Rolling on the Fbomb Floor Laughing

Drew Carey

2011-12-20T12:28:00.000-08:00

My brother in law always gets stopped and asked for his autograph. We finally figured out why.

christmas humor

2011-12-09T07:07:00.000-08:00

my holiday decorations...

Who Needs the Elf on the Shelf?

2011-12-02T05:04:00.000-08:00

Looking for the Perfect Holiday Gift? Ebay has just what you need for this holiday season.

2011-12-01T07:19:00.000-08:00

Nothing says I love you like a set of soft, furry, cuddly.....

Kangaroo Balls. For only $39.99, you can buy this gift for your spouse, your boss, or even your child's teacher. With the keychain attached, it is easy to play with the furry balls, even while driving. Get your own balls out of your wife's purse and give her a set of her own.

Made out of vinyl, upholstery and fake fur, this next gift will match almost any outfit.

Described as a "sexy tote bag", this cool gift can be yours for only $45 and you'll now be one of the cool kids with your very own original tote bag. We're sitting here thinking that this might just be a perfect gift for the grandma in your life who has everything. She might use it as a potholder or a toilet paper holder, but it is the thought that counts.

If you don't like the first bag, this one is also available:

If you have a little one in your life who loves stuffed animals....

Well, aren't these just adorable?

So cute and so lifelike, your child will love to play with these soft little birdies for hours. Oh, wait, they ARE real. Described as "from farm raised, (captive bred) 'which' natural death." Sure, five little ducklings, healthy as can be all died at the same time at the same time. So this one isn't very funny, it's just kind of sick.

On a lighter note, here's an affordable gift. We're thinking secret santa?

For only .99 cents, probably one of the best bargains on Ebay today. We can't imagine how someone was creative enough to come up with the bright idea. For the next time the power goes out and you can't find a flashlight.

Sorry, couldn't resist. This seller has another gem for sale:

We can only imagine the conversations going on in their house. "Honey, where are all my clothespins?", "I'm going to make us a mint, shhh".

For the one in your life that is always telling jokes, this gift could be just the one.

At a price of $7 and $4.95 for economy shipping, some fake traffic tickets will keep a practical joker busy for hours. We think they would be better the payment address on the tickets could be personalized (why not make a few hundred bucks in the process?)

Breakfast cereal isn't just for breakfast anymore. Meet Wilbur, the authentic Kellogg's cornflake.

With free express shipping, this official piece of Kellogg's cereal is available for $499. You've read it right, only four hundred and ninety nine dollars. A bargain for the Kellogg's cereal lover. The seller has even named this "pig" Wilbur. We're wondering how he ever came up with such a unique name for a pig.

So, there you go. Forget Oprah and all her favorite things list. Here's our favorite gift giving ideas straight from the auctions at Ebay. Happy Bidding!

Dear Mom

2011-11-03T03:46:00.001-07:00

Humor: What babies think about.

2011-11-03T03:40:00.000-07:00

Humor: Motivational Poster

2011-11-03T03:35:00.000-07:00

Even My Toothbrush is Electric

2011-11-01T18:07:00.000-07:00

I love power. Not power, I’m stronger than you power, but power, as in electrical power.

Power heats my home. It allows me to take hot showers. It prevents me from bumping into things in the wee hours of the night. Power gives me the ability to play all day on my computer and interact with friends on Facebook. Power, I realized, plays a part in almost every single thing that I do in a day.

At first, losing power can be kind of an adventure. Sure, let’s snuggle under the covers and hope that the electricity is restored by morning. Of course we’ll have power in the morning. We never lose power for more than a few hours, even in the worst of storms. The electric company is working through the night. It’s October, the storm can’t be that bad.

I woke up to no power like many, many New Englanders on October 30, 2011. About 8 inches of snow on the ground, sunny, blue skies, and trees all over the place. Hmmmm. I needed coffee before even contemplating anything else.

Oh, that’s right. The coffee pot is electric. But we have a stove, a gas range. I can boil water. My father tried turning it on before I got up, dying for a hot cup of coffee himself.

Dad: “I’ve been turning it off and on, but it won’t turn on.”

Me: “Dad, the starter is electric. You have to light it with a match.”

Dad: “Oh.”

Now I really needed a hot cup of coffee. I filled a teapot with water, boiled it and poured it through coffee sitting in a filter in the coffee machine. Magic. Hot, steamy coffee as if we had power in the house. Take that power, we don’t need you.

Next my wife wakes up and she has a hot cup of coffee too. She’s hopeful that the power will be on soon. I probably shouldn’t mention that when she went to make the coffee later in the day without electricity, she poured the hot water into the back of the coffee machine. I wouldn’t want to embarrass her.

I meandered through the morning, looking for extra batteries, trying to feel normal without my Facebook, television or lights and so I sat down and tried to read my on my Nook. I find my Nook precariously close to losing power and needing to be charged. I managed to finish up a good book before it died and then I plugged it into my laptop because that had power and was useless.

I tried to buy a new book so that I had something to read later. My Nook wouldn’t connect to the online store. Duh, you can’t buy Nook books without an internet connection. You do not have an internet connection without power.

Now I was starting to feel a bit annoyed. I finished off my laptop charging my cell phone so that I could look at the tiny screen and see if anyone was writing updates on Facebook and get my Facebook fix.

It looked like most of New England was in the dark, most of us writing and reading from our cell phones.

Did we really just get hit by one of the biggest October storms EVER?

Power was restored in my home 48 hours after the storm hit. Cable and internet about 12 hours after that. Things that I learned in the past 48 hours:

1. It is really hard to shower in the dark.

2. Hot food tastes better when you aren’t sure if you’re going to get any.

3. My brother in law is awesome. (and my sister too)

4. We all take roles and together, it can get done.

5. It’s impossible to pull start a generator unless you are very, very strong.

6. My wife might not make it on Survivor, but she can pay for the things we need in order to survive.

7. My daughter hogs the bed. Horribly.

8. You can take a hot “bath” with water run through a Keurig.

9. Halloween is no fun when there is snow everywhere and no lights on.

10. Even my toothbrush is electric.
My family is tougher than we know, but we are sure happier, calmer people with our power restored, our internet connection and a good movie to watch on television. Besides, we smell much better now too.

Humor: An interesting look at life.

2011-10-27T15:58:00.001-07:00

Bed Head After Party

2011-07-23T16:58:00.000-07:00

Saw this today when I went to get my haircut.

Bed Head After Party.

Either I have a really dirty mind, or ...

Walmart Humor: I Can't Believe It's Not...

2011-05-24T11:54:00.000-07:00

Lame advertising cheat from Walmart.

Humor: Timing is Everything

2011-05-22T15:22:00.000-07:00

Funny Lightening

2011-05-21T06:28:00.000-07:00

Is it really the end of the world?

A thunderstorm last night proves it.

Jobs that Are More Suitable for Sarah Palin than Running for Political Office

2010-12-21T03:24:00.000-08:00

Uh, huh, kidding. Can I have my gun back now?

Sarah Palin, 2008 Vice Presidential candidate and former governor of Alaska may be in a bit over her gun slinging, vocabularly abusing head as she plans to make a bid for office in the 2012 Presidential Election.

We've come up with a list of jobs that we believe are more suited to Sarah Palin and her talents that she has displayed in the media.

A Rodeo Clown

Run Forrest, Run.

With her ability to cause a distraction and avoid the important questions, we think that Sarah Palin would make a perfect rodeo clown. Used to getting dirty and putting on a lot of makeup, Sarah may find that this job is easier than the political circus she tries to be an intelligent member of.

A Walmart Greeter

Welcome to Walmart, How may I insult you?

Although Sarah Palin has all of her teeth, her smiling personality makes her perfect for a job as a Walmart Greeter. She might even prosper as a floater in the store, managing the sport and fishing department when she has some spare time.

"Welcome to Walmart" sounds much better in her annoying voice than "Welcome to the Whitehouse".

Clue Writer for Trivial Pursuit

Trivial Pursuit is always looking for a few good Know-It-Alls to help create further editions of their popular board game. Don't misunderestimate Sarah Palin here. She's all wee-wee'd up and will refudiate any of the naysayers.

Alaskan Tour Guide

This thing F-ing smells.

We all know that she loves Alaska, although she may have to be reminded that it is North of the 48 contiguous United States and not down by the equator. She can fish, hunt and look good in a uniform. Stay in Alaska, we say, the tourism industry needs you.

Other jobs that made our honorable mention list include a replacement for Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune, a boat anchor, A Talk Show Host, a Ballot Counter in Dade County, Florida and a Geography Teacher.

If you enjoyed this post, please share it. We are working hard and our boss only pays us in marshmallow circus peanuts until we begin to perform well.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-20T13:29:00.000-08:00

You know you might be a crazy cat lady when:

Running Out of Christmas Gift Ideas?

2010-12-16T10:36:00.000-08:00

With only a few more shopping days left until Christmas, you might find yourself running around town trying to find the right gifts for your loved ones. Look no further. The perfect gifts are available with the click of a button through Ebay. Here's a few gift ideas for your hard to please relatives.

Grandma is always wearing jewelry, right? Why not pick her out something that will match with her newest Christmas sweater and go with the green beetle brooch, available for only $25 bucks and includes free shipping.

Nothing says "I Love You Gram" like a dead, fossilized bug with a pin glued to its ass.

Next on our list is the all important teacher gift. Forget buying your child's teacher a silly, practical old gift card. Go for something unique and different like the "ghost" shell found off the coast of Cape Cod over the summer.

The seller points out that there is a hole on the top and the shell can be strung and worn like a necklace. Friends convinced him to sell the shell on Ebay because it was so interesting.

If you win the bid, total cost will be around 5 bucks and that includes expedited shipping just in time for Christmas.

Teachers love weird gifts and your child will stand out among their peers with such a thoughtful, nature inspired gift.

Not sure what to buy for your sister this year? Why not a beautiful pair of genuine moose poop earrings. Moose poop jewelry is very popular this year and this pair of earrings is on sale at a buy it now price of 10.99.

The buyer assures us that there is definitely no smell and that there is little else to do in Maine in the winter than collect moose poop and polyurethane it.

Love you, sis!

Along the same vein is another totally practical gift we found while perusing Ebay. Perfect for your boss is the "maybe it's a paperweight" solidified turtle poop. For only 16.99 plus shipping you can buy your boss a unique piece of poop that is in the shape of a poodle. How cool is that?

*Note to buyers: There is plenty of turtle poop to go around on Ebay for all those interested in buying someone a pice of poop for Christmas.

Still at a loss for what to buy your special someone?

Has your girlfriend hinted that she wants a "rock" to solidify your relationship? One seller on Ebay has just the solution for you, it's the heart shaped rock that is so beautiful and made of genuine, well, rock.

Weighing in at 12 ounces, and about four inches tall, this rock can be yours for only $15 at the buy it now price. With free shipping, this gift might just rock your girlfriend's world.

Christmas, it's the most wonderful time of the year, now get off of Facebook and head on over to Ebay to start shopping!

Harry Potter?

2010-12-15T19:48:00.001-08:00

Teacher reported having to convince his middle school students that this is NOT a picture of Harry Potter.

For those of you who need convincing too, it's John Lennon.

Ebay Auction: When a Buyer Backs Out

2010-12-15T13:43:00.001-08:00

From a random discussion board I frequent:

"First of all, I am not claiming to have invented this trick. I imagine others have used it with varying degrees of success. I also want to point out that nothing here is embellished or exaggerated.

I had tickets to a sporting event and couldn't attend. I made a 1-day listing and clearly stated that the tickets must be picked up in person within 24 hours (the game was the evening after the auction ended, so there wasn't any time to ship the tickets). A woman won the auction for about $600. The auction had ended at 10:00am and by 5:00pm she still hadn't responded to my emails trying to organize the exchange. Finally, at 9:30pm, I got a one-liner email: "I overbid and my husband won't let me buy these. Sorry and enjoy the game! :)"

I first tried explaining that I wouldn't have the time to resell the tickets (I already got turned down by the losing bidders). She said, "... that's not my problem. It's eBay, not a car dealership. I can back out if I want." I still don't understand the car dealership reference.

I was pretty upset. I was basically going to be stuck with tickets to an event that I couldn't attend. That's when I got the idea to convince her to change her mind.

I created a new eBay account, "Payback" we'll call it, and sent her a message: "Hi there, I noticed you won an auction for 4 [sporting event] tickets. I meant to bid on these but couldn't get to a computer. I wanted to take my son and dad and would be willing to give you $1,000 for the tickets. I imagine that you've already made plans to attend, but I figured it was worth a shot."

At 11:30pm she responded to Payback: "I'll do it for $1,100, no less. I can meet you at the game if you agree. I need your phone number."

At 11:35pm, Payback wrote: "Deal. Here is my number..." (Thanks Google Voice for the throwaway number). She called a few minutes later and made Payback "promise" to go through with the deal. She emphasized that she'd be out a lot of money if Payback backed out. Payback swore he would never do such a thing.

At 11:45pm, the woman emailed me: "Fine. I'll buy them. But you have to drop them off at my house tonight. I'll have the cash ready." So at fucking midnight I drove to her house across town and met her on the road in front of her apartment building. She was a nasty and rude individual. Things didn't get any better when I told her I wanted an extra $20 for the trouble of driving there at midnight (yeah, pushing my luck, I know). It became very awkward and she literally threw 31 $20 bills at me. I counted them before handing over the tickets. I said, "thanks for the great transaction" as she flipped me off while walking away.

At 10:00am she called Payback to make sure they were still on for the exchange. Payback said that he could no longer go to the game and wouldn't be able to do the exchange. She blew her fucking top and I swear to god started speaking in tongues. Payback said, "Ma'am, this is eBay, not a car dealership" and hung up.

I got a rabid email 10 minutes later telling me that I was going to hell and that she's reported me to the local police, FBI, and... the fire department. WTF?

I never heard another word from her. I have no idea if she went to the game or not.

Was this wrong?

EDIT: The Rabid Email

"Fuxking funny fucker! You know you can go to JAIL for this. YOu theef!!!!! [City] cops FBI fire and government already no. Your done. I got your number and your name. This is thefting property FUCKER!!! Give my $620 back or everything bad wiil happen - FUCK!!!!! You cant steal and get away. Refund me now or else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You dpnt want a lawsuit. Trust me. u dont. You can have tickets jut give my my money and be done."

That's the bulk of the email, word for word. There was more at the end too. She must have pressed 'enter' 30 times and wrote "FUCK" and the another 30 times and wrote "HELL". Then she wrote her name which was strange. "

A Collection of Redneck Christmas Trees

2010-12-15T04:46:00.001-08:00

Understated Christmas Decorations

2010-12-14T14:13:00.001-08:00

Follow the Leader

2010-12-14T13:29:00.001-08:00

Humor: Irony

2010-12-06T13:09:00.001-08:00

Funny Mermaid Costume

2010-08-01T05:13:00.000-07:00

Uhhhh, dad?

Funny Dog: Getting Ready to Shake

2010-07-22T06:21:00.001-07:00

Funny: Cute Squirrel

2010-07-11T17:57:00.000-07:00