There is an extreme difference between my approach, though, and the approach of many other guys who have the same end goal. I’m the nice guy, no matter how much of an Alpha I claim that I want to be. In other words, my compassion overtakes my hormones, regardless of how horny I am. I blame my dad; his “nice gene” has compromised my DNA. This is ever so evident in a situation that I found myself in yesterday.

The Initial Meet up

I enjoy conversations with people, especially females, whether I’m attracted to them or not. So, yesterday while eating at the Chinese restaurant with my son, I started a small conversation with a fairly attractive young lady who was waiting for her order. I spent about ten minutes making small talk that was focused mainly on learning things about her. She disclosed some troubling information about her father’s death from an aneurysm three years ago and her brother who was shot in the head in a homicide just three months ago. Both incidents, she said, was pretty traumatic for her; I expressed my sympathy and made sure to bring the conversation back to an enjoyable tone. Anyway, the conversation concluded with her asking for my number and me suggesting that we should meet up later if she wasn’t doing anything. She agreed.

The Scheduled Meet up

This is when things got super interesting. About an hour after the meet up, we went back and forth via text message, joking around. It ended with me asking her a question about her drinking habits; I didn’t get a response. Oh, well, I figured. I’ve played this game before with other females. I learned that I can’t expect everyone to be connected to their phones like I am to mine these days, so I shrugged it off.

About two hours later, I sent another message that invited her to hang out with me. Again, I didn’t get a response…until 2 hours later. I received a, “hey.” Then nothing else followed. My curiosity got the best of me so I sent another text message about a half hour later asking her if she had messaged me, after which she replied, “yeah whats up?” So, I shrugged off the previous ignores and invited her to meet me at a local pub:

ME: “Let’s go to Fox and Hound. I want a salad and some wings.”
HER: “Ok give me a few like 15 20 minz”

After 50 minutes of her not showing (12:20 am), I still hadn’t received word from her, so I figured the meet up wasn’t going to happen. But just to confirm, I sent another text to ask whether or not she was coming, to which she replied yes. I didn’t get upset or anything because I’ve recently learned to accept that girls, especially young girls, are just inconvenient; I learned that she was 24 years old.
Besides, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have my own agenda at hand.
Then, at 12:35 am, I received the following:

“Im making a right or left off reames rd?”
“Can i spend da night?”

I was really fucked up at this point. I was asking myself, what’s really going on? I thought she was messing with me, but I told her, “right, yes, and I guess.” Not believing she was coming, I figured I’d turn in to bed after drinking my last Jack Daniels with Coke.
I fell asleep and about an hour later (1:19 am) I received another text that awakened me from my sleep:

“Almost there comin from south side”

I’m like, WTF? Really? So, I ignored the text and fell back to sleep. Then, one hour after that (2:12 am), I received another text message:

“Phone died had to charge”

Then I received a call from her shortly after. She sounded really sleepy, and told me that she was on her way. Again, I had my own agenda, so I decided that instead of punishing her by ignoring her calls and telling her to fuck off, I was going to punish her vagina when she got to the house.

Eventually, she showed up. To be sure I wasn’t being set up somehow, I made sure I went to the window to ensure that no one else had followed her and that no one else was in the car. After a few seconds of observation, she stepped out of her car, but I still saw movement which I recognized was coming from the dog that she had told me she had in our earlier conversation.

I immediately suspected that which I was dealing with; I had put it all together in my mind all before going outside to greet her.
By the time she came to the house, it was 2:40 am. She told me that her dog can stay in the car right before I invited her in. She looked very, very tired, but she attempted a smile. Other than asking her if she would like something to drink, I didn’t ask any questions. I gave her a glass of grapefruit juice and then a short tour of the house. Afterwards, I invited her to my bedroom where I handed her some wash and dry towels.

As she showered, I couldn’t help but to make sure that my office door was locked and that I hid my wallet.
When she came out of the shower, she came into the bedroom looking exhausted. She laid there on the bed next to me with her eyes shut, facing the ceiling, and attempted small talk. I simply told her that I’d just talk to her in the morning.

At this point, I couldn’t help but to imagine the men who would try to take advantage of this situation. I mean, I haven’t had sex in a few months, and here I had this young girl lying next to me in her night outfit. My desire to have sex was still present, but no longer with this young lady. I was overtaken by compassion and sorrow for this young lady. Only someone who is hurting inside would take such a risk as she did. It was unimaginable. I knew at that moment that I was dealing with someone who was displaced.
I watched her as she fell asleep, and then turned in to sleep myself.

The Breakfast Conversation

I got up in the morning and cooked breakfast for this young lady while she stayed in the bed resting; I cooked grits, eggs, breakfast sausage, and toast. Once breakfast was finished, I called her down to eat. I stood silent for a few minutes, and then I finally asked her, “Okay, disclosing as much or as little information as you want, what’s your story?”

To make a long story short, she had told me about how she has been sleeping at some of her co-workers’ place, off and on, for the past two months, and that she has even been sleeping in her car at times. She was evicted from her last apartment when she used her rent money to visit New Jersey, to attend her brother’s funeral and to help her family out. She further disclosed that she was about $200 from the $1400 needed to secure a new apartment, and she had hoped that she’d make the $200 on her upcoming work shift at a local pub.

She also shared a quick story about her dog…her friend. She told me that when she had her apartment she couldn’t get her dog to shut-up, but now, she can’t even get her dog to bark. In other words, even the dog had been affected by this displacement.

Again, I was overcome with compassion. Just this week I was cooking and serving breakfast at the Men’s Shelter of Charlotte. It was there that I served over one hundred seventy homeless men, and learned a few of their stories. After they ate breakfast, whether they had a place to go or not, they had to leave the Men’s Shelter and was not guaranteed a bed for that night unless they showed up between the hours of 5 to 7pm. The sympathy that I shared for them, I shared for this young lady. I couldn’t imagine being displaced, and taking whatever risk that was necessary in order to live comfortably, one day at a time.

I asked the young lady, “Why did you feel so comfortable to stay with me? I could be a serial killer and psychopath.” She responded, “Because you just seemed like a nice guy.”
I asked no other questions. Everything that she had told me connected well, as far as I was concerned. I didn’t have to remind her of the risks that she already knew that she was taking. Apparently, the risk-reward equation leaned more towards “reward” for her situation.

Because I had to go off to work, I told her that she had to leave my home even though her shift didn’t begin until 11:00 a.m. Of course, she had no problems with this arrangement. As we left the house, I invited her to my car and told her that I would give her some money towards securing her apartment. She never asked, and didn’t even hint at such a request, it was just something that I wanted to do. We took a short drive to the ATM and I pulled out $100 and then gave it to her.

We drove back to the front of my home where I told her good luck; she reached over to hug me and told me thanks. As she got into her car, I watched her as she started it and saw the joy that she and her dog shared in their reunion. Once I was positive that her car was running, I drove off and made my way to work.
When I hit the elevator to go to my office, I received the following text message from her:

“I gladly appreciate u!! Let me n ya lovly home let me shower n sleep comfortable n feed me and help me!! Thanks so much!!

I smiled. I put my phone away. And I was glad that I was able to help someone who has probably given up hope and seen worst days than I can only imagine.
Yesterday’s “approach” and subsequent results has given me a feeling that will last for quite some time, and this feeling is much more sensational than what I would have received if my focus and energy was aimed at receiving only sexual pleasure.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the last time that these fifth graders will hear this recurring theme–the pathway to success. So in a sense, this is the dream that they will follow. Despite the obstacles that will get in their way, they will shoot for the ultimate goal of having a good job, which often equates to good money, which undoubtedly equates to the ability to buy more things, that may or may not bring about happiness. Nevertheless, they will work their little asses off until they are “successful.”

On this path to success, though, since it is defined by going to college and then getting a good job, these kids will do whatever it takes to fulfill this requirement, even if it means taking on student loans without regard to the amount of debt that they will eventually find themselves in. After all, by the time they reach college age they, along with their parents, will also be brainwashed that student loans are considered “good debt.” With this in mind, the choice to attend college without regarding its total costs becomes much easier. The decision to attend the best, top, or most  prestigious college or university becomes an emotional, rather than a financial and logical choice. All that the student thinks to care about, since he has been brainwashed, is that these schools, although priciest, will provide a better opportunity of being successful.

Off to College 

As soon as the student steps foot on campus, he or she will be solicited to fill out credit card applications. Although the majority of the students will not have any source of income, it will be okay since they will be told to use their anticipated student loan refund checks, their scholarship stipends, or their parent’s monthly allowance as income. And of course it won’t matter to them because they have been brainwashed to understand that they must build credit and that building credit is a “good thing.”

Some of these students, however, are smart enough to outsmart the credit card companies, though. They will decide that they’ll apply for the cards but never purchase anything with them unless it is an emergency, which of course is the wisdom that they have heard at some point in their life; perhaps from their parents? But, little do they know, the cards that they’ll receive were packaged by clever businessmen. The cards that the student will decide to put away and to use only in an emergency will likely have an application or initial processing fee that the student won’t learn about until after he or she receives them in the mail. And what’s rather interesting is that usually the student doesn’t have money to pay the fee, so then he will be charged a late fee, which will also accrue interest, when he finds that he doesn’t have enough money to pay the bill.

Since the student will be forced to pay on the card now, why shouldn’t he use it “just a few times” on the weekend to purchase “food?” So, he does. He’ll purchase burgers, pizzas, fries, hot dogs, and everything else that is quick to eat but lacking in essential micro-nutrients. These typical late night “fast food” binges on credit, and the meals that are served in the college dining hall will definitely, physically fill the student up, but his body will be nutritiously deficient. Again, though, he will not understand the important link between his health and his diet since he has been brainwashed to think that as long as he is consuming protein, he is eating healthy.  The student probably has no idea what vitamins his body must consume, but thanks to the heavy marketing by Big Agriculture, he would certainly profess why he must eat all sorts of meats and drink milk because they are the “only” sources of protein.

When the college student gets sick, which is most likely from the foods that he has been eating, he’ll have no idea how to self-heal. He won’t understand the power of natural healing foods such as teas and green leafy vegetables because he has been programmed to run to the shelves of the local pharmacy to find “relief” for his symptoms. And of course, even though he doesn’t have any money, he’ll easily pay the $10 to relieve, not heal, his symptoms, because he has the credit card in his possession that he has already been using.

Ironically, and in the end, the cards that were issued to the student to build his credit will ultimately, likely destroy his credit. Before the student even graduates from his bachelor degree program, he will be riddled in both student loan and credit card debt that was accumulated all in the name of achieving success. And he will be fatter and most likely sicker than when he first stepped foot on campus. However, he’ll still find that this lifestyle is quite bearable at this point because he’s only a few steps away from completing the journey on his path to success; which ends at getting a good job. This means that there is light at the end of the tunnel. But at this point, ladies and gentlemen, we find the student nearing the American success dream, not realizing that he or she is more fucked than he or she realizes.

The student will find himself leaving college, hopefully at the end of only 4 years, with an average of $26,600 of student loan debt and $4,100 in credit card debt. He will be facing an unemployment rate of 3.9%, but not promised that the job that he finds will be a “good job.”  And he will likely spend up to 30% of his monthly income on debt repayments. These financial crisis are what the student will likely face prior to even “tuning the tassel.”

Soon, the student will have to face the real world that will only compound his financial problems. He has to find a way to secure a “good job, that he may or may not like; purchase a car that carries an average price of $30,000; pay for a wedding with an average cost of $28,427; purchase a home with an average price of $272,000; and eventually have children that cost an average of $235,000 to raise until they’re 18 years old, all while earning a income that will likely be close to the median U.S. household annual income of $52,762. But after acquiring these things, the student will eventually be…successful, right?

It’s been a while since I provided a personal expenses update, and the last one I provided in October 2012 was encrypted using percentages. I had extreme paranoia about revealing my actual income and expenses because of the following:

1. I think people will judge me more than they already do about my extreme frugal habits.
2. I fear friends and family will flock to me when they find themselves in a bind because of financial problems that they put themselves in.
3. And, I think women, if I decide to date again, will expect me to spend more money than I am willing, “just because” I can afford to do so, if they just so happen to “Google” me and subsequently find out how much I earn.

Well, today I don’t care. I’ve grown pretty confident in my ability to tell people to “go to hell” when I’m judged and to say “no” when asked for money. And women, yeah, I’m not going to let another woman dine on my dime again, unless I’m extremely confident that I’ll get some value from our interaction.

So, the following is my report, which was fueled by my curiosity to find out two things.

First, I wanted to see exactly the greatest amount of money I could save but still provide a comfortable lifestyle for me and my son.

Second, I wanted to see exactly how much I needed to earn on a monthly basis, in the event that I wanted to leave my job for something I loved doing more, assuming that money was no object.

Calculating my current savings rate

My actual take-home (monthly):

Work Income: $7,986.20
Rental Income: $1,100
Federal Taxes: $812.60
FICA Social Security: $377.62
FICA Medicare: $88.31
Total Take-home (before rental income taxes): $7,807.67

My actual monthly recurring obligations (March 2013):

Rental Property’s Mortgage: $1,142.30
Primary Home Mortgage: $646.58
Rental Property’s HOA fees: $70.41
Primary Home HOA fees: $43.92
Auto Insurance: $71.26
My cell phone (Unlimited data, text, messaging, iphone with Virgin Mobile): $53.63
School Lunches: $60.00
Life Insurance (2 term-life policies): $46.00
Netflix: $8.57
Gym Membership: $19.99
Auto Payment: $331.13
Electric Bill: $65.24
Gas Bill: $194.29
My son’s cell phone plan (250 minutes, iphone with Pageplus):  $12.00
Internet: $46.23
Hosting fees: $9.95
Pandora One (upgraded because I hate advertisements): $4.28

Total monthly bills: $2,825.79
Current monthly savings: $2,500
Left-over to spend: $2,481.88
Actual Current Savings Rate: Take-home/monthly savings = 32.01%

Calculating what I can realistically save

As you can see, I have an “extra” $2,481.88 monthly that I use for my other mandatory expenses such as groceries, and also for everything else; mainly traveling or “big-time” entertainment. I haven’t put myself on a budget for months now; I usually spend based on what I described in my October 2012 post. It boils down to spending how I want, when I want, as long as I have money in my spending account, even though I am usually careful to pay the least amount possible–always. This type of spending has encouraged me to arbitrarily assign myself A LOT of blow money. For example, I spent about $1,000 in one weekend last month just to hang out during “CIAA.”

But, if I realistically set and stuck to a budget, and stopped taking exotic excursions to places such as Punta Cana, the following is what I can actually save on a monthly basis if I dissect my spending money a bit more:

Setting and sticking to a budget:

Groceries: $300
Auto Fuel: $250
Thursday Dining-out: $100
Education/Books: $50
Clothing: $75
Household: $75
Entertainment: $150
Misc. expenses: $500
Total: $1,500

As I explained in the post, How do You Live Your Life So You Won’t Get Bored, my son and I have a “dining out” night every Thursday that we use for male bonding and discussing why the food that we are eating is poor for our health. This is why the $100 on dining-out would stay. I have the $150 allotted for entertainment because I like to drink my tequila…and vodka…and anything else with alcohol…on the weekends, at home. I may also occasionally go out by myself to eat a meal, which is why I have the $150 monthly for entertainment.

Thankfully, all of my hobbies, other than drinking alcohol and lifting weights are all free; reading, writing, and practicing Spanish. If I stuck to it, setting a budget of $1,500 would allow me to save an extra, $2,481.88-$1,500 = $981.88 monthly, which would bring me to a total monthly savings rate of 44.59% or, $41,782.56 per year.

So, a realistic savings rate that I can start next month could be: 44.59%

My final budget would look like this:

Total Bill Account: $2,825.79

Total Spending Account $1,500

Total Savings Account (Intermediate Bond Fund): $3,481.88

Calculating the maximum amount that I could realistically save:

And just for an additional reality check, I can get rid of the following expenses if I wanted to increase my savings rate even more:

School Lunches: $60.00
Gym Membership: $19.99
Auto Payment: $331.13
Hosting fees: $9.95
Pandora One: $4.28
Total “Extra” that could be saved: $425.35

I can start making my son pack his lunch instead of allowing him to eat the nastiness that’s served at his school, I can work-out using programs such as P90X at home, I can blog on a free platform like wordpress.com and listen to my music for free if I downgrade from Pandora One to Pandora, and, technically, I can get rid of my car payment by paying it in full today. This would increase the maximize amount of money that I could realistically save, and still provide a very comfortable quality of life for me and my son.

Current Savings: $2,500
Projected extra savings: $1,385.29
Additional possible projected savings: $425.35
Total Maximum Monthly Savings: $3,907.23
Total Annual Savings Possible: $46,886.76
Total Maximum Monthly Savings Rate: 50.04%

Conclusion

As shown, I can live a very comfortable life off of $4,300 monthly; this accounts for the expense of my blood-sucking rental property. When I finally sale the rental property, I’ll only need $3,100 monthly. So, I really only need to earn about $38,200 annually, not including medical insurance (taxes have already been taken out in the numbers above).

When I pay my car off, I will only need to earn $34,240 annually. And when I pay off my mortgage, only $26,512 annually is required, not including property taxes. This is the magic portfolio that I’m aiming for before I actually retire.

Paid for home. Paid for car. And a annual annuity of $30,000, whether it be from investment yields or a retirement pension.

My son and I live pretty damn comfortable now. Considering my up-bringing, and the fact that my income will only continue to grow, I am truly blessed to have had my life aligned in the matter that it has. It wasn’t easy, however, it has taken hard work, dedication, and a lot of trials and tribulations before getting to this comfortable point.

As you can see, I can easily “afford” a lavish home and to have many things. Yet, I do not. I live a pretty humble life, outside of my trips abroad that I love to take.

I save at the rate that I do because life is uncertain; I can lose my income earning ability tomorrow, so it’s best to save as much as I can while my salary is as high as it is, and while I still have my health.

I truly feel that I’m not missing out on anything. Everything material that is want is within my reach. Material things do not bring me happiness. And contrary to what you may think, money itself does not make me happy, either. What makes me happy is knowing that I’m working towards my goal of financial independence, and when reached, I’ll be set to do what truly makes me happy for the rest of my life; and that is, doing whatever I want, whenever I want.

Now, the question on whether or not I’ll increase my savings rate from 30% to 50.04% is a matter of whether or not (or how much rather) I’m willing to sacrifice my traveling abroad. Maybe I’ll just have to find a balance and settle somewhere at or around 40%. Maybe.

I understand that every woman is not in to me, as I am not into every woman I originally meet. However, what seems to be lacking is the ability of women to communicate their lack of interest. Apparently, I was told, a women’s lack of interest is displayed by ignoring the person who is pursuing her? Really?

The basis for such thought is that it is better for the women to ignore the man rather than call him creepy, weirdo, or whatever?

This formula just doesn’t add up for me:

Ignore = Consideration, because it is better than calling someone out of their name?

First, why would a women need to resort to such name calling? Second, how is ignoring someone the best way to get a message across? Is this suppose to be lady-like? Who taught these ladies their values?

Imagine when these ladies do find someone who they’re interested in. Should we assume that their communication skills will get better in their relationship? Of course not. These are the women who will also ignore their lover when he asks, “Baby, what’s wrong?”

My gripe has been and always will be with a woman’s (or man’s) inability to communicate effectively. Communication is the biggest piece in every relationship. That’s how things get “worked out.” People don’t understand this, and this is why I, for one, have refrained from pursuing a relationship. If I can’t get past the friendship stage because of extreme displays of selfishness and lack of consideration, how can imagine myself going further with them?

What is wrong with saying something to the effect of, “I don’t think we should date again?” Or, maybe, “I had a good time but I think we have different interest?” Or maybe, “that this you did or said really upset me so I don’t want to talk to you again?” Or, “I don’t think we’ll work out well together?”

All of the above are valid options. Ignoring = an inconsiderate option, and therefore should not be an option. That being said, if a woman uses one of the valid options and is still being pursued, then and only then does she has the right ignore because her pursuer clearly didn’t get the message.

It amazes me that when I call women out for their shit I get labeled offensive, but women call men on their shit all the time. Women do not get a free pass from me. I have standards and expectations that I refuse to accept as ok, just because it is coming from a woman.

Should women get a free pass when it comes to showing consideration? Has it been accepted so much by males that they now acquiesce to such non-sense and called it “part of the game?”