Rice Daddies

Sam Yoon--Rice Daddy Running for Mayor of Boston

2009-07-08T00:13:00.001-07:00

(pic found here, courtesy of the Boston Herald)

Hey All,

I had the opportunity to talk to Sam Yoon today, who is running for mayor of Boston. Hear my podcast here (and read my other reasons for supporting him). It's a fascinating podcast, and I think there is a lot to learn from his experience, even if you're on the other side. Most of us are not from Boston, but we can still support him financially, and we can still inform all of our networks.

Sam is the first Asian American ever to run for public office in Boston, and he won on his first try in 2005 when he ran for a seat on the Boston City Council. Now he is running for mayor where, if he wins, he'll be the first Asian American mayor of Boston, as well as the first Asian American mayor of a city of Boston's size. He's got some very good views on education, as well as some solid thinking on race relations.

Hey, he's also a fellow Rice Daddy. Listen to the entire podcast. He talks about his role as a son and as a parent, and he's doing the right thing by taking the lead. If you're interested in helping, spread word on your Facebook and with your network, and/or visit Sagar's donation page here.

Portland Daddy Group

2009-06-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

Portland Dads at Home

(cross posted at bigWOWO)

I learned of this group maybe a month ago, but they got written up in the Oregonian just this past week. Check out the article here.

I've communicated with some of these guys through e-mail, and they seem very nice. I think it's a great idea for dads to do community activities like this, even those of us who aren't Stay-at-Home-Dads. We humans are communal animals, and kids have so much more fun when they're playing with and surrounded by other kids. If Eric, the guy in the video, had success in a small city like Portland, I can imagine that forming a dad's group would be possible in other cities as well.

Mei Mei and Me

2009-06-23T09:45:00.000-07:00

(Cross posted on bigWOWO)

Edit: Okay, I just saw some of the later videos, so I have to correct what I wrote. Some of the later DVDs in the series are quite high tech and shot from China. They look like they had professional choreographers and makeup artists, and the sound quality is professional. So the following only applies to the other ones we saw. My bad, Mei Mei.

My original post:

For parents trying to teach their kids Chinese, there's a huge selection of Chinese language DVDs out there. My three year old son Gun-Gun has checked out Ni Hao Kai Lan, Language Tree, and a bunch of others, most of which use high tech DVD tricks to create interactive dialogue. Language Tree, for example, asks the children to press buttons on the DVD remote in order to pass little pop quizzes. Ni Hao Kai Lan has stories about children and animals getting along and sprinkles Chinese in with the main English dialogue. These videos are good looking, well produced, and have all kinds of cute animated characters and dialogues. One gets the feeling that they spent a lot of money to bring in experts on language acquisition and child psychology. As the saying goes, "you get what you pay for," so it naturally made sense to my adult mind that the high production DVDs would be the best.

So understandably, I was baffled when I found that my son's favorite Chinese language DVD was not Kai Lan, not Language Tree, not any of these other high budget productions, but an obscure series called Mei Mei and Me that looks like a home video someone's mother made with a Sony HandyCam in her basement.

The Mei Mei series of DVDs is really cheap looking. It looks like Mei Mei herself set up a tripod, shot from a cheap videocamera, and edited in the little videocam window (It's almost as bad as my podcasts, but that's a different issue.). The format is a woman named Mei Mei teaching little kids Chinese nursery rhymes and songs. There are no fancy cartoons, no DVD remote gimmicks, no lessons, drills, or cute characters. They don't even have real music. Just a Chinese woman teaching, smiling, clapping, and singing unaccompanied by an other sound.

Mei Mei sings in Chinese and asks the children to repeat. They have a translation flash across the screen, but there's no sing along book or explanation. You just have to pay attention.

My son can't get enough of it. He says, "Ba ba, I want to watch the Chinese one." And then he watches and sings. It's wild. I don't get it. I tried (and failed) to convince him that Language Tree was interesting. But he absolutely loves the Mei Mei Hu DVD. He loves watching the kids onscreen repeat after her when she speaks or sings. He loves singing along with it. I don't even think he's aware of the fact that it's low budget. It reminds me of the times I bought him a fancy high-tech toy car only to watch him play with the box.

The good news is that he's actually learning something from this DVD, something that doesn't take place with Language Tree or Kai Lan. He actually used his Chinese for the first time the other day with an older woman that we met. Maybe because the woman was human and responsive to him, just like Mei Mei and the kids in the Mei Mei series. Go figure.

(Mei Mei, if you're reading this, DON'T change the format. He loves it.)

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

photo: Don Quixote by Honoré Daumier.

Happy Father's day, Rice Daddies!

Here's to fatherhood, and how it changes every frakking day.

Rabbit Dragon and Pony Princess are both getting so much older. The school year is over, didn't it just start?

Today at the hardware store we got Rabbit Dragon his first set of house keys. A season ago, house keys had never come to mind. But now we go on family bike rides, and he's always the first to reach home, doing the pee-pee dance while waiting for the lumbering parents and the kid sister to finally pull in and toss over the keys.

It feels so ad hoc, discovering these sort of important decisions on the fly as situations come up. What's next, the Talk? No, no, let me stay in denial a little longer, the kids will always stay kids, yep.

At the kids' first music recital this year (another Rice Daddy rite of passage?) a pair of teenage girls played and sang Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide":

"Time makes you bolder / Even children get older / I'm getting older too."

Maybe I'm just feeling old and creaky this particular weekend, maybe its that the big four-oh is looming. So fellow Rice Daddies, on this Father's day I share a couple of riffs on not going gentle into that good night:

Days With My Father is a beautiful photo journal of Phillip Toledano's father in their last days together. It's really moving, and I've kept it on my browser for over a month to make sure I didn't forget to share it this weekend.

Remember the Geri Chair, is quite a different story, a (true?) tale about a stubborn old Spanish aristocrat, freedom, and a hooker.

When my number is up, I would feel blessed to be remembered fondly like Toledano's dad, but I'd settle for a good story like the Spaniard's.

Happy father's day, all, and many more!

Lyrical Feet

2009-06-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

cross-posted at Noraebang.

She had asked about dance last year, and even the year before. There were roadblocks before, and sometimes excuses. But, I couldn't sit idly by while time passed and she grew out of the dance phase. She has only one childhood.

Her friends in school were doing it, and she had asked about it again. So finally she got her wish when I signed her up for a month of summer dance camp. They do lyrical, jazz, tap, hip hop, and ballet from 9am - 2:00 pm every day. Her favorite is tap, but primarily because I think she likes the shoes and making noise.

After the first day, I could already tell she was unsure of herself. She sees that a lot of the other girls have already been there before, or that many have taken lessons before. But, she said she liked it and forged on. I kept saying that I just wanted her to have fun, to go out there and do her best.

Each day she'd show me a few steps that she learned, and we practiced singing "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid.

Later in the week, her nerves got the best of her. She was going to be performing in the weekly "talent" show. She hasn't always been one to put herself out there, to assert herself in a new group of people, or to march out in front. She started feeling anxiety like she does when something new happens, or when she's in unfamiliar waters. She's been like that a lot of her life. I've seen those nervous looks before and those anxious moments.

But, I keep encouraging her to try new things, to get her feet wet and dirty, and to take things in stride. She's a kid, and I believe that if kids aren't exposed to new things, they'll often wait until it comes to them. But, to me, life is about nourishment and experience, and very little of that just falls in your lap during the summer.

There are times when I think parents push their kids too much to do something. At the same time, there are parents who don't push enough. I'm not sure which one I am, but I'm afraid I'm the former.

I push her to try new things, to go see new things, and not be scared. I try to teach her that she should at least try something a few times before giving up. And, because she's my daughter, and she loves me, she pushes on. She will do it because she wants to make me happy. And I push her to have fun in new experiences, because I want her to be happy.

Some parents believe that kids should be kids. They need time to play and express themselves and just goof off. However, isn't camp part of being a kid? Each day she gets to express herself, play games, make new friends, and just goof off. At the same time, she's learning something. Not just dance, but poise, conquering fear, pride, and accomplishment.

When I was a child, I was pushed to try things every summer. Art camp, wildlife camp, camping camp, and even grandma camp (I spent almost every summer with my grandmother at the beaches in Texas). Even though there were times I didn't want to go, I went on and on. As I grew up, I took those experiences with me as life lessons. You learn about yourself during summer camp.

At the same time, I lived a life of minor disappointments. I asked for music lessons, and my parents didn't send me. My brother instead got guitar lessons. I asked for a good skateboard, and my parents gave me a cheap Toys r'Us version. My brother instead got a custom deck and wheels. I asked for many things, was told we could do many things, and was often disappointed.

It's part of childhood. There's no such thing as an easy childhood, or the perfect childhood, or the magical childhood. Just take a look at Disney movies, and you'll realize that children face disappointment in many different ways (I know - I shouldn't be praising Disney that much).

At the same time, as a divorced father, I know she's already faced disappointment. It is perhaps that disappointment for which I'm trying to compensate. It is perhaps the disappointments elsewhere she faces that I'm trying to soothe. But, shouldn't I overcompensate rather than not at all?

So for me, this summer has become something not just for her, but also for me. Perhaps it's a bit of me looking back on my own summers as a child. Perhaps it's me trying to be the salve for any disappointments she might have had.

So today she danced away. Her legs leaped across the floor, and tapped away a tune, and even hip hopped from side to side. Today, it was her feet that played on the strings of my heart. It wasn't just for her that I put her in dance camp or art camp; it was for me as a father. And maybe, just maybe, she knows that and will forgive me when she grows up for making her carry the burden of my happiness as a dad.

A couple announcements...

2009-06-09T08:25:00.001-07:00

First, to anyone coming to us via NPR's Tell Me More with Michel Martin, on which I'm privileged to be a member of a dadblogger roundtable for the second June in a row, welcome to Rice Daddies! You can listen to the segment on the NPR website here.

Second, to anyone in the LA area this weekend who is mixed-race, the parent of a mixed-race child, or otherwise interested in multiracial issues, please check out the free, second annual Mixed Roots Film and Literary Festival at the Japanese American National Museum in LA's Little Tokyo, Friday June 12 and Saturday June 13. Click thru that link for free registration info and a full schedule of workshops, readings and screenings. Saturday morning features a family event designed for children and their parents, and on Friday at 11:45, I'm proud to be leading a workshop with fellow multiracial parentbloggers Susan Ito (Reading Writing Living) and Liz Dwyer (Los Angelista):

Parentblogging at the Crossroads of Race and Family

Friday 11:45-12:45

Blogging technology has transformed parenting into a public act, with mombloggers and dadbloggers documenting both the big moments and tiny details of their family lives online. How race, culture and politics intersect with parenting, however, often gets glossed over. A growing number of parentbloggers of color and parentbloggers raising children of color are showing that race is a parenting issue. This workshop will explore how multiracial parents and parents of multiracial children can use blogging to record their familial journeys, reflect on important questions, develop their writing voices, and build community at the same time.

Hype it! Up! (WARNING! Spoilers!)

2009-06-07T06:14:00.001-07:00

[If you are going to see the movie Up and are the type of person who is sensitive to being told of plot elements ahead of time don’t read any further. Go see the movie, then come back, read and let me know if you agree or not.]

The appeal of Up is its simplicity and universality. There is nothing innovative or new about Up. Its strength is its subtle and artful expression of the oft-told human condition.

Beginning with the familiar shot of a young Carl watching his hero, adventurer Charles Muntz, in a newsreel, 25-feet tall on a movie screen. The hero in classic hero form vows not to return until his innocence is proven. Charles is accused of faking the fossil of a new animal species. He dedicates his life to proving the existence of the species he stumbled upon. Capturing a living specimen becomes Charles’ life ambition. It is his “White Whale.”

The familiar story continues with the young shy Carl meeting and eventually marrying his childhood friend, the more extroverted Ellie, who is also a fan of adventurer Charles Muntz. She keeps a scrapbook of her adventures with plenty of empty pages for the adventures she is yet to have. After a miscarriage (which is handled impressively in a montage of dramatic “daily scenes” without dialogue) Carl promises Ellie one day they will visit exotic Paradise Falls, Muntz’s old stomping grounds. This promise eventually becomes Carl’s “White Whale.”

The Moby Dick analogy is made obvious as both Muntz and Carl take to the skies in “air ships.” Muntz in his an awe-inspiring “Spirit of Adventure,” which I felt was more Jules Verne adaptation than Miyazaki (as noted by Roger Ebert), and Carl in his awkward but endearing little ship – his house (which I suspect was inspired as an homage to his departed Ellie). When Carl and Ellie first met, Ellie was pretending that the very same house (which at the time was decrepit and abandoned) was Muntz’s Spirit of Adventure.

That said. We need an Ishmael. Enter Russell, an unwitting crew member on Carl’s ship. Russell is the youngest character in the cast. His presence singlehandedly balances that of the two older men. A Wilderness Scout with a clichéd desire to please and an innocence strong enough to withstand the cynicism of the two older men, Russell is the Ishmael who provides children (the audience this movie was marketed towards) with access to the story.

An additional appealing feature about Russell is that he is not a clichéd red-headed, freckled American boy but a dark-haired Asian American boy. Dressed in his Wilderness Scout uniform, he reminds me of old photos of interned Japanese American children in the 1940s and 50s, dressed in Boy Scout uniforms.

The comic relief that Russell provides as a bumbling all-too-eager-to-please child is artfully tempered with the subtle revelation that he is the product of divorced parents who no longer sees his father regularly. I was taken by the way this was revealed – Not in direct dialogue but through a well worded response to a simple question.

A friend asked if I were offended as an Asian American that the sole Asian character (and he only appears to be Asian. There is no direct mention of his ethnic heritage) is portrayed as a bumbler? The implications of Russell’s “Asianness” and his portrayal as a bumbler had not occurred to me before then.

Here’s my question: Is it better to have an Asian character playing an Asian role or a character who happens to be Asian playing a significant role?

Today’s audience is the post-Jackie Chan generation. He has created an international and historic niche for himself in film by playing the bumbler. Among the differences between this decade and the score past is the availability of images and information. If not here in the US, diverse portrayals of Asians are available online to help develop a more complete picture of being Asian.

I haven’t made up my mind regarding roles. However, it does not change my mind about the movie. Up is a really well choreographed film about getting old and questioning the degree of your life’s pursuits. It asks the question: At what cost? At what cost are you willing to pay to succeed? Or perhaps better phrased: At whose expense are you willing to take to succeed?

Come celebrate Secret Identities with some Rice Daddies!

2009-05-29T06:06:00.000-07:00

What, some might say, does a comic book about Asian American superheroes have to to with fatherhood? The editors of Secret Identities: The Asian American Superhero Anthology might just say, "Everything."

The editors of Secret Identities, which came out last month and is in the middle of a cross-country publicity tour, set out to do more than just tell interesting comics stories with Asian American protagonists and to rectify the dearth of Asian American characters on the page. Remembering both their childhood love for the form and what it would have meant to them, as children, to have seen themselves reflected back in four-color panels, they set out to leave a legacy to their children, and to all our children, so that they don't feel the same lack of fictional role models, of possibilities, of their own places and faces in the potentialities of the fantastic.

In short, they did it because they were dads now. Jeff Yang, our own InstantYang, is the father of two. Keith Chow, our own RakuMon, is the father of one. And Parry Shen, best known for turning the model minority myth on its head in Better Luck Tomorrow, is the father of two (and if we ask nice enough, maybe he'll join us here too!). One of Parry's own stories in the book, Sixteen Miles, was inspired by the superhuman strength displayed by the late James Kim in trying to save his family.

I am honored and proud to play a small part in the book, as author of the one-page introduction to the section that features full-color character treatments of characters created by Asian American celebrities, called "Many Masks." (Which you can find on page 128, in case you were wondering, heh.) And I am happy to be joining the editors and many of my co-contributors at events in Los Angeles this weekend.

The big LA launch party is on Saturday, May 30, at 6:30 p.m., at the Japanese American National Museum, but there are a bunch of readings/signings throughout the weekend and throughout the Southland. (I'll be at the JANM event tomorrow and at Skylight Books in Los Feliz tonight, Friday, May 29, at 7:30.) You can check out the full schedule here and revisit the book blog for updates on upcoming events, including an Asian American comics convention in July at the new Museum of the Chinese in America in New York City. So come pick up a copy for your bookshelf, and for your children's bookshelf, and get it signed and drawn on by some awesome artists!

[And for any new readers surfing in from NYTimes.com and DoubleX/Slate, welcome!]

Little Dragon, Long Shadow

2009-05-27T04:38:00.001-07:00

I’m a sucker for Bruce Lee documentaries. Not because I am a kung fu practitioner or even a big fan of his movies. It’s because he took on the stereotypes of the Chinese in Western pop culture and won. The impact his fame has had on my personal life is awe inspiring.

It’s not easy to stand up to Fu Manchu and Charlie Chan. Scores of discrimination and biased dramatizations perpetrated by Hollywood (the ruler by which filmmaking and more importantly promotion across the globe are measured) are guaranteed to leave an indelible print on the global social fabric. It is even harder for an actor to have his accomplishments resonate beyond the industry and through time. Bruce Lee managed to do that and more amazingly he managed to do it in a relatively short period of time.

According to the documentary that inspired this post, the History Channel’s How Bruce Lee Changed the World, Bruce Lee only made four movies – and only one of them in English! Bruce Lee as icon, as persona is so ingrained in me that I never considered the particulars of his life and career. He was only 32 when he died.

What was admirable about the History Channel documentary was it attempted to begin a conversation about Bruce Lee’s impact outside of martial arts and the entertainment industry. Margaret Cho, Eddie Griffin, LL Cool J, and RZA were among the people interviewed. RZA segments pepper the film. He makes some interesting statements about Bruce’s social impact and there is a long segment about his producing the soundtrack to Afro Samurai which is like his homage to Bruce.

What I wish the filmmakers would have done is to interview more community organizers and non-celebrities. Though it’s mentioned Bruce Lee inspired Asians and non-Asians alike in a variety of careers, no one outside of the entertainment industry or martial arts was interviewed. Not only would this have been novel but it would have drawn attention to the importance of Bruce Lee as social catalyst.

As an Asian American parent raising two boys in America, Bruce Lee is essential. It’s something Kareem Abdul Jabbar said in a different documentary. He said that Bruce was uniquely American because he drew inspiration from a lot of different cultures and sources. He also said that Bruce Lee stood up for the “little guy.”

As a father I want my boys to be proud of their Asian heritage but also open to the beauty that other cultures and races have to offer. I also want them to be understanding and tolerant of the uglier side of these same cultures. I would like my boys to be willing to stick their neck out to help a stranger. I am a big believer of social ills being viral. It is only a matter of time before you and the ones you love get infected, if you do not do anything to cure the disease.

Bruce Lee as an icon and persona provides my boys with a positive self image of being Asian and male in America. I’m even going to say that his image is more pervasive now than those of Fu Manchu and Charlie Chan. He took them on and won.

Unlike my generation, my children will not suffer the pervasive images of Asian subservience and impotence. While I am sure those images will always exist in Western culture, my children have the benefit of a very weighty counterbalance in the legacy of Bruce Lee.

But there is a drawback to Bruce’s success and stature. More than once in my life, Bruce’s signature battle cry has been imitated in my presence to mock and devalue me. Black and White alike have attempted to turn Bruce into a negative Asian stereotype.

And for a while it worked. I distanced myself from Bruce Lee as much as I could. In middle school I had the opportunity to study karate and I turned it down despite really wanting to join the class. The taunting I had gotten fueled my desire to adopt what I perceived as unquestionably American as quickly as possible regardless of the costs.

The costs are illiteracy in my parents’ language and a certain disassociation with my extended family. Everyday I struggle with the choices I was allowed as a child and the ones I made when I initially entered adulthood. I have tried several times to rectify my past ignorance but it is hard. I have tried several times to learn to read and write Chinese. Each time foiled by distractions and the responsibilities that come with age. I have even taken a class with Sifu Shi Yan Ming at the US Shaolin Temple. He was among the martial artists interviewed in the History Channel documentary. Again foiled by time and age.

I keep trying though. And that’s how Bruce Lee changed my world. Regardless of my failures and shortcomings as a writer, an educator, and parent. I keep trying. And I believe I am free enough of ego to reflect critically and adjust my actions accordingly in pursuit of the mastery of my craft (parent, writer, educator) just like Bruce.

Homework Daddy

2009-05-17T17:53:00.000-07:00

Since the divorce, I've been the primary homework helper. I spend time nearly every day reviewing work with her, checking on her progress, making suggestions on projects, and reading books. I was this way even before the divorce, but it seems to have become more intense after the divorce.

So, for two full school years now, I've had the opportunity to see her develop reading skills, math skills, writing skills, and critical thinking skills. I can see, hear, and intuit learning curves, learning deficits, and learning excellence.

However, there are two things I've noticed over these past two school years.

1. I'm a typical Asian dad with high expectations of success and perfection for my daughter.
2. Homework is getting longer and more complex without much reason.

In the past several years (2000 - current) several books and studies have been published relating to the issue of homework. Japan, the so-called leader of education, has even eliminated homework for elementary school children.

So why are American children seemingly doing more and more? Could it be our school year is shorter? Our classes less intense? Our standards just lower?

I'd probably argue it is a combination of these things, along with the notion that "grades" are the only indicator of success. The failed "No Child Left Behind" system of rewarding grades has completely screwed up any teacher's notion of creativity for younger children. Yes, elementary school kids still get to do fun things and projects and arts and crafts, but in a seemingly illogical way that puts the onus of teaching on the parent, rather than the teacher.

This past week, I helped Noodle create a butterfly habitat. The directions weren't specific, didn't have a "rubric" and didn't seem to indicate anything more than a few questions and a due date.

At first, I wondered what she meant when she said she had to create a butterfly habitat. I thought perhaps I'd have to find a huge water jug, drop in some plants, some water, put on a screen, and find a caterpillar.

However, Noodle informed me that other kids had to make habitats for pandas, cheetahs, and rattlesnakes. I figured those kids wouldn't be bringing in wild animals like that, so I was safe with a fake diorama of a butterfly world.

Anyway, besides making the project (about a two hours), and writing about it (20 minutes), and researching it (10 minutes), and doing the daily writing (10 minutes), Noodle probably put in three hours of work and planning for the diorama.

She's in first grade. While she did learn a lot about butterflies beyond what she already knew from Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar, the project was complex enough to warrant parental involvement.

And this is where I begin to wonder, what are they teaching in schools these days?

Nevermind that I am a teacher. But, I am wondering what they do in elementary school or even middle school. As a teacher, I am privy to incoming freshmen test scores. You know those entrance exams for placement are also used as indicators of a middle school's success in "teaching" children.

I've seen test scores on reading and writing as low as 19. That's right. 19 out of 100.

I don't mean this is an anomaly, but the low range seems to be between 20 and 40. I've also seen test scores very high, but not as often as I see low scores. Doesn't this seem to indicate that the children who are graduating from "A+" schools aren't actually learning anything beyond taking the state's standardized test? Give them a different type of test and suddenly they can't answer basic questions.

So, what's the solution? Teach "how" to learn, not "what" to learn. For example, if you show a child how they can figure something out, they are more likely to be able to solve similar problems later on. But, again, to what extent and how much?

Does a child need homework? Yes, and no.

Yes, because in American schools, there is very little time to teach everything a child is expected to learn within the single school year. And let's face it, we aren't going to make much change in this standardized testing thing until colleges decide they won't use it as an indicator of entrance.

No, because significant evidence suggests that in young children (K - 5) homework has a near zero affect on end grades on tests. That's right. Near Zero.

If you gave children no homework and kept their daily activities the same, they score virtually the same on tests as they did if you gave them homework. So why do we need to give young children homework?

Work ethic. It actually seems only to serve as early conditioning to value hard work and regular good study habits that can carry them through middle school and high school and beyond. And this is where parental involvement comes back.

I know that if a parent doesn't care, nor do they help with homework or read, the child is more likely to suffer in school. Not only because of a lack of reinforcement of school material, but because the child is "learning" that older people they care about dont "value" education. If a parent isn't involved, how can you expect a child to be involved?

But, if this is the only reason for homework, why assign so much to young children? I know of other teachers at my school with young children who complain that their child had nearly one hour of homework each night. One hour for a 3rd grader seems a bit extreme.

At the same time, I know that without practice, Noodle sometimes falters. And there is where my Asian Dad Syndrome kicks in and I drill her for an additional five minutes on a type of problem, a word, or some other thing.

So, to homework or not to homework? And, wasn't this the most ramblingest blog post from me you've ever seen?

Blog Photos of Noodle's Project

Adoption: Ideology and Reality - Room for Debate Blog - NYTimes.com

2009-05-13T18:37:00.000-07:00

Adoption: Ideology and Reality - Room for Debate Blog - NYTimes.com

What's on YOUR bookshelf?

2009-05-13T08:24:00.001-07:00

Yup... right next to Winnie the Pooh, Olivia, and Dr. Seuss. It's never too early to begin teaching your kids that they, too, can be (super)heroes.

Raising my Asian kids Jewish

2009-05-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

I saw this story on the Omamas blog: A talk with Wendy Mogel, author of 'Blessing of a Skinned Knee.'

The author is giving a talk at the Mittleman Jewish Community Center today. I hadn't heard of her prior to reading the post, and I don't know if I'm going to make it out to the Hillsdale area tomorrow, but based on her advice in the interview, I may very well check out her book. As aparent, I believe that parents who overparent are worse than parents who underparent. I think parents who don't allow their kids to make decisions, who micromanage their kids, and who create an environment of fear, are much worse than parents who simply don't show up. I like her quote: "The kids who do best in college are the kids who have life skills and not this fancy academic sophistication."

I don't know if I speak for the rest of you, but I was horrified when I read reviews for Top of the Class, a book written by two Korean American sisters a few years ago on how to raise kids Asian style. I never read the book, but based on some of the interviews with the two sisters (verified by the Amazon.com comments), the book advocated a military style of raising kids, including having family reviews of report cards. It bordered on child abuse.

I think Mogel's style is just her personal interpretation of Jewish law. This is the first time I've heard anyone say that Jewish parents are lax; in fact, I've heard exactly the opposite. Regardless of whether it's Jewish, Goy, Asian, or American, however, the style makes sense to me. The last thing a kid needs is for a zealous parent to micromanage his soul, and my belief is that if you teach a child street smarts combined with a curiosity about life, he or she will be able to take care of himself or herself. Of course, I'm writing this while my son is only three and my daughter just started eating solids.

Thoughts?

(cross posted on bigWOWO)

Asian Kid Defends Self and Gets Charged

2009-04-29T12:31:00.000-07:00

(pic from here, double posted on bigwowo.)

I saw this on angryasianman. Apparently this Asian kid was getting bullied all year. The bully calls the Asian kid a f#$%ng Chinese," and when a shoving match breaks out, he punches the Asian kid in the face. The Asian kid happens to be a black belt in martial arts, and so he punches back. Knowing his fighting ability, he punches with his non-dominant hand and aims for the jaw, but he winds up hitting and breaking the bully's nose. His punch sends the bully to the hospital. Now the Asian kid is being charged with assault.

As a father, I worry about instances like this all the time. My daughter is not old enough to be fighting yet, and my son is best friends with the daycare bully, who happens to be a very large two year old (haha...reminds me of that movie My Bodyguard...), but it's something that sits at the back of my mind. I remember when I was growing up it was the exact same thing--racist White kid calls you a chink and gets physical, and when you try to defend yourself, the teacher punishes you while letting the bully walk. I wasn't a black belt in grade school (or right now, for that matter), and I'd usually lose most of my fights, but I remember it being the exact same thing--racist White kid starts the altercation with physical violence, racist teacher finishes it with institutional violence.

When I was in sixth grade, I had this one teacher named Mrs. P. (I'll protect Rice Daddies from any liability, though I feel no need whatsoever to protect the identity of this domestic terrorist) who would always, always take it out on me. I remember confronting her about why I always got punished while the bully didn't, and she said something along the lines of "Well, the other kids don't have any problems. Obviously it must be something with you."

Um, yeah, maybe that's because the other kids are White and don't have a miniature Himmler trying to test whether colored minorities bleed when punched in the face.

She said something like, "I don't have time to deal with your problems. You need to grow up."

Ooookay. If you don't have time to stop racial violence in your class, then why are my parents paying tuition at this school? Is that the someone else's responsibility? Mrs. P., are you moonlighting at another job, maybe shuffling papers or ironing white sheets for your local neighborhood KU KLUX KLAN???

Anyway, I'm glad kids are protesting. Everyone should have a right to defend himself. Some say that maybe the Asian kid should be punished by the school for fighting and breaking the rules, but I'd even disagree with this. I think he did a good thing by saying no to racism. In any case, under no circumstances should this be a criminal matter against the Asian kid alone--everyone has the right to defend themselves with justifiable force. Letting the bully get off scot-free is a governmental defense of racism.

This is another example of racism supported by an institution; in this case, the institution is the government which is bringing about these charges. I don't know the system in Canada, but in the U.S., you can sue the government when it abuses power like this. We may not be able to eradicate racism among individuals, but we definitely need to make sure that institutions are not supporting it. Best of luck to the protesters, and hopefully the government will do the right thing.

PS: A good way to make a loud statement would be for a wealthy Canadian American businessman to cover this kid's legal defense fees. It would show solidarity and displeasure with the system.

Edit: Good editorial here.

ADOPTIONS FROM CHINA DECLINE

2009-04-28T22:52:00.000-07:00

Angry Asian Man notes how adoptions from China have fallen and he asks: "what drove the trend of all these children adopted from China. Was it simply the fact that it was so easy, with so many children up for adoption?"

I would say this played a huge role in it - China had a large, available supply of babies with relatively easier procedures compared to other countries. It may seem cold to frame transnational adoption in market terms but supply and demand play a fairly substantial role in explaining trends, especially within an international context. I know there are some folks out there with far deeper knowledge on transnational adoption to chime in!

Call Me Ishmael

2009-04-28T03:05:00.001-07:00

Listen to this: http://www.wnyc.org/news/articles/128940

He has a point. Why don't we call each other "people, people, and people" or address each other by our names?

The question above closes Beth Fertig's report featuring students attending the International High School in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn. She had asked the students to consider Amsterdam's classification of all non-European origin as black. She asks them how they refer to themselves as "Americans"?

The students answered the way I have answered in the past. Why can't I "be both"? Asian (more specifically Chinese) and American. I can call myself "Chinese American." But older now I wonder if the description holds any more meaning than just calling myself "American"? What about my children? Physically, they appear Chinese or East Asian but their native language is without question English.

How about the comment one of the students interviewed makes: "We have the right to be called Americans?" I have never thought of being called "American" as a right. Born in the US as the child of new immigrants, I inherited my citizenship and my American surname. Both my parents and my grandparents were naturalized. They had to work towards their citizenship. Perhaps this is an exercise of the cliche about the differences between earning something and just being given it. You are said to appreciate the former much more.

In middle school I clung desperately to the habits I thought made me "American." I preferred hamburgers over rice, Coca Cola over Chrysanthemum tea. In college being American was no longer a medal of pride to me but a badge of shame. I was defiantly Chinese and I wore it on my sleeve.

In addition to the friends I still keep in touch with today, college was a very important step in the development of my "Americanness" (for lack of a better word). Two incidents from that time remain with me:

"You don't look American" - Crossing the American-Canadian border at the Rainbow Bridge, a border guard made this comment after asking me to get out of the car and hand him my driver's license. I was with friends. We wanted to go to the Canadian side of the falls to kill some time, take in the new spring air, and grab dinner. My friends were White. I was the only Asian.
"You don't act Chinese" - At a party. Talking to a girl. She was cute and smart and I thought we were really starting to click. She made that comment and I just lost interest.

Reading Rice Daddies posts from Metrodad (especially the section, "Putting My Money Where My Mouth Is"), Soccer Dad on Texas Representative, Betty Brown's recommendation that Asians change their names to more familiar Anglo names for the convenience of non-Asians, and bigWOWO on Disney's current desire to reassert itself as a "cultural force" among boys (the Newsweek article he posted about a Black family adopting a White girl also got me thinking), about the world my children will inherit.

In the news, we are told about the national debt our children will inherit and we are told about what will happen if we don't literally clean up our act in terms of environment. But what kind of society will our children inherit? I am not as naive as to believe that the issues of race and culture in America will ever go away. I can even convince myself that their presence is a catalyst for ongoing conversation and reflection on identity. However, it is no less worrisome.

It would be unfair to deny progress has been made. Surfing network TV there is a greater chance of catching a glimpse of an Asian face speaking English than there was let's say 30 years ago. There is also a greater chance that the Asian face you might glimpse does not know kung fu and is not plotting to take over the world. That Asian face you might glimpse on network TV might even be more than comic relief. This is all progress and I don't want to diminish it. But recent posts from fellow Rice Daddies remind me that as an ethnic community there is still progress to be made.

As we enter Asian American Heritage month, I can't help but wonder What is American? And how does it differ from Asian American? Why is it assumed my perceived Asian habits? mannerisms? beliefs? culture? fall outside of the bucket of characteristics that make something or someone simply American? America as melting pot and mosaic, doesn't my "Asianness" make me uniquely American? Why do I need the surname?

As a Second Generation dad, one that was born here but whose parents were newly immigrated, I have the same challenges my parents did - What to keep and what can be left out of an ethnic identity? Already, my wife and I struggle with language. We both want our children to speak Chinese. However, she wants them to learn Mandarin. I speak passable Cantonese and she speaks Vietnamese. At home, our native tongue is English.

We also suck at celebrating the holidays. Every year despite our best intentions we miss the Autumn Moon festival. We hang decorations for Chinese New Year but have not always followed its customs most of the time out of pure ignorance and forgetfulness.

There is also the reality that no matter what my wife and I do, our children will have their own ideas about their "Asianness." Regardless of what my wife and I try to impart or instill, they will going through their own "editing process" and prioritize the aspects of their ethnic identity. So I am back to wondering about the "right to be called American" and the significance of applying the label "Asian American."

A DIFFERENT KIND OF TRANSRACIAL ADOPTION

2009-04-24T15:25:00.000-07:00

What Adopting a White Girl Taught One Black Family | Newsweek Culture

We Should Start Our Own Super Team

2009-04-22T12:57:00.000-07:00

cross-posted at Secret Identities

Secret Identities Toddler Squad!

Yes, even the Dharma Initiative had a RiceDaddy

2009-04-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

In the scene below Miles Straume (who has traveled back to 1977) witnesses the father he never knew reading to a 3-month old Miles:

Earlier in this season of Lost, the writers finally redeemed themselves for initially handicapping Daniel Dae Kim's character with the inability to speak English. Via the literary device known as time travel, they gave Jin three years of English immersion amongst the Dharma Initiative and a handful of lines he could deliver in full (though accented) English sentences.

On Wednesday night, the positive portrayal of diversity was taken even a step further. In the latest episode of Lost, Miles Straume's back story was fleshed out, giving Ken Leung an opportunity to utilize his acting skills in ways few Asian-American actors ever get to do on primetime network television. We even got to see the tender paternal side of the mysterious Dr. Marvin Candle (François Chau), and Miles' mother (Leslie Ishii).

Why is this significant? Let's see... in this episode, we've got:

Asian-Americans in recurring major roles on prime time network television
Asian-Americans who aren't portrayed as perpetual foreigners with foreign accents
Asian-Americans cast in compelling story lines, regardless of ethnicity
Asian-Americans in non-stereotypical roles
Asian-Americans as human, multi-dimensional characters, experiencing the same joys and sorrows as other human beings

I hope we get more of this on television. Maybe MetroDad's sitcom would have a shot on ABC, even though ABC is owned by Disney.

The Disney Machine

2009-04-14T11:14:00.000-07:00

When an institution gets too powerful, the normal economics of benefit to consumers=success don't always apply. The large corporation in American society often becomes more of a benefactor, a partner in the governing of society and the social dialogue. Case in point is the fight over Miley Cyrus's "slant eye" pose.

These corporations affect our kids. I am vigilant about what my son and daughter watch. As minorities who raise minority kids, we have additional responsibilities to teach them what is right, especially since large corporations like Disney don't always have our best interests in mind. Still somewhat angry at the Miley incident, I posted the following on my website today:

Everyone probably already knew this, but Disney has a research department aimed at finding out how to best ensnare young children's minds. One of their researchers is Kelly "the Kid Whisperer" Pena. The article says:

Her undercover mission: to unearth what makes him tick and use the findings to help the Walt Disney Company reassert itself as a cultural force among boys.

It's funny that they mention Anne Sweeney. I actually wrote to Anne Sweeney regarding Miley Cyrus's racism, along with many others. Of course she didn't respond. The entire Asian American blogosphere was up in arms over the racism, but Disney listened instead to the paid consultants who deliver the dollars vs. the millions of Asian Americans who have endured the violence accompanied by that racist gesture.

I believe that the stance (or lack of a stance) that Disney took with Miley Cyrus is morally wrong. It's racism supported by a large institution--Miley crossed from individual to brand a long time ago, and they failed to manage their brand. Disney has tons of money invested in how to best spread a particular message and capture the minds of a particular segment of the young population. I'm not blaming them for expansion--their primary responsibility is to their shareholders. Nor am I saying that we should go crazy over another slight. But it's clearly wrong, and I believe we should be aware. We're probably not going to win this battle, but let's set a foundation so that we can build and influence our young kids to move into a different direction.

Call Me Al

2009-04-09T16:09:00.000-07:00

This story cheesed me off

A North Texas legislator during House testimony on voter identification legislation said Asian-descent voters should adopt names that are “easier for Americans to deal with.” [...]

Brown suggested that Asian-Americans should find a way to make their names more accessible.
“Rather than everyone here having to learn Chinese — I understand it’s a rather difficult language — do you think that it would behoove you and your citizens to adopt a name that we could deal with more readily here?” Brown said.

Brown later told Ko: “Can’t you see that this is something that would make it a lot easier for you and the people who are poll workers if you could adopt a name just for identification purposes that’s easier for Americans to deal with?”

Ridonkulous, though this story -- a favorite of mine as a child and now a growing favorite for young Mace -- might give Brown motivation.

SD

Oriental is a Rug: Five Quick Thoughts on Race

2009-04-05T14:12:00.000-07:00

ORIENTAL IS A RUG

Recently, the Peanut and I were at Whole Foods when an elderly woman approached her and said, "Oh my, aren't you an adorable little Oriental girl?"

Because the lady was so damn old and probably doesn't think she's offending anyone when calls African-Americans "colored people," I shrugged her off and walked away.

Naturally, the Peanut turned to me and said, "Daddy, what's Oriental?"

I have to admit that I kind of stutter-stepped. One thing I love about little kids is that they don't think in terms of race. They don't judge people based on the color of their skin. They judge them on their ability to relate to poop jokes, Dora the Explorer, and farts. As Dennis Leary once said, "Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he fucking hates? Naps! End of list."

Now, for better or worse, I tend to answer the Peanut's endless questions openly and honesty. So I told her, "Oriental is a word used to describe objects from eastern Asia. Like rugs or teapots. Some people of earlier generations mistakenly use the term to describe all Asian people. However, that's generally considered politically incorrect. Does that answer your question, kiddo?"

"Yes, daddy. Can I have a cupcake?"

Proving once again that, in a perfect world, the only color that should ever matter is the icing on your cake.

ARE REDNECKS A MINORITY TOO?

Last year, we hired some workers to clean out my FIL's store in Dallas. Since we were getting rid of everything, we told the movers that they could take whatever they could salvage and sell it themselves. One woman turned to a mover and said, "Why don't you take it to your Indian friends and see if they'll buy it off you?"

To our shock, the mover replied, "Shit. Injuns ain't nothing but Jews. Those bastards will make $2.00 out of a nickel and rip me off. Hell, I can't even decide who I hate worse. Injuns or Jews."

Ten years ago, I probably would have gotten into the guy's face and baited him into a fight. Racial slights are my Achille's heel. Few other things make my blood boil.

However, I'm a father now. My daughter needs me in her life. Part of that social contract involves me making smarter decisions and recognizing that my life has greater importance than it did when I was a young man.

So I took a deep breath and looked at the mover a little more closely. He was missing two teeth, was carrying a knife in his belt, and literally had a "redneck" tattoo on his bicep. The tattoo looked like it was done at home after drinking a bottle of moonshine. He was a scary-looking dude. Even scarier was his 300 lb. son who looked like the illegitimate love child of Sasquatch and Australopithecus.

So what did I do?

I bit my tongue, said nothing, and cursed myself in silence. I think it's important for people to step up and say something when faced with racism, ignorance, and intolerance. That's a philosophy that I want to pass on to my daughter and my silence made me feel like a hypocrite. I hated myself for not beating the crap out of this ignorant redneck but, as it should be, my family's safety trumps everything.

So instead of confronting him, I shorted him on the cash, spit in his soda, and then slashed one of the tires on his pickup truck.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me feel better.

DO I BLAME THE DUMB WHITE CHICK OR THE MEDIA?

Last week, I was in a restaurant when I noticed a young woman staring at me. As I walked by her, she flirtatiously reached out for my arm and said, "I just wanted to say that, for an Asian guy, you're very good looking."

How the fuck did we reach a point in our culture where that's supposed to come off like some sort of damn compliment?

You know what that comment represents to me? That the stereotype of the emasculated Asian male is continuing unabated and the concept of Asian male masculinity is not being portrayed in America's media, pop culture, or society.

Look at the depiction of Asian males in movies today. For the most part, we're portrayed as nerds, computer geeks, or socially inept geeks. The sole exception seems to be the martial arts experts starring in blockbuster action movies. However, has anyone noticed that, even then, the Asian guy never gets the girl? They can kick ass but they can't get a kiss?

I've mentioned it a million times before but take a look around. There are plenty of masculine Asian role models around us: baseball players Ichiro Suzuki and Kaz Matsui, actors Daniel Dae Kim, Will Yung Lee, John Cho, and Sung Kang, and Survivor winner Yul Kwon.

Aside from being great-looking guys, these men are all interesting people doing interesting work. They're smart, outspoken, and charismatic. Whenever I see them, I'm proud that they're changing the perception of Asian men in America.

So why don't we see more of them?

KISSING YOUR BROTHER

I recently met two Asian-American women who told me that they don't date Asian guys.

One woman's rationale was that kissing an Asian-American man felt like kissing her brother. The other Asian-American woman said she simply wasn't attracted to Asian-American men.

Over the course of my lifetime, I've pretty much dated women of every color and ethnicity known to mankind. To me, an attractive woman is simply an attractive woman. Race was usually the last thing I looked for in a woman.

On the other hand, there's a certain comfort in having a shared cultural or ethnic background. When I dated Korean-American women, we could always joke about the pervasive smell of kimchi in the house, the extra homework from our fathers, the ubiquitous consumption of SPAM, and our mothers' steadfast belief that you could die from sleeping with the electric fan turned on all night.

Anyway, I don't disparage the two women who refuse to date members of their own race. However, I do find it interesting that their statements seem to be unique to Asian-American culture. I never hear black women say they won't date black guys because it would be like kissing their own brother. And I've never heard a Latina woman say that she simply wasn't attracted to Latino men.

Why is that?

PUTTING MY MONEY WHERE MY MOUTH IS

Currently, I'm in discussions with several production companies to turn MetroDad into a network television sitcom. All three companies are major players in the entertainment industry and their interest has resulted in my getting agency representation and a potential book deal. Right now, it all looks very encouraging so I'm crossing my fingers and keeping my expectations in check.

Here's the dilemma...

How strong am I willing to push in order to keep the main character Asian-American? Am I willing to jeopardize any potential deal? Would I walk away from the opportunity on principle? How strongly do I even feel about all of this?

The reality is that no network is likely to pick up the sitcom if the lead character is Asian-American. That's a factor beyond my control. Let's face it. America probably isn't ready for a comedy centered around an Asian-American father raising his daughter in New York City.

On the other hand, someone's got to be the first to try, right? How do we know America won't accept an Asian-American lead character in a sitcom if nobody even tries? I'd like to think that if the material is funny enough, people won't even notice that the character is Asian-American. Is that realistic? I hope so, my friends. I hope so.

We'll see what happens as discussions proceed further. I'll keep you all posted.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on all of the above. Fire away!

(Cross posted at MetroDad)

Chinese Hunger for Sons Fuels Boys’ Abductions - NYTimes.com

2009-04-04T22:21:00.000-07:00

Chinese Hunger for Sons Fuels Boys’ Abductions - NYTimes.com

Good Expectations

2009-04-04T21:04:00.001-07:00

When our eldest was our only, our parents told us it was time to leave the city. One of the reasons they used was that all of the "good schools" were in the suburbs. Our parents are not alone in this belief. We also have friends who moved away because of the same belief.

Last year my wife and I got into an argument over a NY1 report about an America's Promise Alliance study that concluded suburban schools have a higher rate of graduation than city schools. We came to an impasse in our conversation about the study.

The comment that caused the impasse: "So suburban schools ARE better than city schools."

We argued the point until we realized we weren't arguing about suburban versus city schools at all! We were arguing the qualities of a "good" school.

In some cases, a school is oversubscribed (meaning more students than available seats) because parents believe it to be the "good" school in the district/zone. The school has gained a positive reputation among parents. However, I have to wonder how deeply parents are actually looking into the schools? Do they have firsthand experience with the school or were they told by peers that the school is a good school?

There's this great comedy routine I saw once. I think it was in an Abbott and Costello movie. Costello walks in front of a skyscraper and just starts staring up. Shortly a whole crowd has formed. Everyone is staring up. As they are doing this, Abbott fleeces them and they are totally unaware. The skit ends when Costello looks away and goes back about his business. One member asks another member in the dispersing crowd, "What were you looking at?" The other member shrugs and walks away. This is what I think of when I think of parents and "good schools."

I am afraid sometimes it just takes that right parent saying the right word in the right ears to determine the success or failure of a school. I am not denying that graduation rates and test scores also play a role. But a school - an education - is so much more - needs to be so much more especially in a democratic society where the voices of the many drive the actions of the few. In addition to academic success, students need to be trained as responsible civic participants.

I agree with the opening statement of the UCLA National Center for Research on Evaluation, Standards, and Student Testing (CRESST) report, What Makes a Good School?

For all the changes implemented in the American classroom, parents and the community in general are ill-prepared to measure the quality of the schools that serve them. As consumers of education, parents and other taxpayers have a right to know if their schools are doing a good job.

Their report identifies the following characteristics as being those of a good school:

Strong and professional administrators and teachers.
A broad curriculum available to all students.
A philosophy that says all children can learn if taught, coupled with high expectations for all students.
A school climate that is conducive to learning. A good school is safe, clean, caring, and well-organized.
An ongoing assessment system that supports good instruction.
A high level of parent and community involvement and support.

The word "Good" itself is problematic. One parent's good is not necessarily another's. And then there is the wordplay between "good" and "good enough," where the latter refers to acceptable performance due the dislike the student's parents and teachers may have towards the activity or subject. For example, a parent accepting his or her child's mediocre math scores and saying, "that's OK. I wasn't good at that either."

As parents, we want what's best for our children. Our understanding of "what's best" is determined by our own successes and failures as well as our social values and what we value. Our definition of a good school follows the same rationale.

In the case of my wife and me, it is not so much the characteristics of a good school we disagree on. It is the priority they are given. Academic rigor and good test scores are important but are they more important than social interaction and hands on experiences?

Before we judge schools as good or bad, we must first determine what we want for our children and then determine which institutions best promote our agenda. We must also prioritize the characteristics of a good school to determine which are most essential and which we can live without or compensate for on our own.

Angry Rice Daddy

2009-04-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

Since Oliver blogged about Jeff, I'll blog about Jason. Jason was honored yesterday at Angry Asian Man as the "Angry Reader of the Week." See the interview here. It's good to see Asian daddies getting web coverage. Great interview too--I liked the fact that there was an activist bent in what he had to say.