Round Table Square House

That's The Way Grief Goes Babe

2021-11-22T16:27:00.002-05:00

If you are a long time follower you may notice I haven't posted in a while. Like. A WHILE a while. If you know me outside of the blog world then you know why. On October 10, 2020 my Mom left this earthly life. The past year plus has been a rollercoaster I wouldn't put my very worst enemy on. Ever. I have started and deleted probably 100 posts at this point because none of them felt right. None of them seemed fitting. None of them captured my emotions the way I wanted it conveyed. And then I realized none of that may ever happen. My counselor said "just start writing".... and that's what I'm doing.

Photo Credit:https: Tim Mossholder

Mom died due to contracting the virus which shall not be named. It was a hard journey. I watched her go through things that she'd have died if she realized. My Mom was the type of woman that curled her hair to go to the mail box. She was prissy and girly and boujee before boujee was even cool. I could try and describe to you what she was but again my words would fall short.

So today I don't want to write about the virus. I don't even really want to write about Mom (though I love sharing about her). I want to write about grief. Grief is a mother. And if you know me well enough you finished that statement in your head. Grief has been the hardest emotion I've ever experienced.

Growing up I lost grandparents, friends, friends of the family, an aunt. This was the closest loss I have ever had. I had no clue what to expect. Some say grief is in stages. You go from one stage to the next as you over come each one. I disagree with this on a cellular level. Grief is not linear. Sure there are stages. But there are days when I experience all of the stages in the very same day.

Early on there was a lot of numbness. I sorta turned my emotions off. My siblings and I, along with an unplanned appearance from Dad, delivered our Mom's eulogy. How hard it was to wrap up her life into the time we had...and we still went over. Classic. That morning I KNEW that to get through the day I had to turn it off. So I did. So if you saw me laughing or smiling, it doesn't mean I was any less broken inside. It means I knew I had to get through. I had to make it one more day. And then another. And then another.

Mom would want us to remember her fondly, tell stories that bring us joy, and keep her alive in our hearts. I've done exactly that. But she was always a little bit dramatic at times and I think that she would've wanted some tears and wailing too. And I've done that. I've been angrier than I ever have. I have laughed harder than maybe I should. I have felt it all.

It's so weird though. The other day I missed her for the strangest reason. Amelia had a migraine. Thanks to Mom's stellar genetics me and my kids are prone to them. Why couldn't I have gotten those deep chocolate eyes, or the skin that turned golden with the first kiss of the sun? I digress. So there I sit in an ER with Amelia crying in my arms and it smacked me. I missed Mom's migraines.

No, I don't miss a moment that she was in pain. But in those moments we forged bonds. Trust. Compassion. Empathy. And so much more. My brother, my sister, my Dad, my husband, my inlaws....we have all had at least one ER visit with Mom. She'd wait until the pain was literally unbearable and off we'd go. She had a sensitive stomach so often there was no warning that we needed to stop just "PULL OVER NOW" so she could be sick. She'd wear her Hollywood shades and her pain level was always an 8. After 3 rounds of nausea meds, pain meds, and her SNORING and the nurse would ask "Mrs Folds what's your pain level now".....an 8 she'd say.

On the way home she'd be just loopy enough to offer us gas money....more than once. If I wasn't a good person, I'd be rich by now.... anyway... so there I sat with Amelia and I missed Mom. I missed her when I had to have a small procedure a few weeks ago. She NEVER missed a time when I was put to sleep. Ever. I missed her when I saw "her" car drive past me and whip into the library. No...it wasn't her....but still.

I've been told several things about MY grief. MY story. I've been told I'm grieving too much, not enough, too fast, too slow, too publicly, too privately. It took me almost 40 years (shhhhhh) to get here but I'm finally to the point where no one else gets to tell me how to live MY story. So for now, I'll grieve as I wish.

A friend lost a parent the other day and I said "I'm so sorry for your loss" and it hit extra. I'd said that a million times before "I'm praying for you" and all of the other cliches. I now know, no matter how well intentioned, those are just words. So I've learned things through my grief. I've learned new empathy for the loss of a parent. I've learned to do more than just say "I'm sorry for your loss" and try and actually hold space for the one grieving. I've learned to not judge how others choose to grieve.

This may make about as much sense as going outside and doing a polar plunge (pretty dumb if you ask me) but it was my homework and even if I procrastinated, I was always good at homework.

Side note- The title is a nod to one of Mom's favorite songs. I love the version with Jewel in it. Check it out.That's The Way Love Goes

Here's What I Think(x)

2020-07-09T21:38:00.005-04:00

Ok. Here's your warning. We're gonna talk bodily functions for a minute. Now I know that might make some of you uncomfortable so just skip on by. It actually makes me laugh sometimes. People can watch all sorts of blood, guts, and gore on tv and in movies but when it comes to discussing a period suddenly it's gross. Anyway. Moving right along.

Several years ago I came across period panties. At the time Thinx was the brand I was looking in to. They advertise as a life-changing, wonder product (my words, not theirs). Panties. That you wear on your period. And depending on your flow they can replace pads/cups/tampons/etc OR you can use them as a backup to your normal period products.

To be honest the only things stopping me were 1- the price. I felt like pads were more cost efficient. And 2- the ick factor. I am totally comfortable discussing periods but I wasn't sure how I'd feel just wearing nothing but panties. These reasons kept me away from Thinx for about 2 or 3 years. Fast forward to early this year.

Lindsey Elmore (my favorite resource for essential oil education) started sharing on her Instagram page. She shared a coupon code and I finally took the plunge. I purchased a bundle pack and with her coupon code paid about $50 for a 2 pack of Thinx. When I compared what I spent in pads to the life span of Thinx I realized they are actually more cost effective.

Thinx are reusable, washable, and odor controlling. A single pair can hold up to 4 tampons worth of blood. I haven't used tampons in years so I can't really give a good comparison. I will say that I'm a medium flow, even on my heaviest day, and I can wear a single pair of Thinx for a whole day. Side note. When you see a cheaper, yet similar, product pop up in your ads after reading this blog? RUN AWAY!!! Spend the money on the good stuff.

I halfway expected them to be big and bulky. I mean. That's what pads are right? And for these miracle panties to work they need to be at least as thick? Wrong!! Thinx are not much thicker than my regular panties and they are every bit as comfortable. I don't feel like I'm walking around wearing a diaper. I don't feel the need to adjust every time I sit down or stand up.

I've worn Thinx overnight and not had a single leak. It's up to you to judge your own flow. If you're aiming to use Thinx only you can always try it on a day where a leak wouldn't be the end of the world. For your first purchase I'd recommend getting at least 2 pairs so that you can swap them out and always have some ready to go. I'm getting ready to purchase the boy shorts, which are supposed to be even better protection as well as trying out the cotton briefs.

Other points: If you get the set that has the "lace" across the top you for sure don't want to just throw them in the washer and dryer with everything else. The lace starts to shred and get holes. I'm not saying I did that....but yeah....I totally messed up a few lacy pairs. Other than that? I'm a rule breaker (the instructions say rinse, wash, then hang dry) and I chunk them in the wash with my regular clothes and throw them in the dryer.

When I say this is a life changing product I kid you not. I'm stoked that they have a tween line as well. It'll be nice to offer my daughter an option that doesn't put harmful chemicals (yeah....do your research on tampons/pads) right next to her sensitive bits.

Have you tried Thinx yet? Are you a believer??

Photo Credit: Gabriella Rocha Rios @unsplash.com

Second Chance at Life

2020-01-23T21:23:00.002-05:00

Warning: This post might trigger you if you are sensitive to certain topics of discussion. If you don't feel like you are in a place, mentally or emotionally, to read this save it and come back later.

I've never had a true near death experience. I've never had to be brought back from the dead. I've never seen the "other side". I can tell you that I lived entirely too close to death for far too long though. During the years I suffered with addiction I teetered close to the line. Even before my addiction I had issues but they really came to a head at the bottom of each bottle.

I dealt with suicidal thoughts. I had a liver that was dangerously close to just quitting on me. I was going in about every 6 weeks at one point just to make sure my numbers weren't climbing any higher. I lived in fear every night that I wouldn't make it through until morning because of alcohol poisoning. I was closer to accidental overdose than I care to admit. Just a tip. When they say don't mix alcohol and prescription medication? It's not just a friendly suggestion. Far, FAR, too many people are dying these days from accidental overdose simply from combining medication with alcohol.

I promised God on more than one occasion "if I just make it through the night I'll do better". I promised and bargained all SORTS of things.

Well. I made it through the night. I'm not perfect but I really am trying to do my best to be better. I am trying to be the best version of me.

Sometimes I share to help others. Sometimes I share because for me it's healing. Tonight is one of those nights where I'm sharing for me. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for where my life is at right now. I have a LONG way to go, in a lot of areas. I'm sober enough to think straight to even type this blog. My mind is at peace. My body is functioning the way it's designed to.

So, though I didn't have a NDE, I HAVE been given another chance at life....at living...at living the way life was intended to be lived.

I want to encourage you. Ever additional second that you are given is a new chance at life. I believe in you. I believe in the best parts of you. I believe in your potential. I believe that you too will start living YOUR best life starting now.

Until next time....be blessed.

The Greatest Country in The World

2019-08-05T11:48:00.002-04:00

Number one: This post is NOT about a gun debate. Number two: This post is not about politics. This is me just dumping my sad little heart out for all the world to see.

My entire life I've been told "We live in the greatest country in the world". I'm not saying that's true or not true at this point. Just some things I've observed.

So one reason why this was true: We don't have people starving to death like in Ethiopia (or anywhere else where there are mass amounts of people dying from lack of food). But we do. We have homeless people in each of our own cities that don't know where their next meal is coming from. A few weeks ago I visited the Rockmart Homeless Initiative. It was incredibly eye opening and humbling. I have heard people say "Well if they're homeless it's their fault because they won't get a job". That's just the biggest bunch of ignorance I've ever heard. That MAY be the case with some people but that is most certainly not the primary reason.

Here's a good reason: We have the greatest military in the world. That also may be true. What sucks? We have vets committing suicide at alarming rates. We have vets that are homeless. If someone got blown up by a freaking bomb, trying to ensure my continued freedom, there is ZERO reason why they should come home and wind up homeless. None. Like....zero. Not with all the empty foreclosed homes sitting around.....that's just one possible solution.

Another reason: We have access to some of the most cutting edge healthcare in the world. M'kay while this MAY be true our healthcare system is SHOT. I'm going to give you a prime example. We're going to use ME. This is a TRUE story. Once upon a time (in the not too distant past) I didn't have health insurance. I had zero access to proper physical and mental healthcare (which mental healthcare in the US is a whole other can of worms). I had to go to the ER one night for a simple infection that needed antibiotics. If I'd had insurance I could've gone to my PCP and gotten it there. Instead I had to visit an ER (which is for, ideally, emergencies only). That particular night I felt like a drain on that hospital and its resources.

Another reason that we "live in the greatest country in the world": We don't go to bed every night worried that a bomb will fall on our town. No. That's true. But I live in a country where I fear my kids going to school and dealing with an active shooter. I live in a country where I fear grocery shopping. I live in a country where road rage ends in death sometimes. I live in a country where murder/suicide is at ridiculously high rates. Understand this post isn't just about the guns...people use all sorts of weapons. It's not JUST the guns.

Y'all I could go on and on about reasons I was told that this is the greatest country in the world. And, again, I'm not saying it's not still better than other places (I mean people STILL want to leave war torn areas and come here....) but it's GOT to change. This place has GOT to get better. Do I have all the answers? No. I don't....I don't know that anyone has all the right answers. I just hurt way deep in my soul today for all those that hurt. I hurt for this broken nation because right now we are truly a nation divided. I know there's more to it than just "pray for things to get better" but right now we could all use a little prayer.

Ain't It Funny

2019-05-30T12:17:00.001-04:00

*Photo credit: Sharon McCutcheon via UnSplash

It's crazy how I roll. I commit to something (blogging for example) and I go at it hard and heavy for a while. Then I get off on some rabbit trail of making videos for FaceBook or spending time on Instagram. The goal is the same ultimately. I want to be cliché and "change lives". It's what I've always wanted. It's the motivation behind, nearly, everything I do.

One of the ways that I've been trying to help people and change lives is through sharing my story of sobriety. A lot of people never knew I had a problem. I did pretty well hiding things from the outside world. Only those closest to me knew my struggles. What was I hiding? Pssh. Everything basically. I was misusing prescription medication, drinking a fifth of vodka (sometimes less, sometimes much more) most nights, harming myself physically in order to numb the pain, and just generally destroying myself. My liver was headed downhill quickly. My blood pressure was high. My anxiety was through the roof. It was a mess. I had to pull my sleeves up for burn checks every time I wore long sleeves. Alcoholism was just a part of the story. That's what I'm going to spend most of my time on today. I will be delving more into the mental health aspect later.

I get asked "how did you quit drinking"? I know it's over simplistic but it's true. God. Nothing but God. I had people who EVERY NIGHT cried their eyes out and covered me in prayer. Were it not for those prayers I can think of at least 3 separate occasions where I very well should have died from the amount of alcohol and pills I put in my body. It wasn't a suicide attempt. It was just my life. I had built up a tolerance that was unreal for my body. I could outdrink any grown man around and I was proud of that fact....for a while.

On January 1st, 2018 I poured a shot of vodka. I had to celebrate the New Year and all and I had finally recovered from being drunk on December 28th. That's the night I quite literally fell into a fire. Anyway. I poured my little shot and slammed it. Within minutes I felt like crap. My heart was racing, I was nauseous. I just didn't feel good. So I put the vodka away. I haven't touched it since.

With the amount of alcohol I was drinking I was told there was NO WAY to quit cold turkey without having medical intervention. No way. Well I did. Yes, I did have some medical things that arose after I quit drinking but none of it was directly related to the detox process. I spent 2018 dealing with some STUFF. I dealt with a highly suspected case of pseudotumor (never fully confirmed because I opted out of a spinal tap). I dealt with dangerously low blood pressure (I had been on high BP meds when I was drinking and when I quit I no longer needed the medication). I dealt with having to realign my body physically from the various falls I took while drinking (shout to my favorite back cracker InMotion Chiropractic in Calhoun Ga). I dealt with a sleep cycle that was all over the place (still trying to get this adjusted). Those were just the physical things I dealt with. The emotional things took a toll as well.

When people say "I'm in recovery" it's so much more than just being sober. There are literally pieces of our lives that we have to recover. To recover, according to Dictionary, includes the following: to gain back, to make up for, to regain health, and more. Relationships are destroyed through substance abuse. Health is destroyed. Finances are destroyed. So beyond being sober. I'm in recovery still.

There's so much more to my story than just these few paragraphs and I'll try and be better about putting it in writing. There's something therapeutic about writing (or typing as the case may be). I remind myself at the end of the day that everything I've been through allows me to truthfully say "I understand EXACTLY what you're going through" in certain situations. I'm a work in progress y'all. So when you say your prayers feel free to throw my name in there. Until next time....Be blessed.

Thanksgiving 2K18

2018-11-22T22:41:00.000-05:00

Wow y'all. I can't even believe how long it's been since I've posted a blog!! This past year has been crazy. Like. Nuts. Over the top. Crazy. I PROMISE I will update you in my next post but for today I just want to share a few things that I'm thankful for. It is Thanksgiving after all.

In no certain order:
God.
My family.
My home.
My vehicles.
My friends.
My jobs (yes I am presently working on multiple streams of income...that's the way to go y'all).
My new Keurig coffee maker.
ALL THE FOOD I had today.
All the essential oils I had for all the food I had.
Grace.
Mercy.
Compassion.
Sobriety. I'll be sharing more on this later but I'm like 10 months or so sober.
Comfy socks.
Heat.
Ceiling fans.

It's short and sweet. But it's all real. Until next time, be blessed.

Richie Rich Part 3

2017-08-15T11:46:00.003-04:00

After the last two blogs "Richie Rich Part 1 & 2" (yes it's been a hot minute ago) I've been trying to decide what all to cover in this third installment. I've said it before but allow me to say it again. I'm not a financial advisor or anything along those lines. I'm simply a normal every day person who has tried to learn about financial issues and apply them in my own life. If you screw up your finances you can't blame it on me. I am just sharing some things I've learned along the way. So...what to cover?
Well I've come to realize as I'm trying to put these blogs together that there is SO MUCH more to cover than three small blogs will allow. I've had several people ask that I do a weekly piece on finances. Quite honestly I'm not sure that I'm totally qualified to do that. So with this final installment (it is final unless I just really feel led to post more) I'm going to cover some general thoughts related to saving money and earning extra money.

Obviously looking for sales or lower prices can save money. We've used Zenni Optical for years (and yes if you click on the link it's a referral for us to both earn $5 glasses credits). I also frequent online yard sale sites. I try and purchase Christmas big ticket items the year before which can be tremendously discounted. I use coupons when I remember. I switched my bank account to "fee free" banking. There's usually conditions that go with that like deposit a certain amount or don't get paper statements. I used to drink coffee out every day but I invested in premium coffee at home and take the 3 minutes to make my own. I still splurge every now and then but mainly it's at Java House of Payne.

There are a TON of ways to save money that people don't often think about. The first one that comes to mind (simply because I'm working on my grocery list for next week) is menu planning and weekly grocery shopping. I try my hardest, sometimes without much success, to go into the grocery store fully prepared. The plan is to carry a list and coupons and to shop right after I've eaten at least a snack. It's be scientifically proven (ok maybe that's a stretch) that if you go shopping without a plan and on an empty stomach you will spend five times what your budget was. Like I said that's a stretch but I personally have found that if I daily shop (3 or 4 thing here and there) or if I shop hungry I will spend anywhere from $20-30 more in a week's time than if I'm prepared. At one time I was huge into coupons. Even without coupons by using the Kroger app (I'm always checking what's on sale there) or the WalMart Savings Catcher I save money. With Kroger (or other stores that have Rewards cards) you save on the front end and with something like Savings Catcher you save after the shopping is done. There are other savings apps out there I just don't use anything else at this time.

I mentioned this before but paying bills on time can save hundreds of dollars a year in late fees alone. Forbes states that 3/4 Americans have at least 1 credit card. Hypothetically if you and your spouse each have 2 credit cards, with a late fee of $25/month on the card, and you pay late on both cards 6 times in a year, you could pay a minimum of $300 in fees alone. I know some people might not mind but that can really add up.

I'm a total fan of going out occasionally but I think the movie theater is a huge rip off. For my family of 4 tickets alone cost at least $40 (unless we do a matinee). That's not including any snacks or drinks once we get there. Not to mention the fact that my 6 year old without fail has to pee during a movie 619 times. I'd just as soon pay my little $2 for a RedBox (which you can also earn points for free rentals) and set up camp at home where we can hit pause as many times as the little princess needs and we can buy a thousand times the amount of snacks that we could in theater. Like I said....we still go out occasionally but as a whole we don't see movies the minute they hit theaters.

I could go on and on...and on....but I won't. So for a couple of money maker ideas....and none of these are get rich quicks.....
LetGo is an app for selling things online. I've been using it simply because I find it more convenient than something like Craigslist
InBox Dollars (Referral Link) is a site where I earn for completing surveys or searching the web or watching a few videos. I typically earn $30-50 per year with just a couple of minutes a day. That money usually goes straight to savings.
Swagbucks is another site I've started using. Clicking the link here can get you $3.
Most survey sites or things of that nature have started paying out in e-certificates but then you can use them practically the same as a plastic gift card.
Have a hobby (woodwork/painting/etc) that you enjoy but instead of making one of something you like make 2 and sell one.
If you are in the position MLM companies are a GREAT way to generate extra income. I sell Young Living Essential Oils. You can email me at angeladpayne11@gmail.com for more information on that! There are a TON of MLMs though and it's easy to find one to fit your lifestyle and your needs.
DIY as much as you can. Now I'm not talking play with live wires if you aren't a certified electrician but if it's something as simple as changing a lightbulb (which my grandmother literally did not know how to do)....try it yourself...the key is to turn the power off first.

I know that's a hugely overwhelming amount of information but hopefully somewhere along the way you got something.....anything....that will help you financially now and in the future! Until next time....be blessed!

Becoming Spiderman (And Some Stuff About Goals)

2017-04-20T10:28:00.001-04:00

*Picture from Marvel

Here's a moment of transparency for you: Lately I've had some goals. I had things I wanted to do/achieve in set amounts of time. I sucked. I didn't reach those goals. Why? Some was my own fault. Some was not so much my fault (not blaming others but there are certain things out of my control). So let's talk about goals.

What is a goal? Goal by definition of Merriam-Webster (in the sense I'm using) is "the end toward which effort is created". Simply put....you see an end result and then put effort towards getting there. I think people get really derailed with goals though. Now I am by no means a guru/expert/anything of that nature but I've really searched out a lot about goals and visions in my recent years.

There are do's and don'ts of goal setting. Many people fail before they even get started because of the wording of their goal. Let's take "weight loss" as an example. I understand that the end result is to lose weight. That statement reinforces "weight" every time it's used. So something as simple as "I'm moving towards an overall healthy lifestyle" is better than "I'm going to lose weight". (Yes this is one I'm personally working on and I catch myself DAILY having to change my wording).

Another reason goals fail is due to unattainability. I understand ANYTHING is possible...key word "possible". If I set a goal along these lines "By this time tomorrow I'll be a multi millionaire" it would be similar to me saying "By this time tomorrow I'll have superhuman strength and be able to sling webs with my hands". My point is it's POSSIBLE that I get bitten by a radioactive spider the same way it's POSSIBLE I win millions of dollars on the lottery. It's POSSIBLE to have surgery and wake up hundreds of pounds lighter....most of those don't happen every time they are put out there as a goal. Make goals realistic to your lifestyle and situation. If savings is a goal make it a goal you know you will succeed at. Determine to save even $1 a day...even if that means going out and hunting change in a parking lot.

Goals also fail because, looking back at the definition, people don't create effort. While I'm planning to live a healthier overall lifestyle and be in the best shape of my life I can't sit around and eat Oreos all day to get there. I have to generate effort. If I want to be a millionaire by retirement I have to work for it.

Goals need constant reevaluation. If my goal is getting to a certain weight I might change my diet and excersise in an extreme manner. Once I reach my goal weight I have to reevaluate my lifestyle so I don't wind up unhealthy on the other end of the scale.

I recently had set some lofty goals for myself. They were attainable but I really was going to have to put in the effort. I put in some effort but not 110% like I could have. I felt deflated for a while but I put my big girl panties on and started over. Goals are fluid. They are adjustable. Unless you literally carve your goals in stone....well...then nothing is set in stone.

My challenge to you today: Look at goals that you have let slide. Reevaluate them and see how you can take them on again head first. Until next time....be blessed!

Keeping Up With The Joneses

2017-02-07T14:38:00.001-05:00

Photo Credit: Daniel Barnes- UnSplash

Hello there faithful reader! Or if you're a first-timer who just stumbled upon this wonderful blog, welcome to you as well. I'm just a regular, awesome, chick doing regular, awesome, things. Sometimes I write about random stuff in my head. Sometimes I write about real life stuff. Today is going to be a combination of the two.

I'll start with my random stuff in my head. The other day I saw where a friend had posted on social media something about "keeping up with the Joneses is hard". I would say that on the one hand I have to agree with that. It's hard to constantly try and be something/someone that you aren't. On the other hand I would say this...if you truly want to live the life of the Joneses why don't you do what the Joneses do and put your head down, work hard, and achieve things? I'm not saying it's easy but at the end of the day you CAN live like the Joneses without it all being a scam. End of random head thoughts.

On to those real life things I was talking about. I had another social media friend that in the past few weeks has posted daily (if not multiple times a day) about their financial struggles. They are always needing assistance with one thing or another. On other posts they are saying how they just got a new car, they just bought all their kids new tennis shoes, they just ordered thousands of dollars of inventory for their MLM business...and so it goes. Well this friend got upset when someone called them out about it. They said it was no one's business how things were happening.

This is where I agree with my friend. Who's to say that their Mom didn't pay for their new car so that the kids were in safe transport, their kids shoes were given to them by someone who knew they needed it, and their inventory for their MLM is just adding to their mountains of debt? It's NOT anyone's business how they make things happen.

Here's the flip side to that. If my friend wasn't constantly going around lamenting over finances then no one probably would have questioned them in the first place. I think the same can be said for someone who is always posting negative things about their relationship and then suddenly show up engaged and ready to marry the love of their life.

I guess my point in all this is "Don't give people ammunition". I know we live in a world where social media makes it easy to document our every single moment but unless you want people questioning those moments...why not just keep certain details to yourself? I'm not saying be a hermit or anything like that I'm just saying (and I'm stepping on my own toes a bit) be careful the ammunition you give to others.

Challenge for today: Be real. Be you. Until next time....be blessed.

Eat Cake...Lose Weight!! My Personal Diet Program!

2016-06-20T10:08:00.000-04:00

Hey you! For those of you that read/care about my personal life I just wanted to say what a great weekend I had. I was able to spend a little quality time with my folks and then spent Father's Day with my wonderful husband and kids. I may want to wring his neck sometimes but I sure do love that guy!!

That was short and sweet and now on to my point...those of you that know me outside of the vast world known as the internet know that I've been struggling with my weight lately. Struggle may not be the right word. Struggle I think would imply I'm actively TRYING to lose weight and can't. Pretty much I put on a good bit of weight (for my height/frame) a while back and haven't lost it. Why not? Well....I like cake...and cookies....and pretty much anything sweet/savory/food of any sort. Get the picture? Yeah. So I WANT to lose this weight...I really do...but not enough that I've made decent life changes to support that desire.

Well I was thinking about it the other day and relating it to you and your dreams of more. Maybe you have thought about having more money, more free time, more peace....the question is...have you gone on a diet yet? I know I speak metaphorically a lot but that's how I am able to relate one thing to another.

Let's say your dream is more money. Maybe you are doing the Law of Attraction, or meditation, or whatever....but have you cut back your spending? I'm not saying have a mindset of lack but in order to see change things always have to CHANGE. I will NOT lose a pound of this weight I put on without saying no to the cookies every now and then. You will NOT get ahead financially continuing to live in the same cycle you have lived in for years.

When on a weight loss journey I don't think I've ever seen anyone lose 43 lbs overnight. Now I'm not saying you CAN'T become a millionaire over night (It happens all the time) I'm just saying it's more likely your journey will take time. So be patient but be persistent. Your change WILL come. Until next time...be blessed (and maybe eat a cookie for me?)

Orlando (Need the title really say more?)

2016-06-13T09:35:00.000-04:00

*This image is from TheOdysseyOnline

America (once again) is waking up with a broken heart...a broken spirit. My mind has swirled with the sheer amount of emotions I'm seeing people exhibit. I've seen love. I've seen hate. I've seen compassion. I've seen ignorance (which I understand isn't an emotion...but still).

I laid in best last night thinking of what words I wanted to say to express my personal feelings on this tragic event. There really aren't even words that would cover it all. I could write about the Bible and all the scriptures against LGBT. I could write about the Bible and all the scriptures on love and being non judgmental. I could call for my friends and family to arm themselves. There are about a thousand things I could write about. Everyone of them would be both right and wrong. Instead I'll write this:

At the end of the day families were torn apart. There are furbabies with no parents. A place in history was just carved out. Today please just hug someone. Be kind to a stranger. Spread love. But more than just today...do this EVERY day. Keep a light inside you always on. Be a nice human.

Prayers to all touched by this tragedy. May you find peace and comfort in the long days to come.

Mind Boggling Optical Illusions (And the people that are living examples)

2016-06-02T10:12:00.000-04:00

Allow me to start by saying this: I will be posting some pictures of optical illusions and general eye/mind trickery. I've had these pictures downloaded for a while so I can't honestly give credit to where they originally came from. If it's your personal work let me know and I'll give credit where credit is due.

Most of us have seen some sort of optical illusion in our life. Most often it's something that either our eyes play a trick on us or our minds do. I personally find optical illusions fascinating. This is one of my all time favorites:

What do you see? A beautiful young woman staring off into the distance? That's what most people see to start with. If you stop and focus on a different part of the picture often you will suddenly see an old woman with her head covered. Then some people see them both right at once....it just depends on how your mind works.

I'm sure most of you remember THE DRESS right? I mean.....THE DRESS. It basically broke the internet.

Is it white and gold or black and blue? This hurt people's heads forever it seemed. The most recent illusion that I heard about people struggling with is this:

It's just a plain ole' brick wall. The picture is taken at an angle and it's fairly simple. Or is it? *Spoiler Alert-I'm about to tell you what's there* So all I saw was the brick wall the first time I looked at it....then I saw "it". It's a cigar sticking out of the middle of the wall.

So what do optical illusions have to do with anything? Well I'll put it this way. Most optical illusions have an element to them that is hidden. Once it's seen most people can't un-see it. I find people to be this way. There are people that are this perfect image with this perfect life and the "picture" is just great....then you SEE it. It might not be anything major or it could be a huge flaw that you never expected.

On the flip side there are people that are just a hot mess. All you see is the chaos and destruction and one day in an instant maybe you see a flicker of love or kindness. You will never look at them the same again.

I don't really have a point to this post or a moral. It was just a thought that struck me the other day. Most optical illusions leave people seeing one side or another. I'm one of those weird ones that can see both. Until next time....be blessed.

You're Junk and I'm Junk In This Life

2016-05-23T10:12:00.000-04:00

This is a post copied and pasted directly from my site since I'm not techy enough to figure out how to share just one post instead of a whole page. Hope you enjoy it:

We are all just junk. It's a true story. I wouldn't lie to you my readers. Well don't go getting all mad at me. Let me explain.

The other day my husband and I were cleaning out our little girl's bedroom. We were rearranging a few things and getting rid of a few things. So my husband said to me "Honey it's about time for a yard sale don't you think? I mean just look at all this junk lying around." Well for starters my daughter wouldn't think her toys were junk but I'm sure you get the point. So I said to him "Well one man's junk is another man's treasure." Now if you follow my writings at all or know me personally I'm sure you know this presented an "ah ha" moment for me.

We are all just junk. I remember being told one time by someone who I worked with that my "pushy" attitude, as she called it, was a terrible detriment to my character. I had another person tell me that speaking what was on my mind all the time was rude. I've had people tell me that I'm too loud. Others have said I'm too smart (is that even possible?) or that I'm a know it all. To these people my traits were just junk. They had no use for them. I couldn't serve them in any way.
But what was the last part of that saying? Oh that's right. One man's junk is another man's treasure. That "pushy" attitude of mine has been what has gotten me by in life. I push through situations. One of my bosses said I was the best employee he had ever had because I didn't let anyone walk over me. I had a dear friend of mine say that in a world of lies and people that hide their selves my tendency to speak what's on my mind is refreshing. Being loud? Well....at least I can get the attention of the whole family when all 7 of the kids (nieces and nephews) are in one room and no one else can get them to listen. Being too smart, or a know it all as some see it, has come from my life long thirst for learning. If that's a bad thing...well I'm just bad then.

All the things in my life that were one person's junk turned out to be someone else's treasure. Just remember that in your own life. Just because someone tells you that you are worthless doesn't make it true. Today my challenge to you is this: Look at the "junk" that you think you hold in your life. See how it is someone's treasure, polish that treasure, and let it shine! Until next time...be blessed.

Richie Rich Part 2 (It's not about the lottery and it's not another horoscope!)

2016-05-18T10:05:00.000-04:00

So in the last blog I wrote about several key components related to finances. In this blog I want to share with you a little bit about credit. Most people know that having good credit is important but I don't think they realize just HOW important it is.

An example is given at Credit Info Center on how bad credit can impact your interest rates, payment amounts, and downpayments. It's a really great article that I encourage you to check out. One of the examples shows how someone with poor/bad credit winds up paying nearly $10K more for an identical vehicle as someone with good credit. So let's say you don't have bad credit....you just have NO credit. That's good right? No credit has to be better than bad credit? Wrong. Bank Rate shoes how bad credit and no credit are very similar in the way they impact your purchasing power. Getting to understand how credit works is a step towards good credit.

Let's say you know you have credit but you have no clue what it looks like. There are several websites that I would recommend checking out to get a handle on your credit overview. Credit Karma is a great place to start. There are no fees to sign up. It gives you a look at what accounts you have open, your limits, how close you are to reaching your limits, and more. There are also tons of articles to help you out. Another place you need to look is at your actual credit reports. Credit Karma is great but often misses information (in my experience) or is not 100% accurate on your score. Annual Credit Report also offers a free report from the major credit agencies. One down side to this site is you can only get your free report once a year. I suggest getting one report every 4-5 months so that you are not going a whole year without a comprehensive report.

Now you know where to find your credit. You need to determine what's next. Do you need to improve or simply build? The first start to building credit is getting credit (hard without having credit huh?) I recommend either a small credit card, a secured credit card, or a small personal loan. Often you will have higher rates with these first accounts but as your profile grows your rates will get better. As you build don't go crazy. Taking out every offer you get just because you can will backfire on you. A credit score takes into account how long your accounts have been open. So if you wind up with ten accounts less than a few months old that's going to look risky to a lender.

Let's say you are wanting to improve your credit. One of the best ways to do that is to begin making payments on time and not going over your limits. If you do that and you still aren't seeing an improvement then you need to start lowering your debt.

Lowering debt can often seem daunting but it's a huge factor that lenders look at when making decisions on loans and such. There are a ton of ways to lower your debt but the one I've found to be most successful is the snowball method. Dave Ramsey has a very simple to follow formula (plus he has tons of other financial advice on his site). Again, there are other ways to do it (some people attack their debt based on APR and not on balance) you will just have to look around and see what works for you best. I've seen tons of articles or blogs where normal 9-5 people have paid off thousands of dollars worth of debt in a matter of months or just a few short years.

Now that I've shared with you a bit about credit hopefully you have an idea of what you want to do to start building/repairing credit (Side note....NEVER PAY a company for credit repair. You can do it on your own with a little time and effort or there are free services to assist you in that). In the next post I'm going to cover a little bit (I'll try and keep it brief) on savings, earning extra money, and a few other things that go into a solid financial plan. Until then....be blessed!

All Shook Up (An Epiphany Regarding Change)

2016-05-16T11:13:00.000-04:00

My blog titles are often misleading. It's not intentional I swear. I just try and come up with something catchy that somehow relates to what I'm writing. That's neither here nor there to this post. Disclaimer of the day: This is a rant. It's a rant I go off on quite often. I'm ALMOST certain I've even blogged about it before but since I can't find the post I'm just going to write a whole new one. Ok. Now that the scene is set I shall get to business.

I saw an article this morning where Wendy's is going to be installing self serve kiosks to offset recent wage increases. I think that's pretty cool. I also think it's cool they increased wages. Here's what upset me. As I was scrolling through looking at all these comments I saw a comment (which has since been deleted) from a lady who said something to the effect of this (again....comment deleted so I'm paraphrasing) "Instead of continuing to find ways to cut out employees companies should try and make their employees feel more appreciated". This woman went on to say how she supports an increase in minimum wage and how EVERY job should be paid the same. That kinda stopped me in my tracks. THIS is where I get upset and yes it will take me on a rabbit trail.

While I'm all for an increase in minimum wage I do NOT feel all jobs should be paid the same. I'm sorry to any fast food worker out there that's struggling to just pay the bills but that job is NOT (in my mind) worth what a nurse should make. I personally know of nurses who make less than $15/hr and literally save lives. I know of law enforcement that comes home at night thankful they survived another day for even less than that.

Now I'm not just targeting fast food workers. I have a real struggle with pro sports and celebrities as well. Can someone explain to me WHY an actor who ACTS like a firefighter gets paid MILLIONS of dollars where in reality the firefighter down the road who just saved a kid from a burning building will never see a million dollars in their whole life? The same can be said for sports. Why do athletes get paid simply to entertain us but I personally know of a doctor who can't afford their own medical bills and just barely is making it.

On a whole I would say that socialism is not the greatest practice but in instances like this I tend to take a more socialist stance. I could literally go on and on about this but I've pretty much covered what irked me. I will close with saying I'm not advocating the boycott of sports or movies (which some people do) I'm just saying surely there's a better way and hopefully it will be found in my lifetime. Until next time....be blessed.

Richie Rich (Part 1)

2016-05-10T09:43:00.000-04:00

Recently I've had several of my friends talking to me about finances. So that's what I'm going to write about today. I am by NO means a financial expert so if my advice doesn't work for you you can't sue me. That's my disclaimer for the day! To prove I'm no expert I will share a small history with you. As a teen my parents taught me how to balance a checkbook and pay bills. They discussed a budget but I never really adhered to anything. When I first got married my husband and I were both making really nice money. We weren't rich but we lived comfortable. When I had my son we jointly decided I would stay at home. His income was enough to cover the bills and that was great. I decided to continue living the same lifestyle I had before when we had a whole extra income in the house. It didn't take long before I found our finances in a wreck. My husband worked all the time and I handled the money for the most part. Out of fear of what he would think or embarrassment or whatever I decided not to share that we needed to make changes. I continued to try and do things on my own by shuffling things around when and where I could. This worked in the short term but I found myself digging an even bigger whole for the long term. Fast forward to now. I have learned so much about finances by reading blogs, signing up for webinars, and just researching all I could. I want to share a few things I've learned and maybe they will help you some.

The very most important thing I've found is to be honest with yourself (and a spouse/partner if you have one). Start with a simple list. On one side list all your income (what you ACTUALLY bring home at the end of the week/month). On the other side list all your outgoing payments. Now at this point don't get freaked out about listing your total debt (credit cards, student loans, etc). Just list the payments you make each month. This can be tricky though as most people forget to list miscellaneous spending such as RedBox every weekend or Starbucks twice a week. It's helpful to have either your checkbook or past few bank statements in front of you at this time. This helps you see every dollar spent. This can be a bit harder if you are still a die hard cash fan but try your best.

The next list you need to make is your total debt. Log on to your credit card website or look at past bills. You should list the total debt, the interest rate, and the monthly payment for each debt you have. This gives you a good picture for long term payoffs. It's hard sometimes to swallow the amounts we rack up without even realizing it.

Make a budget. I keep my budget in two places. The first place is in my organizer and the second is on my computer. As each bill comes in I immediately write it down in my organizer. Then I start transferring it to my computer list. That is where I write down what gets paid as each paycheck comes in. It took a little while but I am in the position (most times) to where I can pay bills up to two weeks early. Look online and see what is the best method that works for you to budget. My method might not do it for you.

Pay your bills on time every time. This is difficult if you are strapped for money already but it's important to try your best. I had a month several months ago where I was in the hospital on a day I would normally pay a few bills. I was cutting it close with the due date that particular day and I paid four bills a day late. My total late fees were over $100. Granted I called each company and explained the situation and they reversed the fees. This could apply to you though where you just don't keep up with a budget and suddenly remember the ______ bill is late. If you have three credit cards (which the American average right now is 3.7 according to www.creditcards.com ) and you pay each one late for three months in a row you are looking at a potential of late fees of well over $200. Let's say the balance on one of your cards is only $300 to start with. So in three months you've wasted what you nearly could have paid your card off with. Another point along the lines of paying on time is to look at your bills. Companies often have fees that you might not be aware of (such as credit protection) that you might not even benefit from paying.

So far I've given you a lot of information which is why this is Part 1 of "Richie Rich". These are all just stepping stones to getting your finances under control. Part 2 is going to cover getting credit/keeping credit and paying down debt. Until next time...be blessed!!

*Photo credit www.bbc.com

The Source

2016-05-03T09:25:00.000-04:00

I did something "bad" recently and I'll admit it. I'm a member of a certain group on social media. I saw where a friend had posted some news. It was interesting enough that I wanted to know more but I didn't want to seem too nosy. So I chose instead to email a mutual friend who I was certain would know more about this news. I asked a few questions and they answered. My curiosity was satisfied. Granted this particular post wasn't life/death and it wasn't something super private to where I was intruding....but still....I didn't go to the source of the post to ask questions.

I've found so many times in my life I've had situations that I have questions about. Maybe it's my finances, maybe it's my relationships, maybe it's my job....you get the point. What I have found though is I'll ask this person or that person what they think without going to my "source". I'll wait until I've exhausted ALL other avenues before going to God. I know some people don't believe in that whole "ask God what to do" thing but I do. So at the end I'm left with 86 different opinions on how to live my life or change my situation and God is the last one I ask. I think a lot of people do this. I'm not sure why.

Maybe we look at God and think "I'm not important enough to be answered" or "I just don't want to be a bother" similar to how I may have been feeling when I went to my friend. Let's flip it around though. Let's say I'm the friend that made the post. Maybe in the moment I don't think about taking the time to notify every single person I know. So a few weeks later let's say I find out friends were asking other friends about it. I might not be mad. I might simply think "Wow if they had come to me first I could have told them right away". Maybe God feels that same way.

Moral of the story is this: If you want to know an answer....ask the source. To each their own....pray, meditate, heck jump on the trampoline if it's where you find your clarity but when you have questions...go to the source.

Until next time....be blessed.

When I Was A Kid

2016-01-13T11:00:00.000-05:00

Well hello 2016! I had a whole blog post about the new year and what it's going to hold but I deleted it. I've seen too many of those recently and for those of you that know me I don't like following the trends for the most part. Anyway....I was having a conversation the other night with my husband that prompted this post. I'd been fighting with my son about Lord only knows what and I was frustrated so I walked away. As I stood in my bedroom I said "When I was a kid..." and before I could finish my husband stopped me. He said "I hear that statement at least once a day....you should write a book filled with nothing but that". I laughed and put it on my mental to-do list (along with my big book of BS which IS coming one day). But later I started really thinking about it. Maybe I'm old. Maybe I'm old-fashioned (yes the two are different) but I swear when I talk I hear my Mom and Dad coming out of my mouth. So today I thought I'd share a few "When I was a kid" statements with you. Feel free to share and comment your own....
When I Was A Kid:
-My parents had the final say. Period. Sure I might have wanted to go to the movies with a group of friends and sure every one else might be doing it but if my parents said no it meant no.
-I was NOT allowed to pit one parent against the other. If I asked Mom and she said no then I went and asked Dad and he said yes that was AWESOME....until my Dad found out Mom had already said no or vice versa. The world as I knew it was over.
-I played outside...in the woods...until dark...and wasn't afraid. Sure kids disappeared when I was growing up and sure bad things happened but I don't think there was this constant foreboding sense all around. I barely let my kids play in my own yard without me out there. We live in the middle of nowhere and you can hear cars coming from 1/2 a mile away. Still....bad stuff happens these days.
-I wrote notes. No...not "notes" scribbled on my SmartPhone screen.....notes...on paper. Then I folded them into awesome little designs before I passed them to the intended reader.
-I had manners. Lord don't get me started on people these days. It's not just kids either. Adults are rude as crap too. Saying "thank you" won't kill you.
-That last statement brings me to this....I couldn't say "crap". My Mom just thought it was a crude word. I see more and more people talking less formal. It's cool to be comfortable and say what you want but looking back I can appreciate my Mom teaching me to speak in an educated manner and not rely on "filler" words.
-I got spankings. Good heavens. Someone call DFCS. No...don't really...but I did. I didn't get beaten (I'm anti abuse of all forms) but I got spanked. When I did something wrong I was punished. Sometimes I got grounded *gasp* My siblings did too (although my spoiled little sister got away with whatever she wanted....she knows I love her though) We learned early on that there were consequences to our actions.
-I ate what was on my plate or I went to bed hungry. Eh. It wasn't really that bad but my Mom did NOT cook to order. She cooked. We ate what she cooked or we found something else to eat. I won't call any names but I recently saw a friend of mine post on FB that she had cooked FIVE different meals for her family due to their different tastes. Um....no....just no. Now I'm not an ogre. If I KNOW my kids or husband don't like a certain food I do TRY and work around it but if we're having tacos and someone decides after an hour they want Italian....sorry Charlie.
-My grades were MY responsibility. I remember bringing home my first "C". That was unacceptable in our house. So I got grounded from all my distractions where I had more time to focus. I talk to my teacher friends these days and they are just bombarded with ways that a child's failure is the teachers fault. Sorry. I don't subscribe to that train of thought. Sure a teacher can be less than efficient but when you have a teacher pouring their heart and soul into their job and a child is failing maybe the child needs to reevaluate their process.

My fingers are tired...and by now your eyes might be tired....so I'll save the rest of my thoughts for my book. I don't really have a typical challenge to you today. Maybe just take a minute and think about when YOU were a kid....until next time. Be Blessed.

Hold On A Minute Kid!!

2015-10-20T11:22:00.000-04:00

Well hello world. To those of you that follow my blog you know it's been quite a while since I've put the pen to the paper so to speak. I've had writer's block...or something of that nature. I think all great writers go through that a few times in their life. I'm not claiming to currently BE a great writer but I'm looking forward to the day when someone says "Wow...she's really great" (and family doesn't count....they HAVE to say I'm awesome). At any rate...I wanted to share something really revealing that happened to me last night. This post may be a bit longer than some in the past but I hope you will see it through to the end.

I've written several posts regarding my grown up relationship with my creator. Call him/her/it what you will. I call it God. Growing up I was told that God is my heavenly Father. I didn't really come to terms with that until I became a parent. In doing so my eyes were opened to so many things I never thought about before: Ways I've hurt God, ways I could please God, ways that God sees me, etc. I may have written something along these lines before but I don't want to scroll through all my posts to see (if I have then it just makes it double awesome).

Last night I was lying in my bed trying to settle down to sleep. My mind was going a million miles an hour. So much has happened in my life lately and I'm constantly having to shift gears. Normally at night I turn on a Netflix show to let my mind just chill. Well last night I turned everything off and just layed there. Honestly I was worried about some situations I have going on right now. The more I thought about them the more overwhelming they seemed. Now this may seem like a side track but I promise it's not. A few weeks ago my husband and I saw some land for sale that we REALLY desire to have. At this time it's a little out of our budget and that made me have a sad face. So I'm laying in bed last night thinking about all these overwhelming things in my mind and I stopped. I started thinking about this land.

I began to think about how grateful I would feel if we were to get it. I began daydreaming about what kind of house we would put there and how we would landscape. I thought about the ability to have my family on the property with us. I thought about these things in great detail. I imagined sitting on my screened in porch on a cool evening at dusk. I imagined swinging in a porch swing with a warm cup of cider in my hand. I just let my mind go wild. All of a sudden I had this amazing sense of relief wash over me and the words "Hold on a minute kid" came to mind.

Most of you know I have two children. Most of the time they are amazing. Sometimes they are....well....brother and sister. They fight like cats and dogs. It never fails though the MINUTE one of them needs me the other one simultaneously needs me as well. I think in a days time I say "Hold on" or "Just a minute" more than anything else. Usually if I'm saying hold on it's because I'm dealing with something more pressing. For example...getting dinner on the table all at once, still hot (without burning anything), before a late night ball game, AND making sure the kids are ready is typically more important than Amelia (the nearly 5 year old) needing her Barbie's hair braided like Elsa. Sometimes I'll say "Guys just give me one minute to breathe!"

Well what does that have to do with anything you might ask? I'll tell you in the format of another example. The other day I was frustrated because something I was asking God for wasn't happening right when I thought it should happen. Looking back I realized maybe he was telling me "Hold on". Maybe, just maybe, he was helping a mother give birth and send new life into the world. Maybe he was protecting a law enforcement officer in the line of duty. Maybe he was giving a new angel their wings. In all of these things maybe he was metaphorically cooking dinner and all I wanted was my Barbie's hair to be braided. I found myself in bed crying in a sincere apologetic manner that I had acted like such a brat and not waited my turn. I am not the epitome of patience (nor will I ever be) but I promised God and myself I'll try to be a bit more understanding that my timeframe is not the same as his.

Hang on while I go wipe my eyes....they are leaking....

I didn't say any of that to diminish anyone's prayers. Look at it this way. When my 4 year old wants her Barbie's hair braided she has a one track mind. That is the MOST important thing to her right that second. She has no concern for the others around her. She isn't doing it to be ugly or inconsiderate of anyone else she just has her heart and her mind set. And when I say to her "just a minute" she always responds with "You always say just a minute"...to her that's a lifetime.

So when we as people are praying I don't think it's selfish. I do think though sometimes God is just saying....hold on. At the end of the day when dinner is done, kids are taken care of, and all is right with the world I braid Barbie's hair if that's what Amelia wants. God isn't ignoring you....and while "just a minute" might feel like a lifetime, it isn't.

My challenge to you today is this: Just hold on a minute. Be patient. Give God just a minute to breathe. Your time is coming.

All The Colors of The Rainbow

2015-06-29T13:43:00.002-04:00

Wow. It's been quite a while since I've posted a blog. I've still been writing just in different places. The past year (yeah.....a year since I've blogged....wow) has brought so many changes into my life. Some were good. Some were bad. Some were just....changes. The kids have grown by leaps and bounds. I've ventured into my creative side through various outlets to try and keep my juices flowing. But today isn't really about me or the kids or my creativity. Today is about my FaceBook feed.

I'm sure if you are on FaceBook you have seen the NEVER ENDING flood of pictures. It's either a rainbow picture, a rebel flag, or a picture of a husband and wife affirming their stance on gay marriage. Let me just start by saying this...I'm probably going to ramble some here but I want to get my feelings out.

At this point I'm not taking a stance on gay marriage or rebel flags or anything. I'm not saying I don't have a stance I'm just not sharing it publicly. Why am I not sharing it publicly? Well because too many people are. Now I know that people should take a stand for what they believe in. I'm not judging that. I'm just saying why this? Why now?

I see people posting about how the world is going to hell in a handbasket. It may be. It could be the end of the world as we know it. But why does that hinge on gay marriage? What about the fact that every day people are murdered, people are raped, children are abused, and so many other horrific things. Sure people may post the occasional rant about one of these horrors but it's not being focused on. We're just so used to seeing these things that I feel like we've been desensitized to them. I feel like we just pass over these things until it directly affects us.

It's saddened me over the past few days to watch the flood of emotions erupt. I have gay friends *GASP* and I have straight friends. I've seen my "Christian" friends turn into absolute monsters (not all of them mind you). I do understand that the bible speaks in numerous passages about judging others. I also know that as a Christian we are to watch for sin and name it as such.

What is bothering me is the fact that some of the people posting are judging biased. They are picking this one battle simply because they don't like it. I have a "friend" who posted a very judgmental statement while they are living with their girlfriend during a divorce. I have another "friend" who blew up their feed with "One man. One woman." posts who is always gossiping and causing strife. I could go on and on with examples but I really don't feel like it.

So what's my point with all this? I don't know. I guess I just wanted to vent about the hypocrisy of it all. The only advice I have is to pray or do whatever it is that you do that draws YOU closer to your creator. Focus on yourself and your own sins before trying to point out the sin in others. And above all we should love as Christ loves us.

Questioning God (What About The Dinosaurs)

2014-04-09T12:47:00.001-04:00

Growing up I was always taught to never question God. He knows all, sees all, is all so why complicate that with questions that have no purpose. For example I asked my Sunday School teacher one time where dinosaurs went. She said "I don't know and that doesn't really matter. You will find out one day in heaven". I guess for that point and time that satisfied me enough to move on to the next question. As I got older and went through trials and rough times and wondered "why" again I was told God has a reason and a purpose....don't question God.

Well let me get a little side tracked for a minute. Last night I was taking my 3 year old little girl to watch my 6 year old little boy play baseball. On the ride to the field it was just her and me. The ride was much like any other with a three year old. Why is the sky up there? Where do birds come from? Why does the truck go fast? Insert about 600 more questions and you still won't come close to how many she can ask in a ten minute time span.

In the beginning I sort of appeased her with the occasional "uh huh" or a nod in her direction. After having read a recent post though about how fast childhood is gone I decided to live in the moment. I answered each question she posed one by one as best as I could. I told her why the truck went fast, where birds came from, and the sky is just up there.

Why does she ask all these questions? Is asking one time not enough for her to hold on to the answer? Well she asks these questions because she's still new to earth and she doesn't know all the answers. She asks the same questions over and over and OVER again to commit them to memory (heck even as an adult I have to ask more than once about some things). This is the way her world will form....through questions and answers she gets from those around her. She will learn so much this way.

That takes me back to questioning God. Why SHOULDN'T we question God? How do things work? What am I here for? What is this trial all about? Where do I go from here.

See without questions we too are like the three year old that knows nothing. We don't have direction or purpose. Even if we want to do something we may not know how or when is right. So I think by all means we SHOULD question God! After all, who better is there to answer than the one that knows all?

I challenge you today to question God about something. Ask where you are meant to be. Ask what you are meant to be doing. Heck you can even ask where the dinosaurs REALLY went and you just may get an answer. Until next time...be blessed

Let Me Take A Selfie

2014-03-31T10:28:00.000-04:00

Word of warning. This blog is a complete rant. It's not the worst rant I've ever had but I just thought I'd give my readers a heads up in case they aren't in a ranty kinda mood today.

I would like to start by saying this post is not a rant about the song "Let Me Take A Selfie" although it could be. That song is annoying with a horrible ear hook tendency.

No, today's blog is about the new trend of makeup free selfies *a selfie is a picture taken of one's self by one's self* in "honor" of breast cancer.

As someone whose life has been touched in multiple areas by breast cancer I have to say I'm a little bit offended. What good does a makeup free picture due to save lives? Nada. I'll tell you what a selfie of me without makeup today would do. It would only show that I have acne like a 14 year old little boy right now. It would show my wrinkles that are reminding me I am getting older. It would show some frown lines (I have two small kids....frown lines increase!) It would show some little bags under my eyes where I've not been resting well. Out of all that I doubt anyone would think of breast cancer.

Now I'm not trying to beat down on the people that ARE doing this trend. I'm just saying isn't there a better way? My cousin recently posted on her FaceBook to post a breast cancer fact instead of selfies. Or why not post pictures of breasts that have been removed due to the disease or pictures of people undergoing therapy of sorts?

I know this is a random rant and probably most people would disagree that it's even rant worthy but as I said....breast cancer touches a special place in me. I've lost one aunt to it, another is still fighting the fight, and my Grandmother recently had her battle with it. I have countless others close to me that have had lumps removed and tested and even more drastic surgeries. So today my challenge is this: Find a better way to bring awareness to this disease than selfies. End of rant.

*Breast cancer fact: One in EIGHT women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. Early detection is key! Feeling yourself up is the best way to detect early so give 'em a squeeze!!

Prince Eric The Thief

2014-02-21T12:48:00.002-05:00

I have been on a bit of a fairy tale kick lately. I think I watch too much Once Upon A Time or something. At any rate...this post is fairy tale related.

One of my favorite movies ever is The Little Mermaid. I don't know if it's the music, the animation, or the idea that dreams can come true if you are willing to do whatever it takes. Speaking of whatever it takes...do you remember what Ariel was willing to do to get her Prince? She gave up her voice. That's deep.

How many times do we see something we think we want and we "give up our voice" to have it? We compromise. We adjust our life to fit this thing or person that we want. We are no longer truly ourselves because a piece of us is missing. Too many times I think people are so eager to get this or that thing that they rush into something too fast and give their voice up (much like Ariel) without reading the fine print.

Granted I know in the end Ariel gets her voice back, gets the Prince, and they all live happily ever after but that's not the point today. That's a whole other post.

My challenge to you today: Take a look at your life and see what areas you have given up your voice in. Until next time...Be blessed!

True Love's Kiss

2014-01-23T09:09:00.000-05:00

True love's kiss has always been the curse breaker through out time. Granted I'm talking fairy tales here but I have a point.

Yesterday I updated my FB status related to the morning I was having with my son. Goodness he did NOT want to go to school. He was frustrated. I was frustrated. He was yelling. I was almost yelling. Then a thought came to my head. In the Bible there is a verse that says "Love is patient. Love is kind". I began to recite this in my head while dealing with my strong willed little one. I calmed down and didn't start yelling. In fact I lowered my voice to a near whisper and dealt with him in love. He didn't get in much better of a mood but it surely didn't get worse as it would have if I would have started yelling.

So what does that have to do with fairy tales? Well in the fairy tales why was it "true love's kiss" and not just "any old kiss"? Because of the word TRUE. True love's kiss comes from somewhere deep inside where there is a purity. Nothing has tainted the love. It can cross time and space and break curses of evil (Yes still talking fairy tales here). It is true.

Back to the Bible verse. I couldn't shake that thought all day about love and true love and so I began reading the entire verse. It continues (Full Verse) "It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud" and also "it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered". Yeah that last line knocked me in my head. (I struggle with my temper...it's no lie). My favorite part other than the beginning I believe is this "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persevers". Even true love's kiss was meant to be a protector.

I don't know why this verse stuck so strongly with me but hopefully it was meant to help someone today. My challenge today is this: Don't go around kissing strangers, but try and tap in to true love and love thy neighbor as thy self (Yes that's a whole other post there).

Until next time....be blessed!

The Best Years...

2013-09-12T10:27:00.000-04:00

I was driving to work this morning and I was thinking about all of the amazing stuff that's been going on in my life lately. I won't bore you will all the details but things that I have desired I've seen manifest in some pretty amazing ways. I've seen things happen that I have only dreamed about (No I didn't win the lottery...yet). The thought crossed my mind, and I'm sure you've heard it before, "these are the best years of your life" or maybe "the best is yet to come" or even "good things come to those who wait".

Well it struck me this morning, while all those statments may sound good, all those statements are hurting my future. Well how can that be you might wonder...after all those are all fairly positive statements. To that I would have to say "wrong". If I were to say "these are the best years of my life" then what does that leave me for the rest of my life? A downhill slope. Or if I say "the best is yet to come" and that's all I ever say then the best never will come. I have said to people many times "good things come to those who wait". Well who says we have to continue to wait? I believe that our lives are meant to be not only lived but lived WELL!

My husband sent me a cute picture the other day that said "Words are so powerful they can even do magic. That's why it's called spelling". Our words can literally write the future. The Bible says in the tongue is the power of life and death (or something along those lines...told you before I'm not up to date on my Bible quoting). So if our words can create our future and we are still using our "positive speak" and still not seeing results, maybe it's because what we are speaking is still holding us back.

After I had sat and pondered I wondered what's a better way to say things of that nature? I've decided for me (you do what works for you) I'm going to start saying "The best years of my life are here but I know they will only get better". I challenge you today to take a look at positive things you may be speaking and see how you can tweak them to even put more positivity in there. I feel like so often people hold theirselves back, for whatever reason, simply by the words they do and do not say (and yes I'm sure I could write a whole blog just on how people destroy their lives with simple words but I won't today).

Until next time...be blessed!