Sex at work--David Letterman does it. He's from the "We're all adults here" school of workplace ethics. Many college deans are against it. They're from the "Zero Tolerance" school of workplace ethics. So, who's right? Me, I'm a pro-sex, anti-sexual-harassment kind of guy. In other words, "It's all fun and games till somebody looses a spouse." Here are some forms of sexual behavior that are always over the line:

• If your coworkers are farm animals, and you have sex with them, you are over the line.
• If you're a man and yell "Nice rack, baby!" to your female coworker at the Christmas party, you are over the line. If she's wearing a Rudolph nose and giant antlers, she was asking for it.
• If you are at a business function and whisper to your secretary, "That dress looks lovely on you." That's okay. If you are in the office and yell, "Oochy, mama! You gonna pop outa dat thang, girl," you are over the line. 
• If you hold up two softballs, and ask a female employee if she wants to to "play ball," you are over the line. If you are the coach of the company softball team, hold up two balls and tell you All-State-Women's-High-School-Champion pitcher, "You're gonna need these," that's okay.
• If you wake up in bed with the bosses wife, that's over the line. If you roll over the other way and find the boss smiling to you, you're probably okay.

I hope these examples make these deep waters a little easier to navigate.

When the boss is on a rampage is usually a good time to keep your mouth shut--he's probably so irrational that setting him straight will make him charge straight at you.

When you are hungry, cold, cranky and tired is a good time to shut up and keep your head down--your verbal judo may be at a low point, so there is no sense getting yourself thrown off the mat.

During a crisis is often times, but not always, a good time to keep quiet--unless you are damned sure you see the problem and have a track record of being right under pressure--then, speak up with conviction!

A great time to keep your mouth shut is when you have no earthly idea what in the flock the sheep are up to. Crying wolf about the Saint Bernard sent to rescue you is only going to make you look like an idiot.

The most important time to keep your mouth shut right after you've retrieved the baby from the bus. You'll have an almost overwhelming need to confess that you forgot the baby but ran three blocks and caught the bus just as an old Italian lady with a mole was bringing the bassinet up to the bus driver. My advice is, don't say a word! You know you did it. God knows it. The little old Italian lady knows it. That's enough, so keep your mouth shut! If you just "gots to say sometin," smile and say, "Great morning. Isn't it?" then pick up the baby and walk away fast.

I swear--people will worry about anything! Am I going to be laid off? What does the boss think of me? How come she gets longer breaks than I get? I wonder if that itch is contagious? It's no wonder we can't get anything done--our brains won't shut off. I say, to heck with it!

• You'll be laid off, or you won't, and there is not much you can do about it.
• Chances are, your boss doesn't think much about you at all. If the boss is leaving you alone, that's probably a good thing.
• Life is too freaking short to worry that someone else might have higher status, or own more stuff than you. Let it go, or learn to enjoy the misery.
• If you've got an funny itch, see a doctor. I hear they've got some new antibiotics that work really well.

I'm not saying it is EASY to stop worrying--I've had plenty of things to worry about in my own life--I'm just saying it is worth learning more about. Life is better when you learn to, as we say here in the Carolinas, "Put that frog in your pocket."