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I can not count the number of failures I have had in my life. Some have come in the natural evolution of life while some have been earned. But all have been worth it.

I quit playing baseball when I was just a youngster. I couldn’t have been older than 11 or 12 and I had a coach who ruined the game for me. He took the fun away. I know his intentions were good, but it did not work. But from that moment forward, everything I have done in life has been all about chasing goals while having fun.

My First Digital Agency

When I joined Vaynermedia in the spring of 2011, I had no idea what I was getting into. As employee №16, none of us had a clue. I must say, it was an absolute blast.

I sat next to AJ and Zhang, got to know Joe really well, and enjoyed Marcus’ passion for sriracha. We were a family. But we were all navigating this weird, new space and changing strategies as we went.

Most of the team were young and Vayner was their first job. I had five years in communications and marketing under my belt and was aiming for larger things.

That attitude and approach was the beginning of the end of for me at Vayner. I was impatient with my own career path and my work suffered as a result. I’m not proud of that.

And a year after I started, I was let go. In a way, it was mutual. I needed a reset and they needed someone who was committed.

A few weeks later, I met up with both AJ and Gary (separately) to talk over what happened and what was next for me personally and professionally. They didn’t have to do that, but those meetings taught me kindness and humility in business. I still count them both as friends and long-distance mentors.

I was young and dumb. With each experience I’ve had since then, I have remained focused on learning and finding ways to grow each and every day. In a message about a year ago to Gary I told him I was sorry for how it ended but that I was thankful for our paths crossing. Perspective.

A Massive Breakup

About the same time I was recovering from my exit at Vayner, I ended a five year relationship. Relationships are a challenge in the best of times but we had never had an easy go of it.

For the majority of the relationship we were long-distance and maybe that was our largest obstacle, but our personalities also created friction that never seemed to soften.

We fought (not physically) a lot. My husband will tell you he witnessed one of those fights. He (the ex) and I just had the ability to push each other’s buttons and not in a good way.

In ending that relationship, I went down a rabbit-hole of emotions and soul-searching. There were dark nights and even darker days. I tried to go see a therapist.

Through the months the followed, I learned a lot about myself. I learned strength. I learned freedom. And I learned how to love myself without having to prove anything. Perspective.

A Content-Driven Media Company

Sometime in 2017, I started to talk about an idea that I’d been thinking about for a long time: a media content company. I continued to do research and found that there was a lack of high-quality content for Gen Z, Millennials, and young parents about life, dating, finances, and health.

There is One37pm.com, mom blogs, Buzzfeed, GQ, Martha Stewart Living, and many more.

Our mission was clear: An Empowered Generation.

And our vision clearer: Tell stories to empower the Millennial Generation in life.

We launched in January 2018 and less than 12 months later, we were winding down. We struggled to gain writers, advertisers, and ultimately, a returning audience.

Through it all, I still believe our mission and vision were spot on. Maybe our website was bad. Maybe our timing was off.

Either way, I’m ridiculously proud we launched this project and for what we learned and experienced along the way. Perspective.

Even with all of these failures, I’ve learned along the way. And I’m not afraid to fail again.

Most recently, I worked with my husband on launching his t-shirt lifestyle brand, Bruck & Co. It’s been a dream of our for years and despite COVID-19, we decided it was time to launch.

Life is all about living; mistakes and all. And if it’s all the same, I’ll keep making mistakes and living the best life possible.

There was a page about me. It talked about my biking. My volunteerism. And my love of gardening.

There was a page about Steve: It talked about his baking. His yoga. And our shared love of a good cup of coffee.

We shared about our dog, Aiden, an energetic and extremely personable French bulldog, and about our friends, families and neighborhood.

Listen to the rest of the story which is included at the end of this podcast episode:

Over the past year, me and my family have endured some terrible lows. But also, some of the highest moments in our lives. That’s the nature of this journey we are on and why it is so important to take each and every day as it comes.

In his speech announcing the suspension of his campaign, Pete Buttigieg called the work of his campaign, “soul craft.” I think that’s the work of our lives, too. We fight each and every day for our souls and what makes us sing.

This Einstein quote speaks to me:

“The more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know.”

And it’s true. Each day is a chance to learn something new. To be challenged. To get better.

I wonder what today will bring.

We talk about Richard as a student, raising kids, books, and politics. And some pretty rad life lessons.

Enjoy!

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Many of you know that I have spent parts of my life deeply involved in various political efforts; including two campaigns of my own. The first time I ran, it was the winter of 2002-03 in a special election and the wounds of 9/11/01 were still fresh and raw. The most-recent campaign was in 2017-18.

Both were different in their unique ways, but what I was fighting for really hasn’t changed.

What has is my perspective.

On the day when everything changed for us here in the States, I was merely 17 years old. I was a senior in high school. I was unsure of my future. And I was still very much in the closet.

I speak as the narrator on the podcast and share my own experiences of that day, but as a senior and soon-to-be “adult” I had a different perspective on the world. I knew there was evil in the world, but it had never really shown its face to me. But that changed. And we changed.

We passed new laws. We joined one war and began another. We lost many thousands of lives and hurt many more. And we, for a time, were together.

But that was always going to fade.

But we have faded so far from where we started.

We can’t even date people who have a different world-view. We can’t be friends with or have a beer with people who see the world differently. I cherish those relationships where there are different opinions. It’s what makes us … well, us. One of the podcast guests, Yad Conrad, a native Iraqi now living in California said something towards the end of his interview that struck a cord with me.

He was speaking about how despite our differences — and there are many — what he continues to be drawn to is our human-to-human connection. And it’s true, that’s our common bond. And President Kennedy said it best, “For, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal.”

That is our common bond.

And it’s true. We need to continue to show ourselves worthy of this American experiment which has stood for nearly two and a half centuries. But it takes conversation. It takes compromise. It takes a community of people willing to stand up and do the hard work. To listen. To run into a building that was just hit with an airplane. It takes the heart of someone overtaking a plane to save countless lives on the ground. It takes guts. It takes passion. And I know we can do it. We have done it before.
And we can do it again. 

However, it continues to be something I work on.

And as such, it is important to be transparent. And open. And honest. If I’m going to be a good husband and father and teach my daughter that emotions and feelings are okay, then I have to be okay expressing mine.

I’m posting this article on September 2 and it isn’t by accident. On this day, 19 years ago, a friend of mine killed himself. If you do the math, I was 16 years old. A junior in high school. He would be the first of three over three years. None of us will ever really know what happened and why. But here is the truth about me. I was a depressed teenager. In those years, I had deep moments of despair, anger, isolation, and sadness. I fought the inner demons. And often.

I particularly remember a very dark week in the winter of 2001-02 when I stopped eating, held pills in my hand, and looked outside at the freezing frozen earth outside and considered my options. On another occasion I held a sharp knife in my hands. And still on another I remember being behind the wheel and having the dark demon encroach into my thoughts.

Suffice it to say, those have been my darkest hours. But I came through. And I’m not worse for the wear. I’m better.

And today is good. I’m a constant work in progress, but I try to do better each and every day. A friend and I were texting a few weeks back; someone I’ve known for a long time. And I simply told him that I loved him. And he said the same. And then he followed that with a statement for more important and valuable and it reminded me of one of my most important jobs as a parent. He said he is raising his son to know and understand his emotions and to share them.

We have to do better as parents and fellow adults. It’s okay to have feelings. And damnit, it is okay for men to hug and express their affection for each other. Life is too short to not express yourself.

I’m good today. I still have rough days but never to those dark valleys I once roamed. I’m free of that demon. And it is my job now to ensure I stay where I am and pull others up.

Be kind. Be human. And know that each moment is a chance to extend your arms and embrace someone who you love and care about.

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