rightbrainrunner

Sunday Run 2-19-12

2012-02-20T07:00:00.000-08:00

When I made the final turn home about 200 meters from the finish line I felt a wave of emotion. I knew that it was going to happen. I was going to be on the team to London. This experience reminded me that you need to keep faith in yourself. Never count yourself out, you never know what you can do." - Kara Goucher

It was quiet the only way Sunday mornings can be....the world tucked tight into its dreams and the morning air sitting on the earth like a soft blanket, warm for this time of year, and leading me out to my Sunday run adventure. Determined to work out my 'rough spots', I had no big agenda; I wanted simply to move my way into a rhythm and see how far it felt like I needed to go. Looping through the neighborhood, by the time I headed west on Park, I felt the old contrast between our bodies at rest and our bodies in motion. Usually more a conflict, sometimes a flght, I am coming to understand my lifelong quest to master my relationship with my body in a way in which rest feels like rest, and motion is another nature state. I am moving off the stress of racing and PRs, distances and times. Much as I wish I was endowed to be invested in all of that, it is because I am an aging 'middle-packer' that I work for a relationship with running that works for me now.

The straight stretch through Park to my first pit stop was good in the Karhus...I am liking their light, balanced feel. I decided to cut through 56th and round up Emerald Hills, a modest 'long run' by comparison to training, but long enough to find that window where the aches decrease and the rhythm of the gait begins to churn up into a motion that feels like flight. Many runners dissociate to handle distance; perhaps the only positive application of this mechanism and a hold-over from childhood when we try to distance ourselves from pain. For me, it just feels like a journey, a 'trip' out of myself into a bigger Me, which is linked in the vast matrix of world and where we blend into a perfectly entrained partnership. Best yet is when I feel this whether in a good pace, a walk- or even better- at any time I choose to link with that which is greater than me, sees more than I can- understands more.

The run is sometimes my doorway. It is the confidence in my own connection at work. Most folks prefer sitting meditation, which I like as well, or yoga and other moving meditations- also part of my routine. They are aspects of Being which create windows to experience ourselves in natural ways. It is the Natural World which prompts us to believe in the spiritual force of our physicality, as it links with our vibrations and resonates with our emotional minds. Today, you can enhance this relationship by taking in what Nature has offered; whether you feel it through your eyes, your ears- or your heart.

Kara Goucher

Valentine's Day Run

2012-02-14T07:58:00.000-08:00

The mystic bridge from dreaming sleep to wakefulness took me back from the brink of big interiors and into the soft light of early morning, rolling out of bed to throw on my running gear and head out the door into a magical morning. The Big Chill has passed us by, but the slight edge of coolness lingered on the strong sun. I read somewhere that with increased solar storms we are also getting more solar energy than ever....and as I made my way to the overpass, I wondered how all these electromagnetic particles were re-arranging my cells into vibrating instruments ready to take me where I want to go.

I cruised up 29th, dodging the usual traffic and headed up Anglers to make my cut over to my Publix pit stop at Griffin. I felt strangely light on my feet, despite the fact that I am still trying to work out the new Karhus and kept adjusting my ties. The aftermath of the race is mostly in my ankles now, and it will take a while before I begin to feel my feet under me in a strong and secure way.

Plenty of walkers out, and a few runners....the warmth growing with the morning, I shuck one layer and make my way back through the trailer park, across Stirling and back towards the park and home. I focused on my body through my astral Ka connecting with the Ka of earth, feeling my feet sink into the soft matrix of energy which surrounds us both. Clearly if solar energy is increasing then the vibration of everything is ramping up, springing us into a new level of felt sense, in how our bodies- and minds- connect. Often, this feels visceral, as if I could peel away the layers by hand and at others, as if the whole inner landscape of my Self has expanded on the winds....running in such a state feels ethereal. But as always, running is a grounding action; it takes us from mind to body by connecting us with the motion of ourselves from the inside out. All these ways to connect, to live and breathe within the Body of Great Mother Herself.

Today, while giving your loving attention to all your dear ones, remember the earth upon which you stand. Beneath the concrete streets and sidewalks, She is breathing her Life into you. Above the worried skies, the wide expanse of an Endless portal is seeking to lead you further than you've ever gone before. Today, pour your Love before you out of the vessel of your heart. Hear the music of the spheres singing your way. Today, look up. And sing with them.

The ING Miami (half) Marathon 1-29-12

2012-01-30T06:24:00.000-08:00

We begin the day at 3:30AM when I wake up to throw on my clothes, make sure I've packed everything, eat my PB and banana on sprouted tortilla and take off down the road. No rain, very mild and humid temps. Not good for the uber-racers, but great for me! I share the interstate with reckless late nighters racing home, making the drive a little crrazy and find my way downtown where I swiftly get lost. Staying with the strategy of "follow anyone who looks like they're heading the same way" I luck out with a street lot just a few blocks from American Airlines arena and it turns out not far from Bayfront. It is not even 5AM and the whole area looks like a street fair: multi-colored runners of all shapes and sizes, the starting corrals fenced and manned by buffalo-headed staff....which distinguished them from other event staff as the folks in charge of managing and starting each corral as it came up.

Interestingly, as an "I" and the last the go, we were tucked right up by the start line and therefore the A's and B's etc...meaning we got to see the wheelchairs start first (always a thrill), then the elites, and everyone damn else!! We stood and cheered for 45 minutes before it was our turn....!

And somehow, being early and at the front of my corral, I was able to see everything unfold including our turn to be 'herded' in front of the start line...

and the beginning of the race- for us! I'm off!

The skies had just begun to lighten....I was so stiff from standing in one spot, it was a shock to my system to be on the move, negotiating space in the crushing crowds navigating our way onto the MacArthur causeway and probably the biggest hill of the race....I was no no awake, or even really conscious of doing anything but putting one foot in front of the other and trying not to trip over anyone....rewarded by the view of the cruise ships and water all around...

and since I waited so long....my first (and only) porta-potty stop which took what felt like forever waiting in line with everyone else at the first water/AID station:

At this point, it didn't feel like a race so much as a fight for resources: water, potty and space! And I began to feel the contrast between my usually solitary and very inward experience...and the circus unfolding around me! The competitor in me wanted to show off my training and abilities such as they are....I jump back on the roads and head out with everyone else into Miami beach.

We're about 3 or 4 miles in, and my legs have begun to relax a little, the crush of runners thins out enough to begin picking my way along, and mostly I try to find a rhythm I can settle into while still enjoying the hubbub of onlookers and the slightly derelict magical air of Miami beach...passing the spot Yu, Mike, Claire and I sat having a snack...and curling around and onto the Venetian causeway pointing back towards downtown...

It was strange to deal with feelings like trying to keep pace with people who looked bigger, fatter, slower or otherwise handicapped: the democracy of running is such that you never know who the uber-runner is! And my competitive streak was often humbled by the realization that I was lucky to just keep on my feet and put an occasional burst of speed on just to keep up with the crowd! I am deep in the midst of it now, and there's no leisurely stopping and hanging out like I usually do! The mile markers melted past the 7, 8, 9....and finally there was a 10! and we are downtown at last...

I had to dig deep to find enough umph to weigh my relief that I had about 3 miles to go with my fatigue, fighting with myself to make my 3 hour limit (self-imposed of course) while enjoying the sights and sounds...

pockets of great graffiti art....drummers drumming, singers and bands singing...the Jesus people asking "Are you running with- or from- God?"

At 12 miles people begin to cheer us on...oh its only a mile (+)....! which began the longest mile of my life (I say this every race) feeling as if that finish line would come up right around the next corner...or the next....until I can hear the music and shouting....coming into the chute...I give it one last blast and FINALLY! I am over the line! This pic is what runners look like walking AFTER we finish....waiting for water, medals and for me to get the hell out of there! Another lesson learned? I am still not much for crowds....

I didn't mean for this to be such a 'wet t-shirt' look but its real....I was soaked in gatorade, water and sweat...and was eager to get home to a hot shower....Well organized by a phenomenal volunteer and public works staff....I grabbed a banana and bottle of water and thankfully hobbled out to find my car and out of the traffic....eager for silence, a meal and a nice long nap.

In 2:56:45 minus that standing around for the potty, I feel pretty good about this for an old girl....and happy to know I CAN...Regardless of times, it was a great experience...congrats to ALL the runners, those who went for speed and the rest- like me- who go because we think it's FUN!!

The Queen of Races

2012-01-27T14:20:00.000-08:00

It gave me a great chuckle to hear the half-marathon called the Queen of races...not the approachable 10k, nor the daunting full marathon, the half is like a lover who extends the connection just beyond what you might think you can endure, seducing you into Her rhythms and joy at completion. In Her many incarnations in our lives, the Great Mother is more than a pregnant vessel of creation. She is Diana the Huntress, the restless adventurer, the Messenger, on her feet to open the way forward... and a fitting symbol for the great energy 25,000 people will bring to the start line on Sunday.

Whatever is the unifying element that compels runners to run, it's basic nature seems rooted in our anthropological history. We have always run to get from point a to be, to hunt, to courier news, and I'm sure some goods. To run feels somehow natural...and yet the bells and whistles of the 'running industry' reflects the same opportunistic spirit as any other...we peruse the various booths and displays, sampling plenty of free samples, and actually walked out with new shoes. They're called Karhu, their from Finland, and they have a "fulcrum" to help roll the foot forward. Good, I thought; I'll need all the help I can get!

It's a risk to run a race in new shoes...and yet I like the idea of demarcation; to begin something with this race, to discover just what it means to me now, at this period of life and to see if I can 'run down' a better idea of what might come. I had some nostalgia today, heading out of Miami; I used to call my Dad first thing after every race to tell him my time etc...it was a lovely little ritual I will miss....
for the first time, I will carry not just his memory with me over the line as I did at MCM, but Mom's, Vitae's...Tom and Mike....when I run I feel I am making animate the spirit of love that is in me.

Last Long Beach Loop: Miami half, Here I come!

2012-01-22T12:32:00.000-08:00

With great thanks to the Powers that Be which seems to have conspired to get me off my rear-end and put my name on that registration form after all....I am T-minus one week until the Miami half! Having almost given up on this goal, I've been pretty lax about any particular training, except that almost every Sunday for a while now, I've done some version of my long beach loop.   Today, waking up to beautiful, moderate but slightly coolish temps and clear skies, I decided to do a close simulation in terms of distance and pace to see what happens.

I was pleased with the first miles which got me east to my first pit stop at Publix/Sheridan where I ditched the outer layer and had a nice long drink of water. From there it was a straight haul up to Dania, east to the beach and down Surf road to North Park (which marks about 7-8 miles total). I did a pretty good job with the Intercoastal bridge, and kept it up on point into the Park. Took my time regrouping, because I wanted to do the last half in one stretch.   Just as I topped the Sheridan bridge a dude with a bike waived me to stop! Thinking, what the....?? turns out a manatee was below! The photo above does not show it but you can barely make out a brown 'bump' surfacing mid-frame; it had taken a breath...and THAT was pretty cool...

Refreshed by the new nature tid-bit Great Mother gave me, I headed west and picked up the usual side-streets, working like mad to keep it up, crossing one major road, then the second, and coming up into my neighborhood. Ok, I walked the last bits...but I was so relieved to know that I had enough umph to carry this off...

The Universe has been telling me to take some risks...not the usual kamakaze stuff I've been known for, but going where I can, and pushing where I should.   Balancing out the need to regulate our lives with the thrill of our chosen goals is at the heART of life it seems.   My old paradigms are still getting blown by the opening of doors, windows and rooftops- to let in the Big Wide River of World- within.

Cold One: Long Run 1-15-12

2012-01-16T06:02:00.000-08:00

I waited until the sun was up for a bit, in a fruitless attempt to assuage the impact of temps reading under 50 degrees. And while the uber runners out there, (yes all you men particularly) will scoff, cold it my real challenge; I didn't decide to stay in South Florida for nothin'!    Tights, underlayers, outerlayers, this time including a very light windbreaker to buffer between....gloves and headband for my ears... and amazingly, I shed the outer layers by the time I rounded up to Dania Beach and began the long slog south on Surf road.

The photo captures the crystalline quality of light with a full on sun sparkling in the cold air! It felt exhilarating as I caught a second wind and tried my strides heading into North Park. I wasn't really committing myself to a long loop but willing to give it a try....inspired by the Olympic trials on Saturday and watching my hero Meb take the first finish in 2:09:10!

So I looped a little south at the Publix interchange and meandered my way through the neighborhood side-streets, eventually hitting water as I wound through a dead-end street and the broken fence of someone's small abandoned nursery, leading to Taft.   As usual, I walked the last mile or so and was grateful through the exhaustion to pull out a half-ish (I believe it's just under 13 miles) even though I have not loaded up big miles lately.

Watching the Olympic trials is still exhilarating!   If they let the cameras linger long enough I can study the strides and footfalls; it was no surprise to me to see Meb take it after I watched his beautiful, light cadence, a quick dancing which looked as if his feet barely hit the ground, with an upright, easy posture completely without stress (that anyone could see).   I remind myself that compared to many others, I am in excellent shape. The ability to run a half-marathon distance no matter how slowly is no easy feat! I may not be a Meb, or Shalane (Flanagan: the women's winner), but as a Rightbrainrunner it is not the speed or distance which I'm after. It is the sheer intrinsic love of going out and about on my own two feet, on a little expedition, an adventure, to see the wide open world.

If you've never gone out for a walk or a jog for the sake of absorbing your natural surroundings, you are missing one of the best, free means of 'plugging in'....Mother Nature will lay out her Mantra for you, embedded in the folds of the clouds and the fluid sunlight.   All you have to do is show up.

Long Run West: Sunday 1-8-12

2012-01-08T08:12:00.000-08:00

The temps moderated to a pleasant 60ish as I headed out the door earlier, the sun climbing above the line of thin clouds blocking the full glory of its warmth while I looped around the block to get my legs going and headed west on Park.   It has been so many weeks focusing on my easterly loop, it felt wonderful to cruise down this nice straight stretch as I tried to sort out dreams, impressions and emotions....none of which came very clear.

The mystery of my traveling aches and pains continues, now feeling more soreness in my feet (is it time for new shoes...again!?) and doing spot checks on the usual hot spots such as ITB and flexors. Nonetheless, it felt so nice to have the sun, the mild temps that once I found a good rhythm I decided to wait and stop at John Williams park, then headed up over the turnpike to make my cut north to Stirling, giving me 2 good overpasses. If I gave myself a walk break now and then I could sustain some good distance and pace (for me)....feeling as the miles grew, greater comfort and ease.

The greatest part of having an iphone which subs as music, weather report, miles run if I want it to, and yes phone is having the camera to capture whatever catches my eye as I go. As an officially frustrated artist full of good ideas getting nowhere, photography has become the quick and dirty means of visual expression.   It was coming in off another run this week, through the alley that I spied the bird-of-paradise sticking up by a fence; clearly a volunteer- above.

My first week back at work and my first private (solo) client back on Saturdays gave me a boost of confidence in my unfolding professional life. The structure of our lives as it becomes built around our disciplines and responsibilities is always a good thing.   The run gives me both attention to discipline and freedom of mind: a mental break from the pressures of people.   I accept these outcomes as the results of all these years of hard work to earn my place in the Marketplace...and feel so grateful that I have something meaningful to offer!! As we go, we grow!

2012, Opening the Way

2012-01-05T07:33:00.000-08:00

While Florida copes with a brief cold spell (by our standards) to begin the New Year, I am back in the swing of work and feeling my way into this mysterious 2012. I took plenty of time during the holidays to reassess many things about my approach to goals and life in general; and once more finding that age and experience is on my side, quieting the hormonal and emotional storms, settling the impatience, frustrations and irritability, putting my perspective on Big, Long processes which help me see my place in the Scheme of Things without stressing how it all turns out.

After a stretch of successful half-marathon-ish long runs, I found my body complaining, aching, and felt full of fatigue. I read an article recently about the guy who broke the Guinness record for Most Marathons completed in a year- it was well over 100!!! And he was 67! It remains a complete mystery to me why some people have the ability to run ridiculous distances, or races and times and others like me struggle. Transforming from schlubby little Jewish girl into 'athlete' has been a process which continues to reap enormous benefits and challenges. I WANT to do Miami marathon morphing into 'maybe I can pull off the half' is now becoming 'do I really want to race?...or am I just trying to revisit past glory?'

The same with professional and personal goals. My former inner Control Freak would like to imagine the Power to make things conform to my will...I've been a big Will person....It was Will which took me from college drop-out and artist/hippie to achieve my educational and professional goals, and make a life here in the sunny south, to be here for my parents, to continue serving my community. Over the holidays I had a breakthrough about Flow and heeding my own 'Right Brain' advice: to let things flow, develop, coalesce, evolve- to heed the inner momentum of psychic activities which are finding their own way into my future: my part in The Plan, my piece of The Mother's Story.

So I enjoyed my cold runs this week. It was tough and it always is, just to get going, keep warm, sustain the effort. But as usual, there are those magical moments when it feels like I am about to take flight and my gait suddenly seems to ease into a rhythm of grace. My mind open, my body swinging freely from the vortex of my insides. I might do that half. I might skip it too. Either way, I resolve to employ 'radical acceptance' into my running, work and relationships. Be Who You Are...and let the Pervasive and Healing Forces upon us take you where you are meant to be. When we drop our resistance, it's all miracles from here.

Xmas Long Beach Run 2011

2011-12-25T08:52:00.000-08:00

Florida skies are Enormous! They fling across in wild speculation of colors and patterns like old kaleidoscopes broken open, full of mystery and delight. This special morning was no different, and the ocean anchored the sky of today in a most pleasing way.

The skies always inspire me, the big vistas ever changing remind me of Things Bigger than my ideas, thoughts or beliefs...Bigger than the planet, bigger than my imagination of the universe....as if the patterns flung over my head are hints of amazing free-forming alliances of All Things in motion...as I was in motion on the run.

It was extraordinarily quiet...almost no one to break my focus as I made it across Dania, down Surf road and across Sheridan. I was as light and carefree as the winds gently cooling the sweat from my arms, and whispering in my ear....the year is almost done and a new one about to begin with all my dreams, as usual, ready to fly.

Find your Big Dreams under your tree this year, tucked in your heart. In 2012, let them fly...let them find their homes in your future. Happy Holidays to all!

For Those Who Left us in 2011

2011-12-22T07:34:00.000-08:00

In the craziness of the times as we wind down the old year, it finally hit me that I am coming up on the year anniversary of Mom's death, on New Year's eve last year (yes, technically 2010). It feels as if it's taken much of this entire year to adjust to Life without the Parents....and the aftermath, emotionally, of the last several years of Mom's decline. I still have a very tough time looking at those last pictures and the smells, images and emotions which come with the whole post-stroke ordeal....every time I think of my parents in their present state I chuckle a little, imagining the dynamics they must work through to resolve their complicated relationship, their own life lessons and to determine what comes next. I hope they hover close at times; I still miss the affection my mother was able to show no matter how tough her situation or how awful she felt. I was always her "baby doll", and we never saw each other without a big hug and kisses.

This is the time of year when we all take time to join together with whoever we feel is our 'family', whether biological, vocational, spiritual....our 'tribe' will always be those with whom we feel the closest affinity of the heart. My mom was a most heartfelt woman. She gave me the counterpoint of dad's sometimes volatile personality, and embedded in me my core compassion for the struggles and hopes we all share.

To those who went on before us this year, to the ancestors who are paving The Way forward, who listen to us in the night and stand at our shoulders when we cry....we send our prayers and best wishes...we love you, we carry you on in This World, our world, always.

Love and miss you so much mom.

Long Beach run 12-18-11

2011-12-19T06:17:00.000-08:00

After the relative ease with which I pulled out Saturday's run, I wasn't sure what to expect for Sunday going long. In fact I was completely undecided about route, length, time etc until I actually began walking out the door. And like an old horse who knows its routine, found myself heading east for my (now) usual beach loop. As it's been pointed out to me, why not focus on the half-marathon? which is more or less what this loop is now...my weekly half-marathon!

I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day! The skies were finally clear of clouds, low winds, and plenty of full on sun. Chilly at the start, I shucked my over-shirt by the second mile and was still not quite awake until I hit Dania and saw the bridge beckon to the beach. I felt slow, and my endurance was down. I stopped a few times for water and to break the run; and at every point I could I gave myself an 'out' if needed. I can turn back here- I can loop back through here....but I've begun to crave that Sunday morning commune with the ocean, waiting for me like a loyal friend when I show up and shower Her with my awe. It is breathtaking every time to walk up to the point when I see the surf begin to crash into the shore and welcome the morning sun rising off the water....churning in Her emerald and olive greens, the smell of brine and the winds welcoming me as I meander down Surf Road to North Park.

It wasn't a bad stretch to this point, and I enjoyed my pit stop before heading west, unfortunately with the winds in my face. I've developed a few new discomforts: a cramp in my right calf for one, forcing me to slow it even more until I came to my usual turning point to cut south. This time, down to a walk I just hoofed it back on Sheridan and with a few intermittent jog stretches, mostly walked home. Once again it's hard to say why some runs come off without an issue and others are challenges on many levels....whatever I've done to create consistency in my routine, my energy flux is such that I suspect Bigger Forces are influencing me and everyone else. As energies accelerate globally it seems we experience the impact in unpredictable ways, as physical discomforts, as mental fatigue, as emotional bumps and swirls which can have us wonder what is going on...!

Often times when I'm still far from home and the run has me beat, I focus on "one foot in front of the other" parsing my attention down to the lines in the sidewalk, the pit-pat of my footfalls, the beat of the music in my ears. Our breath, the engine of all Life and connection with the Great Universe, can itself feel like the only anchor to earth and will ground us if we pay attention. When I aim small, sometimes the world unwinds itself within me, and the grand scale of everything seems to fit within my every step - until once more I make it back Home.

Feel your breath today and the footsteps you take to traverse the world you inhabit. Each moment takes us further down the road, a little stronger and wide open to the wisdom Within.

Long Run 12-12-11

2011-12-12T07:06:00.000-08:00

Blustery, drizzly, Mother Nature threw her smorgasboard of elements at me as I headed out for my Sunday long run. All the way up to heading out the door I was unsure where or what distance to tackle, given the impact of last week's 'half-marathon' training....but once out decided I like the visit to the beach every weekend: so off I went heading east, into the winds.

So once more I settled into a long, resistance stretch, working into a gear that I could maintain even out on Dania Beach Blvd with the winds slowing me to a near walk, as I made it over the bridge and down onto the beach. My energy was holding and as always, the ocean spread Her shifting surf and skies up and down the wide open coastline, shimmering in hues of turquoise and emerald in an ever-fluid dynamo of change....My thoughts falling open to the gains and losses this week, the success stories and the tragedies, including Mike, felled by the disease of addiction.

I took my time at North Park, filling my water bottles and taking electrolytes and a few 'chews' to keep my stamina up for the ride home, and headed out over the Sheridan St. bridge. The photo attempts to capture a rainbow as it hit the clouds just as I made it up the rise: the shot taken through the plastic pouch I stash the iphone in on my belt- even still, look closely; can you see the faint bar of color just on the horizon line?

Buoyed by this delight, I got a nice rhythm going heading west and the busy stretch of other runners and bikers passing me on their way to the beach. As I made my cut south I settled blissfully into sunshine and solitude, enjoying my meandering way through the parallel neighborhoods as is now my habit, chatting up a few kids as I passed by, appreciating that each time I do this run, it feels a little more 'normal', comfortable, doable until I come again to my connection to Taft. Just as I made my turn, the skies opened with swathes of heavy, blowing rain! I tucked into my hooded top and walked the last miles home, pummeled by the wet winds, coming up to my end point like a drowned cat - happy to have a hot shower and big breakfast waiting.

As much as I'd like to make my long runs predictable by controlling the miles or route, making the challenge familiar and routine, the world has a way of throwing creative chaos into our well-structured lives. Within the di-urnal cycle, the expression of weather and the elements outside and within our bodies gives us the nuances of physical experience. There is something reassuring about throwing oneself into this, while knowing the structure of home, etc. supports us. Even the ups and downs of work and relationships are contained within the knowledge of cycles as they continue to unfold.

Mike, I would have stood in your way if I could; I would save you from yourself. I ran with you heavy in my heart even as I knew your wife and family cry for you, miss you. In the world you may now inhabit, I pray for your soul to find it's way into the Love you've been looking for all this time. And be free. I run on....

Nature Heals

2011-12-07T06:43:00.001-08:00

After hobbling around the unit yesterday, I decided to space the week's runs with a day off today: as in, no running, no nothing!   It's a rare day when I'm not incorporating something into my fitness routine, whether it's my usual training runs, yoga or working with weights (small medicine ball, my favorite fitness toy).    Physical and emotional burnout can come upon us, athlete or not; when we notice the increase in irritability, malaise, lost stamina, it's time to 'tune in' and 'drop out' of the normal pressures we place upon ourselves and however possible, recharge.

One of the biggest reasons I run is to take myself out into Mother Nature's wide world. Here in spectacular South Florida, we are treated to a full-color spectrum all year long. Even when overcast, the sub-tropical clime provides a glowing landscape of color and light.   Inside my home base, I grow an assortment of plants. I've been a "plant person" since early teens when my mom allowed me to co-op a house plant given to her; before I graduated high school, I had overtaken an entire south-facing room full of plants (the same year I also read Secret Life of Plants, possibly one of the most influential books for what unfolded in my life in many ways). In most places I lived up north, I had extensive gardens; indoors plants provided 'green space'. Down here, land and garden is the top of my 'intention list': for those of you in my area, be aware: I am actively seeking a little piece of heaven to cultivate into my own therapeutic compound!

Plants, from my humble geranium above, to the big oaks in the park or the palms swaying in the winds, not only feed and sustain us, they transform us with their capacity to display themselves in their intrinsic beauty, and how they adapt and relate to their environment and each other. The 'green thumb' is the intuitive sense of tuning in to plants and working with them   Many folks become completely disconnected from Nature- grow a plant and cultivate a loving relationship with a living being, take a walk in a park and stroll through the greenery; your soul will thank you and your Spirit will sing!

So today, as I rest from physical training, I appreciate the silent beauty of my plant world. As yoga teaches a mindful position to activate inner energies, I can absorb the essence of plants to calm and ground me in the world.   Tomorrow, its back out on the roads and a peek into the Great Outdoors where Nature lays Her banquet for all to enjoy.

Repetition and Resistance: Long Run 12-4-11

2011-12-05T06:26:00.001-08:00

From here on out, all the miles on the Plan are longer ones. With the past few beach loops coming in just under half-marathon distance, I decided to repeat it with a bit added to see if I could become more comfortable with 13ish and thus have a half-marathon within my reach. I headed out at dawn into a very stiff wind blowing off the ocean and directly into my face as I made my way east, then north to catch Dania Beach Blvd and the cut down to Surf Rd. Since resistance running is like hill running, I knew this was good for me, and I had better stamina with it than I've had in a while. The blustery, scuttling clouds kept changing the landscape of light- and the few runners and bikers did not look any more energetic than I was.

But there was the ocean, and the path south, the surf crashing high and the music in my ears drowned out with the onslaught of winds. I was still feeling ok and made it down to North Park in one fell swoop (no Publix stop today!).   As I took my time rehydrating, filling my bottles, etc, I stretched and headed out up the intercoastal bridge.   The wind, now at my back, gave me the extra push I needed to keep up a decent gait as I made the cut left to catch the back streets parallel to Sheridan. Here I meandered an extra bit to once again pick up Taft and come up to home.   I walked some of the last miles to cool it down, as the sun, now full up, gave me a warm second half. Taking my time, enjoying the views, with the wind, pit-stop and all, I made it in about 3+hours (better!!).

A straight half-marathon (13.2) mile shot is about what my body feels it can handle without ultimate meltdown. Sure I might be able to keep extending (and no doubt I might try a time or two).   But what I really look for is enough of a long run to really challenge me without killing me- and let's face it, won't take up my whole day! And better still, once home and onto my chores etc, I noticed much less 'complaint' from my body. Tired, yes. But not, as sometimes happens, completely done.

Working with resistance means accepting what direction the winds are blowing, and knowing that a change in direction will come along, either on Nature's side or our own. When in those first miles with the wind in my face it FEELS as if it will never end; I am being pummeled and 'punished' by these winds!! When in fact the atmosphere is on its own schedule, and running into the wind is making me pretty strong! Repetition gives us mastery. What felt impossible a month ago is now pretty comfortable, as the experience of staying in motion 13ish miles is beginning to feel normal. Lots of running, like life, is about transforming the strange and new into the 'new' normal.

I'm happy that lots of things are synching up into new routines, which I need to ground and stabilize the inner circus which is in high gear sorting out the world's affairs.   Now I can say I feel my Center returning, and the conviction to keep it simple during the wrap up of this year. For complicated me, this feels pretty amazing.

Long Run Beach loop 11-27-11

2011-11-28T05:14:00.001-08:00

16 miles is a big haul; I mentally mapped out what that would entail, even with the beach loop, but adding a detour into Hollywood to come back home from the south. 16 is also way beyond my usual reach- the longest I've logged so far is about 14, and with lots of walking. I decided to take it as it goes and adjust if needed.

It was a really glorious morning, clear and cool, and the lead up to my Dania cut off was uneventful. The traffic was light and the morning sun was full on my face as I headed east. Once I made the cut and proceeded along Dania Blvd, I shared the path/roads with all the other bikers, and bladers, and a few runners heading in my direction.   The intercoastal came up on my right and as I came down off the bridge, the Dania beach rolled out before me as I cut the corner to catch Surf Rd, and my North Park pit-stop. I was about 7 miles in and feeling pretty tired, all too soon negotiating with myself about the rest of the run.

There are so many fit, fabulous runners out there, young, strong, tireless....it's impossible not to compare myself and wish I had their stamina, their lighter-than-air musculature, whatever that magic formula is that makes distance runners able to just go and go...while the turtles like me, slog along, trying to find the groove. So I thought as I decided to take the Sheridan bridge and cut down from there, instead of attempting to run all the way down a crowded broadwalk to Hollywood. Once I found my side road, I kept heading west while making occasional cuts south to catch Taft and the closest means of getting under the Interstate. I had a nice, if very slow stretch in this area, distracted as I love to get, by the houses, landscapes...and allow my dreams of future house/office/studio/garden
to percolate. As I neared home and realized I would come well under the 16 I decided that had to be ok; there was no sense in torturing myself.

Much as I theoretically love those big distances, my body is clearly telling me I now have some limits- and to disrespect this will come at my peril I know.   Since I told myself I would decide something about Miami by now, it looks like if I do any racing it will be a half- not a full-marathon. And that's if I care enough to race at all.   For what I loved most yesterday was getting lost in those back streets, cruising along without a time clock, without a time limit, and free to move at my own pace and rhythm. Do I really want to add stress to that? Why not allow the run to just be?

Our accomplishments are not always measured by medals or awards; the World will not always acknowledge us for our efforts, or reward our breakthroughs. Ultimately, once I got home I just felt exhilarated to know my legs carried me almost 13 miles and gave me a marvelous Sunday morning adventure.   It was grand; and next week, I'll see how far I can make it, again.

post-Thanksgiving run

2011-11-25T06:27:00.001-08:00

Slightly overcast and cool, the weather gods delivered the perfect conditions to set out for my morning run, fueled by yesterday's extra carbs and assisted by the nearly empty streets. A lot of everything banged around in my brain until I worked out those first few miles, the awkward rhythms in my footfalls settling into the cadence of entrainment, as the right-left-right of the swing eased out my aches and my worries into the Earth Herself.

Sometimes, I don't want to care about anybody or anything. The constant attention I need to focus on the woes of the world, as they show up in my clients and others can collapse my world-view into a kaleidoscope of crazy chaos, and my gratitude this Thanksgiving, among so much else, is for the grace of an empty schedule to bring it back to the essence of things.

People, we are not the end all be all, and yet at this point in time all that we do will influence our global outcome. We are monkey gods, stuck on our desires and insecurities, lashing out at misperceived threats and defensive against all pain. Our fears get stuck in our throats and swallow the words that might otherwise heal and uplift. We personalize it all, demonize, rationalize out behavior, our principles.

Beyond the little bag of skin and bones, the Greatness of Spirit is calling to carry us out of our tiny views into a Big, Broad perspective where the DNA which is spinning in our cells mirrors the perfect turn of worlds... and the moves we make into our lives are met with immeasurable Forces which have our back and guide us along the open road.

I feel the greatness of All that Is when I forget the struggle...when I fly out of my constrictions and into the Rhythm, the movement itself. Our biology links us as surely as intentional prayer. Use your body to gain appreciation of the Big You inside.

So high, so low

2011-11-21T06:35:00.001-08:00

On Sunday's long run, the Plan called for 12 miles , a bump back to obviously help consolidate gains and something I should be able to handle; so my thoughts went as I watched the rain pour down before I finally made the dash outside.   Squally bands of rain, sometimes hard, usually a drizzle kept fanning over me as I headed up the overpass to begin the loop south then east along Arthur St. I did not dress in rain gear, instead trying a minimal approach- a simple cut-down micro-tee and shorts with my phone-slash-music safely stowed in a plastic bag in my spi-belt. My legs felt heavy, and so was my mood. Before I warm up it's a chilly and surreal slog until I begin to unwind some miles east and hit my first pit-stop at John Williams.

The wind was at my back to get there, and while I cruised up 66th to link with Stirling. I began to feel the rhythm of my gait lull me into the pleasant trance of the movement, allowing my mind to surf the images and concerns of my inner landscape, until I faced east and the long stretch back. The weather was on dial to fuel up and down the register...at moments the sun would break through and the heat/humidity would blast me. Most of the time strong blustery winds blew right at me, slowing me to a walk until I picked the pace back on Emerald Hills, my short cut for the day.

I watched as I swung from confidence to deflation with every change....when I caught a good stretch I felt sure I could master any marathon...sign me up! When I crawled to a walk, the senselessness of it all would strike me....why punish my body, pushing it so hard? Would I benefit just as much from a modest running routine, and keep my fitness and health?

I'm glad I had those ecstatic stretches; I love feeling like anything is possible, even when Reality smacks me in the face. When world and personal events feel as if they conspire to bring me low, I recognize that parallel paths are unfolding miraculous breakthroughs and the paradigm of possibility emerges stronger than ever.    And whether the wind is at my back - or blowing me off my feet, it is the same Wind after all.

Thanksgiving weekend calls for my first bigger distance, a 16 miler, and as I've been telling myself, this will help me decide if I have it in me to train any further for Miami.   Whatever the mind wants to interpret, there is no getting around the footfalls, the rain, the silence on the empty, open roads which beckon with possibility....I run on.

Long Run 11-13-11

2011-11-14T05:46:00.001-08:00

The Plan was 14 miles. It took a while to guestimate that distance, given the GPS on MapMyRun. I came up with a warm-up loop up the overpass, to hook back west until John Williams Park (this is 5 miles....), continuing on up the Turnpike overpass to 66th where I took a right to connect with Stirling. Heading east, I picked up the cut to Griffin and headed east to my Publix stop which was an even 10.

Easterly winds blew into my face, and I walked that mile into Publix, exhausted, numb, and once again daunted by the demands of distance and the time it takes me to traverse it. A cut down to Angler's and looping back to Park, and I just made it under 14 as I came (walking) home. It's still embarrassing to post a time; and yes I know under race conditions there are no meandering stops at stores, or walking miles...what can take me 2 and 1/2 hours (my race time for a half-marathon) is taking way more this; so now my concern is, even if I run the marathon, do I really want to be out there 6-7 hours to finish??

So for the first time I felt willing to revisit the whole idea, and what running means to me these days. If my early running years were about proving myself up the chain of miles and races, just to see if I could do it, my relationship to running is morphing as I age into something less competitive; or at least that where it feels it wants to go. The competitor in me is not letting go of the need to keep comparing myself to other runners who are still achieving big, admirable goals. My fear is that any reduction in effort or achievement just contributes to my overall declining physicality and fitness, a fear encapsulated in the image of my mother in her wheelchair.

If I run to avoid an outcome of decrepitude and decline, is this just hubris of ego? Will I, and the other, elder, uber-runners all end up the same? Or is there a magic, an elixir in running which can preserve my strength, endurance, energy through the 'long run' of my life? Granted, I was proud to pull out a 14 miler, no matter how much time it took, or how much I walked. But the inner and outer Me's are still coming to terms with what is and what is Possible....

My 11-11-11 Run n' Ready Experience

2011-11-12T04:41:00.001-08:00

I felt compelled to go to one of my favorite power spots at Hugh Birch park, and which was FREE for Vet's day. I settled into a parking spot and donned my running gear, and after a nice warm-up loop around the park road, took the pedestrian tunnel which links to A1A and the ocean.

Windy, cool and mostly clear, the ocean rushed up towards the beach while runners, bladers, walkers and cyclists of all stripes piled through the north-south stretch. It felt GREAT to be back here again, remembering race days thundering down this stretch to the finish line for the Ft. Lauderdale halfs I've done, and other training runs down to 17th St. causeway. I hoped to make it that far, but once I got a few miles south, it felt prudent to head back; pedestrian traffic makes unnecessary challenges for me- and I was craving some deep private time.

So I took my magic stairs back into the belly of Deep Nature....

...meandering through some of the inner trails, mostly flooded out by our recent storms...and 'seeding' spots with meditations and offerings...until I found what I was looking for:

a BiG Mama Fig Tree standing by Herself in a clearing, just beyond my parking space, and providing a park bench platform and opportunity to 'tune in' beneath and surrounded by Her amazing energy.

She is so large, you can climb INTO Her- and look up into the canopy and sky beyond....

For about an hour (spanning before and after 11:11 AM) I meditated, wrote and of course, left some "stealth art" as an homage to the Day:

and 'wrote' this:

I am in the Presence of Light
and yet I AM the Light,
the dark spaces through the tree limbs
are only deflections,
For they, too, are Light.
The Wind is Light,
for it travels through the wind,
and so even our thoughts,
broadcast to the winds,
are Light.

It must only take one photon
to reflect the universes,
as it is Light,
So am I in the Presence of
Infinite Universes always.

There never were shadows,
just deflections of Light,
creators of shape and form.
They do not impinge upon us,
we impinge upon them
and create the visible world,
which is Light- and Infinite Universes- as One.

So the Me who can float like a single photon
of Light
if one of Infinite Me's, but we are the Same,
since we are Light.
Our manna is the play of forms within Light
and our limitless potential to Shine.

Daylights Savings Time Long Run 11-6-11

2011-11-07T05:16:00.000-08:00

I woke to warmer than expected temps, and a bright early morning thanks to DST. Heading out towards the overpass, I decided to see what a beach loop would feel like, haven't headed east in quite some time, and the thought of ocean scents and sounds felt like a nice reward- so off I went! Up and over the overpass then settling in for the 4 miles until I took the left up to Dania Beach Blvd. Once again the calculation on the MapMyRun GPS seemed longer than I remember...but now I was curious; just how many miles is this loop anyway? And as for the Plan, I was due for a 10-er, a nice little break.

One of my favorite stretches is the long (it feels long) lonely road to Dania Beach. As usual per Sunday mornings, there are plenty of cyclists and a few other runners out there, as I pushed through strong blustery headwinds to make it up onto the Intercoastal overpass ... and cruise down past the beach parking and head south along the beach itself. The walkway cuts down from Dania Beach to North Beach, where lots of runners, cyclists, bladers and walkers are busy getting their morning exercise. At this point, I had stopped hearing the miles prompt and had no real idea how far I'd gone, but was onto a fine stretch when I made my pit-stop at North Beach.

I took my time, took a few more pix and headed back west on Sheridan with the wind at my back. It was a pretty torturous time although I kept a run up until the last bit before climbing the overpass one more time before home. The distance said 11.25. I used to think that loop was about 13. Either way, it felt good to know I could pull that off and that I'm still 'on schedule', more or less, on my plan.

Meanwhile, I caught the last 6-8 miles of the NYC marathon and saw the women's and men's winners cross the finish line, all in world record time. It is hard to describe what its like watching a world class runner cruise through sub- 5 minute miles at the END of a marathon, while I struggle just to RUN any distance at all...and the crazy motivation it gives me to know just what I CAN do, by comparison.
Congrats to the runners, winners and finishers at NYC yesterday, for a job very well done! And I remember to pat myself on the back: I put my mind to complete that run yesterday and I did. It is small accomplishments, unsung, that sometimes put us back into a place of confidence. Grab them when you see them unfold for you: they are your daily gifts.

Long Run 10-30-11

2011-10-31T06:58:00.000-07:00

The Plan said 12 miles.   According to my past on-line mapping, I fully expected to roll out about 3 loops on my Park West route as a solution to dealing with a. my fatigue of late and b. my issue with the weather, which has been blustery and rainy.   For once, I set the GPS via Map My Run and headed out just after dawn.

The long loop of Park west, turns out, is barely more than a mile each way. So after doing 2 of these loops and hearing, in the pause of the music stream, the voice of that GPS say "distance: 3, speed ..." etc, I began to feel what that distance really meant.   In my head I began to scramble my inner measurements. In all these years I've been doing my neighborhood routes, I think I know them like the back of my hand. And no, I cannot account for the difference between the on-line and phone app for Map...but suddenly, a 12 mile goal became a really really long one.

I was just at 6 when I made a pit stop just west of the loop, and feeling pretty fatigued.   I tried to figure out how to place the additional 6 and not kill myself, so I decided to make my usual way up and around 56th and head generally east, while listening to that GPS voice tell me, at every mile mark, how far I got. The weather threw me occasional drizzles and very strong head winds. For hill-less folks like us, a strong wind is the equivalent of hills; pushing through a steady wind takes enormous fortitude. Just when I'd think "this has GOT to be another mile!" that voice would stay silent for what seemed like another mile more before I'd hear "distance: 9 miles" etc. In fact I never broke into the double digits until I almost hit 29th....and the other voice inside said "hahah, you want to run a MARATHON??? right..."

By the time I made it home, it was just over 11 miles. I won't say how long that took. I walked a few long stretches in the last half; I was wet, tired, and pretty much over the whole thing.   The 'fight' I usually have to gut out big pushes in Life, weather work-related, relationship or running, just feels like 'flight'....these days, I am never so happy as wandering the inner realms of my own Solitude, where pace and distance have nothing to do with what I feel, who I am, what I'm doing.

This trend is not conducive to marathon training...LOL.

The World feels to be whirling enough for all of us; sometimes a girl just wants to be Still.

Iain McGilchrist: The divided brain | Video on TED.com

2011-10-26T05:34:00.000-07:00

Iain McGilchrist: The divided brain | Video on TED.com

thanks Joanna for the share.
Check out this interesting and creative explanation....and see if you relate!

Sunday long run 10-23-11

2011-10-24T06:57:00.000-07:00

An unexpected opening in my schedule allowed me to run Saturday, a brisk, energetic 6-er which gave me false hope for Sunday. Normally, because of timing, I have 2 rest days before the Sunday run. So the question was, would a run prior give me a boost, or a bust?

Up early and out, I've been mapping out the extra mile or so weekly in my head, this time placing a run up the overpass to hook right and back to Park as the extra bit. The goal was "8-9 miles" and adding this to my usual Park west and up to Griffin loop, should make that easily.

Right away, I felt sluggish and weak. Sometimes, putting the overpass first is a jump-start, so I hoped by the time I got it going on Park, I'd find my rhythm.   The weather was a continuation of cool and clear, the early morning crystalline quality of light throwing everything into high relief. Distracted by the shower of beauty in color and form, always enamored by great landscapes and trees, I made it over to John Williams for my first pit-stop and assessment. It wasn't what I hoped; already, I was dragging ass over to the park, and I was only halfway home.

I took the stretch all the way up to Griffin, passed by an older man/runner I see alot up there, whose gait looked barely perceptible as he barely seemed to lift one foot after the other...SIGH....and walked a good bit between the top of 40th ...all the way to my next pit stop at Publix.   As I began the last stretch out, my ringer went off! (love my iphone slash music slash trainer....) and as I trotted along took the call.   It was several miles later and I was still on the run!   Quick moral of this story: distractions are helpful; for that stretch, despite my clear fatigue, I hardly noticed, getting deep into the conversation. By the time I realized how far I'd gotten I was pretty close to home.

I won't say how long it took,   but clearly longer than I hoped, or how tough it was, which was way tougher than I hoped.   The 'middle distance' runs are pretty predictable this way. This is just when the body is most stressed to adapt to the 'shifting' into a higher level of endurance....and where my uber-inner-runner and my 55 year old self will battle it out.    I know if I can clear this hurdle, there are challenging, but enjoyable longer runs ahead.   It is said over and over, and cannot be restated enough: running is a mental sport.    The inner perception of distance, effort and pain are all subjective. Get into your comfort zone, synch into the rhythm of the run itself, and a la Chi Running, utilize the energy both within the body and around/through it, to achieve the effortlessness desired.   Sounds good, right? It is the 'practice' of running that allows me to focus on exactly this; overcoming my insecurities and doubts that I CAN do it! And....I WILL.

I gave myself time to make the decision about Miami, and so far, that luxury still holds. Next week is the 12 miler, which will tell me a lot about whether the full- or half- might need to be the goal. Is it back to the beach loop? A longer expedition to the west? We'll see where the running gods lead me when I come back around next weekend.

Occupy Freedom

2011-10-17T12:39:00.000-07:00

It doesn't take much to realize how little freedom there is in this world, including our own home country, and how dearly we pay for whatever freedom we allow to slip away; Ai Wei Wei is my reminder of that.   An internationally recognized artist who designed China'a "birds nest" for the Olympics, it would be fair to say he was unquestionably overly confident of his ability to speak Truth to the Powers that Be in China. He paid for it by his recent detention and ongoing house arrest. Despite recognition by other celebs, including Bianca Jagger's plan to award him through her human rights foundation, Ai Wei Wei is imprisoned- in his own home now- for his expression of private thoughts.

On this week's long run, which is miraculously on schedule for my marathon training plan in case I decide "YES" for Miami, I had the Occupy movement on my mind.   For all of us oldster hippies who formed the ranks of protest and activism in the past, the current movement feels like deja vu all over again. Creativity forms the basis of the collectivism, the expression of personal stories and the performance art of those on the streets making their points. Add a healthy dose of drums, chants and the level of techno expertise, and we (the 99%) are communicating in a big way.

It may be true that, as some righties say, we still have it better than many places on earth. True, that. However, the Forces of Oppression find their means in all nations and classes, forcing the dogma of acceptable and 'legal' behavior and action, suppressing the means to express free thought.   We are careful now to nuance ourselves in the public arena for fear of more losses; of jobs, prospects, power and control. The Occupiers, like Ai, are facing pressures from political and police forces. Can we stay our course and keep our banners flying? Can we Occupy Freedom anywhere, anytime?

The core reason for running, for me, is absolute freedome of movement. No one can tell me "I can" or "I cannot"...with one foot in front of the other, at my own time, pace and distance.   The feeling of ultimate control of my body/myself is a symbolic boost to my inner space, where I inhabit as free a spirit as I can! The run reminds me of who I am apart from any job title or obligation; the run is my chance to feel the link between inner freedom and flying off the pavement on a good stretch, embracing the wide skies.

There are many (too many) who cannot feel any of this today.   And for them, I pray, I hope- and I run.

Marathon musings

2011-10-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

I downloaded a training plan that, miraculously, I am currently 'on schedule' for in order to pull off the Miami Marathon in Jan. '12. I keep trying to make up my mind. So here's the plan. Continue with the training as it's laid out, and see how the longer miles feel. Make my decision by Thanksgiving AT THE LATEST. Registration. Commitment. Follow through.

Part of what I feel is on my mind about it, besides gauging my body's general level of endurance for handling this, is why I want to do it....I've done 2 other marathons...the first one, also Miami was to test myself. The second, Marine Corp, was for Dad. I'm thinking of this one for all my Ancestors who continue to support and inspire those of us who are seeking to change the world for the better, one step, one client, one person, one act of empowerment at a time.

Thoughts???