King of the Mountain Tortoises

Follow the Election results here

2008-11-04T10:10:00.006-06:00

Michael Kinsley's reasons for voting for Obama

2008-10-29T19:07:00.002-05:00

I had the good fortune to work with Michael Kinsley back at Microsoft when he was just getting Slate off the ground. I still enjoy reading Slate now, and Michael's writing always strikes me as well-reasoned and thought-provoking.

In Slate, Michael Kinsley recently outlined his reasons for voting for Obama in the upcoming presidential election.

I believe in voting the party, not the man or woman. Democrats generally reflect my views better than Republicans.

It's important not to ratify failure, and the current Republican administration is a failure.

Historically, as I demonstrated in Slate a few weeks ago, Democratic presidents have a better economic record, EVEN BY REPUBLICAN STANDARDS (lower government spending; higher GDP, ignoring distribution questions, etc.). Republican irresponsibility about tax cuts without spending cuts has bankrupted this country. Twice.

Republicans have a consistent record of hideous demagoguery in presidential campaigns. (Dems are not blameless, but Republicans are far, far worse.) The story of this election is how McCain made a Faustian bargain and lost.

McCain is no dummy, but Obama is smarter. Although you're not supposed to say so, I think having a very smart president is, on balance and allowing for exceptions like Nixon, a good thing.

Obama is African-American. I wouldn't vote on race if there were a good reason not to, but all else being equal, having a black president will be a good thing for this country.

Electing Obama will give us a big PR boost in the world—just when we desperately need one.

Social issues (abortion, gay rights, civil liberties, etc.).

Oh yes, Sarah Palin. Give me a break. Not only is she patently not qualified to be president, but her alleged charm totally escapes me. She seems like an unpleasant, cynical, scheming, nasty, vindictive person. McCain is likable and admirable. I feel sorry for him. Palin will be a pleasure to vote against.

A confession: When I read the details of Obama's agenda, I disagree with about 80 percent of it. (Capital gains tax break for small businesses, etc.) I don't care.

Reasons 2, 7, and 9 especially ring a bell for me. I would also add that the current Republican administration has shown a complete disdain for The Constitution, and I hope that an Obama administration would work to restore some of the rights that have been eviscerated under President Bush.

Bruce's Twitterlog

2008-10-05T02:07:00.001-05:00

20:37 Went to Hari Raya celebration at Gigi and Deion's, and then went to the Shultzy's Oktoberfest party. Now, we're tired and back home. #
21:02 Annoyed with Comcast. 1-800-COMCAST, which is supposed to be available 24/7 can only add Showtime during regular business hours (not 24/7). #

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Upgrading Protector Suite QL for Firefox 3.0

2008-09-01T21:10:00.000-05:00

Back in June, I got my new Sony Vaio VGN-TZ250N from Karen for my birthday. One of its cool features is an integrated fingerprint reader to save me from having to type passwords. It's pretty neat, and I enjoyed its ability to remember passwords for the secure websites I commonly visit.

That was fine, but along came Firefox 3.0, and I upgraded. Sadly, I found that there was no Protector QL extension for Firefox 3.0, and my fingerprint reader was reduced to simply logging me on to my laptop. True, I could have shifted to Internet Explorer, but that wasn't going to happen.

So, today, I decided to see if anything was available now to let me go back to accessing websites with by rubbing my computer and awaking the password genie. UPEK's website has its #1 FAQ covering Firefox 3.0, so I was optimistic, but it took me a while to understand what it was trying to tell me.

Firefox 3 final release is supported by Protector Suite QL 5.6.2, 5.8.2 and 5.8.0.4024 (custom build for Toshiba). If you do not have right version please ask your notebook vendor for updated software for your notebook. Each notebook vendor has a custom version of Protector Suite QL and as per business agreements we cannot distribute it.

It sounded to me like I needed to go to Sony Vaio support to get an upgraded version of Protector Suite QL. After a useless chat with a tech support rep, I realized they had no new version for me. That was frustrating until I realized what UPEK was telling me was that as long as I had one of those three versions (I was running 5.62), I was all set with the current version of my software.

But, I did need some new Password Bank updates for 5.62...

INSTALL INSTRUCTIONS for PS QL 5.6.2 (works on 32bit operation systems only):

Download updated PasswordBank libraries from the link below:
http://files.upek.com/GetPackage.asp?Key=1I7BG1MXZ1I17FKAOU1EVFGF233B4121

Please note that these libraries are intended for PS QL 5.6.2 only - it will not work with any other version! It also does not work on 64bit operating systems!!!

To install updated libraries for PasswordBank, close the psqltray.exe process using Microsoft ProcessExplorer (Ctrl+Shift+Esc) and copy contents of the ZIP file to the Protector Suite QL installation directory (usually C:\Program Files\Protector Suite QL\ or C:\Program Files\Fingerint Reader Suite\). You need to overwrite two files:

pwdbank.dll in PS QL's root directory (C:\Program Files\Protector Suite QL\pwdbank.dll)

pbgk1_9.dll in "browser" sub directory (C:\Program Files\Protector Suite QL\browser\pbgk1_9.dll)

Once files are replaced, please reboot your computer! After reboot, please check, that Firefox support is enabled in PS QL (right-click on PS QL tray icon -> Control Center -> Settings -> User Settings -> PasswordBank).

OK, that looked easy enough. I downloaded the files, installed them, and restarted my machine. As instructed, I checked the Protector Suite Control Center and rechecked the Firefox support box. But, sadly, when I fired up Firefox, nothing happened. I didn't have a Protector Suite extension installed. DOH! And there was none listed under the 5.62 support section. And none when I searched Google...

But there is a Firefox extension under the 5.82 Firefox 3 Support Installation instructions.

INSTALL INSTRUCTIONS for PS QL 5.8.2 (works on 32bit and 64bit operating systems):

Download extension for Firefox 3 final release from the link below:
http://files.upek.com/GetPackage.asp?Key=W271FQ1F6092PUD33U41U2OV1GQBPHUO

To install PasswordBank extension for Firefox 3 simply drag'n'drop the XPI file on the Firefox window and confirm the installation. Alternatively, you can install the extension if you run Firefox -> go to File -> Open -> pbff3.0.xpi...

Please note that this extension will work only with PS QL 5.8.2 and 5.8.0.4024 (custom build for Toshiba)!!!

That last line seemed pretty ominous, but I decided to give it a try anyway and install it. It worked like a charm. Firefox 3.0 fingerprint support is BACK! :)

Omnivore's 100

2008-08-28T10:48:00.000-05:00

Very Good Taste has a brief blogosphere survey about what people have eaten or would try to eat given the opportunity. I figured I would take a shot. Following the survey rules, things in bold I have eaten and things crossed out I wouldn't try given the chance.

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile (it might have been alligator, but I've had its several times, so a croc must have slipped in somewhere)
6. Black pudding (I might not try it, but I never thought I would eat Century Egg either)
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
~~25. Brawn, or head cheese~~
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine (wanted to try it in Montreal, but kept eating Schwartz's smoked meat)
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
~~62. Sweetbreads~~
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette (we accidentally ordered Andouillette in Paris, thinking it was Andouille, and boy did it stink!).
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill (can you run over a lobster?)
76. Baijiu (we drank this at my house at Chinese New Year a couple of years back -- it would make a dandy paint thinner)
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

What about you?

Obama's lame response on his FISA inaction.

2008-07-22T00:55:00.003-05:00

I sent an e-mail to the Obama campaign expressing my disappointment in Senator Obama's politically expedient disappearance in the face of the recently passed FISA Amendments Act. Apparently, enough people have complained that he now has a canned, inadequate response.

Given the grave threats that we face, our national security agencies must have the capability to gather intelligence and track down terrorists before they strike, while respecting the rule of law and the privacy and civil liberties of the American people. There is also little doubt that the Bush Administration, with the cooperation of major telecommunications companies, has abused that authority and undermined the Constitution by intercepting the communications of innocent Americans without their knowledge or the required court orders.

That is why last year I opposed the so-called Protect America Act, which expanded the surveillance powers of the government without sufficient independent oversight to protect the privacy and civil liberties of innocent Americans. I have also opposed the granting of retroactive immunity to those who were allegedly complicit in acts of illegal spying in the past.

After months of negotiation, the House passed a compromise that, while far from perfect, is a marked improvement over last year's Protect America Act. Under this compromise legislation, an important tool in the fight against terrorism will continue, but the President's illegal program of warrantless surveillance will be over. It restores FISA and existing criminal wiretap statutes as the exclusive means to conduct surveillance - making it clear that the President cannot circumvent the law and disregard the civil liberties of the American people. It also firmly re-establishes basic judicial oversight over all domestic surveillance in the future.

It does, however, grant retroactive immunity, and I voted in the Senate three times to remove this provision so that we could seek full accountability for past offenses. Unfortunately, these attempts were unsuccessful. But this compromise guarantees a thorough review by the Inspectors General of our national security agencies to determine what took place in the past, and ensures that there will be accountability going forward. By demanding oversight and accountability, a grassroots movement of Americans has helped yield a bill that is far better than the Protect America Act.

It is not all that I would want. But given the legitimate threats we face, providing effective intelligence collection tools with appropriate safeguards is too important to delay. So I support the compromise, but do so with a firm pledge that as President, I will carefully monitor the program, review the report by the Inspectors General, and work with the Congress to take any additional steps I deem necessary to protect the lives - and the liberty - of the American people.

I am completely unsatisfied with this inaccurate and cowardly response. To say that this bad bill is better than an even worse bill isn't justification for supporting it. And if Senator Obama's the great leader and uniter that he claims to be, why couldn't he take a leadership role in creating a much better "compromise" than the one he signed off on.

What Senator Obama had was a chance to clearly distinguish himself as an independent thinker and a man of conviction who would represent a sharp contrast with the past eight years of the Bush Administration. Instead, we're left with another politician who seems willing to sell out our Constitutional rights under the banner of the Politics of Fear. The American people deserve better, but seem unlikely to get it.

I hate mattress buying!

2008-05-24T19:34:00.003-05:00

It almost makes me want to start the first honest mattress retailer. There has to be someone other than me who finds the process of mattress buying to be especially painful. It's amazing to me that a simple product could have such a complex sales process.

Here in Seattle, we visited four different mattress dealers (and we could have seen many more, but I'm not sure that I would survive that). Sleep Country USA advertises incessantly on TV, has a lot of stores, and specializes in selling mattresses (and the accompaniments).

My local Sleep Country is staffed by a presentable, polite young man who reminds me of Kenneth on 30 Rock, but with Hillary Clinton's ambition and Donald Trump's salesmanship. Yes, I was very afraid. No, it was not reasonable. He was actually quite patient as I tried many, many mattresses. Karen wouldn't lie on them for fear of catching bedbugs, cooties, ebola, or some other malady. Most were nice. I didn't like the Tempurpedic beds though. "Kenneth" advised me to lie on one for about a minute and then try to get up. That experience is like being trapped in a shallow grave. Neither Karen or I liked it, so the Tempurpedic was out. Neither of us liked the Sleep Comfort air thing either. No futons -- we don't really find them very restful in Japanese hotels when they have them. And I lived with a waterbed from the time I was 15 to 30 or so, and that was enough of that.

Which left me with regular old mattresses. Every store has the same brands, but the actual model names have been changed to "protect the innocent" and confuse the consumer. What's a Bramblewood at one place is a Birchglade at another, though those could be different mattresses -- it's impossible to tell. If you listen to the sales people, they'll lecture you on coil gauge, number of coils, and layers of various fibers, while showing you mattress cutaway models that don't really help you make a decision. They all come with warranties, but it seems like it's almost impossible to collect on one (it's like trying to collect on a warranty on a car battery or set of tires). Almost everything that could go wrong is excluded from coverage. And if you sweat or lie down too much or turn over too often, or flip your mattress too much/not often enough, that kills your warranty too. So, my conclusion is that this is a damn expensive disposable product. You sleep on it until you find yourself or your spouse rolling downhill involuntarily and then have them take it away for scrap.

But it's not just a mattress. There's the box spring, which doesn't appear spring at all and looks like a rectangular wooden box with the thinnest cheapest fabric stretched around the top and bottom. They now have low-profile ones since American mattresses keep growing in depth so that jumping into bed requires some pole vaulting experience. We probably should have opted for low-profile boxsprings, but I didn't remember that when I was placing my order. And I'm sure they're extra since everything is.

And then there's the frame. Let me take a moment out to talk about our trip to Ikea. We looked at their beds. They have one that matches our cheap utilitarian dressers and it's cheap and utilitarian too. But I think it's too small. Ikea itself says US King mattresses are 76 x 80. But this bed lists its dimensions as 76 x 79.5. I knew that was a recipe for disaster when I tried to match that up with my Simmons Beautyrest, so I abandoned that plan. Yes, I did look at the Ikea mattresses. Most of them are very cheap. They're also uncomforably stiff or uncomfortably saggy. They do have one fancy one for $1200+. It also seems uncomfortable. Perhaps if you're a narcoleptic, an Ikea mattress would work, but not for me.

So, we need a metal frame for our bed (no, I'm not going to a furniture store and buy a real furniture bed). I won't even shell out for pillow shams (maybe it's the word "sham" that gets me). So I just want a frame. Of course, there's the free one that comes with the bed and sucks according to the salesperson and another one that's infinitely better and costs more. OK, OK. I'm not a light person, so I'll buy the one that definitely won't collapse under me instead of the one that almost certainly won't collapse under me.

Then, they start trying to sell me other stuff. Undercoating, rust-proofing... wait that's car salesman. No, it was some sort of mattress sealant to keep my sweat from dripping through the sheets, staining my mattress, and invalidating the warranty that I'll never be able to collect on anyway. I passed on that one (one small victory for me).

Sleep County, Sears, and Macy's all had nice beds. Some were expensive. Some were really expensive. Some were crazily expensive. We opted for the basic expensive model. There was one cheaper model at Sears, but it was the Sears-o-pedic, and that brand name made me laugh uncontrollably -- it would have been better if they'd named it the ACME Sears-o-pedic, so I could think I was buying a bed that Wile E. Coyote would have approved of. And even the cheapest Sears model wasn't that cheap. And I've had my Sears experiences, so I went with Sleep Country.

Why not Macy's? They were friendly, but they actually retag the basic Simmons Beautyrest Classic line as "Vanderbilt" or some such nonsense. The net result, is I felt worse buying a less expensive mattress there than I did at Sleep Country.

Theoretically, our mattress arrives tomorrow. Light a candle for me.

I missed my opportunity, I should have been a lacrosse goalie.

2008-05-24T19:28:00.003-05:00

I was at home this morning watching the semifinals of the NCAA Lacrosse tournament. Syracuse was playing Virginia, and the game was tied 11-11 as time was running down. These teams are at the pinnacle of their sport, and the game was hard-fought. Both teams had chances to score the go-ahead goal, but neither succeeded in regulation.

The commentators attributed this to the excellent play of the goalies. But replays showed that the shots of the waning minutes either bounced off the post/crossbar of the goal or hit the goalies squarely in their bodies. The goalies had sticks, but they had no impact on these final saves. In one instance, the commentators praised the goalie for a great stop, and the replay showed the ball hitting him just above the groin area.

Lacrosse goals are reasonably small, so it appears that a particularly wide goalie (think Jared in his pre-Subway days) could be an All-America Lacrosse goalie sheerly by virtue of his ability to stand in front of the net. Homer Simpson would be so proud.

BAPE Los Angeles

2008-05-24T19:19:00.002-05:00

I went to the new BAPE (Bathing Ape) store in Los Angeles on Melrose. It's quite a swanky place. In recognition of the fact that trendy party monsters don't get up early, the store doesn't open until noon. Yep, noon. We watched several people try to talk them into opening up a few minutes early, but the staff wasn't budging. In fact, they opened up a few minutes after noon for good measure.

The good news, unlike the BAPE stores in Japan, this one has clothing in large sizes for Americans of buffalo-like girth. I bought two XXL t-shirts with SpongeBob, Patrick, and Milo, and they fit well; perhaps, if anything, they're too big. In contrast, about two weeks before, I tried on a XXL BAPE Hawaiian shirt in Aoyama and nearly had to be extricated with the jaws of life as XXL means a chest size of about 40" in Tokyo.

The BAPE staff in LA is friendly, but seems very paranoid. I know their stuff is popular and expensive, but it has nearly as many armed guards as Harry Winston or Cartier. And for what essentially a store dealing in t-shirts, sweatshirts, and sneakers. The security presence made me nervous for fear of accidentally being shot by a security guard or being caught in some sort of sneaker-motivated hostage situation.

The selection was good and the prices were comparable with Tokyo. All in all, if you're not prone to panic attacks and you like goofy shoes and shirts, check it out when you're in town.

Civilized Australia

2008-04-17T18:53:00.003-05:00

I was riding the trams in Melbourne when I had the most astonishing experience.

A hulking young man entered the tram with his bicycle. As a Seattleite, it's not that odd to see people who commute with a combination of mass transit and pedal power. In fact, many Seattle buses have racks on the front to transport rider's bikes while they take the bus.

Anyway, this big guy gets on the tram with his bicycle. It was mid-afternoon and the tram wasn't particularly crowded -- I hardly even noticed.

The driver certainly did. He emerged from his little sealed driver's compartment, came back to the younger, much bigger guy, and told him that he couldn't bring his bike on the tram. The bike guy replied by asking the driver how he was expected to get home then (it was a day of record-setting winds in Melbourne, though I don't know if that had anything to do with this bike rider's decision to take the tram). The driver told the bike guy that it wasn't the driver's problem and again urged him to leave the train.

The bike guy refused. The driver then left the tram and started calling for security assistance.

Now, if this scene had happened in America, we would have been treated to the sight of muscle-bound, para-military security guards confronting the big bike guy and who knows what would follow next...

But not in Australia. The tram driver returned with the security guy. The security guy looked a lot like Wilford Brimley, but with a wacky Australian hat. He was certainly no match for the big, buff bike dude. So, the Australian security guy repeats what the driver said, that the guy couldn't bring his bike on the tram and would have to leave. And, guess what?

The bike dude left the tram peacefully without a word of complaint. The security guy exited, the driver re-entered his locked driving compartment, and off we went, just a few minutes late.

It made me feel bad to be from the barbarous USA.

Reports of the Weatherpixie's demise were exaggerated...

2008-03-23T02:25:00.002-05:00

I sadly reported back in January that one of my favorite web sites and a precursor of the current widget fad, Weatherpixie. had bit the dust.

I was proud to find out recently that I was wrong and it is back. So, you'll now again see a small geisha on my blog showing you the current weather in Seattle, as if you cared.

And while we're on the Easter theme...

2008-03-23T02:09:00.002-05:00

... my favorite band, Barenaked Ladies, created their own Easter tune about a year ago. It's funny, educational, and irreverent, as you might expect, and it's available here for a VERY limited time.

Happy Easter, and I hope you enjoy their song as much as I did.

Rabbit and the Resurrection (mp4 3.8 MB)

Easter, the Greatest Story Ever Told

2008-03-23T01:56:00.004-05:00

David Sedaris, in Esquire Magazine March 2000, wrote the greatest Easter story ever.

You should really follow this link (free and no registration required!) to the Esquire Archives and read it as part of Three By Sedaris, but I include it here only in case Esquire's archives vanish into the internet ether one day in a fit of media consolidation or directory purging...

Enjoy...

JESUS SHAVES
by David Sedaris

"HE NICE, THE JESUS. HE MAKE THE GOOD THINGS, AND ON THE EASTER WE BE SAD BECAUSE SOMEBODY MAKES HIM DEAD TODAY."
"And what does one do on the fourteenth of July? Does one celebrate Bastille Day?"
It was my second month of French class, and the teacher was leading us in an exercise designed to promote the use of one, our latest personal pronoun.
"Might one sing on Bastille Day?" she asked. "Might one dance in the street? Somebody give me an answer."
Printed in our textbooks was a list of major holidays alongside a scattered arrangement of photos depicting French people in the act of celebration. The object was to match the holiday with the corresponding picture. It was simple enough but seemed an exercise better suited to the use of the word they. I didn't know about the rest of the class, but when Bastille Day eventually rolled around, I planned to stay home and clean my oven.
Normally, when working from the book, it was my habit to tune out my fellow students and scout ahead, concentrating on the question I'd calculated might fall to me, but this afternoon, we were veering from the usual format. Questions were answered on a volunteer basis, and I was able to sit back, confident that the same few students would do the talking. Today's discussion was dominated by an Italian nanny, two chatty Poles, and a pouty, plump Moroccan woman who had grown up speaking French and had enrolled in the class to improve her spelling. She'd covered these lessons back in the third grade and took every opportunity to demonstrate her superiority. A question would be asked and she'd give the answer, behaving as though this were a game show and, if quick enough, she might go home with a tropical vacation or a side-by-side refrigerator-freezer. By the end of her first day, she'd raised her hand so many times, her shoulder had given out. Now she just leaned back in her seat and shouted the answers, her bronzed arms folded across her chest like some great grammar genie.
We finished discussing Bastille Day, and the teacher moved on to Easter, which was represented in our textbook by a black-and-white photograph of a chocolate bell lying upon a bed of palm fronds.
"And what does one do on Easter? Would anyone like to tell us?"
The Italian nanny was attempting to answer the question when the Moroccan student interrupted, shouting, "Excuse me, but what's an Easter?"
Despite her having grown up in a Muslim country, it seemed she might have heard it mentioned once or twice, but no. "I mean it," she said. "I have no idea what you people are talking about."
The teacher then called upon the rest of us to explain.
The Poles led the charge to the best of their ability. "It is," said one, "a party for the little boy of God who call his self Jesus and . . . oh, shit."
She faltered, and her fellow countryman came to her aid.
"He call his self Jesus, and then he be die one day on two . . . morsels of . . . lumber."
The rest of the class jumped in, offering bits of information that would have given the pope an aneurysm.
"He die one day, and then he go above of my head to live with your father."
"He weared the long hair, and after he died, the first day he come back here for to say hello to the peoples."
"He nice, the Jesus."
"He make the good things, and on the Easter we be sad because somebody makes him dead today."
Part of the problem had to do with grammar. Simple nouns such as cross and resurrection were beyond our grasp, let alone such complicated reflexive phrases as "To give of yourself your only begotten son." Faced with the challenge of explaining the cornerstone of Christianity, we did what any self-respecting group of people might do. We talked about food instead.
"Easter is a party for to eat of the lamb," the Italian nanny explained. "One, too, may eat of the chocolate."
"And who brings the chocolate?" the teacher asked.
I knew the word, and so I raised my hand, saying, "The Rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate."
My classmates reacted as though I'd attributed the delivery to the Antichrist. They were mortified.
"A rabbit?" The teacher, assuming I'd used the wrong word, positioned her index fingers on top of her head, wiggling them as though they were ears. "You mean one of these? A rabbit rabbit?"
"Well, sure," I said. "He come in the night when one sleep on a bed. With a hand he have the basket and foods."
The teacher sadly shook her head, as if this explained everything that was wrong with my country. "No, no," she said. "Here in France the chocolate is brought by the big bell that flies in from Rome."
I called for a time-out. "But how do the bell know where you live?"
"Well," she said, "how does a rabbit?"
It was a decent point, but at least a rabbit has eyes. That's a start. Rabbits move from place to place, while most bells can only go back and forth--and they can't even do that on their own power. On top of that, the Easter Bunny has character; he's someone you'd like to meet and shake hands with. A bell has all the personality of a cast-iron skillet. It's like saying that come Christmas, a magic dustpan flies in from the North Pole, led by eight flying cinder blocks. Who wants to stay up all night so they can see a bell? And why fly one in from Rome when they've got more bells than they know what to do with right here in Paris? That's the most implausible aspect of the whole story, as there's no way the bells of France would allow a foreign worker to fly in and take their jobs. That Roman bell would be lucky to get work cleaning up after a French bell's dog--and even then he'd need papers. It just didn't add up.
Nothing we said was of any help to the Moroccan student. A dead man with long hair supposedly living with her father, a leg of lamb served with palm fronds and chocolate. Confused and disgusted, she shrugged her massive shoulders and turned her attention back to the comic book she kept hidden beneath her binder. I wondered then if, without the language barrier, my classmates and I could have done a better job making sense of Christianity, an idea that sounds pretty far-fetched to begin with.
In communicating any religious belief, the operative word is faith, a concept illustrated by our very presence in that classroom. Why bother struggling with the grammar lessons of a six-year-old if each of us didn't believe that, against all reason, we might eventually improve? If I could hope to one day carry on a fluent conversation, it was a relatively short leap to believing that a rabbit might visit my home in the middle of the night, leaving behind a handful of chocolate kisses and a carton of menthol cigarettes. So why stop there? If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt? I accepted the idea that an omniscient God had cast me in his own image and that he watched over me and guided me from one place to the next. The virgin birth, the resurrection, and the countless miracles--my heart expanded to encompass all the wonders and possibilities of the universe.
A bell, though, that's fucked up.

Congratulations to my former students!

2008-03-23T01:40:00.002-05:00

Mark, one of my former students at MUS dropped me an e-mail this past week to let me know how they fared in the recent Tennessee Mathcounts competition.

Mark, Eli, and Carson competed in the state Mathcounts competition and finished in second place. That is the highest finish for the team since I came to the school back in 2000-2001, and I congratulate them for their achievement. I know they wish they'd beaten MBA of Nashville (our nemesis), but I know they gave it their best effort. Mark, Eli, and Carson are all exemplary young men, and I look forward to hearing of their future accomplishments.

For the record, MBA and MUS both offer Honors Algebra in 7th grade and Honors Geometry in 8th grade for those students who are ready for the challenge (Mark, Eli, and Carson are all in Honors Geometry this year).

Great! The US Treasury Secretary is a moron.

2008-03-01T12:08:00.002-06:00

Paulson Not Big Penny Fan
By MARTIN CRUTSINGER, AP Economics Writer
Friday, February 29, 2008

A penny for your thoughts? Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson thinks the answer to that question should be not much. In fact, if he had his way, he would like to get rid of the penny.

Asked Friday whether he thought the penny should be eliminated, Paulson agreed that it would make sense, saying, "The penny is worth less than any other currency."

Despite the feeble state of the dollar, a penny is still worth more than one Japanese yen. Is Paulson unfamiliar with Japan? Maybe someone should take him out for sushi. Or better yet, fugu.

Bank deposits from home

2008-02-07T10:08:00.000-06:00

I read an AP article this morning on banks planning to offer consumers the ability to make deposits from home via their scanners and the internet. Effectively, this isn't much different from the check scanners available at an increasing number of bank branches, but the ability to make deposits 24/7 from home is incredibly convenient.

But, the fact is, this capability is available now. OK, at least for some people. One of the banks I use provides this service to their customers, and has been doing so for at least six months or so. I originally named the bank in this post, but reconsidered whether that would be a wise decision from a personal security standpoint; caution won out.

One of my many shortcomings is an inability to deposit rebate checks on time. As a result, those rebate checks end up null and void (as those evil rebaters hoped), and I end up just saying, "DOH!" But now, if I realize the night before the check expires that I haven't deposited it, I can make the deposit via my home scanner. The UI isn't the most friendly (I have to relearn the system each time I use it), but I love it!

Happy Chinese New Year!

2008-02-07T00:27:00.000-06:00

Goodbye Starbucks breakfasts...

2008-02-05T12:59:00.000-06:00

Howard Schultz, Starbucks founder, has retaken command at SBUX and one of his first edicts is killing their new breakfast sandwich program. Now, most of the country probably never even knew this existed in the first place since it seemed to be mostly a west-coast phenomenon. When I asked about these at a Starbucks in Memphis, the manager wistfully suggested that I might have to wait a decade or so...

Starbucks had introduced a collection of about a half dozen breakfast sandwiches. Some of them were reminiscent of McDonald's Egg McMuffins, but with a better taste. In fact, they had a taste. The bacon or sausage tasted like bacon or sausage and not just like some sort of synthetic made to look like those breakfast meats. And they were cooked (defrosted) in these cool fast-cooking ovens that produced a sandwich where the bread had crunch/crispiness. How great is that? My personal favorite was their spinach feta wrap that tasted great and was less than 300 calories. OK, so my Starbucks drink probably added 1000 more to that total, but we can all engage in soem level of self-delusion, can't we? And the prices weren't bad, given other restaurant breakfast alternatives.

Service was fast and contrary to Mr. Schultz's contention that it was distracting these stores from their coffee-serving mission, I never observed that.

The end result is that I will probably visit Starbucks less than before. I had already imprinted in my mind that "hungry for breakfast" and "in urban area on the west coast" equaled Starbucks. Now, I will have to find a reason to go to Starbucks. I'll have to be sleepy and thirsty at the same time. Before, I just had to be ready for breakfast.

It seems to me that there was more behind this decision than what the press releases have said.

Say it ain't so! The Weatherpixie has vanished!

2008-01-02T19:03:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite web graphics seems to have met its demise (and/or its creator lost interest).

I've liked the Weatherpixie since I first heard about it several years ago. Tamsin Bowles created the site which provides a little character who appears in a scene in clothing appropriate for the weather and time in any specified location. Many character choices were offered including my favorite, the weather geisha.

When I went to my blog today, the Weatherpixie had an ugly red "x" indicating that something was wrong. When I went to weatherpixie.com, there was nothing there. Ditto for Ms. Bowles' personal site.

Ah, the evanescence of the web...

Where I traveled in 2007

2008-01-02T18:54:00.001-06:00

Following in the footsteps of far more popular blogs, Kottke and Fimoculous, here's my own list of travels in 2007.

Hot Springs, AR
Bakersfield, CA*
San Francisco, CA
San Jose, CA
Los Angeles, CA
Juno Beach, FL
Chicago, IL
Las Vegas, NV
New York, NY
Memphis, TN
Amarillo, TX*
Seattle, WA
Paris, France
Tokyo, Japan
* indicates cities visited while moving from Memphis to Seattle.

This year's list is shorter than other recent years, but several cities received multiple visits. As usual, we visited Japan several times this year, and I'm about to go there again in a few weeks. During the summer, we got lured into the Las Vegas frequent gambler vortex and visited there about four times (the Signature at the MGM Grand is a very nice hotel if you're going). And our househunting trips took us to Seattle for many short visits, and now we're living here (though we still have our house in Memphis).

Who knows what 2008 has in store...

MLGW should follow the "KISS" approach to billing systems.

2007-12-07T13:19:00.001-06:00

Our local municipally-controlled electric utility has its problems.

This past summer, the Commercial Appeal reported that MLGW placed a powerful local politician who didn't pay his utility bills into a program that doesn't disconnect low-income customers for nonpayment; the result was the politician ringing up a delinquent utility bill of over $16,000. Reports further indicated that the politically appointed President of MLGW authorized or at least condoned this abuse. This may seem strange to those of you in other places, but it's pretty common for Memphis (you don't think we're nicknamed "Bluff City" just for the riverside bluffs, do you?).

Recently, MLGW added a new online feature called My Account that allows customers to get their bills online and analyze their energy expenditures more thoroughly. That seemed cool, so I signed up. I entered lots of information on my home (problematic since the system kept insisting that I have a swimming pool -- I looked and I don't), and now I get lots of pretty energy graphs and helpful suggestions like "add more insulation". OK, so maybe it's not that useful.

Well, it paid off last week while I was flying to Seattle. I received an e-mail from MLGW's My Account service letting me know that my utility bill was overdue and that I was being charged a late fee. Of course, it would have been nicer if it had alerted me to this fact before the bill was due so I wouldn't owe a late fee, but that's clearly beyond the system's capabilities.

But, wait a minute. I had already sent a check to pay that bill. I checked my bank and the check had already cleared well before the bill's due date. Something was amiss. I called MLGW, and after negotiating their cryptic phone tree finally got a representative. They told me that MLGW had received my payment on time and I owed no late fees. He had no idea why I received the e-mail. I'm not sure he was even aware of the My Account system. Today, when I check the My Account system, it shows I paid my last bill on time. Apparently it changed its mind.

Maybe the company's new slogan should be: MLGW, putting the "ECH!" in "tECHnology". I'm actually looking forward to being a Seattle City Light customer again.

When you can't find someone on LinkedIn or Facebook...

2007-12-06T12:45:00.001-06:00

... that's not always such a good thing.

One of my old friends from Microsoft, Marty, was one of the more dynamic and outgoing people I've ever known. But, in my experience knowing him, he was a kind, generous person who never failed to brighten my day. He had a million stories, a million jokes, boundless energy, and was almost always smiling. And he was always glad to see me. Sometimes his personality rubbed people the wrong way, and in those instances I think he was usually misunderstood; he liked people as much as anyone I've ever known, and I can't think of a person he thought badly of (and Marty and I talked a lot).

Recently, I've been having a great time reconnecting with some of my old friends via social networks. I tried to hunt down Marty, but wasn't having any luck. Unfortunately, I found out today that he died of cancer in 2005. He was only 53.

Even though I hadn't seen him in over seven years, I'm sad he's not still on this planet and I'll miss him, but I'll always smile when I remember him.

Apple's Online Store and the Mysteries of "2-Day" Shipping

2007-12-06T12:14:00.000-06:00

I placed an order yesterday at Apple's online store. During checkout, I was offered the opportunity to upgrade my shipping to "2-Day" shipping for $10.

Apple was seemingly very thorough in explaining their meaning of the term by stating clearly that it would arrive 2 business days after the item is shipped. Since I wanted to load some music on the iPod I ordered as a gift, I opted for the expedited shipping.

Later that day, I received my confirmation mail. So far, so good. The shipping dates listed in the confirmation seemed to indicate that it would indeed arrive two business days after shipment. If it shipped December 5th (Wed), it would arrive on the 7th (Fri) and if it shipped on the 6th (Thu), it would arrive on the 10th (Mon).

But, at the bottom of the confirmation e-mail, it contained a blurb explaining the conditions for 2-3 day international shipping. Tennessee may not be centrally located, but I still think it's in the USA. Is it international since the engraved iPod is being sent from China? Is it a nonsequitur that has nothing to do with my order, but is the "confirmation e-mail footer of the week"?

This morning, at 7:35 a.m., I received my shipping confirmation/tracking e-mail from Apple. According to that e-mail, my shipment was sent on the 6th, so I should be expecting it to arrive on the 10th, shouldn't I? Well, that would be a little too simplistic. It will be here by the 11th. Yes, that's 3 days for my two-day shipping. How? Well, apparently the Apple "elves" in China missed the shipping deadline in Suzhou. OK, so now was that a coincidence or does it relate to the mystery 2-3 day international shipping footer on my order confirmation e-mail? I'll never know.

OK, now this isn't such a big deal because I actually planned ahead this time and whether it arrives Monday or Tuesday doesn't make much of a difference. And, it is pretty amazing that I can get an engraved iPod delivered to my doorstep from halfway around the world in less than only a few days. But, if you're buying something from Apple closer to the holidays or a birthday or some other magic date, you may want to be aware that 2-day shipping may not actually mean 2-day shipping.

From the home office in Tokyo comes...

2007-11-19T15:39:00.000-06:00

The top 60 nominees for Japanese buzzword of the year.

Among my favorites:
24. Oubei ka! [欧米か！]: Oubei ka! (”You’re not a Westerner!”) is the catchphrase of comedy duo Taka and Toshi. In a typical skit, Taka acts as if he were an American or European, and Toshi tells him to stop acting silly (like a Westerner) by saying “Oubei ka!” The humor apparently lies in the fact that they are both obviously Japanese, and not from America or Europe.

39. Monster parents [モンスターペアレント]: The term “monster parents” refers to Japan’s growing ranks of annoying parents who make extravagant and unreasonable demands of their children’s schools.

41. Net cafe refugees [net cafe nanmin - ネットカフェ難民]: “Net cafe refugees” is an expression used by the Japanese media to refer to the growing number of day laborers who spend their nights in 24-hour internet cafe booths. The Japan Cafe Complex Association (JCCA) opposes the media’s use of the word “refugee” to describe these important customers. A government survey this year estimates there are about 5,400 net cafe refugees in Japan.

Good luck to all of these deserving nominees.

Maybe the American public has a little taste after all...

2007-11-19T12:31:00.001-06:00

via Kottke.org

From the past weekend's box office: the Coen brothers' No Country For Old Men took in $3.1 million on 148 screens while Tom Cruise's bombtacular Lions for Lambs took in $2.9 million on 2216 screens. Ouch.