photo credit: loop_oh

However much we hate this when it happens to us, it is very easy to do. Think about it - we can’t read someone else’s thoughts, or feel their emotions. Therefore,  we have to base our understanding of their mood and personality by what they say and how they act. And, because they can’t read our thoughts or feel our emotions, they must do the same to us.

We know what we are thinking and we know what we are feeling. Yet what we say and how we act often reflect only a small portion of these thoughts and feelings. By holding back parts of our personality - keeping quiet when we have strong opinions, or standing stoically when we want to crumble - we allow people to pigeonhole us. We give them room to decide who we are. Not based on our true selves, but only on a mask that we choose to wear.

For seven years I worked in the insurance industry, in the commercial lines departments of well known agencies in my area. I wasn’t on the front lines selling the insurance to our business clients, but I was an important part of the agencies and talked to multiple clients every day. Some were small business owners, others were large business owners. Of the almost 50 insurance sales personnel I worked with daily, only two were women. Most of my clients were also men. Of everyone I had contact with, most were conservative, many were religious, and all saw a very muted version of the true me.

In order to work in that industry, I couldn’t talk about my political views, had to hide my tattoos, and squelch my sarcasm. The “me” that my coworkers saw was very much a “me” that was untrue. Once, in a political discussion, I did speak up and let my views be known. I left the gentleman I was speaking with at a loss for words. He was so surprised by my response that he just stared at me. Another time, I let my scarcasm into a conversation and again the reaction was surprise.

Public Faces/Private Faces

For work, I crafted a public face. With my friends I remove the public face and they see a private face. With my husband I show my most private face of all. We all do this. We all have different “sides” of ourselves that we present based on the circumstances.

Our private face or social “side” is what we show to those closest to us. With them, we aren’t afraid to be relaxed and be ourselves. We can be silly, serious, sad, and happy, without worrying about being seen as unprofessional or rude.

On the other hand, our public face, our “professional side” may be very different, even outright fake. I know at times in the past, I’ve smiled and a adopted a helpful attitude, even if I’m dealing with the nastiest of customers. I’ve held back how I really feel about something because I don’t want to upset someone or get into an argument. We do this when we don’t have as much freedom to be silly, or sarcastic, or outspoken about our beliefs. There are times when we have to conform to certain standards if we want to achive certain goals.

photo credit: GirlReporter

Sometimes, we can balance these conflicting personalities. And sometimes, we get fed up with doing so. Sure, we understand the need for seriousness and professionalism or that making fun of the boss is only done over drinks with our pals. But when saying “let’s agree to disagree” leaves you feeling hollow, you know that something has to change.

For seven years I denied this feeling in my own life. I lived with the turmoil brought about by pretending to be someone I’m not. The day I left the insurance industry I knew in my gut I would never return. Since then, I’ve been learning to express myself more often; working to make the “me” I show in public as close as possible to the “me” I show in private. Living my dreams isn’t just about doing what I’ve always wanted to do, but showing the world who I really am.

But, I’ve been wearing the “fake” persona for so long, it’s not easy to shed. I worry that others will judge me. I worry that I won’t get along with my boss. Working through these fears and speaking to friends and family about them has made me realize I’m not alone in either wanting to be authentic, or in fearing what will happen if we are.

The actions below are all ones I’ve taken to become more authentic and work through my fears of rejection.

Injecting Authenticity

1. Taking a good look at my life at “work.” Clearly leaving the insurance industry and then taking a position in a customer service call center changed my work. However, the same fears remain to a certain extent. Especially after being unemployed for 8 months, doing a good job, getting everything right, and becoming a valuable employee are vitally important. The fear of being fired is very real and overshadows a lot of what I do.

But, while what I do and who I am don’t match that well, I don’t have to be the same chipper, super helpful person to my coworkers as I am to our customers. I do my best to keep the same upbeat, helpful attitude, but am more relaxed and natural.

My whole attitude about working itself has changed as well. I see work as my income and as a stepping stone to a better life. Not in the traditional sense of moving up the corporate ladder though. Working in a call center has brought into sharp focus a lot of things about my life and myself that are helping me know where to go next. (Stay tuned - I will be visiting these insights in future posts.)

2. Making subtle statements. In the past, when I mentioned political or religious views, I was met with surprise. Whether it was just the industry/atmosphere, or my approach, I really can’t tell. Since resolving not to remain silent any longer, when someone states an opinion, I respond. I am still respectful of others opinions, but in the past I did so by remaining silent. Now, I state my case, making sure to be clear that while I don’t feel the same way, I’m stating my opinion, not being confrontational.

Also, I let my sarcasm show through. I still tread carefully, but I’m much more willing to tell a joke or laugh along when someone else tells one. My statements are subtle, but at least they aren’t silent any more.

photo credit: ninjapoodles

3. Doing more of those things I enjoy, even if only in my off hours. This may seem obvious, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who finds the persona carries over into personal time as well as company time. When I come home, I change my clothes, but forgetting about work until the next day doesn’t come as easily sometimes. However, changing my clothes then doing something I really enjoy helps me “leave work at work” much quicker.

For instance, I’ve always loved writing fiction and I put it aside a few years ago. Recently, I again got the urge. One of my favorite things to write is nicely called “erotic romance”, not so nicely called “smut”, and referred to with the rating of NC-17 in fanfiction circles. While this is not the blog to go into detail on my stories, I believe you can see that they are very far removed from the conservative, politically correct, employee of corporate America. However, they are right in line with the real me and by working on them again, I honor that part of myself that I spend over 8 hours a day pushing away.

4. Journaling, meditating, and introspection all working to heal past hurts and remove emotional baggage. The negative belief that I’m not as good as everyone else influences a lot of my decisions. Of course because I’m aware of this message I work consciously to overcome it. But, I’m not always able to control how this manifests. However, the more I work to overcome this message, the easier it gets.

As the negative messages fade, my confidence grows. Also, as I take small steps to be myself and don’t get judged the way I’m expecting to, my confidence grows as well. Finally, I’ve been realizing that there are some people I perceived as judging me, but I really didn’t care. I didn’t like them, so what did it matter if they didn’t like me either?

5. Honing my ability to determine who to trust and who not to trust. Trust is a huge deal and a broad topic that will lead to many future posts. I’ve spoken previously about the The 5 Levels Of Emotional Space - the closer you become to someone, the more trust you show in them. In the past, I made my life an open book. I often told people about me and they used it against me. I realize now it was my way to get them to like me. Not very logical, but then neither is the belief that I’m a screw-up. Over the past couple of years, I’ve found myself going the complete opposite way and shutting myself off completely: putting up walls between me and everyone - even in some instances those I have been close to for years.

Now, working to let more of the real me shine through is an effort to find the middle ground. To be open with some, and not open with others and with everyone else to be partially open. I’m learning to be translucent after being both completely transparent and totally opaque.

The Next Step

Aligning our public face with our private face as much as we can is difficult. I believe that I’ve benefited from being myself in more situations. I’ve lived for far too long being one person in a work situation and another person away from work. However, the efforts above work for me; I don’t know if they would work as well for you.

I would love to hear how you tackle this issue. Do you have any suggestions on how to be more authentic? Do you have any tips on how to push past the fear of being rejected to show your true personality? Please let me know in the comments below.

Table of contents for Labyrinth Lessons

1. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 1
2. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 2
3. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 1
4. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 2

Yesterday, I presented the first 3 of 6 lessons from Labyrinth on personal responsibility. Today, I present the final 3.

When we last left Sarah, she had faced off against Jareth, the Goblin King, and had learned a lesson about fairness while having time taken away. Sarah will have to learn a few more things before she meets Jareth for the final time.

4. Don’t keep moving in the wrong direction just because it’s the way you’re pointing. Deep in the labyrinth, Sarah comes to a set of doors that she must solve a puzzle to get through. She solves the puzzle correctly, but after she goes through the door, a trap opens up and drops her down a shaft lined with hands.

Sarah: Help! Stop it! Help!
Helping Hand: What do you mean “help”? We *are* helping.
Different Helping Hand: We’re Helping Hands.
Sarah: You’re hurting!
Helping Hand: Would you like us to let go? Heh-heh…
[They loosen their grip, Sarah starts to slide downward]
Sarah: No!
[They catch hold of her again]
Helping Hand: Well then, come on, which way?
Sarah: Which way?
Helping Hand: Up, or down?
Sarah: Oh…
Helping Hand: Come on, come on.
Different Helping Hand: We haven’t got all day.
Different Helping Hand: Well, it’s a big decision for her.
Different Helping Hand: Which way do you want to go, hm?
Sarah: Oh.
Helping Hand: Yes, which way?
Sarah: Well… since I’m pointed that way, I guess I’ll go down.
Helping Hand: She chose DOOOOOWN!
Different Helping Hand: She chose *down*? Heh!
[they let go]
Sarah: Was that wrong?
Helping Hand: Too late now!

As it turns out, at the bottom of the shaft is the oubliette (where you put people to forget about them.) This is most definitely not the right way. Of course, if Sarah had been thinking, she would have asked to go up - after all, any time a booby trap opens up, you’re probably on the right path.

In my own life, I continued down the wrong path with regards to my career. Seven years ago, I got a position in the insurance industry. Over the next seven years, I switched companies, earned designations and awards, but didn’t get any happier. Every move I made deeper into the industry, was because it was the way I was pointing. I thought it was the right decision because going back looked harder than going forward. Finally, I admitted my mistake, but it took a layoff to seal the deal.

I know I’m not the only one who has continued with a career or a project because it seems like the right choice even though there is a little voice deep inside that tells us it is very much the wrong choice. Heed the lesson from Sarah and me - personal responsibility means taking the right trail, even if it’s not the way you happen to be pointing.

5. Fantasies only last so long before we must come back to reality. When the movie opens, we see Sarah rehearsing a play version of the labyrinth adventure she is to undergo later that night. She’s alone in a field, except for her dog. Later, her stepmother remarks that she doesn’t have dates, and when we see her in her room, she has toys covering almost every surface. It’s clear that Sarah is a teenager, yet doesn’t want to grow up.

As she travels through the labyrinth, Sarah is confronted with all her fantasy beliefs and shown, one by one, that they aren’t how things work in the “real world,” that is, any world outside her head, no matter how fantastical that world actually is. By the end of the movie, Sarah’s attitude matches her age and we can see that she has in fact, grown up. She still has the fantasy to play with now and then, but it doesn’t rule her life.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a series of posts about how we can examine our fantasies to help us clarify what we really want. But, there is always that danger of not leaving the fantasy, of letting it take over our life. As adults, this happens rarely, but I know it can happen. There are times when I’ve been working on a piece of fiction writing and it takes over almost all my waking thoughts. My mind goes crazy with ideas, and you will see me spend hours jotting them down in a notebook. The crafting of fiction is very similar to playing out an elaborate daydream in your head. Fortunately, I don’t need to rescue my younger brother to snap me out of the writing fantasy, but the principle is still the same.

It’s very tempting to be constantly thinking about what we could do to reach our goals. Making goals, setting plans, and then not following through is very common. However, to reach those goals we have to take responsibility for taking action and not just planning action.

6. In the end it’s the belief in yourself and your power that wins out. Once Sarah has solved the labyrinth and made it to the castle, she still must face down Jareth to get her brother back. He offers her everything she could ever want, but she responds:

Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours and my kingdom as great. You have no power over me.

And he doesn’t anymore. She has defeated her final enemy in the labyrinth, and at the same time, has defeated her fears of change and growing up. This is an important moment for Sarah as she realizes that she isn’t just repeating a line from a play, but she is telling the truth about her life. You can hear it as her voice changes, like she is surprised: You have no power over me.

This is a very powerful moment when it happens to us as well. Whenever we work to change, we face fear. By healing a hurt, losing weight, establishing a new habit, or make another change we overcome that fear. Realizing the fear no longer has any power over us is a life changing moment.

Personal responsibility is sometimes easy, and sometimes difficult. I know that for me when it comes to self improvement projects, I often find that taking responsibility is very hard. There is a lot of fear to overcome and a strong need to continue what has been working, at least a little bit. However, taking that responsibility moves me closer to my dreams, and farther away from those activities that don’t make me happy. I encourage you to undergo your own journey of self discovery, although a labyrinth with goblins and facing down a powerful Goblin King isn’t necessary to do so. (Might be a lot of fun, though!)

If you have stories of your own “A Ha!” moments, please share them below. Or, if you have any comments or thoughts to add to the discussion, I would love to hear them as well.

Table of contents for Labyrinth Lessons

1. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 1
2. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 2
3. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 1
4. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 2

The movie Labyrinth is very dear to my heart. I love the characters and the adventure. As I wrote last week, I rewatched the movie recently and I could see lots of lessons about self improvement hidden in the fantasy tale. Last week, I wrote about some lessons related to friendships. However, friendship is only one of the themes in the movie. Another major theme is that of personal responsibility.

Self improvement starts with personal responsibility. No one else is going to change us for us; we have to be the ones to change ourselves. When Sarah enters the labyrinth, her attitude is very much one of entitlement. She believes the real world should leave her alone to live in her fantasy world. She is in for a rude awakening when she has to rescue her baby brother, Toby.

1. You have to be take responsibility for your own actions. Sarah was at fault for her brother being kidnapped by the Goblin King. She took responsibility for that, but only after trying to convince the Goblin King that he had misunderstood her. Once she was resolved to navigating the labyrinth, she headed down to the gates. However, she hadn’t shed her tendency to blame others yet.

When Sarah first approached the gates to the labyrinth, she met Hoggle. She asked him if he knew how to get into the labyrinth.

He gave her evasive answers until she said in frustration, “Well, it’s no good asking you anything.”
He replied, “Not if you ask the right questions.”
She thought for a moment and asked, “How do I get into the labyrinth?”

With this, Hoggle showed her the gates. Sarah realized she was asking him to give her the answer, and expecting he would help her just because she deserved it. It was when she took responsibility for needing to enter, that he agreed to show her how.

So many times we do the same thing. We will expect someone else to do for us what we should really do ourselves. Rightfully so, they don’t always do what we want them to do. At the same time, we blame other people for not giving us the answer we want, declaring that the problem is with them, rather than realizing that the problem is with us.

I know I’m guilty of this, especially when it comes to exercise. It’s easy to make excuses: I don’t have anyone to exercise with or I agreed to exercise with someone, but they bowed out or I can’t afford a personal trainer. However, the truth is that I’m the one who needs to exercise, and it’s not someone else’s responsibility to get me to do so.

As Sarah learned, it wasn’t the Goblin King’s or Hoggle’s fault that she needed to navigate the labyrinth. She expected that things would go her way simply because she wanted them to. However, life doesn’t work that way. We have to take responsibility for getting things done, not just expect them to because we want it. When we take responsibility for our actions and not blame others, we will get much farther in life.

2. You can’t take things for granted. Several times throughout the movie, Sarah is reminded that she can’t take anything for granted. She believes that the labyrinth is dark and dank because it appears so on the surface. She takes for granted that the creatures she meets will be evil, like the Goblin King. However, things aren’t always as they seem. For instance, Ludo is big and scary, but he becomes a friend.

She thinks the labyrinth just goes on and on without any openings. However, a friendly worm tells her, “The labyrinth is full of them. It’s just you ain’t looking right.”

She hits a dead end and turns around to retrace her steps and finds someone changed her marks. Then, the dead end (that was behind her) switches and now the dead end is where there was empty path before. Things move all the time in the labyrinth, and not all creatures are scary. She can’t take anything for granted.

We do the same in real life. We take for granted that we will always have our job, even if we don’t like it. We take for granted that we will have the weekend free to do housework. Then we get released from our position, or the car breaks down and spends the weekend in the shop. We make plans and a friend goes into the hospital and we need to be there for them. We can’t just take it for granted that things are going to go the way we want them too, or that it seems like they should. We need to keep an open mind.

Life gives us surprises, just as the labyrinth gave Sarah lots of surprises. Once she was willing to be more open minded, things went much smoother, just as it does for us when we are open to possibilities.

3. Life isn’t always “fair”. Sarah has a big problem with thinking things should be easy and fair. She yells at her stepmother for making her babysit Toby because it’s not fair that she has to babysit “every weekend.” She marks her way in the labyrinth, then gets all bent out of shape when someone changes those marks. Finally, she has a confrontation with Jareth, the Goblin King, and he takes several hours away from her time to make it through.

She yells, “It’s not fair!”
He responds (with one of my favorite lines from the movie), “You say that so often. I wonder what your basis for comparison is?”

The truth is, that life isn’t fair. Rarely do things go the way we think they should. Others get promotions that we “should” have gotten. We have to clean the house more often than our spouse. Kids are always sure that someone got a bigger piece of candy than they did. Whether these things are true or not, life isn’t fair.

When we are kids, our parents teach us to be nice, to share, and to treat everyone equally. Fairness is a great ideal, but like any ideal, doesn’t work out all the time. And, like Sarah, we really don’t have a perfectly fair life to use as a basis for comparison when something goes wrong.

Really, it wasn’t fair that the goblins changed her marks, or that Jareth took away time. However, as she finally realizes, “No, it isn’t [fair], but that’s the way it is.”

When Sarah makes that statement, she has made one of the important changes she makes throughout her adventures. She has stepped up and taken responsibility for her actions and is no longer blaming someone, even if that someone is the world. In the same way, we must take responsibility and stop blaming others for not taking action on changing ourselves. Self improvement isn’t easy, but it doesn’t get any easier if we delay.

Tomorrow, I will present 3 more lessons on personal responsibility that I pulled from the movie. In the meantime, I encourage you to leave me your thougths below in the comments.

Table of contents for Cat's Wisdom

1. 5 Things I Learned About Life From My Cat

Cats are perceptive creatures. Anyone who has a cat knows that sometimes, they just “know” something without us understanding why. They have a variety of wise faces, letting us know that they hold the key to the secrets of the universe.

Or at least that’s the way cat owners like me interpret how our cats gaze at us. They may be just wondering if it’s too soon to ask for dinner or playtime. Or, just maybe, they are wiser than us.

Whether they have figured out the secrets of the universe or not, I know I have learned a thing or two about how I could live my life better from observing my cat.

1. Sleep is needed to be in top form. My cat, Midnight, is a bit crazy sometimes. She will wake up from a pretty deep sleep, and less than 10 minutes later is running around the house at top speed. She’ll race between the balcony door and the window in the bedroom. If she gets a chance, she’ll pick up a toy to carry with her along the way. I understand this type of behavior is typical for a cat, as is sleeping most of the time.

I hear frequently that humans need 7-8 hours of sleep (I’ve discovered I personally need 8). Studies have been done that show we lose mental ability and physical coordination as we go without sleep. Like many, I’ve doubted this was true for me, as I’ve been able to function well without the 8 hours of sleep. However, from watching Midnight, I can see that if I wake her up suddenly, she’s slow. If she wakes up on her own she’s in top form. In the same way, if I’m woken up suddenly, or before the 8 hours, I am sluggish as well. If I wake on my own after 8 hours of sleep, I’m sleepy at first, but I’m much quicker to become fully awake.

The lesson? We should pay attention to our pets more - they know how much sleep they need and aren’t afraid to get it.

2. Ask for what you want even if others don’t understand you - in time they will. Midnight is a very vocal cat. She asks us for things all the time. When we first got her, she would wake us up in the middle of the night. While we’ve trained her to leave us alone through the night, she still insists on waking me up if she’s hungry. In a way, she’s trained me to get out of bed right away and fill her bowl. (Thankfully, she doesn’t push it unless her bowl really is empty.)

She also tells us all the time that she wants - something. For awhile, John and I couldn’t figure out what she was asking for, then we realized she wanted to be let out onto the balcony. She is nuts about going outside on the balcony; she even insisted when it was snowing once (although she didn’t stay out long when she realized how cold it was!)

Humans have the benefit of being able to actually speak. We can ask for what we want; however, that doesn’t guarantee that the other person will understand. We have the ability to explain, and often we do so. But, I know there are times that I’ve given up explaining and either done the task myself, or decided it wasn’t worth the effort.

But, there are many things that we really do want, and we need the help of others to get it. In my own life, I’ve had to change doctors at least a dozen times to find one that was willing to listen to me and understand exactly what kind of treatment I wanted. In this case, it wasn’t a matter of giving up - although I did go through periods where I just didn’t see the doctor because I was tired of switching. In the end, I kept asking, knowing that there must be someone out there who would eventually understand.

3. Be generous with appreciation and love when others pay attention to you. Midnight is the only cat I can remember noticing is super quick to start purring. Often she will start purring before she even settles down to get petted. Simply by speaking to her she starts purring. She knows that we will pet her, or play with her and she very much appreciates us doing so.

How many times do we take someone for granted? In the past several months, I’ve been making a conscious effort to say “Thank you” whenever someone helps me out. When I spend time with friends, I will thank them for hanging out with me and/or for supporting me. I also am pleased when someone thanks me for helping them out or spending time with them. Appreciation of the other people in our life is important and should not be overlooked. My cat doesn’t take me for granted, and I do my best to follow her example and not take my friends and family for granted either.

4. Play often - it’s an integral part of life. Cats seem to have three modes: sleep, cuddle, or play. I count “stalking” in the play category because Midnight is great at catching dry leaves and only so so at catching flies. She’s not afraid to act crazy and doesn’t even slow down if we trip over her accidentally. Her attitude is: get out of my way, can’t you see I’m playing here?

We could all take a lesson from cats (and dogs as well): there is nothing wrong with wanting to play. So many times we justify our desire to play: I’ve had a hard day; I needed some “me” time; I deserve a break. What’s wrong with saying, “I’m busy right now, it’s time to play?”

Of course, as adults, we have responsibilities and we can’t play whenever we want to. But, aside from that, we often put off play because we think it’s not “important” or a “waste of time.” Well, I say we should forget that. We should hang up the guilt and “shoulds” and just play.

5. Asking for help doesn’t make you loved any less. Obviously, cat’s can’t feed themselves. They can’t change their own litter boxes either. They have to ask their humans to do these things for them. As I mentioned above, Midnight isn’t shy about asking for what she wants. Even if we don’t’ feel like giving it to her (she wants to play and we are watching TV for example), she knows that we are still going to love her. We’re not going to get rid of her or stop paying attention to her.

However, when it comes to our human relationships, many people are afraid to ask for help. They don’t want to look weak or want to admit that they can’t do something without help. But here’s the thing: we all need help at some point or other. When we were babies we didn’t hesitate to ask for food or a change. Yet, as adults we are reluctant to ask for assistance. Clearly, this reluctance is a learned behavior. However, I didn’t learn this from my cat. In fact, Midnight showed me just the opposite - I shouldn’t hesitate to ask for help if I need it.

This post is a bit silly, and was a lot of fun to write. While most of us don’t get life lessons from our pets, it’s true that they can show us how silly we are sometimes. True, pets don’t have the same reasoning abilities as humans, but that may be the reason why they can show us so much. They don’t let reasoning and logic get in the way of their innate nature. We should do the same more often.

If you have any comments or thoughts, I invite you to leave them below.

Table of contents for Labyrinth Lessons

1. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 1
2. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 2
3. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 1
4. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 2

Yesterday, I posted the first three of the lessons on friendship I saw in the movie Labyrinth.

When last we left Sarah, she was facing off against Sir Didymus in the Bog of Eternal Stench. She had just convinced him to let her pass and he had agreed to travel with her.

4. Don’t immediately discount others ways of helping. As Sarah starts to cross the bridge over the Bog of Eternal Stench, the bridge collapses and she almost falls in. She grabs onto a low hanging tree branch. As she is hanging there, not sure what to do next, Ludo starts to howl. Sir Didymus asks him, “Sir Ludo, canst thou sit by and howl when yon maiden needs our help?” Ludo ignores him and continues to howl. After a moment it becomes clear that the rocks are responding to his call. When questioned, he replies, “Rocks friends.” The rocks settle in the Bog and form a new bridge. Yet, it appeared that Ludo wasn’t helping, merely lamenting, at first.

One of the things I like about my friends is that while we all think alike on many things, there are times they figure things out that I don’t. I had a friend in college who was my lab partner and we were great together because if one of us didn’t understand something the other one did. Why do we go to our friends for advice? Because we know they have a different way of looking at things.

However, I know there have been some times that I asked for advice and what I got in return seemed not to answer my questions at all. Yet, when I thought it through, or did what they suggested, I saw that they were absolutely right. I’ve learned not to question these times as much anymore; I just realize that they have their own way of helping.

Like Sir Didymus realized, people have their own way of solving problems, sometimes doing so when it appears they aren’t helping at all.

5. True friends come through in the end. As I described in Part 1, Hoggle is a self proclaimed coward and runs off several times when confronted with Jareth’s wrath that he’s helping Sarah. However, in the end, he jumps into the fray to help her at a critical juncture - risking grave injury and Jareth’s fury like he’s never seen before - to save her. He expects that she won’t forgive him for hurting her and abandoning her, but she does. She commends him for his daring rescue and tells him he is still her friend. She had faith that he cared for her more than he was afraid and would overcome his fear to help her.

In my own life, I’ve seen this happen as well. While I’ve never been faced by an 8 foot tall metal goblin wielding a huge battle-axe, I have faced some very tough points in my life. During an episode of depression, I found out who my friends are. My true friends called to check on me, invited me to spend time out with them, or in the case of John, were a wonderful source of encouragement and support.

It may be a cliche to say that true friends come through in the end, but it’s true. Good friends will be there to celebrate the good (new job!) as well as support you through the bad (romantic breakup!) I recently had an opportunity to realize that I wanted to be a true friend, in a similar way to Hoggle. I hadn’t talked to a friend of mine for several months when he got sick and had to go into the hospital. I was afraid that he would be upset that I hadn’t kept in contact and might not want to see me. However, I’m glad that I went to see him; not only was he happy to see me, but I have reconnected with my friend.

And, as Hoggle discovered when Sarah forgave him for hurting her, I also discovered that I can also be forgiven by my friends.

6. We need to face our demons alone, but it’s nice to know that someone’s got our back just in case. When Sarah, Hoggle, Ludo, and Sir Didymus finally make it to the castle beyond the Goblin City, Sarah heads to confront Jareth.

The others start to follow her and she tells them she has to go alone. “Because that’s the way it’s done.”
Sir Didymus replies, “Well, if that is the way it is done, then that is the way you must do it. But, should you need us…”
Hoggle interrupts him, “Yes, should you need us…”
“I’ll call.”

Sarah then races up the stairs to get Toby back. And that is the way it had to be done. The journey through the labyrinth was a pact between her and the Goblin King and although she had help making it through, in the end, she had to face him alone.

When we undergo any self improvement process, getting support can be critical. Yet, at some point, it comes down to us and change. We have to face that change alone. If we are working to change our eating, we can have others we bounce ideas and fears off of, but only we control what we actually eat. If we are working to heal past hurts, we may choose to have someone we trust sit with us. But, only we can feel our feelings and process them.

Just as Sarah needed to face Jareth alone to finally get back Toby, we need to face our fears and inner demons to get the change we desire.

As Sarah traveled through the labyrinth, she met many strange creatures and many obstacles. However, she also found friends and learned many things about letting other people into your world to share your adventures with you.

In modern society, we do so many things that we think we need do by ourselves. We often push our friends aside, relegating them to the “fun” times. However, we all need others to fill out our life. We let our friends lean on us for support; don’t be afraid to lean on them sometimes. And, don’t forget the lessons evident in Labyrinth about the power of friendship.

Table of contents for Labyrinth Lessons

1. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 1
2. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 2
3. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 1
4. Lessons on Self Improvement - Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 2

The movie Labyrinth is one of my favorites. It came out in 1986 when I was only 10 years old. I’m not sure if I saw it then, or a year to two after, but I’ve loved it since that first viewing.

In case you’re not familiar with the story, let me give you a quick summary. Sarah (played by Jennifer Connelly), who is around 16, lives in her own dream world. When she gets asked to babysit her toddler aged brother, Toby, she calls upon the Goblin King to take her brother far away. Thinking it’s just fantasy, she turns to leave the room and suddenly stops hearing Toby crying. She turns around and finds that the Goblin King (played by David Bowie) *is* real and that he’s just stolen her brother. She asks for him back, but is refused. The Goblin King then gives her 13 hours to navigate her way through the Goblins’ (played by Jim Henson’s Muppets) labyrinth to the castle at the center to rescue Toby. The movie is the story of her journey through the labyrinth.

The last time I watched the movie, I realized there were lots of elements that could apply to self improvement. I paused the DVD, ran and got paper and a pen, and started scribbling down notes. It became clear that one of the main themes of the movie is that Sarah is used to living in her fantasy world where everything goes her way. When she has to navigate the labyrinth, she is confronted with something that she can’t control. As she comes out of her shell, she meets several creatures who become her friends. So, the first set of lessons I picked out of the movie are on friendships.

1. Sometimes we have to fight fear to become friends with someone.The first character that Sarah meets as she approaches the labyrinth is a goblin named Hoggle. He helps her get into the labyrinth then disappears. Sarah meets him again a little later after she gets trapped in the oubliette (”A place you put people to forget about ‘em.”) Throughout the movie, Hoggle appears and then disappears again, popping in to help Sarah and then popping out again.

When Hoggle helps Sarah out of the oubliette, he explains why he disappeared and why he lied to the Goblin King about helping her.

Hoggle says, “You’ve got to understand my position. I’m a coward, and Jareth scares me.”

To be honest, if I had to face the Goblin King every day, I would be scared too. He’s not a nice king, and it’s easy to see why Hoggle is afraid of him. Yet, despite that fear, Hoggle keeps coming back to help Sarah. He can tell when he first meets her that she is nice and they are destined to become friends.

I’ve been friends with a few people over the years where when I first met them, I just knew that they were going to be part of my life. Although, it wasn’t an immediate friendship. Friendships take time to develop, and I had to overcome my fear of rejection to approach them and introduce myself.

One of my best friends, the woman who conducted my wedding ceremony as a matter of fact, I met through the guy she was dating at the time. He was a friend of my brother and she was his girlfriend. So, I knew who she was, but that was about it. To be honest, I thought we had nothing in common. She is a nurse, and I was an insurance agent. Her boyfriend was another person I knew, but not that well. I was hesitant to approach them, figuring that they would just see me as “Brian’s sister” and be no more than polite.

As it turns out, I’m very grateful that I’ve been able to become friends with both of these wonderful people. Both were in my wedding and I see them both regularly. They have become my closest friends aside from my husband and my family.

But, like Hoggle, if I hadn’t overcome my fear, we would not have become friends. Thankfully, what I fear doesn’t have the power to dump me headfirst in the Bog of Eternal Stench (”if you so much as set a foot in the Bog of Stench, you’ll smell bad for the rest of your life. It’ll never wash off.”) However, it does have the power to hold me back from meeting new people - if I let it. We all have to overcome some fear to reach out and get to know someone.

2. Friends can be found in the most unlikely places. On the surface, the labyrinth is dark and foreboding, and all the creatures in it evil and scary. Not so, as Sarah finds out. In fact, most of the creatures she meets are friendly, even though they are in the labyrinth. Early on, shortly after entering the labyrinth, Sarah takes a rest and is greeted by a worm. After they exchange greetings, the worm invites her in for tea. She declines and asks the worm if he knows how to solve the labyrinth. “No, I’m just a worn.” Yet, a worm who invited her in for tea.

After she meets Hoggle, Sarah meets two other creatures who become her friends and travel with her on her journey: Ludo and Sir Didymus. She travels over stone paths, through a hedge maze and even over the Bog of Eternal Stench and in each of these places, she finds someone to help her who becomes her friend.

In my life, I’ve met friends at work, at Girl Scouts, and at restaurants. I’ve met friends on adventure trips and camping trips.

I’ve heard of people meeting in taxi cabs, subway stations, and elevators. When two people connect and realize they have a mutual “like” for each other, the place doesn’t matter. Often, it’s the shared experience that gets them talking initially. This is especially true of adventure trips, like Sarah’s through the labyrinth. The stranger the surroundings, the easier it is to reach out to someone friendly.

3. Not everyone who can be a friend appears that way at first. When Sarah first meets Sir Didymus in the Bog of Eternal Stench, he is guarding the only bridge over a particularly nasty stretch of bog along the trail. He has sworn to protect the bridge with his life and fights them fiercely, not allowing them to cross. Finally, Sarah figures out how to get past him and over the bridge, and Sir Didymus agrees to accompany her on her journey. He puts the same fierce determination that he used to defend the bridge to use defending Sarah. He goes from fighting her to protecting her.

Years ago, I met a girl in Girl Scouts that for some reason, I didn’t connect with at first. A year or so after I met her the first time, we were in the same classes together at school. That time, for another reason, I don’t understand, I could feel that friendship connection. For over 14 years we were friends. And, as I mentioned above, two of my closest friends were simply “my brother’s friends” until I got to know them.

While I’ve never had the experience of becoming friends with someone who I was initially enemies with, I have become friends with people who didn’t appear as friends the first time I met them. Sarah learns too that first impressions aren’t always accurate and are often in need of revision.

Sarah had many adventures in the labyrinth, and there are many lessons I can pull from the movie. Tomorrow, I’ll post the second part of the friendship lessons. I hope you’ll turn in to catch the end.

Do you have any other points to add to the above? Please leave your thoughts and comments below.

Table of contents for Fighting Litter

1. Fighting Litter Through Psychology - Part 1
2. Fighting Litter Through Psychology - Part 2

Yesterday, I started this series with the first 3 of 6 reasons why I think people may dump trash. I don’t know why individuals do, but I’m taking a guess at some of the excuses and coming up with ways that we can work to solve this issue by confronting others’ beliefs.

4. They Figure Someone Else Will Do It

Why was there more trash within steps of the parking lot than ½ hour into the forest? Surely taking the 20 steps back to your car instead of tossing your trash isn’t that terribly hard?

When I first started going to Panera Bread, it wasn’t clear whether we were supposed to clear the tables ourselves or have someone else pick it up. This was confused by the fact that sometimes an employee does offer to take your tray. I had the same confusion at Fudruckers, where you are actually supposed to leave your tray for someone to pick up.

However, I feel guilty whenever I leave behind trash I could have thrown away myself. There must be others who don’t feel this way. Many restaurants clear the table for you and if you eat out frequently, I imagine it isn’t that difficult to carry the same mindset to the rest of your life. There are also those who are arrogant who deliberately leave trash for someone else to pick up, as if throwing away their stuff is beneath them.

This mindset is hard to justify when out in the woods or on a parking lot, but unfortunately, it’s true. There will always be someone else who comes behind to pick it up. My suggestions from Part 1 apply to the person who leaves trash for someone else. I also encourage you to instill a sense of responsibility in your children, so they too will grow up with the same sense of guilt that I have when I leave trash for someone else.

5. They Are Protesting The Lack Of Trash Cans

Do people think that if you throw it hard enough you get more points? Is the world a better place if your soda can gets three trees away instead of just off the trail? What’s up with that?

This excuse is arrogant and spiteful. It doesn’t help anyone except the person doing it, and it doesn’t make sense when you can take trash with you to a trash can. However, in the spirit of seeing things from another’s perspective, I can see that this would apply to teenagers or those who aren’t mature. The feeling that common rules don’t apply to them and anarchy is cool could very well lead someone to throw trash for fun.

So, what can we do? Remind litterers to throw away their trash. Appeal to the “saving the environment is cool” vibe that, to me, seems stronger the younger you are. Ask teenagers if they need help?

Here’s a true story. A year or so ago, there were some kids in my complex who would hang out and play. No big deal. However, there was one girl who screamed. Over and over again. Not the yelling to stop tickling her or pushing her or whatever, but a scream that should be reserved for injury. So, one day, I got sick and tired of hearing it over and over. I walked outside and asked them if someone was dying. They of course retorted with a snarky comment, complete with fainting theatrics. However, I persisted. I said, “Seriously, do you need me to call an ambulance? With screams like that it sounds like someone is in pain.” The answer was of course “No.”

Well, I’m sure I became the crazy lady up the street, but guess what? I never heard another scream. The point of the story is that teenagers, or preteens, as these kids were, will listen. No matter who you are, if you say it the right way, they will take notice. If only because they don’t want you interrupting them again!

6. They Don’t Know That Littering Is Wrong

I’m going to give my readers the benefit of the doubt that you are smart, caring folks who take your trash with you if there is no can, or put it in the can if there is one.

This is just sad, if it’s true. However, someone who doesn’t know this, I hope is young enough, or disabled enough, to have someone who does know around to do it for them. If that’s not the case, all I can think to do is sigh, grumble if you have to, and throw away the trash. Then, be thankful that it’s just an empty cup or fast food bag and not something worse (of course, something worse I wouldn’t touch!)

By no means do I consider myself perfect or claim that I don’t do things wrong sometimes. However, I promise that I deposit my trash in a trash can or other recepticle. Unfortunately, this is not always the case with others. While I don’t know what they are thinking, I’ve done my best to come up with the excuses that they might give me if I was to confront them.

We all know that ditching trash anywhere but a trashcan isn’t right. But so many people get away with it. It’s up to the rest of us to take up the slack. So, I hope you will join me in gently setting others right and if you can’t then doing the right thing yourself. We all thank you.

Photo Credits: Maid by unusualimage; Teenagers Playing by tinou bao; Newborn baby by bf5man

Table of contents for Fighting Litter

1. Fighting Litter Through Psychology - Part 1
2. Fighting Litter Through Psychology - Part 2

Trash ticks me off. Not the fact that it exists. No the fact that so many lazy, shortsighted people don’t bother to take a few extra minutes to put it where it belongs.

Thus began the very first post on this blog, entitled Trash Ticks Me Off. In this post, I got angry at the number of people who leave trash everywhere, not bothering to put it in trash cans or take it with them out of the forest and off the hiking trails. While getting angry can make for good writing, I suspect this is a rant that people have heard before. But, I wondered is there a way to understand why people do these things?

There is always another side to any story; it’s in the nature of being human to regularly only see things only from our point of view. So, I deliberately worked to imagine the scenario from the litterer’s point of view. I can think of 6 reasons why people would dump trash; none of which are anything but excuses. My first post was full of anger, but I wonder if there is perhaps more value in protesting the behavior from the point of view of “you get more flies with honey than with vinegar?”

Today I will discuss the first 3 of these reasons, and some ideas I’ve had on how to combat those who have these ideas. Tomorrow, I’ll finish up with the last three.

1. Litterers Don’t Care

We passed all kinds of trash on our hike: paper cups, soda cans, old clothes, plastic bags, empty bottles of motor oil - I kid you not - beer cans, cigarette wrappers and butts.

There are a significant number of people in the world who think only about themselves. This is unfortunate. As we all know, this attitude is anything but helpful. However, I wonder if the folks who are seen as being self centered are really as arrogant as they appear. After all, many of these folks have families and friends, so they can’t be that way all the time.

If these folks truly don’t care, perhaps they don’t have time to bother, there must be a way to appeal to them. Mention the fines involved, but that may not work, because it is unlikely that they will be caught. Instead of detailing the negative consequences, perhaps appealing to their self centered nature is the better way to go.

One of my favorite lines from Ghostbusters is where Dr. Venkman appeals to the Mayor by saying, “And, Lenny, if I’m right, you will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters.” Self centered people care about their image. Tell them that by picking up litter they are making themselves look good. Tell them that they will be seen as clean and neat. Compliment them on their desire to help out society (even if you suspect they don’t have such a feeling.) I don’t know if these strategies will indeed work, but I suspect they have a better chance than railing against being a litterer and having them tune us out.

2. They Get Distracted Before They Have A Chance To Throw Trash Away

Yesterday, my husband and I picked up a discarded fast food bag and cup and walked them to the - wait for it - TRASH CAN - only 2 parking spaces away.

This excuse may not be that far fetched. I know several people who get distracted on a regular basis. They forget where they put their wallet; it wouldn’t be a stretch to think that they might forget to throw trash away. This doesn’t explain trash deep in the woods where it clearly was thrown, but it might explain random cups on parking lots. Maybe they started out on the roof of cars and fell off as the person drove away.

If you know the person with the trash, it’s easy to say something along the lines of “don’t forget to dump your tray.” If you don’t know the person, this isn’t as easy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it anyway. If you do decide to go this route, do remember to keep your tone light and positive, almost joking. No one wants to be yelled at or made to think that someone is nasty. Most people I know don’t mind a stranger’s comment when said in a friendly manner.

Another option, especially if you work somewhere that has a trash problem, may be to post a friendly reminder. Again, they should be worded nicely. I like jokes better than directives. Maybe pick something totally off the wall, like Hello Kitty or Sponge Bob Squarepants asks you to throw your trash away. True there will always be someone who thinks this is stupid. However, I bet they grouse about the sign, but still throw their trash away. Of course, this will go better in some offices than others, so it is up to your discretion.

3. They Are Having A Picnic And The Wind Blows Away Items

We’ve been back to hike several times since then, and each time we bring a trash bag. Just this past weekend, we took 3 bags of trash out of the forest and back to “civilization.” We would have brought more, but a lot of it was hard to reach.

More than once, I’ve been dining outside when the wind has lifted something from the table. Then, a chase ensued to capture the plates and napkins before they could escape too far. I know there were probably a few here and there that didn’t get caught. I know I’m not the only one who has this problem.

There are of course many ways to avoid this. Clips are sold to hold down tablecloths. Napkin dispensers come with a weight, or you could switch to cloth napkins. Use thick plastic plates instead of foam or paper. Since they can be washed, the environment will thank you too. Or, you could use rocks picked up at the site to weigh things down. Bring paper weights from home or use toddler toys.

This is perhaps the most forgivable of all the reasons trash ends up somewhere other than a trashcan. However, that doesn’t excuse not running after windblown items. I find that most people don’t want picnic items to blow away, if only because napkins can end up on burgers or plates flipped onto the front of shirts. I would encourage you to help other picnic-ers if you see them struggling and to use weights yourself when picnic-ing.

Some of the “solutions” above seem very silly, but I don’t mean to make it sound like the dumping for trash is not a serious problem. I am willing to be silly or polite, or helpful if it will keep my world cleaner. I certainly hope there are others out there who feel the same way.

Tomorrow, I’ll discuss the last 3 reasons I came up with why people won’t put their trash in proper trash cans. In the meantime, I look forward to reading your comments below.

Photo Credits: Opposite signs on tree by Dano; Empty Podium by merfam; Trash Sign by billy verdin; Picnic by theogeo

Self improvement is a process of “improving” the self. On one level this means healing the past and learning to be in emotional balance most of the time. On another level, it’s about being the best person we can be. But, this isn’t just something that affects only us. As we become better people, we have more confidence in ourselves and pursue our passions. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has a desire to help others. In fact, just by becoming a better person, I’m helping others - good moods can be as contagious as bad ones.

1. We are destined for something better. I believe that I am rarely at my personal best. I know that my negative beliefs about myself hold me back. It’s hard to follow your dreams consistently when you have frequent thoughts that you aren’t worthy of those dreams. However, I know that these are false beliefs and I hope for something better for myself. I’m slowly learning to be at my best more often, but I know there is always room to improve.

I also hope for better for others. I believe that everyone should have access to the education and resources they may be lacking. I believe that everyone should also have access to the emotional assistance they may need to be as confident and successful as possible.

Although we may think that we know someone else inside and out, we will never know someone as well as they know themselves. We can only hear our thoughts and know how we feel. Therefore, if we want better for everyone else, we should start with ourselves. As we work on ourselves, we will learn a lot that we can pass onto others to help them with their own struggles to understand themselves.

Many of us have lots of areas of our life we believe need improvement. But, before we can start on a plan to get better, we have to believe that there is a better. For me, this isn’t just a belief that there is something better out there, but that I’m supposed to have it. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.

2. I believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion, no matter how much it differs from mine. I know there are those who disagree with me on my spirituality, my friends, my choices in life. However, I also know there are others who do agree with me. Regardless, I believe they are all as good as I am.

There are hundreds of self improvement books. All of the self improvement books I’ve read have been written by people who believe what they have to say so much that they knew they had to write a book about it. Some of them I agree with, and others I don’t. However, I know that their way worked, at least for them, so I have no right to claim that my opinions are any better than theirs.

I do my best to give my opinion and my experience from my point of view and not to claim that I have the ultimate knowledge about anything. There are lots of different ways of looking at the same problem and may different opinions of the solution. All are as valid as mine.

3. I believe that we shouldn’t force our way of looking at the world on anyone else. I applaud anyone who stands up for what they believe. I also have great respect for those who reach out as teachers to others. I draw the line at anyone who tries to “convert” me however, That’s not to say that I won’t debate someone, and consider their point of view and even change my opinion.

Debate is not evangelism. Debate is looking at issues with an open mind or at least the willingness to back down if you can’t change the other person’s mind. What really gets under my skin is those who act superior to me, believe that their opinion is so right that I must agree with it, and condemn me for not seeing it their way. I see this in politics, and religion, but thankfully not too often in self improvement. There are of course a few individuals who have worked on one method and had such great results they don’t believe any other method is as good, but even they don’t usually “run me over” with their opinions.

4. I believe that these values are important enough to me to fight for them. I am thankful that I have liberal friends and that we think a lot alike so I don’t need to fight them. Although, I have been known to stand up for what I believe and disagree with others - once with the guy who runs the local liquor store, and once with a coworker.

Unfortunately, this is the value that applies most readily in the political arena. But, in the self improvement arena, it applies as well. If I don’t believe something strongly enough, I won’t be willing to fight for it - even if I’m only fighting the inner critic.

Self improvement isn’t easy, but it helps to have a core set of beliefs to fall back on. When the going gets tough, I know I can count on my inner resolve to carry me forward. That resolve is built on the idea that being a better person means I need to treat myself and others equally. We are all important, and we all matter. Everyone’s way of thinking is valid - yours and mine. Forcing my beliefs on someone else, or looking down on them because they don’t believe the same thing I do, does not make me a better person .

In the end, we are all destined to improve and this is a belief we should hold dear and be willing to fight for.

Do you have any core beliefs that pull you through the times you want to give up? I would love to read about them in the comments below.

Photo Credits: Steps to Beach by Lollie-Pop; Italian Garden Gate by zarylla; Boxing Girl by ganessas.

Table of contents for Fantasies and Goal Setting

1. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves - Part 1
2. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves - Part 2
3. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves - Part 3
4. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves - Part 4

Over the past few days, I have examined fantasies, both daydreams and sexual fantasies. I’ve explored the surface meanings and dug deeper to show how they are like a window to the subconscious and a way to get in touch with our authentic selves. Clearly, both daydreams and sexual fantasies are rich in meaning. What appears on the surface to be shallow has a depth that we often don’t even realize.

Fantasies Give Us Creative Control

Several times throughout the examination of fantasies, the element of control has come up. We get to control the events in the fantasy and in turn we can control the way our “dream life” plays out. They give us a chance to be creative, even if we can’t express that in reality. There are no limits to what we can accomplish in fantasy. The bigger the dream, the better the fantasy. We get to explore multiple options and ideas of how to reach our goals. This creativity sets us free to craft a plan without making a mistake that would most likely be costly to undo.

Many times in the real world, we are too pressured for time to work through problems throughly. We may look at a few options, but not throughly consider the outcomes. Taking advantage of the full depth of your creativity in your fantasies and daydreams actually makes it easier to carry ideas into your day to day activities.

Fantasies Open Our Minds To Possibilities

Without a doubt, fantasies make us feel good. Not only do they make us feel good, but they allow us to extend that feeling into all areas of our life. In fantasy, we get to connect all the dots and make everything work, not just a little part.

Feeling good then puts us in emotional balance. We can feel deeply and are just more content. This may not last for long, but it’s a great feeling when it does arrive. The more we feel the upsides, the easier it is to get through the downsides.

In turn emotional balance helps us feel hope that things will turn out well. Hope is a wonderful feeling. It’s the underlying feeling of motivation. It’s the power the drives us to do and not just plan. Hope will keep us moving even if the goal feels far away.

As the first step, fantasies are great for lifting us up.

The important next step when we feel that hope, is to set goals. Having goals, written out, means we are more likely to follow through on what we really want. Otherwise, we run the risk of sinking back into despair of the realities of “real life.”

Fantasies matter because they are more than just a pleasant way to pass the time. As I’ve shown throughout this series, dreams, daydreams, and sexual fantasies have possibilities hanging out beneath the surface. Tapping into those deeper meanings can be a powerful tool in our mental goal setting toolbox.

You may choose to simply enjoy your daydreams and sexual fantasies. Or, you may choose to examine them for clarity into what you really want. Either way, I hope your dreams come true and your goals are met.

If you have any comments, questions, or thoughts on this part or other parts in this series, please leave them for me below.

Photo Credits: Deep End by divinemisscopa; Ski Lift by Joe Shlabotnik