Return Ticket

All so same and some so different

2020-09-19T21:10:00.015-04:00

Some of my friends have been asking me what I am finding different about living in the USA this time around (with the new found wisdom that comes with age 😇)

Now, that it has been a little over a month and a half since we moved here, I will briefly describe my first impressions of life here and compare it with life in India. I will touch upon three aspects - Day to day, Education (based on experience of our newly minted high schooler), Healthcare access and options.

Settling in and the day to day: Setting up the house with basic amenities for day to day running was much more predictable and smoother in the US than what I remember it being a decade ago when we were trying to do the same in Hyd. There is the same Walmart, Target, Home Depot in every part of US and we can pretty much expect to get all the household items in these places quite consistently in any corner of the country. This helps us independently set up the house and be comfortable in a very short time. India metropolitans are slowly becoming like this when it comes to purchasing things needed for home setup but, still you need the local contacts and some local support for stuff like gas connection at home, electricity, local veggies/fruits, etc (yes, online delivery solutions like bigbasket and amazon fresh are picking up but, its not the same everywhere and still reserved to only the big/medium cities)

Overall for day to day running of the household, life in the US is pretty streamlined and you can pretty much be in your bubble and manage on your own without having to ask for help or even say a word to any neighbor. Life in Indian cities and metropolitans is becoming very similar to this but, even with all that there is a bit more interaction with neighbors and surroundings in India for some things like arranging a domestic helper or daily milk delivery which are all pretty common necessities in India.

Now, one more change I noticed in the US since 10 years ago is the availability of ethnic groceries and organic ones. These are more easily available now than they were 10 years ago. For example, all dals we use in Indian cooking are available at Costco and that too organic! Even in local grocery outlets like Whole Foods/Trader Joes, we can now find lot more Indian options even in the ready to eat microwaveable frozen section. We even found Indian desserts like Rasmalai and Gulab Jamun at Costco!

Another big difference I am noticing this time is the number of service providers available for busy families. There are service providers available at a price for anything and everything you can think of - from regular housecleaners, mothers helpers (another name for the domestic maids we hire in India), cooks, home bakers, tutors, etc., Social media networks are playing a big role in helping us get leads, tips and references to such local vendors, service providers, etc., and this is one major difference since the last time we lived here.

While in general the infrastructure and processes here are geared towards making us very independent, paid help is now available to help families especially with both working parents caught up in the global rat race to maintain some sanity while raising a family.

Education: As A2 started his Grade 9 virtually, I was pleasantly surprised to notice how inclusive public school districts are and the effort they put into supporting the diverse population in the district. For example, parents/guardians who are not English speakers can request for all communication to be in their preferred language and the school ensures to send all printed & electronic communication translated in their language and also for in-person/verbal interactions they arrange for translators to be available at the time. Second, children, especially high schoolers are reminded and coached to become independent, responsible for taking their own decisions, to be accountable for their actions and also to be independent problem solvers. Parents are reminded and encouraged to play more of a supportive role in helping children find their path forward and not to find the solution/path for them. Thirdly, while the selection of courses available in high school is pretty diverse, US history and Northwestern historical studies are both mandatory for students to graduate high school. I was surprised by this and liked the importance given to both US history and the local Washington state history at high school level (when kids presumably understand and retain better)

Healthcare: When we were in Hyd, our search for doctors started from our immediate network and based it on their experience and trust levels. Here when we wanted to find a PCP(Primary Care Physician) the search started from our insurance network. Based on some hit/miss experiences we had with such doctors previously in NJ, this time we went a step ahead and put in the effort to check with some local contacts on their recommendations. I also observe that now with the increased prevalence of social media , the use of it for getting local recommendations has become easier in US also . In spite of this, I think the kind of medical insurance one has influences largely how our experience is going to be - for example, access to specialists depends on whether your insurance coverage needs a referral from PCP or not. Healthcare protocols used like how and when patients are admitted to in-patient facilities and how/when they are sent home, the ancillary support systems made available are all designed to make us independent and self-reliant.

To summarize, what I am noticing so far is that while life in major metropolitans in India is becoming lot more westernized with nuclear families living fairly independent lives (either out of choice or due to shortage of reliable helpers), life in US this time around seems a bit less stressful since there are lot more services available (at a cost) that are reliable and predictable to help busy families. Being independent, self-reliant, responsible and accountable for our own decisions is something instilled here right from childhood.

Overall, some things are same as before, some have changed for the better and this time around I think we are lot more prepared and aware on how to go about designing our life as per our lifestyle preferences and constraints. Home is still where we make it to be!

So, why?

2020-09-01T16:38:00.022-04:00

Now, that I have written about our decade living in India, raising 2 wonderful boys, the obvious question some of you had(or are thinking) is why did we venture back to the US now?

Well, simply put... we wanted some excitement in our life (otherwise known as mid-life crisis LOL). Seriously though, life is not that simple and the matters of heart are definitely not that simple or logical at times or rather most of the times.

As I mentioned here. even though India is progressing well in many aspects especially in terms of career opportunities in global organizations, education sector has still much to be desired. So, for this reason we decided not to restrict our boys and let them choose to go to college wherever they wanted to (or found the course options they wanted to explore). As A1 wrote in his post, he grew up with the idea of coming back to US for college and his school, peer group and the entire bubble he grew up in pretty much reinforced that idea.

Once this reality sunk in for me last year, life came a full circle and I started having separation anxiety. About an year ago, we came to the US visiting colleges with him and met other kids of his age here, and this is when we started wondering if he would be ok living here by himself, since he has not been here for the last decade..we started second guessing if letting him go so far by himself at this tender age was the right thing to do??. Well, as I said sometimes such matters of heart (especially a mother's heart and emotions) don't seem logical because we ourselves know scores of kids in our social circle who did exactly this and did perfectly fine and are happy now.

While all this anxiety was taking over us, we started contemplating the idea of perhaps moving with him to the US so we could at least be in the same country and can hop on a domestic flight if needed with a short notice. Since C and I have an opportunity to move with our current employer itself, the idea didn't seem too crazy or impossible but, we decided to put off the decision until A1 decided on his college. I was secretly hoping he would get into one of the 2 colleges he applied in India also to keep that option open. Finally, he didn't get into the India colleges(topic for another post) and amongst all the admissions he did get, he chose to go to University of Washington, Seattle and this made the idea of our move even more tempting since if we moved, he would be just a short drive away and not even a flight!

As this process was going on, the Covid-19 pandemic came upon us and we experienced lock-downs for the first time in our life time and with this, the thought of us being so far away and also not being able to travel became very daunting and that is when we pulled the trigger and decided to move so we as a family can be together for next few years at least until the world heals and we know what the new normal looks like. Well, although I explained all this in 2 short sentences, the decision making was not that easy as we wanted to make sure A2 would be fine too and had to plan his transition as well since he is now a newly minted teen and also at a tender age. Having talked to some friends and their friends who moved their kids at this age, it seemed not to be much of an issue since he is just getting into high school and most kids locally also move from different middle schools to high school and are open to meeting new kids and forming new friendships at this time. However, what this meant was that it would be ideal for A2 to move this year so he can smoothly transition into high school along with others. This pushed us to decide the time of move to be now (summer 2020) and not later (when the Covid-19 situation may be more under control). This explains our timing - why we braved this cross-continental move in the middle of a global pandemic.

So, that's what it is.. you can say Covid-19 drove us here but, I think Covid-19 made us decisive while the seed of the idea was sown about an year ago.

As I am writing this, A2 is attending first day of his high school virtually and we are one month into our adventure and just about getting into our groove and new normal.

Where is home?

2020-08-20T17:06:00.009-04:00

More than a decade ago, I wrote this "Home is where the heart is" In that post I also talked about how for a fulfilling life, one needs to balance their personal, professional and spiritual needs and goals and somehow progress on all fronts until reaching the perfect state of Nirvana where one aspect blends into another seamless and effortlessly.

In this post, I will attempt to describe briefly how our stay in India helped us in pursuing the trio - Personal, Professional and Spiritual aspects of our life.

Personal: As A2 mentioned in his post, India is where we find most people like "us", they are similar looking as in brownish skin tones, blackish hair color, medium built and so on. What we realized is that this is pretty much where the similarities end. While Diversity in India is not surprising, what was surprising to see and experience is the diversity in beliefs, lifestyles, moral and ethical standards. As I mentioned in this post, what we realized is it is not any easier to find like-minded people just because you are in your own country. India has changed a lot in the last couple of decades, with the advent of globalization, global media, there is lot more western influence in day-to-day lives from language, clothing, food to much more liberal lifestyles, there is lot more affluence and all this coexists with still some deep rooted constructs like the caste and class differences. Overall, the society is an interesting blend of diversities and given the intertwined nature of Indian living, we get to interact with all these extremities at one point or the other. This turned out to be an excellent opportunity for us and more so for our children to witness the steep divide between the have's and have-not's. With this exposure and experience one can either become arrogant and snobbish or grateful and giving. Personally, for C and me, this was the time to nurture our relationships with those that are near and dear to us and also since we always wanted to give back to our country, it was also an opportunity to invest and be a small part of India's growth story. We feel grateful and happy that our children have also been able to build relationships with those near and dear to us, thus building their own support system which would have been very difficult living in the US. All in all, I think we are fortunate to have a handful of close friends and family who are part of our inner circle and support system and also a diverse network we can tap into for anything big/small in both countries.

Professional: With the right education, skill set and attitude, professional success is really ubiquitous but, this comes with a HUGE disclaimer that it also depends on how one defines "success". It means different things to different people - money, title, power, impact and so on and so forth. For all of these, there are avenues in India to be successful but, yet again, one needs to define for themselves - what is success and how far are you willing to go chasing it? With globalization and infrastructure/technological advancements in India, where there is a will to create an impact and make a difference, there are umpteen problems yet to be solved and umpteen opportunities to disrupt markets and create new ones. But, if success to you is a certain position in a global company, then be ready to run the global rat race and realistically, nothing can beat the opportunities that are available by being closer to that company's headquarters or leadership think tank. Since the world has become more and more flat and people are becoming accustomed to maintaining home bases across the globe, it is much more conceivable to live a life of a global citizen, which means globetrotting and airline miles accumulating on the upside and running the never ending rat race in a "never asleep" global marketplace on the downside.

Spiritual: Spirituality means different things to different people. If it means ritualistic practices to train the mind and body, then those rituals are easier to practice in India (not impossible elsewhere but, it takes some effort and perseverance given the lifestyles abroad). Globally, there seems to be lot more awareness now about mind-body-soul connection and the world is turning towards ancient Indian practices like Yoga, meditation, etc., recognizing them as an effective way to attain mind-body-soul balance. I started to understand and appreciate how Hinduism is not a religion but a way of life and it takes years of practice and immersing oneself in that way of life (both in letter and spirit) to truly understand and appreciate it. I think we (C and I) personally are at a stage of life where we are starting to appreciate the importance of healthy lifestyle and along with it understand the discipline and practices that we need to incorporate in our daily life and hope to be able to keep up with them anywhere on the globe.

The last 10 years has taught me in no uncertain ways that home is where one makes it.. the stay in India helped us grow personally, professionally and spiritually and now we are ready to make any country our home while holding onto all that is dear and important to us.

We as a family have enough of India within us and will take it with us wherever we go and hold it close to our hearts until we get back to our karma bhoomi.

A1 - Boyhood to Manhood

2020-08-17T23:16:00.010-04:00

For me, living in India was a time of great growth – both physically and mentally. Dividing school and college, my this move to the US represents a sort of new chapter in my life. I’ve learnt, grown, and improved at home, in India, and now I feel ready to take on this new challenge.

Life in India was fun. It was challenging, nurturing, and amazing. But all good things must come to an end for others to begin, and now this move represents a new beginning.

Adjusting to India was relatively easy for me, mostly because I was younger (I was almost 9 when we moved), and my parents took care of a lot.

Also, while I was in India, I was quite connected with the Western way of life as well - music, movies, and even just language. I always expected to come back to the US for college, as did many of my friends. In many ways, my school and social circle were a little America in and of itself. However, the biggest change in India was my new, stronger connection to my family. Not just my immediate family, but my extended family as well. I would visit them almost weekly, and we would always be talking to and helping each other. Their business was our business and our business was their business. This style of living was very new to me, and adjusting to it was a learning experience for me.

I made lots of lifelong friends in India as well, and hope to stay in touch. I want to remain connected to those I care about while forming new relationships here in the US. This new step of life will be a little new and challenging, but I know I can handle it, while maintaining the things I care about the most.

A2 - Toddler -> Tween->Teen

2020-08-17T22:19:00.010-04:00

When I first moved to India, I was only 4 years old and I had hardly experienced anything in America, but surprisingly I had a pretty difficult time adjusting and it took me about a month or so before i was fully acclimatized to life in India. This was mainly because it was a new environment and all the changes were very overwhelming. I was missing our home in NJ, the backyard and the swingset I was so used to playing on, I remember not liking the wet bathrooms in schools and was frustrated not able to understand the aayammas and bhayyas who were helping us little kids in school during break time.

Slowly, as time passed, this became my home, I made friends here, started attending Taekwondo classes and art classes and Hyd became my home.. with the memories of our NJ home and life fading away.

Then as time passed and in Indus which was the IB school I went to, I made a ton of friends, but was only close to one or two. Then, after one of my best friends moved to the US after 7th grade, I opened up and grew closer to few others only in the last 1-2 years. Apart from school friends, I made friends in my community and became close to my cousins and family friends.

Overall, I would say I soon became pretty secure and happy in the environment and had a happy and protected childhood hanging out with friends regularly, family get-togethers, festival celebrations, enjoyed all sorts of movies (telugu, hindi and English) and so on...

Now, after 10 years in India, my family and I moved back to the US. For me US has been mostly like a vacation spot since it is memories from our vacation trips since we moved to India that are more recent and vivid. Also, I grew up with a good dose of Netflix, YouTube, NBA and feel America and American way of life is not totally alien to me.

Now this isn't to say that one country is better than the other because both India and USA have their perks. For me, India has all my friends and people who are similar to me, but then again I also went back to India before having experienced America or made any friends here. And for me, USA has an overall brighter atmosphere which I am looking forward to experience and make friends. My parents say it is a second home for them and I want to see if I can also start to feel at home here.

Life happening - Career, Kids and Indian way of life

2020-08-17T17:27:00.017-04:00

So, let me start with a quick recount of what life was like for the last 8 years (since my last post from India) - Well, in a nutshell, life kept happening and time, tide and kids wait for no-one to keep growing. We made new friends, reconnected with some old ones, connected and reconnected with extended family and kids made their set of friends and bonds. Careers progressed, kids progressed and grew up faster than we noticed!

We experienced a lot of highs and our share of lows and the best part was that we always had someone to share them with which made the experiences sweeter, bearable and overall richer to say the least.

You may wonder if I felt at home really all this time? The answer is Oh yes..with a resounding YES.

It took us about 2 years to understand the way of life in India, the important aspects being a) the need to develop a detached attachment with domestic helpers (can't really live without them but, then living with them takes a different kind of life/social skills) and b) need to build our own social circle spreading across a spectrum of friends, family, cousins and theirs.. pretty wide cast net. All in all, once these two are set and with a bit of give and take, life is comfortable and some what predictable, helping us to not stress over the day to day mundane tasks of running a household (clean house, fresh food on the table on time.. keeping it simple here obviously). This leaves us with ample time for career, hobbies, socializing, entertainment, etc., without too much planning and time management.

The 2 key deciding factors for us while making the move to India was to make sure our careers and opportunities for kids were not getting compromised. As I wrote here earlier, we moved here with C's job with Amazon and he was/is happy with that move, was working hard and long and was also being rewarded for the good work which meant he saw good recognition and growth. So, while his career was thriving and growing, I was fortunate to be able to explore and go off the beaten path and experiment with and explore different things before making the move back to Corporate (more on that later).

Regarding, school choices and kids - you can see from this post , we chose Indus which is a IB only school. Very soon we realized that sticking to IB meant, their local college options would be limited unless they did something outside of the school on their own to prepare for the local competitive exams which was not easy logistically given the timing clashes between IB and local exam schedules. But, finally decided to stick with IB because at that point we felt IB was far superior in it's curriculum, mode of instruction which emphasizes on concepts, application and interconnected nature of learning. (I say 'at that point' because I know both CBSE and ICSE have made good changes recently to their curriculum and are not as bookish as they used to be before). We decided to stick with IB atleast until Grade 9.

Boys were doing reasonably well in their IB school, they were progressing well in their academics and building a small set of close friends.. most of them being like them which definitely made the initial transition easy and subsequently they just grew up together mostly in their bubble (protected environment).

When A1(older one) entered high school (Grade 9) and started having some idea of his areas of interests, we once again researched and looked for undergraduate options in India that he could pursue and disappointingly found very few. This was because he was interested in a combination of basic sciences along with humanities. This kind of wider exposure at undergrad level is still not available in India. This meant like many of his seniors in school, he would have to plan to go abroad for undergraduate where he would be able to explore for few more years before zeroing on his major and minor.

While C and I were getting ourselves rooted, tangled and entangled in our "Indian" way of life, kids were somewhat growing up in a bubble, surrounded by their NRI -english speaking friends and "international" curriculum. (more on this later). This also meant, we were mentally (and financially) getting ready to send the kids abroad for undergraduate college.

So, as the title suggests - life happened on all fronts - personal, professional, kids - their academics and relationships all progressing with their share of ups and downs as life is expected to be (Ugadi Pachadi in itself)

For those interested, our kids A1 turned 9 a month after we moved to India and is now 18

A2 was 4 when we moved and is now 13

Look forward to some posts from them describing the transition from their perspectives.

U-turn?

2020-08-16T13:11:00.008-04:00

8 years since my last post, I am writing from our temporary housing in Bellevue Downtown as we are 2 weeks into our move to Pacific Northwest USA! In the midst of this Global Pandemic, we braved our way across the ocean.

So, what made us take this U-turn? Was it planned, forced or circumstantial? Watch this space for those details 😕

First trip back - Now, I know what I miss

2012-08-15T12:14:00.003-04:00

22 months since we moved back home, we recently went back to USA on a 3 week vacation. First off, it was just strange to be going to the US of A on vacation.. all our prior trips were purpose driven and typically meant end of vacation in India. The immigration officer at the Newark airport reminded us that we were actually going back home (being US citizens and all) and when he said 'Welcome Home' and then perhaps noticed the last stamp in the passport and asked 'Are u coming back now or on vacation?', it took me sometime to answer that coherently.
Although, our initial intent to leave India in 1994 and go to the US was for seemingly bigger things in life (Higher education, Better career opportunities, Living the American dream, etc etc.,) this time around it was the small things that caught my attention. I guess I have to be grateful that the bigger things are taken care of one way or the other.
First off, while we were in the London airport going from one terminal to the other, all the passengers with connecting flights to the US, had to go through 2 elevators and then take the monorail to the other terminal. I was just pleasantly reminded that most normal people automatically assume a line and use the elevators and the train in a non-confrontational manner without any pushing, pulling, hurting episodes. In the last year and half here in India, I got used to all the pushing and pulling you need to do anytime there is a group trying to access a single resource. We in India tend to pull out all our survival and fighting instincts and somehow think it is always a race towards the finish line.
The second thing that most annoys me here in India is the state of cleanliness or lack thereof in public places and how even the seemingly educated lot don't respect public places. On a long road trip or train trip here in India, one of the things I dread is using the public bathrooms, which is pretty much a non-issue abroad.
The third thing that caught my attention is the fewer dependencies folks there have on domestic help. I started to ponder more as to why for example, we don't need to clean the house every single day in the US which makes it completely doable to do the cleaning yourself and takes off the daily anticipation for the maid :). This answer is not as simple as the question since I believe there are a lot of infrastructural and climatic factors involved.
Finally, I totally enjoyed the professionalism you see in the professionals (of course). For example, be it the Emergency Room in Ohio, malls in Kentucky or the Dunkin Donuts person anywhere else, these people seem proud of what they are doing, do their job thoroughly and professionally with confidence and more importantly without chaos. Such dignity of labor and professionalism is rare to find here. The ER experience especially made me realize how, simple aspects like a proper receptionist who can guide you through all the steps of the ER workflow, a triage nurse who is consistent and methodical in her approach and a clear communication channel who is the only one authorized to discuss the diagnosis and treatment made the whole experience pleasant (however pleasant one can get while still experiencing severe pain) and more importantly induced confidence in me that I was in good hands. I couldn't help but compare this episode with my last ER experience here in India about 1.5 years ago when, although the quality of care I received was at par with what I received there, the overall experience here in India left me wondering and constantly second guessing.

That said, I am still very happy to be back home. Ofcourse this is where I call 'home' now and I grew up enjoying the smells of the wet earth during monsoons.

While all of the above highlight some minor, some major nuisances in the Indian day to day life, I have also come to appreciate the diversity you witness in India lot more. I believe this diversity is our strength and weakness as well. For example, no other country in the world can boast how such varied cultures, languages, histories, economic conditions, etc come together and experience a common thread of emotion for Mother India. It is also this diversity that makes it quite challenging to implement policies or schemes since they have to cater to a very wide range of people. For example, if you think of our trains, there is such a diverse population that uses them and some of them most likely have never used a bathroom or a flush in their entire lives.. trying to hire maintenance staff to keep up the bathrooms in these trains is obviously not an easy task. But, I believe, if we as a nation prioritize projects that help provide basic necessities like food, shelter and education to our people, a lot more can be tackled relatively easily since the Basic Education can help provide a foundation in addressing some common sense and civic sense related nuisances.
As closing thoughts, I feel India is at a tipping point right now and if we can tackle the following 3 top issues (top according to me), India has all the potential to grow leaps and bounds.

Education: Not just math and science skills, but parents, schools, teachers to focus on holistic education. Encourage kids to explore and truly find their passion and excel at it, not just chase something that is money making
Morals, Values and Corruption: Our value system is conveniently and severely broken. Lets fix this and understand curbing corruption starts at home
Infrastructure: Govt needs to understand the importance of this and prioritize projects that help improve basic infrastructure (drinking water, power, roads, railways) and we need to respect them and help maintain the public property

All said and done, I am just grateful for being able to have two spots on the globe that I can call 'home'. Each place seems to satisfy a different hunger, touches a different chord and triggers a different nerve to keep life interesting.

2012 is here, finally feeling rooted

2012-01-01T04:34:00.014-05:00

2012 is here and if I think I have just these 12 months before the D-day, there is no question that 'here' is where I would like to spend the rest of the time. So, now that I made such a profound statement, let me try to explain. It's been 15 months and change since we returned to India. I would not be honest if I said I never second guessed our move or never experienced a series of confused feelings.
While the settling down in India was happening for the four of us with it's share of second guessing, frustrations and confusions, 2011 has in parallel been a true roller coaster ride for our extended family and the ride has made me come out quite rooted. Not to be a downer, but it's not so much the ups that mattered (while those moments were still nice to celebrate with our people around), it's the downs that really made us come together and understand what it means to be there for each other.
I tried to play out how things might have been if we were away while the family was going through this ride, it made me realize that ultimately it all boils down to where and with whom you want to share your life with and where do you want to make your impact felt. While time, tide and life wait for none and the show must and will go on no matter who is there and who is not by your side, I just felt good to be able to be by the side of my people offering whatever support I can.
Career, schools, economy, $$, exchange rates, pollution, roads, corruption, etc, etc are all important and valid points to think about, but I came to a realization that once your core is intact and you feel rooted wherever you are, you can and eventually will make all other factors work with or for you. What does rooted mean? It means different things to different people, but for me, it means feeling connected and feeling relevant.
So, for those R2I planners, thinking about the family that is back here, it is not so much about 'them', think more about yourself.. where and with whom, would you like to spend the rest of your life and the answer will help you decide one way or the other.
So, happy to note that for me, I now feel pretty rooted here and if the Mayans were right and we are truly counting down to Dec 2012 for the D-day (whatever that day means), there is no place else I would rather be and I would rather see my family be.

Festivals - Not just hustle and bustle

2011-09-02T03:47:00.010-04:00

Its been a while since I posted... its not because we have nothing blog worthy, its just the standard excuse that we are caught up with the hustle and bustle and more importantly having the boys at home during their summer break meant little to no interrupt-free time for me. This was the first summer for both of them when they were not being rushed off to a camp in the morning.. it was definitely nice to let them sleep in and for me, I had to remind myself what it feels like to wake up without an alarm clock.
As the summer came to an end here, we had our share of NRI guests who needed to be taken care of (read shopping and more shopping and some more :-) ) It was interesting to be on the receiving side this time around and even better for not being the one pulling out purell every 10 minutes and worrying about mosquitoes, bottled water, dust, pollution, etc etc. Its so funny that the 'us' that we were last year this time suddenly became 'them' this year. The world is surely flat.. but, which side of the Atlantic you start your flight journey makes a lot of difference in your perspective of things I think.
Once schools started and kids got into the groove again, we had a number of Telengana bandhs and Anna hazare movements to give them and us a break once in a while.
Now, this time of the year, also marks the beginning of the festival season here. It is nice to be here in Hyderabad with the city buzzing around with Ramadan activities, Krishnasthami and then Ganesh Chaturthi. Hyderabad, during Ramadan season has always been much talked about and it was nice to notice how both Hindus and Muslims take part in the festivities together.

Although, we did try to do some puja and a little something special on festival days in US, it is a whole different experience here in India. Celebrations in US were pretty much confined to the closest weekend...even with that, we were pretty much on our own, with the exception of the times, when we were able to coordinate and get together with other friends/family. Here, firstly, not just the festival day, but the day before and day after are also considered semi-holidays.. very similar to the Christmas and Thanksgiving holidays, but the fun part is such holidays are here almost once a month. What is noticeably refreshing is also how the entire community becomes alive, colorful and genuinely cheerful during these festivals. You can see these beaming faces starting from the morning newspaper boy, milk man, the maid, driver, any random passerby on the road, etc etc., Also, all of them enthusiastically dress up in crisp new clothes, participate fully in the festivities which include cleaning the houses and surroundings, decorating with flowers and mango leaves, cooking various delicacies, exchanging those yummy dishes.

It is this full participation from everyone that makes the occasion even more festive and lively. I think this is exactly how our american friends and families felt during the holiday (Thanksgiving and Xmas) season in US.. but, this time it was nice for us to be able to experience that feeling and celebrate our festivals with our people.

Don't get me wrong, the Holiday season in US was always wonderful and we thoroughly enjoyed them, but we still missed the festival season in India then..nothing like being home during the festivals.

Now.. this is just the beginning, we have many more festivals coming in the upcoming months...

My diverse country

2011-05-19T06:02:00.008-04:00

As obvious by the frequency of posts here on this blog, we are pretty busy living our lives in Hyderabad now. It was one thing to dream about the Indian summers and crib about missing those juicy mangoes (cheruku rasalu, Banginapalle - (different types of mangoes) to be precise) and an entirely different thing to try and enjoy those in these scorching hot summers with the temperatures raising above 42 degrees centigrade.
This summer, along with the scorching Rohini Karthi(hottest period of south indian summer) that we are experiencing after a long time, there are few others that are taking us back to the India we left 16 years ago.

First among them, India is truly a very very diverse country. I don't mean diverse languages, cultures, religions. While those define diversity in one sense, what I am talking about is right in our community, culture, religion, language and even our economic group, I think we are now interacting with a lot more diverse group of our fellow Indians than we did during the last 16 years in US.
For one reason or the other, most of the Indians we interacted with in US thought similarly, had similar backgrounds and had similar schedules, goals for themselves and their children. It is not at all true here in India though. While I thought I will be able to be amongst more like minded people in India, it is almost the opposite, it is hard to find those like minded people here. This sure was and is surprising to me. To illustrate my point, here are couple of examples:

Not everyone thinks 'Education' is an important aspect of childhood. While in US, most Indian families were behind the Kumons, Abacuses, good school districts, etc. Here, the group we interacted with range from the caught up parents who are preparing for IIT entrance exam from the kid's 1st grade and the other extreme who think their kids are born just to enjoy the fruits of the previous generation's labor.
While bargain hunting is a norm in US and people pride in the best deal they got, it seems the opposite here, the higher the price, higher the 'status'.
Unlike in the US, we witness the fight to survive ('survival of the fittest') in every step. There seems to be intense competition either real or perceived in every field and its not always the best one that wins, but the smartest (street smartest) that wins. I am sure this is true everywhere on the globe, but it seems so much more apparent and in your face here in India. I think as a side effect of this cut throat competition, is way too much aggressiveness and street smartness that we have to deal with which we are not exposed to in the US. What makes it frustrating is when people think of your politeness as your weakness. People (read domestic help or other hired help) tend to take you seriously only if you are a bit loud and use other forms of threatening tactics to extract work from them.
Not to be too negative, there are lot of positive things too and one such pleasant difference is people tend to have time for you any day of the week and any time of the day. Though the typical work week is the same 5 days a week with 2 weekend days, somehow we are not all that caught up about it and do tend to get out of our shells even on a non-weekend day. Imagine going out to a movie at 9 PM on tuesday night... ???

With all of these that we are experiencing, its bringing back memories of India 16 years ago and I feel, while India has transformed in so many ways, there are still some basics perhaps ingrained in the culture and life here that are still the same. Thank God, for somethings that didn't change else our India would have felt alien to us and we would have been lost...

Not Retired...just Rewired

2011-04-08T00:12:00.005-04:00

I know there are a lot of people who think of R2I in anticipation to just retire and relax. Sorry, but I have to be the bearer of bad news that if you come here thinking you can just 'relax', you may be in for a bit of a shock. The relaxed days, with everything being handed over to you that you experience during those 3-4 week vacations does not come easy. People do it for you with extra care and attention during those short stints. Once they know you are here to stay, that attention is bound to come down and you need to set things up for yourself. So, in a nutshell, I would say keep your expectations in line with reality and if you are willing to do the same kind of chores you were used to in the US, then it won't be that bad here. If you come in with lofty expectations that you don't want to move a spoon or wash a dish, then you will be a slave to your hired help.
So, there goes my rant again about the amount of dependence that we tend to 'depend' on here in India. As we just crossed our 6 month mark, I am starting to realize this and also starting to somewhat understand what it takes to re-live here.

Lower the expectations, lower the stress - First off, biggest leap of adjustment we needed was and still is in getting used to the domestic help (cook, driver, cleaner, etc). In US, the only time we experienced this was when we were looking for a reliable nanny and once we got one, we lucked out and she stuck with us for 3+ years. In general there is a big hand of luck in anyone getting a reliable domestic help anywhere, but we tend to wish and pray for this luck lot more here since the 'dependence' is much more. What I am now realizing is, keeping expectations low and hence our dependence to a minimum will go a long way in maintaining our sanity and in-turn our stress levels.
Look for re-wiring and not retiring - In some aspects, you need to get re-wired to understand people, mentalities, working styles, incentives, pressures better to get along and live along. Try not to compare with the west all the time.. it not only gets boring, it can also annoy people. First live alongside and get into the fabric of Indian living, before trying to preach and change it
Watch out for time suckers/wasters - In general, there is lot happening around you and unlike in the west, you don't have to go out to catch some action, action will come to you in the form of missing milk man, electricity shutdowns, missing driver, etc etc., While it is important to deal with these day to day nuances, try not to get sucked in completely that you don't have time for your other priorities.
Re-live in India (as NRI or just I) - Well, we were lucky to have experienced the Cricket World Cup come back home after 28 years. While I know all our friends and family followed it just as feverishly from across the globe, there is something else that we got to see/experience here in India. Over the last 16 yrs in US, I drifted away from cricket and started to think it was being over-hyped with the commercialism that surrounds 20/20 matches, IPL, etc. Now, I can just say we are back in the groove and yes, Cricket is Religion here in India, but thats ok because I don't think there is any other topic or event that brings together the nation (literally all castes, states, creed, classes, etc) as a cricket match does. Avi is now the same age as I was during the 1983 world cup and I am so glad we got to live those moments on April 2nd.. there was so much euphoria, celebration and genuine cheering for the country.. I started to wonder if India celebrated this much even when it got its Independence in 1947 !! It was just awesome to experience it right here on this soil. Look for such moments and be part of them to better understand India and Indians. Now, as I am typing this the Anna Hazare movement (India Against Corruption) is gaining steam and its wonderful to see India waking up, Indians becoming more aware of their rights,.. now if only we are not stuck by amnesia come ballot time, we can go a long way. What I am trying to say is the choice is yours, you can very easily live just like a NRI in your own shell and in your own schedule or you can get into the hustle and bustle and re-live in India as 'Aam aadmi' and perhaps even try to use the exposure from the west to be part of a positive change.

Finally, what keeps us going is this constant reminder that we are not here to retire, we are here to re-live and also constantly reminding ourselves our reasons to move. I am hoping as we continue to live here, we will not need to keep checking back as often and will just move forward and make it out here.

Chalta Hai

2011-03-08T00:50:00.000-05:00

This post from my other blog deserves a place on this one too since its one of the many experiences in India.

Second Guessing

2011-02-16T05:14:00.002-05:00

As I mentioned in my last post, as we are now in the thick of things and living the Indian way of life day in and day out, there are highs and a good share of downs as well and we sometimes even 'second guess' the whole move. I think this is but, natural when one moves from a 'known' place to an 'unknown' place. Yes, India is where we were born and brought up, but it is pretty alien and 'unknown' to us since this is the first time we are living here as adults on our own. Looking back, this is pretty much how we felt the initial days/months/years in the US. However, the difference then was that during those initial settling-in struggles, we were able to clearly articulate to ourselves what is it that we went there for and use that as a blocking/consoling factor to feel better and move on.
As mentioned in this journal by another returned to India family, our generation of Indians generally migrated in search of 'better' opportunities. And these 'better opportunities' were very easy to articulate and quantify when we moved to the US.

However, the factors or opportunities that most people yearn for when they move back to India are generally hard to articulate and/or quantify. For us especially, the reasons were mostly from the heart and not ones that can be easily quantified. So, why am I writing all this? It is my first hand experience that it is quite important to take the time and articulate the reasons (however mushy they will sound) and even better if you can write them down so you can go back and refer to them during those frustrating times (which you will definitely have).
All this said and done, I don't think we can live each day by second guessing ourselves and constantly comparing and contrasting between what is vs. what was vs. what could be, etc etc. The whole process of R2I is not easy and involves a lot of uprooting, unsettling, unlearning before you can feel rooted, settled and stable again. Some previous R2I'ers say 6 months is the minimum time (best case scenario) to give ourselves before feeling a bit rooted again.
That said, I can just repeat what Steve Jobs says here, there is no one right way to live your life and just believe that you can connect all the dots sometime in the future and that everything will fall in place and follow your heart and do what your heart is yearning for and use your head to plan for it and make it happen.

Hit or Miss

2011-01-09T02:00:00.003-05:00

As we now cross our first quarter in India, here is a quick recap of things that I miss and things that I like in no particular order:
Hits

My people around me - Lot of relief that I don't have to save up vacations just to spend time with them, confidence that I am right here and they are around me if they or us need anything anytime.
Kids adjustment - Kids have blended in so beautifully, they are enjoying school, making new friends, learning Telugu, enjoying our festivals, even enjoying the unexpected bandhs :)
Time for each other - Although, I am having some time management issues, in general we don't feel rushed and don't have to wait for the weekend to have our breakfast at the table or sit down for a cup of tea in the evenings
Entrepreneurial Opportunities: Lots of business ideas and opportunities mushrooming around. Building a good network to execute on these ideas is the key first step though.
Weather: No snow cleaning, no icy roads, no winter wear.
Bollywood and Tollywood anywhere, anytime: Enough said.
Hired help for some mundane things: Enjoying the fact we can hire help for some of the mundane things like cleaning, cooking, driving, etc. Groceries, vegetables are delivered home at no cost !!

Misses

Privacy and coziness - I miss the privacy and coziness that comes with being just the 4 of us. I hope we will get this back once we move into our own home (we are still not there yet)
Dependence: The Indian society is very tightly knit and how smooth our life is depends on the contacts we have. With this, comes some amount of dependence and unpredictability. I miss being able to drive down to the grocery shop. Since I am still not comfortable driving in India, I have to wait for some driver to grace us before I can step out.
Streamlined day to day - In general, life in US is pretty streamlined and after the initial settling down and figuring out, our day to day was pretty streamlined and we were pretty confident with how to get things done. On the flip side, either because we are still not over the initial settling phase or perhaps this is just the way it is, there are very few things that are clearly streamlined here. Each time we seem to be using a different process or contact to get things done.
Politics: Politics are a major pass time for everyone here. Especially, since we are in Hyderabad, the Telengana issue is getting to most of the common people's nerves. We just want to get it over with so we can move on and get ready for the Cricket World Cup 2011 !!
Dust, cleanliness outside our home: I think we need to buy some Purell stock.. before we get used to the surroundings here.

All in all, we are not shocked or surprised about anything yet, feel settled in some ways and unsettled in some other ways.

Launching Return to India JITLL

2010-12-09T08:09:00.000-05:00

As someone who has recently endeavored the returning back to India journey, I can say that it has not been a easy path and there are many times we wished we could talk to someone who has gone through it recently. We learned a lot from others' experiences that are on the sites like Garamchai, Return 2 India Forums. While these sites are great to document the journeys and experiences in detail, they are not suitable for searching and retrieving some quick lessons learnt or tips that others can learn from or even mistakes that others can avoid making.
So, I felt the need to consolidate these lessons in one place that are tagged and easily searchable and retrievable. So, here is R2I JITLL (Return 2 India Just in Time Lessons Learnt). Please come and share your lessons and come learn from them JUST IN TIME.

Identity Crisis

2010-11-29T08:09:00.003-05:00

As we clocked in month 2 of moving back home, there is a lot that has happened. Kids are in school, chandu is in a new job, bought a car, got indian driver's license, a hospital stay, local train travel, etc, etc While we did all these things, we still need to create an identity for ourselves. Obviously, one of the reasons we moved back to Hyd is because of the proximity to family and friends and so it is those friends and family that have helped us get through all the initial setup. However, we still need to build our network and our contacts so we don't feel like aliens. In India, one needs a pretty widespread human network to survive and get through the day to day smoothly and this is the reason I am mentioning this in particular. We are still somewhat dependent on others for even simple things like getting contact info, taking appointments, booking train tkts, etc.,. Slowly, with each phone call and each meeting, we are building our network and as our SIM cards fill up with the contacts and our calendars fill up with get-togethers, we will start to feel more at home.
So, while on one hand we are all slowly re-creating our identity here, I am actually looking to create a new one for myself. Kids have moved from school to school, Chandu has moved from job to another job.. so their core identity remains intact. As I mentioned in my last post, I am on a career sabbatical and to be honest this is not as easy as it may sound. Apart from being a wife and mom, being <fill in with title> at <fill in with a company name> was a pretty significant part of my identity for the last 16 years or so. So, my first challenge has been and still is to accept this void and not try to fill that blank until I am ready. Without getting too philosophical about 'self' and 'searching for inner-self', I am still getting used to this transition and trying to learn how to handle and manage this quest without getting lost (pun intended).
So, to sum it up.. I can definitely say the Honeymoon phase of this move is completed and we are now living the life day to day and are in the thick of things.

Tourism - Lot of unrealized potential

2010-11-15T00:50:00.004-05:00

We ventured on our first touristy activity this past weekend. Funny how we are tourists in our own hometown. That is perhaps a different post altogether why most of us have seen so little of our vast India. We went to see Golkonda Fort and decided to stay back for the Sound and Lights show.

The entrance fee for adults was Rs. 5 and kids upto 12 years of age were free to enter. We hired a AP Tourism guide for Rs. 350 for the Full Tour. The tour included taking us all the way to the top of the fort which was about 7kms, ~400 steps and took about 2 hours. The history behind the fort was interesting, the site itself was close to the original condition with very minimal renovations being done. There was some charm in seeing the fort and the various sections in their original state, but I felt with a little bit of up keeping, it could have turned out to be even more attractive.

We ended the tour with the Sound and Lights show. There were 2 tiers of tickets for this. The regular was Rs. 50 and the executive one was Rs.100. It is a small seating area for the show and yet they were able to create the two tiers based on how best the view is to the lights during the show. For the executive ticket holders, they gave each a bottle of water and a juice box. The show was beautiful and Amitabh Bachchan's voice added to the grandeur of the show.

All along, I was somehow comparing with similar touristy locations we visited in the US and kept thinking, there is so much potential here. First off, I was wondering if the different tiers of tickets was even necessary for the show, but again given the wide financial disparity, that was probably needed to attract a wider audience. Then, I was pleasantly surprised or rather shocked to get the bottle of water and juice box for the executive tickets.. I don't think we expected those at all.. did they really have to give those to attract the folks.. me thinks even without those a lot of people who can afford would have bought those tickets.

Lastly, we saw a small snack shop on the way out..and lot of street vendors...instead, isn't having a simple memorabilia shop a better option than those chasing vendors. I know we used to feel the tourist spots in US were so over priced and anything you buy there (food, water or memorabilia) were all over priced too, but that didn't stop us and a lot of people like us from visiting and spending those $$$. Is the psyche different here that the tourist dept is so conservative? I am not sure...I think there is lot of potential for tourism in India and all it needs is a bit of TLC, smart marketing and either honest commitment from the Tourism Department or privatization of some of the spots.

1.5 month milestone

2010-11-14T23:59:00.002-05:00

LAUNCHED JITLL !!

1 Month Progress Report - Meeting expectations

2010-10-28T00:23:00.007-04:00

We clocked in 1 month this past Sunday on Oct 24th. Coincidentally, last week was also when we had our first Parent Teacher Meeting(PTM) for Avi. I should say it has been the most eventful, yet surprisingly calm month. I am not sure about Chandu and the kids, but what I am experiencing is some kind of inner peace and calm.. it is perhaps the security of being home !!

Anyway, not so long ago, I had written what 'Home' meant to me and I want to take a quick tally of where we stand against the three pivots mentioned in that post:

Personal: We are in a comfortable place.. although we are still feeling like guests since we didn't move into our place. Along with the advantages and support of having lots of family and friends around, also come some additional complexities involved in too many overlapping boundaries and interferences. I feel we still have quite a way to go before figuring out what our 'personal life' constitutes of and where and how to draw the subtle boundaries that will help us live in harmony without letting go of our character and identity. I feel this is a gradual process and one that cannot be planned and timed, but will take course as we lead and shape our day to day life here. So... for now I can say, we are fine.. no fireworks anywhere.

Professional: I will have to let chandu write about his experiences in the corporate world here. I have consciously taken a professional sabbatical and however cliche it may sound, I think this gift of 'time' I have decided to give myself is perhaps the most valuable thing I have done for my own growth. I am learning to live without a schedule and am learning to pause, think and experience before jumping in and executing. I am far from zeroing on my next career step, but just given the few ideas that came my way, I am very bullish and positive that if I do the right things, then all the right things will happen. I am thankful that I am able to take the time to find that 'something' that excites me and for the very first time in my life, I am willing to take the step to follow the road less traveled.
Spiritual: As I mentioned earlier, speaking for myself, I am feeling some sort of inner peace and calm. Given all the unsettling and settling adventures that were packed in the last month, looking back I am quite surprised by how calm I ended up being. I am not sure why I am relating this to spirituality.. perhaps because all the recent reading I have done in this area suggest, how as we grow spiritually, there is this inner strength, calm and patience that we develop. Although, I have always believed in God and prayer, I have never been a very religious person as such and as Avi has started asking more and more questions, one of the things I always wanted to do was to learn more about religion, Hinduism (closest to what I grew up with) so I can talk to him clearly. What I found here is there is access to so much spiritual reading material, people, talks, discussion groups and that coupled with the 'time' I now have helps in this spiritual journey. Thanks to some books and courses a good friend suggested, I hope to blog and write about what I am learning and unlearning soon.

Coming to the tactical checklist of stuff:

Kids Schools: So far so good. Our first PTM went ok.. the rubric report card used was very similar to what we were used in US. Drama, Music and Sports are part of the curriculum that are also included in the report card which is nice.
Getting PAN Number, Driver's license, cell phones, etc: A lot of these services are web enabled and you can get them done online. But, the timing is not reliable and so for some reliable service, go with some agent who will charge some extra Rs, but will get done
Car: Lots of options, wide price range, interesting range of customer service. The dealer will send a person home to book the car for you, deliver the car, etc, but will easily change or keep pushing the delivery date at the drop of the hat :)
Getting and dealing with reliable domestic help: As far as domestic help goes, being able to afford them is a big plus. However, getting them is the first step and to get reliable ones, you either need lot of good karma working on your behalf or tremendous stroke of good luck. Like I mentioned before, the key is to have a plan B for every dependence you end up having and develop an easy-going attitude to enjoy the help while you have it and not sweat the small stuff.

Overall, if we really have to rate our 1st month, I think I will safely say 'Meets expectations with potential to exceed'. One thing that could have made this experience so much better is having mom around. Reliving those memories with mom in mom's house is so hard, but it is also helping me feel her presence around.

Healthcare - Scary anywhere

2010-10-21T02:42:00.002-04:00

One of the aspects that I was a not sure about was the healthcare practices and procedures in India. Given all the doctors in the family, I was not that worried about having access to the top medical professionals, but was always skeptical about how predictable the process and experience would be. Well, here I am ready to blog with some first hand experience. First of all, I am fine now and for some quick context, I had to be rushed to ER on Sunday evening(Dassera night) and had to undergo an emergency surgery that night and got home on Tuesday evening. This post is not to discuss about my issue, but more about the overall experience and how I thought it compared with what we experienced in US (NJ in particular since I hear each state is very different in US).
To start off, the biggest difference right from the get go is that in NJ, we just follow a protocol.. there is not much thinking we need to do and not much in our control.... when in need, we either choose the closest ER or take an appointment with our primary physician/specialist (if you don't need referral) and go from there. Once we get into that loop for whatever reason, then we are pretty much followers of the process and the tests, treatments that we end up getting are mostly dictated by the insurance coverage and what the doctor we ended up with decides for us. I had blogged about this last yr while we were in NJ. In India, you do have some more choices and can decide where to start. This may be because the use of insurance is still not as prevalent and initial checkups, preventative care and even minor treatments are not as exorbitantly priced and so lot of people do not feel married to their insurance policies and do feel comfortable to make their own choices based on their comfort level with a certain doctor or hospital. That said, the key here in India is 'Who do you know'. So, whether you end up going to the ER or to the doctor's clinic, who you know there can make a night and day difference on what happens after. I am sure having a close family member or friend as a doctor in US will also help, but given the bindings of insurance policies, this association cannot stretch much.
In my case, we reached the ER around 7 PM on sunday and as expected there was chaos and given our experience in US, I expected the wait time to be upwards of 2-3 hrs before they could get to me given the number of patients in front of me. Well, I was wrong and a few phone calls got the doctors in front of me almost immediately and because of who we knew, we were able to somewhat take charge and expedite a lot of things and be over with all the diagnosis in less than 2 hrs and I was sent off into the OR. That said, there were some corners cut in the paper work and reports generated due to the speed at which they apparently attended to us and thats what makes it a little dicey and unpredictable. Now, how would the case be if we went to a place where we knew nobody... I am really not sure and obviously don't want to try also.
I feel the bottom line is once you need anything from someone else - be it doctor, govt official, police, whoever, the experience depends entirely on the competence of the person you end up with. In US there are a lot of public policies and procedures put in place for years now and people are not as lost and can at least always have a path to follow be it efficient or not. In India, there are procedures and policies on paper, but the execution is all over the place and not consistent at all and a lot depends on who you know in each of these places to get things done and without such contacts, each time you end up with a clean slate trying to decipher and design your own path to navigate through.
In the case of healthcare, while in US, our choices to pick the doctor are somewhat limited by insurance coverages, etc, in India they are limited more by our social circle.
Last, but not the least in this whole experience the one huge factor that cannot be discounted is the support of having family around. While I was out in the hospital for 3 days, the kids were taken care of, I was totally taken care of and pampered and all the logistical stuff that seemed challenging in NJ for us (due to not having a support system nearby), ended up being quite smooth here and the moral support we all had is definitely one of the things we moved here for.

Unity in Diversity

2010-10-12T00:28:00.004-04:00

We have always learned about the diversity in Indian society and experienced the unity in this diversity. However, this time I noticed there is lot more diversity and many many sub systems that are operational here. As I mentioned in my previous post, the different classes in the society are very apparent and right in your face every day. At the same time there are different forces and sub systems at play all at once. On the same road, you will see money hungry cut throat business men sparing no one or nothing in making an extra rupee and right next to them are these real simple altruistic people running NGOs serving the underprivileged.

As we were working on resuming Aayuv more actively, we started looking around for some projects to take up and I was pretty impressed by 2 things: a) The number of opportunities and avenues that exist if one has the intention and b) the number of ways people have explored and established their own ways to make an impact. Just within about 5km radius from where we are we found: 1. A school for blind kids 2. A school and home for deaf and dumb kids 3. Slums being adopted by organizations or individuals who sponsor for the education, health care and other basic amenities in the slum area. In addition, I came across people who have volunteered to write exams for the blind, people who regularly come distributing food for the patients' attendants who are waiting in/near the Cancer Hospital. I was amazed to see how this food donation near the cancer hospital has become a regular affair and nobody really knows who or why they do it.. they just know that every single day at noon, there is a white van that comes distributing food to all the poor people waiting near the hospital since they cannot afford to buy lunch in the hospital's cafeteria. Another interesting fact is that for a lot of NRIs and returning Indians with foreign currency, thanks to the exchange rate, a dollar goes a long way and can make a long lasting positive impact and it is encouraging that many are taking advantage of this fact. Also, given the wide spectrum of economic realities that co-exist, you will find people who spend lakhs and lakhs of rupees each month on entertaining living right next to slum dwellers whose entire monthly income is less than 5-6 thousand rupees. So, the wealthy can do a lot for the underprivileged without seeing any noticeable dent to their wallets.

After all this, we have not yet zeroed in on our next set of projects for Aayuv mainly because one of Aayuv's criteria for selection is 'Measurable results' which we think is very important in motivating the sponsors and in building a sustainable pyramid. That said, if one doesn't look for instant recognition or fame, there are tons of avenues - big and small right at our door step in which you can take one small step and make a significant impact to a life. I am sure a lot of such contrasts, organizations and people exist in the western world too, but somehow they don't seem to be so apparent and in the face as I see here in India. In India, Unity in Diversity is seen, felt and forced every single day and in every walk of life.

First Impressions - Home is full, Head is confused, Heart is full

2010-10-01T00:19:00.008-04:00

As we are approaching 1 week in India, here are some quick first impressions. I say first impressions now because all the 10+ trips in the last 16 years were for vacation and this time its for real. So, there has been quite a difference in our outlook as we are experiencing the hustle and bustle of Indian day to day life. Honestly, the only thing that reminds me that this is not vacation is getting Avi ready for school in the morning :)

Although, its been just 7 days, we did get through quite a lot and here are some observations/tips from our experience:

There are a lot of noticeable improvements in infrastructure and facilities, but what lacks is the predictability of service and timelines. So, if you need something by a certain day or certain time, its better to plan and ask for it for the day before so you can be somewhat sure you can get it by the time you really need it. This is what we did when arranging for our car.
Technology infrastructure (DSL, Cable, WiFi) are all up-to-par, but the service people are generally trained to cater to the computer illiterate and so as soon as you ask some detailed/pointed questions or for some out of the ordinary setup, they falter. So, its good to use them for basic setup and then need a geek (like chandu) at home to finish the rest of the setup. :)
The wide range of the society is so apparent and in our face every single day. For example, starting from the time we step out of the house in the morning to drop Avi at the bus stop, we see kids going to school and there is such a variation... we see kids in poorly fitting torn uniforms and slippers walking with some torn bag of books, kids neatly dressed and taking the cycle/auto rickshaws, kids taking some regular school buses and kids going to these international schools being dropped off in nice cars and boarding air-conditioned buses to school.
It may be too early to comment, but so far Avi is pretty comfortable in the new school here (fingers crossed). I think since its an International school, with the exception of seeing and hearing lot more Indians around him, the rest of the school curriculum, activities are what he is already used to. I think/hope we made the right choice here at least for this year.One more difference is that he asked us to teach him the Indian National Anthem so he can sing during assembly which was refreshing to hear.
Schools don't have the concept of 'Extended Care' at all. So, kids get home by 4ish and families in which both parents work will have to either rely on domestic help at home or the family around to watch the kids.
There is a lot that is pretty routine each day, but also there are a lot of unpredictables.. like we experienced curfew (Section 144) in the city as a precaution before the Ayodhya Judgement. Avi's school closed early, Chandu's work closed early and our cook didn't show up and drivers wanted to leave early. I guess this is similar to having emergency closing back in NJ, but from what I can guess such 'emergencies' do happen more often. So, this is perhaps one big thing to adapt to for people used to the highly scheduled life of the west and also for Type A personalities like me :). I am learning that one way to adapt to this is to have a backup for everything that you depend on someone else since hired help is not always dependable... of course it is great that we can hire the help at a reasonable cost, but that comes with the cost of some unpredictability.
On the topic of the Ayodhya judgement, in addition to the sensationalism created by the media, it was very refreshing to also see lot of banners and notices in the media (TV, newspapers) calling for unity and lot more logical thinking by the younger generation without indulging in brainless communal riots. That said, I am sure there are still some sections of the community fueling such riots, but it was just good to see the media doing their bit in promoting some responsible behavior.

All in all, I have to say this week has been exactly what we expected it to be... lot of jetlag, quite a bit of settling in chaos and some warmth due to the proximity to family. I think I am still reminding myself to be a bit patient as we fall into a groove and while there are some elements that can seem confusing, there are just as many that help remind us what we moved here for. Jai Hind !!

Takeoff and Landing

2010-09-28T22:19:00.001-04:00

The last few days in NJ were very busy as we were tying up many loose ends and meeting lots of friends and family. As we were checking off things on the ‘list’, we ended up adding more at an even faster pace. We ended up leaving some on the list to be taken care of from there (Hyd)..thanks to the IP phones.

The days and evenings were packed with getting things done, meetings, parties, etc and the nights were packed with just dealing with our overwhelming feelings of mixed emotions, nervousness, excitement, etc and all this made us physically exhausted.

We were looking forward to the 20 hr journey as a good way to start this new chapter in our life since the close quarters of the economy class Emirates flight can give us ample time to get our thoughts together, catch up on some much needed sleep and relax a bit. Well, of course we were wrong or had some partial amnesia regarding how it is travelling with kids (especially a hyper-active 4 yr old). So, we just tossed our idea of gathering thoughts and relaxing out the window and just spent the time keeping the kids comfortable. For those 20-24 hrs, we were totally BLANK in our head and it almost felt like we were zombies.

Finally, we landed 'There'.. so, from now on Here is 'Hyderabad' and There is 'NJ, USA'. As expected, the welcoming at home was very nice and warm and we felt truly welcomed. It was interesting how a lot of the initial greetings from distant friends and family were all filled with questions asking us 'why we left 'everything' behind in US and came back'. We were somewhat taken aback initially, but started to realize that it is but natural given the waves India has gone through:

The early 90s - Going to the US for higher education or job was much sought after, but was not a common phenomenon in families
Late 90s - US was much sought after and thanks to the Y2K demand, every family had at least 1 person abroad
Early 2000s - US was still an attractive option, but thanks to the outsourcing boom people started thinking twice before leaving since there were pretty decent career options here too to compare with those abroad.
Now - Same as 3, but we are starting to see a good wave of Indians returning back to take up many attractive/exciting opportunities here given the potential growth path countries like India are now in. Although this is true at a macro level, it is still not so common to see families making the move back because economics and opportunities are just one part in the decision making for families to make a move of this scale. So, no wonder our move did raise some eyebrows.

All said and done, the initial 48 hours here were filled up with unpacking, settling, meetings and answering a lot of 'Whys' while taking care of immediate logistics.

Home is empty, Head is empty, Heart is full

2010-09-20T09:36:00.004-04:00

Last week marked pretty big changes for us which is making us go through so many mixed and conflicting emotions. We both had our last working days at our jobs and right immediately had the shippers pack up and take away all the stuff from our home leaving us with a 'Empty home', but a 'Heavy heart'. Anyways, some pointers related to the packing, shipping and vacating the home:

If possible, have the shipping company do the packing also. This saves us a lot of time, stress and works better with their insurance
Keep in mind that the packers are super fast and work at machine speed and pretty much think (or not think) like a machine. They are programmed to just pack anything in their sight. So, it is best for you to pack things that you want to take yourselves and also remember to keep aside things you don't want packed and shipped (yes, mark even the garbage unless you want it shipped over.. like I said they are programmed neither to think nor to ask)
Again, keep the stuff you want to take yourself with you at all times.. this means Car keys also.. else, they will get packed and searching for them in packed boxes is NOT fun at all.
Don't underestimate the speed at which they pack.. Rough estimate is about 8-10 hrs to pack up a typical 4 bedroom household.
Details to figure out before the house is empty - Where do you stay until flying out? Who to handover the house to? Plan the cleaning that will be needed if you have to get it done before handing over. We had to schedule a township inspection too to be able to rent the house

A number of our friends have invited us for lunches, dinners, sleepovers, etc. Kids are loving all this action, meetings, playdates and sleepovers and think they are on an extended vacation. We are so grateful for all the wonderful friends who are truly lending a hand as we are tying up all the loose ends. All of the mundane moving related tasks mingled with the meetings, greetings and goodbyes are making my head and heart go for a toss. Thanks to friends and family who keep reminding us that this is a good change and a change that we wanted, waited and planned for. Please keep the reminders coming as we may be acting a little out of the ordinary at times while going through the motions of letting go and leaping into somewhat of an unknown territory (funny how we feel our own homeland is an unknown territory now after all these years)