Charles Hampton (“Ned” to almost everyone) entered a world in uproar. Bombs were raining down on Liverpool the night he was born in November 1940. He slipped away from this world on a quiet Friday evening, exactly 85 years and two months later.

Dad was one of five children. His sister Ivy died at a young age, but his other siblings, Hilda, Betty and Stanley, were a constant presence in his life, and he was devoted to all of them. They visited each other regularly for a cup of tea and a chat.

The other big presence in his life was, of course, my mother Dot. They married on April 1st 1967 – yes, April Fool’s Day, and there were plenty of jokes about that over the years.

Mum and Dad made a formidable team – Mum kept the household ticking over by doing the bills and paperwork, while dad could build or mend pretty much anything. If a shelf needed putting up, leaky pipe fixing, or some flatpack furniture assembling, dad was there with his tools. His last big project was just a couple of years ago, helping my sister do the plastering in her new house – although he could only do the top half of the walls because he could no longer bend down.

Dad was a literal homemaker. The first family home in Toxteth was a wreck when my parents bought it, but Dad quickly rebuilt it into a cosy home, repairing and redecorating and even replacing the roof. Later, when the opportunity came to join a self-build project in Dingle, Dad built a new house for his family from scratch, coming from his day job to put in further hours laying bricks and pouring concrete, to build his dream home.

My childhood memories of that home are of warmth and comfort. There were occasional rows – not least when Dad and Uncle Stan would stagger home after their regular Friday night out on Park Road (which had a pub on nearly every corner in those days). But the home my parents built together was one of love, where we felt safe whatever troubles we faced outside.

Family was important to him, as was demonstrated when his mother-in-law died. He and mum took in my auntie Ann, who was still just a teenager and became almost like another daughter to him.

Outside family, his other devotion was to Liverpool FC. Without fail, every home game found him in his seat in the Kop, until he took the heartbreaking decision a few years ago to give up his season ticket, after he physically couldn’t get to the match any more.

For away matches… let’s just say no other house in our street needed a Sky Sports subscription to follow Liverpool – they could track the team’s progress by the volume of expletives coming from our house. He may have been a Red, but he could certainly turn the air blue. His passion proved too much on at least one occasion – when the 2005 Champions League final went to penalties, his nerves got the better of him and he stood in the back garden for the duration of the penalty shootout.

To the end, family and football were his life. Even in his final days of illness, he came alive when Liverpool were on the TV, or his grandchildren visited. Two days before he died, he was sitting up in bed talking football to his grandsons.

Dad’s final years were tough. Losing the love of his life to Covid in April 2020 was a cruel blow. Age and illness left him increasingly unable to get out of the house, or even do the odd jobs around the home that kept him busy and gave him such satisfaction. Then dementia slowly robbed us of the happy, loving man we had known, replaced by one frequently angry and confused.

I try not to remember the final years of decline, and instead remember the many happy years. I was probably not what Dad imagined his second son would be like. Not interested in football, happier on a train than in a pub, and gay as a goose. But I never for one second doubted his love for me. When I was a kid we would head to Southport, not to visit the fair or arcades, but simply for the train ride.

His most important contribution to my life was one that didn’t seem too significant at the time. I was, I think, 7 years old when Dad brought me my first computer – a Commodore VIC-20 that one of his friends had given him. It barely worked and it was obsolete even then, but the book that came with it – An Introduction to BASIC – became my regular bedtime reading. Thirty years later, when I finally graduated with a Computing & IT degree from the Open University, dad was there to see me collect my degree.

In a world of charlatans and frauds, dad was something completely different: a kind, humble man. He had no ambitions beyond making a happy life for his family, and he leaves behind him a lifetime of happy memories. His spirit lives on in his children and grandchildren. I miss him terribly.

This time I had my boyfriend Ben in tow, for his first visit to mainland Europe (and his first time flying Ryanair – talk about a baptism of fire)

I get nervous when introducing people to Berlin. I rave about the place so much that I worry the place will not live up to the high expectations I have set.

As usual, I needn’t have worried. Ben was just as entranced by the place as I am.

Things didn’t get off to the most auspicious start upon arriving at the airport, where I led Ben to the wrong platform to catch the train into the city centre. This proved to be a recurring theme of the trip. I had boasted about how I knew Berlin like the back of my hand. Unfortunately I was wearing gloves, and guided us to the wrong U-Bahn, bus stop or street on several occasions.

We started with a visit to the Berliner Dom which disappointingly is not a specialty nightclub, but the grand Berlin Cathedral. Whatever you think of organised religion, there’s no doubt that it has inspired some fine architecture over the years, and Berlin’s Lutheran cathedral is no different.

For the princely sum of 10 Euros you can wander around its innards and see the coffins of King Frederick and his consort, Sophie Charlotte, which are on view just by the exit to the gift shop.

From the cathedral it was just a short hop across the river to the DDR Museum. This was my third visit to this museum, but I was happy to share it with Ben. The warts and all story of life in the former East Germany remains an interesting way to while away a few hours. Trabants, the Palast der Republik, Freikörperkultur, all covered in detail. The model of the Berlin Wall remained a chilling sight.

In the evening, we headed to the Philharmonie Berlin to see a performance by the Berliner Symphoniker. Excitingly, we were bring treated to a world premiere: Alexey Shor’s Konzert für Klavier und Orchester Nr. 1. Beautiful stuff, and a side to Berlin I’ve never seen before. This is where having a classical music fan for a boyfriend is useful – I get to experience new things.

Day 2 started with a trip to Checkpoint Charlie. A poignant moment for Ben, whose grandfather served in Berlin in the 1960s – in his words, patrolling the Wall before it was a wall.

We then visited the The Checkpoint Charlie Museum. The stories of those who tried to escape remain as daring and inspiring as ever.

Since my last visit, the museum has been brought up to date with an exhibit on the current war in Ukraine, a reminder that oppression and violence are sadly not things of the past.

We finished off our Berlin Wall-themed morning with a trip to the Berlin Wall Memorial on Bernauer Straße — a poignant tribute to those who died trying to escape to the West.

In the afternoon, we headed to The Pergamon Museum. This museum of ancient cultures has since closed for refurbishment, so this would be our last chance to visit until 2043(!)

Unfortunately we barely scratched the surface of what the museum had to offer. Having explored the ancient civilisations of the Far East, the exertions of the day started to catch up with us. We ended our visit prematurely, having not even finished the ground floor of the museum. Still, there’s always next time… oh.

In the evening I headed out solo to explore the Festival of Lights. Every October, Berlin lights up its buildings in a spectacular show of lights and sound. It’s a huge exhibition, sprawling across the entire city, and I had to hurry from one exhibit to the other to try to see as many as possible.

My whirlwind tour took in the Brandenburg Gate:-

The Berliner Dom, again:-

The TV Tower in Alexanderplatz:-

The Nikolaikirche:-

I just made it to St Hedwig’s Cathedral before the lights were switched off at 11pm prompt.

Our third day saw us head to Friedrichstraße. We weren’t heading for the very fine railway station, but rather the adjacent pier for a ride on Reederei Winkler boat cruise.

After all the walking we had done over the past couple of days, it was quite a nice change to sit and let the city glide past. The weather was fine, so we sat on the upper open deck and enjoyed some drinks served at our seat.

The afternoon took us to the Stasimuseum. The old Stasi headquarters, tucked away in a harmless-seeming suburb of East Berlin, is now a museum to the vast, oppressive surveillance operation that saw every citizen of East Germany monitored to ensure their loyalty to the state. In these bland offices, decisions were made that affected countless lives, as orders were issued that saw dissenters threatened, arrested or worse.

The evening saw us head to the TV Tower, where we had dinner booked in the Sphere Restaurant, 207 metres above ground level. Fine dining as the twinkling lights of the Berlin cityscape slowly revolved below us – what could be better? An augmented reality app allowed us to see on our phones exactly what we could see from the window.

I haven’t even mentioned the gorgeous food we ate, not just at the Sphere but everywhere else too (I was approximately 90% schnitzel and currywurst by the end of the trip) nor the pub we visited where all the waiters were dressed in lederhosen (ahem).

So, that was Berlin, and it was as wonderful and exciting as ever. Ben has developed a taste for European travel, so we are looking at options for city breaks in 2024. There’s a whole continent just a short flight — or, dare I say it, a train ride? — away. The big question is… where to next?

(I’m thinking maybe Berlin)

Anyway, here are some of those things below.

TWELFTH NIGHT

What is threatening to become an annual visit to the Shakespeare production by Illyria in Sefton Park did not disappoint. A fun romantic comedy about the night you take your Christmas decorations down (NOTE: fact-check this before publishing).

With a cast of five playing multiple roles, I had to pay close attention to follow the plot. However being in the shadow of the Palm House was a bonus, and the weather was kind to us. People who went to see their production of Pride and Prejudice a few weeks later were not so lucky.

THE MAGIC FLUTE

Just a week later, we were in a different park – Calderstones Park – for Opera Anywhere‘s production of The Magic Flute.

It was another open-air show, so I was slightly anxious when, on the day of the performance, it rained heavily, rained a bit more, then – in a welcome change of pace – it continued to rain. With no sign of the deluge ending, the start of the show was delayed while they moved the performance indoors. Then, just as the show started in a hastily-commandeered room in the visitor centre, the rain stopped and the sun started beaming down. TIMING.

The show itself was fun, especially with the entry of the three child-spirits, who guide Papageno. They were performed by puppets, giving the show an unexpected Avenue Q-esque twist.

ASPECTS OF LOVE

Ben’s favourite ever musical was revived in London this year, and I bought tickets for his birthday present in September. A shame, then, that the show’s run was cut short and it ended in August, forcing us to make a hasty day trip to London to catch a matinee.

It’s the story of romantic entanglements between various people in France, spanning many years from 1947 to 1964, particularly the aspiring actress Rose Vibert and her admirer, Alex Dillingham. It is one of Michael Ball’s most famous roles, as Alex in the original 1989 show. In this version he plays Alex’s uncle George. We wondered if the show would allow Ball to somehow still sing his big song Love Changes Everything, and it does – by simply reallocating the song to George instead of Alex. A bit annoying for Jamie Bogyo, who plays Alex in this version, but I guess that is showbiz.

THE PLAY THAT GOES WRONG

This was absolutely brilliant. A murder mystery play staged by an amateur dramatics company goes, as the title suggests, not correctly. Props disappear, lines are forgotten, sound cues get missed, doors fail to open, doors fail to close, and that’s just the start of it.

The laughs come as the cast try to adhere to the old showbiz adage “the show must go on”, even as the production gets more and more out of control. There are even shenanigans before the curtain rises and during the interval. Brilliantly the programme is done as if the “play within a play” is real and is full of jokes too.

It’s Noises Off on steroids, and a riot from beginning to end. We are already booked in to see Peter Pan Goes Wrong when it comes to the Liverpool Empire in a few weeks time.

BUCKINGHAM PALACE

We toured Buckingham Palace, which is open to us mere plebs for ten weeks each year. We got to see the state rooms and various bits of Royal regalia. Unfortunately there was no photography allowed (and they were strict, I saw an unfortunate tourist in front of us get severely told off) so

Naturally the opulence and gold-plated everything didn’t sit well with me. I was very amused, however, to see in one room an ornate fireplace built around a one-bar electric fire of the sort you’d find in a 60s council house.

It was rather disappointing to get to the gift shop at the end of the tour and find it full of the same tat that you could find in one of those dodgy London souvenir shops that are open even at 11pm for some reason. Even more disappointing – I actually did buy something and it showed up on my bank statement as “BUCK PALACE”, which sounds like an American porn star name.

Anyway, I learned that Buckingham Palace has 700 rooms, so you could convert it to some nice social housing.

REBECCA

I’d love to write about this show, a musical adaptation of the Daphne Du Maurier novel which has been performed in many European countries, but never in English until now. Unfortunately, a few hours before we were due to see it, we got a call from the Charing Cross Theatre to inform us that that evening’s performance had been cancelled. Oh well. We rescheduled for 4th November, so I will report back then!

PASSAGES

In lieu of Rebecca, we went to see this film which was showing at the Picturehouse in central London. The plot centres on a married couple – Tomas (played by Franz Rogowski) and Martin (Ben Whishaw), whose relationship goes sour when Tomas has an affair with a woman.

It was a very strange film, exploring as it did the emotions that can be stirred up when a relationship breaks up (yes, this was an ideal date night film). The main problem was that it was very hard to feel any sympathy with the character of Tomas, who behaves awfully throughout the film and I was left confused as to why his unfortunate husband and new girlfriend tolerated him for even a nanosecond.

I also have to take issue with the review from The Atlantic quoted on the film’s poster, which read “Brutally Funny” – not sure what film the reviewer was watching, because it is not a comedy!

So, not the best film, although you do get to Ben Whishaw’s bum, so it’s not all bad.

A HAUNTING IN VENICE

An adaptation of one of Agatha Christie’s Poirot novels, directed by Kenneth Branagh, produced by Kenneth Branagh, starring Kenneth Branagh. I didn’t check the credits, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the electrics, carpentry and sound were done by Kenneth Branagh too. The food on set might even have been Kenneth Branagh Flakes.

An amazing cast in the non-Kenneth Branagh roles, though: Michelle Yeoh, Tina Fey and Jamie Dornan.

A ghost story about murdered orphans, a couple of gruesome deaths and a make this a suitably spooky story for Halloween (shame we watched it on September 22nd).

So, that’s some stuff I did. Some good shows, a couple of not-so-good shows. But all done with my lovely other half Ben, so automatically a great experience.

I am not posting on Twitter while Racist Zefram Cochrane is in charge, so follow me on Mastodon, Threads, or BlueSky, and probably another 14 rival social networks over the next few months before we all settle on the correct one. I’m also still on Instagram.

I also signed the petition on the UK Parliament website, because it is this useless zombie government, which knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing, that is presiding over this situation. Managing decline on the railways just as it is doing everywhere else.

There are 13 separate consultations going on – Transport Focus has a list of the proposals and how to respond, so check to see if your local train operator is affected. Thankfully Merseyrail, operated by more enlightened management, is not affected.

My response is below. I am under no illusions that this is little more than a box-ticking exercise and the proposals will probably be waved through, but we have to try.

The consultation closes on 28th July (yes, they really gave us three weeks to respond on this massive sweeping change to the railway network!) so get your responses in soon.

Please find below my response to the proposals to close ticket offices at Northern stations.

Firstly, I must point out that the consultation documents published by Northern are fundamentally misleading, and I would go as far as to say they are dishonest.

The consultation states: “As part of our proposed changes to ticket offices, we will be removing all existing ticket office roles. Instead we will bring our ticket office colleagues into new Journey Maker roles to assist customers around the station. Journey Makers will be based at stations, although no longer within ticket offices. They’ll be available in other areas of the station to help customers face to face with a wide range of needs. This includes supporting people who need extra help travelling through stations and onto our trains.”

However, when looking into the detail of the proposals, the staffing hours of the “Journey Makers” are not remotely comparable to the ticket office hours.

For example: Edge Hill currently has a ticket office from 05:30 to 00:10 Mon-Sat. The ‘replacement’ Journey Maker will be available 09:30-11:30 Mon-Fri, and 12:30-14:30 Sat, just two hours per day. A similar situation applies at many other stations.

Additionally, the proposed Journey Maker staffing hours indicate that at many stations, Journey Makers will only be present for a couple of hours in the middle of the day, not during the morning or evening peaks when stations will be at their busiest. This makes a mockery of the suggestion that Journey Makers will be in any way an adequate replacement for ticket office staff.

My second comment relates specifically to stations in the Merseytravel area, on the “City Line” out of Liverpool Lime Street.

Northern ticket offices on Merseyside sell several products on behalf of Merseytravel, including the Trio multi-modal travel ticket and the Railpass zonal season ticket. These products cannot be purchased online, nor at ticket vending machines. If the ticket offices close down, this will leave people living in those areas without a convenient option to purchase these tickets – they would have to make a special journey to one of the few remaining open ticket offices, or to a Merseyrail Electrics station or a Merseytravel bus station. This inconvenience may dissuade them from using the train altogether.

Finally, I must urge the powers-that-be to look beyond the mere figures of ticket sales, and think about the benefits of a staff presence. The people publishing this proposal seem to think that ticket office staff do is push a few buttons and that job can be easily replaced. They are the first point of contact for these people at the beginning of their train journey, and act as ambassadors for the railway. More than merely selling tickets, they provide information and assistance, especially when things go wrong. Additionally, their presence acts as a deterrent to vandalism and anti-social behaviour.

Look at neighbouring train operator, Merseyrail, where nearly all stations are staffed from start to end of service, and consistently scores highly in customer satisfaction.

The ticketing structure of the railway is not simple, and many passengers are worried about inadvertently purchasing the “wrong” ticket. Ticket offices can provide explanation and guidance and reassurance to these passengers. If ticket offices are closed, these people may not switch to using TVMs or mobile tickets – it is possible they may abandon the railway altogether.

I urge Northern and the DfT to look again at these drastic and short-sighted proposals.

Regards,
Robert Hampton

Platform Cottage – I was fortunate to find this cottage at Kirkby Stephen station available at just a few week’s notice. I was staying there for the second time, after an earlier adventure in 2021. The station buildings have been divided up into three holiday lets. This time we were in the smaller Platform Cottage, but the experience was much the same – a cosy living room and bedroom, with a fully-fitted kitchen and all the home comforts. Once you get used to a train pulling up at the station every 2 hours and having passengers streaming past your living room window, it was a very pleasant experience.

Unexpected bonus was a library of books provided for our reading pleasure. Ben contented himself with a book of Ned Sherrin anecdotes, while I was pleased to find this book of interviews with some of Britain’s finest 20th century comedy writers, everyone from Spike Milligan and Denis Norden to Victoria Wood and, er… Chris Evans. I was sorely tempted to steal it.

We were exemplary guests – I even went through all the streaming apps on the smart TV that the previous visitors had forgotten to sign out of, and did it for them.

Settle – on Tuesday morning we hopped aboard the 0920 train (ten minutes before our Two Together Railcard would be valid, grrr) and travelled to Settle. It was market day, and also extremely wet.

In search of shelter, we ducked into The Folly, a 17th century home which now serves as the Museum of North Craven Life. Exhibits on farming and rural life dominated, and there was also an interesting exhibit on women who had had a big impact on life in the area.

Naturally, I spent an extended period of time in the railway exhibit, documenting the history of the Settle-Carlisle line through its decline and near-closure in the 1970s to its 1980s reprieve and subsequent revival.

Lunch followed in the Ye Olde Naked Man Café, an establishment which must have a terrible time publicising itself in a world of filters on public Wi-fi networks. Unfortunately all the men inside were fully clothed, but that was the only disappointment. Having gone in only wanting a light bite, I ended up ordering a giant burger from the lunch menu, and enjoyed it very much.

After lunch we wisely decided to eschew the steep footpaths of the Castleberg Crag in favour of a self-guided walk around the town, using a leaflet we had bought for 30p from the tourist information centre. It was an interesting walk, taking in various nooks and crannies of the town. One highlight was Victoria Hall, opened in 1853 and the oldest surviving music hall in the world.

Seeing buildings with 17th-century construction dates engraved on them was a real trip back in time. The over-riding theme of our explorations was seeing something that had been an ancient coaching inn, or a blacksmith or something like that, that was now a hairdresser or estate agent.

A Pride flag hanging from one of the old buildings was a pleasing sight, as was a notice outside the Quaker meeting house stating their opposition to our scummy government’s Illegal Migration Bill.

The Eden Viaducts – on Wednesday we were planning to walk to Pendragon Castle. However, a combination of bad rain, getting lost en route, and the fact that my body is as much an ancient ruin as the castle, meant that we cut our trip short. Instead we diverted along the route of the old South Durham and Lancashire Union Railway, now maintained as a footpath by the Northern Viaduct Trust.

We walked as far as Podgill, the first viaduct on the route. There were some lovely views over the valley – or, there would have been, had the weather not been so lousy.

The rain showed no sign of letting up, so we called it a day there and turned back the way we came. Then it was just a matter of walking back to the station along the steep footpath. Yes, we were quite knackered by the time we got back to the house.

At one end of the old railway route is Kirkby Stephen East station, now converted into a heritage centre by the Stainmore Railway Company. Sadly, it is only open at weekends, so for the second time I was unable to visit.

Kirkby Stephen – Thursday was spent exploring Kirkby Stephen itself. A circuit around the town took in an ancient signpost with distances marked in miles and furlongs, Frank’s Bridge (which we learned was often used to bring coffins into the town for funerals), this memorial to a former resident which (it has to be said) looks rather phallic, and the parish church, which contains a fascinating carving of Norse god Loki, seemingly dating from the 10th century.

We rounded off our stay in the town with a visit to the Mango Tree restaurant, where we loaded ourselves up with a frankly ridiculous amount of Indian food.

Tebay – on our way home we stopped off at this small village just off the M6. Tebay was a sleepy village until the coming of the railway, when it became home to a busy junction station and steam locomotive shed. The village’s population boomed… and then Dr Beeching came along. The shed closed in 1968, and the station itself a few months later. Many people went elsewhere in search of employment.

The railway influence is still felt, however. The village’s church, St James’s, was built by the railway company, and the interior tiling bears more than a passing resemblance to stations of the era. A small exhibition in the church describes the railway’s influence, with reminiscences from Tebay residents past and present. The West Coast Main Line still passes the village, but sounds of trains is barely noticeable above the roar of traffic on the M6.

Kendal – we concluded our week away with a quick drive to the edge of the Lake District. The key attraction here was the Kendal Museum. For the princely sum of £5 (ticket valid for a year!) we were treated to various exhibits on Kendal’s history and, in the basement, a frankly terrifying collection of Victorian taxidermy. It was a virtual zoo of birds, rodents, lions, deers, tigers, all stuffed and mounted more than the lads on Broke Straight Boys, and with a similar glazed expression on their faces.

In fairness, this collection had been donated in the first half of the 20th century, and the museum was at pains to point out that this sort of thing was no longer acceptable. In an effort to boost the educational value, the animals were now on display in models of their natural habitat. Still, it was bemusing to see warnings about conservation and animals facing extinction, in an exhibit full of creatures that had been shot.

The ground floor exhibits were more interesting, containing lots of artefacts from Kendal’s history, including this lethal poacher trap which looked like it would take your leg clean off.

Clutching our souvenir Kendal mint cake, we drove back south to Liverpool. It had been a fantastic week in a beautiful part of the world, made all the better by having my lovely boyfriend with me of course.

When it was announced that Liverpool would host Eurovision, I was overjoyed, but also a little bit nervous. The city had never held an event of this size before. Would we be able to pull off the feat of hosting one of the biggest and most technically complex live television events in the world? Could the city’s infrastructure cope with a massive influx of visitors from all over the world? I hoped so, but a part of me was a litte bit worried.

My concerns were unfounded. Liverpool didn’t just host Eurovision, it embraced it and turned it into a week-long festival of joy. With a massive festival of public art running alongside the event, concerts and plays to entertain us, as if the massive festival of music itself wasn’t enough.

It has been a pleasure to explore the city centre during this past week. There was a carnival atmosphere everywhere, with flags being waved, songs being sung and dancing in the streets. People seeing my Eurovision top shouted “happy Eurovision!” at me. Most excellently of all, I felt safe holding my boyfriend’s hand in public. It felt wonderful.

Then the show itself. I was fortunate enough to attend the preview show for Semi Final 1, and the live broadcast of Semi Final 2, thanks to my lovely friend Phil who is better at getting Ticketmaster to cooperate than I am. The show was brilliantly put together by the BBC, showcasing the best of Liverpool while never forgetting that Ukraine is the rightful host country. As was stated many times in the run up to the show: this is Ukraine’s party – we were just providing the venue.

Ukraine and Scouse elements blended together perfectly: Rebecca Ferguson and Aloysha duetting in Semi Final 1, to the lovely opening sequence in the final, depicting Kalush Orchestra performing alongside British musicians. And Sefton Park in a Eurovision postcard!

Then came the final interval act, The Liverpool Songbook – six songs interpreted by Eurovision icons of the past. An incredible performance, which left a stunned Mel Giedroyc just saying “Sonia” for several minutes afterwards. But not particularly inclusive of Ukraine – or so I thought.

The final song was Duncan Laurence covering You’ll Never Walk Alone. A song which means so much to Liverpool (the red half, at least) and brought comfort in one of the city’s darkest hours. Just hearing the opening bars is enough to get me welling up.

And then the presenters and the rest of the Songbook performers appeared on stage to sing along.

And then they cut to Ruslana and a choir performing in the centre of Kyiv. Not a dry eye in the house. Liverpool’s song is now everyone’s. Слава Україні!

Incredible, emotional, stirring. The power of music. The power of Eurovision. United by Music.

I haven’t even talked about the result, but let’s just say the finale – where crowd favourite Käärijä scored massively in the public vote, but failed to overtake Loreen’s huge jury score – was nail-biting excitement. Not that the crowd in the arena, chanting “cha cha cha!” seemed to care that much.

For a week, the eyes of the world were on Liverpool, and we showed ourselves at our very best. Martin Österdahl said that there are things from this year that will be taken forward to future shows.

Everyone who has commented on the contest has remarked that Liverpool has done a remarkable job as host city. The bunting has been taken down and the Eurovision train is off to Sweden for 2024, but the city can take pride in the knowledge that they hosted the greatest show on earth, and did it right.

Fuck it, let’s bid for the Olympics.

Sadly, it all comes to an end today, but it will be a massive climax with the Grand Final at 8pm, live across Europe and beyond. 26 artists will compete on behalf of their country to secure the Eurovision crown and the honour of hosting next year.

Here are the ones I think you should watch out for.

FINLAND – Käärijä – Cha Cha Cha

Finland’s entry Käärijä is very charismatic, and has had the crowd eating out of his hand at every performance I’ve seen. This can be seen in the video above, and in this performance at the Eurovision Village, where he got a crowd hyped up and chanting “Cha Cha Cha” – no mean feat when you’re performing in Finnish. I think it will play well in the Televote.

He also brought his own mobile Sauna to Liverpool, where he convinced Slovenia’s band to strip to their undies. Which was nice.

SWEDEN – Loreen – Tattoo

The bookies’ favourite, but (whisper it) I don’t really care for it that much. Loreen stormed to victory in 2012 with Euphoria, and a lot of the hype around her seems to be based on previous form. She is a genuine Eurovision legend, but I’m not sure she’ll win.

SLOVENIA – Joker Out – Carpe Diem

Slovenian indie rock? YES! Their song, Carpe Diem is quite catchy, and at the second semi-final the bf and I (in the arena) got very invested in their success. I’m convinced you can hear Ben yelling “SLOVENIA!!!” on the live broadcast. Bonus points for recording an English version but then deciding to enter with the original Slovene instead.

I have warmed to them immensely since they released a behind the scenes video a few days ago, which made them look like a great bunch of lads who are having a fantastic time.

GERMANY – Lord of the Lost – Blood & Glitter

Germany have taken a cue from Lordi and sent an industrial metal band to the contest. No masks, but some leather gear that wouldn’t look out of place in a “specialist” Berlin club, and some seriously impressive staging. Germany hasn’t had much luck in the song contest in recent years. This is so different to any other song in the lineup that it will stick in the audience’s memory – always useful when it comes to vote time.

CROATIA – Let 3 – Mama ŠČ

According to Wikipedia: “In December 2006, the band was sanctioned by police after performing naked at an open-air concert in Varaždin. The band’s defence that they had not been naked because they had corks in their anuses did not convince the judge.”

They have promised that they will perform their winner’s reprise in the nude if they are victorious. Probably just as well that this is unlikely to win. It is certainly one to add to the long list of… um, let’s say “memorable” Eurovision acts.

MALTA – The Busker – Dance (Our Own Party)

Honourable mention for The Busker, who didn’t make it past the semi-finals stage against some very tough competition.

Whoever wins tonight, it has been a fantastic few days here in the city. I will write more about my experiences of Eurovision week in the days to come.

The show was commissioned and written after the announcement last October that Liverpool would host Eurovision. From initial idea to a fully-formed musical in six months? Could it be done? If anyone can do it, Jonathan Harvey can.

As the show begins, we are introduced to Lulu, from Waterloo (in Liverpool, not the old Eurostar terminus or the one Abba sang about). The death of her Eurovision-fan mother triggers an obsessive quest to get her ashes scattered on the stage at the Liverpool arena. With the arrival of Beryl, a contestant from the small country of Balkania (yes, I know) and her choreographer, Lulu sees an opportunity to sneak into the arena and carry out her mum’s last wish.

Then Sonia shows up, still milking her near-win in 1993 for all it’s worth, and documenting her struggles with coulrophobia on Instagram live.

Lindzi Germain is brilliant as the abrasive Lulu, Emma Bispham manages to avoid the clichés while portraying an Eastern European type. The great Eithne Browne plays the ghost of Lulu’s mother (don’t ask) and Andro Cowperthwaite rounds out the cast as Lulu’s fabulously camp son Terry, who gets a coming out scene like no other. And yes, Terry and Lulu are named for who you think they are.

The soundtrack is almost entirely Eurovision classics. Everything from Puppet on a String right up to Space Man is present and correct, and sung with gusto by the cast. Some of the links between the songs and the plot are perhaps a bit tenuous, but the performances are strong enough that you can overlook such contrivances. The show ends with the traditional “get the audience up and dancing” moment, and nobody hesitated to get out of their seat for a dance-along with the cast.

It is ridiculous, but it is also the most hilarious, entertaining and uplifting show I’ve seen in a long time. The jokes come thick and fast, with the audience roaring with laughter. Approximately 90% of the humour will go over the heads of non-Scousers, but that’s not an insurmountable problem for Woolybacks, just sit back and enjoy the music. Or do what the person sitting behind us did, and have someone with them to translate the Scouse references.

Trust me when I say this is far above the usual jukebox musical fare. A true tribute to Liverpool and the spirit of Eurovision. It’s on at the Royal Court until 27th May. Get tickets while you still can!

Things got under way in earnest at the beginning of May with EuroFestival, a fortnight-long cultural festival of artworks tying in with the contest, with a particular emphasis on Ukraine, the rightful hosts of this year’s contest.

I’ve been exploring some of the artworks with Ben, and here is a round-up of what we’ve seen so far.

Izyum to Liverpool

Part of the festival is Izyum to Liverpool, an installation at Liverpool Cathedral by Ukrainian artist Katya Buchatska.

The installation consists of a series of giant screens depicting a train journey from Izyum, a city in eastern Ukraine near the front lines. The screens show the view from the window in near real-time, with accompanying sound recordings.

The total journey lasts nearly 14 hours so you are not going to be able to see the whole thing in one go. A good chunk of the journey is in darkness, with only the occasional points of light as the train passes a town or village, so focus on the sounds of the train instead. However, stick around and you are rewarded with a sunrise over the Ukrainian countryside as the train continues its journey west.

The screens unfortunately don’t photograph very well, so I heartily recommend going to see it in person. As a rail enthusiast it hit an extra note of poignancy for me.

Soloveiko Songbirds

The next installation we set out to see were the Soloveiko Songbirds. Twelve giant nightingales have arrived in Liverpool, each representing a different region of Ukraine. They are illuminated at night, and each sings a unique song.

If you want to see the birds, they are on display until 14 May and a map of their locations is available on the VisitLiverpool website – although be warned, a few of them are in parks and building courtyards that are locked in the evenings.

Floating Earth

Over in the Albert Dock, the This Morning weather map has been upgraded with the latest technology.

I jest, of course. This is Floating Earth, by artist Luke Jerrams. The giant globe floats serenely in the dock waters, illuminated from the inside, with high-resolution NASA imagery of our planet printed on its surface.

It’s a real talking point, with people flocking to the dock to see it. At least one Eurovision delegation has used it as a backdrop for their reporting.

Protect the Beats

Protect the Beats is an installation commemorating Ukrainian music. The Nelson Monument in Exchange Flags has been covered with 2,500 sandbags, reflecting the position in many Ukrainian cities where enemy action threatens priceless cultural and historic treasures. Video screens have been installed playing a showcase of Ukrainian music, showing how the country’s culture continues in spite of the hardships caused by war.

Sound of Freedom

“Sound of Freedom” is a giant mural which has been painted on the side of a building just of Tithebarn Street in the city centre. A collaboration between the UK’s Neil Keating and Ukraine artist Somari. The artwork, painted predominantly in the colours of the Ukraine flag (with a bit of the Eurovision “heartbeat” colour scheme in there too) combines elements from both Liverpool and Ukrainian culture. A QR code next to the artwork can be scanned to access a musical soundtrack to accompany the visuals.

The Need for Freedom

On show in the Unity Chapel of the Metropolitan cathedral is this sculpture by Dmitry Iv. Created from over 4,000 steel chain points welded together, it depicts a woman trying to rise from her chains. The lighting in the small chapel made for some interesting shadow effects.

Originally created in 2012, it has sadly remained very relevant, first through the Maidan protests that saw the pro-Russian government ousted, then the 2014 invasion of Crimea and finally the ongoing war. It will be on display at the cathedral until 14 May. After Eurovision, the sculpture will be auctioned to raise funds for organisations supporting Ukrainian migrants.

It would have been wrong for Liverpool to throw the massive Eurovision party without remembering why it is being held here, and these exhibits go some way towards reminding ourselves of that. This week is a true celebration of Ukraine, with a bit of Liverpool culture thrown in too. It’s going to be AMAZING.

This post contains spoilers. Don’t read any further if you haven’t seen Picard season 3. There is also discussion of seasons 1 and 2.

I enjoyed seasons 1 and 2 Star Trek: Picard, but as with so much of Discovery-era Trek, I wished it was a bit more… well, Star Trek-ky. I get that Patrick Stewart didn’t want to retread old ground, so they took Picard out of Starfleet and made him a more cynical, world-weary character. But did they have to portray the post-Nemesis era so bleakly? Starfleet complacent and corrupt, with Romulan infiltrators in high places. Gruesome torture porn scenes inserted for no good story reason. Lots of references to Trek lore, without understanding quite what made the original TNG series so great.

Season 3 took an entirely different direction. Most of the cast from season 1 and 2 were jettisoned, with only Michelle Hurd as Raffi and Jeri Ryan as Seven returning alongside Patrick Stewart. The teaser trailer promised the return of the entire TNG regular cast (sans Wesley Crusher, who is still travelling). I was excited, but also worried that they would screw it up.

Episode 1 didn’t start too promisingly. The standard dimly-lit spaceship, with people shooting at each other, as seen so many times before in new Trek. Introducing us to a Beverly Crusher who was traumatised by events in her life and has become rather jaded and cynical. So far, so standard.

Then we are introduced to her son, Jack, and it soon becomes obvious that Jean-Luc is the daddy. Amusingly, and somewhat illogically, everyone bases this assumption on the fact that he has an English accent, despite the fact that he has never met his dad before, and also Picard is French, so… that makes sense. And wouldn’t you know it? Jack is harbouring a terrible secret that harks back to Picard’s past.

Jack is played by Ed Speleers, whose career has gone rather well since he was in Echo Beach on ITV in 2008.

Seven of Nine is now serving as first officer on the USS Titan. Her commanding officer is Captain Shaw, whose entire personality seems based around being as big an arsehole as possible. Later episodes reveal more depth to the character, but I really struggled with his abrasiveness in the first few episodes.

Of all the characters to return, my favourite had to be Worf, who got the chance to swashbuckle his way through a variety of dangerous situations alongside Raffi. It really was reminiscent of some of his best scenes in DS9 where he fought off a million Jem’Hadar single-handed. Michael Dorn seemed to be enjoying himself as much as the audience. It was fantastic to see.

And so many other cameos too. It really was a greatest hits of Trek. Ro! Shelby! Lore! Tuvok! Changelings! Spot(!) Moriarty(!!!) Although I am really sorry that we didn’t get to see the proposed scene in the final episode, where Seven would have met with Kathryn Janeway and Captain Harry Kim. Justice for Garrett Wang!

Now, you may think that this is all just fan service, bringing back old characters even if it makes little to no sense to the overall story. And you’d be absolutely right. Also, I don’t care. Fuck off.

Then, in episode 9, for reasons, they need an older ship not fitted with the latest Starfleet technology. So they go to the fleet museum, where La Forge just happens to have…

Again, shameless fan service. But it worked, oh my God it worked. The reveal of the ship was beautiful, a shameless callback to the scene in Star Trek IV where Kirk sees his new Enterprise. There’s a perfectly done scene where an awestruck crew step out onto the bridge and just take a few minutes to revel in it. It works because the people watching at home feel exactly the same way. Does it matter that it is very much a Trigger’s broom starship, made largely of bits from other ships? Not one bit.

I didn’t think things could get any better, but then Data (who has been brought back to life again) gets to pilot the ship into a Borg vessel. As the ship swooped around, blasting phasers and photon torpedoes every which way, Brent Spiner’s facial expression was also that of a million fans.

It was really everything I could have wanted. I grew up watching TNG, so getting to see the Enterprise-D and its crew riding to the rescue and saving the universe again was a real treat. And it served well as a proper send-off for the cast, after the disappointment of their final film, and the rather unsatisfying previous seasons of Picard.

The last episode also teased the prospect of a spin-off series featuring the adventures of Jack and Seven aboard the Enterprise-G (“plenty of letters left in the alphabet”, as Picard once said). Will it happen? I’m not sure. With Strange New Worlds still running, I can’t see a second series set aboard a starship Enterprise running concurrently.

But then again, stranger things have happened in Star Trek. Like that episode where Janeway and Tom Paris turned into lizards and had babies.