Spilled Coffee print from Giselle Dekel

Charley Harper Owl Pals Coasters from High Rock Home in Catskill, NY

Eats

Apple Cider Donuts and the most delicious homemade apple sauce made from apples we picked at Rose Hill Farm, a little brown sugar, and water. The best.

Easy Sweet Potato Dal from The Vegan Instant Pot Cookbook by Nisha Vora (Rainbow Plant Life)

Pumpkin Baked Ziti with Sage Sausage from Vodka and Biscuits. (I used Field Roast Smoked Apple & Sage Plant-based Sausage and vegetable broth to make this recipe vegetarian

Fun

Fanfuckintastic 1000-piece puzzle from Genuine Fred

Burning

This Wild Cider candle from Cantique

This Wild Honey Nectar candle from Red Leaf Home

This Mid-Century Modern candle from Anecdote Candles

On Repeat

This song and music video by Ren (thanks to my friend Darrin for sharing with me)

Wish List

This Dish Towel from Hip & Humble

This Sweater from Anthropoligie

This Memoir by Margaret Atwood (Affiliate Link)

This Crossbody Purse from Spartina

That's All!

As always, thank you for reading!

♥︎♥︎♥︎

October is always hard for me. It’s the month I lost my father and this year, the 28th marks 14 whole years he’s been gone. Even as I write that, it doesn’t seem real. 

But October is also one of my favorite months of the year. Growing up in the Northeast meant October was more than just a month on the calendar; it was a feeling. The cold, crisp air, the beautiful fallen leaves, the autumn smell that only an October in New York can produce. 

In 2013, I wrote a blog post called Taking Back October and I share it each year on October 1. 

It’s a reminder that happiness and sadness can exist at the same time. That even though there is no doubt that October 2011 was the hardest month of my life, I can still welcome October and appreciate all the things I’ve always loved about it. 

Taking Back October — Rosey Rebecca

An open letter to the month that’s tried its best to take me down.

Rosey Rebecca: Blog. Shop. Shenanigans.Rebecca Rose (She/Her)

Happy October, friends. I hope this month is everything you need it to be.

“I remember it as October days are always remembered, cloudless, maple-flavored, the air gold and so clean it quivers.” - Lief Enger 

As always, thank you for reading!

♥︎♥︎♥︎

👋🏻 Oh, HEY, new friend! Thanks for stopping by!

I'm Rebecca - a late-diagnosed Autistic/ADHD (AuDHD) writer and creative. I love oversharing my life, thoughts, and humor to help others feel accepted and understood.

Sign up for inspiration, community, member-only content, discounts, and resources. It's FREE!

SIGN ME UP!

Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup.

No spam. EVER. Unsubscribe anytime (opting out of emails will not cancel your site membership).

Don't want to subscribe just yet? Here are some public posts to peruse until you change your mind. 😉

I have a problem. I can't stop buying books. Just this past weekend I went to three separate bookshops and purchased seven books. SEVEN!

The other morning I set my coffee cup down, picked up my copy of The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood, and exclaimed, "I need to read. I need to read this book because I have to read all the other books I bought before I buy more books."

As if I have no control over it. As if some outside force takes over anytime I'm even in the vicinity of a bookshop. As if I stand idly by while piles of books somehow find their way into my shopping bag.

And don't even get me started on all the books I bought before the books I just bought. I told you. I have a problem.

But maybe, just maybe, if I tell you about the books I've recently acquired, it will motivate me to read them all before magically ending up with more.

If nothing else, it will bring me joy to share with you some things that have recently brought me joy. So let's get to it, shall we?

10 Books I Have To Read Before I Can Read More Books

Small Fires by Rebecca May Johnson

Small Fires

An Epic in the Kitchen by Rebecca May Johnson

Buy on Bookshop.org

Why I Bought This Book

1. It was on the 50% off rack at my favorite local bookshop, Golden Hour Books.
2. The author's name is Rebecca and I'm obviously obsessed with myself.
3. The first sentence of the first chapter reads, I begin on the sofa unable to find a reason to get up; I am rescued by a pumpkin and by apron strings.
4. If that sentence alone isn't enough of a reason, I was also moved by the poem by Sophie Collins in the epigraph:
   The village is always on fire.
   Men stay away from the kitchens,
   take up in outhouses with concrete floors,
   while the women – soot in their hair –
   initiate the flames into their small routines.
5. Best of all, when Angie, the bookshop owner, was ringing me up, she told me that the book is one of her favorites and how she loves the way the author weaves food writing with literature.

SOLD!

Synopsis

This joyful, revelatory work of memory and meditation both complicates and electrifies life in the kitchen.

Why do we cook? Is it just to feed ourselves and others? Or is there something more revolutionary going on?

In Small Fires, Rebecca May Johnson reinvents cooking -- that simple act of rolling up our sleeves, wielding a knife, spattering red hot sauce on our books -- as a way of experiencing ourselves and the world. Cooking is thinking: about the liberating constraint of tying apron strings; the transformative dynamics of shared meals; the meaning of appetite and bodily pleasure; the wild subversiveness of the recipe, beyond words or control.

Small Fires shows us the radical potential of the thing we do every day: the power of small fires burning everywhere.

No Less Strange or Wonderful by A. Kendra Greene

No Less Strange or Wonderful

Essays in Curiosity by A. Kendra Greene

Buy on Bookshop.org

Why I Bought This Book

1. The cover art is great (I always judge a book by its cover). As are the illustrations incorporated throughout the book.
2. When deciding whether I'm interested in a book, I do a few things:
   1. I judge the cover.
   2. I read the synopsis.
   3. I flip through and read the writing. If I like it, I buy it.
3. The first chapter I flipped to while investigating this book is titled, "People Lie To Giraffe."
4. The second chapter I stumbled upon is titled, "Ted Cruz Is a Sentient Bag of Wasps."

SOLD!

Synopsis

Celebrated author and artist A. Kendra Greene's No Less Strange or Wonderful is a brilliant and generous meditation--on the complex wonder of being alive, on how to pay attention to even the tiniest (sometimes strangest) details that glitter with insight, whimsy, and deep humanity, if only we'd really look.

In twenty-six sparkling essays, illuminated through both text and image, Greene is trying to make sense--of anything, really--but especially the things that matter most in life: love, connection, death, grief, the universe, meaning, nothingness, and everythingness. Through a series of encounters with strangers, children, and animals, the wild merges with the domestic; the everyday meets the sublime. Each essay returns readers to our smallest moments and our largest ones in a book that makes us realize--through its exuberant language, its playful curation, and its delightful associative leapfrogging--that they are, in fact, one in the same.

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD

Unmasking Autism

Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity by Devon Price, PhD

Buy on Bookshop.org

Why I Bought This Book

1. I'm autistic and like to read about my brain.
2. I've heard good things about this book.
3. I'm currently reading Dr. Price's book Laziness Does Not Exist and like his writing style.

SOLD!

Synopsis

For every visibly Autistic person you meet, there are countless “masked” Autistic people who pass as neurotypical. Masking is a common coping mechanism in which Autistic people hide their identifiably Autistic traits in order to fit in with societal norms, adopting a superficial personality at the expense of their mental health. This can include suppressing harmless stims, papering over communication challenges by presenting as unassuming and mild-mannered, and forcing themselves into situations that cause severe anxiety, all so they aren’t seen as needy or “odd.”
 
In Unmasking Autism, Dr. Devon Price shares his personal experience with masking and blends history, social science research, prescriptions, and personal profiles to tell a story of neurodivergence that has thus far been dominated by those on the outside looking in. For Dr. Price and many others, Autism is a deep source of uniqueness and beauty. Unfortunately, living in a neurotypical world means it can also be a source of incredible alienation and pain. Most masked Autistic individuals struggle for decades before discovering who they truly are. They are also more likely to be marginalized in terms of race, gender, sexual orientation, class, and other factors, which contributes to their suffering and invisibility. Dr. Price lays the groundwork for unmasking and offers exercises that encourage self-expression, including:

• Celebrating special interests
• Cultivating Autistic relationships
• Reframing Autistic stereotypes
• And rediscovering your values

It’s time to honor the needs, diversity, and unique strengths of Autistic people so that they no longer have to mask—and it’s time for greater public acceptance and accommodation of difference. In embracing neurodiversity, we can all reap the rewards of nonconformity and learn to live authentically, Autistic and neurotypical people alike.

Pasta for Nightingales by Giovanni Pietro Olina and Cassiano Dal Pozzo

Pasta for Nightingales

A 17th-Century Handbook of Bird-Care and Folklore by Giovanni Pietro Olina and Cassiano Dal Pozzo

Buy on Bookshop.org

Why I Bought This Book

1. It seems really cool.
2. The forward is by an author I have not read but have heard good things about.
3. To be honest, I probably won't read this book cover to cover, all at once. I'll most likely pull it out when I have guests over and read passages at random. I included it on this list so you too can learn all about 17th century bird-care and folklore. You’re welcome.

SOLD!

Synopsis

The first-ever English translation of a seventeenth-century ornithology text, complete with historic watercolor illustrations

This beautifully illustrated book brings together the newly commissioned, first-ever English translation of one of the earliest studies in ornithology with the original watercolors, now part of the British Royal Collection, that provided the inspiration for its engraved illustrations. The watercolors, created for the "Paper Museum" of the seventeenth-century scholar and art collector Cassiano dal Pozzo, are here combined with the translated text of amateur naturalist Pietro Olina's original Uccelliera of 1622 to create a new work that provides a fascinating glimpse of ornithology's earliest days--a period when folklore informed natural history studies as much as science did. 

With meditations on the "epileptic" robin redbreast and a recipe for chickpea pasta meant to satisfy a nightingale and keep it in song, this work is an enchanting re-presentation of natural history literature. Retaining the character of Olina's original design, this unique book describes over forty much-loved species, and is sure to please bird watchers, naturalists, and antiquarian book lovers alike.

Barnheart by Jenna Woginrich

Barnheart

The Incurable Longing For a Farm of One's Own: a memoir by Jenna Woginrich

Buy on Bookshop.org

Why I Bought This Book

1. It’s a $5 used book.
2. The author is from upstate New York. She was a 20-something blogger when the book was published in 2011. I was a 20-something blogger living in upstate New York in 2011. Is she me? Am I her? Did I black out and write a memoir about starting a farm? 2011 was a crazy year. You never know.
3. There's a chapter called "Sheep 101."

SOLD!

Synopsis

With humor and poise, Jenna Woginrich describes her adventurous self-education in homesteading. Poignant offbeat observations on learning to farm by trial and error punctuate the story of her quest to find a permanent home for herself and her livestock: chickens, geese, sheep, ducks, rabbits, a goat, and a turkey. Alone and on a shoestring budget, Woginrich takes on cranky neighbors and small-town politics without ever losing her trademark humility or comedic style.

And You May Find Yourself by Sari Botton

And You May Find Yourself...

Confessions of a Late-Blooming Gen-X Weirdo by Sari Botton

Buy on Bookshop.org

Why I Bought This Book

1. I enjoy the Talking Heads reference in the title.
2. I'm not a Gen-Xer but relate to finding myself later in life: I was diagnosed with autism, ADHD and OCD in my early 30s.
3. The title of the introduction is "Greetings from Weirdville."
4. The author's reason for becoming a writer – she "felt like a weirdo" – is similar to my own reason for becoming a writer.
5. The author lives in the town where I purchased the book (Rough Draft Books in Kingston, NY).
6. The poem "Why Bother" by Sean Thomas Dougherty is included in the epigraph:
   Because right now there is someone
   out there with
   a wound in the exact shape
   of your words.

SOLD!

Synopsis

And You May Find Yourself... by Gen-X author Sari Botton, is about "finding" yourself later in life-after first getting lost in all the wrong places. As Botton discovers, the wrong places famously include her own self-suppression and misguided efforts to please others (mostly men). In a series of candid, reflective, sometimes humorous essays, Botton describes coming to feminism and self-actualization as an older person, second (and third and fourth) chances-and how maybe it's never too late to find your way...assuming you're lucky enough to live long.

The Penelopiad

The Penelopiad

by Margaret Atwood

Buy on Bookshop.org

Why I Bought This Book

1. I'm on a quest to read all of Margaret Atwood's books because
   1. I'm seeing her at an event soon.
   2. She could write about paint and I'd read it.
2. So far I've read The Handmaid's Tale, The Testaments, Alias Grace, and Bodily Harm. I'm halfway through The Blind Assassin.
3. I love that this is a retelling of a classic from the woman's perspective.
4. The first sentence of the first chapter reads, "Now that I'm dead I know everything."

SOLD!

Synopsis

A fresh take on what follows Homer's The Odyssey by the international best-selling author of The Handmaid's Tale, Margaret Atwood.

Penelope. Immortalised in legend and myth as the devoted wife of the glorious Odysseus, silently weaving and unpicking and weaving again as she waits for her husband's return. 

Now Penelope wanders the underworld, spinning a different kind of thread: her own side of the story - a tale of lust, greed and murder.

All The Lives We Ever Lived by Katharine Smyth

All The Lives We Ever Lived

Seeking Solace in Virginia Woolf by Katharine Smyth

Buy on Bookshop.org

Why I Bought This Book

1. "To The Lighthouse" by Virgina Woolf has been on my to-read list for a while.
2. Apparently this book by Katharine Smyth has been on my to-read list for a while as well. When I went to add it to my Goodreads "Want to Read" list, it showed that I had already added it in January, 2023.
3. The author writes about grieving her father, something I can relate to.

SOLD!

Synopsis

Katharine Smyth was a student at Oxford when she first read Virginia Woolf's modernist masterpiece To the Lighthouse in the comfort of an English sitting room, and in the companionable silence she shared with her father. After his death--a calamity that claimed her favorite person--she returned to that beloved novel as a way of wrestling with his memory and understanding her own grief. 

Smyth's story moves between the New England of her childhood and Woolf's Cornish shores and Bloomsbury squares, exploring universal questions about family, loss, and homecoming. Through her inventive, highly personal reading of To the Lighthouse, and her artful adaptation of its groundbreaking structure, Smyth guides us toward a new vision of Woolf's most demanding and rewarding novel--and crafts an elegant reminder of literature's ability to clarify and console. 

Braiding memoir, literary criticism, and biography, All the Lives We Ever Lived is a wholly original debut: a love letter from a daughter to her father, and from a reader to her most cherished author.

The Dictionary of Lost Words by Pip Williams

The Dictionary of Lost Words

by Pip Williams

Buy on Bookshop.org

Why I Bought This Book

1. Another inexpensive, used book.
2. It's a writer writing about words. Enough said.

SOLD!

Synopsis

Esme is born into a world of words. Motherless and irrepressibly curious, she spends her childhood in the Scriptorium, an Oxford garden shed in which her father and a team of dedicated lexicographers are collecting words for the very first Oxford English Dictionary. Young Esme’s place is beneath the sorting table, unseen and unheard. One day a slip of paper containing the word bondmaid flutters beneath the table. She rescues the slip and, learning that the word means “slave girl,” begins to collect other words that have been discarded or neglected by the dictionary men.

As she grows up, Esme realizes that words and meanings relating to women’s and common folks’ experiences often go unrecorded. And so she begins in earnest to search out words for her own dictionary: the Dictionary of Lost Words. To do so she must leave the sheltered world of the university and venture out to meet the people whose words will fill those pages.

Set during the height of the women’s suffrage movement and with the Great War looming, The Dictionary of Lost Words reveals a lost narrative, hidden between the lines of a history written by men. Inspired by actual events, author Pip Williams has delved into the archives of the Oxford English Dictionary to tell this highly original story. The Dictionary of Lost Words is a delightful, lyrical, and deeply thought-provoking celebration of words and the power of language to shape the world.

On Trails by Robert Moor

On Trails

An Exploration by Robert Moor

Buy on Bookshop.org

Why I Bought This Book

1. I was in a new-to-me independent bookshop (Good Books in Cornwall, NY) and I had to purchase at least one book. It's the law.
2. The synopsis reminded me of another book I read and loved: "Leave Only Footprints" by Conor Knighton
3. I knew Jeff would enjoy this book as well.

SOLD!

Synopsis

While thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail, Robert Moor began to wonder about the paths that lie beneath our feet: How do they form? Why do some improve over time while others fade? What makes us follow or strike off on our own? Over the course of seven years, Moor traveled the globe, exploring trails of all kinds, from the miniscule to the massive. He learned the tricks of master trail-builders, hunted down long-lost Cherokee trails, and traced the origins of our road networks and the Internet. In each chapter, Moor interweaves his adventures with findings from science, history, philosophy, and nature writing.

Throughout, Moor reveals how this single topic—the oft-overlooked trail—sheds new light on a wealth of age-old questions: How does order emerge out of chaos? How did animals first crawl forth from the seas and spread across continents? How has humanity’s relationship with nature and technology shaped world around us? And, ultimately, how does each of us pick a path through life?

Moor has the essayist’s gift for making new connections, the adventurer’s love for paths untaken, and the philosopher’s knack for asking big questions. With a breathtaking arc that spans from the dawn of animal life to the digital era, On Trails is a book that makes us see our world, our history, our species, and our ways of life anew.

Find More Books on Bookshop.org

So, that’s my reading list for the rest of 2025! I hope you'll join me in reading one or all of them. Feel free to check out the rest of the books on my Bookshop and use the search bar below to search for your own interests. Let’s stop ordering books from Amazon and support independent bookstores!

As always, thank you for reading!

♥︎♥︎♥︎

👋🏻 Oh, HEY, new friend! Thanks for stopping by!

I'm Rebecca - a late-diagnosed Autistic/ADHD (AuDHD) writer and creative. I love oversharing my life, thoughts, and humor to help others feel accepted and understood.

Sign up for inspiration, community, member-only content, discounts, and resources. It's FREE!

SIGN ME UP!

Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup.

No spam. EVER. Unsubscribe anytime (opting out of emails will not cancel your site membership).

Don't want to subscribe just yet? Here are some public posts to peruse until you change your mind. 😉

Where were we?

Wasn't I just here talking about panic appointments and our imminent move to New York and questions I don't know the answers to?

That was 18 whole months ago, you say?

Welp.

Hi. Hello. I Am Here.

I'm here and there are bees in my attic. There are bees in my attic, which also happens to be our bedroom and my office. So, you know, that's cool.

👋🏻 Oh, HEY, new friend! Thanks for stopping by!

I'm Rebecca - a late-diagnosed Autistic/ADHD (AuDHD) writer and creative. I love oversharing my life, thoughts, and humor to help others feel accepted and understood. Sign up for inspiration, community, member-only content, discounts, and resources. It's FREE!

SIGN ME UP!

Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup.

No spam. EVER. Unsubscribe anytime (opting out of emails will not cancel your site membership). Don't want to subscribe just yet? Here are some public posts to peruse until you change your mind. 😉

This morning, I was sitting on my couch, drinking coffee, and updating my calendar for April when I suddenly remembered that WE ARE MOVING TO NEW YORK IN MAY.

You might be wondering how I could possibly forget that I'm moving to a different state in a little over a month (37 days, to be exact), and that's a great question.

The answer is simple: I didn't forget; I just chose not to remember. It's different.

You see, I know my brain and understand that in order to function day-to-day and prepare for this MASSIVE life change, I must ignore it completely. Because if I think about it too much, I panic.

So, this morning, when I felt my breath catch in my throat, and my heart start to pound, I immediately yelled NOT TODAY! and added Panic to my calendar instead.

Because I'm a loving and considerate wife, I invited Jeff to my Panic Appointment, too—a Panic Date, if you will. (By "invited," I mean that I added it to our joint calendar without asking because that's how marriage works.)

Then, after laughing for 10 whole minutes at the "Propose Another Date" option, I carried on with my day. (By "carried on with my day," I mean I took a screenshot and procrastinated packing by writing this blog post.)

EFFICIENCY!

Questions I Don't Know The Answers To...(March 2024)

In the spirit of choosing not to remember that my WHOLE life is going to be different in just 37 DAYS, I thought I'd share some more Questions I Don't Know The Answers To. Maybe you have the answers. Maybe you don't. Who knows? Let's see.

👋🏻 Oh, HEY, new friend! Thanks for stopping by!

I'm Rebecca - a late-diagnosed Autistic/ADHD (AuDHD) writer and creative. I love oversharing my life, thoughts, and humor to help others feel accepted and understood. Sign up for inspiration, community, member-only content, discounts, and resources. It's FREE!

SIGN ME UP!

Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup.

No spam. EVER. Unsubscribe anytime (opting out of emails will not cancel your site membership). Don't want to subscribe just yet? Here are some public posts to peruse until you change your mind. 😉

I wonder what the world record is for the longest time spent avoiding writing a blog post.

Is it 264 days? Because that's how long ago I started writing this. 

264 days ago, I started writing a blog post about why I avoid writing blog posts and have been AVOIDING finishing it ever since.

Oy. Good Times With Brain, ya know? 

Writing About Not Writing

If you're new here, you might not know that I started this blog in 2009. I started it when I was 22; I'll be 37 on Thursday (Buy me 300 coffees pls thx). While my content has changed focus over the years, two things have remained the same:

1. I LOVE writing and sharing.
2. I'm consistently inconsistent about writing and sharing. 

But why? It's a question I've explored many times throughout the life of this blog. 

How is it that I can be SO excited and motivated to write here, that I can have all of these ideas swimming around my head, that I can make promise after promise to write more regularly, that I can conclude a blog post with, "I'll be back soon," and legitimately believe I'm telling the truth...and be wholly incapable of following through? How? 

From an outside perspective, it might seem like I repeatedly disappear from this blog, that I don't actively work on creating content to share with you, and that I don't care or have anything to say. But here's the truth: I write 10,000 blog posts daily... in my head. At any given time, my head is full of 10,000 ideas, 10,000 observations, 10,000 epiphanies, 10,000 articles, videos, podcast episodes, etc. I've consumed and want desperately to share.

The problem I repeatedly run into is getting it all out of my head.  As soon as I decide to write, it's like my brain physically detaches from my body. No matter how much I want to write, how excited I am about it, and how many promises I've made to myself and others, my brain simply refuses to cooperate. 

So, the list of things I want to share grows longer and longer until my brain becomes wayyyy too crowded and inevitably explodes. My head explodes, and you get a blog post like this one, where I try and fail to dissect and explain why I do what I do. A blog post where I share Britney Spears' lyrics seemingly out of nowhere because they're what's in my head and my heart.

🎶 Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide, sometimes I'm scared of you. But all I really want is to hold you tight, treat you right, be with you day and night. Baby, all I need is time. 🎶

Why Am I Like This? How Do I Fix It?

For as long as I can remember, I've had this stubborn need to 'solve' my brain. I've always believed that if I could learn everything there is to know, determine the motives for my behaviors and feelings, and sort them into neat, little boxes, I'd be able to silence the relentless voices in my head screaming, 

WHY AM I LIKE THIS? HOW DO I FIX IT?
Is it because I'm Autistic? Because I have ADHD? OCD? Is it Executive Dysfunction? Pathological Demand Avoidance? Perfectionism? Is it because writing and sharing my life with strangers on the internet is vulnerable and hard? All of the above? 

I've been in therapy practically my entire adult life. I've read articles and books, listened to hours of podcast episodes, and watched hundreds of YouTube videos. But, until now, I never stopped to think that maybe this exhausting and unattainable quest for all the answers is actually what's holding me back. 

This unrealistic demand that I understand my brain 100% before I allow myself to write about it and share my thoughts, feelings, and experiences may be doing more harm than good. 

I'm tired of writing about why I'm not writing, of the internal pressure to prove my worth and justify my creative process, and of feeling like I have to explain why I'm like this. The truth is, there will never be one perfect explanation. And that's OK. Maybe I don't need to fix it. Perhaps I just need to accept it. 

Yes, I'm Autistic. Yes, I have ADHD and OCD. Yes, I struggle with perfectionism, Pathological Demand Avoidance, and Executive Dysfunction.

I'd be lying if I said that learning these things about myself hasn't made all the difference in how I navigate day-to-day life. However, that doesn't mean I can explain it perfectly in a blog post, and to be completely honest, I'm not even sure I want to. It's hard enough to exist in a world that isn't set up for people with brains like mine. But to also feel like it's my responsibility to educate and inform anyone who comes across my blog about these already incredibly misunderstood and stigmatized conditions? It's too much.

In the 15 years I've written this blog, I have never claimed to have all the answers. I'm not an expert, therapist, or teacher. Although other people have labeled me as such, I don't consider myself an advocate or influencer. I don't represent every Autistic person with ADHD and OCD, and I would never try to.

I'm a writer. I write to understand myself, hear my thoughts out loud, and process my feelings. I write because I have to. Writing is like breathing; it's the only way I know to let the air out.

I'm a blogger. I share on this blog to remind myself that I have a voice that deserves to be heard and understood, to feel less alone, and to find belonging and connection. I share because I know there are people reading who, like me, find comfort and validation in seeing their thoughts and feelings reflected in someone else's words.

I want the writing I share to show what it's like living with a brain like mine. I don't want to have to explain it all the time, and, more importantly, I don't want the pressure to get the words out perfectly to cancel out my desire to get them out at all. Because, at the end of the day, I'm also just a girl sitting in front of a keyboard, trying to make sense of her brain.

My Brain, My Treacherous Companion

To wrap up this novel, I'd like to tell you the story behind this blog post's ridiculous title. 

It all started on a dark and stormy night...

Just kidding. It started on a bright, sunny June day, approximately three seconds after I wrote a single paragraph. 

The problem I repeatedly run into is getting it all out of my head.  As soon as I decide to write, it's like my brain physically detaches from my body. No matter how much I want to write, how excited I am about it, and how many promises I've made to myself and others, my brain simply refuses to cooperate.

Then, unsurprisingly, my brain detached from my body and refused to cooperate.

So I did what I always do when my brain rebels: I searched the Internet for solutions. And it was there, in an article by Sam Dylan Finch titled "Demand Avoidance: A Guide For When You’re Too Anxious to Do Anything,” that I first encountered Goblin Tools. 

Rebecca, What The Heck Is Goblin Tools?

Good question. Let me tell you.

Goblin Tools is a collection of AI-powered tools designed to help neurodivergent individuals with the day-to-day tasks they find overwhelming or difficult, such as time management, prioritization, decision-making, and communication. 

Created by Bram De Buyser, a freelance software engineer, Goblin Tools include Magic ToDo, Formalizer, Judge, Estimator, Compiler, and Chef. They are FREE to use at https://goblin.tools, and iOS and Android apps are available at a low cost. 

During the 264 days I spent avoiding researching this blog post, I diligently tested every tool. While each one is incredibly useful in its own way, let’s explore a few of my favorites.

Formalize This!

First, I experimented with Formalizer, a tool that can rephrase your writing to match your desired tone while preserving your main message (and can, evidently, inspire the title of this blog post). All you need to do is enter your text, choose a style, and select the intensity, AKA “spiciness level” (indicated by red chili pepper emojis). 

Intrigued and amused, I decided to have it rephrase the single paragraph I had just written.

The problem I repeatedly run into is getting it all out of my head.  As soon as I decide to write, it's like my brain physically detaches from my body. No matter how much I want to write, how excited I am about it, and how many promises I've made to myself and others, my brain simply refuses to cooperate.

From the dropdown menu, I chose “make my text more passionate” and turned the spice all the way up.

The results did not disappoint. 

Oh, dear reader, I am plagued, tormented by the insurmountable problem that incessantly haunts me! It is an eternal battle, an unbearably arduous struggle that consumes my very existence. I am a prisoner, shackled by the relentless torment of an overwhelming desire to unleash the torrent of thoughts that swirl within me.

Imagine, if you will, the sheer frustration that engulfs my being each time I dare to commit my innermost musings to paper. A cruel fate befalls me, for in the mere moment that I summon the courage to embark on the sacred act of writing, my mind inexplicably severs its ties with my physical form. It is as though an unseen force tears asunder the very fabric of my being, leaving me bereft, disconnected.

Oh, the agony! How my soul yearns to share the tales that dance within the depths of my mind! The exhilaration that courses through my veins at the mere thought of transforming these cherished ideas into words is unparalleled. It is a flame of passion that burns fiercely, threatening to consume me whole.

Yet, alas, MY BRAIN, MY TREACHEROUS COMPANION, refuses to heed my impassioned pleas. No matter how fervently I desire to immerse myself in the act of writing, no matter how feverishly my heart beats with anticipation, it is for naught. My mind betrays me, leaving me stranded on the precipice of creativity, unable to cross the threshold into the realm of artistic expression.

Oh, the promises! The apologies whispered into the night, as I vow to myself and to the world that this time will be different. This time, the words will flow like an unstoppable tide, cascading forth with unbridled fervor. But alas, my brain, ever obstinate, laughs in the face of these noble intentions, mocking my feeble attempts at commanding its cooperation. My soul weeps, my spirit wilts. For how can one fully exist when their very essence is severed from the corporeal vessel that houses it? The torment of this perpetual struggle is overwhelming, gnawing at the depths of my being. It is a burden I bear with heavy heart, yet one that I refuse to relinquish.

So, dear reader, hear my plea, and know the depths of my longing. Pray that one day, the shackles that bind me will be shattered, and my words will flow forth like a fervent river, dancing upon the page with an indomitable energy. Until then, I shall wrestle with this insurmountable chasm, fighting relentlessly to bridge the divide between my desire and my mind's defiance.

I mean...I couldn't have said it better myself.

Compile Your Brain

One of my favorite tools is the Compiler, which can transform one huge brain dump into separate, actionable tasks. Because I’m ridiculous, I decided to input my formalized text into the Compiler and let it do its thing. Again, the results were nothing short of amazing. 

Please join me in cackling uncontrollably as we review my assigned tasks. 

Your tasks are:

• Being plagued by an insurmountable problem
• Battling an arduous struggle
• Feeling like a prisoner shackled by torment
• Desiring to unleash a torrent of thoughts
• Experiencing frustration when writing
• Mind inexplicably severing ties with physical form
• Yearning to share tales and transform ideas into words
• Brain refusing to cooperate with writing desires
• Making promises and apologies to oneself and the world
• Weeping soul and wilting spirit
• Perpetual struggle and overwhelming burden
• Longing for the shackles to be shattered
• Wrestling with the chasm between desire and mind's defiance*

OK. I’ll get right on that. Wait, what’s that you say? I can send my results to the Magic Todo with a simple click of a button.

Don’t mind if I do. 

TADA! List

Last but definitely not least, I sent my compiled tasks to Magic ToDo, the to-do list to rule all other to-do lists.

If you’re like me and struggle with estimating the time it will take to complete a task, Magic ToDo has you covered. Once you insert your task, choose "Estimate" from the dropdown menu next to it, and tada! TimeManagementIsSoEasyOMG.

• Wrestling with the chasm between desire and mind's defiance (3 hours)
• Longing for the shackles to be shattered (1 hour)
• Perpetual struggle and overwhelming burden (FOREVER AND EVER)*
• Weeping soul and wilting spirit (2 hours)
• Making promises and apologies to oneself and the world (2 hours)
• Brain refusing to cooperate with writing desires (1 hour)
• Yearning to share tales and transform ideas into words (2 hours)
• Mind inexplicably severing ties with physical form (1 hour)
• Experiencing frustration when writing (1 hour)
• Desiring to unleash a torrent of thoughts (2 hours)
• Feeling like a prisoner shackled by torment (1 hour)
• Battling an arduous struggle (3 hours)
• Being plagued by an insurmountable problem (1 day)

*Note that I added the timeframe for “perpetual struggle and overwhelming burden” since Goblin Tools accurately assumed it couldn’t be measured. 

Breaking Things Down So You Don't

But wait! There’s more! This magical to-do list can also break larger tasks into smaller ones. Do you have a habit of listing an entire project as a single task on your to-do list? Me, too! Magic ToDo to the rescue!

Set your “spiciness level,” AKA how much or how little you’d like to break down your task, and voila! You’ll have a detailed list of actionable and manageable tasks that won’t seem impossible to complete. 

I tested this feature with two of the tasks from my list. I set my spiciness level to two chili peppers, hit the magic button, and POOF! 

• Mind inexplicably severing ties with physical form
  • Focus on the concept of the mind
  • Imagine the separation of the mind from the physical form
  • Explore the idea of this process happening inexplicably
• Feeling like a prisoner shackled by torment
  • Feeling
  • like
  • a
  • prisoner
  • shackled
  • by
  • torment

OK, that second one needs some work, but you get the idea. Also, I can't stop laughing at "Explore the idea of this process happening inexplicably."

(I can confirm that this feature works more effectively with a to-do list that isn’t absurd like this one.)

Final Thoughts

10/10 I would recommend Goblin Tools to fellow neurodivergent people, whether to help them complete their tasks or help them procrastinate completing their tasks.

So, dear reader, hear my plea, and know the depths of my longing. Pray that one day, the shackles that bind me will be shattered, and my words will flow forth like a fervent river, dancing upon the page with an indomitable energy. Until then, I shall wrestle with this insurmountable chasm, fighting relentlessly to bridge the divide between my desire and my mind's defiance.

As always, thank you for reading!

♥︎♥︎♥︎

Happy Bones-4-Us Day to all who celebrate! To commemorate this joyous occasion (and to clear up any confusion I know some, if not all, of you are experiencing, please feast your eyes on this ridiculous blog post I wrote exactly two years ago today:

A Tribute To The Man I Met On Myspace — Rosey Rebecca

Because some things are too ridiculous to keep to myself.

Rosey Rebecca: Inside the Mind of a Neurodivergent WomanRebecca Rose (She/Her)

Ah. Precious memories.

As always, thank you for reading!

♥︎♥︎♥︎

👋🏻 Oh, HEY, new friend! Thanks for stopping by!

I'm Rebecca - a late-diagnosed Autistic/ADHD (AuDHD) writer and creative. I love oversharing my life, thoughts, and humor to help others feel accepted and understood. Sign up for inspiration, community, member-only content, discounts, and resources. It's FREE!

SIGN ME UP!

Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup.

No spam. EVER. Unsubscribe anytime (opting out of emails will not cancel your site membership). Don't want to subscribe just yet? Here are some public posts to peruse until you change your mind. 😉

Anyone who knows me will tell you that when I find something I love, it's impossible to shut me up about it. Whether it be an interesting story I heard, an amazing person I met, an awesome product I found, whatever it is: I want EVERYONE to know. I am the QUEEN of info-dumping about the things I care about.

If there's one thing I have consistently raved about over the past few years, it's my love for Calm Strips. I talk about them every chance I get, with anyone who will listen: friends, family, my pharmacist, strangers at the gym, dogs on the street, anyone! Recently, I've noticed that almost every conversation goes something like this:

Then, I wax poetic about how in the fall of 2020, after seeing their ad on Instagram, I sent Calm Strips a message basically accusing them of fraud.

"YOU'RE TELLING ME that you're trying to sell STICKERS...to HELP MY ANXIETY!?" I yelled into my keyboard.

"Yes," they calmly replied. "Would you like to try them?"

And despite my skepticism, I said yes. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you it was love at first touch. I was so surprised and impressed that I wrote a glowing review and became Calm Strips' very first affiliate partner shortly thereafter.

In the years since Calm Strips have exploded in popularity. They’ve introduced tons of new products, used their ever-growing social media presence to spread awareness about the importance of mental health, and even appeared on an episode of Shark Tank!

We've collaborated on giveaways, I've been a repeat guest on their Instagram lives, and in 2021, they surprised the crap out of me by asking to feature my “All Worries” design on a Calm Strip.

Most importantly, this ridiculous picture of me with my hair wrapped in a bath towel is displayed on the Calm Strips website to this day!

If that isn't a great partnership, I don't know what is!

My original review is still one of the top-visited posts on my website. But since Calm Strips has grown so much over the years, I think it’s finally time for an UPDATE.

Better three years late than never. That’s how the saying goes, right? Right. 

STICKERS!? FOR ANXIETY!?

(Who? What? Where? How?)

What's New With Calm Strips?

(Since I Last Wrote About Them 3+ Years Ago)

Read My Original Calm Strips Review

Where do I even start? Maybe with three very key differences from when I first wrote about them in 2020: 

Designs I Love

(And Think You Will, Too)

Inhale + Carry Tag Duo

Designed to inspire mindfulness, this special Calm Shape is an incredible visual and tactile tool for box breathing exercises.

Trace your finger across the textured surface and:

• Inhale for four seconds
• Hold your breath for four seconds
• Exhale for four seconds
• Hold your breath out for four seconds

Attach it to your keys or purse with the handy carry tag to keep calm everywhere you go!

I WANT THIS!

Universe of Possibilities Calm Shape

Designed to inspire resilience, perseverance, and hope in every moment, this design takes the form of a semicolon, a symbol of continuance. Each detail is meticulously crafted to remind users of their strength and ability to overcome hardships, mirroring the vastness of space with the vast potential within each of us.

As an annual sponsor of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) Walk Out of Darkness, Calm Strips is proud to support the foundation's vital work of saving lives and bringing hope to those affected by suicide. Let the "Universe of Possibilities" serve as a tangible token of courage and a commitment to keep going, even through the darkest times.

I WANT THIS!

Calm Strips Greatest Hits

A curated assortment of Calm Strips' most beloved styles to elevate your relaxation experience. This collection features eight all-time favorite designs, with two strips each of four distinct textures: Soft Sand, River Rocks, Patterned Pebbles, and Smooth Satin.

Each collection includes one each of:

• Nebula (Soft Sand)
• Ocean Waves (Soft Sand)
• Skyline (River Rocks)
• Antelope Canyon (River Rocks)
• Forest Sunrise (Smooth Satin)
• Shoreside (Smooth Satin)
• Tinted Bands (Patterned Pebbles)
• Botanicals (Patterned Pebbles)

I WANT THIS!

Be Kind Calm Shape

A beautiful reminder to be kind always. You never know what someone is going through. Design by Ginny Mossman.

I WANT THIS!

Know Peace Calm Shape

Designed to promote mindfulness and inner peace, Know Peace serves as gentle reminders to pause, take a deep breath, and reconnect with the present moment. Based on the popular rainbow breathing technique: slowly trace your finger along each color of the rainbow, slowly inhaling and exhaling and focusing on your breathing.

I WANT THIS!

Botanical Calm Strip

Delighting the senses with a symphony of colors and scents, this floral design invites you to immerse yourself in the intricate textures and patterns that showcase the meticulous craftsmanship of the botanical world.

I WANT THIS!

Get 10% Off Calm Strips!

Use code ROSEY10 at checkout

Buy Stickers! For Anxiety!

Have you heard of/tried Calm Strips?

As always, thank you for reading!

♥︎♥︎♥︎

👋🏻 Oh, HEY, new friend! Thanks for stopping by!

I'm Rebecca - a late-diagnosed Autistic/ADHD (AuDHD) writer and creative. I love oversharing my life, thoughts, and humor to help others feel accepted and understood. Sign up for inspiration, community, member-only content, discounts, and resources. It's FREE!

SIGN ME UP!

Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup.

No spam. EVER. Unsubscribe anytime (opting out of emails will not cancel your site membership). Don't want to subscribe just yet? Here are some public posts to peruse until you change your mind. 😉

Listen. I have ADHD, OK? It's not that I didn't want to update you on ALL THE THINGS. It's that there are TOO. MANY. THINGS. Sometimes, when I feel overwhelmed by the multitude of thoughts and ideas swirling in my head, I wish I could simply tilt my head to the side and let them spill onto a blank page. Because even though I love to write (and am constantly writing in my head), I have such a hard time getting started, even when I want nothing more than to brain dump in your general direction.

The other challenge I face when writing posts like these is my brain has no idea how to prioritize what to talk about first. Imagine if a million different sentences shot out every time you opened your mouth. That's how it feels, attempting to structure my thoughts. What do I talk about first when I've gone more than a year without talking about things?

Alas, I'm not here to teach you the definition of ADHD; I'm here to bring you up to speed on ALL THE THINGS. So, let's just pretend we're old friends catching up after a long time apart. Grab a cup of coffee or glass of wine (or both - I don't know your life) and settle in because I have A LOT to share, as evidenced by this thing I said the last time I told you things:

"In case it isn’t clear, I’m incapable of writing a quick update. Either you get a book-long blog post with every thought that has ever popped into my head or you get nothing for months. There’s no in between."

Hello! In June, I started to write a blog post about why I have difficulty writing blog posts. I intended to publish it in July, but my brain wouldn't let me finish it. Go figure. My life has been very busy over the last several months, and though I've desperately wanted to share all of it with you, I couldn't get my mind to cooperate.

Then, today, I decided to start a project I've been thinking about for years but put off because although I recognized its value, I couldn't justify the time and energy it would take when I have so many other unfinished projects that seem more important. I changed my mind this morning after watching a video about how ADHD affects prioritization. I decided to take just an hour of my day to start the project, and doing so led me here: to this blog post.

At the beginning of 2022, I published a blog post about why it's hard to wrap my neurodivergent mind around long-term planning and goal-setting. Despite those difficulties, I outlined three main goals I wanted to work toward for the remainder of the year:

• Embracing Imperfection
• Accepting Reality/Managing Expectations
• Prioritizing Creativity

Of those three, the one goal I've consistently worked on is prioritizing creativity. Unfortunately, that creativity has manifested almost entirely offline, AKA not on this blog. That really bums me out because I LOVE sharing here. I want to share everything all the time, including WHY it's so difficult for me to share here.

Then, this morning, I watched a video about ADHD and prioritization and decided to put my energy into a creative project I'd been meaning to start for years; a project I didn't think I could justify working on because of the time and energy it would take away from all of the unfinished projects I had been avoiding, like writing here...to you...

I spent exactly one hour working on this project, and at the very end of that hour, I came across the quote by Jenny Lawson that I shared at the beginning of this blog post. As soon as I read it, I knew I needed to share it, and that need to share was so strong that it enabled me to do something I hadn't physically been able to do for months: open my blog and draft a post.

I'm not going to lie: I nearly talked myself out of it. I told myself that my first blog post in over a year couldn't possibly be just one quote. I told myself that I had to include more context and that I didn't have the time or energy to provide that type of value. I almost called the whole thing off. Almost.

Then I reminded myself that this is my blog, and I make the rules. I told myself that if I wanted to open a blank page and post a quote from my favorite author that speaks directly to what it has felt like not being able to write here for so long, I was allowed to do just that. I allowed myself to dispute the rules about what a blog post ON MY OWN BLOG should or shouldn't be.

And it was only when I granted myself permission to share exactly how I wanted to share that these words came tumbling out - that I became unstuck.*

As always, thank you for reading!

♥︎♥︎♥︎

Today, along with the first day of fall, I’m celebrating one year since I received my Autism diagnosis. For the past year, I’ve been working on and off on a blog post about the journey to my diagnosis, and I was hoping to publish it today. Things don’t always work out as planned, though, do they?

Alternative Titles For This Post (inspired by my recent Twitter ramblings):

👌🏻 In Case You’re Wondering, I Have No Idea: a Memoir

👌🏻 Good Times With Brain: the Sitcom

ANYWAY...Let's Move On

Hello. Hey. Hi. Happy May June July...Whatever month it happens to be when I finally publish this blog post. Whatever. Time isn’t real.

Remember in my last post when I said I would try to publish another blog post later that week? I have to be completely honest. I don’t even know why I said that because I absolutely 100% KNEW without a doubt that I wouldn’t be publishing another blog post that week or that month for that matter.

Jeff and I were leaving for vacation that Friday and we all know the two most important things to do in the days leading up to a big trip are pack and panic.

The inside of my brain kind of looked like this: Panic. Pack. Panic. Pack. Think about writing a blog post. Panic. Panic. Pack. Panic. Leave.

In case it isn’t clear, I’m incapable of writing a quick update. Either you get a book-long blog post with every thought that has ever popped into my head or you get nothing for months. There’s no in between.

This post isn’t a trilogy, obviously.

And I didn’t actually write a memoir about My Secret Chocolate Period Book Stuffed With Riddle Cake That May Or May Not Contain Mice either but I don’t hear you complaining about that.

However, I DID allude to a trilogy titled Laughing So We Don’t Cry in The Adventures of MouseBoi™️ so I’m not completely lying to you. I’m only a little bit lying to you. That has to count for something, right?

Whatever. This is my blog and I can lie to you if I want to.

In summary: Fake News Headline, Total Nonsense, Lies Upon Lies, I Do What I Want, You Can’t Stop Me: The Musical.

COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU!!!

I saw this tweet a few weeks ago and it really resonated with me. I think about writing all the time. In my head, I have SO MANY blog posts written. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always translate to real, live blog posts for you to read.

But if thinking about writing is part of the writing process, then talking about writing is clearly the next logical step, right? So, that’s what I’m going to do. This way, we can ALL think about these blog posts I have yet to write and I can panic even more about getting them out of my brain and into the world ASAP.

At the very least, you’ll have something to share when you so graciously tell your friends and family about my blog. You can send them the list below and say, “Here are all the things that Rebecca will or will not write about some point in the future or possibly never. She’s such a prolific writer. Just look at her trilogy!”

OR, you can join my mailing list and eagerly await the day that none or all of these blog posts arrive in your inbox. Your guess is as good as mine. What you absolutely WILL get if you subscribe to my mailing list is rambling blog posts like this one that have nothing to do with any of the things I told you I’d write about. And that’s a promise!

AKA Part Two of the series I didn’t realize would be a series: When Life Gives You Spiders…In Your Hair.

AKA the sequel to my soon-to-be-released-despite-not-yet-written memoir: My Secret Chocolate Period Book Stuffed With Riddle Cake That May or May Not Contain Mice. Talk about manifesting!

AKA Laughing So I Won’t Cry: The TRILOGY!

AKA AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH: The Movie — in theaters AS WE SPEAK.

I don’t want to talk about it.

OK. I guess I have to talk about it because if I don’t I will most definitely explode.

Are you ready?

Am I ready?

*Deep Breath*

There Is a Mouse in Our House

"udsgfiusgfiugfiuwehfjskdbfkjsdbvksbvjksbvksgvuwhsvjksbvksbvwgefuiwegfihsdbvsbvsuhvsugvakhdbvakshbvuwiEGIhsdbcvshbvskjdbvsuihgvuwegvksjdbvskdbvhuwgvisudbvsibvsuigviuwgvsidhvbkjsdbvksjdbvsoudhvwoueghvowuvhsuodvhsjvkbskjbvskjdgvsugvuwegiwuegfbkjwbkjsdbvusgvwuegvudvhbuwehvuwgbvwidbvshkjdbvskljdvhsouhvgowugvowe"

Imagine if that string of letters were a sound and then picture it coming from my mouth as a scream except I’m not screaming out loud. I am screaming inside my heart so as to not scare THE MOUSE THAT IS IN OUR HOUSE.’

*Cue hysterical laughter to ward off hysterical crying*

Notice that I said that there IS a mouse in our house, not WAS in our house.

As in, still here. Please forward his mail. He lives here now.

We have lovingly named him MouseBoi and this is the story of his adventures.

Pretty OBVIOUS Content Warning

Don’t read this if you’re squeamish about mice or poop. Poop, Rebecca? Yes, Poop. Sit back, grab a nice refreshing beverage, and I’ll tell you all about it.

Sometimes I think back to early blogging days and cringe. Other times, I think back and laugh at how ridiculous I was (and still am). And then there are times when I reflect on the overarching themes of my blog posts that I was too close to detect at the time.

I’ve thought about reposting this particular story for a while and I decided to finally do so today for a few reasons:

1. For some reason, this blog post didn’t make it over to my new site when I moved from WordPress to Squarespace in 2020. I actually left a large number of blog posts behind when I made the switch for various reasons but mostly because a lot of them didn’t fit with who I was anymore and the direction I wanted to take my new site.
   
   I think about this decade-old blog post a lot, however. I can remember the experience vividly and knowing what I know about myself now and what I was going through at the time, I find it incredibly eye-opening. I’ll add some more notes at the end but first, let’s talk about the other reason I’m reposting an old blog post instead of the three other posts I had in mind.
   
2. I’ve had an incredibly difficult time focusing these past few weeks and though I have 300 ideas of things I want to write about, I can’t seem to get myself going. It’s pretty frustrating that executive dysfunction makes it tough to get started on things I want to do but I’m trying to accept the reality that this is just the way my brain works and not fight it too much.

That said, here is a post I wrote in 2011 about a very important cup.