Riemann's Cut

Gammastradamus Strikes Again!

2009-11-09T15:11:00.000Z

Back in May, I came across this story about kangaroo in Australia with a bolt from a crossbow lodged through its face. I can only assume a scumbag-yobbo did it because no one in their right mind would try to dispatch a kangaroo by shooting it in the head with a crossbow... unless it's in a computer game. Yes, the third post on this blog back in 2005 was a picture of a kangaroo I shot in the head with a crossbow in Atari's "Deer Hunter 2005". A great game back in the day. A reward of AUS$10,000 was offered to anyone who identified those responsible, I wonder if anyone ever collected.

What I can never understand is how aggressive people get over deer hunting games: "Oh you sick cunt, shooting defenceless animals!" Yes, defenceless "virtual-animals"... you know, ones that aren't real (then again Bambi, wasn't real either and people still weep in their pants over that) "Oh man, you're fucked up if you like that shit"... I guess, but maybe you should worry more about the "brilliant" award-winning multi-million dollar selling... a billion users online at anyone time.. Grand Theft Auto series, where the aim of the game is to kill humans by shooting, and mashing them up with your car.

Those people who get upset watching a dog get killed in films annoy me too. They often freely admit their hypocrisy "I don't mind watching a person get killed [fuck them, they deserved it for being human] but I don't want to see anything happening to the poor [little] dog[gy woggy]". Anyway this has nothing to do with the post really, just a general observation.

Actually, the only reason for this post is to highlight another case of life imitating gammagoblin.

Freeze Frame

2009-11-08T17:02:00.000Z

I have an hour to do a Halloween post...

2009-11-01T00:14:00.003Z

Ok the pressure is on... got way behind with the Halloween shit and I'll probably not get this done. But lets give it a go.

First here's a makeup video thats totally awesome. A little known fact about about me, when I was younger I wanted to be a makeup artist. Movie or stage makeup and sfx. I'm still fascinated by it and womens makeup is so god damn sexy! This is a Halloween-special video by vintageortacky. She has some real awesome makeup tutorials with really hot eye-art (trademarked term I created). the road-rash looks really awesome here.

Costumes! Too late for you to choose now but costumes are what Halloween is all about. I found a really awesome site of rental costumes a while back. I wanted to do a proper write up but this will have to do now. If Tom Green did costume photography, this would be it. Oh the funz I had with these!

More can be found here. Really awesome modelling don't you think?

A very happy ghoulish couple for the night that's in it [via]

Anyway I've failed now cos it'spast tweleve. I'm sure I had more to post but as Michael Jackson said "This Is It". Fin.

Bill Cosby, Playboy Jazz Festival, Alfredo Rodriguez

2009-10-31T22:42:00.002Z

Playboy have a jazz festival? And it was hosted by Bill Cosby this year? And what the hell is Bill playing with in his pocket? Some things are best left unanswered! Enjoy Alfredo!

Professor David Nott: Superhero

2009-10-30T22:57:00.001Z

This has been a week where here in Ireland a ruling politician came out with a statement that nervous motorists should self-medicate with alcohol to improve their driving [I'm not making this shit up]; a week, where the biggest haul, in European history, of contraband cigarettes were discovered and the only concern being reported was the massive loss to the exchequer if these were sold on the black market; this has been a week where a man lost his job for telling the truth about how dangerous alcohol and tobacco are.

Today, Professor David Nott was relieved of his role as official Drug Advisor to the British government after he rightfully explained that alcohol is far more dangerous than most banned drugs. I watched him being interviewed on Sky News this evening. I was completely impressed by his performance. The man was dead right about everything he said!

As an aside: People love to dream of fantastic conspiracy theories, where George Bush is a reptillian and 9/11 was done by field mice, but they ignore real genuine shit thats going on around them. Conspiracies don't involve space aliens, they involve money and business. Look at Ireland, the "Celtic Tiger" was grown on one big housing-bubble conspiracy: "At all costs, keep the voters happy, so they keep buying houses!"

I can freely and legally walk into my local TESCO at half three in the morning and purchase all sorts of substances, such as weed killer, bleech, superglue... that will likely kill me with a single dose, and yet I become a criminal if a magic mushroom grows naturally out in my back garden. Why does the state feel a need to protect me from some harmless substances with criminal laws and yet turns a blind eye to other harmful substance abuse? I don't do drugs, except for, caffeine, sugar and alcohol [three wickidly damaging chemicals] but I am stanchly opposed to the corrupt nature of our misguided nanny-states. My respect for criminals increases everyday....

`Hammer

2009-10-26T19:43:00.000Z

Making Home-Made Wine

2009-10-26T11:51:00.000Z

This seemed like a good idea at the time, but trust me, it wasn't! Dedicated to Despod.

Spamming, kicked up a notch

2009-10-26T10:41:00.002Z

I noticed that spam comments here have gotten a whole lot better. Before they were either blatant or of the "I love your site" stock comment. Now they are ad-lib and specific to the content of post, written like the person actually cares whats going on in the post. It's very subtle and there are no hyperlinks in the text, only the authors homepage links back.

I commend you spam people, you are really making an effort these days. I have fallen for it a few times too! And hey, maybe you guys really do own all those online casino's and porn sites that you include as your website.

Tentacles - Jeremy Forson

2009-10-25T20:27:00.000Z

Illustrating genetically modified mouth bacteria.

[more - via]

America Will Be Nuked Today

2009-10-25T08:55:00.000Z

Well what do you think of that video, ladies and gentlemen? The bomb will go off today, according to the prophets... well one said Obama would be assassinated and Mckenna's Time Wave Zero just predicted something would happen (tis' a bit vague really).

I've known of the Time Wave Zero thing for years. It predicts the end of "novelty" in 2012, independent of the Mayan calender, which does not necessarily mean the end of the world, just the end of history as we know it. The exact date for this October dip is the 26th, so close enough I guess. Looking at the correlation of events and trends within the wave however, like in the below video, one those feel that you could nearly shape it to fit any event.

I read a theory once about how time is shaped like a Helix, which outlined how time is recursive, like a fractal. This is the same as what McKenna found with Time Wave Zero. Again both ideas were formed independently. Just said I'd throw that in for the crack.

See, here's my theory. Even if you could predict the future, that shit changes things! It's like all that quantum funk that won't allow you to measure sub atomic events because it changes things when you do.

That said, we can all predict the future, we do it nearly every day. Get a friend to throw a ball at you. You and your body "predicts" where the ball will be in a few moments and adjusts to catch it. And the strange thing is, it's a historical fact that Nostradamus was shit at sports... makes you think doesn't it.

[videos via Ristorante Mystica]

Brad Mehldau Trio

2009-10-19T21:28:00.001+01:00

I went to see the Brad Mehldau Trio in the Cork Opera House last night. First time I've seen them live. I have to admit I wasn't the biggest fan in the world, but that was out of ignorance rather than dislike. I do own a few albums but nothing crazy like.

First thing to be said about the show: hardly anyone there! Not surprising really, considering what a poor following jazz has in Ireland, especially Cork (see future post of mine). Second thing to mention: no photography! a dude had to come out on stage and make a point that the band requested this rule to be especially enforced, so no mobile phone snaps for you I'm afraid.

The band came out and did their thing. Brad Mehldau sat at the piano, on a throne of ego, pretence, arrogance and self-assuredness... what a presence! He was the personification of jazz. Every note played was conjured from the fingers of a perfectionist. The man could have sat and played an hour of silence and I would have been bowled over. You were certain there would be no goofy remarks about Star Trek and Scientology between songs with this guy. Wonderful, absolutely wonderful! The rest of the band did their thing but it was all Mehldau for me on the night.

Brad Mehldau does a lot of interpretations of other peoples songs, but unlike certain other jazz composers who do the same (Christopher O'Riley et al), I find the end results of his reworkings to be exquisite. They work on their own, you don't need to have heard the original to appreciate the effort. Take for example his version of Radiohead's Paranoid Android. Christopher O'Riley also reinterpreted the song but I find his version to be an overworked copy of the original with a façade of fugal decorations. Mehldau's version on the other hand, works as a jazz piece in it's own right, while capturing the spirit of the original. It was another of his Radiohead interpretations which sealed the deal for me with the man and his music. For [it must be] years I always assumed "Knives Out" to be his own piece until I found out it was a Radiohead track. It has remained as my most favourite song of his, so when I heard its opening notes being played on the bass at the start of the encore you can't begin to imagine how electrifying it felt for me. It was like the whole world made sense right at that moment.

When a live performance manages to blur your awareness to your immediate surroundings, the same as when you're listing to a CD in the security of your own home, you know it's been a good night.

Careful now... it's a TR-4P!

2009-10-18T17:40:00.000+01:00

I Finally Got My FÁS Certification

2009-10-17T14:41:00.001+01:00

And it only cost me one blowjob! For more info on how you too can become a "professanal" check out here.

Flies & Shit

2009-10-17T01:51:00.000+01:00

So there was God, creating eyeballs, chuckling to himself "oh in a few years this will be the one that really stumps those Atheists (which I will invent later when I'm feeling a bit full of myself)". If eyeballs are so fucking great, explain what shit was God smoking when he started inventing flies and other insects. Was he just feeling a bit creative or something? How did he explain that one to the flies: "No trust me darling, you don't want any of that stereo eyeball vision nonsense.... no no, "sequin-vision" is the shit for you this winter... like I totally only invented eyeballs to stump future Atheists... honest, girlfriend!" Imagine if God was a gay fashion designer... the fucking world we'd have!

Anyway, I was just free-styling that shit right there, sorry, what I actually wanted to say was... Apparently those crazy Atheists, sorry "scientists", have managed to flash the brains of flies with false memories, the same as if you were flashing old EPROM microchips or something... and they did it using a "laser". So lasers can create memories and beer can remove them... Fuck depression, this world is awesome!

[New Scientist Article : via WOW]

Lennox's Of Carrigaline

2009-10-14T22:38:00.002+01:00

Midi Files = ?

2009-10-12T17:23:00.000+01:00

No matter how ill-informed, I admire the ads conviction.

Bloody Notes

2009-10-10T22:17:00.000+01:00

Playing a bit too hard today :) Creating some wonderful ostinatos with my left hand though.

Dreamscapes

2009-10-08T21:14:00.000+01:00

I painted these last night in bed. I was bored and figured I might as well do something constructive. The top one is loosely based on a dream I still remember from a few years back, the second is a continuation of the theme. I've included hi-res versions for people who like to click things.

I Know What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

2009-10-04T11:02:00.000+01:00

[image via Michael]

Ooh Maahnt

2009-10-04T00:23:00.002+01:00

zeuhlmusic.blogspot.com has really been churning out some Magma and Zeuhl treasures over the last year.

And for the curious... here's the song that the above bass score is for. It's in 6/4, who would have guessed :) J'adore la musique Zeuhl!

Like A Big Mental Disease

2009-10-03T21:49:00.000+01:00

Major Lazer "Pon De Floor" from Eric Wareheim on Vimeo.

There's a hell of a lot of psychadelic big black ass banging going on in this video. There's a hell of a lot of... well, everything really.

BoobieShag

2009-10-03T18:20:00.000+01:00

Lisbon: Part Deux

2009-09-30T23:22:00.001+01:00

The only thing that I don't get about this second Lisbon vote thing on Friday is how many people are taking it seriously. This is an absolute sham. It makes a mockery out of everything democracy is meant to stand for. Surely if a Yes decision is made on Friday we need to wait another year and have a final vote to see which decision gets two out of three?

I made no secret nor apology that I voted Yes last year, and if I went back in time and had to vote again, then I would most definitely be voting yes. Friday isn't going back in time and doing it again however. Friday is proof of why nothing you say or do really matters in Ireland.

Those who flip from a No to a Yes this time around are acknowledging that they were fucking idiots last year, with their heads totally stuck up their own arseholes. They are cowards and greedy cretins who want to shelter under the economic umbrella of the Union, now that Mr. Recession is biting at their bottoms! Idiots like Glenda Gilson and Eamon Dunphy are voting yes because "Well, things are tough now so lets vote yes to beat the recession!" What!? That's as crazy as what the No side were saying last year! Like that Ben Dunne with his "Don't know; vote no" shite. How about this for a slogan "Ben Dunne... full up on coke and hanging from a balcony somewhere in America."

If a Yes decision is made on Friday, Ireland's stance within Europe is made clear: We only want to be part of Europe if we are getting the treasures, and and only want to give something back if we are getting even more treasures: We are weak minded and easy to frighten: We are fickle and not to be trusted.

That's why I'm not voting on Friday. I'm not sure if I will abstain completely or just spoil my vote. I voted once already, they can count that fucking thing if they like. You got your answer and the answer was NO! The treaty has not been changed. The amount of money that's been wasted on this second Lisbon shite... we shouldn't have even had to vote on the first one! Fucking plastic democracy fooling the people!

If Sweden had to vote on Lisbon this Friday, this unrelated song by Swede, Joakim Widell, sums up how it would turn out. There's a subtle hint in there... or is there? Eitherway, it's my official unofficial tune for the proceedings.

So go out there and draw a picture of Mary Coughlan's arse on your ballot sheet. Give Willie O'Dea a big micky, or take the wig off Brian Lehihan. Be creative, do whatever you want, just don't vote in this abomination. Say "Fuck Off" to the Lisbon debate. Cheers!

I'm Sorry About What I Did To Your Pussy

2009-09-29T11:39:00.000+01:00

Dear Sir,

It is with great regret to inform you that I believe I have killed your cat by accident yesterday evening. I am dreadfully sorry about this. It happened when I was reversing my ride-on lawnmower out of my garage to get better access to the blades underneath, which needed sharpening. I believe the recent humid weather has had an extreme blunting effect to tempered metal.

Until yesterday I was not aware that you even owned a cat but upon close inspection the cats remains, it bares an uncanny resemblance to you so I am without doubt to the identity of it's owner. I would be delighted to return the cats body to you at your soonest convenience. If you would rather deal with the remains on your own, you can find them in the ditch, next to Frank Tanner's gate (to the left had side). You can't miss it, it's just behind a clump of hemlock (I also marked the spot with an old choc-ice wrapper I saw lying around).

The cats body was in quite good condition the last time I saw it and I'm sure if you retrieved it quickly, it will still be in a good enough to have it stuffed. By co-incidence, my wife's cousin is a very well trained taxidermist and if you wish I can you his number. I will of course ask for you to receive a discount in the charge, it is the least I can do.

Again I am very sorry about all this. Rest assured your cat did not suffer at all during the incident. I was very quick to dispatch it with a nearby length of garden hose when I saw its face trapped under one of my wheels.

If there is anything else I can help you with, please let me know!

Kind regards,
George Chaversmith.

Venereal Sporran

2009-09-26T17:40:00.019+01:00

[More at artgoddess.com]