RIEBESEHL FAMILY LAW OFFICES WWW.AZDIVORCELAW.ORG

Introduction to Gregory A. Riebesehl, Attorney At Law and owner of Arizona's Riebesehl Family Law Offices

2013-02-28T14:08:00.001-07:00

Great deal for all those in Phoenix, AZ & surrounding areas

2012-11-06T17:15:00.001-07:00

Check out these great savings for an activity that many of us here in the heat long for but seldom indulge in. Have fun!

A Great Place To Explore The Blogosphere...

2012-09-07T18:28:00.003-07:00

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Paternity Blood Tests That Work Early in a Pregnancy - NYTimes.com

2012-06-19T15:30:00.001-07:00

Paternity Blood Tests That Work Early in a Pregnancy - NYTimes.com

Help Your Child Learn Better Money Management

2012-06-13T14:34:00.002-07:00

Help Your Child Learn Better Money Management

Finance—as in Wall Street, stocks and bonds, and Roth IRAs—is a complicated subject, but that doesn’t mean your personal finances have to be. There are three major ways (people, places, and priorities) that can help you and your child learn more about making better money.

1. People can help you and your child learn more about making better money decisions. The more caring, knowledgeable adults in your child’s life, the more likely your child is to ask important questions, seek advice, and ultimately learn what it means to be responsible. You can learn from others, as well, whether that means you ask a neighbor about the advantages of a credit union or you enroll in a financial literacy course through your bank or community center.

2. Places can help you and your child learn more about wise money choices. Consider, for example, your child’s school. If you volunteer there, you will be more connected to your child’s school and its resources, giving you a place to go for information and advice. Your community center, place of worship, and your workplace may also be rich with resources and caring individuals.

3. Priorities can help you and your child learn more about saving, spending money wisely, and giving in ways that are meaningful for your family. Making the right money choices is all about prioritizing, and it’s not always as simple as putting the bills first. Honing your decision making and planning skills, especially with the help of a friend, family member, or financial expert, can help you identify and set priorities.

Family Law-What Does it Entail?

2012-06-12T12:05:00.000-07:00

Family Law-What Does it Entail?

Basically, family law is a practice area that encompasses the legal issues that face families. Such issues may include divorce. If you reach a point in your marriage and decide that divorce is the only way out, you can seek a divorce attorney to take you through the divorce proceedings. Divorce cases fall under the umbrella of family lawsince divorce is a matter that relates to families. In the contemporary world, divorce cases have become so popular and so have the divorce lawyers who assist people in handling divorce legal proceedings.

Another common area of family law involves spousal support and child support. When a couple separates or divorce, the court may mandate one spouse to be supported by the other. Where there are children present, a court order may be passed where one partner in most cases the husband is required to financially support the children and finance their education among other needs. Another common area where family law applies is in regard to child custody cases. Where a couple gets a divorce and there is a disagreement on who should keep the children, it is imperative to file a custody case and the court gets to decide on the parent who should keep the kids.

In addition, family law may apply where there is division of property between two spouses especially after a divorce. Once marriages are broken, chaos often result regarding the division of assets. In such circumstances, the court comes in and decides on the way the assets should be optimally divided between the parties involved. Most battles relating to sharing of assets after splitting a marriage often end up in court where the final judgment is made.

It is also common for family law to be applied where you are seeking adoption rights. If you are seeking to adopt a child for instance, you will be required to undergo some court proceedings so as to legally adopt the child. While dealing with most family legal matters, most people seek the counsel of family lawyers. Family lawyers can come in handy in offering reliable guidance and also in pointing the way forward in regard to family law.

When faced with a legal issue, many people prefer to immediately discuss things with a lawyer. The same case applies to family law. When faced with legal issues pertaining to family, it is imperative to get in touch with a competent lawyer as soon as possible. Legal issues can be of increasingly complexity. In addition, finding a good lawyer to represent you may be a challenging task. Do not just go for any family lawyer that you come across, go for a competent person who understands your case well.

As you choose a lawyer to handle your family law case, it is imperative to consider the experience and competence of the lawyer in question. Remember that the outcome of your case will highly depend on the competency of the lawyer you go for. Therefore, go for a competent and an experienced lawyer as this will steer a good outcome of your case.

Attorney at law, Gregory A. Riebesehl, of Riebesehl Family Law Offices In Phoenix, Arizona understands what each client and their family are going through not only professionally but also personally and has committed his life to helping families find the resolution and peace of mind they are seeking without the churning up the animosity which so many family law attorneys do in order to increase their fees and justify their outrageous billing hours. Gregory A. Riebesehl has over twenty years of family law experience and expertise here in Arizona and prides himself with practicing law with the excellence that the Courts expect and that his father before him practiced. You and all that you hold precious when going through any family law matter are in great hands when you elect to have Mr. Riebesehl handle your case so please don't hesitate, call (602) 621-0779 and resolve to find the solutions to your problems today rather than putting matters on hold any longer. You'll be so glad you did and won't be disappointed in the results nor the amount of time in which these results are obtained.

Mel Gibson's 93-Year-Old Dad Files for Divorce: Report | ABC News - Yahoo!

2012-06-07T16:18:00.001-07:00

Mel Gibson's 93-Year-Old Dad Files for Divorce: Report | ABC News - Yahoo! Messy divorces seem to come in every shape and size as well as age!

Judge Plays Solitaire During Killer's Trial - ABC News

2012-06-07T15:56:00.001-07:00

Judge Plays Solitaire During Killer's Trial - ABC News This is a bit shocking to say the least!

How Does The Court Determine If Property is Marital Or Non-Marital Property?

2012-06-05T13:15:00.001-07:00

How Does The Court Determine If Property is Marital Or Non-Marital Property?

The courts have no authority over non-marital property. So, the first thing the court has to do is determine whether they have authority over property. Generally speaking, all property acquired by either spouse before the marriage is considered non-marital property. All property acquired after the marriage is considered property of the marriage or marital property. If the property is marital property then the court must “equitably” divide the property.

Property Is Presumed To Be Marital Property Except For:

Property acquired by gift, legacy or descent.

Property acquired in exchange for property acquired before the marriage or in exchange for property acquired by gift, legacy or descent.

Property acquired by a spouse after a Judgment of Legal Separation.

Property excluded by valid agreement of the parties.

Any judgment or property obtained by judgment awarded to a spouse from the other spouse.

Property acquired before the marriage.

When marital and non-marital property has been combined the process of determining marital property can be quite complicated. For example, what happens when one spouse uses non-marital property such as an inheritance to buy a house with the other spouse? What happens when one spouse inherits money and that money is put in a joint bank account?

If a court decides that property is marital property then the court must determine how to “equitably” split the property. State divorce laws differ on the meaning of “equitable” and most states do not consider “equitable” to mean equal.

When Dividing Marital Property The Courts Consider The Following:

The contribution of each party to the acquisition, preservation, or increase or decrease in value of the marital or non-marital property, including the contribution of a spouse as a homemaker or to the family unit.

The dissipation by each spouse of the marital or non-marital property.

The value of the property assigned to each spouse.

The duration of the marriage.

The economic circumstances of each spouse when the division of property is to become effective, including the desirability of awarding the family home, or the right to live in the home for a reasonable period, to the spouse having custody of the children.

Any obligation and rights arising from a prior marriage of either party.

Any post-nuptial agreement of the parties.

The age, health, occupation, amount and sources of income, vocational skills, marketable skills, estate, liabilities, and needs of each of the parties.

The custodial needs of any children.

The reasonable opportunity of each spouse for future acquisition of capital assets and income, the tax consequences of the property division upon the respective economic circumstances of the parties.

It is important that you hire an attorney who is familiar with your state’s laws and how your particular court jurisdiction normally handles property distribution in order to help you resolve this very complicated issue. Call attorney Gregory A. Riebesehl for all Arizona matters at (602) 621-0779 for your free initial consultation today.

Ten Things to do With Your Family This Summer for $1 or Less

2012-05-31T12:04:00.000-07:00

Ten Things to do With Your Family This Summer for $1 or Less

It’s no secret that economic times are hard and that everyone is pinching pennies. However, don’t think that you have to splurge on long-distance road trips and tropical cruises to ensure that everyone has a good time this summer. Here are a few tips for $1 or less to keep in mind when your kids are hit with a dose of the summer blues:

1. Make homemade snow cones. Click here for a recipe using drink mix

2. Check your local movie theaters to see if they have summer specials going on.

3. Check participating restaurants, bookstores and libraries for free reading programs.

4. Stop by a local fast food restaurant for an ice cream, french fries or other dollar menu treats.

5. Find local factory tours in your area by visiting FactoryToursUSA.com.

6. Participating home supply stores offer workshops for kids and adults for free. Click here or here for more information.

7. Check your local craft stores to see if they have free craft days for your kids.

8. Target free museum days. Click here for to find a list of museums near you.

9. See if your local radio stations, TV stations, newspaper or fire station offer free tours.

10. Volunteer to help seek out community service opportunities that your children can participate in from cleaning a local park, to helping collect items for your local food bank.

If you’re willing to spare a couple of dollars to provide some fun opportunities for your kids where they enjoy free activities, consider the following options:

• Sign your kids up for free bowling at kidsbowlfree.com – only pay for the shoes!

• Find local restaurants where your kids can eat for free when you purchase an adult meal. These two websites are a great resource: mykidseatfree.com and kidsmealdeals.com.

What are some low-cost ways you help entertain your kids during the summer?

This blog post was from Trisha found on Family Economics at http://www.scjohnson.com/en/family/family-economics/more-with-less/12-05-30/Ten-Things-to-do-This-Summer-for-1-or-Less.aspx and both the bloggers and the sites are awesome! So be sure to visit them!

Trisha from 24/7MOMS
Trisha is the weekly host of 24/7 MOMS Live webcast and is passionate about keeping it simple as she makes every moment count along the mom journey. Currently surviving five kids from elementary to college, Trisha understands the life and needs of a MOM which inspired her to create the 24/7 MOMS website, community and Weekly webcast. Trisha and her husband, Steve, reside in Gig Harbor, Washington with their five children. Read Trisha's blog posts at Family Economics.

In The Best Interest Of Children In Divorced Families

2012-05-30T14:25:00.003-07:00

In The Best Interest Of Children In Divorced Families

Child Custody
Child Custody is an issue that affects everybody involved - mom, dad, children, as well as other family members. Nothing is as precious to a parent as their own child. Regardless of any bad situations, or choices you may have made in the past, you still have rights. The only way to protect your rights, so that visitation, custody, or support of a child will be official and enforceable through the court, is to get a court order (signed by a judge) in place.

Types of Custody
Joint custody: parents share physical and legal custody.
Sole physical custody: the child lives with and is under the supervision of one parent. The other parent may often have visitation.
Joint physical custody: each parent has significant periods of physical custody.
Sole legal custody: one parent has the right and the responsibility to make the decisions relating to the health, education and welfare of a child.
Joint legal custody: both parents share the rights and responsibilities to make decisions concerning the health, education and welfare of the child

More on Child Custody
Child Custody and Guardianship are the legal terms used to describe the legal and practical relationship between a parent and child, including e.g. the right of the parent to make decisions for the child and the duty to care for the child. As previously stated - child custody is determined by assuring that what is being proposed/decided is the best interest of the child.

Legal Custody
"Legal Custody" gives a parent the right to make long-term decisions about the raising of a child, and key aspects of the child's welfare -- including the child's education, medical care, dental care, and religious instruction. In many child custody cases, legal custody is awarded to both parents (called "joint legal custody"), unless it is shown that one parent is somehow unfit, or is incapable of making decisions about the child's upbringing. Legal custody is different from "physical custody," which involves issues such as where the child will live.

Joint Custody
In Child Custody situations, "joint custody" usually refers to one of two possible scenarios: joint legal and physical custody, or joint legal custody.

In true "Joint Custody" arrangements, parents share equal "legal custody" and "physical custody" rights. This means that parents participate equally in making decisions about the child's upbringing and welfare, and split time evenly in having day-to-day care and responsibility for the child -- including the parent's right to have the child live with them. true joint custody arrangements are rare, because of their potential to cause both personal difficulties (stress, disruption of child's routine) and practical problems (scheduling, costs of maintaining two permanent living spaces for the child).

Much more common than true joint custody arrangements (where both physical and legal custody are shared) is "joint legal custody"in which both parents share the right to make long-term decisions about the raising of a child and key aspects of the child's welfare, with physical custody awarded to one parent.

Child Visitation
Regardless of any bad situations, or choices you may have made in the past, every parent has rights to visit their children. Child Visitation is the most important legal step to staying in touch with your child’s life. You can remain a non custodial parent, but visit your child on a regular visitation schedule. To make visits with your child enforceable, you need to get a well-defined court order in place.

Visitation schedules are determined, like all other domestic issues involving children, in accordance with the best interests of the child. In most situations, it is important that visits with a child be frequent and continuing. Contact us today and tell us whether you want child custody, or visitation. Getting a well-defined court order will protect you, so that the other party is not in control of the situation. Contact us today to review what others have done in similar situations as you are having. Be sure to review Child Custody section on this site, and then call us to discuss resolution.

******Call Gregory A. Riebesehl At Riebesehl Family Law Offices Today For Your Free Initial Consultation (602) 621-0770 ****** Don't Leave Your Most Precious Thing In All The World, The Relationship With Your Children, In The Hands Of Poorly Trained, Rushed, Ill Equipped Document Prep. Agencies. When Dealing With The Courts (Especially When Filing Your Court Documents) Those Agencies, By Law Cannot Give You Legal Advice, etc. They May Charge Less In The Beginning But They More Than Make Up For It In The Long Run When Things Go Terribly Wrong And You Have To Turn To An Attorney To Do The Job Right.

HOW TO USE MEDIATION TO MAKE MODIFICATIONS TO...

2012-05-14T13:02:00.003-07:00

HOW TO USE MEDIATION TO MAKE MODIFICATIONS TO...

Child Custody/Visitation
Parenting Decisions
Child Support Levels
Spousal Maintenance/Alimony

There's an old saying that if you want to start a fight, try to change something. People who have been through a divorce want to get on with their lives, but often find that decisions made during the divorce (or imposed on them by the court) are holding them back....

The assumptions made to determine financial support levels may have turned out to be wrong, or the numbers have changed dramatically
A former spouse is refusing to fulfill his or her end of the bargain on child custody or visitation
One of the spouses is contemplating relocating to another part of town, or out -of-state
Promises aren't being kept, or communications have broken down and one of the parties is working to undermine the other parties parenting

The old resentments can start to boil and before long you're back to meeting with lawyers and going to court – OR, you can take the issue to mediation. Let Riebesehl Family Law help improve communications and get fast and affordable resolutions so you can get back to your life and you and your children can get to a more agreeable future.

Where needed, we can reopen communication – we can make contact with your former spouse and explain the benefits of mediation, seeking agreement on a low-conflict resolution instead of court.

Then, one of our mediators can help both sides see the other's point of view and work toward a creative resolution, usually in just a few hours, meeting in a comfortable, casual environment, working with people who want to help you learn the art of getting agreement.

"WE KNOW WE'LL NEVER AGREE BUT HATE THE IDEA OF GOING TO COURT..."

2012-05-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

"WE KNOW WE'LL NEVER AGREE BUT HATE THE IDEA OF GOING TO COURT..."

If this statement pertains to your divorce then disagree in private with RIEBESEHL FAMILY LAW'S COURT-ALTERNATIVE SOLUTION.

Your day in Court, without having to go to the Courthouse.

Now you can have your own informal mini-trial before an experienced divorce arbitrator (who is an experienced judge pro tem) - in private, with or without attorneys. With the pre-approval of a judge, the results are binding, just like in regular divorce court, but the proceeding are private and informal - it's fast and fair and you get "your day in court' without having to go to the courthouse.

Disagree in private with the RIEBESEHL FAMILY LAW'S COURT ALTERNATIVE SOLUTION.

You get to have your day in Court, without having to go to the Courthouse. You now can have your own informal mini-trial before an experienced divorce arbitrator (who has often served as a judge pro tem) – in private, on your timetable.

You can resolve your case in weeks, not months.

With the pre-approval of a judge, the results are binding, just like in regular divorce court, but the proceedings are private and informal – it’s fast and fair and you get “your day in Court” without having to go to the Courthouse.

Here’s how it works…

1. The attorneys meet with an Arbitrator to discuss how the proceedings
will be organized, what materials will be presented, if any expert witnesses will be
called and other specifics, including the likely length of time needed. Thus, the
proceedings are fit to your circumstances, not the other way around.
The sessions can be half-day or full-day, (or in special circumstances, multiple days).
2. When it’s time for your case, you’ll meet in a conference room, not a courthouse. We work to make it as comfortable as possible.

You’ll get your chance for your attorney to explain your case fully, in whatever fashion he or she prefers.

You’ll have your opportunity to be involved in the conversation. (Many clients are frustrated that in a courtroom setting they are mostly bystanders.) We can take breaks, as necessary. We can have side meetings as required.

The Arbitrator will have the time and flexibility to explore new options/solutions with your lawyers and you.

In other words, we will have the time and freedom to get to the facts and the best possible outcome.

3. Then, instead of waiting 60 days for a ruling, you’ll have your decision within a week. The Arbitrator will write up his conclusions and submit them to the Court and you’re ready to step into your new future.

Just call Riebesehl Family Law Offices at (602) 621-0779 to schedule your consultation so that we can get the ball rolling leading you to a more agreeable future.

Does your child have a problem with anxiety?

2012-05-11T14:59:00.007-07:00

You can help your child overcome their anxiety, worries, and fears.

By ending your child’s battle with anxiety, their whole life can move quickly in a much more positive direction and change for the better. In the next few minutes, you’re going to learn how you can help your child feel more confident, secure in their own body and mind, and most of all, happy again by discovering how they can shatter the anxiety, nerves, and fear that may be holding them back.

Untreated anxiety can devastate
the life of your child…

I’m a parent too, and I know there’s nothing worse than to see your child suffering with anxiety and feeling powerless to help them. Anxiety can rob your child of the life they deserve and were meant to have – one filled with joy, laughter, and fun. Left untreated, your child’s anxiety can lead to problems for them at school, with friends, with their self-esteem, and with their health. Said simply, it can steal their childhood.

Without help, children with anxiety often endure severe social problems, have poor school performance, physical illnesses, or depression. Their anxiety can continue to grow to the point where they seem to beconstantly worried or fearful – not having fun like children should be having. Children who struggle with anxiety are much more prone to becoming anxious adults that may struggle their whole lives with fear. As a matter of fact, research has shown that up to 90% of adults with anxiety disorders battled anxiety as a child. Problem anxiety can also predispose your child to other mental health problems and dangerous behaviors such ascutting, drug and alcohol abuse, or even suicide.

The good news is that your child doesn’t have to suffer needlessly with anxiety any longer…

Does your child have a problem with anxiety?

Written by, Rich Presta

Take a look at some common symptoms your child may be experiencing if they’re having a problem with their anxiety:
Unexplained physical symptoms such as headaches and stomachaches.
Being nervous, jittery, and hypersensitive.
Decreased school performance or a lack of concentration.
Avoidance of social activities or not wanting to spend as much time with friends.
Tics, nervous habits, or compulsive behavior such as nail biting or hair pulling.
Dangerous behaviors such as cutting or drug and alcohol abuse.
Excessive moodiness or outbursts of anger.
Persistent worry that seems unjustified for the situation.
Sleep changes or activity level changes.
School avoidance or refusal.
Being unusually or overly self-critical.
A high need for reassurance.
Outbursts of anger or oppositional behavior, even though you know in your heart they’re a good kid, they just have all this anxious energy coming out all wrong.

If you find yourself recognizing some of the symptoms above, you owe it yourself and your child to keep reading to find out what gets your child anxious and keeps them that way…
What caused your child’s anxiety?

Maybe there’s a reason for your child’s anxiety that you can clearly identify like an illness or death in the family, divorce, arrival of a new sibling, or a move, but often, there’s NOTHING for you to point a finger at and you’re left wondering why they’re struggling with anxiety!

Is it genetics? Does their DNA doom them to life of anxiety and fear?

Is it the way someone in their life handles anxiety and what they may have accidentally taught your child about handling their emotions?

Is it the lifestyle your family leads? The world seems to move so fast lately because everyone has so much piled on their plate, and don’t even get me started on the economy…

Difficulties with anxiety in children is VERY common, research has shown that as many as one in ten children experience an anxiety disorder. The important thing for you to remember is that no matter the reason for your child’s anxiety, it’s NOT YOUR FAULT.

Genetics may play a role and predispose certain children to problems with anxiety, and maybe looking back there’s things you would have done differently (just like all parents, myself included). But the problem your child is having with their anxiety is NOT a reflection on you or your parenting, and most importantly, it doesn’t have to be permanent. You CAN do something about it. YOU have the power and ability to help your child change their life.
Let’s look closer at what anxiety is
and how it “tricks” your child…

Your child isn’t strange, sick, or weird. Their anxiety isn’t a disease, it’s more of what I call a “mental misunderstanding”.

We all have a self-preservation mechanism built into us called the “fight or flight” response. It’s been there for thousands and thousands of years and it did a wonderful job of keeping the human race safe instead of being eaten by saber toothed tigers! Whenever it senses a threat, it very quickly prepares your body to do one of two things…fight off the threat, or run away from it.

It accomplishes this by rapidly pumping your body full of stress chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol, so you’re as alert, focused, and strong as possible. It makes sweat pour off you, makes your heart thump in your chest, and makes it almost impossible to think about anything else except the immediate threat at hand. It happens to you, it happens to me, and it happens to your child. It’s been with us since we lived in caves, and it’s not going away anytime soon.

You’ve probably even experienced this reaction firsthand. Have you ever just narrowly avoided a car accident? Remember how one second you were driving along and then the next second you reacted instantly to avoid the crash? Your world seemed to slow down, and you didn’t THINK, you just REACTED. Even when you realized you were safe, your heart was pounding, sweat was dripping off you, and you felt like you had enough energy to run a marathon. Maybe your legs were shaking from so much adrenaline that you had to sit and wait for a moment until you felt ok to drive again.

Your fight or flight reaction was a great thing to have that day, right? It did a fantastic job protecting you, just like it’s supposed to…
Your child’s brain is simply making a mistake…

When it’s appropriate, the fight or flight reaction is great, but it’s not so wonderful when anxiety mistakenly triggers the reaction, and that’s what your child may be experiencing. It’s not that the reaction itself is wrong, it’s that the timing is horrible!

Let me give you an example…

Your child is on the way to school and thinks, if only for a split second, what I call a “what if” thought. “What if I make a mistake”, or “What if I get embarrassed”, or “What if I’m not good or capable enough or something bad happens to me”.

Whatever the thought is, it causes a little bit of anxiety, just a small trickle of the fight or flight reaction. Maybe their heart beats a bit faster, their thoughts race, or they get a tad lightheaded.

They notice those physical sensations, and it scares them, even though they may have not even noticed the original thought that caused the reaction to begin with.

Now they start to pay a great deal of attention to their body, watching it closely for more evidence that something is wrong. The physical sensations of fear make your child feel like something MUST be wrong, so their body releases even MORE anxiety producing chemicals, which scares them MORE, and the cycle continues.

They feel their body going through the instinctual fight or flight response, and they look around, scanning their environment trying to find what the “threat” is – what they need to fight or run from. They can’t find an external threat, so their focus turns internally and they begin to think that THE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS are the threat, and their anxiety gets worse and panic can even set in. They feel an almost irresistible urge to avoid the situation, and their emotions overwhelm them.

The anxiety your child is experiencing is “tricking” them into thinking their feelings and emotions are dangerous and need to be avoided! Your child can feel like they’re stuck…
It doesn’t end there, the trick gets even worse…

Now the next time they go to school (or away from home or parents, or whatever the fear is), they may remember how they felt the last time and how terrible and frightening it was, and they worry that they’ll feel that way again, so of course, they do! They begin to associate whatever it is that they fear with those awful feelings of anxiety, and create what are known as “neural pathways” in the brain. Every time they experience the anxiety, they reinforce their fear reaction and it grows stronger…

Neural pathways are sort of like “express lanes” in your brain. They make repetitive tasks easier by allowing your mind to take shortcuts and not have to make decisions every time it experiences a common situation. It’s really how you learn almost any repetitive task or behavior, and the more often you react in a similar way, the faster and more ingrained the neural pathway becomes, until the reaction is automatic and occurs without conscious thought.

Maybe it seems hard to believe that this is how your child’s fear and anxiety was formed, but isn’t this how you teach them to tie their shoes? Early on, they had to really concentrate and pay attention to what they were doing with the laces and it was awkward…looping the rabbit ears and going down the hole, remember?

In the beginning they made a lot of mistakes, but the more they practiced and repeated the steps, the neural pathways for the task multiplied and became stronger. Eventually, they learned to tie their shoes without a second thought, just like you do. Think about it, do you THINK about how to tie your shoes? Do you still need the little rhyme about the rabbit going around the tree and down the hole? Of course not, you don’t need to think about it anymore, long ago you created strong enough neural pathways so you don’t need to think anymore, you just DO IT without any conscious thought at all, it’s automatic. Your brain doesn’t need to stop and think about what to do, it simply looks back at the neural pathways it already has and follows the same path you created decades ago.

This is how you and your child learned to do many things that are now automatic, like riding a bike, walking, or driving a car. You repeated the behavior until the neural pathways were strong enough to take over. Just like the fight or flight reaction, this is a good thing in the right circumstances, but not so great when the behavior we’re repeating and learning is WRONG.
The trick anxiety plays is so powerful it can invade
your child’s life incredibly quickly and be very
persistent, even when the fear makes no logical sense!

To make matters worse, neural pathways for things like anxiety and fear can be created far more rapidly than most other things because there’s such a strong emotional reaction attached to them.

Going back to the example, it may have taken you quite a long time to learn to tie your shoes. If you did it wrong, the consequences weren’t that big of a deal, so the neural pathways were created relatively slowly, maybe it took you 100 attempts or more before it started to become automatic. But how many times did you have to touch a hot stove before THAT response was imprinted in your memory? Once? Twice? Probably no more than that. Why?

Because just like the fight or flight reaction, your mind pays very close attention to things it considered particularly meaningful, such as threats. When you touch a hot stove, it hurts, and your brain sure doesn’t want THAT experience again, so it creates a massive amount of neural pathways right from the start. It doesn’t wait for you to burn yourself fifty times before it “learns”. This is why if you accidentally touch even a cold stove now, you instinctively pull your hand away without thinking – as if it were hot. It no longer matters what the reality is, your brain relies on the neural pathways it formed incredibly quickly after you burnt yourself on the stove many years ago.

Anything that carries with it a significant emotional response can get learned quickly. Going back to caveman days, we didn’t want to get bit by a snake a dozen times before learning to stop trying to pet them, right? We needed to learn QUICK. In the same way, when your child does something or goes someplace that at one time caused a memorable fear or anxious reaction, they react the same way the next time they go because they accidentally LEARNED that there’s a perceived danger there! Their response was frightening enough that in a very short amount of time, the anxious response became automatic, deeply ingrained in their mind, and now occurs without them even thinking about it. To them, it seems to happen instantly and comes out of nowhere, and in may ways, they’re right…
This is why I believe so many therapies for anxiety are ineffective, but here’s what you can do instead…

Now you know that the way to overcoming your child’s anxiety is to first stop the cycle of anxiety from occurring and then to change the old limiting neural pathways of anxiety, worry, and fear, and replace them with new habits of confidence and calm.

The problem is that all of this occurs on a very deep, primitive, and emotional level, and is why I believe so many programs and therapies for anxiety fail. They attempt to correct an emotional, automatic, and instinctual problem on a logical level…how could that work?

Traditional talk therapy often attempts to “explain” to your child why they don’t need to be anxious. Let me ask you, do you think your child is CHOOSING to be afraid? Do you think you just need someone to TELL THEM they’ll be fine and to stop worrying? Haven’t you already done that? Did it help?

I didn’t think so.

Like you learned, once it starts, your child’s fear is virtually out of their control. Logical explanations and talking it over won’t stop their anxiety any more than they can talk themselves out of a headache.

Medications and pills can be helpful in controlling the SYMPTOMS of your child’s anxiety, but they often don’t do ANYTHING to address the underlying CAUSE of the problem, so when they stop the medication, the anxiety can return as powerful as ever and they feel even more hopeless. Not to mention the dangerous side effects and risks associated with medicating your child…
Your child needs to learn to stop their anxiety
BEFORE it starts and develop a NEW WAY
of responding – permanently.

Who am I and why should you listen to anything I have to say?

My name is Rich Presta, and for many years I used to suffer with extreme and debilitating anxiety. It began when I was a child, and since it was never treated effectively, it stayed with me well into adulthood.

My days as a child were filled with worry, fear, anxiety, and an overwhelming feeling that I was different…like I didn’t quite measure up to the rest of the kids at school. It was hard for me to make and keep friends, I was always a bit awkward and uncomfortable, and I just seemed to have so much more to worry about than the other kids around me. I saw them always smiling and laughing, they seemed so fearless and happy, and I wanted to be like them more than anything in the world, but I didn’t know how to.

My anxiety followed me as I grew up and caused severe problems in virtually all areas of my life. It prevented me from having relationships, effected my school and job performance, and that feeling of being different and “broken” just never went away. I still looked at everyone around me and wanted so badly to just be normal and at peace in my own mind…

I wish I could tell you that when I look back at my childhood I have good memories of carefree days filled with fun, but I don’t. To be honest, I’m glad my days as a child are over, but what I desperately want is for your child to be different – to NOT have the same story as me. I want them to laugh and smile and live passionately, free from anxiety that’s holding them back and costing them their childhood.

I eventually overcame my anxiety, but it took way too long and by the time I did the “best years” of my life were long gone. I made it my life’s mission to share all that I learned about how to overcome anxiety, worry, and fear so no one has to suffer needlessly like I did for so many years. My programs have been used successfully for many years by individuals all around the world and have been seen in Psychology Today and Natural Health magazines, as well as on Discovery Health channel, MSNBC, CNN, and more.

They are some of the most recommended and widely used programs available for changing lives and conquering anxiety, and I decided I wanted to take what I knew from both my own experience as a formerly anxious child and as an internationally known authority in overcoming fear and assemble the ultimate resource for ending your child’s struggle with anxiety available anywhere. I worked with Dr. Cheryl Lane, a Doctor of Clinical Psychology, to develop the award winning Anxiety-Free Child Program:

I worked with Dr. Cheryl Lane, a Doctor of Clinical Psychology, to develop an award winning, easy to follow, step-by-step program designed to help free your child from their anxiety faster and easier than you may have ever thought possible…

I developed a step-by-step program in conjunction with a Doctor of Clinical Psychology that I believe can help you shatter the very core of your child’s fear, so it never has to hold them back again. It’s not about teaching them to simply “cope” with their anxiety…that never made ANY sense to me. I don’t want your child to COPEwith their fear, I want it GONE.

It’s not about taking addictive or dangerous medications that may only mask the symptoms of the REALproblem.

It’s not about New Age nonsense, hypnosis, affirmations, or other hocus-pocus that often does NOTHING to help your child overcome their anxiety. I hate to break it to you, but the universe isn’t going to sprinkle fairy dust on your child if they think pretty thoughts. Instead, I’m going to show you how I believe you can go to the source of your child’s fear response and CHANGE IT.
Here’s how I believe your child can
defeat their anxiety and reclaim their life…

When I developed the Anxiety-Free Child Program, there were several critical things I knew I had to be sure were accomplished…

First, and most importantly, the program needed to be specialized and designed from the ground up exclusively for use with children, and not just another program geared toward adults. Now that doesn’t mean there won’t be anything required from you of course, you’re going to play a crucial role in your child’s recovery and it will take effort on your part too. What it does mean is that this program was developed from the very first day to be easy to use for both parents and children, with simple language and techniques that can start bringing your child closer to anxiety-free from the VERY FIRST DAY.

Second, the program needed to not just show you WHAT to do, but HOW to do it. The Anxiety-Free Child Program isn’t filled with statistics and psychological lingo that doesn’t do anything to stop anxiety and only confuses most people. I developed the program to help your child lead a better life, not to impress other authors with meaningless jargon and buzzwords. When you begin using the program with your child, I’m confident that within just a few days you and your child can start to see how they can effect their feelings, emotions, and reactions by stopping excessive worry and obsessive irrational thought patterns that perpetuate anxiety. They’ll discover how they can learn to slow down their body and mind, and choose reactions that are much healthier and positive, and the best part is, they’ll be learning skills that can last a lifetime.

Lastly, I knew that a program designed to be used with your child had to strive to work FAST. Children simply don’t have the patience of adults, and they need to see results quickly or else they may start to rapidly lose faith. I felt that waiting even a few weeks to see improvement, which for an adult would usually be considered fantastic, just wouldn’t be good enough. So here’s what I did…

I recognized that your child had to start to feel better and more confident as soon as possible, and not wait weeks or even months like they often do with an expensive traditional therapist who may turn out to not be helpful at all! The program is built on what I call a “spiral of success”, which aims to help your child experience small successes early in the program, and then progressively continues to build on those accomplishments until they have positive “momentum”. They can see and feel their world getting better and better on a consistent basis, and they’ll get excited about working through the program with you as their skyrocketing self-esteem provides the fuel to help push them courageously through the fears that used to hold them back.
The Anxiety-Free Child Program doesn’t stop
with only helping your child…

I also made sure that you’ll be getting multiple perspectives and insights on treating child anxiety from who I consider some of the most notable and widely recognized professionals in the country who work with children. In the Anxiety-Free Masterminds audio series, you’ll hear from therapists, psychologists, and best selling authors discuss everything from symptoms in your child to watch for to groundbreaking research being done for anxiety utilizing functional brain imaging. You’ll have over two hours of audio during which we’ll look into multiple facets of anxiety and how it can effect your child, all for less than you would pay for a single session with even ONE of these experts (if you could even secure an appointment)!
The Anxiety-Free Child Program is comprehensive, and includes tools specifically designed to help your child free themselves from anxiety and replace it with feelings of confidence, security, and comfort.

The Child Anxiety Relaxation and Imagery System (C.A.R.I.S.) was developed exclusively for use with the Anxiety-Free Child Program, and can be an invaluable tool to help reinforce what your child will be learning throughout the program by giving them the opportunity to “practice without pressure” the skills they’ll be learning with you through the program. You can ONLY get the acclaimed C.A.R.I.S. Audio as part of the complete Anxiety-Free Child Program, it’s not available ANYWHERE else!
Here’s what you can expect when you
start the program with your child…

I want to be crystal clear on something. This isn’t a program that you GIVE your child, it’s something that you’re going to DO WITH them. It will require involvement on your part, and through the process of helping your child, you may find your relationship with them benefiting in ways you never imagined possible.

The tools such as the C.A.R.I.S. Audio were developed for your child to use and easily understand, but much of the program was written for and to YOU so you can help your child. I’ll take you by the hand and explain what your child is experiencing and what you may need to do in your own life and well as theirs to begin the process of recovery. Every section of the program will end with a series of questions and exercises to do with your child, so you know exactly what steps to take and precisely when to take them, so all you need to do is follow the steps to success. Whether your child is five or fifteen, you’ll have a roadmap to positive change in your hands, and you can find your life and the life of your family changing for the better alongside your child.

Take a look at just a small sample of what you and your child can learn in the program:
The super simple four-step technique that my experience has shown can bring even intense anxiety and even panic to a grinding halt.
How your child can quickly clear their head of all the negative, anxious chatter they’re experiencing and get their confidence back.
The role genetics plays in anxiety, and why it really doesn’t matter.
Why I’m confident that just a few minutes a day can dramatically change how your child responds to anxiety and stress – for good.
How to teach your child that the fear they feel is really NO BIG DEAL. When they learn how to stop focusing on it, they’ll take their first step toward getting rid of it.
What I think you need to know about other disorders that may be effecting your child such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Night Terrors, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Depression, and more.
The five patterns of thinking that anxious children often have that need to be avoided at all costs to break the cycle of anxiety, fear, and worry.
What you can learn about your child by watching them play – things they may NEVER tell you.
How anxiety effects your child’s self-image and esteem, and how they can go from anxious and worried to unstoppable.
Why one of the most important things you can do for your child is take time to care for and nurture YOURSELF.
What you’re probably doing now that may actually be making your child’s anxiety WORSE.
How I believe your child can seize quick control of their anxiety, so they know that even if they do get a little anxious, they can turn it off, just like turning off a faucet on a sink.
Your child will learn EXACTLY what I believe can help them put a stop to their anxiety attacks, worries, and fears – and keep them gone. No magic, no New Age potions, no hypnosis or other “miracle cures” that we both know DON’T WORK.
Take a look at all that’s included with
the Anxiety-Free Child Program….

The Anxiety-Free Child Program is a comprehensive, award winning, and affordable set of resources with a single goal, to get your child back to their life with confidence and comfort as quickly as possible. Take a look at all that’s included:

Program Components

The Anxiety-Free Child Program Manual

The Anxiety-Free Child Program Manual is your in-depth guide that walks you step-by-step through everything I think you need to know and do to help your child overcome their anxiety, worries, and fears and replace those limiting thoughts and feelings with peace of mind and confidence, faster than you may have ever thought possible.

You’ll be explained in simple and easy to understand language exactly what your child is experiencing, what may have caused and is perpetuating their anxiety, and how I believe they can conquer it. Every section of the manual is concluded with detailed questions to reflect on and exercises to practice with your child with the goal of continually bringing them closer and closer to their new and better life.

The Anxiety-Free Child Audio Edition

You’ll also receive the entire unabridged program manual in audio format, so you can work on conquering your child’s anxiety and fear by listening in your car, at work, on your iPod, or wherever is most convenient for you and your lifestyle.

The C.A.R.I.S. Audio System

This exclusive audio series will take your child by the hand and practice with them the skills they’ll be developing throughout the Anxiety-Free Child Program so they can more easily and quickly put them to use in their life.

In just minutes a day, your child can be taught how to rapidly relax, quiet their anxious, negative and worried mind, and let go of physical tension. The Child Anxiety Relaxation and Imagery System (C.A.R.I.S.) contains four specially engineered audio sessions designed to workspecifically with children and in conjunction with the Anxiety-Free Child Program. This breakthrough system that I’m convinced can dramatically increase the speed at which your child learns and develops their new skills is ONLY available as part of the complete Anxiety-Free Child Program.

The Anxiety-Free Masterminds Audio Series

To ensure that you have absolutelyEVERYTHING I think you could need or want to help your child overcome their anxiety, I tracked down who I consider the most recognized and respected experts working in the field of psychology and convinced them to do a series of interviews with me to discuss their advice for treating anxiety, fears, and phobias in children. In this series of interviews totaling OVER TWO HOURS, you’ll receive priceless advice on parenting anxious children, how to recognize and respond to other disorders that often present in children with anxiety such as ADHD, and what the implications are of cutting edge research being done utilizing functional brain imaging. With contributions frompracticing psychologists, internationally recognized anxiety treatment experts, and best selling authors, I consider it the most comprehensive education for parents of anxious children available anywhere.

These one of a kind interviews will offer you additional ideas, thoughts, and perspectives on conquering your child’s anxiety that you won’t find anywhere else! They were conducted by ME personally for use with the Anxiety-Free Child Program.

As an added bonus, you’ll also be getting Volume II of the C.A.R.I.S. Audio System, so your child will haveTWICE the tools to pick from to maximize results. You’ll also receive complete transcripts of all the Anxiety-Free Masterminds Interviews! Purchased separately, these incredible bonuses alone would cost $59, and be well worth every penny, but if you place your order now, you can get BOTH with the Anxiety-Free Child Program FREE.

Bonus Components

The C.A.R.I.S. Audio System Volume II

With Volume II of the C.A.R.I.S. Audio System you’ll DOUBLE the amount of tools at you and your child’s disposal designed to help them quickly overcome their anxiety, worries, and fears!

Like the original C.A.R.I.S. Audio, Volume II of the system will guide your child through practicing their new skills of inducing a feeling of relaxed confidence in themselves that they’ll be learning during their journey through the Anxiety-Free Child Program.

The Anxiety-Free Masterminds Transcripts

For a limited time, you’ll also receive complete transcripts for ALL of the Anxiety-Free Masterminds interviews to further reinforce the valuable advice provided by the expert panel!
You can pick the version that’s right for you. Take a look at your options…

The Anxiety-Free Child Program comes in either an instantly downloadable or printed version that is discreetly shipped to your preferred address, so you can be sure to get what’s best for you and your child.

When you get The Anxiety-Free Child Program in secure instantly downloadable format, you don’t need to wait even one more day to get started on helping your child overcome their anxiety. As soon as you order, you’ll be taken to the private download area where you can instantly download the program material to any computer you like in convenient mp3 and PDF format. You don’t need to be a computer whiz because I’ve made it super simple and fast, it only takes a few short minutes. It will work with any computer, there’s no special software you need to buy, and all you need to know how to do is click a link. If you ever need any help, don’t worry, we’ll be happy to assist you.

If you prefer to have the books and other material in a print and CD format that’s actually shipped your address, we offer that too, just click here for details and to order that version of the Anxiety-Free Child Program and we’ll rush it right out.

“My seven year old daughter Hannah had to be taken out school because she was so anxious. She wouldn’t eat, was acting aggressively, and wouldn’t socialize. Every morning before school was a disaster filled with tears and worries. After using the program Hannah is more confident and has started talking about the friends she’s making! The program has worked wonders for or family, thank you sooooo much!”

Alison Clarke

United Kingdom

“Knowing the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, Rich Presta’s Anxiety-Free Child Program addresses both parental and child anxiety, teaching adults the skills they need to help themselves and their children. Full of practical advice on everything from time management to proper nutrition, The Anxiety-Free Child Program distills anxiety down to its essence: it’s not the experience, it’s the anticipation of what might happen that paralyzes us. Changing thoughts and behaviors makes all the difference. Rich Presta’s materials guide parents through this process, ultimately changing lives.”

Dr. Dawn Huebner, PhD

Author of “What to Do When You Worry Too Much:
A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety”

“My daughter was experiencing intense anxiety whenever she was away from us and also was hoarding. The anxiety had gotten to a point where it was difficult to get her to leave the house or go to sleep. After a few days of using the program, we started to see her be able to relax herself and go to sleep on her own. She started school last week and there were NO TEARS! She’s been making friends and our home life is so much better, it’s been awesome! The program helped us understand what she was going through and taught us how to guide her in overcoming her negative feelings. I’m grateful to have found the program and would highly recommend it!”

Gina McKosky

Frisco, Texas
Let me answer some questions you may have…

By this point, you know how your child got “tricked” into thinking their feelings are dangerous, and that you only have to learn how to teach them a new way to interpret those feelings and react in order to put their anxiety and fears behind them.

We’ve talked about the dangers of leaving their anxiety untreated, and how much better and easier life can be for everyone when their anxiety is replaced by confidence, security, and peace of mind. Now that we’ve removed so much of the “mystery” about the anxiety your child is feeling and where it comes from, you’re probably feeling that helping them overcome their anxiety and fear is more achievable than ever, and that’s great, because I believe IT CAN BE.

You’ve seen that the award winning Anxiety-Free Child Program was developed by a trusted and established authority, was designed specifically for use with all ages of children, and comes with absolutely everything I think you could possibly need or want to conquer your child’s anxiety and help them lead a better life…the manual, full audio version, exclusive C.A.R.I.S. Audio System, Anxiety-Free Masterminds Series, and more. There really is nothing more I think you could ask for…

But maybe you’re still a little unsure whether or not the program can work for YOUR child.

Maybe you’ve already read books or tried a different program, and even though you know that the Anxiety-Free Child Program is unique and special, you’re still just not sure.

I understand exactly how you feel, but I’m not going to let that get in the way of your child feeling better and changing their life. I just don’t have it in me to know they’re still struggling needlessly just because I didn’t make it easy enough to get started with the program.

So I’m going to make sure there’s absolutely NO REASON for you to watch your child suffer with anxiety even one more day…
I’m confident you’ll agree that the Anxiety-Free Child Program is
the most effective, fastest, and easiest way to help your child
overcome their anxiety available.
In fact, I guarantee your child’s results or you won’t pay a DIME…

I’m so confident in the results of the Anxiety-Free Child Program that I’ll let you evaluate it risk-free for 60 days. If at any time you can honestly tell me the results your child is experiencing aren’t better than you ever expected…if you’re not completely blown away with how much better their life has become, let me know and I’ll give you a 100% full refund with no questions asked and no hard feelings. If you follow the program, it will work for YOUR CHILD or you won’t pay a dime.

I know you may have already tried other things to help your child. I understand why you may even be a little skeptical, I really do. Let me be clear, The Anxiety-Free Child Program isn’t a “magic bullet” or “miracle cure” and I think it would unethical to present it as such. It’s going to take effort and dedication on your part too and because of that there’s no way I can predict with absolute certainty what your child’s individual results will be. That’s why I’m going to let you study the program, take plenty of time to try it out with your child, and make up your own mind, on your terms. If it’s not everything I say it is and MORE, I don’t deserve your money.

That’s more than a guarantee – that’s my personal promise.

You can change your child’s life for less than you
probably spent on their last pair of sneakers.

It’s important to me that help is within reach for every child that needs it, so even though other programs may cost several hundred dollars for material that I don’t think is half as good or nearly as effective, I’ve decided to make the award winning Anxiety-Free Child Program incredibly affordable so not a single child needs to continue to suffer needlessly with their anxiety.

The entire program which includes everything we’ve talked about and is completely guaranteed, can be yours for only a single payment of only $97.
Your child can’t help themselves, they need YOU to help them overcome their anxiety.
The next step is up to you.

100% Money Back Guarantee – I understand that my satisfaction is completely guaranteed. If I’m not absolutely THRILLED with the results of the program, I have a full 60 days to take advantage of the no questions asked, no hassles guarantee and get a complete refund of every penny I paid.
Receive The Complete Award Winning Program – I understand that I’ll be receiving the COMPLETE program, which includes everything outlined above…the Anxiety-Free Program Manual, the full Audio Version, the exclusive C.A.R.I.S. Audio System, the Anxiety-Free Masterminds Audio Series, and all the bonuses in easy to use PDF and mp3 format so I can download them right away and get started fast. If I prefer the Print and CD Version of the Program that’s discreetly shipped to my preferred address, I can order that by clicking here.
Developed With A Doctor – You know you can trust the program for your child because it was developed by leading anxiety authority Rich Presta and Dr. Cheryl Lane, a Doctor of Clinical Psychology.
Completely Natural – The Anxiety-Free Child Program is designed to help your child quickly change for the better by helping them alter their negative thought patterns and habitual reactions that can cause severe anxiety, worry, and fears, and NOT with pills or medications that can cause dangerous and bothersome side effects, leave them feeling numb or sedated, or merely mask their symptoms without addressing the REALproblem.
Break the Cycle of Anxiety – The goal of the program is NOT to simply help your child “cope” with their anxiety and fear. Why help your child to live WITH their anxiety when you can help them learn to live WITHOUT IT? I don’t think you should be satisfied until your child has learned to ENDthe destructive cycle that creates the problem!
All of this is only a single secure payment of only $97!

Click Here to Order Now!

Click Here if You Prefer the Print and CD Version of the System That’s Discreetly Shipped to Your Address

NOTE: The Anxiety-Free Child Program is an instantly downloadable program. No physical products will be shipped. After you order, you will get INSTANT ACCESS to download the program components onto your computer. The format is Adobe Acrobat PDF and mp3, which can be viewed on Mac or PC. If you prefer to order the Print and CD Version that is discreetly shipped to the address of your choosing, please select that version from either the link in the order form or from the navigation on the top of the page.

Sincerely,

P.S. – Every day you wait to get started with the Anxiety-Free Child Program is another day your child may beNEEDLESSLY suffering with their anxiety. Your satisfaction is guaranteed – so what are you waiting for?

Click here to order the fully guaranteed Anxiety-Free Child Program now!
Mailing Address: Evolution 2 Media, Inc.
538 W 21st St #27517
Houston, TX 77008-3642

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What Is Parental Alienation Syndrome?

2012-05-02T14:01:00.000-07:00

Parental Alienation Syndrome

Parental Alienation Syndrome is the deliberate attempt by one parent to distance his/her children from the other parent. The motivation is to destroy the parental bond between his/her children with the other parent. The alienation process develops over time and some of the symptoms of the syndrome include some or all of the following:

A parent will speak badly of or criticize the other parent directly to the child or children. Negative statements about the other parent may be direct or indirect. For instance, the parent may say, “We can’t afford a new dress for the school dance because your father/mother decided to spend the money on vacation with their new friend.” A more direct comment would be, “your father/mother left because he/she didn’t care enough about you to try and make the marriage work.” Either statement is meant to cause the child to feel anger toward the other parent. It is an attempt to use the child to get back at the other parent for causing emotional pain.

A parent will speak badly of the other parent within the hearing range of the child or children. There are parents who say they would never say anything negative to their child or children about the other parent. They don’t seem to have any problem saying negative things to other people though and if their child or children happen to be within hearing distance the better. These people hold themselves up as a “good person.” They want to instill anger in their children toward the other parent without looking bad. It’s easy to say they had no idea the child was listening so they don’t have to take responsibility for their actions. I like to say they are being very aggressive in a passive way.

A parent will make the child privy to the details of the divorce and the ongoing conflict between the parents. They discuss financial problems brought on by the divorce. Make the child aware of legal issues that are ongoing and make it appear that if it weren’t for dad or mom their life would be easier.Not only can this cause the child to feel anger toward the other parent it can also cause the child to feel responsible for your situation and want to take on responsibilities that are not theirs.

A parent will use body language to communicate their dislike of the other parent. The child may witness dad/mom roll their eyes or shake their head at something the other parent did or said. Such body language sends a negative message without a word being spoken. Children are smart and know that a roll of the eyes is a dismissive gesture. One clearly meant to send the message that the other parent is stupid or wrong in some way.

Refusing to be around the other parent or to co – parent with them sends the child a negative message also. Children may be told that their dad/mom is always angry and the other parent doesn’t want to be around the anger. The other parent might not be angry at all but, such accusations can cause a child to have unfounded hard feelings toward the other parent.

A parent may go as far as accusing the other parent of sexual, physical or emotional abuse. If you have, small children who are not yet able to communicate exactly what has happened such accusations can be very dangerous to the child/parent relationship. They may also have severe legal consequences. If a child is too small to talk and communicate what happened you should insist on a medical examination and an evaluation by a psychiatrist is you suspect abuse. If the child is old enough to speak for themselves and communicates to you that they have been abused then it is your responsibility to help them hold the other parent responsible.

Children who have to live with the unresovled conflict and anger of their parents suffer tremendously. Add to the normal stress of separation and divorce the feeling that the child should choose between the parents and you can cause damage that lasts a lifetime. A child is powerless when it comes to ending the conflict he/she is witnessing. They may feel that if they make a choice it will lessen the conflict they have to live with. One parent can cost their child the other parent and their only motivation is revenge, fear, anger or jealousy. It’s a terrible price for children to have to pay in an attempt to assuage a parent’s feelings.

It is imperative that parents be willing to parent cooperatively, that they put their child’s needs first and that their only concern is their child’s sense of security.

Top Books For Parenting Children Through Divorce

2012-05-02T12:52:00.000-07:00

These ten books are the top sellers in parenting children through the changes you are facing in your life, and the ways in which it affects your children.

1. How To Talk to Your Children About Divorce Written by Jill Jones-Soderman and Alison Quattrocchi. This guide aids the parent in listening, believing, and nurturing their children though this difficult time. It is clear, concise and insightful.

2. Making Divorce Easier on Your Child- 50 Effective Ways to Help Children Adjust Written by Nicholas Long and Rex L. Forehand. This book offers immediate answers and quick advice about dealing with the different problems children of divorce face, without having to wade through information about divorces impact.

3. The Truth About Children and Divorce Written by the nationally recognized expert Robert Emery who applies his experience as a researcher, therapist, and mediator to show parents how our powerful emotions and the way we handle them shape how we divorce—and whether our children suffer or thrive in the long run. His message is hopeful, yet realistic.

4. Difficult Questions Kids Ask and Are Afraid to Ask About Divorce Written by Meg Schneider and Joan Zuckerberg. The questions children ask during a divorce can be hard to address because parents aren’t sure how much to explain or how to go about it. This book gives parents a helpful guide to addressing the questions children may ask as well as those they may be thinking but afraid to ask

.

5. It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear: A Read-Together Book for Parents and Children Written by Vicky Lanski, this book is written at a reading level for age 4-8, and reassures children that their feelings are normal, that their parents will still love and take care of them, and that the divorce is not their fault. At the bottom of each page are tips for parents to discuss with their children. It’s a really cute idea for a really difficult subject.

6. Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce This book, written by Judith Wallerstein, the executive director of The Center for Family in Transition makes some great points, such as parents need to deal with their own feelings before talking with their child. It is a very common sense approach for a time when common sense seems to be fleeting.

7. Helping Your Kids Cope With Divorce the Sandcastle Way The Sandcastle Workshop, now mandatory in many counties across the country is an intensive workshop for children, where they use their creative energies to express feelings they may be having due to divorce. It is an excellent outlet for children who may need help voicing their feelings. Written by Gary Neuman.

8. Joint Custody With a Jerk Written by by Julie Ross and Judy Corcoran, this book is good for anyone, even those not going through divorce because it teaches strategies for using in crisis situation and how to effectively communicate with a difficult person.

9. Good Parenting Through Your Divorce Written by Mary Ellen Hannibal and Judge Ina Gyemant, this book is a guide for active, receptive listening to your child, and help dealing with the myriad of emotions your child faces with the changes and adjustments of divorce.

10. The Co-Parenting Survival Guide-Letting Go of Conflict After a Difficult Divorce The authors of this book, Elizabeth Thayer and Jeffrey Zimmerman are the founders of Parents Allied to Co-Parent Effectively (PEACE). A service for high-conflict divorced or divorcing parents. They offer advice ranging from conflict resolution to dealing with stepparents, advice that could save parents thousands of dollars in legal fees and protect kids from needless misery and trauma.

Here Is A Great Way To Satisfy Your Parenting Class Requirement For All Court Orders

2012-05-02T11:56:00.000-07:00

http://www.parentingchoice.com

Dating After Divorce: Avoid The Biggest Mistake

2012-04-25T17:23:00.000-07:00

Dating After Divorce: Avoid The Biggest Mistake

By Jim Duzak

on Monday, June 27, 2011

When it comes to dating after divorce, men and women both tend to make a big mistake, but it’s theopposite mistake. Men start dating too soon, and women wait too long.

THE DUDES...

Let’s look first at men. In the first year after a divorce is final, a man is five times more likely than a woman to get remarried. (In the case of thedeath of a spouse, the difference is even more pronounced: a widower isten times more likely than a widow to get remarried right away). No official statistics are kept on the number of recently-divorced men who move in with a woman without getting married, but I’m sure the number is large.

He hasn't figured out his mistakes. In far too many of these situations, the man has started a relationship with someone new without taking the time to understand what went wrong in his marriage. A lot of men are simply not very introspective, especially about situations in which they may have been at fault. Other men find that their egos are bruised by a marital breakup, especially if their wife was the one who initiated the divorce (and, in fact, about 75% of divorces are filed by women); they need a new woman in order to feel like a man again.
He can't stand alone. And then there are the huge numbers of divorced men who have never developed the life skills to function on their own. These are the men who can’t cook, or load a dishwasher, or pack a suitcase, or wear clothes that match, or pay bills on time, or any of a dozen other things that they’ve always relied on a woman to do.
History repeats itself. When a man remarries too soon, or takes up with a new woman for the wrong reasons, he’s almost guaranteed to eventually replicate the same attitudes and behaviors that led to his divorce. And then, guess what? He’s divorced a second time, or his live-in girlfriend throws him out and his bitterness about women only intensifies. And he hasn’t learned a thing.

Men need to learn how to reflect and how to mourn before they move on. Will they do it? Probably not, but they need to, and they’ll pay a big price for not doing it.

THE LADIES...

On the other hand, divorced women have the tendency to reflect too deeply and mourn too long. I can’t tell you the number of divorced women I know who have been on their own for three years, five years, ten years or even more, and haven’t had a single date of any kind. Most of these women didn’t set out after their divorce to live life without a relationship with a man, but they sort of drifted along without really thinking about it.

She waits until the kids have grown. In many cases, a woman will become the primary custodian of her kids after a divorce. (Although “joint custody” is very much in vogue these days, the big majority of kids of divorced parents live with their mothers most of the time). Having been a single parent myself many years ago, I can relate to the almost overwhelming demands on single mothers. And I know that a mother’s new relationships are often a sensitive issue for her kids. But I think it’s a big mistake for a woman to delay dating until her kids are grown.
She gets too comfortable alone. The problem with waiting too long to begin dating after divorce is that, once the woman decides she’s “ready”, she’s developed all sorts of fears and negative attitudes that will make it tough to develop a new relationship. For example, after doing everything with her kids or her girlfriends for so many years, she may be uncomfortable around men; she may not know how to talk to men or relax with them. Or she may be hung-up on her physical attributes; she’s gained thirty pounds since her divorce and she’s acutely aware of it. Or she has a fear of sex, or of dealing with all the sex-related issues she never had to deal with when she was married: condoms, std’s, partners with unfamiliar expectations or demands in bed

Marriage Problems: Why Couples Fight

2012-04-18T13:47:00.000-07:00

Marriage Problems: Why Couples Fight

You don't fight about what you think.

Published on April 8, 2011 by Steven Stosny in Anger in the Age of Entitlement

Couples don't fight about what they think they fight about. It's not "the big five" they identify in surveys: money, sex, raising the kids, in-laws, or house-work. Lovers fight when they believe their partners don't care about how they feel. They fight about the pain of disconnection.

Disconnection occurs most frequently in intimate relationships when fear or anxiety in one causes a sense of inadequacy in the other. There is a survival-based mechanism observed in most social animals, in which fear and anxiety of female members of the pack serve as an automatic alarm system to stimulate aggressive-protective behavior in the males. (The better sense of smell and hearing of females makes them more sensitive to danger and more suited to be social alarms.) When the females get scared, the stronger (and more expendable) males often form a defensive perimeter around the endangered pack.

The human brain is more socially structured than that of any other animal. In us, this primitive interactive mechanism takes on more complicated forms that secretly undermine intimate relationships.

Confronted with the anxiety or fear of a woman, a man typically responds with protection/support. But if he does not know how to protect/support or, more commonly, feels like a failure as a protector, he is likely to turn the aggression onto her (usually in the form of criticism, "superior reasoning," control, etc.) or rein it in by withdrawing in frustration (stonewalling or going quiet). Anger or withdrawal by men often stimulates anxiety or fear of isolation in women, even when his anger or withdrawal has nothing to do with her.
In general, a man is likely to stonewall, be critical, defensive, or contemptuous if he experiences (or, far more commonly, tries to avoid experiencing) feelings of failure or inadequacy as a provider, protector, or lover. A woman is likely to be critical, defensive, or contemptuous if she experiences (or is reminded of having experienced) fear of harm, isolation, or deprivation.
If the couple does not understand this unconscious, interactive dynamic, they will think they have a "communication" problem and will likely continue to provoke anxiety and shame in each other as they try to talk. They will begin to think that they have a bad, insensitive, or selfish partner, and eventually give up on the relationship without understandingthe primitive emotional mechanism that did the real damage.
This is particularly tragic, because the fear-shame interaction is not the result of one party doing something to the other. It happens to them simultaneously. If they do not blame it on each other, they can work together to disarm what is really primitive, pre-verbal dynamic.
First they must train themselves to remember that they care about each other when they disagree

Healthy Vs. Toxic Secrets In Relationships

2012-04-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

TOXIC SECRETS

This week we are talking about secrets! Secrets come in many forms. There are healthy secrets, but also toxic ones. What is the difference? A toxic secret is one that will block you from intimacy and puts walls between you and your loved one. Support4change.com says, toxic secrets “hide a part of your heart, disguise your vulnerability which denies a gift to your loved one, or prevents your loved one from supporting you.”

Some will call them white lies, or lies of omission. People hold secrets to protect others, out of fear, they feel it could end a relationship, or because it’s their job. As a therapist I hold many secrets. I can’t count the number of times someone has said “I’ve never told anyone else that.” Usually after a person reveals their secrets they experience a powerful sense of freedom. As the saying goes, “The truth will set you free.” Toxic secrets can “haunt” you and cause emotional havoc. They can become poisonous and bleed dysfunction into your relationships and your moods.

Here are some examples of toxic secrets:

Abuse- Keeping the secret that someone is hurting you emotionally, verbally, sexually, or physically will make things worse for you and possibly for others. If you do not voice your pain, the perpetrator could inflict abuse to someone else down the road. Sharing this secret could save someone else’s life- including your own. (**If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek professional help to consult on a safe way to disclose the abuse.)

Affairs- When you have an affair, it will block the relationship from being fulfilling. Even if it is scary to reveal this secret, many couples are able to heal and create a relationship they never thought possible if they do it right.

Addictions- When someone is struggling with an addiction, it will only thrive more when they keep it a secret. The first step to overcoming an addiction is not keeping it a secret anymore to yourself and others.

Legal issues-Keeping these a secret could be dangerous and cause pain for others around you. If you have a legal matter, not revealing it in a close relationship could cause someone to feel betrayed. You are lying to them by hiding part of yourself.

Health concerns- Keeping these fears inside will block you from being able to lean on a support system and your doctor. You may need help from others. If they don’t know what is going on, they won’t know what to do to help you.

Emotions- Hiding your emotions can result in internal turmoil for someone. Keeping your emotions a secret will cause you to carry your pain alone. Sharing your emotions will keep you real and open up doors to emotional intimacy in relationships.

We are not saying you need to share every detail of your life with everyone you meet. There are boundaries to keep in mind and you need to make sure you are revealing secrets to people you feel emotionally safe with. Remember toxic secrets have more power when they are kept. The more you keep them, they more alone you will feel.

HEALTHY SECRETS
This week we are talking about secrets! Secrets come in many forms. There are healthy secrets, but also toxic ones. What is the difference? A toxic secret is one that will block you from intimacy and puts walls between you and your loved one. Support4change.com says, toxic secrets “hide a part of your heart, disguise your vulnerability which denies a gift to your loved one, or prevents your loved one from supporting you.”
Some will call them white lies, or lies of omission. People hold secrets to protect others, out of fear, they feel it could end a relationship, or because it’s their job. As a therapist I hold many secrets. I can’t count the number of times someone has said “I’ve never told anyone else that.” Usually after a person reveals their secrets they experience a powerful sense of freedom. As the saying goes, “The truth will set you free.” Toxic secrets can “haunt” you and cause emotional havoc. They can become poisonous and bleed dysfunction into your relationships and your moods.
Here are some examples of toxic secrets:

Abuse- Keeping the secret that someone is hurting you emotionally, verbally, sexually, or physically will make things worse for you and possibly for others. If you do not voice your pain, the perpetrator could inflict abuse to someone else down the road. Sharing this secret could save someone else’s life- including your own. (**If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek professional help to consult on a safe way to disclose the abuse.)

Affairs- When you have an affair, it will block the relationship from being fulfilling. Even if it is scary to reveal this secret, many couples are able to heal and create a relationship they never thought possible if they do it right.

Addictions- When someone is struggling with an addiction, it will only thrive more when they keep it a secret. The first step to overcoming an addiction is not keeping it a secret anymore to yourself and others.

Legal issues-Keeping these a secret could be dangerous and cause pain for others around you. If you have a legal matter, not revealing it in a close relationship could cause someone to feel betrayed. You are lying to them by hiding part of yourself.

Health concerns- Keeping these fears inside will block you from being able to lean on a support system and your doctor. You may need help from others. If they don’t know what is going on, they won’t know what to do to help you.

Emotions- Hiding your emotions can result in internal turmoil for someone. Keeping your emotions a secret will cause you to carry your pain alone. Sharing your emotions will keep you real and open up doors to emotional intimacy in relationships.

Taking Care Of Yourself During a Divorce

2012-04-14T14:09:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately divorce is a reality for many. It is never easy when a marriage ends. I often hear the words “I never thought they would do that” or “How could they change this much?” Many divorces bring out the ugly sides of people.

Regardless of the reason for the split or who initiated the divorce, both partners need to take care of themselves through the process- especially if there are kids involved. The better you handle your stress through a divorce and stay relatively balanced will more likely help your child as their world changes. It’s just like the oxygen masks on an airplane- “Put your mask on before your child’s”. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you will not be able to meet your child’s needs to the best of your ability. We know that things get hectic through a divorce. Here are some things you can do to take care of yourself through a divorce so that you are in the best emotional, mental, and physical help you can possibly be in, but also are able to see that your children are in the best place that they can possibly be in.

1. Find Some Stability- Throughout this process there will be alot of disruption. Lots of meetings with lawyers & mediators, lots of packing, lots of emotions. Try to find some sort of normalcy as much as you can. If that’s sticking to a routine dinner every Sunday afternoon with friends, or movie night with your kids on Fridays. Maybe it’s waking up 20 minutes early to meditate or pray to start your day off peacefully. Whatever it is, find the stability that works for you.
2. Set Up Your Own Space- When going through a divorce and afterwards, you’ll need to find a space that’s “yours”. Change your bedroom: move the furniture around, paint the room a new color, and/or get a new bedspread. Sometimes the bedroom isn’t the only room that needs a change. Other rooms in the house may need a change as well. You’ll need to take down pictures of you and your spouse. This is hard to do! Make sure you do it when you’re ready. If you have children, make sure you have pictures of both you and their other parent in their rooms. If you don’t know what to do with the pictures, save them for your children, they may want them someday. Re-arrange wall art. Move pieces of art around in the house to give it a fresh feeling.
3. Don’t Go Through This Alone- Surround yourself with a support system. A good, healthy, non-toxic support system. Remember, support systems are there when YOU need them, not when it’s convenient for THEM. Find family, friends, neighbors, church family and other divorcees you can call to vent, cry or ask for help. We were built to be in relationships, not to be an island trying to figure things out on our own.

4. Give Yourself a Break- You do not expect to be at your optimal self the day after a huge physical injury do you? Do not expect to be on your best game after an emotional injury like a divorce. This will take time to heal, just like a physical injury. Give yourself permission to not be a super hero right now. You may not function at optimal capacity and that is okay. You will heal and be able to resume all your responsibilities as before, after some down time. Set realistic expectations of yourself and be kind to yourself while you heal. Just because you do not see your emotional injury, does not mean its not there. In my experience, if you do not respect the healing process, it will not respect you!
5. Eat Well- This means “no” to devouring a whole bowl of cookie dough. Many of us either over eat, chose poorly, or simply under eat when we are stressed. Stress eating exacerbates emotional distress! Bad eating habits make bad feelings even worse. Eating healthy foods make our blood sugar remain stable and help avoid highs and lows. When our blood sugar is out of whack, our emotions almost always follow suit. So many events in your life may feel out of control right now. You can make a choice to control what you eat and make it nutritious for your body and soul. You don’t have to discount your comfort food entirely, but do not over do it.
6. Get outdoors- this one is my favorite to talk to clients about. There is nothing like being in the woods amongst tall trees or along a large body of water to make you feel so small. When we realize that we are pretty tiny in the whole scheme of the world, we also realize our problems are even smaller. So get outside, feel small, get some exercise while you are at it. The emotional benefits of exercise are numerous and unbeatable. Take a walk, ride a bike, go for a swim. Do what ever it takes to be active. Give yourself a gift every day of feeling healthy. When you do get outside and exercise, you eliminate one more thing that you can feel guilty about not accomplishing.

7. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and the loss of the DREAM of what you hoped for when you married this person
Talk to others, cry, wail, yell, moan, rip up whatever you need to- GET IT OUT! Then breathe and repeat as necessary until you can’t stand doing it anymore! This is one of the most important yet painful parts of a divorce. But you must let yourself feel it and grieve it, in order to honor the grief process we all have within us. Many people want to skip this part because it’s so painful. Unfortunately, they either end up addicted to something to numb the pain or they run right into another relationship. Usually these relationships won’t work out because of where the person is emotionally. Then they feel rejected, abandoned, and alone all over again. It’s like wound on top of wound. So give yourself permission to grieve. Talk with others, especially those who have been thru it. They will understand your feelings.
8. Begin a new career or hobby
This may feel like a strange time to do this but it will actually help distract you a bit from your pain (some distraction is good, you need breaks in your processing) and it will help you build your confidence. Many times we put our careers or goals on hold when we start a relationship. This is a great time to really decide what you want to do and go for it.
Remember- it doesn’t have to be huge if you aren’t up for it. It can be taking 15 minutes a day to do something- paint, exercise, learn to ride a bike, whatever you might choose. You can do it in small bits.
9. Realize that this will have a beginning and an end.
Sometimes when people go thru divorces, the pain is so deep they can hardly see what’s ahead. Try to remember this is a season and it will pass. The pain will slowly fade, maybe not fully but it will be less. You will be stronger for going thru this. Prepare to forgive your spouse and yourself. Be willing to move ahead when the time feels right.
Remember, this is a process and it will pass. If you are going through a divorce and you feel overwhelmed and alone, please call us for help. It’s amazing the difference between people who get help, guidance, and a safe place to talk and those who go it alone.

The following article was written by Natalie Chandler

Preventing Relocation: Can She Move Away With My Kids?

2012-04-05T10:18:00.002-07:00

Under what grounds can a parent move minor childrenafter a divorce?

Most, if not all, states require that individuals subject to aparenting time or visitation order must file and serve upon the other party a notice of intent to relocate whenever he/she relocates his/her residence.

Notice Of Intent To Relocate

Prior to relocation, a parent is required to file a notice of intent to relocate. This informs the court and the opposing party of the intended address of relocation, contact information, distance between the current residence and the intended residence, the proposed parenting time schedule following relocation, and the reason for the relocation.

After filing the notice of intent to relocate, there are usually time restrictions put on the opposing party to file an objection to the proposed relocation. Where I practice, the opposing party has 60 days to file an objection.

The Court will likely schedule a hearing on the relocation if one party objects and the party seeking to relocate must show that the relocation is in the best interests of the child.

The Court cannot prohibit the party from relocating, but the Court may prohibit the children from relocating with the other party.

If the party still wishes to relocate after the Court denies the request to relocate the children, the Court may find it to be in the best interests of the children for the non-relocating parent to have primary physical custody of the children and the relocating party to exercise parenting time with the children.

It is important to note that in some states, regardless of the distance of the proposed move, the notice of intent to relocate must be filed with the court a certain number of days prior to the proposed relocation, such as 90 days. A notice of intent to relocate must be filed any time the physical address of the party is changing, even if the party is simply moving across the street.

Decision Process

The Court will evaluate whether the move would be in the bests interests of the children and make a decision accordingly.

The opposing party must object to the proposed relocation if he wishes for a hearing to be held and evidence heard on whether the relocation is in the best interests of the child.

Otherwise, the relocation will be presumed to be in the best interests of the children.

Your best recourse would be to seek out immediate legal assistance from an attorney who focuses on domestic litigation such as Gregory A. Riebesehl of Riebesehl Family Law Offices at (602) 621-0779. Call today and get your initial free consultation underway.

MOVING ON AFTER A RELATIONSHIP ENDS

2012-02-21T08:52:00.000-07:00

Coping with a Breakup or Divorce

MOVING ON AFTER A RELATIONSHIP ENDS

It’s never easy when a marriage or other significant relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the split – and whether or not you wanted it – the breakup of a long-term, committed relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. But there are things you can do to get through this difficult time. Even in the midst of the sadness and stress of a divorce or breakup, you have an opportunity to learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.

Healing after a divorce or breakup

Why do breakups hurt so much, even when the relationship is no longer good? A divorce or breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief.

A breakup or divorce launches us into uncharted territory. Everything is disrupted: your routine and responsibilities, your home, your relationships with extended family and friends, and even your identity. A breakup brings uncertainty about the future. What will life be like without your partner? Will you find someone else? Will you end up alone? These unknowns often seem worse than an unhappy relationship.

Recovering from a breakup or divorce is difficult. However, it’s important to know (and to keep reminding yourself) that you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so be patient with yourself.

Coping with separation and divorce

Recognize that it’s OK to have different feelings. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated, and confused—and these feelings can be intense. You also may feel anxious about the future. Accept that reactions like these will lessen over time. Even if the marriage was unhealthy, venturing into the unknown is frightening.
Give yourself a break. Give yourself permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. You may not be able to be quite as productive on the job or care for others in exactly the way you’re accustomed to for a little while. No one is superman or superwoman; take time to heal, regroup, and re-energize.
Don’t go through this alone. Sharing your feelings with friends and family can help you get through this period. Consider joining a support group where you can talk to others in similar situations. Isolating yourself can raise your stress levels, reduce your concentration, and get in the way of your work, relationships, and overall health. Don’t be afraid to get outside help if you need it.

Source: Mental Health America

Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship

Grief is a natural reaction to loss, and the breakup or divorce of a love relationship involves multiple losses:

Loss of companionship and shared experiences (which may or may not have been consistently pleasurable)
Loss of support, be it financial, intellectual, social, or emotional
Loss of hopes, plans, and dreams (can be even more painful than practical losses)

Allowing yourself to feel the pain of these losses may be scary. You may fear that your emotions will be too intense to bear, or that you’ll be stuck in a dark place forever. Just remember that grieving is essential to the healing process. The pain of grief is precisely what helps you let go of the old relationship and move on. And no matter how strong your grief, it won’t last forever.

Tips for grieving after a breakup or divorce:

Don’t fight your feelings – It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It’s important to identify and acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only prolong the grieving process.
Talk about how you’re feeling – Even if it is difficult for you to talk about your feelings with other people, it is very important to find a way to do so when you are grieving. Knowing that others are aware of your feelings will make you feel less alone with your pain and will help you heal. Journaling can also be a helpful outlet for your feelings.
Remember that moving on is the end goal – Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.
Remind yourself that you still have a future – When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. As you grieve the loss of the future you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.
Know the difference between a normal reaction to a breakup and depression - Grief can be paralyzing after a breakup, but after a while, the sadness begins to lift. Day by day, and little by little, you start moving on. However, if you don’t feel any forward momentum, you may be suffering from depression.

Reach out to others for support through the grieving process

Support from others is critical to healing after a breakup or divorce. You might feel like being alone, but isolating yourself will only make this time more difficult. Don’t try to get through this on your own.

Reach out to trusted friends and family members. People who have been through painful breakups or divorces can be especially helpful. They know what it is like and they can assure you that there is hope for healing and new relationships.

Spend time with people who support, value, and energize you. As you consider who to reach out to, choose wisely. Surround yourself with people who are positive and who truly listen to you. It’s important that you feel free to be honest about what you’re going through, without worrying about being judged, criticized, or told what to do.
Get outside help if you need it. If reaching out to others doesn’t come naturally, consider seeing a counselor or joining a support group. The most important thing is that you have at least one place where you feel comfortable opening up.
Cultivate new friendships. If you feel like you have lost your social network along with the divorce or breakup, make an effort to meet new people. Join a networking group or special interest club, take a class, get involved in community activities, or volunteer at a school, place of worship, or other community organization.

Taking care of yourself after a divorce or relationship breakup

A divorce is a highly stressful, life-changing event. When you’re going through the emotional wringer and dealing with major life changes, it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself. The strain and upset of a major breakup can leave you psychologically and physically vulnerable.

Treat yourself like you’re getting over the flu. Get plenty of rest, minimize other sources of stress in your life, and reduce your workload if possible.

Learning to take care of yourself can be one of the most valuable lessons you learn following a divorce or breakup. As you feel the emotions of your loss and begin learning from your experience, you can resolve to take better care of yourself and make positive choices going forward.

Self-care tips:

Make time each day to nurture yourself. Help yourself heal by scheduling daily time for activities you find calming and soothing. Go for a walk in nature, listen to music, enjoy a hot bath, get a massage, read a favorite book, take a yoga class, or savor a warm cup of tea.
Pay attention to what you need in any given moment and speak up to express your needs. Honor what you believe to be right and best for you even though it may be different from what your ex or others want. Say "no" without guilt or angst as a way of honoring what is right for you.
Stick to a routine. A divorce or relationship breakup can disrupt almost every area of your life, amplifying feelings of stress, uncertainty, and chaos. Getting back to a regular routine can provide a comforting sense of structure and normalcy.
Take a time out. Try not to make any major decisions in the first few months after a separation or divorce, like starting a new job or moving to a new city. If you can, wait until you’re feeling less emotional so that you can make better decisions.
Avoid using alcohol, drugs, or food to cope. When you’re in the middle of a breakup, you may be tempted to do anything to relieve your feelings of pain and loneliness. But using alcohol, drugs, or food as an escape is unhealthy and destructive in the long run. It’s essential to find healthier ways of coping with painful feelings.
Explore new interests. A divorce or breakup is a beginning as well as an end. Take the opportunity to explore new interests and activities. Pursuing fun, new activities gives you a chance to enjoy life in the here-and-now, rather than dwelling on the past.

Making healthy choices: Eat well, sleep well, and exercise

When you’re going through the stress of a divorce or breakup, healthy habits easily fall by the wayside. You might find yourself not eating at all or overeating your favorite junk foods. Exercise might be harder to fit in because of the added pressures at home and sleep might be elusive. But all of the work you are doing to move forward in a positive way will be pointless if you don’t make long-term healthy lifestyle choices.

Learning important lessons from a divorce or breakup

In times of emotional crisis, there is an opportunity to grow and learn. Just because you are feeling emptiness in your life right now, doesn’t mean that nothing is happening or that things will never change. Consider this period a time-out, a time for sowing the seeds for new growth. You can emerge from this experience knowing yourself better and feeling stronger.

In order to fully accept a breakup and move on, you need to understand what happened and acknowledging the part you played. It’s important to understand how the choices you made affected the relationship. Learning from your mistakes is the key to not repeating them.

Some questions to ask yourself:

Step back and look at the big picture. How did you contribute to the problems of the relationship?
Do you tend to repeat the same mistakes or choose the wrong person in relationship after relationship?
Think about how you react stress and deal with conflict and insecurities. Could you act in a more constructive way?
Consider whether or not you accept other people the way they are, not the way they could or “should” be.
Examine your negative feelings as a starting point for change. Are you in control of your feelings, or are they in control of you?

You’ll need to be honest with yourself during this part of the healing process. Try not to dwell on who is to blame or beat yourself up over your mistakes. As you look back on the relationship, you have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, how you relate to others, and the problems you need to work on. If you are able to objectively examine your own choices and behavior, including the reasons why you chose your former partner, you’ll be able to see where you went wrong and make better choices next time.

A Little Humor To Help You Through This Rough Time...

2012-02-20T08:28:00.000-07:00

Co-parenting While Going Through Divorce For The Sake Of Your Children

2012-02-16T12:20:00.001-07:00

Tips for Divorced Parents

CO-PARENTING WITH YOUR EX AND MAKING JOINT CUSTODY WORK

Cooperative co-parenting with your ex can give your children continued stability and close relationships with both parents—but it certainly isn’t easy. In reality, putting aside relationship issues to co-parent amicably can be extremely difficult and fraught with stress.

Despite the many challenges, though, with the right tools it is possible to initiate and maintain a cordial working relationship with your ex for the sake of your children. You have the power to remain calm, stay consistent, and avoid or effectively resolve conflict with your ex—all in the name of putting your children’s needs first.

Co-parenting after a separation or divorce

Joint custody arrangements, especially after an acrimonious split, can be exhausting and infuriating. It can be extremely difficult to get past the painful history you may have with your ex and overcome any built-up resentment. Making shared decisions, interacting with each another at drop-offs, or just speaking to a person you’d rather forget all about can seem like impossible tasks. But while it’s true that co-parenting isn’t an easy solution, it is the best way to ensure your children’s needs are met and they are able to retain close relationships with both parents.

It may be helpful to start thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one—one that is entirely about the well-being of your children, and not about either of you. Your marriage may be over, but your family is not; doing what is best for your kids is your most important priority. The first step to being a mature, responsible co-parent is to always put your children's needs ahead of your own.

Co-parenting is the best option for your children

Through your parenting partnership, your kids should recognize that they are more important than the conflict that ended the marriage—and understand that your love for them will prevail despite changing circumstances. Kids whose divorced parents have a cooperative relationship:

Feel secure. When confident of the love of both parents, kids adjust more quickly and easily to divorce and have better self-esteem.

Benefit from consistency. Co-parenting fosters similar rules, discipline, and rewards between households, so children know what to expect, and what’s expected of them.

Better understand problem solving. Children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to learn how to effectively and peacefully solve problems themselves.

Have a healthy example to follow. By cooperating with the other parent, you are establishing a life pattern your children can carry into the future.

Co-parenting tips for divorced parents: Setting hurt and anger aside

The key to co-parenting is to focus on your children—and your children only. Yes, this can be very difficult. It means that your own emotions—any anger, resentment, or hurt—must take a back seat to the needs of your children. Admittedly, setting aside such strong feelings may be the hardest part of learning to work cooperatively with your ex, but it’s also perhaps the most vital. Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being.

Separating feelings from behavior

It’s okay to be hurt and angry, but your feelings don’t have to dictate your behavior. Instead, let what’s best for your kids—you working cooperatively with the other parent—motivate your actions.

Get your feelings out somewhere else. Never vent to your child. Friends, therapists, or even a loving pet can all make good listeners when you need to get negative feelings off your chest. Exercise can also be a healthy outlet for letting off steam.

Stay kid-focused. If you feel angry or resentful, try to remember why you need to act with purpose and grace: your child’s best interests are at stake. If your anger feels overwhelming, looking at a photograph of your child may help you calm down.

Use your body. Consciously putting your shoulders down, breathing evenly and deeply, and standing erect can keep you distracted from your anger, and can have a relaxing effect.

Children in the middle

You may never completely lose all of your resentment or bitterness about your break up, but what you can do is compartmentalize those feelings and remind yourself that they are your issues, not your child's. Resolve to keep your issues with your ex away from your children.

Never use kids as messengers. When you have your child tell the other parent something for you, it puts him or her in the center of your conflict. The goal is to keep your child out of your relationship issues, so call or email your ex yourself.

Keep your issues to yourself. Never say negative things about your ex to your children, or make them feel like they have to choose. Your child has a right to a relationship with his or her other parent that is free of your influence.

Co-parenting tips for divorced parents: Communicating with your ex

Peaceful, consistent, and purposeful communication with your ex is essential to the success of co-parenting—even though it may seem absolutely impossible. It all begins with your mindset. Think about communication with your ex as having the highest purpose: your child’s well-being. Before contact with your ex, ask yourself how your talk will affect your child, and resolve to conduct yourself with dignity. Make your child the focal point of every discussion you have with your ex-partner.

Communication with your ex is likely to be a tough task. Remember that it isn’t always necessary to meet your ex in person—speaking over the phone or exchanging texts or emails is fine for the majority of conversations. The goal is to establish conflict-free communication, so see which type of contact works best for you. Whether talking via email, phone, or in person, the following methods can help you initiate and maintain effective communication:

Set a business-like tone. Approach the relationship with your ex as a business partnership where your “business” is your children’s well-being. Speak or write to your ex as you would a colleague—with cordiality, respect, and neutrality. Relax and talk slowly.

Make requests. Instead of making statements, which can be misinterpreted as demands, try framing as much as you can as requests. Requests can begin "Would you be willing to…?" or “Can we try…?”

Listen. Communicating with maturity starts with listening. Even if you end up disagreeing with the other parent, you should at least be able to convey to your ex that you’ve understood his or her point of view. And listening does not signify approval, so you won’t lose anything by allowing your ex to voice his or her opinions.

Show restraint. Keep in mind that communicating with one another is going to be necessary for the length of your children's entire childhood—if not longer. You can train yourself to not overreact to your ex, and over time you can become numb to the buttons he or she tries to push.

Commit to meeting/talking consistently. Frequent communication with your ex will convey the message to your children that you and their other parent are a united front. This may be extremely difficult in the early stages of your divorce or separation.

Keep conversations kid-focused. You can control the content of your communication. Never let a discussion with your ex-partner digress into a conversation about your needs or his/her needs; it should always be about your child's needs only.

Improving the relationship with your ex

If you are truly ready to rebuild trust after a separation or divorce, be sincere about your efforts. Remember your children’s best interests as you move forward to improve your relationship.

Ask his or her opinion. This fairly simple technique can effectively jump-start positive communications between you and your ex. Take an issue that you don't feel strongly about, and ask for your ex's input, showing that you value his or her input.

Apologize. When you’re sorry about something, take the time to apologize sincerely—even if the incident happened a long time ago. Apologizing can be very powerful in moving your relationship away from being adversaries.

Chill out. If a special outing with your ex is going to cut into your time with your child by an hour, graciously let it be. Remember that it’s all about what is best for your child; plus, when you show flexibility, your ex is more likely to be flexible with you.

Co-parenting tips for divorced parents: Parenting as a team

Parenting is full of decisions you’ll have to make with your ex, whether you like each another or not. Cooperating and communicating without blow-ups or bickering makes decision-making far easier on everybody. If you shoot for consistency, geniality, and teamwork with your ex, the details of child-rearing decisions tend to fall into place.

Aim for consistency

It’s healthy for children to be exposed to different perspectives and to learn to be flexible, but they also need to know they’re living under the same basic set of expectations at each home. Aiming for consistency between your home and your ex’s avoids confusion for your children.

Rules. Rules don’t have to be exactly the same between two households, but if you and your ex-spouse establish generally consistent guidelines, your kids won’t have to bounce back and forth between two radically different disciplinary environments. Important lifestyle rules like homework issues, curfews, and off-limit activities should be followed in both households.

Discipline. Try to follow similar systems of consequences for broken rules, even if the infraction didn’t happen under your roof. So, if your kids have lost TV privileges while at your ex’s house, follow through with the restriction. The same can be done for rewarding good behavior.

Schedule. Where you can, aim for some consistency in your children’s schedules. Making meals, homework, and bedtimes similar can go a long way toward your child’s adjustment to having two homes.

Important issues

Major decisions need to be made by both you and your ex. Being open, honest, and straightforward about important issues is crucial to both your relationship with your ex and your children’s well-being.

Medical needs. Effective co-parenting can help parents focus on the best medical care for the child, and can help reduce anxiety for everyone. Whether you decide to designate one parent to communicate primarily with health care professionals or attend medical appointments together, keep one another in the loop.

Education. School plays a major role in maintaining a stable environment for your kids, so be sure to let them know about changes in your child’s living situation. Speak with your ex ahead of time about class schedules, extra-curricular activities, and parent-teacher conferences, and be polite to him or her at school or sports events.

Financial issues. The cost of maintaining two separate households can strain your attempts to be effective co-parents. Set a realistic budget and keep accurate records for shared expenses. Be gracious if your ex provides opportunities for your children that you cannot provide.

Disagreements

As you co-parent, you and your ex are bound to disagree over certain issues. Keep the following in mind as you try to come to consensus with your ex.

Respect can go a long way. Simple manners are often neglected between co-parents, even though they should be the foundation for co-parenting. Being considerate and respectful includes letting your ex know about school events, being flexible about your schedule when possible, and taking his or her opinion seriously.

Keep talking. It might sound tedious, but if you disagree about something important, you will need to continue to communicate about the topic. Never discuss your differences of opinions with or in front of your child. If you still can’t agree, you may need to talk to a third party, like a therapist or mediator.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you disagree about important issues like a medical surgery or choice of school for your child, by all means keep the discussion going. But if you want your child in bed by 7:30 and your ex says 8:00, try to let it go and save your energy for the bigger issues.

Compromise. Yes, you will need to come around to your ex spouse’s point of view as often as he or she comes around to yours. It may not always be your first choice, but compromise allows you both to “win” and makes both of you more likely to be flexible in the future.

Co-parenting tips for divorced parents: Making transitions easier

The actual move from one household to another, whether it happens every few days or just on weekends, can be a very hard time for children. Transitions represent a major change in your children's reality. Every reunion with one parent is also a separation with the other; each “hello” is also a “goodbye.” In joint custody arrangements, transition time is inevitable, but there are many things you can do to help make exchanges and transitions easier, both when your children leave and return.

When your child leaves

As kids prepare to leave your house for your ex’s, try to stay positive and deliver them on time. You can use the following strategies to help make transitions easier:

Help children anticipate change. Remind kids they’ll be leaving for the other parent’s house a day or two before the visit.

Pack in advance. Depending on their age, help children pack their bags well before they leave so that they don’t forget anything they’ll miss. Encourage packing familiar reminders like a special stuffed toy or photograph.

Always drop off—never pick up the child on "switch day." It’s a good idea to avoid "taking" your child from the other parent so that you don’t risk interrupting or curtailing a special moment. Drop off your child at the other parent’s house instead.

When your child returns

The beginning of your children’s return to your home can be awkward or even rocky. You can try the following to help your child adjust:

Keep things low-key. When children first enter your home, try to have some down time together—read a book or do some other quiet activity.

Double up. To make packing simpler and make kids feel more comfortable when they are at the other parent's house, have kids keep certain basics—toothbrush, hairbrush, pajamas—at both houses.

Allow the child space. Children often need a little time to adjust to the transition. If they seem to need some space, do something else nearby. In time, things will get back to normal.

Establish a special routine. Play a game or serve the same special meal each time your child returns. Kids thrive on routine—if they know exactly what to expect when they return to you it can help the transition.

Dealing with visitation refusal

Sometimes kids refuse to leave one parent to be with the other. Although this can be a difficult situation, it is also common for children in joint custody.

Find the cause. The problem may be one that is easy to resolve, like paying more attention to your child, making a change in discipline style, or having more toys or other entertainment. Or it may be that an emotional reason is at hand, such as conflict or misunderstanding. Talk to your child about his or her refusal.

Go with the flow. Whether you have detected the reason for the refusal or not, try to give your child the space and time that he or she obviously needs. It may have nothing to do with you at all. And take heart: most cases of visitation refusal are temporary.

Talk to your ex. A heart-to-heart with your ex about the refusal may be challenging and emotional, but can help you figure out what the problem is. Try to be sensitive and understanding to your ex as you discuss this touchy subject.

Books that we highly recommend to help parents navigate through the pain, anger, frustration, shock, chaos, and the variety of other emotions they are going through during a divorce and child custody/visitation issues as well as these exceptional books just for children to help them cope with their pain, fears, and myriad of other difficult feelings and struggles through the changes and adjustments experienced during family law matters:

Please don't forget to call Family Law Attorney Gregory A. Riebesehl of Riebesehl Family Law Offices in Arizona for your FREE INITIAL CONSULTATION and any needs you have concerning REPRESENTATION IN THE ARIZONA COURTS or mediation and conflict resolution or other family coaching matters At (602) 621-0779. All Initial Consultations are free of charge as well as are brief questions when deciding whether you need the expertise of a lawyer (since most self help matters or paralegal assisted matters are rejected by the Courts or end up going very badly for the parties involved and are usually permanent for a year or more before a judge will even entertain the idea of modifying any orders including property distribution, child support, visitation, custody, financial responsibilties, spousal maintenance, and Court ordered awards of assets, etc.) and any document preparation, help with document preparation in self help matters, mediation, conflict resolution, strategic and successful planning and expediente execution through the divorce process, or family coaching can be done over the phone or in person for flat fees NATIONWIDE AS WELL AS OVER SEAS OR OUT OF STATES CLIENTS paid before the session or sessions (as you may have as many as you wish) paying with a credit card, prepaid money card, paypal account transaction, wired money deposit transaction, or cash. Mr. Riebesehl's fees are at $250 dollars per 1 hour and he does work with payment plans, pay as you go options, flat fees, and negotiatable retainer fees per complexity of each individual matter. He has a reputation for being one of the very best and most experienced, versatile, excellent family law attorneys in the State and without a doubt one of the most reasonably priced attorneys as he does not churn up the animosity in the case just to earn exorbitant fees at the expense of his clients and their families especially given these rough economic times and the highly emotional vulnerabilities of his clients and their families while enduring some of the most painful and life altering changes that they are going through. Our firm is here for you and we are a family run firm catering to the needs of the families we are fighting for!!! We look forward to hearing from you and to helping you not only survive but to thrive through the process of all family law matters. Call us at (602) 621-0779 or e-mail us at gregriebesehl@yahoo.com.

RIEBESEHL FAMILY LAW OFFICES WWW.AZDIVORCELAW.ORG

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