Ringworldian - The Thoughts of Topher

Remembrance Sunday 2010

2010-11-14T11:15:00.000Z

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

-- John McRae 1915

Hallowhedon and Illness

2010-11-02T08:41:00.000Z

Sorry about the lack of posting yesterday, but I didn't get back from Hallowhedon until about 3 in the afternoon, and have been slowly going down with some kind of flu-like bug that fortunately didn't really kick in until I got home.

As of now I'm running a pretty high temperature, and have lost my voice. So my real focus (seeing as every joint aches, and typing this is quite painful) is on getting well again, before providing a run through of what happened. So that will probably be Friday before I can do that.

But sufficed to say, Hallowhedon was quite probably the most fun thing I've done in my entire life, with highlights including:

Robin Sachs and Tony Head performing a hilarious live commentary on the Buffy episode 'Band Candy'
Alan Tudyk performing his world famous stripper dance
The guests riding the mechanical rodeo spider
The various other attendees who I met throughout the event, who I'm really going to miss until the next con.

But anyway, that's only a sampling, of the fun and wacky events of Hallowhedon, look out for the next post where I detail it in full.

I'm off to Hallowhedon!

2010-10-29T06:16:00.000+01:00

Not too much of a post today, I'm afraid, for you see I am off to Hallowhedon at The Thistle Heathrow. So, right now I'm busy packing for that as I have to leave later today and packing is not something I do with enough time to spare. Should get back on Monday and be able to post something about it then (if not, then I'll have something up on Wednesday).

Have a great Halloween everyone, and I'll view the stats of your visits later.

What's that? A New Version of "David Hasselhoff vs. Fan"? Surely You Jest!

2010-10-27T09:10:00.000+01:00

Indeed I do not! Observe....

Normal Service Will Resume Shortly

2010-10-25T01:10:00.000+01:00

Sorry about this, but I'm enjoying my stay in New Vegas a tad too much at the moment

Oh, Hi! Or: 'Why I don't have a post for today'

2010-10-22T06:06:00.000+01:00

What can I say, Fallout: New Vegas comes out today (it has Felicia Day in it, fanboy squeal!) so I'm rather distracted (on a similar note I wouldn't hold your breath for Monday either). BTW, does this technically count as a post?

Have some weird: The 'Zardoz' Trailer

2010-10-20T08:24:00.000+01:00

You know, looking at that I wonder how people could have ever thought that Zardoz was going to be a weird movie, what possible reason could they have had for thinking it might be strange? /sarcasm

Wolverine would kindly like you to stop raping him, thank you

2010-10-18T09:05:00.000+01:00

Context? You get none.

In Memoriam: Benoit Mandelbrot

2010-10-16T16:41:00.000+01:00

Normally I wouldn't post on a Saturday, because it doesn't follow the schedule I laid out, but the world lost a great man today. Rest in peace Benoit Mandelbrot, you will be missed.

Benoit Mandelbrot, Father of Fractal Geometry

20/11/1924 - 14/10/2010

about

Leonard Nimoy is a pimp...

2010-10-15T06:10:00.000+01:00

...That is all.

"I'm Batman!" - Dammit Robin you suck!

2010-10-13T08:00:00.000+01:00

What the hell Robin, your family were acrobats! Why are you falling into a trap that would make the Coyote from roadrunner cartoons shake his head?

Over 9000 hours in MS Paint!

Just when I thought it was safe, Kimbo Slice wants to ruin my Caterpillar!

2010-10-11T09:03:00.000+01:00

Just when I thought it was safe to do various activities, that Dolph Lundgren, David Hasselhoff and various others could harm me no more, this happens!

Meanwhile on the Predator ship...

2010-10-08T07:23:00.000+01:00

The reason no one really remembers Predator 2? They cut this scene.

This is what the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy should have been

2010-10-06T07:04:00.000+01:00

Just six glorious hours of Tesla coils playing various pieces of music from the original trilogy (with an occasional cut away to Jar Jar Binks being tortured ala Hostel). You could even have had it as a 'Battle of the bands' style series with the Emperor's Sith Lightning Musical Tesla coils vs. well... this:

Lucas seriously, you've got your whole '3D Unobtanium Plated Ultra special re-release' thing that you're planning, don't squander this opportunity, stop raping the franchise and give us the prequels we should have been given long ago, oh and more Itchy, because seriously the guy is a fucking legend:

Update Scheduling

2010-10-04T06:45:00.000+01:00

A very brief update, because as of today, I'm back at university. This means I won't be able to update with the ridiculous frequency of the second half of September (an event which I will admit has left me with few posts left in my idea bank). Instead, the plan is to go for a Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule on posting, because this gives me the most freedom in planning and publishing.

Here's an earworm for you, but it's cute so you can't complain

2010-09-26T12:15:00.000+01:00

You will also never get it out of your head, enjoy.

New Rose Hotel - A Review

2010-09-25T12:00:00.000+01:00

Ahh cyberpunk, what a genre, never before have writers found a medium where they can be so accurate about certain areas and yet so utterly wrong about them at the same time. Now this is not to say that I don't like cyberpunk, I like cyberpunk as a genre; Snow Crash is one of my favourite books, and I have this strange tradition of reading Neuromancer any time I'm going to an airport (don't ask, even I don't entirely know why, it seems almost Pavlovian:- airport = Neuromancer (I don't even have to be flying, I just keep a copy with me, and read it whenever I get the time)).

But that only covers books, what about films? Well, I've got to say, I just haven't found that many out there, perhaps I've just been looking in the wrong places but to my mind the only ones I could think of, off the top of my head were:

Keanu still remembers Johnny
Mnemonic, to his everlasting regret

Cypher
Blade Runner
and Johnny Mnemonic, but the less said about that cinematic abortion the better.

But aside from this, I can't actually remember any others that I've seen, I'm sure there are and if I was reminded of them I'd think: "how could I forget that it's so obvious". But based upon this, you can imagine my surprise when I came across the following:

This almost seems too good to be true, a film of a genre I want to see more of, based on a short story that I enjoyed, by an author that I like and starring not just Christopher Walken; but Christopher Walken and Willem Dafoe! What could possibly go wrong? Oh... it has Asia Argento in it as well... that's nice I guess, I'm sure that everything will continue to be fine though I mean how could it not?

So naturally with these thoughts in mind, I tracked down a copy of New Rose Hotel and eagerly sat down to watch it, and after an hour and a half, what can I say? Aside from possibly "can I have those 90 minutes back please?" Ok, that's a bit harsh, it isn't that bad, certainly not Johnny Mnemonic bad (sorry Mr Reeves but honestly, what were you thinking?), but it's just forgettable, don't get me wrong Walken gives a brilliant performance and is probably the only thing you'll want to see of this film. But Asia Argento can't act her way out of a paper bag, and as for her singing voice, I think I've found the background music for my own personal hell. As for poor Willem Dafoe, he really does get the short end of the stick, in most of his scenes he's stuck with Argento and any talent he displays just gets swamped by her inability to carry a scene; and in almost every other time he's with Walken who just dominates any scene he's in regardless of the situation.

Dafoe realise that he's stuck with Argento for another scene

As for the plot, well I'm not going to give you a synopsis here, my advice is to go and read the original William Gibson short story, go on I'll still be here while you do it... Done that? Good, we can continue. Adherence to the plot of the book is one area I can't fault this film on, it has it pretty much down to the letter, but this unfortunately is a bit of a problem because (being a short story) the plot runs out quite quickly, meaning that the director spends the last twenty minutes of the film showing us scenes from the start of the film but shot through a sort of filter, a "memory mist" if you will.

But in general, having been exposed to many bad movies in my time, I try and make a habit of taking away something positive from everything I watch, especially some kind of lesson that I can apply to future cinematic endeavours (for instance, Transformers 2 taught me that Michael Bay really needs some Ritalin), so here are the things New Rose Hotel taught me:

Asia Argento should never sing, it just sounds painful,
Any film with Willem Dafoe in it should carry a warning if it is going to feature him naked and thrusting
Run out of stuff to show in your film? Just show us the first half of the film all over again with a "memory mist" over the top of it
Not even Christopher Walken can rescue a bad movie

Well, that's it New Rose Hotel, watch it if you really want to, but in order to save you 85 minutes that could be put to better use, I present "The Best of Christopher Walken in New Rose Hotel" (because lets face it these are the only parts that you'll care about / ever mention).

And now a Swedish man commits Tequila Suicide

2010-09-24T12:14:00.000+01:00

With thanks to Luke Whiting for showing me this.

Holy Shit Christopher Walken is Lady Gaga!

2010-09-23T11:05:00.000+01:00

And now Christopher Walken, the maestro himself, performs a rendition of Lady Gaga's 'Poker Face' for Jonathan Ross.

Magnificent, simply magnificent.

"I'm Batman!" - Robin: The Boy Philosopher

2010-09-22T11:27:00.000+01:00

Frak! I think Robin is on to us! shut down the operation now!

And now a small history lesson

2010-09-21T08:12:00.000+01:00

The most awesomely honest advert ever made

2010-09-20T11:48:00.000+01:00

Adverts, love them, hate them, they're a part of life. But it's so very rare these days to find an advert that has actual honesty in it, not a morass of marketing spin dreamed up by men and women drinking perfect mineral water from perfect bottles and wearing very small sunglasses. This advert, however, chooses a different path, the path of truth...

Seriously, wouldn't you buy something from this guy just to say that you had? I mean the guy mentions stains in an advert that isn't about cleaning products! Stains that look suspiciously like old blood as well!

Arrrr! a Happy Talk Like a Pirate day ye scurvy dogs!

2010-09-19T11:42:00.000+01:00

Gather round lads and lasses! Gather round! Ye've been shanghaied for the latest post of the Ringworldian! In the far far blogosphere! Remember on a pirate blog, on pirate networks, on a pirate day ask no questions. Believe only what ye read. No! Believe half of what ye be readin', and an extra tot of rum for the first of ya landlubbers to tell me what I've been quoting!

Arrr! That pretty much be all I got for Talk Like a Pirate day, there be nay much more that... ARRRRR!!! Off the port beam a huge distracting thing!

"I'm Batman!" - The Bat Surfboard

2010-09-18T11:44:00.000+01:00

I can't actually introduce this one... words can't even begin... just watch...

That must stand as one of the most bizarrely awesome things to occur on a TV series, and I say that having seen a lot of weird TV, I mean a lot. In fact I will go as far as saying, that is exactly what is needed for the next Batman movie; David Nolan if you ever read this, please, please include a Bat surfboard somewhere, I will pay you.

And now David Hasselhoff "wants to have his way" with my Oscillating fan!

2010-09-17T11:54:00.000+01:00

I thought it was bad enough yesterday, what with Dolph's dealings with my unicorn, but now the Hoff wants a piece of my fan!