Roman Makes 10 | Journaling the Journey

noreply@blogger.com (Jill Butt) — Wed, 20 Jun 2012 05:50:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Jill Butt) — Wed, 20 Jun 2012 05:25:00 +0000

Thy Will Be Done

I was just informed that we will not be hosting Roman after all - he will not being coming to stay with us for five weeks - he will be going to another family, if another family takes him. The reasons aren't important. The Lord knows what He is doing, and He knew that He could trust my parents with these recent miracles and trials. I don't understand His purpose, but I will trust it. I've lost a brother, but maybe he wasn't mine in the first place. His expenses are now paid for, so whoever does choose to host him will not have to pay anything to put him on hold and fly him over. I hope that they will recognize the miracle in that.
I ask each of you with all of my heart to pray for my family. Please pray that we will be able to accept this faithfully, and that we will endure this pain and trial. I know that the Lord does know what He is doing, and through tribulation comes blessings.
And please, pray for dear Roman. Pray that he will be brought to the family the Lord has prepared for him. This is his last chance at adoption. He needs a family.
Thank you to all of you who helped us during this process. I thank you for your prayers, faith, support, and love. May God bless you.
I know that the Lord loves His children. He knows what is best for us, and He guides and strengthens us. He will not forsake us. Trust in Him, and He will direct your paths. Faithfully submit to His will, not matter what the cost and sacrifice, and He will bless you. Something may seem bad, but through the grace and mercy of God, it can be a blessing and a miracle. The Lord is in control, and He is refining us for Exaltation. I know this to be true, and I testify of these things in the name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Tuesday, June 19th, 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Jill Butt) — Tue, 19 Jun 2012 22:57:00 +0000

Thank you, thank you, thank you

This morning I was up and ready for the day before all/many of the younger……..

I was just interrupted as I received a phone call from New Horizons for Children. I’m going to go ahead and write what I was writing when the phone rang and then I will share the news I received during the call.

................This morning I was up and ready before many of the younger children. I had time to pray, read my scriptures, and check my emails. When I pulled up my emails there was one from a lady at New Horizons letting me know that some donations had been received last night and that all the money needed was there plus some to spare. I had another email from one of Michael's cousins asking if we already had Romans scriptures, if not she’d like to buy them. I was in awe. Truly, the Lord knows Roman and is providing for him. It’s so beautiful to see His great love for this young son of his.

I’m just not able to write about all the things that fell into place this morning at this point. So, I’ll just get to the phone call. It was the director of New Horizons. She told me she had some bad news. Because of our personal situation (which through much prayer and protesting, yet seeking the Lords will I have shared openly) we have been denied the opportunity of hosting Roman.

With time hopefully the Lord will answer my questions and the questions that many others will have. My faith continues to be tried and tested. I will stay strong as I have built upon a solid foundation. I love my Lord and Savior. We will continue forward. I asked about Roman and what will happen now, I was told that because they will find him another family – all the expenses are already paid.

I will continue to pray for each of you that are hosting and working through the adoption process. May God bless each of you.

The Pure Love of Christ

noreply@blogger.com (shaylee ann) — Mon, 04 Jun 2012 03:13:00 +0000

(If you're a crier, you might want to grab a box of tissues. I'm sobbing, and I have barely begun writing.)
I wrote a post just earlier on my personal blog about the connection between love and the Commandments of God. Near the conclusion of that post, I talked about charity, the Pure Love of Christ. Not long after writing that post, I was blessed to experience the Pure Love of Christ first-hand. As I write that experience, I wish to thank my Angel for her kind and tender love. You know who you are. :)
This person will remain anonymous, as I feel it best to let her keep her alms secret. Suffice it to say that I do not really know this person. She is a friend of my mother's, and I knew her daughter when I was in Laurels. Since I started going to the Single's Ward, nine months ago, I've only seen her a couple times. But she knows me, somehow, and today she gave me the gift of a true friend.
As mentioned by my mother in her most recent update post, I was planning on selling a doll that had been given to me after my Grandmother died (from her). This doll was special to me because of the fact that it was my Grandma Bonnie's. That is about the only sentimental value it held though. I held it at her home when I was just tiny (I don't remember that, but my parents do). It has been stored in a container in storage for years and years. I don't remember my Grandma very well, but I am still very close to her. She is my Angel in Heaven, and she has been with me through every trial of my life since she passed away. I asked her if she would be okay with me selling my doll, if she would understand. I felt strongly that she approved. After all, it is only temporal, and a new member to our eternal family is the priority here. He will be her grandson, so of course she would be fine with me selling my baby doll. (I like to think of my doll as Grandma's contribution here on earth.) Well, I found out from my mother that a friend of her's wanted to talk to me about my doll. I went up to this friend's home and talked to her briefly. I explained a bit more what I was doing, and told her about the doll. She told me that she would like to purchase it for $100, and I accepted her offer. She handed me the bill, and then said in the sweetest tone, "Now, I want you to do me a favor." I nodded. "I want you to keep her for me." I wept. (Goodness, I can hardly see my computer screen . . . I'm crying to hard now.) She embraced me, and when I pulled away there were tears in her eyes. She told me that this was my doll, and that I had now sold it. I placed the hundred dollars in the box storing my doll, and closed it. Brothers and sisters, that is the Pure Love of Christ. Because of such a selfless act, we are that much closer to making it possible for my brother in Ukraine to come stay with us for five weeks, to be able to purchase the things that he will need, and to ultimately bring him home for good when the time comes. My Angel on earth, I don't know if you will ever understand how much your kindness means to me. I will never forget what you did. You have given Meagan Rose a greater value to me. She can now be found on my Shelf of Sentiments, right where I can see her every day, and there she will remain. And when my little girls hold her so tenderly, I will tell them of my Angel, and of the miracles and love of their Father.
I can't thank you enough, dear sister.

A HUGE "THANK YOU!!!"

noreply@blogger.com (shaylee ann) — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 23:52:00 +0000

. . . to our Ockey grandparents in Montana! They were incredibly kind and supportive and donated $100.00 towards Roman's Adoption.

THANK YOU, grandma and grandpa!!!!

Shaylee

Update: May 31, 2012

noreply@blogger.com (shaylee ann) — Thu, 31 May 2012 21:38:00 +0000

We’ve recieved Roman’s flight information. He’ll be flying into SLC very late on June 28^th,and he’ll leave here on the 1^st of August. I also just called to find out how much more Roman’s add on fee will be. All the kids are flying into JFK airport and from there Roman will be flying into SLC. That flight and the chaperone fee will cost another $400. This is a little more than we expected yet it’s much better than picking him up at the JFK airport.

I was talking with a good friend the other day, we ran into each other at the park. As we were talking, she said that it’s like we’re expecting again. I agree! My pregnancy with our last child was very difficult. Not just physically, but it was also very trying on our marriage. I know I said those words, the ones that should ever be said, “I’ll never do this again.” Well, here we are doing it again. Only this time we know, or at least we’re planning, on getting a boy. A fifteen year boy who speaks Russian. Thank heavens I don’t have to go through the physical part of being pregnant and giving birth. But there are many other things that are already concerning me. When the time comes, Michael and I will need to go to Ukraine. As I’ve been watching other families that are going through this process I’m seeing that at least one parent is needing to stay in Ukraine for at least a month.

Jill

Journal Entry #12: May 21, 2012

noreply@blogger.com (shaylee ann) — Mon, 21 May 2012 22:03:00 +0000

Friday morning I talked with a lady at Wasatch International Adoption

Agency. We need to have $1200 for the home study and $250 for the

follow-up home visit paid in full before we can begin the process.

They went ahead and sent me the forms necessary for the application

process and I got them mostly filled out yesterday.

I fasted today for guidance and increased faith. I believe that that

the Lord hears and answers our prayers. I know this whole hosting and

adopting is the Lords will. What I was lacking faith in is my strength

and ability to raise the means necessary for this adoption. Yes, I

recognize that I don’t have to do it, but I do have to do my part.

What exactly is my part? How much can I give without neglecting the

children at home? Just what am I expected to do and how am I to work

that in to my day? Somewhere within me I believe that things will work

out, much like they did for hosting, and the means will be provided.

Then, I wonder if that’s just me not wanting to do anything and just

expecting it to happen. Then, upon more thought I know that I’ll do

all that is required of me. I know how to do hard things. I’m up to

the task. I’m willing to go where the Lord wants me to go, be what He

wants me to be, and I’ll do whatever He wants me to do. I pray for

strength and guidance. I’m also learning a lot about asking. I’m sure,

as has been the case so many times before, that the time will come

when I’ll look back and see the growth within myself and family. I am

thankful to be on this great journey. Really, I am. Those who really

know me well know that I love change and I desire to learn to move

mountains. I think this is a pretty big mountain. I’ve asked the Lord

to guide and provide $1450 this week so that we can get started on the

home study. Do you believe in miracles? I do!

Jill

Journal Entry #11: May 17, 2012

noreply@blogger.com (shaylee ann) — Thu, 17 May 2012 22:01:00 +0000

I’ve wrapped all the “paperwork” for hosting. (It’s kind of funny

using the term paperwork when mostly everything was done and sent by

email). I’ve also been led to who I think we'll do our home study

through. I’ll call the agency in the morning, as I reached them after

hours today. I hope to set a time for our initial appointment so that

we can get going on this part of the process. It looks as though it

will cost around $1,200 for the home study. At this moment, we don’t

have one cent of that. I’m excited to see how the windows of heaven

will open and us have this money within the next week. Yes, I really

do believe that it will happen. No, I’m not fearful in the least. I am

very excited for yet another experience to see the Lords hand at work.

I know that our Savior lives! He loves each of us. I seeing just how

true this really is as I see miracles happening for these dear

children who are living in orphanages half way around the world.

Yesterday, I talked with Brenda and as we talked I witnessed prayers

being answered. Many of these children have parents who are and will

continue to do those things that are best for them and yet, these

parents have yet to see and hold these children.

Michael and I have nine biological children. I carried each of these

babies in my womb, thought about, prayed and prepared daily for their

arrival. I am fast learning that it makes no difference as to how our

children come. I love each of them and I hope they each know that they

are my favorite. The kids and I were talking about this yesterday. I

asked, “Who’s my favorite?” They all got it right. Each one answered

either vocally or by pointing. The answer was and always will be,

“Me!”

I am very grateful for those who were so gracious and gave of their

means so that we could host Roman. May God bless you. I will be

eternally grateful for you. I hope that someday I’ll have the

opportunity to know each of you and thank you personally.

Jill

Journal Entry #9: May 01, 2012

noreply@blogger.com (shaylee ann) — Tue, 01 May 2012 21:57:00 +0000

I hadn’t been home for more than ten minutes this afternoon, when

there was a knock on the door. A friend handed me an envelope, stating

that she would have liked it to be anonymous and wished it could have

been more. She said that as her and her husband had been reading the

scriptures and praying they felt they needed do what they could to

help out. Want to take a guess as to how much it was? Of course, it

was three hundred dollars.

Roman's trip is paid for. Thank you, each of you who are making this

trip possible. May God bless you.

Jill

Journal Entry #7: April 27, 2012

noreply@blogger.com (shaylee ann) — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 21:52:00 +0000

I called a family council this afternoon. I desired to know how each

of the children feels about this. Are they each on board, or not? I

know that if we are to go forward with this there will be great trials

and sacrifices. Our children are amazing. Shaylee told me she has $400

that she’s been saving to buy a car and that we can use that money.

Carson stated that he had talked with his boss’s wife and asked if it

was possible for them to cut his check a few days early. When I asked

him why, he said he needed it for Roman. Mikelyn told me yesterday

that we could use her savings also. Our children are truly learning to

choose those things that are best. I’m grateful and honored to be

their mother. As a family, we committed to do whatever is required on

our part to bring Roman here and give him the opportunity and

privilege of knowing God and being part of a family.

Roman, we each love you.

I called New Horizons for Children and talked with the lady of

finances this afternoon. She told me to finish up the application, get

to work fundraising and not worry about sending that money today. We

do have to have the balance in by June 1st. We’ve got to raise around

$2500. Time for me to get to work!

I’ve finished and submitted the application.

Jill

Journal Entry #6: April 26, 2012

noreply@blogger.com (shaylee ann) — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 21:49:00 +0000

Today I am fasting for Roman. I love this young man so much. I don’t

know how the Lord will provide the money necessary for us to go

forward with hosting Roman, but I know that the Lord loves him and

will put things in order. A couple of times today I would be thinking

about the financial end of things and begin crying. Each time, within

twenty-five seconds a great peace filled my heart.

Jill

Journal Entry #5: April 25, 2012

noreply@blogger.com (shaylee ann) — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 21:46:00 +0000

Yesterday, after Roman was put on “hold”, I began having many, many

thoughts. One of those was that while he’s here Carson and Mikelyn

will be going to youth conference. This year our stake is going on a

trek. I began thinking that maybe Roman would like to go. This would

give him some time with Carson, as Carson will be working at scout

camp each of the other weeks that he’s here. This morning as the kids

and I were having devotional I mentioned this thought. As I did I felt

very strongly, that the Lord desires for Roman to be on that trek. As

I write this, I once again feel that strong impression.

Today I began the online application. It’s almost done. As I began it,

I was soon feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, and I started crying. I’m

sure there will be many, many more tears through this process. Years

ago, Michael and I committed to never go in debt again. We have been

greatly blessed these past nine months, as our income has been very

limited. The only income we’ve had is $1000 a month for the past seven

months. Our savings has stretched this far. At this moment,

considering the price of silver, we have just enough in savings to pay

off this month’s expenses on the VISA and line of credit. We will pay

that off today or tomorrow as we’ve committed to do. I continue to

pray and I’m fasting for a financial miracle. We need to have at least

$550 sent in to New Horizons for children by Friday afternoon. As I

prayed about this again this evening, I feel the Lord knows our

situation and that as we do all we can on our part then he’ll make up

the rest. He loves Roman and will provide a way for him to become part of an
eternal family. I look forward to seeing the Lord open the windows of
heaven and allowing us to continue this process.

Jill

Journal Entry #4: April 22, 2012

noreply@blogger.com (shaylee ann) — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 21:45:00 +0000

Michael had a difficult weekend and so I waited until this evening to

share with him the feelings I was having. After family scripture

reading this evening I reminded the kids of the dream I had a few

weeks ago about adopting and shared some of the thoughts and

impressions I’ve had in the past several days. I told Michael that if

we are to go forward with this that I don’t want to be the one to pick

which child we host. I desire that Michael and each of the children

seek guidance, direction and assurance for themselves, as this must be

a family decision. Michael and several of the kids came in to look at

the pictures. With each child’s picture is also a little information

about them. As they were just going through Michael and several of the

kids felt strongly about a young man named Roman. When I saw his

picture and read about him, I felt that I needed to pray and seek the

Lord’s guidance concerning Roman.

Jill

Journal Entry #3: April 20, 2012

noreply@blogger.com (shaylee ann) — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 21:41:00 +0000

This morning I wasn’t feeling very well. I wasn’t really sick, just

tired and not well. I made a few arrangements with picking up Bryson

from his Key of Liberty class and decided to just spend the day at

home. Later in the afternoon, I took some time to check my emails. I

had an email from Brenda Bennion through the Wasatch Web reading,

“Orphan hosting... again.” As I read her post, advocating for a few

really precious kids, my heart was again touched. In her post, Brenda

stated that these children were from Eastern Europe. I needed to know

if they were from Ukraine. I had many questions and I needed someone

to share my thoughts, feeling and fears with. I called Brenda and I

think we talked for nearly two hours. At first, I was in tears,

fighting the strong impressions the Lord was sending me; then, as we

talked, my heart was filled with an immense peace and comfort. As we

talked, I knew I was feeling the Lord’s guidance, and that He would

guide us, and, if we were willing to do His work, we would be blessed

and see the windows of heaven opened. I keep feeling the Lord’s great

love and concern for each and every one of His children. There is an

orphan (actually, all of them) who the Lord loves just as much as He

loves me and my children. Am I willing to do my part to give this

child, who I haven’t yet met, the opportunity to know God and be part

of an eternal family? I am!

Jill

Journal Entry #2: April 17, 2012

noreply@blogger.com (shaylee ann) — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 21:38:00 +0000

This evening after the kids were down for bed my hands began itching.

I was scratching them and the itching only got worse. After a few

minutes, I thought to do cross crawls and tapping. As I was tapping,

doing eye movements and stating, “I love myself, I like myself, I

accept myself”, I was overcome with emotion and began crying. Michael

asked me what was going on. I could hardly talk and at that moment

didn’t have any idea as to why I was crying. I was feeling great pain,

sorrow and sadness. After a few minutes, I realized that these

feelings were for a child who we were yet to come meet and adopt. This

was a very interesting experience. The couple who are adopting the boy

that we hosted last summer had been in the Ukraine working on the

adoption of their two kids. At first, I wondered if I was feeling some

of their emotions, but within moments knew these feeling were mine and

were for a child of mine who is not with us.

Jill

Journal Entry #1: April 1, 2012

noreply@blogger.com (shaylee ann) — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 21:29:00 +0000

A beautiful talk was given yesterday in General Conference, How to Obtain

Revelation and Inspiration for Your Personal Life, by Richard G. Scott.

He talked about those early morning dreams. Then this morning I had a

very interesting dream. In this dream, I felt that we were to go

forward with adopting a little girl. I was expressing my great

concerns with our Father in Heaven and justifying all the reasons we

couldn’t/shouldn’t adopt a child. I reminded Him that we didn’t have

the money to go forward with an adoption. We don’t even know how we’re

going to make it financially through the month. He knew our financial

situation better than anyone! I felt His sweet tender response, “And?

That’s not a problem.” Then I continued, “And, our home is not large

enough.” Again I felt His response was, “And? That’s not a problem.”

My next question was about the language. How do we adopt a child when

we don’t even speak the same language. This time I felt great peace

and that His answer to me was, “Sweetheart, you’re all my children; I

love each of you. I’ll take care of all these little details. Are you

willing to do your part?” I felt great peace and excitement throughout

the day. I will go forward with faith.

Jill

Preface

noreply@blogger.com (shaylee ann) — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 21:23:00 +0000

Somewhere deep in my heart I’ve felt for a long time that we’d go

through the beautiful yet challenging adoption journey. Yet, over the

years, we’ve been blessed with beautiful biological babies. Our first

four were born within the first seven years of our marriage. Then for

a time I thought we were done. During this time, we lived in Las Vegas

and had a very special young girl, Lindy, spend a lot of time with us.

When Lindy was with us I thought of her as one of our own. Then when

our baby Bryson was four years old I had a dream and saw a beautiful

little girl. We knew her name was to be Lydia. I was pregnant within a

very short time and we were very surprised to find out that it was not Lydia

that was joining our family at that time, it was our dear, sweet

Daniel. Nearly two years later, darling twin boys, Tayor and Davis,

joined our family. Another eighteen months passed by and I was once

again expecting. This one was not to join us here on earth and I

hemorrhaged with that one around thirteen to fourteen weeks. Then only

eleven months later I gave birth to our little Lydia. Our little

family of ten felt complete. Well at least for nine months. Then

through another beautiful experience, we knew there was another

precious spirit desiring to be part of our family. Emma joined us

towards the end of 2010.

Early last July our dear Mikelyn came to me and told me of a beautiful

dream she had had. She shared with me that we adopted a young girl and boy. If

I recall my comment was something along this line, “Well, that’s nice.

I don’t think so. We’ve got five kids six and under.” Even though

that’s how I replied I knew Mikelyn had felt something, and she felt

it strong. A couple of weeks later as I was going through our emails

there was one asking for families to host orphans from Ukraine. Without

going into all the details it will suffice to state that we ended up

host a young boy for one week, fell in love with him and sought to

adopt him. He had stayed with a wonderful family the week before he

stayed with us, and they also felt to go forward with adopting him. He

chose the first family and they are hoping to have him and his

younger sister's adoption finalized very soon. I wondered why we went

through this experience. I remember the gentleman we were working with

state that maybe this was to prepare us for another child at another

time. My thought was, “There is no way I’ll ever do this again! I’ve

already got my hands full with nine children and homeschooling.”

Never say never!

Jill