roarprawn

To Krill A Mocking Turd

2023-07-11T18:49:00.002+12:00

Well its been a while shrimps. SOO much is happening in NZ. An Election. ..We love a good hard election. See you soon

The “Pitch” featuring Tina Nixon – Masterton Mayoralty candidate

2022-09-06T00:57:00.001+12:00

LET THEM EAT CHEESE

2014-05-17T20:26:00.001+12:00

Today the Rock milked the cow and I had 8 litres of milk to play with. I decided to make mozzarella but maybe because the rennet was old or Im a crap Cheese maker all I got was a pasty cross between ricotta and quark. But i was not to be shamed. I found this recipe for Ricotta cakes They are a cross between a Sally Lunn and a scone. light tasty and rich. I added some currants and choc bits for interest. I wont ice them as they are sweet enough.

Ingredients below. heat oven to 180 deg cream butter and sugar add eggs and ricotta and vanilla the add dry ingredients and mix lightly . drop on tray and back for about 15 mins. They are really yum

2 cups (400g) white sugar
250g butter, softened
425g ricotta cheese
cup of currants and cup of choco drops
2 teaspoons vanilla essence
2 eggs

4 cups (500g) plain flour
2 tablespoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups (180g) icing sugar
3 tablespoons milk

BEAUJOLAIS BESTIES

2014-05-16T17:34:00.001+12:00

Today we returned to an old haunt for lunch - the Wellesley. It is with out a doubt one of the most beautiful olde world hotels of NZ.  The soft scent of good cigars and old spice ooze from  its dark panelled oak walls .
A  forever stilled bisons head hangs over an old wood smoke drenched fireplace. A baby grand piano sits on black and white checkerboard tiles in   the Hotel lobby waiting for musical fingers to make the keys dance.

We dined at a table in the corner of the bar. It seats a spreaded ten or an intimate dozen.
The old McGinnity Restaurant was once draped in starchy white linen redolent of the sumptuous leisurely  privileged age of last century .

Now it is a renamed bistro style café - 1815. It is not well patronised, probably because few people realise it has been opened again post earthquake repairs needed to shore up its weak brick bones.

A chef came up to the bar and we all in unison squealed with glee. Chef Anton from our beloved heady days at the now defunct Beaujolais wine bar in Woodward St was master of the 1815 kitchen.

Recently lunch in many establishements has become tiresome as plates are over dressed with all manner of flowers. Moleculargastrofuckery abounds in the trendiest of food dens. But I don't want flowers with my meat and I don't want to drink from a jam jar..
And that's the reason we squealed when we saw Anton as he does real food real good. His plates do not need to be dressed. The substance of the food he cooks with love is enough get the mouth waters streaming.
The menu was basic as it appears the hotel is hampered by the last of the earthquake repairs .We opted for a tasty haloumi and tomato bruschetta to start . We fought over the last one. It was seasoned well and flavours balanced to perfection.
Then we opted for Chef Antons most popular Beaujolais Dish. A steak sandwich with béarnaise sauce and chips. It is as wonderful as it is simple. The meat was tender, rocket crunchy and the chips crispy. It took us back to the days where and when deals were done , politicians rolled, rumours started, lies told, truths sacrificed, affairs begun and finished, $1000 bottles of wine savoured over endless afternoon hours and Stump jump red quaffed in the time it took to ring parliaments bells.

And on that steak were no flowers, no microgastrofuckery no silly plastic syringes- just good meat, good salad and good chips - food in no need of frippery.

The service was impeccable, the surroundings welcoming and company was just grand. And we welcome back Anton, a man that knows good food don't need no frills. I do hope Anton enters Wellingtononaplate

Of Boil Ups and Noble offerings

2014-05-08T04:53:00.001+12:00

Charlie Nobles is a quality addition to an ample serving of great eating houses in Wellington. The occasion was the all too brief visit of the BOIL. A fine friend who works for Big Oil. Hence the nickname. And the long lunches are, as you would expect, known as Boil Ups. And damn if we haven't had some fine Boil Ups. It seemed fitting to have this boil up at Charlie Nobles as it was the former HQ of the NZ Rugby Union. And most of the gathered group had worked with or for the NZRFU.
The staff were attentive, welcoming and fast. Our table was in prime place. Right in front of the open kitchen. The fit out of Charleys is classic and classy bistro and the place fair bustles with the business of sating the diners. We were within an ozone whiff of an ice bed of "in the shell " Bluff Oysters. At $6 an oyster they are very pricey. None of us indulged instead opting for starters of breads and dips.
The taramasalata dip was heavenly. As was the rich whipped pate. Knives were keenly scraped inside the jars to seek out the last morsels. Lips and knives were licked clean.
I love flounder so despite the attraction of much on the carnivores dream of meaty selections I opted for the Patiki. It was deep fried in a crispy crumb . So crispy I had to crack it to get at the sticky tender fish. I was worried it was overdone and it was - Just a smidge. I normally ask for my fish to be undercooked. It reduces the chances of a dry offering. Anyway the crispy fish was very good. Not great but memorable. We drank Dog Point sauvignon and it loosened the chatter from us in an instant.
We talked of our lives and family and food and politics as we always do.
I left late in the afternoon knowing two things. Charley Nobles will be a stayer on the Wellington hospitality scene and time and distance do not erode true friendships.
And I'm suspecting the gang might have to organise a Boil Up in Geneva.
BB score 8/10

a little bit of cookin

2014-04-25T20:50:00.000+12:00

anzac biscuits

2014-04-25T20:07:00.000+12:00

1 cup (150g) plain flour
2/3 cup (90g) rolled oats and 1/3 or whole grain oats
1 cup (85g) desiccated coconut
3/4 cup (155g) dark cane sugar
130g butter
3 tablespoons treacle
1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
2 tablespoons water

put water treacle and butter in pot and boil.

add to sifted dry ingredients

roll into small balls press flat with a fork and cook on a sheet of baking paper on a tray for 15 mins in a mod 160 deg oven

yuk and turduck.

2014-01-17T10:20:00.002+13:00

the burger and the gourmet roll. both variations of the Turducken.

INTERNETTING THE DOTTY COMMOS

2014-01-15T20:11:00.000+13:00

So WhaleOil busts open another political can of wrigglers. DOTCOMs plans are now public for all to see.

Well sort of. Bradbury has not written a political strategy as much as he has written a very crap comms and engagement plan built round a launch. We don't know what the party will really do apart from fight some issues like the GCSB bill repeal and that it wants to position itself as a political kingmaker.

The name "internet party" reminds me of a idea a few IT peeps looked at over 13 years ago. They bought me on board to look at how we could make the idea fly. Basically it was a party where the members would vote on issues on line and that would give their MP's a mandate issue by issue.

It was a bit before its time as social media, those days was a descriptor of a gossip columns in the local paper. It didn't get off the ground because everyone involved was short of the cash needed to pull it together.

So maybe Kim is thinking along similar lines. Not so much a party for the people but a party of the people

It has been interesting listening and watching commentators totally dismissing the Internet Party. I was talking to a mate today who like me believes that no-one should write off this digital political spawn.

Its because we both see how cynical GenY are. These digital natives distrust everything and they hate most the things which impinge on their ability to move around on the net sucking up what the want when they want at the least cost.

The reason we think the Internet Party has a chance is simple. DotComm literally has a big following on the net - close to 350 thousand on twitter and around 20 thousand on Facebook. He is seen by the GenYers as the man who is fighting against big business, fighting what they see as Big Brother Governments and fighting for their freedom in their new digital playground.

Everyday I watch in despair as young smart men and women, successful and educated , swear their allegiance to Dotcom.

He is the ante hero they can identify with, a victim of what they see as tyranny, a winner, a master of the digital universe and irreverent. GenY struggles to take anything really seriously unless its something that impinges on what they see as their freedoms. So they revere him . They see him as the only one who is fighting for their freedom on the net - the place they are most at home.

DotComm knows how to deploy the net, and that means he can harness this large group of normally apathetic voters by taking the one election issue they care about their digital freedom direct to them - And he can talk to them on their smartphones and they can talk to him. Interactive politics has come of age.

While Bradbury may be v keen to be part Kims party I would doubt that the paper that has been leaked is much more than a ham fisted touting for some work.

Alistair Thompsons involvement is much more interesting. He does understand the net and his undisguised admiration for Dot Comm in the past means it comes as no surprise he is jumping ship. He sees himself as a fighter for internet freedom . DotCom is his general.

I struggle to see why anyone cannot see that there is a serious possibility that after the next election - Key maybe sitting down thrashing out a coalition with DotCom. Wonder who will be sweating then?

SMALL BLESSINGS

2013-11-30T09:48:00.000+13:00

Its the small things that count. We have tables in the Wairarapa trains now and the seating has been reconfigured to give more leg room. an hour and a half on a train is a long time so well done to state owned Kiwirail for making these changes. Every carriage is full o public servants and for many of them the time on the train is spent working. So there is an economic benefit in creating workspaces for them. Its really a good example of a “whole of government “ approach….

JONES NO JERK.

2013-09-06T20:16:00.002+12:00

So its a 3 way race as we predicted. The surprising thing is that Cunliffe has hoodwinked so many people. We thought his narcissistic traits would have put a off a lot of punters.

Jones has never lifted his pedal from the metal. He has shown that he is wily, smart and honest, well as honest as you will get any poly to be.

He deserves to carry the red banner.

50 SHADES OF PAY AND CONFIRM

2013-09-03T20:29:00.002+12:00

I have been watching the Labour leadership battle with a great deal of interest. It is clear Shane Jones is emerging as the peoples prince. He has always been a classy orator in both Maori and English. He appears lazy but that's because he is inherently a very smart man - intellectually fecund in fact. He was born to rule.

So his time has come - so to speak.

2 rumours have been circulating the beltway - the first relates to Jones state of health. He fought off bowel cancer- but the word is that it is back - easy to believe as it seems he is fighting for the top job on the left as if he has nothing to lose.

The second relates to his infamous indiscretion - his onanistic play in a lonely hotel room egged on by the frantic coupling of some pneumatic porn starlets. His remote decision to pay and confirm resulted in political emasculation for a while but at the time the kumara vine was heavy with the rumour that it was not Shane who had wracked up the porn bills but a member of his whanau.

He came dangerously close to showing undue favouritism in the Bill Liu scandal. And if there is anything that points to a serious personality flaw then this is it but in this scandal he proved to be as slippery as a coozer covered in KY.

Shanes crime was never about the porn. It was about expecting the taxpayer to foot the bill even if he paid back the charges eventually.

Yet it seems to be the fact he watched porn that dogs him . The irony is that the heavily pornographic novel 50 shades of grey is a world wide best seller. Millions of sticky fingers turned the pages as readers became engrossed by its scintillating romp in the musky world of slap and tickle. The fine line between pleasure and pain was bolded in everyday ink. Now it is to be made into a movie - thus mainstreaming the masterbatory murk.

So Shanes guilty pleasure, if indeed that is what it was, will soon be available at Video Easy for all the aunties to watch.

Labour is such a broad church encompassing vast differences in the religion of lefty politics that this race could well see all three candidates get close to 30 percent of the vote each . And as the factions bow to such very different political idols - it is unthinkable that either Robertson or Cunliffe will bow out at the 11th hour if it looks like Jones is gaining too much support. Dogged by Dogma they are.

Jones is the dark war hardened stallion and knows it. He makes the other two look like braying mules. Hooton says as much today in NBR.

Jones , the peoples prince may yet get his money shot.

Christchurch Spiced Mussels - health benefits unleashed?

2013-08-29T20:41:00.000+12:00

There have been lots of people interested in how my dad Robin is going in his battle with cancer. He was diagnosed with the rarest and most aggressive form of lung cancer early in April. He was a life long smoker. He had a 7.5cm tumour in the lower part of one lung. He was told his outlook was not good. His ability to take any form of treatment has been hampered by the fact that since dad was about 12 he has only had one kidney and in the last few years it has been a bit shakey. Dad was told that he would be given chemo in very light doses and some radiation treatment.

Anyway one of dad old mates, when he heard of dads plight, offered to give him some pills his company developed - a combination of a highly concentrated form of mussel oil and curcumin and piperine.

He said he had given them free to some of his close friends who had been diagnosed with cancer- and he told me "they are doing ok."

Clinical trials of curcumin are underway at Leicester university to look at ways to increase its efficacy. Piperine is considered to be one substance that allows the curcumin to have a better effect.
I told dad that there were no promises but he said that he was happy to give it ago.

Dads tumor has shrunk to nothing - the doctors have upped his treatments as he has responded so startlingly. He takes 23 pills a day. and has taken them since mid April.
He has been told that he has gone from being in the 90% of people who will die in a reasonably short time with this cancer to the 10% who will probably live for some time.
Anyway I think dads mate is a very smart man - self made , a pioneer in the seafood industry and he has a degree in physics.

So people have asked me just what dad has been taking . The pills are manufactured and marketed by Bio MER here in Christchurch.

Press on the link to find out about them.

I think that my good mate may well be onto something. Time will tell. But I can say that dads recovery has surprised his doctors - astonished some in fact.

Dad is convinced the pills are a key factor in his recovery and I think he is right.

Glorious, Gorgeous and Free.

2013-08-14T18:39:00.004+12:00

Finally I managed to take a week off from working on the Christchurch Rebuild. All I wanted to do was spend time at our wee piece of paradise up the mystical Rangitumau Valley and get out and about with my friends and enjoy the culinary and bacchanalian pleasures of the Big Valley during the month of Wellington on a Plate. My holiday got off to a great start - first up was the Glorious 12th - a day of shooting and sumptuous food modelled on the Scottish day marking the first of the Grouse Hunting season, held at one of the Wairarapas fine homesteads -Sulphur Wells. I discovered I cant shoot for shit - well clay birds at least. So I think I will have to stick at being somewhat of an expert in dressing feathered things as I am a muttonbirder and pluck and gut and cook I can.

The day progressed from shooting to the piping of the haggis, and then the quaint and often hilarious "addressing of the haggis" a sacred ceremony of great import. Then it was off to dinner to dine on a dish outrageous as it was tasty - the legendary Turducken. Turkey, stuffed with duck stuffed with chicken. I was hoping for a quail tucked up its bum but alas twas not to be. The haggis was very good perhaps not as chunky as some but devoured with gusto.

The wines were from Urlar and its affable owner and Scotsman Angus Thompson was resplendent in his kilt with its badger sporran . Urlars wines are some of the best in the Wairarapa - and indeed a star performer in the Gladstone sub region. The whites in particular are flinty with considerable depth and length. Wines to be savoured not quaffed.

The second Wellington on a plate event was the gorgeous ladies lunch. And GOOOORGOUS it was. About a 100 well coiffured women turned out to wine, dine and whisper loudly of food, politics and family. Catered by the Medici café in Martinborough - the fare was rich and aromatic . The wine was from the Poppies vineyard - which is also home to the stunning Poppies function venue where for the feast redolent of Casablanca enthralled us all . Poppies Pinot Gris, in the Alsace style was superb but at $40 for a take home bottle a little pricey.

It was also a privilege to meet Mary Biggs of Lavenders Green Fame. It was warming to meet so many inspiring and talented and well connected women who keep the wheels of commerce and community turning in the Wairarapa. It will be a must attend event next year .

Finally a good and talented friend who stayed with me and was my plus 1 for the gorgeous ladies lunch, bought me a jar of olives she had brined herself as a gift for her bed.The interesting thing was they were from trees planted in Roxborough St in Wellington by the WCC for public use. This is an idea that appeals to the forager hunter gatherer in me. I'm happy to climb fences to pick damsons from an ancient plum trees on my travels around Wairarapa and on a dewy autumn mornings can be found, basket in hand, merrily picking the freshest of field fungi for my brunch.

Thank you Wellington on a Plate Wairarapa team. You did good.

WRITERS BLOCK MELTED

2013-05-19T23:23:00.001+12:00

Must be the silky soft keyboard of my new HP envy - its a little bit notebook and a lot tablet. The old man is crook. He has the Big C as its found fertile ground in his nicotine soaked lungs. Anyway he is carrying on doing the things he loved. I have always loved writing so I am going to write what I want when I want. Roarprawn was a blog started in another time in my life and its flavour changed over the years. It will change again - less political but always irreverent.

HAYESY HAY DAY

2011-12-28T21:26:00.001+13:00

Today we baled and stacked 300 bales of hay. It was a bit of a family affair, Mum always at the ready with a cuppa and a scone, Dad,76 with one kidney and some dodgy pipe work happy to get on an ancient Fergy tractor and haul it around the paddock that has some tight corners. We started the job yesterday in 29 degrees - today was aslightly cooler but sticky 27 degrees uncomfortable.

And then there is the Rock who has a passion for doing things the old way which means using old stuff. Some of it 30 - 50 years old. We had our moments - the Holland Baler busted its boiler a couple of times but the Rock , as he almost always does , fixed it. And the Hay conveyor chewed bales for a while till we worked out a bulging guiding rod was the culprit it was fixed in a paddock moment with the most intricate of tools - a sledgehammer. Two bangs and dang if it didn't slide the bales up like butter.

Son Matthew joined us for the last round of the paddock so there were three generations of Campbells outstanding in their field. It also meant the oldest skited to the youngest by ripping round the paddock only to be sworn at to slow down. Dad might want to do a lot of things at his age but apparently driving a 62 bedford truck scooping up hay sedately is not one of them.

The bales were neatly stacked in our shed - almost all of them - a mate took about 60 straight from the paddock for her stock.

As I sit here typing this , Im still feeling the scratch of a lonely grass wand on my slightly less ample arse but no one stirs.

Asleep they are - dreaming of big bales and noisy machines, dust and a very tidy stack, a cleansing shower and the smell of Mums fresh scones and my strawberry preserves from the house and a cold beer.

BEAT UP OF THE YEAR

2011-12-22T20:04:00.002+13:00

What a complete load of tosh. This is another example of speculative journalism. Take a pinch of facts chuck in some fame seeking expert. Look at the worst case scenario and report it.

Mind you if the birds glow in the dark they will be easier to catch.

However we are pretty confident that the titi's biggest threat is a hungry Rakiura Maori chap or chapess.

FINE WINE AND LODGINGS

2011-12-18T19:12:00.000+13:00

Today was a great day. We woke up early at Spring Creek motorcamp and I shot down to the creek to feed the eels. They fought with the ducks and trout for a few crumbs of bread.

Then we decided on a trip up the Wairau Valley. Our first stop was a small pub at Wairau Valley township where we had a toasted sandwich and I had a half of Matsons lager.. It was a nice light drop.

Then we went to one of a myriad spots that motorvan owners (mo'vanners) like ma and pa know about. Todays visual treat was Lake Argyle which is a small canal lake that is diverted from the Branch and Leatham Rivers to create a bit of power.. It holds a few fish - so ma and I went for a stroll to the big rivers while dad had a couple of casts in Argyle. While he claims he got a few nibbles there were no fish in his bag on our return.

On the way back to Picton and our final night in the South, we stopped to get some cherries for lambcut and some good white wines . I wanted some nice aromatics to go with the crayfish dishes I have planned for Boxing Day.

So I purchased a six pack of Gewurztraminer, Toru and Pinot Gris from Te Whare Ra wines.

I have a few recipes to try out and will blog about the matches after Xmas.

I am no true believer in biodynamic practices but I am a believer in loving the land and nurturing it and whatever the Flowerdays are doing it is good for the grape. Their wines are probably some of the most complex and interesting aromatics in the country.

And I cant wait to pair them up with a range of crayfish, whitebait, and smoked eel dishes.

Today was a brilliant day.. some great sights, fantastic people and good food and wine.. It doesn't get much better..

A GOOD BED AND A TANIWHA

2011-12-17T21:18:00.000+13:00

Tonight we are in the Spring Creek motor camp. Its a lovely wee place and we are again in a cabin for $80. So what did i get for $80? A really nice bed clean as , a bright and clean duvet a clean toilet and shower.

Its old and built of concrete block but perfectly adequate.

Its light years away from this hell hole in Kaikoura.

And this holiday park is set up for kids and has a delightful spring fed creek thats home to some huge trout and eels.

Its the quintessential new zealand holiday park.

KACK IN KAIKOURA

2011-12-17T07:46:00.001+13:00

We are on the first stay of a three day trip from Christchurch to Wellington. So far it has been fabulous to spend some time with mum and dad in their faithful steel steed - their motorhome known as Bugsys Burrow. We stopped at Waipara Springs winery for a stellar coffee and bought a couple of bottles of wine and then stopped in Cheviot and had a noisy in a fabulous antique shop. Then we looked into a lovely gallery and struck up a conversation to find in ten seconds flat that we found an acquaintance we had in common. This seems to be a national sport for Kiwis. Work out with a stranger someone you both know in the shortest time possible. With well travelled parents and a chirpy and inquiring old man - its a daily occurrence. Now we are not too precious about where we stay on out trips and it makes it easier if its a camping ground with a power site for ma and pa and a cabin for me - that way we can stay together. Their motor home is cosy for 2 but cramped for 3. So our first night park up is in a place called the A1 Motel in Kaikoura. Its a place probably built in the 70's and its bloody tired. Now we dont really mind tired but we dont abide grubby and this one is grubby. It was $30 for the power site for ma and pa and $70 for my room.
We have with us some precious cargo - a mate who owns a lobster exporting company gave us over a dozen cray tails for xmas. so a fridge is good. I unpacked them and put them in the fridges freezer and as i closed the door it fell off. Landed on my toe.. it hurt. but i could not help laughing. the sheets are clean but the toilet would be a great centrepiece in a horror movie of the genesis of some alien life form.
So we wont be back. But like all good holidays the bad experiences are all part of the trip. This morning we are off to cruise around Blenheim. A mate has offered us a cuppa tea and some fresh xmas baking. And then Sunday sees us in Picton for the big crossing on BlueBridge.

HORSESHIT AND BIODYNAMICS

2011-12-05T18:31:00.001+13:00

A few weeks ago when the International Big Oil was in town a few media politeratti and cliteratti gathered for a bit of a catch up.

There was good wine to be had. Lots of it - we were buying and sharing our favourites with others .

A well known media personality presented us with a new wine.

It was cloudy and sorry boys - but it was the colour of a mucky period..

A diseased ruby color.

We all sniffed inquisitively and as I cast my eyes around the table it was clear that this was not an ephiphanistic drop.

We sipped but our palates were in obvious agreement - it was not a great wine.

The purchaser of this bemusing wine was aghast - "Its bio dynamic! " he exclaimed

Moments like these are always dangerous for us sheilas of advancing years and bladder valves worn by too many evenings on the hops as a young un.

We were characteristically blunt. "Its crap."

Others murmured in agreement . To be fair some thought it was okay - drinkable at a pinch - " A quaffer " someone proffered.

Then the buyee of the bottle thundered "Its $245.. "

About $10 bucks worth shot out the left side on my mouth.

A mate lost control of her muscles and spilt a $20 bucks on the table as she jerked in reaction to the revelation.

Then we proceeded to take the piss out of the plonk. It was universally declared ordinary.

Bio dynamics is a wonderful marketing ploy by the organic lobby. Medieval mysticism gone moderne.

Now I grow a few veges and we have cows and sheep a horse and chooks and as everyone knows manure is good for you. I use it extensively and the results are glorious. Use lots of manure and you get robust, lush fecund fauna.

However playing in shit filling up horns cos they are the seemingly magical "fertile" bit of the bovine and burying them to mature the said crap is just frikking daft.

Doing it in time with the moon and sun indicates that the believers have been exposed to too many solar flares.

Now in this video up on the Seresin Wine Site (which I think has some of the finest wine in the world) is an example of how this pseudo science is being peddled.

Some cute guy playing with poo somehow seems romantic when the dreamy scenes are linked to lush vineyards.

He looks like some agrarian Merlin piling the poop into horns for it to mature in the earth to wait a while for it to turn into plant superfood.

The simple fact is - if you line up a biodynamic vineyard and one that uses natural fertilisers like manure broken down in the old fashioned way, the results would be the same.

Its not the moon or the sun or the "fertile horn" or even the steadfast belief of the cute guy that's creating good wine. Its a modern myth.

Its simply that shit is the biz when it comes to making things grow.

And its time that this weird wine wankery was unmasked for what it is - bollocks.

Some biodynamic wine will be good in spite of the all the jiggery pokery . Because shit is good for the soil. But all the biodynamic ritual adds no value

The shit is where its at.

So to all you good wine makers out there - stop taking the piss - us good wine drinkers deserve more respect .

Their is truth in the vine - tell it.

ADORABULL

2011-11-11T19:22:00.001+13:00

We have two heifers of an age where calfhood is calling. One is a big rangy freisian called Missy - the other is a wee Angus called The Angus.

Now we also have a steer known as Bullocky who is destined for the freezer before Xmas.

Now we know that the heifers are keen for a calf as they have been indulging in a bit of lesbian tribbing and the steer seems to be keen to dry hump the girls - so its fair to say that all involved are happy campers..

So we have the lend of a bull. He maybe a dependabull, hopefully loveabull and definitely we need him to be rootabull.

However there is a small problem... He is a bit on the short side - so he has been wandering around the paddock looking a little forlorn despite the best come hither advances of the two heifer hussys. He is going to have to step up and in a flat paddock he has a bit of a handicap.

So only time will tell if Harry the Hereford X will be up to quite a tall order..

GIVE A PENGY A CHANCE

2011-10-17T21:14:00.000+13:00

Our mates in the VRWC have been joshing with us all day. There have been about 1200 birds killed by the RENA oil slick. Our mates argue that while it seems a lot its not big in the scheme of things. Maybe they are right - they normally are. However we do think that DOC needs a big thumbs up for co-ordinating the effort to save the pandas of NZ bird world - The Dotterel. Its a sisyphean task that requires passion and dogged determination in the face of insurmountable odds.

They are funny wee birds that hide on the shore line and put their nests in the silliest of places. The go for bloody miles to find a feed and when the chips are down they will abandon their chicks and its not like they have a big brood - nope they only have a couple or three at best.

In essence they wiggled their fluffy arses just enough to make a wee indent in the sand and squeeze out a couple or three bumnuts. But just above the high tide zone is the equivalent of gang riven Farmers Crescent. Its hell out there. All manner of predators lurk there from skua, stoats and the heavy feet of hairy legged trampers. So what happens if the eggs or chicks get killed? Well the dotterels are persistent - they go and wiggle there wee botties and do it all over again.

So they are as succesful as parents as Sonny Bill Williams would be at trying to maintain a hard on in a locked room with only Helen Clark for company.

We reckon Dotterel are winged Pandas because despite the fact that they are deliriously cute, these little feathered moths that flit almost undetectable on the sandy shore line - need human support to exist. So New Zealand, is in essence, providing state support for the useless dotterel parents. What do NZ'ers get in return? bugger all as you cant see the wee buggers as they only thing they are much good at is camouflage. However they would stick out like the balls on a St Bernard against the oil stained sand.

You see our mates reckon that we have had a far greater impact on the country's bird population - killing over 40,000 muttonbirds singletoothedly over our lifetime. That is very true. We are of course very old so its taken nearly half a century to reach that figure. So while we have dispatched a lot of oily birds to eat - the RENA's oily slick hasn't really eaten a lot of birds.

However, we think that what is really worth saving is the little blue penguin.. The wee pengys never fail to raise a smile either on land or at sea. Gentle wee buggers - efficient hunters and good mums and dads. And they apparently taste like crap.

We like that in a bird.

and what is our favourite Seabird? This one of course-

The Mollymawk

There is nothing that comes close to the grace of these birds and their amazing faces.

They are welcome to come steal my fish anytime.

THE BITTERNESS OF GALLS

2011-10-17T07:16:00.001+13:00

As we were watching the big game last night between NZ and Australia we mused to our Aussie partner, the Rock, that despite the vilification of Quade Cooper, there were many signs that NZ and Australia were finally understanding that we had more in common than not.

The mere fact that a kiwi born boy like Quade called Australia home, as do hundreds of thousands of New Zealanders, is a case in point. He is well aware and proud of his kiwi heritage but for him Aussie is home and he wears the Aussie jersey proudly.

We think that Cooper is an outstanding athlete - he is Sean Maitland's cousin so his sporting lineage goes back aways.

So despite the loss to the kiwis last night one of the big names in Australia sports writing is calling on his country to get behind the kiwis in their quest for the cup.

We agree. The All Blacks French final should see the All Blacks trump the Frogs. And while the world knows the strength of our rivalry with Australia the world may not realise that we have never got over the Gallic bastards coming over here to blow up a boat in our waters.

RAINBOW WARRIOR REFEREE

2011-10-16T09:32:00.009+13:00

Referee Alain Rolland single-handedly sunk the honour of the Rugby World Cup last night. Rolland showed Welsh skipper Sam Warburton a red card following a spear tackle on French wing Vincent Clerc in the 18th minute of the game. The tackle itself did not appear to be carried out with malicious intent. It did not result in any injury to Clerc. And, it was not at the high end of such infringements where a player would be deliberately driven into the ground. Rolland, for a second time in the tournament showed himself to be an officious spoiler with a prejudice in favour of France. The French winger’s reaction was to grovel on the ground, milking the moment with an Oscar winning performance. The act of a cheat. In the France - All Black pool game, Rolland distracted the All Blacks with a little chat on rule interpretation allowing the French to skulk over the try line unopposed. He, clearly, does not understand the spirit of Rugby or any other sport. Rolland’s father is French and he speaks the language fluently. This apparently, made him a good choice of “neutral” ref for the French games. IRB logic defeats me, Wales and belief itself. I don’t recall seeing anything so contemptible since the French Secret Service came here to bomb a peace ship. If any glory can be salvaged from such a display it all goes to Wales who played on valiantly without their young skipper. Of shame there is plenty, for Alain Rolland and his French friends.

Update: There is a Ban Alain Rolland from officiating Rugby ever again!!! facebook page with more than 1500 members already.