Return Ticket

2012 is here, finally feeling rooted

2012-01-01T04:34:00.014-05:00

2012 is here and if I think I have just these 12 months before the D-day, there is no question that 'here' is where I would like to spend the rest of the time. So, now that I made such a profound statement, let me try to explain. It's been 15 months and change since we returned to India. I would not be honest if I said I never second guessed our move or never experienced a series of confused feelings.
While the settling down in India was happening for the four of us with it's share of second guessing, frustrations and confusions, 2011 has in parallel been a true roller coaster ride for our extended family and the ride has made me come out quite rooted. Not to be a downer, but it's not so much the ups that mattered (while those moments were still nice to celebrate with our people around), it's the downs that really made us come together and understand what it means to be there for each other.
I tried to play out how things might have been if we were away while the family was going through this ride, it made me realize that ultimately it all boils down to where and with whom you want to share your life with and where do you want to make your impact felt. While time, tide and life wait for none and the show must and will go on no matter who is there and who is not by your side, I just felt good to be able to be by the side of my people offering whatever support I can.
Career, schools, economy, $$, exchange rates, pollution, roads, corruption, etc, etc are all important and valid points to think about, but I came to a realization that once your core is intact and you feel rooted wherever you are, you can and eventually will make all other factors work with or for you. What does rooted mean? It means different things to different people, but for me, it means feeling connected and feeling relevant.
So, for those R2I planners, thinking about the family that is back here, it is not so much about 'them', think more about yourself.. where and with whom, would you like to spend the rest of your life and the answer will help you decide one way or the other.
So, happy to note that for me, I now feel pretty rooted here and if the Mayans were right and we are truly counting down to Dec 2012 for the D-day (whatever that day means), there is no place else I would rather be and I would rather see my family be.

Festivals - Not just hustle and bustle

2011-09-02T03:47:00.010-04:00

Its been a while since I posted... its not because we have nothing blog worthy, its just the standard excuse that we are caught up with the hustle and bustle and more importantly having the boys at home during their summer break meant little to no interrupt-free time for me. This was the first summer for both of them when they were not being rushed off to a camp in the morning.. it was definitely nice to let them sleep in and for me, I had to remind myself what it feels like to wake up without an alarm clock.
As the summer came to an end here, we had our share of NRI guests who needed to be taken care of (read shopping and more shopping and some more :-) ) It was interesting to be on the receiving side this time around and even better for not being the one pulling out purell every 10 minutes and worrying about mosquitoes, bottled water, dust, pollution, etc etc. Its so funny that the 'us' that we were last year this time suddenly became 'them' this year. The world is surely flat.. but, which side of the Atlantic you start your flight journey makes a lot of difference in your perspective of things I think.
Once schools started and kids got into the groove again, we had a number of Telengana bandhs and Anna hazare movements to give them and us a break once in a while.
Now, this time of the year, also marks the beginning of the festival season here. It is nice to be here in Hyderabad with the city buzzing around with Ramadan activities, Krishnasthami and then Ganesh Chaturthi. Hyderabad, during Ramadan season has always been much talked about and it was nice to notice how both Hindus and Muslims take part in the festivities together.

Although, we did try to do some puja and a little something special on festival days in US, it is a whole different experience here in India. Celebrations in US were pretty much confined to the closest weekend...even with that, we were pretty much on our own, with the exception of the times, when we were able to coordinate and get together with other friends/family. Here, firstly, not just the festival day, but the day before and day after are also considered semi-holidays.. very similar to the Christmas and Thanksgiving holidays, but the fun part is such holidays are here almost once a month. What is noticeably refreshing is also how the entire community becomes alive, colorful and genuinely cheerful during these festivals. You can see these beaming faces starting from the morning newspaper boy, milk man, the maid, driver, any random passerby on the road, etc etc., Also, all of them enthusiastically dress up in crisp new clothes, participate fully in the festivities which include cleaning the houses and surroundings, decorating with flowers and mango leaves, cooking various delicacies, exchanging those yummy dishes.

It is this full participation from everyone that makes the occasion even more festive and lively. I think this is exactly how our american friends and families felt during the holiday (Thanksgiving and Xmas) season in US.. but, this time it was nice for us to be able to experience that feeling and celebrate our festivals with our people.

Don't get me wrong, the Holiday season in US was always wonderful and we thoroughly enjoyed them, but we still missed the festival season in India then..nothing like being home during the festivals.

Now.. this is just the beginning, we have many more festivals coming in the upcoming months...

My diverse country

2011-05-19T06:02:00.008-04:00

As obvious by the frequency of posts here on this blog, we are pretty busy living our lives in Hyderabad now. It was one thing to dream about the Indian summers and crib about missing those juicy mangoes (cheruku rasalu, Banginapalle - (different types of mangoes) to be precise) and an entirely different thing to try and enjoy those in these scorching hot summers with the temperatures raising above 42 degrees centigrade.
This summer, along with the scorching Rohini Karthi(hottest period of south indian summer) that we are experiencing after a long time, there are few others that are taking us back to the India we left 16 years ago.

First among them, India is truly a very very diverse country. I don't mean diverse languages, cultures, religions. While those define diversity in one sense, what I am talking about is right in our community, culture, religion, language and even our economic group, I think we are now interacting with a lot more diverse group of our fellow Indians than we did during the last 16 years in US.
For one reason or the other, most of the Indians we interacted with in US thought similarly, had similar backgrounds and had similar schedules, goals for themselves and their children. It is not at all true here in India though. While I thought I will be able to be amongst more like minded people in India, it is almost the opposite, it is hard to find those like minded people here. This sure was and is surprising to me. To illustrate my point, here are couple of examples:

Not everyone thinks 'Education' is an important aspect of childhood. While in US, most Indian families were behind the Kumons, Abacuses, good school districts, etc. Here, the group we interacted with range from the caught up parents who are preparing for IIT entrance exam from the kid's 1st grade and the other extreme who think their kids are born just to enjoy the fruits of the previous generation's labor.
While bargain hunting is a norm in US and people pride in the best deal they got, it seems the opposite here, the higher the price, higher the 'status'.
Unlike in the US, we witness the fight to survive ('survival of the fittest') in every step. There seems to be intense competition either real or perceived in every field and its not always the best one that wins, but the smartest (street smartest) that wins. I am sure this is true everywhere on the globe, but it seems so much more apparent and in your face here in India. I think as a side effect of this cut throat competition, is way too much aggressiveness and street smartness that we have to deal with which we are not exposed to in the US. What makes it frustrating is when people think of your politeness as your weakness. People (read domestic help or other hired help) tend to take you seriously only if you are a bit loud and use other forms of threatening tactics to extract work from them.
Not to be too negative, there are lot of positive things too and one such pleasant difference is people tend to have time for you any day of the week and any time of the day. Though the typical work week is the same 5 days a week with 2 weekend days, somehow we are not all that caught up about it and do tend to get out of our shells even on a non-weekend day. Imagine going out to a movie at 9 PM on tuesday night... ???

With all of these that we are experiencing, its bringing back memories of India 16 years ago and I feel, while India has transformed in so many ways, there are still some basics perhaps ingrained in the culture and life here that are still the same. Thank God, for somethings that didn't change else our India would have felt alien to us and we would have been lost...

Not Retired...just Rewired

2011-04-08T00:12:00.005-04:00

I know there are a lot of people who think of R2I in anticipation to just retire and relax. Sorry, but I have to be the bearer of bad news that if you come here thinking you can just 'relax', you may be in for a bit of a shock. The relaxed days, with everything being handed over to you that you experience during those 3-4 week vacations does not come easy. People do it for you with extra care and attention during those short stints. Once they know you are here to stay, that attention is bound to come down and you need to set things up for yourself. So, in a nutshell, I would say keep your expectations in line with reality and if you are willing to do the same kind of chores you were used to in the US, then it won't be that bad here. If you come in with lofty expectations that you don't want to move a spoon or wash a dish, then you will be a slave to your hired help.
So, there goes my rant again about the amount of dependence that we tend to 'depend' on here in India. As we just crossed our 6 month mark, I am starting to realize this and also starting to somewhat understand what it takes to re-live here.

Lower the expectations, lower the stress - First off, biggest leap of adjustment we needed was and still is in getting used to the domestic help (cook, driver, cleaner, etc). In US, the only time we experienced this was when we were looking for a reliable nanny and once we got one, we lucked out and she stuck with us for 3+ years. In general there is a big hand of luck in anyone getting a reliable domestic help anywhere, but we tend to wish and pray for this luck lot more here since the 'dependence' is much more. What I am now realizing is, keeping expectations low and hence our dependence to a minimum will go a long way in maintaining our sanity and in-turn our stress levels.
Look for re-wiring and not retiring - In some aspects, you need to get re-wired to understand people, mentalities, working styles, incentives, pressures better to get along and live along. Try not to compare with the west all the time.. it not only gets boring, it can also annoy people. First live alongside and get into the fabric of Indian living, before trying to preach and change it
Watch out for time suckers/wasters - In general, there is lot happening around you and unlike in the west, you don't have to go out to catch some action, action will come to you in the form of missing milk man, electricity shutdowns, missing driver, etc etc., While it is important to deal with these day to day nuances, try not to get sucked in completely that you don't have time for your other priorities.
Re-live in India (as NRI or just I) - Well, we were lucky to have experienced the Cricket World Cup come back home after 28 years. While I know all our friends and family followed it just as feverishly from across the globe, there is something else that we got to see/experience here in India. Over the last 16 yrs in US, I drifted away from cricket and started to think it was being over-hyped with the commercialism that surrounds 20/20 matches, IPL, etc. Now, I can just say we are back in the groove and yes, Cricket is Religion here in India, but thats ok because I don't think there is any other topic or event that brings together the nation (literally all castes, states, creed, classes, etc) as a cricket match does. Avi is now the same age as I was during the 1983 world cup and I am so glad we got to live those moments on April 2nd.. there was so much euphoria, celebration and genuine cheering for the country.. I started to wonder if India celebrated this much even when it got its Independence in 1947 !! It was just awesome to experience it right here on this soil. Look for such moments and be part of them to better understand India and Indians. Now, as I am typing this the Anna Hazare movement (India Against Corruption) is gaining steam and its wonderful to see India waking up, Indians becoming more aware of their rights,.. now if only we are not stuck by amnesia come ballot time, we can go a long way. What I am trying to say is the choice is yours, you can very easily live just like a NRI in your own shell and in your own schedule or you can get into the hustle and bustle and re-live in India as 'Aam aadmi' and perhaps even try to use the exposure from the west to be part of a positive change.

Finally, what keeps us going is this constant reminder that we are not here to retire, we are here to re-live and also constantly reminding ourselves our reasons to move. I am hoping as we continue to live here, we will not need to keep checking back as often and will just move forward and make it out here.

Chalta Hai

2011-03-08T00:50:00.000-05:00

This post from my other blog deserves a place on this one too since its one of the many experiences in India.

Second Guessing

2011-02-16T05:14:00.002-05:00

As I mentioned in my last post, as we are now in the thick of things and living the Indian way of life day in and day out, there are highs and a good share of downs as well and we sometimes even 'second guess' the whole move. I think this is but, natural when one moves from a 'known' place to an 'unknown' place. Yes, India is where we were born and brought up, but it is pretty alien and 'unknown' to us since this is the first time we are living here as adults on our own. Looking back, this is pretty much how we felt the initial days/months/years in the US. However, the difference then was that during those initial settling-in struggles, we were able to clearly articulate to ourselves what is it that we went there for and use that as a blocking/consoling factor to feel better and move on.
As mentioned in this journal by another returned to India family, our generation of Indians generally migrated in search of 'better' opportunities. And these 'better opportunities' were very easy to articulate and quantify when we moved to the US.

However, the factors or opportunities that most people yearn for when they move back to India are generally hard to articulate and/or quantify. For us especially, the reasons were mostly from the heart and not ones that can be easily quantified. So, why am I writing all this? It is my first hand experience that it is quite important to take the time and articulate the reasons (however mushy they will sound) and even better if you can write them down so you can go back and refer to them during those frustrating times (which you will definitely have).
All this said and done, I don't think we can live each day by second guessing ourselves and constantly comparing and contrasting between what is vs. what was vs. what could be, etc etc. The whole process of R2I is not easy and involves a lot of uprooting, unsettling, unlearning before you can feel rooted, settled and stable again. Some previous R2I'ers say 6 months is the minimum time (best case scenario) to give ourselves before feeling a bit rooted again.
That said, I can just repeat what Steve Jobs says here, there is no one right way to live your life and just believe that you can connect all the dots sometime in the future and that everything will fall in place and follow your heart and do what your heart is yearning for and use your head to plan for it and make it happen.

Hit or Miss

2011-01-09T02:00:00.003-05:00

As we now cross our first quarter in India, here is a quick recap of things that I miss and things that I like in no particular order:
Hits

My people around me - Lot of relief that I don't have to save up vacations just to spend time with them, confidence that I am right here and they are around me if they or us need anything anytime.
Kids adjustment - Kids have blended in so beautifully, they are enjoying school, making new friends, learning Telugu, enjoying our festivals, even enjoying the unexpected bandhs :)
Time for each other - Although, I am having some time management issues, in general we don't feel rushed and don't have to wait for the weekend to have our breakfast at the table or sit down for a cup of tea in the evenings
Entrepreneurial Opportunities: Lots of business ideas and opportunities mushrooming around. Building a good network to execute on these ideas is the key first step though.
Weather: No snow cleaning, no icy roads, no winter wear.
Bollywood and Tollywood anywhere, anytime: Enough said.
Hired help for some mundane things: Enjoying the fact we can hire help for some of the mundane things like cleaning, cooking, driving, etc. Groceries, vegetables are delivered home at no cost !!

Misses

Privacy and coziness - I miss the privacy and coziness that comes with being just the 4 of us. I hope we will get this back once we move into our own home (we are still not there yet)
Dependence: The Indian society is very tightly knit and how smooth our life is depends on the contacts we have. With this, comes some amount of dependence and unpredictability. I miss being able to drive down to the grocery shop. Since I am still not comfortable driving in India, I have to wait for some driver to grace us before I can step out.
Streamlined day to day - In general, life in US is pretty streamlined and after the initial settling down and figuring out, our day to day was pretty streamlined and we were pretty confident with how to get things done. On the flip side, either because we are still not over the initial settling phase or perhaps this is just the way it is, there are very few things that are clearly streamlined here. Each time we seem to be using a different process or contact to get things done.
Politics: Politics are a major pass time for everyone here. Especially, since we are in Hyderabad, the Telengana issue is getting to most of the common people's nerves. We just want to get it over with so we can move on and get ready for the Cricket World Cup 2011 !!
Dust, cleanliness outside our home: I think we need to buy some Purell stock.. before we get used to the surroundings here.

All in all, we are not shocked or surprised about anything yet, feel settled in some ways and unsettled in some other ways.

Launching Return to India JITLL

2010-12-09T08:09:00.000-05:00

As someone who has recently endeavored the returning back to India journey, I can say that it has not been a easy path and there are many times we wished we could talk to someone who has gone through it recently. We learned a lot from others' experiences that are on the sites like Garamchai, Return 2 India Forums. While these sites are great to document the journeys and experiences in detail, they are not suitable for searching and retrieving some quick lessons learnt or tips that others can learn from or even mistakes that others can avoid making.
So, I felt the need to consolidate these lessons in one place that are tagged and easily searchable and retrievable. So, here is R2I JITLL (Return 2 India Just in Time Lessons Learnt). Please come and share your lessons and come learn from them JUST IN TIME.

Identity Crisis

2010-11-29T08:09:00.003-05:00

As we clocked in month 2 of moving back home, there is a lot that has happened. Kids are in school, chandu is in a new job, bought a car, got indian driver's license, a hospital stay, local train travel, etc, etc While we did all these things, we still need to create an identity for ourselves. Obviously, one of the reasons we moved back to Hyd is because of the proximity to family and friends and so it is those friends and family that have helped us get through all the initial setup. However, we still need to build our network and our contacts so we don't feel like aliens. In India, one needs a pretty widespread human network to survive and get through the day to day smoothly and this is the reason I am mentioning this in particular. We are still somewhat dependent on others for even simple things like getting contact info, taking appointments, booking train tkts, etc.,. Slowly, with each phone call and each meeting, we are building our network and as our SIM cards fill up with the contacts and our calendars fill up with get-togethers, we will start to feel more at home.
So, while on one hand we are all slowly re-creating our identity here, I am actually looking to create a new one for myself. Kids have moved from school to school, Chandu has moved from job to another job.. so their core identity remains intact. As I mentioned in my last post, I am on a career sabbatical and to be honest this is not as easy as it may sound. Apart from being a wife and mom, being <fill in with title> at <fill in with a company name> was a pretty significant part of my identity for the last 16 years or so. So, my first challenge has been and still is to accept this void and not try to fill that blank until I am ready. Without getting too philosophical about 'self' and 'searching for inner-self', I am still getting used to this transition and trying to learn how to handle and manage this quest without getting lost (pun intended).
So, to sum it up.. I can definitely say the Honeymoon phase of this move is completed and we are now living the life day to day and are in the thick of things.

Tourism - Lot of unrealized potential

2010-11-15T00:50:00.004-05:00

We ventured on our first touristy activity this past weekend. Funny how we are tourists in our own hometown. That is perhaps a different post altogether why most of us have seen so little of our vast India. We went to see Golkonda Fort and decided to stay back for the Sound and Lights show.

The entrance fee for adults was Rs. 5 and kids upto 12 years of age were free to enter. We hired a AP Tourism guide for Rs. 350 for the Full Tour. The tour included taking us all the way to the top of the fort which was about 7kms, ~400 steps and took about 2 hours. The history behind the fort was interesting, the site itself was close to the original condition with very minimal renovations being done. There was some charm in seeing the fort and the various sections in their original state, but I felt with a little bit of up keeping, it could have turned out to be even more attractive.

We ended the tour with the Sound and Lights show. There were 2 tiers of tickets for this. The regular was Rs. 50 and the executive one was Rs.100. It is a small seating area for the show and yet they were able to create the two tiers based on how best the view is to the lights during the show. For the executive ticket holders, they gave each a bottle of water and a juice box. The show was beautiful and Amitabh Bachchan's voice added to the grandeur of the show.

All along, I was somehow comparing with similar touristy locations we visited in the US and kept thinking, there is so much potential here. First off, I was wondering if the different tiers of tickets was even necessary for the show, but again given the wide financial disparity, that was probably needed to attract a wider audience. Then, I was pleasantly surprised or rather shocked to get the bottle of water and juice box for the executive tickets.. I don't think we expected those at all.. did they really have to give those to attract the folks.. me thinks even without those a lot of people who can afford would have bought those tickets.

Lastly, we saw a small snack shop on the way out..and lot of street vendors...instead, isn't having a simple memorabilia shop a better option than those chasing vendors. I know we used to feel the tourist spots in US were so over priced and anything you buy there (food, water or memorabilia) were all over priced too, but that didn't stop us and a lot of people like us from visiting and spending those $$$. Is the psyche different here that the tourist dept is so conservative? I am not sure...I think there is lot of potential for tourism in India and all it needs is a bit of TLC, smart marketing and either honest commitment from the Tourism Department or privatization of some of the spots.

1.5 month milestone

2010-11-14T23:59:00.002-05:00

LAUNCHED JITLL !!

1 Month Progress Report - Meeting expectations

2010-10-28T00:23:00.007-04:00

We clocked in 1 month this past Sunday on Oct 24th. Coincidentally, last week was also when we had our first Parent Teacher Meeting(PTM) for Avi. I should say it has been the most eventful, yet surprisingly calm month. I am not sure about Chandu and the kids, but what I am experiencing is some kind of inner peace and calm.. it is perhaps the security of being home !!

Anyway, not so long ago, I had written what 'Home' meant to me and I want to take a quick tally of where we stand against the three pivots mentioned in that post:

Personal: We are in a comfortable place.. although we are still feeling like guests since we didn't move into our place. Along with the advantages and support of having lots of family and friends around, also come some additional complexities involved in too many overlapping boundaries and interferences. I feel we still have quite a way to go before figuring out what our 'personal life' constitutes of and where and how to draw the subtle boundaries that will help us live in harmony without letting go of our character and identity. I feel this is a gradual process and one that cannot be planned and timed, but will take course as we lead and shape our day to day life here. So... for now I can say, we are fine.. no fireworks anywhere.

Professional: I will have to let chandu write about his experiences in the corporate world here. I have consciously taken a professional sabbatical and however cliche it may sound, I think this gift of 'time' I have decided to give myself is perhaps the most valuable thing I have done for my own growth. I am learning to live without a schedule and am learning to pause, think and experience before jumping in and executing. I am far from zeroing on my next career step, but just given the few ideas that came my way, I am very bullish and positive that if I do the right things, then all the right things will happen. I am thankful that I am able to take the time to find that 'something' that excites me and for the very first time in my life, I am willing to take the step to follow the road less traveled.
Spiritual: As I mentioned earlier, speaking for myself, I am feeling some sort of inner peace and calm. Given all the unsettling and settling adventures that were packed in the last month, looking back I am quite surprised by how calm I ended up being. I am not sure why I am relating this to spirituality.. perhaps because all the recent reading I have done in this area suggest, how as we grow spiritually, there is this inner strength, calm and patience that we develop. Although, I have always believed in God and prayer, I have never been a very religious person as such and as Avi has started asking more and more questions, one of the things I always wanted to do was to learn more about religion, Hinduism (closest to what I grew up with) so I can talk to him clearly. What I found here is there is access to so much spiritual reading material, people, talks, discussion groups and that coupled with the 'time' I now have helps in this spiritual journey. Thanks to some books and courses a good friend suggested, I hope to blog and write about what I am learning and unlearning soon.

Coming to the tactical checklist of stuff:

Kids Schools: So far so good. Our first PTM went ok.. the rubric report card used was very similar to what we were used in US. Drama, Music and Sports are part of the curriculum that are also included in the report card which is nice.
Getting PAN Number, Driver's license, cell phones, etc: A lot of these services are web enabled and you can get them done online. But, the timing is not reliable and so for some reliable service, go with some agent who will charge some extra Rs, but will get done
Car: Lots of options, wide price range, interesting range of customer service. The dealer will send a person home to book the car for you, deliver the car, etc, but will easily change or keep pushing the delivery date at the drop of the hat :)
Getting and dealing with reliable domestic help: As far as domestic help goes, being able to afford them is a big plus. However, getting them is the first step and to get reliable ones, you either need lot of good karma working on your behalf or tremendous stroke of good luck. Like I mentioned before, the key is to have a plan B for every dependence you end up having and develop an easy-going attitude to enjoy the help while you have it and not sweat the small stuff.

Overall, if we really have to rate our 1st month, I think I will safely say 'Meets expectations with potential to exceed'. One thing that could have made this experience so much better is having mom around. Reliving those memories with mom in mom's house is so hard, but it is also helping me feel her presence around.

Healthcare - Scary anywhere

2010-10-21T02:42:00.002-04:00

One of the aspects that I was a not sure about was the healthcare practices and procedures in India. Given all the doctors in the family, I was not that worried about having access to the top medical professionals, but was always skeptical about how predictable the process and experience would be. Well, here I am ready to blog with some first hand experience. First of all, I am fine now and for some quick context, I had to be rushed to ER on Sunday evening(Dassera night) and had to undergo an emergency surgery that night and got home on Tuesday evening. This post is not to discuss about my issue, but more about the overall experience and how I thought it compared with what we experienced in US (NJ in particular since I hear each state is very different in US).
To start off, the biggest difference right from the get go is that in NJ, we just follow a protocol.. there is not much thinking we need to do and not much in our control.... when in need, we either choose the closest ER or take an appointment with our primary physician/specialist (if you don't need referral) and go from there. Once we get into that loop for whatever reason, then we are pretty much followers of the process and the tests, treatments that we end up getting are mostly dictated by the insurance coverage and what the doctor we ended up with decides for us. I had blogged about this last yr while we were in NJ. In India, you do have some more choices and can decide where to start. This may be because the use of insurance is still not as prevalent and initial checkups, preventative care and even minor treatments are not as exorbitantly priced and so lot of people do not feel married to their insurance policies and do feel comfortable to make their own choices based on their comfort level with a certain doctor or hospital. That said, the key here in India is 'Who do you know'. So, whether you end up going to the ER or to the doctor's clinic, who you know there can make a night and day difference on what happens after. I am sure having a close family member or friend as a doctor in US will also help, but given the bindings of insurance policies, this association cannot stretch much.
In my case, we reached the ER around 7 PM on sunday and as expected there was chaos and given our experience in US, I expected the wait time to be upwards of 2-3 hrs before they could get to me given the number of patients in front of me. Well, I was wrong and a few phone calls got the doctors in front of me almost immediately and because of who we knew, we were able to somewhat take charge and expedite a lot of things and be over with all the diagnosis in less than 2 hrs and I was sent off into the OR. That said, there were some corners cut in the paper work and reports generated due to the speed at which they apparently attended to us and thats what makes it a little dicey and unpredictable. Now, how would the case be if we went to a place where we knew nobody... I am really not sure and obviously don't want to try also.
I feel the bottom line is once you need anything from someone else - be it doctor, govt official, police, whoever, the experience depends entirely on the competence of the person you end up with. In US there are a lot of public policies and procedures put in place for years now and people are not as lost and can at least always have a path to follow be it efficient or not. In India, there are procedures and policies on paper, but the execution is all over the place and not consistent at all and a lot depends on who you know in each of these places to get things done and without such contacts, each time you end up with a clean slate trying to decipher and design your own path to navigate through.
In the case of healthcare, while in US, our choices to pick the doctor are somewhat limited by insurance coverages, etc, in India they are limited more by our social circle.
Last, but not the least in this whole experience the one huge factor that cannot be discounted is the support of having family around. While I was out in the hospital for 3 days, the kids were taken care of, I was totally taken care of and pampered and all the logistical stuff that seemed challenging in NJ for us (due to not having a support system nearby), ended up being quite smooth here and the moral support we all had is definitely one of the things we moved here for.

Unity in Diversity

2010-10-12T00:28:00.004-04:00

We have always learned about the diversity in Indian society and experienced the unity in this diversity. However, this time I noticed there is lot more diversity and many many sub systems that are operational here. As I mentioned in my previous post, the different classes in the society are very apparent and right in your face every day. At the same time there are different forces and sub systems at play all at once. On the same road, you will see money hungry cut throat business men sparing no one or nothing in making an extra rupee and right next to them are these real simple altruistic people running NGOs serving the underprivileged.

As we were working on resuming Aayuv more actively, we started looking around for some projects to take up and I was pretty impressed by 2 things: a) The number of opportunities and avenues that exist if one has the intention and b) the number of ways people have explored and established their own ways to make an impact. Just within about 5km radius from where we are we found: 1. A school for blind kids 2. A school and home for deaf and dumb kids 3. Slums being adopted by organizations or individuals who sponsor for the education, health care and other basic amenities in the slum area. In addition, I came across people who have volunteered to write exams for the blind, people who regularly come distributing food for the patients' attendants who are waiting in/near the Cancer Hospital. I was amazed to see how this food donation near the cancer hospital has become a regular affair and nobody really knows who or why they do it.. they just know that every single day at noon, there is a white van that comes distributing food to all the poor people waiting near the hospital since they cannot afford to buy lunch in the hospital's cafeteria. Another interesting fact is that for a lot of NRIs and returning Indians with foreign currency, thanks to the exchange rate, a dollar goes a long way and can make a long lasting positive impact and it is encouraging that many are taking advantage of this fact. Also, given the wide spectrum of economic realities that co-exist, you will find people who spend lakhs and lakhs of rupees each month on entertaining living right next to slum dwellers whose entire monthly income is less than 5-6 thousand rupees. So, the wealthy can do a lot for the underprivileged without seeing any noticeable dent to their wallets.

After all this, we have not yet zeroed in on our next set of projects for Aayuv mainly because one of Aayuv's criteria for selection is 'Measurable results' which we think is very important in motivating the sponsors and in building a sustainable pyramid. That said, if one doesn't look for instant recognition or fame, there are tons of avenues - big and small right at our door step in which you can take one small step and make a significant impact to a life. I am sure a lot of such contrasts, organizations and people exist in the western world too, but somehow they don't seem to be so apparent and in the face as I see here in India. In India, Unity in Diversity is seen, felt and forced every single day and in every walk of life.

First Impressions - Home is full, Head is confused, Heart is full

2010-10-01T00:19:00.008-04:00

As we are approaching 1 week in India, here are some quick first impressions. I say first impressions now because all the 10+ trips in the last 16 years were for vacation and this time its for real. So, there has been quite a difference in our outlook as we are experiencing the hustle and bustle of Indian day to day life. Honestly, the only thing that reminds me that this is not vacation is getting Avi ready for school in the morning :)

Although, its been just 7 days, we did get through quite a lot and here are some observations/tips from our experience:

There are a lot of noticeable improvements in infrastructure and facilities, but what lacks is the predictability of service and timelines. So, if you need something by a certain day or certain time, its better to plan and ask for it for the day before so you can be somewhat sure you can get it by the time you really need it. This is what we did when arranging for our car.
Technology infrastructure (DSL, Cable, WiFi) are all up-to-par, but the service people are generally trained to cater to the computer illiterate and so as soon as you ask some detailed/pointed questions or for some out of the ordinary setup, they falter. So, its good to use them for basic setup and then need a geek (like chandu) at home to finish the rest of the setup. :)
The wide range of the society is so apparent and in our face every single day. For example, starting from the time we step out of the house in the morning to drop Avi at the bus stop, we see kids going to school and there is such a variation... we see kids in poorly fitting torn uniforms and slippers walking with some torn bag of books, kids neatly dressed and taking the cycle/auto rickshaws, kids taking some regular school buses and kids going to these international schools being dropped off in nice cars and boarding air-conditioned buses to school.
It may be too early to comment, but so far Avi is pretty comfortable in the new school here (fingers crossed). I think since its an International school, with the exception of seeing and hearing lot more Indians around him, the rest of the school curriculum, activities are what he is already used to. I think/hope we made the right choice here at least for this year.One more difference is that he asked us to teach him the Indian National Anthem so he can sing during assembly which was refreshing to hear.
Schools don't have the concept of 'Extended Care' at all. So, kids get home by 4ish and families in which both parents work will have to either rely on domestic help at home or the family around to watch the kids.
There is a lot that is pretty routine each day, but also there are a lot of unpredictables.. like we experienced curfew (Section 144) in the city as a precaution before the Ayodhya Judgement. Avi's school closed early, Chandu's work closed early and our cook didn't show up and drivers wanted to leave early. I guess this is similar to having emergency closing back in NJ, but from what I can guess such 'emergencies' do happen more often. So, this is perhaps one big thing to adapt to for people used to the highly scheduled life of the west and also for Type A personalities like me :). I am learning that one way to adapt to this is to have a backup for everything that you depend on someone else since hired help is not always dependable... of course it is great that we can hire the help at a reasonable cost, but that comes with the cost of some unpredictability.
On the topic of the Ayodhya judgement, in addition to the sensationalism created by the media, it was very refreshing to also see lot of banners and notices in the media (TV, newspapers) calling for unity and lot more logical thinking by the younger generation without indulging in brainless communal riots. That said, I am sure there are still some sections of the community fueling such riots, but it was just good to see the media doing their bit in promoting some responsible behavior.

All in all, I have to say this week has been exactly what we expected it to be... lot of jetlag, quite a bit of settling in chaos and some warmth due to the proximity to family. I think I am still reminding myself to be a bit patient as we fall into a groove and while there are some elements that can seem confusing, there are just as many that help remind us what we moved here for. Jai Hind !!

Takeoff and Landing

2010-09-28T22:19:00.001-04:00

The last few days in NJ were very busy as we were tying up many loose ends and meeting lots of friends and family. As we were checking off things on the ‘list’, we ended up adding more at an even faster pace. We ended up leaving some on the list to be taken care of from there (Hyd)..thanks to the IP phones.

The days and evenings were packed with getting things done, meetings, parties, etc and the nights were packed with just dealing with our overwhelming feelings of mixed emotions, nervousness, excitement, etc and all this made us physically exhausted.

We were looking forward to the 20 hr journey as a good way to start this new chapter in our life since the close quarters of the economy class Emirates flight can give us ample time to get our thoughts together, catch up on some much needed sleep and relax a bit. Well, of course we were wrong or had some partial amnesia regarding how it is travelling with kids (especially a hyper-active 4 yr old). So, we just tossed our idea of gathering thoughts and relaxing out the window and just spent the time keeping the kids comfortable. For those 20-24 hrs, we were totally BLANK in our head and it almost felt like we were zombies.

Finally, we landed 'There'.. so, from now on Here is 'Hyderabad' and There is 'NJ, USA'. As expected, the welcoming at home was very nice and warm and we felt truly welcomed. It was interesting how a lot of the initial greetings from distant friends and family were all filled with questions asking us 'why we left 'everything' behind in US and came back'. We were somewhat taken aback initially, but started to realize that it is but natural given the waves India has gone through:

The early 90s - Going to the US for higher education or job was much sought after, but was not a common phenomenon in families
Late 90s - US was much sought after and thanks to the Y2K demand, every family had at least 1 person abroad
Early 2000s - US was still an attractive option, but thanks to the outsourcing boom people started thinking twice before leaving since there were pretty decent career options here too to compare with those abroad.
Now - Same as 3, but we are starting to see a good wave of Indians returning back to take up many attractive/exciting opportunities here given the potential growth path countries like India are now in. Although this is true at a macro level, it is still not so common to see families making the move back because economics and opportunities are just one part in the decision making for families to make a move of this scale. So, no wonder our move did raise some eyebrows.

All said and done, the initial 48 hours here were filled up with unpacking, settling, meetings and answering a lot of 'Whys' while taking care of immediate logistics.

Home is empty, Head is empty, Heart is full

2010-09-20T09:36:00.003-04:00

Last week marked pretty big changes for us which is making us go through so many mixed and conflicting emotions. We both had our last working days at our jobs and right immediately had the shippers pack up and take away all the stuff from our home leaving us with a 'Empty home', but a 'Heavy heart'. Anyways, some pointers related to the packing, shipping and vacating the home:

If possible, have the shipping company do the packing also. This saves us a lot of time, stress and works better with their insurance
Keep in mind that the packers are super fast and work at machine speed and pretty much think (or not think) like a machine. They are programmed to just pack anything in their sight. So, it is best for you to pack things that you want to take yourselves and also remember to keep aside things you don't want packed and shipped (yes, mark even the garbage unless you want it shipped over.. like I said they are programmed neither to think nor to ask)
Again, keep the stuff you want to take yourself with you at all times.. this means Car keys also.. else, they will get packed and searching for them in packed boxes is NOT fun at all.
Don't underestimate the speed at which they pack.. Rough estimate is about 8-10 hrs to pack up a typical 4 bedroom household.
Details to figure out before the house is empty - Where do you stay until flying out? Who to handover the house to? Plan the cleaning that will be needed if you have to get it done before handing over. We had to schedule a township inspection too to be able to rent the house

A number of our friends have invited us for lunches, dinners, sleepovers, etc. Kids are loving all this action, meetings, playdates and sleepovers and think they are on an extended vacation. We are so grateful for all the wonderful friends who are truly lending a hand as we are tying up all the loose ends. All of the mundane moving related tasks mingled with the meetings, greetings and goodbyes are making my head and heart go for a toss. Thanks to friends and family who keep reminding us that this is a good change and a change that we wanted, waited and planned for. Please keep the reminders coming as we may be acting a little out of the ordinary at times while going through the motions of letting go and leaping into somewhat of an unknown territory (funny how we feel our own homeland is an unknown territory now after all these years)

Nobody is indispensable...Legacy continues

2010-09-16T08:33:00.001-04:00

Last couple of days marked last working days for Chandu and me at our respective companies. These were pretty emotionally charged for me. I do believe that these past few years have helped me grow as a person and also helped me tremendously in figuring out my professional character, likes and dislikes, goals and limits. The people I worked with day in and day out contributed a lot through this revelation of myself.

All in all, although it was very hard to leave, I came out of it waking up this morning thinking it was the right time to make this shift.

We often hear this in workplaces that 'Nobody is indispensable and these days there is nothing like 'Job Security'' I agree with that, but also know and believe that we cannot underestimate the reach of our impact. There are countless number of people who you might have interacted with and will remember you based on that interaction with them and irrespective of the title/position you had, you would have created an impression. I do hope the footprint I left behind is positive and some part of my legacy remains there to stay.

Underestimated the Car Sales

2010-09-09T16:37:00.003-04:00

This will be a quick/short post about selling cars. Our game plan was to post them on craigslist and few other websites like sulekha.com and the local township forums and had selling it back to the dealers as the last resort. Friends who have done this before advised us to check the kelly blue book value for private party sale and put the asking price around that or slightly lower. Seemed logical and went ahead with that price. So, few things we are now learning:

When you are in a time crunch, people will guess that and will try to low-ball their offers. The dealers especially were totally taking us for a royal ride. Shortage of time and lack of bargaining skills don't help the situation. So, either go with a friend who is skilled at this or set your price expectations low.
Get a carfax report at least for the expensive one so you can see what the prospective buyer sees.
Plan enough time to get the car serviced and detailed since the look and feel of the car does matter especially for strangers (may not be a big deal if a friend is buying it)
Think through how quickly you can actually let go of the car. Do you have an arrangement after the cars are gone - to use someone's or rent one?

Finally, do not underestimate the emotions involved in letting go of your vehicles. I never expected I would feel this possessive about our van and there is some strange separation pain associated with letting go of it. Kids are fine since they are excited about riding in a new/different vehicle for a change.

School choices

2010-09-05T09:25:00.005-04:00

As I mentioned earlier, one of the decisions to make and task to complete 'There' was schooling for Avi. He will be going into 3rd grade. So, as I have been researching about this topic for few months already, it was not all that difficult a process. Basically, there are 5 school boards offered to us in India - CBSE, ICSE, IGCSE, IB and Andhra State Board. I found this on one of the blogs I was following of a previous R2I'er and it classifies these boards across two dimensions:

Emphasis on theory vs. practical education
Strictness of the teaching staff (e.g. “Very Strict” = rule by fear, “Mild” = American-style)

This is how he drew the table:

School Board	% Theory	Teaching Strictness
State Board	95%	Very Strict
CBSE	70%	Strict
ICSE	50%	Mild-Strict
IGCSE	20%	Mild

This rediff article gives a comprehensive overview of the different boards and describes IGCSE in detail. Here is another article describing IB in detail. From what I have read, it seems like IB and IGCSE are quite similar in approach and curriculum and while IGCSE is widely known in UK, IB is much more international and perhaps more widely known and followed in US. An informal source that had looked at the IB curriculum said it was inline with what is followed in the US in the Advanced/Exceptionality program.

So, now that we have some basics covered, our requirements for Avi's school were:

School that offers options for IB or IGCSE along with the ICSE/CBSE so he is more ready to explore options both in India and internationally
Emphasis on extra-curricular activities so he can be more well-rounded
Ease the transition during the 1st year when we move from US to India
Tactically, since we are returning in Sept/Oct, we wanted a school that was following US calendar so he doesn't miss too many days (related to point 3 above).

Hyderabad offers a wide range of school options and with the help of my friends and family, we quickly got to our shortlist:

International School of Hyderabad - School that was primarily setup for expats coming to ICRISAT. It is run as a not-for-profit school. My father and sister visited this campus and it seemed very much run down and we generally didn't like the lack of interest the Principal and Admissions Officer showed and so quickly ruled this out.
Oakridge International School - We thought of this as a safe bet since my niece and number of my friends' kids go to this one and we have known kids who did very well after graduating out of this school. But, two reasons to rule this out - a) School started in June which meant Avi will be missing 3.5 months which is not great and b) School campus is huge with 3000-4000 kids and they refused to give admission in the campus the other kids we know are going to. Ruled this out for this year and is on our list for later if we want to change schools later.
Sreenidhi International School - I was very keen on this since this met all our requirements on paper. Only con was we heard some not-so-great feedback from my friend in Hyderabad who runs a school and I trust her to be much more intune with the education system. The feedback was that this school focuses more on all-round activities and is falling behind on the academic curriculum. We compared this closely with Indus and finally ruled it out.
Indus International School: This seems to be meeting all our requirements and the school's Pune and Bangalore campuses have earned good reputation.

So, finally we are going with Indus International School and I will blog on how our experience is once we get there.

Summer is done...School is open

2010-09-02T16:17:00.003-04:00

This is one of those mushy mushy posts I said I would write on some of the emotions and thoughts we are going through. I went to Avi's school here in NJ to talk to them about the transfer process. Just driving to the school and walking through their doors was somewhat emotional.. During those few minutes, there were quite a few memories and moments that were reeling through my head. I remembered how nervous I was initially when Avi started Kindergarten and then over the last 3 years, I started feeling more and more comfortable with the school and at some point in the recent past even looked forward to sending Abhiram to this school as well.
I started feeling some strange separation anxiety when I filled in and submitted the Student Transfer Form. The folks at the school suggested I don't send him to school for 1-2 weeks before pulling him out since it may be hard for him. Knowing what I went through just during this short trip, I do think what they said is correct. If it played with my emotions this way (given I am less attached to the school than him), it can be harder for Avi.
By the way, the title of this post is a poster I saw in the school as they are preparing for the opening day next week.

Detail Planning

2010-08-31T17:41:00.005-04:00

This is the start of some useful posts - useful especially for future R2I'ers (Returning to India'ers) Once we had pulled the trigger on the move and set a tentative date, here is the list we came up with:

Here:

Decide on the house - we decided to rent. No point selling at such a low and rental market is apparently better than seller market in our area

Realtor
Local township/county process to get permission to rent
Paper work so realtor can handle the lease signing even after we leave
House utilities transfer process

Cars for sale
Decide on 'stuff' at home - Take, Leave behind, Give away
Close accounts - All unwanted credit cards, charge cards, netflix, etc
Electronic records - Make most statements electronic delivery to minimize on paper deliveries
Change of address - Decide where you want US mail to be forwarded to.
Decide on financials - What to do with bank accounts, 401K, 529, etc
Work transition
Shopping - what to buy?
Shipping - what, who and when?
Vonage account - to keep US number, helps stay in touch and also needed for realtor/tenant contact
Friends, Family - Meeting, Farewells

There

Job - Separate post on career choices
Accommodation
Schools - Separate post on school choices
Cars - Once we get there, Drivers to drive them
Domestic Help
Create identity there

PAN card
Bank Account and transfer some funds there for immediate expenses
Valid address
Driver's license - once we go there
~~Ration card - once we go there -~~ Apparently, we are not eligible for this
Phones - once we go there
Address verification - Pain in the 'you know where'

I will keep this post updated as we think of other things.

The Top 3

2010-08-30T16:07:00.001-04:00

Since we decided we wanted to go back home eventually, we had to get our act together and figure out the 'where', 'when', 'how's...and this is what I am referring to as the 'Top 3'. I know there is no one right way to go about this and different people do it differently. This post is about how we went about the thinking, deciding and planning for various different things. At a high level, the questions we had to answer were -

Where do we want to move?
When do we want to move?
How do we want to move?

To be able to answer the above, we needed to agree on what our 'must-have's' were for this to work out and realized, it really meant we needed to take a closer look into ourselves to understand what our 'must-have's' were for life in general. So, after a lot of introspection and some enlightenment, we were able to make some key decisions:

Where do we want to move?: 1st Choice Hyderabad, 2nd and last Choice: Bangalore (Given the proximity to career opportunities and family)
When do we want to move?: Ideally before the older one is in middle school - To ease in the transition. That time is NOW since Avi is in 3rd grade now.
How do we want to move?: Ideally with some clear idea of company/job/venture so the transition and relocation is less nerve wrecking.

I will write a separate post about career searches, options, etc. But, lets just say we found 'something' that takes us back to Hyderabad.

Work-Life Balance

2010-08-28T08:57:00.000-04:00

This post is about the 3rd phase which is pretty much what we have been in for the last 9 years. So, as is customary to most couples, after a few years of married life and some career successes, we started thinking about starting a family and so we did. Man... like many others who have gone through this before, nothing in the world prepared us for the transformation and change in perspective that comes with having a child of our own. For me as a mother and probably a somewhat over-protective one, I started feeling more vulnerable as a mother and overnight, I was able to make the shift in priorities and there was never a question that 'kids come first'.. I wanted to make sure my work life and career aspirations were all in-line with what I needed to and wanted to do for the kids.
Given my genetic DNA and upbringing, I always strive to be the best I can be in whatever I do and this meant I was and still am constantly juggling to never compromise either at work or at home. For chandu, it was somewhat similar, but not exactly the same.. he felt (still feels) constant pressure to keep up with us and do whatever he can to support me in this juggle and more importantly just do whatever he needs to get away from my nagging :)
Gradually, we started craving for more physical and emotional support to raise the kids, more assurance that we are being good parents and generally for more means to be able to strike this work-life balance in a sane manner.
As Avi was growing up and asking more questions, we started analyzing ourselves as parents and started thinking about how best to stay connected with our kids lives, the kinds of things they are exposed to, the influences they are and will continue to have and how to guide them through all the life's choices. This is when it started sinking in that our kids are growing up in a completely different environment that is quite alien to us.. they are not going to the kinds of schools we went to, they are not surrounded by the kinds of people we were surrounded by, etc, etc.,. I know there is always this gap generation to generation, but I felt(feared), since our kids don't get to see/experience any part of our past and our upbringing, there will be certain things that they just cannot connect with us and certain other aspects where we cannot understand them. This, coupled with the fact that our heart was always back home for various tangible/intangible reasons and our craving for more support from near and dear ones, we decided we wanted to raise our kids in somewhat of a similar surroundings that we grew up in. And, tactically we felt we should make this move least disruptive for the kids and that meant moving when the kids are still relatively younger and more adaptive and that time is NOW. This summarizes how we got to where we are today in thinking, deciding and now planning this move. This post is not meant to try and convince you and/or justify our decision.... its purely a log of the various defining moments/experiences that got us here.

The Rat Race

2010-08-27T17:21:00.000-04:00

The 2nd phase has been about getting into a job. While we were focussed on doing our best and excelling in whatever we were assigned to do, unknowingly we became part of the rat race... we were being recognized and pushed up the corporate ladder for doing good work and so we did more work and the circle continues.

Although chandu started at AT&T Bell Labs, he moved to Sapient shortly and both of us spent a good 8 yrs each at Sapient and can hence say our time at Sapient has pretty much shaped our professional character and life to a large extent. Although we had to go through several nagging issues with immigration procedures and such, life during this time pretty much revolved around career/work and since we were for most part enjoying what we were doing, it all blended in.. and that period in our life is somewhat of a blur... no wonder this is such a short post too.