tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097Fri, 27 Dec 2013 18:37:25 +0000my dad has liver cancergoalsorganization2013Bull Trout Lake IDFAILady Face FallsMount Borahaging parentscoming backdarby canyonfrostguiltheart diseasehikingjessiscraycraylost friendshipsmen are frustratingmortalitynew yearosteoplastypsoas releaserecovery from femoral acetabular repairrunning againsimplifyingstarting overstubbornnesstrivial matterstruthwind cavehttp://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)Blogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-9071346940456795601Wed, 13 Nov 2013 02:42:00 +00002013-11-12T19:42:42.050-07:00After Mr Green Pants stood there with his vacuous expression, pretending to listen to my dad explain his symptoms, he casually informed us that my dad was having a heart attack. How large of a heart attack he was having, he could not tell us. He would have a cardiologist come in and test him so we could know but in reality, there was nothing they could do for him. Oh and by the way, you're also http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/11/my-dad-died-part-twobattle-grounds.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-2350751327259610210Wed, 06 Nov 2013 16:45:00 +00002013-11-06T09:45:36.090-07:00He died May 21, 2013. His last breath was at 7:00 am on the clock above his bed. Later I realized his clock is 3 minutes faster than my phone and though I hold onto that bit of trivia, the relevance is lost to me. He is still dead. His last breath as a sigh more than a moan. He'd been moaning for hours before and drowning for several hours before that. He came home on hospice on Mother's Day. Ihttp://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/11/my-dad-died-part-one.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-2081371934741552537Mon, 18 Mar 2013 21:10:00 +00002013-03-18T15:10:23.236-06:00I find myself ruminating over things that are not important. Events. Arguments. Discussions.  Picking over bits and pieces of things in the past. Things I wish I could reconstruct. Some I wish I could have avoided. Some I wish I could relive and relish. It's more the first two than the second. It's my go to space. When I'm anxious, nervous...scared, I take me inventory. I use my words and the http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/03/i-find-myself.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-3537219943029644292Tue, 26 Feb 2013 04:09:00 +00002013-02-25T21:09:34.735-07:00I am frustrated and tired and overwhelmed and I feel guilty. I feel guilty for complaining about how much he complains. I feel guilty for being frustrated. I feel guilty for not being a better person, that I am not as giving of grace as I should be. I feel guilty.   And scared.  And sad.  Helpless.  http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/02/guilty.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-867074995262930671Sat, 23 Feb 2013 23:41:00 +00002013-02-23T16:41:10.052-07:00FAIosteoplastypsoas releaserecovery from femoral acetabular repairrunning againOn Monday my running buddy and I start training for a half marathon in May.  To finish, is our answer to what our goal is. But sometimes I wonder what my goals are anymore. They seem foggy. It used to be clear, the path I wanted to take. What I wanted to attempt. I'm not sure if pain or doubt or starting over has clouded it over. A dusting of snow on the road makes me leery of black ice.  Doubt http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-lacing-of-my-shoes.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-4325742391647967907Sun, 17 Feb 2013 17:30:00 +00002013-02-17T10:30:35.537-07:00 The Sprout was mesmerized by his eyes.  He basically asked, "WTF, MOM?!?" And this made us all crack-up!  I have no idea if all of these are real and I'm not sure I care. Nope. I don't. http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/02/hahaha.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-6373115728436952365Sun, 17 Feb 2013 03:42:00 +00002013-02-16T20:42:58.552-07:00guiltheart diseasemy dad has liver cancerPart 2 I loaded my dad into the car. The ride was much different than the last to trips to the ER. He didn't moan or sigh, no excruciating pain, just some small talk. He talked about how excited he was that The Hubbs was bringing back some alligator meat and boudin from Florida and made an admission that it's been scary this past week with him not being able to breathe and not knowing what was http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/02/broken-hearts.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-4937095083789647138Fri, 15 Feb 2013 17:40:00 +00002013-02-15T10:40:22.953-07:00aging parentsmy dad has liver cancerstubbornnessMy dad has been sick since last Friday. He had a procedure last Thursday where they went in endoscopically (real word?) and put clamps on the varicose veins in his esophagus.  The bleeding is what lead him to the cancer diagnosis. It was the second time that he landed in the hospital for bleeding out of places you don't want to bleed out of, that they decided to investigate further. An ultrasoundhttp://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/02/switching-seats.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-4381396193602699575Tue, 12 Feb 2013 18:36:00 +00002013-02-12T11:36:17.669-07:00It's a giant test of patience when you are annoyed by the noises people make and are blessed with an addition who emphatically sighs, grunts, belches, moans, chews wetly....I need stronger medication.  I shouldn't be so pissy about the sounds of existence. http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/02/testing-testing-12fu.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-2299410352661083668Mon, 11 Feb 2013 02:10:00 +00002013-02-10T19:10:57.399-07:00I've decided to move the fruit basket to the center of the dinning table. Up until this point it has been banished to a far corner of the kitchen, often hidden behind piles of dirty dishes (which clearly go on the left side of the sink!). I ordered a double basket off of Amazon in an attempt to fancy it up a bit. Home decorator I am not. It has a handle on the top of it so it can be shifted off http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/02/tomatoes.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-2271452435596325868Wed, 30 Jan 2013 19:29:00 +00002013-01-30T12:29:10.402-07:00I have a list of things to blog about and I'm hoping to get some time to do that soon. The bullet points are: I'm fat. My dad had surgery. I'm fat. We're going yurt camping. I'm chunky. I made strawberry jam with dark chocolate balsamic vinegar that was not at all vinegary. I'm fluffy like a stratocumulus cloud preparing for a fat storm. I have some other stuff but my brain is mushy right now.http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/01/arrrgh.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-2786525548627185672Mon, 21 Jan 2013 19:41:00 +00002013-01-21T12:47:07.322-07:00mortalitymy dad has liver cancerOn the beam the divides the room "Emergency Waiting Lounge" was spelled out in dingy gold letters.  I laughed to myself, thought about taking a picture to poke fun at it then quickly decided my dad would have erupted at me for being insensitive.  So I passed on the photo-op and just sat there and stared at the false advertisement, thinking about how they really should make it more lounge-like. A http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-lounge-that-wasnt-at-all-lounge-y.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-3736053880172171061Mon, 14 Jan 2013 00:51:00 +00002013-01-13T17:56:16.626-07:00men are frustratingorganizationtrivial mattersI know that this is trivial but it chapped my butt anyway. "Hey, Hubbs! I went through this box and I need you to tell me if we need anything in this pile," as I hand him a pile of cds. "And can you do something with these file folders? Will you use them?" He walks away, I think it's been taken care of.  All is calm, I'm thinking "Man, we are going to get our shit together. Look at us working http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/01/not-amused.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-6291958632801005792Thu, 10 Jan 2013 02:23:00 +00002013-01-09T20:53:05.868-07:00goalsorganizationsimplifyingI like to have a space for things. I'm not always the best at putting things in that space but I like to have the space available if I choose to use it.  Some level of organization soothes me. I can have chaos in my bedroom, clothes strewn half in and half out of the laundry basket but the laundry room? The laundry room is a small space and I need it free of clutter. My husband has no http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/01/screw-organised-lets-do-chaos.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-3122433803123707451Tue, 08 Jan 2013 23:49:00 +00002013-01-08T16:50:05.552-07:00frost The air pricked the skin on my face today. It was a strange sensation and I stood there for a moment trying to understand where it was coming from. I could not see the reason but I could still feel it.  The air had frozen during the night, the result was a beautiful blanket of white frost that covered every tree and shrub. A haze hung in the air creating an ethereal feeling to http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/01/prickly.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-1106355967382417807Tue, 08 Jan 2013 03:44:00 +00002013-01-07T20:58:45.339-07:00jessiscraycraylost friendshipstruth “The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.” - Oscar Wilde  Isn't that the truth?  I wandered around a decent part of 2012 wondering about truth. How two people can live an event together and have vastly different truths to tell. How our truths are often colored in different hues by our own unique experiences, each one slightly tweaking the next.   What is my obligation to http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/01/truth.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-3801045717008060850Thu, 03 Jan 2013 18:19:00 +00002013-01-03T12:50:11.698-07:002013coming backgoalsnew yearstarting over state of flux - a state of uncertainty about what should be done  That's where this space resides. If you're a reader who's followed me for the last couple of years, thanks for sticking around through the ups and downs and deletes and wonkiness, and yes, I did hide the archives. I wasn't up for sorting through them to see if there was anything I really didn't want anyone to find...why http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2013/01/in-state-of-flux.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-5096157618072841645Sat, 15 Sep 2012 03:55:00 +00002012-09-14T21:55:57.540-06:00darby canyonhikingwind cave On Labor Day, we drove over to Driggs, Idaho to pick up a friend and her son.  Then we headed over to Darby Canyon to hike up to The Wind Cave.  We'd been there about 2-3 years ago and had talked about going back but just now made the time.  It was a stroke of good luck that we had extra company with us this time. It was a beautiful day for a hike. Jack happy to be a long for the trip. http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2012/09/wind-cave-in-darby-canyon.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-2318197243225722777Mon, 10 Sep 2012 20:32:00 +00002012-09-10T17:51:38.211-06:00Mount BorahMount Borah is the tallest peak in Idaho at 12, 662 ft. I've been eyeing it for about 3 years, that's when I first found out about it. Yes, I've lived here 9 years and I only recently learned about it. And there are places people talk about that are closer than the 2 hour drive to Borah, that I've never been to or heard of. That's a draw back to having a husband who grew up here and figures he's http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-one-where-we-almost-summitted-mount.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7864091968364321097.post-8545174333204478883Tue, 07 Aug 2012 04:20:00 +00002012-08-06T22:20:45.850-06:00Bull Trout Lake IDLady Face Falls Bull Trout Lake, Lowman, Idaho A couple of years ago we headed to a different part of the state to explore camping areas. We would like to camp more but our life is chaos and things don't usual work out how we would like. While my husband is aware that his chaotic ways throw things out of whack, he's not quite ready to make any real attempt at changing them even though he would like things http://fatheadgirl.blogspot.com/2012/08/bull-trout-lake-2012.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Flying Monkeys)2