Rob Eagar

Christmas Singles Cruise with Rob and Ashley

2006-08-15T12:24:00.000-04:00

Wanna have the best Christmas ever?

Join Rob and Ashley on an 8-day/7-night cruise to the Eastern Carribbean over December 16 - 23, 2006! Travel on HollandAmerica and visit these amazing ports-of-call:

Tortola, British Virgin Islands
St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands
Grand Turk Island, Turks & Caicos
Half Moon Cay, Bahamas
Fort Lauderdale, FL (Start/Finish)

Rob will teach four powerful messages throughout the week. Plus, you'll enjoy incredible music and a concert under the stars from award-winning songwriter, Kevin Lawson!

Don't miss this chance to relax on beautiful beaches, pig out on awesome food, party across the Carribbean, and grow closer to God! Get your friends together and join us. Click here for all the details.

Rob's Best-Kept Secret

2006-06-22T21:10:00.000-04:00

Get the truth and get a free gift!

As I work with singles adults across America, I meet a lot of individuals who rely on money or material possessions to improve their personal image. Others succumb to buying whatever they want, whenever they want it. Furthermore, some singles may not generate any debt, but their overspending leaves them with nothing in their savings account. And, when it comes to investing, many don't have a clue where to start. Any of these financial problems can wreck your dating life and a future marriage.

When I was single, I was fortunate that someone taught me how to spend money sensibly and create double-digit growth on my savings and retirement accounts. This process set me free to start my own ministry, enjoy a great marriage with Ashley, and support other organizations around the world. What's my financial secret?

Before I tell you, please understand that I'm not trying to sell you something. This isn't a sneaky advertisement. I'm not getting paid a dime for this. I just want to let you know about a really cool resource.

Years ago, my father told me about Sound Mind Investing - the #1 Christian-based financial newsletter. Written by Austin Pryor, this monthly newsletter offers solid Biblical teaching and time-tested investment strategies. By using easy-to-follow steps, I beat the stock market when it goes up and lose less than the market when it goes down.

Don't believe me? Check out the numbers. Over the last 7 years, the U.S. stock market (Wilshire 5000) only averaged returns of 2.9%. Yet, Sound Mind subscribers, like me, averaged returns of 11.9%! This is far superior to the performance of most top money managers on Wall Street.

"The investment approach explained in the Sound Mind Investing newsletter is simple but effective. If you want to improve your investment returns without spending a lot of time and money, do it by following their monthly advice."
Dave Ramsey, best-selling author of The Total Money Makeover

"Sound Mind Investing is thorough, easy to understand...and incorporates Scriptural principles to help the reader be a better steward of God's resources."
Bill Bright, Founder of Campus Crusade for Christ

All I do is spend a few hours each month reading the Sound Mind Investing newsletter. Not only do I get real returns on my money, each issue provides helpful articles on how to:

reduce debt
build up savings
spend wisely
invest for retirement
give generously

I want you to enjoy all of these benefits. And, the price is incredibly low! For less than $9.00 a month, you get a resource that's biblically-based and really works. It's the best financial decision you could make.

Here's the cool part - I want you to get a Free Information Kit from Sound Mind Investing so that you can see for yourself. Just send me an email with your Name and Address to: SoundMind@RobEagar.com

BONUS GIFT: When you request the SMI information kit, I'll send you my article, "How to Determine the Financial Health of Your Date." This free article features 10 financial questions that every single adult needs to know.

Seriously, don't blow this off and forget about it. Sound Mind doesn't know that I'm recommending them. I just want to help you. And, don't worry, your address won't be shared with anyone else, nor will you receive any other mailings.

Request a free Sound Mind Investing information kit and get my article today - it's free and you can't lose! Send me an email with your Name and Address to: SoundMind@RobEagar.com

2 Timothy 1:7 - "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a Sound Mind."

Why Single Men Hate Dating Christian Women

2006-06-06T18:05:00.000-04:00

Over the last 5 years, I�??ve been honored to teach 30,000 singles of all ages. Yet, no matter where I go, my wife, Ashley, and I hear the same questions �?? especially from women:

�?? Where are all the good Christian men?
�?? Why won�??t guys ask us out?
�?? Why are the few Christian men that I meet so passive?

Now men, I can understand how these questions might offend you. You�??re probably thinking, �??I�??m a strong Christian man, but the women I know don�??t seem to care�?? or �??I�??ve tried asking out Christian women, but their expectations are ridiculous.�??

Well, as we�??ve traveled, Ashley and I noticed a larger problem, which is the huge gender gap in most church singles ministries. Women show up and participate, but there are usually a lot fewer men who attend and get involved. Our suspicions were verified by a great new book called Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow. (This book is a must-read! Go to: www.ChurchforMen.com to get a copy.) The author�??s research uncovered a similar gender gap in almost every church throughout America: 69% women / 31% men!

Murrow reports, �??Today�??s church does not mesmerize men; it repels them �?? barely a third of American men attend anymore.�?? But, it�??s not because men are more captive to sin or unbelief. Women grapple with the same issues, such as atheism and pride�?�What�??s the difference? Let me be blunt: Today�??s church has developed a culture that is driving men away.�??

Now, here�??s my question: Has the spiritual disaster of men leaving the church reduced the romantic prospects of Christian single women? Ladies ask us all the time, �??Where are the good Christian guys? The truth is that good men do exist �?? by the thousands. But, let�??s consider, if today�??s Church repels men, then could today�??s Christian woman also be repelling single men? Ashley and I answer this question in a new message, �??Why Single Men Hate Dating Christian Women.�??

Men, we know that a lot of you feel frustrated dating Christian girls. So, we help determine if your irritation is realistic. Plus, we help clarify if your disinterest could be due to unhealthy behavior, such as perfectionism or passivity.

Ladies, we offer you new insights into what single men are thinking. Plus, we help you examine the relational signals that you send. You could be preventing men from being attracted to you without knowing it. And, if you only blame men for your dating struggles, then all you do is hurt yourself!

We interviewed singles across the country and discovered the major reasons that drive men away from dating Christian women. If you communicate a negative attitude towards the opposite sex, lack of attention to your physical appearance, or unrealistic expectations on men, you might be damaging your relationships more than you think.

We put together this incredible information in various formats, including audio CD, downloadable audio file, and a written transcript. Go to www.RobEagar.com/Store and learn "Why Single Men Hate Dating Christian Women."

Korean Translation

2006-05-11T17:07:00.000-04:00

We received an exciting package in the mail today - the Korean translation of �??Dating with Pure Passion.�?? Wow! I never could have anticipated that God would use our ministry to singles in such a way! The translation came as a surprise from our publisher and we can hardly wait to hear the response from Korean readers!

Ashley & I had the chance to spend two days in Seoul once while laying-over on a flight. We had always been interested in South Korea as my parents tell stories of their meeting while stationed there with the military and Red-Cross.

Today, you can hardly keep count of the glowing neon church crosses. We visited Yoeido Full Gospel Church, the largest church in the world (yes, it is in South Korea, not the U.S.), with 700,000 members! Christianity has exploded in South Korea with 1/3 of the population professing Christ. This is astounding in light of the historical faiths of East Asia including Shamanism, Buddhism, Confucianism.

South Korea�??s openness in the 20th century to modernization and outside influences has extended to dating. Christian singles there are seeking God�??s view on romance, especially as traditional matchmaking gives way to the western ways of dating.

We praise God for what He is doing in South Korea and around the world. We pray that God will use our message to help singles in Korea follow Him in their lives. We count it a privilege to be used in this way.

Ephesians 3:20 - �??Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us�?��??

May 1, 2006: I Wanna Be Like God

2006-05-01T23:57:00.000-04:00

Recently, I watched a basketball game on TV and heard a strange story. The annou ncer remarked how the father of one player had taken his son to see Michael Jordan. Yet, instead of just watching Michael play, the father asked him to tap his son's head in order to �??bless�?? him with great basketball skills. I guess they took those old �??I wanna be like Mike�?? commercials a little too seriously.

What drives our culture to worship celebrities, sports figures, and the uber-beautiful? Why do we equate them with deity? Are some humans really above humanity? Surprisingly, these extraordinary people are only good at a few things. Some can sing, some can act, others can throw a ball. Yet, very few of these same people can keep a marriage together, control their finances, or raise a child in a loving home. However, their ability to appear attractive or achieve records touches a deep desire within each one of us�?�a desire that goes all the way back to �??original sin.�??

Remember when Satan tempted Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden? What trick did he use? Satan said, �??the day you eat from the forbidden fruit your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God�?? (Genesis 3:5). So, Adam and Eve thought about it and said, "I wanna be like God!"

Now, if you could �??be like God,�?? how would you describe that status in one word? Perfection. God is perfect in every way �?? no flaws, mistakes, or problems. So, if you were like God, then you would enjoy complete creativity and control over everything in existence. No one would be more attractive than you, and no power could stop you from supreme performance.

In the Garden, Adam and Eve were enticed by the idea that they could be perfect like God. Why should He get all the glory? If we can be like God, then we can enjoy all of our wildest dreams to be beautiful, adored, and powerful. So, they fell for Satan�??s lie, but instead of becoming perfect, they became pathetic. Shame, guilt, and frailty suddenly overwhelmed their lives.

Just like Adam and Eve, you and I fall for the same original lie. We carry a quiet expectation that we should be perfect �?? just like God. We might not openly admit it, but we crave to be in control, captivating, and always capable. This lie festers in our minds and drives our dreams to get rich, get promoted, or get a date. I�??m convinced that it�??s reason behind every sin we commit. We make selfish decisions trying to prove that we don�??t need our perfect Creator.

There�??s a part of us that knows we used to be better. There was a time when we weren�??t supposed to die or experience pain. We can almost taste the Garden of Eden. But, no matter how hard we try, we can�??t go back or attain our own perfection. So, our frustration stews inside us and boils over into our relationships.

For example, consider the disappointment a guy shows when his girlfriend doesn�??t dress as sexy as he expected. Or, think about the resentment a woman shows when her boyfriend doesn�??t spend the money she had hoped for her birthday. What stirs these emotions?

When people don�??t do what we want, we get upset because our imperfection gets revealed. The inability to control others or achieve our goals shows that we�??re not as �??god-like�?? as we wished. This desire for perfection plays out everyday in our relationships as performance-based love.

The concept is apparent in some guys who date to find a �??trophy wife.�?? They want a woman who makes them look good and heightens their sense of superiority. Likewise, some women will only date rich guys who offer to finances their dreams of finding perfection. We may laugh at these scenarios, but you and I are no different. We long to feel perfect, look perfect, and perform perfect, but we tried to usurp God and our desires backfired on us.

Thankfully, God never feels threatened by our attempts to equal Him. He calmly watches us like little children as we pout, scheme, and rebel. Maybe because He knows our search for perfection isn�??t over. Maybe for some of us, it�??s just the beginning...

Post your comments here or below.

March 6, 2006: Olympic Style Love

2006-04-28T12:49:00.000-04:00

Watching the Winter Olympics last month, I couldn't help but notice a strange irony. As NBC covered the Opening Ceremonies, the announcers crooned about Olympic ideals, such as international brotherhood, acceptance, and the positive spirit of competition. As the events took place, however, the media began an intense scrutiny of every athlete's performance. They implied, "If you're going to represent America - you'd better win. Anything less and you're a loser!" This idea seems similar to the way a lot of singles view romance. "If you're going to date me, you better keep me happy 24/7�?�anything less and I'll drop you like a rock."

The performance-based focus was most noticeable when two U.S. female athletes, snowboarder Lindsey Jacobellis and figure skater Sacha Cohen, fell down during their respective events. Even though these young women won silver medals, the media accused them of failing and disappointing everyone. I even read editorial articles where Americans expressed anger at these women for letting them down. Wow, talk about performance-based love - I'd hate to date America and try to meet her national expectations for romance!

Another clear example of performance-based love was the Italian Ice Dancing team of Barbara Fusar-Poli and Maurizio Margaglio. After their short program, they finished in first place. But, during their long program, Maurizio lifted Barbara for a complicated maneuver and dropped her to the ice. As Barbara's gold-medal dreams vanished, she and her coach gave Maurizio a glaring look of "I hate you" and "I can't believe you let me down." While awaiting their scores, Barbara refused to even look at Maurizio or talk to him. She just turned away and cried.

This Italian couple's behavior is similar to the way many singles date. If their romantic performance is good, then everybody's happy. But, when someone eventually makes a mistake, the couple starts to judge each other, get mad, and pass blame on the other person. Over time, the weight of skating on thin ice with each other takes an emotional toll, and the relationship dissolves. This is one reason why romance can start off so hot, then suddenly turn frigid.

If you put someone on a gold medal standard of performance, then intimacy becomes impossible. Because, intimacy and fear can never coexist. When someone feels afraid that they'll get rejected, they can't open up and relax. That tension shuts down the ability to truly enjoy one another and build trust.

Aren't you glad that God doesn't treat us with performance-based love? Instead, when you and I make mistakes, He forgives and continues to love us! His acceptance is unconditional. You can completely blow it, but God will still talk to you and look at you with delight.

Likewise, God wants His unconditional love to transform your romantic relationships. When your date lets you down, He wants you to continue loving that person. This doesn't mean that you accept or enable unhealthy behavior. But, it does mean that we take off our hyper-critical glasses and cut each other some slack.

The glory of performance-based love is fleeting, just like the short-lived media praise of Olympic athletes. We can try our best to impress, but we'll eventually slip-up. Rather than expect perfection from ourselves and others, God says leave the judging up to Him and expect to receive the top prize!

2 Timothy 4:8 - "Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day-and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."

Post you comments here or check out other topics and Q&A on our Discussion Board. Don�??t forget to cast your vote in our current survey!

February 15, 2006: Don't Forget New Orleans

2006-04-28T12:37:00.000-04:00

Ashley and I recently returned from a week-long trip to New Orleans. This was our first time to the Big Easy, and we weren't prepared for the devastation that we saw (Click here for more pictures). Currently, most of New Orleans is functioning like a third-world country. Utilities, phone service, and mail service are out. Thousands of poor and high-income housing were demolished by the flooding. In fact, Hurricane Katrina caused over 80% of the residents to leave and affected over 50% of the homes.

The destruction is so bad that the local government is thinking about bulldozing entire neighborhoods! Plus, a temporary rebuilding moratorium prevents residents from trying to restore what was lost. Worse, the national media has moved on to cover other stories. So, New Orleans sits all alone as a stinking mess. It will take years for the city to recover.

In the midst of this tragedy, however, Ashley and I discovered what real life is all about. We teamed up with a ministry called Urban Impact in a poor, downtown section of the city that was narrowly spared by the flooding. Using a local church and converted house as headquarters, Urban Impact sends volunteer teams throughout New Orleans to clean out flooded homes, remove yard debris, and begin the restoration process. We spent a week of long, hard manual labor working on two homes. Our efforts save the homeowner thousands of dollars in cleanup expense.

However, Urban Impact made it clear that their goal is not to restore someone's house, but to restore their soul. And, it's amazing how God can use hardship to reveal His greatest traits. The attitude of compassion, service, and love we experienced was overwhelming. I've never felt such joy in helping another person - even though the conditions were miserable. Surprisingly, one of the utility workers we met said, "The only people I see coming to help this city are church volunteers from around the nation." What a testimony to the body of Christ in action!

In return, New Orleans residents expressed sincere thankfulness and a humble dependence upon Jesus Christ. I was moved to tears when a woman who had lost her home came up to us during a break outside and sang the hymn, "In Times Like These - We Need a Savior." What incredible faith! Could you sing a praise song to God if you had just lost all of your possessions?

My memories of New Orleans are too many to recount. It was truly a life-changing experience. I hope you will join me in supporting and praying for the people in that area. And, if you feel God moving in your heart, I encourage you to take a week and express God's love in a tangible way that will change your life.

For more information on volunteering in New Orleans, visit: Urban Impact or Campus Crusade - College Spring Break to New Orleans

We welcome new comments about this blog here or check out other topics and Q&A on our Discussion Board. Don�??t forget to cast your vote in our current survey!

February 7: Dating Again After a Breakup

2006-04-28T12:24:00.000-04:00

Thanks to all who voted in our January poll - "After a breakup, how long should you wait before dating again?" The responses were mixed:

16% - 3 weeks
37% - 3 months
34% - 6 months
13% - 1 year

Let's discuss why this issue is so important. Many singles can't stand to be alone, because they believe the lie that they're incomplete without a boyfriend or girlfriend. So, if they lose a relationship, their self-esteem disappears with it. Quickly, they hunt for another relationship to restore their significance. Sometimes, people call this "dating on the rebound." When someone is on the rebound, he or she harbors the pain and rejection from a previous relationship. The person feels a need to date someone else to ease the heartache. People on the rebound forget that Jesus wants to comfort them during their trials.

Beware of rebounders, because their goal is not to love you. Instead, they want you to feed their hungry heart, and they will resort to manipulation to trick you into accepting them. They might charm you with tactics, such as flattery, smothering, flirting, or trying to get pity.

How do you detect rebounders and guard against them using you? Before you start dating someone new, ask the person how long his or her previous relationship lasted and when it ended. If the person seriously dated someone within the past 6 months, his or her heart may still feel broken. If the last relationship ended less than 3 months ago, be very careful because that person is probably rebounding. His or her interest in dating may be an attempt to suck fulfillment out of you.

You can tell whether someone has healed from a past relationship by whether he or she feels peaceful and content to not date anyone. In other words, the person is open to dating but doesn't need it. Emotional healing is important because anyone who experiences rejection needs time without distraction to be reminded of Christ's complete acceptance.

For more information on breaking up with someone or dealing with the pain, check out Chapter 11 in Dating with Pure Passion (buy it now).

Post you comments here or below. Check out other topics and Q&A on our Discussion Board. Don�??t forget to cast your vote in our current survey!

January 4, 2006: Would You Consider Dating a Non-Christian?

2006-04-28T12:21:00.000-04:00

Amos 3:3 - "Can two people walk togetherwithout agreeing on the direction?"

Hundreds of you voted in our December poll "Would You Consider Dating a Non-Christian", and I was relieved to see over 70% of you agree that "it's never a good idea" to date a non-Christian (only 7% favored the "flirt-and-convert" mentality). This is encouraging news, because many Christian singles get into bad relationships thinking that spiritual equality is no big deal. On a personal note, it's the reason why my first marriage failed - she wasn't a believer.

Since I've been married to my wife, Ashley, the difference has been amazing. As Christians, Ashley and I are united in Jesus Christ. This means that the same Jesus who lives within me also lives within Ashley. Therefore, He can help us love one another more deeply. Throughout our relationship, Christ has prompted me to spontaneously compliment Ashley, wash her car, help with the dishes, or stop what I was doing and hold her after she experienced a bad day. When I have acted upon those urges, Ashley has often exclaimed, "How did you know what I needed? I never hinted or asked you to do those things." I knew what Ashley needed, because I responded to Christ's motivations within me.

You will miss out on this type of closeness when you date or marry a non-Christian. If you join yourself to an unbeliever, you will be incapable of sharing real intimacy. Are you free to date a non-Christian? Yes, but the Bible states that it's not profitable. God views believers and unbelievers as opposites who have no potential for a deep union. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says - "Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can goodness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?" (NLT)

Can a Christian get along with an unbeliever and have fun dating him or her? Sure. In fact, some non-Christians exhibit just as much honesty and sensitivity as some Christians do. However, if you marry an unbeliever, he or she will generally have a larger influence upon the direction of your relationship.

Spiritually disinterested singles can be enjoyable to date for a little while. Yet, if you get serious with someone who doesn't love Jesus, you will limit your opportunity to share oneness. Instead, seek to date and marry a mature, Christian single. Then, you will have a partner who can participate in divine intimacy with you.

Post your comments here or below. Check out other topics and Q&A on our Discussion Board. Don�??t forget to cast your vote in our current survey!

December 7, 2005: Follow-up to "Senior Pastors Ignore Singles"

2006-04-28T11:57:00.000-04:00

Thanks to all who responded to last month's blog, "Senior Pastors Ignore Singles." Our poll revealed that 62% of you attend a church where the Senior Pastor never addresses singles or only once every six months. This exposes the massive gap between the church and singles. Here's what some of you said:

"This past summer our senior pastor 'reassigned' the singles program and 'cancelled' my Sunday school class. The church spends a great deal of money on Sunday snacks, a new building fund, and children's ministry. But, as a single, I feel like I have no place."
---
"At my church, the singles ministry is given low-to-no budget. All we hear from the pulpit are the typical sex and dating lectures. So, I initiated a community-wide singles group for those who are not comfortable in churchy groups. God can use us to minister to and reach singles for the kingdom without our local church's support. Stop blaming the church�?�go out and do what God calls you to do!
---
"Most church leaders cater only to the married couples, because they are the ones providing for most of the financial support of the church. That is why all the "mega-churches" advertise the "family church" "youth outreach", and "marriage enrichment" programs. The church markets salvation to the ones who will pay for their multi-million dollar complexes and staff."

There's a lot of truth in these comments. In fact, I recently heard that a marketing executive from LifeWay Christian Stores told a group of pastors that the future of the church hangs on young married couples, because they offer the most financial support. Guess where those pastors are going to put their focus? Fortunately, several of you have a pastor who does a good job acknowledging singles:

"My pastor applies his messages to all phases of life - single, married, families, retired, etc. He was single until he was almost 30...so I think he understands how important it is to have singles included in every aspect of our church."
---
"Basically, it's up to us. If we want to have a shindig for singles, all we'd have to do is talk with our pastors and they're glad to help set something up."
---
"In the defense of my pastor, he has been open to listening to me talk of the importance of including singles in his messages. In fact, he has asked that I consider heading up the singles ministry."

These comments reveal that hope is not lost. Sometimes, you may need to take the initiative with your pastor to make him aware of your needs. Or, God may call you to start your own ministry. The last thing we should do is sit still and complain. This last comment sums it up well:

"Look at Jesus - He was single. He reached out to everyone. Should we not do the same? I think there should be a place and opportunity for ministry for each single in every church. We need to start a revolution to reach 100 million singles for Jesus."

Post your comments here or below. Check out other topics and Q&A on our Discussion Board. Don�??t forget to cast your vote in our current survey!

November 14, 2005: Senior Pastors Ignore Singles

2006-04-28T11:44:00.000-04:00

Since August, I've traveled coast-to-coast speaking to young adults and singles about my new book, "Dating with Pure Passion." The response has been great, but I keep hearing about a common problem. Singles all over America complain that their Senior Pastor rarely acknowledges them. I hear comments, such as, "Our Senior Pastor never mentions singles during his sermons. He either ignores us or treats us like second-class Christians. We don't feel apart of the church, because the focus always seems to be on married couples and kids."

Unfortunately, I agree with some of these comments. I've met few Senior Pastors who express an interest in singles ministry. For instance, I know singles ministers who try to organize events for their group, but the rest of their church staff refuses to promote the event on Sunday mornings or post a blurb in the bulletin. All of the announcement space gets reserved for the women's, children's, or married adult ministries.

What happened to equality in the church? Singles comprise the largest segment of the American adult population (52%). Instead, the church seems to exhibit a relational caste system based on marital status. The attitude is: "If you're married - join our wonderful family! If you're single - join us, but sit in the back, keep quiet, and don't cause any trouble!" Worse, some churches arrogantly believe that singles don't need their own ministry. They think singles should disappear into service within the congregation. That's like telling a high school student, "We don't have a class for you...just go play with the little kids."

Here's the rub: There are over 100 million singles in the U.S., which means they make up the largest mission field in America. If the church wants to reach this nation for Christ, it must learn how to reach singles of all ages. Sadly, too many churches hide in their "happy-family bubble" and ignore reality.

Is there hope? Yes, but it starts with leadership. Senior Pastors can help by taking small steps to acknowledge singles. For instance, use single adults in the sermon illustrations, promote singles events from the pulpit, speak at a singles retreat, or teach a singles Sunday School class for a few weeks. Stop telling everyone to go find a mate, and express compassion and concern for the unmarried.

Read Rob's controversial article about singles and the church:It's Time to Take a Stand (pdf)

Post your comments here or below. Check out other topics and Q&A on our Discussion Board. Don�??t forget to cast your vote in our current survey!

October 5, 2005: Women Asking Out Men

2006-04-28T11:33:00.000-04:00

Last month, we received hundreds of votes in our September poll - "Is it okay for a woman to ask a man for a date?" Your response was split with over half of you stating that it's never a good idea, while the other half said it's okay at any time or if the guy is shy. We appreciate your response, and here's our take on the subject. Ladies, you are free to ask a guy for a date. However, keep these points in mind before you try:

1. Some men are turned off by women who act too forward. It makes those men wonder if you're desperate or controlling. It also makes some men wonder if they'll have a real say in your relationship. Most men have a desire to pursue and conquer, and asking a man for a date may short-circuit that process and run him off.

2. Some men who want women to ask them out are scared. Their fear of rejection has crippled them to the unhealthy point that they would rather let a woman risk the rejection, instead facing up their fears. So, ladies, ask yourself if you're okay dating a guy who is too scared to deal with real life.

3. Some men are lazy. As a man, I can attest that when my gender walks in the flesh, we tend to gravitate towards laziness. That's why it's so easy for us to enjoy sitting in the La-Z-Boy recliner with a TV remote and a big bag of chips. Some of us would rather not work if we don't have to. This same mentality can affect our perspective on relationships. In other words, if a woman wants to do the hard work of pursuing - go for it! We'd rather sit around and relax.

Yet, the Bible is clear in 1 Corinthians 11:1-16 and Ephesians 5:21-33 that men are called to treat women in the same way that Christ treated the church - by pursuing and sacrificing. Consider how mankind never went up to Heaven and asked Jesus for a relationship. Instead, Jesus was vulnerable first and left Heaven to ask us for a relationship. And, He proved His sincerity by sacrificing His life for us. So, if our earthly relationships are to be a mirror of our relationship with Christ, then God asks the men to take the lead in pursuing and sacrificing.

Ladies, I know it can be difficult to wait for a man to pursue you. But, ask yourself, are you willing to risk letting a man be lazy and abdicate his God-given role - just to get a date? Sure, equality of the sexes may be a good thing, but it may also lead to you to do all of the work and windup in a frustrating relationship. My mother is a Christian counselor who knows numerous women in miserable marriages because they chose to marry a passive man.

Fortunately, ladies, waiting for a man to ask you out doesn't mean sitting by the phone. There is plenty you can do wait actively. My wife, Ashley, put together a great list of 5 Tips for Ladies that you can use to attract healthy men to you.

Post your comments here or below. Check out other topics and Q&A on our Discussion Board. Don�??t forget to cast your vote in our current survey!

September 29, 2005: Ashley's New Favorite TV Show "Dog The Bounty Hunter"

2006-04-28T11:29:00.000-04:00

Maybe you assume that Rob's wife, Ashley, is the dainty lover of Jane Austen movies, but make no mistake - she has a wild side. Her new favorite TV show is "Dog The Bounty Hunter" on A&E every Tuesday night. This is truly must-see, reality-TV. For the uninformed, Dog is the self-proclaimed greatest bounty hunter of all time, capturing over 6,000 fugitives. The program follows Dog, also known as Duane Chapman, and his family as they chase down criminals all over Hawaii.

But, don't think Dog is only about serving up justice. He exudes a deep, spiritual side that is the epitome of irony. In one scene, he's angrily pursuing a fugitive or spraying mace in the bad guy's face�?�Then, in the next scene, Dog is humbly preaching to the lawbreaker and praying to Jesus on their behalf.

This program is way too difficult to explain in words�?�you just have to see it! If you can't wait, click here for sneak peak. Once you watch it, Ashley would love to hear your comments!

We welcome blog comments here or below. Visit the Culture Watch discussion about "Dog is the Dude" on our Discussion Board.

September 6, 2005: Hurricanes, Breakups, and Who Gets the Blame?

2006-04-28T11:17:00.001-04:00

The heartbreak is overwhelming as we watch one of the worst natural disasters to ever hit the United States. What's odd, though, is how our society and the insurance industry define the devastation as an "act of God." In essence, we quietly blame God for wreaking all of the havoc.

Likewise, many singles and young adults apply the same mindset when relational heartache occurs, such as a painful breakup or the loss of a dating relationship. We wonder why would God cause such tragedy or fail to protect us. If He is loving, then how could He do such things? Over time, walls of bitterness develop and we begin to push God away.

Have you wrestled with these questions? Why would God allow a hurricane to destroy New Orleans? Why would God allow someone to devastate your heart or wipe out your romantic relationship? The answer is�?� There is no answer to that question, because it is the wrong question. God never causes our suffering - Satan is always the instigator:

Job 2:7 - "Then Satan went out from the presence of the Lord, and smote Job with sore boils�?�"
Luke 22:31 - Jesus said, "Simon (Peter), behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat"
1 John 4:8, 18 - "�?�for God is love�?�There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear�?�"

God is love. Therefore, He never causes our suffering. Instead, Satan is to blame for all pain and tragedy. The blessing is that God doesn't leave us to wallow in the suffering that Satan creates. Because He is loving, God gets down in the pain with you and me and uses His power to work the pain for our good (Romans 8:28). I experienced this miraculous truth when my first wife abandoned me ten years ago. The heartache was so devastating, I was ready to end my life. But, God convinced me of His love and restored my soul.

So as you endure national or personal dating tragedy, please don't accuse God. Shift the blame to Satan, and actively allow God to begin His restoring work by surrendering your future to His love. Take it from someone who experienced personal and natural disaster all at the same time, "Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God" (Job 1:22).

Show God's love to the victims of Hurricane Katrina - make a donation to:North American Mission Board or American Red Cross

Post your comments here or below. Check out other topics and Q&A on our Discussion Board. Don�??t forget to cast your vote in cour current survey!