1. Clitoral orgasms are the most common type women experience.  I’ve been having clitoral orgasms since fifth grade, but I’ll spare you the details.  They’re created by intense and direct stimulation of the clitoris.  One great thing about clitoral orgasms is that you can have them just about anywhere, with or without a partner.

2. Vaginal orgasms, as far as my internet research uncovered, really meant g-spot orgasms.  The g-spot is a sensitive area of ribbed tissue on the front side of the vagina, generally 2-3 inches inside the vaginal opening.  It is the inside end of the clitoris.  If you think of the clitoris as one end of a barbell, the g-spot is the other end.  They’re connected by a bundle of nerves and either end of the bundle is an incredibly sensitive erotic spot.

3.  There is another vaginal spot that can trigger an orgasm.  It’s not well known, but from personal research I can tell you that it’s not a myth.  It’s the anterior fornix erogenous zone, or AFE spot, and it’s located on the front wall of the vagina just below the cervix.

4.  Cervical orgasms are the fourth type.  These are very rare; usually a woman’s cervix is too tender for touch to feel good.  But when sexual healing has occurred both physically and emotionally, a cervical orgasm can happen.  They are quite intense and pleasurable.

5.  Then there’s the nipple orgasm.  This is an orgasm available from any erogenous zone being stimulated.  Nipples are the most common spot, but they’re not the only one.  Basically, with enough stimulation any of these erogenous zones will create a welling up and release of energy known as an orgasm.

6.  Anal orgasms occur when the inside of the anus is stimulated.  In men, that affects the prostate, which is like the female g-spot.  In women, I don’t really know what causes it because I’ve never experienced one, but I’ll guess it’s like the nipple orgasm.

7.  Oral orgasms occur when you eat something that is so outrageously delicious that you moan and groan like Helen Hunt in “When Harry Met Sally,” only you really mean it.  For me, it happens when I eat a good flourless chocolate cake.

8.  The eighth and final type is called a fake orgasm… these I would not recommend. J  I admit to faking an orgasm when I first met my partner.  He caught me, and I’ll never bother doing that again.  Women can have lots of fun during sex, with or without an orgasm.  Just be real!

How well do you see yourself?  If you’re like most people, you probably have a few blind spots.  I’ll bet you can list most of your negative traits pretty quickly.  There are probably a couple of negative traits that you don’t want to admit to, however.  When it comes to listing your positive traits, you will probably miss more than a few.

We’re willing to see the good in others, but we can be so hard on ourselves. This inability to really see yourself causes lots of heartache in life, especially in romantic relationships.  Whenever there’s an aspect of your personality you don’t own, it will “own” you.  The aspects of your personality you don’t own are collectively called the Shadow.  They offer incredible healing potential when you’re willing to turn on a light and explore them.  It can be challenging to do, but in my experience it’s definitely worth it.  Owning your shadow will help you to love yourself more fully.  Until you can love yourself more, you don’t have much chance of being deeply loved by another.

What can you do to see yourself more clearly?  Here’s one tool (adapted from Debbie Ford’s The Secret of the Shadow).  You’ll need at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted quiet time to complete this.

1. Sit quietly for a few minutes and think back to your childhood and early adulthood.
2. Make a list of 5-10 significant experiences you had that had a negative impact on you.  The experience itself may not have been significant, but the impact was.
3. Make a list of 5-10 significant experiences that had a positive impact on you.
4. For each experience, write a sentence about what you made that experience mean about you.  (i.e. When I was 5, my dad told me I was too big to play with my sister on the seesaw.  I wandered off to play alone and was very sad.  I made it mean I didn’t belong; I felt isolated and alone.)
5. From these early experiences, you created a story about who you are.  How does this story play out in your life now?  How did these experiences shape who you are and how you relate to others in relationship?  Write down your insights and observations.

From our early negative experiences, we all decide that we are in some way unworthy and unlovable.  It’s not true, but we play out that story repeatedly until we develop the courage to take a good look at it.  When you shine some light on your story, you can change the ending.  You can see yourself better, and eventually you will understand your soul.

Briefly, the movie centers around a humanoid culture called the Na’vi, and it’s set in 2154.  The Na’vi are a close knit community who live deeply in tune with all of nature’s creations.  Their way of life is being threatened by the money hungry humans who have found a deposit of some very rare, very expensive rock underneath the enormous tree the Na’vi call home.

The standard greeting for the Na’vi is “Oel ngati kameie.”  It means “I see you.”  But it means much more than “I see you with my eyes.”  It means something deeper:  I understand your soul.  Or, as Neal Donald Walsch said in his book Tomorrow’s God, “I see who you Really are.” It reminds me of the Sanskrit greeting “namaste,” which means “the Divine light within me honors and acknowledges the Divine light I see in you.”`

Last week someone suggested I write about the essence of connection.  To me, this Na’vi greeting is the essence of connection.  We all want to be seen for who we really are.  Not who we’re pretending to be, or who we think we should be.  We want to be seen not only for our minds or our bodies, but for our hearts.  And yet, we are afraid.  When someone looks deeply inside our souls, we get a little squirmy.  We’re afraid that they’ll be disappointed by what they find.  So we put up barriers; in fact, we’ve been erecting barriers since we were small children.  We have so many barriers that sometimes we can’t even find our way into the heart of our own souls.

All of us want to experience a sense of connection. Yet there is a core fear we all share.  It is the fear that when someone looks deeply into my soul, they will find that nobody’s home.  They will find that the spark of Divine light that exists in everyone is not present in my heart.  We have become so disconnected from our hearts that we actually believe this might be true.  It’s kind of egotistical if you think about it, but there it is.

In our search for connection, we attract someone who already sees our light.  In our search for connection, we attract a romantic partner who can help us deconstruct the barriers we’ve built around our hearts.  This partner will pit our deepest fear (there’s nobody home, aka I’m not lovable) against our deepest desire (for connection, aka someone to love me).  So begins the dance of romance.  And we think it’s about sexual chemistry and romantic love.  It’s no wonder so many people end up hurt and confused!  If only they understood that it’s really about regaining connection:  first to our own hearts and then to each other.

Oel ngati kameie.  I see you.