‘You were the talk of the town’ – our breakfast companion commented – ‘everyone was very worried about you – you were lost and then you were found, and there was much relief all round’…
It was 9am and we were sitting chatting on the terrace in the sun at the Imlil Lodge in the Atlas Mountains in Morocco; Abdul was serving us a delicious breakfast of pancakes and eggs and orange juice and coffee and we were showing him on the map the point at which we had taken the wrong turn that had sent us on what can only be described as a ‘mountain adventure’; only 10 hours earlier he had been re-heating our dinner, when much to his relief, we had eventually returned from the mountains. That morning he had showed us a route that he had said if hiked could take 6 hours- we planned to run it; and so he had given us food for a picnic and two bottles of water, and the map, and directed us up to the village which was the first destination on our journey.
It is hot here, about 37 degrees, and our hotel is already at 1900metres, so once we were through the village, alive with people and goats and donkeys and onto the mountain road, immediately both Anadi and I felt the altitude, the heat and the very steep climbing. But we settled in; and we wound our way up the hairpin bends that is a mountain climb. We took it in turns with the backpack and a sense of timelessness descended. We had set off at 10am, we had no watch with us and so we just took one step after the other; pictures of the mountains around and the villages below expanding before us. After we had been running awhile we happened upon a little ‘cafe’ two men in long dark robes showed us a sign that told us that were at Tizi and that the altitude here was 2300m.
We sat with them drinking orange juice and tea with honey in, and I bought a cobalt necklace. They cautioned us that the mountain climbed up to 3000m and was a hard climb and to be aware ; we thanked them and on we ran; we were feeling very good in our bodies and relaxed and strong.
Unbeknownst to us within another few miles of winding our way up the mountain we missed the road that would have eventually looped us back to home on the route Abdul had shown us and instead we were heading off on an extraordinary adventure.
As we rounded a corner a group of four little boys joined in and ran with us one of them with a soul as old and wise as the mountains we were running in, another with running in his being, matching our pace stride for stride beside us his face beaming.
The road came to an end and a group of men directed us over the mountain , not speaking the language meant we didn’t know where they were directing us, but looking out over the vista it appeared we were doing a big circle and somehow managed to see where we were on Abdul’s route!
The mountain took us up and up and the terrain changed, the footing uncertain a steep drop to our left – fear gripped me and I had my first taste of re entering my place of fear that had taken hold of me me on the side of the glacier in the glacier 3000 race two years before.
With some difficulty I remained mostly in my centre, nearly spinning out on a few occasions but soon we reached rocky terrain that although hard going and arduous and high up, oh so high up, about 3000m by now, was not with sheer drops to the left or right. Also periodically there were blue dots on the stones indicating we were on a tried and tested mountain route .
Dizzy with the altitude and by now also with hunger and both water bottles empty; we found a mountain stream and filled our bottle. ‘We have the mountains within us now as well as all around us’ I said. We didn’t know what time it was but the sun indicated it must be beyond midday, we’d likely been on the road for 3 hours; food and a rest was needed.
We unpacked our picnic , Abdul had given us bread and cheese and tuna and tomatoes and two oranges. As we sat eating, an old goat herd appeared, we greeted each other and I offered him water. He sat on the rock for awhile and drunk from our bottle, I gave him an orange which he put in his pocket; thanked us, pointed to the top to see if we were heading there and went on his way. We followed him shortly after and then joined him high up where he was watching his goats jumping about the mountain. Their agility and sure footedness inspired me. He shared a cup of his tea and honey with us and on we went. We could see the path we needed to join and headed across to meet it. But the mountain here had only the side of it dropping away, and as we started across it my foot slipped and the fear gripped me again; there was nothing but rocks and scree and asteep steep drop below and the power of the mountains overwhelmed rather than inspired, and immobilised by fear again and I could not move. Anadi was still and patient as I sat on the mountain side and cried and then re centred knowing there was nothing for it but to inch my way to the path; I was holding on with both hands and almost going down on my bottom; suddenly jumping and leaping across the rocks towards us came the goat herd. He gave me his staff and took my hand and I let go. I surrendered, totally trusting him, and down the mountain we sped; at first I was totally terrified and then suddenly something shifted and it was like I was flying, I laughed out loud and shouted to Anadi ‘I feel like I’m flying’; he was also leaping alongside, confidently finding his footing and using the shale like snow when skiing as a brake ( he told me this I have never skied! ) and then we reached the path. I thanked my guardian angel deeply from my heart and soon we headed down towards the firmer road. There was still a rocky steep descent to navigate but the shift had happened and I became more like a mountain goat than before and the fear seemed to have gone . A profound change within me had occurred and I felt lighter; I had needed to put my total trust in the man who took my hand, and both in trusting and surrendering the fear lost its grip and my spirit was able to fly free within my body.
We reached the road and after tipping the mountain out of our shoes, we started to jog along the windy, sandy path that was – we thought – now leading us home .
As we ran we passed groups of children on the road, women walking carrying bundles of grass and sometimes men walking or just sitting on the path looking out at the mountains . A truck taking people home from work passed us by in a cloud of dust and having dropped two people off we decided to check we were on the right road.
It seemed we were not!
We established eventually that to reach home we needed now to cut across the valley and over the mountain – three little boys were close by, fascinated by us and the situation – soon it was established that they were to take us through the valley, we gave the older men 20 dirhams and he gave the boys some coins and we were off. Down a steep slope – thank goodness for my new found confidence – down and down we ran jumping over rocks down a narrow wooded path until we reached a river. We jumped ‘famous five like’ on the stones to cross it and then carried on up the steep slope that brought us up the side of the mountain. The boys decided they had taken us far enough and waved their hands vaguely up the mountain ‘ imlil imlil’ they gestured…
Anadi and I were alone again, and once again off road on the side of a steep mountain. The views were awesome, if I ever dared look out over at them. A steep drop to our right meant I rarely did ! But I wasn’t as scared as before and this felt good. The air got thinner again and the terrain steeper, until we arrived at the top to a scene that remains etched in my being – the plains to our left looking like the Wild West and to our right mountains rising in rocky granite y magnitude.
Which way to turn – there are points in our life – this way or that ? Which completely change our life ; was it turning left that would lead us home to imlil or turning right? We had no clue. The route to the right seemed to be an established one, with red dots at intervals on the rocks, and so we chose to follow the red dots; a choice that was to send us further into our adventure than we knew.
Once again I saw how changed I was because the route was rocky and steep and at times very slippery with sheer drops; but the red dots gave us a – false we now know – sense of security, and so each one we saw lifted our spirits, but unbeknownst to us sent us further from our path.
Anadi noticed that the sun was dropping behind the mountains and commented that had run out of food and water; Fortunately we found a boy with a sythe by the river and asked him the way to imlil – he gestured up the mountain; back the way we had come. We should have turned left not right . Okay…. Anadi and I re grouped, we found a stream, filled our bottle and started back up the mountain. But it was steep and rocky and we were both low in blood sugar. ‘ I’m not safe to do this’ I said. Anadi agreed that we were both too ’spaced out’, and with the sun setting we thought it best to keep heading for village and the road we could see above us, and to take a long route back that at least was off the mountain side.
If we had water and firm footing we knew we would survive, but with darkness not that long away, being on the side of a mountain didn’t bode well .
An executive decision made, we continued to follow the red dots that lead us now up up again to the village, with a terrifying last rocky ascent to get on terra firmer; Anadi had lead the way and looking down he said I looked like mountain lion making my way up the rock face!
The road was red and dusty and although we knew we were now taking the long loop around the edge of the mountain, we knew that it was only time and a steady forward motion that would bring us home.
After jogging steadily along for a couple of miles, very suddenly the road started to look more rocky and less road like; we passed an man, who was in truth an angel but we were yet to know this, and he told us the road had fallen in and we would need to go over the edge of the mountain – up and down- to re join where the road started again .
We started up the side ‘ I don’t think I can do this’ I said to Anadi. It was so steep and so precarious. Once more I felt immobilised, but this time not so much with fear but with lack of skills – running towards us came the angel – he leapt beside me took my hand and literally dragged me up up one side, on the way down the other he kept putting his foot out ahead for me to use as a stepping stone. It was dangerous for sure, rocks and shale were falling beneath our tread; one wrong foot and we could have fallen down the rocky side; but we were being looked after and the road was firm again and we ran steadily on.
The sun was dropping in the sky, and as we wound our way down the red sandy road a sense of endlessness descended us. The people we passed smiled and we said bonjour which was understood without any real common language; the terrain changed and prickly pears now lined the sandy path, three men emerged from the more verdant scene carrying a log and a girl with magic in her spirit leaning against a tree assured us that the town we were heading for (where we hoped we might find a taxi ) was down this path. We had no food and our heads were spinning, but we jogged on in companionable silence, united in our mission and sure that we would now be alive to tell the tale .
Another rocky incline and we met a group of men and a youth loading up a donkey with cement in its saddle bags.The youth ran up beside me and took my hand to get me up the rocky pass..
The road wound on and the sky was turning Purple with the setting sun, and we rounded the corner into village and a shutting shop ! We bought biscuits and chocolate and devoured them, the feeling of them in our bodies hardly noticing, but our heads started clearing. The man we bought them from said that the place with taxis was 10 k away – so about and hour I thought.
We had water and it is warm here. I knew that even though we were on a road, it was rocky and the sides still dropped away from us and that if darkness fell and we hadn’t reached the village with taxis, that we would need to stop and walk, and if necessary stop completely and stay and sleep until the sun rose.
Having decided this, our only concern was that people would be worried, but we knew we were safe. It seemed we were miles from anywhere with the mountains rising and enclosing us either side and the road seemingly never ending.
The phut phut of a moped coming up the hill towards on the deserted road was the only sign of life. It passed us, slowly, and Anadi suddenly called out ‘ excuse sir excuse sir’ the man on the moped heard him and stopped a little way up the road. We established that we needed help ! A taxi – he phoned a friend – and after some negotiation as to whether we had money he said his friend was coming for us . By now darkness had fallen completely and my thoughts kept moving to Abdul who was expecting us for dinner. I would move them back to the moment knowing that we would appear, and that if he had worst fears they would not be realised ; but I still felt for his worry; which we have since found out was happening; the lost English couple who he had sent out to the mountains that morning!
Our latest guardian angel, who without we truly would have been well and truly lost on the mountain, stayed with us. After a while he motioned to us to climb aboard his moped and once more a fear of mine was faced – no control on a steep slippy mountain path with three on a moped. I clung round his waist. Anadi was holding round my waist and after a few bends where my heart was in my mouth, I closed my eyes and once more trusted a stranger on the path.
Headlights were coming towards us, our taxi was arriving; the relief of climbing into a car having deeply thanked our moped man and given him one of our 200 dirhams was slightly challenged, as he wound his way speedily down the mountain and when after soon reaching a real road, speeding up further, so that to me the ride resembled being on a helter skelter!
We then saw how far we still would have had to go to reach the town with the taxi and still how far we were from home.
We reached the village of imlil at 10 pm – twelve hours after we had set off. Our driver didn’t know the way to our lodge and a group of men gathered. It was established who we were and Jamal the owner of our lodge was called to say that we were safe. It was then that Anadi and I realised that there was general wide spread relief we were safe; the men in the village climbed into the taxi with us and came the last mile to deliver us to our front door were we emerged dusty exhausted and transformed…

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I’ve awoken to a glorious spring morning and I am off for a run along the prom; The Brighton marathon seems along time ago now, and my only legacy is a ‘Hugging injury’!
I had just finished the race and was chatting away to Jane and Anadi, who had been on the whole adventure with me from the pre marathon dinner in Bibendum here in Eastbourne, to now standing at the finish line together. My friend Si appeared and as I leaned across to hug him my right calf cramped dramatically – oh the agony of a relentlessly cramping muscle – tighter and tighter it wound!
I was a fortunate one though, who it happened to when hugging rather than running.
It remains the part of my body that feels a bit unwilling to go running, so I am off to see how it is and in many ways, one bit of my body ‘holding back’ will mean that I ease back in – with ease.
It is fun to be planning another destination – preferably shorter and in the sun…
I know I have said this before; but I feel at peace with road marathons, like I am done… for now anyway. I may of course want to ‘just see’ when I am 70 or 80 or 90 years old – if I’m still on the planet of course!
I loved Sunday – every moment – even running out of juice at 20 miles and in so doing respecting the distance all over again; I kind of knew that I hadn’t done enough long runs for the pace I was running to sustain for the whole way, but I was hopeful that this time I might trick that marathon distance… but this was not to be☺ Which is what I love about the marathon, you cannot trick it !
I started to ‘feel it’ at about 18/19 when I was still on sub 3.15 pace, which I thought was about what I could run.
I haven’t done the same training for a marathon as usual, due to work commitments and a more active ‘social life’ which has meant I have seen more 4am bedtimes since January, than in the whole of my life ! The hazard ( and fun) of hanging out with musicians and artists it seems!
Anyway – I was doing just fine until I hit that dreaded wall which I haven’t in many years! The 3.15 pace guys came by like a troop – rhythmical and controlled – I sort of kept with them for about half a mile, but by 21 miles they were disappearing and I had that denial thing ‘Maybe I can still catch them up along the seafront’…
Needless to say they became a dot on the horizon as I coped with all that is ‘blowing up’ !
After I had made it home in 3.21.46 – I crossed the line happy and relaxed within myself ( very tired of course!) and I felt no emotion either way about my time. In that moment I knew I was free. I could let go of marathons. I felt at peace in my heart and in my being, I’d seen so many friends along the way and I am so thankful for my body that loves to run and feels the same to me at 54 years as at 24 years – it just runs a little slower.
I knew I was free of measuring my worth by the time it had taken for me to run from A to B – and so I completed my slowest marathon in 31 years, feeling satisfied that I had stayed in the step and surrendered to whatever came out on the day, and I felt happy to let go and head in a different direction; shorter races in the sun here I come !

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With the Brighton Marathon approaching I’ve felt it necessary to run some miles; thank goodness for my friends!
I’ve been running a regular 15 miles with Matt on Tuesday mornings; Rob and I have been running for over two hours most Thursdays and Fi and I have put in some three hour plus runs… I find most of my miles are being completed before 9am – as that is the time I have free !
I was saying to my friend Ange today that my ‘running and race strategy going forward’ is simply this – I am going to keep entering races – because this is how I keep myself running the miles that I love to run. I am not sure I would be rising at 5 something simply to experience the joy of running for running’s sake; although the paradox is that I truly do love to run for running’s sake, and so I enter races to inspire me to aspire and so I keep setting that early alarm call.
As human beings we can have a propensity for lying about and liking bed and warmth and comfort; the joy of suffering physically, or stretching ourselves physically, can then be lost in the list of things to do at a mental level rewarded with relaxing through sitting rather than being active.
Relaxation through movement is clearing for body and mind, it allows the mind to still and the body to release its tension – ‘Healthy mind healthy body’; I would go further to say that a healthy mind and a healthy body, can allow the space within to become still enough to allow our true nature; our spirit; whatever you conceive your essence to be – to shine through in everything we do.
Running can be a route to a truly meditative space where we exist in the here and now so completely as to rise above and beyond the ‘small stuff’ that can hold us up and tie us down.
I am really looking forward to running the marathon on Sunday week – especially as after the race a group of us are meeting in my friend Simon’s wine bar ‘Ten Green Bottles’. I am going to collect my number on Saturday afternoon and then going to stay with Si the night before the race. He lives a 15 minute walk away from the start of the marathon; the whole weekend is starting to have an adventurous feel and celebratory air to it!
Last weekend I discovered a talk I had given in 1992; it was for a seminar at the Brighton University and the title was ‘Mental and physical preparation in the last 6 weeks leading up to the marathon’ .
I read my talk and the advice was sound! Exactly what I would give now – I was 6 weeks away then from my last fast marathon; I ran 2.41 and it had felt a flowing, powerful and positive experience.
As I go towards Brighton I know I will be pleased to run within half an hour of that time! Yet the preparation is the same – the need to run miles the same – All we can do is prepare and practice and then open ourselves up to allow whatever is within us to express itself out on the road and let the truth of who we are show itself in all we do.
The times we run are not of consideration, only in that we know deep inside what we are capable of at any given time; what is important is that we are fearless and true to ourselves in every step we take along our path…

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This week, it seems I am writing part of my running blog about not going running… I somehow seem to have taken three days off running for no reason, which is pretty unheard of!
In fact, because there is no reason, it is a total departure from anything I have ever done. This feels a good thing – a different type of ‘meditation on the move’ – a different level of relaxation .
My running used to be rigid – never a mile missed – it took illness of injury to stop me, and when I was sidelined with an infected Achilles 8 years ago, it was the first time I had done no exercise at all for a significant period since I was a child, when of course I exercised randomly and continuously all day long…
Days spent up trees, racing around the garden, and on my hands doing handstands and cartwheels.
I am fluid in my running now and I adapt as I go, to how I feel, to what my work load etc dictates; but the daily practice is always there. So three days off ‘just for the hell of it’ is to say the least a tad usual.
Sudden snow contributed to the third day off, and breakfast in ‘ Urban Ground ‘, literally around the corner from where I live now, with my goddaughter, seemed infinitely more appealing than braving the elements!
But I was ‘ back in action’ on Wednesday meeting Fi to run for 90 minutes along the seafront, still slip sliding a bit on the residue of snow and ice, and then two hours running with Rob on Thursday, which dawned as a beautiful bright sunny morning with spring springing around us once more .
Later that day I drove to Gatwick, where I met Wendy my oldest friend. We have known one another since we met at nursery school 50 years ago! We journeyed to Monaco together and were wandering the streets quite lost at 11pm enjoying the adventure and enjoying being in one another’s company again…
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Sunday 17th March

Wendy and I have spent the last three days engaged in cafe Philosophique and ( still ) wandering the streets of Monaco and Nice ( but not lost)!
Each day began with a leisurely breakfast in our hotel, before I headed up the coast road for a run.
The sun sparkled over the Mediterranean as I ran high above it and that special light, unique to this part of the world, filled my heart. My spirit felt like it was unfurling from within, like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis.
My running is different now in so many ways to the past, then there was more tension and push and over drive. When I was interviewed by Anadi in December I talked about it truly now being a meditation on the move – a place where I no longer attach to an outcome – but instead allow each step to carry me to the next .
I find myself not ‘wanting’ anything as such, other than to keep running,and to keep expressing myself in the dance, to burn bright and to keep doing what I love and what I came here to do.
My own journey has lead me to support others in their own dance and to encourage them to be true to who they are and all they can be, burning bright with their spirit shining through all aspects of their lives and in all of their expression.
We lead best by living our own lives out fully, treading our own path and committing to living our own truth. I still find this occurs profoundly for me within the simple action of running along!
So this morning I ran 10k around Port Hercules in Monte Carlo – the energy of the run was one of fun and relaxation and taking part.
My friend Wendy there to watch me run by at 9k and tell me I was 5th woman …
I was the fastest over 50 ( in 41.20) and won 20 euros which Wendy and I have spent in more ‘cafe phil’ and taking tea in a salon de the; and now we are heading for home…
Tomorrow I will be back in Eastbourne running along by the sea again. I appreciate deeply this incredible life I live, and to still be doing what I feel I was born to do and to be learning deeply how to live each moment fully, as if I were the first running step of my life.

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The Eastbourne half marathon heralds spring; each year race day seems to be a bitterly cold one, or a wet one, or a windy one – and then the following week in comes spring – gently with a warm breeze and bright blue skies with clouds scudding across them.
Two years ago as I ran into a biting wind along the seafront of my home town marathon, I confess to a feeling that I might never run it again; but last Sunday morning saw me lining up again, loving being at the start of a race only a mile up the road from my home, and loving the atmosphere of fun and friendship.
I am in training for the Brighton marathon so I am running as many miles as possible and one of the joys of having a pretty full life is that I cannot remember the beginning of the week at the end of it – in fact this is true of each day!
I have discovered that not being able to remember anything seems to help with recovery from training too, hard and long sessions done a day or so before are forgotten and in the forgetting comes a letting go and in that space greater and quicker recovery seems to occur. This may be and illusion of course, but then all of our lives are all an illusion and theatre in a way, and this particular story seems to be helping my training and racing!
I loved my training last week – not least for it being it being a chance to catch up with my friends.
On Monday I ran with Fi, sharing news and laughing – of course – early morning laughter is a great start to the day! Tuesday Matt and I had completed 15 miles on the downs before 8.30 am and I was back to meet him in the gym 12 hours later. Seventeen miles with Rob, (and Jim and Stu Mills for some of it) on Wednesday was a special time, particularly as I haven’t seen him since just after Christmas as I have been spending Saturday evenings with Anadi, and really enjoying seeing Sunday mornings at 2 and 3 am, a time of the ‘day/night’ that I have now become familiar with and, I have discovered, has a magic and mystery all of its own that as a keen runner I had rarely explored ; however this has meant that the 7am runs have lost their appeal !
Finding other times to catch up and run together has been wonderful, and helped with the extra mileage needed for the marathon too!
Running Philosophique is the best thing.
It makes me feel alive and happy and connected; it also means that marathons are magically trained for within the weaving of the dialogue, and the sharing of friendship and stories; lives unfolding in each step as the miles go by and the body mind and spirit prepare without me getting in the way.
The unconscious has logged that a big journey lies ahead and so the preparation is happening and once I ‘put it out there’ that I would be running 26 miles on April 14th, the dream, the goal, started to draw me to it…
Today I ran with Matt again, both of us had raced the Eastbourne half marathon on Sunday so we were a little weary and yet the downs and the Magnificent March morning with the sun rising over the sea as we ran, gave us a special energy.
As well the signal that winter is done, the miles in snow and rain and cold are completed and spring is on its way…

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Monday

I am sitting with the sun streaming into my kitchen – but I am in a different kitchen to where I sat last Monday morning…
I have moved house!
I lived for eight years in my old home and now I am in a new flat, and the history of the last one is now just that – a story – made up of memories and past experiences
All of those experiences and the learning and growth I have gained from them have brought me to where I am in the here and now, and in many ways I feel entirely different, but more ‘me’ than ever to the person who moved there in May 2005.
A shift of space brings a shift of energy, and external movement can be a time when there is a chance of new beginnings, where any out dated patterns of thought and behavior and ways of being that no longer support us can be left behind.
I observe in my life and in the work I do that the inner changes and shifts are what bring about the outer changes, or perhaps they are all happening simultaneously!

When I went running on Saturday morning I felt like I was in a completely different town; setting off to run from a different position brings a different perspective and I liked running straight to the sea – it takes only 2 minutes now as opposed to 5 minutes – and running through town to get home today after I had met Jim for a run felt exciting and different.
Small changes in some ways, I am only a 10 minute walk from my old flat, and I have all my belongings around me of course, but it feels a big shift.
I have taken on a bigger space – and there is room for expansion in its walls …

Going with the flow are easy words and I enjoy times when I am challenged to do just that – my whole life feels turned about and shifted in the past two months on many levels – so I must simply ‘go with the flow’

Tuesday.

Running on the downs with Matt on a glorious morning in a circle reminds me of the circles that we exist in, the passing days and months and years, the the passing of time as we know it. The promise of spring was in the air on Tuesday, the sun rising over the sea – 15 miles completed by 9am – this is at the core of who I am; life’s adventure unfolding in minutes hours days; but the only place we must be is in the here and now.
The past is gone – I moved into my new flat last Wednesday exactly 10 years to the day that I first arrived in Eastbourne; a rich ten years for sure, but they are gone and the future yet to happen. We have just this moment. Running and chatting with Matt as the miles passed reminded me of this truth.
Stay in the step you are in and the next one will take care of itself

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I am sitting in a square in the sun in Torremolinos with a cafe con leche beside me…

Ten years ago I spent a month on the costa del sol sitting in bars and restaurants with a cafe con leche beside me then. I was writing my book ‘ Running to learn’, and I started each day, as I have started most days of my life, running; but here in Spain it was in the sun and along the beach and it was a transformative month where I was mostly alone and silent and my life turned on its axis.
Arriving at Malaga airport last night brought back that time so keenly and has moved me to reflect on the ten years that have passed since then
It was February 2003, and I came straight from Spain to live in Eastbourne. I followed Lawrence and Simon and the birth of the Tri Store. They chose the house we first lived in together in Eastbourne as ‘ tres amigos ‘ while I was here in Spain; the picture of the house they sent me looked great online and so I said ‘ yes, let’s go for it’ !
I came home from a month of running each day by the sea, to my new life of running forever by the sea in the mornings, and truly learning to live my life day by day, discovering deeper happiness as I became more and more connected to myself and who I am.

Writing ‘Running to learn’ drew a line under the old scripts and patterns of struggle I’d been unravelling for years, and I took new running steps which have lead me home to myself.

A sense of timelessness has come over me in these past 10 years, replacing completely an older feeling of ‘ time running out’ – especially with my running – and with that has arisen a deeper understanding of how to be here now; to know that time is certainly not running out, to feel that there is no ending or beginning, that life love and death are in the same flow, and that I can let my running take it where it wants me to go.
A gentle touch from me from time to time is all that is required, and in the main, that is simply in the form of getting up to run each day, whatever the weather ! And staying with whatever arises within me in every moment.

Running is a meditative practice on the move for me and runs alongside the commitment to 24/7 staying with what is. It used to be harder, until I really knew that whatever arises is okay.
On reflecting on the last ten years of this life, I see that what I asked for has been given – I have learnt to run again and I have learnt to love again.

10 years ago I can remember committing to ‘learning to run again ‘ I was chronically injured, I had been for years – a legacy of my international running career one might have thought – but I knew there were deeper unhealed wounds
I also knew the key lay within my running, as it was within the running that I had got hurt. I knew that to unlock my heart and my body I needed to run again and strive for excellence. I knew that I needed to stretch myself in my running, so that I might deeply learn how to love again…or rather to allow love in.
I approached Rob Harley – now a very true friend – who is a sports scientist at the university of Brighton here in Eastbourne and asked him if he would help me with my quest.
Rob and I have since run many many miles together. Our friendship has essentially existed in circles on the downs – a never ending dialogue spanning many years, a friendship deepening whilst our running has been expanding and my heart has been healing.
Rob has seen me learn to run free again in body mind and spirit and I have seen him marry, have two beautiful girls and run faster and faster culminating in winning the Beachy Head marathon this year – the very same race we ran together 10 years ago !
I have been writing this blog too for ten years – writing about running as a ‘mediation on the move’.
In early December last year, Amy my wonderful PA ( stands for apprentice not assistant ) asked me if she could approach Anadi Taylor, Soundsorange.com to see whether he might be interested in interviewing me about running as a meditation. I remember getting her text and glancing at it… I replied that ‘ yes that was fine – of course ‘ . Amy looks after me so well and I generally say yes to all her suggestions, even to racing up to 3000m to a Glacier in the Swiss Alps !! So an interview on running as a meditation seemed fine to me ….!
I received an email from Amy saying that I was to call Anadi, that he wanted to arrange the interview. Anadi and I made a date for December 6th.
‘We can do the interview in the morning ‘ he said ‘ so that we will both have time to do other things in the day’
My intuition spoke to me ‘ don’t book anything for the rest of the day ‘
But I chose to listen to Anadi’s words rather than my inner voice and made plans for another meeting on London on the afternoon of the 6th.
I travelled to North London on the train and Anadi picked me up at the station, he drove me to his flat where the interview was to take place, he was making us tea in the kitchen, I was in the doorway, we were chatting – and he turned around – in that moment I saw this flash of something happen between us….
We chatted and drank tea and did the interview and then I had to fly off ….both of us said in an email later that we could have talked all day – that we must catch up in the new year ….
But destiny had a way of making sure our paths crossed again sooner than this, only 6 days later on 12.12,12 we came face to face in the crowd. Anadi was on his way to the loo! I was drinking ‘ love juice ‘ and eating raw chocolate with my new friend Kakira. We were both at the Zu studios where he was doing the live-stream for the ‘ big Om ‘ event – neither of us expected to see one another there ….
And this is how our love story began ..!

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I am back in the gym again and I am loving it
In recent months my strength training has taken the form of naked kettle bell exercises at 6am in my sitting room!
It is the way I have been finding it easiest to make certain I keep the strength bit in my training – out of bed and straight to it. This way a little routine is done before I know it and propels me into getting dressed and the kitchen for a coffee; the next thing I know is I’m out on the road and running towards my new day.
I am intending to run the Brighton Marathon on April 14th, and with that intention ‘out there’ came the awareness that my left side is the area I must pay attention to ensure a balanced healthy run.
With this in mind, I asked Matt Shore of www.mindbodygoal.co.uk to help me prepare and to work with me in the gym to really aquire deep down balance and strength. One of the goals I ‘requested’ is that I would like to regain the agility I had as a track runner, when I could jump up down on and off a box that was pretty high !
So Thursday morning saw me starting with a diddy box – but soon I was more confident and the height had increased.
It is evident when I train to see where the left side holds up the progress of the whole, and as my overriding motivation has been to ‘run to learn’, then to ignore the imbalance would halt my progress intrinsically as a person, as well as a runner.
My intention is always to seek balance and harmony and connection within and without, and my running reflects this at all times. It shows me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually where there is a lack of alignment and where I am not whole.
It is a guiding light, a meditation, a spiritual practice in a way; a daily practice, which is the bedrock of my life whatever else is going on… a a practice that is ‘non negotiable’, like cleaning my teeth, even when it snows!
My preference is for sun, but I have ‘trained’ myself to accept what is and to embrace it fully, to the extent that I think I might even have heard myself say what fun it was running in the snow when Matt and I emerged from gym to downs yesterday morning; the sun was rising over the snowy peak of Beachy Head; the sea a still grey backdrop to the icy scene, the landscape barren and with not another soul venturing out at that hour.
It is in turning up each day and being part of the seasons as the world turns that makes life flow and brings a peace inside that makes running the ultimate meditation on the move…

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A week of celebration saw me arrive at the county championships having not been to sleep til 4am that morning!
I have started the New Year it seems with a new set point. I have seen the hour of 1am and 2am and 4am (twice!) more times since December 29th than the whole of the rest of the year
It is partly the hazard of hanging out with artists and musicians, my hidden self, lived out in front of me and in the form of my friends and lovers !
As a young person I was always attracted to the performing arts and saw myself moving into that world, and in some ways that has been borne out in many of the friends I have made.
As it happened my own stage was to become the track, the open road, and the fields and woods of cross country venues.
Cross country was where it all began; I have always lived in beautiful areas – awesome landscapes and countryside – and so all of my life most of my training has been done off road; It has meant here has never been a lack of hills that’s for sure!
In the early days I trained on Hankley Common and around the Flashes and Frensham ponds. Hill sessions were the norm and as I write this I can recall those sessions and remember the energy and power – and fun – that was generated through racing over hill and dale.
I was a great cross country runner then, and my first international was a selection to run for England in for a cross country race. I was fearless in jumping over tree roots and letting go down hills, choosing the best route and going for it – leaping across streams – abandoned and free
I found that not having the exact ‘time over distance’ measurement of the track allowed me more freedom, and so begun a ‘quest’ to seek how to run like this in all of my races, whether they were exact ‘A-B measured distance, stop watch starts now’ tests or racing up a mountain.
I sought to be free from any attachment to the outcome whilst still striving to reach the highest pinnacle.
It is my most powerful center point, to access the stillness within when moving fast, and to live in that space and let the running take me where it will; to become the running not the runner, but also to ‘go for it’ in races.
By seeking to master myself in sport I have found I can transfer what I learn as I journey to the whole of life; My stretch is to keep letting go of an attachment to anything that is accumulated along the way; whether this be running times or success in material terms or status in any way.
It is in the letting go that freedom occurs and the truth emerges.
When I race races I cannot hide from myself… I know whether I am pacing myself and whether I am being still within this forward motion; I know whether I am being brave and letting all of myself out onto the running path or whether I am holding back through fear.
On Sunday I was there with Anadi and Jane – they were my supporters and my cheerer on ers ! I loved that they were there. It does seem however, that between the two of them they are turning me into this all night party animal; maybe I am influencing them to run more than they do already too though; I did hear Jane mention when we were in Barcelona together over the new year that she wanted to run a 5k race this year… ☺
I left them chatting together and despite only 5 hours sleep, I felt amazing and knew I would run well.
I love racing in Stanmer Park; I first raced there as a 15 year old and I don’t think I thought about being 53 years old then – or what it might feel like.
It feels the same but better.
I’m not so high up the field, but the feeling is the same; the abandonment and joy, that space where I exist just on top of the pace and the pain, in the flow; As I approached the downhill I said to myself ‘be brave be brave’ and I let myself go.
This is why I still love to run, because it reminds me how to live, how to be brave, how to let go and to trust myself

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This has been a New Year I will never forget. As one year drew to a close and another emerged, it felt like something bigger, better, brighter was imminent ; it felt like years and years of journeying has brought me to here – a bright plain stretching further than I can see, full of possibility and adventure and love.
I travelled to Barcelona with my friend Athena Jane. I love travelling with her as we believe in magic and so magical happenings invariably happen.
I had appointed her as my ‘tour guide’; I have journeyed to Barcelona twice before to race the San Silvestre 10k which runs through the streets of the City just as the sun is setting over the buildings on New Year’s Eve, before rising again to a new year, a new beginning. However, I have never got much further than sitting in cafes drinking coffee and drinking in the energy of the City! This was to be the year of the tour of Barcelona…
Jane is an artist and travels through cities absorbing the culture, the architecture the museums, the art galleries and the cathedrals, seeing beauty and form in all things, she has often accompanied me on races ‘ to not run them’ and we have spent weekends wandering about, not seeing quite all we intend to see; instead chatting and sitting enjoying cafe Philosophique rather than fully adhering to the ‘ plan for the day ‘ …
As it turned out, this was not to be hugely different! We arrived on December 29th with the race not scheduled until 5.30pm on Dec 31st and time passed in delightful meandering. The day we arrived involved much eating of tapas; a late lunch at 4.30pm, followed by a small gap to unpack and lie about chatting in our hotel room, before out to dinner and another tapas session – we were very full by the end of the day !
Day 2 – Jane had allocated this for the Frederic Mares museum, ( her favourite in the world ) it took us a while to get there. I started the day with a run around the Park Guell which I know, I love the galloping golden horses, shining bright and still, statuesque statues full of movement and energy, and the day was bright and sunny, clear blue skies. I ran around the park four times loving it all and celebrating that my body feels whole and healed, no trace of injury and pain, and that I can run and feel the same joy I felt at 16 years old.
Jane and I took ages and ages to get out of the hotel room, once I returned, more chatting and lying about and general getting ready; by then we were hungry, so we spent ages eating breakfast in the sun, laughing and talking !
Right ! To the museum, but our route was waylaid by shops calling us in and at 4 minutes to 3 we eventually arrived at the museum – ‘ if you wait four minutes you can get in for free…’ So we must have known deep down!
The museum was incredible, overwhelming too. I seem to have a limit of how long I can spend in a place full of history and energy from years and years . My stomach started to feel sick and my head dizzy…
But it was worth it and we emerged again into the sun looking for a cafe and a place for me to recover ! This took a little while but my body restored and the day continued in flowing freedom and fun and laughter. We were already having a great holiday
The next day was race day, but as tour guide, for Jane there was still a trip to be organised! Today was the cathedral – Wow what a building . I sat quietly in the centre of it – seeing the detail in the woodwork and sculptures and stain glass windows, and feeling such wonder and awe. But my body started to do its weird thing again, so with an imminent race, it seemed wise to leave and we found a cafe to sit and be still and eat the last meal before I was to run…
Jane and I made our way to the race – we arrived to streets alive with runners all milling about in readiness, music playing and the cafes bursting with people. We sat drinking cortado coffees and I left Jane there to warm up – I was abandoning my watch as I have a desire to return to the very beginning when I ran without a ‘time piece’ telling me if I was okay or not – I always left my watch behind before I set off and let the race unfold. I want to return to that place again and truly experience it.
I am too experienced a runner to not know what I am capable of though and I thought I’d be lucky to just dip under 42 minutes … I was lucky – my official time was 41.58 !
I totally loved the race – I said my favourite mantra from the Ho’oponopono all the way around ‘ I’m sorry please forgive me thank you I love you’ and relished my body feeling willing and balanced and free and fit, and loving the peace inside that the mantra lends me. Never the less, I was aware at one point in the race when I was feeling quite tired and keeping just on top of the pace and on the threshold of the pain, that sometimes I feel more happy that I am able to do it than actually happy at that moment in the doing of it! But that feeling passed as I headed for home and the last 2 k were down a glorious wide straight avenue and slightly downhill.
it was an awesome feeling and Malcolm from ‘running crazy ‘ was suddenly running next to me filming me as I ran. ‘ great running ‘ he called and it was definitely his presence and encouragement which generated the extra energy that saw me dip under 42 mins.
celebrating New Year’s Eve in Barcelona 2012, will be unforgettable for me.
Jane and I found the perfect restaurant to see in 2013 – a delicious 7 course tapas meal and then champagne and twelve grapes were put on all our tables – as the clock struck twelve we were eat a grape a strike and make a wish for every stroke and every grape .
It was a truly magical way to see in 2013 with Jane and our new friends for the evening! Our final day dawned – Gaudi’s Sagrada familia was the plan ! We negotiated the metro and emerged to a long queue, ‘ breakfast first’ tour guide Jane proclaimed – we walked out and I turned to look at the building ‘ oh wow oh wow oh wow’ was all I could say ‘ what an incredible building ‘ ‘ it’s even better inside ‘ said Jane, I was not to discover this !
We found a perfect cafe for breakfast – perfect in every way – so perfect that at 5 pm we emerged having breakfasted and lunched and written ‘new year spells’ – the Sagrada famila having closed some hours before …!
But it was a perfect New Year’s Day – a perfect holiday – perfect in every way.
I am returning renewed and uplifted with the magic of Barcelona in my bones and the knowledge that love and friendship are all that truly matter in the world !

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