Mothers & dads, take a good long look at the photo to the left.

Is that the way you want your teenage daughters to dress?

Well, if Amy Winehouse has her way, it’ll happen.

Legit fashion label Fred Perry has struck a deal with the devil Amy for an entire line of fashions.

Women’s Wear Daily says the collection will hit stores this fall and will feature – get this – “a girlish twinset; slim, thigh-skimming pencil skirts; capri pants, a mini bowling dress, and Fred Perry’s signature polo shirt.”

The colors will be mostly black & pink, presumably to match Amy’s teased-up mane of jet-black hair, and the pink color of the flesh that sometimes slips out when her D-cups runneth over.

The Rat sees DTs in the future for Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and her fellow Jersey girls and guys from the hit MTV reality show.

The network has reportedly laid down the law to the cast of “Jersey Shore”:  lay off the booze.

A source told Fox News that show star Jwoww showed up at a party in Boston last weekend, but didn’t have a drop to drink, telling everybody that “MTV doesn’t want [the cast] to drink.”

The Rat is guessing that the ban will be lifted as soon as the cameras start rolling on the show’s second season.

The young South Carolina mom who locked her two sons in the family car and pushed it into a lake back in 1994 has apparently become a notorious prison drug addict.

A former fellow prison inmate of Susan’s tells the National Enquirer that Susan is addicted to the antidepressant Wellbutrin, the anti-seizure medication Neurontin and the narcotic painkiller Parafon Forte.

But here’s where it gets kinky, in terms of drug abuse… the former fellow inmate of Susan’s claims the mother of all South Carolina murderers crushes the Wellbutrin tablets, and snorts them.

Snorting an antidepressant?  You gotta be kidding.

At any rate, the woman tells the Enquirer that Susan pays other women in to prison for their leftover prescription drugs to keep up her habit.

The Enquirer’s source says Susan’s drug problems began when her lesbian lover — an inmate known as “Big Daddy” — was released from prison.  Apparently Smith had a nervous breakdown and had to be put on psychiatric meds.

Contrary to what everybody else has been reporting, 38-year-old actor Corey Haim did not die of a drug overdose.

Haim’s mother tells the press she got a “courtesy call” from the LA County Cornor’s office, informing her that her son had an enlarged haeart, and fluid on the lungs.  Therefore, the cause of death will be listed as pulmonary congestion.

Congratulations Facebook fans of Betty White.

Your campaign to get her booked as SNL host has worked,

The 88-year-old former Golden Girl will host the show on May 8th, during the all-important May sweeps ratings period.

About a half-million fans petitioned SNL honcho Lorne Michaels and NBC to put Betty front & center on an episode of the show, and Michaels easily caved, saying he “always wanted” her to host the show.

And Betty backs him up on that.

“Years ago, I turned it down three times,” she says. “It’s so New York, and I’m not New York at all. But my agent said he’d divorce me if I didn’t do it, and I love my agent.”

Remember those Playtex girdle TV commercials that promised to help women get rid of “unsightly bulges?”

The Big Cheese is thinking the time might be right to start marketing similar products for men, particularly actors, athletes and others who often find themselves the subjects of the paparazzi.

Take a look and identify the winners and losers of this “Battle of the Bulge.”

Thanks to The Rat’s partners in slime at this site for some of the photos.

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Swimsuit competition be-damned, as is frequently the case (are you listening Carrie Prejean?) the results of Howard Stern’s “Miss Tiger Woods” pageant came down to the Q&A session.

And among the Tiger Woods mistresses competing for the title, Jamie Jungers apparently gave the most detailed description of Tiger’s – shall we say – “magic wand,” thereby taking the crown.

Not to mention a giant check in the amount of $75,000.

A young Hollywood celebrity has been experiencing flu-like symptoms for a couple of days.

The star’s mother finds him in a weakened condition and calls 911.

Minutes later, he’s pronounced dead at a local hospital.

So ends the life of former teen heart-throb Corey Haim.

At his home, no illicit drugs were found, but investigators did find four prescription bottles.

With so many similarities to the death of Brittany Murphy, it sounds as though Hollywood history has eerily repeated itself.

LAPD have reported that Haim’s death was possibly the result of a drug overdose, with “no signs of foul play at this time.”

38-year-old Haim was best known for 80s films including “License to Drive” and “The Lost Boys,” and his reality show with friend and fellow former child actor Corey Feldman.

illustration courtesy www.tabloidbaby.com

Erroneous reporting on the part of the folks over at TMZ has The Rat Pack’s fellow soldiers-in-cynicism over at tabloidbaby.com giving Harvey Levin a good old fashioned bitch-slapping.

Seems Harv’s merry little band of happy-go-lucky halfwits really screwed the pooch  today by erroneously reporting — twice – that a former Bachelor contestant had a porno tape that was about to surface.

Some home fries to go with that egg on your face, Mr. Levin?

(Click on the illustration above to go to Tabloid Baby for the whole story.)

Michael Jackson’s tight-ass family members have just made it easier for Joe & Mary SixPack to make a pilgrimage to the King of Pop’s final resting place.

The Jackson clan has stopped paying for extra security guards at the Forest Lawn Glendale mausoleum where he’s entombed.

It’ll still be somewhat tricky, but creative fans can easily figure out a way to get inside the building that houses his marble tomb, and make a bee-line for his burial spot.

Even before this latest development, The Big Cheese and an accomplice were shifty enough to make it to MJ’s place of interment.  Were it not for the guards hired by the Jackson family, Cheesy would have been able to post the very first pics of Jacko’s sarcophagus.

Rumor Rat will gladly offer online photo credit to the first person who’s successful in “breaking the code” (without breaking any laws) and getting some new close-up shots of the tomb.

Godspeed, Jackson fans.