Reviews of Trismegistus

Nothing Feels as Good as Quitting a Game of Monopoly

2014-04-09T19:33:00.000-04:00

Can we just bail on playing Capitalism?

It's like when your playing Monopoly and you're eight hours deep and one person is dominating, but you just keep playing for some reason. Every turn you land on some property with a hotel and you have to work out some deal to pay rent, and you give away Illinois Ave and your Get Out of Jail Free card just so you can keep playing a game you are never going to win. And then Comcast purchases Time-Warner Cable and the courts rule that the FCC can't enforce its net neutrality laws and the most powerful force for social change, and a platform with limitless potential for commercial growth that allows equal opportunities for any single website to attract and maintain an audience/customers comes under the control of a corporation intent on turning the information superhighway into a series of toll roads killing all future internet start-ups that aren't already well-funded; putting hundreds of thousands of bloggers, vloggers, podcasters and web designers out a job; and reasserting the necessity of the cable television industry by eliminating Netflix, Hulu, HBOGo, YouTube, etc.

So, I say we just bail. Put the Capitalism board game somewhere deep in the attic where no one will ever find it again. Let's just go play in the woods and build a fucking fort.

Connecting with Otzi the Iceman

2013-10-17T13:17:00.000-04:00

Otzi's mummified remains
©South Tyrol Museum of Archaeology

Haunting discoveries of mummified remains centuries to millenia old have made headlines for years. The extremely well-preserved head of the Tollund Man (~4th century BCE) sports a face that looks more like the man is sleeping than deceased. And the three child mummies of Llullaillaco (~15th century CE) maintain plump flesh and full heads of hair.

Additionally, facial reconstructions have put a very recognizable face on our prehistoric ancestors. These reconstructions are lifelike and reintroduce a glimmer of humanity onto what were once generic human skulls.

The reconstruction of Otzi the Iceman--a natural mummy discovered in the Otztal Alps on the border between Austria and Italy--conveys the same feeling of nearness I experience in viewing a poignant portrait. Despite being separated from Otzi by around 5,300 years and over 5,000 miles, I can’t help but feel that I’ve seen his face or some approximation of it hundreds of times in my life.

Most recently, some researchers discovered that Otzi may have at least 19 living male relatives. The shared genetic link was discovered by comparing Otzi’s DNA with a small pool of current male residents of the area.

A fully realized reconstruction of Otzi
©South Tyrol Museum of Archaeology

Whether the research can be conclusively interpreted to prove that even one of those men is actually a descendent of Otzi has me wondering what it would be like to see the remains of and look into the face of an ancestor from over 5 millenia ago?

When I look into recreations of Otzi’s face, I see a depth of human history that artifacts created by humans twice as long ago can not convey. And if he were my ancestor, how could I help but feel an even stronger connection to him?

What if in Otzi’s face, I saw traits of my grandfather? My father? My self? My child? I could no longer imagine him as some anonymous ancient nobody.

I would question the common notion that my prehistoric ancestors were somehow less intelligent than my contemporaries. Otzi looks like my family and my family is as smart as I. How could Otzi be intellectually inferior to me, when his brain was the same size and structure as my own?

As a relative, how would I feel knowing that the prevailing theory of Otzi’s death is that he was ambushed and killed by other humans? Without any sort of familial connection, that idea already saddens me. Of course, it also plausible that Otzi was the John Wayne Gacy of his time and region. Still, those eyes--eyes that are only an approximation formulated by a computer program--speak of kindnesses and love and human connections.

Knowing his last two meals were two different kinds of meat and an herb bread evokes images of some members of his community grinding grains, chopping herbs, making a dough, roasting meat. Were these meals shared with family and friends or taken for the journey and eaten alone? Did Otzi eat his last meal with those that killed him?

Otzi’s tattoos may indicate he suffered from joint pain. When my ankles pop or my back aches, am I experiencing a pain Otzi knew too well? Is that pain the result of a genetic condition or abuse? If abuse, is the abuse the result of a genetic condition that caused us both to misuse or not properly take care of our joints?

Otzi wore sophisticated clothes and carried a number of tools and other equipment with him. How similar are Otzi’s flint and pyrite to the iPhone in my pocket? While miles away in terms of usefulness for wilderness survival, Otzi and I would share the same notion of needing these tools before wandering away from home.

Otzi was only 9 miles from what may have been his home near modern-day Vinschgau Valley. What sent him out? Had he been gone for long? How long before his family and his community stopped awaiting his return? They likely never found his body and may never have known he had been ambushed. Did one of Otzi’s sons await his return and mourn when Otzi was presumed dead? Could that feeling of loss carry through the bloodline?

When I look at Otzi, he illustrates a humanity undetermined by modernity or postmodernity. But he wore well-crafted shoes. He carried a valuable copper axe. Did Otzi come from a community that exalted him? Did Otzi have a network of friends that traded with him? Did he craft these things himself?

When Otzi considered the journey that would become his last, what did it mean to him? One theory postulates that Otzi was a shaman and he travelled to his final resting place to carry out his duties. Was Otzi traveling to do his duty? Was he looking for mineral deposits to trade? Was he being driven out of his community?

Is it possible Otzi was a rolling stone? Had he found life in his community tiresome and decided to move on? Considering that 19 potential living male relatives still live in the area, that is unlikely. Otzi probably felt the same lifelong connection to the land that his far-distant grandsons feel.

When I see Otzi, I see reason to project my own hopes and aspirations and fears and desires onto my ancient ancestors. Sure, many of those things are products of culture, but isn’t it possible that my ancestors’ fears and my own have connective tissue? Isn’t it likely that my own ancestors desired something resembling fairness and equality for all in their community?

I’m not sure. I’m not sure we would ever find common ground. If I were to meet one of my ancestors from 5,300 years ago, he might look nothing like me. He might not have anything resembling my intelligence. He might only think of food and sex.

But when I look at the face of Otzi, I begin to feel more strongly that our advancements in technology and scientific progress have done very little to change whatever it is that sparks behind our eyes and connects us with our shared humanity.

Fallout 4 Rumors: Boston and Three Dog

2013-01-12T12:47:00.000-05:00

Hardcore Wastelanders have been anticipating Fallout 4 since we finished the final add-on for Fallout: New Vegas, "Lonesome Road". Yesterday, Reddit user GNR_Informant posted claims about Fallout 4 that supposedly came from a friend who “works in Public Relations at Bethesda.”

GNR_Informant writes:

•First and foremost, the game will take place in Boston, and be kind of a direct sequel to Fallout 3 with a few groups returning.

•From what it sounds like, "The Institute" is pretty much the downtown DC or New Vegas of this game. Boston is going to be unlike anything we've seen in a Fallout game before, with buildings more on par with cyberpunk and retro-futurism.

•Androids play a big part in this game. The railroad from Fallout 3 is a faction. The enemies of the railroad is "the Plantation" -- a group who force Androids to farm so that Humans can get food. The Institute is highly advanced and probably obtained or built their own GECK to start a farm.

•Due to complaints about using Super Mutants and the Brotherhood of Steel in Fallout 3 excessively and going against the lore too much, Bethesda has decided to avoid using these groups. Bethesda wants to make a new "race" (think Ghoul, Super Mutant) which will be central to Boston. Bethesda is currently looking at Lovecraftian fiction since Boston is around "Lovecraft Country".

•Bethesda has no plans to reinvent the leveling up system to make it more like Skyrim and want to make Fallout 4 more distinct from Skyrim since of the complaints that Oblivion and Fallout 3 were too similar. Bethesda is thinking about introducing a system, similar to Skyrim, where your skills can level up if you perform certain tasks.

These are not the first indications that the next Fallout game will be set in and around Boston. Back in June of 2012, Reddit user nMarauder reported that representatives from Bethesda were scouting MIT as a potential setting for a future project. A second Reddit user--Fallout4boston--Xbox 720/Xbox Next and Playstation 4).out_4_will_take_place_in_boston/" target="_blank" title="Fallout 4 in Boston">corroborated nMarauder’s claim two months later.

GNR_Informant's post appears just three days after voice actor Erik Todd Dellums tweeted: “To all my #Fallout3 and #ThreeDog fans: There may be more of the Dog coming! Fingers crossed!” While Bethesda has yet to confirm any of these rumors, Dellums’s tweet indicates that Bethesda is in some stage of development for the next title in the popular Fallout series. At this point, it is only safe to say that any Fallout game that Bethesda has yet to announce will be developed and released for the next-gen consoles (Xbox 720/Xbox Next and Playstation 4).

Should We Expect Skyrim "Redguard"?

2013-01-03T12:44:00.000-05:00

Almost two years ago, Skyrim publisher ZeniMax trademarked the title "Redguard." Bethesda's parent company has also extended that trademark since. This has sparked the rumor that an upcoming Skyrim DLC will be titled "Redguard." Here are some points favoring and opposing this rumor.

“Redguard” is an Upcoming Skyrim DLC
1. ZeniMax do not have every term from the game trademarked for “downloadable computer software offered via the internet and wireless devices.” Redguard is part of an exclusive club of ZeniMax’s Skyrim trademarks along with Fus Ro Dah, Dawnguard, Hearthfire, and Dragonborn. Three of those trademarks are titles to past DLC.

2. There is a road leading out of Skyrim into Hammerfell. Just a short stroll west of Falkreath brings the Dragonborn to a wide, clear rode leading to the Hammerfell city of Elinhir.

3. A great Hammerfell-related storyline is introduced in the short quest “In My Time of Need.” Basically, the Dragonborn is caught in the middle of a game of treason being perpetrated either by Saadia--a Redguard woman who may have betrayed her noble family and her city to the Aldmeri--or by Kematu--the leader of an Alik’r search party that may have been hired by the Aldmeri to assassinate Saadia for speaking out against the Dominion. The quest seems to have no right answer and no consequences, but that could change if Hammerfell is opened up.

4. The Ebony Knight is an extremely powerful Redguard warrior that wants to fight the Dragonborn. He hopes to die in battle and then go to Sovngarde. Aside from being a great challenge, this makes no sense. Why would a Redguard warrior want to go to the Nordic realm of Aetherius? The Redguard realm of Aetherius is the Far Shores. The battle with the Ebony Knight may be the setup for a more extensive story to come.

“Redguard” is Not an Upcoming Skyrim DLC
1. ZeniMax trademarked Redguard so long ago, it is unlikely that it will be the name of a future DLC. An add-on title "Redguard" may have been the plan in March of 2011, but plans change. It is also possible that the Redguard trademark is for Elder Scrolls Online.

2. Why would ZeniMax decide to name a future DLC "Redguard" when they have already released a DLC named "Dawnguard"? Also, why would they name a Skyrim DLC "Redguard" when one of the past installments of the series was named The Elder Scrolls Adventures: Redguard?

3. There are lots of roads leading out of Skyrim. Yes, one of those roads goes to Hammerfell, but there is also a road to High Rock, a road to Cyrodiil, and two roads into Morrowind. And you don’t even use either of those Morrowind roads to go to Solstheim!

4. There are so many larger threads in Skyrim's story that should be continued that a few small Redguard-related narratives do not seem like a likely course for an upcoming expansion. The two most important stories that need closure are the crowning of a new High King of Skyrim and revealing the ultimate fate of Alduin. The Dragonborn does not absorb his soul after killing him in Sovngarde. The World-Eater is still kicking around somewhere.

Conclusion
If any of the remaining Skyrim add-ons is named "Redguard," we will not be surprised. More likely, a couple of months of fan-boy ingenuity and digging will reveal details of the remaining Skyrim DLC far more interesting than what we can learn from a two-year-old ZeniMax trademark.

Will the Next Kook Please Predict the Apocalypse?

2013-01-02T10:31:00.001-05:00

Start of the 14th b’ak’tun?
Whatever Mr. Raise Our Hopes
That All Life Will End
and Then Disappoint Us At
The Last Minute!

The apocalypse that no one worth listening to predicted would occur two weeks ago didn’t happen. If you were one of those people gearing up for the planet to end in one spectacular moment, you have probably found yourself going through the five stages of grief during the holidays.

Denial
As the last minute of December 21st ticked away, some of you thought, “This isn’t happening to me,” while others assured themselves, “The end of humanity could still happen tomorrow.”

Anger
A few days later, you sought to vent your anger on annoying relatives, bad gifts, people texting at the movies, or Martin Short’s performance in The Santa Clause 3.

Bargaining
Soon you found yourselves saying out loud, “I would gladly give my life for the world to end” or screaming at the sky, “You could destroy Mars, too.”

Depression
On New Year’s Eve, you sat home alone sulking. You rationalized, “Eveyone’s not going to die soon so what’s the point?”

Acceptance
Hopefully, you have all accepted that the Mayan apocalypse is not coming. Only after accepting that, can you get excited about the next potential end of days.

That’s right, another insane person has taken a wild guess at when the world will end. Don’t worry. This isn’t some rebound, one-night-hook-up type of prediction based on some obscure ancient text that won’t call you the next day. This is a good old Jesus-returning, death and destruction, world-finally-pays-for-its-sins prophecy based on claims of divine inspiration and the respected school of biblical math.

The Next Expiration Date for Earth
Mark your calendars! Ronald Weinland predicts that Jesus will return on the day of Pentecost, May 19, 2013. For those of you who need a little more to go on before you open up your heart to another foretelling of humanity’s end, here are some of Ronald Weinland’s credentials:

Claims God made him a prophet in 1997, so he’s got references.
Broke away from the Worldwide Church of God to form the Church of God, Preparing for the Kingdom of God, so you know he can make the best out of a bad situation.
Evaded paying taxes on the $4.4 million dollars he earned from 2004 to 2007, so he can take you out somewhere nice.
Prophesied the world would end on September 30, 2008, but he explained that. It was complicated.
Prophesied the world would end on May 27, 2012, but he apologized. He wanted the world to end more than anybody.
Convicted of five counts of tax evasion, sentenced to 3 1/2 years in prison, and ordered to pay $245,176 in back taxes on November 14, 2012, but he’s got the money to keep that tied up in appeal until the world ends anyway.

If those points don’t sway you to fear/get excited for your impending destruction, you should note that before sentencing Weinland, Judge Danny Reeves reportedly “received about 600 pages of letters from people around the world asking for leniency for their spiritual leader.” Here’s a rhetorical question formed of impeccable reason: Would that many people write that many letters if Weinland was not obviously someone with knowledge of future events? And here’s another: Did you really even require that much of the 2012 end-of-the-world theories?

Listen. You guys can do so much better than a theory loosely based on some Mesoamerican calendar. I say you get back out there and fall back in love with the idea that all of your problems will go away on a single day in the not-to-distant future.

O Holy Night Sung Terribly and With Fervor

2012-12-25T12:43:00.000-05:00

O Holy Night is a difficult song to sing. When sung by a trained vocalist who can hit the song’s range of notes, O Holy Night is great. There is a version of the song that has been a hit since before the days of viral videos, when an underground market of tape-swapping was the primary means of hearing and seeing people embarrass themselves.

After hearing this amazing rendition of the popular Christmas song, you may be tempted to find out just who this guy is and why he would voluntarily record himself. That information is available, but nothing quite ruins the magic of this recording like knowing its history.

Enjoy and Happy Holidays!

Star Trek Into Darkness Teaser Released

2012-12-18T12:38:00.000-05:00

Star Trek Into Darkness is one of the most anticipated films hitting theaters next year. Judging by the two-minute teaser trailer released today, the sequel to J.J. Abrams’s 2009 hit Star Trek aims to maintain the action-packed, high-stakes brand of storytelling that made Abrams's first installment a critical and financial success. The teaser follows the release of a one-minute announcement trailer (see bottom) two weeks ago and a 9-minute sneak preview shown on 288 IMAX screens before opening weekend showings of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey a few days ago.

The new trailer features scenes set primarily on the Enterprise and in the city of San Francisco, the location of Starfleet’s primary headquarters. The scenes depicting San Francisco are those of destruction and death.

In voiceover, Admiral Christopher Pike (Bruce Greenwood) warns Captain James T. Kirk (Chris Pine), “There's greatness in you. But there's not an ounce of humility. You think that you can't make mistakes. But there's going to come a moment when you realize you're wrong about that and you're going to get yourself and everyone under your command killed."

At the midpoint of the trailer, the film’s antagonist John Harrison (Benedict Cumberbatch) is shown locked in a cell on a starship. Cumberbatch’s deep, resonant voice proclaims, “You think you’re safe. You are not.”

The final shot of the trailer directly draws on the most poignant scene at the climax of Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan. Kirk places his hand on a pane of glass and Spock brings his hand up in the traditional Vulcan salute to touch the other side of the glass. Cumberbatch poses the question, “Is there anything you would not do for your family?”

While there are still a large number of questions left in the minds of fans, the recent previews have shed light on the plot and the villain of Star Trek Into Darkness. Check this article for information, speculation, and potential spoilers.

In related news, many fans are justifiably upset that Star Trek Into Darkness is being converted into 3D in post production rather than being filmed in native 3D. Experience has shown that the post-production conversion process results in a poor quality 3D.

Paramount Picture requested that Star Trek Into Darkness be filmed in native 3D, but Abrams refused because “3D was something that, frankly, I was not a big fan of to begin with.” Abrams continued, “We have an amazing amount of creative freedom, doing the 3D in post. This is kind of the myth, that it only looks good if you shoot the movie in 3D, which is completely not true.” While Abrams’s optimism seems to be unfounded, the fact that the post-production conversion is not being rushed and that his will be the first time a movie shot with a large amount of IMAX film will be converted into 3D may work in his favor.

Star Trek Into Darkness is directed by J. J. Abrams and written by the writers of the first film Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman along with co-creator of Lost Damon Lindelof. The movie hits theaters May 17th, 2013.

Skyrim Dragonborn Now Available for Xbox

2012-12-05T12:32:00.000-05:00

Skyrim “Dragonborn” is Bethesda’s newest add-on for the popular open world role-playing game. The highly anticipated DLC hit the Xbox Live marketplace on December 4th. The events of “Dragonborn” take place on Solstheim, an island northeast of Skyrim and a part of the province of Morrowind, making “Dragonborn” the first Skyrim expansion set outside of the titular province. “Dragonborn” introduces new groups of NPCs, new enemies, new items, and new powers.

The central plot of “Dragonborn” revolves around Miraak, a Dragon Priest and the first Dragonborn. Miraak once ruled over Solstheim in the service of the Dragons before rebelling against them after receiving from the Daedric prince Hermaeus Mora the power to bend the will of animals, men, and dragons. Miraak attempted to enslave all of Tamriel, but was killed in his temple by Dragons who sought to punish him for his disobedience. But Miraak lived on in Apocrypha--Hermaeus Mora’s plane of Oblivion--and plotted his return.

The “Dragonborn” DLC initiates when the player has a random encounter with a group of cultists who work for Miraak. A note found on one of the cultists will lead you to Raven Rock, a mining colony on Solstheim. If you touch one of the five glowing pillars located in different parts of the island or go to sleep, you will suddenly awake to find yourself mindlessly working alongside other townspeople with Miraak’s voice in your head. It is your job to break Miraak’s control over the people and stop him from returning to conquer Tamriel.

New Additions to Skyrim
Aside from a huge new area of land to explore, “Dragonborn” introduces several new types of NPCs to Skyrim. Variations on already known groups, such as the Skaal (a tribe of Nords that practice a monotheistic, nature-focused religion) and the Reavers (groups that behave like the bandits of Skyrim, but are made up exclusively of Dunmer) are common. But there are also the goblin-like Rieklings and more new types of enemies including Serpentine Dragons, Lurkers (think creature from the black lagoon but taller), various types of exploding Spiders, and Ash Creatures.

“Dragonborn” also introduces quite a few new items such as a new weapon type--the spear--and four new types of Smithing: Bonemold and Chitin, which are only provide patterns for armor, and Nordic Carved and Stahlrim (ice enchanted to be extremely hard), which allow you to create both weapons and armor. New unique items such as the enchanted scimitars Soulrender and Bloodscythe or the Deathbrand armor set are very powerful. Plus, if you like playing as a Werewolf, the four purchasable Werewolf upgrade rings will make your beast form even more potent.

Some new spells bolster the Conjuration (Bound Dagger, Conjure Ash Guardian, etc) and Restoration (Ash, Frenzy, and Poison Runes) magic trees. Also, the new shouts introduced by the “Dragonborn” expansion are very promising. For a short time, the Dragon Aspect shout increases weapon and shout damage significantly and envelopes the player in a set of dragon armor. And the power that seemed to capture the attention of most gamers from the moment it was demonstrated at the 2012 Dice Summit in February is made available through the Bend Will shout. Using the Bend Will shout after one learns all three words of power allows the player to tame and ride a dragon.

This list only scratches the surface of the new Skyrim add-on. There is so much more to discover. “Dragonborn” can be purchased on Xbox marketplace for $19.99 or 1600 Microsoft points.

Skyrim fans may also have more DLC to look forward to in 2013. Bethesda promises, “... we also have some more stuff planned for everyone next year as well. We do everything we can to return the support you have given us, whether it’s The Creation Kit, Steam Workshop, game updates, or DLC.”

Update on “Dragonborn” for PC and PS3
Although neither “Dawnguard” nor “Hearthfire” have been ported for PS3, Bethesda has announced that “Dragonborn” will be made available for PC and Playstation 3 sometime in early 2013. In a blog post following the release of “Dragonborn,” Bethesda states, “On PS3 in particular, we turned our attention to Dragonborn, as we thought it was the best content to release first, and we didn’t want folks to wait longer.”

For the past few months, Bethesda has struggled to get “Dawnguard” and “Heartfire” ready for Playstation gamers. The decision to focus their energies on putting out “Dragonborn” first, may indicate that Bethesda made more of a conscious decision to program the newest expansion with the Playstation in mind.

If you still haven't played Skyrim, I can't recommend it more highly. Click on the image below to buy it today.

Some of the links in the post above are affiliate links. If you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. I only recommend products or services based on their merit. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

At Least One Unicorn Existed, Say North Korean Researchers

2012-12-01T12:28:00.000-05:00

The Korean Central News Agency of DPRK asserts that at least one unicorn existed. That unicorn was the unicorn ridden “by King Tongmyong [58 B.C.E.-19 B.C.E], founder of the Koguryo Kingdom (B.C. 277-A.D. 668).”

The central point of the news story is to report that archaeologists from the History Institute of the DPRK (Democratic People’s Republic of Korea) Academy of Social Sciences have reconfirmed that an area marked with the words “Unicorn Lair” in Pyongyang was actually the lair of the Tongmyong’s unicorn. The article simply takes as a given that the man truly rode a unicorn. The only matter at hand is to allay any fears that the unicorn’s lair was not located in North Korea’s capital Pyongyang.

A quote from Jo Hui Sung, director of the History Institute, confirms both the existence of the unicorn and its location. Sung states:

Korea's history books deal with the unicorn, considered to be ridden by King Tongmyong, and its lair. The Sogyong (Pyongyang) chapter of the old book 'Koryo History' (geographical book), said: Ulmil Pavilion is on the top of Mt. Kumsu, with Yongmyong Temple, one of Pyongyang's eight scenic spots, beneath it. The temple served as a relief palace for King Tongmyong, in which there is the lair of his unicorn. The old book 'Sinjungdonggukyojisungnam' (Revised Handbook of Korean Geography) compiled in the 16th century wrote that there is a lair west of Pubyok Pavilion in Mt. Kumsu. The discovery of the unicorn lair, associated with legend about King Tongmyong, proves that Pyongyang was a capital city of Ancient Korea as well as Koguryo Kingdom.l Pyongyang.

While the existence of unicorns was first recorded in Greek books of natural history in the 4th century B.C., those suckers have been hard to come by in the 21st century outside of media in the fantasy genre. And while it may seem a bit cynical to some, there are a few minor points that could take away from this article’s veracity.

First, Tongmyong (or Dongmyeong) established the first capital city of the Koguryo (or Goguryeo) kingdom in Jolbon in 37 B.C.E. Pyongyang was ruled by the Chinese commandery Lelang until the Koguryo kingdom conquered it in 313 C.E. Pyongyang was neither a capital city nor a Koguryo city during Tongmyong’s lifetime. It’s unlikely that he would stable his unicorn there.

Second, North Korea has claimed some questionable things about past leaders. For instance, Kim Jong Il is reported to have begun walking at three weeks old and talking at eight weeks. It is also said that Mr. Kim wrote 1,500 books in just three years and hit 11 holes-in-one on his first ever round of golf.

The final and most damning point of all, unicorns have never existed. As painful as it is to admit that, the best course of action is to just come to terms with the fact that unicorns are mythical creatures. Afterwards, the healing can begin.

Want to dispute this claim? Tell me about your experiences with unicorns.

Trailer for Zombie Film World War Z Is Divisive

2012-11-09T11:26:00.000-05:00

The first theatrical trailer for World War Z was released last night. The film’s title is taken directly from the popular post-apocalyptic zombie novel World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War by Max Brooks. And judging from the trailer, the similarities do not go far past the title.

The film stars Brad Pitt as United Nations worker Gerry Lane. The trailer opens on Lane and his happy little family sitting in traffic. In no time, a huge explosion goes off down the street, followed by a runaway garbage truck narrowly missing the Lane family and plowing through a motorcycle cop and several other vehicles.

Panic ensues. Lane steals an RV and contacts a friend with some level of inside information who arranges to pick up the Lanes on a rooftop via helicopter. The family is taken to a fleet of ships in the middle of the ocean where Gerry Lane's well-honed working for the United Nations skills are called upon by some armed force leader to search the globe for a way to stop the outbreak that has turned 5 billion people into zombies.

A large number of people who watch the trailer are going to find it exciting, and they are not wrong. The preview for “World War Z” is full of pyrotechnics, immeasurable hordes of fast running zombies, and heavy artillery. But there is also a group of people who have already labeled the film a failure.

The popular novel “World War Z” seems very unlike this film adaptation. Max Brooks's zombies are slow and shambling as opposed to the relentless fast zombies of the film. Brooks's story is told through a number of first-person accounts in a documentary style; the movie has the feel of an alien-invasion or disaster film. Also, the zombies in the novel are unable to work together because their cognitive functions are impaired; however, the zombies in the adaptation are shown building a pyramid out of their own bodies in an attempt to get over a large defensive wall. (To be fair, one might say that they were simply piling on each other and it happened to benefit them, but that's still very unlike the zombies in the book).

Judging by the positive responses to the preview, a number of movie-goers out there have grown sick and tired of people complaining that the book is not like the movie. They would rather just enjoy the movie for what it is than compare it to the book. But, the problem for fans of the book is not that Hollywood produced yet another movie that follows that same tired formula for a summer blockbuster. No, the problem those who love the novel have is that the amazing story and manner of storytelling that is “World War Z” is not being adapted to the screen. Plus, Brad Pitt's Plan B Entertainment own the title's film rights, so a film adaptation that stays true to source material will not be produced until Plan B loses or sells the property.

There is another, more upsetting problem with the film that comes across in the preview. This movie does not fit into the zombie film genre that has stuck with so many of us for so long. Sure, the trailer clearly shows mindless, once-human creatures attempting to attack others. But the genre is defined by the human stories and the human conflicts that arise in the zombie apocalypse. Zombie films are not about explosions and an us-against-them mentality. They reveal that we are the monsters, that we are humanity’s biggest threat.

The zombies of this trailer are just a faceless swarm, just an innumberable mass forming a ladder of endlessly pursuant bodies. There is only one moment where the trailer briefly shows a zombie with a face. In all other instances, the zombies are just a CGI swell. The packs of zombies are more like flood waters than masses of infected humans.

Still “World War Z” will be released on June 21, 2013 whether or not fans of the novel and fans of the zombie film in general approve. Do you want to see “World War Z” next summer? Why or why not?

DnD History: A Review of Playing at the World

2012-11-06T12:58:00.000-05:00

Jon Peterson. Playing at the World: A History of Simulating Wars, People and Fantastic Adventures, from Chess to Role-Playing Games. (San Diego: Unreason Press, 2012.)

Chronicling DnD History
The definitive text for the cultural and historical context surrounding the 1974 publication of Dungeons & Dragons is Jon Peterson's Playing at the World: A History of Simulating Wars, People and Fantastic Adventures, from Chess to Role-Playing Games, although one likely will not find it in most university libraries. Coming in at over 700 pages, Peterson’s self-published gem tells the story of how DnD was constructed from components of wargaming, fantasy literature, and role-playing and how the pencil-and-paper phenomenon revolutionized our lives. The book attempts to parse out not just what DnD drew from those elements that preceded it, but more importantly what it developed that helped to shape the genre of the role-playing game.

From the beginning, Peterson’s main goal was to write a history of DnD relying exclusively on primary sources such as fanzines. To lend the information even more credence, he only draws information from sources that were printed within the year following the event(s) being discussed. The more sensational stories are disregarded since his aim is to compose a solid history without rumors passed off as fact. The information in the book is extensively footnoted and the bibliography is nonpareil.

Peterson’s ability to pack so much detail into such a tight narrative demonstrates a command of the historical information that he is presenting that only comes with total immersion in a subject. He is not oblivious to the predominantly informational tone of Playing at the World; he describes his book as a “dry, factual framework” (xvi). Peterson set out to write the definitive sourcebook for other scholars, and when doing historical research every scholar appreciates the text that trades a witty turn of phrase for a clearly worded statement of fact.

Contents
The first chapter of Playing at the World covers the history of wargaming communities from the founding of the Avalon Hill Game Company in 1954 to the publication of DnD in 1974. Peterson provides a detailed view of the wargaming community and its key players. Along the way he also defines wargaming, explains its origins, distinguishes between board wargaming and miniature wargaming, and describes medieval and fantasy wargaming. The events recounted in the chapter come to a head when two luminaries in the wargaming community Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson create the three-booklet original edition of Dungeons & Dragons.

In the three chapters that follow, Peterson presents DnD as an outgrowth of the setting provided by fantasy fiction (chapter 2), the system provided by wargaming (chapter 3), and the concept of character provided by immersive role playing (chapter 4). The fantasy literary genre not only helped to shape the topographical landscape of DnD but also introduced such elements as race, class, alignment, equipment, and scenarios. In addition, Peterson’s history of wargaming from 1780 to 1968 maps the evolution of the system that would make up the basic mechanisms for modeling action and characters while simulating reality in DnD. From wargaming, DnD took the concepts of a referee (dungeon master), polyhedral dice for determining the outcome of a character’s actions, leveling, hit points, and various other features now associated with role-playing games. Further, full immersion in adolescent games of pretend eventually gained a foothold in wargaming through games like Diplomacy and introduced the notion of fully inhabiting a character of one’s own creation.

The fifth chapter and the epilogue present an accounting of the ways that DnD has helped shape historical and cultural developments since its publications. Picking up the story at the rise in popularity and the expansion of DnD after its initial publication, the fifth chapter chronicles the creation of numerous games meant to compete with DnD. Prompted by a sizable market, the term “role-playing game” was appropriated to describe the genre. The epilogue handles DnD’s cultural reception and the transition from the table top to the computer screen, from the dungeon master to the computer program. DnD not only molded the role-playing genre of video games but it still influences almost all genres of video game.

Unfortunate Timing
Playing at the World hit the shelves at a time when the market is full up with histories of wargaming and role-playing games. From 2010 to October 23, 2012, there have been six other titles released dealing with topics similar to those in Playing at the World. Another is scheduled for release in May of 2013. Of those seven titles (see below), five are published by publishing houses that have wide distribution to university libraries. Peterson’s decision to self-publish was wise in that any publisher would have edited the text down significantly, stripping it of its exhaustive historicity. Still, unless Playing at the World can get distribution to research-university libraries, the text might never reach its target audience.

Playing at the World is not without faults. In fact, the book’s most glaring fault is also its principal achievement: each page is so densely packed with minutiae that the book might never appeal to a wide audience. Playing at the World will be the authoritative text on Dungeons & Dragons for decades and could maintain an academic audience, but the average reader will likely never read it. Still, there are a large number of DnD and role-playing game fans who will find the book extremely interesting, though slow and navel-gazing at times.

**The Other Histories of Wargaming and Role-Playing Games (2010-2012)**
Jennifer Grouling Cover. The Creation of Narrative in Tabletop Role-Playing Games. (Jefferson: McFarland, July 1, 2010).
Michael J. Tresca. The Evolution of Fantasy Role-Playing Games. (Jefferson: McFarland, November 16, 2010).
Shannon Appelcine. Designers & Dragons. (Swindon: Mongoose, October 24, 2011).
Philipp von Hilgers. War Games: A History of War on Paper. (Cambridge: The MIT Press, March 16, 2012).
Philip Sabin. Simulating War: Studying Conflict Through Simulation Games. (London: Continuum, March 22, 2012).
Christopher George Lewin. War Games and Their History. (Stroud: Fonthill Media, October 23, 2012).
David M. Ewalt. Of Dice and Men: The Story of Dungeons & Dragons and the People Who Play It. (New York: Scribner, May 7, 2013).

Skyrim Dragonborn DLC Preview

2012-11-05T10:48:00.002-05:00

The next Skyrim DLC has been revealed. After Bethesda posted a teaser image on November 2, the official trailer for Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim’s new DLC “Dragonborn” premiered today.

The “Dragonborn” DLC is set on the snowy island of Solstheim, located east of Skyrim in the province of Morrowind. “Dragonborn” introduces a Dragon Priest who was the first Dragonborn. The Dragon Priest once ruled over Solstheim in the name of the Dragons. He is trying to return to Tamriel. The trailer features dragon mounts, various new types of armor, goblins throwing spears, and a few new enemy types. The DLC will be available for download on Xbox Live on December 4, 2012.

Gamers teased out “Dragonborn” details a while ago
Not long after Skyrim hit the shelves, a curious PC gamer discovered that using console commands to crash the invisible wall at the border of Skyrim and Morrowind found near Stendarr’s Beacon. Beyond the border, he discovered a low resolution model of Solstheim. This led to early speculation that Skyrim DLC might take gamers back to areas from past installments of the Elder Scrolls series.

Fewer rumors spawned from ZeniMax, Bethesda’s parent company, trademarking the term “Dragonborn” on May 18, 2012. As Dragonborn is a key term in Skyrim’s lore, it made sense for ZeniMax to protect their intellectual property. However, the trademark filing is limited to “computer game software for use with computers and video game consoles; downloadable computer game software offered via the internet and wireless devices.”

User Mardoxx posted the first rumors of Skyrim’s upcoming DLC on a Bethesda Softworks forum. Mardoxx discovered various lines of code hinting at the Dragonborn DLC in the Beta version of the 1.8 update which Bethesda uploaded to Steam on October 15. Mardoxx identified the likely name of the DLC, a number of locations within Solstheim (Raven Rock, Miraak Temple, Castle Karstaag, and Telvanni Tower), four new armor types (Bonemold, Chitin, Nordic, and Stalhrim), and code indicating the addition of dragon mounts. Despite some initial skepticism among forum users, others confirmed that the files could be found within the 1.8 update. Bethesda made no comment on these findings, but the trailer released today confirms the presence of a number of things Mardoxx found buried in the update files.

The 1.8 update and DLC woes continue for Playstation gamers On November 1, Skyrim 1.8 update moved out of beta and became available to all those who play Skyrim on PC. If past updates are any indication, 1.8 should be available to console gamers a week to a week and a half after it was released for PC.

BUG FIXES
General memory and stability improvements
Fixed rare crash when using vampiric grip
Fixed issue where Arnleif and Sons Trading Company could become permanently locked
Fixed issue related to duplicate NPCs
Fixed rare issue where exterior door would not open properly
New locations

News of the latest update and “Dragonborn” still do not answer the question
Playstation gamers are asking of Bethesda: “When will we get the DLC?” Bethesda has yet to port any Skyrim DLC for Playstation, leaving some gamers fed up with the company. Neither “Dawnguard” nor “Hearthfire” are yet available for Playstation, and the “Dragonborn” preview makes no mention of the console.

Still, PC and Xbox gamers have reason to be excited. “Dragonborn” hits the Xbox marketplace on December 4, 2012 and will cost $19.99 or 1600 Microsoft points. PC gamers should be able to download "Dragonborn" in January 2013.

Disney and Star Wars: Nothing Could Go Wrong

2012-11-02T05:48:00.002-04:00

When Disney acquired Lucasfilm and along with it the rights to Star Wars, the news made waves all over the internet. The additional bombshell that Disney has plans to produce three more films in the series that will take up the story after the events of Episode 6: Return of the Jedi, has led to a decent amount of speculation and anxiety among Star Warslovers. Well, allay those fears.

Ask yourself: What could Disney possibly do to hurt the integrity of the Star Warscanon that George Lucas has not already done? Things like a planet of teddy bears and protracted, cutesy pod racing scenes were never beyond Lucas. Nor was any character’s dignity safe in his hands. Yoda became a CGI shell of his former self, especially following his ridiculous light-saber battle in Episode 2: The Clone Wars. Darth Vader lost most all of his menacing presence after audiences were exposed to Hayden Christensen’s whiny portrayal of Anakin Skywalker.

Lucas slowly alienated his fan base with every film after Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back. Disappointment with the creative direction of the series coupled with frustration at Lucas’s seemingly constant tinkering with the films. Fans took offense when Lucas remastered the original trilogy, updating special effects and revising elements of the story. (Han Shot First!)

Still, the loyalty of Star Wars fans has brought them back over and over again. With Disney now holding the reins, fans have reason to hope for the future of the franchise. Disney has no plans to remake the classic series. The company will give fans what they want: new Star Wars.

Lucas stated in a YouTube video that he has story treatments for Episodes 7, 8, and 9. In a press release, Disney CEO Robert Iger announced that the company will work with George Lucas and his chosen successor Kathleen Kennedy to expand the franchise in directions that are in-line with Lucas’s vision. Now we all must wait and see if Disney will find creative talent that can provide fresh eyes while treating the material with the same reverence that the fans do.

Fears of negative influence by a large corporation with only the bottom line to answer to generally prove to be well-founded in the minds of movie-franchise purists. But because of Disney’s track record with other recent acquisitions Pixar and Marvel Studios, signs point to some very happy fans exiting Episode 7 in 2015.

With any luck, Disney will make no references to Jar Jar Binks and will find the prints closest to the originals and lock them in the vault only to be rereleased occasionally and only then with very minor remastering, if any.

"A Very Venture Halloween": First Look at The Venture Bros Season 5

2012-10-28T12:23:00.000-04:00

Venture Bros. fanatics will finally get a show fix to tide us over for the time being. At 11:30 pm ET, Adult Swim will air The Venture Bros. half-hour special “A Very Venture Halloween.” Two different previews of the special have been released (see below). In one of the previews, Hank Venture wears his sunglasses at night and Dermott Fictel is done up in makeup based one way or another on The Crow. (Dermott might say his makeup was black metal or maybe even intended to look like the pro wrestler Sting). Together with a sullen Dean Venture, the three investigate a spooky house on the Venture compound. The other preview features Dr. Venture, Sergeant Hatred, Pete White in a Ziggy Stardust costume, and Billy Quizboy dressed as an unconvincing Rusty Venture sitting in the compound’s surveillance room placing wagers on how far trick-or-treaters can make it onto the estate’s grounds without setting off the deadly security system. Alongside the usual voice talents, J. K. Simmons provide the voice of a geneticist for the first new episode of The Venture Bros.in 14 months.

On August 28, 2011, The Venture Bros. special “From the Ladle to the Grave: The Story of Shallow Gravy” gave fans some of the characters and the nerdy popular culture humor we love, but the special wasn’t entirely significant to the show’s storyline. The last time an episode aired that advanced The Venture Bros. narrative was the fourth season finale on November 21, 2010. That was almost two years ago! And despite the long wait, most Venture Bros. fans haven’t found much reason to complain. The Venture Bros. wasn’t put on a network hiatus, nor was the show being retooled. Fans of the critically-praised Adult Swim cartoon have learned to be patient in waiting for new episodes of the series. Fans know that when series creators Jackson Publick and Doc Hammer take their time producing the show, the end product is extremely high quality episodes. After all, it took a year and a half from the time the show’s pilot aired for the first season of The Venture Bros. to begin.

When the fifth season premieres in early 2013, it will pick up where season 4 left off, beginning--in the timeline of the show--before The Halloween Special. The fifth season will feature ten episodes; the Halloween special counts as one episode and the hour-long season premiere counts as two. The remaining seven episodes will be 30 minutes each.

A clip from a fifth season episode played during The Venture Bros. panel at New York Comic Con 2012. The clip features a flashback scene with Jonas Venture Sr. and the original Team Venture in Greece preparing to go to the Kennedy-Onassis wedding. As is typical of these types of flashbacks in Venture Bros., a young Rusty Venture is pretending to be an adventurer like his dad and Jonas Sr. is dismissive of Rusty’s shenanigans.

Also during that same panel discussion at New York Comic Con a sizzle reel for season 5 was shown. The reel was introduced by Colonel Hunter Gathers in his usual tone: a no nonsense bark that is a mix between R. Lee Ermey and Hunter S. Thompson. The predominantly voiceless video features Henchman 21 dressed in a S.P.H.I.N.X. costume using his butterfly wings to hijack a truck; Sgt. Hatred--sporting a large pair of breasts--seemingly saving the Doc from a group of kidnappers; Dr. Orpheus standing inside a glyph surrounded by various characters with magical powers including Jefferson Twilight, The Alchemist, Orpheus’s ex-wife Tatiana and her new husband the OutRider; someone opening a bathroom stall to find Brock in his underwear standing between the legs of a large robot; Jonas Venture Sr. sword-fighting with L. Ron Hubbard’s robotic avatar; Dean dressed as Dracula rising from his learning bed; The Monarch about to perform dental work on Dr. Venture; Tim-Tom in the Monarch’s throne; Captain Sunshine and Wonder Boy; and numerous other snippets.

As the Venture Bros. panel drew to a close, Doc Hammer summed up just why the upcoming Halloween special is so awesome. “You know what’s better than all this crap?” Hammer asked. “There’s actual Venture Brothers. Like soon.”

Indie Game: The Movie: The Review

2012-10-23T15:16:00.002-04:00

Indie Game: The Movie. Dir. Lisanne Pajot and James Swirsky. June 12, 2012.

First-time directors Lisanne Pajot and James Swirsky’s documentary Indie Game: The Movie explores the motivations and efforts of indie game developers in the uncertain and high-stakes independent game market. Indie Game is primarily driven by interviews with Jonathan Blow, Tommy Refenes, Edmund McMillen, and Phil Fish. Jon muses on the development of and his struggles with the critical and financial success ofBraid. Edmund and Tommy are full of trepidation in the brutal final weeks leading up to and on the launch day of Super Meat Boy. And Phil addresses his game Fez’s five-year development and the events that have slowed his work, plus his crippling panic as he prepares to set up a demo of his long-awaited game at PAX East 2011. Indie Game does not aim to compare the world of independent game development to the world of corporate game development, nor to highlight the potential financial rewards of possibly creating one of a very few indie games that have been profitable. Indie Game is about the humanity of four indie game developers, their desire to communicate that humanity to others through the medium of video games, and their fears that they are misunderstood.

Pajot and Swirsky use a statement made by Jonathan Blow as a prism to clarify their documentary’s purpose. Jon muses, “Part of it is about not trying to be professional. A lot of people come into indie games trying to be a big company. What those game companies do is create highly-polished things that serve as large of an audience as possible. The way that you do that is by filing off all the bumps on something. If there’s a sharp corner, you make sure that’s not going to hurt anybody if they bump into it or whatever. That creation of this highly glossy commercial product is the opposite of making something personal. Things that are personal have flaws, they have vulnerabilities. If you don’t see a vulnerability in somebody, you’re probably not relating with them on a very personal level. It’s the same with a game design. Making [Braid] was about let me take my deepest flaws and vulnerabilities and put them in the game and let’s see what happens.” Jon makes clear that the purpose of creating indie games is to create something personal through which one can express one’s deepest flaws and vulnerabilities in order to relate to others on a personal level. Indie Game aims to show the intensity with which its subjects desire to communicate themselves to others and the anxiety of being misunderstood. Rarely does a minute go by in the film without some mention of communication or self-expression.

The narrative of Indie Game weaves together three different perspectives on the process of attempting to communicate through a video game. Jon provides the viewpoint of an indie developer whose game found critical acclaim and financial success, but who feels that people didn’t really get what he was trying to communicate. “Not that many people understood and that was a little heartbreaking in a way. I visualized I was going to have some kind of connection with people through this game. And they think it’s great, but the connection isn’t there,” Jon laments.

Tommy and Edmund are representative of indie developers from the period directly before their game is complete to the point where the game is reviewed by the press and, finally, released. Tommy and Edmund are encouraged by the initial reception to Super Meat Boy, and feel that people truly get what their game expresses.

Phil is in the manic moments of development when there is still a very real threat of his game never reaching completion. It isn’t until Phil finally demos Fez at PAX East 2011, that he seems fully able to put into words just what his game is trying to communicate. “I wanted to create a nice place,” Phil concludes, “a pleasant place to be in. I want people to feel a sense of openness and adventure but in a really simple, almost childlike way.”

Three important elements of the film assert the directors’s dedication to showcasing each developer’s humanity, and all three first occur in the prologue and are then repeated later. The opening scene in which Tommy wakes up on Super Meat Boy’s release day to find that the game is nowhere to be found on the Xbox Live marketplace is one that makes perfect sense when it occurs in the chronologically constructed second act of Indie Game; however, as the documentary’s prologue the scene requires some slight variations in editing and the inclusion of a defeated Tommy giving the scene some context in voiceover. In the prologue, Tommy’s confusion is juxtaposed with his greatest fears made real. “I’ve got plenty of information,” Tommy states flatly, “I know that on our launch day…which is our biggest sales day…that we’re not even featured anywhere. I know on our launch day, at this point, we’re going to do worse than all of them.” Tommy’s primary concern in the prologue seems to be sales but when this scene plays in its proper perspective, the audience has seen the level of Tommy’s dedication to Super Meat Boy. We know that Tommy has sacrificed extensively to finish the project, to meet a deadline that was supposed to guarantee Super Meat Boy prominent placement in the game marketplace. Using this scene as the prologue accentuates the anxieties and fears that pervade the film, and sets the human element out front ahead of other elements of indie gaming that could easily dominate the documentary such as the history and politics of indie games.

The prologue is followed by the title card accompanied by an image of a Super Nintendo controller hanging from a phone line. This image also closes out the epilogue. The connection between the SNES controller and the phone line is illustrative of the connection to others that each of the featured developers seeks through video games. This interpretation is reinforced by the fact that the image first precedes the film’s statement of purpose, then follows the film’s re-statement of purpose. In the film’s opening, that statement is made through interspersing Jonathon Blow’s theory of indie game design with Tommy, Edmund, and Phil stating that game development is their means of self-expression in an effort to connect with others. In the film’s conclusion, Jonathan Blow’s theory of indie game design is interspersed with a follow-up informing the audience where each developer is in the process of communicating with gamers.

Indie Game is easily accessible to those of the video game generations, but may be a hard sell to older viewers. The film invites uninitiated gamers to discover the world of indie games, while providing enough of a look inside the gaming industry to keep the interest of gamers well-versed in independent gaming fare. Most likely, any gaming-literate audience will be drawn in by the film’s interesting imagery and will find the human stories consistently engrossing. Indie Game is rife with human moments and psychological portraits of each developer.

The filmmakers bring viewers the darkest struggles of these four developers as they contemplate the purpose of creating a game independently and ruminate on the definition of success and failure; however, the film avoids providing any real-life example of an indie game that is not a commercial and critical success. Indie Game never attempts to whitewash the risks of independent production, but the film only deals with the consequences of failure in the abstract. Still, Pajot and Swirsky ably capture their subjects’s genuine anxieties and fears in such a way as to illuminate the risks of indie game development. Indie Game romanticizes the devotion to an artistic vision that drives these four developers to risk their physical, psychological, and financial well-beings in pursuit of artistic freedom.

Indie Game is available on Steam and iTunes and through DRM-free direct download from the film’s website. Indie Game also recently began streaming on Netflix instant.

Minecraft Update for Xbox Available October 16

2012-10-15T10:05:00.000-04:00

Finally, after two weeks of Microsoft certification testing, the 1.8.2 update for Minecraft: Xbox 360 Edition will be available for download starting October 16 at 5 am ET. And even though yet another skin pack was announced before the 1.8.2 update, this news is still super exciting for fans of the game. Check out this official trailer for the update:

Three weeks ago, I reported on the features that the 1.8.2 update will bring to the Xbox port of the extremely popular open-world, sandbox builder created by the independent Mojang Studios. I also criticized 4J Studios--the studio responsible for the Xbox version of the game--for taking so long to get the update released. But I’m not so sure that 4J Studios is entirely to blame. Sure, Microsoft certification does take one to two weeks, but is there a reason that the certification team took thirteen days to give the thumbs up to an update?

True, the update is large and that could be the main reason that held up Microsoft. Still, when Minecraft creator Markus “Notch” Persson sent out the following tweets on September 27, Microsoft may have taken offense. Notch tweeted:

Notch has been vocal about his distrust of large corporations, although he had previously indicated that working with Microsoft was a positive experience.

Although the 1.8.2 update will be free, Microsoft stands to gain a lot from those who decide to download the game now that it is so much closer to the PC version. Delaying the update’s certification may be a power play by Microsoft, but it is one that is unlikely to phase Notch. Unless Microsoft is willing to allow developers to bypass the new certification process for Windows 8, it is likely that the company will see a large backlash from video game developers.

Until that conflict comes to a head, we will have the 1.8.2 update to keep us busy. Here is the official list of features that the 1.8.2 update will add, quoted from Examiner.com:

Additions:

Added Creative Mode.

Disabled Achievements and Leaderboard updates if the player is in Creative Mode, or if the world has been previously saved in Creative Mode.

Added a simple tutorial for Creative Mode.

Added sprinting to Survival Mode.

Added flying and sprint-flying to Creative Mode.

Added new items to the game – Melon, Melon Slice, Melon Seeds, Pumpkin Seeds, Raw/Cooked Beef, Raw/Cooked Chicken, Rotten Flesh, Pumpkin Seeds, Iron Bars, Fence Gate, Stone Bricks, Stone Brick Slabs, Stone Brick Stairs, Brick Slabs, Brick Stairs, Ender Pearl, Web,Vines, 10 more Music Discs, and Chain Armor.

Added new items to the crafting menu – Melon, Melon Seeds, Glass Pane, Fence Gate, Iron Bars, Stone Bricks, Stone Brick Slabs, Stone Brick Stairs, Brick Slabs, Brick Stairs.

Added terrain generation features – Strongholds, Villages, Abandoned Mineshafts and Ravines.

Biome code additions, including rivers and oceans.

Changed the bow to have drawing and firing action.

Added a quick move to the dispenser.

Added a quick equip for armor to the inventory interface.

Added a quick move for ingredients and fuel in the furnace interface.

Brought forward the mining speed changes from 1.2.3

Brought forward apples dropping from leaf blocks from 1.1

Brought forward change from 1.2.3 to make pumpkins and melons grow from stems much faster, and not require farmland around the stem to grow on.

Fix to vines brought forward from 1.2.3 to stop them spreading too much.

Added the Food Bar to the HUD.

Added stacking for food items.

Added the eating animation.

Enabled crafting mushroom stew without a crafting table.

Added the blocking move with swords.

Changed all the text descriptions for food to show how much they refill the food bar.

Passive mobs will now flee when hit.

The snout on pigs now protrude from their head.

Skeletons now hold full size bows.

Animals no longer despawn which makes it possible to capture them.

Zombies now drop Rotten Flesh instead of Feathers.

Updated some mob sounds.

Shears can now collect Tall Grass and the new Vine.

Improved sunrise and sunset.

Improved the rain edges (when looking up in rain).

User-placed leaf blocks no longer decay.

Cloud height raised to the top of the map, so clouds can no longer phase through blocks.

Cloud movement syncs with the game’s time.

Both Wooden and Stone pressure plates can now be placed on fences.

Improved chest model with a 3D lock, and opening and closing animation.

Added a countdown timer to the autosave to stop it being such a surprise.

Added the ability to rename an existing saved world.

Added map icons to the in-game player list to match their color in the map.

Added a confirmation dialog on the player choosing to exit without saving.

Added a character display when sprinting or flying.

Updated the How To Play HUD with the Food Bar information.

Added descriptions for Creative Mode and Sprinting to the How To Play menus.

Updated the Download Content menu with pictures of the DLC available.

Removed Herobrine.

Options Changes and Additions:

Changed the Gamertags Display option to mean display/hide gamertags in-game and on maps.

Added an option to select Creative Mode or Survival Mode on creating or loading a world.

Added an option to disable clouds.

Added additional options to the world creation – Superflat land (creates a flat world near bedrock in both the Overworld and the Nether), enable/disable Structures and Bonus Chest.

Added Host options – toggles for Player Versus Player, Trust Players to stop players being able to mine without permission from the Host, Fire Spread, TNT Explodes, and Host Privileges.

Added in-game player options for the host – Can Build and Mine, Moderator, Kick Player, Can Fly, Disable Exhaustion, Invisible.

Store the Online, Invite Only, and Friends of Friends options in the player’s profile.

Tutorial World Changes:

Changed the Tutorial world to enable the new terrain features in it.

Added mini tutorial for sprinting in the Tutorial world.

Added mini tutorial for eating in the Tutorial world.

Added Music Disc Quests in the Tutorial world – players can search the world for the 12 chests, each containing one of the Music Discs that can be played in a Jukebox.

Fixes:

Fix for duplication glitch.

Fix for aspect ratio of things in hand when in splitscreen mode.

Fix for issue with player data not saving (player starting world with no items they had when they saved).

Fix for redstone tiles burning out when they shouldn’t.

Fixed issue with Minecart with Furnace not being able to move another Minecart.

Fixed particle code for flipped 3rd person view.

Also, look out for Skin Pack 3 on Friday, October 19. The newest Skin Pack contains skins from Portal, Half-Life, Left 4 Dead, and Awesomenauts. Official Minecraft 1.8.2 Xbox Trailer

Louis C.K. Praises Tig Notaro Live

2012-10-06T10:02:00.000-04:00

On the day Tig Notaro Live became available for purchase on LouisCK.net, Louis C. K. sent out an e-mail to all of us who are registered on his website. Louis’s e-mail summarizes Tig’s now-legendary set at Largo and how he came to want to release a recording of the set on his website. In the e-mail, Louis addresses his admiration of Tig’s performance in a very candid manner. I thought fans of Louis C. K. and/or Tig Notaro might be interested in reading Louis's e-mail, if they haven't already. (Read my review of Tig's set here.)

The following is that e-mail in its entirety:

Greetings to the people and parts of people that are reading this. Hi. This is Louis. I'm a comedian and you bought a thing from me. Well, I'm writing to tell You that there is a new thing you can buy on my website louisck.com. It's an audio standup set by not me but another comedian named Tig Notaro. Why am I selling someone else's comedy on my website?

Well, Tig is a friend of mine and she is very funny. I love her voice on stage. One night I was performing at a club in LA called Largo. Tig was there. She was about to go on stage. I hadn't seen Tig in about a year and I said how are you? She replied "well I found out today that I have cancer in both breasts and that it has likely spread to my lymph nodes. My doctor says it looks real bad. ". She wasn't kidding. I said "uh. Jesus. Tig. Well. Do you... Have your family... Helping?". She said "well my mom was with me but a few weeks ago she fell down, hit her head and she died". She still wasn't kidding.

Now, I'm pretty stupid to begin with, and I sure didn't know what to say now. I opened my mouth and this came out. "jeez, Tig. I. Really value you. Highly.". She said "I value you highly too, Louie.". Then she held up a wad of note-paper in her hand and said "I'm gonna talk about all of it on stage now. It's probably going to be a mess". I said "wow". And with that, she went on stage.

I stood in the wings behind a leg of curtain, about 8 feet from her, and watched her tell a stunned audience "hi. I have cancer. Just found out today. I'm going to die soon". What followed was one of the greatest standup performances I ever saw. I can't really describe it but I was crying and laughing and listening like never in my life. Here was this small woman standing alone against death and simply reporting where her mind had been and what had happened and employing her gorgeously acute standup voice to her own death.

The show was an amazing example of what comedy can be. A way to visit your worst fears and laugh at them. Tig took us to a scary place and made us laugh there. Not by distracting us from the terror but by looking right at it and just turning to us and saying "wow. Right?". She proved that everything is funny. And has to be. And she could only do this by giving us her own death as an example. So generous.

After her set, I asked Mark Flanagan, the owner of Largo (great club, by the way) if he recorded the set. Largo is set up for excellent recordings. He said that he did. A few days later, I wrote Tig and asked her if I could release this set on my site. I wanted people to hear what I saw. What we all saw that night. She agreed. The show is on sale for the same 5 dollars I charge for my stuff. I'm only keeping 1. She gets the other 4. Tig has decided to give some of that to cancer research.

Tig, by the way, has since undergone a double mastectomy. She is doing well. Her doctors say her chances of survival are excellent. So she went there and came back. Her report from the frontlines of life and death are here for you to... Enjoy.

Please go to my site louisck.com and buy her show. You can buy it here: http://buy.louisck.net/purchase/tig-notaro-live

Thank you. Have a terrific afternoon. Louis C.K.

If you haven't already, I wanted to encourage you to download Tig Notaro Live for just $5 from LouisCK.net. If you ran into any issues with the website during a short span on Friday, October 5, those problems have since been fixed.

Download Tig Notaro Live ASAP - Time Wastes Too Fast

2012-10-05T06:42:00.001-04:00

Tig Notaro’s remarkable set at Largo in August of 2012 is now available for purchase on Louis C. K.’s website. If you’re not up-to-date on what’s been happening in Tig’s life, she’s had a tough year. In short, Tig contracted pneumonia, then a C. diff infection, then her mother died, then she was diagnosed with breast cancer in both breasts. (You can read the full details here.)

Tig Notaro Live--pronounced like the verb, not the adjective--is a must-have comedy album. When Tig took the stage on August 3, just four days after receiving her cancer diagnosis, she shared with the audience her struggles and her pain all the while finding humor in loss, poking fun at human frailty. Throughout the 30-minute set, Tig's honesty and vulnerability are perfectly balanced by her well-honed comedic voice. Tig Notaro curates her difficulties--and her almost-proportionate successes--with equal parts clarity and bewilderment, simultaneously coping with her own anxieties and expressing a comforting concern for the uneasiness of others. That's why Live is genius. It records a beautifully human event in which all of the fears and worries of mortality are placed in the open and shared between Tig and the audience. In the final accounting, no matter how many times I hear it, Tig Notaro Live never leaves me feeling helpless in the face of adversity. Tig's set is filled with hope for the future and reasserts the resilience of the biological imperative to live.

I cannot recommend this album more highly. Download Tig Notaro Live for only $5. A portion of the profits go to various breast cancer charities. If you don't want the album for yourself, you can always gift it to someone.

I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Why Is iOS 6 Forcing The Podcasts App On Us?

2012-10-01T23:28:00.001-04:00

If you have an iPhone, an iPad and/or an iPod, you’ve likely downloaded the new iOS 6 within the past week and a half. And unless you only use your phone as a phone--and, if so, why get an iPhone--you’ve probably run into something in the iOS update that you hate. Anyone who has opened up the new Maps app has discovered that Apple has dropped the privacy-invading, but beautifully amazing Google Maps app in favor of their own proprietary app. Apple’s Maps do not have street view. What’s worse is that iPhone users continue to report that the new app is wildly innacurate. Users are finding that the app’s directions regularly lead to nowhere, and that the labels of many locations on the map change from moment to moment. Additionally, iOS 6 has afflicted users with Wi-Fi connectivity issues, a significantly shorter battery life, music missing from the phone’s music library, and numerous third-party apps crashing, freezing, and just plain not working.

But many of these issues are already fixed or work-arounds have been discovered. There is, however, one major problem that has made it impossible for me to use my iPhone the way that I have always used my iPhone. To keep up with gaming culture, nerd culture, DIY culture, comedy and the entertainment industry, I listen to numerous podcasts throughout the day. Before September 19, to listen to a podcast I simply opened the Music app, selected the Podcasts tab and picked my poison. When I wanted to download new episodes I had multiple options. I could download podcast episodes directly to my iPhone through iTunes. This option was, generally, very quick and without incident. Another way of getting new podcast episodes on my iPhone was to download them through iTunes on my desktop Mac Mini and then either click and drag episodes onto the iPhone icon or select which podcasts I wanted and sync them to my iPhone. To save time and listen to the newest episodes of various podcasts, I could make a playlist and let it play from beginning to end. While listening to these various podcasts, I would read up-to-date news and my favorite blogs to know what was going on outside of the world of podcasting. Those were simpler times.

Now, iOS 6 has separated podcasts from the Music app, and i-device customers are forced to use Apple’s Podcasts app. The app was introduced on June 26, almost three months before iOS 6 became available. When the Podcasts app first hit iTunes, I gave it a shot. I found the reel-to-reel visual design interesting, and the position of podcasts in the library simple to organize. But I wondered why Apple was introducing this app dedicated to podcasts. No one was complaining about using the Music app. The Podcasts app was meeting no consumer need, solving no consumer issue. I only assumed that the app was in the early stages of becoming something much more than version 1.0. Many users left encouraging reviews of the app early on. Most of those users left five-star reviews accompanied by comments that seem to praise potential innovations that a separate Podcasts app could make possible. But the potential Podcasts app that users envisioned has yet to materialize.

After iOS 6 made the Podcasts app the iPhone’s podcast player and removed the podcasts tab from the Music app, reviews of the app became less understanding. Out of 2666 ratings--as of 8:30 pm ET, October 1, 2012--2048 users have given the current version of the Podcasts app one star. That is 78% of users since the iOS 6 update on September 19. Just what are these reviewers citing as reasons for such a low rating. The central reason: the Podcasts app sometimes completely prevents, but almost always complicates the podcast listening experience. For me, the Podcasts app has changed my daily routine.

Here’s how: First, the formerly simple process of directly downloading or quickly moving an episode of a podcast to my iPhone is no longer simple. Direct downloads are now a function of the Podcasts app. The new process is very similar to the old in theory, but in practice finding a podcast and selecting which episode to download has been significantly slowed by the Podcasts app’s long load times between pages. Further, for some inexplicable reason, the Podcasts app tends to download podcast episodes much slower than the phone’s connectivity speed. More annoyingly, trying to download multiple podcast episodes simultaneously either slows the downloads to a crawl or causes the app to crash. I have yet to be able to click and drag or sync podcast episodes to the Podcasts app through my desktop iTunes. Plus, the Podcasts app does not allow users to make podcast playlists. And, most problematic, the Podcasts app pauses if you are viewing certain websites or if you open some other app.

Other complaints from users include: the app sometimes stops when the screen goes off, episodes restart after playing for a few minutes, the app continually marks all episodes as new, episode info is no longer available, and the app downloads episodes of podcasts on its own using tremendous amounts of cellular data. Some users, myself included, have begun to think about moving away from the iPhone based on the fact that the Podcasts app has changed our daily ritual. Moving to an Android-powered device may seem like an overreaction, but those of us who have been loyal to Apple for decades have remained that way because Apple has always sought to make their products more and more user-friendly. The fact that there are some bugs and glitches with the iOS 6 update is nothing new to long-time Apple users. Only the most fair-weather iPhone user would think of switching to a different operating system because of a few software issues. The larger situation is that users for whom the Podcasts app may be a deal-breaker read the whole fiasco as a potential omen of things to come.

Understand, Apple’s decision to drop Google Maps for their own application may be an unpopular move right now, but once Apple invests enough into their new Maps app, it is unlikely that iPhone users will even remember a time when they used Google Maps. The iOS 6 update’s bugs will be worked out soon enough. But the decision to put podcasts in an entirely separate app that does not work, to take what wasn’t broke and break it, is a decision that gives off an odor of an ill-conceived, poorly-executed future for Apple software and hardware. Many life-long Apple fans were already in a state of anxiety for Apple’s future after Steve Jobs died on October 5, 2011--almost a year ago today. And one could say that the Podcasts app smacks of Jobs’s philosophy in creating the iPad: know your consumer so you can create consumer want. With the iPad, Jobs opened the consumers’s eyes to a want they didn’t even know they had. Before the iPad, most people had no use for a tablet computer. Now, a large number of people use their iPads day-in and day-out to less-clumsily carry out functions on the go that were formerly relegated to the much larger laptop. The iPad also takes the place of a smartphone in instances where the iPad’s larger screen proves more convenient. For instance, the iPad is a far better mobile viewing device and serves as a more appropriate reader than a smartphone. But the Podcasts app does not make listening to podcasts more convenient, nor does removing podcasts from the Music app improve the overall performance of the Music app.

So, if the Podcasts app does not improve the user’s experience with the iPhone, then why did Apple create it and why have they decided to force iPad, iPhone and iPod owners to use it? At the moment, I can’t even begin to understand this decision. I won’t be surprised if, in a week, I’m singing the praises of the Podcasts app after an unexpected update. Though I may not give this impression, I will remain hopeful that the Podcasts app will pay off. But at this very moment, Apple’s decision to force an unusable app onto their loyal customers is well beyond my comprehension.

What’s your theory as to why Apple has segregated podcasts to a new, barely-functioning application? Are they making money off of it somehow? What’s going on?

A Vision of 1.8.2 Minecraft for Xbox

2012-09-24T23:24:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow on Xbox Live, new items for your Xbox Live avatar inspired by Minecraft will be made available for purchase. Thanks a lot! That’s the very thing we’ve all been clamoring for: clothes for an avatar I never see. 4J Studios! You know what we want, baby! We want Minecraft update 1.8.2 for the Xbox 360 edition to finally introduce many of the most interesting aspects of the PC-version to the console-ported sandbox-builder. As of 6:00 pm, September 24, 4J Studios is still working out some bugs in the 1.8.2 update. When they’ve finished, the update will be sent to the Microsoft Certification Test team. Certification for the update should take a week or so, after which the Minecraft: Xbox 360 Edition 1.8.2 update should become available sometime in the first two weeks of October.

But what exactly can we expect? Based on the videos (see below) and photos released by 4J Studios, and a knowledge of the PC-version’s 1.8 Beta (The Adventure Update), the following likely describes the 1.8.2 update pretty accurately.

A Vision of 1.8.2 Minecraft
One of the major changes for survival in the post-update Minecraft is the new food system. When playing on survival mode, you not only have to worry about your health, but there is now a food meter. You will have to feed yourself regularly in order to stay alive. Also, food will no longer restore your health directly. To continually regenerate health, you will need to keep your food meter above 90% which will replenish half a heart every five seconds or so. If the food meter reaches 0%, you will lose half a heart every five seconds. Eating raw chicken or rotten flesh--dropped by zombies; feathers now come from chickens--may give you food poisoning. When you have food poisoning, your food meter will lower at three times its normal rate. On top of the update’s emphasis on consistently eating, eating is now a process and not an immediate action. Eating is now an animated action that takes close to 2 seconds to complete.

The additional challenge posed by the need to eat is counterbalanced by other aspects of the update. The most helpful improvement to food items is that they are now all stackable. No more single Pork Chop taking up a full inventory slot. Further, the update introduces various new food items including melon slices, chicken, steak, and red apples. Farming has also been enhanced. Animals can now be fenced in and they will not despawn. We will still have to wait for a later update to make breeding a possibility, but simply being able to contain a herd of cattle provides a regular source for milk and a finite source for raw beef. Further, it is now possible to harvest melons and pumpkins ... one of which is edible.

Three new mobs are introduced in this update: Silverfish, Cave Spiders, and Endermen. Silverfish probably won’t cause you many problems, but cave spiders and endermen are a different story. A cave spider’s venom takes away half a heart every 1.5 seconds for 7 to 15 seconds. Endermen have forty health points and they can teleport. Endermen can also pick up almost any block within its reach, which could be very destructive. The simplest way to avoid endermen is to not look at them directly. They only attack when you look directly at them. If you do decide to fight an enderman, it may drop an ender pearl. Ender pearls can be used to teleport a short distance but at the cost of two and a half hearts.

With these new threats come some new tricks for your combat arsenal. The update adds sprinting as an option. Be mindful of your food bar though. Sprinting causes your food bar to deplete faster, and you can’t sprint if your food bar reaches below 30%. Beyond sprinting, which provides a great chance to run away from your problems, bow combat has been bolstered as increasing the string’s tension increases the likelihood that your arrow will cause additional damage. Fighting enemies up close with a sword has also been improved. The sword may now be used to block incoming attacks. Plus, the update introduces the possibility of landing critical hits.

If you are less of a survivalist more of a builder, update 1.8.2 will certainly make you happy. The new update opens up creative mode. In creative mode, you don’t have to worry about your health as you are immune to damage. You also don’t have to worry about gathering building supplies. An item selection screen replaces the regular inventory screen and provides you with infinite materials. But infinite material isn’t all. You can also fly simply by pressing jump twice. That’s right. That 128-block high tower you’ve been wanting to build should be a whole lot easier to build when you aren’t burdened by gravity. In addition, the update makes a few new block types available: stone brick, stone brick slabs, stone brick stairs, brick slabs, brick stairs, glass panes, iron bars, and fence gates. But one major negative is that you can’t enter creative mode in a world created before the update. So, if you’ve been building in some world the old-fashioned way, you’ll just have to continue to build there the old-fashioned way.

Flowing rivers are now a part of the Minecraft landscape. There are also new structures that generate in various corners of each world. These include ravines, abandoned mine shafts, villages, and strongholds. 4J Studios has updated the tutorial mode to show off these new terrain features. But, do not expect to find NPCs in the villages just yet. Also, even if the strongholds contain End Portals, this update does not introduce all of the necessary elements to craft an Eye of Ender. We aren’t yet getting the full Minecraft Adventure Update. But this update is the precursor to experience orbs, enchanting, and the Ender Dragon.

Update Videos:

Avatar Items:

A Whole Heap of Good News for Tig Notaro

2012-09-24T09:56:00.000-04:00

There is some good news concerning standup comedian Tig Notaro, but her life has not been without incident this past year. Earlier in 2012, Tig was fighting off pneumonia when antibiotics prescribed to eliminate the pneumonia actually eradicated all of positive bacteria that lived in her intestinal tract and left room for C. diff (Clostridium difficile) to move in. This C. diff infection caused Tig--an already small woman--to lose 20 pounds. Tig beat C. diff, but not long after leaving the hospital, Tig’s still-young mother died from falling and hitting her head. During this time, Tig and her girlfriend split, and the show pilot on which Tig was working with Sarah Silverman was not picked up. Not long after that, on July 31, Tig revealed on her podcast Professor Blastoff that she had been diagnosed the day before with stage II breast cancer in both breasts.

Despite that crapstorm, Tig has also found a large measure of success in her career during that same period of time. In December of 2011, Tig made her first--and a very memorable--appearance on Conan. Tig was then a guest on This American Life with Ira Glass in May. Tig’s KickStarter campaign for her project “Clown Service” hit its funding goal in June. Tig appeared on the Conan After-Hours Stand-Up web-series on July 6th. Additionally, Tig also landed a job writing for an upcoming Comedy Central sketch series created by Amy Schumer. And when, just four days after her breast cancer diagnosis and during her "Tig and Friends" show at Largo, Tig decided to use her time on stage to openly discuss her troubles, she found not only that the audience wanted to hear everything she had to say, but also that her honest dose of reality makes for some amazing stand-up. Concerning Tig’s set, Louis C. K. tweeted, “[I]n 27 years doing this, I’ve seen a handful of truly great, masterful sets. One was Tig Notaro last night at Largo.”

Still, no amount of success can take away the uncertainty of a cancer diagnosis. Tig underwent a double mastectomy on September 4 and I’m very happy to relay that on the September 20, 2012 episode of Conan, Tig announced that her prognosis for the future is great. What’s more, Tig received a call from Louis C. K. who insisted that her amazing Largo set should be released. After some initial hesitance, Tig accepted Louis’s offer. Tig Notaro: Live (pronounced like the verb, not the adjective) will become available through Louis’s website starting October 5th at a cost of only $5. A portion of that money will be donated to various breast cancer charities. Also, Ecco (a HarperCollins imprint) announced earlier today (Septermber 24) that they have signed a publishing deal with Tig for a collection of autobiographical essays to be published sometime in 2015.

No matter what is thrown at Tig, she seems to come out ahead. If you aren’t familiar with Tig’s work, I have included some funny stand-up and interview videos following the recent Conan interview in the playlist below. Also, I highly recommend checking out the podcast Tig co-hosts with Kyle Dunnigan and David Huntsberger called Professor Blastoff, and Tig’s stand-up album Good One.

Watch Parks and Recreation and Become Cool

2012-09-20T11:21:00.000-04:00

The fifth season premiere of Parks and Recreation is fast approaching, and despite wide critical acclaim the shows viewership has shrunk from an average of 6.0 million for the first season to a 4.4 million average for the fourth season. NBC has scheduled Parks and Recreation in the Thursday, 9:30 pm time slot up against ratings juggernaut Two and a Half Men, which pulled in 14.64 million viewers on average last season. And while it’s true that Parks and Rec will likely never win over the majority of Two and a Half Men fans, many of you out there are still unaware of just how good Parks and Recreation really is.

The show has received numerous awards and nominations over the past four years, and attracts a seemingly endless number of critics who regularly lavish praise on each episode and invariably include the show in “Best of...” lists throughout the year. Beyond those accolades, Parks and Recreation has an extremely loyal fan-base that remains loyal because each episode is such a pleasure to watch. But some say it hasn’t always been so.

Many of the same critics who now praise Parks and Rec regularly, panned the first few episodes. In the beginning of the series Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler) appeared to be a female Michael Scott whose position as Deputy Director of Pawnee, Indiana’s parks and recreation department seemed to be a dead-end that no amount of naive optimism could help her escape. In the first few episodes, Leslie is socially and sexually awkward. She is romantically stuck on Mark Brendanawicz (Paul Schneider), with whom she had sex once six years prior to the first episode. The show’s action initially centered around the beginning and growth of Leslie’s relationship with Ann Perkins (Rashida Jones) who she first meets at a public forum at which Ann asks her to do something about a lot next to her home that, due to some cancelled building project, has become a hazardous pit. If you’re not sold by this summary, you’re not alone. Some critics saw hope for the show in the last two episodes of the show’s six-episode first season, but most agree that the show really hit it’s stride throughout the second season.

The show began to gain ground as characters were fleshed out by the writers and actors. The prime example of this is Leslie Knope. Leslie begins to come off as driven and upbeat. By the second season, Leslie’s awkwardness appears to be a symptom of her shyness with the opposite sex and not an overall social inhibition. She also quickly becomes more assertive with men, bumbling through a relationship with the equally awkward Dave Sanderson (Louis C. K.) and then taking initiative in seeking and ending a relationship with Justin Anderson (Justin Theroux). Most importantly, where conflict in the first season often sprang from Leslie’s poorly thought-out actions, the blame for the conflict in the second season is more often circumstance. The audience is no longer cringing because of the protagonist’s bonehead moves, but is now commiserating in the challenges that spring from the uncontrollable effects of outside forces.

Other Parks and Rec characters maintain the show's often subtle but endless humor. I'll summarize a few of my favorites. Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) is a libertarian who loves meat, the outdoors, and wood-working. Ron oozes many aspects of traditional masculinity excluding any trace of misogyny as he has an affinity for strong, often domineering women. Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt) is a gung-ho but clueless man-child that is just too awesome to grow up. April Ludgate (Aubrey Plaza) is uncomfortably low-energy and delivers lines and stares with a heaping load of irony. Ben Wyatt (Adam Scott) is a straight man who brings a rational outside perspective that is most often ignored. Also, in a very small role, Jean-Ralphio (Ben Schwartz) is the charmingly over-the-top sidekick to Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari) who smoothly says all the wrong things.

Parks and Recreation has become one of the most critically-acclaimed shows on television, and is one of my all-time favorite shows. The primary secret to the show's success is that it is the product of the combined efforts of so many extremely talented people. One major piece of evidence of the depth of Parks and Rec's talent pool is their body of work. Greg Daniels (co-creator) is a former writer for Saturday Night Live (1987-1990), a former writer and producer of The Simpsons (1993-1996) and King of the Hill (1997-2009), and he adapted the American version of The Office for which he has also been the show runner, a writer, and a director (2005-present). Michael Schur (co-creator) is also a former writer for SNL (1998-2004) and a producer and writer for The Office. Amy Poehler is part of the Upright Citizens Brigade and was an SNL cast member (2001-2009). Rashida Jones has been in twenty-four episodes of The Office, co-wrote and starred in Celeste and Jesse Forever, and created and writes for the comic book Frenemy of the State. Aziz Ansari was part of the sketch group Human Giant and has released two albums of stand-up. Aubrey Plaza was in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and Safety Not Guaranteed. Adam Scott starred in Party Down and has had guest spots on Six Feet Under, Wonderfalls, The Sarah Silverman Program, Eastbound & Down, Childrens Hospital, and NTSF: SD: SUV::. This list could go on for a very long time. The point is that Parks and Rec is the work of some of the funniest people alive, and I highly recommend watching it. All four past seasons are available on Netflix Instant.

[I've tried to avoid any spoilers for the upcoming season, but if you're interested in knowing more about the following, just click on the links]. The Season 5 premiere of Parks and Recreation on Thursday, September 20 at 9:30 pm will find Leslie Knope, Ben Wyatt, April Ludgate, and Andy Dwyer in Washington, D.C. and features guest appearances by Senators John McCain, Barbara Boxer, and Olympia Snowe. Michael Schur has confirmed that Ben Schwartz will return as his character Jean-Ralphio this season. There will also be a few new characters introduced. Glenne Headly and Breaking Bad’s Jonathan Banks will appear together. Delocated's Jon Glaser will play a recurring role. Also, Lucy Lawless will play an interesting role. Surely someone will figure out that she's a Cylon.

P.S. I couldn't fit it in organically, but I wanted to throw a shoutout to Parks and Rec writer Harris Wittels who is beyond hilarious. Harris is a frequent guest on the Comedy Bang! Bang! podcast and on podcasts in general. Any episode of a podcast with Harris is well worth a listen. Harris has a book coming out on September 25, 2012 titled Humblebrag: The Art of False Modesty. Buy it ASAP!

Time Travel Adds +2 Charisma

2012-09-18T23:16:00.000-04:00

Top 8 Coolest Time-Travelers

The recent film Safety Not Guaranteed and the upcoming film Looper, along with the Doctor Who premiere have reminded me just how much I love time travel as a premise in fiction. It always seems like time travel gives one that swagger that says, "Bow ties are cool." (Sometimes time travelers even say that very sentence out loud.) So, I decided to count down the eight time travelers that I think are the coolest. Which time traveler should be on this list that I forgot? Who do you think should not be on this list? Leave comments below.

Hermione Granger (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)
I want to start by validating your belief that Hermione is a total nerd before she starts to come into her own in HP and the Goblet of Fire. And since HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban is the third book and Goblet of Fire is the fourth, and third precedes fourth in the progression of ordinal numbers, I'll gladly stamp your opinion: VALIDATED ... But I disagree. Hermione is so cool because she uses time travel to learn more. If I were a wizard attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I would be absorbing all of the information and getting all of the practice that I possibly could. Listen, Harry may be the chosen one, but he’s not a good wizard. And it’s because he doesn’t apply himself. I would be applying for a time-turner every semester!!! Beyond fitting my own criteria for cool, I will also remind you that Hermione steps up and punches Malfoy in this book. And we all want to punch Malfoy almost as much as we want to punch Joffrey Baratheon. Even more cool points for Hermione.

Phil Connors (Groundhog Day)
Phil Connors is cool because he’s played by Bill Murray. And Bill Murray can’t help but be cool. Phil is stuck in a time loop, waking up each morning at six o’clock, always on February 2, always in a hotel room in Puxsutawney, PA, and always the radio alarm is playing Sonny & Cher’s “I Got You Babe.” What started Phil’s involuntary time travel? What it some Groundhog Day miracle, probably the work of trickster faeries looking to teach a valuable lesson about not discounting the mystical truths conveyed by weather-prognosticating rodents? Or perhaps they want to teach Phil to stop being so cynical and egotistical and learn the value of every moment? I hope so, because that’s what happened. If Phil’s time travel was intended to persuade him to respect groundhog weathermen, then it failed miserably.
After living the perfect day, which apparently involves catching kids falling out of trees, playing the piano, and charming Andie MacDowell’s character Rita, Phil Connors is released from his time loop prison. “Goodbye,” the faeries likely said to Phil adding, “Remember the lessons of this fine Groundhog Day and bone Andie MacDowell. For that is the will of the Weatherhog.”

Dr. Sam Beckett (Quantum Leap)
In the not-to-distant future past of 1995, Dr. Sam Beckett uses himself as a guinea pig for his time-travel experiment and gets himself lost in time. The time travel has to major reprecussions: 1) Sam’s memories about himself and his experiment along with many others are incomplete and 2) The experiment’s AI (Ziggy) registers that something went wrong in the past and it leaps Sam into the bodies of other people who lived during his own lifetime (from around December, 1952 to sometime in 1995 or so) to right the wrong that Ziggy can’t identify.
Sam’s only companion and only link back to his own time is the holographic projection of the womanizing Rear Admiral Al Calavicci that can only be seen by Sam, animals, some children, and the mentally ill. Al tries to feed Sam information to help him right whatever wrong he has to right for the next leap to occur.
Sam is cool because he comes off as confident and charming which are not usually qualities to be found in former child prodigies with a 267 IQ and an eideic memory. Aside from his strange decision to step into his experimental time-travel machine, Dr. Sam Beckett is a pretty happening guy.

Marty McFly (Back to the Future)
Yeah, Marty McFly starts out as a short-sighted, short-tempered teenager with a dorky father that still gets pushed around by grown-up high-school bully Biff Tannen. But can you really remember that? It never happened? Well, luckily Robert Zemeckis filmed the Back to the Future trilogy with some amazing film technology that can capture and retain information from alternate timelines. Thus, we all know the future (2015) Marty McFly whose life really takes a nose-dive after getting into a car crash in 1985 and we know the present (1985 at the end of Back to the Future III) Marty McFly who has learned to control his temper and not let others draw him into something stupid by calling him chicken.
It seems just as likely that we all know Marty McFly is cool. He plays the guitar, he rides a skateboard, he invented skateboards, he was the first Calvin Klein underwear model, he inspired his father to become a science fiction author, he stood up to Biff (and his grandson Griff and his great-grandfather Buford “Mad Dog”) multiple times, he got his dad to stand up to Biff, he wrote “Johnny B. Goode,” he saved Doc Brown’s life, he’s really good at Wild Gunman, his skateboarding skills translate into hoverboard skills, he came up with a scheme that made Biff Tannen filthy rich and powerful, he fixed that, Wester Union delivers him seventy-year-old letters in the middle of a road, in the middle of nowhere, he went back in time to save Doc Brown’s life again, he popularized the name Clint Eastwood (but not fighting with ghost Obama), and his Wild Gunman skills translate into real-world shooting skills. Also, he learned his lesson in the end: if you have an undefined relationship with a brilliant theoretical physicist who invents a time machine, you can fix your parents’s inadequacies by encouraging your father to violence in the past and you can have some extra time and experience to mature in order to prevent yourself from making a single poor decision which will make your future life suck.

T-800 Model 101 aka The Terminator (Terminator)
After Skynet initiates and creates worldwide destruction to save itself, it captures some surviving humans to build factories which Skynet then uses to produce various lines of cyborg soldiers. One of these lines is the T-800 Model 101. These Terminators appear externally to be human--albeit an Austrian body-building human who has trouble enunciating in English--and are effective at catching survivors off guard.
At the same time that Skynet is amassing an army, some survivors form the Resistance to protect humans and to destroy Skynet. Led--and authorized--by knowledge and training imparted to him by his mother (Sarah Connor), John Connor eventually emerges as the leader to gain victory for the Resistance, only to discover that Skynet has worked out a way to time-travel and has sent a T-800 Model 101 (Arnold Schwarzenegger) back in time to kill Sarah Connor before John is ever born. John sends back another member of the Resistance named Kyle Reese to protect his mother. Reese succeeds at saving Sarah Connor, and, just for extra credit, succeeds at impregnating her, creating John Connor in the first place.
The Resistance eventually reprograms another T-800 Model 101 and sends it back in time to protect a younger John Connor from Skynet’s prototype liquid metal Terminator designated T-1000. Sarah Connor discovers through the T-800 that Miles Dyson will create the microprocessor that makes Skynet possible, and decides to kill him to prevent Skynet’s creation. Dyson reveals that the microprocessor which he has been designing is reverse engineered from pieces of the T-800 that was sent to assassinate Sarah Connor. Sarah, John, Dyson, and the protector T-800 blow up Cyberdyne Systems (the creators of Skynet). Finally, Sarah, John, and the protector T-800 defeat the T-1000 by knocking it into a vat of molten steel, after which John throws the components from the assassin T-800 into the vat and Sarah lowers the protector T-800 into the vat, eliminating the technology that Cyberdyne needs to create Skynet.
As an emotionless, calculated killer, the assassin T-800 earned a lot of cool points. The assassin T-800 spoke only eighteen lines of dialogue in the first film, almost all of which pertain to his mission and many of them are well-known (“Are you Sarah Connor? ... [gunshot]” “Your clothes. Give them to me.” And of course, “I’ll be back.”) But it was the protector T-800 that really cemented the Terminator as a cool time-traveler. The protector Terminator begins to learn and exhibit a humanity. Because of his interactions with the young John Connor he learns that there is some value to superfluity and even gain a sense of humor. The protector Terminator utters fewer iconic lines, but he definitely comes off as even cooler than the assassin Terminator.

Phillip J. Fry (Futurama)
How is a delivery boy a with a below-average intelligence, and lacking maturity and ambition a cool time traveler? What if I were to tell you that Fry is his own grandfather? What do you have to say to that? ... What? ... How is that not cool? Well, despite what some stubborn readers may think, the fact that Fry is his own grandfather is, according to all scientific texts, super cool. (Did that not help my case?)
After being cryogenically frozen for 1000 years, former pizza-delivery boy becomes future-present package delivery boy working for his thirty-times great nephew in the year 3000. Somehow the energy released by a supernova combines with an energy created when Fry puts a metal popcorn tin in the microwave and sends the crew of the Planet Express delivery ship back in time to Roswell, New Mexico, 1947. Fry runs into the man he believes is his grandfather (Enos) who is a hapless soldier stationed at Roswell Air Base. Believing his grandfather--and, therefore, himself--is in danger, Fry attempts to keep Enos safe which leads to Fry inadvertently killing him. Confused when he doesn’t cease to exist, and attracted to the woman he once believed to be his grandmother (Mildred) but now believes to not be his grandmother, he and Mildred get down to business in the bedroom. Afterwards, Fry discovers that Mildred is his grandmother and he just impregnated her with his own father (Yancy Fry, Sr.)
Wait, that’s not all. Because Fry “did the nasty in the pasty,” he lacks the delta brainwave, which allows him to save the Earth on one occasion and the universe on another occasion.
Plus, Fry’s a nice guy and he says funny stuff on the regular. So, he’s cool guys. Trust me.

Ash (Army of Darkness)
Imagine if you were to update Mark Twain’s A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court by rewriting the titular yankee as a demon-slayer with a chainsaw for a hand and a 1980s-era science textbook and replace Morgan le Fay’s innocuous sorcery with a host of Deadites controlled by the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis. Yeah, you just turned a classic into a...classic-er?
Ashley “Ash” Williams was just going on a little spring break getaway with four friends--including his girlfriend (Linda)--to a cabin in the backwoods of Tennessee, when they discover the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis (aka Naturan Demanto, aka Book of the Dead) and a recording of an archaeology professor reading incantations from the book. Playing the recording releases demons that proceed to possess and eliminate everyone but Ash, who throws the book into the fire. However, this only briefly slows the evil force.
The next day another group of people--including the aforementioned archaeology professor’s daughter (Annie), her research partner, and a helpful young couple--arrives at the cabin, only to find themselves falling victim to the same fate as the others. Ash’s right hand becomes possessed leading him amputate it himself. Annie helps Ash attach a chainsaw to the his right wrist and eventually recites a spell from the book opening a portal that sucks in the demonic force, Ash, and his 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88 and drops all of them in fourteenth-century England.
While there Ash fights off an evil version of himself and employs modern scientific knowledge to help lead Lord Arthur’s army to victory against the Deadites. According to the restored original ending of Army of Darkness, Ash falls asleep in a cave and awakes to a post-apocalyptic future world.
But Ash wouldn’t be Ash if he weren’t played by Bruce Campbell, whose face is so indelibly connected with the character that he is the artistic model for comic book and video game portrayals of Ash. It’s impossible to tell where Bruce Campbell stops and Ash begins.

The Doctor (Doctor Who)
Being the last surviving member of a two-hearted race that can perceive the past, present and all possible futures is pretty cool on its own. Throw in a millennial lifespan, extreme intelligence, telepathy, the ability to regenerate his dying body, and fluency in baby and horse, and you’ve got a pretty high potential for awesome. Toss in a time machine (the TARDIS) and you’ve got the coolest guy to ever travel through time: The Doctor.
Currently--in that relative timey-wimey sort of sense--the Doctor is approximately 1,200 years old (“A Town Called Mercy) and in his eleventh incarnation. The Doctor has had numerous traveling companions and visited countless moments in time and areas in space throughout the program’s 787-episode history, and there is no end to his journey in sight.
As I haven’t had experience with every incarnation, Doctor Who fanatics might scoff at my opinion. Still, the Tenth Doctor (David Tennant) is my Doctor. The Tenth Doctor has gained a good handle on the trauma of the Last Great Time War and is dealing with the guilt of being the one who ended that war by destroying the majority of the Daleks, his own people and his own planet, the loneliness of being the last of his kind, and the burden of being in love with a human who he will have to watch grow old and die long before himself. Despite all of that, the Tenth Doctor adds an extra spark of humorous madness and lust for life that was less apparent in his previous incarnation. (Don’t get me wrong, I love Christopher Eccleston and everything about the way he portrayed the Ninth Doctor).
Which incarnation of the Doctor is your favorite?

Star Trek Celebrates Forty-Six Years

2012-09-08T09:38:00.000-04:00

September 8, 2012 marks the forty-sixth anniversary of the premiere of Star Trek: The Original Series. Aside from BBC America showing four episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation from 4 pm-8 pm--which is a regular part of their Saturday afternoon programming--the only noticeable celebration of the event can be found on the Google homepage. The Google logo is designed to look like the bridge of the original USS Enterprise (NCC-1701). The logo is actually an interactive Google Doodle similar to the one available throughout the London Olympics. The Doodle is only four short scenes, and it plays out a very brief version of Star Trek season 1 episode 19 “Arena” in which the Enterprise is captured by the Metrons and Captain Kirk is forced to fight for his life against a Gorn. The episode’s most recent claim to fame was when the Mythbusters--in episode 136 “Mini Myth Mayhem”--took aim at Kirk’s method of victory over the Gorn. The Build Team found that Kirk’s strategy of using homemade gunpowder to propel diamonds at his opponent out of a cannon made using a plant resembling bamboo reinforced with rope would not have worked. I know; we were all shocked.

Perhaps coincidentally, but more likely by design, the title of J. J. Abrams’s second Star Trek film was leaked last night. It has been confirmed by multiple sources that the sophomore outing will be titled Star Trek Into Darkness and will be released May 17th, 2013.

If you want to relive the original Star Trek, The Next Generation or any of the spin-offs (Deep Space Nine, Voyager or Enterprise), they are all available on Netflix Instant. Honestly, they’re all great. Unfortunately, none of the movies is available for streaming.

Hearthfire and Future Skyrim Add-Ons

2012-09-07T12:52:00.001-04:00

Hearthfire went up on the Xbox Live marketplace on September 4th. In Hearthfire, players can purchase up to three parcels of land (one in The Pale, another in Falkreath, and another in Hjaalmarch), then design, build, and maintain one to three homes. Utilizing a crafting table and carpenter’s bench, you can create rooms, exterior adornments, and various other additions to your homestead. Various elements of what will become your home, include: kitchens, bedrooms, storage rooms, libraries, greenhouses, enchanter’s towers, alchemy labs, mannequin displays, cellars, trophy rooms, gardens, fish hatcheries, bee hives, and stables. You can also hire a steward and charge him/her with buying materials for the home, hire your own personal carriage and driver, and even hire a bard for your home.

For Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, Bethesda released four DLC player homes, which became a bit excessive. Though each home introduced interesting new elements to the gameplay, it became unlikely that a gamer would spend a large amount of time exploring or utilizing the new acquisition. Hearthfire tries to eliminate this problem by allowing the player to design the home. Bethesda is banking on the popularity of games like Minecraft to draw gamers to Hearthfire. Personally, I find the home creation limited and the process of furnishing that home extremely tedious. For me, my love of building in Minecraft does not mask the fact that building homes in Skyrim is little more than a deconstruction of purchasable upgrades for previous homes. With the home creation feature, Bethesda has given gamers a very narrow set of choices to design a home instead of releasing the homes already designed with upgrade options purchasable through some merchant. A large amount of my time working with the add-on has been spent mining and finding merchants who sell glass, straw, goat’s horns, and iron ore or ingots.

Hearthfire's best redeeming quality is the adoption feature. You can adopt one or two kids and move them into your home in Windhelm after paying the steward to convert your alchemy lab into a children's bedroom or into any of the homes you create provided you furnish them with children's beds. You will receive a letter by courier encouraging you to adopt from the orphanage in Riften, but there are also orphans in other locations that you can take in. Depending on the personality of the child and the location of the home in which you place him or her, the child will act differently and relay different stories. You can give your children new clothes, toys, and even a dagger for use in home defense. You can play tag or hide and seek, tell them to do their chores, or send them to bed. Still, Hearthfire's charm is fleeting.

Skyrim’s newest add-on Hearthfire went up on the Xbox Live marketplace on September 4th. Hearthfire is the realization of two Game Jam ideas: building your own home and adopting children. In February at DICE 2012, Todd Howard showed a video (watch below) of new features and ideas for Skyrim that Bethesda employees had dreamt up. Many of the concepts introduced in that video have made it into the game. These include: kill cams for ranged and magic kills, a flaming epic mount, mounted combat, Kinect-enabled shouts, lycanthropy skill tree, the ability to transform into a flying vampire lord, and now, home design and adoption.

Hearthfire succeeds primarily in reminding me that Bethesda has a really great property which they could continue to expand for quite some time, if the gaming market will allow it. If Bethesda were to expand the home creation options and minimize the repetitive furnishing process, future Hearthfire-like add-ons could be worthwhile. While PC gamers have been exploiting Skyrim's full potential since Bethesda released the creation kit, console gamers remain limited to official DLC. Hearthfire may be the beginning of further add-ons that will provide console gamers with a tiny fraction of the creative freedom that Skyrim modding gives PC gamers. Perhaps Bethesda could release an expansion of Hearthfire that allows gamers to rebuild Helgen or build an entirely new settlement. Maybe an add-on for console Skyrim could introduce an interactive writing desk where players could write there own quests or create new NPCs. The Hearthfire add-on indicates Bethesda is thinking toward something like publisher-approved console modding software, and for that reason Hearthfire excites me for future Skyrim add-ons.