratic in majority. When the Government wanted to make the legal drinking 25 I was disappointed and now they talk about banning porn. This is an outcry, they banned Savitabhabhi.com and why cause it was derogatory to women.

Our fundamental rights being threatened here, not right to free speech crap but the right to life. How? (Good question imaginary person from last time who still reads my awesome blog.) Would you like to be immortal in a society where alcohol banned, sex for reproduction and violence forgotten? “The horror” (wakes from a shock), its okay imaginary person, it is only what IF.

What is life without Alcohol? A sober nightmare. You have too many grey-cells. Some might argue it will be a more productive society but hey, I was not born to be your slave. I love my life without a direction, I just like doing many things/.

Coming back to porn… Humans are the only disgusting human beings who like to see other human beings do it. That is just who we are SICK! However, I strongly feel porn is a better alternative to other things that can happen out there. I am a proud citizen of Bombay (Mumbai); I might get sued or beaten up for calling this city Bombay but I will. It is my right to life. In my lifetime, I wish to call it Bombay.

There is no point here, if you do not read between the lines. What the government is trying to do is not humane. They are not changing the law but trying to alter basic human feelings. I lust, I crave, I envy and that does not make me a bad person. I vote for minimal government interference, there are serious issues at hand than Savitabhabhi.com

There are people out there many in the army making child porn. Banning porn would not help the cause. I respect laws… but a law to ban porn just is ridiculous. The Indian porn industry is already a shoddy underground territory. It exists. There are forced tapes out there that are worrisome. The right to life of those women and men is threatened. Banning porn is not even close to being the solution, child molesters would not stop at anything! I respect the law of being 18, if you can drive; I am sure you know what sex is and crave for the same.

For long, I wanted to address the issue of Savita Bhabhi… I have read it on several occasions. Many told me it is derogatory to a woman’s image. How? I ask you.
Women in the world love depicted as working people or as a homemaker. Why was it hard for some to understand especially women that Savita Bhabhi loved sex? Which brings me to the next point… what are the different terms for Vagina or boobs that women have come up with? Or calling a dick something feminine.

My only point being, Porn is not the solution, Savita Bhabhi is not a woman that fits an Indian image. Nevertheless, I thought the point of a society is to be free and open to ideas from all. By making such laws, we are only enforcing the belief that CONTROL IS NECESSARY FOR SECURITY.

This is not our right to free speech… There should be no rights. When will we as humans mature enough to understand? We are humans we lust, we crave and we love violence. Let us put the energy in a better way rather than trying to CHANGE OURSELVES.

Cause we are awesome! Free society = Legen wait for it, I do not need your permission dary! It would be LEGENDARY!

Face-Boob

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 5 Jun 2010 02:06:00 -0700

Music, Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll is something that resonated in the minds of once brothers in a group called Self Confessed Freaks...Dream Shredded into tiny zillion pieces by a single girl who raided our lives! I tried to glance back in anger but instead came up with a theory... I like to call Face-Boob Theory!

Barney states a thousand times in the Bro Code that you can hit on a girl when: -

1) Your Bro called on her first,

2) If the girl is anyway related to your bro is related to her in past, Present or undecided future. (Also includes wife, girl-friend, etc.)

3) If your bro 'loves' her.

I am guilty on all this three charges of the bro code which in case of wingman philosophy is held in the highest esteem; but there are loop-holes which I realized when I did something really bad to a certain individual I like to call Mick Nitra!

Mick 'was' a great friend and I broke the bro code in with a certain anonymous female he was dating at that point of time; the incident took place around 4 months ago.

Mick never got over the girl and hence the cracks in our friendship just got deeper and deeper; a thoroughly confused soul that Mick is he doesn't know his source of anger after the stale event! This point itself is a mystery in itself.

I tried to analyze Mr. Nitra’s problem and there was one conclusion that I found;

As Mr. Stinson had mentioned to Marshall,

You cannot get over a girl when: -

1) When you picture her face whenever you do something stimulating ;),

2) And cannot stop picturing her boobs unless you see more and remove her stale relationship boobs from your mind!

Maybe Mick suffers from one or both of these syndromes; and hence has found it perfectly viable to give in to the demands of human species having both the necessary variables! Which I did try fulfilling.

My suggestion to Mick is see a lot of pretty faces and some awesome boobs and you would know Barney was right! Maybe there happens to be something mystical thing called love, but there is nothing a good Whiskey and a girl can't cure!

FACE-BOOB EX Bro!!

From the old Barney Blog

Cocktail: - The True Story

noreply@blogger.com (ADK) — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 04:26:00 -0700

By Barnacle of ADK

Some genius of a person (tear rolls down) was thinking way ahead of his time and came up with a brilliant code word in the sight of all.

The wingmen so many a times depend on the great magical powers of alcohol to get their bro’s some hoes (Do not mean to be derogatory it just rhymed). But saying “let’s get her drunk” was too crude like hitting the woman with a club like in the stone ages to get laid. One or two or a group of wingmen with an eagle’s vision racked up their heads to come up with a term which will give the bro a helping hand and the woman in perfect mood.

Cocktails just a brilliant term: Two Words

COCK TAILS

Get the lady a COCKTAIL is the green signal for the bro while the warning bell is MOCKTAIL.
Now understanding the terms: -

COCKTAIL means the woman is looking for a good time while Mocktail just a CONVERSATION!

How the historic moment of discovering of term came about: -
Dude dude
We should totally have a code word
Yea like for some hitting on a girl
Or I need to get busy with that girl
Yea
COCK TAIL
Gentlemen we are going down history!

I salute the great thinkers. Thanks to them life is a little sorted! Cheers!

The Gay Right Uprising Around the world

noreply@blogger.com (ADK) — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 20:00:00 -0700

Why the government’s are ‘legalizing’ it

Humans are mammals, and some of them find solace where rarely would a straight man go except in the morning. But that’s something I don’t really care about, but the sudden realization of the world governments. Whoops! Let’s not forget the Gay Rights!

Yes! You fought long and hard for these rights, you deserve it (blabbers a little more)…. What’s your point? Good question, Imaginary person frustrated at my poor writing skills.
What I am trying to say is the Gay Rights caught a fancy a bit too easy and at all the wrong times.

I am sorry to say this (Actually I am not) but the whole Rights issue was a big time distraction from the actual shit happening in the background. Bills were passed behind closed doors and no-one even knew about it.

Why are you talking about this? Good Question. Now very irritated and about to kill me reader of a blog where he doesn’t why he ended up!

The reason I brought this issue up is for many reasons, there is a lesson to be learnt here. If Gay rights are finally a reality we should pressure for other things mainly:
1. Legalization of porn,
2. Right to Strip-Clubs,
3. Marijuana instead of cigarettes,
4. Right to have no rights or duties,
5. Regulation of prostitution,
6. Getting proper definition of a child (Read: Child Labor and drinking laws).

These are just some random things I want...! The whole point of discussing this is only to talk timing of when to hit the system hard. And my motto will be, “Be the distraction, and get the diversion done.”

For example: -

The next terrorist attack lets not say no to terrorism, let’s say yes to Marijuana. Let’s not blame the Babu’s let us just say I denounce my rights and the duties towards this state, unless you do your bloody duties. The state has us frustrated, like a smart woman pointed out to me over and over again, “Indians are sexually frustrated!”

For once, I would like to thank gay guys for showing us the way.