Running To The Promise

It's Been WAY too Long...

2008-03-07T07:22:00.002-06:00

...since I have posted. So much has happened. The toy store job just didn't work out. Looking back, it was sucking the life out of me, it was consuming me. The hours were crazy! One shift was over twenty-three hours! Most days were twelve to fourteen hours. Add to that about an hour drive each way and my life became, eat sleep, work, repeat. By the time I got a day off, I was so worn out that I would spend the day sleeping.

Now, keep in mind that while I am doing this, the company was underpaying me. Over the course of two months they failed to add the extra money that was promised to me for working overnight. Every Thursday I was told that it would be on my check the next day. Every Friday when it wasn't, I was told that it would be "looked into". Repeat the same conversation next week. Meanwhile the total kept accumulating to over $300!

There were other issues too. The company is just in a bad position and everyone knew it. This brought moral down to the point of non-existence. I cannot stand working with people that are miserable, it makes me miserable. This in turn makes others miserable and so on.

Back in October I had applied for a job that I felt was where God wanted me. I was called in for an interview with their regional trainer. It seemed to go well. A friend of mine works with the company, she said that they were impressed with me. Still, I never got the call back.

My friend, knowing my frustrations, did some snooping for me. It turns out that my paper work had got lost in the shuffle, they had some management changes in the store and then Christmas came along.

So with-in a couple of days, I was in touch with the district manager. A few days after that, I had a job offer. This offer included better pay and benefits with less hours.

I've only been there three weeks but, so far it is one of the best jobs I've ever had. They don't care if you make a mistake as long as you learn from it. There are posters in the back that say "Never make the same mistake, always make new ones."

This company believes in the best of everyone, not the worst.

Christmas Stress

2007-12-19T10:40:00.000-06:00

So, I finally have a few minutes to post! Work is getting better. We finally have a good crew. With the bad seeds gone, we are finally catching up.

The day I started, there was a truck full of merchandise and we had to move 15-20 pallets of more merchandise to get to it. Now there are only four and these are mostly the early shipments for Valentines day.

I did have a problem with one of the new guys. I had asked him to do something and he kept talking to a co-worker about a football game. So, I asked him again thinking he didn't hear me. He flew off the handle. I realized immediately that we had been there for eleven hours and we were both tired, so I probably came across wrong and he, being tired also, took it wrong and over reacted.

I turned around to apologize and correct the situation. That is when it turned bad. He told me to get out of his face, yet I was about four feet away. I kept trying to get him to calm down and listen, but he just kept yelling. In fact, we were at the very back wall of the building and they heard him all the way at the front (good thing we had not opened yet).

The store manager called us both into the office the next evening to talk. On the way, all I could think was how much trouble we both were in. As it turned out, she had gotten a statement from the only witness. The witness stated that I had not yell at the employee and that I acted more than fairly. She began to talk to this poor guy about insubordination and obeying the supervisor. I felt bad for him, she scolding him like a dog that had wet the rug.

I interjected, I felt that long hours and hard work were more to blame than a disregard for authority. She eased up a bit and let us get back to work. Later she came and asked me why I had stood up for him. I said that all in all he is a good worker. He had been with us only a few days, but that I had already seen that a reaction like this was not like him.

Later in the evening the employee came up to me and apologized. He said what I had done for him in the office took guts. He went on to say that next time he is in trouble that he would like me to be the one to talk to him in the office.

When I asked him why, he said that I had corrected the manager in such a way that she didn't even notice. To him, I had seemed firm but gentle and he felt that deserved and showed respect on my part.

The manager came up to us later and apologized for her attitude. It seems that she had been tired and stressed lately. She did not realize how tired she was until I had broke into the conversation earlier.

New Job

2007-12-10T17:56:00.000-06:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. The new job has got me EXTREMELY busy. Who would of thought a toy store was busy at Christmas..lol!

I have been working about twelve hours a day. Add to that a forty minute commute and most of my day is gone. I have been assured that it will get better by the 26th of this month.

The crew that I have been in charge of is the overnight stockers. They are all seasonal workers and they don't really care about their job. I have lost five people this week. Two of them just stopped showing up, one got into an argument with someone so we asked him to leave. The other two, well, we caught them stealing.

I have always hated letting people go, but the two that were stealing just upset me so much that I was relieved to watch them leave. I saw the video, they waited until I was walking one of the ladies out to their car then took a very expensive item.

All told though, the job is not bad. I have had problems adjusting to the overnight shift. That is only temporary, I should be back to days after the holidays. Right now I am getting plenty of hours, I put in nearly sixty hours in five days. Just knowing that I will be able to get Annette and the kids a little something for Christmas has kept me going.

It Keeps Getting Better

2007-12-04T08:44:00.000-06:00

I have never been one that tithes much. I suppose it was a lack of faith. Last week, Annette and I discussed it and decided that we needed to start. Sunday morning, we basically had gas money to get to church. As we got dressed, Annette found money in her pocket that we had forgot about. We took a leap of faith and gave it to the church.

Monday morning came, she was expecting a check that would carry us through the week. I checked the mail looking for it. It wasn't there! But wait, what is this other letter addressed to me? It was from a former employer. It seems that they had mis-figured a paycheck and had sent a check for the difference. Amazingly, it was for almost the same amount as the other one we were expecting.

Wait,save your praise for a minute, I'm not done yet. While in shock, the phone rings. My new employer wanted to know if I could go ahead and start work in two hours. All they wanted was for me to go through orientation and do some paper work.

When I arrived, I asked for the Human Resources person. They led me to her and she said, "The manager needs to speak with you for a moment."

The manager informed me that they need a manager for the overnight shift. I don't like this shift but, she said that it would only be for a month or so. If I would take this position, she would pay me more money and give me a shift differential. All told, with the raises, I will make per hour almost the same amount that we put in the offering Sunday. An amount that I had not dreamed about.

The End of the Tunnel

2007-11-29T19:30:00.000-06:00

Over the last couple of months Annette and I have been struggling in our professional lives. At times, it seemed that there was no end in sight. Just as one bill was paid, another came up.

There were some people that questioned us leaving our previous jobs. Frankly, at times, I did the same thing myself. Deep down, we both knew that leaving is what God wanted. The longer we denied it, the harder it became for us to stay. I did not hate the job, it was the situation. I began to hate myself for allowing it to become as bad as it did.

We eventually took that step of faith and left. It was tough, our employers were also our friends. We did not feel as though they would understand. However, God's will was more important and He will always prevail.

So, we took that step and God has taken care of us. I would be lying if I said that I had remained stead-fast. Some days I would cry out in my heart, asking God why. Deep down, I always knew He had a reason. The problem was remembering that He had a reason and that it would be revealed to me in His time.

Then Annette got her job. This was good for us, but was hard for me. Her job was what I had been looking for. Again, I had to tell myself that God has His reasons.

The "Little Engine that could" kept chanting 'I think I can, I think I can'. Me, I had to chant in my head 'He has a reason, He has a reason'. There were days that made it almost impossible, the world had gotten to me. On those days Annette was the one saying it for me and reminding me.

Today, I was offered and accepted a job that I had been seeking. The funny thing is, I got the job through Annette's job. All the questions of why He gave her what I had wanted were answered. I just needed to remain faithful, He had a reason.

They actually offered me more money than I had been asking for. I would have taken it for less money, but they offered and it seemed rude not to turn it down. On the way home, I was going over the numbers in my head. With both our paychecks, we will be making a lot more than we were. Wow, that is God at work, there is just no other explanation.

Dancing Baby

2007-11-23T22:38:00.000-06:00

This is my niece Alyson...

The Spirit of Saving a Buck

2007-11-23T22:15:00.000-06:00

Now that Thanksgiving is behind us, its time for the world to go completely nuts. I'm talking about Christmas.

To be honest, I've never been crazy about it. Not that I am a Scrooge or anything, its just that people absolutely loose their minds for one month of the year. They get so busy trying to get here or there and plan for the big day, the reason for the celebration is lost. The funny thing about it is that almost everyone says that we need to "remember the reason for the season." The word 'we' includes one's self. Guess what, if you get busy planning your party or trying to buy the perfect gift that someone wants, you've probably forgot the reason. Fighting a crowd for the hot new toy for your children is not honoring God. Its not about parties and gifts, its about one gift! The gift God gave us two-thousand years ago.

I watched images on T.V. today of sale crazed people rushing into stores to get a good deal. One local station covered it live, there was a steady stream of people entering the store for seventeen full minutes. This was at five in the morning. These shoppers had started arriving at three o'clock. If you stand for two hours in freezing temperatures are you remembering?

Personally, I don't like standing in line, freezing temperatures or getting trampled to save a couple of bucks. As a rule, if I wake up before the rooster, it is for emergency purposes only.

I will admit the two things I like about Christmas are the lights and exchanging of gifts. As I sit here, I can see the neighbors lights and there is just something magical about it, no matter how big and fancy. Actually, the smaller simpler displays are better to me. Too many and it just seems over done. If you have to hire an electrician to build your display, then you probably are the same type that goes out at three a.m. to shop.

As for the gifts, I like seeing the excitement on people's faces when they open them. For myself, I would rather get something small and from the heart than a big expensive gift. I view gift giving not as getting something the person wants, but something you want them to have. Sometimes the best gift is a simple item that you never thought about for yourself, it's one that another thought you should have. That is truly giving from your heart.

So while you are out shopping and planning, think about the gift you where given by God, Jesus. This is a gift that is truly from the heart. And the best thing is, it can be re-gifted infinitely.

Thankfulness

2007-11-20T19:16:00.000-06:00

Sometimes in life we forget to stop and really think about our situation. I am very guilty of this. Some days I get down about my situation, where I am in life and what I have not accomplished.

With Thanksgiving this Thursday, it seems like my current situation does not leave me much to be thankful. However, I have to remember that there is always something. I have married the most wonderful lady. Things are not as bad as I make them out to be. Most of all, God has His hand in my life.

I received the following today. This lady is a friend from high school. Her letter reminded me that there is always something to thank God for. The words put everything in perspective for me. She said...

"I am thankful for my sister making the decision to donate one of her kidneys to me. It was 5 years ago today that I had my kidney transplant. I am thankful that I have been able to live a full and happy life and that I continue to do so. I am thankful for my friends, family, and my husband for all their love. I am thankful to God for everything he has blessed me with.

This is the time of year that everyone should stop and take a moment to think of what they are thankful for."

Freedom of Responsibility

2007-11-18T19:04:00.000-06:00

We have turned down the wrong street. I'm talking about freedom of speech. We have acknowledged that it is a right, but we have forgotten that it is also a responsibility. Freedom of speech does not entail saying anything you feel wherever you choose to do so.

There was once a radio talk show host here that challenged that belief by telling those who thought they had that right, to go into a crowded movie theater and yell "fire". Just see what happens then. Would it be your freedom to do that? Of course, but those actions could, and probably would, lead to injury to others. Therefore, it is a responsibility to use it wisely.

This may sound like an extreme example, but somewhere along the path we have failed to teach that there are consequences to these actions. It is our duty to use this right with an ounce of common sense. If we were to stand behind the first amendment for everything that comes out of our mouths, everyone will eventually lose the right.

Suffering and Perseverance

2007-11-13T18:55:00.000-06:00

After I published my last post, I was reading the book of Romans. When I got to chapter five, I had to stop what I was doing and pray. Right there in the third and fourth verse was the answer to my problems.

It says "...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character and character, hope." I have not been rejoicing in my sufferings. Therefore I have not been persevering. Which means I have not been building a Christian character or hope."

This was like a gentle rebuke to me. I had not been persevering! I had given up! The whole passage gave me a renewed vision. The entire situation that I am in is a faith and hope building experience. The words had almost jumped up at me.

That chapter had been laid on my heart earlier in the day. To be honest, I could not remember what it was about. I just knew that God wanted me to read it and I was led to it by His spirit. I had actually been studying Daniel over the few days prior to that.

It never ceases to amaze me that He knows what I need better than I do myself. If I would just listen to Him and ignore my human thinking, stop acting like spoiled child. My tendency is to keep banging my head against the wall, while He is telling me "Stop it, that won't make the wall fall down. You'll only hurt yourself." Mean while, I get a splitting headache.

So for now I will leave the tearing down of walls to God and I will just rejoice in it.

Spiritual Exhaustion

2007-11-11T17:59:00.000-06:00

General George S. Patton once said "I don't like paying for the same real estate twice". Sometimes it seems like that is all I do. Every step forward I make, either spiritually or emotionally, it seems that something happens to push me back a step or two.

I have not posted in a couple of days because I have just been tired. Not from work, although that hasn't been helpful, but because I am emotionally and spiritually worn out. It feels like everyday there is something new on my back. Another bill, the kids need something, I have to be two places at once...and on and on...

I tend to be a negative person. There are a lot of things that are good right now. Annette is working again. Neither one of us makes that much per hour, but together we are actually not doing too bad. Its just playing catch up on everything. I suppose that is what has gotten to me.

I just keep reminding myself of what J.R.R. Tolkien said, "Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens". The road seems dark only when I fail to see the light, so I just keep going on my faith.

Compassion

2007-11-08T19:00:00.000-06:00

This has been on my mind a lot lately. In fact, I wrote this blog last week and never published it. Then last night at church our lesson was on this very subject. Now, I may be hard headed, but I can take a hint from God. We talked about the gentle compassion of Christ towards sinners. This went right along with what I had been thinking about on the subject of protesters.

There is one group in particular, the members of Westboro Baptist Church. Jesus did not hold a sign and yell at people to win a soul, so what makes them think they will? Show them the love of Christ not the hatred of cults. Just read Mark chapter 7 or Luke chapter 7. In these passages Jesus showed gentle compassion to not only the ones being accused, but to the accusers who were as guilty.

The members of Westboro recently lost a ten million dollar lawsuit. When I heard that I almost cheered. Maybe the person that won this judgement will donate it to the Patriot Guard or a similar organization. The audacity of these people is outrageous. These brave men have died to preserve the freedom of this land and they cannot even respect a soldier's family during their grief. Do they really think this is how we change the American opinion? By making a emotionally tough time even tougher?

I don't want to be the one to break the news, but God does not rank our sin. A sin, is a sin, is a sin. The hate these people show is a sin. Do not cast the first stone. Show others the love of Christ. Hatred breeds hatred!

God's Gift to a Father Part II

2007-11-06T18:42:00.001-06:00

Several months after my son accepted Jesus, both of my children went to church camp. They left out early Monday morning. Jeffrey was having second thoughts about going because of his shyness. Tiffany on the other hand was gung-ho about it. This was odd to me as she was not saved and was not big on going to church. Never the less she wanted to go!

They were set to come home on Friday afternoon. That morning she called to let me know where they were at and that they were going to stop for lunch. She would call when they reached the church so I could pick them up. My boss came to me and said it was slow, so when they called I could go home for the day.

I was waiting for the call when I looked up and there stood both of my children, the preacher and his wife. All four beaming. The preacher said that we needed to talk. He told me that Tiffany had accepted Jesus the night before! She had not told me over the phone because she wanted to see my face when I found out.

Tiffany wanted to be baptized the following weekend. Jeffrey had not been baptized yet because he was just too shy to go up there in front of everyone. Now, though, Tiffany was going to, so he wanted to do it also. I guess there is courage in numbers.

That Sunday was one of the most memorable of my life. Watching both of my children professing their faith to the world.

The Scales of Our Eyes

2007-11-05T19:37:00.000-06:00

I did it again. Today at work they sent a new temp worker. He smelled like alcohol. Not like he had been drinking already, but that smell that comes out in their sweat. Being in construction I am around people that smell like that quite often.

I judged him off the bat. I never gave him a chance in my mind. Of course when you do this they will never be a good worker in your mind, no matter how hard they work. This poor guy was told to do something, he messed it up. I mumbled under my breath, something about his intelligence or lack there of.

It was at this point that I caught myself. He probably just didn't hear all the instructions, it was loud in there. Maybe he was afraid to ask for clarification, it was his first day. So, I just kept working and kicking myself. Finally I said a prayer for this guy and asked God to forgive me. After all, who knows what is going on in his life?

At lunch I went out to my truck. Recently I was given some copies of sermons from our church. I decided to listen to some of these sermons while I was sitting there. Keep in mind that I normally don't do this, usually I am talking to Annette on the phone, but she could not talk today.

In the sermon, Richard began talking about alcoholics and addicts. That is when it hit me, right between the eyes. He pointed out that all that separates a Christian from someone going through these kind of trials is the grace of God! I stopped then and there and thanked God for His grace, for keeping me out of these kind of situations.

After lunch, this person's work got much better. Not because he was working harder or better, but because the scales were off my eyes.

God's Gift to a Father

2007-11-05T05:30:00.000-06:00

The one time in my life that God has used me to lead someone to Him was the most amazing experience. If this never happens to me again, I will die a happy man.

My church at the time was doing a witness training program. It consisted of an hour or so of classroom time and then we would go out into the community. It was actually very successful. Many people where coming to know Christ or re-dedicating themselves.

I get my kids every other weekend. We did this training on Sunday evenings, so my children were not generally around at this time. This one particular Sunday, they stayed as there was no school the next day.

The church had someone watching kids while the adults went out visiting and witnessing. The group I was with returned a little early. We were discouraged because no one on the list was home. So, I sat down outside and began to review that evenings lesson. My son saw me sitting there and came out to join me. He asked what I was reading so I told him it was how to present the gospel to people. He wanted to know how, so I began to go through that night's lesson with him.

When I was done, I looked up and saw a tear on his cheek. I asked him if he would like to accept Jesus in his life. Jeffrey is very shy, he just shook his head and said no. It was about time for the night service, so we went in.

During the invitation at the end of the service, I could see that he wanted to go up there, but he was just too shy. After the service, he looked at me and said "Dad, I think I need to go talk to the preacher, will you go with me?"

Wedding Pictures

2007-11-04T16:34:00.001-06:00

Today

2007-11-04T06:25:00.000-06:00

Today I will receive the greatest blessing of my life. After church Annette and I will exchange vows. No elaborate ceremony, no fancy dress, not even a cake. We wanted it that way. We wanted the focus to be on our vows to one another.

We went to get our marriage license the other day. We told the clerk that we would like this to be a covenant marriage. That is basically an agreement that we will only divorce under certain circumstances. It eliminates any 'no fault' divorce. To our dismay, we forgot to get the paper work from our pastor stating that we had been through the necessary pre-marital counseling, which is required for a covenant marriage.

"No problem" said the clerk,"I'll just fill out everything else and you can bring back the rest tomorrow." We brought it back. She had everything ready to go. All we had to do was get the agreement notarized and she happened to be a notary.

As we left with the license in hand, I read it over. I could not help but think of all the years that we had known each other. All the hardship we had been through, both separately and together. How the first story of our lives was ending and how Sunday our sequel would begin.

Struck by the Word

2007-11-03T07:30:00.000-05:00

Lewis Grizzard is one of my favorite comedians. If you are not familiar with him, he was origially a sports writer and newspaper coloumnist. This led to books and stand-up comedy. He was a cross between Jeff Foxworthy and Jerry Clower, leaning more to Jerry. Lewis once said that his grandfather stopped going to church when he found out the preacher kept notes. Grandpa felt like God should just zap the preacher on the back of the head right before he stood up.

I suppose that Ol' Grandpa Grizzard would like my blog if he were around. Everytime I sit down in front of the computer with a blog in my head, I start typing and something completely different comes out. My last entry, for instance, I sat down to type one thing and the finished product was not what I had intended. The first pargraph or so is the same, but after that it is usually night and day.

To be completely honest, this whole post is not what I sat down to write. I had one all planned out about how wonderful Annette is and how excited I am to be marrying her this weekend. Yet other words flowed. This is proof of God working in my life.

Want further proof? I nearly flunked english in school! Not just one year, every year! I still have Annette proof read just to make sure everything looks right, but usually there is very little that needs to be changed, mainly puncutation. There would need to be more changed if it were not for that other blessing that God has sent to people like me; spell checker.

God takes our weakness and turns it into a witness for Him. Sometimes I wonder if God sits on His throne and says "Hmm...this person hates speaking I public, so I'll call him to be a preacher!" From those I have talked to, these are generally the best people, the strongest witnesses.

How much more could God do if we just got out of His way and let him work through us? Take a step back today and let Him zap you on the back of your head and do His work through you.

Roots

2007-11-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

I was studying the book of Daniel yesterday. Chapter one to be exact. As I read about the royal official giving Daniel and his counterparts new names, I could not help but think of the old mini-series, "Roots". I kept picturing LeVar Burton tied up and some one beating him yelling "What's your name?" LeVar's character returned saying "My name is Kunta Kinte". It was at this point that he would be given the unfortunate end of a whip. Then the entire process would repeat. The slave owner was tyring to get him to change his name to Toby.

Now this example is an extreme, but the point is that he stayed true as did Daniel. Granted, Daniel was not beaten, he was however captured and an attempt was made to assimilate him into his new surroundings. Daniel asked for and was granted permission to stay true. He was even given the opportunity to prove his beliefs several times. God took Daniel's faithfulness and glorified Himself. In the process Daniel received great rewards.

How many times have we tried to fit in to our surroundings only to deny God and the opportunities that He has set before us? It's human nature to want to fit in with the crowd, to be accepted. Most of the time we are to afraid to stand up and say anything. The fear of being laughed at or scoffed is greater than the fear of God.

I must admit that I am guilty of this very offense. Many times I have been around 'the guys' and the conversation turns to something vile or sinful. Wanting to fit in I would just join right in. Most of the time these guys knew that I went to church. What kind of witness was that? I was denying my roots and my beliefs.

Lately, I have become more sensitive to these situations. I no longer participate in them. I now let it be known not that I 'go to church', but that I am a Christian. If they don't like that too bad. If they want to know more about my beliefs, I'll be over here away from that and I'll be glad to talk to you. My name is Jeff and I believe in Christ Jesus.

The Heaviest Weight

2007-10-31T21:06:00.000-05:00

Today was tough to say the least. I am physically exhausted from trying to hold it all in. You know, the typical guy thing, be tough hold it all together, be strong. I felt like that was part of the job as pall bearer. For the most part I did. There were a few moments during the funeral that I felt my eyes welling up.

The most touching for me was when the family was viewing the baby. All the friends had left. My mother escorted my grand-mother to the front. Already there were my cousin Tammy (Madison's grand-mother) and Lindsey (Madison's mother). Slowly they all put their arms around the ones on each side of them. I noticed that it was just the four of them, four generations of ladies in a semi-circle, peering down on the fifth generation laying there.

Reality set in on me when we carried the tiny casket from the chapel to the hearse. This small weight, carried by four grown men, was the heaviest I had ever lifted, yet it was so light. As we walked, we had to take short steps because the casket was so small. Otherwise, we would have tripped over each others feet.

The walk from the hearse to the grave seemed like it lasted an hour. The family waiting there for us to deliver their loved one. It seemed very surreal.

As I have said before, there is good in the bad. The good in this was that Annette was able to meet many family members that I myself had not seen in years. Many of these were people who I looked up to as a child and who shaped my life in many ways.

Uncle Olen, who I have written about before, drove up from Texas for the funeral. As soon as he got out of the truck, he came straight over to me. We talked for about twenty minutes. Afterwards he came over and asked that Annette and I join him and some others for lunch. We were joined by my mother and step-father and by my Uncle Cliff and his wife.

Uncle Cliff and Aunt Eunice are two people I have always admired, although I never had the pleasure of spending much time with them. Both are midgets and in their eighties. They never let there height hinder them. In fact, Cliff used it to his advantage. During World War II he got a job with McDonald-Douglass, obviously unable to serve in the military. He got the job because he was small enough to fit into the tight spaces in the airplanes as they were being assembled. Realizing that he had found his niche in life, he stayed there through his entire career.

While they both are the shortest people in the family, in my eyes they are the biggest. Every time I see them, they are smiling at the big world around them and trusting God to take care of their obstacles.

Maybe I should take that lesson to heart more. When I look at this big, ugly world I should think of Cliff and Eunice taking the hand that was dealt to them and turning it to their advantage.

Odd Habits

2007-10-30T22:08:00.000-05:00

We all have our quirky and weird habits. I, for one, am no exception. I guess one of my strangest is that I will not let anyone else iron my clothes. This is a hold over from my military days. If the uniform was not right, especially during inspection, it was all on me. If you were called out for it, telling them that your wife ironed it for you was not exactly a good excuse. Plus it gave me the chance to look it over closely for any threads or such.

I will say that Annette has finally convinced me to allow her to do this. As I write this, she is ironing my clothes for tomorrow. I don't know if she will want to do it again. I'll probably point out something and she'll turn the duties back over to me.

The other hold over from my military days is that all my clothing have to be hung facing right. This was only required during basic training, but I still do it. I have done it since basic training. It was several years afterwards that it occurred to me that I still had the habit.

Annette has one that I just noticed the other day. Sunday to be exact. This habit does not bother me. In fact, I became very fond of it once I noticed it. Let me preface it with this: I firmly believe that she is a gift from God to me.

What she does is during the prayers at church she reaches over and holds my hand. I know that this does not sound like much, but it is. Its like God telling me that He is there and reminding me that He has it all taken care of.

Rollercoaster Ride

2007-10-29T19:25:00.000-05:00

I hate weeks like the one that I now face. Its going to be such an emotional roller coaster. Madison's funeral will Wednesday. That is the down side. Now the good news...Annette and I are going to finally get married this Sunday (click her name to read about it in her blog).

Yesterday Madison's mother, Lindsey, called me and asked if I would be a pallbearer. To be honest, I was taken aback. I have never done this, but I feel honored to be a part of the service. It will be tough for me, I am already thinking about the time that I was in there shoes. Not to mention that she will be buried at the same cemetery that my own son is at. My father, both grand-fathers one grand-mother and an aunt are all there also. So I think while we are all gathered together, we will all make the rounds so to speak.

Over the last few years I have not been close to this side of my family. This, however has brought us together. In fact, several cousins and close friends of the family have agreed to come to our marriage. this is very exciting for me. They have never been there when I got married.

In fact my mother will be there also. This is big for me as she hasn't been there either. She joked that maybe with her there it would make it stick. We really didn't plan on anything big partly because we were not sure if anyone would really want to be there. I have just been over-whelmed at the people that want to be there for us.

It means so much to me not only to be able to marry the most wonderful lady, but to have my friends and family there to support us and our decision. And yes, if your in the area you are more than welcome to come. Just e-mail one of us and we will give you details.

That, in a nut shell, is the roller coaster. Anyone care to ride with us?

Carrot Cake: The Next Generation

2007-10-28T08:00:00.000-05:00

The other day I wrote about going to the farm as a child. After I posted that, I thought back to when my children where younger. I had started working for a relative who lived in Big Lake, TX. It was another Great-Uncle, this one from my mother's side of the family, Uncle Olen.

He owned a large farm and a water well drilling company. We lived in a small house on his property. Every day we went down to their house to visit. In late summer my uncle and I would take my son, Jeffrey to the watermelon patch to pick a few melons. The three of us would bring back our harvest for the rest of the family and sit on the porch to enjoy.

Other evenings I would take my son down to the pond to fish for catfish. Not many people actually fished there so it was easy for him to catch something.

The pond was surrounded by a field that my uncle kept goats in. Part of my job was to feed them every night. Jeffrey always wanted to go with me. If, for some reason, he didn't get to go, he would sulk all night.

Once he stood there in the middle of these hungry animals as I fed them. They all fought for a spot close to the food, ramming each other. One of them got rammed in the side and fell over into my little four year old boy. As I lunged to help him, worried he was hurt, he stood up and walked over to the goat that started this chain of events. Then grabbed it by the horns, twisted and dropped it much like a cowboy dropping a steer.

I could always see that this was a magical time for him. What more could a little boy ask for? He got to go to work with me, not just feeding, but to drill the wells. Oh, the mud he got to play in; thousands of gallons at a time. He had several hundred acres to play in, he had family close, he got to see and ride in all the tractors and equipment.

One of the memories that I took from this time was that as a child my family took time to visit. While there, Uncle Olen was pouring concrete for a sidewalk from his shop to his house. Olen asked that my brother and I put our hand prints in the wet cement. Being kids, we gladly obliged. As an adult, I was helping him repair this same walkway, he made the same request of my kids. There, right next to my imprint, is that of my children's hands.

Now Jeffrey is a teenager and I know these things don't mean much now. Someday though, I hope that some of these experiences will be like his own carrot cake and kool-aid.

A sleepless night...

2007-10-27T07:15:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up around 2:00. I don't know why but, I did and I could not get back to sleep for a while. I finally drifted back into a deep sleep only to awaken again at about five this morning. At this point I gave up on any chance to sleep and started surfing the net.

Then suddenly my phone made a faint beep. It was then that I understood why I woke up at 2a.m. I had a text message informing me that Madison, who I wrote about in earlier blog, had died.

The family had decided to take her off the ventilator and let God handle it. It was removed Thursday morning. What a gut wrenching decision.

My heart is aching for Lindsey and Jake right now. There is no consoling a person in this situation. There is a certain order of things that we are inherently taught. You are born, you grow up, have kids, your parents die and then the process repeats. Parents are not suppose to bury their kids, it should be the other way.

Carrot Cake and Kool-aid

2007-10-25T19:19:00.000-05:00

I grew up in the heart of Little Rock but, during the summer I would have the privilege of going to visit my family that lived on a small farm just outside of Monticello. What a wonderful change of pace. Especially for a small boy.

The farm was owned by my Great-Aunt Margaret and Great-Uncle Turkey. I never did figure out why we called him "Turkey", its just what I always knew him as. On each side of their house were the houses of my cousins, Katie, Charlsey and her husband Billy.

They were such a tight knit group, it always amazed me. Aunt Margaret would always cook, there was very little fast food. The entire family sat down for dinner. They always held hands and said a prayer before you touched anything. She always made sure I had my favorites, sunshine flavored Kool-aid and a carrot cake. She would always make a special trip into town to get these for me and the carrot cake always had to be made from scratch.

I was given free roam of the place. Some days I got to walk down to the pond to fish. The old way, with cane poles and bobbers. Other times I got to 'help' Uncle Turkey feed the cows. At least once per trip they would take me to the T-shirt shop in town that was owned by their neighbor that lived across the highway. It was one of those where you get to pick the design and the shirt then they would iron it on for you. I was allowed to get one shirt.

On Sundays it was church, no arguing. Uncle Turkey always sat in the choir without a hymnal. I questioned that once and was told that he had been in church so long that he knew all the songs and therefore didn't need it. I wonder if it had more to do with his bad eyesight.

One summer, Katie took me to my first rodeo. I was about five years old at the time. They even bought me a new pair of cowboy boots. One of Katie's friends was riding that night. I don't even remember him or his name, I just remember meeting a 'real' cowboy. To a five year old boy this was the greatest thing to ever happen.

When I was fifteen my father past away and I went to spend a few weeks with them. During that visit Billy asked me if I knew how to drive a standard transmission. When I told him that dad had started teaching me but never got the chance to finish, I was told that I would learn. They put me out in the middle of the field and told me that I was not to come back to the house until I could drive the truck. The hungrier that I got, the easier it was to shift.

Perhaps the memory that is burned into my head the most is that every night when I went to bed I could hear Charlsey and Billy reading their bible together. I don't know why this had stuck with me but, it has. Maybe its the dedication that was there. Not just with the reading, but to each other. Most of us don't even sit down together anymore, much less pray or read. For that matter just spend time visiting.

At the time I didn't see it but, Aunt Margaret was like my grand-mother. My real grand-mother, her sister, died when I was very young, before I got the chance to know her. Yet, somehow I feel like I did know her, through Aunt Margaret.

Several years ago I was out riding my motorcycle. Just going to be going, no destination. I found myself near their church. The old kind of church with a cemetery next to it. I pull in to see Aunt Margaret and Uncle Turkey's grave. As I stood there, I could not help but smile and think of the last time I saw them alive. I was about twenty, in the Air Force and just home from the middle east. My mother and I went down to visit for the day. At lunchtime I looked on the counter and there sat...carrot cake and kool-aid.