It's Whatever

IDK

2013-01-31T23:47:00.000-05:00

According to you i have changed
I don't appreciate you and i'm not the same
Get angry to quick, even with all the help you send my way
And with all our arguments i don't think you want me to stay
Got a boyfriend now, and y'all seem to be doing alright
And although i wanna beat his ass every time he puts his hands on you
I gotta realize that this isn't my fight
All i can do is stand on a side and just watch
But its harder than you think
To stay outside of the rink
I realize we all going through some hard times
I ain't stupid in fact i realize
That most of this shit came from myself
And i don't blame no body but self
I came to you for help, and you gladly said yes
But the struggle has put our relationship to the test
I feel weaker now than i have ever felt
I can feel a storm coming in other words i will just melt
I can't be the weakest link, and i'm on a brink
of ending this shit right here, death doesn't scare me cuz i lost all fear
i wipe my face all night long so you don't see my tears
This isn't what i wanted, this wasn't my plan
I fucked up too many times, and i know i'll do it again
I'm only a human, and i'm trying to straighten my shit out
But i just hope i get there before the last blow out

Because

I can't live like this no more
My time here is done and now i gotta go
I'm sorry if it hurts you today
But i'm doing it so that we may live better another day

Both sides are wrong

2013-01-31T23:45:00.000-05:00

"Guys are such douchebags, all they care about is sex"
Bitch shut the fuck up, sit down and try to relax
Lemme tell you where you're wrong, and quit blaming it on us
Bitch you were bein pleasured too, but im the one that you shouldn't trust?
You also came, right before i got to bust
So why am i the one that's being cussed?
They say pussy makes the world turn
That means you bitches, when it comes down to it are in control
No matter how much you say we don't give a fuck
We wouldn't be able to do shit if you didn't let us fuck
And yes we lie and do whatever it takes
"I love you baby" or even begging "fuck me for gods sakes"
And that's about as far as our influence goes
everything from here on is up to you hoes
whether you laugh it off, or spread your shit
whether you let us eat it or hit that clit
quit crying in self pitty that we break your hearts
you can't grow a pair of balls so try to equip yourself with some smarts
fuck you calling me an asshole for?
you fuck a dude a night, and somehow all i care about is my bitch score?
You say i think with my dick, and i admit that i do
But don't tell me that you thought our night together meant something
Cuz you say that to every dude
Unless you taking me to court, and gon accuse me of rape
Don't try to play yourself as a victim and call me fake
I didn't promise you nothing when i went in balls deep
I aint spooning next to you, i just want some sleep
Leave me alone i busted and now i get disgusted by you whore
So lemme be a gentlemen and sleep alone on the floor

2011-08-23T18:58:00.000-04:00

You weren't there, you didn't help me up
Instead you acted like you didn't give a fuck
Didn't matter, one way or another
You didn't offer help, didn't even bother
All you wanted was to know
Where all of it is gonna go
"Keep us posted" was what you said
Why the fuck should I? so you can be glad?
So you can finally say "I told you so!"
So you can finally see that i can't go nowhere no more?
So i come back saying that i'm sorry?
I should of listened to you, and that whole story.
You wanted me to fail, so i come apologizing
Begging you for mercy as i was agonizing
But it isn't gonna happen, i'm not gonna do it
Imma see it through that i succeed
Cuz there are people who love me and will help me do it
No matter how often i messed up
No matter how far i fall
They were always there for me
Always there when i call
I put them through pain, and i regret it
But even then what they did for me, i will never forget it
Cuz they stood by my side, through thick and thin
They watched me cry, laugh and grin
There is no side of me that they haven't seen
So as much as you wish, for your plan to work out
I wanna tell you that it won't happen
Thanks for the try though, I'm out

Oh fuck NO

2011-07-04T12:47:00.000-04:00

What the fuck you doin writin me letters saying that your sorry?
Oh all of a sudden now you start to worry?
But i know you aint worried bout us
Your just scared for yourself cuz you bout turn to dust
Dying slowly inside and out
And sayin that you found God, fuck you talkin bout?
If God exists, he probably aint gonna answer
Why else do you think he gave you cancer?
May be its because you have left us
May be because you broke our trust
May be its cuz you burned too many bridges
And left too many hearts in bloody stitches
Remember when i was only ten?
Your drunk ass held me outta nine story window back then
Ignoring when i said put me on the ground
I hope you fucking hell bound
Screaming and asking me if i trusted that you wouldn't let me go
But i couldn't trust you, cuz you let me go long time ago
And now you tryin to make shit right
Did you think bout this shit when you decided to kite?
Yeah you gave me life, yeah you put me on the planet
But then you kitted on my ass, what the fuck? God dam it!
I just wanted to grow up, with someone for a father
And now i get a letter from his ass, and i don't even bother
You turned me to stone
And may be someday i'll forgive you, but for right now i want you to be alone

New One

2010-12-15T00:29:00.001-05:00

My flow is sick like diarrhea

Words are contagious like gonorrhea

Am strapped with metaphorical weapons like North Korea

Curing the world of crappy rappers decease--panacea

My rhymes are futuristic

The style i use, is quite artistic

The shit i write is just novelistic

That's why with a pen, i go ballistic

My skills stretch like elastic

I burn rappers like they plastic

Get to know me and i'll seem sarcastic

Start kickin it with me, and you'll know why am fantastic

Just got in the game

And already own fame

Everyone knows my name

And the game will never stay the same

To think, just six years ago, i changed my location

Traveled across the globe to a new destination

With hours of writing, and many hours of dedication

I am ready to take over the music industry of this nation

I ran the race, redefined success

Reached all my goals, but nonetheless

Am still advancing with a full court press

You can't keep up with my progress

I don't know what the future has in store

All i know, is i'm not done yet, and there is more

I will dominate the nation shore to shore

Strapped and ready to go, marine corps

Until then, I will keep on keeping on

Create an image of self, that'll last long after i'm gone

Make a bright future for myself and someday my son

When you see my tombstone, only then will you know that am done

Pages of Life

2010-11-02T00:17:00.002-04:00

I don’t know what happened to me

I’m not who I used to be

I don’t see things way I used to see

I look at myself and I don’t know if its me

Its like morality gone outta the window

Or is it just me tryin to fit in bro?

I am searching, searching for myself

But loose course, when I wanna be someone else

I don’t practice what I preach

My life goals are now too far to reach

So I give advice to others, try to teach

But got nothing to show for it, my life is a bitch

I say one thing, but do another

Try getting closer, but keep getting farther

Until it’s like why the hell do I bother?

I like to think of myself as havin a good life

But I suppose the past is like a scar from a knife

You try to forget

But can’t help to regret

Wishin it was different somehow

So you go, and try to make up for it now

In turn it affects your tomorrow

And then you sit there, full of sorrow

In a crowded jail cell

Too drunk to realize, once again you fell

And this time you fell hard

Now gotta go back to the fuckin start

And every time you gotta bet back at the beginning

Its like entering the field in the next inning

Stamina and strength are not as before

So you gotta work harder, and more

No rest, until you hit a homerun

But its harder to run, when your strength is gone

Cause the previous run, got wind knocked out of you

Best is the best thing you can really do

But this best is worst than before

Because you’re not in shape anymore

Your mind is not clear, your focus is gone

Now you just want the game to be done

Now it’s not about winning

You hope you can make it to the end of the inning

I tried to construct me a future, but lost the blue print

Tried to finish a race, but can’t sprint

Tried to flip to the next page, but its glued to the one before it

So I tried to unglue it, but all that did is tore it.

Now that part will forever remain unknown

Until I finish with the book, and the plot is shown

The life I missed out on, is now sealed

Until many pages later, when the plot is revealed.

Blah

2010-10-28T23:30:00.000-04:00

What the fuck am i supposed to do?

I am torn between two worlds, both of them seem true

On one hand i got, my life that now is called past

I lasted there a year, got fucked up at last

Locked up, broke my entire bank

My head came down, my heart sank

Like Hannibal, when he realized he was outflanked

I had to deal with it, so i just drank

It wasn't the best idea, i ever had

But it helped me out, it wasn't bad

Except for the part, of my fam feelin sad

But i was a young, and a stupid lad

People came out, and really helped me out

Now i was back on track to becomin succesful, no doubt

But lookin back, all i wanna do is shout

I miss them all days, i miss my crowd

My throat is dry, I haven't had a drink in a while

I am loosing my grind, becomin outta style

Not havin a car, makes me feel like exile

It seems all this shit, just turnin me vile

Loosin my temper, gettin outta control

Walkin around like a pissed off troll

Bein alone is takin its toll

I keep on movin,but about to fall

Fuck everything, fuck morality

That shit aint real, it aint a reality

The rules are soundin like a technicality

But makin me stick to 'em is straight up brutality

I really appreciate, what your tryin to achieve

I am workin hard, tryin to believe

But in my head all i wanna do is leave

Or may be ask you to pull down your sleeves

I don't wanna say, that what you did is a waste

But this is not where i belong, it just aint my place

You live on planet earth, i belong in space

That year is in my passed, but not erased

Memories

2010-09-04T02:21:00.003-04:00

Chorus:

I never live in the past, i just move on

What happened has happened, now its gone

I don't look back, i don't share any tears

I just look ahead, turn back on my fears

I never have problems or worries

What happened before, is now just a good story

I hope your not offended

But your chapter has just ended

Am turning the page, am writing a new story

I don't feel bad, i don't say sorry

Your a memory now, that i won't forget

But a memory without feelings or regrets

I look back someday, and remember the good times

We were closer than ever, i was hot and you were a dime

We did our own thing, we had our fun

When we were watching setting or rising sun

We also had fun in between

Heard a lot, but we weren't seen

What you do, when you do it

Pop it, bring it back, or just screw it

You were amazing and you knew it

That's why i loved when you do it.

And all the things you would tell

When you talked i was under your spell

The eyes although silent, never quit talking

And those legs, dam i loved to see you walking

Chills would come over me, at every single touch

And every time, time would stall like a car with a broken clutch

And we shift our gears, put it in park

Reverse it a little and ignite the spark

Them were crazy nights

When we were blinded by love like some headlights.

Chorus:

Then the times have changed

Our nights got fewer and shorter

Our feeling for each other, just grew colder

And then both did things that were just over border

We could have talked bout it,

We could have stopped for a bit

But we were too busy to even sit

Times change human beings

But people change times even more

My life is just not the same as before

Ever since we left, our separate ways

I just don't feel the same about my days

Memories of us, leave me in a daze

But i know that its just a faze

It will go over and both of us will move on

Memories fade, when timer beeps and dinner is done

You got yourself a man

I got myself a lady

I am selling out shows

You volunteer at Haiti

Our lives separated, went in different directions

Now the past consists of small tiny sections

In each of our hearts

Where one memory fades, a new one starts

So steadily the memories we once created

Either become lost or just outdated

And we just delete them

Without much thought

And in place of those fun times

All we get is dot, dot, dot.

Until even that space is also filled in

And the new memory begins!

Chorus:

Father

2010-08-27T02:03:00.001-04:00

This one right here is a short one, bout my dad. I love my pops...but during the early years i was pretty pissed at him and this just reflects my memories.

I wake up and wonder if it’s a dream

Cause nothing has changed, or so it seem

I hop out ma clumpy bed

Hit the shower and get fed

I wish I didn’t live

I wish I was dead

My heart turns to anger

My eyes turn color red.

Why would this happen

What the hell have I done?

Was I unworthy

Was I a horrible son?

Why the hell did u give me life?

Just so u can take it with one stab of a knife?

What was about me, that u hated so much

That you left and left me to watch

Them throw you in an empty cell

What the fuck am I supposed to tell?

To my sister, your daughter

That she has an asshole for a father?

Do you realize the situation I am in?

I am full of anger and hurt but ur the one with the sin

This is not how its supposed to be

I am supposed to have a father, you see

I was made to be a child till I grew

I wasn’t intended to be an adult at the age of two

If you only knew,

how much I grew

since the last time ive seen u

But you don’t care

Looking at me with that cold stare

Mothafucka how dare?

You leave us alone

Your only daughter and your only son

Did you think what will happen to us?

Cause we didn’t have anyone we could love or trust

Left alone fending for ourselves

Trying to survive and caring about no one else

Our life wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great

When you chose that path, you have sealed our fate

And now its too late

Its passed the overdue date

Now I probably will never see my dad

It makes my sister sad

But bitch it makes me mad

You’re the only thing we’ve ever had

And now I don’t know if your alive or dead!

Fathers, you were given a responsibility

You have special gifts and special ability

All your children ask for is love and sincerity

Cause no child wants to be a child of charity.

We want you to help us grow

Teach us to walk and talk and throw

Baseballs around at a park

Help us find our path, give us that special spark

That turns into light, when everything else turns into dark

Choices

2010-08-16T11:48:00.002-04:00

I was born in Russia, where I lived for thirteen years before getting adopted along with my sister into an american family. These lyrics were written about our mother, who has struggled with drug addictions that proved to be fatal to her life. Although this is a scoop from my personal life, i know a lot of people would be able to relate to these lyrics.

The year was nineteen and ninety one

A mother gave birth to her only son

Alcoholic and drug addict, she held her kid

Thinking back and feeling sorry for all the things she did

Those nights, when she was trashed beyond belief

Those days, when she couldn't leave

Her life of constant addiction

Listen closely, cause this aint no fiction.

Closely she held her newly born

And you could of almost sworn

That she looked ahead, to a new life

But she didn't change and died by a knife.

Cause as soon as she was out of the hospital door

She left behind everything to which she swore.

To start a new life, away from alcohol and drugs

To replace those idols with something as simple as hugs.

She had the desire, bud didn't have the will

And once again, everything from there went downhill.

Back into the partying scene,

She once again lived as a fiend.

This continued for five more years

And constant unsatisfaction left her in a lot of tears.

She used the source of the problem, as a way to cope

Dope to release her of alcohol, and alcohol against her dope.

Living the life from a drink to a drink, she didn't stop long enough to think

That the same baby boy, in that hospital room

Might be left without a mother very soon.

Chorus:

We all mess up, and we are given chances

To progress forward, to make minor advances

Sometimes its hard, and we all strife

But not to take those chances, can cause you your life.

And if you just don't care, if your heart is to empty and bare

Then may be you should get a pair, and grow some serious hair

Cause really you aint being fair

To those who actually care, bout yours and their welfare.

Stop telling yourself all the fucking lies

Sometimes you gotta step back and realize

That when your buried, its more than you that dies.

So make a right choice, and do it quick

Cause it might have been your last choice as we speak.

Money got scarce, addictions got worse

She constantly needed a new money source

As the desperation grew, her morality decreased

Until it finally just seized to exist.

Taking advantage of the situation

Her friends didn't take a moment of hesitation

Offered her money, for sexual favors

And too stupid to think, she considered them her saviors.

Time passed, and things got harder

The mother fell further and further

Now she was sleeping with dudes she didn't know

An addict turned into a hoe.

Her family tried to help her condition

But the mother didn't have any ambition

She lost the ones that loved her

Until she didn't have anyone anymore.

Now all she had, was her two young babies,

Something else to replace her addiction, may be

But that was not the case

The kids went without food for days

So she can satisfy her ever wanting desire

And she met more men, but all of them ended up being liars.

Her condition worsened, doors started closing in

Life became harder for the mother fiend

Now she was at the point of no return

Far from that mindset of the day her child was born

And although she was torn, she closed the final door.

Chorus:

She met the wrong kind of people

The kind that thrive on purely evil

And they promised the will give her the doze

But first she had to take off all her clothes.

By now it was too late

Because in their minds, the guys have already sealed her fate

Nothing out of ordinary, happened at first

They all proceeded to commit intercourse

When it was all done, the mother asked for her pay

"Bitch what the fuck did you say?"

Then all at once, they started attacking

All you could hear was her screams and bones cracking

But they were at a place where no one lived for a mile

So all her screams of agony were futile.

Then one of the guys, pulled out a knife

He snickered, as he saw fear in her eyes.

As she realized she was going to die

She stopped screaming and started to cry

Her heart started racing, her throat became dry

Then she felt a sharp pain in her stomach, and proceeded to die.

That was the last day of her in this world

But the life has just begun for her son and young baby girl.

They were hundreds of miles away as she took her last breath

As she stared in the eyes of her new savior--death

As i think about that moment, I almost wanna cry

Because those little kids who were left in this world

Were my sister and I.

Chorus: