Riot Jokes

Rules To Live By

2010-07-02T14:32:00.002+08:00

The Fishing Mirror

2010-07-02T14:31:00.000+08:00

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?" "That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the

The Interview

2010-07-02T14:21:00.000+08:00

Interviewer said, "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"The candidate thought for a while and said, " My choice is one really difficult question."" Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice!" said the interviewer.Here is your question: " What comes first, Day or Night?"The boy was jolted into reality as

Blonde Answers the Final Question

2010-06-21T17:00:00.001+08:00

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire? " had reached the final Plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 Milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead

The Best "Out of Office" E-mail Auto-Replies

2010-06-17T14:12:00.000+08:00

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. 2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you. 3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be

What Does a Woman Really Want?

2010-06-17T14:08:00.001+08:00

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of aneighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved byArthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as longas he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year tofigure out the answer and, If after a year, he still had no answer, he wouldbe put to death.The question was: "What

Diary of a Young Wife

2010-06-17T14:05:00.000+08:00

Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though. Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress

Be Positive Husbands

2010-06-17T14:03:00.000+08:00

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see a middle-aged woman. My face is all getting wrinkled, my hair is going grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me

Arab Student Emails Home

2010-06-12T10:56:00.001+08:00

Arab student sends an e-mail to his Dad saying: Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, whenall my Teachers travel by train. Your SonNasser ---------------------------------------------------- Sometime later Nasser

Going Out In Style

2010-06-08T17:37:00.001+08:00

Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his

Priest Retirement Speech

2010-06-03T14:12:00.001+08:00

A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought

2 Lines In Heaven

2010-05-26T18:14:00.000+08:00

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter." Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100

The Dead Duck

2010-05-20T10:03:00.000+08:00

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?

What do You sell?

2010-05-19T17:21:00.001+08:00

Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling'. No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Japanese tourist

Alone on an Island

2010-05-19T17:19:00.001+08:00

An ambitious software engineer finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life. At least for a while. A hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost instantly. The man found himself swept up on the shores of an island with no Other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to five-star

Kids Says The Dardnest Things

2010-05-18T14:41:00.001+08:00

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.The little girl said, 'When I get

Elephant Jokes

2010-05-13T16:17:00.000+08:00

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?A: Take away his credit card.Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?A:Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?A: Because it fell asleep.Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?A: It was glued to the first one.Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?A: It

Polish Divorce Case

2010-05-13T16:16:00.001+08:00

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.Although his English was far from perfect, and they got along very well.One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds?Yes, an acre and half and nice little

Family Problems

2010-05-07T18:34:00.001+08:00

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.The Indian man said to the American, 'You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.' We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'

You Have to Love The Irish

2010-05-07T09:50:00.001+08:00

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'Miraculously, a parking place appeared.Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'* * * * * * * * *

Airport Security

2010-05-06T18:50:00.002+08:00

Airport Security have changed a lot recently . . .

Poems for Husbands & Wives by Husbands & Wives

2010-05-04T17:39:00.001+08:00

WIFE: I wrote your name on sand it got washed. I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack. HUSBAND: God saw me hungry, he created pizza. He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi. He saw me in dark, he created light. He saw me without problems, he created YOU. WIFE: Twinkle twinkle little star You should know what you are And once you know

Women Captains

2010-05-03T09:24:00.002+08:00

While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave theG.I..s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergencyexits, etc.Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while yourcaptain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan 'An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself,'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman? 'When the

10 Rules For Men To Follow For A Happy Life

2010-04-27T18:12:00.001+08:00

10 Rules For Men To Follow For A Happy Life 1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home. 2. It's important to have a woman who cooks from time to time. 3. It's important to have a woman who keeps the house clean. 4. It's important to have a woman who has a job. 5. It's important to have a woman who likes you. 6. It's important to have a woman who can be your very best friend. 7.

Male Bashing Time

2010-04-27T15:45:00.000+08:00

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?A: Puppies grow up.*************Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?A: Because they are...*************Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.*************Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?A: Who cares??