rocknrollgoddessspeaks

What if...things were different?

2008-09-22T23:37:00.004-04:00

(http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/rmhttp/arts/apictureofbritain/images/gallery/england_east/human/7/web/11211678561929798797_1_web.jpg)

We are all one in the spiritual, but sometimes walk alone in the physical

my live is fucking AMAZING--no question about it--but some people started to talk about the dynamic of selfishness in relationship to being IN relationships and existing IN society as opposed to really living on the cutting edge with your vibration alone.

my thought was more theoretical than that...What if, i took everything that abraham teaches at face value and completely VIBED 100% freedom in a relationship--100% independance of those in my soul group whom i birthed--100% UN-conditional love for all in my life--100% free-will/choice in all matters being 100% selfish....

And my answer to that thought was--well, i couldnt be vibrating where i am with who i am with and Have all those things without an INTENSE amount of work on my own part to maintain my vibration...

And so--the answer is this--i dont really WANT to be there...i want to be HERE--and i made the choices i made to BE where i am, knowing full well that i was giving up some part of my own personal freedom...

there are days when i do daydream of living in a city filled with millions of people, living in a nice apartment all for myself--interacting socially and sexually with whomever tickles my vibrational fancy--having independant means to do whatever i want when every i want with no strings attached to anyone...

and for about 23 minutes--that feels good...

and then, i think of all i would miss out on--my babies growing up--my lovely husband and i sharing an intimate afternoon in bed--us rocking out at a concert--us partying with friends...Us screaming at the television when our team is winning--my birds, my cats, my dog, my house, my garden, my art studio, my ballet barre....

You either choose to exist in society and make a niche for yourself with those as close to vibrational alignment as possible--or you choose to exist outside of society and hug your vibration...atleast that has been the observations that i have made in my long life..

Maybe the rockets of desire have been sent off for a future where we are all freer to do as we please and others will understand that and want that for us...

its an interesting and complicated debate

wow!

2008-09-15T17:39:00.002-04:00

its been a long time since i posted on my blog! sorry! living life to the fullest ofcourse--hope you all are too--will be intending to put up more fresh material in the coming days--in the process of getting vibrationally and physically "organized"==its an exciting process! love you all! me

hello my lovelies!

2008-08-01T12:02:00.004-04:00

(http://concierge.typepad.com/cntraveler__perrinpost/images/2007/03/22/pacific_coast_highway_near_san_fran.jpg)

You all know how i love roadtrippin-but its better when the road is this beautiful!

Just checking in with you all--its summer and you should know that i am going to be in and out, blogging will be minimal, as living life is maximal! Oh what FUN i have been having--its totally insane! California was a trip and a half! Yes, they lost my luggage, but it kept us from being in the Fire zone...everything happens for a reason!

I love spending time with my best friend and soul sister and just cruising the world in a top down convertible...we even have incognito names that i wont even share with YOU...we let our freak flag fly--and our joy just bubbles over as our freedom soars! Such joy and mischief is pure bliss! If you are gonna feel that good, then do it on coastal route one above monterey bay--from santa cruz to pacifica, its one of the most beautiful rides imaginable! You might even run into the ghost of a motorcyclist! we did--!

Now we are preparing to set off to go to vermont for a week--and all these little things keep falling into place to show me that LOA is working in my life--WE got tickets to tonights red sox game, and it will be the FIRST game wihtout manny ramirez=--historical stuff--just like when he hit his 500th home run-we were there--just like when david ortiz made his rehab start with the paw sox--we were there--baseball has been very very good to us! :)

Then we got this great timeshare in stowe--and called some friends in burlington that we havent seen since last summer--seems they are moving to nova scotia in 3 weeks and we would have missed them--but no--we get to hang, and since they already gave their notice--we get to hang for a nice long while!

Life is good! Oh, and if you havent read them--please share my guilty pleasure with me! Stephenie Meyers Twilight series--the new book comes out tomorrow--oh, the sheer delightful erotic yearning is indulgent and simply divine! Oh baby, i needed that!

Hugs all--just keep livin the dream! alex

very excited!

2008-07-22T17:16:00.003-04:00

(http://raydeck3.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/excitement.jpg)

Jumpin for JOY--as usual!

Seems like i am always excited these days! Then again, thats what i have been asking for! Excitement, adventure, joy, suprises! It wicked rocks...

Just got back from a wonderful trip to New Hampshire and Rhode Island and got my saved mail from the post office--and in there is a copy of the Abraham-Hicks workshop that I went to with my soul sister Steph! Its awesome to hear the whole workshop, and if i get some time, I may transcribe some of it on here for you all to share with me...what was so great in listening to it was sharing it with my co-creative family team..because the question i asked of Abraham was all about them...i laugh cause my daughters said--mommy, why do you sound so nervous? well DUH! i was conversing with a group of non-physical beings calling source forth for me!!! how cool is that?

Off i go tomorrow to California with my rockin band friends for a little taste of freedom! CANT WAIT! i know its gonna be a GREAT trip...more on the flipside friends! Just remember--dream big--and trust the universe--take those jumps that scare you--cause the ride is wild and its awesome! :)

hugs! ME!

outta here!

2008-07-15T01:40:00.001-04:00

Hi beloved friends! Going up to new england and some time with family away from the computer! see you on the flip side--probably on saturday! Until then, enjoy the trip!!! love you all! me!

The Roadtrip continues!!!!

2008-07-12T14:05:00.000-04:00

(http://tarapants.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/notch_road.jpg)

The road just keeps getting better and better~!

Ah, summer's here and the time is right for dancing in the streets! whooo hooo!

So, most of you know that the universe has given my soul family a wonderful opportunity, by supporting us financially for over a year while my popi takes an extended rest from conventional employment. We have been living the dream folks, traveling all over the place--mexico, puerto rico, boston, utah, idaho, virginia, maryland oh goodness me, i cant even remember all of the places its been so many and we have had such fun!

So, the summer months are here and the time to continue traveling with the kids is finite--but thats cool cause there are always weekend trips and adventures in the fall--but we had a ton of ideas of what we wanted to do, a few of which are visit my brother and his wife, visit popi's mom, visit a few old friends up in new england and a friend who has some dis-ease in NH...go see a red sox game with my nephew--go see more redsox games with the family, go see a pawsox game, get a week at a timeshare booked (RCI)...and me go to california to see my favorite band and my dear soulmate sister...

so, at first, these things were just kind of floating around in a bowl of soup so to speak, and then, i got this bright idea after going to the workshop to put everything down on paper as a master plan--on one side of the paper were things we wanted to do--on another were things that were already SET and then other possible things that could fit in...

And we had such fun, looking at the list and moving things from one side to another--kind of like the placemat process...and things JUST kept falling into place...

its not all done--but so far, this weekend we have a rock show by the great south bay, then tuesday--we get to watch the all-star game up at popi's mom's house where we will stay for a few days--visiting our friend who needs a VERY good laugh to refocus where he is--then on to rhode island to see my brother at his new apartment and see a pawsox game on JERSEY DAY! ya, we get a free jersey--and popi found a great hotel deal in beautifully redone downtown providence which i had always wanted to see...come home, pack my bags and head out to california on a flight that will eventually give me a free flight..driving a convertible all over northern california and will possibly get to have a drink with an Abraham friend! And it just so happens on one of the days one of my friends who plays in another band will be playing in the area and we might finally get to see her play! Come home--unpack, rest up--grab my nephew-(my neighbor graciously offered to watch our doggie!)-ship off to boston for a red sox game, come home...get ready to go up to Stowe Vermont to stay in a luxurious 3 bedroom mountainside condo with RCI that is basically FREE because we paid our maintenance on a one bedroom in mexico, but traded for this--its at a 4-1/2 star resort! And it allows us to see friends that live up there and we have plenty of room to invite friends who used to live up there so we can all get together and visit!

When we get back, we still wanna go up to boston for a few red sox games, and since popi is home--we can do that midweek...whooo hooo--so much fun stuff--all falling into place--all completely supported by the universe--MORE PLEASE! the more you ask for=the more you EXPECT...the more it comes--and the more it comes--the more abundance FLOWS to support it...

have fun this summer guys! just livin the dream and roadtrippin through life with the law of attraction!

Getting what YOU deserve....

2008-07-11T13:41:00.002-04:00

(http://sunwalked.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/treasure-chest-1.jpg)

The treasure will come when you KNOW you deserve it!

Expectation is KEY to why some people can manifest while others have a limited conscious ability...

in fact, abraham said that expectation--which is belief mixed with hope--is the perfect place to BE if you want to step right smack into the middle of your vibrational escrow...

The deservability part is also interesting because many people have lived their whole lives knowing that they can do a certain thing--like be thin...because they were "born that way" while others for some reason forget that its all about the vibration and they start to think they "cant" be thin...or rich, or happy--etc...so, here, the work is closing your vibrational gap between what your soul KNOWS you deserve, which is EVERYTHING, and what you in the physical think you deserve...

it would probably bear fruit to do a bit of conscious emotional scale climbing on this matter...it would feel so very good and get yourself into alignment with a lot of issues...

I am where i am, and its perfectly ok
I can see that i have received many gifts from the universe, and for that i am truly thankful
I can also see that other people, of all shapes and sizes and races and cultures have also received gifts from the universe
They are the same as me--we are all one--all human, all born naked and all die
Some are born into wealth
Some into poverty
Some into health
Some into illness
But some who are born into one situation, rise above it
Some who have little gain a lot
Some who are ill gain health
Some who are sad, gain happiness
And if it is possible for others to gain what they desire, then it is possible for ME to gain what i desire!
If they, who live their lives in many diverse ways can feel deserving of the wonderful good things in live--then so can I
I know i am source energy
I know source energy surrounds me
I know that I am a beloved child of the universe and the universe wants to shower every gift imaginable on me...
I know that all i have to do is feel that i deserve these things and they will be mine
I am a good person, I like myself, I love myself, I am worthy--and i deserve what i wish for...
and its all there--waiting for me! every dream i have ever dreamed! every desire i have ever held--and one by one, as i believe i deserve them--they are coming popping into my life--how delicious is that?

ASK...then get out of the WAY!

2008-07-09T18:08:00.001-04:00

(http://www.weeklygripe.co.uk/AImg/waitress.jpg)

Place your order--then RELAX~!

A dear friend asked about asking....in relation to law of attraction...we tend to get STUCK in the asking for something over and over again and do not see it manifest into our lives--the important things (well, important to US) seem to keep us in the asking phase, when we need to be more in the allowing phase--this is what i said to him....

The gist of that conversation really is that the more you are ASKING--you are in alignment with ONLY the asking phase of the law of attraction--its a three step phase! ask, allow, manifest...

and so, USUALLY you are experiencing contrast...and you are unconsciously asking for things to be different--for when you see that which you do not want--you are automatically offering a vibration for that which you do want! You can refine it by asking in a conscious way--but the universe then needs to do its work--it already agreed with you the minute you sent off your "order" and if you keep tapping it on its shoulder and asking for the order again and again and again--you are not coming into alignment with the belief that it is coming--that its already there--you are only coming into alignment with the ASKING...

so, as when you order a pizza--you ask once...and then you KNOW that its coming--you dont call back again and again to check on things...unless ofcourse, you want to change your order--and so, you REFINE your asking...and then you believe its there....

and then it is--because you asked--you trusted--and you aligned with its coming by feeling good and finding joy and just basically forgetting about the whole thing...

How easy is it for me to go out of this house and ask for things that dont really matter to me? easy as PIE...i can go out the door and say--i am going to see 3 blue jays on my walk--and sure as shooting, i will see them...because i asked and then i got into alignment with the joy of being outside--and then when those blue jays come, its just delicious...

The work here--if there is any work--is understanding that this is how the universe responds to us--when we ASK, the universe has already agreed with that wanting--and lined up with that wanting and created that thing, action, event, person--in your future vibrational escrow--its there--99% complete...but vibrating JUST a bit too high to be in your world on a permanent basis, but at that point, you might see signs that you are aligning--"driftwood" as abraham would call it--that things are lining up--and you are closing the vibrational gap between where YOU are and where your THING is...

and when you RELEASE all your resistance (your reasons, thoughts, feelings that are not a vibrational match for this manifestation...) the things vibration slows--and your vibration rises and thus--as all good physics students know--the matter becomes a solid! it manifests...its there--and if you keep your vibration high--its there to STAY!!!! you feel joy--but you also feel as though this was the next logical step...and then, guess what? you start WANTING something else--because you are a being that loves to create~! its not about the creations my friend! its about the creating! its so delicious--so joyful and so fulfilling--you do it all your life--and you get to come back again and again to do it some more from a different life perspective!

So, ask--get into a place where you are asking for something from a position of gratefulness and that this new THING is really gravy, or icing on the cake--and then stop asking and start living...in joy--in silliness--in any way that distracts you from that asking...and look how fast its gonna flood into you!

there ya go--as basic as pie! with flaky crust!

On the joys of anticipation....

2008-07-08T12:26:00.000-04:00

(http://www.blavish.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/10/time-flies-clock-10-11-2006.gif)

When you truly enjoy the waiting...your heart soars!

Ah, the deliciousness of anticipation! Yes, my dear friend, that is the joy of it...
It is never the destination--it is the ride that is the pleasure of this life...the fun planning, imagining, creating, desiring...this is why after the fact--after the trip--after the event--there is a letdown--because the desiring is over in that moment--the event is complete--the thing is there--laying before you...the next logical step has been taken--its here...now WHAT???

When friends ask me why i am not more material in my desires, and focus mostly on experiential things, adventures, etc. I tell them that it is so simple to desire a thing--and manifest it--and then WHAT? where as, for me, with adventures, and trips and suprises, there is so much variation and spontaneousness in what could happen, that it gives another dimension to the journey--the unknown of it is so delicious--the anticipation and the imagining it and the pre-paving it and the intending of it is so much more indulgent and fulfilling to me personally than merely wanting this shiny copper kettle or this new microwave...not that wanting material things arent delicious--they are...but when you get fully into the idea that the CREATING and the MANIFESTING is all about the anticipation, wanting and desire--you wanna play that out to the fullest!

when you can BE, DO, or have anything you desire--when you fully know that what you think about you attract--when you fully know that you are here in the physical as an eternal being and you never get it done, and you cant get it wrong...and you can come here again and again and again...you learn to love that time buffer to manifestation...you truly enjoy that waiting time--knowing full well that what you desire is there for you--its just teasing you--and that feels oooh sooo good!

focused co-creation! lets build a castle!

2008-07-07T23:23:00.000-04:00

(http://www.escapeartist.com/Travel/eBooks/Buying_Castle/allerton-castle.jpg)

Is the castle we want to create TOGETHER the same in both our minds?

Abraham often talks about it being just as easy to manifest a button as it is to manifest a castle...a friend of mine asked me recently if a whole group of people focused on manifesting a castle--would it manifest faster than if one person focused on it? Here is my response to him...

well, what do you see of this castle?

tell me the description that you feel is accurate to you for your castle...

tell me the feelings you have when you think of this castle...

tell me who is there at the castle--describe in intimate detail what is occurring at this castle..

tell me where this castle is--what land surrounds it...what water is present there...what grows in the ground around it...

we could focus on the Essence of castle-but our contradictory visions would cancel out the vibrations--we could each decide to agree with your vision--we could each decide to support your vision as if this is your manifestation and we are adding vibrational boost to it--

or we could each create our own castle..

a word here my friend--unless the people who are co-creating are in complete vibrational alignment with that which they wish to create--unless the vision is shared in detail and decided upons--unless the essence is felt in the same way--adding energy and SPEED to a situation does nothing in the way of boosting a manifestation over the wall--this is why groups of people often get quagmired in their desires to create something--they are not clear on the intent...this is why REAL change in the world takes almost a full generation to occur--because older members of the generation hold a different view of the world-while younger members hold and expanded view based on different desires (you have heard of the generation gap--its REAL and its vibrational...)

what is our mutual intent here?--in a group, a common essence should be discussed, refined, discussed and agreed upon--just as in any focusing on desire...decide on that--and we can create miracles!

law of attraction works every time...no exceptions!

2008-07-05T00:43:00.000-04:00

(http://www.dkimages.com/discover/previews/813/639057.JPG)

Sparky has an amazing guardian angel!
The UNIVERSE!!!

I need to write this down here as a reminder to me--a strong reminder that the law of attraction is always working...what you are thinking about you get--what you are vibrating you get--and it was never more powerfully indicated to me than tonight---but this story started yesterday...

A little background--i live in a nice suburban neighborhood--and i have two neighbors whom we interact with more than others--when the kids were little, they used to hang out with the one across the street--and the mom always hoped that my sam would be with her jon--but as time passed--her jon grew away from where sam was at, and she started hanging out with my other neighbors son--dan...and so, we, as families do when their kids are hanging out--started hanging out with them more...but those two families had some animosity because the boys had scuffled once and dan had to have stitches...so, a grudge was held--but thats not my pie--and i looked for vibrational ways to be in alignment with both families...

yesterday--dans dad and dan walked my daughter home after watching a movie--she had called earlier to say she was gonna be a bit late--and while that hit me as a big NO--she pleaded and i said ok...so, she walked to the door at about 10:15pm--and i said--where is dan and his dad--and she said--they waited at the end of the driveway (they ALWAYS come up the walk--they never wait at the bottom)...and so--i went outside and yelled--thanks guys! and they said night!

two minutes later i hear the doorbell--and its bri--and he says--turn on the outside light please--and i do-thinking dan had lost his cell phone--and i see my little bestest doggie friend sparky literally covered in blood...and i fall into my vibration of healer--dan is having a fit--bri is trembling and havinhg a fit=--and i pointed to sam, my daugther==get towels--which i immediately applied to the gaping wound in his chest--pointed to dan--call your mom--get her here which she did--pete was out at this point getting a pizza, so i told the girls to call him as well-but he had left his cell phone at home--

sparky is a papillon--a small dog--but full of life--i sensed him--and his energy at that moment--and knew that while he was in intense pain--he was wanting to stay physical...what happened was--as they were walking down the street--a HUGE dog had pounced on him--picked him up and shook him like a rag doll--brian started kicking the dog and finally nailed him in the crotch and he dropped the puppy and walked to his driveway--bri then realized that this dog was indeed my neighbors dog--which is a huge pitbull roteweiler mix...he didnt even realize he had done something wrong--as his owners always allow him to pull apart stuffed animals...

Realizing that this dog was losing blood very fast--i had my daughter look up the number to the emergency vet--and i offered to drive him with his mom to the clinic--at this point, my other neighbors came over and realized what had happened and they were distraught--i remember feeling a bit of panic rising in my chest because i could feel my friends hating on each other so much--and then, i decided it didnt matter how they felt--all i cared about was my vibration--and i focused on my deep feelings and eternal nature as a healer and i grabbed my keys and we hit the road--he almost died twice on the way to the vets--but we managed to tussle him into responding...

He had to have massive surgery--and this morning looked like a ticket stub with perforations all the way around his shoulder girdle with a neck collar on...i was able to soothe a lot of negativity in both families as acting as go between--one family angry about their puppy, the other realizing that this dog they had could no longer stay in their home....

tonight--we went back over to our friends house to visit with sparky--and my girlfriend says to me--did bri tell you the cat story? and i said no--so brian tells me that as he was walking sami and dan and sparky to our house--a cat bolted in front of them--and brian remembered their last dog--a HUGE husky--and said to dan and sam--if that had been jake (their other dog) he would have grabbed that cat and shook him to death...

less than 5 minutes later--the same thing happened to sparky...ofcourse i didnt point it out to him because he wouldnt have been able to hear me...but it was a STRONG reminder to me--if you find yourself focusing on somethign that you KNOW you dont want to happen--immediately refocus and tell a different story...

what is also interesting about this story--is my other friends now have to get rid of this dog that they only got because their lovely lab of 15 years had passed on--they wanted another lab, but took the only dog in the animal league that the league would LET them adopt because they had a child under five--they have had massive behavioral issues with this dog--and this ofcourse was the last straw...just yesterday--before this happened--a dear friend of mine asked me if i knew of anyone who would want a lab puppy--i said=-well, i knew of someone who did--but they have another dog now...she said--well its up at cape cod--so if you can think of anyone else--let me know...

my neighbors will be leaving for cape cod for a month tomorrow....

i told them about the dog--and they said they would visit him...

the universe takes all our thoughts--all our vibrations--all our vibrational escrow is in this big pot of stew--remember that before you dip your spoon in.....for good or ill law of attraction works--every time...no exception--in this case,,i think in the long run--after the stitches come out--and the fences have been mended--all will be well...

when discouragement on LOA sets in....

2008-07-03T15:53:00.001-04:00

(http://www.relatewithimpact.com/gallery/gfx/hairab.jpg)

Don't pull your hair out! Relax and allow!

when abraham said you can have be or do anything, they never said--immediately--

they said to work up the scale--and you cant truely work up the scale instantly or you are lying to yourself! I have even been guilty of trying to work up the scale too fast--and like a car out of alignment--if i havent done the aligning FIRST--more speed isnt going to get me anything.

You have a right to the way you feel--you have a right to choose whatever thought you want--but let me tell you something truely--what you vibrate is what you get...remember that--and if you are getting crap--you are vibrating somewhere in that region--and the law of attraction works every time...no questions asked on that one...

if you havent been getting wealth--something in your vibration is holding you apart from it--but thats OK--because the more contrast you have--the more rockets of desire you dump into your vibrational escrow--and it seems to me that you are stockpiling a LOT in there....

one day-not today-not tomorrow--probably not even in the next year--you, young one, will find yourself looking back to this time--and you will say--wow--i have come so far, i have experienced so many things--i have loved life--and i have hated life--i have loved what is happening and i have hated what is happening--but i have grown...and now i know what i know--and thats a good thing--and all those challenges and contrasts and difficulties have made me who i am now--and that is a blessing...

i aint gonna be one of those wise elders who tell you that you are going through what we all went through and it will make you strong...cause your soul already knows that--but you have one benefit that most of us didnt have...you are living consciously--you KNOW you can choose--you know how it works...and that puts you miles ahead of where i was at your age...

big hugs--get mad, enjoy the feeling--because anger is far and away better than feeling hopeless....good things are coming to you--i feel it--i also know that you tell a story that is not always to your best advantage...that is where your work lays--you cannot expect miracles when you are bogged down in the mundane of what is...i tell this to you with love--because i do care about you--and i know you will get to where you want to be...

When the warm fuzzies of LOA grate on ya.....

2008-07-02T16:40:00.000-04:00

(http://roberthood.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/abomination-comic.gif)

When focusing on LOA makes you feel like this....

hello blessed one! so glad to see you here! that wasnt a co-incidence....you want to believe in loa--you want to move so fast to joy and feeling good and having all these things--but your life experience is giving you something different--what we expect and what we manifest are always a match--and sometimes we arent even aware of what vibrations we are putting out--and when others tell us HOW to do it--and we see the magnitude of processes available to us--it can just piss us off--

you are where you are....you are feeling what you are feeling--abraham said something to me this weekend that made me realize a thing or two....trying to MOVE too fast when you are out of alignment--adding speed to a car that is "out of alignment" only makes things worse and your feelings are going to be worse...

so...lets take the focus off the story that you are now telling--and lets try and find a tiny bit of relief....why dont we focus on YOU--because you are important--

I know i am where i am....and thats OK
I know i have emotions that tell me quite a few things...but the most important thing they are telling me is whether what i am looking at is MY TRUTH--or its not my truth....and it also tells me that there is a gap between where i am in the physical and what i have BECOME in my vibrational escrow...

and that pisses me off sometimes--and it gets me MAD that others are always trying to tell me to work up the emotional guidance scale so i can BE who is in my vibrational escrow...

and the reason that pisses me off is because i FEEL/think--=that i am NOT ready to be that person. I am not ready to align (beating the drum of where you are)...

But thats OK because the more i focus ONLY on what i know i have in my vibrational escrow--and the more i use my guidance not to pinpoint myself on the scale and see which is up or down--but only to see whether what i am observing is my TRUTH or not my TRUTH--then in any given moment, i can honestly know what is right for me...

we arent even gonna speak about joy--because that is such a huge leap--we are gonna speak about truth for me or not truth for me....and when I feel that something is not my truth--i am gonna stop--take a breath and try to formulate in my mind what in that very moment is my truth/...

and i am going to do that breath by breath if i have to....and i am going to let go of any expectations other than feeling in the now momemt that i am breathing--and that i am confident in my ability to know what my truth is...

hugs! just breathe....and follow your truth...and eventually--after you have breathed enough--and followed your truth enough--you will find that it has led you...to joy....it doesnt matter how long that takes--it doesnt matter what path you take--because you are never finished, and you never get it all done and you Cant get it wrong!!! so...just breathe...and be...and follow your truth...and your path will be YOURS....and yours alone....and thats such a good thing...

I know....

2008-07-01T22:18:00.000-04:00

(http://earla.ca/images/thumbnails/angel%20statue%20woman%20in%20garden%20100.jpg)

We are all spiritual sculpture

i know where i am...

i know where i have been...

i know where i am going...

I know that i am more than this wonderful physical body...i am spirit, having a physical experience...i know that i have had hundreds of bodies--and still i have grown..and still i have expanded...no matter what body i had--i was always pure spirit--pure love--pure upliftment...pure joy...the physical mechanism matters not--its the trip--the growth, the travel, the fun...

my body is capable of so much--i know that...i am blessed by its abilities--its subtleties, its joys--its feelings...its activities...the blood running through it...

I know all i can be--and i know i am beautiful, I have seen my true body--the body that is in alignment with who i really am...and i will focus on that beautiful body--on that body that knows exactly what to do, how to be, that powerful body that can be, do or have anything it wants and still stay in alignment--and still evolve--bringing me to higher and higher levels of joy...

whoo hooo! now that feels GREAT!!!

My first Abraham-Hicks workshop! I got in the hotseat!

2008-06-29T19:26:00.002-04:00

(http://www.alternatives.org.uk/Shared/Images/Upload/Esther%20Hicks.jpg)

The amazingly wonderful Esther and Jerry Hicks!

hello all, i am just home and coudnt wait to get on here and post to you all! it was amazing to meet stephanie and give her a REAL human hug--it was like we were long lost sisters--well in fact, we were never lost--always part of the same soul cluster! We had done quite a bit of pre-paving on this visit and it was everything we expected and more--to the point were our husbands got along great and actually took my girls around boston on saturday so we could focus on the workshop.

it was lovely to meet lisa--who posts over on the abeforum under iluvabraham--she has such a wonderful energy and we also met sandi, who is married now to scotty the bus driver who takes esther and jerry round...very nice people and lovely to be in their energy...

We got to the workshop early, after poor sleep on both of our parts...we were so buzzing with anticipation--all night, i lay in bed, trying to formulate a question in my head to discuss with abraham--but i kept coming back to a scene that i savored, the very beginning of my conversation would be a specific thing--that i had day dreamed about for ages--what i would say to abraham when i met them through esther for the first time...

We got awesome seats on the aisle and sad down next to a lovely lady named suzanne, who i hope will come on here and visit with us--we had great seat mates all around many of who were also at their first workshop. When esther came in and started to bring in abraham, the energy in the room when through the roof, and i felt it course through my body with such amazing love that i started to cry...i had felt that feeling a number of times before--but this was like that feeling on 10 cups of coffee--it was infectious, playful, loving and i realized that abraham ONLY see us from our perfect place and our true selves--they are not with us in our place of separation--and through that energy--the SHOWED me myself...and it was such a blessing...

as stephany said--we really attracted an amazing workshop--the questions were vivid and alive with answers for all of us--thank goodness i ordered the workshop tape because i simply cant remember it all--the first question was for our seat neighbor suzanne about attracting relationships, but it also started to answer some of my questions about co-creating--another person asked about genes and instincts and that is when abraham started talking about "flawed premises" and how many of us have beliefs that simply are not true, and they limit us--and it is hard to remove a belief, and you cant make yourself believe the OPPOSITE--you just have to ask a different question that kind of works around the first belief until that becomes your dominant vibration--steph took good notes--i didnt take any as i said--but i am sure her arm hurts from me nudging her over and over to write something down that was big--abraham said, oh this is big, this is new, you are really gonna like this--like 20 times that afternoon!

There were questions about forgiveness, about what its like to be non-physical--and staying always in joy and how that desire to always be aligned stops our growth--that we much more perfer the contrast! they really focused on the whole tornado of vibrational vortex a LOT--and only once brought up the stream analogy when specifically questioned on it--there were quite a few people talking about their work, or their dreams for careers and about healers and coaches--which was very up stephs alley...

after lunch--which was lovely and we sat with a great girl from ottawa named martina who wants to be an artist and i hope she comes and visits us here...we went back in and sat down with anticipation...not sure if i was the second person to be picked, but esther looked around the audience scanning and then her eyes LOCKED on mine and she pointed...I had already been FEELING STRONGLY in the center of my being this drawing on--i was almost in a cold sweat at that point...so when my hand went up, i was like a little kid--thinking ME, pick ME--and waving my hand around--and she DID...

i skipped up the aisle--my ankle bells jingling, and i sat down and i said--Abraham...I have been wanting to say this for a very long time--YOU WICKED ROCK!!!!!! and i did the rock hand sign and everything-and they smiled and i think they said-yes, we know or something like that--but the audience really loved that, and I had been imagining with such delight that scene and it was perfect!!! at that point--all focus fell away except looking into esthers eyes--and through her to the energy that i could FEEL and see coalescing behind her--when abraham comes in, i can visibly see a bright gold or yellow energy above and behind her head like a canopy almost and then behind her neck is a glowing concentration of blue--right where her alter major chakra extends backwards from her body--this is the chakra that we utilize in connected wiht spirit--but it also wrapped around her front to her throat chakra, which color is blue...

Frankly--i felt as if i had put my finger in a socket and that and energy was being drawn from me and energy was then being downloaded into me--a knowing--a "reprogramming" of sorts...I dont really remember much of the interchange other than i was being breathed...MY inner being and MY connection to source was enhanced and i could tell they were testing the circuits...it was higher than any high i had ever experienced...and i have experienced many...

I spoke to them about my co-creative situation...i spoke to them about the differences between my husband and i --and i did challenge them on their original premise that you cannot create in anyone elses experience--but how is it that now they are talking about a co-creative vibrational vortex...i laughed because abraham said along the way that they liked that i challenge them the way i do...a direct reference to my own connection to this source group--there was a lot to do with me telling my own story--me focusing on what i want and if i were really in alignment i would not notice the others being out of alignment--there was a GREAT deal about how perfect mixing it up with contrast is--and how we are all shooting off rockets of desire and that instead of getting upset that someone is beating the drum of what is to be IN JOY that they are shooting off all these rockets and that IF i ONLY and always focus on the vibrational escrow and see them as powerful creators--which they say my husband is--that I BECOME a powerful attractor and catalyst for a shift in alignment--and then WHEN the shift occurs, what we attract is different because WE are different...they also started down a path about how i was speaking about freedom and money being exclusive==and i said, OH NO thats not what i believe, i believe and i live joy and freedom and money comes to me and i dont work etc...and they smiled at that and said--yes, but your husband believes that to have this freedom, he must work and work hard--they then did this whole rampage about coming into alignment with our vibrational escrow--but first they asked me to do it=--and i did, but they said, i rushed through a bunch of steps and wwas only half feeling it--they then talked about this vibrational alignment that if you RUSH the speed, you are unbalanced and wobbling and eventually have to slow down and fix the alignment...and it really made sense to me...they led me to a place of powerful knowing that we have freedom, adventure, abundance and joy and surprises amassed in our vibrational escrow that WILL blow our minds when we come to that place of complete alignment with our escrow...and at that point, i almost felt like a leggo begin snapped onto a childs piece of construction and everything within me came into alignment and i felt a surge of joy so strong, tears coarsed down my face--and abraham laughed and said--oh look, we were trying to make her feel better and now she feels worse--and i cried out but abraham these are tears of joy!!! and they said--we KNOW--we were teasing the guy from the first part! (he was a coach teaching radical forgiveness...more on that interchange later...)

The rest of the workshop was kind of a blur...but i do remember the man behind us got chosen and when he sat down on the hotseat he said--COOL BEANS! (LMAO!!! thanks for another nod universe!) thats my second most popular catch phrase! hehehe....

Afterwards, when abraham came to their conclusion and esther re-emerged--she jumped for joy!!! Steph and i said our goodbyes to suzanne and wondered where everyone disappeared to--found out later that MOST were so wiped they took naps! we on the other hand talked like fiends for an hour and then went out to dinner with our hubbies and the girls...after we dropped steph off at the hotel, i THEN crashed hard and today am still feeling the residue of the event--i remember with gentleness that after a huge energy surge, the body needs time to catch up--and for most of the event, after talking to abraham, i would feel kundalini coming up my spin and shaking me spewing out my alter major--as if sparks were escaping from my system with chills and shakes--it was amazing...

I know that the reason i have waited to do a workshop was mostly because i wanted to SHARE it with steph--and i am so glad that my "devirgination" happened in such a wonderful lovely wicked rockin way!!!

I CANT WAIT for the CD's so i can share it with you all!

hugs! alex.

On death, and dying....

2008-06-26T18:37:00.000-04:00

(http://laloca.org/photos/blockisland/DSC_8354b.jpg)

We are all just passing through....

A friend of mine is awaiting the passing of his very elderly grandmother--he knows she had a good life and is ready to leave, but his family is angry with him for not being in the fear and grieving space that they have chosen--I shared this story of my grandmothers passing with him to help him see how truly wonderful it is to return to pure positive energy....

people feel fear surrounding death for a number of reasons--and when anyone dies, it reminds them of their own mortality....they are where they are, and you are where you are...and YOU can intend and prepave to have this experience be a blessing for you, and allow them to have their own feelings as well.

you need not explain yourself to others, but maybe you could offer words as you offered them to us here related to how you are feeling--i think anyone would agree that your granny was a wonderful person, she lived a full life and she wouldnt have wanted to suffer and pine away--she wants to move on and thats what she wants and everyone is going to eventually have to accept that..

i will tell you a wonderful story--the passing of my lovely tassy granny at 94--she had a wonderful life as well, but things were starting to weigh heavy on her here, not the least of which was the fact that because of minor strokes, my mom could no longer take care of her at home--and so, she went into a very lovely adult home and finally into a nursing home--we visited often, my mother every day--and one day, i was wheeling her outside and she said to me--alex, i am tired, i am tired of living and i want to die...and i looked at her and said--granny, wanting something and willing it to be so are two different things--if you want to die--then die...she smiled and we had a lovely rest of the afternoon--my granny believed in the "life force" and in her later years had rejected formal religion--but to make my mother happy, she went through all the final religious rites...though i knew in her heart she believed as i do...

about a week later--my parents and I were supposed to go out sailing--but the wind was tremendous, and so, they came over to our house instead to visit--we got a call there that my granny was in congestive heart failure--and so, we all ran to the nursing home--she was huffing and puffing and my mother had her put on oxygen...i gently took my mothers arm and led her out--and told her granny wants to die--she signed a DNR and that means no special help--my mother wanted to fight this, but in the end, my father who is also a dr. and also intuitive asked for it to be removed...granny struggled a bit with fear at that point, but my lovely daughter--who was 2 at the time went up to her as we were leaving for the evening and kissed her and said--its ok granny, the angels are not here for you--its not your time...

The next day when we went to visit her, she was comfortable, but definitely laboring--and we sat around and talked with her about life and funny stories from our childhood--my whole family was there wiht her--and it was like being at a birth--we were waiting for the reaper--we all knew that--but it was joyous, it was standing on the edge of the divide and we were in heavens waiting room--waiting for the call so to speak.

I had to drive my older daughter to dance and thought against it, but my parents told me to go--before we left, my younger daughter was very quiet and looking around the room--my sister was holding her and she who is also intuitive said to chri--do you have something to say to tassie--and she looked wide eyed around the room and then said--tassy,they are here for you--you can go now...she kissed her and left...

ten minutes later we got the call from my father that tassy had passed--she was holding hands with my sister and mother--gave a suprised gasp, smiled and that was the last breath she took--her death face was not one of pain or fear, but one of happy surprise...

when we returned--my mother, who is a midwife and nurse was given permission to wash my grandmothers body, so there were no nurses present in the room when we came...my mother told us each to go in and say our goodbyes--and i went in and kissed her and touched her lovely wattled soft neck skin that i thought was so soft and beautiful as a child--and her old hands, which had knit millions of things for us kids when we were children..i walked back out and my mother was trying to contain chri--she wanted to go see tassy--and my mother said oh no--she is dead--and she wouldnt stop fidgetting until she broke free and ran into the room-she climbed up on that bed--and kissed tassy on the cheeks and hugged her and said bye bye! she then took the throw blanket off her (one she had bought from home) and took her knitting back--threw them over her shoulders and said--these are mine now--she wont need them anymore...and walked out--(she still sleeps with that blanket and tassy still visits her in her dreams)...

when i got home, i had a call from a very gifted friend--who said to me--your granny was a grand lady (this woman didnt know her, and i hadnt told her she had died--but my grandmother was from landed gentry in england--her family went back to the doomsday book)...she also told me that a great wind was blowing for her--warm and soothing...

The day i went in to see my granny before she died--i had whispered to her...gran, today is a good day to die--you have a great tailwind...

to this day, i feel blessed to have shared with her her passing--i wish i could have been there in that moment--but it is what it is and thats that--she was with family--but she was also with others, who came to take her--to her great suprise and delight...

death does not exist--life is eternal--we shift--from one plane to the next and return to pure positive energy--YOU know this to be true--your grandmother knows this to be true...all that matters in this is how YOU feel about it....you dont owe them any explanation at all for your beliefs--unless they are in the right space--they wont even be able to hear you--and you can never feel badly enough to make them feel better...you can honor their choices though, by not rubbing your feelings in their face...

I AM.....

2008-06-25T19:24:00.000-04:00

(http://www.aacc.edu/womensinst/image/WomanOnFench_200x20011.jpg)

who does your inner being say you are? You only have to ask!

I am

a cup overflowing with love

i am

a child, innocent with wonder

i am

a master, perfectly attuned to the universe, always knowing exactly what to do

i am

a goddess, beautiful, sensual, sexual and free

i am

freedom...doing exactly what pleases me in every moment

i am

grateful...feeling blessed always by the love of the universe

i am

fun..loving silly things and reveling in the laugher of the moment

i am

wealthy...i know the universe loves to play with me in my adventures and will always give me more than enough to do everything my heart desires

i am

a lover...completely enveloping those i love for the sheer joy of it

i am

a mother...nurturer, caregiver, supporter...because it brings me great joy

i am

a spritual being in a human experience...always listening to the whisper of my Ali inside me...

i am

ancient, immortal, complete yet always evolving...i am here, again and again...

i am

physical and non-physical

i am

Rockin

i am

perfect

i am

powerful

i am

happy, blissful, joyful, excited and peaceful..

i am healthy, wealthy and wise...

and it is so...

Co-creation....

2008-06-24T19:58:00.000-04:00

(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_0k7WHcv2NfI/RgP_evF1P-I/AAAAAAAAAAU/1NRfWb-BjLU/s1600-h/LittleGirls.jpg)

Many hands and hearts make light work of co-creation!

Abraham has often said, you cannot create in anothers experience...and i think they say that so folks will not focus on changing others...as in, well, you might want to drop the if they change i will love them bit...it never works...

but i do strongly believe that my family is a wonderful team...and while we have individual desires and shoot off individual rockets of desire--we have always focused on the soul cluster aspect of our family--while allowing personal freedom, privacy and support for all individual endeavors...

That said--i have long settled into and been comfortable with the idea that people give me money to be who i am--i havent worked at a paying job in over 15 years, and still i am tremendously abundant...

This past february, due to some extreme desires on the parts of all family members, my beloved vibrated out of a very contrasty work situation, and the universe has blessed us with abundance for an entire year and then some...we have been having the time of our lives, traveling--enjoying each others company--just being together and spontaneously deciding to do things...its been such sheer joy--and as the school year ends and my kids have more time-we are looking forward to more suprises and wonderous adventures provided by the universe--because this is what we focus on...

every morning, when we can--we all climb into our huge feather bed--cat included and we hug--and cuddle--all four of us--and then, we hold hands and we set intentions with the universe...dear lord and goddess, dear universe, we thank you for our lives and all that you have given us--we know that it is through your blessings and your love that we can accomplish anything we desire--and then we talk on what we wish to focus on for the day--for the week--for our lives--abundance, financial freedom, health, happiness, adventures, harmony, love, life etc...and more specifics, like great tickets to see the red sox, the kids doing awesome on their finals--me facilitiating a ton of girl scout things, etc...

and it feel so very good--and we know that through the four of us--we focus our intentions on co-creating an amazing life together...

and we know the universe will always support us--and it is so...because law of attraction says it is so--we live a happy lovely life...

and others would have us focus on what is--and sometimes some of us do focus on what is--and what is in the future--and tell a story that is not to the liking of all of us--and so, i sit here, and i will tell the story of our co-creation that would bring us all great joy--and i ask the universe for all our inner beings to converse--and to come into alignment with our joint desires...

We want to spend loving time together freely--whenever we wish to share time--the time is there--and it is good

we want to share financial freedom together--and know that the unverse will always provide us with all we need and more to do all the things we wish to do...abundaceis ours and comes from many avenues...we need do nothing but come into alignment with abundance and with great joy feel it fill us up.

we want to share health and happiness and harmony together---because we love each other and we know we can shine

we want to share adventures and surprises and thrills together, because it is what we love to do together--

we want to be able to take the time we need alone for each other--and bless that time apart as recharging and joyous private time...filled with individual freedom and bliss...we want to support each being in our family team in their individual pursuits and goals....

we want to travel together happily...and see new places and meet wonderful new people...because it is what we love

we want all of us to be doing things that they love--doing things that are engaging, exciting, fulfilling and enjoyable, because life can be that way--and the universe supports us in that desire..

and so...it is

Teachers who led me to me....a bit of a struggle..

2008-06-23T20:59:00.001-04:00

(http://europa.eu/newsletter/images/new/citizen_88.jpg)

Readin into things...is different for each student on the spiritual path

i have a pretty funny story to tell on this...

years ago, someone gave me the conversations with god book by neale donald walsch and i loved it--because it was so irreverant and different from my religious teachings--i wasnt in the least bit seeking spiritual expansion--i had enough work talking to my IB already--my whole family is that way...people ask questions, we answer...but would stop short of saying we were prophetic...more like really good at intuition...

and then, someone recommended louis hay--because i had had a health issue--and through her i got involved in chakras, and i realized i was already seeing energy--and reading energy through vibration and palmistry...and most of my personal life and beliefs were based on if it feels good do it--and the future is not set--we make it ourselves...and WE ARE GOD...

and then, someone told me about the secret--and i viewed it--and pretty much dismissed the whole thing, except esther moved me to tears! i didnt know she was channeling--i just KNEW I KNEW HER! and i knew she was part of me...i then went to look up the abe stuff==and heard the whole story--i have only read deliberate intent and ask and it is given==i skimmed power of emotions--and then, i stopped reading because i was getting so much more interacting online with folks regarding the teachings...i am going to my first workshop this coming weekend--i cant wait...

but i couldnt read seth--put it down--couldnt read dyer==put it down--couldnt read canfield--put it down--couldnt read hawkins or tolle...and it was frustrating for me because everyone was reading these books and getting stuff out of them--and i just couldnt...

and finally i realized, i didnt even want to read Abe!!! while i love abe--abe only confirms for me that my own inner voice is the only one i need...and while that is well and good for me and it is my pie--others have a different, richly delicious and perfect pie for them

The TRUTH is always about ME!!!

2008-06-22T14:15:00.001-04:00

(http://www.sansebastianspain.info/san-sebastian-photo-gallery/slides/16.%20View%20inside%20San%20Sebastian%20church.JPG)

What is your truth whispering to you?

Our emotional guidance system is ALWAYS evaluating what we are thinking and comparing it to our personal manifesto (as alex so eloquently put it) that our inner being is vibrating...

and so--when you think a thought and you are feeling GOOD that thought is part of your truth...it is true for you in the physical and it is true for you in the non-physical--and it is a match and it FEELS great and you are at that point in your creative power--your valve is open, your cork is floating, your boat is facing downstream and all is well...

but...

if you are thinking a thought that is NOT in alignment with who you really are--and you are feeling bad--your emotional guidance system will give you a feeling on the scale that shows you EXACTLY how far away you are from alignment with your source--and you see that what you are thinking is NOT your truth...

so, example...

I got dressed this morning--after vibrating that i was a red hot momma and that i had extreme power and magnetism and i was on fire...i put on a pair of capris and a cute top and looked in the mirror with my hair piled willy nilly on my head, curls cascading down and a beautiful crystal on my neck...and i looked and FELT wonderful because my thoughts about ME and my inner beings KNOWING who i really am were in complete alignment...and so, i trotted off to church with my kids--which i use as a time to meditate and be grateful for the universe and also to see my mother...which she loves and i am in alignment wiht that==so its all good.

And i sat down next to her, and i guess the top i chose was not to her liking because she looked at my cleavage and made a face..and i immediately felt badly and my hand went to my breasts and i pulled up the edge of the fabric...i caught myself feeling bad--and i then evaluated the situation...

I know who i am--i dont give a rip what anyone else thinks of me--i know i look good and i was dressing for ME and who i really am--my inner being is in complete alignment with that...but i have old habits and as a child, looked to my mother for approval--and that always felt badly--

why?

because my inner being knows i dont need anyone elses approval to be who i really am--and so, in looking to and reacting to my mother so she can be comfortable with ME, i was "dishonoring" myself and that felt bad...

so...

i took a deep breath--and i focused on being in alignment with my mother and the fun part of her spirit...i focused on her accepting me as i was, and me being ok to show her who i am...

do you know--in less than five minutes, my mother got the giggles...she was also whispering to me in the middle of the sermon and telling silly things to make me laugh and complaining about how long the sermon was and how she wasnt getting anything out of it and how she would rather be out living the day...

we even held hands...

so, i listened to myself--realigned based on the complete knowing that whenever i feel badly its because i am thinking a thought that is not my truth--and i realigned myself and my thoughts to be MY TRUTH with the full knowledge that it is MY thoughts, MY vibration and MY decision to in any given moment powerfully turn my boat around and get back to being ME...

Having your cake...and eating it too!

2008-06-21T17:22:00.000-04:00

(http://www.spoletotoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/chocolate-cake.jpg)

Oh the JOY of it! YUMMMMY!

A dear friend asked about the fact that abraham says you have to align with eating something and then, in that feeling of joy it is good for you--but if you dont align with it, it can be bad for you--some of what is said is confusing, and so, she wanted to discuss it--here is what i said...

this is an extremely interesting topic...i will tell you--there were times in my life when i was able to eat whatever i wanted--because i was very active, and i had a high metabolism...and then, i succumbed to the information of REALITY---this is good, this is bad, this is fattening--if you drink too much of this you will be fat, etc. etc...oh, and the belief that as we age, or when we have babies our metabolism will decrease...

and ofcourse, i am living with the results of those beliefs now...and i have spent a lot of time talking with my soul sister about changing those beliefs to be a bit more like what a successfully healthy and slim aber is talking about...aligning with my choices...

but this morning--i sat at a diner with my husband and kids and wanted this delicious omlette and a few pancakes==and all of a sudden i thought--this will make me fat--and that felt bad because i knew in my soul that that didnt have to be my truth--and then i had this AHA moment because two women had sat at the next table and both were downing stacks of pancakes and both were skinny as rails...and i thought--wow--if it is possible for them to eat that, and they were doing so happily--not picking at it, but devouring them...then it is also possible for me...

and i sent off a conscious rocket of desire--I LOVE FOOD--i wish to always enjoy and find pleasure in food...i want to really indulge my senses in this lovely food--and i want to always be in alignment with that--i know i have shot off tons of rockets of desire for a healthy slim body--and i know that is in my vibrational escrow--i have seen that body numerous times, and it has is an amazing body--its still MY body--it is just different in that it is a body that can enjoy all foods whenever and where ever i want and still maintain its fitness...

and so, abe has said in the past that if you SEE that chocolate cake and you WANT it and you say NO< src="http://abetalk.com/images/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile">

What a feeling!!!!

2008-06-20T13:05:00.003-04:00

(http://images.newsquest.co.uk/image.php?id=651691&type=full)

Get Fired up every day, by simply ASKING FOR IT!!!

A dear friend of mine just got back from the meditteranean abraham cruise--what a wonderful thing! He really enjoyed himself and brought back the message that the KEY to all this is not asking for things, or even experiences, its asking for the essence of FEELINGS and through that life is a joy--life will bring you what you are asking for if you align with that essence...here's my response to that!!!!

wow--aint it GREAT to finally truly REALLY get what its all about...

FEELINGS!!! i remember years ago, when i really got this--i got it out of the buddist teaching of walking meditation--of meditation in the NOW-also called mindfulness-not of focusing away from the mind or body--but focusing on EACH and every movement of the body in joy--and at first it was a very busy mental exercise...oh, i am moving my arm--this muscle is contracting--that muscle is relaxing--i am doing this--

and then i read this lovely little buddist poem by thic nhat hahn who is an amazingly abeing buddist monk...

breath in...smile at the body
breath out. feel the body
breath in...joyful moment
breath out...perfect moment...

and i started doing that meditation in my walking meditation and all of a sudden--i can FEEL JOY no matter what i am doing--just the act of breathing gives me joy--just the act of moving was joyous--it didnt matter what i was doing, how much money i had, how pretty i was or whether i was in love--if i focused in the now moment on joy--anything brought happiness...

this asking for the essence of a feeling is wonderful--today--i am asking for the essence of fun and adventure--i ask for that alot--thats the essence that i absolutely adore--its a very childlike essence--a very exciting essence--and a very much surprising essence--you never know what is gonna happen! we are gonna go to twighlight racing at belmont--and i am gonna win whoo hooo! i am good with the ponies!

hugs you guys--enjoy the feeling!!!

all hell breaking loose....

2008-06-19T18:25:00.002-04:00

(http://www.clusterballoon.org/index/index_01.jpg)

Up up and away...it can make you feel giddy!

Over the past few days, a number of dear friends have spoken to me on the issue of using new spritual techniques in order to change and grow and how invariably, "all hell breaks loose" at the point where you are finally feeling GOOD about the new stuff--and it feels like backsliding or scary and why does this type of thing happen...this is what i wrote..

oh, this is a lovely thing to talk about--because people hear the term and they get scared! I like the idea of it being like shaking things up--and cleaning house...

what i have also noticed, and this came up for me the other day after meeting with a very gifted spiritual healer who worked on some VERY OLD holding in my body and released it--that most of the time when you release an energetic holding pattern that you unconsciously felt was "protecting" you--you draw to YOU once again, an event or situation that tests the actual need for the holding--you go through the process then without that holding pattern and you deal with the event in a different way...thus--it is now completely released...

example...

I had some energetic holding (stagnant energy aka resistance aka body armor) in my sacral and root chakras...i understood already that many of my issues in life have dealt with these two areas--a number of abuse issues, spoke to the sacral chakra holding--but the root chakra issues spoke to a feeling of being picked on--a feeling of not being allowed to be different, and a feeling that NO one would stand up for me in life--that i always had to take care of myself--I knew what the issues were--and i had been working on releasing them myself--but sometimes it takes a gifted hand to HELP vibrationally because our holding patterns are sometimes so ingrained, so subtle, we dont even "feel" them anylonger...

so, she released this stuff...and the VERY next day--all hell broke loose for me regarding the root chakra issues...i had someone Pick on me related to something i was doing that was highly sucessful--to the point she reported me to the administration related to that project...and even though i was RIGHT--I felt so angry--so hurt, and did not understand why she would pick on me, although i knew energetically that it related to jealousy--which is not an emotion that i have EVER had in my being--so, i dont understand the driving force behind it...

in the past, i would have kept this to myself--i would have held it in--and i wouldnt have asked for help--this time--i cried out loud, i allowed myself to FEEL the emotions i felt and then, i asked for help--and this time--instead of feeling rejected and alone--people came to my aid--stood up for me--made things right...and it felt good--because i reached out where i wouldnt have done that before...i have been completely able to release this because i know its not about me--i was just an easy target, and it wasnt about ME being less than--it was about ME thinking on the situation and seeing it was NOT MY TRUTH...

so, yes, all hell broke loose--and i dealt with it in a different way than ever before--because i didnt fall back on old patterns--and it felt marvelous afterwards...

here's to all hell breaking loose--and shaking things up a bit!

Getting happy when your child leaves...

2008-06-17T19:15:00.000-04:00

(http://www.localwin.com/julie/system/files/lu10/Friends_Along_Way.jpg)

They come, you love them, they grow and they leave--as it should be!

A dear friend is beginning her journey into the empty nest syndrome--and is very sad that her child is at college and she misses them terribly...she asked how to get to a happier place on the matter, and this is what i shared with her--

I had the same situation as you did when i was young--i flew out of the nest so fast my head spun, and went to school far away and then settled into married life soon after...

This was the norm, when we were kids--we were set up early to separate from our parents because they had lived in a difficult world and did their best to make sure we could stand on our own two feet--that and our rebellious natures kicked in and we did just fine standing on our own...ofcourse, we felt sad in our hearts that we were not "closer" to our parents' and thus rockets of desire were sent off...and in the next generation WE as parents developed much stronger emotional bonds with our children...

But children are free spirits and the are ancient souls just like us who came into the physical for a specific life scenario-and you, from the non-physical agreed to be his mother--and you both agreed to exchange contrast...and as most mothers do, you filled YOUR life with him...

and there in lies a big part of the situation--because YOUR life is yours...and his life is his--and in caring for him, you still should have your own life, with your own interests that now can take over a bit and fill the time...you are looking at this as if you have lost something--when you have not lost anything--you still have your lovely son, you still have vibrational contact with him--you can BE with him at any moment by remembering the way he FEELS to you vibrationally--and immediately those heart bonds activate and your energies are together...but now, you havnet lost anything--you have GAINED...

so, what have you gained? More time for yourself to do all the things you put on hold while he was home....more peace and quiet....and a sense of well being that he is standing on his own two feet, starting to live his independant life-not as YOU did, flying from the nest, but as a boy who had a loving and close relationship with his mother...

I have friends who are in their 30's and they STILL live at home with their parents--went to college, came back and then didnt pay rent, but worked and got fancy cars and took fancy vacations and went out to fancy dinners, but still their parents provided the home--and they are pulling their hair out and thinkning why wont he leave? Well, because in your desire to have closeness with your child, you never fostered independance....and so, they dont know how to be alone...

you want your son to be strong, independant, and yet loving and connected...and so, intend that for him--and intend that YOU know this is the right path and you are going to get OK with it--but it will take time...and know YOU will find new exciting friends and thiings to do to fill your days--and soon, it will be time for him to come home for a visit and you will wonder what all the fuss was about!

the thing about this place is, we often come with a story that we have blinders on about--and we cant see it from any other focus than our own--the joy of this place is that people will lovingly show you the other side...and sometimes thats all you need to shift your emotions up the scale...

you arent feeling BADLY because you miss your son--you are missing your son and your inner being is telling YOU through your emotions that that is not your truth--you want your son to be FREE--to be able to spread his wings and live his own life...but you still have fear that he will leave you as you left your parents...

but you are not your parents--and he is not you...and your relationship was different and thus the path is different...all is well, all is unfolding perfectly as the universe and YOU intended...

cow as teacher...lovely story to share...

2008-06-16T18:18:00.000-04:00

Lovely Jewelia MOO...a little hazy picture, but the best we could do....

A dear friend of mine has just gone through an event that i feel was life transforming for her--and i think she would agree...i asked her if i could post her story here because it was so moving to me...here it is...the universe is always listening--and the only mistake you make is not asking....

----------

I have written extensively, and possibly toooo much about my cow Jewelia. She was a dream come true for me and in some ways, the culmination of my dream of a perfect farm. I would look at her and my heart would swell. I would find ways to remember her throughout the day to get the feeling of unconditional love and generosity she gave me. I was so freaky as to try and smell her on my hands and arms. It's hard to explain and perhaps, a little too unusual for the average person to grasp. Luckily, I've found a place where the above average person exists!

My Jewelia transitioned very suddenly into nonphysical on May 16th 36 hours after giving birth, leaving me wondering how I could be on top of the world one day and dragging in the muck the next. I was very puzzled and wrote about it on the Abe forum. I was given words of support and encouragement there and even some tools to help me. One was Brad Yates' eft video "tap of the morning." Thanks Pat I began that one immediately. One part said, "I can't feel badly enough to change the past."

I rebounded, for the most part, remarkably well. I had friends who were upset that I wasn't overtly sad enough for them. They said they thought they were sadder than me. Well, I agreed to let them claim that title. I did my share of crying but I certainly tried not to talk about it. I wanted to move forward, blessing my dear Jewelia for the amazing gifts she had given me. They were beyond description.

For a couple of weeks, I'd been moving up the scale as best I could. I stated to most everyone that I was not going to look for a new cow. She would have to find me. I had looked for 2 years for Jewelia and eventually, someone called me and asked if I would like to buy her, this after contacting everyone in 3 states about a Jersey cow. She was mostly a family pet and they couldn't keep her because we had a drought and they didn't have hay. They wanted a loving person to get her. ME!

I had written to a dear fellow aber about Jewelia and she said, "Tell me about you new cow." I felt a shift in my being when I read that. It was big.I wrote to her and said something like "she is 4 years old, a Jersey, has had 2 calves, both heifers (girls), she's just had a calf so she's freshened and ready to milk, she's healthy, has a beautiful udder, has been handmilked, and her name is Buttercup." I told that story to anyone who would listen.

The night of June 9th, I had a dream that I went to the barn and the middle stall door was open a crack. There was a shaft of light coming in. I looked in and saw a Jersey cow. My husband had bought her for me (not at all likely).

On June 11th, I woke up, meditated, did yoga and Abe exercises and decided it was time to watch The Omega Shift. I told my husband I wasn't to be disturbed for 90 minutes. That's not easy on a farm in the summer! So, I watched it. OMG!!!!!! Bliss me out! Major shifting going on. I suggest you eek out 90 minutes and change your life forever! So, I was practicing the exercises that day and relaxing and enjoying and remembering that you can work all day OR relax and let it in.

I had been checking a local publication, online,for weeks for goats and Wednesday is the day it comes out. I checked and it wasn't up. I was feeling a little heavy headed and felt I needed to let things go and nap.

I woke up from my nap and came to the computer, feeling a little otherwordly. I pulled up the publication and before my eyes was: " Jersey cow, 4 years old, freshened in April, handmilked." I could not believe my eyes, really. After that it said, "call Jeff". That's my husband's name and I thought he'd placed the ad and she wasn't really for sale after all. Then I saw the number and it wasn't mine. I almost fell over myself, after recovering from shock, to get to the phone.

I called and they said she has had 2 calves, both heifers, she is healthy and her name is Fig - the only thing I didn't get right. I even said, "you know, I thought you'd say her name is Buttercup."

I went to see her on Friday night and she's beautiful. She has a perfect udder - did I mention that's crucial?!

A funny thing is, about 3 weeks ago, after Jewelia had passed, I had a major craving for fig newtons. I hadn't eaten them in 20 years, probably. I bought a whole box of fig newmans and ate and ate. I'm not a big sweet eater and buying a box of cookies happens maybe once a year, or less. I couldn't get enough of those damn cookies and wondered what the hell was wrong with me. I thought about them all the time and had to stop myself from looking at them in the store.

The new cow's name is Fig! The woman told me Friday that she also had a cow named Newton!

Our dear RnR Goddess encouraged me to post this here. She has been a huge helpmate too in all of this. I really feel like finding the Omega Shift on here was GIANT for me. Big hugs to ya'll too.

So,folks, magic happens ALL THE TIME! Tune in! It's great!

happymanifesting,