Recent studies have linked television to the over-stimulation of an infant’s brain, leading to the development of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in young children.

Dr. Dimitri Christakis, a Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Washington, says that in the first two years of life, the brain triples in size. Connections that form in the brain, or synapses, are based on early life experiences. Prolonged exposure to rapid image changes during these first years of critical brain development preconditions the mind to expect high levels of stimulation. This, in turn, leads to inattention in later years. Studies have shown that the more kids watch TV before the age of three, the more likely they are to have attention problems in school.

The Good News

While studies found exposure to rapid image changes harmful to young children, they also found cognitive stimulation to be helpful. What is cognitive stimulation? When we read to children, sing with them, and take them to museums, we increase their abilities to think and process information. This type of stimulation makes children less likely to develop inattention difficulties later in their school lives.

The content of what kids watch is key. Learn how to distinguish what is positive and what may cause inattention. For example, programs that constantly change scenes cause over-stimulation. Those that are slow, real narratives like Mr. Rogers are more calming and cognitively stimulating.

An excellent source of guidance for parents can be found in the Technology and Media section at Parent Further, a Search Institute sponsored-website. The Search Institute is a leader in how children develop assets that lead to positive developmental outcomes.

Building Blocks vs. Television

A study conducted in Seattle by Dr. Dimitri Christakis showed that children who played with building blocks scored significantly higher on language acquisition tests. In fact, a recent New York Times article, With Blocks, Educators Go Back to Basics, describes how parents learn to engage their children in block building! It may end up that blocks, not television, will help build the skills that young people need to be successful in corporate America!

According to Christakis and other researchers, early childhood is critical for children’s development. Children need more real time play and less fast-paced media. “If you change the beginning,” Christakis says, “you change the whole story!”

Watch the Video

In December of 2011, Dr. Dimitri Christakis presented a TEDxTalk on Media and Children. It’s a fascinating watch, guaranteed to change the television-watching habits of parents with young children!

What the President did not say should come as no surprise to educators. Teachers play a significant role in fostering the passion, ideas, and energy that motivates students to become engaged in their communities. This meaningful and important work happens every day in and outside of K-12 classrooms.

The power that young people have to make a difference in the world cannot be measured through standardized testing. In my recent qualitative study, Civic Learning at the Edge: Transformative Stories of Highly Engaged Youth, college students recalled the powerful influence of educators in their lives. Memories included the elementary and middle school teachers who taught the importance of positive values like cooperation, compassion, teamwork, and getting along with classmates. They recalled simple service projects that made them aware of people in need. When students reached high school, the values they developed in younger years helped shape their civic identities.

In-depth interviews and surveys of students from diverse households noted three ways that teachers inspired young people toward service and active citizenship, outlined below. While the study focused on adolescence, findings pointed to the developmental nature of engaged citizenship and the systemic importance of families, schools, and communities throughout the K-12 years.

Service-Learning

Teachers who tied their curriculum to service activities in the real world helped students gain skills in critical thinking, planning, organizing, and problem-solving. Teens gained most when service projects pushed them out of their comfort zones to see the world differently. Face-to-face encounters with people who were suffering or were different from them were transformative, giving them the internal energy and passion to make their own mark on the world.

When Danielle participated in a geography class service-learning project through Heifer International, it ignited a passion for citizenship and environmental stewardship. She changed the way she saw service from “something you did on the side when you had time” to “a lifestyle.”

Through a homeless outreach project at his school, Giovanni walked around Philadelphia “finding people who were homeless…talking to them, saying this is where you can get a shower, clean clothes, or a permanent mailing address. This other world opens to you. You find they are really people just like you.”

Instilling Self-Efficacy

While teachers deliver curriculum, facilitate service-learning projects, and teach about the workings of democracy, this study discovered an often hidden and invaluable contribution they make to teenagers who go on to become engaged citizens. Over 90% of study participants mentioned their high school teachers as being instrumental to the committed young adults they became. Overwhelmingly, students admitted that teachers mentored them in ways that developed self-efficacy. Without belief in themselves, students said they would not have the belief that they could change the world.

What did teachers do that nurtured self-efficacy? Students said they 1) supported and encouraged, 2) listened, 3) set high expectations, 4) showed interest in them as individuals separate from academics or civic activities, 5) fostered self-decision-making, and 6) provided another perspective during problem-solving.

Following a service-learning project at the age of 15, Ashley turned her love of media into educating people about recycling. Speaking of two high school teachers, she said, “They were right alongside me….and I could go to them and talk about anything, any difficulties. I talked to them about everything. It was like my possibilities were endless for whatever I wanted to do in the world.”

Civic Role Models

More than half of the civically-engaged youth in this study named a teacher as their civic role model, with the remainder, in order, divided between civic leaders, parents, everyday people, clergy, and peers. Civic role models were described quite differently from teachers who helped nurture self-efficacy, although occasionally they were the same.

Ranked in order of importance, students valued teacher civic role models for their 1) passion and ability to inspire, 2) clear set of values, 3) commitment to community, 4) selflessness, and 5) ability to overcome obstacles in life.

Now a volunteer in Boston’s Chinatown, Ryan leads gambling addiction awareness seminars to Asian youth. Speaking of his teachers, he said, “the fact that they are so dedicated to teaching students and helping students and empowering students…that’s such a meaningful gesture. They are always trying to give back to the next generation. That really inspires me.”

Teachers Change Lives Because of Who They Are

It is no surprise that teachers change lives through actions that encourage service and learning in and outside the classroom. But they also change lives because of who they are as human beings — how well they listen, encourage, and inspire.

For young people like Jake Bernstein to become leaders, we need teachers who mentor and inspire them. Once they are engaged in their communities, they inspire others. Check out Jake’s video below! It’s guaranteed to inspire!

In addition to my articles at Roots of Action, I started writing a regular online column in June for Psychology Today entitled “The Moment of Youth,” about helping teens believe in themselves. And yes, this increased my readership dramatically! I also write for A Hopeful Sign, a new online magazine dedicated to spreading hope through positive living, learning, and leading. My column, “Impassion Youth,” discusses how adults support kids of all ages to become their best selves.

One of the terrific things about being a writer in today’s online environment is the instant feedback from and connection with readers. Statistics on website visitors as well as the numbers of people sharing on Facebook and Twitter show exactly what articles are most popular and relevant. As I absorb your comments and chat with you online, I continue to learn about young people, how they thrive, and how we adults provide the scaffolding for their development.

If you missed these articles or are a new reader, below are links to my three most popular positive youth development posts of 2011 and a few of my most favorite reader comments.

Best wishes for a peaceful holiday season
and a New Year filled with positive possibilities!

Most Popular Articles (in order of popularity)

1)      The Fallacy of Good Grades: Why tests don’t measure your child’s most important strengths. We live in an age obsessed with numbers. But that doesn’t mean we have to teach children to measure their self-worth by grades or test scores.

2)      Mistakes Improve Children’s Learning: Most adults understand that making mistakes is part of life. Yet we pressure our kids to get it right! If they make errors or experience setbacks, parents envision a successful future slipping from grasp. Actually, the opposite is true. Making and learning from mistakes improves young people’s positive outcomes in life.

3)      Smart Kids Face Challenges Too:  Do you have a bright child? Then you probably know that raising intelligent children is not as easy as it might look. Parents can help foster true potential in bright children.

My Favorite Comments

Your comments keep me going every day! Thank you for taking the time to write, to challenge and expand my thinking, to provide links to additional articles, and to share words of appreciation.

In response to The Fallacy of Good Grades, Corinne Gregory wrote:

“I was very happy to come across your article. You are so correct on the ‘intangibles’ that are the foundation of our children’s success — both short- and long-term.

The one thing you didn’t talk about is how important these “soft skills” are to a students’ academic success. Repeated studies decisively show the link between positive social skills development and better academic success. For more on this, I invite you to visit Academics + Social Skills = Better Results where you can also find a link to the study.

I hope that many people will read your article and take it to heart. The goal of an education should be not just to create good students, but also good PEOPLE. I think we’ve lost sight of just how important the ‘intangible’ really is, to personal success as well as the success of the community.

In response to Will Small-Part Fixes Save Public Schools? An anonymous reader wrote:

To truly find what makes for good education the researches would have to focus on the students themselves! After all, we’re trying to find a way to improve education for them, aren’t we? So a very informative research would look at students who made great success in life partly (or mostly) because of their formal education and those that hardly benefited from schools. However before one even begins to do research of any kind you need to answer the question of what is it that you truly want and you aptly said: “What matters most to families and to our democracy is that children develop into caring, productive young adults who critically think about and actively engage in the world around them.”

No reform will work from the outside in, you must focus on the inside – the student – the core – the very person who’s life (or at least education) we’re trying to improve here. You can only find a great teacher if you look at the students – not their grades or their opinion of the teacher – but to simply identify how much of a role has the teacher played in a child’s educational improvement. We’ve all heard some stories about successful graduates who exclaim that they couldn’t have done it without that one or more person.

]]> http://rootsofaction.com/blog/most-popular-positive-youth-development-articles-of-2011/feed/ 0 http://rootsofaction.com/blog/most-popular-positive-youth-development-articles-of-2011/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RootsOfAction/~3/qTkzS0Wy4UY/ http://rootsofaction.com/blog/the-gift-of-giving-how-the-holidays-shape-childrens-identities/#comments Tue, 22 Nov 2011 04:36:17 +0000 Marilyn Price-Mitchell http://rootsofaction.com/blog/?p=867 The holidays are here — with sparkling lights, glittering trees, and magical store displays. But as we look beyond the external, the research on child and adolescent development tells us something very important about what happens in children’s internal worlds. It’s a season that shapes their lifelong identities about giving. What are you doing this year to help children and teens internalize the gift of giving?

Of course, children associate the holidays with being receivers of gifts. But according to studies in human development, it is the giving of gifts that reaps the biggest psychological rewards. Parents can help children and teens realize these rewards by teaching them how to give back during the holiday season and throughout the year. There are many ways to give back, including through the excellent projects listed below.

Six Ways for Families & Children to Internalize the Gift of Giving

PLEDGE TO VOLUNTEER

To mark the season of giving, from November 29 through December 13, each time a child or teen makes a pledge to volunteer through generationOn, its partners at Hasbro will donate a toy to a child in need. As part of their Holiday Gift Campaign, generationOn encourages kids, parents, teachers and nonprofit organizations to explore its many online resources, including holiday service projects that help kids turn pledges into projects. Also through pledging, children become engaged in a youth community that brings the gift of giving into young people’s lives throughout the year. What better time than the holidays to get your kids to take a volunteer pledge!

SPONSOR AN IMPOVERISHED FAMILY

The Family-to-Family project helps American families share their bounties with others who are impoverished. They will link your family with a family struggling to put food on the table. Once a month, they’ll ask you to either shop, pack and send a box of groceries to them, or make a donation that allows them to do it for you. The best way is to get kids involved in the shopping, in the process of giving! Encourage children to reflect on what others would want, how they can empathize with families different from their own.

SEND A PACKAGE TO AN AMERICAN SOLDIER

The nonprofit organization AnySoldier.com invites you and your children to help make the holidays more special for American soldiers stationed in harm’s way. You can choose to support any of the Armed Services, decide what you want to send, and get children involved in making cards and selecting gifts. Plan ahead so a solider in Iraq, Afghanistan, or another place of global conflict can receive your family’s heartfelt gratitude for the job they do.

VISIT SOMEONE CONFINED TO A NURSING HOME OR HOSPITAL

Bring the spirit of the holidays to those who otherwise might not have a celebration. The Holiday Project is a nonprofit organization whose mission is to pass along from generation to generation the responsibility of making a difference in the world by experiencing the difference we make in each other’s lives. The project connects volunteers with thousands of people spending Christmas, Chanukah, and other holidays confined to hospitals, nursing homes, and other institutions. Start a project in your community or join one already operating in 13 states.

SERVE A MEAL TO THE HOMELESS

The National Coalition for the Homeless is a national network of people committed to ending homelessness. They work to meet the immediate needs of people who are homeless by providing education, advocacy, and grassroots organizing. Check their directories of national and local organizations where your family can help this holiday or throughout the year.

DONATE TO A FOOD BANK

Right now, the programs that put food on the table for America’s vulnerable children, seniors, and working families are on the chopping block. Your help is desperately needed to fill food banks and pantries throughout the country. Feeding America, a nonprofit network of member food banks, can help your family find convenient ways to give.

Turn Family Values into Action

What values does your family hold about giving? The holidays are a perfect time to talk about your values and make a plan to put them into action now and in the coming year. We are often so busy during the holidays it’s easy to go through the motions of gift-gifting without connecting to the deeper meaning of giving. Yet it is these deep connections that shape children’s identities, that teach them the gift of giving.

Family projects that involve giving to those in need during the holidays can be turned into powerful lessons that teach compassion, empathy, and meaning to children. By adolescence, young people have the capacity to think and act independently from their parents – to give conscious attention to and become passionate about giving.  Whatever your gift giving family traditions, it is important to revisit how your thinking has changed, and how you might want to adapt your traditions. Make children part of the dialog on family values. Studies show that what youth learn about giving during childhood and adolescence lasts a lifetime. Happy Holidays! Joyful Giving!

Many equate parent engagement to volunteering, school governance, and fundraising. While these activities are vitally important to schools, the kind of parent engagement that affects student success is vastly different. This type of engagement involves parents as teachers and learners. It means building parent-school partnerships that not only increase student learning but expand learning for everyone in a child’s support system.

We know that learning is dependent on an interconnected system of relationships and support. Yet despite extensive research, we are failing to create healthy partnerships between parents, teachers, and students that encourage learning and innovation. To understand how parent engagement must change, a quick history lesson is helpful.

Brief History of Parent Engagement

When we look at schools historically, their structure and organization goes back to the Industrial Revolution when they were founded to resemble well-oiled machines. They were envisioned and created as closed, self-sufficient systems. Responsibilities within the schools were fragmented between principals, teachers, counselors, and administrators, each performing specialized tasks. Parents had no roles.

Over a period of many years, parent engagement grew from programs that merely educated them to processes that enlisted parents in volunteering, fund raising, and school governance. But regardless of how parents were involved with schools, there were always unwritten rules of engagement. It wasn’t until the 1970’s that Ira Gordon spearheaded efforts to develop the “parent-as-teacher” role, helping increase children’s academic performance and develop more positive home-school relationships.

Insisting that teachers must learn from parents as well as parents from teachers, Gordon pointed out that educators needed to develop new attitudes toward parents, including the ability to collaborate with them. This was a major shift in thinking for schools, a shift that has never been successfully achieved to this day. Why? Some believe the machine metaphor is so entrenched in our thinking about schools that it is difficult for them to embrace the idea of education as a collaborative partnership. Rather, it is more comfortable to operate from a system of rules and guidelines.

As a result of this kind of thinking, the past 30 years of research on parent engagement has mostly focused on specialized programs for parents rather than on how parents and schools collaborate to expand learning for everyone. It has particularly looked at how to improve outcomes of children from socioeconomically disadvantaged environments. Measured by improved student test scores, many programs have produced success. However, most programs are difficult to replicate from school to school.

Partnerships Based on Collaboration and Learning

Today’s concept of family-school partnerships echo back to the ideas of Ira Gordon (1977), implying that parents and schools share equally valued roles in education. To make partnerships flourish, we must go beyond thinking of parents as school volunteers and fund raisers and consider them part of a school’s learning community.

Instead of a closed, self-sufficient system, schools must see themselves as open systems that engage in learning at the boundaries between families and communities. Peter Senge (2000) said it well, “If I had one wish for all our institutions, and the institution called school in particular, it is that we dedicate ourselves to allowing them to be what they would naturally become, which is human communities, not machines. Living beings who continually ask the questions: Why am I here? What is going on in my world? How might I and we best contribute?”

When we think of schools as learning communities, parents and teachers have the capacity to shift the machine metaphor from the grassroots upward. This is the type of change than cannot be mandated from the top-down or through policies like No Child Left Behind.  In fact, research shows that partnerships based on relationships, connectedness, and flexibility hold the keys to understanding how to increase student learning and motivation.

What does this paradigm shift mean to families and schools?  While parents and teachers have unique skills and expertise, no one is a single expert. We are all learners. We come together for the shared goal of educating the whole child. In many ways, we are what Etienne Wegner (2002) calls communities of practice, “groups of people who share a concern, a set of problems, or a passion about a topic, and who deepen their understanding and knowledge of this area by interacting on an ongoing basis.” What brings families and schools together is a passion for children and education.

Seven Ways Parents & Teachers Build Partnerships

Research shows that parents and teachers build partnerships that help children succeed when they:

1)  Engage together in meaningful dialogue

2)  Show mutual respect

3)  Actively listen to one another

4)  Collaborate on issues that affect student learning

5)  Empathize with one another

6)  Open themselves to learning from each other

7)  Involve students as responsible collaborators in their own learning

Many parents and schools are not waiting for mandates from above. They are forming partnerships that encourage learning from people who do not necessarily share similar views or parenting practices. Parent-led programs like ParentNet use a communities of practice model to bring parents at different grade levels together with school liaisons. They learn together. Discussions often spur ideas that generate innovation and positive change in local schools.

It is clear that family-school partnerships for the 21st century will be different than traditional ideas of parent engagement. That should come as no surprise to educators or parents who understand that innovation in a complex, globally-connected society requires collaboration, respect, and the capacity to critically think about the changing world in which we and our children live.

References

Epstein, J. L. (2011). School, family, and community partnerships: Preparing educators and improving schools (2nd ed.). Philadelphia, PA: Westview Press.

Gordon, I. R. (1977). Parent education and parent involvement: Retrospect and prospect. Childhood Education, 54, 71-79.

Henderson, A. T., Mapp, K. L., Johnson, V. R., & Davies, D. (2007). Beyond the bake sale: The essential guide to family-school partnerships. New York: The New Press.

Price-Mitchell, M. (2009). Boundary dynamics: Implications for building parent-school partnerships. The School Community Journal, 19(2).

Senge, P. M. (2000). Systems change in education. Reflections, 1(3), 52-60.

Smit, F., Driessen, G., Sleegers, P., & Teelken, C. (2008). Scrutinizing the balance: Parental care versus educational responsibilities in a changing society. Early Child Development and Care, 178(1), 65 – 80.

Wenger, E., McDermott, R. A., & Snyder, W. (2002). Cultivating communities of practice: A guide to managing knowledge. Cambridge, MA: Harvard Business Press.

Developing compassion in elementary and middle school-aged children is akin to developing muscle strength. The more you use your muscles, the stronger they get. Children who participate in programs that teach kindness, respect, empathy, and compassion and who have families that reinforce those strengths at home develop the muscles they need to become civically-engaged adolescents and adults. During the teen years, they reach deep within themselves, access these muscles, and develop social and civic identities that last a lifetime.

Regarded as one of the greatest human virtues by all major religious traditions, compassion is an emotional response and attitude toward others that is deeply empathetic. It enables us to connect to human suffering with care and understanding, acting in ways that brings comfort to those around us. Compassion causes us to remain charitable, even if others behave negatively. Research shows that compassion plays a key role in helping children develop into engaged, caring, and optimistic adults.

Children Practice Compassion Through Involvement!

Research on the positive effect of class projects and after-school activities that develop compassion continues to grow. Scouts, church groups, and programs like GenerationOn’s Kids Care Clubs provide excellent ways for children to learn skills and practice compassion in their communities. Resources abound for adult leaders and classroom teachers to help implement meaningful hands-on service projects, locally, nationally, and globally.

GenerationOn, the youth division of Points of Light Institute, helps inspire and mobilize children to use their energy, ingenuity and compassion to make their mark on the world by doing small acts that develop their compassionate muscles. Many resources are available for download including projects focused on the environment, animals, homelessness, hunger, literacy, and seniors. I encourage you to access this material and help your child, classroom, or after-school groups transform compassion into action to benefit others.

Three Ways to Instill Compassion at Home

Developing compassion in children involves all adults stepping up to do their parts – families, teachers, clergy, and community leaders. But we know from research that one of the most important places that compassion is learned is in the home. In my research study, Civic Learning at the Edge: Transformative Stories of Highly Engaged Youth, college students like Danielle, said their parents instilled compassion at home, an inner strength that guided their actions as they became teenagers. Ways families instill compassion include:

•  Give Children Opportunities to Practice Compassion: Compassion cannot be learned by talking about it. Children must practice compassion in their daily lives. Difficult encounters with family members, classmates, and friends present opportunities for kids to put themselves in another’s shoes – to practice empathy. They also learn compassion when they practice giving without the need to gain anything in return, when they are with people or animals who are suffering, and when they experience the internal reward of feeling appreciated.

• Help Children Understand and Cope with Anger: Anger is one of the greatest hindrances to compassion because it can overwhelm children’s minds and spirit. Yet there are times when anger yields energy and determination. The Dalai Lama, in his article Compassion and the Individual, suggests we investigate the value of our anger. We can help children by asking how their anger will help solve a problem or make their lives happier. We can help them see both the positive and negative sides of anger, and how holding onto anger leads to unreliable and destructive outcomes.

• Teach Children to Self-Regulate: Antidotes to anger come through compassion and self-regulation, the ability to stop or delay an action rather than behaving impulsively. Children should understand that regulating their anger is not a sign of weakness. Instead, a compassionate attitude is an internal strength. Praise children when they regulate themselves, making sure they understand the power of their calmness and patience. Always encourage elementary and middle school children to talk about their anger with a supportive adult. Teaching compassion doesn’t mean turning a blind eye to aggression in others. We all know that children get bullied and are often not treated fairly by peers. If remaining calm only encourages more aggression, then we must also help children take a strong stand without retaliatory anger.

Inspiring a spirit of volunteering in elementary and middle school helps kids develop their compassionate muscles – muscles they will use over and over again as they reach adolescence and adulthood. Once you help your children begin this process, make sure they get lots of practice month after month. The world can never get too much compassion!

It has been ten years since we traveled from Seattle to Washington D.C. to take our daughter to college. I clearly remember the buzz of freshman making their way through orientation, parents lining up at hardware stores to buy extra picture hangers, and the churning in my stomach as we said our goodbyes. What laid ahead for our daughter? Developmental growth and maturation facilitated by unpredictable life experiences and lots of parental love, guidance, and support!

Three weeks after her college orientation, America was attacked by terrorists. It was September 11, 2001. We heard the news that a second plane was headed for Washington D.C. – our daughter was just a few miles from the Pentagon. We were numb with fear until we knew she was safe. It was the first in a series of unpredictable events, relationships, and experiences that would shape her life and the life of other freshman. Like students everywhere, our daughter was about to face and overcome new challenges. She was beginning her journey into late adolescence and young adulthood.

Going to college is a big step in a child’s life. They will gain new knowledge and meet new friends. They will experiment with new behavior and reflect on the people they want to become. Hopefully, they will graduate and take their knowledge, skills, and experiences into the world of gainful employment.

But parents should beware: Your child is still an adolescent! The development that happens during these years is immense. While many parents believe adolescence occurs between the ages of eleven and eighteen, most social scientists consider it to be much longer – stretching into the early twenties. In fact, another important period of development, young adulthood, occurs well into the late twenties. The bottom line – today’s college freshmen depend on parents and social support systems much longer than previous generations.

There are many complex reasons why the period of adolescence is longer for kid’s growing up in today’s Western societies. The key reason is that children are given fewer responsibilities and are treated as more dependent than their parents or grandparents were at similar ages. This does not give them opportunities for planning, preparing, and executing – essential skills that help develop initiative and teach them to make successful transitions. Children with learning differences move through adolescence even more slowly, requiring greater parental support.

Our daughter took five years to graduate after transferring to colleges in Oregon and North Carolina. She changed majors several times, worked numerous part-time jobs, and experienced the normal highs and lows associated with late adolescence. Last year, she graduated from law school in Virginia, returned to Seattle, and passed the Bar Exam.  She has since worked hard getting legal experience through unpaid internships. But like many of her law school classmates, she marks the tenth anniversary of her arrival at college as one of America’s millions of unemployed. It’s another obstacle to overcome! And another opportunity for her parents to remember the importance of faith, hope, and love.

Faith, Hope, and Love

As a developmental psychologist and a parent with a ten-year retrospective on college orientation and beyond, I offer a few nuggets of wisdom for parents of new freshmen.  Above all, remember that this transition is just one of many steps in the period of development known as adolescence. You may have left your son or daughter at college, but they will be your child for the rest of their lives!

Your child will always need three things from you: faith, hope, and love.  Whatever your religious beliefs, you have already instilled your son or daughter with values that will last a lifetime. Have faith those values will endure. Supporting your child’s college education provides hope for a more fulfilling future. Help them hold onto that hope, no matter what.  Love them, no matter what. With faith, hope, and love as the foundation of your relationship, here are ten ways to support your child’s development as they enter college.

Ten Ways to Support Your Child’s Development through College

• Expect the unexpected.
• Expect the unexpected to become the new normal.
• Embrace the unexpected; knowing it produces learning and growth for your child.
• Discard the expectations you have of your child, allowing your son or daughter to develop their own life and career goals.
• Always be there to listen, support, and encourage.
• Give your expert advice and feedback only when invited. (They will ask for it!)
• Encourage your child to seek support from other adults. Non-parent mentors are critical during this period of development.
• When your child faces challenges and obstacles, encourage them to think through the steps to overcome them rather than giving them your answers. (Your answers don’t work for anyone else but you!)
• Challenge yourself and your child to think critically! This is one of the most important skills your child will cultivate during late adolescence. And it is a skill that is also developed over a lifetime!  A critical thinker raises good questions, understands relevant information, comes to well-reasoned conclusions, thinks with an open-mind, and communicates effectively with others. When children and parents communicate critically with an open-mind, both evolve as human beings.
• Accept that your child will think and do things differently than you. As frustrating as that can be, it works out best when your child discovers the beauty of who they are, separate from their parents. You wouldn’t want it any other way!

My best wishes to all families of new college freshmen!

Related Articles

What is a Role Model? Five Qualities that Matter to Young People

Route to Happiness: Fostering Initiative in Children & Adolescents

Mistakes Improve Children’s Learning

The Fallacy of Good Grades

Photo Credits: Illinois Springfield; Jazzlog

©2011 Marilyn Price-Mitchell. All rights reserved. Please contact for permission to reprint.

Needless to say, the way I viewed education was not the way our system worked. After all, today’s school system was built on mechanistic ideas from the Industrial Revolution, designed to produce graduates like machines produce widgets. Like an assembly line, children enter at kindergarten and progress grade by grade until they graduate around the age of eighteen.  Its sole purpose is to produce “well-educated children” who go on to adulthood and the world of work.  When children move at a pace that is different from the machine, they are often labeled as having deficits. This creates a big problem for the system. Schools try to help these kids by suggesting drugs to help them focus or by tutoring them to stay on track.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggested that learning deficits and disabilities do not exist. Like Sir Ken Robinson’s views expressed in the video below, I believe the modern epidemic of ADHD and other diagnosis are given to kids who do not fit into our inflexible, mechanistic school system. My daughter had many labels during her school years, none of which truly captured the unique and capable child she was. One year she would be diagnosed with an auditory processing weakness, the next year a different specialist would suggest she had attention deficit disorder, and yet another would label her with high-functioning Asperger’s Syndrome.  She probably had more than ten different diagnoses throughout high school and college.

This deficit theory of education is based on a belief that children lack what they need to learn. The school’s job is to make up for this deficit.  Teachers tell parents where their kid’s deficits are through report cards; many specialized tests help brand children with specific disabilities.  However, few opportunities exist for parents and schools to work in partnership to develop kid’s ability to learn. Why? If we look at education as a mechanistic process, we do not build in flexibility nor recognize the importance of learning that is outside the system itself. Education and learning become separated rather than interrelated.

In the article The Objective of Education is Learning, Not Teaching, the Wharton Business School excerpted a key message from the book, “Turning Learning Right Side Up: Putting Education Back on Track,” by Russel L. Ackoff and Daniel Greenberg.  The article explored how Industrial Age systems have contributed to our current dilemma and suggested a new focus on how children learn rather than how well they are taught.

21st Century Learning

It is quite natural for children to learn, even without school.  Children in tribal cultures learn from their elders and from being a part of a societal system.  Children learn by being members of families, through trial and error, and through exploration. The rise of homeschooling is a response by many parents to bring education and learning together, to help children build on strengths in supportive, nurturing, and more natural learning environments.

In the revolution that is now occurring in science, we are beginning to understand that we cannot control the world in ways we once believed.  Systems-thinking, a process of understanding how parts influence the whole, teaches us that learning occurs through relationships, collaboration, and flexibility, not through the memorization of rote facts.  Peter Senge, author of The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of the Learning Organization, acknowledges that changes in scientific thinking must somehow reach to our schools where education begins. He admits it is more difficult to bring about change in public education because the mechanistic metaphor is so deeply entrenched in our thinking.

Another assumption rooted in the Industrial Era is that learning occurs in the head, not the body.  Hence, most of what is taught in schools is left-brain focused.  We now know that learning occurs in both sides of the brain and the body.  By limiting the way we teach, we also limit development.  We miss the importance of psychological literacy — emotional intelligence, kinesthetic and interpersonal abilities, spirituality, moral reasoning, and critical thinking — that characterize the many areas of positive development.

Traditional education teaches knowledge through subject or categorized areas.  Our kids study literature, mathematics, and biology.  But in fact, life presents itself to us as a whole, a system of interconnected knowledge.  This fragmented view of knowledge is antithetical to systems-thinking and the kinds of skills needed in the 21stcentury.

Changing Education Paradigms

The following video, created by a visual facilitator, depicts the messages in Sir Ken Robinson’s TED talk about the history of education and why today’s reformers have it wrong. Sir Ken Robinson, PhD is an internationally recognized leader in education, creativity and innovation. If you are not one of the 5 million people who have viewed this, I encourage you to do so now!

Parents, Schools, and Communities Make a Difference

Collaboration is essential to innovation.  When the school system didn’t work for my child, I collaborated with others to create change. Fifteen years ago, when my daughter was in 8th grade, I worked with hundreds of parents, school administrators, and teachers to develop ParentNet, a program that brings parents and schools together to learn from each other about raising healthy, successful kids. There were no hard and fast rules; no right and wrong answers. Coming together only required a willingness to share and grow through respect and collaborative learning.  Not surprisingly, ParentNet became more successful in private schools because of their more flexible and adaptive environments.

I believe grassroots efforts by parents and teachers who see better possibilities in education will eventually help school systems adapt to 21st century needs. I remain as committed today as I was 15 years ago to working for all children, not just my own. My own daughter, who tested in the lowest percentile for a variety of skills, recently graduated from law school. She will always learn differently from others and struggle to fit in, but is nonetheless a productive, healthy, and engaged young woman.

Don’t wait for education reformers to fix the system! Education and learning CAN coexist if we act in ways that truly benefit kids. Get involved. Get others involved.

Related Articles

Interview with Positive Youth Development Expert

Want the Best for Children? Ask Different Questions

Developing Character Strengths: A Vital Goal of Education – Part 1

Developing Character Strengths: A Vital Goal of Education – Part 2

Developing Character Strengths: A Vital Goal of Education – Part 3

Developing Character Strengths: A Vital Goal of Education – Part 4

©2011 Marilyn Price-Mitchell. All rights reserved. Please contact for permission to reprint.

Eden’s story is a great example of how children are often transformed by face-to-face interactions with people living in poverty.  Clearly, Eden has developed the ability to empathize, to put herself in the place of another.  Most children develop this capacity by the age of six and are capable of taking action to help people in need. They particularly benefit from seeing the direct benefits of their actions.

Close to the age where she will ask deeper questions about poverty, Eden Eskaros is on her way to becoming an engaged, compassionate citizen.  During adolescence, children’s brains develop the capacity to understand the systemic issues involved in helping those in need.  For example, Eden may begin to ask “Why are children living in poverty?” or “What are the root causes of poverty?”

In my recent research study, Civic Learning at the Edge: Transformative Stories of Highly Engaged Youth, I studied how young people adopt passionate causes, most often between the ages of 14 and 18.  Developmentally, this is the age when kids form civic identities that often stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Raising children to become active citizens doesn’t happen by chance. The students in my study reflected on their childhoods and adolescence and the critical experiences that led them to work for civic causes.  Being familiar with the common steps in their journeys can help parents, educators, and other adults support kids through these important learning experiences.

Five Steps toward Engaged Citizenship

Connecting to Others in Need

Kids who develop a passion to serve can usually point to a critical experience that became transformative for them.  Like Eden Eskaros, the experience frequently involves face-to-face interaction with people who are different from them and most often, with people who are in need. These experiences might occur in food banks, homeless shelters, nursing homes, disaster areas, and places where people live in poverty. Similarly, those who work for environmental causes point to intense moments of learning, involving a deep personal connection to nature or animals. Their experiences might occur in animal shelters, wildlife refuges, or experiential projects that raise awareness of environmental issues.  These experiences can occur at young ages, long before children have the intellectual ability to understand the complexities of the situation.

Confronting Moral Dilemmas

During adolescence, teenagers develop the capacity to think in more complex, interconnected ways. When teenagers form relationships with those who are in need, who may be in pain, or who have few resources, it creates moral dilemmas for them.  They begin to ask questions that compare their own circumstances to others. For the first time, they may wonder why people are hungry or why children are homeless. The same is true for the environment.  Kids feel such a connection to nature that they begin to ask deep moral questions about how we care for the planet. Why don’t we pay attention to climate change?  Or protect certain species of animals?

Self-Reflection

As they consider these moral dilemmas, adolescents reach deep within and think about their values.  Instead of mimicking the opinions they have heard from others, such as parents or friends, they begin to form their own conclusions.  They need to process their feelings with adults who are not judgmental, who trust in their abilities to find their own answers. Often, these adults are leaders of volunteer programs, older siblings, or a favorite teacher. Encouraging teens to discuss their feelings with others, or even write about them, helps facilitate learning.

Perspective Shift

Through reflection, talking with others, and linking their values to the issues that impact them, young people experience a shift in perspective. They begin to see how issues are connected to each another and become interested in understanding the root causes of societal problems.  For example, they may see links between social and environmental issues, understanding that climate change will most affect people living in poverty. They may connect sex trafficking with girls living in poverty in Cambodia.  They may understand the need for breast cancer research because it affected a mother or aunt. These connections begin to fuel an inner purpose and passion toward specific, important causes.

Creating a Passionate Civic Identity  

Young people reach the last step in this journey when they see themselves as active, engaged citizens. They are able to articulate their beliefs about how they understand a social or environmental issue and they hold a worldview that incorporates themselves as agents of change. They know that small things they do to contribute to social and environmental causes have a big impact. At this point, they are ready and able to make a long-term commitment to serving the public good. They have a passion for giving!

Adult Support: An Essential Ingredient

Eden Eskaros could not have achieved her goal at age 10 without the help of her parents and other supportive adults.  Likewise, teenagers also speak passionately about the adults who played a supportive role in their route to adopting passionate causes.  These adults help young people believe in themselves.

Students reported six main ways adults helped. They 1) supported and encouraged, 2) listened, 3) set high expectations, 4) showed interest in them as individuals separate from academics or civic activities, 5) fostered self-decision making, and 6) provided another perspective during problem-solving.

Understanding the common ways kids navigate the challenges of volunteering may help adults mentor children and adolescents more effectively.

Youth Civic Engagement and Civics Education Resources

CIRCLE: The Center for Information & Research on Civic Learning and Engagement, Tufts University College of Citizenship and Public Service

Engaged Youth: Civic Learning Online, University of Washington

John W. Gardner Center for Youth and Their Communities, Stanford University

Youth Service America, Washington DC

©2011 Marilyn Price-Mitchell. All rights reserved. Please contact for permission to reprint.

The proponents of youth sports often make blanket statements about the benefits of sports, leading parents to believe that if Johnny or Susan doesn’t make the team, they may not achieve happiness or develop positive strengths needed to succeed in life. Some believe the positive hype around youth sports is spread by adults who either blindly accept the notion that sports are good for all kids or who are in the business of developing high-performing athletes. In his recent book Until It Hurts: America’s Obsession with Youth Sports and How It Harms Our Kids, Mark Hyman speaks about the adult takeover of kids’ sports, suggesting they are negatively affecting the physical and mental well-being of children.

The truth is that neither portrait of youth sports is completely correct.  Research studies have been conducted with hundreds of thousands of children who participate in sports. Generally, these studies show that youth who participate in organized sports during middle and high school do better academically and are offered greater job prospects than children who do not partake in sports activities. However, nuances exist in these studies that are important for parents to understand. Like all studies that equate youth activities with success in life, it is imperative to look deeper to learn how these findings apply to your own children.

3 Parallel Paths to Achieving Positive Outcomes from Youth Sports

Studies offer broad insights into child development and often contradict one another. Since no one child is exactly like another, parents who understand the benefits and pitfalls of sports and who pay attention to the individual needs of their children are more likely to raise kids that thrive in life.  Generally, studies indicate three important aspects of sports participation that affect positive youth development – intensity, continuity, and balance. A combination of all three offers the greatest benefits to kids.

• Intensity: The amount of time children spend doing sports each week is particularly important to whether they receive positive developmental outcomes from their participation. Kids who spend more time in sports activities have greater benefits than youth who participate at lower levels or not at all.  With greater time commitment, children develop better mastery of skills and superior knowledge of tactics and strategy.  This can lead to the development of strategic thinking which is helpful in all aspects of life, including the ability to find and excel in the job market. No one can tell you how many hours of sports per week is the perfect amount. The important learning is that children who make a commitment to regular practice receive greater developmental benefits.
  

• Continuity: The stability and duration of how children participate across their adolescent years is also important. Studies suggest that intermittent participation during the middle and high school years is not as beneficial as continuous dedication. Making a commitment over time facilitates the likelihood that children will overcome challenges and obstacles in their performance. They also have greater opportunities to interact with teammates, learning to cope with the interpersonal challenges of working with others. This is an important aspect of developing initiative, an internal strength that lasts a lifetime.

• Balance: Perhaps the most important of the three aspects of youth sports participation is to achieve a balance between sports and other activities.  Studies show that greater developmental outcomes are attained by children who spend time in activities other than their dominant sports pursuits. It is not necessarily the numbers of activities in which youth participate but rather that they have outlets beyond sports. For example, one study found youth who participated in sports and school clubs had lower rates of depression than kids who focused exclusively on sports. Other studies suggest that children who participate in activities that present real-world challenges, like volunteering in their communities, achieve greater developmental benefits. These activities encourage youth to develop a civic identity and see a world beyond a game of competition.

The Dilemma and Solutions

The three factors that contribute to youth development present dilemmas for families. The decision to play sports with the intensity and continuity required to be highly successful (and possibly earn a college scholarship) must be made with long and short-term consequences in mind. To pursue a sport at the expense of other out-of-school-time activities may not be as developmentally positive for youth. Yet often, the decision to focus on one sport exclusively is fueled by a strong commitment to that activity, one that brings joy and satisfaction to a teenager’s life. It may also be fueled by the needs of parents whose lives revolve around coaching or the internal satisfaction of seeing their child achieve on the playing field. Whatever the reasons, sports can place a high demand on young people’s time and energy, leading to the kinds of negative effects described by Mark Hyman in Until It Hurts: America’s Obsession with Youth Sports and How It Harms Our Kids

Before jumping into a full-time schedule of youth sports, families should weigh the positive and negative aspects of sports and assess the benefits to their children. A particularly good read for parents is Shane Murphy’s The Cheers and the Tears: A Healthy Alternative to the Dark Side of Youth Sports. Murphy is a sport psychologist and the president of the Division of Exercise and Sport Psychology of the American Psychological Association.

For those wishing to take a deeper dive into the debates among scholars, youth advocates, and sports practitioners concerning the role of sports in children’s lives, Margaret Gatz’s book Paradoxes of Youth and Sport is a must read. Gatz explores the critical issues in the sports debate, including youth development; violence; and racial, gender, and class inequities.

Related Articles

Coaches: Key Players in Children’s Sports

Sources

Holt, N. L. (Ed.). (2008). Positive youth development through sport. New York, NY: Routledge.

Theokas, C. (2009). Youth sport participation: A view of the issues. Developmental Psychology, 45(2), 303-306.

Zaff, J. F., Moore, K. A., Papillo, A.R., & Williams, S. (2003). Implications of extracurricular activity participation during adolescence on positive outcomes. Journal of Adolescent Research, 18, 599-630.

Zarrett, N., Lerner, R. M., Carrano, J., Fay, K., Peltz, J. S., & Li, Y. (2007). Variations in adolescent engagement in sports and its influence on positive youth development. In N. L. Holt (Ed.), Positive youth development and sport (pp. 9–23). Oxford, England: Routledge.

Zarrett, N., Fay, K., Li, Y., Carrano, J., Phelps, E., & Lerner, R. M. (2009). More than child’s play: Variable- and pattern-centered approaches for examining effects of sports participation on youth development. Developmental Psychology, 45(2), 368-382.

Photo Credits: Daveblog; Chemisti

As a researcher, I am always delving into the latest study and looking for cause and effect relationships that show how children develop.  Sometimes though, I find a refreshing simplicity in the words of a poem. When I came across this poem by Dorothy Law Nolte I envisioned numerous research studies that support her assertions.  I thought I would post it for your enjoyment.  Who knows, maybe you’ll paste it to your refrigerator!

Dorothy Law Nolte died in 2005 at the age of 81.  Her legacy as a parent educator, practitioner, and family counselor taught many people about family dynamics and parenting.

Children Learn What They Live

by Dorothy Law Nolte

If children live with criticism,

They learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility,

They learn to fight.

If children live with ridicule,

They learn to be shy.

If children live with shame,

They learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement,

They learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance,

They learn to be patient.

If children live with praise,

They learn to appreciate.

If children live with acceptance,

They learn to love.

If children live with approval,

They learn to like themselves.

If children live with honesty,

They learn truthfulness.

If children live with security,

They learn to have faith in themselves and others.

If children live with friendliness,

They learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972/1975 by Dorothy Law Nolte

Natalie and Samira were part of my research study on how young people develop the skills, abilities, and motivation to become engaged citizens. They and 42 other college students recalled stories of their childhoods and adolescence and the kinds of people who inspired them.

Role models come into young people’s lives in a variety of ways. They are educators, civic leaders, mothers, fathers, clergy, peers, and ordinary people encountered in everyday life. This study showed than being a role model is not constrained to those with fancy titles or personal wealth.  In fact, students were quick to state that “a true role model is not the person with the best job title, the most responsibility, or the greatest fame to his or her name.” Anyone can inspire a child to achieve their potential in life.

The top five qualities of role models described by students in the study are listed below. These qualities were woven through hundreds of stories and life experiences that helped children form a vision for their own futures. In a poll of 50 adult Facebook readers of this blog, these same qualities were mentioned as adults reflected on their own role models. The biggest difference was that adults did not rank “commitment to community” as high as their younger counterparts. They also mentioned qualities like compassion, fearlessness, and listening skills. By far, the greatest attribute of a role model is an ability to inspire others.

Passion and Ability to Inspire

Role models show passion for their work and have the capacity to infect others with their passion. Speaking of several of his teachers, one student said, “They’re so dedicated to teaching students and helping students and empowering students. That is such a meaningful gesture. They are always trying to give back to the next generation. That really inspires me.”

Clear Set of Values

Role models live their values in the world. Children admire people who act in ways that support their beliefs.  It helps them understand how their own values are part of who they are and how they might seek fulfilling roles as adults. For example, students spoke of many people who supported causes from education to poverty to the environment.  Role models helped these students understand the underlying values that motivated people to become advocates for social change and innovation.

Commitment to Community

Role models are other-focused as opposed to self-focused. They are usually active in their communities, freely giving of the time and talents to benefit people. Students admired people who served on local boards, reached out to neighbors in need, voted, and were active members of community organizations.

Selflessness and Acceptance of Others

Related to the idea that role models show a commitment to their communities, students also admired people for their selflessness and acceptance of others who were different from them.  One student spoke of her father, saying “He never saw social barriers. He saw people’s needs and acted on them, no matter what their background or circumstances. He was never afraid to get his hands dirty. His lifestyle was a type of service. My father taught me to serve.”

Ability to Overcome Obstacles

Young people develop the skills and abilities of initiative when they learn to overcome obstacles.  Not surprisingly, they admire people who show them that success is possible.  One student shared a story of a young man she met in Cambodia on a service-learning project with her school. “He is an incredibly hardworking individual who has faced unimaginable obstacles in his life, yet continues to persevere to support his family and encourage his community. He survived the Cambodian genocide. He earned his education in a system where those who succeed are the ones who bribe officials. He has dedicated his life to give back to his community. Wow! What an individual; and the best civic role model!”

Research studies have long shown a correlation between role models and higher levels of civic engagement in young people. Positive role models are also linked to self-efficacy, the ability to believe in ourselves. In fact, the young people in my study admitted that unless they learned to believe in themselves, they would not have been capable of believing they could make a difference in the world!

Children develop as the result of many experiences and relationships. Role models play an important role in inspiring kids to learn, overcome obstacles, and understand that positive values can be lived each day. Whether you are a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, civic leader, clergy member, sports coach, after-school program leader, or a person who just happens into a child’s life, you have the ability to inspire!

Sources

Bandura, A. (2001). Social cognitive theory: An agentic perspective. Annual Review of Psychology, 52, 1-26.

Jennings, M. K., & Niemi, R. M. (1981). Generations and politics. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

Kahne, J. E., & Sporte, S. E. (2008). Developing citizens: The impact of civic learning opportunities on students’ commitment to civic participation. American Educational Research Journal. doi: 10.3102/0002831208316951

Price-Mitchell, M. (2010). Civic learning at the edge: Transformative stories of highly engaged youth. Doctoral Dissertation, Fielding Graduate University, Santa Barbara, CA.

Zukin, C., Keeter, S., Andolina, M. W., Jenkins, K., & Carpini, M. X. D. (2006). A new engagement? Political participation, civic life, and the changing American citizen. Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press.

Photo Credit: Lil Larkie