Of course there are other words I could have adopted, but I like the word Muses. In Greek mythology, Muses were the Goddesses responsible for inspiring literature, science and the arts. It was their duty to communicate wisdom from the Devine realm to mortals to provoke and guide them to great works.

When I’m receiving guidance, or promptings, from a place beyond my intellect, for me, it’s the Muses who are delivering the message.

The post Who are the Muses? appeared first on RobbNotes.

Does this happen to everyone? Gentle promptings. Full blown kicks and punches to the gut from the Muses. Each one for the purpose of moving me to pursue what I love. To be who I truly am. Received in what seems like a constant stream of coincidences and serendipities. Conversations, song lyrics, blog posts, and sentences popping out of books randomly picked up on the way to the bathroom. Throughout my adult life this is the way it’s been for me.

My normal response is a nod of acknowledgment, a wry grin and little else. There was a time I acted on the muse’s prompting. Miracles happened. I walked through walls. Became a hero. But that was long ago and I’ve since ceased heeding these damn Muses. The result? Grinding life out. A secret hero, living in a foreign land as a slave. Knowing I am so much more than I’m being . Afraid to break off these self imposed chains of economic viability and cultural appropriateness. Yet the Muse’s drum beat goes on. Calling me to come out and play with them. To Dance with them. To give life another shot. Take a risk. Will they ever stop their calling to me? I hope not.

This morning I was writing in my journal, listing out some of the coincidences of the past day. Confessing how I always spurn these cues. Not intellectually, but with non-action. Then from my pen came the this: will you remain unmoved?

Unmoved. Unaffected. Untouched. Unaltered. Unchanged. In-situ.

Is that my destiny? Am I to be the cautionary tale that inspires my children to follow their bliss? “Don’t be like dad, heed the promptings, no matter the fear, no matter the cost.” I hope not.

And the drum beats on, and the question keeps bouncing around my mind. Will you remain unmoved?

I suppose I should give some context to my story. What the hell do I mean by “promtings” anyway! Who are the Muses?!

Story #1 – How I Became a Pastor (1990)

I’m 26 years old, married and have one child, working as a manager at United Parcel Service (UPS). I want, more than anything, to be a pastor. I experience these promptings regularly and follow them fearlessly.

One day, the then current high school pastor at the church I attended requests a meeting. He tells me he’s leaving to take a position at another church. Next, strangely, he asked me to sit in his chair. Then he inquires, “how does it feel to sit in my chair.” As this was happening, everything seemed to fade into slow motion. I sensed the Muses were informing me this man’s position would soon be mine. This made no sense at all. I had no seminary degree. Had just four years of being an Evangelical Christian under my belt. The whole of my experience was having taught 2nd grade Sunday school and leading a small group of high school boys in Bible study. The man in front of me had a Master of Theology from a prestigious seminary, a life time of leadership experience and was the beloved leader of close to 500 high school students and 80+ volunteer staff members. How could I be hired to take his place?

I walked out of his office nonplussed.”I must be delusional,” I thought to myself. How could I become his replacement? Not a chance. Really, the odds would be equal to me becoming a professional baseball player at my current age of 48. Not happening. But that feeling, that it would indeed happen, would not go away. I went on a walk to argue with the Muse (at the time I would have used the word God instead). I informed her I would not be made a fool of. Asked why this was happening to me. Argued more. Listened more. The Muse won. When the walk was over I’d agreed to go apply for the job. The guidance I received was clear, loud and emphatic. It was as if I had no choice in the matter.

I walked into her office, her name was Gerry, and she was director of everything having to do with kids from birth to graduating college at the church. She was in her fifties, well dressed, had been at the church for over 30 years, politically savvy and a consummate professional. She knew me from when I’d taught second grade Sunday school. I said, “I know this is crazy, but I have to do this. I’m applying for the position of high school pastor.” She was very gracious. However, it was obvious she knew this was a completely ridiculous idea too. She gave me the required paperwork for applying and off I went.

I wanted to get the paperwork filled out as quickly as possible. I felt if I did my part, and applied for the job, the Muse would stop bothering me about this. I’d no longer have to deal with this silly idea. So the next day I went into Gerry’s office, handed her the packet, she thanked me and I walked out with a sense of relief. It was out of my hands now. There was nothing more I could do. I went on a walk to make sure this was the case.

I can’t recall exactly how that walk/conversation with the Muse went down. But I know what I got out of it. I was told it was not my task to gain the post as the high school pastor. The Muse would take care of that.

As I write this story out I’m shaking my head. These Muses are crazy! Or maybe it was just me, I was/am crazy. This story is at best laughable, at worse pathetic.

Then the phone rang. It was Gerry.

No, she was not calling to offer me the job. But she had a problem she was hoping I would help her solve. It would soon to be summer and the high school group had no one running it while the search for a new pastor proceeded. She wanted to know if I would be that person in the capacity as the summer intern.

I’d become the temporary leader of this large group of people. Surreal. I went on anther walk.

This time I received a kind of mantra from the Muse. “Be faithful in small things and I will life you up.” See the quote marks? Those are the words that were seared into my mind on that walk. I was not to campaign for this job. I was to focus on the small details and leave the results to the Muse. Another idea introduced was via a Bible verse, “But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty.” I was the foolish, weal thing. The Muses were going to confound the wise and powerful. They had that one right. I was a fool! For listening to them.

The elders of the church, who would ultimately choose the person hired for this position, arrived at a goal. They would search for, find, and hire the very best high school pastor in the nation. A national search was commenced. Ironically, I was requested to host each candidate when they came to be interviewed and speak to the high school group. When I learned of this I glanced over at the Muse with a wide grin and thought, you’re not getting out of this one. The jig was up. I’m going to have a fun summer and one of these candidates will win the position.

The summer went as planned. I worked from 2am to 10am at UPS and from 12pm to 8pm at the church. We had camps, bible studies, concerts, trips to amusement parks, and a series of great orators from all over the country speaking to the kids and interviewing for the job. Each of them were brilliant. They were far and above me in speaking skills, knowledge, experience and the rest. I believed each one would be offered, and take the job. None of them did.

At the end of the summer the elders were no closer to finding a replacement than they were when they started.

So late one Sunday evening Pastor Lance called. He’d been the one who ended up taking the lead in the search. He had a question. “Are you interested in being the high school pastor?” It turns out a group of 250 people had summoned a meeting with Lance that night and demanded they take a look at me to be the high school pastor. I’d knew nothing about this. How could this be happening? I told him I was interested. Then, with some frustration in his voice, he asked me why I hadn’t told him that before. I don’t know how I answered him. But he had to know, he would have laughed at me if I had told him.

The next day Gerry called and asked me to come in and begin the interview process. I was to go through the same rigmarole the other candidates had. The first step was to complete the initial paperwork I had handed in months ago. The problem was Gerry had tossed my packet in the trash right after I handed it to her. I couldn’t blame her. So I filled it out again. Next were the interviews with the other pastors on staff and the elders. Suddenly this all became real. It seemed like the powers that be at the church had no choice. It was as if they had to hire me.

After a week or so, I found myself and my wife sitting in a elder board meeting. To me it felt like I was seeing being Oz’s curtain. I was now in the inner sanctum of this huge and powerful church. A place I never thought I’d be and the focus of the meeting was hiring me as a pastor. How the hell did we get here?!

The Muses love the small details. They tied this whole experience up with nice bow. The meeting was opened with a devotional by a pastor named John. The theme was how God chooses the foolish and weak to dumbfound the wise and powerful. My wife and I looked at each other in utter amazement. How did Pastor John know about that?!

That night, around 11PM Lance called. He asked me the same question as the last call. “Do you want to be the high school pastor?” I said yes, and he informed me the job was mine. The elders had voted unanimously to offer me the position. What do you know, miracles do happen.

Having an experience like that you’d think I would always listen to and heed the guidance of the Muses. Not the case.

Story 2 – 20 Years Later, Current Day

I’m no longer a pastor. No longer a Christian. No longer married. However, the Muses are still with me. I’m just much more adept at ignoring them.

I own my own company. Yet I sense I should be doing something else with my life. Peddling mobile payments applications to small businesses doesn’t seem to be my calling.

Recently, my company was in expansion mode. Revenue was up, we expanded our team, began developing a new iPad application all while I pushed through the noise of the muse to build a company I would be proud of. Then something I couldn’t ignore happened. Our strategic partner decided we were making too much money, voided our agreement, and forced a re-negotiation. This resulted in our revenue being cut in half and the end of all my wonderful plans for the company.

Those damn Muses!

This disruption caused me to pause and reflect on the path I’d been trotting down. Did I really want to build iPad apps? Was I truly enjoying being an entrepreneur? My answer was clear. No. So now what?

Enter my son Jordan, my oldest child. Now 22 years old, and boldly walking his own path. Hell bent on doing what he loves. We’re on the phone this past Thursday and I tell him I’m thinking of pursuing money and security instead of what I love. I have responsibilities and being some wild-eyed idealist, who peruses what he loves, could bring me to financial ruin. He laughs at me. He’s heard me say all this before. I want to be a pragmatist for once in my life. Not the type of person who would live out the story from scene one. Jordan knows I’m all wrong, and is certain I will arrive at the same conclusion as he has, sooner or later.

Again I ask, do other people wrestle with these damn Muses? If so, they sure don’t talk about it much. At least not to me.

After the phone call with Jordan I continued in a state of vacillation. Should I focus on money making or bliss following? Then a stream of coincidental Muse nudges, kicks and blows began to occur:

Number One. While reading a blog post this quote whacked me across the mind: “Do you want to know who you are? Don’t ask. Act. Action will delineate and define you.” -Witold Gombrowicz

What a haunting freaking quote! My actions define me? Thanks for the reminder. I’ll put that above my TV and ignore it while I’m watching the next episode of True Blood and drinking a cocktail.. This was just a Muse punch to soften me up a bit. It worked. I want my actions to define me. I want to act worthy of who I think I am. So for days this quote is a on a red flag flying around my head. I hear it flapping in the wind and measure most my actions by it.

The Muses smile. This all seems fun and even humorous to them.

Number Two. I’m on KickStarter looking at the cool projects people do when they pursue what they love. I end up at The Smith Tapes Box Set. Howard Smith was a columnist for the Village Voice and radio personality on WPLJ FM who interviewed all the major rock stars between 1969 and 1972. While his son was moving him out of his loft he discovered the original interview reals. Now they want to edit and publish them and they need a little help.

On the page they have some excerpts from a few of the interviews. I listen to each one, ending with the one with Janis Jolpin. Listen to this:

In case you missed what she said, here are the key parts:

“You are what you settle for…if they settle for being someone’s dishwasher, that’s their own fucking problem. If you don’t settle for that, and you keep fighting it, you’ll end up being anything you want to be. How can they attack me? I’m just doing what I want to, and what feels right, and not settling for bullshit. How can they be mad at that?” – Janis Joplin

When I heard her say “you are what you settle for” I paused the interview. This was another Muse blow. Pop, wham, bang! Take that Robb Lejuwaan! If I wasn’t settling, these words wouldn’t have stood out. But they did, just as the Muse intended them to. They wounded me. They made me aware of my compromise. I’m the anti-Janis. I don’t do what I really want to. I don’t do what feels right. I settle for bullshit. They should be mad at me.

Number Three. One of my favorite blogs of all time is BrainPickings from the wonderful mind of Maria Popova. I’ve liked the blog on Facebook so I aware when Maria posts just about anything. A few minutes after I listened to Janis, I saw her post this quote from Debby Millman:

“If you imagine less, less will be what you undoubtedly deserve. Do what you love, and don’t stop until you get what you love. Work as hard as you can, imagine immensities, don’t compromise, and don’t wast time. Start now. Not 20 years from now, not two weeks from now. Now.”

Now. You may not buy into this Muse stuff. I don’t blame you. It’s not logical. It’s beyond reason. But I do, and at this point in the story it’s obvious to me she’s telling me something. The only question is will I listen and take action? The drums are still beating, and the Muses want to know if I’m ready. I’m close, but I’ll take another nudge please.

Number Four. I think part of my bliss is writing. But I don’t now what to write about. So every day when I wake up, I write whatever crosses my mind for about an hour as a practice. I love it. Wouldn’t miss that hour for anything. It takes no self discipline at all. This morning I began with this question, what will I write about? How I can be a writer if I don’t know what I write about? I write the details of a dream from my waking moments and then about how it seems the Muse is speaking to me. I’m keenly aware all this communication will be for naught if it doesn’t end with me taking some action.

Next I grab the book to next to me, Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg. I’m reading one of her short chapters every morning. She starts the chapter describing one of her favorite writing students:

“He said he had wanted to write for years. People told him he should be a writer, but anytime he sat down to write he couldn’t connect the words on paper with the events or his feelings. That is because he had an idea of what he wanted to say before he came to the paper.”

Looks like not knowing what you’re going to write is not a problem after all. The Muse annihilates another one of my excuses. I finish reading Natalie and return to my writing. “See what I’m talking about? The Muse, someone, some thing is directing and teaching me. I’m grateful they haven’t given up on my stubborn self. On me. Very grateful.”

All the coincidences. I’ve seen them. Heard them. But have remained mostly unmoved by them. So I write, “Will you remain unmoved?” And with out a thought I put on my shoes and head to my office to write this post. I know this is the action I must take in this moment.

Number Five. This morning, on the way to my office, I put on my head phones and pressed play. The Muse wasn’t done. She wanted to put a nice bow around all this. Oddly enough the band Muse began to play in my ears. Their new song, Madness was next on my play list.

The lyrics that hit me:

I… I can’t get this memories out of my mind.
And some kind of Madness,
Has started to evolve, mmn.

And I… I tried so hard to let you go.
But some kind of Madness,
Is swallowing me whole, yeh.

I have finally seen the light.
And I… have finally realized.
What you mean…

And now I have finally seen the light,
And I… have finally realized,
What you need, mmm.

And now I have finally seen the end,
And I’m… I’m expecting you to care,
And I… have finally seen the light,
And I… have finally realized,

I NEED TO LOVE

Maybe I’m imaging all this. Maybe I’m not. But my sense is this is the exact song I was meant to hear. I’d finally seen the light.

Number Six. I sit down at my desk and begin to write.

All is right in my world.

Thank you God.

The post Will You Remain Unmoved? appeared first on RobbNotes.

When I was a Christian, I was quite serious about it. I just read the Bible and books written from a Christian point of view. Music was the same, just from Christian artists and mostly worship songs. Movies? Yes but no R or PG13 rated ones, just G and PG. To top it off 95% of my time was spent with other serious Christians. I was living in a bubble and thought everyone who didn’t share my point of view was either a weak Christian or a lost soul.

How did I escape such a mindset?

It all started when I read a book by a non-Christian (how crazy was that!) about the genocide in Rwanda.The words in this book smacked me hard. How could this tragic event have happened without me knowing anything about it? I think the word that best describes the emotion this book produced is compassion. That was a new emotion for me. I began to talk about the effect this book was having on me to everyone I came into contact. This resulted in being introduced to another local pastor. He’d traveled across the world extensively, was well-read and focused much more on God’s grace and love than I was used to. We ended up meeting a few times a month, and he introduced me to more books and healthier ideas about God. This was the beginning of the end of my life as a Christian.

It’s amazing how one book can be the catalyst for such radical disruption.

A year or so after reading that book, I’d become heart broken. I remember having lunch with one of my interns at Taco Bell and crying most of the time we were there. I’d arrived at the conclusion the church I was a pastor at was not helping people. Instead, we were burdening our congregation with rules and guilt while providing no road map to the abundant life Jesus spoke about. I was completely disillusioned. So I resigned.

My plan was to start a new church that was more compassionate, more in line with what Jesus taught. This is how I met John. We were both members of what would be called today a start-up incubator. However, this one was for churches not tech companies. John possessed a much more liberal Christian point of view than I did. When I told him I hadn’t seen an R-rated movie in over ten years he demanded we go see one that instance. Ironically the only movie showing at that moment was The Devil’s Advocate. While I sat there watching the film, I felt like I was engaging in two hours of continual sin. Somehow when the movie ended nothing happened to me. No fire from the heavens, no feelings of guilt remained. The only problem was not being able to get Charlize Theron out of my mind.

I went on with the church start-up. However, the seeds of my discontent with Christianity had been sewn. I was now open to so many more influences other than the Bible and serious Christians. Within a year of starting the new church I resigned as the pastor and began a new and very challenging chapter in my life. I’d been significantly disrupted.

Why Self Disruption?

My need for disruption was probably more obvious than your need of it. However, before I read that book, I didn’t see it that way. I thought I knew enough. I’d studied theology for thousands of hours, had deep mystical experiences and was doing quite well in my career as a pastor. I might have even said I had life figured out. I was dead wrong.

My point is when you think you have little to learn, that your education is complete you’re the exact person that needs some disruption. You’re missing out on so many wonderful ideas, people and experiences.

“I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.” -Socrates

To come to realize you know nothing is the beginning of a grand life adventure. Do you really want to miss out on that?

How to Take the Next Step

We can pick our teachers and we can pick our friends and we can pick the books we read and the music we listen to and the movies we see, etcetera. You are a mashup of what you let into your life. – Paula Scher¹

I love this quote. I know it be true. My story above illustrates this, as does my life since then. Today I am a completely different person than I was fifteen years ago largely because of the people, authors, films, and music I’ve allowed into my life. The result?

The key first step to positive disruption is becoming the chooser of what comes into your life. Which leads to the question of how best to make those choices. The good news is that disruption spreads like fire on a windy day. All you have to do is start somewhere and it will spread to other areas of your life.

Here are some suggestions on where to start:

Listen to some music that’s new to you – I’ve never been a fan of electronic music, but I have a son who’s a connoisseur. He even has a website that covers every genre of electronic music. After months of him telling the whole family how great dubstep is I finally succumbed and asked him to create a playlist for me on Spotify. After listening to it several times I can now say I enjoy dubstep and other genres of electronic music. I simply hadn’t given it a chance and didn’t understand its roots.

If you’re over 30 and still listening to the same music you were in high school this is a great place for you to start. Need some help knowing where to start? Check out NPR’s All Songs Considered or World Cafe.

Go see an independent or foreign film - One of my favorite film experiences was taking my kids to the Israeli Film Festival in Santa Monica, CA. We arrived early and stood in a long line on a Sunday evening. Most of the men were wearing yamakas and everyone was saying shalom to one another. Living in Orange County hasn’t allowed us to spend much time with Jewish people so this was a trip. We thoroughly enjoyed being there, and the film produced and shot in Israel was excellent.

The point here is experiencing something you’re not used to. Only see blockbuster movies? Then you have no idea what you’re missing! Go to an art house theater in a city (if you can) and see a movie none of your friends want to see with you. You won’t regret it.

Listen to a podcast – Yes, podcasts are still being produced, and they’re better than ever. I’ve recently discovered The Moth which allows you to hear perspectives of wide range of people as they share their life stories. The first episode I listened from Damien Echols of the West Memphis Three. He tells a disturbing story of how he was convicted of a crime he didn’t commit and ended up on death row. I’ve listened more episodes, and they’re all enthralling.

Here are a few other podcast’s to check out: Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History, This American Life and Radiolab.

Watch a documentary – Recently PBS aired Half the Sky. It’s a two-part movie inspired by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn’s book of the same title. It introduces women and girls who are living under some of the most difficult circumstances imaginable — and fighting bravely to change them. I watched both parts and if you’d like to have your eyes opened up to women’s issues from around the world don’t miss this. You can find a link to watch this through iTunes here.

There are also two great documentaries touring the U.S. right now: The House I live In and How to Survive a Plague. You may despise the point of view of these films. If that’s the case, definitely go see one of them. When you’re walking out of the theater notice your feeling and line of thought. Make it an experiment.

Read a book – One book I know will challenge your thinking is A People’s History of the United States: 1492 to Present. This book offers some differing view points of U.S. history than you were taught in school. Just reading the chapter on Christopher Columbus will blow your mind.

Of course, there are many other books to read that will do the job. Here a couple places to discover good suggestions from: The Edge Summer Reading List 2012 and Brain Pickings. The idea here is to read a book that will challenge your assumptions and expose you to new ideas.

Notes

1. Just pick one activity, make it something completely new to you and see where it takes you. In my experience, learning begets more learning. My brain loves learning so much that it seems to provide a good kick of Dopamine to reinforce the behavior. If this is the same for you one day you may find yourself reading a book in the evening instead of distracting yourself with TV.

2. Notice I’m not suggestion you think like me or take up some dogma. I’m simply desire you think for yourself. We’ve been bombarded with all kinds of messages from marketers and institutions that are at best fantasy and at worst manipulation. We believe we think for ourselves, but if you’re anywhere near normal, your morals, values, and assumptions have been programmed into you. It’s considerably more fun to come to your own conclusions after investigating and pondering a subject for yourself. Plus others will find you a lot more interesting to be around.

3. I don’t want to over simplify the process of disruption. Being exposed to new ideas alone will not do the job; contemplation, experimentation, failure, iteration among other actives also required. I’ll be writing more about these in later posts.

There’s no time like the present. Why not start your very own disruption right now. Who know’s where it will lead!

If you have any ideas or stories of disruption to share I’d love to hear them. Please share them below in the comments section.

^{1. I found this quote in a Brain Pickings post ↩}

The post Disrupt Yourself! – How to Get Started appeared first on RobbNotes.

Once the hero meets with success she will be lauded as a genius for her creative, destructive and outside the box thinking. She will be featured on the cover of Fast Company, will be interviewed by Charlie Rose, speak at TED and young people from around the world will aspire to be just like her when they grow up.

Disruption is cool, as it should be. Furthermore, it’s essential. How else could we progress? Not just in business but in all fields of endeavor. What other means do we have to ensure our continual evolution? The answer: nothing. Disruption is crucial for the health, growth and vibrancy of our communities, nations and the world.

Disruption for People is Not So Cool

So why then is disruption on an internal, personal level not equally valued?

Disrupting an industry is one thing, disrupting our beliefs and ideas that help us feel secure in this chaotic world is another. We’re afraid. Change is hard. Why would anyone bring it on themselves intentionally? Just the thought of such disruption causes a ball of stress to form in our stomachs. So we cling to beliefs that we’re handed by our families, religious leaders, teachers, and reinforced by society as a whole. The alternative, the questioning and analysis of our beliefs is completely unacceptable to most of us.

As a result, we slowly become like the old, stodgy industries mentioned above. The walking dead. Living in some type of fantasy that our assumptions and beliefs are the truth. Most of us haven’t examined our assumptions and beliefs in years, but we know we’re right, dammit!

A Heroic Alternative

The wisest among us have always had the opposite mindset. They embraced their ignorance, their not-knowing. Socrates wrote, “I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.” One of my favorite modern thinkers, Joseph Campbell said, “Those who think they know, don’t know. Those who know they don’t know, know.”

Realizing that I knew nothing was the doorway to my own disruption. Fifteen years ago, I thought I knew “the truth.” I was a born-again Christian evangelical pastor that believed the Bible was the inspired, inerrant word of God. Whatever that book said was the absolute truth from God Himself. Life was simple. Things were black and white. I was an ignorant fool.

Thinking, contemplating, examining changed all that, and in a way I became the hero that disrupts. Not for a stodgy industry but for myself. I became my own personal Jesus Christ. No longer did I need to look outside myself for answers, for saving. I was free to experiment with ideas and define my own values. My only is regret is that I wasn’t a more aggressive explorer.

My purpose for writing this post is to point out there is another way to think and live. We do not have to conform to standards and ideas that have been pushed on us since birth. We can all be our own disruptive hero and lead awakened lives. The first step is to accept you know nothing. If you take this step, you’ll be in good company, and a new adventure will begin. I hope you join me.

The post Disrupt Yourself! appeared first on RobbNotes.