Rosie Greyhound. Duchess of Macs.

Muv learns to drive in Germany

2015-02-08T18:16:00.004-08:00

Well you mightn't know this but long before I was born my humans lived in a country called Germanee.

This is a Germany. I cant see if it is like my beach or lagoon and I think it is further than my holiday place in the kennel on wheels.

And they lived in a house in Hasloh and the house had four levels and they all fell down the steps on a regular basis as they didn't have steps in their house in Australia and were not used to them.

And they went to school in a place called Hamburg. This is the Rathaus . No no its not a house full of rats like our Parliament house its a Town Hall and its about the prettiest building in Hamburg because Hamburg had the shit bombed out of it in a war ages ago.

And this is the school that the kids went to and where Pater taught maths.

Muv didnt have a job she was a hausefrau.

They had a little car with the driving bits on the wrong side because they drive on the otherside of the road in Germany.

This is Muvs story of learning to drive. there are no pictures so you will have to use your imgination. This was written by Muv in the third person . The dairy is the place they used to go where they would get milk and stuff. It was full of cows and it smelled awful.

Dear Victims,

I think I need a job. See what happens when one has time. I start German lesson in September. I start to help at school soon. I start to explore junk shops this week.

I have started baking bread and bikkies. But I am happy and so are the kids. And Luke.

Love LEE

Lees first and only drive in Germany so far.

A terrorizing experience for Germany

“Don’t Mum its too much too soon!”

“Kids, life is a series of challenges to be met and I’m going to meet this one head on. Well not literally”.

“The cars not insured yet.” Said Luke

“But Mum are you sure?”

“Kids, I have to practice what I PREACH”

“The cars not insured yet.” Said Luke

“Mum can you really do it?”

“Well I think I will because I will give it my best.”

“The cars not insured yet.” Said Luke

“I will rise to the challenge and go forward (and maybe backward if need be).”

“You’re a ledge Mum!”

“ No kids just a humble driver (about to drive on the other side of the road with no insurance): See kids how can I expect you to risk if I don’t risk myself.”

“And the car isn’t insured yet!”

“I have to set an example.”

“How about the example of responsibility. The cars not insured yet.” He whispered through clenched teeth.

“Details, details, details! Never let those little things get in the way of the big picture, the big goal!”

“I give up”. Luke threw his arms in the air as he looked to heaven. No miracles there.

“Well I wont.”

“ Can we come Mum so we can see the airbags work?”

“No kids this is a solo job.”

And so was the start of Lee’s first drive.

Armed with the keys, a crash helmet and a sweatband around her head Lee, stepped out of the door nervous but excited of the challenge that lay ahead. Her philosophy of life “ like a postman’s leg and I am the bull terrier that won’t let go” geared her for the task.

“Its not the wrong side of the road, it’s the other side of the road.” she kept reminding herself. It’s all about creating new neural pathways.

She felt like Maria about to meet the Von Trapp kids and she sung the song, much to the agony of the neighbours.

“ I have confidence”. Well she only sang the first line, as it isn’t that far from the house to the car park.

She opened the door and jumped in confidently.

“Shit!” she muttered

She jumped out.

“Glad Luke didn’t see that.”

She was on the wrong side of the car.

She jumped in the other side.

“Whew don’t know what I would’ve done if the steering well hadn’t of been here either.” she thought with relief.

Keys in the ignition.

Gear in Park.

Engines on.

Couldn’t hear a thing.

“Oh, forgot newer car, quieter engine.”

Put it in reverse.

Looked over wrong shoulder.

Looked over other shoulder and went backwards.

The car came too. Success!

To the end of the driveway.

Three meters. So far so good.

Left turn. Like Australian right turn.

Either way Lee and the steering wheel were suppose to be in the middle of the street.

And lift off.

“Have to turn left” she thought.

Put blinker on.

Turn off windscreen wiper.

Try blinker this time.

Success!

Drive 200 meters to dairy.

Only passed one parked car.

No casualties.

Pull into drive way.

Stop. get out.

Hoorah! .

Get out of car.

Hold breath.

Try not to smell cow poo and wee.

Eyes watering. Breathe out.

Try to breathe in without smelling the air.

Almost choke in process.

Run to Dairy shop.

Smile at the farmers Mrs.

Say “Guten Tag”

Give smile and try not to breathe.

Give up holding breath before passing out.

Fill up bottles from bucket.

Go back to car.

Jump in car.

“Shit!”

Jump out.

Wrong side.

Jump in other side.

Feeling confident.

Engine on.

Thunderbirds are go.

Reverse.

Miss the farmers wife.

Wrong shoulder.

Windscreen wipers on.

Windscreen wipers off.

Blinkers on.

Right turn.

Cruising!

But WAIT!

GASP!

A car approaching.

Don’t panic, don’t panic.

PANIC.

Pull over side of road.

Phew!

Breathe deep.

Gag.

Still too close to the dairy.

Blinker on.

Windscreen wiper off.

Blinker on,.

Speed 20km hour until home.

Arrive home safe and with clean windscreen.

Milk intact.

Hop out.

Strut in

“How was it”

“ Breeze”

“ Good onya Mum”

“The car still isn’t insured.”

“I know. I´ll leave the next drive ´till it is.”

My new chum

2015-01-30T04:26:00.000-08:00

So one night I had this great idea and I went ."Muv muv are you asleep" and she said whose there and I said good you are awake . I want a pet cat.

And she said no.

And I went and sat on my bed and sulked and gave her my sad face and she still went no.

And then I went "Muuuuaaarv I want a pet, a friend of my own so I have someone to play with"

She said you can play with the chooks"

Are you kidding ? They are vultures. They pick on me They bite my toes!

Muv says "what about Handsome Frank comes to visit?"

Well he does make my heart go boomity bang but he doesnt live with us.

I want a mate like Gin and Tonic are mates

Like Mrs and Mrs Ducker are mates until Mrs Ducker lost her head and Mr ducker died and we had to hide him in the bush so he wouldnt get eaten.

I want a cat to play with . We could have staring competitions and it could lick my coat
and we could chase things and have fun.

Then Muv said 'Ok Rosie you can have a cat! But there will have to changes.

You will have to live outside in a kennel that dad will make out of scrap as you know what he is like

And

You will have to sleep in this old mat in the yard

Because cats can only sleep inside on sofas or

Thats MY SOFA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

comfy beds

And My comfy BED!!!!!!!!

And you will have to have plain biscuits and left overs as we have to save the meat for the cat. they can only have the best.

SO I had a big think and I decided I was selfish wanting a cat and I told Muv to leave it as I didn't want all the extra work for her and Pater and she said are you sure and I said yes and she said we can have turn of one from up the road and I said no no no no no , its best for all of this way.

I could have lost every thing.

So right now I am having staring competitions with flies before I eat them

and play with the fearsome Gin and Tonic down the beach,

And wait for Frank to come visiting

And hang

around all my chums like

Simbah.................no poodles

2015-01-20T04:30:00.000-08:00

So the other day it was very very hot and Muv says we cant walk as your paws will melt

And I said Muv I have to go for a swim or I will melt away and run down the drain and you will neva see me again.

And Muv said I would let that happen . We can cool you down. No we wont give you a bath but we we can hose you down which is very cooling.

Now Mum has done this before and it is cooling ,

but she thinks its like this

But its really like this I swear.
So here is the Duchess's way of managing hooms and their hosing,

After the hosing has been done walk up and down the path way and drag your side along the nice rendered and painted wall till you leave a big wet stripe then drop.

Then plonk yourself on the footpath which is slightly muddy and lay there licking yourself and look sad .

Then slowly walk in the back door dripping and give a small shake so it hits the floor and chair.

Then in the lounge room and give a really big shake so mums precious cupboard and the hooman sofa is soaked and the floor is wet.

Continue walking out to the front verandah and shake and shiver as you go.

Finally one big shake on the deck an on your sofa , for me the only sofa I have left after they threw out my uvver one

The say to your hoom when she has finished moppin and emptied the bucket

" gee Muv I want another one tomorrow"

I guarrantee you will be down the beach

2015-01-10T21:16:00.003-08:00

So this is me taking Muv for her walk to the beach and the lagoon

It is about here I tell her to unleash me, because she is a big girl and can walk on her own...............especially when she has the camerera.

Waiting..................... " Yes Muv they are very cute kookaburras. "

" Yes Muv the baby does make a very cute sound when it is learning to kooka, but we have to get moving."

Finally ! She doesn't realise how many pee mails I have to check

And we are on the beach, well almost. Seems Fat Lilly has been past and warned of a poodle.

When on the beach I start getting ready for a hound surf

But every now and then I get a friend and I don't want a friend because hound surfing is serious and I cant look after a dog.

And I nicely say " Off you go and find a labaradoodle or a hoochineez or a bull chihuahua or a shitzhead or some dog to play with while I am surfing. "

And they usually go because they respect my niceness.

Finally I get to start surfing and

And sometimes my friend comes back. So I decide it isn't a local dog because locals understand me very clearly.

And I have to make it clearer so I say very calmly and quietly
" *&*%$!!!! _)(***&+^%$##$#!!!!)&%###
?>><*&^%$"

And they get it and I now have time to surf. And I do feel for them. They have probably never seen a hound before and it can be dazzling.

This is me surfing.

Whilst I was surfing I looked up and this dog was chasing the life saver buggy and his hoom was trying to catch him and he kept running around. What a hoot.

And then I realised I had ANOTHER friend only this was Louie the pug. Louie's hoom and Muv were talking. This means ages so the best way to sort out Louie is to sit so he cannot do sniffing. That is all his is interested in as he cant catch me.

Finally he goes and I get get on with my hound-coat- abrasion treatment to keep my coat shiny .........................

until this, this what ever turns up. Once again I have to growl saying Muv would use it for a buff cloth if it didn't stop jumping in my face and leave me alone. And it ran away.

Finally on my own and I saw him.

And Muv saw him and said "Whoo hoo Duchess he is gorgeous ( she didn't have her clear vision glasses on) But I love Pater more and no one would ever compare. " Meanwhile this he hoom was running toward us.

And I looked more, because I am a sight hound and Mum is as blind as a bat without her multi-fowcal-erys glasses. And I was right......................

It was Pater !!!! Muv yelled out ,"Pater what are you doing?
And he yelled back
" I am reading a book, what do you think I am doing?' And Muv says to me 'why doesn't he understand what I mean, not what I say?"

Now here is where a Duchess has to think quick on her feet with analyzation. Pater wasnt chasing a bunny or a cat. Muv wasnt runnning so he wasnt chasing her. And then I got it. He was running to find me because he missed me. So this is what a hound has to do to keep their hoomans in good stead.

You run around him and pounce and woof "Who's a good boy?"

Keep running and say "You're a good boy! Yes you are!"
Make sure he bends his knees to come down to you.

Keep running and woofin saying how a Duchess loves her Pater.

Then go up and say "Smooge time!"

And let him scratch your head. Its good for his hands.

And then when you have had enough you go in the lagoon and say,

"Ok Pater I have to have my swim now. I cant play any more. Off you go and find some friends to play with and run ( why?) with. I will be home soon."

And you watch them run off into the crowd
knowing they are happy.

On the last part of our walk its slow as Muv is a bit puffed and overexcited from seeing Pater run on the beach even though I had to take care of him. I let her put the leash on me otherwise she would get lost .

And when we get home even though I need a lay down, I think about how much I love my family, even though they are a lot of work, but , it is love with work. I find communication is the key. I woof and they know exactly what needs to happen. Its all quite simple really.

2015-01-05T01:25:00.000-08:00

Hello, This is the Duchess returning to her writing due to public demand. I dont know why the public are interested in the quiet ordinary life of a Duchess but they are and I must honour my responserabilities because of my title.

This is me and Muv. As you can see she is a handful and likes take pictures with her camerera. I find this tedious and I can only do so many poses in a day. This is my "oh muv not again on the beach "pose.

Muv also likes hats. This is her chook on drugs hat. She doesnt wear it down the beach often as she says everyone stares at her and she doesnt like the attention and if people could just mind their own business.

Muv and I walk the beach every day. She has got really good after 4 years. So good she doesnt collapse any more because she cant get air.

Though sometimes these humans come along in their beach buggy and ask if she is OK and I do wonder if she really cant find air after that.

I swim in the lagoon as it is part of my beauty treatment as a duchess must maintain standards. itr is a good place to get as far away from human pups and their sticky fingers.

Then I have a run sometimes on the grass but mostly on the sand. And I hear this
"Geez your dog can really run fast!"

DOG!!! DOG??? DEE HO GEE!
Can you believe it?

Fat Lilly is a dog , in fact she is a labberarador dog. And she is fat cause no one really walks her

And they let dogs on the beach. It doesn't say hounds because that goes without saying. We are not associated with dogs. Especially duchess hounds

But then I hear it again and I say to Muv "Really? Do they really think this?" and Muv says leave is Duchess we have enough trying to stop racing and telling people about the plight of hounds.

So until we can really get people knowing you can see the difference between me and the dogs,

And me and my mate Simba the terrier DOG

And see how there is no difference between me and the hounds Topsy and Lucy except I am the Duchess.

If you are confused please read it again. Writing this is exhausting.

Later on I smooged Mum to sleep , but I said before she started snoring
"How can so many get something so simple so confusing?"

And Muv reminds me that I must be patient as they will learn eventually.

But I fear that with some it takes ages to understand the difference between an intelligent classy hound and a dumb mutt.

My New Clever Chum.

2013-11-10T21:30:00.000-08:00

So do remember my chum Sid?

And how we would say jokes to each other like I would say'

" I love you Sid, but I would love you more with Gravy"

And we would laugh and laugh.

And he would say,

"Yeah Rosie and your mother was a poodle. That where you got your curly hair from."

He was good. Great with reply, retort ,response and return. Wit .
We made great jokes.

And then he died.

I cried and cried for a minute and then I slept on it as the crying really made me tired.

And Hoom Bruv smooged me and said things would get better.

And I said I didn't see how, so he better smooge me more and he did.

And Pater smooged me and said it will get better and he even smooged me through the sport on the telly.

And Muv said " Rosie Sid was great. You need to find a new chum. A different one, so Sid remains special."

So one day there, was all this yelling and hosing out the back and it seems that , what was his name?...........

OH yeah I remember! Muv said his name was, Effing Manky Moggy. Seem he developed a taste for visiting our yard for native birds. Muv must of thought he was dirty cause she soaked him with the hose. Even when he was showing her how fast he could climb the fence she was still rinsing him off.

So I thought this could be my new witty repartee chum and I yelled out

"Hey Manky your father was an alley cat."

And he he yelled back ,

"No he wasn't."

What a stupid cat. He didn't know how to play Witty retort. And what is worse he came back again . He must love Muv's baths. This time she gave him a rinse in our old bin that collects water. She was thorough too. Did his face and behind his ears.

And Muv in her kindest way said " If you comeback Effin Moggy I will teach you to swim in the lagoon."

Meanwhile I needed a chum.

And then it happened. One day when I was walking along the lagoon I saw them.

Swimming Chooks. I have never seen it before in my life.

I yelled out , " Hey what kind of chooks are you?"

And the big one yelled back, "What sort of Chihuahua are you?"

That was a great retort,but it didn't answer my question.

That was too good a response and I know. Chooks arnt that smart, so I yelled back, "Are you seagulls?'

And it yelled back "Are you a poodle?'

Well I didn't know what to do after that so I spoke to Hoom Bruv. He said that was not the way to start a a chumship. And he gave me a talk on chum making as he is very good at it.

So he next time I said" Hello My name is Rosie and I am the Duchess of the Lagoon. And whom might you two be?"

And the big one yelled out "We are the Muscovies and we have been dumped here, but it it very lovely and everyone is very nice, but I miss my chum the bush turkey he had an acid whit and was like minded on the environment, politics and poodles ( silly things)"

AND POODLES!!! I couldn't believe. I had found a chum. And so it started. And we have been mates ever since He even lets me chase him so I will get fit and he will get fit.

Mrs Muscovy was really quiet especially when they found her without her head. Me and Mr Muscovy looked for it everywhere and she couldn't tell us where it was so what could we do? . So some really nice humans took her to a hospital where she is waiting for a transplant. But that will take forever.

Meanwhile Mr Muscovy hangs around some ducks called Felicity. Yep every one of them is called Felicity.
That's so he doesn't get mixed up, when he goes out with a different one.

And if you think I can do a great shake look at these.

He is the shaking master.

Next time I will tell you the great plan me and Mr Muscovy have to help keep the lagoon clean

But I have to catch up on sleep. It is exhausting being a duchess and an author.

the Duchess's thoughts on the elelection

2013-09-08T01:57:00.001-07:00

There has been a very sad event in our house

Mum has spent the day in devastation and mourning

She blacked out the windows,

put a wreath on the door

And lucky Pater got to her before Muv hit the buy button on ebay.

Seems Gollum got to run the country and Muv and Hoom Sis and the whole family are not happy.

Now it has been emailed to me by a lot of my readers

"Duchess what are your thoughts on this"

And I thought and pondered and this is what I say.

Humans need to learn from hounds about humans.

Hounds live by their senses and their experience.

And this works very well.

So if it looks like a turd. It is a turd
If it smells like a bum bickie, it is a bum bickie
If it sounds like caca, it is caca
If it tastes like a poo , it is poo
And if it feels like a crap it is crap.

And if is someone is polishing poop it is still poop.

And this is where hounds are even smarter

People think we sleep all day but we dont.

Because we are thinking. We ponder, we ask questions. For example

" Mum said eating the ducklings is bad. I wonder why?"

And I find out why. Simple. Then I think about it?

We also remember from experience., And if the experience is bad then its bad no matter how much you try and pretty it up.

We don't have to believe what we hear. We can question and think critically. This is one of Muvs favourite dead hooms. She said he said so much cool stuff even if he had the morals of an ally cat.

Hounds are caring and compassionate creatures not just for our Hooms but for others. We think about everyone even poodles.

So next time you have to choose someone to run your country, think like a hound because from the way I see it, thinking like a human isnt working.

So I have to go and think now as I have been awake for 30 minutes.

And Muv is feeling much better once I showed her the blog.

The birds cooperate...Happiness is cheap.

2013-09-05T01:58:00.002-07:00

So where were we? That's right the birds were not cooperating with Muv after she got her new whizz bang camera. And this is not happiness. And I knew I had a problem to fix.

This is Fluffy and Muffy the Ragdoll boys who live two doors up.

They think they are cute and precious and can do what ever they want.

One day Muv found Fluffy sitting on the fence licking his lips.

He looked at Mums gardens and said,

"Hmmm bird buffet"

And Mum said take one step in here and you will regret it,

And he did

I couldn't believe he did it.

And Muv gave him a high powered shower and a fired hose enema and said
" If, you or your manky brother come over into my yard I will be waiting, with a bigger one."

Funny enough they havent been back

Now this got me thinking about the bird issue ,especially since Muv has a native bird restaurant garden and protects them something fierce.

The next time I sashayed down to the beach with mum

Every dog chum I met I told

the story of Muv and the Ragdolls boys

Except I said that Muv now "owns" the Ragdoll boys and they are so scared of her they will do anything to maker her happy.

Sally was just blown away as she always thought they were lazy entitled bits of fluff ( which they were) I told her the ragdoll boys had heard the birds were not cooperating with Muv and her Whizz bang camera and they were getting riled up.

So I told them to spread the words amongst the birds that if they don't smile and be nice then I am sending the Ragdoll boys down and they will pull out ever feather of every maggoty unhelpful bird.

All right so it was a stretch of the truth however it cost nothing. I didn't know what terrorism meant then.

The next day Muv went down with her Whizz bang camera

" How is this Rosie"
"Thats Good Bob No freaking out!"

"Sunset Silhouette Rosie?"

"Looks great girls."
Muv was looking happy

"Wings elegantly hanging out Duchess?"

"Beautiful Flossie"

"Looking fearsome Rosie as only a wagtail could!"

"Oh Bill you are making me shake with fear."

"Is muv happy?"

"Yeah she is getting there."

These stories were one of my best ideas even if a little terrorising and unethical.

The next day went down and it was all the usual .

And then Muv saw him. A black gal ah who wouldn't keep still and kept screeching but Muv was excited as she hadnt seen one before and people said they had and she just wanted themn to shut up so she could get photos '

And then

WE both Saw it!!!!!

The Bird Majesty!

It must have been
It was so beautiful and strong
And a great Hunter
And Mum couldn't say a word except click with her camera
And it looked at me and said

"Are you Rosie Duchess of Mac?"

And I said "Yes your highness Magesty."

And it said

" Are you the one spreading stories about cats coming to mangle uncooperative birds?"

Well I couldnt lie. And I said

"Yes Bird Majesty, but those birds are being mean to Mum . She builds gardens and she looks after injured and sick ones and they would'nt give her one moment when she had her whiz bang camera. She likes to keep a record of every bird she sees here.".

And Bird Majesty said
"I know about the people who care. You tell the dogs to keep an eye on the humans and the birds and you keep and eye on Muv as you know she fall over a lot when she walks looking up.

That's when I realised that this Bird majesty is good. It knows everything. Muv really is a full time job as she never looks and falls over things or in the lagoon or doesn't see the wave coming.,
And thinking about it it was a reality as Muv got the dangerous on two feet gene

And then mum saw the Bird Majesty At first she couldn't breath and then she has the camera on swift, . She must of take a thousand photos and that's how her face stayed for hours

And so he gave her a looking over the shoulder pose

And a looking out to see pose

A a great huntiing hovering shot and

and a ready to plunge on the prey shot.

And then finally the most beautiful photo a Bird Majesty could give.,It was gobsmacking and Muv got a little teary

And as He flew off I really thought arnt we lucky that beauty and wonder and nature are free. And sometimes if you just look up its a different world all there just waiting for you.

Mum was off her dial on happiness. She ran home uploaded all the photos and told Pater and Hoom Bruv and Povo Student hoom bruv and she skyped Hoom sis.

I think Muv is going to be off her dial for a while now,.

But I have a nap as I have been a wake for 30 minutes and I am exhausted

Happiness is cheap.

2013-08-12T01:45:00.002-07:00

So Muv says that happiness doesn't have to cost a lot of money and that we have lost the plot in this consumer driven world, by making happiness and joyful moments something that costs money, because we are groomed by clever advertising to believe that in order to be happy, which we are told that we are entitled to, we have to pay money to have stuff. She said its clever marketing by addressing the psychological self ,the ego, and massaging it.

On the other hand she really really lost me after

" cost a lot of money"

and that got me thinking.

Being a Duchess hound I give so much happiness at very little expense. No wonder they love me

I have to keep up Pater's routine of smooges and massages, as that makes him happy. The fact that I let him do it whilst watching the sport and therefore he doesn't notice how long he has been doing it ,is kind of me and great for him,

Hoom Bruv gets to smooge me too. It makes him so happy. I even snuggle with him at night. I think he is scared of the dark or something. All I have to do is look at him with big eyes and he is happy. He calls it my Frodo look.

This is the Frodo, He stole my style. Then I was told he was a hobbit and that sounds like some sort of mixed up bunny to me .

Anyway

And when Hoom bruv finds his bed warmed up, well the look on his face says it all.

And it makes Muv so happy to see me be a surfer hound chick.

However Muv is missing my Hoom Sis. She is in a place far far away called Manchester, where they don't talk Australian. She is doing a PHD which I think is short for learning about Prescious Hound Dogs.

I think its a Muv thing as she is the same way about the eldest Hoom Povo Uni Student Bruv, who lives in Sydney. This is him on his piano. He has a smaller one at home.

As you know birds and critters make Muv happy.

And what makes her even happier is taking photos of them. Muv had a good camera that a chum gave her, but it gave up the ghost as Muv is a very persistent photographer.

She was trying to get these Microbats leaving their cave, but they were the swiftest flying creatures she had ever seen and the camera couldn't keep up. And Muv Hurrumphed. That's when Pater said
" Muv go and get some money out of the bank and buy yourself a whizz bang camera as photography is the one thing you consistently do"

And he is right. Mum gets bored very easily with things and moves onto something new. Its either because she is gifted or fickle.
But photography and creatures is something she seems to have stuck with, along with opping. Opping is short for Op shopping and that's a whole other book.

So Muv went and got her whizz bang camera. She said it was worth it and she wasn't conned into buying it by advertising for short term happiness with long term results.

So Muv went crazy. Every day she would take about 300 snaps of surf

And the lagoon

And the wetlands

And the lagoon which is of National Importance now

And the lagoon and the beach

But when it came to the birds it was

"NUH! go away"

No way am I smiling

And the worst ones
"you can photograph my butt "

And" No way amI looking at you!

Now what these fat feathered bludgers have forgotten is that Muv ,

Hoom Bruv and Sooky Chooky (who helps with digging by eating worms) spent a lot of time and energy making a native garden for these bludgers to have good food.

Look at the feast they have made for them,

So the least they can do is smile and cooperate..

So when Muv is unhappy

I am not happy

So I had a yawn

And a did a lot of thinking

And I will tell you what I did.

And it involves my two new friends Muffy and Fluffy the Ragdoll boys.

But that is the next blog. It is going to takes a lot of writing cause it was so brilliant .

But now I must relax and rest as I have been awake for 30 minutes.

The red bug

2013-07-26T22:31:00.000-07:00

Wednesday

Muv is in a sad way and there is nothing she can do to stop it., So I will be away from the keyboard as she needs some smooges. This is me smooging her feet and she appreciates it. She hates depressive episodes as it makes her looks like a whiney poodle. She cant control it. She does everything she can, but she has to wait it out.

This sums it up except her hamster is buggered.

But she says she is very lucky as she has Dad and Clancy and Patrick and Joseph and me and friends and family who love her and a roof over her head. And her sense of humour.

Mum loves Baby Jane
Thing is if your tell her how much you love her and what a great person she is,she just cries even MORE!

And she cant get out of bed and she is so sad and her brain feels like mashed potato
Seriously humans leave me stumped at time. , especially when she is like this and tells me she loves me and bursts into tears. And everyone she loves and she just bursts into tears. I have to take her rabbit hunting. She will love that.

Maybe she has post visit guilt from the vet.

This gave her a reprieve,She got today's US episode of Bold and beautiful. That always makes her laugh
Well it was a rough night but we got through it. And I told Pater he was out of the big bed and I had to mind her and he said yeah yeah yeah and he was watching sport and thats a good time to get him to say yes to anything.

And we know that after a few more days and some sleep and dads good foods she will be back to her normal self

Thought we still sometimes have to think of what that is

She had a moments reprieve as she had to speak to Deborah Oneills office the local member and they were really rude and she summed up the last of her fighting energy and sorted them.

So this is the red bug. Normally she is a happy critter who has lived inside mum a long time. Everyone has a red bug and they behave themselves. Others have red bugs that become very naughty and and mess up everything inside their human

Mum also has Sarah Tonin. She keeps the red bug under control unless she gets tired or there is too much to control and she just goes to bed. And thats when red bug gets naughty

And this is PS teedee and that's what causes her to go boom.

Sarah has some other chums as well and eventually every one gets on their feet and redbug calms down. Its just a matter of time.

Add caption

This afternoon Muv go up and stayed up for a while , Muv is feeling better. She said tomorrow she is having a shower and getting out of her pyjamas ...................and she is going to put on a new set. Its a flanny thing

And she did and she was so happy that she stayed awake the whole time.

Well would you tell her she didnt ?

Muv doesn't mind me writing about her and the red bug and Sara Tonin as it shouldn't be something that is hidden away. Muv reckons her episodes are like migraines of the spirit and well she is luckier than others.

Others dont have a Duchess like me to keep an eye on them

The Duchess is is back

2013-07-19T03:52:00.001-07:00

Up until 12 months ago I was writing blogs. And then I thought "Been there done that. Move on Duchess to bigger fields."

What I didn't know was that my readers missed me and have been begging me to come back

So I have decided after my, sabet...., sabat.....sibet....... Oh just being away, to come back. After all it is my duty as the Duchess to guide and share my wisdom and ask difficult questions of life.

So I get into my concentrating creative position and the next thing I hear is Muv

Saying "Oh no we cant blog now. We are going out . Where is your bling collar.?"

And I said "Where are we going?"

And she said "Just out for a car ride" And then I looked at her and she had her war paint on and she had that smile. You know that smile that says

THE VET!!!!!!!!!!

So pretended that I had to get my collar and I hid but she found me. She is like a machine .

"Rosie COME OUT OF THAT ROOM !!!!"

"No"

" Rosie come out. Its Ok ". " Rosie come out of that room.!"

"No . I am not going to the vet. They will stick things in my bottom and make me go to sleep and do disgusting things like clean my teeth and cut my claws!"

"Rosie come out of the room its only you yearly vaccination"

"Vaccination. Is that like a back massage?"

"Right if you dont come out I am telling everyone you played with a poodle."

Once , Once I met a big white fluffy poodle and I didn't play with her cause she freaked me out.

I gave it one last shot. " Muv I cant walk My legs wont move."

"Then you really need to see the vet if you cant move so I will get the wheel barrow and wheel you to the car."

Now when her eyes go wide and her cheeks go really red and she flairs her nostrils, it's over and we are going.

"Hey Muvva my legs are working!"

She muttered something like a ?plucking , ducking ruckng or something miracle"


               So we get to the vets and you can see it is a   chamber of horrors
But Muv really loves it there, a it smells so clean and it is so clean and all the vet people are so nice and they keep her organised. I do get that me being a Duchess and all. Before we go in I do a wee on the grass in case I don't make it out and all the other hounds will know Rosie was here

" Rosie come away from the door"

"NO.Its the only way out and as soon as someone opens it I am gone."

"Come away from the door"
"Nuh , the last time I was here they made me sleep sewed up my foot and what was worse they cleaned my teeth and cut my toes. They are not to be trusted."

And then the vet came in and she smiled and smiled. But I wouldnt give in . She looked at every part of me including me girl bits'
Well then she gave me a back massage and told me I was lovely and then she gave me a

Needle. She gave me TWO!!!!And I refused the bribe. I am not that cheap and Oh the betrayal!

When we got home I went into my human Bruv Joseph and told her what they did.

He gave me some pats and smooges and said " Oh Poor Rosie you can lay on my bed until you recover but you cant play Runescape"

And when Muv poked her head in, I said" I am in agony with my Vacation needles" Joseph is the only one who understand
I WILL NEVER EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN"

Keep scratching Joseph

I shall have to lay here until I heal

Later I found Muv in the office and I said
"My puncture woulds are throbbing"

And all Muv said was "OH Really Rosie."

And I said" I need to go to the chiropractor to get my spine readjusted."

"Rosie I am getting board with the drama'"

"In fact I think she stole my girls bits . How am I going to wee.? "

And that's when she said it.

"Well if that is the case I better cancel the chicken necks with the great lamb bones and the yummy left over gravy and veges, not to forget the smelly
mackerel as IT SEEMS all over for you."

And that's when I decided my humsister Clancy was right. Muv is a machine .

She is as cunning as a tom cat.

ALL I can advise is that when you see your MUV with that much paint on and a smile that big. You are doomed.

We are back

2012-05-12T02:09:00.002-07:00

I am not very happy. I have just written a blog and lost the bloody lot.

I have not been able to write much lately as mum and dad have been preoccupied and mum hasnt been travelling too well.

See what I mean

So it been up to me to look after the chooks

Guard the house from the blue tongue human eating lizard

that was in front of our house.

And make sure that the sofa was in good order

and mum and dads bed was arranged so it was comfy

sort out the sheeting on the office sofa

And finally the spare bed,

I had to smooge Joseph so he could sleep at night

Keep man eye on all the birds that come into the garden. All of them are fighting at the moment.

And my only relaxation was having staring contest with flys in my tail. Of which I always one.

However Mum and dad went to sydney and when they came back they were happy

And Joseph is happy

And Patrick is happy

And Clancy is happy

Dad is happy

And mum is back to normal.

Even better they feel so guilty for neglecting me I am getting scratches and smooches and treats. I think I will give them a week before they can stop

My new Friend

2012-03-24T20:07:00.001-07:00

So I have a new friend. Well a passer by new friend. We pass by his house when we go walking and he sort of lives opposite us.

First time I met him I said 'Hi, I'm Rosie the Duchess of Macs and he said

"Bugger off I am hunting"

And I said
What do you like to hunt?
And he said
"Mice, rats and rabbits and foxes "

And I said

"Me too. Hows that?'

And then he said, water buffalo, pythons , gazelles and razorbacks.

And I thought that was interesting

And then he said "Shhhhh you will frighten the legless wooden giraffes that I am stalking" Can you see them.? They are all over the street."

The legless grey wooden giraffe?

.

And that's when it occurred to me that there wasn't something quite right with Tiger Bobcat as he was stalking light poles.

Later on down the beach I caught up with a few chums and it seems that Tiger Bobcat really thinks he is a tiger.

Seems that when he was kitten they were watching an African animal documentary, when the remote fell on his head and he has never been right since.

Another day we are walking passed and I yell "Hi Tiger Bob! What you hunting today?"

And there is Tiger bob under the car.
"Rosie! Shut up! You are wrecking my fierceness! AND if you cant see it and it kills you, then you only have yourself to blame. I spent all last night wrestling it and I have only half killed !"

You know what it was?

It is the Bouddi Chameleon, Grass snake. Can grow up to 30 meters. Not poisonous, however does spray fluid as its defence mechanism which is like battery acid to cats.

And then there were the great White bogan gorillas that had wandered out of the jungle
and had some sort of ritual up and down the beach all night but only do it once or twice a year.

Can you see where we are heading here?

It was easy for me.

On the way home he yells,
"Hey Duchess what did you catch today"

And I would yell
"A 20 meter man eating squid. Me and Gin and Tonic ( the tenacious Jack Russells ) got it and then Rex came in and got its throat whilst Clarence slept. But its all over the beach now and the birds are eating it.

Another time I he asked me about the whirring bid that flew over that threatened life and limb at the lagoon.

I told him how me and Gin and Tonic swum out, wrestled it to the death and then dragged it up to the beach and then Gin and Tonic buried it for laters.

Now based on the fearsome warriors that me and Gin and Tonic are , Tiger Bob decided that he should come down and and help us fight the monsters for the good of the neighbourhood, but he had to clear up one thing first.

"Hey Rosie, I heard you played with a poodle."

Will this ever leave me alone.?

Once I met a poodle called Candice. I was just out of the kennels and I had never seen anything like it.

So I yelled back across the road to Tiger Bob
"It wasn't a poodle it was a curly haired hornless rhinoceros that was threatening to gouge out all the cats as it liked to eat them on toast for breakfast. It takes ages for me and Gin and Tonic just to chase them off the beach. And they leave the beach because we tell them there are cats in the streets. And we have to swim in water to chase them.

So the next time me and mum were going down the beach I yelled
"Hey Tiger Bob are you coming hunting? I hear there is a white curly haired rhino down the beach."

And he said he thought he should stay here and watch the giraffes as they are unpredictable and you never know when they are going to light up their eyes and threaten the street. and how it was nothing at all to do with the rhino as he is very tough but it was about priorities.

I told him it was probably for the best and to hold his position.

Besides I heard the willy wagtails beat him up the other day.

Now don't get me wrong, I still miss Sid sorely.

But Tiger Bobcat is much much more fun.

Life goes on without Sid

2012-02-26T23:37:00.000-08:00

Bored

Bored and lonely. Since Sid has gone its too quiet.

The beach is the same every day.

The lagoon emptied out, but apart from some very exciting bird spotting which has mum off her dial, there is nothing to stimulate my mind.

I have my chum Simbah, but he is more a chum by his attachment disorder rather than a meeting of the minds.

And Tyson who is mad keen on running and thus we do fitness together. And he has a dam, so you dont get pelican itch,

My best mates down the beach are Gin and Tonic. I thought their names were Jack and Russell, but Mum said that was their breed and according to me a breed is anything that isn't a hound. I am sure I have told you about them but if I havent. This is Gin and Tonic.

Gin and Tonic are fearless and fearsome. They are so brave and so cool. I stand in awe of their awesomeness. They have no issue about size and are ruthless in their pursuits.

Like I will say, " Lets go for a surf!"

But Gin goes,

"Nah. Cant Rosie. Going fishing. The tide is emptying water into the lagoon and you never know when a great white might spill in. Been waiting for years to catch one of those buggers. Sick of bream and mullet."

And off he goes. Now you cant see him in this photo cause he is just a speck, but he swims for ages and ages. He knows what a great white shark is, but it doesn't frighten him. He just swims and swims and barks. Its like he is daring the damned thing to come in. I just stand horrified that one might come in and horrified one wont as he will not stop.

And then Tonic goes 'What was that?

And starts digging

When I catch up I ask what's there? And I am told
"There is a distinct possibility of the Mutant Eastern Sand python.
Sneaky devils. They are about 20 meters long and 2 meters wide."
"How deep do you have to dig?" says me
"About 5 meters as they sleep vertical , 5 meters under the sand.

Five meters! I cant even do a haffa! She said did I want to help as it would be so much fun and when we got this python the best bit will be wrestling it.

But I passed.

I decided a little dermabrasion in the sand for fine lines would be better. Besides the digging would wreck my nails.

And I left Tonic digging. Tonic's human has a long rope attached to the collars so if she goes down too far he can pull her out. I think to date she has found about 5 deflated balloons and a beer bottle.

Then they both came back for a breather and Gin said
"Hey Rosie. We heard your hanging around poodles."

Geez how DO these stories get around?

OK this is it . Once I met a poodle. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was a weird kind of sheep. I didn't understand a word she barked as she was French. That's it. Over.

Sometimes I wonder what it is like to be Gin and Tonic with their fearsomeness and fearlessness and their tenacity.

Maybe I should be more like them.

But then I wonder who would dazzle people on behalf of the hound with athletic-ness and beauty.

As well as being the self appointed model of hound bling.

No better to leave those things to the Russells as no one could ever match them and I will do what I do best.

Sleep and look beautiful

A Eulollygyg, A Loologillly, A Tribute to Sid

2012-02-07T16:54:00.000-08:00

So Mum says ,that when a family member dies, you have to say a thingy or tell the story of their life and since Sid has died, Mum has left it to me, because I am very good at this.

Sid was born. We know that because he wouldn't be here if he wasnt.

He probably had lots of brothers and sisters because bunnies breed like rabbits.

We have no idea of his life before he was dumped at a friends place, but it couldn't have been good.

They adopted Sid before they adopted me and when I first saw Sid I said aloud,
"Wow they bought me a bunny to play with"

Now Sid is a very blokey bunny ,only I didn't know that and he said, in his big rough deep voice.
"If you touch me you half starved maggot I will bite you on the tip of your tail and you will be crying for your mummy"

And being the friendly and classy she-hound that I am, I just said,

"Ok. no problem." and walked away

Sid met Dawnie in the chook yard and it was love at first sight.

Theirs was true love and they went everywhere together. Except down Sid's burrow as Dawnie couldn't walk backwards to get out.

And its sad, that no matter how hard they tried, which was the most confusing and disgusting sight for a hound to see,

they were not blessed with children. But they had imaginary children. Sid was very supportive when Dawn was clucky and even when she thought she hatched imaginary babies, he never said anything.

He was a good burrow builder. He could even burrow under the fence and visit David and eat his parsley and carrots and grass.

Sid and I were great mates. He loved a good joke
"Hey Sid do you want to come out and play greyhound chases the bunny? You can be the greyhound?"

"Oh Bugger off Rosie or I am going to tell everyone you hang around poodles."

Once . I met a poodle once and he would make a big thing of it.

Other times I would go
" Hey Sid' Do you want to go out chasing cats"

"Rosie you idiot, you are scared shitless of cats."

But seriously Sid and I had a love hate relationship. I would have loved to have chased him all over a paddock and he would have hated it.

Mum always said that one day Sid would go down his burrow and never come up, because by now he was over 5 years old . That's very old for a bunny with responsibilities.

But no. Dad found him in the yard on the soft cut grass Dad had put in the chook yard the night before. He was near his beloved Dawnie.

Scared the living daylights out of mum when she saw him stiff on a shovel.

So here's to you Sid, husband , father and the Blokiest bunny is all of Macmasters.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVdoZNxtL8k
By the way mum says a tribute is always finished with music. So I picked this one for Sid.

My Near Death Experience

2012-01-27T23:17:00.000-08:00

So I have been very very sick. I didn't think a hound could get so sick.

And whats worse, I didn't think a hound could get so sick and wouldn't want to eat.

It started of down the beach when mum growled at me not to touch the maggotty dead fish. She used her serious voice.

So I seriously thought she wanted me to eat it and I did.

And when Mum yelled "Don't go in the lagoon." "Rosie! DON'T GO IN THE LAGOON! ITS MANKY WITH RAIN WATER RUN OFF" "And you don't know who has been peeing and dumping in it in these holidays."

So I went in cause it looked good to me. Tasted funny too.

And on the way home mum stopped and said "I can smell horse shit"

And I said "Isn't is beautiful? I am rolling in it now as part of a hound beauty treatment."

The next day I wasnt feeling so good. If felt like a thousand bunnies were running inside my tummy and were trying to get out both ends.

Mum said me and this girl had a lot in common
Cause I was throwing up stuff I had never eaten.

I couldn't move or eat or drink.

Then as I was lying on the floor telling Mum that Simbah can have all my bones, cause I was sure I was going to die,

Mum had the worst idea possible.

And she put me in the car and took me to........

The VET!!!.

And Dr Kylie took my temperature in the most unmentionable way. It was very unpleasant and I glared at her and mum. This was so beneath me.

So every time she pressed my tummy I let her know that I wasnt happy.

BUT THEN

And she decided to stick all these needles in me . Sometimes she was putting stuff in and the other she was taking blood out.

I don't know how they didn't kill me.

I couldn't hold anything down

Or in

And Mum said I was looking like that girl in the movies again.

I didn't care. I had wrote my biography and attached the best photos, along with my pedigree and will and was prepared for the end.

And then Mum said" I have another great idea!!"

And she took me BACK TO THE VET. Who stuck MORE needles in me and sent me home.

And I thought "Thats it. Its over." I told mum I could see the white light and I was going to walk towards it.

And Mum said that that was the toilet door left open with the light on and that I wasnt dying and that I had a tummy bug and I will live.

"I'm going to live"

All those needle and things up my bottom must have worked because I really started to feel better.

And even though I had to force myself I managed a little sustanence.

When I was well enough to start my fitness routine all my chums asked where I had been and that there had been rumours on peemail that I had a life threatening illness.
And I told them it was true and how Dr Kylie saved my life

She is such a great vet even if she has some very disgusting ways of doing things.

Dad said I was a tough hound and deserved a bravery award for getting through it.

But Mum said she had a better award in mind.

Thats why I love Mum and Dad they just so get me.

holidays

2012-01-14T21:04:00.000-08:00

Its holiday time here at Macs.
And when the weather is fine and the sharks are hiding , people are everywhere. They are holding back a bit with the sharks, but that doesn't bother us as there is less crowds.

And all their dogs want to play with me and swim with me because I am such a beach chick hound.

And because of my beauty and athlectic-ness a lot of people wanted to know about greyhounds.

And you know mum. She will tell them.

Over and over and over.

Sometimes I just sit as I get so bored and because Mum thinks it will ruin my spine, we get moving. Mum is such a good learner.

And we had some sadness. Keg the best Staffy in Macs died. Everyone loved Keg as he was so fat he couldn't chase anyone. But that didn't stop him trying. He is buried in his beloved front yard so at night he can still bark at passers by. He had a great farewell. Everyone brought flowers and candles.

Meanwhile all the locals are exhausted by being the there to feed into the tourist expectations.

The cormorants are over posing for the sunset silhouette, even though it has all the camera people going ooh and aah with their stunning-ness. They are threatening to get the fruit bats to come over and cover their mouths with red lippy and pretend to be vampires.

Saw Terry on a walk and he was too pooped from not smiling, because his lot dont. He thought he might blend into the pole. Told him he was doing a great job as me and mum couldn't see him. I think that made him happy, but you cant tell.

Elvis was buggered by the first week in January. Its hard being the only egret on the lagoon and he thought if he sat on the dead tree, people would think he was a cormorant. Then he thought he could pretend to be a white vulture, but in the end he just sat and told the kiddies to naff off or he would peck their eyes out. He was stressed.

The pelicans have buggered off because the tourists at the Entrance throw fish instead of bread.

Helga is pretending to be a seagull instead of a white face heron.

Kris is pretending to be a duck .

And the ducks are getting so fat from so much bread that they will start to sink.

Meanwhile the Edward and Wallis Wagtail are raising their babies.

All day they go
Mum!Mum! Mum! Mum! Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!

Or they yell dad, dad, dad dad, dad, dad

Now that they are out of the nest they just yell all day.

But Mum is stoked that all three have made it so far.

The same with the magpies and their kids. Mum reckons magpies get the bird parenting award for putting up with the constant screeching of babies wanting worms.

Speaking of parents, we have had a heap of family up. Some brought their human pups up.

They also brought their dog Bear Up.

Now I don't know much about human pups, but I know they are fast and you have to watch them all the time as they are slippery.

So to give Bear a holiday we took turns sitting on the veranda. It meant less "me' time but those pups are quick.

One night Joe came home late and Bear barked like a manic German shepherd. Scared the poop outta him. Me and Bear just laughed and laughed.

Joe took it really well too. He just laughed and laughed. Just look at him.

They have all gone now and as tired as I am it is very quiet with out them,

Although,

Gives us a few days and I think I can handle more love and adoration . Well someone has to receive it don't they?

Meanwhile its my turn to put the fin on and go down the the beach and swim around.

Christmas

2011-12-18T23:23:00.000-08:00

Oh dear its Christmas time again.

Mum hasn't been too excited as she has been busy fighting with the evil overlords who are constantly threatening the welfare of the injured worker.

And Dad grew a beard for Movember

By the time Mum got used to it he shaved it off.

But then he made a scare crow to keep the cockatoo's off the passion fruit and now Mum freaks out every time she drives around the corner and sees it.

However Clancy has been working in Mums favourite city and in a great hall or something.
I don't know if she does the bookings for the ballet school or the Tai -kwon do or Bingo, but she does it well because if anyone misbehaves she just looks at them

And they are instantly good.

Patrick has been living in Sydney for a year now and Mum has coped really well.

She has cut down her daily phone calls to weekly.

He has settled in really well and has done brilliantly at Uni.

Joseph turned 18 and he is handsome and suave. He is learning new things.

And he got a tattoo just like me except my ears are tattooed not my butt cheek.

Mum and I still walk the beach and lagoon every day. I am sun baking to get some bleach tips like a surfer chick hound.

And mum still takes heaps of photos of the birds and all the interesting happenings. She is even getting some good feedback on her photos.

But Christmas is a bit flat for her. She found her box of German decorations and that made Dad really happy.

And she found their Norwegian Christmas dolls called Inge and Auge.

And she started to feel better.

Then she found her German angels

And she decided

to hang them

all around the windows with the christmas balls that a little old lady made.

She was feeling really chuffed until it was put her that it looked like a Christmas fairy lynching.

At first she went quiet and then she just laughed and laughed. Its great to see her in the Christmas spirit .

She is so into Christmas she wants to go hunting reindeer antlers because she "@+#*#@!" hates them" and wants nail them up on the wall but Dad and Joe wont take her. And since she is as blind as a bat at night driving everyone's cars are safe.

It doesn't matter, as she is happy now as she has her happy hat on.

And so on behalf of me and mum we wish you a happy holiday and a safe and healthy new year.

Oh the things I let her do just to make her happy,

by Rosie Greyhound Wilmott, Duchess of Macs 2011

mums thick head

2011-11-26T23:11:00.000-08:00

This is mum. She is really happy here as she found her fly swatter, which means she can go after those buzzing blighters and smash them to smithereens.
You wouldn't think mum had a broken brain. `
And she manages it pretty well.

However sometimes her brain mucks up on her and she gets stuck.

Especially at the moment .

It seems that mum is involved in a biff with some people. Only this kind of biff cant be sorted as usual, like Dawnie does with the chooks and like I did with the border collies

It seems that these bad guys use their words and write and talk to biff.. And that Mum has to go and see some " medical people who are whoring their skills for an insurance company to make money, rather than doing the job their are meant to do, which is to help people with illness. We know they are whores just by the job they are doing . However the degree and cost of whoredom doesn't make a better whore and by saying this we are really insulting sex workers but mum cant think of anything better to call them cause her bloody brain is broke by the corporation that all these whores and parasites work for."

I think I remembered it all.

And this is where mum has been very busy writing a response to the whoremaster's pimps who asked questions.

So I have been helping her.

For three nights

and

days

I was

there

Helping her

with words

and sentences until

I was too exhausted and thank goodness she had finished.

But every day I did remind her that she needed a good walk to clear out her brain.

Over three days and four nights she wrote 9400 words.
She said she was in crisis mode, which is a bit like when she picked up one of the border collies that attacked me. But now she has run out of puff and Dad has put her to bed.

Later on Dad gave me a massage and said
"Rosie how did we manage before you?'

To be frank I don't know how they did. Mum says she would never have been able to leave the house before she had me and she had forgotten how to do little things like say hello to people and make small talk.

However more important for the time being we are just going to let mum sleep and soon she will be up again,

Back to her normal self, wearing her hats chasing flies and taking photos.

Oh and going on the best walks with me.
because I am such a lucky hound too.

The Greyhound Myth

2011-11-07T00:45:00.000-08:00

My name is Keith and I live around the Roberts Family.

They rescued Rosie Greyhound from some kennels because she never won a race.

Everyone thinks greyhounds cant sit still and that they must run around all the time. So I think its time to clear that up.

Greyhounds love to run

And sleep.

Greyhounds like to swim

And sleep.

They love going for walks

And sleeping

They like to watch things happening.

And snoozing.

They like to work for good causes.

And they sleep on the job.

They love to eat yummy food.

And go back to sleep.

They love listening to story's..................
with their eyes closed.

They love cuddles , before during and after sleep.

They don't even care who they share their sleep with.

Smooges from small humans.

Chats with older humans.

And then to sleep.

Just on their own.

Or share a chair with a chum.

Sleep when a puppy.

Or sleep when old.

Sleep in pyjamas.

Always where it is warm , never cold.

So next time you see some greyhounds, don't be fooled.

They are the sleepiest dog,

EVER .

Using FOG to train your human

2011-10-22T00:25:00.000-07:00

So the other day mum was reading about unhealthy behaviour that others use to get what they want and how to manage it.

Then she went to the shower.

So I had a look.

And it talked about manipulation and I looked that up and it said
"to adapt or change to suit one's purpose or advantage"

I thought about it and read some more and that's when I realized its about training your human.

It said that skilled manipulation uses FOG that is Fear, Guilt and Obligation

I looked around and couldn't see any. So I read some more and it seems its something you do in order to get what you want. The title of the page was toxic people and since the only thing around here that is reasonably toxic is farts I thought this method was safe to use,

So this is how it goes. Say if you want food. When Dad comes home I look awful and moan and look at the empty dish.
Then.............

I walk really slowly to the sofa and just flop and do a hurrumph and a whine.

Dad has fear that I am uncomfortable because I am hungry,

He feels oibliged to feed me because if he doesn't he will feel

guilty because he isn't being a good hound human,
,

This has worked a treat for weeks,

This is legendary stuff as it is getting me heaps. Its worked with Joseph and Patrick Too easy. Until I tried it on mum.

"Oh I am starving just wasting a way. I could die or just fade way and if you really loved me you would feed me.

But it didnt turn out the way it did with DAD.

And mum looked around and said

"Really Rosie. You are starting to look like a Labrador. I am frightened you are getting too fat.

And as your human I am obliged to keep you fit and healthy.

As I would feel so guilty if I let you get unhealthy and you got really really sick.

How about a carrot instead of all those bones Dad has been giving you?

No wonder she was great at her job. She must of trained at a cattle station as she said she was good at smelling out bull shit.
I am so misunderstood. And yep I had the carrot.

Well onto the next idea.

A message from Sid

2011-10-14T20:25:00.000-07:00

G'day. My name is Sid and I am the blokiest bunny in Macmasters beach. When I came to live with the Wilmotts, my name was Charcoal. Mum was really offended by that name. And she felt sad that as a buck bunny I had a girly name. So we changed it. I am named after Sid Viscous. He was a really musical bunny who could pull in the does. That made me happy.

I live in a chook yard with the girls. Luke made the big yard out of a school fence and colour bond roof and he has been my inspiration with building.

Now Mum has a jasmine growing over it to give us that beach tropical holiday feel.

I have my own bunny burrow. and as an owner builder I am very pleased with my work
This is the front door, that leads onto a lounge room , home theater and kitchen/ dining ( which is actually next door)

This is the door that leads to my master suite with en suite, walk in robe and dressing room.
Its a great burrow and very relaxing when I need my "me" time.

I can see you thinking why would the blokiest bunny in all bunny dome need "me time"?

Being the head buck bunny in the hen house is very tiring.

There are always fights over who gets to lay eggs in the nesting box and I have to sort that.

Then there is Dawnie who gets clucky twice a year and thinks I am the father of her imaginary babies. That I can cope with because I love Dawnie and I don't want her to have to go to the mental shed for chooks.

Then there are the bludging wildlife who think the chook yard is a good lurk for a free feed.

" Hey Sid! got any seed going?"

"Ive told your before you psychedelic sparrow there is nothing here for you now bugger off"

"LOOK OUT SID I AM COMING IN FOR WORMS"

" Come in here Norman and you will be the bloody worm food "

And there are the doves. Thick as two planks. They don't do anything . but sit and look. I think they know there is food there but they arnt sure how to get it since Doreen took ones nose off.

And there is Rosie's yobbo mates who are ' ooowaahh big hunters" until I yell in my Chopper Reid voice that

"If 'you don't piss off I will castrate you again and everyone will call you a poodle"

And then there is Rosie. Rosie and I have a love/hate relationship. I love to wind her up and she hates it.

Sometimes Mum opens the gates and lets the girls out for some grass.
I go out too and I yell

"Hey Rosie I am outside!"

Then I race under the fence next door and down my burrow.

It takes Rosie at least 5 minutes to wake up and then she is off.

And she

spends every

waking hour for

DAYS looking for me.
And then she finds out I have been in the yard all the time.

The girls and me just laugh and laugh.

But not too much as Mum gets the shits and threatens us all with time out. Together.

Its good Mum takes her walking so she thinks she is a real hunter even if she chases butterflies.

And that's why we love Rosie. She will let a person come in and rob the place, but at least the beach is safe from insects.

That is when she is awake of course.

Rosie Greyhound. Duchess of Macs.: the school holidays

2011-10-07T22:34:00.000-07:00

Rosie Greyhound. Duchess of Macs.: the school holidays: So its the school holiday time again and that's the time when all the human pups have time off from obedience school and their trainers g...

the school holidays

2011-10-07T21:49:00.000-07:00

So its the school holiday time again and that's the time when all the human pups have time off from obedience school and their trainers get a break too.

And because they aren't at obedience school, they are let out of the kennels a lot more and they all come up to MacMasters Beach with assorted dogs.

And this adds a lot of stress on the locals, because the visitors don't know local dog rules.

And Mum and Dads pups come up, which means I have to be MORE available for smooges, pats and massages from Joseph.

More walks with Patrick,

and being on standby, just in case Clancy needs help writing. She knows how great my blogs are.

Human pup holidays also means more patrols on the beach and obviously we have to stop more for pats and Mum telling everyone who asks how great greyhounds are. I have to do some serious glamour poses.

I have to check more pee mails, leave replies and smell the character of the holiday dogs, so I can leave report for Rex or Clarence who may come after me.

Me and my friends obey all the local rules and that includes wildlife

and each other.

Just the other day I had to leave a message to watch out for the mixed breed terrier with the old lady as it will try to take your face off . My face is ok ,but mum let loose on the owner and said that if it tried to bite my face again, she would use the terrier as a cricket ball and send it to the wicket in the deep blue ocean.

Now I believe mum as she played softball and netball and her dad was a brilliant cricketer. She is very good with bats and balls. Or was it old bats and teenage boys who think they have balls?

Anyway , all this has left me exhausted.

So today just for a rest we went a different way. so mum could see the swans.

And we went through the wetlands to see the big paperbark that had fallen over.

Mum thought this was great, but all I could see was snakes every where. And they were snakes ,not vine and twigs like mum was making out.

And I have no idea what this is.

We were walking along and I was having a great time in the puddles and then I saw them.

And there it was looking at me
.

And there I was looking at it.

The others didn't see me thank goodness.

I couldn't take my eyes off them. It was macabre yet fascinating.

What sort of water do they have in Sydney to make these cattle dogs so big.?

This poor bugger had toenails growing out of its head.

Then it got too close and I said to mum
"We can go now'
"Like now now"
" Really now"

Later when I was down the lagoon having my swim, I realized how lucky I was to have Mum and Dad who love creatures for themselves.

That's why its good they have me otherwise they might love a cat or heaven forbid a rabbit

"I heard that Rosie!"

Honestly Sid has no sense of humour. I am just so misunderstood.

Hurrumph!

Chook battles

2011-09-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

So our Friends Mick and Flo have gone to France and they said to Dad can you mind our chooks and Dad said yes.

And its been a madhouse ever since.

This is how it is every day.

They wake up and before the last hen has finished yawning , the white one says,
"I'm the boss!"

and biffs one of the other chooks.

Then another chooks says,

"No I'm the boss!"

And biffs two other hens

BIFF!
BIFF!

Then they chase each other around the yard

"Hey come here! I'm the boss"

BIFF!

Then it starts at the nesting box.

"My turn to lay an egg"

Biff

No my turn!

Biff

And OMG if one finds a worm its war!

'My worm!" BIFF
" No my worm " Biff

Would you beleive the worm got away? Geez I laughed and laughed

Dawnie and Sid ignore them as they just think they are stupid. Besides they are busy looking for food for Dawnies imaginary babies

But then it starts at night
.
"I'm in the middle"

PUSH
.

No I'm in the middle!

Shove

Push shove OW! Push shove Ow! And it goes on and on and on until they go to sleep.!

Then we get some peace until the next day and it starts all over again.

Finally Sid had enough and he announced to Dawnie that it was hard enough being a bunny trying to raise an imaginary family with Dawnie and since he already put up with her crazy relatives it wasn't fair that he put up with this lot. Dad said he knew how Sid felt.

And with that he went down his rabbit hole.

Now Sid and I have this love/hate relationship. I would love to eat him and he would hate it if I did, but I could so totally see Sid's point of view. This lot were over the top.

But none of us saw what was coming.
Dawnie was furious and she yelled like a footy coach
"Right you dumb rejects from KFC. I AM THE BOSS!!!" and with that she biffed them all.

She went through them like cyclone

Biff biff biff biff biff

I couldn't watch. She frightened me!

And it was only when the last feather settled was there peace in the chookyard.

Sid came out and said,
"You are the best wife a bunny could have"

And Dawnie said,
"That's because you are the best father of my imaginary babies Sid!"

And so in peace they went about their business .

Now I know that you are all thinking that Rosie is living in a mad camp and she could be spinning a yarn.

There is also a saying that truth is stranger than fiction and no one could make up what happens at our place.

And I wouldn't miss any of this reality for anything.