Road To Bliss

Today.

2013-05-10T22:06:00.000-04:00

Ry had the day off today and we wanted to get the kids out and about somewhere fun. My SIL, Megan, posted on facebook about going to a local spot with her kids. I ran it by Ry and he loved the idea. The kids had SO much fun and it warmed my heart to watch them. We will definitely be back!

How big does he look here? How in the hell is he almost five? I swear I was just pregnant with him, just bringing him home, just smothering every inch of his beautiful, chubby body in kisses. The saying is true, time really does fly when you're having fun.

Oh these two, there aren't words to properly describe just how deeply I love them. This girl is her brother's shadow and she is forever happy to be where he is and to be doing whatever he is. I hope their love for each other follows them throughout their lives.

The terrible twos aren't so fun, I'll be honest. But I'm always up for a challenge and this girl certainly keeps us on our toes. She is so stinkin' smart I almost can't stand it. But she is so much like me that I often find myself relating to her and changing my approach to how I tend to her feelings, frustrations and in disciplining her.

How beautiful is this girl? My niece, Mya.

Our tiny beauty, on the balance beam.

Something about baby feet, I'm absolutely drawn to them.

Seriously, how is this boy almost five?! I know my husband is the only person in either of our lives who supports my decision to homeschool our children, but moments like the ones we had today solidify my want for teaching my babies at home.

Wasn't I just bringing her home? How is she almost three? Time flies so freakin' fast.

Days like today have me wanting to pull Franky out of karate and enrolling him in different activities. Karate has helped tremendously with his confidence, listening skills and obedience, but I feel like he should be learning as much as he's having fun and today this boy had a blast.

Mya on the balance beam

My nephew Eddie (he was the first nephew on either side for Ry and I!).

How stinkin' cute are they?

Eddie on the trampoline

Marija hoola hooping

Mya doing flips

Marija, ever protective of her brother. In this picture she was telling another kid "Don't wook at mine baby brudder." She kills me!

I looove me some itty bitty baby feet!

This little guy slept through our play date

I remember him being in my belly the day we got this shirt and imagining his chubby little self filling it out just like this. Sometimes dreams do come true :)

Harrison is starting to fill out beautifully and is getting these deliciously chubby rolls on his arms and legs. I seriously can't get enough and I kiss them endlessly every single day. I love, love, love when babies start getting chubby and think one of the best things in life is covering baby rolls in kisses. He is very alert and likes to look around at everything. He coos and gurgles and squeaks and makes so many cute baby noises that are absolutely music for my soul. When I see older babies I get excited for all of the adorable milestones he'll hit in the next year and it makes me enjoy him in the present rather than be sad that he's growing up so fast. Ryan and I have had many heart-to-heart's about our family and both feel that our family isn't done growing yet. We know we want more children, but definitely not for a few years. I'm thinking we'll think about adding to our family again sometime after Harrison's third birthday. Who knows, though, we may get there and feel like our family is complete at five. Or we'll get there and want more. Only time will tell :)

Lately

2013-05-09T15:20:00.002-04:00

It's been pretty low-key around here lately. Lots of neighborhood strolls. Many rides in the powerwheels. Hours spent playing outdoors. I've always been more of a Fall/Winter person, but after the long winter we just had, I'm pretty sure I'll be begging Mother Nature to let Summer stay around as long as possible.

Sweet baby boy loves napping on his daddy's chest

Could those lips be any more smoochable?

He also really loves sitting with me and watching his big brother and sister play

My little mama. She loves to kiss him and asks to hold him often. At least a few dozen times a day she runs up and says, "Can I kiss him?"

Strawberry shortcakes are Franky and Marija's newest obsession.

Ry got these pictures of the tulips my MIL has in the yard. They are so beautiful when they bloom!

This girl is such a sass! Love her to pieces!

Lately.

2013-05-06T20:40:00.000-04:00

I wish I could bottle up his beautiful newborn scent

Antipasto salad. Ever since Harrison was born, I've been on a big time antipasto kick. Cold-cut sandwiches and antipasto salads are my weakness.

I am loving the warmer weather lately. I've been getting out with the kids every day and letting them run off some energy and play to their heart's content.

They really like walking around the lake at the back of my in-laws' neighborhood. Last year I pushed them around in the double stroller while they looked, but this year I'm liking letting them walk because it tires them out and makes for really easy bedtimes. Just a few hours outside every day wears them out enough that they're out as soon as their heads hit their pillows.

Oh this girl, how she freakin' kills me. I joke with Ry that God made her so beautiful because she'd be easier to discipline if she weren't so cute, haha! She gives us a run for our money, that's for sure. She is so smart and talks so much. She's crazy independent but gets super frustrated and pitches fits if she can't figure something out. And it's frustrating for us because she won't let us help her. She wants to do it herself. Poor girl takes after her momma in that respect.

Cousins playing at the water table. My MIL lives and breathes for her grandbabies and it trips me out how well she knows each and every one of them. She finds the coolest things for them and never fails to know exactly what they all like.

These two didn't move from the table for hours!

Patrick and Eddie, my nephews

It sometimes makes me sad that she doesn't have a sister because I know what she's missing out on. My sisters are my closest friends, especially my sister, Kiki. She is one of my best friends in life and is the only person on Earth I'd ever want my babies to be with in the event of my death. I remember thinking I was so done after Harrison was born, but now I feel in my heart that I'm not and that there are still babies for us to welcome in our future. God willing, Marija will eventually have a sister. And God willing she'll have the same relationship with her as I do with mine.

Harrison napped in the Ergo while the kids played

These boys sure loved playing in the sandbox!

I love morning snuggles with my littlest guy. Even when I leave a bit of space in between us, this boy wiggles his little body over to me and snuggles right into my body.

My little love muffin snuggled in the moby this morning while I made breakfast

They requested matching Adventure Time shirts, strawberries and cinnamon swirl pancakes for breakfast

Relaxing with Baba

These trees line the entire subdivision. I think they're beautiful.

I am so loving their love for being outdoors. I have a feeling we'll be going on lots of walks together this summer.

"Wook mama! It's our Christmas trees!"

A girl and her shadow

We took a detour from our normal walk around the lake and took the path over to the church that backs up to my in-laws' subdivision (same church Franky and Marija were baptized at). Every so often I'll stop by the stone alters to light a candle and say a prayer. Today, we all said a prayer for our family and lit a candle.

I'm starting to get a lot more confident in being out with all three kids by myself. I've been wearing Harrison in the Ergo or Moby and letting Franky and Marija walk. I explain before we leave the house that I expect them to stay close to me and that if they run ahead or try to dart all over the place, we'll go straight home. So far they've listened well and have stayed by my side, which makes for nice outings.

There is no in-between with these two, no middle ground. They're either fighting, whining, hitting or screaming at each other or they're absolute best friends and will sit and play for hours. I try to let have Franky have alone time to play with his toys by himself because I'm sure it gets old having a two-and-a-half year-old shadow all the time. Most of the of time they play nicely, but I am super impatient when they don't. I have zero tolerance for them being mean to each other and they get punished every time they're unkind. I'm sure it's normal sibling stuff, but either way, I don't like it and I'm hoping that by giving lots of praise when they play well and time-outs every time they don't, they'll eventually just play nice or give each other space when they need a break. Mostly I think it gets on my nerves more than anything having to yell at them to break it up. I get irritated every time I have to stop what I'm doing to separate them and make them give each other space. I'm finding that the more time they spend outdoors, the more things they have to do and to keep them occupied, the less bored they are and less likely they are to get on each other's nerves.

Right underneath the candle alters there was a basket full of these. I had no idea what they were until today. They're called rosary rings and work like mini rosaries. I'd never seen one before and thought the meaning behind them was cool. My sister, Colette, said my dad has one just like this, which I thought was trippy because I've had him in my heart and mind a lot lately.

6 weeks.

2013-05-06T15:05:00.002-04:00

This is my 6 week postpartum 2VBAC belly:

I've been going for a walk/run/jog every day and I'm already noticing a difference in my energy level and in my body as well. I'm at 126 lbs, so only 8 away from my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm impatient for this last little bit to come off already because I want to fit into the rest of my summer clothes. I'm fitting into most but there's a few things that are a little snug for my liking. The bleeding is completely gone and I feel 100% back to normal. The recovery this time was more difficult initially, but at the 6 week mark, I can't complain.

Lately.

2013-05-02T20:07:00.000-04:00

I've been eye-balling this camera bag for almost a year, ever since we got our good camera last year. It's exactly the style I wanted and had all the features I was looking for, but after spending our "gift-to-each-other" money on the camera, I couldn't justify spending another $50 on a bag. I've used non-camera bags over the last year and often felt like my camera and lenses weren't cushioned enough or like I was digging through bottomless pits to get what I was reaching for. Every time I've walked past this bag, I've thought of how perfect it was for my needs and how much I still wanted it. I still couldn't justify the expense, but figured if I could earn it somehow, I'd not stress about spending on a want versus a need. My solution? Go through things in storage and in our room that we either weren't using, had outgrown or had no use for. I threw 'em up on craigslist and within a few days I'd earned my bag and a few lunches out with my family :) I'm not gonna lie, it felt damn good to purge old clothes, toys, bottles, baby equipment, etc that we hadn't used or weren't going to use. We sold so many of the kids clothes from birth until now that they'd long outgrown. We had saved all of Franky's clothes just in case we ever had another boy and then once we found out Harrison was a boy, we realized we would only be able to use a quarter of any of it because Harrison is a Spring baby while Franky was born in the Fall. It was fun going through all his stuff and having specific memories to go with each outfit. But it felt even better to sell what we couldn't use and put the money towards things we would use. I'm basically in love with this camera bag.

I had my postpartum follow-up yesterday and the first thing my midwife said when she came in was how I'm still the talk of the crew there, haha! Everyone knows me as "the girl who went from 7 to section to push." She said physically, I'm good to resume business as usual. I have to go easy on the ab work because of my diastasis recti, but otherwise I can jump right back into my normal workout routine, which I was geeked to have started today. My midwife said my uterus has shrunk down to its normal size and that the episiotomy has healed beautifully, that they did a good job, and has given the "all clear," although I'm still nervous about that, haha. I'm never one to shy from TMI here and love reading honest and blunt things when I'm researching or just looking for someone who's been through the same thing. So...all that to say, I'll let you know how that goes, lol. I've been honest about the, ummm, hokey pokey post-cesarean and post-VBAC, so I'll continue with the honesty post-episiotomy!

I've been itching to stretch my legs and get my heart racing with a good run because it's been since last summer since I was able to. A difficult pregnancy through a very long winter left little opportunity to get outside and exercise. I told Ry I needed to go for a run today and the kids also needed to get out and have some fun, so he strapped a sleeping and very well fed Harrison to his chest in the Ergo and I jogged after the kids in their powerwheels. I got in a good two miles which felt amazing! I am looking forward to doing it every day, hopefully adding more distance as my body gets used to exercising full time again.

Nursing Harrison while Ry ran into best buy with Franky. My fitbit stopped syncing, so I went in to exchange and left with the newer model because mine was discontinued. I love the new version!

Hungry dude.

I am loving having a Spring baby. I love that I can just toss a onesie on Harrison when it's warm out and he's good. He's finally starting to fill out and with dressing lighter, I am able to take full advantage of nom-ing on the delicious little baby rolls he's getting on his arms and legs. Love, love, love me some baby rolls!

Franky: "That looks like Grampa Motta!" Lol so funny

Mommy's New Man #sleepyhead

Pig tails, sidewalk chalk and a nap amongst the birds. Perfect way to soak up this beautiful weather :)

(photo by my BIL, Erick - phenomenal photographer, btw!)

(photo by my BIL, Erick)

A few Marija-isms from the last few days:

Marija: {points at Harrison} "Dat's my baby brudder!" {points at Franky} "..and dat's my Hanky brudder!"

Marija: "Hanky? I'm yours best fwend?"

She kills me, lol!

Franky is obsessed with these little Legos guys

Thankful he's a heavy sleeper because his siblings have no concept of "inside voices" lol. He seriously sleeps through everything!

I sometimes feel like a failure, that I'm not patient enough with Franky and Marija. That i'm quick to yell, quick to discipline. Quick to become frustrated and resort to punishment. I hate it. I hate myself for it. I sometimes feel inadequate, like I don't deserve them. Like they deserve better, like they deserve a more fun or more patient mom. But then I hear my dad's words in my head that by raising them up right and teaching them the right way is showing them love. And my husband's words echo often in my head that a quick swat on the butt when they are disobedient or disrespectful isn't the equivalent of beating them. That a few minutes in time out won't damage them for life. I know they're right and I know I'm too hard on myself. But I also know I'm too hard on my kids and then I end up feeling guilty about it. Gah, this parenting stuff is so tough sometimes, isn't it? I keep reminding myself to balance it all out and that I'd be doing them a disservice to let them get away with everything, that being held responsible for their actions is good for them. At least, I hope it is :)

Today.

2013-05-01T19:45:00.000-04:00

I love me some chunky baby legs. Harrison is filling out and chubbing up beautifully and I'm loving every tiny, beautiful roll. Oh how I missed having a jelly-rolled baby.

It amazes me how much Harrison looks like his big brother.

Serious milk drunkness.

I seriously want to nom on his itty bitty chubby palms

I love getting out and about and doing fun things with the kids but I suck at coming up with kid-friendly and free ideas. Ry, on the other hand, is forever finding cool things for the kids to do and new places for us to visit.

We stopped at a park on Hines Drive that we hadn't been to yet and the kids loved it.

I rearranged the family closet to a few days ago to bring all our summer stuff to the front. It's been awesome to dress in shorts, tanks and dresses!

This kid...he freakin' melts me.

5 weeks.

2013-04-29T19:43:00.000-04:00

This is what a five week post 2VBAC belly looks like.

I obviously have a lot of work to do and won't be able to jump back into working out like I want to until after my postpartum follow-up with my midwife this week. I'm anxious to get back to running and hopefully, will be cleared to resume business as usual in a few days :)

The bleeding is totally gone and has turned super light spotting. I'm at 127 lbs, down 21 lbs and only 9 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm fitting into most of my pre-pregnancy clothes and am excited to fit into everything once these last few lbs are gone.

Overall, I'm pleased with how my body is bouncing back this time around, but I won't be fully satisfied until I lose this last bit of weight and can work out every day again.

One month

2013-04-25T19:38:00.001-04:00

This little dude turned one month old today. It's crazy, it goes by so fast. Seemingly even faster with each baby. It's hard for me to imagine what life was like before him. How did we not know we were missing him before he was here? Trips me out.

Baby boy is still wearing newborn clothes and diapers, but I'm starting to put him in 0-3 month clothes because they're so cute and are too warm for warmer weather and I don't want them to not get worn. He's been cluster feeding throughout the night, so I'm guessing he's about to hit a growth spurt. Once he's out of newborn diapers I'll probably switch him up to size 1's because we already have a bag of those and I want to switch him to cloth full-time once he's big enough to fill them out properly. He still nurses well and sleeps well otherwise. He has longer periods of being awake but sleeps a lot when he's not nursing or looking around at his surroundings. He's still my easiest baby yet, by far.

I seriously can't believe they're mine. I feel so incredibly lucky to be their momma. Some days are brilliant and easy and effortless. Others are tough and I feel like I spend more time yelling or disciplining than loving on and lifting them up. It's all a balance, no? The good with the bad. The difficult with the easy. Every second is worth so it and there's not a thing on earth I'd trade it for. And at the end of the day, it's all about them and for them and they know how very loved they are.

Ry and I, in an attempt to take advantage of the warmish weather today and get the kids out of the house, took them around the neighborhood and neighboring church parking lot with the batmobile and Bear. I'm pretty sure Bear peed on every tree he passed and pooped at least a half dozen times while we were out. Franky loved driving through the grass and especially loved driving up and down curbs. I have to say, this powerwheels is impressive with how it handles being driven over different types of terrain. Our outing was equal parts fun and annoying because Bear kept trying to keep up with the car and would pull at his leash like crazy. And Franky wanted to drive freely without being told to slow down and wait for us or to watch out for cars. I think the more we do things like this the better Bear will get about not tugging and Franky will learn to wait for us without being asked to. Again with the balance thing, no? :)

Today

2013-04-24T21:07:00.001-04:00

This handsome little dude graduated from a red belt to a yellow belt in karate today. I seriously couldn't be more proud of him, he's doing so good.

Two out of three kiddos awake on the ride to karate. It rained/snowed today and Franky kept talking about how he needed the sky to stop crying, lol.

I'd forgotten all about this baby mirror until Ry mentioned it the other day. He installed it today and I LOVE looking back and seeing this beautiful little face in its reflection.

So proud of my little yellow belt :)

Cheering big brother on!

Harrison's newborn follow-up was today. He weighs 10 lbs 14.5 oz and is 22 inches long. Little man has grown a lot in the last month! He looks fantastic and was given some eye drops for his blocked tear ducts.

My love with our littlest love

Oh how this boy melts me. Trips me out to think a year ago he wasn't even a thought in our minds and now we can't imagine life without him. He absolutely completes our family and fulfills our lives in a way we didn't know before.

Lately

2013-04-23T22:46:00.001-04:00

It is finally warming up here in Michigan enough that we can spend more time outdoors lately. Chalk, bubbles and sunshine are our best friends the last few days.

"I'm wookin' at birdies and being upshide dowwwn!"

She is so funny and talks so much lately. She cracks us up on a regular basis with her "Marija-isms."

Today was day two of getting laundry/cooking/cleaning done like this and I can't say I have any complaints whatsoever. Little man just wants his momma and I'm happy to oblige ;)

Me: "Franky, you missed a spot on your flower."
Franky: "No I didn't, mama, that spot has bird poop on it and I don't want germs on my chalk."
His brilliant little mind seriously trips me out. The things he thinks about, processes, amaze me.

The view is a lot different nowadays ♥

It seriously, seriously trips me out that it was him in that big ole belly the whole time. I sometimes feel guilty for complaining about how much I dislike being pregnant because he was the ultimate result of every discomfort I had. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. The whole pain in my ass pregnancy and crazy delivery; I would do it all over again because I know he is the reward.

"We got snowman hands!"

I'm forever in awe of the random things they come up with. These tree branches went from being "snowman hands" to "jack skellington hands," and then "jack skellington's dog Zero hands."
Their imaginations fascinate me.

Cat nap with Baba. It absolutely amazes me to see my beautiful husband with our beautiful boy. I am blessed beyond what I deserve and I am eternally grateful.

"I love my baby Harrison."

This boy is SO freakin' in awe of his baby brother it's not even funny. He told me the other day that since I gave him a baby brother, I needed to give Marija a baby sister. It seriously got me to thinking. Harrison's birth is still fresh in my mind and while at the moment I'm saying we're done for the time being, I'm also thinking it's only a temporary state of mind and that our family is not done growing, whether that means we'll be welcoming more babies biologically or through adoption.

I'm thinking baby boy is going through a growth spurt because if he's not eating or sleeping, he wants to be close to his momma. Thank goodness for baby wearing because it was how I was able to properly be the mother I needed to be for Franky and Marija, get laundry done, meals made and cleaning accomplished.

I remember the day we got him this shirt. I was just over four months pregnant and I couldn't wait for him to be here. Now that he is, and his tiny, soft body fills out this shirt, I can't help but feel so, so grateful that we've been blessed with him. He's the part of our family we had no idea we were even missing. I remember the evening he was born, after all of our guests had left for the night and it was just he and I. I looked around at our quiet birthing suite then down at his beautiful little face and kept thanking God over and over again. I thanked Him for blessing us with this brand new life and for seeing us through the delivery safely.

I know I'm biased, but I think he's the cutest baby brother that ever existed :)

This girl's hair? I LOVE it. Her hair is almost exactly like mine was when I was a kid. Mine was a bit curlier and a lot blonder, but similar nonetheless. Her hair is super curly fresh out of the bath and then falls straighter after she's slept on it. I am really hoping her curls stay as she grows up because she's just so stinkin' cute with them!

My tiniest superhero. I know I've said it a million times before, but I seriously can't get enough of this boy.

Ry got this pic of Harrison and I the other day when we went out to see him while Franky and Mimi drove around the neighborhood in their power wheels. The Ergo and Moby are our lifesavers lately!

4 weeks

2013-04-22T17:21:00.002-04:00

Here's what a four week postpartum 2VBAC belly looks like:

I'm at 128 lbs, so I'm down 20 and have 10 to go to reach my pre-pregnancy weight. The first 20 melted off right away but I'm going to have to work at getting these last 10 off. The bleeding is all but gone and has turned into really light spotting. I think it would be coming off quicker if I was exercising and counting calories again, but lately I've been slacking. Plus, going by my last two babies, I'm thinking my body may hang onto these last 10 lbs as long as I'm breastfeeding. I wish I was one of those women whose weight just fell off thanks to breastfeeding, but I'm the opposite. My body tends to hang onto some weight while I'm nursing. I'm still optimistic and determined that I can lose this last bit in time for me to fit into my summer clothes again :)

Today

2013-04-17T18:03:00.000-04:00

Ry, the kids and I got outside for some fresh air today

Franky has been begging to take his car for a drive, but it hasn't been warm enough until recently

And I got to throw on my running shoes and get my heart rate up for the first time postpartum

I took it easy because I'm only three weeks postpartum, but it felt wonderful to stretch my legs. I figure if I start easing into my old routine now, I will be good to go by my six-week follow-up. I still have 10 lbs of baby weight to lose and I'm anxious to get it off. The first 20 came off right away, but these last 10, I'm going to have to work at to lose.

I love that my husband loves doing these kinds of things with the kids. Kite-flying, sandcastle-building, car-driving, bubble-blowing, park dates, etc. He loves it and I love that he loves it because our kids have so much fun.

Harrison and I really enjoyed our brisk walk. He slept the whole time but was super cozy snuggled in the Ergo. I'm really glad we got the infant insert because he would be way too little to fit safely and comfortably otherwise. I usually use the Moby my sister made me, but it needed to be washed, so we used the Ergo instead.

Batman (aka Franky) got the biggest kick out of seeing Harrison all snuggled up against me. At first he said, "Mama, is Harrison in your belly again?" And I explained that Harrison was snuggled against me. When he took a peek he thought seeing his brother like that was the coolest thing.

She loves when her brother takes her for rides in the car. She plays with the radio and switches stations while her brother drives.

He insisted on wearing his batman mask to drive his car.

Lately

2013-04-16T20:30:00.000-04:00

The kids and I had a great day today. It was probably the first day since Harrison was born that I really felt like I got this as a momma of three. I got the kids up and ready before 7am, prepared their breakfast, lunch and dinners, managed to do a few loads of laundry (and put it all away!), took care of Bear, did a bunch of organizing in the garage (more stuff the kids have outgrown to drop off at Once Upon a Child), browsed at houses online, played with the kids outside. Overall, it was a really productive day and I loved it. I hate being a couch potato and being able to get up and move around gets my blood flowing and puts me in the best mood.

Three weeks postpartum and it was the first day that I really felt like myself again, physically. The weather has been warmer lately, but we've been getting a lot of rain, so I haven't been able to get out for walk/runs yet. I'm hoping the weather is good tomorrow so I can do some kind of physical activity outdoors. I don't want to push myself too soon so I'll probably mostly just be fast-walking, but I'm determined to be back at my pre-pregnancy weight by my six-week check up and into all my old clothes by the time it's warm enough for shorts and tank tops. I swear I'm not vain at all, but I felt so proud last year after losing all that weight and felt good about myself for the first time in years. I want to feel that way again and I know once I drop these last 10 lbs, I will.

This sweet boy still mostly eats, sleeps and poops, but is having a lot more awake periods. He is super alert and likes to look around at everything. He's starting to coo back at us when we talk to him and he holds his head up really well. I keep counting my blessings because he is the best baby. He is so happy and content all the time and is a great sleeper. He's been cluster feeding at night the last few days, but thanks to co-sleeping and breastfeeding, it doesn't interrupt our sleep much.

Harrison turning four weeks old is freaking me out a tiny bit. I feel like I just had him and he's already going to be a month old next week. Time flies. The first week after each baby has always flown by for me between the labor, delivery, hospital stay and immediate recovery, it seems like I blink and it's gone. I think that the possibility of Harrison being our last baby is what's really freaking me out. Ryan and I had always discussed and agreed upon having a big family, somewhere around five babies. But immediately after Harrison's birth we both definitely agreed that we were so done. I think the whole experience freaked us both out a lot. Three weeks later, though, I'm singing a different tune. Deep in my bones I feel like we're not done yet. I've always felt like I'd know when we were done adding to our family, but lately I don't feel done yet. It's too soon to be thinking about things like this yet but they're still fleeting thoughts in my mind. I might change my mind and decide we're definitely done once Harrison is older but I might not. I guess only time will tell.

Same shirt, worn by brothers, four years apart

This girl is such a daddy's girl it's not even funny. She talks so much and has such a cute personality, I could just eat her up. She is a lot like me I've noticed. She is fiercely independent and likes to do things on her own and figure things out for herself, even when it frustrates her. It's a trip to see certain qualities of myself in her.

I've never seen Franky smile so big or be giddy with excitement like he is when he gets to hold his baby brother. He is forever concerned about Harrison, especially when he cries. Franky immediately rushes over to him and says, "MAMA! Harrison's crying! I think he needs your boob!" He cracks me up. He is completely infatuated with his baby brother and asks to sit by him, hold his hand and hold him multiple times per day. Marija is too, she loves to sit next to Harrison and comes up to him all throughout the day to rub his hair and say how nice her baby brother is. She is very observant and comments on everything. "Dats Harrison. Harrison's wookin' at me. Harrison's drinking yours boob. Him got a stinky diapie! Him burped/farted. Him so cute. Me love baby Harrison." Her favorite is to sit next to me and kiss him on his head when I'm nursing him.

I am so proud of Franky lately. He is graduating up to the next belt in karate next week and is his class leader for his age group. He can write his entire first name by himself with only a little bit of help from me with the letters. His N looks more like a Z because he writes it sideways, but he does so, so good.

Franky had another dentist appointment this week to get fillings. He has some cavities so we've decided to have them all filled over the next few weeks. He had to get a shot to numb him and Ry said he did so good. Ry said Franky did whine a little bit because he wasn't thrilled about the sensation of being numbed and then having his tooth drilled, but that the dentist was amazing and really good about keeping Franky focused on what they were doing.

I know I've said it before, but I seriously just can't get enough of this sweet baby boy. I spend more time with him during the day and night than anyone else simply because I'm the one with the boobs. He very rarely cries, only when he's hungry or needs a diaper change. And he's a super happy baby otherwise. I do my best to balance it all and keep up with our laundry, homemade meals for the kids, spending time with each child so they don't feel neglected or like I'm playing favorites.

With another baby, I'm realizing our need for our own place now more than ever. And I'm already envisioning how much easier things will be once we're on our own. Ry and I talk about it a lot. Well, it's probably more me talking and him listening. I'm excited to live in a one-story home and for the kids to have their own rooms. The five of us in one room has worked out really well, thankfully, but that has a lot to do with having really good and very tolerant kids. But I'm anxious for them to have their own space, a place for all of their things and a spot for them to take a breather, play on their own or just have some separation if they need it. I'm also really anxious to set up a homeschool area so we can jump back into it in the fall. I think I'm more excited about setting up and organizing a school room and Ry customizing a laundry room/family closet for us than anything else, haha!

Harrison's Newborn Photos (sneak peek)

2013-04-15T21:58:00.001-04:00

Lately.

2013-04-15T20:12:00.001-04:00

I am pretty much obsessed with this baby boy and just can't get enough of him. He's only three weeks old but it feels like he's always been here. I've said it after every baby was born, but I seriously can't remember life before him and can't imagine life without him. So, so grateful for this little boy.

Grandma came over today! We usually go to her house on Easter, but since I'd just had the baby, she planned to come out to us instead. A case of the sickies on our end and hers prevented us from getting together until today and we were so excited to see her! My mom's work schedule is different every week, she works long hours and lives more than an hour away, so whenever we get to see her we are really excited.

She brought Easter baskets for the kids and they were so excited! I swear my mom doesn't miss a beat and she never forgets when she notices their favorite things or asks what their favorite things are. She got them each a basket with apples, oranges, fruit snacks, sidewalk chalk, coloring books, paint, bath toys, moondough, light up balls, toothbrushes, hair clips for Marija, bubbles and I'm sure I'm forgetting other things. I also secretly love that she skips candy and gets them fruit. My kids take after me in that they love fruit. They almost always pick fruit over dessert any time there's a choice.

I love how my momma loves my kids. To see her with them brings the hugest smile to my face because her joy in being around them radiates from every bone in her body. And the love is reciprocate tenfold. My babies adore their "Gmama."

My sister Colette took this picture today and I just love it. I have a feeling Harrison is going to be just as crazy about his Auntie Colette as his big brother and sister are. They go crazy for Colette and pretty much don't leave her side any time she's around. I think it has something to do with how playful she is with them. She gets down and plays and they love it.

I love wearing this little guy. We've tested out the Ergo and the Moby my sister made me and they're both awesome. I like the Moby better for when they're itty bitty because it snuggles them closer and seems to hold them more securely. I like the infant insert with the Ergo but I can see it working better once Harrison is a little bigger.

These two are either hugging and playing nice and being best friends or they're arguing and giving eachother a hard time. Ry took this pic the other day of them being nice to each other.

Marija is SO my kid. Anytime she gets frustrated or needs help and I try to help her, she says "NOOOOO! Me do it all by mine self!" So i let her be and when she finally accomplishes whatever it was she was doing, she beams with pride and says "Me did it!"

She is starting to self potty train. Multiple times per day I find her sans clothing and training pants, sitting on the toilet, proclaiming "Me going potty Mama," while her big brother cheers her on. I had planned on waiting until summer to get started but I'm following her lead and if she wants to do it now, we'll do it now.

Ry took this pic the other day while he was hanging out with his littlest boy and I thought it was so cute.

Harrison smiles a lot in his sleep and I have yet to get a picture, but Ryan finally did. Isn't this the sweetest thing?

I'd forgotten how much newborns sleep. I think he may be hitting a growth spurt because the last few days he only eats, sleeps and poops (but not always in that order). I know it's a controversial topic, but I'm going to touch on it anyway because I wish it wasn't so taboo. I have co-slept with every one of my babies, Harrison included. Franky started out in a pack 'n' play next to our bed, but finally ended up next to me around two months old when I was desperate for a decent night's sleep. Marija started out in a bassinet but ended up in our bed around two months because it was easier to nurse during the night for both of us that way. Harrison has pretty much slept next to me from the night we got home. I did a lot of research about bed-sharing when Franky was an infant and was amazed, surprised and fascinated by what I learned. I was so ill-informed and thought co-sleeping surely would lead to SIDs or suffocation. How wrong I was.

We have a co-sleeper that goes in the bed, but he was up almost instantly after he'd been nursed and laid down for the night. When I laid him next to me, he slept almost through the entire night. I understand why some are against it, but it has worked our family from day one and I believe that if it's done safely, the risks are minimal. He and I are the only ones in my bed, our mattress is firm and we don't use heavy bedding or quilts. When it's warm in our room, he sleeps in just a diaper and I just in underwear and we sleep belly-to-belly. When it's cooler, we both wear warm jammies and sleep facing each other. Even when I leave a good space between us, he manages to scoot himself right against me during the night. I don't swaddle him overnight because he likes to scoot towards me and he can't do that in a swaddle. We also put the Snuza on him overnight as an added precaution. The third time around, it feels natural to me and I'm grateful for a supportive and understanding husband who knows I will always do what I feel in my heart to be the right thing for our babies and our family.

We don't follow any kind of schedule with him yet and do baby-led everything. He eats when he's hungry and sleeps when he's tired. It works for us and I'm grateful that he's a really easy baby.

Oh this boy, how he has me wrapped completely around his tiny fingers. His eyes are the most beautiful grey-brown color and I can't stop staring at them. His clogged tear ducts seem to be getting better, but I've been putting breastmilk into the corners and also massaging them with warm washcloths throughout the day.

Meals like this are exactly why I still have 12 lbs to lose. So freakin' good!

I love to let him sleep on my chest like this and I'm sure I'm "spoiling' him by not letting him lay in the bed, swing, or bouncer much. I spend every moment I can holding him close. My favorite is when his belly is laying against mine and I can feel it rise and fall, oftentimes in sync with mine. I firmly believe there is nothing sweeter in life than a newborn baby. :)

We finally put cloth diapers on this little guy but even buttoned down to the newborn setting, they're still way too big. We'll probably have to wait a few more weeks or until he gains a few pounds before they fit properly.

I met with my bankruptcy attorney last week and Harrison was so good. Franky and Marija stayed home with Ryan, so it was just my little love and I. He slept the entire time which was amazing because there was a lot of information my lawyer covered with me so I was glad to be able to focus the way I needed to. There is so much going on with our family in the next few weeks and months and I'm trying to keep my eyes on only the positive. From the looks of it at this point, we should be finalizing our bankruptcy and buying a house all around the same time. I'm stressed out just thinking about it but really excited to have the bankruptcy behind me and also have our own place again.

3 weeks.

2013-04-15T08:00:00.000-04:00

Well, I figured since I've been brave the last two weeks, I might as well be brave the next few in an attempt to track my progress and to stay accountable to myself as I get back to my pre-pregnancy body.

3 week postpartum 2VBAC belly

1 week postpartum, 2 weeks postpartum, 3 weeks postpartum

Physically, I feel good. I'm starting to feel back to my normal self and am getting back to doing the things I did before I got pregnant. I finally drove for the first time last week and vacuumed this week. I'm still having some light bleeding, but it tends to be heavier on days I overdo it, so I try to still be careful and let my body continue to heal. I have some uterine crampiness, pulling pain in my belly button (probably from the umbilical hernia) and sore hips. I'm guessing this is all from my body going back to the way it's supposed to be.

I'm still about 12 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight and I'm blaming the weight loss plateau 100% on me eating like absolute shit this week. I indulged in pasta and sandwiches way more than I normally would on a regular basis, but after not being able to eat lunch meat or carbs for 9 months, I've taken advantage big time, haha. I promised myself I'd give my body time to heal and my milk supply to come in fully before I got serious about diet and exercise. Now that I'm feeling back to normal and my supply is good, I'm focusing more on eating healthy and exercising. I'm counting calories again like I did when I was in weight loss mode last year, but have added 300-500 more daily because I'm exclusively breastfeeding and am going to ease into exercise with walks until my 6 week follow-up and then I'll get back to running.

I've heard it takes longer to get your body back with each pregnancy, but I'm finding that I'm bouncing back much quicker the third time around. I think that has a lot to do with me being in the best shape of my life before this pregnancy, though. For me, it really has made a huge difference, being in shape beforehand and not being in shape at all.

On the one hand, it feels good to overindulge and take it slow, but on the other, I am super anxious to lose this last bit of weight and get back to working out. My summer wardrobe is a constant reminder that warmer weather is right around the corner and if I'm going to fit into it all again, I need to focus on eating right and putting my sneakers back on. My goal is to be back at 118 lbs and into all of my old clothes by my 6 week check-up, so we'll see how I do! :)

Lately.

2013-04-10T21:01:00.000-04:00

Baby boy has the same long lashes as his big brother and sister. They all get it from their daddy because my lashes are pretty much nonexistent without mascara. I have major lash envy :)

Franky got to show his baby brother off at karate today and he loved it

Franky had his firs visit to the dentist today. I'm almost ashamed to admit that, but I know my kid and had we attempted to take him in any sooner, it would have been disastrous. Franky's the type of kid who tends to do better when he's ready for something and when it's on his own time. So we waited and I'm so glad we did because he did so well and held still for his teeth cleaning. He has some cavities, so he has a few more appointments coming up to get them filled in. We really talked up his visit today to prepare him for what it would be like and that seemed to work really well, so when it's time for him to get fillings, we'll talk those appointments up to so he's not freaked out.

He was really excited about the new toothbrush, toothpaste and mouthwash he left with today.

Baby girl hung out in the lobby with Harrison and I while Franky and Baba went back for Franky's teeth cleaning. I got complimented twice on my nursing cover, which was really cool because I was nervous I'd get dirty looks from nursing my baby boy in public. I have gotten odd looks in public while nursing each child but it hasn't stopped me from doing what is natural to me as a momma and what I feel is best for my babies. I always use a cover and try to do my best to blend into the background wherever we are. My response to odd looks? A gigantic smile. No one has ever actually said anything to me but if they did? Oh man would they ever have a tongue-lashing coming their way. I'm not a confrontational person, but when it comes to my babies and especially with feeding my babies, I'm a bit of a shark. Take my baby into a bathroom stall to feed them? Sure! Absolutely! I'll do it as soon as I watch you take YOUR lunch into a commode to eat it. No? Then keep a walkin' sir or madam. :)

I also got asked about breastfeeding today by an expectant momma and I was happy to share my experience with it as well as offer any advice I found to be helpful to me when I was a first-timer.

Baby boy's ensemble was appropriate for tonight's pre-bedtime jam-fest, which his big brother and sister requested. Ry and I gladly obliged by playing some Red Hot Chili Peppers and Juanes for them :)

Day One.

2013-04-09T21:34:00.000-04:00

Today was my first day on my own as a momma of three. Overall, it went well. The hardest part of my entire day was breaking up sibling spats between Franky and Marija. Amazing how much two individuals can desire the same toy so much. And can I just say how much I love not being pregnant? I got so much stuff done today it's not even funny. Laundry? Check! Dishes? Check! Breakfast/lunch/dinner? Check! Seriously, I haven't been this productive in I don't know how long and it feels damn good to not get winded going up the two flights of stairs from the basement to our bedroom. Or if I drop something, being able to pick it up without issue. Being able to sneeze, cough, snuggle with my babies, walk, etc, without getting Braxton Hicks. I love the end result, but I hate being pregnant.

I have always wanted a big family, but I think Harrison's delivery has traumatized Ryan and I a little bit and I'm not sure if it will ever go away. We always said we wanted a big family, around four or five kids, but after Harrison's birth, we're thinking we may be done having biological children and are talking more about considering adoption a few years from now. One minute I'll be perusing adoption information and the next I'll be thinking that once all three kids are a bit older, that I could maybe go through another pregnancy and delivery. I could do the research, get my midwife on board, plan for another unmedicated vbac. But Harrison's birth scared me. We both almost died. It's crazy for me to think about that two weeks later. I feel like I would be testing God to have another baby. I feel like I should be grateful for what I have and that wanting more would just be greedy. Does that make any sense at all?

From what I understand, the odds of another placental abruption happening are really, really low. But they are increased nonetheless. That freaks me out. And I know I shouldn't be, but the possibility of any more c-sections freaks me out even more. Two weeks out and I'm pretty much back to my normal self and am doing almost all of the same things I was doing pre-pregnancy. It was months before I was back to normal after Franky. It's a super personal thing for me and if it can be avoided at all costs, then I'll do it gladly to not have to have another cesarean ever. I feel like Harrison and I got really lucky and we literally avoided a c-section by minutes. A cesarean wouldn't have prevented the post-delivery bleeding issues I had either because I had them after Franky was born too. I've had bleeding issues after every delivery. More than another pregnancy and delivery and possible complications scare me, not being around for my children scares me even more.

I'm not a risk taker. I never have been. As a matter of fact, I go out of my way on a regular basis to avoid risks. So to risk the toll another pregnancy and delivery would take on me and the life of another child is kind of not worth it at this point. I'm glad I was unaware while it was all happening, but knowing after the fact how close we came to almost losing Harrison, I know I never want to put another baby through that again.

I'm only two weeks postpartum, so whyinthehell am I even thinking about these things? I am so incredibly overwhelmed with love for my tiniest little love and so grateful that he's ours. But while I'm soaking in every single moment I have with him, I'm also finding myself being bummed out that he might be our last. I'm blaming all the crazy thoughts on postpartum hormones, haha.

It trips me out, though, looking at him, thinking that just two weeks ago he was in my belly. This tiny, perfect little person that I spend 99% of my day with is the same tiny person who head-butted me in the cervix and kicked me in the ribs just two weeks ago. Absolutely amazing what our bodies are capable of, huh?

I've never been a super religious person. I believe in God but don't follow any one religion and tend to have a more spiritual take on God and religion than anything...but I'll tell you what, had I been an athiest before Harrison was born, then I would have found God in that delivery room. The moment right after he was born but before he was brought to me is the moment I felt closest to God in my entire life. I was too consumed with asking anyone who would listen if he was okay that I didn't think to pray. Instead, my husband prayed for the two of us. He's never been a religious person either and has a similar outlook on God and religion as I do. But he said he closed his eyes tight and begged God to let us both come out okay. My husband prayed for us when I couldn't. Looking back, it amazes me what a mother goes through for her children and how nothing comes before them. At least, that is true for me. The only times in my life I've ever put another person before myself in every sense was the day each of my children were born, more so for Harrison, but I would do it all over again and gladly trade my life for theirs without blinking twice.

This mommyhood business, it's no joke, huh? As challenging as it can be, as frustrating, as exhausting...it is so rewarding that there's not a single thing in my life I would trade it for. The unconditional love, their need for their momma, their smiles, laughter, happiness, the hugs and kisses...make it all worth it.

2 weeks.

2013-04-08T13:27:00.000-04:00

I'm being brave again this week. Here's what a two-week postpartum 2VBAC belly looks like:

I'm still having light bleeding, which is normal. I'm down 18 lbs total, putting me at 130 lbs. I still have another 12 to go to get to my pre-pregnancy weight, which I'm hoping comes off in the next few weeks because my only warm weather clothes are size 4/5 shorts and size XS and S shirts from last summer.

Physically, I feel good. The soreness at my perineum is gone and any fear I have left is in my head. It is healing nicely, but I have no desire or plans to jump back into working out or wifely duties until after I've been cleared by my midwife at my 6 week check-up. I am really excited to get the all-clear to start running again because I miss it, but I definitely plan to ease back into it. I feel a bit sore and achy all over, probably a result of everything going back where it belongs and my body readjusts to supporting just one person instead of two.

Breastfeeding is going really well. Harrison continues to be an excellent and efficient nurser. I feel a bit more sore this week than last as my nips get accustomed to nursing again. I have a tiny bit of soreness when he first latches but after the first few seconds it goes away and then I'm fine. I have a bit of a painful letdown, same as I did when I nursed Franky and Marija. Maybe it's not so much painful as it is forceful, but it is the same as it was twice before.

I feel much more relaxed as a mother the third time around. It feels so easy and the transition so smooth this time that I find myself wishing I could go back in time to teach my first-time-mother self what I know now.

1 week postpartum, 2 weeks postpartum

I feel antsier to get my pre-pregnancy body back this time around. Maybe it's because it's starting to warm up and I know I don't have any "in between" clothes. I'm hoping these last 12 lbs come off quickly because I'm itching to get back into all of my old clothes. I've been rotating the same leggings, yoga pants and sweaters for the last two weeks.

Lately.

2013-04-07T22:30:00.001-04:00

Our lives lately, in a mix of Instagram (I'm punkrockchic9) and Canon photos. I can't take credit for the majority of these, as my husband was behind the camera for most of the week =)

In typical Michigan fashion, it was freezing last week and in the upper 50's this week (which, for us Michiganders, equals summer, haha!), so when we saw that it was going to be almost 60 today, we had to take advantage. Ry hooked Bear up with a super long leash outside and got the kids situated with bubbles and sidewalk chalk. After being cooped up all winter long, we all enjoyed the weather to the fullest.

I'm not sure who had more fun with the bubbles, Bear or Franky!

"Where's my baby Harrison?"

"He's hiding in your shirt?!"

I triple heart LOVE babywearing =)

Oh this cool little dude, my first born, the sweet boy who made me a momma, he absolutely freakin' slays me with his lovable and affectionate personality and seriously blows me away with how smart he is. I sometimes underestimate how much he actually pays attention during our lessons and then when he exhibits the material later on, I'm super proud and in complete awe of him.

I looove his tiny nose and profile. This itty bitty little man has me completely wrapped around his little fingers. My heart could seriously explode with love for him.

I won't lie, I've pinched myself multiple times in the last two weeks, wondering what I ever did to deserve this life. I feel so undeserving of such incredible blessings, but for one reason or another, God has trusted me with three unbelievable gifts and I have vowed to make it my life's mission to love, protect and teach them the best way I know how.

Franky asks to hold his "baby Harrison" many times throughout the day and every time we let him, his entire face lights up. He is beyond smitten with his baby brother.

Harrison loved being all squished and cozy in the moby wrap my sister made for me when I was pregnant with Marija. I absolutely love babywearing!

Writing out his numbers

He wrote from 1-10 all on his own for his daddy. He skipped number 7, but got the rest of them perfectly. He wrote them neatly and in order. I could have cried and was so proud. And was given a massive confidence boost that he is learning what I work so hard to teach him. He's retaining the information and he's doing so well. I've questioned my decision to homeschool so many times and have wondered if it's really the right thing to do for our family, if it's what is in their best interests. And when they do things like this, I know in my heart I'm doing the right thing.

He drew a bug...

...and then squashed it. Oh the joys of raising boys!

This little diva, she absolutely keeps us on our toes. She talks so much and is speaking in full sentences. She is constantly saying the funniest things and blowing us away with how much she talks. I think a lot of her vocabulary has to do with constantly being around her brother and mimicking his every move and word.

It's starting to look like Spring around here :)

Wearing the same shirt his big brother wore four and a half years ago. My sister, Frankee, has always gotten the cutest clothes for my kids. They are seriously so lucky to have a fashion-degree-having Auntie because she buys and makes the cutest things for them! (I often get asked about the kids' personalized clothing, so the easiest way for me to refer you to my sister is through her website here and her facebook page here).

Kisses for baby brother

Baby girl is still my baby (even though she's two!) and she is so sweet with her baby brother. She walks up to him throughout the day just to kiss him or to take one of her toys to him. I love to see her being a little momma and to see her mommying her baby brother. She cracks me up, though, because I thought she'd surely pretend to nurse her baby dolls when I nurse her baby brother. Instead, she brings me her babies and holds them up to the boob I'm not nursing from so I can nurse her babies. She makes me laugh so hard!

Baby boy hated his first bath at home

He fussed almost the whole time. It was a quick first bath and I made sure he was warm the whole time, but he still wasn't too impressed. I let him soak a few minutes because his skin has been super dry so I wanted to try to rub it off a bit and then lotioned him up really good (we use Burt's Bee's bath wash and lotion for all three kids).

Yep, he was pretty mad at me for daring to give him a bath, ha!

I freaking love baby feet. Love how tiny and wrinkly they are.

I can't get enough of him.

"I'm upside down!"

Such a serious face

Lately.

2013-04-06T12:29:00.001-04:00

I love living so close to so many great parks. We stopped for a quick break yesterday to let the kids get some much-needed fresh air. It was warmer than it has been in weeks, but still a little too chilly to stay long. Locals, Hines Park is amazing for kids, with dozens of playscapes along its path. It's our weekly warm-weather spot for the kids throughout the year.

We got hit with the stomach flu a few days ago. It freakin' sucked and not exactly how I wanted to spend my first week postpartum. It hit me and Franky the hardest, but also got to Ry, Marija and Harrison too. We're always on top of hand-washing, hygiene and sanitization in general, but especially so this week.

Cat-napping with her baby brother's blanket and bear.

I've felt so bad for this little guy, who got it the worst of all. We all literally cooped up in our room for an entire day in hopes of not spreading the sickness to anyone else and for much-needed rest.

I am obsessed with this sweet baby boy. He is such a good baby, I just can't get enough. He's my easiest baby so far. He's been the best nurser, best sleeper, best traveler, most laid-back. It may sound strange, but even though I've never missed being pregnant, I always missed nursing my babies after they weaned. It is by far the best, most sacred time I ever had with all three babies and I'm loving it just as much the third time around. Something about the feel-good endorphins our bodies release when we feed our babies just does something to me. No other feeling like it on earth. I hold this feeling probably hand-in-hand with natural childbirth. Crazy to think I nursed his big sister a year ago too. How time flies!

I seriously love me a milk drunk baby.

Tiny, wrinkly, feathery-soft baby piggies. Nomnomnom!

These crayons are AMAZING! They are unbreakable, no joke. They've been stepped on, colored with, dropped, tossed, you name it and there's not so much as a dent on them. I will never buy another brand of crayons again. They were a little pricey, but worth every single penny!

Baby's first fauxhawk! His umbilical cord stump fell out the other day (4.4.13) and he has the cutest little belly button! It looks just like Franky's. Franky's took the longest to fall out, at around 18 days, and Marija's was the quickest at day nine. I swabbed Franky's and Marija's with alcohol to help the process along but left Harrison's alone and his was the easiest.

I am obsessed with these Kroger carts. Triple kid containment! Life with three kids has been easier than I thought it would be but it has also had its difficulties. Harrison is incredibly easy right now and I'm sure it will be much more challenging a year from now, so I'm enjoying this stage while it lasts. The greatest difficulties have been in dividing my time three ways now and making sure that each kid is still getting what they need from me. I sneak in time with Franky while his sister plays and brother naps. I take advantage of Mimi cuddles when her baby brother is nursing. I try to include them in as much of Harrison's care as I can. They like bringing clean diapers and wipes to me and get a kick out of watching me change his diaper, get him dressed or nurse him. They're both especially curious about him eating. They're fascinated that he gets his milk from mommy's boobs and that he doesn't eat the same food they do. They also think it's cool when I tell them they also ate the same way Harrison does when they were babies.

Franky loves holding his baby brother and Marija is always interested in what he's doing. "Dat's Harrison! Harrison's sleeping! Harrison's drinking milk from your boobs!" And Franky had us cracking up the other day. I was in the bathroom and Harrison started crying. I heard Ryan say, "Baba's here, I got you buddy." A few seconds later I heard Franky say, "Baba! You can't help him!!! You don't have any boobs!" I laughed so hard! Yeah, boobs are a big topic of conversation in our family lately, haha. I have so loved having this time with Ryan at home and am already dreading him going back to work in a few days. The kids and I will miss him like crazy and I know it will be a big adjustment for all of us not having him here around-the-clock. I guess I shouldn't really say how life with three is until I've been on the job on my own for a few days, huh? We'll see how I do after next week!

Lately.

2013-04-02T10:37:00.001-04:00

Franky insisted his baby brother have a few of his favorite toys. I don't think I've ever seen Franky more excited or more smitten with another person in his entire life. He is awestruck by his baby brother.

Batman and his accomplice

In an attempt to get some fresh air for a few very cute kids with a case of cabin fever while letting momma get the rest she needs, we took a trip to one of our favorite local parks and got to enjoy a 60 degree day.

"We're just building stuff." -Franky

I'm pretty sure there is no greater joy in life for me than watching them have fun

This sweet little guy got to enjoy a bit of fresh air too

I am savoring every single bit of his newborn goodness. His velvety-soft skin, the beautiful way his fuzzy head smells, his baby milk breath, his whimpers, squeaks and breathy exhales when he nurses. I seriously cannot get enough. And I'm more than just a little bit sentimental about it because he is probably our last baby, unless we decided to adopt or something later on down the road. It almost makes me wish I had at least tried to enjoy my pregnancy a little bit more, but I was plain old miserable. The braxton hicks, the irritable uterus, the every two second urge to pee, the gestational diabetes, all the scary complications. Yep, I can't say I miss it and I don't think I'll ever miss it. I know it's contradictory to almost feel a sense of relief to think that I'll never have to be pregnant again but be sad to think I might never have another newborn again. Bittersweet, no?

Ry and I are big fans of Trader Joes and Franky especially enjoys our grocery trips because he gets to load his cart up with fruits and veggies to his heart's content.

We had to run a few different errands yesterday and I swear, everywhere we went people gave us the funniest looks. Coming from a very large family and having lots of siblings, I guess I don't view a family of five as a "large" family. So the funny looks kind of tripped me out, haha. Maybe it was the caravan of shopping carts, strollers and kids? I foresee many outings with the Ergo and Moby when I'm on my own with all three. Or maybe Harrison and I will venture out alone sometimes. I'm sure I'll handle it fine on my own, but just a week into this gig as a momma of three, I'm not brave enough yet, ha!

Daddy and his boys

40 weeks/1 week

2013-04-01T11:13:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I'm being brave today. Here's the belly one week postpartum, post 2VBAC:

1 week postpartum

39 weeks - 1 week postpartum

I know I like to see postpartum pics as motivation and also out of pure curiosity. Especially post-cesarean and post-VBAC belly pics. My pregnancy with Franky left me with silvery stretch marks and his delivery, with a horizontal scar. It always helps me to see other c-section tummies and c-section "shelves" because I know I'm not alone and I realize how beautiful and capable our bodies are. During this pregnancy I was curious about 2VBAC bellies because I'd never seen one.

I'm still very swollen and still have more than half of what I gained to lose yet, but I'm bouncing back quicker this time than I did after my first VBAC, which kind of surprises me considering this delivery took a much bigger toll on my body than the last one. I think breastfeeding, being in good health and good shape pre-pregnancy and also having a vaginal delivery have a lot to do with my healing. I have to admit, even though we almost needed a c-section, I am really glad we were able to do it vaginally (and unmedicated at that! I promise I'm not bragging, I'm just really proud and can't believe we did it again :)).

I was so sore and tender the first few days that I just can't begin to imagine how much more difficult it would have been had I had a c-section. A week postpartum and I basically can do most things I did before I delivered. I know all cesareans are different and everyone's healing is different, but my healing with Franky was horrible. It was almost two weeks before I could sit or stand or get out of bed on my own. Ryan had to help me do it because my belly hurt so much. I stopped taking pain meds once we were home from the hospital so I'm sure that didn't help, but they made me loopy and I didn't like the feeling. Then it was at least another month before I was able to do everything normally again, without constant pain in my belly. This time, I'm sore at my episiotomy site and feel more uterine crampiness, but other than that, I feel good.

I gained 30 lbs total with Harrison, weighing 148 lbs the day he was born. I am down 13 lbs so far and weighed 135 lbs this morning. It's coming off slowly, but surely. And I'm sure it'd be coming off more quickly if I wasn't indulging in Jimmy John's Italian Nightclubs, antipasto salads and an embarrassingly massive amount of fruit, haha. Physically, I feel good. The 'rhoid is gone, the episiotomy is a lot less sore and is healing nicely, I haven't had engorgement issues because Harrison nurses frequently and fills his belly well. I feel really good overall, but am still a little sore and achey all over. I guess after what my body did a week ago, that's to be expected, right? I am a lot more crampy in my uterus this time around, but I guess it takes more work to go back to it's previous state with each pregnancy. And I seem to cramp and have more bleeding when I'm nursing. The bleeding is still really light, which is nice cuz I'm wearing my favorite comfy white lounge pants.

I remember after Marija wanting to be able to work out again and, ummm, getting back to fulfilling wifely duties within a few weeks, but was glad I waited the full six weeks. I only had a surface tear and needed one stitch after her. This time around I am in no rush to pound the pavement or, ahem, other things, haha. I was nervous the last time around but this time I'm scared. Eek, I don't even want to think about it with the episiotomy. I know I'll be healed by then, but it still freaks me out.

Well, I'm off to eat a gigantic bowl of frosted mini wheats :) Ahhhh, the joys of eating whateverthehell I want!

Lately

2013-03-31T07:30:00.000-04:00

Gift from my BIL, Erick, and SIL, Erin. Batman bib with cape and socks and a BumGenius Freetime in dark blue. Seriously, do they know me or what? I can't wait to put this bib on Harrison and especially can't wait to wash, prep and wrap Harrison's tiny butt in this diaper!

Harrison meeting his Auntie Erin

Harrison meeting Uncle Erick

Kisses for Uncle Erick!

Harrison with his Granny

Franky and his cousin, Eddie. Franky loves when his cousins come over. He plays until he's exhausted and always hates to leave them.

How amazing is this bag?! It's a Thirty One utility bag and was a gift from my SIL, Megan, and BIL, Jason. I am seriously so excited about this thing! I borrowed my MIL's bag over the holidays to help me stay organized when I spent a few nights at my mom's house and I mentioned to Ryan after I got home that I wanted to get one because it was SO nice, really sturdy and super convenient. I love how open it is because I can easily toss everything I need for all three kids in without anything getting lost in pockets or disappearing all the way to the bottom.

Harrison meeting his Auntie Meg and Uncle Jay

This was on our ride home from the hospital. Harrison needed to eat so Ry pulled over and baby boy got a belly full. He's so tiny and cute and absolutely cracks me up with all of his little squeaks and whimpers.

I love how he sits right in the palm of my hand

Franky asks to hold his baby brother all throughout the day and when we let him, his face absolutely lights up and he can't stop smiling.

Tiny little dude.

Bright-eyed for his daddy. He mostly sleeps, but when his daddy talks, he wakes right up and stays alert until Ry stops talking.

Our first outing as a family of 5. Thank God for this van!

Newborn follow-up with his pediatrician, Dr. C, who has been our family's pediatrician since Franky was born. Harrison looked great. When we were discharged from the hospital he weighed 7 lbs 14 oz and at his visit, weighed 7 lbs 11 oz. He had his bilirubin levels checked (they're fine) and his circumcision is healing nicely. We delayed his Hep B vaccination and won't begin to vaccinate until he's two months old, when we'll vaccinate on a delayed, slightly modified schedule. He has a follow-up in two weeks to make sure he's gaining weight, to check on his circumcision and to see if his crusty eyes have cleared up. He may have blocked tear ducts, so I've been putting breast milk in them in hopes of clearing it up before we talk about prescription eye drops.

I still can't believe they're mine. Blows my mind that I'm a mother of three.

They're all pretty smitten with baby Harrison

He's pretty smitten with us too :)

See what I mean? Completely alert for his Baba!

I love how much my first born loves his baby brother

Baby boy is always either eating, pooping or sleeping and he's very rarely away from me for more than a few minutes at a time.

He was attached to the boob while I worked on his birth story early this morning

Vacation, otherwise known as Hospital Stay

2013-03-31T07:00:00.000-04:00

The night Harrison was born, my mom and sister came to meet him. They had just gotten to the hospital when Harrison was born but weren't allowed back until a little while later. I didn't have restrictions on who could be in the room, but with such a whirlwind delivery, the staff wasn't allowing anyone back at all.

Meeting Grandma

She was skyping with my sister, Kiki, who lives in California

You know I ordered me some sugary, carb-filled deliciousness for my first post-delivery meal.

I so loved that my sister got to "be" there to meet her newest nephew within minutes of his birth. She was there for Franky and Marija's births and it was seriously bumming me out that she wasn't going to be there for Harrison's. Turns out she still got to be there and my heart was so, so happy that she didn't miss anything.

Never a dull moment with my family, haha! I don't even remember what we were laughing about but I'm sure it was something hilariously inappropriate.

Auntie Kiki, Harrison and I

Orange juice, pancakes with maple syrup and cream cheese coffee cake. Oh yes, I went all out for my first meal!

Franky and Marija got to meet their baby brother the morning after he was born. Ry went home to be with them a few hours after Harrison's birth, but he brought them to the hospital first thing in the morning.

Ryan had set Harrison down in the bassinet before he brought the kids in and then waited for them to notice. Franky noticed first and was absolutely geeked to see his baby brother laying there. His entire face lit up and he couldn't stop smiling and laughing. He just couldn't believe baby Harrison was out of mama's belly and laying in the bassinet.

The kids got the biggest kick out of the gifts Harrison had for them. They were really excited to see their baby brother had surprises for them.

Looking out the window, naming all the colors of the cars

Harrison meeting his Tata

He's already a total Tata's boy :)

Kisses for my princess. Oh how I missed this girl!

Mimi with Uncle Johnny

Harrison meeting Nana, my grandmother

She is such a grandma's girl and loved taking pictures with Grandma

Harrison with Jiddo. Harrison is named after my FIL's father.

Franky's first time ever holding his baby brother. He never stopped smiling.

I missed the kids like crazy and hated to be away from them for so long. I've never spent a single night away from them until this week, when I spent two without them. I do have to admit, though, it was nice taking a small, somewhat quiet break for a few days. I got to love on my youngest boy, watched a movie from beginning to end and ate meals uninterrupted.

Harrison wore the same outfit home that his big brother did almost five years ago.

Baby boy is an excellent nurser and can often be found just like this, haha

Flowers from Nana

Going home! And in the same carseat his big brother and sister went home in too.