How to meet, greet, and get along with members of the opposite sex is an eternal conundrum for so many otherwise well-meaning and intelligent people who seem to have no clue as to how to behave and what to talk about on a first date; dealing with the pitfalls of ‘love triangle’ relationships; ending a relationship with grace, style and dignity; and all the other elements that can sabotage a romance in this day and age. That’s why Katharine Miller’s The Curable Romantic: Advice For The Romance-Impaired, an impressive, practical, and ‘user friendly’ compilation of informed and informative essays on love and relationships is such a welcome instructional for anyone seeking help in figuring out who they should date, how they should conduct a proper (and effective) courtship, and everything else from the use of pet names to dealing with keepsakes after a breakup. Thoughtful, thought-provoking, and written with a distinctly humorous flair, The Curable Romantic is very highly recommended reading for the ‘romance challenged’.

The Curable Romantic is a short collection full of humorous essays and illustrations focused on the challenges one encounters in matters of the heart. Each of the 25 essays explores a different aspect of relationships, from falling in love to calling it quits.

Katharine Miller, the author of the collection, is not a sex expert, doctor of human behavior, or famous advice columnist. Drawing on inspiration from real life dating experiences, Miller provides new insight into romantic behavior and shares some possible solutions and tips for successful relationships.

When you need a fresh perspective on relationships and have grown tired of the Men are from Mars and Just Not that into You self-help selections, pick up The Curable Romantic.

Get a free preview of the book online now!

In the spirit of Stephen Covey and his highly effective habits I have found seven common bad habits of couples and maybe a few suggestions on how to repair and salvage your floundering goldfish… er, relationship.

1. Getting too close, too quick. Whirlwind romances, no matter how magical they seem, don’t always have those fairytale endings. The old “commit first, ask questions later” may have serious repercussions. If a man (men being non-committal by nature) is anxious to get into a binding relationship with you after a week, he could be running from something. Trade your romanticisms for cynicism and discover his dark secrets. If it’s really love, elopement can wait a week or until those police reports come back.

Seriously, jumping into the deep end of a romance too soon could lead to the drowning of sorrows later. Slow down and take the time to reveal annoying habits and psychotic tendencies before making major decisions. Speed dating may be all the rage these days, but like the song says, you can’t hurry love. Give yourself a little breathing room or at least sleep on your side of the bed.

2. Dishonesty. We’re all guilty of a few little white lies. There’s no harm in hiding prematurely gray hair or fibbing about that few extra pounds, right? Sure, if they don’t have any effect on your relationship. But once you decide to spend every waking moment with someone, it‘s time to wield the truth stick. Telling a girl in a bar that you’re a neurosurgeon to impress her into a one-night stand is one thing, neglecting to tell your girlfriend that you’re still married until after you’ve moved in with her is quite different. Building a relationship on lies is unhealthy and tiresome. It can prevent you from experiencing real love because your trusting partner believes in something you’re not.

Be upfront with your partner from the beginning. If you’re uncertain of your feelings for her, let her know. Share any details that may be pertinent to the relationship such as any children, diseases, or fetishes you may have. Give your lover the chance to decide whether he can handle the fact that you have six kids, had a bout of the clap, and you want him to wear your undergarments. If you don’t feel comfortable telling your partner the truth, get out and find someone you will be comfortable with. Lying didn’t work for Jon Lovitz’s liar character and it’s not going to work for you.

3. Jealousy. Maybe she has a lot of male companions. Maybe he works in an office full of women. Just the thought of your partner in the same room with someone of the opposite sex has you turning green. Don’t use your jealousy as an excuse to become inseparable as a couple. Chances are, your beau isn’t going to spring for elective conjoining surgery and insurance definitely won’t cover it.

This is one of those cases where you need to trust that your man isn’t going to jump every woman who asks to borrow his stapler. Yes, men are going to find your girl attractive and yes, you will catch your guy’s eyes drifting to body parts that don’t belong to you. Accept it gracefully and don’t overreact. Possessiveness is such an ugly trait and can lead to nasty breakups and restraining orders.

Allow your partner to see his or her friends and use the time apart to visit some of your own neglected chums. If you’re afraid that your love might meet someone one else while you’re in separate rooms, learn a few unique tricks that will surely return him to your arms at the end of the night.

4. Cheating. Survival of the fittest drives us to seek out greener pastures, especially if the current relationship has grown stale. Doesn’t make it right nor is it fair to the other people involved. By becoming emotionally involved with someone, you temporarily surrender your right to partake of the flesh of others. To stray means to endure the wrath of the significant other’s best friends.

So, your romance has run ashore. Before dipping your rod back into the pond, you have to do something with the dead fish rotting in the floor of your boat. Discuss the new developments with your current and fish around for possible solutions. If you still have feelings for your lover, but have some wild oats you’d like to sow, try mutually agreeing to see other people on the side. Suggest the polyamorous lifestyle if you’d like your partner to participate with you. If you insist on being unfaithful, your partner should be allowed to get in on the fun somehow. Should swinging not be to your lover’s liking, give one last shot at rekindling your romance. If all else fails, move on and pull some other defenseless fish from the water.

5. Loss of sexual interest. Relationships are comprised of many phases. The Formal (getting to know one another) phase, the Honeymoon (can’t tear away from each other) phase, the Comfort (finally able to say you dislike his mother) phase, and the Deterioration (why did you even bother) phase. The comfort stage is very tricky territory and often leads to discomfort. Being comfortable with your partner indicates the pressure to impress is off, but it also leads to ruts, particularly of the sexual variety.

Sexual desire can wane once you’ve been together a certain amount of time. You have familiarized yourself with all your lover’s parts and moves. So familiar that they may not excite you like before. When this happens, the woman’s doubts of sexual desirability soar and the man goes in search of excitement elsewhere.

You don’t need a tow truck to get out of a sexual rut. Simply pick up a copy of Kama Sutra, grab some massage oil and Saran Wrap and surprise your partner with a few new twists. This would be a key time to reveal those secret fantasies.

6. Neglecting your partner. Even if you’re married, there’s no guarantee that your beloved will stick around forever. Obviously you can’t spend 24/7/365 together (well, you shouldn’t) and sometimes work, friends, family, pets, or a paper cut can distract you. Once you get into that comfort zone and ease back into your regularly scheduled life, it’s easy to leave your lover behind. Remember that goldfish?

Paying attention to your partner doesn’t necessarily mean being in each other’s faces, though that can’t hurt. No, it’s the small doses of tenderness that count and rack up the most points. Leave a note on her pillow, slip an article of your clothing into his briefcase, or hide inexpensive (yet meaningful) trinkets around the house. Doing something to show your special person that you don’t wish him dead can help prolong your romance a couple more weeks.

7. Lack of communication. This is the biggest relationship sin of all. Without communication, you basically have a steady, mediocre booty call. You might as well point to some stranger on the street, decide he’s your boyfriend, and keep walking. Communication is more than sitting down to discuss problem areas and issues you may have with one another. It’s the mindless drivel and the chit chat during television commercials about music and world events.

Body language plays a major role in communication and not just in the bedroom. The way you behave and carry yourself can clue your partner in on how you’re feeling, even if you’re not willing to vocalize. A snarl is worth a thousand grumbles.

In order to have any decent, productive relationship, you must emerge from the shadows where you’ve been lurking and stop avoiding your significant other. Not big on words? Do you best Marcel Marceau. If you don’t communicate with your lover, how will you ever finish each other’s sentences or know when he‘s ready to leave a boring party? You’ll just look silly in your matching sweat suits and be the laughing stock, rather than the envy, of all your friends. And isn’t making your friends jealous the reason you started dating in the first place?

Avoiding these seven problem areas requires strength, motivation, and a little something called love. We are guilty of basing our romantic beliefs on fairy tales. The problem with happily ever after is there’s more to ever after than meets the eye. To hold on to Prince Charming, Snow White has to be willing to do more than sing with the bluebirds. If you are willing to put forth the effort to keep the relationship alive, then you’ll have a healthy goldfish for a while. Should it die, don’t dwell too long. There’s always the county fair next year.

The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.

www.thecurableromantic.com

Studies conducted by women’s magazines over the years reveal that women are in favor of personality. A good sense of humor will surely win the heart of a good woman. But who here has ever spotted someone across the room and said, “Hey, look at the sense of humor on that one?” Perhaps these women are keeping the future in mind, when she hopes her man will be amused rather than disgusted when her tits become floppier than a basset hound‘s ears. More likely, the editors of these magazines are aware of the male readership and have slanted the results to make them feel adequate.

The tables are cruelly turned in your average men’s magazine. While women studies may be tailored to pacify men, guys openly ogle scantily clad, well-built ladies. These photos, while fun to look at, reduce a regular girl to an emotional basket case. The basket cases set impossibly high standards for themselves based on what they believe you really want. Yes, guys are visually stimulated creatures and do tend to judge potential partners by cover than by content. But well-adjusted women know that you need more than a pretty face and a tight ass to keep you coming around. That’s where the kinky sex tricks come into play. Of course, all of that goes out the window on a Friday night drinking binge. Then it’s whoever, wherever.

Eventually the cute dimples give way to road map wrinkles, but you’re stuck with your personality forever. For the most part, women hope that it’s a good one. If a woman intends to bed you, you must have some redeeming quality. A nice guy attitude will get you further than being an asshole, especially if you’re short on looks. Girls can justify sleeping with handsome hunks and lovable losers. We loathe men who are overly self-confident, snide, and have the face of a pimply ass.

But looks are somewhat of a factor. In recent years, men have taken more of an interest in their own appearances. With men presenting themselves in better fashions, women are taking notice. A well-dressed guy stands a better chance of scoring than a guy in a faded Metallica shirt and ripped jeans. Even if you weren’t blessed with good genes, you can make up for it with clean jeans.

It’s an established fact that women crave substance. Let’s be honest, with that biological clock ticking, personality may not be the substance girls are necessarily looking for. A woman who’s looking to conceive a child may be less picky about her suitor’s appearance as long as he’s in good working order. Those of us who are not likely to marry or bear children are free to seek out other qualities such as money, fame, looks, or sterility.

So, what’s more important: personality or looks? Neither and both. As with everything, there are some exceptions. It’s all a matter of taste, I guess. Practice good hygiene, read a few books, and pray that luck is on your side. If you feel yourself drawn to someone, chalk it up to chemistry. Or anatomy. Or biology. Just try not to dissect your date before you get to first base.

The Curable Romantic: Advice for the Romance-Impaired is now available at Amazon.com and other online retailers. See our website for more reading and purchasing options.

www.thecurableromantic.com