Royalty In Burlap

Divine Dialogues

2022-01-31T01:25:00.003-05:00

As existential notions ebb and flow

Questions extravasate spontaneously

Unveiled sentiments expressed

Postulations excogitated passionately

Theories exchanged with intention

An intermingling of consciousness explored

Assumptions examined methodically

Tough surmises exude

A large pillar of ideas expectantly arise

As persuasions expertly manipulate

Minds excitedly await the implantation

By means of hypotheses extrapolate

A universe of imaginations expanded

Created scenarios exquisite

Introduced as exemplary tête-à-têtes

Fearless experience perceptibly delicate

Abstract reasons exacted on purpose

Neurons explicably exhausted

Breathless excitement induced

Anecdotes extemporaneously recorded

Proposals extend the conversation

Interest swells exponentially

Till auspicious extraction is inevitable

A concept builds and cascades explosively

Ninety

2021-10-24T18:21:00.022-04:00

Ninety days ago, I married my favorite man.

My husband and I have lived two of the first three months of our marriage while 8,000+ miles and 12 time zones apart. A long distance relationship comes with a unique set of adventures; but as my husband puts it: if you really want to make something work, you can make it work. We’ve heard from the naysayers and the negative Nellys; but we’ve also gotten input from the encouragers and the positive Pollys; we have chosen to politely listen to the former but only receive and breathe in the life-giving words of the latter. We have decided to carefully choose who we allow to speak into our lives and our marriage.

Our 90-day-old marriage has revealed how the safe enviroment we’ve created for each other has strengthened our bond. It allows the expression of thoughts and emotions without fear of being judged; a haven where your plans, goals, or dreams are not shot down by criticism; an oasis where gratitude and appreciation are generously articulated; and a sanctuary where you can have your fill of kind, encouraging, and sweet words that could recharge a weary soul. It does wonders to a couple’s intimacy, deepens trust, and communicates love and respect.

It taught me not to take anything for granted; to treasure every phone conversation, every video call, every text message, every social media post, every affectionate word, every humorous exchange, every serious discussion, every virtual hug or kiss, every online date night, and every minute spent together either reading a book, binging on a Netflix show, or the snippets of opportunity to admire and be thankful for the man I married as he drives to work.

It also taught me that though we are not physically together (yet), we can find creative ways to serve each other and meet each other’s needs. We have utilized all the tools we have at our disposal: social media, the Internet, tech devices, courier services, and prayer.

What you get out of marriage is what you put into it. You reap what you sow. As Jesus said, “Give and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.” (Luke 6:38)

A great marriage does not hinge on having an ideal set of circumstances but on the commitment of two people who are determined to have one.

——-

To My Favorite Man,

I absolutely love being your wife. I wake up every day and go to bed thanking God for you. I am looking forward to the day when we could do life together, in person. They say the goal of marriage is not to make one happy but holy, and I agree; but the fact is I am happy and you play a huge part in that. Thank you for loving me the way that you do. 😘

Roles in Marriage

2021-10-09T15:03:00.007-04:00

Two of our principal sponsors from the wedding, Tito Gus and Tita Doods, taught a lesson on the roles of husband and wife in marriage. The list they provided is insightful and beneficial for couples regardless of how long they’ve been together. I transcribed that session here for those who prefer to read rather than watch the video posted on Facebook.

——-

God designed marriage and he designed the roles in it. For a marriage to function as God intended, we must first understand these roles and then apply them in our own marriage.

A husband’s role is to be the…

REASSURER.

A wife needs to be loved and cherished. She needs to feel secure and confident in her husband’s love. So she needs to be reassured of this often, verbally spoken and shown in action. This love makes her feel valued and worthy. So, husband’s say I love you often.

LEADER.

Final leadership responsibility lies with the husband. He must exercise in love the authority given to him. This brings stability to the family. The husband must the example of standing firm despite the circumstances around him. He must also receive Godly counsel and must recognize also the wisdom from his wife.

PROVIDER.

Husbands are to provide not just the physical needs of their wives and family but also for the spiritual needs. This is God’s intention. The husband is to define and make clear what Kingdom living is about. He is to be the primary source of Gospel teaching to the family. He is instrumental in bringing each family member to a saving knowledge of God and to a fullness in the Spirit. Drawing from the example of Jesus, the husband must give Godly purpose to the lives of the wife and family. Counsel and direction is given in the light of the spiritual purpose of each situation.

EXAMPLE OF GOD’S HEART.

God’s heart is always for reconciliation and restoration and the husband must demonstrate this to the family. This includes forgiving, serving, and healing. He’s to be quick and constant in forgiveness. It does not depend on the wife’s or the children’s repentance. This is because Jesus forgave before He was even asked. The husband is to be the instrument of God’s healing just as Jesus was. Therefore he must step out boldly in these areas to minister to the family.

LOVER AND PROTECTOR.

What does loving your wife as Jesus loves the church mean? Loving means being sensitive to her needs: spirit, soul, and body. When the spirit says she needs comfort, then comfort her. Minister from the Word, respond to the wife with empathy, be able to understand and making her able to share her feelings. Wives need to know they are covered by their husbands. Prevent her from feeling abandoned or alone by showing you are protecting her. As a lover be gentle and and steadfast so physical love is able to minister to her needs.

EXAMPLE OF GOD’S SOVEREIGNTY.

Like Jesus, he must take a firm, uncompromising stand against sin even when it might be easier to look the other way. As a disciplinarian he must hate the sin but love the sinner. The husband must be vigilant to keel the family’s relationship with the Lord on course. He must be able to correct areas needing correction. His exhortation must be mixed with love and encouragement. Harsh words can crush a spirit. He must edify and lift up as he charges excellence in the family. He must remember to respect and honor God-given authority if he expects his own authority to be respected.

INTERCESSOR AND WARRIOR.

As Jesus constantly intercedes for the church, he’s responsible for spiritual warfare on behalf of the family and he must let them know he’s praying for them. He must take authority over the spirits of darkness that comes against the family. God has given him the ability to be spirit-led in his discrernment of enemy activity. He will also enable the husband to discern fleshly motives in family members and others that may affect the family. The husband must call on God for wisdom in dealing in these areas and use the authority God has given him over the enemy.

A wife’s role is to be the…

SUPPORTER.

Husbands need to be respected and honored. God has given men the desire to conquer. So when a wife is supportive, he is more willing to step out. Criticism keeps a man from going forth with boldness. So a wife must respect the authority God has placed in him. She must support him in decision-making. Also, she must never take sides with the children against him.

HELPER.

Helper comes from the Hebrew word ‘to surround’. This role is not a secondary one but a vital one of surrounding a husband with support, exhortation, and comfort when needed. This is making available to the husband all the Godly qualities placed within the wife to enable the husband to lead as he has been directed. This also helps him to develop into the Godly man he is called to be.

ADMINISTRATOR.

A skillful and Godly administrator can increase and multiply that which the husband provides. She can be led by the spirit to wisely invest that which is saved so this can produce even more. As she spends time with the Lord and His word and as she seeks His face, He will instruct her regarding the prosperity of the home.

REFLECTION OF GOD’S LOVE.

Wives always have the opportunity to minister God’s love in the home and outside. Caring for the husband and the family must be a joy and reflect the attitude of a servant. She must be quick to forgive and not make a record of wrongs. Where does she draw strength for this? The enablement comes from the word of God. She must remember that her words carry the power of life or death. Words spoken must be to nurture and to love and never to destroy.

LOVER AND COMPANION.

Her first ministry is to her husband. When she does other ministries, she must be sure of God’s plan for her and that she should never neglect to minister to her husband first and then to the family. To remain well-kept and pleasing in appearance is an honor to him. The wife must show that she honors and respects her husband by giving compliments, admiring, and appreciating who he is and what he does. She must ask God to teach her to be the physical lover that her husband desires.

REFLECTION OF GOD’S CREATIVITY.

She must not compare herself to others but rather allow God to develop within her what is uniquely her. As she reflects a specific aspect of God’s personality, the ministry flowing from it will reveal this to others. As a couple, the husband and wife must flow in harmony even if they are working or ministering separately.

INTERCESSOR AND DISCERNER.

When a Godly wife intercedes for her husband, her children, and her grandchildren, she gains assurance of God’s hand in their lives. She has no fear of adversity for she exercises her authority iver the enemy in the name of Jesus. She is her husband’s chief intercessor. She is to be open to direction from the Holy Spirit during the day to alert him to his prayer needs. There is no fear over the work of the enemy in the lives of the family when she is alert to such attacks. The wife must allow the Holy Spirit to develop His discernment within her and to clothe her with the wisdom of God.

Husband’s and wives, please keep in mind that this lesson discusses your responsibility to God, not your spouse’s responsibility to you. Refrain from criticizing your spouse. Remain in faith regarding what the word says about your spouse. We must agree with God and His Word not what the enemy says. This lesson is about dual responsibility. If you are far from fulfilling your role, trust in the Lord to bring you into the fullness of it. Never receive condemnation. We are a work in progress and God is not finished with us yet.

How Does It Sound?

2021-10-09T07:44:00.002-04:00

Words possess an unquantifiable capacity to influence behavior, affect situations, or environmental atmospheres — I believe that. But it was not until I got married that I completely appreciated the full weight and intensity of that power. Marriage is the most intimate human relationship and the words you choose to utilize within it is transformative.

One night, my husband and I dined out with my parents, sisters, and in-laws. The food I ordered tasted horrible and I felt compelled to throw up as a result. I didn’t say anything at the dinner table for three reasons: I didn’t want to ruin everyone else’s appetite, I didn’t want to sound like I was complaining, and it wouldn’t have changed the fact that my food tasted horrible. So I kept quiet and focused on enjoying the banter that was happening around us.

On the drive home, my perceptive husband noticed my silence and asked, “Love, are you okay?” in the sweetest, gentlest, most tender way possible that my heart just melted. Before we left the restaurant, I was already over the fact that I didn’t enjoy my dinner; I was already okay. But even if I weren’t, his words and the way he said it would’ve made me okay in a nanosecond.

In a marriage, words could be as powerful as your actions, behavior, or body language. Actions without words can usually communicate love resoundingly. My husband, M, doesn’t need to tell me he loves me; he shows it and makes me feel it every day. But when he says the actual words, it hits differently. As M puts it, words enhance the actions. If actions are steak, words are the sauce/gravy. They’re the ketchup on fries, or to use a more common analogy, icing on the cake.

I love how Mike hugs me and cuddles or lies very close to me when we sleep. I love how he holds my hand while walking or driving or when he kisses me on the forehead or lips or hand. I love how he smiles or gives me knowing looks across the table when we’re having dinner in a restaurant. I love how he lets me walk on the side of the road closer to the curb away from the passing cars. I love how he lets me sit on the side of the table with the better view or where the sun won’t bother my eyes. I love how he makes time to hang out or connect with me every day — even though we could only do it online for now. I love how he slows his pace when we’re walking down stairs or hills because he knows it’s challenging for me. I love how he watches TV shows and movies or reads books with me. I love how he hangs out quietly with me in the room or on the beach or take hikes up the mountains. I love how he takes photos/videos of our travels and compiles them for YouTube or TikTok. I love how he takes me to get massages or to a salon to get our nails done together or get a foot spa. I love how he carries the heavy grocery bags or tastes the food first (because I’m a picky eater). I love how he’s sensitive to my needs and considers how his actions might affect me or how they would make me feel. I love it when he helps me make a decision about any minor or major thing with his ability to offer a different perspective and good judgment. I love it when he prioritizes me (next to God of course), our time together, and in making our marriage work.

But I also love it — in a way that makes me giddy like a teenager — when he calls me ‘my pretty wife’ or ‘dear’ or ‘darling’ or ‘sweetheart’ or ‘love’. I love it when he writes sweet articles on his blog, posts endearing messages on social media or compile delightful missives in a notebook. I love it when he texts me ‘good morning’ or ‘good evening’ or ‘be safe’ or when he sends text messages that make me smile, laugh, or blush. I love it when he says ‘thank you, Love’ every time I make him coffee or buy him a gift or drive for him or compliment him. I love it when he tells me about his day and how he feels about certain things. I love it when he tells me stories about his childhood or his travel adventures. I love it when he confides in me and shares his struggles, dilemmas, and uncertainties. I love it when he asks me how I am or how my day went. I love it when he asks me if I’m okay or whether I slept well. I love it when says ‘good job’ when I accomplish something — even something as trivial as make up my own joke. I love it when he shares his plans for the next day or his dreams and how he envisions our future. I love it when he prays, ‘Father, bless my beloved wife’. I love it when he says ‘you’re the only one I want to be with’ or ‘I’ll be thinking of you’ or when he says ‘I love you’ in a singularly charming manner.

Words, I think, are essential. It’s the difference between a good marriage and an amazing one. If your husband makes you coffee every morning or does the dishes or makes the bed, you would feel the love; but there’s something about an ‘I love you’ whispered in your ear that’s absolutely magical.

I have only been married for 73 days and what I know is based on those few days and a handful of books from our marriage preparation course; but I wonder if one of the reasons marriages go downhill after 10, 15, or 20 years is couples have taken for granted the importance and power of using words to express their gratitude, love, and appreciation for one another? Could it be because they felt it no longer necessary since they’ve been together for so long they know their spouse knows even without it being said? And could it be that when they do use words they choose the ones that criticize instead of build their partner up?

Every marriage tells a story. It could sound as beautiful as a ‘Good night, Darling. I love you’ right before you go to bed or as endearing as a ‘Good morning, Sweetheart’ when you open your eyes. How does yours sound like?

To Lead and Love, To Serve and Submit

2021-10-08T13:06:00.007-04:00

Our wedding on July 27 was a feast for someone who loves words — especially encouraging ones. From our pastor’s exhortation to all the speeches from friends and family, Mike and I were moved and our hearts were filled with such gratitude.

I rewatched the wedding highlights put together by our videographers and thought I should transcribe some of those beautiful messages, starting with the words spoken by Pastor Joseph Disarno. I hope you’ll be blessed by it as much as Mike and I have been.

———

Mike, the Bible exhorts you to love your wife as Christ loves the church. And I want you to know that is not an easy thing to be demanded of you. Because Christ loved the church enough to give His life and die for us.

As a husband and leader of a family to come — at least the two of you are gonna make a new family — you are called to be a leader and a lover and you must be both of those things. To just be a leader is not enough because some leaders are everything but kind and gentle and loving. It’s not enough just to be a lover because some lovers will never lead you in a correct way. So God is calling you to be both: a leader and a lover of a new family.

As a lover, it’s more than just the romance, especially of your first years. It’s a love that gives. It’s a love that prefers your partner above yourself. And many men do not learn that. They think that the wife is just there to serve them. They don’t understand that you’re to serve one another; that it’s a mutual service. But I wanna tell you there is such a positivity about serving one another because as you give in service, you sow a seed and it comes back to you more and blessed.

So, Mike, I know that you are going to be a good husband. And I know that you are a kind and a gentle man that will lead Jucy in the way that you believe God is calling you to go. You’re both Christians for many, many years and your life is not just about choices, it’s about hearing from the Lord and then choosing His choice. So I don’t know what your future holds; I know that you have some feelings to do missions work and I pray that that would really come to pass and it will come to pass sooner rather than later. You are not just going to need to lead your wife, and if the Lord blesses you with children, I believe you are also gonna lead in the church as you have been.

Jucy, you are called to your husband to honor and obey him and to submit to him; and for me you get the easier part. Because when you submit to somebody, you say ‘okay, I’m gonna obey but it’s on you’. Basically that’s what you’re saying. You know, if you disagree as a good woman and a woman of God you should talk to your husband — Mike, your best counselor will always be your wife; but you know as a leader you listen, but you don’t always… you don’t have to act on what they tell you, you have to decide.

So, Jucy, for me it’s easier to say ‘I will submit to you, I’ve told you what I feel, and now I will lay down my prerogatives and follow you’. And who knows what that will end up being, where you will follow him. But I know you have lived a life as an expat for so many years, that you’re used to living away from loved ones and families and suffering loneliness — like, I understand you because Doreen and I have been doing it for a very long time.

I Do, I Will

2021-09-16T23:58:00.005-04:00

I’ve heard about brides stressing over the preparations for their wedding day; of grooms passively saying yes to however their wives-to-be pictured their special day; of fancy preparations from save the dates to engagement parties, prenuptial shoots, and elaborate rehearsal dinners; of over-the-top wedding programs, expensive bouquets, flower arrangements, and bridal gowns.

Mike and I wanted none of that. We both pictured a no-frills wedding by the beach with the people closest to our hearts. We planned every detail of it TOGETHER, and we got exactly what we wanted.

It was a beautiful day for a wedding. Windy with a few scattered clouds and the sun slightly hidden among them. Mike and I were thrilled that it didn’t rain and we got the outdoor wedding we pictured.

We had a laid back ceremony as well where we got to say our personalized vows. Mike posted his vows on his blog and here’s mine.

—————

I DO, I WILL

Mike, when I say I do,

I mean that by God's grace…

I will be patient in every storm, valley, or mountain we face together

I will use kind words in gentle tones even when we don't agree