http://ron4president.com/ The Official Ron For President '2008 Headquarters for the Ronatarian Party. 'Enough jibba jabba! Vote for Ron, Crazy Fool! en-us Copyright 2009 Mon, 22 Jun 2009 09:17:47 -0500 Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:22:48 -0500 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=3.2 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss 3-74.07798This is an XML content feed. It is intended to be viewed in a newsreader or syndicated to another site, subject to copyright and fair use. Jersey City, New Jersey, June 22, 2009: A New Jersey politician who was found asleep headfirst in a neighbor's trash can after a night of drinking has apologized and says he's embarrassed. No charges have been filed against Ron, who is the upstart Ronatarian Party's founder and leader. Ron said he had dinner and drinks with friends in nearby Newark on Saturday night. He said he was driven home in roommate Brad's Dodge Neon, but remembers little that happened after that. A neighbor found Ron in the trash can early Sunday and called police, who helped Ron home. Jersey... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/Mr_dOOIoI2E/garbage-pail-politician.html http://ron4president.com/ron-news/garbage-pail-politician.html Ron News Mon, 22 Jun 2009 09:17:47 -0500 http://ron4president.com/ron-news/garbage-pail-politician.html St. Paul, Minnesota, June 5, 2009: While drinking at a bar on Friday night, I spied this advertisement for Summit Brewing Company's Horizon Red Ale. I had to double-take to make sure my bloodshot eyes were focusing correcting and my beer-addled brain was comprehending the significance of what I saw. There, on the bar, was a foldable paper ad combining mustaches and beer. Everyone knows Ron adores beer. Everyone knows Ron has a distinctive mustache. (And some even remember Ron's fascination with red-headed women.) Summit Brewing obviously merged the two pillars of Ron -- beer and a mustache --... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/_O84DgO7gec/horizon-red-ale.html http://ron4president.com/endorsements/horizon-red-ale.html Endorsements Fri, 05 Jun 2009 23:57:35 -0500 http://ron4president.com/endorsements/horizon-red-ale.html Los Angeles, California, May 20, 2009: The mustache gets a bad rap. Sometimes it is considered the mark of a cad. But something caught my eye at the world famous Getty Museum in Los Angeles: A poster treating the mustache as art. The gift shop at the Getty sells alphabet posters with each letter standing for an item contained in the works of art housed by the museum. For the letter M, the mustache is cited. This is fantastic news! Of all the wondrous works an art museum might hold, the Getty chose the symbol of Ron -- the... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/inpH8E5hPvo/mustache-as-art.html http://ron4president.com/endorsements/mustache-as-art.html Endorsements Wed, 20 May 2009 09:38:12 -0500 http://ron4president.com/endorsements/mustache-as-art.html Murray, Utah, May 8, 2009: The mayor of the Salt Lake City suburb of Murray says he has little choice but to shave his nearly foot-long handlebar mustache for charity. Dan Snarr is putting the decision to a vote of residents and says his fashion statement is "getting creamed." "People are voting 'shave.' It's a way to get back at an elected official," said Snarr, who has sported the waxed mustache for three years but now is resigned to shaving. Besides, his wife hates it. She's sick of puckering up for a kiss and getting poked in the eye.... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/4-4vhF0mcIQ/snarrstache.html http://ron4president.com/ron-news/snarrstache.html Ron News Fri, 08 May 2009 08:43:32 -0500 http://ron4president.com/ron-news/snarrstache.html Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, April 23, 2009: A man was acquitted Wednesday after being arrested for refusing to heed a police officer's command he stop singing in a public park. A judge found Ron not guilty of disorderly conduct, saying "This is America, not Afghanistan." Ron, an aspiring politician from New Jersey, had faced a three month sentence after loudly singing "A Change is Gonna Come" in Rittenhouse Square in downtown Philadelphia in October (2008). Greg Wilkinson, the arresting officer, testified Ron was singing so loud his voice drowned out his police radio. "All he had to do was lower his... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/fzwM14Jq1Bc/sing-it-loud.html http://ron4president.com/ron-news/sing-it-loud.html Ron News Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:15:10 -0500 http://ron4president.com/ron-news/sing-it-loud.html Jersey City, New Jersey, April 14, 2009: Ron was supposed to report for jury duty in a drunk driving case. Instead, according to authorities, the New Jersey man skipped the jury duty so he could drink himself. Ron received a summons to appear as a prospective juror in the case. When he didn't show up on Monday, a bailiff called his house. Ron told the bailiff he was too busy to come to court. Associate Circuit Judge Samuel Thompson instructed officers to bring Ron to the courthouse. Deputies say they detected a strong odor of alcohol on him. Ron... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/azoPaLdj01M/crime-of-the-century-club.html http://ron4president.com/ron-news/crime-of-the-century-club.html Ron News Tue, 14 Apr 2009 08:05:58 -0500 http://ron4president.com/ron-news/crime-of-the-century-club.html How come so many conservative Christians insist the only method of birth control that is 100% effective is abstinence? I can think of one documented case where even THAT didn't work -- and you'd think they'd all be familiar with it. (Chris Irby) @ruminate.com blyrifl... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/gRuBvcTQIwI/poem-2009-04-09.html http://ron4president.com/poetry/poem-2009-04-09.html Poetry Thu, 09 Apr 2009 20:47:48 -0500 http://ron4president.com/poetry/poem-2009-04-09.html Los Angeles, California, April 6, 2009: Is Adam Lambert gay? According to pictures that emerged on the web, he may well be. Big news on Sunday as pictures emerged of American Idol contestant Adam Lambert kissing another guy. The pictures surfaced on VotefortheWorst.com and show the 26-year old kissing a man identified by message boards as "Brad." The pictures are said to have originated from Lambert's personal Tribe.net page, as part of a Burning Man community. While Adam Lambert has yet to reveal his orientation, a lot of message boards have been running overtime on this topic. Before the... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/-4vgoElSzqo/american-idolatry.html http://ron4president.com/ron-news/american-idolatry.html Ron News Mon, 06 Apr 2009 09:03:33 -0500 http://ron4president.com/ron-news/american-idolatry.html Jersey City, New Jersey, March 31, 2009: Hudson County authorities said a restaurant owner pistol-whipped and beat a customer who complained that his takeout order was incorrect. The owner of Goomba's Pizzeria was charged with aggravated assault and battery with a deadly weapon and released on bail. The customer, identified as Ronatarian Party leader Ron, says he doesn't know what hit him. "Motherf*cker f*cked me up!" Ron said. "What the f*ck?!?" According to a police report, security footage from the pizzeria shows that the owner struck Ron with a gun. He then jumped over a counter and started to... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/Rc9lH5AIJTI/pistol-whipped.html http://ron4president.com/ron-news/pistol-whipped.html Ron News Tue, 31 Mar 2009 15:37:16 -0500 http://ron4president.com/ron-news/pistol-whipped.html Trenton, New Jersey, March 19, 2009: New Jersey is drawing the line when it comes to bikini waxing. The state Cosmetology and Hairstyling Board is moving toward a ban on genital waxing altogether after two women and a man reported being injured. Both unnamed women were hospitalized for infections following so-called "Brazilian" waxes. The man -- identified as Ronatarian Party higher-up Brad -- was also treated for injuries following a similar procedure. Technically, genital waxing has never been allowed -- only the face, neck, abdomen, legs, and arms are permitted. But because the bare-it-all "Brazilian" version wasn't specifically banned,... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/8dWNFPdFQgI/brazil-nuts.html http://ron4president.com/ron-news/brazil-nuts.html Ron News Thu, 19 Mar 2009 10:26:00 -0500 http://ron4president.com/ron-news/brazil-nuts.html Jersey City, New Jersey, March 16, 2008: Authorities say a man escaped from a burning tanning bed just before it burst into flames, igniting a fire that damaged several stores and forced people to leave a shopping center. The New Jersey Spew reported Monday that no one was injured in the fire, including the man who jumped from the bed. The man was identified as mustachioed local politician Ron. The fire occurred Sunday at a tanning salon in Jersey City. Ron said he heard a popping noise while working on his tan, then saw a flame at the corner... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/dnSvJVI9UoQ/tanning-dread.html http://ron4president.com/ron-news/tanning-dread.html Ron News Mon, 16 Mar 2009 09:12:27 -0500 http://ron4president.com/ron-news/tanning-dread.html Hoboken, New Jersey, February 26, 2009: A car wash employee says she owes her life to a Jersey City politician who rushed to help her when her scarf became caught in a spinning scrubber brush and starting choking her. Stephanie Carpluk says she was terrified as she desperately tried to free herself from the rotating brush while Ronatarian Party leader Ron's famed Camaro started moving through the Golden Nozzle car wash in Hoboken Thursday morning. "The spinner spun my scarf around so it pulled me closer," Carpluk explained. "I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/M3nn4ocy53c/car-wash-hero.html http://ron4president.com/ron-news/car-wash-hero.html Ron News Thu, 26 Feb 2009 16:56:23 -0500 http://ron4president.com/ron-news/car-wash-hero.html I vehemently deny accosting any of my dental patients. I think they just fail to see the humor in my custom-made Ron Jeremy dildo-drill. (Mark D. Sabien) @ruminate.com... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/xx7kmAF0uF8/poem-2007-02-17.html http://ron4president.com/poetry/poem-2007-02-17.html Poetry Tue, 17 Feb 2009 03:50:43 -0500 http://ron4president.com/poetry/poem-2007-02-17.html Northfield, Vermont, February 10, 2009: A vacationing man said he's feeling stiff and still a bit in shock, but was otherwise OK after his snowmobile collided with an Amtrak train. The man was identified as New Jersey-based politician Ron, who is in Vermont "for some [expletive] R&R and a decent wheel of cheddar [cheese]." Authorities said the accident occurred early Tuesday morning, as Ron tried to cross railroad tracks in Northfield. Ron said he heard a whistle but didn't see the train in time. Pieces of the snow machine ended up more than 100 feet down the tracks, but... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/nUXfCZ1mHgk/skidont.html http://ron4president.com/ron-news/skidont.html Ron News Tue, 10 Feb 2009 11:49:21 -0500 http://ron4president.com/ron-news/skidont.html Sometimes I think, "Wouldn't it be nice if the whole world could just live together in peace?" But then I think, "Well, that really wouldn't be fair to professional wrestlers, would it?" (Lev Spiro) @ruminate.com... http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Ron4President/~3/yusSlGRTAQw/poem-2009-02-04.html http://ron4president.com/poetry/poem-2009-02-04.html Poetry Wed, 04 Feb 2009 20:55:33 -0500 http://ron4president.com/poetry/poem-2009-02-04.html