Romance of the Two Networks

Romance of the Two Networks – Dynasty Warriors (2021)

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 07 Jul 2021 05:59:11 +0000

The networks, long divided, must unite. If Netflix is willing to drop eight figures to distribute the new Dynasty Warriors movie in the US, by god we're here to cover it. Wonder at Boy Band Guan Yu, Businessman Lu Bu, and Xuande Being Here Despite Doing Nothing. This movie is not very good. But being back with friends to talk about an amazing story? That's fantastic.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Fate Corrodes Me from Dynasty Warriors 3, and our outtro music is Lu Bu's Theme from Warriors Orochi. The Kingdom News bumper is from Strong Bad Email #89.

Romance of the Three Kingdoms Finale – Chapters 118-120

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 16 Sep 2020 02:18:53 +0000

And so the kingdom, long divided, unites. No more Wu and Wei, nor Shu or Han. The Jin Dynasty rises to chart a new future for China. Or... an old future. Because, of course, this all happened a very long time ago. Villains or heroes, the figures of the Three Kingdoms live on as legends, for future generations to wonder upon. We take your questions, and then the two networks, long united, divide.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is the Jin Overture from Dynasty Warriors 7, and our outtro music is History's Long Shadow from Total War: Three Kingdoms. The Kingdom News bumper is from Strong Bad Email #89.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 115-117

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 09 Sep 2020 02:14:33 +0000

This isn't the end of the Kingdom of Shu, but we can see it from here. Wei's forces have kicked down the door, and Emperor Shan twittles his thumbs even as the blade nears his neck. Jiang Wei remains incapable of winning a meaningful victory, and Wu's forces clearly won't arrive in time to save their allies. Next week, the last episode of Three Kingdoms. It all comes down to this.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is the Paragon Found from the Total War: Three Kingdoms DLC A World Betrayed, and our outtro music is The Bringer of War from Dynasty Warriors 5. The Kingdom News bumper is from Strong Bad Email #89.

The end of the podcast is RAPIDLY APPROACHING! Please send your emails to twonetworksquestions@gmail.com !

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 112-114

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 02 Sep 2020 05:44:58 +0000

After this episode, two weeks remain until the end, and yet... there are still three kingdoms. The podcast, long united, is now divided. Jackson knows the end for sure, having read it already. Em knows the end rather generally from remembering... well, history. Six FEELS like they know the end, but the book has a habit of proving them wrong. And Jen is, wisely, taking a wait and see. This week on Two Networks: There's No Good Way To Kill An Emperor.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is the trailer music from the Total War: Three Kingdoms DLC A World Betrayed, and our outtro music is Eve from Dynasty Warriors 4. The Kingdom News bumper is from Strong Bad Email #89.

The end of the podcast is RAPIDLY APPROACHING! Please send your emails to twonetworksquestions@gmail.com !

Romance of the Two Networks Chapters 109-111

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 19 Aug 2020 05:30:52 +0000

Deng Ai, my guy! Another Wei genius tactician arrives to foil the extremely fallible Jiang Wei. He has his work cut out for him as Wei is repeatedly invaded, suffering civil wars, coups, and more. I am afraid I also have to offer a CONTENT WARNING for GORE because there's some really messed up stuff in this involving a dude who gets very, very stressed out.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Swordsmen in the Plain from Dynasty Warriors 5, and our outtro music is Rising Fire from Total War: Three Kingdoms. The Kingdom News bumper is from Strong Bad Email #89.

The end of the podcast is RAPIDLY APPROACHING! Please send your emails to twonetworksquestions@gmail.com !

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 106-108

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 05 Aug 2020 05:29:27 +0000

It is Sima's time, though Yi will not live to see it. Jiang Wei is a Jiang Waste of space, Sun Quan finally passes away, Cao Rui bites the dust, the bodies are droppin y'all. More pointless invasions that don't go anywhere, more politicking, and the reveal of Chekhov's Ten Arrow Bow.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is the Title Screen Theme, and our outtro music the Ending Theme, from Romance of the Three Kingdoms NES. The Kingdom News bumper is from Strong Bad Email #89.

The end of the podcast is RAPIDLY APPROACHING! Please send your emails to twonetworksquestions@gmail.com !

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 103-105

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 29 Jul 2020 05:56:16 +0000

KONGMING IS DEAD! And yet, his shadow looms eternal over this book. No sorry I'm not being metaphorical, people are probably gonna be revealing that that MFer told them what to do for the next fifteen chapters. And then the book will be OVER! Oh well. Cao Rui continues to disappoint, Shu's Stay At Home Emperor gets worried, the stars say you're done son.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Spring Water from Romance of the Three Kingdoms XIV, and our outtro music is Traveling from Romance of the Three Kingdoms X. The Kingdom News bumper is from Strong Bad Email #89.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 100-102

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Tue, 14 Jul 2020 06:50:51 +0000

It seems like Kongming is on his way out, but the man's never done anything quietly, so why would he die without making a fuss? The propaganda is pretty unsubtle this week as our illustrious author finds ways to praise every single one of Kongming's actions, up to and including his running away with his tail between his legs. The wooden bulls and shit were pretty cool, though.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Hegemony, and our outtro music is Diao Chan, A Hero. Both are from Romance of the Three Kingdoms IV: Wall of Fire. The Kingdom News bumper is from Strong Bad Email #89.

Romance of the Two Networks – Total War with Rowan Kaiser

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Sat, 11 Jul 2020 07:00:22 +0000

It's Two Networks time, but we've swapped out one of the networks! Six and Jen from Scanline Media are joined by strategy and tactics expert, games journalist and media critic Rowan Kaiser, representing Idle Thumbs by way of Three Moves Ahead. With her expertise in tow, we delve deeper than ever into Total War: Three Kingdoms, talking serious shop about the latest (and greatest?) Total War game, and a spectacular Three Kingdoms title.

WARNING: There are some spoilers for Three Kingdoms the book in here, past the point that we've read. Frankly they sailed right over my head, I couldn't really make sense of them =P but they are there if you seek to remain pure.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Jen is at @jbu3, Six is at @sixdettmar, and Rowan is at @RowanKaiser. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Heaven Awaits, and our outtro music is The Promise of Tomorrow. Both are from Total War: Three Kingdoms.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 97-99

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 08 Jul 2020 07:29:02 +0000

This week, Shu and Wei are at each other's throats nonstop. Sun Quan declares himself emperor, then watches the other two kingdoms fight while eating popcorn. Sima Yi ALMOST does it with a WILD plan (just stand. don't chase.) but his generals can't quite pull it off. The chapter title of 99 straight up lies about what happens in that chapter, and the shine continues to fall off the Kongming train.

RIP to Zhao Zilong, a fuckin real one.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is The Battle on the Phoenix Height from the 2008 film Three Kingdoms: Resurrection of the Dragon, and our outtro music is Harvest from Romance of the Three Kingdoms X. The Kingdom News bumper is from Strong Bad Email #89.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 94-96

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 08:38:20 +0000

We've been DECEIVED! Sima Yi IS actually a big deal! And with his ascent, Wei finally has a champion again! Kongming is tired of having to be... well... Kongming. The Cao family continues to be a disappointment ever since Cao Cao died. Emperor Shan doesn't understand what Kongming's so worked up about. All this, and more. Read on!

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Zhao Zilong's theme from the 2008 film Three Kingdoms: Resurrection of the Dragon, and our outtro music is the March theme from Romance of the Three Kingdoms XIII.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 91-93

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 17 Jun 2020 02:32:46 +0000

The Kongming show continues, regrettably. We're introduced to a new Wei hero in Jiang Wei, but he is immediately traded to the Shu roster for a past-his-prime Dave Parker. Cao Pi dies, but when his son steps up to replace him he proves just as incompetent. Zhao Zilong fights, the fights are brief. Not the strongest chapters we've had, but I sense we're at the edge of a turning point.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Soaring Dragons, and our outtro music is Resolute Sorrow. Both are from Total War: Three Kingdoms.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 88-90

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Thu, 04 Jun 2020 00:01:14 +0000

Mask off, baby. It's time for colonialism. You might be thinking, "Six, it's BEEN time for colonialism." I mean yes, but not like THIS dawg. Kongming kicks a strawman around for three chapters, the book makes no end of excuses about why the empire has so much trouble with a rebellion, there's tons of magic... these chapters rule, because it's such straightforward propaganda.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is After the Snow by Franchie Hen from the soundtrack of Three Kingdoms: Resurrection of the Dragon, and our outtro music is War In The Frontiers from Romance of the Three Kingdoms 2.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 85-87

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 27 May 2020 08:11:52 +0000

Xuande is dead! Well, ok. Xuande's been dead for a long time. But now Emperor BEI is ALSO dead! The rise of Emperor Shan is actually the rise of Prime Minister Kongming. An envoy repeatedly threatens to boil himself, a rebellion in the Riverlands is ?sort of? suppressed, and Cao Pi continues to be just the lamest.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is United Must Divide from Total War: Three Kingdoms, and our outtro music is Look Back On Your Way from Dynasty Warriors 4.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 82-84

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 13 May 2020 04:38:18 +0000

Remember Xuande? I can't say I was ever a fan, but the guy was ok. There's nothing left of him now. Only a twisted husk living on a distorted memory of an oath he once swore. I guess the Southlands are the ones to root for now. Cao Pi is lame, the sons of the Brothers are on the impulsive side... bad times in old China this week. You know... as opposed to other weeks. When things are great.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Time's River and our outtro music is DON'T LOOK BACK. They are opening music 1 and 2 from the 1985 Three Kingdoms anime, and the band is Fence of Defence.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 79-81

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 29 Apr 2020 02:36:02 +0000

Break out the jade seals, we've got two new emperors! Xuande finally ascends, while Cao Pi quickly grabs control. Zhang Fei passes away, and his son and Lord Guan's butt heads. Zhao Zilong disapproves, a wise man dissuades, and Yu Jin disappears. Have you ever been so owned by a painting you died?

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is WELCOME TO CHINA from Dynasty Warriors 6, and the outro music is the main menu music from Romance of the Three Kingdoms VII.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 76-78

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Tue, 21 Apr 2020 18:41:49 +0000

The heroes of the last generation, long united with their lives, must be divided from them. This week, titans fall as some BIG names bite the dust, as well as a few young and promising ones we'd hoped to see more from. Ghost problems abound, despite the counsel of Buddhist monks, and the secrets of a great physician are lost forever to fire. This is the best set of chapters so far, gang.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Musings of a Warrior, which is Guan Yu's theme from SMITE, and the outro music is Cao Cao's theme from Total War: Three Kingdoms.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 73-75

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 08 Apr 2020 04:52:15 +0000

Who's time? Shu's time! A new crop of Southlands officers is upon us, perhaps signalling the beginning of a new era for the Three Kingdoms. Is it time for the new generation to take charge? Certainly Shu's new officers seem pretty damn good at this stuff, and the shine is starting to come off old heroes like Lord Guan... only time will tell, friends. Or, uh. Did tell. Because this book is... very old. No spoilers please.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Gloomy Shadow from Dynasty Warriors 5, and the outro music is the ending theme from Romance of the Three Kingdoms X.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 70-72

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 01 Apr 2020 03:31:05 +0000

One. Tome. DOWN. Our translation of Three Kingdoms is split into two books, and the first (and longer) of the two is now in the rearview mirror. Also in the rearview: Lei Tong (rip), Yang Xiu (riiiiip), and perhaps... Cao Cao? We won't know until next time, but it's a tense time in the ol' kingdoms, that's for sure.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Zheng Jiang's theme from Total War: Three Kingdoms, and the outro music is Zhang Fei's theme from Romance of the Three Kingdoms XIII.

Romance of the Two Networks – Three Kingdoms Games

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 25 Mar 2020 19:04:18 +0000

With our sister network's host indisposed, Six and Jen take the opportunity to talk about some Three Kingdoms video games! Dynasty Warriors, Total War: Three Kingdoms, and... The Sims? If you're stuck indoors, we've got some recommendations for you.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is March from Dynasty Warriors 3, and the outro music is Mobilize from Total War: Three Kingdoms.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 67-69

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Tue, 10 Mar 2020 20:42:15 +0000

This ain't no parlor trick, jack. Cao Cao's hubris has come home to roost in the form of a Taoist endowed with the power of black magic. No feat seems beyond this sorcerer, so naturally Cao Cao antagonizes him. Seriously, I get that y'all don't trust magic, but at least don't piss mages off! Seems pretty basic to me. Meanwhile, Ling Tong and Gan Ning become friends. Isn't that nice?

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is An Age of Heroes from Total War: Three Kingdoms, and the outro music is the unfortunately named Woman's Theme from Romance of the Three Kingdoms XIII.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 64-66

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 23:39:31 +0000

It is OFFICIAL. There are THREE KINGDOMS at play, y'all! Xuande has Shu. Cao Cao has Wei. Sun Quan has Wu. We got ourselves a ball game. Sadly I'm not here on this ep to help my cohosts understand how much Ma Chao sucks, so they get that wrong, but they can be forgiven for that. The emperor's days seem numbered, but he's lasted this long, but who can say for sure?

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is The Force Field from Dynasty Warriors 3, and the outro music is a musical version of Overlook the Sea, a poem written by Cao Cao! This version of it is from Total War Three Kingdoms.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 61-63

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 26 Feb 2020 08:40:12 +0000

The Young Phoenix falls. Xuande and Cao Cao become harder and harder to tell apart, as Xuande rages and Cao Cao flounders. The South forms a stupid scheme that still sort of works. A baby is rescued, assassination is attempted, it's honestly just another ordinary day in the three kingdoms.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Winter - Small Force from Romance of the Three Kingdoms IX, and the outro music is Breakthrough from Dynasty Warriors 5.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 58-60

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Thu, 13 Feb 2020 04:13:36 +0000

We are finally at the halfway point, and our three kingdoms have emerged for sure. You could argue they already had, but now they have names and everything, it's a proper showdown. Hello, Ma Chao, unparalleled warrior. Goodbye, Ma Chao, unparalleled warrior. The Riverlands offer themselves to Xuande on a dishonorably silver platter. Cao Cao cuts off his beard. New friend Zhang Song is the most useless diplomat I can imagine. We got it all.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is the fourth track from Romance of the Three Kingdoms VI: Awakening of the Dragon, and the outro music is Cao Cao's Theme from Romance of the Three Kingdoms XIII.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 55-57

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 05 Feb 2020 06:27:37 +0000

We are OFFICIALLY over Kongming and Xuande. We sadly have to say goodbye to Zhou Yu, and even more sadly don't have to say goodbye to Sun Quan. Sick archery tricks, Cao Cao wants to retire, and Pang Tong also sucks wow lot of sucky people this week huh

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Cry for Wind from Dynasty Warriors 4, and the outro music is War Field Operation from Romance of the Three Kingdoms III: Dragon of Destiny.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 52-54

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 08:21:04 +0000

Kongming has excuses, and the three brothers have cities to conquer. The Southlands show a startling lack of competence as their schemes fall flat on their faces. Why does Lu Su still have a job? Plus, Xuande gets remarried to a lady who loves swords!

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Blood & Glory from Total War: Three Kingdoms, and the outro music is the main menu music from Romance of the Three Kingdoms XII.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 49-51

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 22 Jan 2020 06:00:06 +0000

We're finally here... the Battle of Red Cliff. Kongming calls for wind, Zhou Yu calls for fire, and Cao Cao cries for mercy. At last, Cao Cao's advantage is beginning to wane, and our competitors approach equal footing again. Kongming proves himself every ounce the master strategist his reputation claims, while Xuande finally does something dishonorable? I'm sure he'll be making excuses next chapter, but you can't fool us, Xuande.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Fate Corrodes Me from Dynasty Warriors 5, and the outro music is In Full Bloom from Dynasty Warriors 4.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 46-48

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 15 Jan 2020 04:30:04 +0000

I know I set myself up, but I am rather disappointed by Kongming's arrow scheme. That's not nearly as cool as I was hoping. Besides, there's such a better scheme these chapters! The Big Boat! I love it. It's so dumb, I am 100% on board. Which is to say, I'm on board with the plan, you could not PAY me to get on board that death trap of a boat. No way no how.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 43-45

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Thu, 09 Jan 2020 06:03:05 +0000

Can Kongming win the south over? Is the pope CATHOLIC, my friend. Our favorite hermit matches wits with all of the southland (and wins), finds himself on the other side of a one-sided rivalry with a southern advisor, and watches his lord almost walk into death. Speaking of the south, they are finally given some personality! About darn time. Plus: Kongming invents a poem about cucking. We got it all this week, folks.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is the menu music from Romance of the Three Kingdoms VIII, and the outro music is the opening theme from Romance of the Three Kingdoms VI.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 40-42

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 01 Jan 2020 02:39:55 +0000

Liu Biao has fallen, and his lands are in disarray. How preventable was this, you may ask? SO PREVENTABLE. Xuande's honorable nature screws over China once again, as Cao Cao marches to war. Zhang Fei shouts down an army, Kongming burns down an invasion, and Lord Guan sits very imposingly on his horse. Shit's poppin off, yo.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Give Me Back A World At Peace from the 2010 live action Three Kingdoms television series, and the outro music is The History of China from Romance of the Three Kingdoms X .

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 37-39

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 25 Dec 2019 06:28:32 +0000

Kongming is every bit the scholar Shan Fu claimed he was... while Shan Fu is every bit the fool we feared. In the south, Sun Quan makes a push against Liu Biao, but is too afraid to fully commit to the offensive. Cao Cao builds a lake, y'know, just cuz. And in honor of Mi Heng, we read the scholar's only surviving work.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Trick Tactics from Romance of the Three Kingdoms IX, and the outro music is the Mandate of Heaven trailer theme for the upcoming Total War: Three Kingdoms Mandate of Heaven DLC.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 34-36

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 18 Dec 2019 00:55:17 +0000

Though he sought refuge with him just last week, Xuande already chaffs at the limitations put upon him in service of Liu Biao. Cao Cao gears up for war, but while he's preparing, Xuande gets caught up in Family Beef and shit goes south for him fast. Zhang Fei shows to be the one with a level head for once, Lord Guan pouts, Zhao Zilong remains quietly reliable. Of the Sun family in the south, there is no word- but it is only a matter of time....

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Tea Ceremony from Total War: Three Kingdoms, and the outro music is Zhuge Liang's Theme from Romance of the Three Kingdoms XIII.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 31-33

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 11 Dec 2019 17:30:35 +0000

Ahem. Rip rip rip rip bye Yuans see ya wouldn't wanna BE ya! Finally the worst family in China has been washed away. Yuan Shao makes mega stupid decisions, his sons make possibly even WORSE decisions, and Cao Cao is fighting for our prayers. Or at least my prayers: I've been praying for Shao to exit stage left for a few weeks now.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Ploy from Romance of the Three Kingdoms XII, and the outro music is the Theme of the Frontiers from Romance of the Three Kingdoms II.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 28-30

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 04 Dec 2019 06:30:04 +0000

One brother, two brothers, three brothers, four! Yuan Shao and Cao Cao are going to war! Shao's ambition done in by the bottle, and thus his generals see no cause to dawdle. With a wealth of defectors, Cao's victory seems sure: while the brothers, the open road does lure.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Duel of Fates from Total War: Three Kingdoms, and the outro music is the ending theme from the 1994 Romance of the Three Kingdoms tv series.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 25-27

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 20 Nov 2019 05:38:05 +0000

Behold, Lord Guan's incredible journey. Checkpoints and middle managers, monks and paperwork, nothing stops his great journey to return to his lord. Even though his lord isn't actually there anymore. Cao Cao tries and fails to secure his services, Xuande realizes what a clown Yuan Shao is, and lots of people get cut in half for... being stupid? Let's be honest here.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is made by @saltysprout! The intro music for this episode is Guan Yu's theme from Dynasty Warriors 1, and the outtro music is the theme from Papers Please.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 22-24

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 13 Nov 2019 07:51:20 +0000

Cao Cao. Xuande. Yuan Shao. And quietly in the south, biding his time, Sun Ce. Four major players remain in this battle for China, with names like Dong Zhuo, Lu Bu, and Yuan Shu in the rear view mirror. And yet peace feels no closer. Indeed, as our ?hero? Xuande suffers major setbacks, perhaps it's further away by the end of these chapters than at the start of it. The three/four brothers are truly scattered to the wind, and Cao Cao's power seems absolute. God, you have to feel bad for the Emperor, even if you don't like that position on principle.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is placeholder, we'll get some real art soon! The intro music for this episode is the opening from Romance of the Three Kingdoms XII, and the ending music is A Hero's Journey from Total War: Three Kingdoms.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 19-21

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 06 Nov 2019 08:51:07 +0000

Jen ducks out to a con just in time to miss a big character death. Goddamn! Well, thank god Em is back to steer the ship once more. Lu Bu's fickleness finally comes crashing down on him, Zhang Fei doesn't understand what military service is, many courtiers test and are tested, Xuande gets really into gardening, and so much more. Join us!

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is placeholder, we'll get some real art soon! The intro music for this episode is Prologue from Romance of the Three Kingdoms X, and the ending music is Lu Bu's event boss theme from Dungeon Fighter Online.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 16-18

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Tue, 29 Oct 2019 18:51:03 +0000

Ah, Lu Bu, the great peacemaker. Some would have the greatest hero in all of China use his talents for war, but he says no. His martial skill is only for love and peace. A real Vash the Stampede, a proper Kamen Rider. Unless you steal his horses. Then he's gonna kill you. Cao Cao's code of ethics reveals another complicated layer, Yuan Shu's wondering why nothing ever goes smoothly, Yuan Shao just wanted to borrow a cup of sugar, relax, and Xuande might be learning to scheme...?

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is placeholder, we'll get some real art soon! The intro music for this episode is Path to Enlightenment from Total War: Three Kingdoms,, and the ending music is a song from Romance of the Three Kingdoms V.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 13-15

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 23 Oct 2019 05:53:16 +0000

On this week's Two Networks, we're missing Em more than ever as Six scrambles to maintain the thread of a whirlwind of plots, schemes, and disasters. Xuande pulls the biggest galaxy brain move of all time, Zhang Fei loses his "Hero of China" privileges, Cao Cao performs a bloodless coup (well, sort of), bluffs are called, cities are burned. And against all logic, Guo Si and Li Jue survive these chapters.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is placeholder, we'll get some real art soon! The intro music for this episode is a song from the 2010 Three Kingdoms live action show, and the ending music is Liu Bei's theme from Romance of the Three Kingdoms XIII.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 10-12

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Wed, 16 Oct 2019 04:16:08 +0000

An able statesman in times of peace, a treacherous villain in times of war. Cao Cao truly is On One this episode, suppressing rebellions, recruiting heroes, and starting blood feuds. Lu Bu's ego is keeping him from holding down a job, and Xuande's obsession with honor and optics is preventing him from taking one. Amongst it all, the followers of Dong Zhuo fumble, uncertain of how power works, but thrive because no one seems to care that much. Wonder how many more chapters they'll last....

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is placeholder, we'll get some real art soon! The intro music for this episode is Troubled Times from Romance of the Three Kingdoms IV: Wall of Fire, and the ending music is Path to Enlightenment from Total War: Three Kingdoms.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 7-9

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Tue, 01 Oct 2019 04:58:50 +0000

The kingdom was long united, now it's definitely divided. The tyrant Dong Zhuo rules over the land with an iron fist. Or at least... he does at the start of these chapters. Yuan Shao breaks basically every single syllable of his oath from last week, Lu Bu gets kited like an MMO boss, Wang Yun schemes, Diaochan gets treated pretty badly, Sun Jian should have listened to the wind. I wonder what's gonna happen to the Emperor now? Well... read on.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is placeholder, we'll get some real art soon! Our intro music for this episode is Invitation to the Three Kingdoms from Romance of the Three Kingdoms XIII, and our outro is Dong Zhuo's theme from Total War: Three Kingdoms.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 4-6

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Mon, 23 Sep 2019 22:40:28 +0000

The tyrant Dong Zhuo now rules over China with a knife-catching fist. Lu Bu, hero among heroes, acts like a dirtbag. Cao Cao overreaches. Xuande chickens out of responsibility. Zhang Fei acts rashly. Lord Guan gets things done. Sun Jian lies his ass off. Yes, everyone is 100% on their bullshit in this set of chapters, as the crumbling Han empire changes hands once more, and a covenant is formed to save it. Spoilers: yo that covie don't LAST.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is placeholder, we'll get some real art soon! The intro music for this episode is Superior from Dynasty Warriors 3, and the ending theme is Reunification from Romance of the Three Kingdoms 2 for NES.

Romance of the Two Networks – Chapters 1-3

cadettmar@gmail.com (Scanline Media) — Mon, 16 Sep 2019 06:54:27 +0000

Here begins our pod. The two networks, working alone, must unite; working united, must divide. Jennifer Unkle and Six Dettmar of Scanline Media share hosting with Jackson Tyler and Em Marko of Abnormal Mapping as the four delve deep into one of the most beloved stories of all time: Romance of the Three Kingdoms. A few chapters at a time, the group will explore this era of heroes and villains, feats and fortune.

In this first episode, we read the first three chapters, and watch the Yellow Scarves carve away at the already crumbling foundation of the Han Empire. The three great heroes Xuande, Zhang Fei, and Guan Yu swear an oath of brotherhood to save their land, Cao Cao begins to orchestrate his own future, and Dong Zhuo seizes the momentum through two consecutive parties. Also, lots of people make very bad decisions.

If you want to contact us on Twitter, Em is at @em_being, Jackson is at @headfallsoff, Jen is at @jbu3, and Six is at @sixdettmar. Our art is placeholder, we'll get some real art soon! The intro music for this episode is the menu music from Total War: Three Kingdoms, and the ending theme is Look Alive! from Dynasty Warriors 4.