The Rogue Indies

We've Moved

2010-04-14T11:50:00.000-04:00

Rogue's New Home is:
http://rogueindependents.com/

We hope to see you there!

Hope for a Hopeless Generation.

2010-01-15T09:46:00.015-05:00

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
-P. J. O'Rourke

BERNARD REPORTS:
Hope. It's not something readily available at your local Wal-Mart. Today's culturists would actually have you believe it's dead; something only naive idiots believe in before they're runover and wise up to the horror that is real life. Every movie that comes out is just another "mankind is evil" nightmare, another Sweeney Todd where innocence, sweetness and optimism are laughed at and mocked. Like that crap song says:

"Oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked,
Money don't grow on trees.
I got bills to pay,
I got mouths to feed,
There ain't nothing in this world for free.
I know I can't slow down,
I can't hold back,
Though you know, I wish I could.
No there ain't no rest for the wicked,
Until we close our eyes for good".
-Cage the Elephant

Well, I say "Nonsense!" And I've been trying to yell "Nonsense!" until my throat is sore, but sometimes it gets wearying. And that's why I, and millions of other people around the world, love a man named Rocky Balboa.

Go the Distance
If all you remember is the song, the exercise and "Yo Adrian!" then maybe it's time for a re-watch. I just finished the full 6 (on blu-ray baby, yeah!) and I'm here to tell you that these movies are not the joke people think they are. At least, not the joke all those hopeless, tiring windbags in the media, politics, and wherever else would have you believe.

This is a grand display of hope, and it's so contagious that even The Academy gave it Best Picture in a time when cinema was even more deprived of hope than it is today: 1976. To prove my point, other nominees that year included Taxi Driver and Network. And the fact that it takes place in Philadelphia, one of the more hopeless places on earth, is even more of a miracle. Having lived in Philly for 18 years, I can attest to the impact this movie had (and continues to have) on the entire city. We want our Rocky Statue at the top of those stairs!

It seems to be an accepted theory that the more horrible something is, the more real it is. If it isn't dark and depressing and mean then it's somehow a candy-coated lie. The 6th and final movie (which is best watched after the rest) gives a very clear example of what Rocky thinks of this theory.

Rocky is set to fight the newest heavyweight champion who knows no fear. He's the underdog once again, and as the lights go up, a blasting rap song comes on. Here comes the champ; dark, serious and mean. Life is a struggle and this guy knows it. Now it's Rocky's turn. What music does he choose? How does he counter the harsh reality of his opponent's demeanor? Why, with "High Hopes" by Frank Sinatra of course, and I've been humming it for days since.

All I'm trying to say can be summed up in this quote by Alexandre Dumas and this video which runs during the credits of Rocky 6. No matter how silly or dumb you think it is, or how seriously you take yourself, watch it and just try and keep that smile off your face.

"All human wisdom is contained in these two words:
'Wait and hope.'"
-Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

.

The McIsland was McFun

2010-01-11T16:34:00.007-05:00

BERNARD REPORTS:

As a proud TV-maniac I spent last summer clinging to "Burn Notice", "Eureka" and any other summer show that would keep me sane, including a romp on "Harper's Island". And boy, was it fun!

It was almost worth tuning in each week just to hear McMills say her little introduction. Including pronouncing her last name "Mels" which kind of got addicting after awhile. Now, I only eat General Mels cereal, listen to the Rumor Mel, and joust at Windmels.

"Harper's Island" is the TV equivellent of "Dante's Peak". In other words, pure good-bad-movie gold. Bad acting. Horrible scenes. Outlandish plot points. Just beautiful. If you're addicted enough to own a Roku, you can watch the entire series for free on Netflix.

Now if only "Lost" could end like this. . .

Nickname Central
There are a few dozen characters on the island and I found that giving them nicknames not only made them easier to keep track of, but made the whole experience of watching this controlled trainwreck even better.

Following the simple formula of "fill-in-the-blank" + Mc + "fill-in-the-blank" here are the one's I came up with. I McHope you McJoy them.

Because of the volume of characters in this show I couldn't show all the Micks. Missing are:
Snooty McClueless
Loopy McGoth
Lady McHobbit
Faux McBiker, Faux McBlack and Faux McNerd

I McWish you a great McDay.

Closure at Last

2009-11-13T15:47:00.017-05:00

"Livin' a Lie, Just to Get By."

BERNERD REPORTS:
From deep within the frilly, chick-dorm dungeons of the CW, a message has escaped. A secret code leaked from the 14-year-old-girl-fanfiction-slaveship of a network that was meant to give closure to a small, but heart-broken group known only as true Supernatural fans.

The message came in on November 5th , hidden in an episode perfectly titled "Changing Channels". And just like before, the other bloggers seemed to have missed the message. One even going so far as to call this gem "One of the Weaker Episodes of this Season". Feel free to watch the episode here, while it lasts.

If you put on your magic 3D glasses, you will find a perfect image of what my beloved show has turned into. The image that has been haunting me ever since I read the words "They can't split up Sam and Dean!" No longer the off-the-beaten-path story of good vs evil, it transforms into a laugh-track filled sitcom about two hunks on a tandem bicycle! Aw shucks, Dean's used up all the lunch meat again, isn't Sam gonna be sore! Watch the opening if you can bare it.

They joke around, have a goofy theme song and fall down in a big, bright, green field and look up at a big, bright, blue sky. Nope. They didn't split them up alright. Are you happy little miss 14?

But what's going on? This isn't Supernatural. Supernatural isn't even TV! Not like those other shows are TV. Not like the Producers want it to be TV. Let's keep watching and see if we can decode this cry for help.

Help! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!
AKA: A Tortured Writer Speaks
Enter "The Trickster". Except, he's not acting like the same old Trickster we know. He seems a little more jaded. A little more invested. A little more pissed off. And he's got a lot more to say. He is no longer just another character. He is the writer, and he has a few things he wants to get off his chest.

He's trapped the boys in TV Land. "Call It My Own Little Idiot Box!" The world of gimmicks, pointless drama and "Dr. Sexy". It's all shits and giggles here!

Sam and Dean take their turns as dreamy and steamy Medical Drama Doctors, Japanese Game Show Contestants, Herpes Medication Salesmen, and Crime Show Investigators. This is the world the audience wants, right? A monotonous mush. A story without an ending.

But the writer wants them to know this is not what he had planned. This isn't the way things were supposed to go. He'd had such big dreams for his little characters. He had laid the groundwork so meticulously, like a craftsman and a finely carved violin. He just wanted to hear it play. Just once. But there's no time for music in "Nut Cracker!" Bring out the cute Japanese girls in the devil costumes! We need more lights! They can't possibly turn this spectacle off! And where's the hot car? Does it have a name? How about Kitt? Did we get enough beefcake shots of the boys?

Wait a minute! What the hell is going on here? Didn't Sam betray Dean? Doesn't anything have consequences in this place? The writer brings this to their attention. He reminds them of past decisions, episodes that were written, promises that were made. He tries desperately to show them what it's all about:

"This isn't about a war. It's about two brothers who loved eachother, and betrayed eachother."

But Sam just looks confused. "What? Me? Betray? No... I'm the cute younger brother!" The writer can't believe his ears. He pleads with Dean. They have to end it the right way. It has to be Sam vs. Dean. That is the way it was always supposed to be. He had created it all, just for that ending. St. Michael and Lucifer can't ride a tandem bike into the sunset!

"You were born to this boys! It's your destiny! It was always you! ... Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always. One brother has to kill the other."

But it's no good. The writer is trapped and he's all out of tricks. The fantasy world dissolves and he's left alone, a little man standing in an empty warehouse with his characters. He has no more power here. Dean has had enough and he tells it like it is. A character can't be blamed for everything. Just who's writing who here anyway? The writer has no business acting like it's anyone's fault but his own. Who manipulates people the way writers do? Did he expect everyone to cheer when he twisted the knife in Sam's back? If a writer doesn't have the guts to stand up for his work, then he doesn't deserve to keep it. Dean doesn't belong to him anymore.

"We don't screw with people the way you do. And for the record, this isn't about some prize fight between you and your brothers! Or some destiny that can't be stopped! This is about you being too afraid to stand up to your family!"

And there they stand. The writer and his character. Face to face. It is their last goodbye. Dean starts for the door. The door that leads to that television purgatory where we just spent the last hour. Where he is set to spend eternity. He turns for one last look at the man who created him.

"Don't say I never did anything for you."

The door closes. It is the end. Not the end that was meant to be, but an end. At least now we know for certain that someone was in there trying to say something. Another victim of the Television Machine.

"Play the roles that destiny has chosen for you or you'll stay here in TV Land forever. 300 channels and nothing's on."

NOTE: If you are interested in the FULL decoded message, I will be posting it shortly. It's detailed, for those who care.

Lucifer Rising, Supernatural Falling

2009-05-18T13:12:00.023-04:00

SPOILER ALERT
This article details plot points of Supernatural Seasons 1-4.

BERNERD REPORTS:
Protestantism vs Catholicism
AKA: Some of my best friends are protestants!

It's a very tired conversation, and I'm sure as you read this, you're steadily on one side or the other. But! The refreshing surprise comes when you realize this 500-year-old argument has come to, believe it or not, the CW.

“What?” you say, “That Network with Chad Michael Murray and Smallville?” Yes.

The show is “Supernatural” and it's one of the best shows on TV today. Quickly summarized it's about two brothers who grew up hunting ghosts, demons and all those lovely “things that go bump in the night”.

Sam: When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45.
Dean: Well, what was he supposed to do?
Sam: I was nine-years-old. He was supposed to say, "Don't be afraid of the dark."
Dean: Don't be afraid of the dark? What, are you kidding me? Of course you should be afraid of the dark! You know what's out there!

The writing is exceptional, and it is one of the only shows to actually get better and better as the seasons progress. I recently re-watched the first two seasons and boy, they were a snore compared to what comes next!

Ignoring the “atheist” angle (which is an even more tired conversation and rather pointless in the context of actual demon-killing) the comparison between Christianity and it's sects is starkly shown in the relationship between the brothers, their father and the moral ground they walk.

Obviously the two boys are human and don't represent the ideal version of the theories I've tagged them with (in fact, they're pretty much deaf to the arguments altogether).

The Catholic
Dean is the Catholic. The reason might surprise you. It comes down to faith, which I realize is something that the Protestants like to hold in their corner, but I'm not talking about faith in some internal belief that holds your reason above everyone else. The faith Dean holds is a belief in something he can't understand and doesn't need to. He is a soldier. He takes orders from his father without hesitation, even though he hardly ever sees the big picture or even the motives behind his father's decisions. This fact is often brought up as being Dean's biggest fault:

“Dad knew who you really were.
A good soldier and nothing else.
Daddy's blunt little instrument.”

But as the storyline progresses, we realize this stubborn loyalty is the only thing keeping him from spiraling out into oblivion. The one job his father gave him, the one rule Dean lives by, is protecting his younger brother Sam, no matter what. Sounds simple enough, that is until it turns out little brother is part of a massive demonic plot to bring about the apocalypse, and gets his spinal cord cut clean through by a rival demon-blood-infected psychic in hell's version of “Survivor”. This prompts Dean to do the unbelievable (and maybe ridiculous) as he sacrifices himself at the Crossroads – his soul for his brother's life, eternity in hell for Dean in exchange for a few years above ground for Sammy. He might get scared, and even complain, but his faith never wavers.

“My father was an obsessed bastard!
All that crap he dumped on me about protecting Sam,
that was his crap!
He's the one who couldn't protect his family!
He's the one who let Mom die,
who wasn't there for Sam!
I always was! It wasn't fair!
I didn't deserve what he put on me!
And I don't deserve to go to Hell!”

So, when an angel pulls Dean out of hell so he can stop the rising of Lucifer, it's no surprise where his loyalties lie. He might be proud, he might be stubborn, but Castiel is working on him, and as soon as he let's the angels and God take the same title his father held, there will be no stopping him, or his cause, because he has faith. Faith in what he can't understand. Obedience to what he can't perceive. And humility in his ignorance. A Catholic.

“You're scared. It's okay, I understand.
See, when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom,
and I was scared, too. I didn't feel like talking, just like you.
But see, my mom - I know she wanted me to be brave.
I think about that every day. And I do my best to be brave.
And maybe, your dad wants you to be brave, too.”

The Protestant
Sammy-Boy is our happy Protestant. The thinker. The knowledgeable one. The one who, at the beginning of the series, you would consider 'the good one'. He is compassionate, walks a straighter moral path and is constantly torn over whether or not they're “doing the right thing”. The flaw in his philosophy is that everything he believes rests on a little thing called “private judgment”.

Sam constantly needs all the information. He needs to make “his decision”. He is his own personal Pope sitting on a lonely hill rejecting all available help in a prideful fight to 'go it alone'.

Sam: That makes no sense. Why doesn't Dad just call us?
Why doesn't he tell us what he wants; tell us where he is?
Dean: I dunno. But the way I see it,
Dad's given us a job to do and I intend to do it.

Sam just wants to be 'normal'. He wants to be 'happy'. And his private judgment is the giant hammer used to bash anyone and anything that tries to interfere with what he feels justified in doing.

Sam: Well, Dad never treated you like that, you were perfect.
He was all over my case. You don't remember?
Dean: Well, maybe he had to raise his voice, but sometimes you were out of line.
Sam: Right! Right, like when I said I'd rather play soccer than learn bow hunting.
Dean: Bow hunting's an important skill!

Laugh all you want, but this tiny example from episode two is only the crack in the dam. Just like protestantism started by 'just removing a few things' before transforming humanity into Dr. House, Sam's personal judgment starts flying him off a forgotten cliff into what can only be called evil. (Though, of course, those with private judgment are free to disagree).

Dean tells him he has free will, Sam feels he might not have a choice. Dean tells him not to mess with his demon-born psychic powers, Sam feels he can control them. The Angels of God tell him to stop working with a demon named Ruby, Sam feels he can use her demon-training for 'good'.

His private judgment takes him from a sweet kid in law school to an isolated liar who sucks demon blood in his spar time and makes snarky remarks at Angels. His opinions are equal, right? He has the right to choose what he thinks morality means, right? Who are these omniscient Angels and their plans for him anyway?

Interesting thoughts from a man who knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that hell exists.

It All Falls Apart
I wrote the beginning of this article four episodes away from the finale of Season Four. Back when the writing was building on previous episodes so meticulously you just knew the ending was going to be epic. But no, I guess Kripke didn't realize what he was building, or just didn't like it, and decided to doze EVERYTHING in 20.3 minutes.

Now, instead of two brothers being driven toward opposite ends of the moral ladder, we have two brothers who were equally tricked by two immortal corporations who differ from each other in that they... well, we actually can't tell anymore. Can you?

Demons possess people against their will.

<> Apparently so do angels. Just ask Jimmy.

Demons don't care about humans.

<> Angels really don't care about humans.

Demons lie and make people sin.

<> Angels lie and make people sin.

I guess the only obvious difference is that demons get stuck in devil's traps, while angels waltz right though. Which begs the question, if there is no God, and angels are tricking people just as much as demons, what makes an angel into a demon? Can you really 'fall' if there is nothing to fall from? Or is it some sort of clubhouse effect – you disobey the older kid's whim, he turns you into a demon?

Am I to believe that Kripke is some sort of humanist? He spent all this time showing us angels and demons so his big reveal could be “I believe in people!” This seems to be one of the biggest faulty beliefs today: bad people feel more, love more and are better friends; while good people feel less, hate more and are just plain full of themselves. Want to take a look at an actual list of sins at any point? I believe arrogance and vanity are on there. It certainly doesn't say “To be a good person, please judge everyone in your path and hail yourself as a saint”. Try reading some writings from an actual saint some time. Do they sound like the church lady?

In Kripke's world, good doesn't exist even in the smallest form anymore. Unless of course you count the innocence of 'good' people who are just too dumb to be bad. No one could be good AND smart. Angels couldn't possibly be around forever and be so gullible as to believe in God. Especially in a good god. But, in the midst of this agnostic carnival, we're supposed to believe that there is a heaven? A place where you turn into some sort of happy vegtable with no will or memory at all? Why is this heaven such a 'good' place if there is no one around who believes in good? Is it just some old relic magic trick left over from when God was around? Though, I guess from Dean's reaction Heaven isn't such a good place after all, and hell might be the better choice since at least you're still you there. Whatever that means.

Did Kripke realize that pulling on the 'there is no God' thread would topple the entire structure of the story he has been building for four years? Did he realize that making the angels the same as demons would erase all meaning of good and evil? Does he realize how thin and lonely his view of the world is?

It seems like Kripke didn't want to admit the only solution to the problem he created was obedience to a higher power. To, I don't know, something like the Catholic Church? His show almost proves the need for a unified, monarchist, moral leader!

Oh right, I forgot. It's Winchesters vs. Everything now. If only Sam and Dean were God, then it would all be ok.

Because even after all the proof Kripke gave himself, he's still a firm believer in “private judgment”.

Good luck with that.

What a Waste of Time...

2008-10-20T19:41:00.008-04:00

FRAN REPORTS:
On September 12, 2008 a movie co-starring Al Pacino and Robert Deniro hit the big screen. Not unlike many movie goers, I was eagerly anticipating this release. I thought, what could be better than two of the greatest actors alive performing together once again? There was so much potential, so much to be hopeful for.

Then the movie came out...and the reviews, well they were nothing to brag about. But, being the objective person that I am -- and often someone who disagrees with the critics anyway -- I was still determined for a good outcome.

This is the point in my post where the carefully constructed and witty sentences stop. From this point forward, I am officially deeming this post a rant...

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!

Let's start with the writers of this horrible mess of a movie. Can anyone say plot depth? Because there was no trace of it whatsoever in this film. You don't care about the characters, you don't care about what they're doing, you don't care about right and wrong, you don't even care about what this paper thin storyline is...trust me, all you will be caring about is how many minutes, seconds, milliseconds you have to watch hell reincarnated on the massive screen in front of you.

Since I am avidly pleading with you all not to see this movie, I really don't feel guilty giving away the would be plot. The movie is about two cops (Pacino and Deniro, but I'm sure you knew that already...) who are determined to bring down the bad guys. At what cost? Well, apparently at the cost of planting evidence. Deniro plants a gun in the apartment of a child sex offender who got off. The guy didn't commit the crime he was charged for, but Deniro figured it was justified because he had committed a crime at some point in his life.

(quick side note: yes I will be using Deniro and Pacino's actual names. Two reasons: 1. I would like to keep you with me on this. 2. I honestly for the life of me can't remember their names in the movie)

After the evidence planting, things start to go "haywire". A series of murders start to occur, all the victims, interestingly enough, are felons themselves. In an act to appear clever, each new scene is complete with a little poem about how the person is going to die. They sound a little something like this...hem hem "I saw a cat. And then I hit you with a bat. You were wearing an orange hat. But then it was taken by a rat."

At first, they want you to think that some new serial killer is on the loose, not soon after though they want you to think that Deniro, in his self-righteous effort to bring the bad guys down, is committing the murders. Oh, and by the way, Deniro's girlfriend gets off on rough sex...just thought I'd throw that in there even though it really doesn't have anything to do with the story. Hmmm, maybe THEY should have thought about that!

At this point we are about 20 minutes into the movie and they are desperately pushing Deniro as the killer into our brains. Here's what I want to know, how stupid did they really think people were? Isn't the first rule of a murder mystery that the first real suspect is never the actual killer? It's too obvious, it's too blase! I would have even been a little bit impressed if Deniro actually had ended up being the killer, because by the way they were shoving it in your face he was so obviously NOT THE KILLER!

But, for some reason, they are very confident that this outcome will keep movie watchers satisfied, that people will actually sit there and go "Oh no! Deniro! How could you?!" and be totally baffled by the real outcome which is...dun Dun DUN!!!....PACINO IS THE REAL KILLER!

WHAT?! NO WAY?! DID YOU EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD SEE THAT COMING?!

And let's just wrap it all up with the attempt at a redemptive ending. Once you finally realize that Pacino is the killer there is an "intense" why-did-you-do-it conversation between the two main characters. His reason is because he lost faith in his partner, Deniro, when he planted the evidence. Yes that's right. This murderer starting killing because his partner planted a piece of evidence that sent a child sex offender to jail and he lost all faith in humanity. I know what your thinking, and yes you're right, that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

So back to the writers. I am a writer myself, so I do not like to criticize other people's work to harshly since it had to be someone's brainchild. But come on! Who wrote that and then actually wanted to see it come to life? Who penned the last sentence, stared at it, and thought PURE GOLD!

And even worse? The producers! The Director! Everything that went into this movie! All the pre-production, production, post-production...no one thought to say "wait a minute, this movie sounds like a horribly cheap rip-off of a Boondock Saints-esque "vigilante justice" movie minus any substantial, beyond the surface meaning. Maybe we should stop."

Deniro, Pacino? WHY?!!! When you found out that 50 cent was your supporting role didn't you begin to question the quality of the production?

So to wrap it all up, I'm going to tell you how this should have played out. We will pretend that the writer of this film actually did like it. He sends it out, and, obviously, it gets turned down by every producer with a brain. Pacino and Deniro do not do the movie because it has zero substance and lacks emotional, character, and plot depth. The writer finally gets picked up. Yay for him! Lifetime channel wants to pick up his script for their next "Lifetime Original Movie" as long as he will concede to Deniro's character being utterly depressed and on medication, becoming addicted, and then having an affair with the Police Chiefs wife. The end.

Dragonball Comes to Life

2008-10-16T15:01:00.003-04:00

BERNERD REPORTS:
So, the day has come. I knew it would someday. I had even hoped one day that I would be the one to do it. A live-action Dragonball movie made for U. S. audiences. I guess I join the ranks of comic book nerds around the world who shivered at the prospect of their heroes being jammed into a sellable 90-minute Hollywood flick. Don't get me wrong, I love movies, and I've always thought DBZ would make a great one (think more complex, Japanese version of Superman.). I just hope they don't lose the aspects of Dragonball that made it great.

They've already changed Goku from a young child to an older teen. I don't really mind the change (I realize it's hard to sell an action movie staring a 6-year-old alien with a monkey tail). The only thing I'm worried about them losing is Goku's innocence. It isn't just the innocence of a child, because Goku remains almost ignorant of evil his entire life - even becoming a child again in his old age, fighting for good with his granddaughter. Many may find Goku's attitude a little silly and stupid, and it kind of is on the surface, but it is through his innocence and humility that he is able to become the best fighter in the universe. He defeats many stronger and wiser enemies, who are finally brought down by their pride. Goku never judges anyone, but only stops those who harm others until they can be taught to be good. This is shown throughout the Dragonball series as many of Goku's arch-enemies become his allies later in life. His childhood enemy even going so far as to die for Goku's son.

On the surface, Dragonball may seem like a silly, odd and over-the-top Japanese soap opera, but there are deep story-lines of humility, forgiveness and good vs evil running underneath. These aren't your usual modern 'evil is inside us all' stories. In the Dragonball world, everyone has the chance to be good, and it is through their decisions and pride that they are made evil. It is my fear that these deeper storylines maybe ignored in the U. S. version, creating just another bad Martial Arts movie that will be forgotten as soon as the video game is released.

"The Lex Files" Come to a Close

2008-09-18T12:09:00.006-04:00

BERNERD REPORTS:
Smallville: a fluffy teen-drama as shallow as they come with lots of "teen" problems and school crushes and entire episodes dedicated to prom - and stuck right smack dab in the middle? One of the most amazing performances of the human struggle between good and evil. Michael Rosenbaum has certainly been making his own show for the past seven years. A show much darker and human than anything else on television (or in film for that matter). Forget the moral dilemmas in the contrived FX drama The Shield, the story of Lex Luthor's childhood and branch into power holds some of most heart-wrenching scenes I have ever witnessed. If you didn't end up hating Clark and all the other bumbling "good people" in Smallville who let Lex slip through their fingers, then there is something wrong with you. I wish John Wayne was around to punch Jonathan Kent right in the face.

The W. B. or whatever initials they are now using, should release a version of Smallville that holds only the important Lex scenes. If edited well it could actually be formed into a very powerful movie. A movie that should win Mr. Rosenbaum a lot of awards. He certainly has my vote.

So, as Michael Rosenbaum leaves the show (now entering it's eighth season), I would just like to thank him for the years he put in. It was a sad and painful ride, but beautiful in it's perfection. Thank you.

Massive Rip-Off

2008-09-10T11:47:00.006-04:00

BERNERD REPORTS:
Last night I watched a show about science, and how it is pushing into things previously termed "para-normal". Invisibility; teleportation; regeneration; cloning; mind-reading; all possible now in the hands a few quirky scientists who border on the insane while a street-smart law-officer helps propel them in the right direction. The title of this show? Eureka!

Did anyone else catch this blatant rip off? J. J. Abrams apparently spent his summer watching seasons one and two of the Sci-Fi series and thought to himself - "How can I take this clever, fun, new show and rub my stink all over it?" He takes out all the funny and replaces it with flat boring characters held in our memory only by the "secrets" they are hiding. Is anyone else prepared to join another Lost train, heading toward a bunch of questions with no answers? I don't know about you, but I canceled my Tivo subcription. Can't really take anymore of less-butch (and far less likable) Laura Prepon palling around with Fat Dawson's Creek and King Denethor. I think I'll just stick with Eureka.

Am I being too critical? Check out some comparisons:

Eureka's BIG corporate science company is called? Global Dynamics.
Fringe's BIG corporate sciene company is called? Massive Dynamics.

Eureka's scientists are? Delving into things previously considered impossible while putting the town in danger.
Fringe's scientist is? Delving into things previously considered impossible while putting the WORLD in danger.

Eureka's crazy scientists are held in check by? A street smart sheriff with a work ethic.
Fringe's crazy scientist is held in check by? A street smart FBI agent with a work ethic.

Eureka's problems are solved by? The dumb sheriff putting his trust in the science and being brave enough to actually do what the scientists just talk about.
Fringe's problems are solved by? The head strong FBI Agent putting her trust in the science and being brave enough to actually do what the scientist just talks about.

The only difference I can see is that Eureka would be classified as sci-fi comedy, while Fringe is more of a 'drama'. If your definition of drama is: A) a show lasting one hour in which no jokes are cracked - unless they are sarcastic ones driven by a character's disgust with the situation. B) characters are solemn and stressed C) the color palate is dark and bleak - rain and snow are encouraged and D) camera angles are rough and handheld.

This brings me to my second point, a realization I had last night while watching the never-ending pilot.

J. J. Abrams HATES People
He enjoys putting them in lonely, impossible situations and then watching as they struggle. He is more like a God to his characters than a friend. Who in the long running Lost does J. J. love? I think he enjoys being the unseen force that propels his characters toward one disaster after the next. Look at the difference between his characters and, say, Joss Whedon's characters. Joss may be Boss, but he certainly loves his characters - which in turn makes you love them. Who is Olivia Dunham J. J.? And why should I love her? I don't think he could answer that. . .

So save yourself the trouble and just watch Eureka. It's fun, smart and you'll definitely love it's characters. Good luck Fringe. I will throw-up if you last longer than Fire-fly.

My Weekend with Portal

2008-08-25T11:06:00.008-04:00

BERNERD REPORTS:
Maybe it's because I'm more right-brained than left, but science has always bugged me. "What do you mean, Bernerd? How can 'science' bug you? Science tells us how the world works. It makes your car run, your pop-tarts toasty and it created this blog you are writing in right now!" Well, yes, all that is true but, it's not so much the result I have a problem with as much as the process (we can talk about the result at a different time.)

Science has taken over everything. From the way we do business to the way we play - and most importantly - to the way we think. With Science, the ends always justify the means. We're creating a better world, for those who will live in it when it comes. And to quote one of my favorite movies "So me and mine gotta lay down and die... so you can live in your better world?" The answer is 'yes'.

This reality was made all too clear to me this weekend while playing the Valve game "Portal". It never occurred to me that a game could be a medium for a story, but the guys at Valve proved me wrong. This short little game hits it's point-of-view out of the park with one of the most interesting characters I've met in a while. His name? The computer from Portal.

The game centers around a research facility where you are testing out a new device. I'm not going to try and explain the device, or the portals it creates, if you are interested in the specifics, feel free to watch the trailer or download the free trial (available from Steam). You are alone in your tests, accompanied only by the cute and sweet robotic voice of the computer, who helps you along and gives your pointers on how to complete tasks. That is, at first...

You soon realize the cute voice is kind of an asshole. He lies to you, constantly. He messes with your head, and then applauds you for not listening to him. He's pompous and strange, and you soon begin to feel very uncomfortable under the impersonal gaze of the security cameras. Are you testing the device or are they testing you?

The cute voice constantly refers to you as his friend, and promises you cake when you complete your tasks - a cake he apparently has made himself. When all the tasks are accomplished, he asks you to step onto a conveyor belt that will bring you to the party, and the cake. I was sitting there, happy with myself for having beaten the game, when I realized the conveyor belt wasn't bringing me to cake (even though there was a picture of one on the wall) but in fact was lowering me into a toxic sludge that will kill me. What's up cute voice?

I quickly looked around, and found my escape, much to the annoyance of cute voice. Although he didn't show his cards just yet. He continued to tell me that I was wrong in thinking he was going to kill me, and that in fact, the conveyor belt DID lead to the party. He instructed me to assume the "party position", which involved putting down my gun and lying face down on the floor. I didn't listen.

The next few hours involved me running through puzzling backrooms of the research facility, trying desperately to escape. Bloody messages were scrawled on the wall, apparently by previous 'test subjects'. Cute voice echoed through the halls after me, "Where are you?", "It was a joke, come back", "You're not even going the right way". If I wasn't so sure the gamers wouldn't have created the area I was running through if I wasn't supposed to go through it, I might have actually believed him.

In the end, you find the central location of Cute Voice and disassemble him - piece by piece. The entire time he is playing with my mind - "What do you think you're doing?" "This isn't bravery, this is murder", "No one likes you. It says so in your file."

Finally, he shuts up. But sadly, so do you. The final giant explosion that finishes off Cute Voice, also finishes off you. You lie on the pavement, finally outside, dead. The End. Or is it?

During the credit sequence, you find out that your escape, your fight, your death, his death - it was all part of the test, and in fact, you didn't kill him at all. You only killed one of him. One of the many. He's a computer afterall, not some flesh and blood enemy, and he wasn't even angry at you at all. You were just part of the fight for a better future, a future for the people who are still alive.

And finally, the credit song comes sweetly on. Sung by the infamous Cute Voice.

Science is creepy. . .

Comic Con and a Sci-Fi Binge

2008-08-02T11:43:00.003-04:00

BERNERD REPORTS:
Oh, Comic Con! How I want to attend you! Why do you have to be on the other side of the country!

But seriously, I want to go. Or should I say, I WANTED to go. I could have seen "Dr. Horrible" on a big screen WITH Joss and Nathan Fillion! What? I know! Not to mention Joss was also giving two talks, there was a Browncoats meeting and Heroes and Smallville and Sunny and...

Alright, I'm hyperventilating. But still, all those idiots who only see the fat guy in the bad Chewbacca costume need to shut up! Comic Con rocks the Disco!

So, it's Saturday and I'm not planning on editing a single word of this. Stream of consciousness baby! It's been awhile since we've posted anything, but hey - who wanted to post when we had a picture of Roy Batty up? Hmm? I didn't think so.

So, I'm planning on going all out on a Sci-Fi binge this weekend. "Why Bernerd, what do you mean?" I hear you asking (and yes, auditory hallucinations ARE cool). Well, I'll tell you.

I purchased the first seasons of "Roswell" and "Dark Angel" as well as a 6-pack of awesomely bad Sci-Fi features including one that promises to be "the worst science fiction film since 'Plan 9'." Sweet!

I watched about 6 hours of "Roswell" last night and though I'm not usually into the whole 'teen drama' crap, I can swallow it because they're aliens! Aliens in highschool? I know, what could be more riveting. I was up until 2AM. By far the most interesting of the characters are the sub-characters of Maria and Michael. Max and Liz (who I have nicknamed 'Blah' and 'Blee') need to add at least ONE character quirk to their resume. And yes, I realize I'm critiqueing a show that has been off the air for six years.

I would also like to say that Max looks a whole lot like Ethan from "Lost," which makes me suspicious of him. I don't think he ever WAS on the U. F. O. - where's the manifest!?

Ethan's Son is an Alien!

Anyway. Enough blabbing for today. Enjoy your weekend people!

"Get Down on One Knee and Weep."

2008-07-21T12:56:00.016-04:00

BERNERD REPORTS:
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time. Like tears in rain. Time to die."
- Roy Batty

There are moments in film-making history when people got so close to creating the perfect moment, the perfect story, the perfect world that it could make you cry for hours just thinking about the loss. It's happened for thousands with "Firefly," and happened to me this weekend watching the director's cut of "Blade Runner."

If you've seen "Blade Runner" chances are you remember liking it. You remember the clear-plastic raincoat, Pris' wild death and Rutger Hauer leaping around in bike shorts - but probably, if you're honest, you don't really remember it being remarkable; it isn't in your top 5; and although you may quote it, own it and love it...
There was something missing.

That something, ladies and gentlemen, was a leading performance. A performance supposedly given by Harrison Ford. While Rutger was bleaching his hair and writing his final words; while Darryl Hannah was creating her own look and choreographing fight scenes; while Sean Young spent hours on her hair and Edward James Olmos put stark blue contacts in his eyes; Pampered Harrison's contribution involved not wearing a hat (in the supposed acid rain let me remind you) and cutting his hair days before production began so that 'they couldn't change it unless they wanted to push production back long enough for it to grow out again."

The production value on this movie is unprecedented. Pre-production alone took 9 months. The wardrobe, lighting, sets and art design are like nothing you've ever seen. And standing in the middle of it all is a giant turd of an actor.
This wonderful face is what we get to see 85% of the film - when he's not over acting his brains out fighting replicants. Is he angry? Upset? Tired? Bored? Dead? You tell me...

"Blade Runner" will always be a classic. A stand-alone in the sci-fi universe. But it could have been something much better. It could have had a hero, a main character, a guiding light through the darkness of the near future. As it is? We're alone. Alone with Batty in a dying, smog filled city.

And P.S. If you didn't get the ending even Ridley Scott himself says you're a moron.

Entertainment?

2008-07-19T12:29:00.003-04:00

BERNERD REPORTS:

I'm going to make this short and to the point. I will not be seeing “The Dark Knight” this summer. I may never see it. And yes, I suppose I'm here to ruin everyone's fun.

This film is not like other films. Like “The Crow” this film is so interwoven with the real lives behind it, that one cannot look at it apart from them. But, unlike “The Crow” – who's actor died in a freak accident during shooting – “The Dark Knight” is a culprit in the demise of it's young and talented prey.

Mental illness is often ignored. Probably because it's so easy to blame on other factors like 'personality', 'lifestyle' and the infamous 'drugs'. It's just easier to accept that the person did it to themselves than flipping it upside down and saying that those factors are influenced by the mental state of the person. It's easier to say that 'All Hollywood is fucked up' and therefore the fact that one of them died is only a matter of mathematical probability. It's easier than facing the truth: the Joker killed Heath Ledger.

I physically can't watch it. Even the trailers drag me down into a very dark place. To watch a man twisting his mind into such a state as to make him unable to sleep at night goes a little further than 'summer entertainment'. A film is a product of many lives, and to detach it from that is simply naive.

So, I'll finish by saying: please really look at what you're watching. Those are human beings on the screen. A human being who died bringing this to you. Was it worth his life? Were you entertained?

Requiem in Pacem

Dark Knight lives up to Hype.

2008-07-18T22:33:00.009-04:00

FRAN REPORTS:

I don't know about the rest of you, but I ALWAYS have a quote or a scene from a movie stuck in my head so with that in mind, every Friday be prepared to be enlightened by Tyler Durden, Don Corleone, Lefty, Jigsaw, Col. Nathan Jessup, Rusty Ryan, William Wallace, Jack Skelington, Spledini, Patrick Bateman, and many more. So without further ado, here is, as always, the good, the bad, and the ugly...Friday Favorite!

Joker: "Why so serious?"

I know it's a short quote, but it's still sticking with me. I went to see The Dark Knight last night at midnight....I was so excited. You know those kinds of movies where you are so anxious to see them that you talk about it, think about it, eat, sleep, dream about it alllll the time, waiting to see it in it's absolute glory, but when you finally get to said movie it completely disappoints and you leave the theatre feeling, well, angry?

THIS WAS NOT THAT MOVIE! I am putting it out there right here, right now...I don't care if you hate it, I don't care if you think it was wrong for it to be shown, I don't care if you hate superhero movies, I don't care if you hate Christian Bale... I thought this movie was absolutely and positively perfectly executed in every way.

p.s.- There will probably be several posts on this movie, however, this post is merely the Friday favorite, combined with my added emphatic recommendation to see this movie!

"...people always ask me if I know Tyler Durden"

2008-07-11T23:27:00.005-04:00

FRAN REPORTS:

Tyler Durden: "Wouldn't do that... not unless you knew which wire's for what."

Narrator: "If you know then I know."

Tyler Durden: "OR! Maybe I knew you'd know, so I spent all day thinking about the wrong ones... ya think?... Oh, heaven's no not the green one, pull any one but the green one."

Fight Club (1999)

Director: David Fincher

Writers: Chuck Palahniuk (novel), Jim Uhls (screenplay)

Starring: Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, Helena Bonham Carter

I am not going to even try to summarize Fight Club in a few sentences...it would do it absolutely no justice. All I will say is that everyone should see this movie at least once in their lifetime. Go...right now...what are you waiting for?!

Fran

p.s.- we apologize for the lack of posts for the past week, things here at Rogue Indes have been quite hectic. We'll be back to full force soon!

"I'll Be Fat."

2008-07-05T11:56:00.003-04:00

The Fatty McGoo of the Week!
And the winner is? Arnold!
The Fatty McGoo award is given to those select few who forgo the Hollywood lifestyle of binge-and-purge/lemon skin diet/liposuction and decide instead to age like a normal human being.

These Awards are in no way a call to diet!
We love our Fatty McGoos!

Previous winners include: Mr. Blimp, Marlon Brando, Lex Luthor, and Val Kilmer!

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR A NEW MCGOO!

You're my lawyer so I think you should know.

2008-07-04T11:13:00.013-04:00

FRAN REPORTS:

Patrick Bateman: "There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there."

American Psycho (2000)

Directed By: Mary Harron

Starring: Christian Bale, Justin Theroux, Josh Lucas, Reese Witherspoon, Willem Dafoe

American Psycho is not the kind of movie that you sit down to watch for a light and fluffy night. It is an intense movie, but absolutely wonderfully done. The movie represents our modern theology, a huge materialistic and superficial movement that began in the 80's(but that we have yet to pass). Patrick Bateman is a man who has a pretty face, a chiseled physique, a perfect tan, all the latest technology, a job that earns him the big bucks...he is seemingly perfect. However, in actuality Patrick Bateman is a serial killer.

This movie is all about the fact that nothing is what it seems. On the outside, Patrick Bateman is the epitome of the perfect man, but his lust for blood makes him nothing more than an animal.

Yes, Hancock does mean John Hancock

2008-07-03T00:44:00.006-04:00

FRAN REPORTS:

Well, sadly to say, I went to see Hancock starring Will Smith today, and was severely dissapointed. The sad part is, though, that I really thought it was going to be bad to begin with. I'm going to try and keep this short and concise without many plot spoilers beings that it has just come out, but if your looking for entertainment, stray far from this movie. If you, however, are in need of making time stand still, this movie is exactly what you're looking for.

At only an hour and a half long, this movie tries to present a range of emotion and depth that falls so short, it's laughable. And that's exactly what I did, I laughed. Now, I hate saying this because I'm a writer and I see something like this, and it was obviously someone's brain child. It wasn't the kind of movie where you watch it and are like "wow, what was this person smoking?" It was just plain bad.

With an out of left field twist in the plot, and un-believable characters (both good and bad) this movie was just hard to sit through. I was either shaking my head or laughing. I don't consider Will Smith to be the best of the best, but I do like him and I did want to like this movie.

Like I said, I'm keeping this short and sweet, and awfully vague, I just don't want to give too much away just yet...plus it's 1 am. Anyways, we'll revisit the so-bad-it-lapped-good-and-went-back-to-bad-again Hancock at a later date....probably multiple times.

Fran

Actor Spotlight: Giovanni Ribisi

2008-06-30T13:02:00.004-04:00

Giovanni Ribisi is one of those actors who always looks like he's making another movie. While Nicholas Cage hammed it up in the car chase film "Gone in 60 Seconds" knowing it was only a hopped up action flick, Ribisi really was Kip Raines, a messed up kid who got himself into an unbelievable amount of trouble - unbelievable as in truly fictional and over-the-top, but Kip didn't know that because he was locked inside the movie, it was his world and he took it as seriously as if it had been a drama going for an Oscar run.

Ribisi has been doing this with every film he's been in. I first saw him in an episode of The X Files. He took what could have been a cheesy and predictable part and turned it into a classic. His character D. P. O. is definitely one of the best in the show's history, along side Eugene Tombs. You believed D. P. O. existed long before Mulder and Scully ever happened upon him and his friend (a young Jack Black).

One day, Giovanni will happen upon a film that is headed in the same direction as he is, and the world will finally recognize what a truly odd, eccentric and brilliant actor he is.

Until then, he will remain an Indie favorite, and an enjoyment to the people here at Rogue.

Mr. Blonde to Mr. Blimp!

2008-06-28T10:51:00.007-04:00

The Fatty McGoo of the Week!
And the winner is? Mr. Blimp himself, Michael Madsen!

The Fatty McGoo award is given to those select few who forgo the Hollywood lifestyle of binge-and-purge/lemon skin diet/liposuction and decide instead to age like a normal human being.

These Awards are in no way a call to diet!
We love our Fatty McGoos!

Previous winners include: Marlon Brando, Lex Luthor, and Val Kilmer!

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR A NEW MCGOO!

Friday Favorite

2008-06-27T08:36:00.009-04:00

FRAN REPORTS:

You people are witnessing history here...the first Friday Favorite! I don't know about the rest of you, but I ALWAYS have a quote or a scene from a movie stuck in my head so with that in mind, every Friday be prepared to be enlightened by Tyler Durden, Don Corleone, Lefty, Jigsaw, Col. Nathan Jessup, Rusty Ryan, William Wallace, Jack Skelington, Splendini, Patrick Bateman, and many more. So without further ado, here is, as always, the good, the bad, and the ugly...Friday Favorite.

Ed Wood: Why if I had half a chance, I could make an entire movie using this stock footage. The story opens on these mysterious explosions. Nobody knows what's causing them, but it's upsetting all the buffalo. So, the military are called in to solve the mystery.

Editor on Studio Lot: You forgot the octopus.

Ed Wood: No, no. I'm saving that for my big underwater climax.

Ed Wood (1994)

Directed by: Tim Burton

Starring: Johnny Depp, Bill Murray, Sarah Jessica Parker, Martin Landau

The movie Ed Wood, is quite simply about the worst director to ever even consider making movies. This film highlights Ed Wood and his friends in a hilarious protrayal of the infamous and zany director. Cinematic genius and director Tim Burton truly captures his audience, as does Johnny Depp in this unforgettably witty film. The lines will be in your head for weeks!

I just got a new HDTV. . .

2008-06-26T14:37:00.003-04:00

Must... Stop... Watching...

What happened to history?

2008-06-25T09:00:00.004-04:00

MANNY REPORTS:
I was watching Dogfights on the history channel the other night, and was disturbed to see the channel I used to go to to relax from the mania of normal TV, be presenting a show depicting a historical air battle, much like other channels would present a show about how kick-ass the new modern weapons are. The first time they tell you something it is almost understandable through the rock music, but after a commercial break, they take the next five minutes to reset and re-tell you everything they already covered! All with the rock music in the background! Also, when they talk about a some plane shooting down another plane, instead of saying something like "the enemy plane was shot down", or "...which disabled the Zero...", they say "he blew him out of the sky!" All in all, they ruined the format of what was a great show just cater to a dumber audience, which is sad for those of us who have an attention span long enough to listen and comprehend what we are hearing.

But if your not like me, and liked the show, you can go play the game! It's everything the show should be!

I guess I'll go watch Modern Marvels... what is the new one about? Something about tooth picks? What's that? They ruined that too? Oh...

A Man after my own Heart

2008-06-24T16:33:00.006-04:00

BERNERD REPORTS:
I know we're usually strictly film here at Rogue, but this artist really caught my ear and moved my soul, and since he will probably be filling out a lot of film scores soon, we might as well be the first to praise his ability! If you think about it, what are songs if not stories? And that's what we truly are about here - stories.

His name is Peter Conway. His first singles were released on the 23rd and believe me, it's worth the 5 bucks. Peter first got me with his song "Chains" (and when I say 'got me' I mean tears), and I've been a fan ever since. The only other artist I have ever heard reach such emotional levels would be Peter Gabriel with "Mercy Street". It speaks to your soul in a way that only music can.

You can get a taste for Peter Conway at his myspace, and then proceed right to the checkout. His songs are available on iTunes if you are in the UK, but for us Americans he is available at Bleep.com, where you will also find a free song called "Long Road".

Enjoy. This music deals with the modern plight of the 'self under-siege' and love and pain and all those things you can't get from a Miley Cyrus album.

"Hardy f*@kin' har. . ."

2008-06-23T11:02:00.011-04:00

BERNERD REPORTS:
Anyone who's truly "into" independent film, will no doubt, at some point in their lives, go through a Tarantino-thing. I am here to say: please people, it's not necessary.

I was a big Tarantino nerd (and trust me, a nerd is all you'll ever be). I watched the movies religiously. I raved about the cinematography, the revolutionary material, the 'he changed the face of film' bull-crap, but, at some point, you wake up to the fact that the man being hailed as the 'new king of cool', is nothing but a sleazy film nerd who doesn't seem to own a shower.

The first thing you must realize when trying to cure Tarantinitis is that every scene you enjoyed is at it's core a rip-off of some B-movie little Quentin watched as a kid, or at his job at the video store years later. Kill Bill Vol. 1 was nothing more than an "ode" to Samurai movies, and Vol. 2 to the Spaghetti Westerns and other B-Westerns of his time. Samuel L. Jackson went so far as to say working with Quentin is nothing more than hearing old movies explained and pieced together - I don't remember his exact words, but it was something like: "You'll go from that shot in For a Few Dollars More where he picks up the watch, walking into a Bonnie and Clyde death in slow-motion thing".

My main problem with Tarantino is that, however talented he may be, he chooses to degrade the human being into such a slush of filth that at some point you have to stand back and say: "What the hell am I watching?". Is this cool? Or is this some disgusting guy who's made a living filming his own fetishes? You start to feel like you're spying on a guy in his basement, piecing together the very best violence for himself.

Quentin will always be the ugly step-sister of Inde-Film, but take it from a post-Tarantinite, just leave it alone. It's not a world you want to enter, no matter how many people tell you it's cool. I mean, just look at the guy who created it, and you tell me if it's cool or not...

BONUS FEATURE:
For those who can't stand it, and feel they must have the Tarantino lingo down in order to circulate at film parties, or to fit in with that 'cool guy' that quotes Pulp Fiction non-stop, here you go.

THE ALL-ACCESS TARANTINO KNOW-IT-ALL HANDBOOK
AKA: THE TARANTINO CONVERSATION GENERATOR
(decoder ring not included)

RESERVOIR DOGS: "Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?"
The Endless Dialoge. Oh, what genius! He shows us the truth about bad guys! Like Quentin says "Villians don't just sit around sharping their bullets", oh no, they sit around and talk about old Madonna songs.
Mr. Pink doesn't tip. This should be brought up at any restaurant setting. If someone else brings this up, be sure to slam them by saying "Nevermind what you normally do." This will hail you as the best Taraninite at the table.
They Walk in Slow-Motion. This, along with any other Tarantino opening, is to be remarked upon as being the best opening to any movie ever - of which, the Reservoir Dogs opening is the coolest.
The Choppy Time: This, like all of Tarantino's better known films, is not a linear story. It jumps forward and backward with title-screens and clever names, giving us 'insight' into the ending we see at the beginning. This is by far the most revolutionary and clever thing Tarantino has blessed the film community with. Though any film that in any way doesn't run linearly is a giant rip-off and should be shunned and mocked immediately by those who know 'the truth'.
The Mr. Blonde Torture Scene. Tarantino is to be hailed as the father of torture on television and film (thanks a lot) and this scene is sure to go down in history as one of the greatest ever filmed. Mr. Blonde cuts off a cop's ear and talks into, generating howls of laughter from any true Tarantino fan.
They all Die. Yep. Everyone, of course, except Mr. Pink, who gets away with the diamonds. The rest of the boys shoot each other at the same time in a big over-the-top ending. Freddy confesses to being a cop and Mr. White shoots him just as the police break down the door. Yay! No one lived! How awesome!

PULP FICTION:
Hamburger Jokes: Again, bad guys don't talk about bad guy things, they talk about what Hamburgers are called in different countries. When eating a hamburger, be sure to say "Roy-el with Cheese" to spark lots of awed looks from Tarantino fans around the restaurant. You are so cool.
Samuel L. is a god! In no way is Tarantino's portrayal of a black man allowed to be looked at as racist - even if he does have a wallet that says "bad mother fucker" on it and talks a lot about religion. Samuel L. Jackson is the coolest cool person ever to walk the face of the earth, and memorizing his bible speech is a jewel in the crown of any Tarantino fan.
Twist Contest. Yeah, Travolta dances. What a shocker...
The Adrenaline Shot. This scene never ceases to be suspenseful and brilliant to a true Tarantinite. The arguing is also 'very realistic', as is the camera shot peering in through a crack in the door as Eric Stoltz searches for his booklet on 'how to give adrenaline shots to druggies'. You may feel the need to yell "Get the shot!" whenever anyone is looking for anything, or if you are simply bored.
Gay Sex. Enough said.
The Cleaner. Harvey is back, and he's here to talk Tarantino into letting him use his bedsheets. How riveting can it get?
Funny Names. Be sure to recognize "Lemon Pie" and "Pumpkin". Isn't he brilliant?
Cool Exit. Although Travolta dies during the course of the movie, we still get to see him and Samuel L. walk out of the diner to that cool surfer music in those hilarious clothes. Could life get better?

KILL BILL.
All you need to know about Kill Bill I already stated. They are the best fan videos ever made, at the cost of a whopping 60 million dollars! Bravo, Quentin, Bravo.