Roast Beef Tech

It's a Regional Thing

2011-10-03T21:20:00.000-07:00

I'm confident that tonight's post will be a good read for all of you and considering my recent blogging habits, it damn well better be. I apologize for the lack of consistency lately as we've failed to produce anything the past two Thursdays, but I promise there are explanations for both. Two Thursdays ago I was on my first family vacation in years and last Thursday I worked from noon-10 p.m., then picked my sister up at the train station in Philadelphia, not to make it home until 12:30 a.m. But enough of my sob story because I know that's not why you tuned in, I just feel that I owe you all an explanation. The motivation for tonight's post, once again, comes from Colin Cowherd who is famous for his analysis of athletic programs based on their geographical location. I'm going to break down the regions, similar to the way he does, but I'll be taking it a step further by analyzing specific teams that are representative of the lifestyles lived in those regions.

Lets start with the east coast, specifically the northeast. Easily the least materialistic region of the country, the northeast is known for its blue-collar mentality and its hard-working individuals. It's not typically considered to be a particularly wealthy region, although that is a massive misconception: As of 2010, the three wealthiest states in the country (based on median household income) were New Hampshire, New Jersey and Connecticut, with Massachusetts also cracking the top ten at number 8. But this debate is based strictly on reputation and I don't think anyone would deny that the northeast is viewed as a haven for the working class. There are no professional sports teams that are more representative of their blue-collar cities than the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Boston Bruins. Year in and year out both teams are full of hard-nosed tough guys that take as much pride in their ability to throw fists as they do their ability to play their respective sports. They're both perennial powers whose recipe for success includes one part physical intimidation, one part scrappy defense and zero parts anything aesthetically pleasing. Because they're so representative of their fan-bases, they each have incredibly loyal followings who will also swing on you if you feel bold enough to speak ill of their teams. The northeast is full of committed fans who live and die with their teams to an excessive extent, but I have no doubt that's the reason for so many successful organizations in the region.

Exception: Pittsburgh Pirates. For most teams in the northeast, a bad season is rare. For the Pirates, a bad season is a good season.

The southeast is typically a little more flashy with cities like Miami and Myrtle Beach and is often a retirement destination for northeast natives. It's a region where many people are more concerned with going to the beach and playing golf than they are actually getting a job and for that reason they have teams that reflect that personality. It hurts me to say it, but my favorite team in all of sports, the Miami Dolphins, is a perfect example of this. Some years they're pretty good, others they're downright atrocious, but, like the inhabitants of their city, there never seems to be a sense of urgency to do anything about it. It's a nonchalant attitude that seems to be "If we're good, cool...If we're not, who cares, lets just go to the beach and get drunk." I'd actually argue that sports fans in the southeast, specifically the state of Florida, have it right. They actually have some perspective so that their lives don't revolve around their sports teams.

BIG exception: SEC football. These fans are as die-hard as they come. When you're willing to go to jail for poisoning a giant tree on your rival's campus, you should probably re-evaluate your pathetic life.

I'm skipping the midwest for several reasons: I don't know shit about it, there are no good teams to make fun of, I can't think of anything funny to say, and it's my blog so I can do whatever I want. So we're moving on to the southwest. The southwest is like the big brother of the southeast socially, but the little brother when it comes to sports. Socially, it has just as many beaches, just as many beautiful people, but better weather. Athletically it has more bad teams and no SEC football to hang its hat on. It's another region that doesn't put much pressure on its teams to be successful and their performances are usually a reflection of that, no team moreso than the San Diego Chargers. Every year the Chargers have as much talent as anyone in the NFL, but every year they stumble out of the gates and have to step on the gas late to try to make the playoffs. They usually pay no attention to the little things i.e. special teams, but they lead the league in the more flashy category of passing yards. And I don't wanna hear any of this San Francisco 49ers chatter. If they win the NFC West it will only be because the other teams in their division are the Seattle Seahawks, the Arizona Cardinals and the St. Louis Rams. That's like Usain Bolt racing me, you and John Kruk, except it's not like that at all because Usain Bolt is a beast and the Niners are trash. The point is that division is horrifyingly awful.

Obvious exception: Los Angeles Lakers. Kobe.

Finally we have the northwest. Here's what I know about the northwest: It's the birthplace of Starbucks. That's it. And that's about as much as people in the northwest know/care about sports. If sports didn't exist in the northwest, it would be like soccer not existing in America. Translation: Nobody would care. Seattle is easily the most miserable excuse for a sports town in the country. They have the Mariners and the Seahawks, both of whom are probably the worst teams in their respective sports, while the rest of the northwest has next to nothing to be proud of. Socially and economically, the northwest is like a foreign country to the rest of us. Nobody travels there, they rarely make national news and they contribute nothing the the betterment of the rest of the nation unless you're addicted to caffeine. And the same goes for their athletic teams.

Exception: I guess I'll give them Oregon football. That's about the only thing that you could argue is a respectable program in the region and until it becomes a trend, it's still a bit of a stretch.

The moral of the story is that there are exceptions to every rule except for this one: No sports team will ever be consistently successful unless the fan base demands it of them.

"Gaston is on mad d-bol. Respect." -Dom Mazzetti

-Brusk Dollas

Haters Gon' Hate...Again...

2011-09-26T20:21:00.000-07:00

Today’s post will be a few short rants about topics that I don’t understand in the world of sports. There is a lot of hate going on in the world that continues to be a trending topic. In one of my previous posts I stated that “haters gon’ hate,” but some thing’s need clarification. Let’s chill with the veggies and slice right into the meat *pause*.

I’ll start by saying I’m a Dallas Cowboy fan. I won’t get into why they are my team because, well, most people don’t care. After week one’s loss to the Jets, every Tom, Dick and Gregory went out of their way to bash Tony Romo for his actions in a fourth quarter team meltdown, keyword being "TEAM." After a botched snap a half decade ago and a game that left Cowboy fans disgusted with Romo, Tony has been labeled as the guy who CANT win a big game. So let’s recap: Romo threw an over the shoulder strike to Jason Witten that left Witten off to the races. Witten, 6’6 270 lbs, got pushed out of bounds by the 5’8 180 pound Jim Leonhard on the 2 yard line. Now I'm no physics expert, but it should be rather easy to drag a man nearly 100lbs less than you into the endzone, which would have given them a 31-17 lead. Instead, the Cowboys run two, one-man pass plays to their star receiver who decided not to run a route. Tony tries to make a play, fumbles the ball and the score remains 24-17. Then the Jets get the ball, ultimately punt and the Cowboys get conservative. They line up to punt and it gets blocked for a touchdown to tie the game. After Tony throws a Brett Favre-esque interception that is inexcusable, the Cowboys lose. My question is why was he even put in that position? Leading by fourteen Tony Romo’s stat line read: 20-26 for 301 yards and 2 TDs. The defense let the Jets march down the field for a touchdown, Jason Witten gets punk’d near the goal-line, a punt gets blocked for a touchdown and everyone jumps on Tony for the 14-point lead that disappeared. Those same people still didn’t give Tony any praise after the next week's heroic comeback win with a punctured lung and his top two receivers sipping Gatorade in street clothes on the sideline. He made Kevin Ogletree and Jesse Holley look like All-Pro receivers, but you had never heard of them before that week because they are both Al Hurtington.

The part that makes me outraged is Tom Brady builds a 21-0 lead over the Bills in yesterday’s thriller and four interceptions later it’s the defense's fault that the Patriots lost. Tommy’s fourth interception was returned for the go-ahead touchdown that ultimately led the Bills to victory. And Tom didn’t even attempt to tackle the cornerback that picked him off, but it was the defense's fault. When Tony makes mistakes, he's the only one to blame, but the golden boy Tom Brady gets a pass. I DON’T GET IT. Some people can do no wrong while others seem like it's all they can do.

Switching gears a little, Michael Vick is wrong for publically bashing the officiating he gets during games. I agree he gets worked out in the pocket, but he is not the only quarterback that gets beat like a piñata on a weekly basis. Four quarterbacks come to mind for getting beat up and never getting roughing calls: Big Ben, Jay Cutler, Tony Romo and of course, Michael Vick. The one thing they all have in common is they are not very well-liked in the NFL for different (some obvious) reasons, but a penalty is a penalty. I’ve seen Tom Brady (not to pick on Tommy) get hit, look at the referee in shock and instantly receive a yellow hanky. Does Brady have a different set of rules than the rest of the league? The answer is yes, he does. Carson Palmer and Phillip Rivers both had their ACL's torn because of lower leg tackles and the NFL went on as usual because that’s football. But not for Brady. Brady tears his ACL and now we have a no tackling below the waist rule when a quarterback is in the pocket. Bet you didn’t know there was a Brady Rule, huh.

Before I wrap this one up *pause* what's with all the hate going toward Floyd Mayweather? Floyd knocked out Victor Ortiz legally. A cheap shot would imply Floyd did something illegal. What really happened is Victor Ortiz tried to head butt Floyd, the ref stopped the fight, took a point away from Ortiz and resumed the scheduled program. Did Ortiz not get the memo? When did hugging and kissing during a fight become a standard in boxing? Victor Ortiz took the cheap shot and Floyd Mayweather made him pay legally. Am I missing something?

As usual it’s been fun, don’t forget to click the ad. Enjoy the clip and stay thirsty my friends.

-Jae Pierce

Put Your Fours Up

2011-09-19T19:27:00.000-07:00

I've been putting thoughts together on this post for a while and I'm excited to finally get to it. Tonight will be another list of sport pet peeves, but with a slightly different approach. I'm going to point out the most annoying, ridiculous things that you will see every time you watch a certain sport. Because of my occupation I see every sport you can possibly imagine and have developed a list of things I can't stand to see, but can't avoid. I have just one thing left to say before I dive right into it: Why does Eli Manning have the most gigantic chinstrap in the history of football?

Softball - Whenever I cover a high school softball game and a girl gets on base, the catcher fakes a throw down to the base after every single pitch. Every single one. Every high school catcher does it and it's pretty much hilarious. The best part is that she never actually throws it. The whole purpose is to keep the baserunner honest, but she might as well be the girl who cried wolf. Not only do you not ever actually throw it, but we all know your arm isn't strong enough to throw anyone out anyway. Just save yourself and the rest of us who are watching the time and agony and throw the ball back to the pitcher already.

Tennis - This one is aimed more at professional tennis than anything else. If I see one more tennis player win a tournament and sprawl on the ground like he just got hit by a sniper on the rooftop, I'm going to...well...OK, lets be realistic, I'm probably not gonna do anything because I know I'm going to see it the next time I watch a professional tennis final. It's especially ridiculous when the best players in the world are doing it. There are only three guys that ever win tournaments anyway and they've all won multiple majors. Ever heard the phrase "act like you've been there before?" That's even more appropriate when you have, in fact, been there before. At least come up with a new way to celebrate 'cause that's just old and lame.

Volleyball - This one really drives me nuts. Why is it that after every single point, both teams huddle up and have a pow wow in the middle of the court? What could you possibly be saying? In a given, best of five match there are probably 150 points scored, sometimes more, and you're telling me that you need to converse after every one of them? And don't even get me started on the team that actually scored the point. It's the same damn celebration every time. Everyone on the team yells "Ayyyyyyyyyy!" and throws their arms in the air, even if the other team simply served the ball out of bounds. And for the team that lost the point? Lets just say volleyball players have to be the most supportive teammates ever. I've never seen anyone yell at a teammate for missing an easy shot, only words of encouragement and a pat on the butt. And it's the same whether we're talking about guys or girls.

Baseball - Does anyone ever shut up? I mean, seriously, baseball players are the most annoying athletes of all time. I don't even believe that they want to hear themselves yap that much, let alone anyone watching the game. "Hey, whattya say now kid? Here we go now kid, lets go one-five hum it in there now!" Half the words that come out of their mouths can not be found in a Webster's. The chatter would be kind of funny if it only happened occasionally, but it's just downright dreadful to listen to for nine full innings. But I guess I can't blame them too much. Whenever I have to cover it I find myself looking for other sources of entertainment too, because the game itself is just plain boring.

Football - I know you all thought I'd leave football out, because it's mine and everybody else's favorite sport. But there is one thing that happens in just about every football game that may piss me off more than anything else I've mentioned so far. There is nothing I hate more than watching guys put four fingers in the air when the horn sounds to end the third quarter. What does it even mean? Are you reminding yourself, your teammates and everyone at the game that the fourth quarter is starting? I'm pretty sure the blaring horn and the giant, lit up scoreboard took care of that for ya. Or is that you're way of saying, "OK, the fourth quarter is about to start. Time to start playing for real now." If that's the case then it's probably time to stop playing for you and your team. If you're just deciding to play now, there's a good chance you're already getting your teeth kicked in. It's such a cliche at this point that I don't even think the guys doing it could answer me if I asked them why they're doing it.

There are still so many sports that I haven't gotten to, but I don't have the time to sit here and dedicate a paragraph to every one of them. So let me throw a few others at you in a few words: Basketball - Arguing every single call. This is more of a guy thing to do. Every male basketball player gets fouled every single time he shoots and never commits a foul on defense. Or at least that's what he believes. Golf - Pretty much all of the etiquette that goes with the game. God forbid anyone be breathing while a golfer is in his/her backswing, the entire round would probably have to start over. And last, but certainly not least, Soccer - It only takes one word to tell you what bothers me about soccer: Everything.

And because ESPN and everyone else has begun the Cam Newton stat tracker, I'm going to start one of my own, but I'm only keeping one statistic: 0-2.

"Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are." -John Wooden

-Brusk Dollas

Are You Kidding Me?

2011-09-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

I’m back! After a strenuous month in the world of college athletics (my employer) I have found some time to vent about what is going on in our world of entertainment. I recently had an evening of relaxation on the couch and I took notice to what was being featured during prime time hours on our beloved television. It’s almost laughable what we believe to be good entertainment in the 21^st century. Today’s post will not be long, but I will list the top 5 “are you kidding me?” television shows featured on television these days. I hope you enjoy this list of jenkum (google "jenkum" if you don't know what it is) that we call "reality tv."

5. Sweet Home Alabama

This show is a spin off of every Bachelor, Bachelorette or Flavor of Love gimmick type show that wants you believe you can find true, everlasting love picking from a batch of fifteen fame-driven idiots. But that is not why this show is on this list. This show is on this list because of one person. The person I'm referring to revealed himself as an NFL/Sugar Bowl Punter as a participant on this show which is a complete fraud. This guy was a teammate of myself and Brusk Dollas at a much less fashionable university than the one he claims. I’m not hating on him for working toward his dream to be famous, I'm just disappointed that he has betrayed the brotherhood. We here at Roast Beef Tech had the time of our lives on Spring Break with this very same character and for three years he was a dear friend. I don’t hate this person and if I saw him today everything would be cool, but he would hear my displeasure in him turning his back on the people who took him in with open arms.

4. Jersey Shore

If you think this is a good show and that the cast members represent true talent, please feel free to take an icepick and jam it directly into your retina. This show was created to display the ridiculousness that goes on at the Jersey Shore with the people that reside there. Naturally, people would say I'm hating because they are making so much money. Money has nothing to do with my opinion. Snooki is paid to be a drunken, vulgar idiot whose idea of funny is burping, farting and talking about poop. This "talent" will leave her unemployed and broke when MTV decides to pull the plug on this freak show. Ronnie and Sammi's relationship is every roid monkey’s relationship in a college setting. Give a meathead alcohol and mix in a girlfriend who has no clue about reality and you have their relationship. These Neanderthals don’t even realize Guido/Guidett is a derogatory word for a sad, pathetic excuse for a male or female of Italian decent. I could go on with my disgust for this show but I won’t. Apparently MTV knows more than I do about entertaining the masses.

3. Bad Girls Club

If you have never seen this show I am happy for you. If you think Snooki is ridiculous you should see the banshees they have on this show. The concept of the show is to cast a group of girls who claim they "keep it real.” These ladies are set up in a mansion, given an endless supply of alcohol and are sent to all the local night clubs. The kicker is they are encouraged to act like psychos. I watched this show for fifteen minutes and saw a girl jumping up and down on a civilian’s car with her dress coming down to about her belly button, screaming at the girl whose boyfriend turned her down. These classy ladies keep it real at all times and routinely clean toilet bowls with each other’s toothbrushes in retaliation to being spit on. Definitely sounds like the kind of lady I want to take home to meet the parents. What’s funny to me is they claim to "keep it real" but their lifestyle is the furthest thing from reality. You know what’s real? Taking care of your child, which most of these young ladies have. That’s real. This show is a treat for sure.

2. Basketball Wives

This show has everyone fooled because, well, none of these grown women are actually married. It's a show that was created and produced by Shawnee O’Neal (Shaq’s ex-wife), and it has completely disrespected any real woman. These ladies take pride in how insane they can possibly be while in some of the most sophisticated places. I’ve seen wine glasses tossed across restaurants and hair pulling fights at black tie events. If there is one thing these ladies have mastered, it's simply not knowing how to behave in public. All these ladies have been impregnated by an NBA superstar and wonder why they are currently divorced or single. The reason is right there on the television screen for the whole world to see. One individual on this show gets special mention: Tami Roman, ex-wife of Kenny Anderson. Tami is the definition of a hoodrat. Tami is all the way live or what the young folk would describe as “Turn’t Up.” I don't know what to say about her other than she will hurt you and I don’t mean with words. Tami is not a little girl and I would put my cash on her against most men. In other words, “this fat bitch gets physical.” (Mike Epps)

1. Sixteen and Pregnant/ Teen Mom

Now this is what bothers me about the society that we live in. People get offended about Tom Brady telling the Patriot fan base to start drinking early and get lubed up for a 4:15 p.m. kickoff, but we promote teen pregnancy. We find entertainment in watching teenagers who made terrible decisions and anoint them as celebrities. Instead of treating them like people who have to take care of their obligations, we put them in tabloids and show our youth, "here’s a way to make a buck and become a celebrity." I’ve seen Halloween costumes of one of the pregnant characters in the show. We can’t be serious.

Special Celebrity Mention: Curtis Leskanic, former relief pitcher for the Boston Red Sox and current scout for the Boston Red Sox was found doing his best impression of Carlos Dunlap. Leskanic was arrested after being found asleep at the wheel of his car with a blood alcohol content of .35. A blood alcohol level that high puts most people in the hospital and is more than four times the legal limit. But that's not even the bad part. Not only was he passed out at the wheel, completely hammered beyond belief, but when the police got to his car they noticed his son was in the backseat. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

Stay Thirsty My Friend!

-Jae Pierce

I Ain't Afraid to Hate

2011-09-12T21:17:00.000-07:00

Ahh, what a day. In case you don't know, I'm a huge Miami Dolphins fan. If everyone had to pick one team in all of sports to cheer for, mine would be the Dolphins. I've been a fan since 'Nam, mostly because someone in my family had a 'Fins Starter jacket and Dan Marino was my idol, so I've followed them for as long as I can remember. So when I found out they were playing the Patriots in the Monday Night Football opener, I was ecstatic. But at the end of last week I learned that I had been assigned to cover a high school soccer game starting at 6:30 p.m. tonight and my mood quickly changed. Obviously I was not happy, but I'm broke and need every hour I can get so I didn't complain. I arrived at the field around 6:20 tonight (I don't need much prep time) to find the two JV teams taking the field for the start of the second half of their game. Turns out there was a short thunderstorm that I never saw that delayed the start of their game by about 45 minutes. Perfect. I had already accepted that I was going to miss the entire first half of the Dolphins game, but now it was looking like I might miss the entire thing. I rushed home when the varsity game finally ended and made it in time to catch most of the fourth quarter. Then, when I thought I had already suffered through the worst thing the night could possibly throw my way, I saw this: Down by 14 with about six minutes to play and facing 4th and Goal from inside the one yard-line, the Dolphins throw a fade to Brian Hartline. That would have been a terrible call if it were designed to go to Brandon Marshall, but Brian Hartline!?!? There's simply no explanation for that. Needless to say they failed to convert. On the very next play, the Patriots decide to line up in shotgun with five wide receivers from inside their own one yard-line...Who the hell does that? Well the pathetic thing is that it worked. Tom Brady hit Wes Welker for a 99 yard touchdown and effectively drove the final nail into the Dolphins' coffin. So what's the point of me telling you all this? I'm pissed off and I'm about to hate on someone who you've probably heard nothing but praise about.

So Cameron "Scam" Newton made his NFL debut yesterday for the Carolina Panthers and I'll admit, he put together a pretty impressive stat line. 422 yards passing, 2 TD's and another on the ground...Not too shabby for a guy that everyone, including myself, expected would need some time to adapt to the big boy league. But let me ask one question: Did every single football fan and analyst forget why you play the game? Get 'em, Herm:

Hello!? Cam's Panthers lost to an Arizona Cardinals team that has yet to prove anything. I heard Mike Wilbon, a man whose opinions I value less and less every day, literally say "I don't care that they didn't win the game." Excuse me? So all you're looking for in a quarterback is a guy who's going to fill up a stat sheet but crumble down the stretch when his team needs a game-tying score? And he's not the only one. All I heard all day is how great Cam Newton is and blah, blah, blah. How bout a win? Cam had his team deep in Cardinal territory late in the game and failed to connect on several passes that he should have made to tie the game. The other thing I heard a thousand times today is just an awful joke that was as unfunny the last time as it was the first time I heard it: "Now I know why he was worth so much money in college!!!" HAHAHA that's hilarious. Not. That's a not joke (Borat voice). I'm not saying he didn't make some good throws and I'm not saying that he's not going to be a good quarterback. All I'm saying is that if I were a betting man, I would have taken the Cardinals yesterday and I would have won. I'm not jumping on any bandwagons until this kid shows me he can win at this level. And did you see that picture at the start of this post? Cam Newton is the Wayne Brady of the NFL. Corny. Shit, I might even still take Donovan McNabb and his 39 yards passing over Scameron. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiike, McNabb is trash and always has been. What is this Pop Warner?

For anyone that read my last post, I'm still putting some thoughts together for the topic that I'm excited about so stay tuned. I'm saving that one for a day that I have some more time to dedicate to writing. It's a timeless post so it can wait. Oh, one more thing: Kyle Orton stinks. I'm writing this as the Broncos game goes to halftime and I'm confident saying that Tim Tebow should be starting. I mean, he was good enough to beat out Cam at Florida, why isn't he good enough to at least get a chance in a league that everybody thinks Newton is going to dominate? Don't say I didn't warn you that I was in a hatin' kind of mood.

"It's funny when people discuss love marriage vs. arranged. It's like asking someone if suicide is better or being murdered." -Unknown...I'm not even married and that's funny.

-Brusk Dollas

The Real T Plush

2011-09-08T13:06:00.000-07:00

I have a great blog topic that I'm really excited to write about, but that will have to wait for another day. I'm on a very strict schedule today as I have under two hours to complete this post and the aforementioned topic is too good to rush. So let me throw a couple of quick thoughts at you about some events that took place yesterday and call it a day. Absolutely first and foremost, I have to acknowledge the tragic plane crash that occurred yesterday in Russia. If you haven't heard about it, a jet carrying a Russian hockey team crashed into a river bank immediately after leaving the airport, killing 43 of the 45 passengers. The two that survived are in critical condition. The team included eight former NHL players, some of whom were All-Stars. I've written columns in the past about how fans look at professional athletes and see them as almost super-human, invincible beings. We put them on a pedestal and forget that they're human just like the rest of us. They face the same personal issues we do and this is just a harsh realization that they're as vulnerable to tragedies as the rest of us. So my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone involved in the crash, especially the two survivors and the families of the fallen athletes.

Switching gears but staying right along with the vulnerability theme, what in the world is going on with Sidney Crosby? Sid the Kid suffered a concussion back in January and said yesterday that he still hasn't fully recovered. Dude, that was nine months ago...Something doesn't add up. Either Crosby is the softest individual ever to call himself an athlete or that wasn't your average, run-of-the-mill concussion. I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say the latter is probably true considering, I'm assuming, that wasn't the first time in his hockey career he's ever been hit. But a normal concussion usually results in about one week of recovery time. I mean, Austin Collie went into a state of instantaneous rigor mortis last year and I'm pretty sure he played the following Sunday. He definitely didn't miss more than one game. There are reports that Crosby could miss the Penguins' season opener on October 6th. I don't know who you've been listening to Sid, but it might be time to consider a change in physician. I'm not exactly a die-hard hockey fan, but I do know one thing: If that sport wants to gain popularity, Crosby needs to be playing. Alexander Ovechkin can't carry the entire league by himself, so as long as Crosby isn't on the ice, hockey will continue to be in the same category as soccer in this country.

Now to something a little more fun. Nyjer Morgan is the man. He has officially vaulted himself into my second favorite baseball player on Earth behind Brian Wilson (who will never be surpassed). Morgan is just a little dude that runs wild on the field and plays the game in unorthodox fashion. He makes some incredibly difficult plays in center field, misses some incredibly routine ones and doesn't give a damn what anyone thinks. His twitter name is TheRealTPlush named after his alter ego, Tony Plush, he wears pants that look like they were made for his teammate Prince Fielder (Fielder is nearly twice the size of Morgan) and rivals Lenny Dykstra for the title of "Man Who Chews the Most Tobacco While Playing." His most recent antics took place last night in a game against the St. Louis Cardinals when he struck out in the ninth inning. Morgan proceeded to scream expletives at Cardinals' pitcher Chris Carpenter, then take his chew out of his mouth and throw it at Carpenter apparently just because he was pissed that he struck out. That's awesome. When Albert Pujols came to the back of his pitcher, Morgan didn't run away, but rather stayed and jawed at Pujols as well. Essentially the 5'11, 175 pound Morgan was prepared to fight the entire Cardinals' organization. He later tweeted about Pujols: "Alberta couldn't see Plush if she had her gloves on!!! Wat was she thinking running afta Plush!!! She never been n tha ring!!!" Chances are, Pujols would've worked Morgan like a stripper the day before rent is due, but my man didn't back down and I love it.

Special thanks to my dude Andrew Haberern for the conversation that inspired several of my comments about Nyjer Morgan.

"I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it's often the same message: They hope it's my last."
-Former MLB Umpire, Al Forman

-Brusk Dollas

Par For the Course

2011-09-05T21:42:00.000-07:00

Allow me to begin tonight's post by offering my sincerest apologies for only fulfilling one of my two weekly commitments to you, the readers, last week. It was a crazy couple of days recovering from Irene and preparing for the start of football season so I was even busier than usual. But it's time to get back on track on this Monday night as I'd also like to wish everyone a happy Labor Day. I hope you all enjoyed your day off and celebrated your economic and social contributions to society. As I mentioned, most high school and college football teams kicked off their seasons this weekend and what a weekend it was. But, because football season is so young and I foresee plenty of posts dedicated to the sport in the near future, I'm going to hold off on any gridiron discussions for now. Oh, one more thing before I get into the real focus of the post: I may have written my tennis/Nike post a day or two premature. If you've been watching the US Open at all, you've probably seen a young American named Donald Young (pictured above) making a run through the bracket. The 22 year-old Chicago native is one of just four unseeded, male competitors to advance to the round of 16 where he'll take on fourth-seeded Andy Murray on Tuesday. The kid is downright filthy. He's a charismatic southpaw that wears his emotions on his sleeve, a sleeve that displays the Nike swoosh. Obviously he would have been eliminated in the first round if he had been sporting Fila gear. Anyway, the dude is a beast, I'm on the bandwagon and there's plenty of room. Get on board.

Most of you know by now that I'm a sports reporter for the local cable company in my area. We specialize in high school sports and we don't discriminate which means I get some rather unenviable assignments at times. So last week I got sent to a high school golf match between two local teams that were in first and second place respectively in their conference. Not the best thing I've ever done, but certainly better than having to watch two small school girls' soccer teams play all of regulation and two overtimes to a scoreless tie. I've done that and I'd rather get punched in the throat by Mike Tyson while simultaneously being lit on fire than have to do that again. No disrespect to soccer players, your game is just really, really boring. Anyway, let me explain how my job works so you understand the situation. As of right now, I don't do any live broadcasts. I just put together a package of highlights of the events I cover, very similar to what you'd see on Sportscenter. So when it comes to covering golf, we don't follow them for the entire 18 holes because that'd just be ridiculous. We try to get there for the last 6 or 7 holes which still gives us more than enough footage to find a couple of highlights.

That being said, on this particular day the golfers teed off at 2:45 so my cameraman and I arrived just before 5 o' clock. We were actually a little later than we had hoped, but I wish we had been much, much later. When we got out onto the course, we found that the first group was just finishing up their front nine. As we followed them to the tenth tee, there was a group of four men hitting their tee shots which means the high schoolers were forced to wait. As we sat there, I struck up conversation with the kids, asking them if they had been playing behind these guys all day. They told me that the men were on the first tee when they got there and they'd been forced to wait at every subsequent tee since. It turns out the golf course scheduled another tournament that day that ran all the way up until the beginning of the high school match. Long story short, the kids played until it was pitch black. They played so late that the last group wasn't even able to finish, they just took pars for the 18th hole because it was impossible to see anything when they got there. The craziest part is that it was a close match. The way high school golf works is this: Each team has 10 golfers that play the full round. When the round is over, they take their best 5 scores and add them up. But the scores aren't tallied until everyone has finished. So everyone knew it was a close match, yet they had no other choice than to give the final two players on each team a par for the last hole. The winning team ended up with a six-stroke victory which would have been impossible to make up on one hole, but they didn't know that at the time.

Now do me a favor: Take a moment to think about that..............Does anyone find that as absurd as I do? This is an official varsity contest people. That's like two high school basketball teams showing up for their game and having to wait for a bunch of old men wearing head bands to finish their pick-up game. Then they'd start the real game, but they'd only be allowed to play for a few minutes before having to let the old men throw up some more air balls. There would be no scoreboard, just someone keeping track of each team's total, but not telling the players the score. And that process would continue over and over until the kids had almost played the entire game. But instead of finishing, each team would just add ten points to their total and hope they had done enough up until that point to win the game. It's completely bogus. It reminds me of high school and even some college tennis where the players make their own calls and keep their own score. I mean I covered a state playoff tennis match and they didn't even have umpires, just some official that basically served as a mediator if there was a disagreement. I actually feel bad for those golfers because their sport gets no love. But, then again, we are talking about golf, the thing that most people do on their day off. Now let me get back to watching Roger Federer absolutely tool on this no-name cat, Juan Monaco in a match that didn't start until almost midnight.

*Russell Wilson for Heisman*

"I think there's--he's the main guy and then there's probably four or five of us that are--I don't know. Maybe we need to do just a tag team effort or something, join forces, you know, like Power Rangers or something." -Andy Roddick, after losing to Roger Federer in 2005...I still love Roddick even though he rocks Lacoste on the court

-Brusk Dollas

Look Good, Feel Good; Feel Good, Play Good

2011-08-30T22:50:00.000-07:00

As a result of that biotch named Irene, my home was without electricity from late Saturday night until this morning. For that reason, I was unable to fulfill my commitment to posting every Monday and Thursday night, but we're officially back in business. Kinda makes me wonder what bloggers did back in the old days when there was no such thing as electricity. Anyway, I like sports. I've played just about every sport there is and I'll watch almost anything that ESPN is willing to broadcast. From poker to bowling to real sports like basketball and football, I've played it and I've watched it. I'll even go so far as to watch the most unwatchable sport of them all, soccer, assuming there are no "King of Queens" re-runs airing simultaneously (but only because I'm a student of my craft of sports reporting). That being said, the motivation for tonight's post came to me as I watched the US Open of tennis today.

Look good, feel good; feel good, play good: A phrase that many athletes, myself included, live by. I have no problem admitting that I did/wore things during my athletic career for no other reason than to look like an absolute beast. Most notably, in my days as a college football player, I wore a visor (eye shield), taped my wrists, spatted my ankles (full ankle tape over the shoes), and cut one of the sleeves off my Under Armour so that I had a single, long sleeve with the other arm bare. Some people probably looked at me and thought I was an idiot, but I felt like a baller and it legitimately gave me more confidence as a player. And it's not just accessories that some people focus on, but the brand names on the equipment as well. I played with guys that believed we would be a better team when we switched from Russell jerseys to Nike ones. So what does all this have to do with the US Open? The answer is simple: There may not be a single sport that represents more brands than tennis.

I watched James Blake beat some random dude named Jesse Huta Galung earlier today and wanted so badly to be a fan of Blake's. He's an American from New York, the state in which the US Open is being played, and I like his demeanor on the court (you'll never hear me use the word "swag" again, by the way). But just when I thought I had found a new tennis player to root for, I noticed that the man was wearing Fila. Fila!?!? Noooooooooo James. The only good thing about Fila is that Lil' Scrappy has a hype song with that title, but in the song "F.I.L.A." stands for "Forever I Love Atlanta." Oh, and the song isn't even that good. Other than that, I didn't know Fila even existed anymore, and I would have preferred that it stay that way. And the list doesn't end there. There are only a hand-full of tennis players that rock Nike gear (Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer), but naturally they're some of the world's best players. Not even the best American player for the last decade, Andy Roddick, is decked out in Nike equipment. He's sponsored by Lacoste. I love Roddick, but Lacoste is a good sponsor for a debate team, not an elite athlete. And now you know why he's never been able to consistently compete with the world's best.

Don't believe me? Think about the most recognizable athletes on the planet, past or present...OK, who comes to mind? I'm guessing Michael Jordan, Lebron James, Tiger Woods, Tom Brady, Alexander Ovechkin, Derek Jeter, Roger Federer and maybe a few others. I'm certain that the NFL is sponsored by Reebok and I'm pretty sure the NHL is as well, so take Brady and Ovechkin out of the equation. But in the other sports (NBA, MLB, professional tennis and professional golf), players have the option of wearing whatever brand of equipment they want. So what do MJ, Lebron, Tiger, Jeter and Federer all have in common? They all wear Nike. Look, I'm not stupid. I realize that money plays a huge factor in all of this. Nike is the biggest athletic corporation on the planet, therefore they have the most money to pay high profile athletes to wear their equipment. But here's another justification. The last ten NCAA Football Division 1 FBS National Champions have been: Auburn, Alabama, Florida, LSU, Florida again, Texas, USC, USC again, Ohio State and Miami. I don't need to tell you who sponsors all eight of these programs. Lastly, in my five years in college, my football team had three different sponsors: Russell, Nike and Adidas. We made the national playoffs just one time in those five years and I bet you can guess who our sponsor was that year...Coincidence? I think not. I'm not going to say it's impossible to win if you don't wear Nike, but it's pretty clear that your chances increase exponentially if you do. I'd love to hear your opinions on the subject, so please leave comments on this site or my Facebook page. Thank you all.

"We can't win at home and we can't win on the road. My problem as general manager is I can't think of another place to play." -Pat Williams

-Brusk Dollhairs

Somebody Pay That Man

2011-08-25T20:57:00.000-07:00

College athletes receiving illegal benefits. Can anyone think of a single topic that has ever received more attention in the wide world of sports? I certainly can't. And, while I wrote a post about the topic a few months back, there are new developments popping up daily. New schools, new violations, new, loser boosters that illegally give their money to athletes. And the best part about those assholes is that many of them made their money illegally. Laws are just being disregarded left and right. The NCAA has now focused the majority of its attention on the University of Miami and the allegations surrounding current prison inmate Nevin Shapiro. While that may be the flavor of the week, Terrelle Pryor continues to garner attention after being selected by the Oakland Raiders in this week's NFL Supplemental Draft, and he's the individual I'd like to focus on tonight.

I didn't go back and read my last post on this topic so forgive me if I'm a little redundant. But I'm completely sick of hearing people call Pryor "the man who ruined Ohio State." That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Pryor made some bad decisions, yes. But he didn't do anything that every struggling, 19 year-old college student wouldn't have done. If I told you that you could have a brand new sports car for free when you were 19 years old, you'd ask me where to sign. I've said it before and I'll say it again: The people to blame in these situations are the compliance officers, the coaching staff and, most importantly, the scumbag boosters. At this point we're just waiting to hear who the next school, player or coach is that will be under investigation. Trust me, everyone is guilty. Every single Division 1 athletic program in the country is doing something they're not supposed to. The Pryor case is definitely an extreme, but it's not a matter of who's violating NCAA rules, but rather a matter of who's going to get caught. Not all violations are as serious as the ones at Ohio State, USC, Miami and many other big name universities, but plenty of smaller schools could face heat too. There are countless schools committing what the NCAA would consider to be petty violations such as going over the allotted practice hours in a week, supplying academic "assistance" that would be frowned upon, or covering up misdemeanor offenses. In those instances, it would be mostly the coaching staff and compliance officers that would be punished, but guilty is guilty.

Now I've heard several suggestions of ways to fix the problem of athletes receiving illegal benefits. Most notably, make it a felony for any booster to supply illegal benefits or don't allow any athlete to play professionally if he/she was proven to have taken illegal benefits while in college. As far as the first recommendation goes, I'm not necessarily opposed to it. However I think that's a little optimistic. I'd be a supporter of imprisoning every sleazeball that puts a naive college athlete in a position to ruin their career, but it's just not realistic. Misdemeanor? Sure. But a felony? Like, the same level of criminal offense as armed robbery, homicide, rape, and other heinous crimes? I don't think so. As for suggestion number two, that just simply wouldn't solve the problem. Yes, it would deter athletes at the highest level from taking gifts from boosters, but it doesn't account for the athletes that either know they're not good enough to play professionally or don't want to play professionally. Those particular athletes would have no problem pocketing some extra cash.

So after thinking long and hard *pause* about it, after analyzing all aspects of the issue, I've finally come up with a solution: Pay college athletes. OK, maybe I wasn't the first person to submit the idea, but I'm now a supporter of it. I had never really decided on which side of the fence I fell when it came to the idea of paying college athletes, but now it's become clear. It's simply the only way and the best way to assure that they won't be tempted to accept bribes from outsiders. It would also level the playing field when it comes to recruiting. Programs and coaches would actually have to sell their universities (figuratively, not literally) to recruits based on the school itself, the football tradition and academics instead of showing them the private yachts and strip clubs they'll get to attend if they play well. What a concept. Oh, by the way, Terrelle Pryor will be a good NFL player. Better than Cam Newton. You heard it here first.

Instead of a quote to end this post, I'm going to give you all a very special treat. The following is the video that myself and a few friends made in our 11th grade spanish class. And after you watch it I don't think you'll have a hard time figuring out why we aced it. Too easy. Enjoy.

-Brusk Dollas

That's Just Fan-Tastic

2011-08-22T22:14:00.000-07:00

The more I brainstorm ideas for this blog, the more obvious it becomes to me what the biggest problem in the sports world is: Fans. I've dedicated multiple posts to different kinds of fans and I think I may have even said that ignorant, uninformed fans are the worst kind at one point. If I did indeed do that, I'd like to formally rescind that statement right now. Because I can honestly say that I've finally identified the very worst kind of fan beyond a reasonable doubt: True, obsessed "fanatics." The fan that truly believes that his/her pre-game ritual is going to affect the outcome of the game. The fan that believes that he/she is as much a part of the team as the players. The fan that believes that he/she would make a better coach than "that asshole," but only when their team is losing. The fan that literally hates other teams because it's not "their" team. The fan that lives vicariously through the players on "their" team. And worst of all, the fan that is willing to physically fight another human for not being a fan of "their" team.

I like to begin my posts by providing a little bit of context for my arguments. In this case, I'm going to use myself as an example. I love sports. I've played them for my entire life and continue to do so recreationally on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis. I love them so much that I've decided to pursue a career that is completely devoted to athletics. I have a favorite team in the NFL, NBA, MLB, NCAA Football, NCAA Basketball and Trexlertown Slow-Pitch Softball League. I don't like to see them lose. But if they do, I'm mature enough to recognize that it's a game and it really has nothing to do with my life. I sulk for about 37 seconds, take a sip of my beer, and then go back to not being a complete psycho about something I have no control over. And never have I even dreamed about fighting someone for not rooting for the same team as me. That's just laughable.

The initial motivation for this post came Thursday night during/after the Eagles' preseason game against the Steelers. In case you missed it, the Eagles weren't exactly impressive. Mike Vick threw three interceptions in one half and their starters were downright dominated by their Steeler counterparts. So I sign on Facebook as the game is ending and what's the first thing I see in my newsfeed? Countless statuses from non-Eagle fans talking shit about the Eagles. Several of them that read something like this: "Ohh some dream team huh? HAHAHA I love watching the Eagles suck!" Really? No, seriously...REALLY? How little of a life do you have that you're watching a preseason game just hoping you'll see a team fail? And the sad thing is that it wasn't just one person, it was several. All that tells me is that you already know "your" team is going to be hot garbage so you're just praying that your friends don't have something to cheer about. You know what they say, misery loves company. Sidenote: Most of you that are reading this know me well enough to know that I couldn't care less about the Eagles. So it's not like my feelings were hurt. I just think it's hilarious that people are more worried about them than they are about "their" team. And by "hilarious" I clearly mean "embarrassing."

I don't hate you if you fall into the above category. I understand that people like to talk junk to their friends and there's friendly competition when it comes to favorite teams. I still think it's a little ridiculous to root against a team unless "your" team is in a battle with them in the standings, but it's more funny than it is anything serious. But this is the part where I do get a little serious on you. I had already made up my mind that this was going to be the focus of my next post when another tragic event occurred at a San Francisco sporting event. Saturday night the 49ers hosted the Oakland Raiders in preseason action at Candlestick Park. There were multiple violent offenses surrounding the game. One man was assaulted and knocked unconscious in a restroom during the game, there was a brawl involving several fans in the stands, and then two more men were SHOT after the game. It's uncertain whether or not the incidents were related, but the fact of the matter is that at least one fan was offended enough to pull a gun and use it. I'm literally so disgusted that I almost don't even know what to say. First of all, who the hell brings a gun to a preseason football game? Second of all, how is it possible that anything could have been said or done that warranted a shooting? It's literally mind-boggling. I can't find words to express how pathetic these people are. And this came on the heels of San Francisco Giants fan Bryan Stow being beaten to a coma by two Los Angeles Dodger fans earlier this year. These people aren't fans. They're psychotic criminals that should be castrated with a rusty butter knife before spending the rest of their lives behind bars.

And this isn't a new phenomenon. Fans have been rioting, brawling and fighting for as long as sports have existed. Soccer fans are infamous for their brawls. There was a fight at the Ravens/Chiefs game the same night as the Niners/Raiders game. We all remember the Pistons/Pacers brawl which was incited by idiotic fans. So what's the solution? I can pretty much guarantee that alcohol is the one constant in these occurrences. But there's really no way to prevent people from drinking. Stadiums aren't going to stop selling alcohol during games because they'd lose a ton of money and, to be honest, that wouldn't change anything anyway. People will find a way to drink. If they can't get it during games, they'll drink during tailgating. If they can't tailgate, they'll drink before they get to the park. It's a scary thought, but there's really no way to assure that these things won't happen. This may be the only time you'll ever see me drop an f-bomb on here, but I have to do it to show how serious I am. The only way to prevent this shit from happening is for people to grow the fuck up. I just don't know if that will ever happen.

"The fanatic is incorruptible: if he kills for an idea, he can just as well get himself killed for one; in either case, tyrant or martyr, he is a monster." -Emil Cioran (Romanian philosopher and essayist)

-Brusk Dollas

Just the "Tip" of the Iceberg

2011-08-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

The sports world quickly went from incredibly boring and uneventful to having an abundance of potential blog topics. From the endless NCAA violations at Miami (is anybody really surprised about anything that goes down at "The U?") to the NFL's belief that they can just make up rules as they go along (kickoffs moved up five yards, Terrelle Pryor being eligible for the supplemental draft when he CLEARLY should not be), I wasn't sure which direction to go when I woke up this morning. Fortunately for all of us, somebody gift-wrapped a topic and delivered it to me on this fine day. There may come a day in the near future that I tackle one of the aforementioned issues, but today's post will be completely dedicated to a list of the Top Ten Worst Celebrity Tippers that was accumulated on a restaurant blog called "Short Order."

Before I even dive into the list, let me address a few important questions/facts: First of all, I know what you all are thinking: What criteria was used in developing this list? Also, how do we know what facts are/aren't true? As far as the first question is concerned, this blog did their research. According to the site, the list was compiled based on the "number of cheapskate lists each person appears on, stinginess relative to how wealthy the person is, and how low the tip, comparative to how high the bill." Naturally I did my research as well and can confirm that their top ten were consistently appearing on list after list. To answer question number two, simply, we don't. It's impossible to know the real facts unless you're a server that was unfortunate enough to deal with one of these scumbags. But because there are several celebrities on the list that I never liked in the first place, I choose to believe it. And that brings up the one fact that I needed to get out of the way. I'm the most skeptical dude on the planet when it comes to most things...That is, unless, it's more negative press about someone that I already disliked. So now that we have those things out of the way, here's the list with my take on each individual named.

Coming in at #10 on this lovely list is the most popular food personality herself, Rachael Ray. Lets be serious. Any normal person that has ever watched Rachael Ray knows that the smell of her annoyingness (yes, that's a real word) and fraudulence are much stronger than that of the dishes she whips up. She tries wayyyy to hard to come off as a genuine sweetheart when clearly she flips that switch off as soon as the camera turns off.

At #9 is long-time funnyman Bill Cosby. This one is a little disappointing because Cosby doesn't fall into the category of "celebrities I never liked." Nonetheless, the man is getting downright old at this point so I'll chalk his bad tips up to old age/an inability to perform simple math/senility.

#8 on the list is actor Sean Penn. When it comes to his on-screen performances, I'm a big fan of Penn's. But I'm hardly surprised to see him on this list considering that he seems virtually unable to form a smile.

At #7 we have the beautiful Mariah Carey. If her tip percentage was as high as the notes she's capable of hitting, restaurant servers would be very happy and she would be very broke. However that is far from the case. Once again though, no surprise that someone who would marry Nick Cannon lacks judgment in other areas of her life.

Not quite cheap enough to crack the Top 5 is R&B singer Usher at #6. This one is probably the biggest surprise on the list. Don't kid yourself, everyone likes Usher. He's a talented musician and dancer and seems authentically personable whenever he's interviewed. But we might as well stay right along with the whole "lack of judgment" theme. If you're looking for a reason to believe that Usher may very well belong on this list, just go listen to his 2004 album titled "Confessions" where he publicly admits to having impregnated another woman while in a relationship. True story. Not to mention that his name appeared more consistently than anyone's when I was doing some research into the credibility of this list.

And this is where the list really gets good. At #5 is actor Jeremy Piven, or, as most of you probably know him, Ari from the HBO series "Entourage." It's reported that Piven once left an autographed "Entourage" DVD as his show of gratitude. That would be a nice thing to do along with at least a 25% tip for someone as wealthy as he is. And if you're sitting there thinking, "Well at least you could sell it on EBay and make some money off of it," I really have no rebuttal. You're right, you probably could do that. Maybe this man doesn't belong on the list after all. Don't shoot the messenger.

My only complaint about the next dirtball on this list is that he didn't make the top 3. The #4 worst celebrity tipper is Lebron James. I don't need to sit here and tell you all the reasons you shouldn't be surprised about this one. The dude is downright corny. Here's an impressive display of appreciation for ya: According to The Miami News Times, James once ran up an $800 tab at a Cleveland steakhouse, eating and drinking until 4 a.m. At that hour, chances are the place would have closed 4 hours earlier but likely remained open for the man that city once idolized. So how did he thank them? By leaving a staggering $10. I'm no mathematician, but I think that equates to 1.25%. Someone double-check that. Anyway, given that the tip comes at the end of the meal, that's just another confirmation that James has no idea how to finish.

And now for the Top 3. At #3 is the ageless actor/singer Barbara Streisand. This is a tough one. Streisand is rather well-known for her charitable donations. According to the Boston Herald, she's raised more than $25 million for charities via live performances. But there's a report that she once left a $10 tip on a $457 tab. Apparently all celebrities think that $10 is a sufficient tip regardless of the size of the bill. I'm just gonna stop there 'cause I know what some of you are thinking...

Just barely missing the top spot, coming in at #2 is Madonna. This chick is just plain weird. I'm not even gonna make the "Material Girl" connection because I've already heard it too many times. But the original Lady Gaga minus wearing raw meat for a hat is reported to have left an $18 tip on a $400 bill. Terrible, yes. But does it bother anyone else that Lebron's 1.25% didn't edge out Babs and Madonna? Anyway, I'm impartial when it comes to Madonna so I'm gonna give her a bit of a pass here.

And taking home the top spot, the stingiest mofo on planet Earth......................My good pal Eldrick "Tiger" Woods. This entire post could have been dedicated to poor displays of judgment on Tiger's behalf. But the one that is relevant to this list comes from a report by "List of the Day:" Apparently Tiger once "pulled a mulligan on a $5 tip, re-pocketing the money meant for a waitress after realizing he had tipped her earlier in the evening. He was possibly distracted by the $10,000 hand of blackjack he was playing." It's a damn good thing he pulled that 5-spot back. As of September of 2010, the most recent calculated report I could find, Tiger was only worth 100 million times more than that. I wanted to make some sort of comparison until I realized there is nothing in the world that is worth 100 million times less than I am. The only thing comparable between Tiger and myself at this point is our golf game. On that note, he may need that $5 in the near future.

"I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser." -Arnold Palmer

-Brusk Dollas

The Infamous "Softball Guy"

2011-08-15T20:30:00.000-07:00

I don't know what's taken me so long to get to this topic. I really don't. And it's not because I have a whole lot to say about it, but more because my opinions are rather strong. But I just recently got home from one of my twice a week, slow-pitch softball games so it's fresh in my mind and it's finally time. Not to mention that the Trexlertown Slow-Pitch playoffs are this weekend so there's no better time for me to get this off my chest. If you listen to Jim Rome on Fox Sports Radio, there's a very good chance that you've heard him allude to "softball guy." If not, allow me to explain: Rome consistently refers to this guy as the guy wearing jersey number 69 with the name "Hammer" on the back of it who thinks that his beer-drinking softball league is life. And while there are plenty of "Hammers" in the world, my definition of "softball guy" extends even further than the clean-up hitting, roid injecting, sleeve-cutting, pick-up truck driving lunatic that tries to hit the cover off the ball every at-bat. There are so many more guys that don't fit that description that still fall into the category of "softball guys."

Let me begin by saying there is definitely a fine line between a normal softball player and "softball guy." Take myself for example: I'm very competitive by nature so I try to win and perform at the highest level possible regardless of what I'm doing. I expect to get a base-hit every time I step to the plate and make every defensive play that is humanly possible. I've even been known to throw my bat from time to time when I hit a weak pop-up, but that's simply because there's no excuse for that for someone with any ounce of athleticism in their body. But here are a few things you might see from "softball guy" after making an out: Refusal to talk to teammates, inability to smile, hostility for the remainder of the game, and an attempt to break the aluminum bat over their knee (and possibly succeeding, depending on their steroid dosage for the day). There are some guys that just take the game way too seriously. If your week...check that...if your day is ruined after a loss in slow-pitch softball, you need a new hobby or two.

And the worst kind of "softball guy" is the guy that never played a sport in his life yet thinks it's OK to tell a real athlete how to play the game. Not only did nobody respect you before, but now you might as well be the dirt on the bottom of my cleats. This is typically the same guy that keeps track of his slugging percentage, on-base percentage, fielding percentage, ERA, or how many more milligrams of Dianabol he needs to hit the ball that extra ten feet to get over the fence. This guy also wears baseball pants when he plays and doesn't just complain, but curses out the one-man umpire crew when there's a bang-bang play at second base and the call doesn't go his team's way. Seriously, give the guy a break, loser. Unless your name is Rusty Bumgardner, just enjoy the game for what it is: A great way to have fun with friends, enjoy a few adult beverages and convince yourself that you just got your exercise for the day even though you didn't break a sweat. Basically what it comes down to is this: "Softball guy" is just another way of saying "weird guy with no life."

"I got 3-D glasses for $9.99! The movie is free!" -Some very dumb DJ from Gucci Mane's very dumb song, "Frowny Face," off his very dumb mixtape, "The BurrPrint 3-D." So dumb.

-Brusk Dollhairs

Haters Gon' Hate

2011-08-11T16:18:00.000-07:00

The opinion that I'm about to share with you is one that I will stand by forever because this very same situation was a part of my life for three years (minus the major media coverage). Why is the media bashing a young man that has done nothing to warrant hatred? Why is he the butt of every joke when he has accomplished more in twenty-three years than his middle-aged critics have in a lifetime? Tim Tebow has been the topic of verbal onslaught for over a week now due to the perception of his play at Quarterback. I don’t get it and I probably never will, but today’s post will be my stance on Tim Tebow, the football player. I won't bore you with discussions about Tim Tebow’s lifestyle because he lives by a moral code that most of us couldn’t sustain for a week. Today will be my rebuttal to the critics and their lack of confidence in one Timothy Richard Tebow.

I've heard it all when it comes to Tebow's play at the Quarterback position and every day I question if the critics realize who they are talking about. Tim Tebow is a Quarterback who, throughout his whole life, was told he couldn’t play the position. As a true Sophomore, Tebow was the first player ever to win the Heisman as a second year player confirming the hype that has surrounded him since his days in high school. He’s also the first guy in fifty years to win the Maxwell Award (Best Offensive Player) twice and it should be noted he beat out Cam Newton (First Pick in 2011 NFL Draft) for a starting job at Florida twice. Yet I still hear that Timmy can’t play Quarterback at the NFL level even though he out-performed everyone, including the guys that analysts praise.

I will agree Tim Tebow is not your classic, sit-in-the-pocket, statue Quarterback, but neither are Steve Young, Randall Cunningham, Michael Vick or Donovan McNabb. The common denominator with all these amazing football players is that they perform when the lights are on. The past week has brought us numerous reports of how Kyle Orton looks better than Tebow and he will begin the season as the starter for the Denver Broncos. Tebow has not only lost his competition for the starting job, but reporters have said that Brady Quinn has been throwing the ball better than Tebow and that he will likely be Orton's back-up. While the assault of Tebow is taking place, remember one thing: The last time the Denver Broncos took the field against an opponent Tebow was competing against playoff caliber teams with Orton and Quinn watching from the sideline feeding each other water. The media talks about Orton like he was a playoff caliber quarterback last year. In reality, Orton started the first 13 games of the season leading the Broncos to an embarrassing 3-10 record in those games. My biggest issue with the situation in Denver is that the observers are judging the hardest position in sports under the most unrealistic conditions. Anyone who has ever played the game, and a lot of people who haven't, know the golden rule in practice is DON’T TOUCH THE QUARTBACK. Every traditional Quarterback is great without the possibility of a defender knocking his teeth down his throat. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I'm pretty sure no team was ever rewarded a win for having a good practice.

In college I played with three different Quarterbacks in my four-year experience. I will not single out any one of these guys, but the two who were excellent practice Quarterbacks led us to a very impressive three-year record of 13-17 (please note the sarcasm). When those two were either gone or injured, the guy who wasn’t always throwing the most beautiful passes during routes on air and who didn't care how his balls *pause* looked in line-throw took his troops on a six-game winning streak which ultimately ended in the NCAA playoffs. The intangibles this quarterback possessed weren't something you could see in skelly (7on7). This Quarterback shined on the gridiron, during games, where the pads crack and defenses take pleasure in decapitating signal-callers.

It doesn’t matter who throws the prettiest spiral or who can launch a rocket 85 yards in the air. All that matters is how a Quarterback leads his men and brings home victories. At the end of the day he's one of many that went into the trenches together as a unit in the ultimate team sport. Tebow rallies his followers with his play on the game-field. He brings heart, passion and desire which is are all traits shared by my former teammate. Give the kid a chance to fail instead of writing him off. After all, he's done nothing his entire life but prove everyone wrong. You'd be surprised at what can be accomplished when a chance is given to someone who's been counted out their entire life. Does the name Doug Flutie ring a bell?

“We’re gonna take lives and crush skulls. Live by the motto we follow and he'll take us to victory. Bring this shit up and say it on three: In Brusko We Trust!” -Sean Wasson AKA The Most Interesting Man On Earth. Stay thirsty my friends!

-Jae Pierce

Always a Front-Runner

2011-08-09T11:55:00.000-07:00

Over the past few weeks, my co-author and I have gone in a slightly different direction with many of our posts. If you've been keeping up with us, you know we haven't talked a whole lot about current events in the sports world, mostly because it's a pretty boring time of year. We also like to give our readers something different, something you haven't already heard five times a day on SportsCenter. But after this weekend's PGA WGC-Bridgestone Invitational, I have to give you my take on what everyone and their mother have been talking about.

The Bridgestone Invitational garnered the attention of just about every sports fan as Tiger Woods played his first tournament since May 12, when he withdrew from the Players Championship due to injury after an atrocious first nine holes. But Woods' return wasn't the only thing that people were watching. Just two weeks before the tournament he fired long-time caddie and friend, Steve Williams, after 12 years together. The break-up was inevitable after Williams became vocally critical of Woods as a result of Tiger's adulterous ways that were made public knowledge almost two years ago. These two men, who, at one time were such good friends that they stood up for one another at their respective weddings, have seen their relationship deteriorate rapidly since Thanksgiving of 2009. After his firing, Williams was hired by Adam Scott to carry his bag for this weekend's tournament.

I'll be the first to admit, I was rooting for Scott to win simply out of spite for Tiger. I've never been a fan of Woods and when Scott eventually won the tournament on Sunday I was a happy man. But my elation only lasted until I heard Williams' post-round interview. Before I get into his comments, let me explain something to those of you who don't know much about golf: Williams is a caddy. His job is to carry his golfer's bag, recommend an occasional club, help his golfer read greens, and dap him up after a good shot. And that's being generous. According to Curtis Strange, two-time winner of the U.S. Open, a caddy's job is to "show up, keep up and shut up." The golfer swings the clubs. The golfer records every single score on every single hole. The golfer makes the final decision on what club to use and what shot to hit. That's why I had to laugh and then vomit when I heard Williams acting like he had just won the tournament on Sunday. Take a listen to this:

I don't really care about him saying it was the best win and week of his life. I really don't. He obviously had a chip on his shoulder after his firing so it's natural that he wanted to win this weekend more than ever before, especially with Tiger in the field. My disgust comes from him acting like he was the one making the shots. At no point did he give any credit to the man that actually played. The man conducting the interview, David Feherty, even gave Williams a perfect opportunity to compliment Adam Scott (although it was the longest question I've ever heard from a reporter), but Williams blew that chance. Instead he thought the world needed to know that he's a "very confident front-runner" on the racetrack and on the golf course. First of all, literally nobody cares that you go racing. I'm betting he doesn't even do the driving, he just sits in the passenger seat and tells the driver to keep turning left. Second of all, YOU didn't win. YOUR GOLFER won. And YOU don't have 145 career wins. You've CARRIED THE BAG for 145 wins, almost all of them coming from arguably the greatest golfer in history. There's a reason you wear your golfer's last name on the back of your shirt instead of your own: Because you just don't matter that much. If caddies make such a difference in a round of golf, why is it that I can't name a single one other than Williams? And don't let it go to your head, Stevie. The only reason I know your name is because of your immature behavior.

I understand why Williams is upset. According to him, Tiger fired him during a phone conversation, not in a face to face meeting like Woods has said. But it's about time he grows up and handles his disappointment like a man. Don't go cry to the media about how you need to put food on the table for your family. I have a hard time feeling bad for someone who has easily made several million dollars over the past few years by simply carrying some golf clubs. Tiger Woods made you. Anyway, what did you think was going to happen when you publicly criticized him for decisions he made in his private life? I never thought we'd see the day that I support Tiger Woods, but I think Williams has managed to surpass him for my least favorite individual in golf.

"I'll get up at five in the morning to do only two things: Go to the bathroom and play golf."

-Jim McMahon, former NFL Quarterback

-Brusk Dollhairs

Oh Happy Day

2011-08-04T16:57:00.000-07:00

Listen up everybody: As most of you probably know, today, Thursday, August 4th, is the birthday of an incredibly important and influential man in our country. A man that many people admire and believe to be the answer to all of our nation's biggest problems. That man, of course, is me. And because I'm committed to this blog, I've gone against the advice of some of the people closest to me and decided to post regardless of the fact that I should probably be getting absolutely annihilated right now. I will warn you though, this isn't going to be the most lengthy post I've ever written as I have celebrating to do. But what better way to honor this glorious day than to examine some athletic history that has taken place on this date? None that I can think of.

On August 4th, 1984, Carl Lewis captured his very first Olympic gold medal by winning the 100m dash final in Los Angeles. Lewis would go on to win eight more gold medals in his Olympic career, tying him with Mark Spitz and Paavo Nurmi for the most in men's Summer Olympic history. That record stood until 2008 when Michael Phelps won 8 gold medals in a single year to push his total to 14. Nonetheless, Lewis is the single greatest sprinter in U.S. history, but here's a fun fact that most people don't know: Lewis is arguably a better singer than he is a sprinter:

I've also discovered that August 4th is National Steroids Day. Check this out: Roger Clemens was born on August 4th, 1962, and we all know that man still has needles floating around his septic tank. Then on this day four years ago, Barry Bonds tied Hank Aaron for the most homeruns in MLB history when he hit the 755th of his career, and Alex Rodriguez joined the 500 club the very same day. I'm gonna give A-Rod a pass and not even mention his most recent controversy involving high-stakes poker games because I'm on a strict schedule. But I won't ignore the fact that he and Bonds both came into the league looking like Antoine Dodson and "somehow" evolved into Ronnie Coleman look-alikes. Google the names if you don't know who they are.

In my last minute research I found a few more notable individuals that were born on August 4th: NASCAR drivers Kurt Busch and Jeff Gordon. Those two should be honored to share a birthday with someone like myself who's had moderate success in an actual sport. And lastly, I just learned that the President of the United States of America, Barack Obama, was born on this day back in 1961. Who knew?

Unfortunately, yes, that's all I have for today. Thank you all for the birthday wishes you've offered, whether it be via Facebook, text message or phone call. I have an amazing family and an awesome group of friends and I hope you all know how much I appreciate you. And if you happen to read this on Thursday night, throw back a cold one for me. I'm sure I'll be doing the same.

"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." -Unknown

-Brusk Dollhairs

You Don't Really Expect Me To Believe That...

2011-08-01T21:35:00.000-07:00

Instead of going off on a tangent in the middle of this post, I'm gonna get this one out of the way right out the gate. "Shark Week" is the most overrated thing on television. I watched the premiere of "Shark Week" last night on the Discovery Channel at 9 p.m. and saw an entire week's worth of television in one hour. Every single show is a bunch of "shark historians" with South African/Australian accents (which is practically the same thing) talking about the increasing number of shark sightings in areas near shore. Sure it's fascinating to see those beasts and what they're capable of, but how many times can you expect me to watch the same story with no variations except the show's title and the location? I get it already: Sharks aren't human predators by nature, they're big as hell and it's not a good idea to get bitten by one. That's about all I need to know. Now lets talk about more idiots in the world of sports.

I can't figure out if athletics bring out the inner-liar in so many people or if there are just that many delirious people that don't realize they have no clue what they're talking about. Either way, there is no single thing that people exaggerate/lie more about than sports. In some cases it's the athletes themselves that are guilty of embellishing their personal accomplishments (which never happens with an athlete that is actually successful) and in others it's naive fans that either make shit up or simply regurgitate statistics they've heard because they don't know any better. The other night I was covering a Reading Phillies (Double-A affiliate of the Philadelphia Phillies) game for work and was forced to listen to a fan tell bold-faced lies for almost the entire nine innings. Because I have other, much more important things to get to in this post, I'll just tell you about the two most laughable things he said. The guy started telling a co-worker and me about some running back that plays football at a local college. Apparently the kid went to high school nearby, so this fan followed his career...Or, not so much, considering what he was about to tell me. I'm familiar with the high school that he played at and believe me, he would've had more competition against 12 year-old girls. That has nothing to do with the story, I just feel like making fun of everything possible right now. Anyway, Old Man River tells us that this dude set the Pennsylvania state record for touchdowns in a season. WRONG. I played against the man who set the record and it ain't that guy. He went on to tell us that he's on full athletic scholarship at his college. EHHH (that's my attempt to type the sound a buzzer makes) WRONG AGAIN. The school this kid goes to isn't permitted to give full athletic scholarships. Instead of pointing out all the inaccuracies in senile guy's stories, I just nodded my head and let him believe he was fooling me. But in my head, I'm wondering two things: How dumb does this guy think I am? And, I wonder if the kid he's talking about even plays college football. So it got me thinking about a few other things that people are constantly lying about.

The first lie that I've heard time and time again is how high someone's vertical jump is. Most of the time this is coming from an athlete because normal people don't discuss how high they can jump. But ask a male athlete what his vertical is and I promise you his answer won't be lower than 30 inches. And unless you're talking to an offensive lineman, I'll bet the answer won't be lower than 33 inches. Is that the truth? Probably not. Sure there are some guys with verts in the high 30's and even low 40's, but those dudes are few and far between. For example, according to topendsports.com, the average vertical for all NBA players is between 28 and 29 inches. The highest vertical recorded at the 2011 NBA pre-draft combine camp was 36.5" by Iman Shumpert. Better yet, do you know who Travis Leslie is? If not, he's a 6'4" guard/forward from the University of Georgia that seemed to be dunking on someone on top plays every other night during basketball season. Wanna know what he measured in the vertical at the pre-draft combine camp? 33 inches. Now I'll admit, some vertical tests are flawed. I cheated my way to a 33-inch vertical when working out for NFL scouts and that may be one of the problems. Some tests allow athletes to believe that they jump much higher than they really do. 'Cause I don't even dream about doing things I've seen Leslie do with ease...This should be illegal:

Lets move on to some things you're more likely to hear on a daily basis. Lots of dudes are obsessed with talking about how much they bench press. I don't get it. Honestly, nobody cares except for your equally-as-roided-up buddy that wears a wifebeater to the gym with you. Nonetheless, to all these Jersey Shore wannabes, the bench press has become the criteria used for ranking masculinity. And just like the vertical jump and the topic still to come, there is a certain number that everyone can do. Everyone you know that works out can bench at least 300 pounds. That is, if you believe their nonsense. Again, there are plenty of guys that actually can bench 300 pounds or more, but there are plenty more that would get their sternum crushed if they were able to get that much weight off the rack. 300 pounds isn't too far out of the realm of possibility, but if you ever hear someone say they bench 350, I want you to do three things: First, judo chop them in the Adam's Apple for being a meathead and talking about how much they bench, then tell them to put the weight on the bar. Finally, and this is the best part of all, watch them drop 350 pounds of steel on their neck while you laugh at their dumbass.

There are lots of things that people lie about when it comes to sports, but the last one I'm going to address is probably the one that we hear the most fabrications about: 40-yard dash time. Listen, almost nobody is as fast as they say they are and that includes athletes. Even non-athletes somehow know what their 40 time is, but it's never accurate. The standard benchmark in the 40 is probably the most ludicrous of them all, and I'm saying it's 4.6 seconds. 90% of people will tell you they run a 4.6 or faster and that's simply ridiculous. I've seen one of the fastest men in college run just under a 4.5 in an electronically timed 40-yard dash. And when I say one of the fastest men in college, I mean exactly that. Dude was in the final heat of the 55 meter dash at the 2007 NCAA Track Indoor Championships. Silly fast. And he's the only person I've ever seen break 4.5 in an electronic 40. The fastest guys that I played football with in college were consistently running in the 4.6 and 4.7 range and they could fly. If you've never been timed electronically, here's a surefire equation for calculating your time: Take the already unrealistic time that you think you run, add at least four tenths of a second, and then you have the time you'd run on the absolute fastest day of your life.

Let me conclude by again acknowledging that there are exceptions to every rule. I've seen the fastest of the fast, the strongest of the strong and guys that can windmill off their vertical. So I know these things are possible. But for that same reason, I also know how many people are downright liars when talking about the numbers they can put up. Why are so many people afraid to admit the true measures of their athleticism? And the list doesn't end at the vertical, the bench press and the 40 time. Its become acceptable to lie about things like your golf handicap, your bowling average, and even things as simple and concrete as your height. I don't know why everybody is constantly worried about being judged, but I do know this: You'll be judged much more harshly when it's actually time to put your money where your mouth is and you can't deliver.

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." -Mark Twain

-Brusk Dollhairs

Live Your Life

2011-07-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

I just sat down to write tonight's post and hadn't completely decided which direction to go with it. Naturally, I flipped on ESPN to get my creative juices flowing and the good folks at the worldwide leader in sports were kind enough to provide me with my topic for the evening: The X-Games Moto X Best Trick competition. Let me begin by saying these dudes are a different breed of human being. They're similar to professional MMA fighters when it comes to being sick in the head, but these guys are on a different level. When it first began the best trick competition was won by things like a standard backflip or a superman (a trick where the rider lets go of the handlebars, grabs on to the seat of the bike, extends his body completely flat and parallel to the ground, then pulls himself back on to the bike for the landing). These tricks were dangerous enough for me, but, like the NBA Dunk Contest, they have increased the difficulty tenfold since then. At this point, if you pull a single backflip with no supplemental trick, you're laughed out of the competition. It is to the best trick competition what the windmill is to the dunk contest. It's as if the scoring criteria reads, "The higher the chance of you losing your life on your trick, the better your score." Want proof? Here are the first five tricks I saw in no particular order, 'cause I can't remember the exact order:

The first rider was 19 year-old Jackson Strong from Australia. He pulled a front flip, the first ever in the history of the competition. In theory, that shouldn't even be possible. You're accelerating at a ramp that, at it's highest point, is perpendicular to the ground. How the hell do you throw yourself and a 250 pound motorcycle forward hard enough to perform a full flip? I don't have a clue but apparently he does and that's why he won the competition with it.

Another dude, probably from Australia as well considering the top three finishers were Aussies, pulled a double backflip. One backflip wasn't enough so he just added another. No big deal. To be honest, it wasn't the first time I saw the trick, but this cat made it look way too easy. It almost looked like that was his safe trick, the one he goes to when he just wants to land something and get on the board. When the double backflip has become that trick, I'm afraid to ask where the competition will go from here.

The next guy saw the first guy's front flip and decided that was too easy. I mean, it was only the first time anyone had ever executed a front flip in competition, so it's about time someone added something to it. This lunatic tried to execute a 360 while front flipping. Oh, I forgot to mention that he also took his hands off the handlebars in the middle of it...intentionally. Needless to say, this dude's landing was not as smooth as the first two. In fact, and I had a feeling it was only a matter of time, he fell off his bike upon landing and crashed head first into the dirt. As he lay there unconscious, I couldn't help but think to myself, "Umm...while I hope this dude isn't dead, what did he think was going to happen?" I'm allowed to say that because I know he's not dead. He eventually got up and walked off under his own power.

Trick number four was a combination of the two I mentioned in the intro. Homie began with a standard backflip, then, while completely upside down, he pulls a one-handed superman. Picture a guy dangling from an upside down motorcycle with one hand while about 30 feet in the air. Piece of cake. And this guy had no problem getting himself back on his bike and landing with ease.

And lastly, the biggest psycho of them all, Travis Pastrana. Pastrana has tried his hand at just about every extreme sport imaginable and been successful. Here's what his weekend schedule was supposed to look like: Tonight: X-Games Moto X Best Trick. Tomorrow: X-Games Moto X Freestyle Final. Saturday: NASCAR Nationwide Debut. Sunday: X-Games RallyCross Final. Unfortunately, Pastrana didn't make it through his first run in tonight's best trick competition before suffering a setback. In his typical fashion, he came out with a trick as difficult and unique as any. He attempted to backflip and then pull a 360, essentially separating them into two individual tricks. After doing a little research, I learned that Pastrana has been trying to land this trick for years. In his first attempt, he slightly over-rotated in his 360 resulting in a harmless crash. He immediately got back on his bike, drove back up the ramp, and approached the jump for a second time. This time, he wasn't so lucky. He had the same problem, over-rotating on the 360, but to an even greater extent on try number two. The man landed directly on his right leg with the bike dropping right on top of it. He got up, took one wobbly step on that right leg, and went right back down to the ground. I was certain that he broke something...check that, everything in his leg. And then came the best part of the entire night: When the "sideline" reporter checked in, she said that Pastrana diagnosed his own injury to her. He declared that he broke his tibia and fibula in that right leg. Hahaha call me soft, but it might be time to think about another profession when you can instantly determine what bones you broke from past injuries. To his credit, you gotta respect a dude that tries to walk off when his only two bones between his knee and his foot have turned to pixie dust. Quick shout-out to my co-author, Jae Pierce, who I watched jog off a football field with a fibula that was broken in multiple places. Sorry to bring back sour memories.

The point of all this is that these extreme athletes aren't normal. I'd almost go as far to say that they don't care about their lives, but I consider that to be disrespectful to their families. But it's for damn sure that they don't have a problem with putting their lives at risk every time they perform. Here's a little taste of what you get in the Moto X Best Trick Competition: PS - Don't bother watching after the 2-minute mark. It's pointless...

"It scared me to death. It just doesn't make sense. You're still on your motorcycle at the height of the jump going, 'this thing's not going to rotate around.' I knew it was possible, it just doesn't seem logical." -Travis Pastrana on attempting his first backflip at the X-Games.

-Brusk Dollas

Sport Pet Peeves

2011-07-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

Today marks a day that we've all been waiting for (remember, I'm writing this on Monday night): NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced that the lock-out has finally come to an end. It's the biggest news in all of sports so you're probably assuming that today's post will be completely dedicated to it, right? Well, the truth is that I'm completely sick of hearing, talking and even thinking about it. I'm convinced that both sides, players and owners, were bluffing from the start. When it began, there was talk of missing games, maybe even an entire season. But as the fall got closer and closer, everybody's attitude changed. We started hearing that it was no longer a matter of if the lock-out would end, but rather when it would end. Big-name players were quoted as saying, basically, "OK, enough of this nonsense. It's time to come to an agreement so we can play football." And sure enough, that time has arrived. I've been saying since day one, they're not going to miss games and I'm glad I was right.

But I've got something else in mind for today. The last time I wrote, I told you about the worst kinds of fans in all of sports. Today, I'm gonna tell you about the other things in sports that I can't stand. Today, I give you my list of Ten Biggest Sports Pet Peeves, in order:

10. Arguing With Officials/Whining
This would be higher on my list if it weren't for the fact that I used to be guilty of it when I was a competitive athlete. In high school (and even before high school) I didn't realize how pointless it was and how ridiculous it looked from an outsider's perspective. It wasn't until I was on the other side that it became so obvious how bad of an idea it was to complain about calls. Throughout my time in college I worked as a coach/referee at our school's annual basketball camp. When I was officiating, there was nothing that pissed me off more than a little kid whining about a call. When that happened, objectivity went out the window. Not only did I never change a call, but it made me less inclined to give that individual any calls from then on. Clearly that's not something that's recommended in the Referees' Official Handbook, but that's why I hung up the whistle. The best thing you can do as an athlete is to worry about the things you can control. I'll admit, it's much easier said than done, but quit crying about calls. If the referee is anything like me (which hopefully isn't the case), it's only going to make things worse.

9. When "Contests" Are Called "Sports"
We seem to be living in an era where just about anything can be considered a sport. Take July 4th, for example. For the past several years ESPN, the worldwide leader in sports, has aired the "Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest" held at Coney Island. I don't hate you if you enjoy watching a bunch of gluttons stuff their faces full of processed pig intestines, but I don't like you if you call it a sport. Competitive eating is exactly that: A competition. And the same goes for games like darts and bowling. If it's something that people do for leisure in between a round of beers and shots, then I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it's far from a sport.

8. Referees Making the Game About Them
I can't stand watching any athletic event where the official seems to think that the fans came to watch him/her. Nobody has ever gone to a game to watch an official perform in the history of sports. Even when you're family comes to your games, they're not paying attention to you. The best official is one that you don't even notice.

7. Entitlement
Now that I'm on the other side of the microphone, I've seen it all. I've interviewed everyone from grade-school athletes to Hall of Fame baseball players, and there's nothing worse than someone acting like it's a pain in their ass to do an interview. And it's not just the big-time athletes that are guilty of it. I've dealt with high school coaches that act disrespected when I don't know their name. Seriously, grow up. You're the head coach of a girls' soccer team at a school whose graduating class is smaller than your yearly income in thousands. You should be thanking us for pretending to care about your game. That being said, those losers are in the minority. Most athletes and coaches are very respectful, including the professionals. But when I do encounter one of these jerks every now and then, I find myself wishing I wouldn't get fired for force-feeding them my knuckles.

6. Parents Who Think Their Kid is a Scholarship Athlete
It's most athletes' dream to play their sport at a big-time university on an athletic scholarship, but only a small percentage get to live that dream. However the percentage of parents who think their kid is going to play at that level is through the roof. You're not doing your kid or yourself any favors by convincing them that Penn State will be knocking on your front door any day now if it's clearly not going to happen. Don't get me wrong, I think every athlete should aspire to play at whatever level they want, and it would be a shame for parents not to encourage their child to go for it. But here's a hint: If your kid barely gets up off his/her team's bench long enough to pick the splinters out of their ass, there's a good chance they won't be signing with USC come February. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, I'm just saying maybe you should spend your time a little more wisely.

5. Terrible Pep Talks
There is nothing that accomplishes the complete opposite of what it was meant to more than an awful pep talk. There are two variables that can result in these disasters: Bad timing and poor content. The first is self-explanatory. But the latter requires a bit of elaboration. The worst thing to do in a pep talk is to plan it. It is something that absolutely must be genuine and unscripted in order to motivate. Almost equally as devastating is a pep talk in which every word is an expletive. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of cursing (when it's aimed at an appropriate audience), but it has to be done strategically. The biggest misconception when it comes to inspiring a team is that a long string of f-bombs is the best way to do it. Wrong. Content and timing are everything and if you fail in either category, you would've been better off just keeping your mouth shut and letting Three Six Mafia take care of getting people ready to bash their heads through brick walls. But when done correctly, there's no better way to bring goosebumps to your teammates' skin and tears to their eyes. Here are two of the best I've seen:

4. The "Everybody Gets To Play" Culture
Here's a sure-fire way to instill the wrong habits in athletes and guarantee that your team will suck: Let everyone play the same amount. This strategy never has worked and never will. And no, I'm not just referring to high-level athletics. I'm an advocate for letting the cream rise to the top at every level, except maybe in an elementary school intramural league that is meant for kids who got cut from their travel teams. Other than that, the best players should play. Some of you probably think that would be damaging to a child's mentality, but I couldn't disagree more. It's never too early to teach a child that they have to work for what they get. If they care enough and want to be good then they'll work for it. If they don't care then they probably never wanted to be an athlete in the first place.

3. Idiotic Fans/Internet Message Boards
Last week I wrote an entire post about stupid fans, but that doesn't mean that I can't include them on my list. Anyway, I need to add these internet forums and message boards that allow people to provide their Monday Morning Quarterback analysis of every game. And the most ludicrous thing that a fan can do is to criticize play-calling, which is mostly a problem when it comes to football. Only a real football fan with real knowledge knows that there's no way to criticize play-calling. Unless you know the offense and the desired execution of the plays you're criticizing, then shut your big, dumb mouth. Chances are you have no idea what was supposed to happen on that play, what kind of defense it was run against or how the coaches coached the play as they prepared for their opponent. Did I mention you should get to shutting up?

2. Flopping
Ugh. Where do I even start when it comes to flopping? It's like the new, cool thing to do in just about every sport. Basketball players are hitting the ground from phantom gusts of wind in an effort to draw offensive fouls, soccer players are writhing around on the ground after being grazed by a shoelace and even Derek Jeter acts like he needs x-rays on his hand after a pitch hits the butt of his bat. Flopping is softer than candy necklaces, crocs and dudes who lay in tanning beds combined. Flopping is the reason I will never respect Paul Pierce. It might not even qualify as a flop in your book, but I have to make mention of his antics back in Game 1 of the 2008 NBA Finals. Pierce went down with an apparent knee injury and was first carried off the court by his teammates, then placed in a wheelchair and wheeled off the court. He's gotta be done for the rest of the series, maybe even the entire next season with an injury that serious, right? Eh, not exactly. About 15 minutes later the dude is running out of the tunnel and is back in the game. I have since heard Celtic fans defend him by saying that the team doctor called for the wheelchair, not Pierce. But here comes my favorite part: Pierce's quote about the situation..."I had no control over it. I come off the court and I had a doctor telling me to get in a wheelchair. What am I supposed to do? Tell him no?" Uhh...Yeah, actually. If you weren't softer than cupcake batter, that's exactly what you would've done.

1. Quitting/Giving Up
We've reached my biggest pet peeve in all of sports and there's really not a whole lot to say about it. There is absolutely, positively nothing worse than watching an athlete or coach give up on a game. The true test of character and will to win is how you react when faced with adversity. I don't care what the score is or what's at stake, there is NEVER an excuse to give up. When you quit, you flush integrity and self-respect down the toilet along with your legacy. A true competitor never gives up and never allows the people around him/her to do so either. 'Nuff said.

"I've always made a total effort, even when the odds seemed entirely against me. I never quit trying; I never felt that I didn't have a chance to win." -Arnold Palmer

-Brusk Dollas

Do Better

2011-07-21T21:01:00.000-07:00

I have to get a few things off my chest: I have been fortunate enough to start my career in the athletics field and, as I'm sure you've noticed on Sportscenter, there isn’t much going on. To maximize my time (and to make some extra cash, of course) I've been working sports camps over the past few weeks. I'd be lying if I said working camp isn’t fun, but the kids who attend are simply unbelievable. In my short time working these camps, I've seen things that make it impossible to hold back laughter, making me wonder what is really going on with our youth and their parents. So I've decided to give you a little insight into the oddities that I've encountered, while offering simple solutions to said parents and children:

Parents: Don’t send your child to camp unless he/she is prepared to participate. One parent at one of the camps I worked sent her child, Jim, to basketball camp in a Polo shirt, plaid khakis, hiking sandals and a Kufi on his head. When the Director of the camp called the mother, she responded by saying, "There are shoes in his bag for him to wear." The shoes she was referring to were Steve Madden penny loafers and, even better yet, there was only ONE of them. Jim wasn’t right in the head, and, needless to say, neither was Mom. If I told you Jim spent the week slapping campers like Rick James, would you believe me? Do better.

Kid: We’ll refer to this kid as Ian. Ian, please refrain from talking to me about what major power basketball program you are going to play for or when you're planning on entering the NBA Draft. I just watched you get lit up by a kid who wouldn’t make junior varsity on some women’s teams. You're fifteen years old still attending summer day camp. I know fifth graders who would slow roast you like a porkloin. Go sit down somewhere and hit the books. A college education is in your best interest.

What is it with children and the words "sit down" that makes them want to do the opposite? I wanted to throw a pigskin at one kid’s sternum for his inability to comprehend simple directions. Parents, I know your children can be a handful, but don’t pawn them off to camps to avoid your maternal/paternal obligations. I don’t want to babysit your child unless I have the privilege of making him do wall sits until his legs turn into cooked spaghetti. Do better parents, do better.

I don’t understand why parents spend money on something their child has no interest in. Another child, Jake, was a very well-behaved kid and a delight at camp. One day, we held a dance contest to pass some time and to entertain the counselors. Jake, who looks about as goofy as Anderson Varejao, got in the circle and absolutely killed The Dougie, The Catdaddy, The Jerk and even rocked off like a former Maine Black Bear, Crumbz (for those of you who don't know, those are all recent hip-hop dances). I was absolutely shocked because he resembled Danny Masterson in “That 70’s Show.” The problem is that this was a basketball camp and he performed all four dances when attempting a basic lay-up. I mean, my man was finger rolling lay-ups over the backboard. He should be attending Shane Sparks Hip-hop Dance Academy, not the HoopMovement Basketball Skills Camp.

Quick video sidenote: As good of a dancer as this man is, he was twice as impressive on the football field. It's too bad he only made it through half a season in his career as a Black Bear.

"Swag:" It’s no secret how I feel about the word. It’s a bunch of dudes trying to convince other dudes how much cooler they are than the rest. Doesn’t make sense to me, shouldn’t make sense to you either. I don’t have a problem with Joe Paterno, Digger Phelps or Dick Vitale using the word to describe a team’s confidence, charisma and demeanor. I have a problem with kids who use the word to describe small, V-Neck, white tee-shirts, belts that are bigger than the sagging skinny jeans, snapback hats, shoes that would fit Crusty the Clown and a backpack with nothing in it. When the women on "The View" are using the word in their dialogue, it's time for the rest of us to eliminate it from our vocabulary. Death to "swag" and everything it represents.

PSA – Snapbacks aren’t back – Snapbacks look like the Fisher Price version of hats. I have never seen a 59Fifty New Era fitted cap on the Lid’s $10 clearance rack. Snapback have been there for the past decade. I'll believe they're back when I see Cliff Lee bust one out during an NLCS contest.

While pretending to know how to properly swing a baseball bat, I saw Sam whispering to Tom which resulted in them both giggling like two little school girls. I was curious to know what was so damn funny. I asked Sam what I missed and he responded with, “Do you know what RAP stands for…RETARDS ATTEMPTING POETRY.” My first thought was to throat-chop this little kid like Denzel Washington in "He Got Game," but can you really blame him? Current rappers like Gucci Mane, OJ Da Juiceman, Lil B and Soulja Boy sound like they've never stepped foot in a classroom in their lives. And that's what Sam and Tom know to be "rap." The comment was very ignorant to say the least, but lets be honest, that is pretty damn funny and accurate when it comes to today's commercial rap.

Last but not least, parents, please start using your better judgment. One ten year-old, Johnny, was attending baseball camp. Johnny is 5’5 250 pounds, give or take a few LB’s. Johnny has asthma. Johnny hasn’t exercised in six months because he lost his inhaler. Where is the last place a 250 pound ten year-old should be without his inhaler? A baseball diamond where the heat index is pushing 106 degrees at 10 a.m. Little Johnny didn’t stand a chance. During catch, Johnny was wheezing harder than Baby Dee describing a brand new cupcake. Johnny made it to 10:30 before I was forced to call his parents to come pick him up. He wasn’t about to take a dirt nap on my watch.

PS – Camp started at 9am

This is all in fun and was meant to hurt no one. The stories are 100 percent true, however the names are not. Stay thirsty my friends.

“If you knew better, you’d do better.” – Fabolous

-Jae Pierce

Will You Just Shut Up Already???

2011-07-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

It would be against my religion to dedicate another entire post to soccer, especially considering our ladies were on the losing end of the World Cup Final yesterday. I don't have a whole lot to say about it, but I'll give you my take in a few short sentences: It's tough to win a soccer game when you can't put the ball in the net. Sure, our girls scored two goals, but anyone that watched that game knows that they missed two or three times as many chances as they converted on. And the game itself was a simple case of foreshadowing when it came to penalty kicks, where, once again, "we" were unable to capitalize. There isn't one individual to blame for the loss, but I still can't figure out how the best players in the world can miss half their shots so badly. That's like Tom Brady having Wes Welker open in the endzone of the Super Bowl and throwing it through the uprights. Nonetheless, it'd be ignorant of anyone to not give Japan the credit they deserve. And, like my girl Hope Solo said, if there was one team I would have wanted to win other than the U.S., it would be Japan. After all the adversity that country has dealt with over that last few months, it's nice to see them have something to celebrate. I hope you've enjoyed reading about soccer because there's a good chance this is the last time I'll talk about it before the 2014 Men's World Cup in Brazil.

Today I want to talk about something that every athlete and sports fan has dealt with. From elementary school intramurals to the professionals, there is one constant in every sport: Obnoxious, uninformed fans. It doesn't matter if you're at a live sporting event or watching it on TV, there is always someone who thinks they'd make a better referee and/or coach than the ones that they're watching. If you're like me, you find yourself trying to contain the urge to punch that idiot right in the skull. If you've never experienced that feeling, it's probably because you're the asshole that the rest of us would like to elbow in the temple. As a former athlete and current sports reporter and bartender, I'm lucky enough to be around these individuals pretty much every day of my life. Allow me to give you a few examples that I've seen in the past few weeks.

During yesterday's World Cup final, I was bartending once again. My bar was completely packed during the game, full of drunken imbeciles screaming at the television every 12 seconds. For the majority of the day I was able to block out the nonsensical outbursts from the peanut gallery. But there was one argument that took place between two of the patrons that I was unable to avoid. I'll begin by reminding you that the U.S. women lost to Sweden in their third and final group-stage game, then beat Brazil in the quarterfinals and France in the semifinals. Well some dude, lets call him "Moron," was arguing with a guy next to him that the U.S. played Brazil in the semifinals. The other guy, lets call him "Normal Guy," informed Moron that the U.S. played Brazil in the quarterfinals and then France in the semifinals, which we know is correct. Now, Moron had been at the bar since about an hour before the game started and I heard him talking about soccer strategy multiple times during that span. In other words, Moron acted like he knew the game. So, Moron proceeded to tell Normal Guy that he was wrong, and that the U.S. played Brazil and France in the semifinals. At this point, I considered throwing Moron's beer in his face, glass included, because that was one of the top 5 dumbest things I had ever heard. But I restrained myself and continued to listen. Normal Guy, however, was not able contain his disgust and replied with, "What!? Are you retarded?" The conversation continued for a few more minutes with Moron claiming that they played a series in the semifinals and refusing to admit that he was wrong. The dude was straight-up not smart. He had no clue what he was talking about, yet he acted like he was Pia Sundhage's heir apparent. He should lose his privilege to speak during athletic events. That's a prime example of the uninformed, ignorant fan, but he's not even the worst kind.

The worst type of fan is the obnoxious one that thinks the more they yell at refs and coaches, the better the chances the team they're rooting for will win. As if the referee is gonna hear you yelling and think, "You know what? That guy in the stands knows what he's talking about. I'm gonna listen to him from now on." A few weeks back I was covering a girls' lacrosse game and that guy was in attendance. At first it was maybe a tiny bit amusing to hear his constant degradation of the referee. But pretty soon it got REAL old, REAL fast. This guy literally had something to say every time the whistle blew. If a call was made against his team, he complained. Even when a call was made in favor of his team, he'd make comments such as, "I'm surprised you got that far into the rule book!" He yelled at the coach, offering his strategic demands, told the players how to play the game, and didn't stop until the clock hit zero. Before long, the people sitting near him had relocated and I found myself rooting for the other team to win. I don't care if you were an All-American lacrosse player at Syracuse (and trust me, that's not on this genius' athletic resume), that still wouldn't justify those actions.

The point is that you don't want to be one of the aforementioned fans. There are plenty of sports fans that don't fall into one of these categories, but the ones that do should be banished from the athletic forum all together. Get a life and just enjoy watching the game like a normal human being. Next time you run into one of these hooligans (which I assume will be the next time you watch a sport in public), feel free to jab them directly in the jaw. Just don't blame it on me when you're handcuffed in the back of a patrol car.

"I threw the kitchen sink at him but he went to the bathroom and threw back the tub." -Andy Roddick (after his loss to Roger Federer in the 2004 Wimbledon Final)

I couldn't find any good videos that were relevant to this post, so I decided to stick with the Andy Roddick theme because he's far and away the funniest man in tennis. And one of the best interviews in all of sports:

-Brusk Dollas

Just For Fun

2011-07-14T20:08:00.000-07:00

I’M BACK!!! After my month long hiatus I am back in the office ready to entertain our most loyal followers. Yes, when I say the office, that is exactly what I mean: I only write on the clock. Lets keep that on hush from the boss lady. Over the past month I have done pretty much everything under the sun, including participating in the stories from the “It’s a Party” post and believe me, that wasn’t even the half of the shenanigans that took place in that house. It was a great month to say the least but now it’s back to business. I personally can’t post on a specific schedule like my ace *pause* Brusk Dollas, but I will make a serious effort to post once a week. Now that we're back on track lets get into something I thought would be fun. I hope you enjoy.

Since we all were under the assumption that, in order to be elite in the NBA, you needed a BIG 3, other industries followed suit. In the age of the BIG 3, businesses and companies are adopting the notion that a group of stars is the way to accomplish that ultimate goal. Today’s post is a hip-hop mega group tournament that will highlight the greatness of each group, as individuals and as a whole. I will be seeding each group and their most notable members. The top two seeds will receive a first round bye. May the best group win.

6. Hypnotize Minds – DJ Paul, Juicy J, Project Pat, Lil Wyte and Frayser Boy

5. G-Unit – 50 Cent, Lloyd Banks, Tony Yayo and Mobb Deep

4. MMG (Maybach Music Group) – Rick Ross, Wale and Meek Mill

3. 2.0 Boys – Eminem, Royce Da 5’9, Joell Ortiz, Crooked I, Joe Budden (Slaughterhouse) and Yelawolf

2. YMCMB (Young Money Cash Money Billionaires) – Lil Wayne, Birdman, Drake, Nicki Minaj, Jae Millz, Bow Wow and Kevin Rudolf

1. Rock Nation – Jay-Z, Kanye West and J.Cole

6. Hypnotize Minds VS. 3. 2.0 Boys

This 6 vs. 3 match-up is a very interesting battle. Both groups are great at what they do. Hypnotize Minds is the best there is when it comes to “Crunk” music and party jams, while 2.0 Boys were assembled to give you TV-MA, hardcore lyrics. Hypnotize Minds has something none of these rap groups have and that’s an Oscar for "Hustle N Flow," but we would all agree (or at least I hope we all agree) "8 Mile" trumps that movie. Most would say this is a battle between the north and the south which it is not, being that Yelawolf is a heavy trunk hitting artist from Alabama. Hypnotize Minds are great and "Adventures of Hollyhood" was one of the funniest reality TV shows I have ever seen, but if this bracket is an evaluation of actual talent, this isn’t even a competition. Winner: 2.0 Boys

5. G-Unit VS. 4. MMG

If this were 2003, G-Unit would win this tournament by a landslide. G-Unit changed the way we view hip-hop forever. They made the mixtape what it is today, changed the actual description of a DJ and made millions by setting tour records before ever releasing an official album. They didn’t stop there as they released "Get Rich or Die Trying," which padded the bank for everyone involved, establishing Interscope Records as the King of hip-hop. Unfortunately for G-Unit, it's not 2003 anymore. It's July, 2011 and when G-Unit was elite, Kerry Kittles was a starting guard in the NBA Finals. In an attempt to ruin Rick Ross’ emerging career, 50 Cent actually created a monster. The Ja Rule massacre didn’t work on Rozay. When it comes to the mixtape scene, the club bangers and even the pop industry, MMG is mopping G-Unit up in 2011. Rick Ross and Wale are on everything right now from Lady Gaga tracks to Lil Wayne songs. They are killing the music industry right now and they're just getting started. In terms of wallet size, 50 Cent is still smacking Rick Ross around, but this isn’t a Forbes Net-Worth bracket. Winner: MMG

3. 2.0 Boys VS 2. YMCMB

This is a match-up of two of the top three rappers in hip-hop. Lil Wayne can't compete with Eminem when it comes to record sales, but honestly, who really can? Advantage 2.0 Boys. But where Wayne lacks in record sales, he makes up for in another category. It hurts me to say it, but Weezy is the king of the mixtape. A punchline guru, Lil Wayne is unmatched when it comes to taking your beat and making it his own. If you disagree, go listen to his mixtape "No Ceilings" and tell me the originals were better. You’ll get laughed at. Advantage YMCMB. As a true group Drake, Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne are pretty much on Mount Rushmore and I don’t even think it's close. Go to YouTube and watch two females scrap over the last copy of Nicki Minaj's first album "Pink Friday" like they were in an MMA octagon. Actually, allow me to do the honors:

Anyway, advantage YMCMB. Battle rapping is an art that few possess and is something that is undervalued in hip-hop. One of the most powerful battle rappers of all-times is Jae Millz. I don’t know if you remember "Making the Band," but Jae Millz battled E. Ness, one of the winners of the show, face to face on MTV which was ultimately declared a draw to help the TV reality star. What MTV failed to show was Ness getting embarrassed to the point where his boss, P.Diddy, was in shock. And as good as Jae Millz is, Eminem is even better. Advantage 2.0 boys. On a typical day, YMCMB would be the victor as a better group. But, just like the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLII, they are going to get clipped because of Birdman’s embarrassing attempts to rap. Winner: 2.0 boys.

4. MMG VS. 1. Rock Nation

This will be short and sweet. As hot as MMG is right now with "I’m a Boss," "Tupac Back," "600 Benz" and "By Any Means," no one would argue who’s a better group. Jay-Z would thump Rick Ross, Kanye West and Wale aren’t even comparable and J.Cole is maybe the hottest *pause* young rapper in the game. Meek Mill is decent but he is not on J.Cole’s level. Jay-Z said it best, “Dig a hole, go ahead, bury yourself.” Winner: Rock Nation.

3. 2.0 Boys VS. 1. Rock Nation

I think it’s only fitting we start with the two best rappers walking this earth, Jay-Z and Eminem. We will judge these two by their performance on the same song, "Renegade." It is possibly one of the best songs I have ever heard where the two exchange verses to give listeners lyrical bliss. Both artists put their best foot forward, but Eminem edged Jay in the final moments. I have a soft spot *pause* for storytelling which is a great form of artistic greatness. There are two songs that stand out in my mind as being great stories: "Pray for Me" by Joe Budden and "Stan" by Eminem. These songs are remarkable. That's not to say Rock Nation doesn’t have great storytelling songs, but those two songs take the cake. Yes, they are that damn good. In hip-hop, a freestyle is a premeditated flow of words, bars and verses that are displayed at the request of the audience. If I had to pick one artist to lay down an eight minute freestyle where each punchline counts and every word makes sense, Joell Ortiz is my choice. Ortiz was given Jay-Z’s "Death of Autotune" instrumental and left everyone, including myself, wanting more. Kanye West is a remarkable talent and there is nothing he can’t do in this music industry. I would love to compare his upcoming album with Jay-Z to the "Bad Meets Evil" album by Royce Da 5’9 and Eminem, but that will be a different debate for another day. I bet you can guess where this post is going. 2.0 Boys knock off the Miami Heat of hip-hop, ironic, considering the 2.0 Boys are similarly structured to the Dallas Mavericks. Hip-hop Mega Group Tournament Champions: 2.0 Boys.

Just like in sports, the “best” team doesn’t always win. Going chalk isn’t realistic in most cases, and this bracket would have been pointless had I done that. I hope you enjoyed the post as there are many more to come.

I must warn you, this song contains explicit lyrics...If you can handle it, just sit back and listen:

-Jae Pierce

Our Only Hope

2011-07-11T20:04:00.000-07:00

There's something you should all know about me. I'm a man of the people. When my readers request a post on a certain subject, I make it happen. "My First Baseball Post" was a response to a committed reader/Pittsburgh Pirates fan and tonight's subject matter was actually suggested by more than one follower. On that note, if you're reading this and there's something you want to hear my opinion about, simply let me know. Text me, facebook me or comment on here and myself or one of my part-time contributors will do our best to oblige. Now that we got that out of the way, lets get down to business.

If you had told me that I'd write about soccer twice in as many weeks when I started this blog, I probably would have asked you if you were sick in the head. However, you would have been correct. In case you missed it, the USA Women's Soccer team took on Brazil yesterday (Sunday, July 10th) in the 2011 World Cup quarterfinals. I've recently made my opinion on soccer pretty clear, but there were a couple of variables that resulted in my watching of the game: It began around 11:30 a.m. EST and considering it was a Sunday, the only other thing I could have been watching is "Backwoods Angler" re-runs. Not a bad option...if you're 90-years old and weird. Also, I was bartending at the time and the scene was slow, so I was able to focus my attention on the game.

It didn't take long for our countrywomen to get on the board as just 74 seconds into the contest they scored on a Brazil own-goal. The rest of the first half was scoreless and the US led at the break, 1-0. In half number two, things heated up. In the 66th minute, Brazil's Marta, the three-time defending World Player of the Year, made a run into the US box and was tightly defended by Rachel Buehler. Marta goes down, Buehler gets a red card, and the Brazilians are rewarded a penalty kick. I'm no soccer expert, but the referee's ruling was controversial to say the least. But that was just the tip of the iceberg. On the ensuing PK, everybody's favorite female athlete (or at least just mine), US goalie Hope Solo stopped the first attempt from Christiane. [Tangent: Why do Brazilians only have one name? I really don't get it.] The US celebrations quickly came to a halt when the referee called "encroachment" on one of the American players, meaning that she moved before the ball was snapped...er, uh, kicked. Sorry, for a second I thought we were talking about real football. Anyway, that allowed Brazil a second chance at the PK and this time Marta took it. The chances of a soccer goalie stopping two penalty kicks in a row are about as high as Todd McCullogh's vertical:

Needless to say, Marta buried the second chance and tied the game. Even worse, as a result of the red card, the US was forced to play a woman down for the rest of the game. Things were not looking good.

At this point, I found myself doing things I never thought possible. I was yelling at the TV, heckling refs, and basically acting like I cared about soccer. I was almost embarrassed. Nonetheless, from then on I lived and died with my girls. The game would go to extra time as regulation concluded with the scoreboard reading USA 1, Brazil 1. In the first half of extra time, it was Marta again making magic happen. Just three minutes into the overtime, while US defender Shannon Boxx was busy petitioning for an offside call, Marta was busy scoring a redonkulous goal to put her team up 2-1. I have two problems with this: The first is that the referee missed the call. Replay clearly showed that the play should have been stopped as a Brazil player was indeed offside. And it wasn't the first missed offside call of the game. But my other problem is with Boxx. Once you see that the referee's flag has not gone up, maybe you wanna try to defend the world's best player? Or you could just do what she did and rip my heart out of my chest. All hope seemed lost. No pun intended.

But on the 12-year anniversary of the USA's penalty-kick win over China in the '99 Women's World Cup final, it was only appropriate that a miracle happen. In the extra time of extra time (I have no idea how to say that), the Americans had one last chance and it was up to arguably the world's second-best player, Abby Wambach. Megan Rapinoe played a flawless cross to Wambach and she showed why she's widely considered the best in the world at using her head. Yeah, I said it, she has the best head in the world. She did the unthinkable and tied the game with no more than a minute and a half left to play. That meant the game would come down to penalty kicks, or, in other words, it was up to Hope Solo to make something happen. And she did exactly that. With her team leading 3-2 in PK's, Solo made an acrobatic stop on Daiane's attempt and simultaneously captured the hearts of millions of men around the country, mine included. The US would go on to win the game and advance to Wednesday's semifinal against France.

But the moral of the story is that I love Hope Solo. As if her physical appearance, her play on the "pitch," and her name weren't attractive enough, check out her reaction four years ago when then coach Greg Ryan started back-up goalie Briana Scurry in the World Cup semifinal against Brazil. Oh, by the way, the US would lose that game, 4-0. Great decision, Greg:

Love it. She calls out her coach AND her teammate and four years later she's the starting keeper again and Ryan and Scurry are eating potato chips watching her dominate. What a bad-ass chick. I'm naming my daughter Hope Solo Brusko. F*ck it, if I have a son, he's getting that name too. I can only hope he's as much of a beast as she is.

"The person that said winning isn't everything, never won anything." -Mia Hamm

-Brusk Dollas

My First Baseball Post

2011-07-07T20:53:00.000-07:00

What's up kids? Take one look at the title of this post and it doesn't take an IQ as high as mine to figure out what we're going to discuss today. After all, the Major League Baseball season has been going on for three months now and I haven't even made note of it. Hell, soccer got a post dedicated to it before baseball. But that's only because the first half of the MLB season is almost meaningless. Not completely, but almost. That being said, there is one story from the first half that deserves mention: The Pittsburgh Pirates. Until this year, the Pirates had been baseball's equivalent of Tiger Woods: Very successful in the past but unable to win anything in recent memory. OK, I realize the Pirates' impotence goes back MUCH further than Tiger's, but you get the point. [Let me go off on a quick tangent: I know Tiger's latest tournament withdrawals have been a result of "injuries," but when he first returned from his off-the-course issues and struggled to play effectively, I heard numerous sports analysts suggest that he take some time off and get his life and his mental state in order. Why? Why would that be acceptable for him? Did anyone suggest that Kobe Bryant take some time off when he had his own personal issues back in 2003? Absolutely not. And there are plenty of other cases where athletes made mistakes outside of their playing arena, yet the thought of them taking time off just seems selfish and downright silly. Just something to think about.]

Back in the late '80's and early '90's, the Bucs were a perennial contender, advancing to the NLCS three straight times from '90-'92 under . But after the '92 season the front office decided to rebuild, which clearly was a well-thought-out decision: The franchise has not finished a season with a winning record since. But maybe, just maybe, this is the year. They're currently three games over .500 (45-42) and just a game and a half out of first place in the NL Central Division. Closer Joel Hanrahan will play in his first All-Star game next week and they have one of the most exciting players in baseball in Andrew McCutchen, a guy that most people consider to be an All-Star snub. Pirates' Manager Clint Hurdle recently commented that the NL All-Star coaching staff "whiffed" on McCutchen by not selecting him. Considering his .291 batting average, 12 homeruns, 48 RBI's, .491 slugging percentage and 15 stolen bases, I'm with Clint. According to the MLB Attendance Report on ESPN.com, the Pirates are averaging close to 23,000 fans at home games this year. That's about 3,000 more people per game than they drew in 2010 which is especially impressive considering that the overall league attendance has dropped this year as a result of the weather and the economy. Although I'm a Phillies fan, I'd love to see the Pirates continue their success and make a playoff run.

On another note, what's up with the MLB's policy, or lack thereof, on arguing calls with umpires? Seemingly every day there's a player or manager that gets in an umpire's face, close enough that they'd be kissing if they simply puckered up, and screams expletives for an extended period of time. What's the punishment? An ejection from that game and nothing more. In the NBA you get thrown out of a game for looking in the referee's direction after they make a call. Wanna get in a ref's face and look as if you're ready to fight? I hope your pockets are nice and fat because you'll be coughing up some serious dough while watching your team from the bench for the next several games. And finally, baseball, please expand your use of instant replay. At least use it for plays at the plate to get the call right, and preferably at the rest of the bases too. I'm sick of watching teams lose games because of a blown call. More importantly, I'm sick of watching pitchers get screwed out of a PERFECT GAME because of some incompetent first-base ump. No big deal though, perfect games happen all the time. If you're not going to change the instant replay rule, at least hold the umpires responsible for their failures because, well, is there any other job you can think of where you aren't held accountable for your mistakes?

A tiny dose of Karma:

"The designated hitter rule is like letting someone else take Wilt Chamberlain's free throws."
-Rick Wise (bonus points if you know who Rick Wise is, 'cause I don't)

-Brusk Dollas

Throwback

2011-07-04T20:37:00.000-07:00

First off I want to wish everyone a happy Independence Day. By the time you're reading this, it's probably not the 4th anymore but it hasn't hit midnight yet as I write so it would be remiss of me to not acknowledge the holiday. I hope you all had a fun, eventful and most importantly, safe weekend of celebrating. Because it's late in the day and the sports world is downright lame right now, I'm going to do something that I won't make a habit of. Every once in a while, this being one of those times, I'm going to post a column that I wrote for "The Maine Campus." This particular one was published on April 23, 2009. Enjoy...

Pretend you’re the head coach of a high school basketball team. What is the last possible thing that you can ever imagine getting fired for? Probably winning, right? Well, that’s the reason that a Texas high school basketball coach was relieved of his duties back in January. And it wasn’t just the fact that he had won, it was the fact that he had done so by too many points.

His name is Micah Grimes, and he was the head coach of The Covenant School’s girls basketball team. After an astonishing 100-0 victory over Dallas Academy, a team that plays in the same private school conference as The Covenant School, Grimes was fired for humiliating the other team and not representing a “Christ-like and honorable approach to competition.” I don’t mean to sound uncompassionate, but this was a varsity basketball game, not an elementary school intramural game where everyone gets to play. If you’re going to fire the guy for winning by too many points, then why did you hire him in the first place? To instill an attitude of mediocrity in his players? I sure hope not. In his four seasons there, Grimes took his team from a 2-19 record to a state championship contender, a resume that would most certainly earn any other coach a raise. Unfortunately for Grimes, his 100-point victory resulted in the loss of his job.

The reason that this story became such a big deal is that Dallas Academy is a school for students with learning disabilities, such as dyslexia and dysgraphia. Naturally, our reaction is to sympathize with those girls who were obviously not at the same athletic or competetive level as the girls from The Covenant School. I’m not overlooking that, but the truth is that they are in the same league and play the same level of competition. It is completely their own decision to play at that level, which means they must deal with the consequences. If they’re worried about their players being emotionally affected by a loss like that, they should not be playing in that league.

After all, Dallas Academy’s athletic director admitted that the girls don’t play for the victories, but rather their hopes to improve skills and develop teamwork. He went on to say how proud he was that his girls gave everything they had regardless of what the score was. If that’s the case, why was this game made into such a big deal? That’s especially a good question when you consider that they lost other games this year by deficits of 50 and 60 points on multiple occasions.

Think of it this way: If there was a high school debate competition and one team outscored the other by a huge amount, would the team that won be punished? Would the coach get fired for preparing his team too well? Obviously the answer is no, so why is it okay to treat athletics that way? I don’t know the answer, but I know that it’s ridiculous when people are getting fired for performing their job duties to a high extent. Sorry Micah, I’m sure there are a thousand high schools around the country that would love to have a coach like you.

"Winning is not a sometime thing, it's an all time thing. You don't win once in a while, you don't do things right once in a while, you do them right all the time. Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing." -Vince Lombardi

-Brusk Dollas

Under The Gun

2011-06-30T12:33:00.000-07:00

Let me start this post by giving a shout-out to one of, if not our single-most committed reader. I don't know everyone that reads this blog but I do know a certain individual sent me a text at 8:41 a.m. this morning complaining that I had missed my Thursday post. I then had to explain to him that the posts are updated by the end of every Monday and Thursday, not the day before. Therefore Tuesdays and Fridays are the days that you can take a break at work and be certain to find a new rant from yours truly. Even though this fine young man came at my neck *pause* I appreciate the fact that he looks forward to reading RBT every chance he gets. So a special thanks to that person, you know who you are, and here's to hoping that we continue to develop committed followers like yourself.

It's a pathetic time of year in the sports world with the NHL and NBA seasons having wrapped up, no football to discuss (except the lockout which is just exhausting at this point) until late August, the women's World Cup just getting underway, the College World Series recently ending and Wimbledon hasn't yet concluded. The only constant right now is Major League Baseball and, unless you're a baseball purist AKA 70+ years of age, you probably don't care much about it until September and October. So I thought it would be fun to change things up a little bit. In my introductory post I mentioned that this blog would primarily address athletics, but we would also discuss other things in pop culture such as music. If you happened to come across my Facebook page within the last 15 hours, you've seen a small discussion about Chris Brown.

For those of you who don't know, Chris Brown is a young R and B singer who is probably most recognized for his ability to dance. Recently though, for some very dumb reason, he has tried his hand at rapping. Chances are you've heard his song "Look At Me Now" with Busta Rhymes and Lil' Wayne considering that you can find it playing somewhere on the radio at all times. But he's also on a song called "Snapbacks Back" which uses the very aggressive beat from Rick Ross and Meek Mill's "Tupac Back." Go take a listen if you haven't heard it unless you're at work. Then, you'll probably get fired. Anyway, I won't even get into the lyrical breakdown of Brown's verse, but it brings up an interesting debate: How important are song lyrics in evaluating the quality of a song? More importantly, when it comes to rap/hip hop, how does the lay-person decide what makes a good rapper?

I'll be the first to admit that there are some songs that have incredibly stupid, elementary lyrics that I still enjoy listening to. Take Soulja Boy's "Kiss Me Thru The Phone," for example (don't ask me why that's the first song that came to mind). I'm not afraid to say that I love the song, but I'd NEVER call Soulja Boy a "good" rapper. I have to laugh when I hear someone say how good of a rapper Soulja Boy is. What makes him good? Because his producer put together a beat that you enjoy listening to and he came up with a four-word hook? I'm not going to judge you if you tell me you like listening to his music, but don't tell me he's good. I respect Soulja Boy because he found a glitch in the matrix. His income is not a reflection of his talent. And unfortunately, that seems to be the case for a lot of "musicians" we hear on the radio today. Basically what I'm saying is that people need to be more conscious of the language they use, and that goes for music, sports, and just about anything else that people have opinions about.

I always bring it back to The Beatles. The dumbest thing I've ever heard anyone say is "The Beatles suck." My immediate response is always the same: "You're an idiot, this conversation is over." But I guess that's as closed-minded as the statement that I'm responding to. So, allow me to explain. The Beatles do not suck. I understand it's a matter of opinion, but if your opinion is that they "suck," then your opinion is wrong. You have every right to not enjoy listening to them, but NOBODY can argue that they weren't incredibly talented, influential musicians. The same goes for a guy like Lebron James. I don't like Lebron, but you'll never hear me say "Lebron sucks" with a straight face. I'm not telling you who you should and shouldn't like when it comes to music or anything else, I'm just saying that talent is not arguable. You either have it or you don't. Unless, of course, we're talking about Tim Duncan. Cause he sucks.

Footnote: I don't even like Soulja Boy's verses. I just love Sammie killing it on the hook.

"Is that yo ass, or yo momma half reindeer?" -Nelly from "Shake Ya Tailfeather"

-Brusk Dollas