It was the summer of 1995 when I won the world championship weight-lifting challenge. Granted, I was in a middle-range weight class, but I did it none-the-less. And can you guess the best part of the whole thing? I didn’t work out a single day of my life prior to the competition. Yup, not even a pushup. No special diets, no rigorous training plans, no real planning what so ever.

Of course, that glorious win ended after my morning alarm went off.

It just isn’t possible. No one on this planet could get any accomplishment done without putting in some real effort. Some type of work or elbow grease to get the job done. You can’t just think you’re way into a job. No amount of wishing is going to solve all of your problems.

What am I talking about? Self-Growth Exercises. Practicing what you learn to make it ‘stick’ in your life.

There are exercises all over the web and self-help books that are meant to solidify what you learn. It’s important that you attempt the exercises you come across. Not everything will seem useful, but give them a shot with a childlike curiosity. See what comes out and what you can learn. It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, but that you learn along the way.

You may run across an exercise or two that don’t seem relevant because of some weird detail. It would be better for you to change that detail to something that makes sense than to not do the exercise at all. In other words, look for ways to make the work, work. Seek to learn and apply. Application is a key to bringing good work to life.

Remember to Take a Break, Too

Giving yourself time to let information sink in is another important point about training and learning. Your brain really does need time to write what you learn to long-term storage. For instance, if you take your first golf lessons in the early morning and immediately head over to basketball practice, then you’re golf learning won’t stick as much.

It’s a great and wonderful thing you have between your ears – the brain. It takes a ton of energy to operate and never stops working. When you sleep, it’s maintaining your body, trying to communicate all kinds of things to you, and writing your day’s learning to your long-term storage. Truly a marvelous thing you’ve got there.

Try to work with it. Work with your body in the way it was meant to run. Before you decide to take on a big chunk of learning, get ready. Eat well, sleep well, and make sure you have time dedicated to the task at hand. Don’t just go in willy-nilly, hoping to wiz through everything you do.

Now that you’ve prepared yourself to take on the useful task of changing yourself for the better, make sure you don’t do too much at once. You have to take a break every once in a while to let your good work sink in. You’ve got to let your mind write the lessons down. Let your brain accept the goods you’re giving it.

Do what works for you, but I recommend making a plan. Set aside 30 minutes a day to absorb and digest a portion of the self-growth information you come across. Or maybe consider one hour every other day. You know what works in your life. Don’t do any more than you think you can handle at a time. But don’t do any less, either! Take on just enough. With moderation comes great progress.

To be the change you want to see in the world, you gotta do the work and let it soak in.

What’s your personal plan for taking on self-help?

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Have you ever been to a science or fine arts museum?  There are displays and things to look at around every corner.  Some really strike a chord with you and some just bounce off.  No biggie, right?  You wouldn’t expect everything in there to tickle your fancy.  But you would consider it a good day out on the town, right?  You can see it as a good exploration through things new to you.

Take the same approach to this website and the ideas here.  Not every piece of information will hit home when it comes to your personal life.  I’m not in front of you at a coffee shop hearing you share your every hope and desire.  I can’t possibly tailor this website for the infinite character that is in everyone.

I aim for what works best for most folks.  A lot of the information, exercises, and ideas I use here over the years will be new or just a different take on the familiar.  I don’t expect all of what’s presented here to make an impact on everyone.  I do know that at least one thing on this website will change your life forever.  What I don’t know is when.

Keep your eyes open for that one thing.  Tune your ears, your attention, and your curiosity toward finding at least that one thing.  I have a sneaking suspicion you’ll find much more, but let’s focus your curiosity on finding the big one for now.  Open your mind and rekindle your childhood curiosity.

Have your mind on how the information here can help you, instead of how it can’t.  I think you’ll be surprised with the results, but then again – you might not be surprised at all.  Give it a shot, and expect the best.

Let’s keep on blogging and keep on growing.

What do you expect to get out of this website?

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I’ve learned a lot about writing over the past few years (enough to know I still have a long way to go).  Paying special attention to writer’s block has turned up a wonderful piece of advice.  Something scary enough to stop professional writers dead in their tracks deserves some attention.  Here goes.

Do doctors get doctor’s block?  How about meteorologists – do they get meteorologists’ block?  Do gardeners get gardener’s block?  Accountants get accounter’s block?  Cooks get cooker’s block?  See where I’m going here?  There are plenty of jobs out there – if you see them as just jobs.  You can begin to see that a professional level of performance requires a professional mindset.  Just do it, so to speak.

I can tell myself I’m no good at making wood furniture because it’s just my hobby.  I would be way out-of-line to tell myself I can slack off raising my kids.  I can’t – it’s part of who I am.  I have a duty, a service, and a commitment to raise my kids and help my family.

By being committed to a duty, promise, and path of life, you do what it takes to get stuff done.  Sure, some days are harder than others and your output isn’t tip-top.  That’s okay – it happens to us all.  On average, you do the best you can and you do fine.

What it Will Take for Effective Personal Change

The story’s the same for working on you.  If you want to make you a better you, then you’ll have to be committed to change.  You’ll choose to do what it takes to do more, be more, and grow more.  Not because you’re doing it as a hobby, but because you know it’s what you’re meant to do.

Work on yourself because it’s your future and it’s in your control.  What happens when you stop caring about your work and not controlling what gets done?  You get some negative attention from your boss and that can turn into a lost job.  Choose to win, put in the work, and your part is taken care of.

Simple, but Not Easy

Simple enough, right?  But I won’t stop there.  Changing your life for the better is a simple thing to think about, plan for, and do.  Now, you might be thinking I’ve gone off the deep end with this one.  Bear with me.

Change is simple.  There is nothing complex about committing to doing things differently.  You know smoking is bad for you, you decide to change, and you’re genuinely interested in doing it.  See?  That was really simple.  No detailed math problems here.

But, personal change, or quitting smoking for that matter, is definitely not easy.  Simple – easy – what’s the difference?  Think I’m splitting hairs?  I’m not.

Personal change is very simple, but not easy.

• It will require dedicated effort on your part.
• It will take time – sometimes a whole lot of time.
• It will take support from the people around you.
• It will take dropping some harmful habits you like.
• It will take structure, direction, and thinking.
• It will take work.  A lot of work.  Simple, not easy, work.

Writing a book is a simple process.  You just put words to paper.  No problem.  But it sure as heck ain’t easy.  The planning, the writing, the research, the rewriting, the editing, the advice, the review, the rewriting, the more rewriting, the formatting, and the confidence to get it all done.

The confidence to stand by your work and stay strong no matter what the critics say, no matter how rainy the day, and no matter how many times you get rejected by Oprah for a review.  You just keep at it, putting a whole lot of simple work into focused effort.

Keep on keeping on.  It won’t be easy, but I can guarantee personal change is simple.

What’s your biggest bear right now?  What’s the next step you can take?

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I’ve gone through my fair share of self-development advice books. There is a ton of great stuff out there and I’ll recommend them as I come across them. But, with a large library of resources to fall back on or into, I really began to notice some differences.

Some self-improvement methods just seem to strike a chord with me more than others. I really like details, technical hoopla, and tons of research. But it’s not something I want to read over and over again.

The approach I take on this site is a combination of what has worked for me and what I think will work for most folks. Here are the three feet to my self-help stool.

It’s Got to be Accessible

I like to deliver cake. I take all of those self-help ingredients that make up good advice and turn them into something you can digest. Not the scholar, psychologist, biochemical engineer, rocket scientist, or geospatial intelligence analyst. It’s hard enough to figure out this self-discovery journey. The last thing you need is a bunch of technical jargon to get in the way.

I make the information accessible to you so you can have better access to help. So you can really begin to focus on making yourself better, instead of trying to find a dictionary. I know I enjoy paying attention to the learning when the information comes across smoothly. I trust you do, too.

Practical is as Practical Does

“All you need to do is stop watching TV, and your time issues will be fixed!”
“Just stop doing the things that hold you back and you’ll be awesome in no time!”
“Focus on the good in your life and the good will focus on you!”

And so on. The ideas behind these blurbs are great and they really do strike a chord with most folks. But it’s really hard to do anything with them. You read over them, digest them a bit, and then say, “okay… and?” They’re great for reminding you of the best path, but they don’t give you any hints on how to travel the path.

I aim to give you directions, maps, and details to make your journey clear. It won’t be personally tailored to your life, but it’ll be useful for types of things you can work on. I won’t send you down into a dark alley, wishing you well in your life.

I’m going to arm you with a backpack full of food, tools, sleeping gear, navigation items, and the knowledge to use them all. You’ll be your own master at doing what you want to do to be a better you. I’ll give you information you can use. Self-help for regular folks.

I’m a regular guy on a mission and I want to help you on yours.

Make it Directly Applicable or I’ll Ignore It

Speaking of that library of self-help books, there’s another thing I want to point out. Have you run across advice that sounds great – almost too good to be true? Advice that seems like it only fits people who are:

• already successful
• already know what you want to do in life
• already have a network of super-powerful people
• too far removed from “regular-Joe” to understand life

I have. And, again, while I can see some truth to the utopian advice sometimes given, I think you want more. I believe you want help, advice, and information that is directly applicable to your life. You as a spouse, brother, sister, parent, teacher, lover, neighbor, friend, and life explorer.

The advice, exercises, and information here are tailored to match everyday life. To be directly useable in the roles I know you’ll be in at any given moment. To really be useful in any situation in your life. I aim to give you tools you can use in more than just the perfect situation.

I’m giving you a belt and a set of suspenders, not a bio-hazard suit and a bass guitar.

What’s your approach to Self-Help?

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I recently enrolled Exposing the Learning Curve into Amazon’s Kindle Select program.  Not sure how awesome the Select program is, but it did come with a nice bonus.  The ability to give my book away for free!  Well, for a total of 5 days in 3 months, anyway.

I’m throwing my last 3 Promotion days together this Tuesday through Thursday — midnight PST on 01/24 to midnight PST on 01/26.

The Book Pitch Intro

Sometimes you get in a rut and aren’t really sure what to do. You mope about and wonder when you’ll finally get that big break to carry you above life’s messes.  What if that break never comes? Does your desire to learn end right there?  It just might… unless you know where you stand on the Learning Curve.

In this revealing book, you will learn how to spot which Phase you are in, grow your way to the next level through relevant exercises, and how to strengthen your best traits in the process.  Power through the learning brick-wall and take control of your future.

Why Should You Care?

1. You’ll gain self-awareness, instead of blindly ramming into roadblocks.
2. You’ll feel the confidence that comes with knowing what to expect.
3. You’ll live the joy of rediscovering your past interests.
4. You’ll learn what it takes to win next time.
5. You’ll learn to do more, by being more.

What Makes This Book Different?

• You get a small piece of the “learning pie” and devour it – leaving you full of goodness. This is not the be-all and end-all to learning theory, but it’s a dang good slice.
• I’m not a fan of big words, when they’re not needed. You pay more attention to a string of small words than a blur of $1.97 words. You know them, I know them – let’s just talk.
• The time invested is small – you’ll finish this book in one evening. The lessons will endure for much longer.

For less than a can of soda (especially since it’s free), you can have new understanding to help you to the next level.

Go get it for yourself, digest it, and get ready for that ah-ha moment.

Then There Was the End – And a New Beginning

And since this post will still be here after the promotion days, I enabled loaning the Kindle eBook.  Ya’ll please loan the book out as much as you’d like.  Free is fun, especially if there’s learning going on.

Hope it serves you well and have a great day!

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At any given moment, do you know what is going to happen 5 minutes from now? How about a week? Month? Year? 5? 10? Now, you may have a pretty good guess at what is coming your way, but can you say with certainty what is going to happen?

Probably not. There are an infinite number of things that can happen between now and 15 minutes from now. You are never able to know exactly what will happen from moment to moment.

Ask yourself, if you can’t really know what’s next, why do you sometimes expect the worst? You always have the choice between expecting or thinking about any choice and sometimes you pick the negative outcome. Sure, positive expectations are a part of life, but wouldn’t you like more? Wouldn’t you like to expect more in your favor?

Go ahead and do it. You don’t know what’s coming – you can’t know what’s coming. No amount of magic, psychic power, star-alignment, or lottery luck will make you 100% sure what is coming in your life. Expect the best. Expect something that is, at a minimum, favorable to you.

You Can Pick the Positive Path

Headed to an interview and you’re a little nervous? Do you tell yourself you’ll bomb it because you don’t know what to say or what the interviewer is like? Or do you have confidence in you research on the company and your qualifications? Do you remember to be calm, friendly, professional, and genuinely interested in trying to help this company see why you are the perfect fit?

Does the positive version of the interview example seem unreasonable? Seems unreasonable – maybe: do you know for sure it is unreasonable – no. What specifically makes it more unreasonable that the negative interview example?

I know you’ve heard it before, but a self-fulfilling prophecy is what you’re working with here. It’s a prophecy that makes sure you will always get what you expect. Not what you want – what you expect.

Start expecting in your favor. Anything else is making guesses of the future against yourself.

What Holds You Back Today is Tomorrow’s Goal

Think back with me for a minute. Think back to the time you first tried to do something you didn’t think you could ever do. Was it ride a bike? Dance? Ask someone out on a date? Drive a car? Or maybe climb a mountain? Think about one example of something that stopped you dead in your tracks.

One thing I’ve overcome is being shy talking to women. I just didn’t get it. I was either too nice, too much like their brother, or too nerdy. I never seemed to mesh with those I tried to talk to. Looking back, I can see many things I did wrong. The main thing I didn’t do was take a chance.

I was too afraid to step out on a limb and just see if it could hold my weight? What’s the worst that would happen? Disaster as I fall and break my heart into a billion-and-a-half pieces. No, no, no. I wasn’t that fragile, but sometimes that’s what it felt like. Until I took a chance.

I took a chance, over a decade ago, to ask for a shot with the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met. And she said no. I wash almost crushed. No, I was crushed. This was the one big time I finally got out there and BAAM I came crashing down. What would you do now?

Give Yourself Permission to Go for Gold

I never really crossed paths with her again for a few months. But, after that short span of time, she gave me another chance. This time I stepped out, stuck the landing, and was determined to see how this tree of life would grow. We’re now married, with two lovely kids, and life is great.

At the beginning of my ‘trial,’ it seemed impossible to win over her heart. But I finally decided to not give up. I realized that she was worth the chance. Heck, I realized that I would be worth the chance. I’m not saying I was a reward for her, but that I owed it to myself to see what I had in me. To really express what I had to offer and what I could do for her.

If you have something that you want to achieve, then there is something you can be doing today to make it come true. You can take at least one step toward your goal that will move you in that direction. No one says you have to get there in a straight line or that you won’t need help along the way. But you have to do something to start down that path.

What seems impossible today, may be obtainable tomorrow.
Effort and expectation.
Will and Work.

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Knowing what I know now, I could have done so much more when I was younger.  It’s a shame,  that almost limitless energy and passion I didn’t use when I was in college.  That time I spent playing games late at night when I could have played toward my goals.  Or those even earlier years when I was too busy breaking driving laws instead of working on driving my future.

All of those missed hours, all of those unfocused efforts, all of that unfocused life.  I know it wasn’t wasted because it helped me become the person I am today.  But, I didn’t apply it the best way I could.  I regret a big portion of that unfocused time.  I could have done so much more.

The same applies for now.  If you imagine yourself in the future 10 years, looking back on today, what do you think you would tell yourself?  What kinds of things would your future, more-successful-self tell your today-self?

PRACTICE TIME: Give this some real thought.  Take a break and write 3 or 4 things down on a piece of paper.  Now fold it up, lock it away, and don’t look at it for a year or more.  This will be a nice surprise in addition to being a great exercise.

If you want to take it up a notch, write a letter as your future-self to your today-self.  What advice would you give?  Anything to avoid or stop doing now?

Shine some light on today from a day much further away.  Go up, look back, and see the steps between then and now that will get you there.

Don’t Dwell On It – Be Motivated From It

You might be wondering how this dwelling on the past could be helpful.  I mean, it sounds pretty negative doesn’t it?  It does, but focusing on just the negative would miss the point.  Take note, you get to choose what you get out of your life – every waking moment.

What you expect guides what you get.

Don’t wait around for that future date to do something.  Take the first step toward that future today and aim for the next step tomorrow.  It may be a 1,000 step journey, but it starts with that first decision to move.

If you know you want to write a book, start it.  If you know you want to teach kids, start reading about teaching.  If you know you want to race cars professionally, start hanging out with professionals.  If you want to be more than you are now, you have to do something different.  Something more you than you.

• The pyramids were built stone by stone.
• The Space Station was build module by module.
• The railroads were laid one steel beam at a time.
• Your town was built block by block.
• A book is written in 1,000 word chunks.
• A relationship is nurtured one flower at a time.
• A child is raised hug by hug and time-out by time-out.
• A mind is developed one ah-ha moment at a time.

You do so much more than you think and get so much accomplished.  Apply this to the areas of your life you want to grow.  Build your life one step at a time – go ahead and let yourself get started, now.

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You’re on a deserted island.  No ship, no city, no person in sight.  As far as you can tell, you are the only person on the island and it’s been that way for a long time.  You woke up on this island with no physical possession except for the clothes on your body.  You have absolutely nothing left.

Is this the end of your days?  Are you doomed without anything to call your own or use?  Or maybe there is a chance, but you just need to figure out a way?

Nothing in the physical world is secure or permanent.  There is always something that can bring an end to any worldly thing.

Have a nice house?  BAAM.  Hello, tornado.
Have a hefty 401(k)?  BAAM.  Howdy, global recession.
Have a nice job?  BAAM.  Thanks a lot, corporate downsizing.

There are three things that will determine your survival.  (1) Your drive to get stuff done, (2) your knowledge, and (3) your experience with the situation.  Your drive, thoughts, and experience – the only things that you can’t pack in a suitcase.  The only things you can never lose.

Putting your efforts and faith into worldly things will only disappoint.  Maybe not today and maybe not anytime soon.  But, until you focus yourself on things which are untouchable by externals, you are setting yourself up for road bumps.

If you figure out how to handle the things life throws at you, then it doesn’t matter what island you’re on.

Paycheck to Paycheck and Minute to Minute

I’ve fallen victim to this a few times before.  Oh woe is me when it comes to making the money beasts happy!  The lights, the car, the home, the food, the fun.  How will I ever make a difference in the world and my life if I can’t get away from the bills?!

The same way you put on a shirt.  One button at a time.

And it’s not just the money that pounds you down.  It’s the time.  Your time is valuable and there just isn’t enough of it.  60 minutes to an hour, 24 hours a day, 168 hours a week – where is the available free-time?

Right before your eyes.  The average person in America watches a little over three hours of television per day.  That’s 21 hours per week.  That’s a little more than half of the time you spend working at your job.  Are you absolutely sure you couldn’t trade some of that time to getting other stuff done?  100% sure?  Double-dog dare swear sure?

Here is a small list of things you can get done in less than 1 hour:

• research 1 new job on a job board
• take an online strengths assessment test
• apply for 1 new job on a company website
• write a letter to 1 mentor for advice
• find and follow 15 influential people on Twitter
• have a short “future planning” pow-wow with your spouse
• grab 1 book on an interesting subject at the library
• read 1 chapter of that interesting book
• write 1,000 words of a blog post, book, or short story

Still not interesting enough?  What happens if you keep this up for a week?

• research 7 new jobs on a job board
• take 7 online strengths assessment tests
• apply for 7 new jobs on company websites
• write a letter to 7 mentors for advice
• find and follow 105 influential people on Twitter
• have 7 short “future planning” pow-wows with your spouse
• read 7 chapters of that interesting book
• write 7 separate 1,000 word blog posts
• write 1 full short-story of 7,000 words
• write 7,000 words of a book, which is about 10% of a novel

Starting to see the benefit here?  Find or make time for an extra 1 hour a day and you can have tremendous results soon.  In one month, for the average American, you can watch 84 hours of TV.  Or, you can watch 63 hours of TV and have the following accomplishments under your belt:

• research and apply for 30 new jobs
• write a letter to 30 mentors for advice
• find and follow 450 influential people on Twitter
• read 30 chapters of that interesting book, which is probably 2 short books or 1 decent length book
• write 30 separate 1,000 word blog posts, or 60 different 500 word blog posts
• write 4 full short-stories of 7,500 words
• Have roughly half of a novel written

How would any of this help you above and beyond your normal life?  You can start doing the things you want and living the life you want: one hour at a time.  Put in the extra effort now, and reap the rewards later.

Break free of what holds you down and start multiplying the world.

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Life Gives You the License, You Have to Earn the Right

You just turned sixteen. Dad’s car is shinier than it’s ever been. You’re ready to rip into the pavement for one heck of an adventure. You’ve been able to drive for a while now – Dad’s given you lessons since you were nine. You just don’t have the State license, yet.

A person from the Department of Public Safety comes to your door to deliver your license. No test needed, no proof, no nothing – you’re good to go. Dad hand’s you the keys, $517 in cash, his credit cards, and a hearty smile. He wishes you well and suggests you come home whenever you want.

That’s just how it all happened for you, right? Well, not exactly.

Yes, you are born with the ‘license’ to drive. Nothing, except maybe your height and ability to reach the pedals, actually stops you from trying to drive. You could do it if you really wanted to. But, you haven’t earned the ‘right.’ You haven’t gone through the motions and training to do it safely, according to the State.

You were born with the license to be all that you want to be. The rest of your life is spent to earn the right. What you put into your journey will be what you get out of it.

If you want to drive your future right, then you have to learn and earn the right.

Only You Want it the Most

But this brings up another important point. Dad won’t teach you unless you really want it. The DPS won’t give you a license unless you fill out the forms and pass the test. You won’t just be handed everything you need to start your driving. Want to know why?

You are the only one who can do it, and who cares most about your journey. Sure, you can get help along the way, but no one is as interested in the results as you are. You know other people have their own lives to live. The last thing they usually expect is to take on other people’s life journeys.

And if you don’t want the good outcomes that are due for good efforts, why would others care? Can you push a string? Can you drag a horse’s head under the lake and force water inside? Does water stay in the shape of the cup when poured out?

Know, believe, and act like you are the biggest fuel for your success in all that you do – this side of Heaven.

Tired of Looking for a Way Out?

Did you know you could get a monkey stuck for a very long time, by his own choice? Simply find a tree with a hole in it, roughly monkey-fist-sized, and put a few cubes of sugar inside. The monkey will reach in, grab the sugar, find that his hand no longer fits, and will just sit there.

There he is, stuck and too stubborn to let the sugar go or find another way out. To him, this is an impossible situation and the world is crashing down. To an observant you, it’s a simple matter of opening the monkey’s hand and dropping the sugar. So simple!

Too often, we become the monkey. We latch on to things we think we need, or want, and step on our own toes in the process. Grabbing on to the prize before our eyes and ignoring the rest of our surroundings.

Do you sometimes feel stuck? Feeling like nothing good can come in your current situation? Or maybe you keep telling yourself that you’re locked in a box and can’t get out? Is it possible that you’re just too close to the door to see the doorknob? Or maybe that there’s another door around the corner?

You’re more in control of what you get out of life than you think. Every problem has more than one solution. Sometimes, just knowing that you have choices is all it takes to get unstuck. If you ever think you you’ve done all you can to solve a problem, then I have a suggestion.

Step back, look at the picture with a new set of eyes, and do something you wouldn’t normally do. Stick to your morals, but do something different. Go in expecting the best. You’ll have some real good feedback no matter what happens. What you choose to do with the feedback determines your outcome.

But whatever you do – don’t be the monkey.

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You’ve probably read a self-help or personal development book before.  Just a guess.  I’ll also go out on a limb and guess that some of them try to tell you something like this.  “If you believe it – it will be so!”

I agree - kind of.

What they don’t tell you is that thinking is the first step to growing yourself.  Making up your mind to change gets you in the right frame of mind to change.  It doesn’t actually change anything externally.  And until you figure out how to live in a completely internal world – that might not be useful.

Do you like cake?  Well, do you like sugar?  How about eggs?  Vanilla?  Flour?  Salt?  Milk?  Heat?  Time to cook?  Frosting?  Decorating?  Preparing?  Selling?  Or do you just like to eat cake?  You’d probably balk at the grocery store if their Bakery section just had boxes of ingredients, right?

You want a finished product.  You want something you can digest.  Something you can sink your teeth into and put to use right away.  You already made your mind up about getting the cake, getting the one you want, how you were going to get it, and what you were going to do with it when you get it.  But now you want to eat it!

Get your ingredient in order, but know that you have to actually do something before you can eat it.

Imaginary cake tastes like nothing.  Real cake tastes yummy.

Here’s a little graph that might help:

Think right, do the work, and be the change.

What Comes With Personal Change?

So here it comes.  The big “what’s in it for me?” part of the story.   The overall ‘why?’ when it comes to personal change.

Change, by definition, means something different.  Something is going to be something else, sometime soon.  A whole lot of something else and not what you are used to right now.  Small stuff and big stuff.

You can expect to see gradual, if not immediate, changes in a few things once you get started.  Like what motivates you, what kind of job you want, the friends you hang out with, how your family members interact with you, personal hobbies and interests, and your growth.

You will begin to think differently.  You will begin to act differently.  You will begin to see the world in a whole new light.  It’s like seeing the negative-space (white-space) arrow in the FedEx logo.  Once you’ve seen it, you’ll always see it.  But if you don’t know about it, you never will.

There will be some rough spots that you’ll need to be ready for.  Not everyone will be as accepting to change as you are now.  Some will push back.  This is understood for family folks and you’ll have to work with them.  They are there for life.  Friends, coworkers, neighbors, and acquaintances are a different story.  They might have to be dropped.

Your growth is in your own hands.  No other person out there can make you do anything.  It is a choice you come to grips with, make, and then bring to life.  Other people are just talking.  You’ll have to make it work, while you do the work.

Sorry – I’m making it sound worse than it is.  If you are genuinely interested in making your life better, then the environment around you will eventually support you.  It’ll take some time, but it’ll get there.

Work on patience.
Work on giving.
Work on being a better you, by working on being a better you.

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Let me ask you something frank.  Was the awkwardness and uncertainty of puberty the most favorite time of your life?  Did you enjoy the pimples, the raging hormones, and the scary “not understanding my situation” parenting?  Do you think your life would have been any different if you skipped it all?  Perpetually an undeveloped person?

Regardless of whether or not you had a choice to physically grow up – you did.  You went through a biologically necessary step to move toward non-teendom.  You grew up and changed because you had to.  Your past brought you to the present.

There can be no other way.  Your past actions, decisions, and thoughts have made you what you are today.  They weren’t ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – no judgmental thoughts needed.  They just got you here.  Good, bad, or indifferent.  They were necessary steps to make you – you.

Sure, you could have learned about Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends & Influence People” back in 7th grade and skyrocketed your public speaking career.  But you didn’t.  That’s not necessarily a bad thing.  It’s just a fact.  A fact about your past.  You also didn’t win the lotto or travel to Rome, yet.

You Always Make the Best Decisions You Can – Now Move On

I remember when I first starting trying to learn woodworking.  I had a hand-me-down miter saw, a hacksaw, plastic level, and a sander.  I was a little nervous at first, but I did a decent job making simple furniture, shelves, and the likes.

I did the best I could with the tools I had available to me at the time.  Sure, I started reading up about this vast subject.  I quickly picked up a table saw, made a bunch of jigs, drill-press, work-bench, router, et cetera, et cetera.  My furniture quality greatly improved.

The next time you find yourself mentally wandering back to a time when you did something “less-than-optimally,” (read: sucky) think about this.  You did the best you could with the tools you had available at that time.

This makes sense, doesn’t it?  If you had a clearly better option, or you were in better control of your emotions, and you had a better idea of how to make the world a better place – you probably would have done it differently.  This is always a true statement.  You are not perfect and thereby always have room to grow.

Accept the past results, get new tools, and start making yourself better, now.

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Now, my wife might disagree with me, but I’ve grown a lot since I was a little one.  I can look back and see that I had a certain type of personality then.  Sure, some of it has remained unchanged, but a large portion of it has matured and transformed.

I like to think it’s all been for the better.  But that’s not the point.  The meat of the matter is – the only constant in life is change.  You start out trying to figure out the world, then you turn your focus on other people, and eventually end up trying to figure out yourself.

You already know change is a life-long process.  It’s one of those things that’s been so close to your nose you can’t smell it anymore.  But it’s there – oh how it’s there.

Recognize and accept that change is a necessary part of life.  If it wasn’t, then you’d still be in diapers.  Then again, things change and you’ll probably end up in them later.

Change happens.  Might as well make sense of it and profit.

Not Everything Will Make Sense Now, But it Will Soon

I distinctly remember the time I learned about negative numbers when I was a child.  I was at a friend’s house, admiring his gigantic Lego city, when he started talking about his older brother’s math class.  He was learning about positives, zero, and then some mysterious beast I’ve never heard of.

He said his brother was learning numbers that were… BELOW ZERO.  WHAT?!?!

I immediately dipped into defensive denial mode.  I told him he was a liar and wouldn’t hear any more of it.  This piece of information was so outside my realm of understanding I was paralyzed.  I went home the biggest doubter of “higher math” this side of 6 years old.

Less than a few years later, it all made sense.  What I didn’t understand then, though deeply planted inside, meant a whole lot later.  That seed of a thought was finally nurtured and grew into a tree that lead to Project Engineering for NASA.

Not everything you experience on your personal change adventure will make sense the first time around.  That’s perfectly fine.  Commit to go into what you experience with an open mind.  Accept all that you can, to the degree that you are able.  Nothing less – nothing more.

Free your mind and the rest will follow.  It’s the En Vogue thing to do.

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There’s something awesome, frightening, and wonderful that pops up after having a child.  No matter how many books, lectures, grandma’s, and PhD’s you learn from, you can’t be prepared enough for this event.

Imagine, you’re thrown out of a quiet, comfy, and decidedly adult home – only to find yourself completely out of your element.  There are now loud screams every 2-3 hours, regardless of whether it is night or not.  There is now a constant need for food, attention, diapers, and playing for a new human being.

You can’t just put this little guy out on the porch when you’re tired.  There is no more “me time,” “quiet time,” or “alone time.”  You have transitioned to a phase of life where the next day, heck hour, is unknown.

Change is the new norm.

You accept it because you love your child, family, and are a responsible parent.  You don’t know what you need to do at any given time, but you go along anyway.  And just when you’re getting used to junior sleeping through the night…

BAAM.  Here’s a tooth.

Then he can crawl.
Then he says he loves you for the first time.
Then he likes light sockets.
Then he talks back.
Then he tells his first joke.
Then he’s a teen.

Then your house is empty again.  A long since unfamiliar empty.

Make change the new norm or you might as well take your place in a museum today.

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Add as many to your toolbox as you can. It's time to get to work!

Change can be a scary beast.  It is, by definition, not what you’re used to.  It takes you out of your comfort zone, throws you on the tracks, and doesn’t tell you when the next train is coming.  You are on your own – champion of your world.

Does that scare you or energize you?  I hope to help you be energized even more than you already are.

There are 3 very important tools for self-improvement that you need to master before going any further on your personal-development journey.  You’ve got to know you are allowed, be more proactive, and to take more responsibility for your actions.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Change

It might be hard to wrap your head around this, but I have a little secret.  More often than not, you are waiting for someone to give you permission to do something.  What something?  That something that will make your life better.

But who is this person that will grant such awesome permission to you?  Do you file a request with your county officials?  Does your 4th grade art teacher need to write you a letter?

You do not need anyone’s permission to change your life for the better.  It’s probably hard to believe this is an issue.  If that’s the case, then just take my word for it.  Believing it’s true is irrelevant here.

What is relevant is that you use this time, right now, to give yourself permission to change.  You don’t get off the hook that easily.  Say it with me – this is very important.

“I give myself permission to change.”

“I now have permission to grow.”

“My growth journey has been approved.”

Feel better?  Just in case, I give you permission to change, too.  There.  Now you’ve taken the first step to change and grow.  Congratulations!

2. Choose to Make a Move Instead of Waiting or Reacting

A lot of times you can be held back by waiting around for the right time.  Or maybe the right event to happen.  Some external factor that will run across your path somehow.

Does your body wait for it to be sunny outside to take a breath?  No.  It does what it needs to do to sustain life.  It was designed that way.  It has an absolute necessity to keep on breathing no matter what.  It’ll even hurl a nice, tasty treat out of your throat if it thinks you chose the wrong direction for it.

Think about that for a minute.  You could benefit from heeding the wisdom of the respiratory system.  Aim to always be proactive, adaptable, and flexible.  If you wait for someone else to deliver oxygen to you… well, your journey might leave you short of breath.

3. Take Responsibility – Stop Blaming Others

You’ve heard it before.  “When you point at someone, you have 3 fingers pointing back at you.”  Did you ever stop to really think about that for a minute?

Is the problem you perceive really someone else’s fault?  *Completely* their fault?  If you weren’t in the picture at all, would everything still have worked out the same?

I am not blaming you and I don’t want you to blame yourself.  Being responsible for your actions is not the same as the negativity born of blame.  This isn’t the point of accepting responsibility for your actions.  The point is to have a stake in the game.  If you are detached from all that happens in the world, then you only receive a fraction of the opportunities to learn in life.

If you tend to dodge and point to other folks when something bad happens, I suggest seeing if there are any fingers pointing back at you.  Write down possible lessons you can gain from these situations.  Regardless of who is actually at fault.

Don’t look at these situations as opportunities to place blame.  Look at them as a chance to advance.  Be an investigator – always looking for useful clues.  Blame quickly becomes irrelevant.

Growing for Change Makes Sense

You’re empowered and approved to charge off up and through your personal growth journey now.  You know you need to take steps instead of waiting for things to dodge.  And hey, it really would help to start accepting a bit more credit for the things that happen in your life.

Own up to life, learn from the curve-balls it throws you, and you’ll be batting your best in short order.

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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, folks!

Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Be merry and love your folks, now, ya’ hear!? :)

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Create the bridge and cross it.

Whether you’re looking for ideas for New Year’s resolutions or just hints & tips on living life a little better – I have a treat for you!

The following list of 101 items will help you to be a better you, if you choose to accept the challenge.  These are not things that can be done in one day.  This is more of a year-long-checklist than a month’s to-do-list.  The idea is to scan through, pick something you like one day, and grab another some other day.

Whatever your choice method for heading through this extensive list of self-improvement helpers, just commit to doing something.  Maybe that’s just reading through the list.  Maybe it’s doing 1 from each heading before March.  Maybe it’s all 102.  (oops – secret’s out!)  You decide.

As long as you plan to grow this year.  Here goes.

101 Tips on How to Be a Better You for 2012:

Fun:

1. Drive through the richest and fanciest part of town.  Soak it in.
2. Find a new board game. Like Lost Cities.
3. Find the oldest board game you have.  Gather enough people to play.  Play.
4. Go see a movie – the worst one you can pick.  Or go rent ” Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 ” (2004).  Make fun of it while you watch (ala MST3K).
5. Go to a playground.  Play.  Bring a kid if you need an excuse.  Swing above the bar.
6. Go watch local sports at a nearby park or field.  Cheer liberally.
7. Go to a high-priced clothing, furniture, or electronics store. Browse, use, and gawk at awesome stuff.  Don’t buy – just live.
8. Go to the beach (or playground) and make a sandcastle.  Make it grand.  Take a picture.  Now smash it to bits!

Health:

9. Do not use your microwave for 2 weeks.  Plan accordingly.
10. Eat 1 less unhealthy item today.  Ditch that piece of candy, bacon, spoonful of mayo.
11. Eat 1 more healthy item today.  Banana, grapefruit, purslane, raw washed spinach.
12. Exercise for at least 10 minutes today.  Stuck for ideas? Try this one, this one, or this one.
13. Get to bed 15 minutes early today.
14. Go through your medicine cabinet.  Yank all of your expired pills.  Dispose of them properly.
15. Spend 15 minutes outside, in the sun, today.  You don’t need sunblock for this.
16. Take a 20 minute nap after dinner.  Set the alarm.
17. Turn your computer, phone, TV, whatever off 2 hours before going to bed.  Sleep well.
18. Watch 30 minutes less of TV today.  Do something fun and rewarding in its place.

Creativity:

19. Draw a stick figure army attacking a big bag of marshmallows.
20. Find a big sheet of paper.  Find crayons.  Draw your childhood vision of a common neighborhood house.
21. Get a sheet of paper, fold it in half, write ‘purple’ on one side, and ‘rough’ on the other.  List as many of each as you can.  Now combine the words to get 5 new ideas.
22. Go outside, lay down, look up.  Find at least 3 different objects in the clouds.  Watch them slowly transform.
23. Google “play-dough recipe.”  Make some.  Play with it.  Relive childhood.
24. Try the Lotus Blossom brainstorming method on a difficult problem you have around the house.  Then try at least 1 of the ideas you come up with to fix it.
25. See if you can discover your passion through the Fruit-Root-Tree brainstorming exercise.  It’s quick and fun.
26. Use that play-dough you made, along with some toothpicks, to make a tower.  Try to touch the ceiling.

Chaos:

27. Chunk the junk pile in the garage.  No, you don’t actually need that stuff.
28. Clean out all of the junk in your trunk.  The car, people, the car.
29. Clean the back-seat of your car out.  Maybe even consider vacuuming.  Wipe the back window with Windex.
30. Clean under your bed.  Get your dust-bunny gun ready.
31. Clean your computer.  The outside of it.  Vacuum the dust and vents.  Wipe the keyboard, mouse, and screen with a cloth – not water.
32. Go through and donate clothes you no longer need.  Clothe the naked.
33. Organize everything within 10′ of your attic or basement entrance / stairway.
34. Sift through and donate books you are done with.  Goodwill needs them.

Think:

35. Cheer yourself on and congratulate yourself for little wins.  Aim for 5 today.  Mental fist-pumps are okay.
36. Do not judge the appearance of anyone today.  Catch yourself and just stop.
37. List the top 3 reasons you are not happy with something.  Think of 3 things you can do to fix each one.
38. Try out some positive, useful Self-Talk exercises today.  See if you can stick with it for a week in a row.
39. Turn something you think is negative about yourself into a descriptive statement.  Are you really ‘fat’ or do you just ‘weigh XXX pounds?’
40. Pay attention to what you think.  Catch yourself the next time you put yourself down.  Stop.  Replace it with something useful and positive.  Do this at least 5 times today.
41. Pretend the people you talk with today are the most interesting people in the world.  Stay interested my friends.
42. Think of your favorite cliché.  Research where it came from and how it was originally used.

Explore:

43. Find a local park, check out every square inch.  Look for a plant you’ve never seen before.
44. Search YouTube for a guided meditation exercise.  Okay, okay – try this one.
45. Hop over to the local museum or zoo.  Go to every exhibit.  Read the plaques.  Walk away with at least 5 new facts.
46. Get in the car, point yourself in a direction, and drive.  Put a sticky note over the clock.
47. Go to a local ethnic grocery store.  Buy 3 things you can’t pronounce.  Use them.
48. Go to a new restaurant and order something unfamiliar.
49. Travel to a town near to you that you’ve not been to.  Walk around stores and observe people.

 Faith:

50. Give thanks for your meals, in public.  It’s worth it.
51. Go out in the backyard or porch and quietly reflect on life for 10 minutes.
52. Don’t talk down, bad, or mean about ANY religion for 3 weeks. Just go silent if you have to.
53. Pick a random spot in the Bible.  Read at least 1 verse.  Slowly.
54. Say a short prayer for a person in need – or a person you don’t like.
55. Subscribe to a religious “quote of the day” email service.  I’m partial to these guys (Minute Meditations and Saint of the Day).
56. When you get frustrated, say a quick prayer for help – like, “God, please help me.”  Try, “Jesus, thank you and I love you” just whenever, too.

Success:

57. Bring a brown-bag lunch to work for a week.  Count up how much money you didn’t spend.
58. Make a list of things you buy, but don’t really need.  Cut 1 of them out for 3 weeks.
59. Make your own coffee for a week.  Buy a thermos – you’ll have enough money for a really nice one after skipping Starbucks 3 or 4 times.
60. Put 1% of your next paycheck into a savings account – you won’t miss it.  Repeat often.
61. Write down your biggest goal on a blank sheet of paper.  Write at least 15 ways to achieve that goal.  Write down the next “15 minute” step toward that goal.  Take that step.
62. Look up the “magic of compound interest” and the “rule of 72.”  Make financial plans accordingly.
63. Brush up on your finances.  Beginner?  Check out my notes on Comfort Zone Investing.  Advanced?  Check out my notes on The Intelligent Asset Allocator.

Family:

64. Ask a family member out to dinner.  Enjoy it.  Pay for it.
65. Call up the family member least likely to expect your call.  Talk for at least 5 minutes.
66. Do 1 chore for another family member today.  Don’t tell anyone and don’t expect anything in return.  Let it be a secret.
67. Do whatever your spouse or ‘boo’ asks without any ugly faces, hesitation, or funky words.  Do it because you love.  Don’t tell them you’re doing this – just do it.
68. Send an email to your younger family members.  Ask about their interests.
69. Buy 1 flower for the person you love the most.  Don’t expect anything (even a thanks) in return.
70. Visit an in-law or lesser-noticed family member for an hour.  Talk about their life.
71. Write a letter to your grandma or grandpa on highlights of your last year.  Ask them for advice.
72. Tell your mom and dad you love them.  Be a little dramatic about it – but be genuine.

Talking:

73. Compliment a stranger or acquaintance on their smile today.  Don’t be creepy.
74. Pay attention to what you say all day.  Write down 5 negative things you say today.  Scratch them out and write alternative, positive & useful responses by each one.
75. Say hello and be genuinely interested in a stranger today while you wait.  Try to get passed the weather, politics, and the long line.
76. Use the cashier’s name while you’re checking out at the store today.  Wish them a good day, too.
77. Say 5 positive things to yourself today.  You really are a unique snowflake.  You can do this in your head, if you like.
78. Really listen, without thinking of what to say next, to at least 3 people today.
79. The next time you are upset at someone, wait 6 seconds before responding.  Feel your face flush over, and try to make it stop.

Learning:

80. Go to your local library.  Pick a random book.  Check it out.  Read for at least 15 minutes.
81. Review notes, papers, and filed away goodies from the last year for at least 20 minutes.
82. Spend 15 minutes “Google researching” a topic you’re interested in.  Write down 3 interesting facts on an index card.
83. Go to WordNet.  Look up 3 words you have trouble with.  Digest the simplicity of the definitions given.
84. Search for a local personal development or skills building seminar in your area.  Plan to go.  Take notes.
85. Go to the VSauce YouTube channel.  Pick any video.  Be amazed while you learn.
86. Practice getting into a learning frame of mind.  It only takes about 6 minutes.
87. Go figure out what motivates you to get stuff done.  Now start using that type of motivation to get stuff done.

Outreach:

88. Appreciate the work of someone else today.  Be genuine.
89. Donate a grocery bag’s worth of canned goods to your local charity or church.
90. Lend a few bucks to a Kiva entrepreneur.  You’ll get it back and help someone in the process.
91. Research a charity in your area.  Offer to help them with your time, talent, or treasures.
92. Give a word of encouragement to someone having a bad day.  A smile will work, too.
93. Offer to help a neighbor with the yard, house maintenance, or babysitting.  Do it for free.
94. Recognize an accomplishment of a family member.  Make a handmade award for the younger ones.

Work:

95. Ask other people if they need help with something today.  Do something that is not the easiest.
96. Clean out your email inbox.  Do the quick stuff or file it, make the hard stuff a ‘task’ or ‘todo,’ delegate stuff you shouldn’t be doing, and delete the rest.  Be at 0 emails by day’s end.
97. Park in the farthest parking spot for 2 weeks.  Alternate between 2 or 3 spaces.  Enjoy the walk.
98. Do not check your personal email at all today.  Do not make excuses when you eventually reply.
99. Eat in the break room today.  Eat slowly.  Be friendly.  Bring extra goodies to share.
100. Sit at a new desk for 4 hours today.  Hammer out the project that needs the most attention.
101. Turn on the “out-of-office” notification today while at work.  Ask people to call you if it’s important.

BONUS:

102. Start a blog.  I just gave you 101 ideas for posts.  You’re welcome. :)

I hope this list has proved useful to you.  Or maybe it will in the future.  Don’t forget to bookmark it and check back often.

How will you plan to be a better you in the new year 2012?

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