1. I will never find anyone I love as much as I love him.

This is probably one of the first things that come out of our mouth after he closes the door behind himself. We have invested so much of our love, our time and energy into this one person and relationship, so yes, it does feel like there will never be anyone we will love as much as this one.

The good news is that this is a myth. It is not true. What is true is that we discover different aspects of love with different people, but ultimately it has very little to do with the other person. Loving someone is a refinement process and our capacity to love grows and expands from our experiences. So it may feel like this one man was it, and now that he’s gone, you won’t have it again. But if you truly get real with the precious heart of yourself, you will see that what you have been cultivating with him are your own resources to love and this man happened to be the lucky recipient of that.

So the next man you will love… differently. Perhaps the love you felt with your ex was like bubbly champagne and the next guy will be that deep velvety red with a lovely oak finish. There is no “less or more” but just… different. And most likely, your love will flourish from a different part of you, the part that is slightly more ripe, a little more rooted in yourself, possibly even touching the edges of your own glory.

2. If I had done something different, he would not have left me.

Like what, sweetheart? Fold his laundry better? Not been jealous? Wore a different kind of dress? Feather earrings? Wrong. You are not a victim. Things don’t just happen to you, you create them, whether you know it or not. There is a grand plan and you are one of the top executives implementing that plan. There is a longer thread that we are following than who we are dating or married to. That thread, and all the forces behind the scene, is committed to keeping us on our aligned path. How many times have you looked back and realized he actually did you a big favor by leaving? Yes, it feels like an impossible thought when you are in it, soothing your aching heart, but usually things work out just fine.

My suggestion is that things went south because you were not more of yourself. When you have discovered and are truly resting in the organic essence of you, all of your actions are naturally in harmony with who you really are. And from this place, you will only attract men to your life that won’t make you feel like you have done something wrong.

Perhaps your ex was the one you had to clear some old karma with, in order to be ready for the TRUE love of your life. These karmic connections are like the ultimate drama workshop with all the (un)necessary emotional ups and downs. It is a purification process to the highest degree, even though at times it may feel like you are laying on the operation table while your partner is digging deep into your most secret wounds, cracking them all open again, or perhaps revealing them for the first time ever.

There is blood. There are tears. There is that unspeakable sense of twisted pleasure that comes from the uncertainty – like David Deida suggests, women feel most alive in the possibility of losing love — and gaining it back. So even these myths we tell ourselves are part of that need for aliveness. Sooner or later, we realize the true aliveness comes from knowing yourself, knowing your worth and your value, and is not dependent on any outside influence.

3. We will get back together one day.

This is another bittersweet yet soothing thought that could help get us through the biggest pain bombs. To think this way is so understandable. You have merged your entire being with another human being for months or years. You thought (or wished) this man would be next to you rest for your life. The “third” person is still present. The “third” is your relationship creation, the potential, the grace or as Rumi calls it, “The Friend.” You are still connected on an energetic level and this makes the relationship feel real even when he is no longer physically present. The sooner you can cut the cords to him, the easier it will be to let go of him, and the dream you had that was connected to him.

Whenever you have cords attached to someone or something, you are leaking your valuable life force outside of yourself. The more you do it, the less there is left for you. And right now, girlfriend, you need to gather all the life force back to you, from wherever you have left it. It is your fertilizer. Bring it back home. Simply imagine cords of energy between you and him. They are usually more present in your second chakra (just below your belly button), and your heart chakra and sometimes also your fifth (throat) and sixth (third eye). Simply cut these cords gently — from both ends. Redirect and hook them up to your Spirit, your Universal Self, directly above you or however you visualize or understand this. Keep doing this daily. The cords want to come back but eventually you will establish a new source for yourself, a new anchor point, one that won’t drain you but instead will fuel you with your own radiant light.

By taking care of your energetic and emotional space, you also release him to go to his next aligned creation. This is compassion. This is service. This is self-love.

1. The way you start it is the way you finish it
2. Keep the channels open
3. Gentle re-entry

Fasting is a powerful tool that can be used for transformation. So are relationships. I’m inspired to share 3 main things that fasting has thought me about intimacy. I have probably made all of these mistakes, possibly in both departments.

1. The way you start it is the way you finish it. There may be occasions when a one night stand leads into a committed, long term relationship, and that is wonderful. But more often than not, a one night stand is … a one night stand. One beautiful, passionate moment in time. If you are looking for a relationship, you may find yourself wishing this person would call you, see you again or express interest in getting to know you. But you never hear from them again.

Just like starting a relationship, entering into a fast is a gradual process. If you are eating a standard American diet, you can not wake up one morning and decide to stop eating. Your body simply could not handle it, because the overload of toxins would make you feel nauseous, achy and just plain miserable. To expect long term results from short term planning is unrealistic. It often ends with the symptoms of a hangover and self-criticism.

I have learned to plan ahead. I have learned to gradually wean out certain foods (dairy, meat, caffeine) at least a week prior to beginning a fast. I have learned to block time for myself so I can fully allow the process to take its course. I have learned to stock my kitchen with everything I need for fasting, and eliminate any foods from my kitchen cabinets and fridge that would start calling my name during those desperate moments.

When wanting to attract a partner, or start a relationship, I am learning first to hold my own vibrational space strong and aligned to my own Source light, and from this place, I am able to sense and visualize the partner first, energetically, without attaching any physical qualities to it. I see this energy field in front me, overlapping my field (aka vessica pisces,) and I look for a frequency that allows me to continue to hold mine, without the need to diminish it, to weaken it or to hide it. This way, I am less likely to try to manipulate some particular person into my experience. Jumping into a relationship out of a reaction (plain desire, need or unconscious patterns) usually leads to counter-creation; when I manipulate reality, I usually end up with what I don’t want, instead of what I do want. Avoiding this is a life long, conscious practice, but so worth it.

2. Keep the channels open. When fasting, the number one key element is to keep the elimination channels open. In other words, it is crucial to make sure you have enough bowel movements each day to remove the toxins from your blood stream. Otherwise, you keep sitting in your own “shit” so to speak, and that can not possibly be fun. So whatever it takes, you need to make sure you go to the bathroom 2-4 times a day. Do a daily enema, take herbal laxatives or drink “Smooth Move” tea. Whatever works, do it.

In relationships, we all know how important communication is. It’s probably the most important ingredient to a harmonious relationship, whether you are in the very beginning stages or 30 years into it. Recently, I had the pleasure of meeting a tantra teacher, Lakota Carter. She shared one of her teachings with me, which was how to communicate your desire in relationships. Step one is to name your desire. What is it that your are wanting at this moment? Share it with your partner openly and as authentically as possible, for example, “My desire is to get to know you.” Then, express your fear. Say, for example, “My fear is that if I follow up with my desire, I will lose myself.” In the third step, you express your boundary. You can say, “My boundary is that we agree to support each other in what we are currently working on in our lives outside of the relationship.” 

Sounds so simple, because it is. But it takes work to keep the channels of communication open between you and your partner.

3. Gentle re-entry. Even the most amazing relationships come to an end one day. If I continue relating this topic to
fasting, you can not end a fast by going to a BBQ joint for fried chicken wings. I mean you can, but the consequences will be harsh. (Trust me, I have tried it. I was sick for two weeks. My acupuncturist worked hard to activate my turned off liver. Not good.) So when you come off a fast, you must be gentle. If you have been juicing for ten days, for the first three days, eat the same foods you have been juicing, but in a solid form. Make fresh salads out of kale, celery, cucumbers, etc. Chew every bite 30-50 times. Allow the digestive process to gradually turn itself on. If you don’t, you can end up counteracting all the good work you did during the fast.

Similarly, when a relationship ends, take time to do the work on your own without seeking the next object of your desire. Relationships are never about the other person. If you do not take the time between different partners, you end up being the one who suffers because you continue attracting the same situations and challenges to the new relationships that you always had in the past, because you are still vibrating with the same energy frequency, and this will continue attracting nothing but a mirror into your immediate experience. When a relationship ends, stay with the empty. Stay with the grief, sadness, anger, or whatever it is that is there. Stay with the truth of you. Confront your shadow, do your work. Co-create your life by taking responsibility. Chew on it like you would on a piece of celery after a fast.

Eventually, it will turn into something sweet.

Picture: Karl-Josef Hildenbrand/EPA

If you recently — or even a long time ago — lost an unborn child, the last thing you probably want to hear is a list of things on how to move forward with your life.

The future, as you had imagined it, is gone. Wiped clean and meaningless. No matter what the circumstances are, it leaves us feeling frozen for a while. We are left lonely, lost and with a big Do Not Disturb sign hanging on our hearts. And for a good reason.

I get it. I totally get it. I’m so truly sorry for your loss.

And, I’m going to give you that list. Not because I think I know better what you need, far from it. And not because I think there is a rush to change or be something or someone else other than who you are. I do what I do because I see the potential in you. I see an opportunity.

I see the Phoenix rising from the ashes when I look at you. I see pure power manifested inside a female body. I see divine intelligence. I see the Companion, and Her eyes, painted all over you. I see Shadow pointing its finger to the Light. I see a woman who is here for big business. This business is called liberation.

Because if you let yourself be stopped by this loss, you know so well that you will not die complete. Why? Because, before the big Dawn, before you entered your body, you made a few commitments to yourself and the Companion.

One of them was that if your heart would end up being broken while here on earth, you would ask it to be broken even more, because you knew that only a heart that is broken open is a true human heart. And you came here to be just that: a true human.

Remember?

Pause for a moment, close your eyes and just notice what is being stirred inside you. Notice if you feel excitement, resistance, heat, anger, or perhaps sadness rising up to the surface of your heavenly heart.

Perhaps a voice that tries to talk you out of this, suggesting that what you are about to experience is just some New Agey way to spiritually bypass true feelings and minimize your loss. Or, who knows, maybe you hear a gentle loving voice that says: I see you.

Because I do. It can be terrifying to be seen in our vulnerability, our brokenness, our inability to hold it together. That translates to failure in our society. It translates into weakness and lack of resources and you have more work to do.

The biggest challenge after a loss like this is the confusing voices and images rushing through your head like your brain was Times Square on Saturday night — minus the entertainment. No way to erase or block out the chaos.

And it all takes over until you fall asleep and wake up to another empty morning, surrounded by people who had just moved a million light miles away from you while still sharing the same fridge, same bed and same office.

So, here is the list. Please let me know how it serves you, if in any way it does.

1. Create your safe place. One that you can return to again and again. It can be just a cozy corner with pillows and candles in your room. Perhaps build an altar in your home. One of the main intentions of an altar is to help us alter our perception.

It is like a visual prayer, reminding us to shift our perspective and see our situation as God, or the Divine in us, Quantum Field, the Universe, would see it. Use elements, colors, images and objects that feel good and true to you.

Have an intention that this altar will hold it all for and with you while you grieve, while you collapse and while you eventually stretch those wide wings of yours. Be witnessed by this Presence that altar represents.

2. Meditate. Hold on! It does not have to be a big deal. You do not need to get rid of your thoughts. You do not need to breath deeply. You do not need to wear flowing pants and sit cross-legged. All you need is little time, uninterrupted. That’s all.

Sit on a chair, close your eyes and just be. With. It. All. The Tibetan word for meditation Gom means to become familiar with one’s Self. Use meditation as a tool to get to know what is going on within, like a good friend would.

3. Cry. Scream. Hit a pillow. Throw a cucumber to the wall and watch what happens. Make a mess. Get to know the full range of human emotions all over again. Allow it all. Emotions are meant to be in motion. There are roads we do not want to take. This may be one of them. Take it anyway.

4. Ground. Visualize your body being attached to the core of the earth with a cord, a ribbon, a tree trunk, or whatever works for you. You can simply see yourself inside a giant tree that has roots wrapped around the center of the earth. This will take you to the present time.

Choice can only take place in the present time. You cannot heal unless you choose so. So, sister, be grounded. Keep returning to this connection throughout the day, everyday.

5. Investigate your beliefs. OK, so this is a tough one. We all have gathered a bag of tools and beliefs that might have helped us through some past difficulties. Often these are not created by us, but are given to us by our parents and our society.

The trick is to know when these beliefs are true and when they are created as a way to temporally survive, feel safe and belong. There may be a belief that you never even questioned being untrue and, after some investigation and inquiry, you now realize its fragile nature.

After letting go of such false beliefs — or misunderstandings, as I like to call them — you can replace them with limitless, aligned and authentic beliefs and start living a life that rests on your own values.

6. Ask what it is that you need. Voice your yearning, your longing, your openness for support. Most people cannot read minds. And even if they can, the asking is for you, not for them. You asking what you need is a bridge back to the world, and your life.

This is not the time to build walls around your heart. This is the time to break it even more, remember? Surrender to be seen. We cannot blame our community for not understanding us if we are not sharing our wants and needs with them. It takes practice, so start with small things.

Can you take a moment right now and write down three things that you need, and a plan for how you will express those things and to whom? Try it. If you feel stuck, ask for guidance. Whisper a prayer into the air, and wait for support.

7. Do a ritual. Plant a tree. Bury some seeds. Build a fire and dance around it. Honor and celebrate the Visitor of Light that graced you with its presence. After the shock, grief and confusion, consider for a moment this experience as a gift. Just for a moment.

You are the alchemist of your life and you can turn anything into gold. That is what liberation is all about: choosing the highest and most aligned path for yourself. It is not magic, affirmations or mantras that will take you there. It is you choosing it and then committing to it.

8. Get a haircut. Buy new clothes. Beautify the front door of your house with new plants, a waterfall or paint. Healing lives in the action. Change things around in the outer, and the inner will follow.

And, be kind to yourself. Do not rush. Take your time. A flower does not grow and get more beautiful by us yelling at it. It grows when in full harmony with itself and its surroundings. And so do you.

Go now, Flower. Surprise us with your colors, your shapes and fragrance.

As Rumi says, “Where there is a ruin, there is hope for a treasure.”

This post originally appeared at Rebelle Society.

What would you do if there was only one lover for you this lifetime and this lover was this world?

How would you walk through your day? How would you wash the dishes? How would you pay your bills and do your taxes? How would you take care of yourself? How would you place your foot on the earth each morning? How would you behave if you were late and rushing to get from one meeting to the next?

Would you penetrate the day with uttermost presence and care? Would you open your chest to receive everything the world offers? Would you?

Because I am going to tell you a secret: The way you meet the world is the way you will meet your lover.

In love, it is better if we don’t wait for signs and perfect moments. The person you are so desperately waiting for dwells within you. As we know by now, we always attract our mirror, the one who reflects back to us how far we have come on the road to happily ever after with ourselves.

But this is old news. Where can we go from here? How can we invite the unconscious part of us that is the exact part we look for in another to come out to play? You can get clarity by writing lists of qualities your future partner ideally embodies, but this will only take you so far. We are still working on the level of the mind. In love, we need to literally be out of our minds. We need to access the energetic tone of your ideal partner.

Going woo woo again?

Yes. Because if the universe is made of 1% visible matter and 99% invisible energy, how can we expect that when it comes to finding a partner, the 1% is the only part that matters? It can’t! So get ready. I will give you few suggestions how to call in the One.

(Fine print: be willing to be surprised. Be willing to see beyond your lists and requirements and absolutes. Especially if you are not in your 20′s or 30′s anymore, and have taken enough notes and collected enough data. You are allowed to take yourself more seriously now.)

1. Ask yourself, who are the people in your current life that eat your energy. You know, the vampires, parasites and mushrooms – the ones that only show up for the feast when you are at your best, and only when they are hungry or too scared to move forward with their own lives – all those souls (in and out of bodies) need to go. Any co-dependency on any level, no matter how sexy and seductive, is no longer part of your tool kit. You are heading to another direction, baby. You are going for the mastery.

2. Cultivate the ability to be alone. Now that there is new energy freed up in your space, take time to clear your circuits. Instead of reaching out to the parasitic connections from the past, reach out to the furthest corner of your own heart and ask, how can I serve you today? How can I make you skip a beat out of ecstasy, or simply just out of pure stillness? How can I ravish you with my limitless imagination?

Meet yourself there. Arrive. Do things that scare the shit out of you – take yourself to the best restaurant in town for dinner. When the hostess asks if anyone else is joining you, let your smile raise from that deepest corner of your sacrum and say: no. Take a trip to a new country. Make love to each new thought that arrives. Sit quietly in your house all weekend. Fast for forty days. Enjoy Valentine’s Day by yourself. It’s up to you. Do anything that will take you to the edge (and beyond) of your own desert.

3. Visualize your future partner. I’m not talking about hair, eyes, body, garage, bank account. I’m talking about bringing them – their energy – into the room where you are, and feeling them. Start by meditating for few moments, and making sure you are seeing yourself inside a golden egg, pulsating the love that you are from the moment of your birth. Invite this other presence to the room. Notice if it has a color or colors.

Slowly bring the energy of that person closer, until your eggs are overlapping. Notice how this shifts your energy. Are you able to hold your egg (your light) while allowing them to penetrate? Are you complementing each other’s fields? Are you better and stronger together? Observe. Pay attention. Remember what this feels like, so you will recognize this light in the coffee shop, on the street, in the laundry mat.

4. Now, knowing who your ideal partner is, make this your daily practice. Bring your energies together. What you are wanting is already there, waiting for you to meet it. Give yourself time. There is no rush. This is a birthing process and it is best if you do not poke the nest too soon. Have patience. Hold your space and keep filling your veins with the nectar of your longing.

Meanwhile, take them in with each move you take. Every sigh you make. Every smile you fake. Let them crack you wide open to their arms.
So next time you eat soaked mangoes, know that you are actually privileged enough to kiss the sun. His bright, yellow, flexible tongue is taking you for a sweet tour around the galaxy.

If you can imagine that, then you can imagine your future life partner.

Lastly…

5. Recognize the habitual need to fill the space. “Doing something in the mean time” is not going to take you where you want to go. Chances are you will get off course and choose something you see along the way that appears shiny and inviting, yet is not for you. Being bored is a sign that you lack intention. Being restless demands you to pay attention, and notice how much you resist what you are wanting.
Resistance takes many forms: hopelessness, confusion, doubt. Don’t fall for that one, love. The old trick no longer works. God changed the locks. There is no way around it. Want only truth, and nothing but the truth, and by the time you feel content “without,” you will be granted the golden key that opens all the doors.

Or, actually, by then, all the doors have disappeared and all the walls have come down. All that is left is open space. The heavenly playground of your own imagination, your creative, conscious mind that is not time-bound, but travels and plays with great harmony with your more instinctual sub-conscious, bound to the present like a prisoner waiting for its wild muse to bring wine and delicacies to brighten up the day.

And on that day, you see beyond form, beyond how you would like things to be and you have moved to a place of how things are. And in this place, dear lover, the world and the space you move inside, and the One, takes you like you always wanted to be taken: softly and firmly, with total presence that knows the timeless; quietly while the bells of the nearby church are ringing, making the ground shake like it was time for an earthquake, time for a reset, and time for the final word of the Mother.

© Riikka Rajamaki

We all have lost something dear to us. Something that we thought we could not live without. As a child, perhaps it was our teddy bear. Remember how empty the bed felt without it? We all have lost our first love (unless you are one of those rare, blessed creatures who found “the one” early on). Many of us have lost houses, businesses and money. Or our trust, faith and inspiration. Some of us have lost things that only existed in our minds, like our reputation, fantasies, expectations and conditioning. Does that make them less real? I don’t think so.

Byron Katie says: “Whatever you are afraid of losing, you have already lost it.”

Law of Attraction is a powerful thing. It is not as “new age-y” as it sounds. It is one of the true laws of our existence. We can only attract to us what we put out to the world. For years, I was afraid I would lose my husband, so I did. One day, he just walked out. I was witnessing my own ability to manifest the exact thing that I did not want, by having a deep rooted worry that it may happen. On some level, we always want to prove to ourselves and to the world that we are right. After this event,

I made a note to myself to be more selective with what I want to be right about.

But what if the loss just happens? What if a loved one dies? What if we lose our child who was never born – we have a miscarriage or we consciously choose an abortion? Does that mean we attracted this experience? Maybe. Maybe not. The question is not really why something happens, but how do we choose to dance with it when it does. The real question is, how can I relate to this loss so that I end up more empowered, less a victim.

Byron Katie also says: “How do I know something was supposed to happen? Because it did.”

This one can make us laugh as much as it can make us cry. This statement offers us a crystal clear reflection of our mind’s ability (or inability) to de-clutter itself. We can no longer argue with reality. We can no longer hold onto what we believe about the world, especially if it does not match with our own immediate experience.

So we may end up feeling pissed of. Depressed. Like a loser. Nobody. Our efforts to create a beautiful life we always dreamt of are not being recognized and responded by the world. Instead, we end up with life we did not want. Yes, it sucks.

So let’s take a little closer look at this split. If it is true that everything outside of us is just a reflection of what is inside of us, how can we see our loss in a new light? I can only speak from my own experience and my own miscarriage story. I became pregnant with my ex-partner who I knew did not want children. I know it takes two to tango, but because I am not him, I can not speak for him, only for myself. This is the conclusion I made about why this ended in a painful situation, needing to let go of a baby I so desperately wanted: I was living a lie.

I was walking through my life with my marriage ear plugs in my ears, not wanting to hear the truth.

And we all know that when we create anything from a place of a lie or untruth, we get unwanted results. I (unconsciously) wanted to prove him wrong about not wanting children to the point of becoming pregnant.

This led me to my personal “Womb Quest.” What I discovered is that I had not taken a full ownership of my “womanness,” my life, my desires and needs and ultimately, I was disconnected from God and the light of my own Spirit. That’s a handful! I learned that until I make peace with my own power and truth, I cannot create harmoniously with the rest of the universe. The loss that I kept experiencing in my life ever since I was a child was nothing but the loss I was experiencing within my own heart. Navigating through the storms of life like a lonely boat without an anchor and then getting mad at people who didn’t provide it or become that anchor for me was not a very strong foundation to create a life that I always wanted.

Trust me when I say it is possible. It is possible to heal from loss, it is possible to call back the lost pieces of our soul, and have your womb shine brighter than it has ever shined before.

If you have lost an unborn child, and if you want to journey into your personal Womb Quest, the moment is now. The truth of You exists in this moment and in this moment only. Take the first step, the first step that you may not want to take.

Because you know what happens when you roar YES into a canyon? It echoes it back to you not just with one YES, but many.

Blessings and Gratitudes,

Riikka

(This is a chapter from my not-yet-published ebook called The 9-5 Diet.) 

As humans living in a modern Western culture, we tend to think that more is always better. Why wouldn’t it be? And because we want it all, but we always want to get a deal, too, we have created all-you-can-eat buffets, burger chains that offer ten burgers for $4.99, coupons, 99-cent stores, and two-for-one discounts in order to get more of what we want. Then there are people who feel so guilty for having so much that they can’t even enjoy it. Or they feel obligated to finish everything on their plate, even if it’s enough to feed three people, because it is not good to waste. The list goes on and on.

One of the most terrifying fears for most people is, what if there is not enough for me?

You can see this at buffets and potlucks when guests are lining up around the table, or maybe you’ve even seen someone sneaking samples before dinner is officially served. For many of us, the behavior is because of some memory of our childhood when we may have lacked food. Just one clear memory of a lack can shape our habits around food for the rest of our lives. A dear friend of mine has a memory of traveling in Italy when he was young, and his mother did not have money, so they ended up eating from garbage cans behind restaurants at the end of the night. To this day, I see him at parties or gatherings going to the food table when it is still being set up and picking things out of the bowls. One time I asked him why he was doing it. After initially being defensive about me asking, he shared the above story with me, and was able to bring awareness to a habit that he had been unconscious of.

Next time you sit down for a meal, give yourself a smaller amount of food than you are used to. Notice what comes up when you have less. Write down any emotions or reactions you have before, during, or after, and also note if you feel still hungry after your meal. Repeat this during your next meal. Take notes. The idea is to start creating awareness about your eating habits. No change is possible without it. Writing it down instead of just thinking about it increases your commitment to change, and allows you to make deeper connections between the things you notice.

As a European, I’m used to smaller servings. When I first arrived in the United States, I was blown away by the portion sizes in restaurants. Even after many years living in the States, I still believe less is more. Why? Because it looks more beautiful. And when I have less on my plate, I remain present. I savor each bite. I take my time. I am able to notice when I am actually full, which usually is sooner than if I had a huge meal in front of me that I was rushing down my throat. I have to admit that I can eat a lot of food, and I sometimes have a huge appetite. I allow myself that, but each time I do, I make sure I understand why it is so. Understanding my cravings brings awareness to my choices, which helps me to remain present in my body, without making this craving into an unconscious habit.

Recently, I started making an oven pancake called pannukakku that my grandmother used to make me (and still does when I visit her back in Finland), and the experience of eating it has been so emotionally rich and beautiful that I have stretched my stomach to its max. What I have noticed, though, is that because of its “medicinal” quality for me, it never messes me up. Normally I can’t tolerate dairy or white flour, and this dish is mainly made of milk and white flour. But because it feeds me on so many levels, it burns away quicker and really hits the spot.

Food has nutritional value that comes from the actual ingredients, but as I have mentioned before, nourishment comes in many forms: we can feel nourished by our spiritual practice, intimacy, positive emotions, friendships, touch, massage, memories, love, creativity, and so on. So in many cases, when we get more fulfilled in these areas in our life, we end up needing less actual food. In this case, my eating too much pannukakku, which contains some ingredients that I normally can’t tolerate, got “neutralized” by the positive effect it had on my emotional/feeling body. So it works both ways.

When we learn to see our body as a multidimensional being, rather than just a physical body, we cultivate the sensitivity to feed ourselves in a new, richer and more creative way that will support our aligned action and purpose in the world.

During this holiday season, find or prepare a dish that you have not had for a long time, maybe since you were a child. Enjoy the process by making it special, whatever that means for you. Perhaps say a prayer before you start making the food and express your gratitude to your ancestors and the person who used to make this particular food for you as a child. When you sit down to eat this food, really pay attention to your body, your feelings, your heart, your mind, and your posture. Notice what shifts within you. Do your best to make the connection between your physical body and your emotional body. Do you find yourself wanting to eat more, or less, than usual? Are you laughing, or crying, or feeling the need to do so? Do you find yourself wanting to talk more? Or be more quiet?

The purpose of this exercise is to simply experience the multiple functions food has in our lives. It is not only fuel for our body, but also fuel for our dreams, our potential, our purpose. Next time we feel like we are drifting away from our passion and purpose, let’s take a look at our plates and ask ourselves, what is no longer working? What foods need to go, and what foods do I need more of? Or, when we are gaining weight and our body feels stagnant and heavy, let’s ask ourselves, do I have enough play in my life? Have I been feeding my creativity enough? Have I moved my body the way it wants to be moved?

Food is energy, and so are you. Master it, and you will master your reality.

“So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.” – T.S. Elliot

The dance started way before our first memory. In our mothers’ womb, we danced to the beat of her heart. Silently and slowly, we surfed the universal pulse.

As a child, this pulse shaped our moves and we made our first memories as a dancer. Mine was when I was about five years old, taking one of my first ballet classes. I was concentrating on mastering my first demi plie and the next thing I notice, I’m standing in a big pool of pee – yes, I peed in my pants. I was so embarrassed that I ran out of the room and my ballerina fantasies were finito.

Since then I have danced in the dark, gloomy clubs for men consumed by their own fantasy. I have taken off my dress in front of hundreds of eyes ready to make me part of their fantasy. I have felt the smoky walls collapsing over me in the early morning hours. I have danced for the sake of my own healing, growth and ignorance.

I have spent hours in champagne rooms fulfilling someone’s broken dreams (unsuccessfully). I have made money. I have eaten burgers in Chelsea diners at 5 a.m. before riding my bike back home on an empty 5th Avenue. I have counted twenty dollar bills and placed them on my altar before falling asleep right before the first rays of sun hit my pillow. I have woken up right on time for an early dinner to repeat it all again.

I have danced for Krishna and Radha. I have danced on the streets shouting their names. I have danced in deep devotion in temples at sunrise, intoxicated by the smell of fresh flowers and sandalwood. My longing had no limits. I was yearning for my body to be a temple for eternal love.

I have danced blindfolded and I have danced in a desert for four nights around fire without food. I have danced for world peace and I have danced for the peace of my own mind.

I have also sat for hours moving only my own breath; days and years of meditating, expanding into that formless space beyond my everyday reality. I have seen a lot of light there. In this formless presence I have let go most of my expectations and hopes and bullshit—not because I wanted to, but because I had no choice.

I have worshipped the body to the point of exhaustion. I have worshipped my Spirit to the point of isolation.

The time of worship has come to end. No more extremes. Meet me in the horizon, where the unity of the two knows no pretense. Meet me on this stage where Heaven asks you for a dance and your Earthly yes is so clear that it shakes away anything and everything you were planning on holding onto for future’s sake.

Because you know this new home knows no future.

The beat is a lover that never disappoints and, like all lovers, it demands 100% surrender. It has the power to seduce moves we couldn’t dream. It grabs us by the belly, turns us inside out and leaves us abruptly begging for more. We love beats that move faster than we can think, beats that drive us ever deeper inside, that rock our worlds, break down walls and make us sweat our prayers. Prayer is moving. Prayer is offering our bones back to the dance. Prayer is letting go of everything that impedes our inner silence. God is the dance and the dance is the way to freedom and freedom is our holy work. ~ Gabrielle Roth

How do we dance ourselves to such a state of openness that in the end there is just pure knowing? How do we dance with such purity that it is impossible for our spirit not to penetrate our flesh? How do we dance with such rapture that when the dance is over, we have moved into a new reality, a new future? How can we dance in a way that whatever it is that we are still resisting, is swallowed and digested by the beat of your own heart?

In a trance, the mind dissolves into nothingness. When you allow your body to dissolve into an active prayer, you have the forces of nature behind you. And when you dance with your eyes closed, you have the power of your own soul assisting you.

For some people, the word “trance” is frightening. But trance is really nothing more than another word for meditation. It’s the state of no mind. Meditation is the state of no mind. The question is, how do you get to that state? When you meditate, you sit in silence for extended periods of time until the mind empties out and you become an empty vessel. Then your spirit can move in. Trance is the same way except the doorway is different. It’s done through catharsis. It’s done through rhythm, sound and movement of the body. And what occurs either in that movement or at the end of that movement is trance, a very deep meditation. Trance and meditation are the same except the path is different. In shamanic cultures, they used trance and in the East they used contemplation and meditation. ~ Wilbert Alix

When you dance this way, there is no place within you that you cannot enter. You may not want to move your body at all, because if you do, you know there is no going back. Resistance is frozen, allowance is fluid.

If you move, you become vulnerable—you have taken your first step out of your own resistance, your own illusory protection. There you are, blindfolded, heading to the unknown that may very well bring you back to the lost pieces of your soul.

Dance into the dark. It is in the dark that the mystery is captured, the pearls are made and the dawn is born.

“Like all vibrant elements of nature human beings grow in the light and transform in the dark.” – Wilbert Alix

© Riikka Rajamaki

“Meditation hasn’t got a damn thing to do with anything, ’cause all it has to do with is nothing. Nothingness. Okay? It doesn’t develop the mind, it dissolves the mind. Self-improvement? Forget it, baby. It erases the self. Throws the ego out on its big brittle ass. What good is it? Good for nothing. Excellent for nothing. Yes, Lord, but when you get down to nothing, you get down to ultimate reality. It’s then and exactly then that you’re sensing the true nature of the universe, you’re linked up with the Absolute, son, and unless you’re content with blowing smoke up your butt all your life, there’s the only place to be.” ~ Bobby Case

Meditation is a risky business. When you become really good at it, you may end up risking all your previous hard work and reputation. You drop your titles, your trainings, your need to prove you have been there and done that. Why?

Because when you get real with yourself, you get real with the world.

All veils melt away and all that remains is only this: Space. No more here and there, just this. Nakedness. Nowhere to hide because there is nothing to hide. Nothing to prove because there is nothing to prove. Nowhere to go because there is nowhere to go, really. Just here.

Past and future disappear before they even enter the horizon. You try to grasp and it all slips away. You try to hold on to someone but they are gone. You try to manipulate something and it comes back and hits you right on your face. You want something so badly that it makes you throw up. And there you are, cleaning up the mess of your wanting.

Because you forgot that what you are wanting is only a future reflection of your current vibrational state.

Please do not go woo-woo on me.

It simply means that there is nothing out there in the world that cannot belong to you, but in order to have it, you need to match it, my love. You need to get out of your mind. You cannot give it form too soon, and you cannot define it too much. Pretend that you already have what you want, and find an energetic twin, or a version of that. It can show up as a color, a symbol or pure feeling tone. (Energy does not speak English.)

Once you get what it is, then be it. Step into it, embody it, and surround yourself with it. Dance with it. But please, I beg you, do not try to control it, manipulate it or make it yours too soon. Trust your powers. Only hold on to your intention of what you want, and as for the rest: drop it. Let it go.

Stop whining about things you do not have, because dear heart, you are being heard. It is already on its way. Do not ask for something and then change your mind.

Receive, baby. Open your arms and let yourself have it. All the way. To the deepest, softest, juiciest and ecstatic corner of your inner temple, open the door, for God’s sake. Make some tea. Sit down and ask: can I pour you some, too?

We resist the present moment because there is not much that is happening in the present moment. It drives our mind nuts, because our mind wants to solve problems, and figure shit out. Thank God for that.

But it gets tricky only if we think there is always something to figure out—kind of like if you were to think that you need to lie down under your car all day long, waiting and watching if something goes wrong, before you can go for a ride.

Let me get this clear: I am not talking about existential nihilistic nothing, that sees life with no meaning, no purpose, and no point. I am not talking about a transparency a la Jean Baudrillard that has become borderline depressing, too dull and indifferent to leave any room for the divine presence to occupy the emptiness:

“The apocalypse is finished, today it is the precession of the neutral, of forms of the neutral and of indifference…all that remains, is the fascination for desertlike and indifferent forms, for the very operation of the system that annihilates us. Now, fascination (in contrast to seduction, which was attached to appearances, and to dialectical reason, which was attached to meaning) is a nihilistic passion par excellence, it is the passion proper to the mode of disappearance. We are fascinated by all forms of disappearance, of our disappearance. Melancholic and fascinated, such is our general situation in an era of involuntary transparency. — Jean Baudrillard, Simulacra and Simulation, “On Nihilism”, trans. 1995

I am talking about the kind of nothing where we go to discover our meaning, our true potential and reason for being. I am talking about the ultimate freedom from suffering, and from everything that we are not.

How do we do nothing in the culture that is full of everything? How do we access nothing in a society that worships bigger, better and faster? How do we stay still when we are surrounded by chaos? How do we replace indifference with neutrality? How do we learn to love without conditions when most of our agreements are built on conditions? How do we remain in the state of wonder without being swallowed by curiosity?

How can we become so passionate about God’s love that your lover needs to knock on God’s door before entering your Heart?

Right now, close your eyes, and find out how many thoughts, concepts and beliefs—yours or other people’s—are shooting across your mind like you had built a freeway inside your head, available to host anybody and anything? How many? 10? 50? 1000?

Nothing is not about sitting around being useless, but being in full action, while being a host only to the guidance you receive directly from your own divine and authentic core. It is about being so empty that whenever something arises, you know it is something original, something uniquely you, something that is fully aligned with your magnificence. You have a filter system in your mind that recognizes what is yours and what is not.

And this takes practice. Yes, practice.

“I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free” – Michelangelo 

Just like David, you already have it all inside you. There is nothing out there that will fill your sense of lack. It is the chipping away of anything that is not you that will set you free.

 But it is often that freedom itself that scares the shit out of us.

So we keep resisting the one thing that could give us what we so desperately want.

May this guided meditation give you a glimpse of your own Nothing. Use it to hold onto your Nothing – because “it is the silence between the notes that makes the music; it is the space between the bars that holds the tiger.” (Old Saying)

(The affirmation in the beginning of this audio is from Spirit Coach® Training.)

“But, if you have nothing at all to create, then perhaps you create yourself.” ~ Carl Jung

 

Sitting, doing nothing, creating nothing.

Feeling useless, an outsider, a failure.

Been there.

Keep holding the tension between doing and not doing, dear one.

Somewhere between the two, a star is being born.

This article was published in Best Of Rebelle Society Vol I

 

Art: Mira Bean

This post originally appeared at Rebelle Society.

There comes a time in our lives
when we become too big for our comfort zone.
We become too bold for the ordinary.

Something within us wants to rise beyond our status quo.

The question is not whether this moment comes or not,
but what we choose to do when it does.

Will you choose to keep going like nothing happened,
or will you choose to feel uncomfortable, awkward and
like a stranger to yourself in order to discover
what else there is to this mystery called Life?

There was nothing casual about me going to Nicaragua for three weeks, I heard. Well, I thought it was just a trip, a routine break, a new challenge and experience and an opportunity to throw myself into the unknown while eating bananas for breakfast and Gallo Pinto for dinner.

But other people did not seem to view it the same way. I had mixed reactions from clients and friends when I told them I chose Nicaragua from all the places someone could go to have ‘a vacation’. The funny thing is that the word ‘vacation’ does not belong to my dictionary anymore, if it ever did.

The word ‘vacation’ comes from Latin vacare (vacatio = freedom, exemption), based on the assumption or idea that we are only free when we are not working, or when we have ‘time off’.

Why would I ever choose to go to a place that is ‘dangerous’ and so ‘uncool’ to chill and be free? It sounded more like work to many people. The truth is, there is no more ‘time off’ for me. It is all the same:

One long moment with some artificial breaks here and there, but in truth, this is it. My mind is no longer willing to divide time into sections, my mind no longer looks forward only to certain experiences, which in a way may feel quite unexciting, yet I have never been more thrilled about my life than I am now.

I was also told I was very brave to go alone to a new country. Let me tell you what is brave. Brave is when you raise kids, when you love deeply, when you are capable of being attached to another human being without grasping and needing anything from them. Brave is when you prepare your own food from whatever you have, and feel like a queen. Brave is when you see the brightness in everything life throws at you. Brave is when you walk your talk, provide a living for yourself and your loved ones and do not complain. Brave is when you love for love’s sake.
Going to a new country alone does not feel like bravery to me (even when I do not speak a word of Spanish). It is a way for me to stay fresh. Switch boxes, from one that has got too comfortable into a new one that feels more aligned, fresh and suitable to who I am now.

Routine takes bravery, and so does breaking it. What if I have nothing to return to? Well, that is the point. What if? Willingness to let it all go is the ingredient to shine and be sexy and shameless.

I did have a curiosity about one thing prior to my trip. I wanted to experience the jungle. For a Nordic girl, just the word ‘jungle’ gives me chills. Excitement. Fear. Wild and untamed. Exotic beyond my understanding. A complete opposite of the frozen, still and dark land I call my home. I wanted to practice doing nothing in the jungle. I wanted to test my daily meditation tools in a new environment.

How badly will I fail?

I learned that the jungle is the opposite of Nothing, yet it is Life in its simplest form. It becomes complicated only if I demand order and comfort the way I am used to at home. And this is the sweet spot: to adapt to my environment without losing my center.

Without losing my connection to Spirit. It was humbling to lose it anyway. In some weird way, I had agreed to the jungle’s way to purify me. I got a terrifying virus for 24 hours that made me ache and sweat so hard that I could not move. I had nightmares that woke me up every five minutes. That was the longest night I ever had, hallucinating in my hammock, monkeys laughing loudly in the background at my humanness.

To be brave is to follow your guidance – your guts – and not question it, rather throw yourself in with full faith while holding your intention high and bright. The only thing that can go wrong is everything. And you do it anyway, because deep down you know there is no such thing as ‘wrong’ when you are on the path of learning, growing and waking up.

Nicaragua was a teacher, a lover and a new best friend. It left me soft, sun-kissed and feeling deeper freedom within myself. The two volcanos (one was called ‘fire’ and the other one was called ‘water’) on Ometepe island taught me about giving and receiving, and how it is time for me to bring them into harmony in my life. How can I receive more gracefully and more willingly what is waiting to be given to me?

Thank you Life. Thank you God. Thank you every little freaky crawler that scared the shit out of me in the jungle. I know you were just doing your part in helping me take my next step.

“Not all who wander are lost.” – J.R.R. Tolkien

Wherever you go today, watch your step.
Watch how you move through the space in front of you.
Is there room for the world to meet you there?
Are you open enough to respond to the sounds, the smells and the invitations that it offers?
Are you flexible enough to turn left when you meant to turn right?

Or do you keep going, your chest shrunk into a raisin,
your face determined to reach your destination?

I wonder if there is a way to hold your intention so strongly
that you can rest in it, trust it and be certain that
it will take you there?

Even when you wander?

Even when you allow your surroundings be part of your journey?

© Riikka Rajamaki