If you were a fan of professional wrestling in the 80s/90s, you probably remember the rumors that there were multiple Ultimate Warriors.  I pretty sure its safe to say that there have been multiple Sammy Sosa‘s over the past 20 years.

From left to right:

• Sammy Sosa as a rookie with the Texas Rangers in 1989
• Sammy Sosa during his prime with the Chicago Cubs in the late 1990s
• Sammy Sosa in 2012 at the Spanish People Magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People party – Ironic, I know

A couple more months and he can fill in for Michael Jackson for a Jackson 5 reunion.

The Los Angeles Kings took a commanding 2-0 lead in the Western Conference Finals against the Phoenix Coyotes. The legendary Wayne Gretzky played for many years with the Kings and was, at one time, a partial owner of the Coyotes so you can imagine that he has a strong interest in this series.

We don’t.

We just want to thank Wayne for all that time spent away from home that has caused his daughter Paulina Gretzky to go bathing suit-posting crazy online.

Thank You, Great One! (clapclap-clapclapclap)

I hate that basketball players have become hipsters, wearing fake glasses and dumb outfits. Sweet fishing lures.  I thought David Stern banned this bullshit from happening.  We get it Russell Westbrook, you are trying to get attention because Kevin Durant hogs the limelight.

Let me guess, you probably take pictures of yourself all night flaunting pouty-lips and quote poetry all night on your Facebook page.  Life is so hard sometimes!

Douche.

As ESPN was going to commercial during their first live Sportscenter of the day at 9am, one of their camera-people was walking up for a closeup on Hannah Storm and the other dude, whos name escapes me right now, when it hit something and rattled the shot.

By the reactions of the anchors, I’m having a tough time figuring out if this was a planned goof or an accident.  Either way its pretty funny.

And does Hannah Storm run this shit or what?  “You alright there young fella?!”  Just crushing the newbie.

The buildup = Classic.

Jessica Jung is some sort of big deal in South Korea. She is part of some hugely popular singing group, called Girls’ Generation. Yawn.  She thinks she is so cute and funny making a big deal about her ceremonial first pitch – multiple windups, pink shoes, cute jersey.  WHAM!  Pitch straight down to the ground.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Rookie.

Washington Nationals young superstar Bryce Harper got a nasty cut after hitting a weak groundout to first in the seventh inning last night.  When Harper returned after the putout, he reportedly took his bat and began smashing it against the walls in the tunnel towards the locker room when the bat shattered and hit him right above the eye causing this laceration.

Just think of how angry Harper must’ve been.  Not because he smashed his bat, that happens all the time, but he was so filled with rage that he couldn’t even feel the blood coming down his face.  Dude is angry.

How do you become one of RideThePine.com’s favorite athletes? By leaving a hilarious note to the media like Milwaukee Brewers Closer John Axford.

Axford had a streak of 49 consecutive saves going into last night’s game against the Chicago Cubs but he gave up three runs in the 9th to send the game to extra innings and end his streak.  On top of that, Axford’s wife went into labor so he didn’t have time to answer questions after the game.

By reading this note, its clear that he is a fan of RideThePine.com because he is copying our writing style.  (Insert I’m better than everyone on the internet testosterone-filled chest pounding statement)

Source: [Midwest Sports Fans]

Milwaukee Brewer and reigning MVP Ryan Braun was rocking the red carpet in Wisconsin but bringing the Hollywood-like eye candy in his girlfriend Larisa Fraser.

Rumors of STDs?  Cheater?  Fuck it.  How can any resist that belt buckle.

Source: [TerezOwens]

BOSTON (WHDH) — Red Sox player David Ortiz was involved in a minor accident near Fenway on Friday.
“My car just started spinning coming out of the gas station. One of my buttons on my car — I hit it without knowing it and it’s for the back traction for the tire. And once I got out, my car started spinning and I hit this lady,” David Ortiz said.
Ortiz quickly jumped out to see if everyone was okay.
“I’m fine, I’m fine, [I’m going to play tonight],” Ortiz said. “[The woman I hit] was great. She was fine. I talked to her,” Ortiz said.
No one was injured.
It is not known if Ortiz will be cited for the accident.

It seems like that car might be a little too much for Papi to handle and what the fuck type of car has a button for back traction (and what the hell does that mean anyway).

Am I the only one disappointed that Papi drives around in a little sports car like that?

The tension between Red Sox Nation and Josh Beckett is at a boiling point.  Beckett got rocked in just three innings and is dealing with the backlash of playing golf on a day off after missing a start.  So its not surprising that the first sign of a “paper bag” fan would appear during one of his starts.

At this point the Red Sox need to start strongly considering moving on from Beckett and dealing him.

Source: [Masshole Sports]

Don’t get excited over this video its totally lame.

If you’ve seen sports websites talking about the Padres fan who caught a baseball in his beer, you were probably like me and interested in seeing this amazing feat.  Sounds pretty amazing, right?

Then you watch the video a realize that he didn’t real “catch” the foul ball in his beer but it landed there after he had “alligatored” the initial catch.  On top of that this dude tries to act all badass and chug his beer with the ball still in it, except its the most un-badass chug ever.  Did any actually make it into this dude’s mouth?  Poser.

Like don’t you think every athlete should bring a second (not as dumb) outfit, in case they lose.

Boston Celtics guard Rajon Rondo had the full swing of emotions after Game 5 against the Atlanta Hawks.  Steal a pass in the final seconds only to lose the ball in the final-final seconds – yell at a cameraman and than just get absolutely crushed by Charles Barkley because you’re wearing the dumbest fucking jacket I’ve ever seen.

Rondo would make a great extra in House Party 3.

Boston needs to trade this head-case, now.

As a slightly overweight, i.e. husky, individual, I’ve had a few moments in my life when I realized I need to lose weight.  Like barely being able to get locked into a roller coaster seat or getting winded talking on the phone.

You can add this one to the list.  When you still can’t dunk with the assistance of a trampoline, its time to skip a meal.

Talladega is one of NASCAR‘s biggest races of the year and as the drivers lined up in prayer before the start of the race, Fox cameras caught this hilarious moment.

That is Geico driver Casey Mears with his wife holding their newborn child.  The kid’s got some game not missing a moment and going right in for the boob grab.

New York Yankee Closer Mariano Rivera suffered a knee injury when shagging fly balls during batting practice in Kansas City as the Yankees were preparing to take on the Royals.

At this point the extent of the knee injury is unknown.

I don’t like to see any athletes suffer injuries, but I’ve watched the video above a couple of times and I can’t figure out which is my favorite part.

1.  Alex Rodriguez panically yelling “oh my god” over and over again.

2. Manager Joe Girardi’s long run to the outfield – his face lacking any emotion – trying to figure out who will be his new closer.

3. Everyone having to watch out for fly balls because batting practice didn’t stop even though their closer can’t walk.

…he just can’t see shit.

Just a few weeks after I proclaimed this to be the worst umpire called strikeout ever, umpire Tim Welke makes one of the worst calls you will ever see.  Like one of the other umpires should have the authority to throw Welke out of the game.

In Welke’s defense he was just too lazy to actually get into position to make the correct call.

“Hey Welke, get off your knees you’re blowing the game.” – Thanks hilarious guy!

I mean what is this.

This is why I hate people who sit in the front row, always trying to get in on the action.  If you think the picture looks awkward, the video is way worse.  Hey dude, I think Gasol can get up on his own next time without your support.

Hope he offered to buy Gasol dinner first.

Source: [Deadspin]

Boston Celtics Forward Paul Pierce is a sports enigma to me.  He will be a basketball Hall of Famer but he might be one of the most unathletic superstars of all time.  If you don’t believe me just watch him play, he doesn’t move fluidly or very fast and lumbers around the court.  This was never more apparent than when he tried Tebowing after a great Game 2 victory over the Atlanta Hawks in the opening round of the 2012 NBA Playoffs.  That form is just terrible.  This is how I envision my mom Tebowing.

Embarrassing.