Runners Write

Solicited By These Tough Times

2010-01-15T06:52:00.000-05:00

Despite not having received any specialized education in finance or economics, I'm well aware of the concept of profit maximization. Squeezing every penny out of every single resource available at your disposal. I get it. I understand it. Given these rough economic times, I am all in favor of companies doing what they must to pull money out of their proverbial hats.

However, despite my forgiving attitude towards the actions of the profit maximizers, I am also a big proponent of not being inconvenienced. Especially when, as it turns out, I'm actually paying to be inconvenienced.

But that is what has been happening to me over the last few weeks with each successive time I go to the Equinox gym in the lobby of my employer's office building. I should have been able to predict the current going-ons at the Equinox when, during my initial membership meeting, I was forced to make a stand and reject every single add-on package the customer service rep. was trying to sell me. After telling her I wanted to sign up for that particular Equinox alone and no others, she spent the next 10 minutes trying to convince me that I would do better by signing up for every Equinox first in New York City and then, after rejecting that idea, for every Equinox in the whole country. Funny enough, in hindsight, my hardest workout at Equinox to date was my standing resolute in my desire to sign up for that single Equinox gym package.

Anyways, for the past few weeks, it's been almost impossible not to notice the ever-increasing amount of solicitors of workout-related products who have set up shop either in the lobby of my Equinox or, as I have witnessed two or three times, in the actual workout area itself. It's almost as if, in their effort to make the most amount of money with doing the least amount of work, Equinox has partnered with any company who manufactures anything even mildly related to gyms and fitness. I'll admit that my contempt for both Equinox and these solicitors would be lessened were I not paying the exorbitant monthly fees that Equinox charges for access to their gym equipment. However, since I do pay in excess of $150 a month, I would assume that my gym experience would not be riddled with a minefield of people asking me to spend even more money on, what looks to me, second-rate, ineffective products and foods.

Unfortunately, that is exactly what I have experienced for a majority of my time as a member of Equinox. Upon entering the gym, you'll most likely run into a table set up by some group making health food alternatives and asking if you'd not only like to try their displeasing looking food but if you'd also like to sign up to voluntarily receive incessant spam-like emails announcing the introduction of more of their gruel. Trying to ignore these folks, I usually keep my head down and immediately head downstairs to the locker room area. Upon reaching the last step, you're most likely be accosted by a representative of some alternative healing company asking you to sign up yet again for even more spam-like email about the newest fads in yoga healings and teachings. Finally, and this is the newest kind of solicitor, you'll be forced to pass someone offering 15-minute massages who holds a clipboard full of empty spaces just waiting for members' email addresses. This third kind is by far the most annoying as there is no way to avoid having to say 'no' to them should you want to get access to the locker rooms (these solicitors are clearly the craftiest of the bunch, having found the ideal space to annoy the largest number of gym members).

On top of these most annoying manifestations of profit maximizing, I've found that Equinox has crammed as many lockers as possible into their locker rooms to the point where, should other members take lockers to the left and right of the locker I've selected, I can forget about getting changed quickly, comfortably or without having to squeeze between two other members who, most likely, are either much bigger than my little self or, in those even worse situations, are butt naked, having just returned from showering. It's enough to make any rationale fellow mad!

When I was but a little tot, I watched the hilarious comedy Airplane with papa. I remember one scene where a couple arrive at the airport only to be incessantly solicited by various religious/political/social groups, seeking to disseminate brochures to every traveler arriving at the airport. The man becomes so annoyed by these solicitors that he eventually begins throwing puches and kicks as quickly as a he can in an effort to fend off all the unwanted attention. In the middle of uproarious laughter and while dodging the chewed popcorn bite projectiles coming from papa's mouth, I asked papa what was so funny.

'Son, while that scene is clearly an exaggeration, it truly captures how one feels when being harangued by such a large number of annoying persons. You'll understand one day when you grow up.'

Well, papa, I guess I've finally grown up!! And don't call me Shirley!

The Infamous Peaks Of Tallahassee

2010-01-04T05:05:00.001-05:00

Most people know about Mt. Everest and its accompanying smaller, though bigger than most have ever seen, mountain peaks. Most Americans are familiar with the Rocky Mountains and the highs and lows of the rocky terrains of the Grand Canyon. But I doubt that many people, including most Floridians, are even slightly aware of the deceptively long and far-ranging hills that await the unaware runner who sets off on the roads of the sunshine state's capital for, what he/she thinks will be a nice casual weekend run.

And, over this past Christmas break, it was I who became all-too familiar with the hilly terrain that defines Tallahassee.

Arriving in Seminole country for our annual visit to my dopeness pregnant wife CVSW's parents home, I was excited to finally start hitting the pavement again after suffering from the frigid weather of New York City which, for far too long, had forced me to stay inside for my tri-daily runs.

Waking up before the roosters began chirping, I leaned over to give CVSW a good morning smooch before setting off for my run. Finding empty air rather than my betrothed's cheek, I quickly remembered that we were staying in her childhood bedroom which, having undergone no changes since CVSW was a wee little tot, came complete with two miniature twin beds which prevented man and wife from sleeping on the same mattress. Blowing her a kiss instead, I quickly got dressed in my tshirt and shorts and set out for my first of a slew of outdoor runs Tallahassee stylez!

Stepping outside, I immediately began seeing smoke emanating from somewhere on my person and feared that I had been set on fire. Despite following the lyrics of a rap song that I had heard in the past and stopping, dropping and rolling, the smoke was still rising. As I looked around, I finally realized that it wasn't smoke at all but simply the effect that the 40 degree weather was having on my breathing. I was completely unprepared for the near-Arctic conditions that had befallen Florida and realized that it would be yet another obstacle I would have to overcome.

But more than the twin beds and more than the frigid temperatures, it was the hilly terrain that rendered my legs as sore as the waistline of a fat person is big. At every street turn, there were be a long, gradual incline waiting for me and, unless I wanted to simply run back and forth on one block a hundred times, I would be forced to run numerous inclines if I had any hope of traversing more than 2 miles. Having run exclusively on a treadmill for the past 3 months as the temperatures in New York began to fall, my legs had forgotten the strain that comes from hill running. No sooner had I begun my first ascent when I began huffing and puffing as though I were trying to blow the hill down.

But the agony didn't stop when I reached the first summit. You see, dear readers, almost as an ode to one of the famous laws of physics arguing that what comes up, must come down, the roads of Tallahassee seemingly are barren of any plateaus. Reaching the top of the hills, I quickly was forced to control my legs for the equally steep declines leaving my body very little time to recover from the effort just expended.

35 minutes later, having run for approximately 4 miles, I had run up-and-down 7 hills. As I entered my in-laws abode, completely out-of-breath with cheeks red like a finished book, I, like many-a mountain climber, was begging my mother-in-law for a bottle of oxygen, a bottle of water and a mattress big enough to fit my lady and myself.

After our 5 day vacation, as I was hobbling to our gate at the airport, I was remarkably happy for the airplane seat that awaited me. At least for the coming 35,000 foot ascent we were about to make, I would not be running!

A Merry Christmas To All, And To All A Good Run!!

2009-12-22T15:07:00.002-05:00

You may have noticed that I have not been following my usual 'one-post-per-diem' rule for the last week. If you have, indeed, noticed that, to you, I say I'm sorry. As any good runner is want to do, I am resting both my legs and my wrists in these the final two weeks of the decade.

But, don't fret, dear readers! There is a light at the end of the running course. For, beginning on January 4, 2010, Runners Writer will be back and will be back rested and roaring to get 2010 off to an awesome beginning.

So, I want to wish all you runners out there a great holiday season. Stay warm on those outdoor runs. Stay safe on those dark early afternoon runs. But, most importantly....stay running!!

Happy New Years!!!

Running Away From The Keebler Elf

2009-12-17T05:16:00.001-05:00

Make no mistake about it, in terms of working out, there is nothing better than running. Like Joshua Jackson was forced to say "A Skull above any other" in his thrill-a-minute flick The Skulls, I am prone to say "Running above all else." I've tried the exercise bike and I hated it. I've tried the stairmaster and I hated it. I tried free weights and hated them no matter what weight. Try as I might, I can't seem to find the same discipline and the 'stick-with-it' attitude that I am easily able to muster for running when it comes to any other form of exercise. Oddly enough, few hobbies and interests I've had over my life have lasted more than a year and none have even come close to my fondness for running.

Unfortunately, through no fault of mine own, a few weeks ago, I began getting these pains in the meaty portion of my kneecaps which were causing my runs to be limited to something akin to slow hobbling and tripping on a treadmill for 15-20 minutes until I was in such agony that I was forced to stop altogether.

Sad and dejected after my last attempt to overcome the pain, I came limping home to the not-so-friendly mug of my dopeness pregnant wife CVSW. Clearly having absolutely no sympathy for her downed man, CVSW looked through my eyes to my soul and sternly said, "Mr. Petes, this is insane. Your body clearly needs to rest and you're not giving it what it needs!"

"But, my love," replied I trying to fight back the pain that was swelling within my legs, "I will become chubby should I fail to maintain my workout regimen. If I allow my body even one week's rest, you won't find me to be the handsome man you married. I will be more akin to a Keebler Elf!!"

"I'm sure I'd still find you as delicious as the products those cute little elves make. But, either way, Mr. Petes, I strongly encourage you to begin cross-training. Your body simply can't take all this running!"

"Cross...tra...cross-training?? You know I am of the Jewish faith! What would wearing a cross while running have to do with my body healing itself?"

As my wife began to inform me that cross-training had nothing to do with any religious practices but was merely a term referring to any sport or exercise that supplements your main sport, I became intrigued. Sure I had considered doing other exercises, but I had always assumed that would mean replacing running. With the prospect of merely supplementing my runs, I finally agreed to try that elliptical machine in my building's gym which I had never stepped foot on before.

It has now been two full weeks since I began doing the using the elliptical machine either before or after getting in my runs and, I have to admit, I have noticed that my runs have been greatly benefited. My legs are not as tired, sore or tender as they used to be and I've found that I am enjoying running on treadmills more than I used to. Having done some interweb surfing on the benefits of cross-training, I have come to realize that supplementing one's primary exercise with additional exercises always helps balance my muscle groups, helps with my overall cardiovascular fitness levels and helps to cure any existing injuries caused by that primary exercise. The point might be an obvious one for all you fitness aficionados out there but cross-training has really helped my fitness acumen.

While I will never enjoy a sport more than I do running and while I'll devote more of my time to running than to anything else (exercise-wise), I have a feeling that cross-training will become a part of my daily workout routines. And, while I may not become a Keebler Elf anytime soon, I also have a feeling my dopeness pregnant wife will continue to find me delicious for many cross-training days to come!

The Third One Isn't Such A Charm

2009-12-14T04:42:00.002-05:00

Despite the wishes/rants/tirades/pleas/etc...of, among others, my dopeness pregnant wife CVSW, T,H,E K,I,D and The Gull, I continue to fit in three workouts per day and have done so for as long as I can remember. Like one's own children, I cannot chose one workout that I enjoy better than the others and each one provides certain benefits that the others do not.

My morning workout provides a great jump-start to the day ahead. It wakes me up in a way that a shower can't and gives me a good dose of energy to deal with the tasks that may come up throughout the workday. My afternoon workout is a healthier (though, probably, healthiest were it not for the other two workouts in my day) alternative to filling up on lunch foods and doesn't come with the typical late afternoon food coma brought on by a hearty lunch. My after-work workout provides a great way to de-stress from the hectic days that are so typical in New York employee life and provides some down time to separate my work-life from my domestic like.

So, while many say that my workout regimen verges on obsession, as you can see, I derive many different benefits from each workout throughout the day.

However, I have noticed that my actual productivity (miles run, for instance) does change based on the time of day in which my workout is taking place. For the most part, I have found that I am at my peak performance during my afternoon workout and I tend to be more sluggish during my evening session. My theory for why this is so is as follows: As my morning workout follows my waking for the day by a half hour or so, my body is still in its REM-state and thus not particularly well prepared for a workout. By lunch, my body is fully awake, my body is free from any soreness I had when I woke up (probably helped by the morning workout) and I am as prepared as I can be to get in a workout. By early evening, my body is tired from the day that just ended (probably also exacerbated by waking up so early for the morning workout), my muscles are achy from the two already completed workouts and my mind is already preparing for a restful night of slumber.

So, in the end, I'd have to say my body is at its best during the lunchtime hour.

As it turns out, however, it would seem that my conclusion flies in the face of scientific research which has shown that, in general, the early evening is the time in which the body can produce the best and in which one can expect to get the best workout. In her December 10th article, Ready To Exercise? Check Your Watch, in the New York Times, Gina Kolata writes that, "not only are performances better in the late afternoon and early evening, but, contrary to what exercise physiologists would predict, heart rates are also higher for the same effort". Citing Michael H. Smolensky, an expert in chronobiology, the study of the body clock, as well as a host of studies done at the Research Institute for Sport and Exercise Sciences at Liverpool John Moores University in England, Kolata reasons that "If you exercise later in the day, your muscles are more flexible and stronger and your heart and lungs are more efficient."

Given that, by the early evening, my legs have already propelled my body anywhere from 6-12 miles, it's hardly surprising that I would find my third and final workout of the day to be my lest beneficial from a performance perspective. Were I to follow a normal workout routine and only workout, say, in the early evening, I have no doubt that my performance would be in line with the results cited in Kolata's article. But, one workout would not be sufficient to balance out my candy-based diet and, no matter how effective that one workout is, my body would soon have me looking more like the Pillsbury Doughboy rather than the handsome surprisingly-thin-for-all-the-candy-he-eats fellow I am today.

But, being someone who is always open to trying new things, maybe I'll try moving my morning and afternoon workouts to the early evening and get my three workouts in during the time when experts say is the best for the body. Maybe then, I'll can move from a 90% sugar-based diet to a full and complete 100% one!! The idea itself sounds incredibly sweet to me!

Extra, Extra, Run All About It: The Week In Running: 12/06-12/13

2009-12-12T18:49:00.001-05:00

Dear readers, let's take a look back at the week in running:

* As reported on Examiner.com on December 7th, while she may have already won American Idol, Carrie Underwood has now also become my idol. Discussing how she has lost 20 pounds since winning America's biggest singing competition, Underwood told an interviewer that she followed a "low-calorie, vegetarian diet....and running on a treadmill." Had I know Underwood is a fan of the treadmill, I certainly would have probably voted for her in the final on Idol!

* As reported on HuffingtonPost.com on December 10th, in 2010 runway models may not have to worry so much about what they're eating in order to maintain their anorexic-chic figures. Why? Because they'll be able to exercise even during their walk down the catwalk! This past Thursday, Ralph Lauren's collegiate line Rugby hosted a fashion show that may point to the future of shows for the entire industry. Rather than spend the $1.5 million that is the industry's average cost per fashion show, Rugby, for $50,000, live-streamed their fashion show online where the models were walking not down a runway but rather on a treadmill with a green screen behind them. "Once the whole clip is produced, a virtual backdrop will be superimposed behind the models so that they look like they are walking through New York City, or a college campus, or jumping off of flying books..." said David Lauren Polo Ralph Lauren's marketing chief. As an avid treadmill user, I wonder what speed and incline the treadmills were set to and, more importantly, whether the models were wearing the typical fashionable stilettos or running sneakers!

* As reported on FitSugar.com on December 11th, while some may question her mental fitness for having married crazy-scientologist Tom Cruise, nobody can question Nicole Kidman's psychical fitness....since it's in her genes! Having been seen in London frequenting spinning classes and fitness centers, Kidman attributed her fitness prowess to her father, telling an interviewer, ""It’s what my dad taught us — he’s a marathon runner. He’s 71 and goes on 10-mile runs." It seems that Nicole Kidman and I have much in common....we both love running and we both hate Tom Cruise!

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Next Weekend's Marathons

Saturday, December 19th
Christmas Marathon (Olympia, WA)
Florida Marathon (Clermont, FL)

Sunday, December 20th
Jacksonville Bank Jacksonville Marathon (Jacksonville, FL)

The Scents Of A Playwright

2009-12-11T05:15:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, after arriving back at my two-walled office from an excellent workout in the Equinox in my employer's office building's lobby, my professional work colleague and the fellow whose two-walled office abuts mine own suddenly stood up and, raising his head at a 45-degree angle to the ceiling, began sniffing the air. As my co-worker, who by the way is a big fan of literary masterpieces dating back to Billy Shakespeare's time and will oftentimes begin speaking as if we were living in Old England, slowly began lowering his head and started looking my way, I was worried that he was about to perform one of the many daily soliloquies that he's become famous for.

"I say, Employee Petes, whatever are those odoriferous emanations I detect in these environs? I am reminded of an epoch many fortnights completed when I was but a young whippersnapper not older than a tadpole."

Rolling my eyes but used to this sophistry, I looked at my pal and said, "Are you asking what that smell is?"

"Indubitably and most-assuredly!"

"I smell nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe it's your mangy beard that is giving off a foul smell?"

"By no means, by no means indeed. It is more similar to a pomelo*. Aye, like a pamplemousse** in the summertide saturated with a dollop of lavender. A pleasant perfume, to be sure, but one I am unaccustomed to."

Unable to take my co-worker for any more than a dollop of time, I picked up the phone and pretended to be on an important phone call for the rest of the day. Finally left in silence, I began to ponder exactly what had happened today. After a little reflection, I suddenly realized what was giving off the scents that had been picked up by pseudo-Shakespeare on the other side of the wall.

Of course!!

It was only a few days ago that my Equinox gym replaced the industrial soaps and shampoos in the men's locker room with the sweet smelling products Kiehls has become famous for. Instead of bland and odorless body scrub, I can now lather up in grapefruit soaps and lavender shampoos. While a minor change to many, it came as a welcome one to me.

Even before Equinox began using Kiehls products in the locker rooms, I had nothing but praise for the fitness establishment. It is a perfect way for me to pass the lunchtime hour and allows me to continue with my insane 2-3-a-day workouts whilst being a productive employee. The change to Kiehl's is just icing on the cake. Or, as some would say, a grapefruit to the sweet-smelling basket of fruits!

* note to reader: pomelo is another word for grapefruit
** note to reader: pamplemousse is french for grapefruit

The Marketing Genius

2009-12-10T04:12:00.002-05:00

Dear Santa,

I must hand it to you, big guy, you truly are a genius. I'm not even referring to the fact that you were somehow able to break the laws of physics and engineer reindeer who can fly. Nor am I referring to the fact that you've not only convinced millions of families that it's ok for you to break into their houses late at night unsupervised but even gotten most of them to leave some delicious treats for you should you get tired whilst snooping around.

No, I'm referring to the fact that you've been able to buck the recent economic trends of the times and, while most people are conserving money and spending on only the most important of items, the lists of gifts children are desirous of this Christmas season continues to grow and grow and grow.

A thin man you are not. In good shape, not even close. But, a marketing genius? No doubt about that one, Santa!

In a time when socks double for gloves, vacations are a thing of fantasy and appetizers are a luxury, you've managed to get parents waiting on lines in the bitter cold for the chance to buy the newest Barbie doll, GI Joe action figure or the latest Nintendo video game.

And, you've done a very thorough job as well! Probably realizing that there were more profits to be had, you extended your influence well past little children. You wisely must have acknowledged the conspicuous spending habits of us runners as well. Always seeing us in different colored clothes, different patterned running shoes and the latest and greatest in running technology, you've tapped a not-tapped-enough niche of consumers who are only too easily convinced that luxuries are necessities and more is better than less.

With articles such as Wearable High-Tech Devices Monitor Fitness in the New York Times and countless 'what to get runners for Christmas' lists similar in content to one published by the Mercury News that offers numerous, unnecessary and, oftentimes, expensive running accouterments, how can one possibly argue for anything other than your genius.

But, while you belly may be large and your scope of influence even larger, you have not been able to keep pace with me!

You see, Santa, it was no more than a week ago when my dopeness pregnant wife CVSW asked me what it was that I hoped you would bring me for Christmas. Seeing the worry in my love's face at the prospect of my having been influenced by all the enticing promotional materials to be wanting of expensive goods, I patter her on her head and told her, "Don't worry my love...my mind, like my runner's legs, is as hard as a rock. I am incorruptible to those who tell me I need things that I don't."

"Oh, phewwww, Mr. Petes! That makes me a-so happy! So can I assume that my love is a sufficient (and economically efficient) present to get you?"

"Sure...let's agree that our mutual love for one another will be our presents to each other! Not only does that save us some money but it also saves me from having to think of what to get you!"

From the angered look on her face, it was safe to assume that, while her love was enough for me, my love was not an equal substitution for all the goods that CVSW was hoping Santa would lay upon her.

Realizing this, I thought about what I wanted/needed and, as a serious runner, came up with some ideas that only true runners can understand the value of. "My love," spoketh I, "Nevermind all those running gadgets and nevermind all the high-tech clothes. What I really would love (and what I actually really need) are more pairs of socks and spandex underwears."

You see, dear readers, at the end of the day and despite all the technology that seems to argue differently, running is so great because it's so simple. While most people wouldn't think to ask for socks and underwear for presents, any true runner should be so lucky to receive the very necessities which facilitate running in the first place.

And so, late at night on Christmas Eve or early in the morning on Christmas day, as I hear the fading sounds of 'Ho, Ho, Ho,' I'll smile to myself knowing that, while Santa may be laughing at all the suckers who bought into his marketing campaign, I was able to see past Santa's finish line!

The Naked Truth

2009-12-07T04:39:00.002-05:00

Good advice can come in all shapes and sizes. It can come directly (told to you) or indirectly (you overhear it) and can come when you need it the most or when you're not even looking for it. It can come from sources you'd expect or, as I learned last week, it can come in places and situations you'd least expect.

Arriving at the Equinox gym in the lobby of my awesome job's office building, I was changing into my running clothes and was not expecting to hear any useful advice in the fairly empty gym locker room. As I was was in the final stages of getting ready, two dudes turned the corner from the showers and were in mid-conversation as they opened their respective lockers on either side of mine.

Of all the locker I could have chosen, of course I had to pick the one in between ones being used by the most annoying of all locker room users: the unabashed in their nakedness members!

For anyone who has ever been in a locker room with showers before, you know exactly who I'm talking about. Those people who prance around the locker room bearing themselves to everyone else's horror and uncomfortableness. Without any trace of modesty nor any trace of clothing at all, they'll have phone conversations, style their hair, read a magazine or some other act all the while disregarding the fact that they're butt naked.

Anyways, like a horse with blinders on, I made all effort to keep my gaze centered in front of me, lest I come face to face with the genitalia of either one of these two fellows who were speaking about their soreness due to some bike race they had each competed in the previous weekend.

Despite my extreme haste in trying to wedge myself away from the naked barriers that flanked me from the left and the right, I did manage to pick up a tidbit of the conversation which gave me a pause (though the pause came after I was free from the confines of the locker room). In response to one of the fellas noting that he was taking a few days off from biking to allow his body to heal, his naked compatriot said, "Dude, if I waited until my body was fully healed from exerting itself, I would never workout again. If the pain is bearable instead of being acute enough to render my legs useless, I'll just deal with the pain..."

Later that day after I had returned to my two-walled office and was surrounded by clothed civilians, I thought back to what I had heard in the gym. I had to admit that the naked man's rationale was eerily similar to papa's tough love which he has been preaching for as long as I can remember. It is a rationale that I whole-heartedly subscribe to. It is a rationale rooted in the theory of mind over body.

I don't think myself above taking advice from others. In a world so full of useful information, one is lucky to receive as much as possible in any way they can. Despite this, I truly hope that next time I am given some advice, it will be from a clothed individual!

Extra, Extra, Run All About It: The Week In Running: 11/29-12/06

2009-12-05T18:13:00.002-05:00

Dear readers, let's take a look back at the week in running:

* As reported on PE.com (Southern California) on November 29, despite the horribly unfortunate spate of deaths in recent marathons, research indicates that, historically, very few people run (no pun intended) the risk of death while preparing for, and running of, a marathon or any other similar long-distance race. In addition to a 2007 University of Toronto study which found 26 runner deaths after studying 3.3 million runners in 750 marathons held during a 30-year period (a risk of death of 0.8 per 100,000 runners) and a recent study from Duke University which found that aerobic exercise, such as running, without a change in diet can improve people's health and affect levels of good and bad cholesterol and insulin resistance, a May study out of the University of Manitoba in Canada reported at a San Diego found that cardiac abnormalities experienced by some marathoners after races are temporary and that those abnormalities don't damage the heart.

* As reported on Celebrity-Gossip.net on November 30, 2009, Keeping Up With Kim Kardashian may be harder than simply turning into her reality television show. Using the on-line service, Twitter, Kim Kardashian tweeted to all her fans on Thanksgiving last week that, just because her family's Thanksgiving feast was cooking in the oven, there's 'no excuse for getting lazy during the holidays' and that she was planning on hitting the treadmill right up until her family sat for dinner. Just like her boyfriend Reggie Bush's football team, The New Orlean Saints, it appears that Kim Kardashian is running away from the competition despite not actually going anywhere (since, obviously, one never moves forward whilst running on a treadmill)!

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Next Weekend's Marathons

Saturday, December 12th
Charlotte's Thunder Road Marathon (Charlotte, NC)
Kiawah Island Marathon (Kiawah Island, SC)
Rocket City Marathon (Huntsville, AL)
Roxbury Marathon (Roxbury, CT)

Sunday, December 13th
NexBank Dallas White Rock Marathon (Dallas, TX)
Honolulu Marathon (Honolulu, HI)
Holualoa Tuscon Marathon (Oracle, AZ)

I'D Like To Thank...

2009-12-04T05:50:00.002-05:00

I crossed out the words 'mother and father' and inserted 'parents' instead.

Looking in the mirror, I began again, "I'd like to thank my dopeness pregnant wife CVSW, my parents,T,H, E K,I..."

"Mr. Petes, what in the world are you doing?"

I turned around to see the still half-asleep visage of my wife, who, even in her tired-state, looked beautiful....and full of rage towards me for having woken her up.

"I'm just practicing my acceptance speech, my love" replied I, ever so slowly backing away so my body would be unreachable by CVSW's fists. "Runners World Magazine is announcing their 2009 'Best Of Running Awards' today in their December magazine. I'm hoping to lay claim to their 'Best Looking Male Runner' award!"

The raucous laughter that emanated from CVSW's mouth was in stark contrast to the wanting-of-sleep aura that was glowing off of her. Tapping my head like my teachers used to do to me as a little child whenever I was able to read three words in a row without stuttering, CVSW smiled, turned back to the inviting bed and muttered, "I wouldn't get too nervous about your speech..."

I left our apartment early to get a hot-off-the-press copy of the December edition of Runners World and, bursting with excitement after purchasing one, I flipped through the pages...

BLAST!!!!!

Beaten by Craig Mottram, the Australian 5000-meter runner who placed 8th at the Beijing Olympic games!

DOUBLE BLAST!!!

Beaten by the runner-up in the category, David Oliver, the U.S. bronze medalist in the 110M hurdles.

TRIPLE BLAST!!

Beaten by the third-place winner and most famous U.S. runner, Steve Prefontaine....who is not even alive anymore!

I stood in a daze on the corner of the block and watched as my tears spread out over my acceptance speech. For the second straight year, I had lost out. But, like any good runner, I compartmentalized my sadness, stored it in the deepest reaches of my memory bank, looked at the beautiful blue sky and knew that there would be many more opportunities for me to win the 'Best Looking Male Runner' award. Looking at my watch, I noticed I was an hour late for work. My misery had caused me to lose track of time. And so it was, dear readers, that after losing a running award I thought I would win, I was forced to forget about it and begin running again (lest my employer made me eligible for the 'Unemployed Runner Of The Year' award).

Oh, and for those of you who are curious as to the other awards given, I'll highlight a few of the more interesting ones and you can click here for the full list:

Best Invention Or Trend In Racing: Disposable timing chips

Most Beautiful Place To Trail Run: The Grand Canyon

Must-Have Item For Every Race: Bodyglide

Best Looking Female Runner: Kara Goucher

Best Postrun Food: Chocolate Milk

Best Thing About Runners' Bodies: Legs

Best Marathon: ING New York City Marathon

Best Half-Marathon: Philly Distance Run

Best Running City In America: Portland, Oregon

You Betcha!

2009-12-03T07:01:00.002-05:00

We all, of course, remember Sarah Palin basing her knowledge of international relations on the fact that she was able to see Russia from Alaska. With merely a maritime border separating Alaska from the big bad Russians, Palin argued, it fell on Alaskans to be America's first responders to an international invasion from Putin & pals. We all, of course, also remember having a good chuckle at Palin's ridiculous reasoning as well as Levi Johnston's forced grin from being forced by Secret Service to love Palin's daughter.

Despite my stronger-than-dislike feelings towards Palin, there is at least one redeeming quality that she brings to table: Palin is an avid runner. In a past post, I reviewed an interview Palin gave to Runners World in which she cited her reasons for running, her running history and her weekly running regimen. Much to my chagrin, Palin did strike me as a serious runner and seemed to speak about it in a much more organized and insightful than she did when being questioned by Katy Couric about all things politic and economic.

However, after Thanksgiving last Thursday, it seems like the divide between Palin the politician and Palin the runner is getting narrower and narrower by the Alaskan day. Because, just as she did with the governor's position in her home state, Palin quit in the middle of Washington state's 5K Turkey Trot charity race, an annual event organized by the Benton-Franklin Chapter of the Red Cross to support local disaster services, health and safety services and service to armed forces. Citing her wish to avoid the crowds of people waiting for her to cross the finish line, Palin opted to head home early, though, exactly where on the course she quit, remains unknown.

And, just as she lambasted her detractors during her vice-presidential campaign without allowing herself to be questioned on live television, Palin also used the power of the print media to criticize other's running prowess without allowing herslef to be impugned once again. In an August interview with Runners World Magazine (which I discussed in a past post), Palin tooted her own horn once again when asked how she would fair in a race against Mr. President Barack Obama. Boasting that while she may lack the physical strength to take on the President, she could outlast him by sheer will power, "If [it] were a long race that required a lot of endurance I'd win...I betcha I'd have more endurance...If you ever talk to my old coaches they'd tell you, too. What I lacked in physical strength or skill I made up for in determination and endurance".

While Palin was not asked what she meant by a 'long race,' based on her performance in last week's 5K Turnkey Trot, it would appear that her definition of a long race would mean something shorter than a 3.1 mile course.

I'll admit it: Sarah Palin does have one unique ability. She is able to maintain a poker face better than most people I know. She has the ability to sit in front of a camera and, without revealing the slightest hint of a smile, tell the world that she has the requisite ability to handle international diplomacy based solely on the fact that she can see a foreign country from her backyard. She can, with a straight-face, tell a reporter than she reads too many news magazines and periodicals to list despite not being able to name a single one. And she can give an interview to a running magazine and, with pure conviction in her voice, tell readers that she would beat President Obama in a race given her determination and endurance. Maybe instead of politics, Palin would be better suited for competition of another kind...the Wold Series of Poker!

3,200 Miles Further, 292 Posts Wiser And 1 Year Older

2009-12-02T04:13:00.003-05:00

Picture this: exactly 1 year ago today, a guy wakes up, gives his wife a little kiss on her cheek, gives his cute little dog a belly scratch, changes into running clothes, runs, returns home, makes - at least what he thinks is - an astute observation to his just-arisen wife concerning a runner he crossed paths with, listens to his wife tell him that the blogosphere would greatly benefit from his keen insights into the world of running, goes to breakfast with his father and little brother who say the same thing and finally returns home for the second time in the still early morning and decides to follow the advice he has just received that morning.

He sits in front of his computer and figures out how to create a blog about running. Once an account has been created, he sits in silence still in front of his computer and contemplates exactly what he wants to name his newly created blog. He thinks and thinks and then, thinks a little more. He obviously wants to use the word 'running' or some form of it in the blog's name. That's obvious.

But he needs at least one more word.

He begins to think about the content that will be included in this running blog. It will be about his love of running, no doubt. But it will also be about his friends and family and his relationship with them vis-a-vis running. It will feature interesting articles culled from the internet concerning running. It will provide advice in all aspects of running, review various running equipment & products and will take its readers with him on his runs no matter where those runs might be. It will allow readers to see him as a runner, a husband, a son, a nephew, a friend, a member of a gym and an employee. It will show how running can better life for anyone who so chooses to participate in it. At times, it will be funny and at others, it will be serious. Like many of the running courses he has traversed in his life, it will be full of characters, twists, turns, uphills, downhills, straightaways, beginnings and ends. It will take its readers on emotional roller coasters with more loops than those at amusement parks and will introduce them to a life that is sweeter than those parks' churros.

In short, it would and will be awesome.

But, he still needs another word for the name of the blog.

His wife has just turned on the television and he listens to a news report about a taxi cab driver who claims to have only taken right-hand turns in his career. He questions the cabbie's veracity and then thinks back to all the races he has competed in to see if there had been a course comprised only of right turns. He thinks and thinks and then, thinks a little more. Suddenly, like the phoenix rising from the ashes, he turns his head upwards as the realization hits him. There it is!

Turning back to the computer, I pointed the cursor to the empty box asking me to insert the name of my blog. On so, on the morning of December 2, 2008, with my hands trembling and my excitement palpable, I slowly typed in: R U N N E R S [space bar] W R I T E.

And the rest, is history.

Me And My Two Chins

2009-11-30T04:30:00.002-05:00

It wasn't until I was in the eighth grade (maybe even during my first year of high school) that I realized having a double chin wasn't a good thing. In fact, it was a very bad thing. From both a health perspective as well as from a 'getting chicks' perspective. Both of which, of course, were low indeed. Unfortunately, by the time I found out that being attractive and having two or more chins were polar opposites, my diet of candy and McDonalds was well established and, in fact, remains as my dietary ideology even today.

And, you may ask, who should have been responsible for the creation of the short little portly fellow that was me back in the days? Well, because I spent a good portion of my day at school and after school activities and another good portion of the day at home with mama, papa and little T,H,E K,I,D, it appears that neither told me about the ramifications of a sugar-based eating plan probably assuming the other would do so.

Luckily for me, by the time I reached law school, I finally dedicated myself to losing the excess skin around my body which, at the time, I still referred to as my 'baby fat.' I picked up running and, as they say, the rest is history, I quickly (time wise, not pace wise) began shedding pounds, dropping waist sizes and, ultimately, reduced my triplet chins to a solitary one. I replaced lethargy for exercise, procrastination for productiveness and elastic waistbands for button flies. I took the proverbial 'bull by the horns' and taught myself the benefits of exercise, all the while questioning why I had never been taught them before.

Well, lo' and behold, at least one educational institution has finally decided to take active steps to ensure that others don't make the same mistakes that I had and to provide a proper understanding of being fit and healthy. Amidst a firestorm of outrage (probably spearheaded by those negatively impacted, no doubt), it came to light that this year's graduating class at Lincoln University, a historically black university 45 miles southwest of Philadelphia, would be the first to be affected by the university's 1996 mandate requiring that "overweight undergraduates take a fitness course to receive their degrees". With graduation about five months away, Lincoln University seniors will be tested for their body mass index and those students with a BMI of 30 or above (the average BMI in America ranges between 18.5 and 24.9) will be obligated to take a course that "involves walking, aerobics, weight training and other physical activities, as well as information on nutrition, stress and sleep".

Of course, as this realization hit the senior class, there has been an uproar from some students and parents arguing that these measures are invasive, unfair and unrelated to receiving an education. Undeterred by critics, James L. DeBoy, chairman of Lincoln's department of health, physical education and recreation, insists that the university's policy is well-intentioned and will not be changed no matter how much negativity is directed at the school, "It's the sound mind and the sound body concept...I think the university, to its credit, is trying to be proactive".

It's hardly surprising that those affected by Lincoln University's policy are now claiming that the policy is unfair. Having lived in denial of the increasing weight for so long, I'm sure they are not excited to face reality. I'm sure they're probably also a little embarrassed to be singled out for the larger-than-normal body sizes. But they did this to themselves. It's not as though this policy all of a sudden went into effect. They've known about it for four years now. In that time, they could have done something about their weight (it's not as though they're being required to have a lower BMI than the average person. In fact, Lincoln has given its students a 5.1 BMI cushion, which is extremely reasonable), but, because they haven't, they must suffer the consequences of their action (or, more likely, inaction).

In short, not only do I think Lincoln University should be applauded for their efforts are trying to curb the growing (pun intended) problem of horizontally growing people but I also hope that more educational institutions (at all levels) enact their own policies to spread the word on the benefits of exercise and healthy living. And, while I'm not positive, I am confident that my single chin agrees with me as well!

Extra, Extra, Run All About It: The Week In Running: 11/22-11/29

2009-11-28T18:10:00.003-05:00

Dear readers, let's take a look back at the week in running:

* As reported on Examiner.com on November 23rd, thanks to running, Taylor Swift was able to maintain a smile throughout each of her five acceptance speeches that she made during last Sunday's American Music Awards. Citing how important running is for her not only because of the way it makes her look but also because it helps her keep her endurance up whenever she's on stage, Swift has, on an almost daily basis, been seen, "jumping on the treadmill she has in her tour bus and home or taking it to the streets to run those miles. Taylor Swift no doubt gets a rush from the endorphins running releases and states that she truly loves it as her workout. In fact, she's been known to run on the treadmill before her performances to work out any pre-show anxiety". I'm not too proud to admit that I am quite jealous of Taylor Swift. However, it's not for her fame, fortune or (her now) 5 AMA awards. Rather, one day, I too hope to have a treadmill installed in my automobile as well!

* As reported on CNN.com on November 24th, former NFL pro Jerome Bettis, soccer heartthrob David Beckham and famed runner Paula Radcliffe may have more in common that you might think. Despite not only competing in sports where endurance and stamina are required but also becoming among the best ever in their respective sports, each of these three athletes suffer from a respiratory condition that affects people's airways or, as we all may call it, asthma. Despite the difficulties of performing with asthmatic symptoms such as wheezing, shortness of breath and coughing, however, rather than play victim and concede defeat, these three (who are among a bigger group of athlete-asthmatics) have overcome the disease and have shown the youth of today that, with mental fortitude and a 'never say die' attitude, asthma is little more than an inconvenience and doesn't have to signal the end to your sporting activities.

* As reported on Chinaview.com on November 24th, while running can better one's life in many different ways, Haikou City of China's Hainan Province resident Yang Fenk is taking the notion a little too far. Having been unable to find his wife after she ran away with another man some time ago, Fenk decided to use running as a means to appeal to her and to convince her to return home. How so? For the past few months, Fenk has been "forcing his six-year-old daughter to run dozens of kilometers every day in the hope of turning her into a marathon prodigy...to gain the girl some media coverage and catch her mom's attention". Despite badly swollen feet and the fact that "a researcher at the Hainan Province sports academy, who wished to remain anonymous, said such exhausting training can devastate the girl's health and would not enhance her running performance", Fenk is determined to stay the course and hopeful that his strategy will ultimately prove successful. Disregarding the idiocy of Fenk's plan for the moment, it's clear that he hasn't realized the most inherent problem with his strategy: nobody even watches running on TV in the first place!!

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Next Weekend's Marathons

Saturday, December 5th
Baton Rouge Beach Marathon (Baton Rouge, LA)
Environsports Death Valley Borax Marathon (Death Valley, CA)
St. Jude Memphis Marathon (Memphis, TN)
Tecumesh Trail Marathon (Bloomington, IN)

Sunday, December 6th
California International Marathon (Sacramento, CA)
Zappos.com Las Vegas Marathon (Las Vegas, NV)
Marathon Of The Palm Beaches (West Palm Beach, FL)
Santa Barbara International Marathon (Santa Barbara, CA)

Out With The Old, In With The New

2009-11-25T04:30:00.002-05:00

For as long as I can remember, every Sunday morning has started the same way. At 8am, as the sun was just waking up and most denizens of the Big Apple were still fast asleep, papa, myself and T,H,E K,I,D would arrive at the famed Barney Greengrass for some delicious breakfast and entertaining conversation. Aside from constantly turning down T,H,E K,I,D's pleas to wuggle, these breakfasts have always been a rather enjoyable way to begin the week and catch up with papa and T,H,E K,I,D who I so rarely see these days.

A few weeks ago, as I got in papa's car for the trek to rendez-vous with T,H,E K,I,D, I looked down and had to do a double take. Papa was wearing my black Adidas Osweego 365s!! I always knew that papa was not particularly tall, but I had always thought that his shoe size was somewhat bigger than mine.

Baffled at how Papa had absconded with my running shoes, especially given the fact that I had just run in them not 20 minutes ago, I looked at him with a perplexed look painted on my mug.

"Papa, how...who....what...why ar...are you wearing my sneakers?" spoke I, not doing a great job getting the words out of my mouth.

Looking down at his sneakers, papa nodded slightly and began to smile. "Oh, my dear son, I can see what is causing your confusion. You see that I am wearing a pair of sneakers that are identical to yours and you assume they are, in fact, yours. And, while they do look very much like your sneakers, they are not yours. Ever since the Industrial Revolution, companies have been able to mass produce certain products. These very sneakers that I am wearing are an example of such a mass produced good."

"Industrial Revulsion?"

"Industrial Revolution."

"That's so neat, papa! But, why did you decide to get the very shoes that I wear? Why not a different pair of Industrial Revolution mass produced sneakers?"

"You always ask such excellent questions, my first born. Much more excellent than those asked by your little brother, T,H,E K,I,D. The answer to your question is, in short, you. I have listened to how you rave about the running sneakers made by Adidas. I have heard you say that they are the best shoes you have ever tried. And, since I see your credit card bills (though, with you being 30-years and expecting Baby Petes in 4 short months, I am confused why I must still support your spending habits), I know that you have tried many different brands of running shoes. I decided to heed your advise and to follow your lead."

At that exact moment, two tears fell from my eyes. Two tears representing the two types of pride and happiness that I felt there with papa. The first type is that which can only be felt by a son when his father listens to him and opts to do something he otherwise wouldn't have based solely on his son's advice. The old following the young is a source of pride and an affirmation that the boy has become a man. The second type is that felt by a runner when he convinces other runners to use running products they otherwise wouldn't have but for the runner's advice. In seeing papa wearing the shoes whose awesomeness I had been telling him of for some time, my sense of being taking seriously as a runner was affirmed.

It's always nice to get positive reinforcement. It helps pick you up when you are down. It helps make you smile when you otherwise would frown. And though I never intended to write this rhyme, I'll shed a tear whenever I see papa wearing sneakers that look like mine.

Scratching To Exercise

2009-11-24T04:30:00.001-05:00

In June of this year, my dopeness pregnant wife CVSW and I ventured to the Caribbean for a little fun-in-the-sun. Some of you may recall that I wrote about my exercising ventures while on this vacation and mentioned how, by the end of our 5-night stay, the hotel's gym staff was, to put it mildly, not displeased to see me go. After 5 days of witnessing their treadmills cope with tsunami-like conditions created by my massive sweat problem (compounded by the humid climate), they could once again return to the empty normalcy of the gym and allow themselves and their treadmills a well needed break.

On our last night of vacation, we were enjoying a deliciously romantic dinner and were recounting the highs and lows of our Caribbean travails when, all of a sudden, I began to get somewhat fidgety. Rocking as though I were dancing to the steady beats of an unheard song, CVSW gave me a perplexed stare connoting both confusion and alarm. Knowing that I hated dancing, CVSW asked what had come over me.

"Mr. Petes!! Are you trying to tell me that, because you know how much I love to dance, you want to go to one of the local discoteques and dance until the break of dawn?!?!"

Rather than reply to her, I just sat there looking as though I were desperately trying to hold my breath. As little droplets of sweat started forming at the top of my ever-increasing receding hairline, my cheeks began to turn fire engine red.

"Mr. Petes, do say something!! You look like that girl Charlotte from Willie Wonka And The Chocolate Factory! Only, instead of turning blue, you're turning red!"

Finally, the feeling that had taken over my entire body become too much to bear and, letting out a huge breath, I began scratching my entire body like it was my job and I was the top employee.

"Damn mosquito bites!! All over my body!" screamed I, as relief flooded through me.

Seeing the horrified shock on my lady's face, I stood up, came over to her side of the table and, lifting up one of the legs on pants, revealed to her the 18 mosquito bites that had replaced my knee cap.

CVSW made a face not much different than that lasting image of Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone after he applies after shave to his face and was, for a rare moment, speechless.

When we arrived home the next day, we counted over 34 mosquito bites on my body from the 5 days we were in the Caribbean. Conversely, it was hard not to notice that CVSW had not one mosquito bite anywhere on her beautiful person.

What was it that made me so delicious to the mosquitoes?

As I surfed the interweb to find an answer, I quickly saw that the answer to my question had been provided almost a year ago. Had I been more responsible, I should have found the results of a University of Wisconsin-Madison's study released all the way back in June of the year 2008.

According to Susan Paskewitz, a University of Wisconsin-Madison
entomology professor, mosquitoes bite the people who are easiest to
find and, cues like body temperature, carbon dioxide in the breath and certain skin chemicals like lactic acid all help mosquitoes orient and find their next meal. As it turns out, "exercise boosts the levels of all three signals, making people more vulnerable to mosquito bites during or after exercise".

As any runner will tell you, the course ahead is not always an easy one to traverse. Along the way, you'll run (pun intended) into many hurdles that will test your perseverance, will and stamina. If you want it, you'll get past it. Despite all 34 itchy-as-hell mosquito bites that littered my body, I never questioned for one second whether the running I did was worth it. No doubt about that. In the end, the mosquito bumps, like other things that have tried to stymie my progress, are just small (though quite itchy) bumps in the long road ahead!

The Running Music Maker

2009-11-23T04:00:00.002-05:00

Are those batteries in your pants or are you just happy to be running?

Actually, dear sir, 'tis neither. Confused? Well, just think of it this way: it is the pants that are the batteries themselves!

In their effort to win the Designboom Green Life competition, a yearly competition to promote creativity and ingenuity in the design of awesome gadgets (and, in this particular case, the promotion of environmentally friendly 'green' gadgets) Lithuanians Inesa Malafej and Arunas Sukarevicius entered their Dancepants Kinetic Music Player to many-a accolade from runners the world over. Designed with a built-in MP3 player, the Dancepants are a huge advancement in keeping runners motivated to continue moving forward while at the same time contributing to a healthier global climate.

With each stride, the Dancepants are designed to collect the kinetic energy created by the runner's forward movement and then to use that energy to keep the music surging and the runner energized. If you aren't able to notice your slowing pace, you'll now be able to do with the Dancepants as the volume of your music decreases with each successive stride forward until it simply stops completely? The designers are quick to focus of this built-in motivational tool when they note that, "You can also think of the Dancepants as your own personal trainer—you have to keep moving if
you want to keep grooving. On the upside, your music player will never
run out of juice before you do".

In the days and years before the invention of technology, motivation came in the form of words and, for those less self-conscious, in the contraption of a cap with a protruding stick holding, at its end, a carrot. It was the best they could do with what they had available. But these days, life has become more high tech. Computers can fit into the palm of one's hands and satellites can tell individuals how far they have traveled during a daily run. The Dancepants are a logical outgrowth of the progress our society has made. No longer do we need a silly hat holding a carrot we know we'll never reach. Today, all we need to tell us to keep moving are a pair of pants and a set of headphones.

Here's one runner you'll certainly find dancing in his pants in parks around this high tech country of ours!

Extra, Extra, Run All About It: The Week In Running: 11/15-11/22

2009-11-21T18:49:00.004-05:00

Dear readers, let's take a look back at the week in running:

* As reported in the Washington Post on November 18th, it would seem that my hatred of walking and cell phones when exercising is very well-founded indeed. In a study conducted by the University of Illinois, researchers not only found that people who talk on cell phones while crossing the street took much longer to get to the other side than did those who weren't gabbing with pals but also that, when it came to adults 60 years old and higher, those talking and walking had a 15% higher chance of getting run over than did they non-talking fellow octogenarians. Employing a treadmill to simulate a 'virtual environment,' this study is evidence of the dangers inherent in both walking and talking. The only clear solution: Do as I do: run and stay mute!!

* As reported by a Google news subsidiary on November 19th, maybe a recession isn't so unhealthy after all. In fact, it may be one of the biggest catalysts in helping to fight America's growing obesity problem. In a year that has seen fortunes vanish, jobs dry up and growth becoming a forgotten concept, "some 9.2 million people completed a certified foot race in the United States in 2008, up from 3.7 million in 1987. Of those, 425,000 completed a marathon -- 26.2 miles, or 42.2 kilometers -- and 715,000 ran a half-marathon, according to Running USA, a non-profit group that promotes running. That's up from 143,000 marathon runners in 1980". While I would have thought the reason for this increase in runners during bad economic times would be the fact thatrunning is a relaxing activity that calms the mind and distances it from the woes of the world, according to the article which cites, Ryan Lamppa of Running USA, the actual cause of the increase is the fact that, "We live in a financially uncertain, violence-scarred world, and running 'gives you something to control -- you can't control the stock market or the economy, but you can control your health'". Either way, the fact still stands that, as a runner who loves the camaraderie found in running corrals the world over, I can't wait for the next recession!
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Next Weekend's Marathons

Thursday, November 26th
Atlanta Marathon (Atlanta, GA)

Saturday, November 28th
Mississippi Coast Marathon (Waveland, MS)
Baltimore Road Runners Club North Central Trail Marathon (Sparks, MD)

Sunday, November 29th
Amica Insurance Seattle Marathon (Seattle, WA)
Space Coast Marathon (Cocoa, FL)

Running Away From A Political Firestorm

2009-11-19T04:12:00.001-05:00

Who would have thought that running would ever be the catalyst for one of the great political firestorms of our times? Well, dear readers, that time is upon us.

With Sarah Palin's worldwide media blitz over her new children's book, Going Rogue, the excitement over the many opportunities to watch Palin stutter through myriad interviews is palpable. With the world in a feeding frenzy for the next hilarious Palin guffaw, it's not surprising that little attention has been paid to the photo of Palin on the cover of this week's Newsweek Magazine. Photographed in noticeably short running shorts, white running sneakers and a running sweatshirt, with the hint of a smile on her mug (a hint because she probably got confused as to a recent Barney joke one of the photographers was probably telling), Palin has caused quite a little stir with her seemingly benign picture. While most media-types are focusing on the sexist angle as the source of their anger over the picture, as a runner, there is something much worse that this picture represents.

Thievery! In the first corral!!

In late June, Runner's World Magazine interviewed Palin about her fondness of running. A daily runner and a previous finisher in a marathon, Palin, as part of the interview, also did a photo shoot dressed in some of her favorite running clothes. Comparing those photos to the one on the cover of this week's Newsweek, one is hard-pressed to see a difference in those clothes or even in the settings themselves. As it turns out, the difficulty in finding differences stems from the fact that....there are no differences!

That's right. Without getting permission from Runner's World, Newsweek absconded with one of their Palin running pictures and plopped it right on the front of their weekly periodical. Don't believe me? Check out Runner's World own interweb website where it is difficult to missing their message making it clear that, "On the cover of this week's issue of Newsweek is a photo that was shot exclusively for the August 2009 issue of Runner's World, in which Sarah Palin was featured on the monthly "I'm a Runner" back page. The photos from that shoot are still under a one-year embargo, and Runner's World did not provide Newsweek with its cover image. It was provided to Newsweek by the photographer's stock agency, without Runner's World's knowledge or permission".

There an old saying that George W. Bush once attempted to say that holds, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". When Sarah Palin went rogue once by replacing her politician's suit for that of a runner, it might have changed some people's opinion of her. To see her as a normal person who loves to run, maybe she endeared herself to some who otherwise would never have been endeared. But, having now seen her going rogue twice, the ploy is up. The world is tried of Sarah Palin. Tired of her as a politician. And tired of her as a runner. Thanks to Newsweek, she has gone rogue once too many!!

Move Over Energizer Bunny!

2009-11-18T04:21:00.002-05:00

I think Bill Shakespeare perfectly summed up my views towards this 'going green' movement when he wrote the play 'Much Ado About Nothing'. Because
that's just what all this propaganda about the environment really is. In fact, more than being simply nothing, this movement towards a more environmentally protective way of life is actually hampering my life and is costing me certain conveniences and norms that I have grown accustomed to. With my dopeness pregnant wife CVSW being a big believer in recycling and me not being a believer at all, a fly on our apartment's wall has probably been witness to many-a bicker betwixt my wife and I when she demands that I put my empty water bottles in the recycling bin and not in the garbage bin in which I had already thrown it. In a smiliar vein, the 'green' cleaning products CVSW has begun using to clean our abode are noticeably less effective than their non-green counterparts and smell worse than the sweet Windex speel which I have grown up with. Having now looked at a variety of new apartments in which CVSW and I can welcome Baby Petes, I have noticed that all the new 'green' buildings are actually more expensive than their non-green brethren. Even in my professional life, this 'green' revolution has resulted in documents being printed on both sides of the paper as a default which makes it harder to scan should the need arise to send said document to a third-party as well as longer waiting times waiting for elevators to arrive to take me up to my awesome two-sided office.

Having tried in vain to avoid all things green for so long now, I have finally realized that, try as I might, everything is moving in the direction of the greenly-inferior...and the greenly more expensive!

Even my most favorite energy sucking product, the treadmill, has been unable to avoid succumbing to the strength of the green movement. Recently, Woodway, maker of some of the best treadmills available, released pictures of their upcoming 'green' treadmill, the SpeedBoard. In many instances, people will argue that green products are better because not only do they not hurt the environment but also because they're no different from the non-green version of the same thing. Well, dear readers, not so with the SpeedBoard. Unlike the standard treadmill that I, and many other runners, have grown accustomed to, the SpeedBoard is the world's first non-motorized treadmill that derives its power from....you! Shaped like the letter 'U', the SpeedBoard "features a radical curved shape and a running belt made of 60 individual rubber slats, which move on a low-friction ball-bearing track rather than a conventional continuous fabric belt" and allows users to do interval training by running up the sloped front, running flat on the mid-belt area or even running downhill on the back portion.

With the ability to generate enough power to even have a lit-up console that shows speed, distance and time just like any normal treadmill, the SpeedBoard sounds almost too good to be true. And that's exactly what it may be. You see, as with all other 'green' products I have seen, the SpeedBoard comes with a price tag of $5,500 which is in the area of twice as much as a conventional motorized treadmill.

In the end, I wonder if all these 'green' products are better for the environment not because of their ingredients but because they bankrupt their owners to the point where those owners won't be able to afford doing harmful things to the environment in the first place. Call me an anti-environmentalist or what you will but, for the moment, I'm sticking with the status quo!

Running To A New Home

2009-11-16T04:16:00.000-05:00

Despite all the problems I’ve had with various residents in my apartment building’s gym and despite many hurdles that I have had to overcome to enjoy the use of my building’s fitness facilities, never once have I said I would rather it not be there. Rather, I’m thankful each and every time I receive a hateful stare from a fellow user of the building’s gym and, life without those stares would be not life at all.

However, soon I will have to part ways with my building’s gym and all the memories (both fond and un-fond) I’ve had there will become just that, memories of the past.

With 5 months remaining until my dopeness pregnant wife CVSW gives birth to Baby Petes, the time has finally come to search for an abode that can accommodate the newest member of our family while still giving CVSW and I a little space to ourselves (and, in so doing, allow for the eventual arrival of a 2^nd Baby Petes). For the past month or so, CVSW and I have been on a whirlwind tour of Manhattan searching for that perfect place where our family can grow together, laugh as one and run as a team. And while, obviously, more space is our biggest concern, just because I have to stop running for a few moments to take a look at all available spaces, running itself is never far from my mind.

Upon entering any of the new spaces we’ve looked at, the seller’s broker will inevitably accost us to sell us on all the virtues of the apartment both hidden and in plain sight. For those apartments that pass muster in terms of the actual space and much to the chagrin of my betrothed, I’ll cut the broker off in mid-sentence and will proceed to launch into the following soliloquy in regards to the secondary concerns most important to me:

“Allow me to stop you right there, Broker. Before I even begin to consider whether my lovely wife and I should begin to think about possibly purchasing this space, let’s me ask you a few questions.”

Looking at CVSW, whose cheeks have noticeably become red with love (or, as she puts it, embarrassment), with a confused look on her face, the broker usually tells me to ask her whatever questions I have.

“I wasn’t looking for your permission, Broker, but that’s kind of you to allow me to ask my questions. First of all, is there a fitness facility somewhere within the confines of this building that is available for its residents?”

Now appearing more relaxed at the seemingly easy question, the broker will tell me that, indeed, there is a gym in the building for all residents, usually at no additional cost. With that out of the way, most brokers think my questions have been answered and will begin to walk away to talk to other potential buyers of the space.

“You may have answered my question, but it was but one of many I have. Do tell me, broker, is this gym available 24-hours or are there certain operating hours?”

Of the 18 apartments I have seen so far, not one broker has been able to answer that question. While they’ve told me that they can go check, I have yet to get a concrete answer during my visits as to the normal operating hours of these apartment gyms.

Among my other runner-influenced issues when deciding which apartment will suit my needs, are:

- Are the floors think enough to support a treadmill should I decide to put one in my bedroom, living room or any other space?

- Will the electrical outlets supply enough electricity to give a treadmill the requisite juice it needs to run (pun intended) properly?

- If there isn’t a gym in the building, where is the closest gym and does the building have any arrangements worked out (again, pun intended) with the gym in which the residents of the building will receive any discounts?

- What is the building’s policy on allowing resident’s personal trainers access to the gym?

- Does the building plan on establishing time limits in the use of the cardio equipment?

By the time I’ve completed my ‘issues list,’ I kindly thank the broker, who has usually become anything but kind, and tell her/him that I will consider the apartment and will let them know.

Like the lawyer who sifts through reams of paper when conducting their due diligence, any serious runner must also do their own form of due diligence when considering where to live. And, like running marathon, finding the best apartment tests your endurance, stamina and mental and physical toughness. But in the end, no matter whether you’re crossing the finish line after running 26.2 miles or laying in bed in your new apartment, all the work that got you to where you are will most definitely have been worth it.

A Sweaty Proposition

2009-11-12T05:44:00.001-05:00

Sometime in March of 2007, I had come to the decision that I wanted my main squeeze CVS to become my dopeness wife CVSW. Similar to my wearing of black running sneakers, I wanted my proposal to stand out from the pack and not to go down the normal route of going to a fine meal and proposing there or simply in our shared abode. I gave it some thought and come to the conclusion that proposing at mile 18 (the closest point of the marathon route to where we lived and, thus, the place where CVS was set to cheer me on) of November's New York City Marathon was the perfect spot to do it. What better way to not only surprise my girlfriend but also to get some much needed adrenaline at the point in the marathon where adrenaline is in particularly low quantities (at least based on my previous experiences with the NYC Marathon).

As March turned to April and April to May, my growing excitement that my plan was slowly coming to fruition filled me with a child-like giddiness that I had not felt since T,H,E K,I,D and I were tots. Unfortunately, by the time June came around, my plan had run into many kinks which ultimately signaled the premature end to any plans of proposing in the middle of a marathon.

The first impediment came as the logistics of my plan were worked out. Given the fact that a marriage proposal is a private matter and many people choose not to be surrounded by friends, family and strangers alike during it, I knew it would be difficult to get CVS alone to ask her to be my betrothed. With my family also set to meet me at mile 18, I couldn't exactly ask my family to make themselves scarce as they saw me approaching. Thus, any marriage proposal that would take place along the course would lose the element of privacy that I knew CVS would want. Secondly, with my tendency to sweat buckets during any race, not the least of which being a marathon, there wasn't really a clean way I could give CVS an engagement ring without it being drenched in the manifestation of the psychical exertion I had put forth for the first 18 miles of the 26.2 mile race. The proposal would not have been as nice had if CVS' face had been riddled with the look of disgust that follows from her having to touch something which she would find less than appealing. The final logistical impediment came from the fact that, with 8 miles left in the marathon, I would quickly have to leave my fiancee after the proposal if I had any chance of being able to run the rest of the course. For those of you who have also had to stop for a few minutes along a marathon course, you'll agree that it is incredibly difficult to start running again after stopping for any longer than a few seconds.

The other impediment that stopped my plan in its tracks was the fact that I had just received Bone's wedding invitation and saw that his wedding would be held a week after the running of the NYC Marathon. Not wanting to steal any of Bone's nuptial spotlights with my engagement, a proposal less than a week before his marriage seemed not to be the best idea.

In the end, CVS became CVSW-elect in late July after she had finished taking the New York State Bar exam and the rest, as they say, is history. It turned out that my intuition of the unworkability of proposing during a marathon turned out to be well founded indeed. Only a few weeks into our engagement, after I told CVSW of my plans, she told me that she was quite happy that I chose my back-up plan.

Funny enough, however, not everybody would agree with CVSW. You see, dear readers, for those of you who were spectators at mile 16 of this year's NYC Marathon a couple of weeks ago, you were treated to a version of my plan in motion. As reported on Gothamist.com on November 2nd, one runner actually went through with proposing to his lady along the marathon course just after mile 16. While the stunned lady accepted the proposal, very little is known about who this creative man is and how long he had been planning to do this.

More than two years after the fact, I still always think how awesome it would have been to propose during the New York City Marathon. More than thinking about the actual proposal, however, I always wonder whether, had CVS denied my request to become my bride, I would have shrugged it off and continued with the last 8 miles of the marathon. Hmmmm.....

A Course Too Slowly Covered

2009-11-10T04:14:00.002-05:00

Ask yourself this question: What do the designated hitter the three-point line and barefoot running all have in common? Well, for purists of baseball, basketball and running, those three things represent an affront to history and tradition. They symbolize efforts to modernize that which many feel needs no modernization.

While traditionalists have lamented any or all of these changes to sports that date back as far back as recorded time, those of the more modern view wax poetic about change being the necessary catalyst to take away the old and replace with the newer, more modernized old and being yesterday’s sports into today’s culture.

Despite these seemingly endless conflicts and, with no resolution in sight, at least we, as sporting participants, can recognize that no matter whether one can make a 3-point basket, run with shoes or without or never take the field except with a bat in your hands, at the end of the day, these sports still remain largely intact and the same skills that were required long ago are still required today to be successful.

Unfortunately, there is a growing cabal of ‘runners’ these days who is trying to fundamentally challenge what is means to run a marathon and are trying to change the long-held wisdom dictating that running a marathon means averaging a pace that above walking speeds (note: for purposes of this post, I will define above walking speeds at a 13 minute/mile which is the point at which turn from fast walking to slow running) . Unlike barefoot running, where at least there is running being done, this new outgrowth of runners , led by such people as the New York Times’ Tara Parker-Pope, is trying to argue that, “covering the 26.2 miles is the crux of the accomplishment [completing a marathon], no matter the pace. They say that marathons inspire people to get off their couches, if only to cross off an item on the Things to Do Before I Die list”.

In Plodders Have A Place, But Is It In A Marathon, the New York Times' Juliet Macur discusses this growing group of incredibly slow participants in marathons and questions whether they add to or detract from one’s overall marathon experience. Having trained for months on end and having fought through pain, weather and even more pain, many people who have finished a marathon in a running pace find that those people who finish marathons with times in excess of 6 hours (and slower average pace than 13 minutes per mile) are diminishing the accomplishment that goes along with running a marathon. Succinctly summarizing the views of the real runners, Adrienne Wald, the women’s cross-country coach at the College of New Rochelle, who ran her first marathon in 1984 told Marcus that, “It’s a joke to run a marathon by walking every other mile or by finishing in six, seven, eight hours…It used to be that running a marathon was worth something — there used to be a pride saying that you ran a marathon, but not anymore. Now it’s, ‘How low is the bar?’”

For the sake of full disclosure, I'm happy to admit that, at times, I too have walked along a marathon course. But the difference between me and people like Tara Parker-Pope is that I never actually plan to walk and can guarantee that, were I still on the marathon course after the 6-hour mark, I would stop and go home. In a past post, I actually commented on the uselessness of walking a marathon. A marathon is a test of endurance and, more to the point, is a running test. It is not a walkathon and anybody who thinks differently is most likely one of these people who finishes a marathon well past the 6-hour point.

One of the best parts of a marathon is the incredible pain one feels the day after having run those 26.2 miles. That pain is a reminder of the incredible accomplishment just completed. It is a reminder of the months dedicated to training the body. It is a pain that must be earned.

As the old saying goes, 'no pain, no gain.' These so-called plodders can preach (without the post-marathon pain, of course) until their blue in the face that, no matter how long they took to complete a marathon, they too have accomplished the same feat as the runner who took 3-hours to finish it. The same as even the runner who took 4 and 5 hours to finish. But no matter how much they try to convince themselves and others, they have, in reality, gained nothing and wasted their days.

Locker Room, U.S.A.

2009-11-09T04:11:00.002-05:00

Tucked away in one corner of my Equinox gym which, itself, is tucked away on the ground floor of my awesome employer's office building lies a community all to-itself. Virtually uninhabited for most of the week, this community, like New York City, sees its population spike during its rush hours of the business week. While this community only allows entry to those of the male population, its sister community shares is situated directly across from it and even shares a borderline with it and offers the same services for those of the female population. And, while the transience of its population is manifested in the fact that one never leaves its confines wearing the same outfit they entered with, much can be learned about the peoples of this community simply from sustained observation over the course of no more than a month or two.

Having now been a member of Equinox for almost four months, I have made some interesting (and, if I do say so myself, perceptive) observations in my time spent in this community more commonly known as the men's locker room.

The first thing that can be gleaned from the locker room is the ability to recognize who the dedicated/sustained gym-goers are, who the more casual gym members are and who those people are for whom the gym is nothing more than a way to make them feel like they are exercising while, in reality, no real exercise will ever actually be done.

The Dedicated Gym-Goers (including those 'positive' factors possessed by The Casual Gym-Goers and excluding the negatives ones)

- After working out and getting ready to take a shower, these people will pull from the lockers their flip-flops still in the plastic bag provided in the locker room from yesterday's workout (the most dedicated gym goers' flip flops will actually still be wet from yesterday's shower)

- Upon arriving in the locker room, these people have the ability to change into their gym clothes and stow their regular clothes all within a one-minute timeframe

- Having seen it done enough times to know that it's not frowned upon, these people will use the hair dryer to dry not only the hair on the top of their head but also the hair on their chests and back (the most dedicated gym goer is even comfortable enough to dry his lower regions as well)

The Casual Gym-Goers

- Upon first entering the locker room in his business casual gear, these people will first grab a plastic bag for their gym clothes for efficiency purposes after their workouts

- These are the people who oftentimes are talking to each other in the locker room and, with the acoustics being what they are, overheard by everyone else

- After a few times at the gym, these people realize the importance of making sure there is enough shower gel and shampoo in the shower they're about to use before actually using it

The Fake Gym-Goers

- These are the people who ask to get a tour of the locker room before making the decision whether to join the gym in the first place. Whenever I see a person getting a tour of the locker room, I know that that that will be the last time I ever see him (whether or not he actually ends up joining the gym, I'm pretty confident he will rarely, if ever, use it)

- There are the people who will check their Blackberries before changing into their gym clothes and one last time before exiting the locker room (and also is the first thing he does upon returning from his 12 minutes workout)

I never took anthropology, sociology or any of the other 'ology' classes when I was in university. Knowing that you can understand the ways of society simply through being a fully integrated member of that society, I thought it best to take classes which were less familiar to me and which would teach me things that I could not learn on my own. Looking back on that decision, I am confident that I made the right decision. Having been a member of the Equinox locker room community for only four months, I have been able to learn much about its inhabitants and been able to learn truths through their actions.

Ironically enough, and as a conclusion, I guess the best way to tell the dedicated gym-goers from the rest of the groups is to see if they too could write a post quite similar to one you've just read!